Get the 10 best quotesby e-mail weekly!
Bragging All Categories > Topics > Bragging
Recent | Best Of
Portrait Of the Attention Whore As a Young Man
Little boy, dressed as a firefighter, looking at picture of a raccoon: That's a raccoon! I shoot raccoons! With a gun! Look at my boots!
Wheaton, Illinois
Overheard by: Emlyn
In Canadia, That's Like Being the Youngest Person in the Nursing Home.
Skinny guy with pink hair: I don't think I could be any more bad-ass.
Ottawa
Canadia
Categories: Bragging | Canadia | Character | Compliments | Guys | Posted 2011-07-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...While You're Working As a Mall Santa.
Husband: I'm good at finding little kids' panties.
Wife: That's not a quality that you should announce.
Jersey City, New Jersey
Categories: Advice | Bragging | Couples | New Jersey | Undies | Posted 2011-07-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Oh, Charlie Sheen, Never Change!
Abusive downstairs neighbor to girlfriend trying to break up with him: I haven't called you a bitch or a cunt in ages and I am proud of that!
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: Nicole
Categories: Bragging | California | Guys | Insults | Relationships | Posted 2011-07-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Duck and I Were Reenacting the Dunkirk Evacuation!
Chav, showing off in front of group of underage girls: Yes bruv, you don't even know, there was this duck, yeah, and I snapped its neck, innit! It was swimmin' around with its head loose making stupid noises!
Slightly older chav friend: Breds, you're talking shit, man. Number one, if you snapped a duck's neck it wouldn't still be swimming. B, I was there, remember, that fucking duck bit you on the hand, bruv and you screamed like a woman and ran away.
Cambridgeshire
England
Overheard by: Tim C
I Was Like, "Did All That Come Out Of Me?"
Drunk 20-something girl with iPhone to friends: Hey, have a look at my photos of me getting done up the arse last night!
Leamington Spa
England
Overheard by: Bleep
Just Call Me Tweedle Diva
Fat black chick: Yo, real women got curves, nigga.
Black queer: Yeah, bitch, curves. You only got one big curve! (traces circle in air)
Bus
Tallahassee, Florida
Overheard by: Dropper of Eaves
Categories: Black people | Body parts | Bragging | Comebacks | Florida | Gays | Posted 2011-06-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If Men Won't Be Men, Then Women Will
Emo boy to mother in women's clothing store: I'm more feminine than anyone in here!
Coffs Harbour
Australia
Reruns Of House *Count* As "Research," Right?
Drunk girl: I teach! I teach AP bio kids. They ask so many smart questions. (thoughtful pause) I make things up all the time.
Friend: You make things up??
Drunk girl: I just say "according to my research." (shrugs, laughs hysterically)
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Categories: Bragging | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Education | Girls | Pennsylvania | Questions | Posted 2011-05-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But I Want to Be the Straight-shooter, If You Know What I Mean.
Male mountain biker: All we ever did was make out. And that's not what I want in a relationship. If I wanted a hook-up buddy I'd at least get one who would suck my dick. I mean, there's like 14 girls I could go to right now. So that's why I broke up with her.
Female mountain biker: Yeah... She was pretty straightforward though, wasn't she?
Crafton Hills, California
Overheard by: they didn't even notice I was wearing hiking in slippers
Categories: BJs | Bragging | California | Guys | Relationships | Posted 2011-05-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Can't Talk. Orgasming.
Girl hottie: Do they give out medals for chronic female masturbators? Because if so... (points to self with thumbs) Super star. I'm talking gold medal, national treasure.
Guy hottie: You're not deterring me! We're getting turkey bacon!
Wegmans
New York
Overheard by: Bronze Medalist
The Mustache?
30-something to another: Yeah, it's the same way I can tell you're a hipster. I can tell he's anti-semitic.
Shout-out: overheardlines.blogspot.com
Overheard by: siobhan
Categories: Bragging | Guys | Overheard Lines | Politics | Sensory experiences | Posted 2011-01-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Haven't Lived 'Til You've Seen Me Applaud with Them.
Cute girl: I have great tits!
Gay friend, skeptically: I guess they're nice...
Cute girl: No, really. Each of my last four boyfriends or longish-term hookup buddies were ass-men when they met me, and by the time we split, they'd each been converted to boob-men.
Gay friend, still skeptical: That may just mean your ass isn't great.
Cute girl: Damn, you're so cup-half-empty. My ass is great. My tits are just phenomenal.
Manhattan, New York
...With a Hatred Of Great Strengthiness
Girl: You know, I'm usually a very wise person. Recently, with my situation, I lost a lot of my wiseness, but this trip has brought back that wiseness.
Boy: So, your wiseness never informed you it was called "wisdom"?
Girl: I hate you.
