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Especially with This Little Pink Bow
Three-year-old boy to grandfather: Do you have a penis?
Grandfather: Yes, I do.
Boy: I have a penis, too. My penis is small. My penis is cute.
Cincinnati, Ohio
Overheard by: Vejewsbian
Why Cashmere Condoms Are So Popular
Bearded dude: Yeah... I care a lot more about my penis than I do my friends.
Not quite as bearded dude: Oh, totally.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: wondering if that is selfish, or self preservation...
Categories: Compare and contrast | Creepsters | Default | Feelings | Guys | Overheard in Minneapolis | Penis | Weirdness | Posted 2008-06-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Abraham Lincoln? Really?
Girl: I basically touched his dick, through the transitive property.
Northbrok, Illinois
Overheard by: Jake
English Conversation Is Fun
Attractive 30-year-old blond European woman: You can say it, say it, sayyyyyy it!
50-year-old well dressed Japanese man: Penis... penis... penis...
Ginza
Tokyo
Japan
Overheard by: Brian Milvid
Oh, I'm Sorry--Aren't You a Size Queen?
Tall guy: My girlfriend's ex-boyfriend had an eight inch penis.
Younger friend girl: What!? Why would she tell you that?!
Tall guy: I guess she just thought I should know.
Younger friend girl: No, here's a better question. Why would you tell me that!?
Chick-fil-A
Houston, Texas
Categories: Default | Friends | Girls | Guys | Penis | Questions | Relationships | Restaurants | Sexuality | Texas | Posted 2008-06-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Just Because You Seem Unable to Get Dishes Really Clean
Girl to friend, walking from their car: Jesus, Amber, nobody thinks you have a penis.
Nashville, Tennessee
Usually by Their Owners
Woman on street: Dicks are overrated!
Brunswick Street
Fitzroy
Australia
Freud: I'm Not Even Sure What She Wants
Girl #1: Yeah, that's not cool, but I understand. He sounds very immature.
Girl #2: He is. It's such a shame. I laid in bed last night reminiscing about the time I spent with him in bed. It's like I can still feel it. Too bad he's such an asshole, and too bad that good dick makes me so... not able to accept what a douchebag a guy really is.
Atlanta, Georgia
Categories: Compare and contrast | Compliments | Feelings | Georgia | Girls | Gripes | Insults | Penis | Relationships | Sex | Posted 2008-05-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Graduation Is Such a Sausagefest
Guy to friend, matter-of-factly: You know he's just teaching there for the kielbasa.
Macalester College
St. Paul, Minnesota
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Education | Food | Friends | Guys | Jobs & Careers | Minnesota | Offers and requests | Penis | Words | Posted 2008-05-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Some People Love Jesus More Than Others
Girl: Seriously, she's completely obsessed. Like all of her final drawings were of his penis. Like all of them.
Roanoke, Virginia
Overheard by: Abbie
For the Last Time, That's Not What Lilliputians Are
Girl: So yeah, it would just be like Gulliver's Travels.
[Pause.]
Boy: There'd be kitten penises everywhere!
Warwick, England
I Appreciate Your Candor
Teenage thug to passing woman: Hey yo baby! I ain't gonna lie, I got a big dick!
Hollywood and Highland
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: Has that ever worked?
Categories: Bragging | California | Compliments | Etiquette | Offers and requests | Penis | Pride | Sexuality | Teens | Thugs | Words | Posted 2008-05-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Just Don't Begin the Conversations with "I'm Naked and Wet"
Woman on cell: I just asked how's he doing and he actually told me that he's getting hard just talking to me. [Pause.] Well, what do you think I would say? "Oh ,that's nice"!? Hell no! I said: "Oh crap! Sorry, I have another call, gotta go". Yeah, that was definitely odd. Remind me never to be nice and try calling my exes again.
Florida
Categories: Compare and contrast | Etiquette | Feelings | Florida | Offers and requests | On the phone | Penis | Relationships | Sexuality | Women | Posted 2008-05-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Naturally, It's Huge
Young mom, looking disgusted at a paparazzi photo of Pamela Anderson: That's disgusting.
Four-year-old son: What?
Young mom: Honey, what's wrong with this picture?
Four-year-old son: I can see her penis.
