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When Culinary Students Have Orgies
Tiny college girl waiting in line: The cookies are soooooo good!
Tall male friend, confused: The ice cream?
Tiny college girl: The penises!
Tall male friend: Oh!
Tiny college girl: We just didn't let them cool!
Stop & Shop
Manhattan, New York
And I'm a B-Cup, Easy
Teenage boy to teenage girl: I have a bigger penis than you.
Seattle, Washington
Categories: Compare and contrast | Gender issues | Penis | Teens | Washington | Posted 2010-06-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
As We Learned in Biology Class
Drunk dude to girl: You will get absolutely no penis in your life! None!
Transit Train
New Jersey
Overheard by: Russ
...According to This Hallmark Card.
Woman #1: Look at that rainbow outside!! It's huge!
Woman #2: I know! It's like when you see a black dick for the first time.
Turlock, California
Categories: California | Compare and contrast | Penis | Race | Weather | Women | Posted 2010-06-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But I Didn't Back Up Over It. That's Gay.
English major #1: So, I totally ran over a snake today.
English major #2: Was it an anaconda?
English major #1: I don't know... It was a snake!
English major #3: Was it a grass snake?
English major #2: Was it a trouser snake?
English major #1: Yes. I ran over a penis.
Southern Illinois University
Edwardsville, Edwardsville, Illinois
Overheard by: M
Categories: Animals | Colleges & Universities | Illinois | Penis | Students | Posted 2010-06-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If It Doesn't Happen Soon, We'll Get the Sack for Sure.
Male teacher to another: Hey, I still haven't gotten those wiener cages from you.
High School
West Linn, Oregon
Overheard by: scott
Categories: Food | Oregon | Penis | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Teachers | Posted 2010-05-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Make-a-Wish Foundation Failed to Return Her Calls
Teenage girl: You know what I wish I had?
Teenage boy, not paying attention: Uh-huh.
Teenage girl: A penis... I'd just go shoving it into people's butts.
Teenage boy: Wait... What?
Teenage girl, whispering to herself: I wish I had a penis.
Bus
Ottawa
Canadia
They Do Only Two Things, and Neither Very Well
High school girl to friend: You know what I hate? Cocks.
Friend: I know! They're so annoying.
California
Categories: California | Girls | Gripes | Penis | Posted 2010-05-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Zac Efron Movie That Should Be Made
Teenage boy, shrieking: He touched my penis! He touched my penis! And I'm gay! I'm gay!
Charleston, South Carolina
Categories: Penis | Queers | Sexuality | South Carolina | Teens | Posted 2010-04-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Downward-facing Dog Was Invented
Loud girl, as rest of the yoga class goes quiet after teacher rings bell: He was so fat I couldn't find his wiener!
Wyoming
But I Still *Adored* Gone with the Wind.
Naked dude #1: I'm really surprised by how long it is.
Naked dude #2: Yeah... It's quite long.
Locker Room
Kansas City, Missouri
Isn't That an Old Irish Drinking Song?
Neal Patrick Harris lookalike: Okay, okay: no pickle dicks on Molly!
Albuquerque, New Mexico
Categories: Guys | New Mexico | Penis | Weirdness | Posted 2010-03-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
On My Deck
Girl #1: How do you like your place?
Girl #2: I've got a huge deck!
Girl #1: You were one letter away from making me a very happy woman.
Girl #2: I was one letter away from making myself a very happy woman. If I had that, I'd go fuck myself.
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: aoK
Even Circumcising Them Is Dicey
Man to wife: The only reason it's an aphrodisiac is because it takes huge balls to cut the penis off a tiger.
Burough Market
London
England
Overheard by: Justyn Egert
Women Have Biological Clocks; Men Have Pop-up Timers
Woman #1: In all seriousness, given the choice, I don't know whether I'd prefer to be male or female.
Woman #2: It'd be really nice not to have cramps.
Woman #1: Yeah, and bleeding in public can be embarrassing, but perhaps less embarrassing than having things "pop up" unexpectedly.
Santa Cruz, California
Overheard by: Angelica Burns
Categories: California | Compare and contrast | Gender issues | Maladies | Penis | Women | Posted 2010-02-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
At Least Call It the "Cocktagon," Dude.
Tipsy guy to friend: Of course I have a nickname for my penis. I call it "the octagon."
Vancouver
Canadia
Overheard by: Sick Fatty
Larry Is a Girl?
College student #1: Larry's rug is a trap!
College student #2: Her rug has a penis?
