Overheard Everywhere | The Voice of the Towel" | Topics

Why Can't My Brother and I Be This Close?

Five-year-old girl: I farted on you, again.
Five-year-old brother: I don't care.

Shoreline, Washington

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The Unkindest Cold Cut Of All

Young son, after burping loudly: I burped!
Father: Does it smell like baloney?
Young son: No...?
Father: Then you're not a man yet!

Rockville, Maryland

Overheard by: Big D.

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...According to Perez.

Small child to father: You're a sad puppy that burps. You're a stinky puppy that's sad... and burps.

Shout-out: overheardinpdx.blogspot.com

Overheard by: elizabeth

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But They Taste Like Country Crock

Nonchalant tween: My farts smell like I Can't Believe It's Not Butter!®

Moscow, Idaho

Overheard by: saturday morning

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I Have to Leave the State to Offend Anyone

Guy: Hey, come sit over here.
Girl, taking seat: Why?
Guy: I farted.
Girl, remaining in seat: Oh, I don't care.
Guy: Goddamn it! Why are the girls we hang out with so cool?

Jersey City, New Jersey

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...That's a Terrible Marketing Slogan.

Gay man: Listen, we've all shat, we've all farted, we've all touched ourselves, and we've all used a dildo.
Girls: Ummm... no.

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

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Today, Young Tommy, You Are a Man.

Panicked child, between gasps: Why... do I... keep... burping?

Vancouver
Canadia

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How to Tell If Someone's on Parole

Scruffy dude picking up cell with fart noises as ringtone: Hi, honey.

Family Video
Brockport, New York

Overheard by: swear it was the phone

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When Aunt Jemima Eats Burritos, Everyone Knows It.

Churchgoer to another: Did you fart? Something smells like buttermilk.

Methodist Church
Knoxville, Tennessee

Overheard by: Nick

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It'll Be a Nice Compliment to Your Bowel-Movement Streaming News Feed

Girl #1: I'll check back. I'll continue to burp regularly and tell you about it.
Girl #2: Please do.

Brock University
St. Catharines, Ontario
Canadia

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It Didn't Start Out As a Skirt

Loud high school chick in back of the bus: Remember when Amanda was wearing that skirt and she farted? It sounded like she dropped a fucking bomb! Wheeee-boom! Everyone applauded, it was that fucking cool.

Alberta
Canadia

Overheard by: bitingontinfoil

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Meet the Offspring Of Immanuel Kant and Kathy Griffin

Random girl in hallway: If you have a stuffy nose and are in an elevator with someone who just farted, but you don't know they did, does it still smell bad?

Orlando, Florida

Overheard by: Jen

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Then I Shower

Ditzy college girl: Everyone burps, everyone farts, everyone poops, and it feels fucking amazing.

Lynchburg College
Lynchburg, Virginia

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I Don't Have to Protect the Fantasy of Your Desirability

Short-haired college girl to guy friend: So, is it okay if I fart in front of you?
Guy friend (pause): Well, you're gay, right? Then I guess it's okay.

Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com

Overheard by: a. Lil.

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Well, Sign Me Up!

Loud woman #1: My friend is on that. When you fart, it makes you shit oil.
Loud woman #2: Really?
Loud woman #1: Yup, you shit oil and grease.

Shout-out: overheardinphilly.blogspot.com

Overheard by: grossed out

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David Hasselhoff Preps for His Next Audition

Guy on urinal on the phone: Yeah, let slip the dogs of war...protein. No truer words have ever been spoken...Shakespeare didn't know shit... (farts loudly) Fuck! (farts again) Fuck. Energy drinks...I'm outta here.

George Mason University
Fairfax, Virginia

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Poof! Like an Astronaut Landing on Moondust.

Guy to pals: Did you ever put baby powder on your butt and then fart?

Newark, Delaware

Overheard by: how are these people my friends?

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And That One Didn't Measure Up to My Standards

Chick #1: Ewww!
Chick #2: It wasn't me! I take responsibility for all of my actions, including farts.

Shout-out: overheardinpdx.blogspot.com

Overheard by: martin

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The Secret Is to Keep Moving Fast

Teen girl #1: So what you're saying is, when I fart I'm smelling my own shit-smell?
Teen girl #2: Exactly. That's how it works.
Teen girl #1: That's nasty. I can't believe people do that all day!

Toronto, Ontario
Canadia

Overheard by: Sass

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I Never Knew You Were a Lady

Girl #1: I have to fart. [Girl #2 ignores her.] I have to fart. [Still ignored.] Hellooo!
Girl #2, annoyed: What?
Girl #1: I said I have to fart!
Girl #2, after long pause: Do you want a cookie?

Columbus, Mississippi

Overheard by: Lauren

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How to Say "I Love You" Like a Chicago Native

Man in t-shirt and jeans: Wait. Can I just be myself for one minute here? Can I?
Woman in classy cocktail dress: I don't know, can you?
Man in t-shirt and jeans: [Farts loudly.]

Halsted Avenue
Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: Bardley

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When the Veil Lifts, Revealing the Male Mystery

Girl: So, I was here yesterday and there was this, like, gorgeous guy standing in front of me. And then guess what he did? He let one go! Seriously! It wasn't quiet, either -- more like someone ripping carpet off a floor. I wondered if he'd messed himself... Gnarls Barkley again? Don't they have any other mixed tapes?

Shout-out: community.livejournal.com

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Mi Gasa Es Su Gasa

Man #1: Are these seats taken?
Man #2: No, they are not, but I have to warn you -- we both had Chinese food for dinner, so we are going to have some major gas in a little bit.
Man #1: That's fine, we had Thai.
Man #2: Oh, then we're even. Have a seat.

Consolidated Theaters
Silver Spring, Maryland

Overheard by: feeling a little gassy myself

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But Pitch This to the Americans -- They'll Love It!

Lady on cell: Yes, I need to know what kind of an exhibition it will be, otherwise I'm not going to run it... Well, I'm not interested in people burping on each other or feeling each other up -- that's just a little weird... Well, yes, it makes up a part of my personality too, but not a very large or important one.

Univeristy of Melbourne
Shout-out: community.livejournal.com

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