Banora Point High School
Australia
The Best Part Is, He's Recording His Voicemail Away Message.
20-something man on cell: I've got women. I started my own religion. I don't give a shit if hipsters don't think I'm cool. (pause) I know in my heart I'm a fucking genius. If I died tonight, there would be a massive white trash orgasm. (pause) If you're so bad, your soul goes into a wax museum. We should make our own rap music. We'll be so good they'll put us in a mausoleum, like Stalin.
Norman, Oklahoma
Now Ask Me How to Say "Pizza"!
Guy #1: I can speak Italian.
Guy #2: How do you say "cheese" in Italian?
Guy #1: Ha! That's easy, "mozzarella"!
Italian Restaurant
Manhattan, New York
Overheard by: Chloe
Just Don't Ask Me to Ride Your Pinta
Girl: So, while fixing the leak, you may discover something else?
50-year old mechanic, grinning and nodding: I am Columbus.
Auto Body Shop
Lanham, Maryland
Overheard by: Jen
Ever Since I Realized I Can Get My Legs Behind My Head
College girl: You would be amazed by what I can do with the English language.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: and what else can you do?
Categories: Bragging | Education | Overheard in Minneapolis | Students | Stupidity | Posted 2010-12-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Before My Sister Was Like, "Get Out Of My Room!"
Bearded college guy: I almost saw a high school girl's vagina today!
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: a. lil
Categories: Bragging | Overheard in Minneapolis | Sensory experiences | Students | Vagina | Posted 2010-12-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Now Who Wants to Play "Hang the Sock"??
High school student: People are often uncomfortable when they're naked...
Male professor: Now, that's just not true, because I'm never uncomfortable when I'm naked, and you wanna know why? Because whenever I am naked, fun ensues.
Charlotte, North Carolina
Categories: Body parts | Bragging | Bringing it back to you | Creepsters | Education | North Carolina | Teachers | Posted 2010-11-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm All, "Fuck the Planet, Let's Party!"
Guy: Trust me, I'm a gay scientist!
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Claire
No Wonder Girls Dream About This Their Whole Lives!
Man, indicating the used wedding dress he's wearing: This was the best $35 I've ever spent. I mean, I could have spent it on Jägermeister!
Old Railroad Square
Santa Rosa, California
Categories: Bragging | California | Clothes | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Posted 2010-11-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Though, to Be Fair, the Bicycle Had No Bell.
Girl #1: My grandfather has won the Nobel Prize!
Girl #2: Really?
Girl #1: Yeah, he has one of those trophies in his bookshelf!
Janitor, walking in: Are you sure it was the Nobel Prize?
Girl #1: Yes, I am! Don't you believe me? I'm gonna call him and ask! (proceeds to call, hangs up sounding disappointed)
Janitor: Well?
Girl #1: Oh, it was not the Nobel Prize. It was only from a bicycle race.
High School
Sweden
Overheard by: Malin
Categories: Bragging | Family ties | Old folks | On the phone | Questions | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Students | Sweden | Teachers | Posted 2010-08-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Can't Make This Shit Up.
Dude at bar: So wait, after her husband left her here by herself--completely shitfaced--she then fucked a total stranger in the bathroom?
Bartender: Yep.
Dude at bar: And then she came back out here bragging about getting banged in the ass?
Gay dude, sidling up: Sounds like an awesome night.
District Bar
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Big D
Categories: Backdoor | Bars & Clubs | Bartenders | Bragging | Gossip | Guys | Illinois | Queers | Relationships | Sex | Posted 2010-08-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Which Means "I Know"
Flighty girl: People always tell me I'm pretty. Like all the time. Even when I was little, people would say "Oh, you're so pretty!" I used to say "I know" but now I say "thank you."
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Nahtay
Categories: Beauty | Bragging | Girls | Washington, DC | Posted 2010-08-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Mr. Woods Has Nothing to Fear From Me
Loud woman in restaurant: I'm discreet! My ad says I am!
Merrifield, Virginia
Overheard by: Ihatewhores
Don't Flirt With the Homeless, Dude
Gay guy to hobo: Good morning. Did you get a hair cut?
Hobo: (mutters about spare change)
Gay guy: I know you got a hair cut! See, if you would have said hi to me, maybe I would have given you a dollar or something! (starts walking down street) Why do people have to be so ignorant on such a sunny day?
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Meater Maid
Categories: Assholes | Bragging | Hobos | Money | Panhandling | Pennsylvania | Queers | Posted 2010-05-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Are You Talking About Elephants?
Guy #1: Put them in the back seat. I've got a bunch of junk in my trunk... Excuse the double meaning.
Guy #2: Double meaning?
Guy #1: I've got junk in my trunk.
Guy #2: I don't get it.
Guy #1: Never mind.
Kroger Parking Lot
Athens, Georgia
Best. Sporting Event. Ever.