Portland, Oregon
Overheard by: Larissa
Axe Finally Made a Body Spray Women Like
Girl: What smells like lemon poppy seed cupcakes?
Guy: It might be my penis.
Bayonne, New Jersey
Categories: Food | Girls | Guys | New Jersey | Penis | Questions | Sensory experiences | Posted 2010-01-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Yay! Let's All Join the Army!
Girl #1, loudly in quiet library: And we thought we were going to the lecture on reasons to join the army, but we accidentally went to the wrong lecture theater, and it was a medical lecture on burns patients!
Studying girl: Shhhhh!
Girl #1, loudly: And this med guy who knew we weren't med students goes "This is a good lecture to come to! Lots of gory pictures!" and we were both thinking "Shit! Are these army people going to show us photos of people who have been blown up or something!?"
Studying boy and girl: Shhhhhhhh!
Girl #2: Can't be as bad as that lecture from first year. Remember the photo of the person's head who'd been run over by a train?
Girl #1, even more loudly: Yeah! And they showed us photos of a penis which had been bitten off!
(everyone in library, including studying boy and girl, burst out laughing)
Griffith University Library
Australia
Categories: Australia | Colleges & Universities | Death & dying | Education | Penis | Science | Students | Violence | Posted 2010-01-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...For Being So Gay.
Oversexed frat boy at house party: Yeah! We're gonna shoot 'em with our sperm cannons!
Providence, Rhode Island
Overheard by: Katie M
Categories: Bragging | Cum | Frat boy types | Penis | Rhode Island | Stupidity | Violence | Posted 2010-01-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Some Biology Teachers Really Know How to Make Learning Fun
Girl wearing "save a horse, ride a bride" t-shirt, during bachelorette party: I loved the penis toss!
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Kevin Gordish
Regardless, It Fills Us Up.
Girl: I've always wanted to try their maple bacon bar, but I either don't have enough cash, or I'm with someone and we usually either get the baker's dozen... or a penis.
Doughnut Store
Portland, Oregon
She's Awfully Peesnickety
Drunk guy: I'm so happy I'm a guy. I don't have to wipe after I pee.
Tipsy girl: You should really wipe if you want Lisa* to suck your dick.
Bayonne, New Jersey
Categories: BJs | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Girls | Guys | Happiness | Health & Hygiene | New Jersey | Pee | Penis | Sexuality | Stupidity | Wishes | Posted 2009-12-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Stick Something Weird in Your Penis, Then
20-something girl: If I had a penis I wouldn't know what to do with it. Awkward.
20-something guy: If I had a vagina I'd stick all kinds of weird stuff in it all the time!
Salt Lake City, Utah
Overheard by: akvinsc
How Come We Didn't Have Logic Questions Like This in High School?
Jeff: If I was gay I would whip out my dick right now... which I'm about to do.
Plainsboro, New Jersey
Overheard by: Scott
Categories: New Jersey | Penis | Queers | Sexuality | Posted 2009-12-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Oh, Right: "I'm a Smoker Now."
Guy #1: Dude, how do you blow smoke rings!
Guy #2 jokingly: It is the same as sucking dick.
Guy #1: Oh, okay! (blows smoke rings effortlessly)
Guy #2: Do you need to tell me something, man?
Hookah Bar
Colorado Springs, Colorado
Categories: BJs | Bars & Clubs | Colorado | Compare and contrast | Guys | Penis | Questions | Sexuality | Smoking | Posted 2009-12-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Beginning to Regret Making Smoke-Signals Our Primary Form Of Communication
Young woman: And if he's still giving you mixed signals, he can just go suck his own dick.
Frustrated friend: That's the point! If he'd give me a clear sign, I'd do it for him!
Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
Her Boyfriend Is Willing to Stick It in Any Cavity
Girl #1: I had to go to the dentist, and I spent over a million dollars!
Girl #2: Oh my god, what did you have done?
Girl #3: She had a dick removed from her mouth.
Peoria, Illinois
Overheard by: Allison
What Answer Will Keep You from Doing It Now?
Guy: Have you ever seen me suck the tip of my penis?
Jersey City, New Jersey
Categories: BJs | Bringing it back to you | Guys | New Jersey | Penis | Questions | Posted 2009-12-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We Always Thought They Went to Smith
Girl, entering the library with a large phallic diorama: People! Where do the vaginas go?
Public Library
Eugene, Oregon
At Some Point, Sex Starts to Feel Like Surgery
Slutty girl in college dorm: Yeah, I know four or five guys who wear Magnums... Bitches are huge!
