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Instead, I'll Discuss Your Pain With This Complete Stranger
Boyfriend to gas station attendant: She slept with the entire football team in high school.
Girlfriend: Maybe, but I still wouldn't have slept with you.
Boyfriend: Yeah? Really? How's your butt feel? Ha! I haven't even told my friends about that yet!
Richmond, Virginia
Olive Oyl's Been Dating Popeye for a Long Time
Hipster chick: I am who I am and that's what I like about me, but it keeps getting me into these shitty situations.
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Categories: Bragging | Compare and contrast | Default | Feelings | Girls | Hipsters | Pennsylvania | Pride | Posted 2008-06-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Chicken Doesn't Count, Sir
60-year-old journalism professor: Oh, the choking game? Heh... I play that all the time.
Emerson College
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Sarah
Categories: Bragging | Colleges & Universities | Games | Massachusetts | Old folks | Questions | Teachers | Violence | Weirdness | Posted 2008-05-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Not Without My Fainting Couch and Fan Nearby
Drunk girl: I went to the University of Alabama, so you don't have to tell me about sex.
Sammy's
Raleigh, North Carolina
Categories: Bragging | Drunks | Education | Girls | North Carolina | Restaurants | Sex | Posted 2008-05-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Appreciate Your Candor
Teenage thug to passing woman: Hey yo baby! I ain't gonna lie, I got a big dick!
Hollywood and Highland
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: Has that ever worked?
Categories: Bragging | California | Compliments | Etiquette | Offers and requests | Penis | Pride | Sexuality | Teens | Thugs | Words | Posted 2008-05-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
To Recap: I Rock, You Suck for Money, I Get Laid for Free
Ex-husband: I can't believe you brought a date to our divorce hearing.
Ex-wife: Fuck you! You hooked up with a girl in court.
Ex-husband: I didn't "hook-up" with her, we made plans for lunch today.
Ex-wife: And that's better?
Ex-husband: Actually, it's quite impressive. I rock, you suck, I'm getting laid tonight.
Ex-wife: I got laid last night.
Ex-husband: That's because you are a dirty hooker.
San Diego Family Court
San Diego, California
Overheard by: Sean
Categories: Bragging | California | Comebacks | Compare and contrast | Guys | Insults | Pride | Relationships | Sex | Violence | Women | Posted 2008-05-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The National Association of Farmers Convention Can Get Rowdy
Preppie guy: ... And I said, "That's why I trade corn futures!" [Entire table erupts in raucous laughter.]
Ethiopian restaurant, 12th & U
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Ladle
Categories: Bragging | Guys | Jobs & Careers | Preppies | Restaurants | Washington, DC | Posted 2008-05-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Non-Fucking Whorehouses Are Pretty Much Libraries
Female professor: I may not be the best literary critic of the century, but I know when I'm in a fucking whorehouse.
Combs Hall
Fredericksburg, Virginia
Categories: Bragging | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Education | Etiquette | Pride | Teachers | Virginia | Women | Words | Posted 2008-04-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Zeus Was Quite the Problem Child
Little boy #1: [Makes peeing sound, pretends to pee.]
Little boy #2: That's nothing! Feel the wrath of my penis!!
Macy's in Fashion Square Mall
Orlando, Florida
Overheard by: Stephanie
Categories: Bragging | Compare and contrast | Florida | Friends | Guys | Kids | Malls | Pee | Penis | Sensory experiences | Should have used a condom | Posted 2008-04-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Expected More from a Stoner at McDonald's?
Stoner #1: Do you have telekinesis?
Stoner #2: No, but I got call-waiting and that three-way call thing.
McDonald's
Escondido, California
Overheard by: DLo
Categories: Bragging | California | Compare and contrast | Friends | Guys | McDonald's | Stoners | Stupidity | Technology | Words | Posted 2008-04-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If It Leaves My Coffee Table All Wobbly Again, So Be It
Annoyed suit: Sir, don't make me break out the "Canterbury Tales!"
Washington, DC
Getting Sexiled Is Too Good for Her
Guy #1: She totally wanted to hook up with me, and kept dropping hints to get her roommate to leave.
Guy #2: Like what kind of hints?
Guy #1: Like "Yeah, I'm really tired, I just want to go to sleep." But her roommate would not leave the room.