Weird young man, talking to himself: Those damn beavers and their rakes!
Sedona, Arizona
Yoko Ono in the 1970's: Encapsulated.
Girl wearing long, flowy skirt to friend: I just feel a deep connection with the lighting of this room. I'm a big fan of lighting.
Maryland
You May Be Overqualified, Sir
Leather-clad 30-something man applying for job at sandwich shop: I'm not only a musician, I'm also a martial artist!
Grand Rapids, Michigan
Categories: Bragging | Guys | Jobs & Careers | Michigan | Posted 2010-03-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But I Still *Adored* Gone with the Wind.
Naked dude #1: I'm really surprised by how long it is.
Naked dude #2: Yeah... It's quite long.
Locker Room
Kansas City, Missouri
And Snooki Doesn't Care Who Knows It
Guy: You have a hole in your pants.
Girl: I know.
Guy, after pause: Nice underwear.
Girl's boyfriend: Yeah, she always has nice underwear...
New Jersey
Categories: Bragging | Hubbies | New Jersey | Undies | Posted 2010-01-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Need My Face for Other Things
Flamboyant grad student, on ice skating: I went years ago... and fell flat on my face. Then I decided that I was too important for this!
Oxford
England
Categories: Body parts | Bragging | Compare and contrast | England | Leisure | Pride | Students | Posted 2010-01-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...For Being So Gay.
Oversexed frat boy at house party: Yeah! We're gonna shoot 'em with our sperm cannons!
Providence, Rhode Island
Overheard by: Katie M
Categories: Bragging | Cum | Frat boy types | Penis | Rhode Island | Stupidity | Violence | Posted 2010-01-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
He's the High Bidder
Lady on cell: That Senator from Costa Rica or wherever said that our little Mandy* was the best strutter in the country!
Walt Disney World
Florida
Overheard by: Deeds
Categories: Bragging | Compare and contrast | Florida | On the phone | Women | Posted 2009-12-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Is That What This Is?
Male patron, hitting on girl at bar: Not gonna lie, when I get drunk, I get charming.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: friends of both
Categories: Bosses | Bragging | Drinking & drunks | Girls | Lies | Overheard in Minneapolis | Posted 2009-09-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You're Just Supposed to Be Having Sex Shamefully in Cars and Stairwells
Boy: Yo soy sexy.
Teacher, hyperventilating: You can't say you're sexy! You're only fifteen years old!
Spanish Class
El Paso, Texas
Categories: Age and ageing | Beauty | Bragging | Education | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Sexuality | Students | Teachers | Texas | Posted 2009-09-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Like a Two-Legged Redbook Magazine
Pretentious student to professor: There were a lot of people there. Interesting people. But most of them weren't as interesting as me.
University of Maine
Orono, Maine
Categories: Bragging | Bringing it back to you | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Education | Maine | Students | Teachers | Posted 2009-08-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Right Said Fred Could Not Sustain Their Popularity
Guy #1: Just admit it, man.
Guy #2: Admit what? That I'm great and wonderful and perfect in every way shape and form? Alright, I'm great and wonderful and perfect in every way shape and form!
Guy #1: No, admit that you're crazier than me!
Guy #2: Yeah, well...you're just Mr "Too sexy for my shirt," and I'm Mr "Too sexy for my life," but seriously, I'm so smart and everyone loves me.
Guy #3: You're just lyin' to yourself, man.
Guy #2: I'm too sexy for the world! That's just the way it is. I'm the next Albert Einstein. Everyone will soon realize that they love me. You all know that I'm right, so say that I am always right! You're dumb and I'm smart. Everyone loves me.
Bus driver: Will you guys be quiet? No one wants to hear this!
Manhattan, New York
Overheard by: Lulu
Categories: Bragging | Bringing it back to you | Bus | Bus drivers | Compare and contrast | Guys | Lies | New York | Public Transportation | Questions | Posted 2009-07-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
For Some Weird Reason I Can't Keep Them, Though.
High school kid to another, on bus: I'm all sensitive and shit, that's why I get all the bitches.
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Bus Boy
Categories: Bragging | Feelings | Frat boy types | Pennsylvania | Sex | Stupidity | Posted 2009-06-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Nature: 2 Nurture: 0
Teen Boy Scout (after narrowly avoiding tripping): And that's why I'm so good at swing dancing. I have hips like an angel.
Amtrack
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Duckie
Categories: Body parts | Bragging | Compare and contrast | Compliments | Dancing | Default | Illinois | Pride | Teens | Posted 2008-12-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Roseanne Barr: The Flight Attendant Years
Angry suit: When is this plane going to take off? I have a very important meeting to get to!
Flight attendant: The incoming plane is delayed, sir, there's nothing we can do at the moment.