Lubbock, Texas
Overheard by: Maximagnum
Categories: Compare and contrast | Condoms | Penis | Sorority types | Texas | Weirdness | Posted 2009-12-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...You All Have Your Paper Mache Assignment.
Professor: Okay, guys, let's stop talking about penises.
Metro State College
Denver, Colorado
Gotta Love Good Old-Fashioned Southern Courtship
Man in truck to woman in car: Hey there--you want a steak?
Woman: What? No.
Man: Even if it was in a box?
Woman: No, thanks, I'm cool.
Stoplight
Atlanta, Georgia
Elena's the Most Creative Pimp in Canadia
Oldish Ukrainian woman: How you have babies with hips like this? How you do this? So skinny. Tsk, tsk.
Skinny chick: Huh?
Oldish Ukrainian woman: Here, eat my husband's sausage. He fill you up. Eat! Eat!
Edmonton
Alberta
Canadia
Overheard by: not so skinny
Why Show and Tell Is Discouraged After Elementary School
Short girl: I studied the wrong vagina!
Curlie: Me too, but I studied the right penis.
Chem teacher: Uh...
Onteora, New York
Just Trying to Make Learning Fun.
Girl, frustrated: Because every time I try to study, you yell "sausage" at me!
Bristol, Vermont
The R&B Hit That's Sweeping Wisconsin
Man in crowd of bar patrons leaving after last call, singing: It's ti-ime for the pizza store, it's ti-ime for the pizza store... I don't even care where we go, I just got to get some cheese on my dick. I'm just gonna stick it in. I'm serious, let's go, get that in an oven and roast it. Let's get it in an oven... and roast it like a cherry tomato.
Madison, Wisconsin
We're Happy to Help, Dear Reader
Girl: Dude, Wikipedia "Rasputin" and ctrl+f "penis."
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Claire
For the Same Reason the Tampon Ads Spare Us the Gory Details
Older woman, watching Viagra tv commercial: Why don't they ever show the guy from the waist down with a big ol' boner?
Airport
Atlanta, Georgia
When Did Bennington Drop the Lesbianism Requirement?
Girl: So my jaw hurts really bad, right here. (points)
Boy: Maybe you stop sucking so much dick.
Girl, thinking for a second: Many dicks.
Bennington College
Vermont
But This New Biography Proves Me Wrong!
Freshman boy: I don't think Helen Keller was too concerned about dick.
High School
Colorado
Overheard by: clur
Categories: About celebrities | Colorado | Health & Hygiene | Penis | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Students | Posted 2009-10-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Anyone Wanna Teabag?
Dude, after receiving dickhead hat on 50th birthday: Hey, look! My double chin looks like a pair of balls in a nutsack!
Columbia, Missouri
Overheard by: Tiger Fan
Categories: Age and ageing | Balls | Body parts | Clothes | Compare and contrast | Guys | Missouri | Penis | Posted 2009-10-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But I'll Require More Staring Time Before We Go Eat
Guy: Man, look at this guy! It's weird how they keep the eyelashes and hair on to keep them semi-human. You can see everything!
Girl: Um, are all penises so big?
Guy: I think it's due to preserving process.
Girl: I'm hungy.
Body Worlds Exhibit
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: 8lb Gem my ASS!!
A Dicktatorship?
Professor: So Russia had this really phallus-oriented system of government...
University
Newfoundland
Canadia
Overheard by: Mel
Categories: Canadia | Colleges & Universities | Education | Gender issues | History | Penis | Stupidity | Teachers | Posted 2009-10-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Sometimes the Tooth Fairy Makes Extra Special Visits
Boy standing in line for smoothie: That better not be sparkle lips gloss.
Girl standing with him, applying lip gloss: It is, but it has like too many sparkles.
Boy: That's even worse! (pause) My one friend woke up with a ring of sparkles around his... well, you know...
University Fair
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: ashley
Categories: BJs | Canadia | Colleges & Universities | Fashion | Girls | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Penis | Posted 2009-10-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Jenna Jameson Was a Tough Kid to Raise
Little girl: Tea... cock! (pause) Tea... cock! Cock! Teaaaaaaaa...
Distracted mother: Honey, "peacock" is all one word.
Little girl: Cock!
Leesburg, Virginia
Your Editors Feel a Fierce College Nostalgia Coming on
Girl to girl and guy: Guys, can I just tell you about my weekend?