Bowling Alley
Indiana
Overheard by: Aunt Oblivious
Do Girls Have Penises? Discuss
[Chick #1 drops purse, condom falls out.]
Chick #2: [Hands it back.] I didn't know you had a penis.
Chick #1: I'm just being prepared.
Chick #2: In case you grow a penis?
High School Classroom
Englewood, Colorado
He'll Be Singing a Different Tune When Turtlenecks Come Back in Style
Twentysomething guy, excitedly: And all I could think was "Thank god im circumsized!"
Cherry Blossom Festival, National Mall
Washington, DC
Overheard by: sara aliza
Categories: Guys | Happiness | Health & Hygiene | Penis | Tourist attractions | Washington, DC | Posted 2008-04-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Zeus Was Quite the Problem Child
Little boy #1: [Makes peeing sound, pretends to pee.]
Little boy #2: That's nothing! Feel the wrath of my penis!!
Macy's in Fashion Square Mall
Orlando, Florida
Overheard by: Stephanie
Categories: Bragging | Compare and contrast | Florida | Friends | Guys | Kids | Malls | Pee | Penis | Sensory experiences | Should have used a condom | Posted 2008-04-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Guy: Come Back! I Can Change It!
Girl #1: I can understand the idea behind having an affair...
Girl #2: Yeah, it's the change of scenery.
Girl #3: The change of dick...
East Lansing, Michigan
Categories: Bimbettes | Compare and contrast | Etiquette | Friends | Gender issues | Girls | Infidelity | Michigan | Penis | Sexuality | Posted 2008-04-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Since Barenaked Ladies Was Already Taken
Twenty-something dude: When I grow up, and learn how to play an instrument, I'm calling my band he-gina and she-nis.
McKenna's
Baltimore, Maryland
Categories: Age and ageing | Education | Guys | Maryland | Music | Names | Penis | Restaurants | Vagina | Words | Posted 2008-04-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Someone's Been Reading People at the Dentist's Office
Mom: Did you hear that Harry Lee died?
20-something daughter: Yea, and Sylvester Stallone came to the funeral, I thought that was odd.
Previously uninterested dad: Interesting fact about Sylvester Stallone- he has a penial implant.
Baton Rouge, Louisiana
Categories: About celebrities | Dads | Death & dying | Family | Girls | Gossip | Louisiana | Moms | Penis | Weirdness | Posted 2008-04-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If They've Been Naughty, Santa Brings Them Small Penises.
Female college student: Do boys still really have cooties at thirteen?
Male college student: Nope. That's when they get penises.
Tempe, Arizona
Overheard by: Meghan
Categories: Age and ageing | Arizona | Compare and contrast | Default | Friends | Gender issues | Girls | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Kids | Penis | Sexuality | Students | Yeahhh, college! | Posted 2008-04-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Gay Men Can't Drink Coffee? That's Crazy.
Crazy homeless lady to well-dressed businessman: Look at you with the coffee, you faggot, you just love dick in your ass!
Starbucks
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: trying to avoid her wrath
Categories: Ass | Backdoor | Bag ladies | Bars & Clubs | Character | Crazies | Default | Etiquette | Insults | Penis | San Francisco | Posted 2008-04-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
As My Plaques and Trophies Will Attest
Dude carrying Subway sandwich: My ass? No, I wouldn't expect a girl to be looking at my ass.
Chick carrying Subway sandwich: Oh yeah. Women will look at your ass. But they can't check out the other thing.
Dude: Well, under certain circumstances . . .
Chick: No, there's nothing equivalent. There's no cleavage shot.
Dude: A girl slapped my ass at the gym the other day.
Chick: Oh yeah. That's right. I have slapped lots of asses.
Howard and New Montgomery
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: Cleavage Shots All Around!
Categories: Ass | Bimbettes | Chicks | Default | Euphemisms | Friends | Gender issues | Guys | Penis | San Francisco | Sexuality | Posted 2008-04-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Even We Winced at This One
Man #1: So she looks up at me with this, look, right? And she grips my dick real hard and then gets this terrified look as she picks it off on my pubes...
Man #2: Oh, dude, I'm gonna vomit.
Man #1: It was a fucking dingleberry. And it wasn't mine, dude.
Gym
Oregon
It'll Pop Up Again in the Spring
Guy #1: Are you gonna get tested?