Angry suit: Well, are you going to make arrangements for me to get on another flight? This is urgent! Do you know who I am?
Flight attendant (over loudspeaker): Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen, there is a gentleman at the desk who does not know who he is. If anyone has any information about his identity, please come forward.
Midway Airport
Chicago, Illinois
Categories: Airports & flights | Bragging | Default | Flight attendants | Illinois | Offers and requests | Questions | Suits | Time Management | Posted 2008-11-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Portrait of the Runway Coach As a Young Boy
Seven-year-old boy to small sister at counter: Get out of the line! You on the line and I'm exquisite. I'm exquisite! I'm exquisite! I'm exquisite!
H&M
Washington, DC
Categories: Bragging | Default | Kids | Offers and requests | Stores | Washington, DC | Posted 2008-08-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Known As the Paul Revere of Gaudy Accessories
Lesbian with terrible tie: I am the vanguard of the revolution.
Cozy Corner Diner & Pancake House
Chicago, Illinois
Categories: Bragging | Default | Illinois | Lesbos | Restaurants | Posted 2008-08-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Pubes Happen the Same Way
12-year-old boy: One day, I looked in the mirror, and I had abs! It was cool!
Swim Meet
Albany, New York
Categories: Body parts | Bragging | Default | Memory lane | New York | Tweens | Posted 2008-08-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Orange Really Is the Prettiest Color
Hobo to another: Well, I think I have a very nice smile.
Burlington, Vermont
You Know the Coolness Police Aren't Real, Right?
Chick: My sister has a 4.0 GPA, but that doesn't mean anything when you've got a criminal record.
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Evy
But If Enough Rain Builds Up, You Can Watch Me Walk on Water
Angry traveler: The flight's canceled because of weather?!? Can't you do something?
Airline counter man: Ma'am, despite my godlike appearance, I cannot control the weather.
O'Hare Airport
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: He's not so Godlike
Say Something to Me in C++
Guy trying to impress girl: So then I mastered a few languages, and after that it was pretty easy to get hired.
Girl: Oh wow! What languages?
Guy: C++.
Yellow Line Train
Washington, DC
Categories: Bragging | Default | Dorks, Geeks & Nerds | Girls | Guys | Relationships | Stupidity | Technology | Train | Washington, DC | Posted 2008-07-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Some Men Go Through Their Midlife Crisis Prematurely
Little boy playing with Legos: Look, I have a gun and two hookers!
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: nanny in st. Paul
Categories: Bragging | Default | Kids | Kids | Overheard in Minneapolis | Posted 2008-07-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Instead, I'll Discuss Your Pain With This Complete Stranger
Boyfriend to gas station attendant: She slept with the entire football team in high school.
Girlfriend: Maybe, but I still wouldn't have slept with you.
Boyfriend: Yeah? Really? How's your butt feel? Ha! I haven't even told my friends about that yet!
Richmond, Virginia
Olive Oyl's Been Dating Popeye for a Long Time
Hipster chick: I am who I am and that's what I like about me, but it keeps getting me into these shitty situations.
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Categories: Bragging | Compare and contrast | Default | Feelings | Girls | Hipsters | Pennsylvania | Pride | Posted 2008-06-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Chicken Doesn't Count, Sir
60-year-old journalism professor: Oh, the choking game? Heh... I play that all the time.
Emerson College
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Sarah
Categories: Bragging | Colleges & Universities | Games | Massachusetts | Old folks | Questions | Teachers | Violence | Weirdness | Posted 2008-05-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Not Without My Fainting Couch and Fan Nearby
Drunk girl: I went to the University of Alabama, so you don't have to tell me about sex.
Sammy's
Raleigh, North Carolina
Categories: Bragging | Drunks | Education | Girls | North Carolina | Restaurants | Sex | Posted 2008-05-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Appreciate Your Candor
Teenage thug to passing woman: Hey yo baby! I ain't gonna lie, I got a big dick!
Hollywood and Highland
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: Has that ever worked?
Categories: Bragging | California | Compliments | Etiquette | Offers and requests | Penis | Pride | Sexuality | Teens | Thugs | Words | Posted 2008-05-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
To Recap: I Rock, You Suck for Money, I Get Laid for Free
Ex-husband: I can't believe you brought a date to our divorce hearing.
Ex-wife: Fuck you! You hooked up with a girl in court.
Ex-husband: I didn't "hook-up" with her, we made plans for lunch today.
Ex-wife: And that's better?
Ex-husband: Actually, it's quite impressive. I rock, you suck, I'm getting laid tonight.
Ex-wife: I got laid last night.
Ex-husband: That's because you are a dirty hooker.