(no reply)
Girl again: Can I tell ya'll about my weekend?
(they look at her and nod)
Girl again, whispering: It had to do with a penis...
UNCC Campus
Charlotte, North Carolina
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Comebacks | Girls | Guys | North Carolina | Penis | Questions | Posted 2009-10-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...And a Photo Of My Face Drooling White Liquid?
Greek mythology professor: So, why is there a flying penis on the screen?
Amherst, Massachusetts
Categories: Education | Massachusetts | Penis | Questions | Teachers | Posted 2009-10-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Here's the Chart
Biology professor: You're getting me all nervous about my penis... Which I measure daily.
Community College
Illinois
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Illinois | Penis | Teachers | Weirdness | Posted 2009-10-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Just Bursting With High-Fat Custard
Chick #1: She's on a date with a French guy.
(pause)
Chick #2: I bet French cock is like an eclair.
University of Denver, Colorado
Categories: Chicks | Colleges & Universities | Colorado | Compare and contrast | Food | Penis | Posted 2009-10-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Brad's Mistake Was Majoring in Women's Studies
Guy to friend: Why do I have such a small dick?
SUNY Binghamton
New York
Do You Like Origami?
Senior citizen: You should see my dick. I only had a quarter of it circumcised.
Shout-out: overheardinpdx.blogspot.com
Overheard by: b! X
Categories: Health & Hygiene | Offers and requests | Old folks | Overheard in PDX | Penis | Posted 2009-09-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
A Damsel in Distress Can Count on a Guy Peeing on Her
Teen girl #1: I wish a jellyfish would sting me so some handsome guy would run along the beach, whip out his dick and pee on me.
Teen girl #2: What?
Teen girl #1: To neutralize the sting, dumbass.
Teen girl #2: I know that. But still: what?
Carleton University
Ottawa
Canadia
That's an Old Version Of My Medical History
Guy: I do not have seven sets of penises!
Calgary
Alberta
Canadia
The Enemy Of My Imaginary Enemy Is My Imaginary Friend
Hip-hop thug on train bursts out, to no one in particular: Fuck you, man!
(spits on floor) You don't like it, do somethin' 'bout it. (pause) You want my dick? You want to be on my dick?
(silence).
Chica sitting opposite: Who are you talking to?
(hip-hop thug mumbles)
Chica: I don't think anyone wants to be on your dick.
Boston, Massachusetts
...Okay, Love You Too, Grandma. Bye.
iPod girl on cell: I'm eating lunch and listening to lesbian music. (pause) Yeah, The L Word soundtrack. I'm working on becoming a lesbian again. (laughs) I'm just kidding. I'm still gonna drive stick. (pause) That's what happens when you're a cock whore. You can't just give it up cold turkey.
Atlanta, Georgia
And She Says Yes
Quirky college student: You know it's love when you ask "please, can I suck your dick?"
Friend: Word.
Willamette University
Salem, Oregon
Categories: BJs | Colleges & Universities | Feelings | Offers and requests | Oregon | Penis | Students | Posted 2009-09-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Kid Surprises Are Fun, but Illegal
Woman #1, approaching register counter: Ooh! Kinder eggs! I love those things!
Woman #2: What are they?
Woman #1: They're chocolate! With something inside!
Cashier: They're hollow chocolate eggs.
Woman #1: With a surprise inside!
Woman #2: Ew!
Cashier: It's a toy.
Woman #2: Oh. A toy.
Cashier: Whoa, okay, just imagine you were a kid again, and what a surprise meant when you were a kid.
Woman #2: I know... I know. It's just, adult surprises are never fun.
Woman #1, walking out of store: What were you thinking it was going to be? A penis that would squirt all over you?
Woman #2: You never know! Adult surprises are always bad!
San Francisco, California
Also, I Keep Tripping Over It.
Man to himself: I will never be able to satisfy a woman because my penis is mounted to low on my body. Damn German genes!
Dallas, Texas
Categories: Guys | Health & Hygiene | Penis | Sex | Texas | Posted 2009-08-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Seriously, What Makes People Think That?
Goth girl on cell: His dick is huge! I came so hard I was crying! (notices several people looking at her and laughing) Do you fucking mind? This is a private conversation!
Red Line Train
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Joe
Categories: Girls | Goths | On the phone | Orgasm | Penis | Train | Washington, DC | Weirdness | Posted 2009-08-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But Not Nearly As Cocky
Hipster, looking at Dr J mural: Man, he must have a three-foot dick. I bet his dick is as big as Allen Iverson.