Dorm Room
UCSB, California
Categories: Bragging | California | Colleges & Universities | Feelings | Frat boy types | Friends | Guys | Questions | Sexuality | Wishes | Posted 2008-04-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Of Course My Anal Probes Are Constantly Interrupted by Ads
Freak in furry pants and top hat, to fellow freak: You're the friendster of alien abduction services, and I'm the myspace: You did it first, but I did it better.
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: LeeKelly
Categories: Bragging | Compare and contrast | Crazies | Guys | MySpace | Pride | Washington | Weirdness | Posted 2008-04-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And You'd Be Like, "I Got the Pus-sy!"
Lady professor: AU is so different, there are so many females here. When I was in college, my sophomore year it was a five to one ratio! Males to females! The men were hanging from the trees. You'd walk through campus, wary, and then you'd sit at the cafeteria table and look up from your breakfast and there would be five guys -just staring at you!
Justice Research Class, American University
Washington, D.C.
Categories: Bragging | Class | Compare and contrast | Education | Etiquette | Gender issues | Memory lane | Sexuality | Teachers | Washington, DC | Women | Posted 2008-04-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Only When I'm Drunk
Chick #1: I miss my car.
Chick #2: I miss my car too. Not like, driving it or anything. But I miss my car. We've been through so much together --four accidents, hitting a mailbox, and a lot of repairs. But I'm not like, a bad driver or anything.
George Washington University
Washington, DC
Categories: Bragging | Chicks | Colleges & Universities | Feelings | Friends | Idiots | Sorority types | Stupidity | Washington, DC | Posted 2008-04-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
In L.A., Teenage Girls Who Don't Look Good Naked Are Put to Death
Teen girl #1, looking at hot teen guy's myspace page: He likes me.
Teen girl #2: No, he doesn't.
Teen girl #1: Yes, he does. He told me I'd look good naked.
Teen girl #2: Well, that's just a fact. It doesn't mean he likes you.
Los Angeles, California
Categories: Beauty | Bragging | California | Comebacks | Compliments | Friends | Girls | Pride | Sexuality | Teens | Posted 2008-04-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Using a Venus Razor Does Not Make You a Goddess, Ms. Pratt
English teacher: It's a big responsibility to be a goddess, it troubles me all the time.
A.C. Flora High School
Columbia, South Carolina
Categories: Bragging | Default | Gripes | Pride | Religion | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | South Carolina | Teachers | Women | Posted 2008-04-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Does Your Violin Bow Double As a Crowbar?
Asian boy trying to open locked door: Man, how am I supposed to open this with my super Asian powers?!
Townview Magnet Center
Dallas, Texas
But He's Our President, So We Have to Listen
Guy in restaurant to female companion: Of course, this is coming from a guy who eats potpourri...
Central Avenue
Cincinnati, Ohio
And Had a Dream About It.
Thug on cell: Fuck off, man. Don't even try arguing with me. I'm a fucking expert on this shit. I wikipedia-ed it last night.
Carousel Mall
Syracuse, New York
At Least He's Stopped Talking About His Turds.
Bitter guy: Girls don't care about men, so I can't relate to them. And men only care about sports, food, video games, and women. I do like to eat, but I hate women. I don't like sports at all, and I'm soooo good at video games that other people can't play with me because I am just too awesome.
Girl sitting at the table with him: Yeah...
University of Massachusetts
Amherst, Massachusetts
Categories: Bragging | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Dorks, Geeks & Nerds | Etiquette | Feelings | Gender issues | Girls | Guys | Idiots | Massachusetts | Pride | Sexuality | Stupidity | Weirdness | Posted 2008-04-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Gosh, That Was a Fun Baptism.
Big Italian guy holding a putter: Man, the last time I had one of these was to beat someone up!
Lumberjack Mini Golf
Lake George, New York
Overheard by: Jessica
Categories: Bragging | Compare and contrast | Default | Foreigners | Guys | New York | Violence | Weirdness | Posted 2008-04-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Mom's Been Forcing Her to Watch Seventh Heaven, to No Avail
Goth girl: I'm so proud of my sister. The rest of her classmates are doing their final projects on chihuahuas and stuff like that. My sister? Serial killers.
Friend: Dude, you're turning her into a you.
Goth girl: I know! My mom is so pissed at me.
Highlands Ranch, Colorado
Taught Me the "White Elephant"
College guy: I went to sleep-away camp so long ago my counselor was Jesus Christ!