San Diego Family Court
San Diego, California
Overheard by: Sean
Categories: Bragging | California | Comebacks | Compare and contrast | Guys | Insults | Pride | Relationships | Sex | Violence | Women | Posted 2008-05-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The National Association of Farmers Convention Can Get Rowdy
Preppie guy: ... And I said, "That's why I trade corn futures!" [Entire table erupts in raucous laughter.]
Ethiopian restaurant, 12th & U
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Ladle
Categories: Bragging | Guys | Jobs & Careers | Preppies | Restaurants | Washington, DC | Posted 2008-05-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Non-Fucking Whorehouses Are Pretty Much Libraries
Female professor: I may not be the best literary critic of the century, but I know when I'm in a fucking whorehouse.
Combs Hall
Fredericksburg, Virginia
Categories: Bragging | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Education | Etiquette | Pride | Teachers | Virginia | Women | Words | Posted 2008-04-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Zeus Was Quite the Problem Child
Little boy #1: [Makes peeing sound, pretends to pee.]
Little boy #2: That's nothing! Feel the wrath of my penis!!
Macy's in Fashion Square Mall
Orlando, Florida
Overheard by: Stephanie
Categories: Bragging | Compare and contrast | Florida | Friends | Guys | Kids | Malls | Pee | Penis | Sensory experiences | Should have used a condom | Posted 2008-04-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Expected More from a Stoner at McDonald's?
Stoner #1: Do you have telekinesis?
Stoner #2: No, but I got call-waiting and that three-way call thing.
McDonald's
Escondido, California
Overheard by: DLo
Categories: Bragging | California | Compare and contrast | Friends | Guys | McDonald's | Stoners | Stupidity | Technology | Words | Posted 2008-04-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If It Leaves My Coffee Table All Wobbly Again, So Be It
Annoyed suit: Sir, don't make me break out the "Canterbury Tales!"
Washington, DC
Getting Sexiled Is Too Good for Her
Guy #1: She totally wanted to hook up with me, and kept dropping hints to get her roommate to leave.
Guy #2: Like what kind of hints?
Guy #1: Like "Yeah, I'm really tired, I just want to go to sleep." But her roommate would not leave the room.
Dorm Room
UCSB, California
Categories: Bragging | California | Colleges & Universities | Feelings | Frat boy types | Friends | Guys | Questions | Sexuality | Wishes | Posted 2008-04-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Of Course My Anal Probes Are Constantly Interrupted by Ads
Freak in furry pants and top hat, to fellow freak: You're the friendster of alien abduction services, and I'm the myspace: You did it first, but I did it better.
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: LeeKelly
Categories: Bragging | Compare and contrast | Crazies | Guys | MySpace | Pride | Washington | Weirdness | Posted 2008-04-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And You'd Be Like, "I Got the Pus-sy!"
Lady professor: AU is so different, there are so many females here. When I was in college, my sophomore year it was a five to one ratio! Males to females! The men were hanging from the trees. You'd walk through campus, wary, and then you'd sit at the cafeteria table and look up from your breakfast and there would be five guys -just staring at you!
Justice Research Class, American University
Washington, D.C.
Categories: Bragging | Class | Compare and contrast | Education | Etiquette | Gender issues | Memory lane | Sexuality | Teachers | Washington, DC | Women | Posted 2008-04-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Only When I'm Drunk
Chick #1: I miss my car.
Chick #2: I miss my car too. Not like, driving it or anything. But I miss my car. We've been through so much together --four accidents, hitting a mailbox, and a lot of repairs. But I'm not like, a bad driver or anything.
George Washington University
Washington, DC
Categories: Bragging | Chicks | Colleges & Universities | Feelings | Friends | Idiots | Sorority types | Stupidity | Washington, DC | Posted 2008-04-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
In L.A., Teenage Girls Who Don't Look Good Naked Are Put to Death
Teen girl #1, looking at hot teen guy's myspace page: He likes me.
Teen girl #2: No, he doesn't.
Teen girl #1: Yes, he does. He told me I'd look good naked.
Teen girl #2: Well, that's just a fact. It doesn't mean he likes you.
Los Angeles, California
Categories: Beauty | Bragging | California | Comebacks | Compliments | Friends | Girls | Pride | Sexuality | Teens | Posted 2008-04-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Using a Venus Razor Does Not Make You a Goddess, Ms. Pratt
English teacher: It's a big responsibility to be a goddess, it troubles me all the time.
A.C. Flora High School
Columbia, South Carolina
Categories: Bragging | Default | Gripes | Pride | Religion | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | South Carolina | Teachers | Women | Posted 2008-04-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Does Your Violin Bow Double As a Crowbar?
Asian boy trying to open locked door: Man, how am I supposed to open this with my super Asian powers?!
Townview Magnet Center
Dallas, Texas
But He's Our President, So We Have to Listen
Guy in restaurant to female companion: Of course, this is coming from a guy who eats potpourri...