Shout-out: overheardinphilly.blogspot.com
Overheard by: anonymous
Categories: About celebrities | Compare and contrast | Hipsters | Overheard in Philly | Penis | Posted 2009-08-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's Why Raccoons Wash Their Food First
Guy: When I went down on him, I realized he didn't shower.
Friend: Gross.
Guy: Yeah, I wasn't even gagging because of his dick, but because of his foul stench.
UC
Berkeley, California
Categories: California | Cleanliness | Colleges & Universities | Friends | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Penis | Sensory experiences | Posted 2009-08-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Sherry Got Fired from Her Movie Critic Gig
Girl watching Christian Bale in The Dark Knight: If I had a cock I'd so fuck him in the mouth.
Racine, Wisconsin
Too Late!
Girl, trying to measure three different spring pans: How are you going to measure that?
Guy: To be honest, I'm thinking about the size of my penis.
Girl: Um...
Guy: I think this one is the one that's seven inches.
Girl: Uh...
Guy: If anyone asks, I never did this.
Jersey City, New Jersey
Categories: Girls | Guys | New Jersey | Penis | Questions | Posted 2009-07-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Hillary Rarely Lets Bill Play with Her Things
Girl, referring to a phallic-shaped pool toy: I would like my penis back now, thank you.
Claremont, California
Categories: California | Girls | Offers and requests | Penis | Toys | Posted 2009-07-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Perhaps the Most Important Thing We Learn from Our Fathers
Young dad, trying to put struggling kid in high chair: Come on, don't be a dick.
Restaurant
Brisbane
Australia
Gotta Love the New Razr Phone
Freshman girl, gesturing: I bet it's thiiiis tiny!
Big black freshman, barreling up stairs: No! I'll show you!
High School
Skillman, New Jersey
Overheard by: 3 guesses at what they're talking about.
Categories: Black people | New Jersey | Offers and requests | Penis | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Students | Weirdness | Posted 2009-07-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Something Approximately the Size Of a Baby Carrot
Old lady: I'm not very hungry, I'm gonna have something small.
Old man: If you wanted something small, we would have stayed at home and I would have given you something small.
Lester's Diner
Fort Lauderdale, Florida
Welcome to San Francisco
Dude to friend: And then I look over, and there's this giant white cock! (holds hands two feet apart)
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: Missed the good part
Categories: Friends | Penis | Race | San Francisco | Posted 2009-07-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
He's Been Known to Pleasure Several Girls en Brochette
Girl #1: His penis was huge, like 12 inches! He was holding it and his hand looked so tiny!
Girl #2: No wonder he doesn't get any play, that shit hurts!
Girl #3: Yeah, it would like come out my ass!
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Just 2
Categories: Ass | Compare and contrast | Girls | Hands | Penis | Pennsylvania | Sex | Posted 2009-07-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Gonna Ride This Science Project All the Way to Harvard
Enthusiastic teenager, waving hands emphatically: If you can deep throat a banana, you can suck a dick!
Tallahassee, Florida
Overheard by: If you can wax a car...
The Etymology Lesson You'll Wish You Never Had
Effeminate boy #1: And he said "my penis is so big I can't control it."
Effeminate boy #2: Oh, god. Really?
Effeminate boy #1: Yes, his mother uses really scientific terminology.
Effeminate boy #2: Oh. Oh, I see.
Effeminate boy #1: Mhmm. Well, he's only four, too. He's already peed on himself because as he says "it's not long enough go down." I just call it a pee-pee. That's where the word "pee" comes from. Mmhmm.
Effeminate boy #2: Really! Huh!
Friendship Heights
Washington, DC
Overheard by: aimc
Categories: Age and ageing | Compare and contrast | Pee | Penis | Queers | Science | Stupidity | Washington, DC | Words | Posted 2009-06-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's Even Worse in Chicago.
8th grade health teacher, answering why you can't put a condom on when you're not erect: So...um, when it's not hard, it's just like there, you know, flapping in the wind...
Silver Spring, Maryland
Overheard by: nice thought...
I'm Not Sure I've Heard This Version Of "Goldilocks and the Three Bears"
Teenage boy: She said his bazooka was too big for her funhole.
High School
North Carolina
Overheard by: aWkWaRd
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | North Carolina | Penis | Sex | Teens | Vagina | Posted 2009-06-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Only If He Promises Not to Perform Auto-fellatio Again
Bus-riding teen #1: Fully grown adult males are, like, five inches! I'm telling you!