University of Rochester
Rochester, New York
Categories: Age and ageing | Bragging | Colleges & Universities | Default | Guys | Jesus | Leisure | Memory lane | New York | Students | Posted 2008-04-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And That I Was Her Favorite Sunday School Student
Slacker boy: I could tell she was really into me, because she told me, like, three times, how she had given up sex for lent.
PM's
Nashville, Tennessee
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Bragging | Christianity | Compliments | Default | Guys | Religious fanatics | Sex | Tennessee | Posted 2008-04-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Then Turn Them into a Headband for Church
Ghetto woman #1: Oooh, I like them shorts.
Ghetto woman #2: I know, girl. My buttcheeks hang all out in them. I'm going to wear them to the club and find me a good man.
Wet Seal
Bradenton, Florida
Overheard by: Rae Crider
Categories: Black people | Bragging | Clothing | Compliments | Default | Florida | Women | Posted 2008-04-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
They've Exorcised Me
Kid: I am the Antichrist.
Teacher: Your parents must be proud.
Kid: No! They're pissed!
Brimmer and May School
Chestnut Hill, Massachusetts
Categories: Bragging | Gossip | Massachusetts | Students | Teachers | Posted 2008-02-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Her Hit Record is Called "I'm a Mink Carcass-Schlepping Slave 4 U"
Crazy lady wearing only a bra: Well, my daddy says we should take my show on the road. I'm a singer, you know. I'm famous in Eastern Europe.
Dumbfounded drunk girls: Uh-huh... Totally.
Las Vegas, Nevada
Overheard by: Kari Nott
Categories: Bragging | Crazies | Jobs & Careers | Lies | Nevada | Posted 2008-02-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
They Can't Bite Me
Huge guy waving Bud Light bottle at old Native American lady: There's a reason I like ladies without any teeth.
Minneapolis, Minnesota
Categories: Body parts | Bragging | Jerks | Minnesota | Posted 2008-01-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Gently Down the Stream?
Guy cuddling his girlfriend: I'm lactating, lactating, lactating!
Shout-out: www.overheardinminneapolis.com
Overheard by: quoi?
Categories: Bragging | Getting off | Guys | Overheard in Minneapolis | Posted 2008-01-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Most Fun I've Ever Had
Punk rocker: I was in the paper for being a hero, but I wasn't really. I just shoved some kid's intestines back inside him and covered it with duct tape and drove him at a hundred and forty-five miles per hour to the hospital.
Overheard by: http://overheardatcornell.blogspot.com/
Categories: Bragging | Overheard at Cornell | Punks | Posted 2007-12-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Except for Britney Over There
Vice president: We're all like kind of educated or whatever...
Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com
Overheard by: babygirl
Categories: Bragging | Idiots | Overheard at Cornell | Posted 2007-12-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Is There a Polite Response That Doesn't Sound Gay?
Frat monkey: Here's a naked pic of my girl [shows photo on cell]...
Drunk frat friend: Nice. [Pulls out his own cell.] Here's a picture of my dick.
Caves Bar
Arlington, Texas
Overheard by: Not impressed
Categories: Bragging | Frat boy types | Texas | Posted 2007-12-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Plan to Enjoy That As Long As I'm Single
Guy: I've decided not to have an orgasm for the rest of the week.
Girl: God! Why?! You can't have too many orgasms. It's not like drinking too much!
Guy: I decide a lot of things.
Cambridge, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Abstemious
Categories: Bragging | Friends | Massachusetts | Posted 2007-12-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
All It Takes to Get Laid in Canadia
Guy trying to solve Rubik's Cube: Once I figure out how to solve this thing, I'm gonna be banging chicks everywhere.
Calgary
Canadia
Forgive Us If We Find Your Relief Unnerving
Pilot over intercom, as plane touches down: ... And the crowd goes wild! Woo-hoo!
Las Vegas, Nevada
Overheard by: errica
... Or Saw Me?
College girl to her family: ... And this is where I peed last night!
Security guard: [Applauds.]
College girl: You think he heard me?
French Quarter
New Orleans, Louisiana
Overheard by: Security Guard
She Was Happy Feet-Good
Man, about preteen: She was being such a good penguin that I wished that I had some extra fish to give her.
Delaware
We Have Our Orgies through Holes in a Sheet
Mormon girl #1: I totally can't believe we just did that. I love it.
Mormon girl #2: We're so scandalous.
Mormon girl #1: Well... We're scandalous in an appropriate way.
Salt Lake City, Utah
Overheard by: jules