Central Avenue
Cincinnati, Ohio
And Had a Dream About It.
Thug on cell: Fuck off, man. Don't even try arguing with me. I'm a fucking expert on this shit. I wikipedia-ed it last night.
Carousel Mall
Syracuse, New York
At Least He's Stopped Talking About His Turds.
Bitter guy: Girls don't care about men, so I can't relate to them. And men only care about sports, food, video games, and women. I do like to eat, but I hate women. I don't like sports at all, and I'm soooo good at video games that other people can't play with me because I am just too awesome.
Girl sitting at the table with him: Yeah...
University of Massachusetts
Amherst, Massachusetts
Categories: Bragging | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Dorks, Geeks & Nerds | Etiquette | Feelings | Gender issues | Girls | Guys | Idiots | Massachusetts | Pride | Sexuality | Stupidity | Weirdness | Posted 2008-04-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Gosh, That Was a Fun Baptism.
Big Italian guy holding a putter: Man, the last time I had one of these was to beat someone up!
Lumberjack Mini Golf
Lake George, New York
Overheard by: Jessica
Categories: Bragging | Compare and contrast | Default | Foreigners | Guys | New York | Violence | Weirdness | Posted 2008-04-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Mom's Been Forcing Her to Watch Seventh Heaven, to No Avail
Goth girl: I'm so proud of my sister. The rest of her classmates are doing their final projects on chihuahuas and stuff like that. My sister? Serial killers.
Friend: Dude, you're turning her into a you.
Goth girl: I know! My mom is so pissed at me.
Highlands Ranch, Colorado
Taught Me the "White Elephant"
College guy: I went to sleep-away camp so long ago my counselor was Jesus Christ!
University of Rochester
Rochester, New York
Categories: Age and ageing | Bragging | Colleges & Universities | Default | Guys | Jesus | Leisure | Memory lane | New York | Students | Posted 2008-04-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And That I Was Her Favorite Sunday School Student
Slacker boy: I could tell she was really into me, because she told me, like, three times, how she had given up sex for lent.
PM's
Nashville, Tennessee
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Bragging | Christianity | Compliments | Default | Guys | Religious fanatics | Sex | Tennessee | Posted 2008-04-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Then Turn Them into a Headband for Church
Ghetto woman #1: Oooh, I like them shorts.
Ghetto woman #2: I know, girl. My buttcheeks hang all out in them. I'm going to wear them to the club and find me a good man.
Wet Seal
Bradenton, Florida
Overheard by: Rae Crider
Categories: Black people | Bragging | Clothing | Compliments | Default | Florida | Women | Posted 2008-04-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
They've Exorcised Me
Kid: I am the Antichrist.
Teacher: Your parents must be proud.
Kid: No! They're pissed!
Brimmer and May School
Chestnut Hill, Massachusetts
Categories: Bragging | Gossip | Massachusetts | Students | Teachers | Posted 2008-02-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Her Hit Record is Called "I'm a Mink Carcass-Schlepping Slave 4 U"
Crazy lady wearing only a bra: Well, my daddy says we should take my show on the road. I'm a singer, you know. I'm famous in Eastern Europe.
Dumbfounded drunk girls: Uh-huh... Totally.
Las Vegas, Nevada
Overheard by: Kari Nott
Categories: Bragging | Crazies | Jobs & Careers | Lies | Nevada | Posted 2008-02-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
They Can't Bite Me
Huge guy waving Bud Light bottle at old Native American lady: There's a reason I like ladies without any teeth.
Minneapolis, Minnesota
Categories: Body parts | Bragging | Jerks | Minnesota | Posted 2008-01-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Gently Down the Stream?
Guy cuddling his girlfriend: I'm lactating, lactating, lactating!
Shout-out: www.overheardinminneapolis.com
Overheard by: quoi?
Categories: Bragging | Getting off | Guys | Overheard in Minneapolis | Posted 2008-01-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Most Fun I've Ever Had
Punk rocker: I was in the paper for being a hero, but I wasn't really. I just shoved some kid's intestines back inside him and covered it with duct tape and drove him at a hundred and forty-five miles per hour to the hospital.
Overheard by: http://overheardatcornell.blogspot.com/
Categories: Bragging | Overheard at Cornell | Punks | Posted 2007-12-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Except for Britney Over There
Vice president: We're all like kind of educated or whatever...
Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com
Overheard by: babygirl
Categories: Bragging | Idiots | Overheard at Cornell | Posted 2007-12-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Is There a Polite Response That Doesn't Sound Gay?
Frat monkey: Here's a naked pic of my girl [shows photo on cell]...
Drunk frat friend: Nice. [Pulls out his own cell.] Here's a picture of my dick.