Guy #2: I think the Lauren thing pretty much takes care of it.
Guy #3: You should still get tested.
Guy #2: Yeeeah, but I don't like getting blood taken from me and I don't have any like, symptoms, so...
Guy #3: Well, I haven't seen your penis.
Simon Fraser University
British Columbia
Canadia
Categories: Advice | Canadia | Colleges & Universities | Default | Friends | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Penis | STDs | Sexuality | Posted 2008-04-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Difference between Boys and Girls
Guy to girlfriend: My dick is aching for your vagina.
Girl: I missed you too.
Barista cafe
Mumbai
India
Overheard by: mehr
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Compliments | Default | Etiquette | Girls | Guys | India | Penis | Relationships | Sex | Vagina | Wishes | Words | Posted 2008-04-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...and a Pussy
Blonde clone: It's not that we're both Leos. He's just a dick.
Westfield Mall
San Diego, California
Categories: California | Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | Insults | Malls | Penis | Relationships | Sexuality | Posted 2008-04-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Knowing What That Is Is Like a Rorshach for Nerdity
Student: Somebody drew a triforce in the bathroom.
Teacher: There's a penis in the hall and now a triforce in the bathroom?
English Class
Arcadia, California
Overheard by: Sam
Categories: California | Default | Games | Lies | Penis | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Students | Teachers | Tweens | Words | Posted 2008-04-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Pickings Seem to Be Slim in Iowa
College girl #1: So I met up with Jeremy last night.
College girl #2: Ah, the one with the small penis. Wait... No, Adam has the small dick. Jeremy's the bad kisser, right?
College girl #1: To be fair, they're both bad kissers. But yeah, Adam's the one with the small dick.
Coffee shop
Iowa City, Iowa
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Bimbettes | Chicks | Compare and contrast | Default | Friends | Gossip | Iowa | K-I-S-S-I-N-G | Penis | Sexuality | Students | Posted 2008-04-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
A Penis Doesn't Care What You Think
Blonde: ... And then there was, like, this penis all up in my face, and I was like, 'But I thought you were a girl...'
Montclair State University
New Jersey
Overheard by: Anna
Categories: Bimbettes | Colleges & Universities | Default | Gender issues | New Jersey | Penis | Sexuality | Posted 2008-03-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
... Little Candy Chlamydia
Woman with two toddlers, ordering cake: I need a P-E-N-I-S cake...
Manager, walking in, gleefully oblivious: Ohhh, a penis cake! We can put fake hair on it. Last time, we had fake semen shooting out...
Huntington, California
The Answer Was Both Better and Worse Than They Anticipated
Coworker #1: I don't even know what on a penis you would even pierce.
Coworker #2: I don't, either. Let me text my brother-in-law and ask him. Maybe I can get him to send us a picture of his.
Eye clinic
Salt Lake City, Utah
Overheard by: also interested
Well, That's a Given
HS boy #1: I love cheesecake in my mouth.
HS boy #2: You love dick in your mouth!!
HS boy #1: Well, yeah, if it has cheesecake on it!
Christiansburg, Virginia
California's Full of 'em
Guy shouting out dorm window: We've got dicks! Yeahhh! Woo-hoo!
University of California, Davis
California
Categories: California | Colleges & Universities | Default | Feelings | Guys | Penis | Students | Posted 2008-03-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If You Can Do That, What's Your Incentive to Leave the House?
Chick: No, Spencer, you don't have to lick your penis to let everyone know that you're here!
Cleveland Heights, Ohio
Overheard by: Drunk guy in apartment hallway
Latency Period, My Ass!
Four-year-old boy: So, girls have 'ginas, and boys have penises?
Mom: Um, yes, hon.
Four-year-old boy: You have a 'gina?
Mom: Yes, honey. Shhh.
Four-year-old boy: Girls at school have 'ginas? Teachers have 'ginas?
Mom: Yes, honey. Now shush.
Four-year-old boy, contemplating: I always wanted to see one of those.
Phoenix, Arizona
If You Don't Believe It, Google "Self-Suck"
Guy: ... So I was like, 'Dude, just this time, you're not allowed to suck your own dick,' and he says,'Dude, I totally won't.' So I say to him, 'Man, you're doing it right now.'
University of British Columbia
Vancouver, British Columbia
Canadia