Overheard Everywhere | The Voice of the Towel" | Topics

It's Pretty Much the Short Bus of Hogwarts

Guy #1: Hey, cool! Harry Potter bookmarks! You think they have one for Hufflepuff?
Guy #2: Probably not.
Guy #1: Oh... Do you think it's because nobody cares?

Borders
Tucson, Arizona

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You Just Say That Because You're Failing Calculus

Undergrad: The whole reason I like the book was, like, because Isaac Newton is so badass!
Friend: I thought he was, like, an asshole.
Undergrad: No!

Carnegie Mellon University
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: whatgoesup

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...Is the Thesis of My American Lit Dissertation

Saxophone-playing dude: [About Huck Finn] You really think some ten-year-old white boy is gonna be running around with a crazy black man like "Woo hoo! Everything's cool!"? No way, man, they woulda ate him!

Hartford, Connecticut

Overheard by: Claire

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Christianity's All About the Special Effects

Girl to mother: You know, that's why I'm so messed up. My main memories of church are smearing fake blood on a Ken doll for Cain killing Abel, with pigeons cooing at me; and dancing across the stage in a pink tutu for The Odyssey.

Aurora, Colorado

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Dude Said He Wanted to Sail on My Wine-Dark Sea

Girl on cell: I just heard the most epic pickup line. Like, if Homer had known this pickup line it would have been all over The Odyssey.

Northwestern University
Illinois

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For the Last Time, That's Not What Lilliputians Are

Girl: So yeah, it would just be like Gulliver's Travels.
[Pause.]
Boy: There'd be kitten penises everywhere!

Warwick, England

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Yeah, Indirectly

Girl: No, isn't Macbeth the one where she gets her husband to kill Macbeth?

Shout-out: community.livejournal.com

Overheard by: Stu

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As Long As You Don't Lie in the Same Bed Together, It's All Good

Man: What does it say in the bible about punching your son in the face?

Starbucks
Durham, North Carolina

Overheard by: wondering the same thing myself

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True That

Dude: "I am Legend"? God, learn to grammar.

High School classroom
Englewood, Colorado

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Oh Yeah, Grindhouse Is Just Dripping With Tolstoy

TA: It's like Anna Karenina in two hours, with shotguns and Satan.

UCSC
Santa Cruz, California

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Dude, It Has the Word "Vajayjay" on the Cover

Twelve-year-old boy to friend: I didn't know bookstores had porn!
Friend: Dude, that's Cosmo!

Barnes & Noble
Illinois

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Now I'm Terrified a Cat in a Hat Will Come Mess Up My House

Professor: I thought this was made up, but then I read it in a book, which of course means it?s true.

East Carolina University
Greenville, North Carolina

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If It Leaves My Coffee Table All Wobbly Again, So Be It

Annoyed suit: Sir, don't make me break out the "Canterbury Tales!"

Washington, DC

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Except for This Headline

Serious girl: Nothing important has ever been typed with the thumbs.

UNT Campus
Denton, Texas

Overheard by: Having a Cigarette Break

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Colorado Libraries Are Full Of the Stuff

Geeky girl: You know, I've still got my ex-boyfriend's mom's library card.
Goth friend: ...We should totally go and check out, like, animal porn with it.

Aurora, Colorado

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Watch Her Do What, Exactly?

Man on cell: One needs to do two things: Read Tolstoy and watch Paris Hilton.

Shout-out: lefulelve.freeblog.hu

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In Between Lute Lessons

Teacher, incredulously: You never read Harold and the Purple Crayon?!
Student: Well, sorry, I was reading Machiavelli.

Shout-out: overheardinhighschool.blogspot.com

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What Do You Expect at a Party School Like Harvard?

Eager freshman: It's like a disco, but with books!

Harvard Yard
Cambridge, Massachusetts

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That Way There Are Always People around to Help Me with the Big Words

Drunk guy: Well, I'm, like, more of a social reader, you know?

Columbus, Ohio

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Does This Have Anything to Do with Political Philosophy?

Professor: Does anyone know how to write an underscore in Elvish? In high school my friends and I used to have arguments about how much should be phonetic and how much should be character by character. I would spell 'tree' chee, and my friend would spell it tree, and I would say, 'But the T sounds like a ch--!' and he would say, 'That's because you're a damn foreigner!'

Shout-out: overheardatumbc.com

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Is It on YouTube?

Dude: So, this Oh-di-pus guy killed his dad and married his mom.
Girl: Gross... So, did they do it?
Dude: Oh, yeah.
Girl: Cool.

University of Saskatchewan
Saskatoon, Saskatchewan
Canadia

Overheard by: headshakingprof

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Tell Me This Door-Knocker-Lawn-Sprinkler Isn't Cool

Boy #1: Are you reading fuckin' SkyMall?
Boy #2: Yeah. It's actually pretty cool...
Boy #1: Faggot.

Logan Airport
Boston, Massachusetts

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Like I've Never Made It into an Actual Book

Student: So, I went to the state library the other day.
Friend: What was it like?
Student: Well, I never made it into the actual book section.

City bus
Brisbane
Australia

Overheard by: Sara

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Or Drag Queens

Mom to two kids: Now, you can both get one paperback each, but remember, they have to be normal paperbacks. Nothing about dragons.

New Haven, Connecticut

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