Caves Bar
Arlington, Texas
Overheard by: Not impressed
Categories: Bragging | Frat boy types | Texas | Posted 2007-12-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Plan to Enjoy That As Long As I'm Single
Guy: I've decided not to have an orgasm for the rest of the week.
Girl: God! Why?! You can't have too many orgasms. It's not like drinking too much!
Guy: I decide a lot of things.
Cambridge, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Abstemious
Categories: Bragging | Friends | Massachusetts | Posted 2007-12-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
All It Takes to Get Laid in Canadia
Guy trying to solve Rubik's Cube: Once I figure out how to solve this thing, I'm gonna be banging chicks everywhere.
Calgary
Canadia
Forgive Us If We Find Your Relief Unnerving
Pilot over intercom, as plane touches down: ... And the crowd goes wild! Woo-hoo!
Las Vegas, Nevada
Overheard by: errica
... Or Saw Me?
College girl to her family: ... And this is where I peed last night!
Security guard: [Applauds.]
College girl: You think he heard me?
French Quarter
New Orleans, Louisiana
Overheard by: Security Guard
She Was Happy Feet-Good
Man, about preteen: She was being such a good penguin that I wished that I had some extra fish to give her.
Delaware
We Have Our Orgies through Holes in a Sheet
Mormon girl #1: I totally can't believe we just did that. I love it.
Mormon girl #2: We're so scandalous.
Mormon girl #1: Well... We're scandalous in an appropriate way.
Salt Lake City, Utah
Overheard by: jules
So, You'll Notice That I'm Topless.
Chick #1, to class: Sorry I stink. I just got back from soccer practice.
Chick #2: That's okay. My cat peed on my shirt before I left the house.
Palm Bay, Florida
Categories: Bragging | Chicks | Florida | Health & Hygiene | Posted 2007-11-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
People in L.A. Eat?
Guy: I have to use the girls' room 'cause there is just vomit everywhere in the men's and a guy, like, dying or something.
Girl: Well, that's what you get for moving to the East side! Apparently no one vomits at bars on the West side. We here on the East side are all about vomit. It's, like, totally cool.
Ladies' room, 4100 Bar, Sunset Boulevard
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: Erin
Categories: Bragging | California | Friends | Posted 2007-11-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Hereby Declare All Problems Solved!
Drunk girl: Tunisia is a place in Africa. They have lots of problems in Africa... And I'm going to fix them! [Falls down.]
Mount Holyoke College
South Hadley, Massachusetts
Categories: Bragging | Colleges & Universities | Drunks | Massachusetts | Posted 2007-11-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Oliver Tanks Another Job Interview
Burly male student: I hope they're okay with my nudity. I'm pretty sure I'm nude about 25 percent of the time.
University Student Center
Boston, Massachusetts
Categories: Bragging | Massachusetts | Students | Posted 2007-11-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That Doesn't Work on Mom, and It Sure Doesn't Work on Me!
Five-year-old boy: I don't like that... It doesn't taste good.
Father, picking up frozen dinner: Oh, I'll make it taste good!
Topsham, Maine
Overheard by: Morgan
Special Radiation Makes the Homeless Invisible to the Rest of Us
Hobo to passerby wearing sunglasses: That's right, 'cause I'm radioactive!
Detroit, Michigan
If You'll Refer to the Third Bullet-Point on My Resume
Drunk queer: I can pick up a shot glass with my ass!
Outside Grand Central
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: widget
Uh, That's Cheese
Guy flirting with cute blonde: Did you know that melons are a natural palate cleanser? Yeah, I'm kind of a melon connoisseur.
Dining hall, UC Santa Cruz
California
Categories: Bragging | California | Guys | Posted 2007-10-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
APB: Shoot on Sight
Freshman ho #1: But... Are you, like, good at drunk driving?
Freshman ho #2: Oh, yeah... I'm, like, sooo good! I've been drunk driving, like, since I got my license.
Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com
Overheard by: newm
Categories: Bragging | Drinking & drunks | Idiots | Overheard at Cornell | Posted 2007-09-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's Win-Win!
Bus driver: I can't let you off here. You'll get killed.
Thug: It's cool, man. I got insurance!
Shout-out: overheardinphilly.blogspot.com
Overheard by: anonymous
Categories: Bragging | Bus drivers | Overheard in Philly | Thugs | Posted 2007-09-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Using the Men's Room Cam
Male bartender: So, let's all take off our shirts and then you can take pictures of us.
Waitress: Oh, we already did that!
Shout-out: www.overheardinminneapolis.com
Overheard by: the next table over
Categories: Bartenders | Bragging | Overheard in Minneapolis | Posted 2007-09-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And I Puked until My Stomach Was Empty
10-year-old: Hey, I think I'm swimming extra good tonight!
Friend: Yeah? Why is that?
10-year-old: I think it's because we just got back from Red Lobster.
Waterford, Michigan
Overheard by: Gary Lewis
Great Finish, but Crappy Routine
Man jumping out of port-a-potty like a gymnast: ... And he sticks the landing!
Campground
Connecticut
Overheard by: only at DRAM
Categories: Bragging | Connecticut | Guys | Posted 2007-08-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Do You Tuck? I Tuck.
Confused girl to another: You're a man-whore? I'm a man-whore, too!
Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com
Overheard by: anonymous
Categories: Bragging | Hoochies | Overheard at Cornell | Posted 2007-08-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
My Secret? Low Standards.
Girl #1: You fail at life.
Girl #2: Nuh-uh! I'm good at life! I have a C-plus at life!
High school
Ohio
Overheard by: Kat Navane
It Was All Good Except for Shitting in a Box
Girl on cell: Guess what? I got to be the big yellow cat again yesterday!
Hornsby train
Sydney
Australia
Categories: Australia | Bragging | On the phone | Posted 2007-07-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Just Too Lazy to Do It Right Now
Girl yelling out window to friend: Bitch! I am the motherfuckin' bishop Don Juan of proving points!
Colfax bus
Denver, Colorado
Overheard by: lauren
Look, Baby, I'll Give You a Half Point Interest Rate Reduction, and That's My Final Offer
Drunk girl to another: I am going to suck it so good he is going to pay back all my loans!
Bar, Capital Hill
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Katie
Categories: BJs | Bragging | Drunks | Washington, DC | Posted 2007-07-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Neatly Packaged in Shrinkwrap
Butcher in bloodstained apron: My soul is pure and untainted.
Supermarket
Portland, Maine
On the Old Format or the New One?
Drunk girl, crawling on hands and knees: Don't judge me! I got a 1500 on my SATs!
overheardatnu.blogspot.com
Categories: Bragging | Drunks | Overheard at Northwestern | Posted 2007-07-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Just because I Lead a Life of Vise
Sorostitute, excited: All my friends back at home have me on their phone as tool whore!
Governor's Square Mall
Tallahassee, Florida
Categories: Bragging | Florida | Sorority types | Posted 2007-07-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Maybe It's Time to Invent Fig Leaves
Drunk frat boy: Shiiit, I'm God! I'm God, and I've seen so much asscrack!
Brown University
Providence, Rhode Island
Categories: Bragging | Colleges & Universities | Rhode Island | Posted 2007-07-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
He's Got the Extemporaneous Rhyming, but Can He Rope-a-Dope?
Voluble man: Hey, blondie! Hey! Guess what? I'm the prettiest man on this here bus! I'm like Muhammad Ali! Get your degree, smoke your crack free, national American methiversity! Hey, blondie! Guess what? I gots the prettiest dick on this whole bus! You should come over and check it on up!
Shout-out: www.overheardinminneapolis.com
Overheard by: blondie
Categories: Bragging | Creepsters | Overheard in Minneapolis | Posted 2007-06-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And I'm Prepared to Fight a War on Two Fronts
Crazy man at bus stop in front of the Union: I'm a Nazi for sex, ya fuckin' sluts.
Shout-out: overheardina2.blogspot.com
Overheard by: gen
Categories: Bragging | Crazies | Overheard in Ann Arbor | Posted 2007-06-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Also, Sex. That Was Me, Too
Guy: Yeah, that whole pot-smoking thing? I totally started it!
Shout-out: overheardatwestern.blogspot.com
Overheard by: kate & matt
Categories: Bragging | Drugs | Idiots | Overheard at Western | Posted 2007-06-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And I Have the Trophies to Back That Up
Girl in front: Hey! I can shoot a cat as well as the next girl!
Normandale Community College
Bloomington, Minnesota
Overheard by: who questions that ability??
It's a Gang War Thing -- You Wouldn't Understand
Student #1, pointing to notebook: If I ever become a famous rapper this is going to be my first album cover.
Student #2: Why? What is it?
Student #1: It's just a penguin on fire.
Student #2: A flaming penguin -- nice!
Student #1, matter-of-factly: I fucking hate penguins...
University of Denver
Denver, Colorado
Categories: Animals | Bragging | Colleges & Universities | Colorado | Students | Posted 2007-05-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
All I Have to Do Is Stand in a Phone Booth and Take Off My Glasses
Suit #1: You gotta stop traveling and eating out like this. You're starting to pack it on.
Suit #2, slapping his stomach: Nah, after seven p.m. all this turns to dick.
Steakhouse
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Poor Bastard
Categories: Advice | Bragging | Suits | Washington, DC | Posted 2007-04-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Keep Bringing Them Home for Me
Muscle gal: You are such a fuckin' pussy.
Muscle guy: Fuck that, I could take a seven-foot black man.
Muscle gal: Awww, I know.
West County YMCA
St. Louis, Missouri