Bus-riding teen #2: No way! Tom is, like, ten inches when it's hard and, like, eight when it's soft!
Bus-riding teen #1: Do you want me to get my dad and check?
Toronto
Canadia
Categories: Age and ageing | Canadia | Compare and contrast | Family ties | Penis | Teens | Weirdness | Posted 2009-06-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Long Story Short, My Vag Now Has an SPF Of 45
20-something woman to friends: He was putting sunscreen on his dick and got a boner!
Plutos Restaurant
Palo Alto, California
Categories: California | Default | Erections | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Penis | Restaurants | Weirdness | Posted 2009-06-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But Now I Understand Why Your Pants Are Always Wet
Tall balding guy: You know how you can eat so much and be so full that when you take a piss you can't even see your dick?
Friend: No.
Greenville, South Carolina
Overheard by: could not stop laughing
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Food | Friends | Guys | Pee | Penis | Questions | South Carolina | Posted 2009-06-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why They Were Kicked Out Of the National History Museum
Gay guy, gesturing at transvestite performing onstage: I don't want to see any more boobs. Show me the dicks!
Gay friends, approving: We want dicks!
DNA Lounge
San Francisco, California
Categories: Default | Friends | Guys | Offers and requests | Penis | Queers | San Francisco | Sexuality | Posted 2009-06-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Especially You, Ma'am.
Bag lady, after no one would give her change: You all have small dicks! Small dicks! Small dicks! Small dicks!
Chinatown Restaurant
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Dan
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Penis | Pennsylvania | Restaurants | Weirdness | Women | Words | Posted 2009-06-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Dear Abby-- My Friend Has an "Awkward" Husband...
Woman #1: Oh my god, Jason Statham is so hot! I want to funk him so bad!
Woman #2: I know! When you're done, I'm next!
Hubby of woman #1: And when they're done, I want to smell his cock.
Islip, New York
Overheard by: Who is Jason Statham?
That's What We All Want, Jimbo.
Thug to two others, leaving subway: Yo, let's hurry. I want to get good seats so I can suck her daddy's dick.
Government Center
Boston, Massachsetts
Overheard by: Jchill
Categories: BJs | Default | Massachusetts | Offers and requests | Penis | Thugs | Words | Posted 2009-06-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Nothing Says Spring Like the Scent Of Ice Cream and Urine
Small boy with ice cream cone, trying to get mom's attention: I peed my pants! I peed my pants! Mommy, listen to me, I peed my pants!
Mom, deadpan: I bet that's real uncomfortable for you.
Dad to son: When we get home we are just gonna have to hose you down.
Son to dad: Oh yeah, make me lay on the yard and then spray the hose on me, and on my penis, and down my pants on my penis!
Boy's brother, from minivan: Ew! You can spell the pee!
Bucks County, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: free birth control
A Rumor Which, Unfortunately, Will Stay in Vegas.
Guy in wife beater on phone: She said my dick was just too long.
Casino
Las Vegas, Nevada
I Find the Current Lend-Lease Arrangement Quite Satisfactory
Guy: I am making this shitty 50% less sodium Progresso chicken noodle soup. Tastes like penis!
Girl: Always an appealing taste.
Guy: If I ever get a twitter, that's my first status.
Girl: I'm tempted to get one. (pause) A twitter, not a penis.
University of Kansas
Categories: Birds | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Food | Girls | Guys | Internet | Kansas | Penis | Posted 2009-05-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why I'm Only Friends with Nuns
Girl walking with two friends: God, you guys suck so bad! But, whatever...it means four whole penises for me. Yay!
Livermore, California
I Couldn't Help It-- I Kept Shining a Strobe Light on Him.
College girl to three friends, completely serious: Yeah, I guess his penis had epilepsy or something.
College Dining Hall
Pennsylvania
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | Maladies | Penis | Pennsylvania | Students | Weirdness | Posted 2009-05-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Did You Have to Use a Staple Remover, Though?
Enthusiastic woman, yelling over hand dryer: Circumcision is the way forward!
Women's Bathroom
The Gate, Newcastle
England
Overheard by: Mell
Nobody Can Do Sexual Harassment Like the Insane
Crazy bag lady, loudly: I don't suck dick for pussy! I don't suck dick for pussy! I don't suck dick for pussy!
(sits down next to another passenger on the subway)
Crazy bag lady, now in passenger's face: I don't suck dick for pussy!
(female passenger gets up and moves)
Crazy bag lady: Why you jumping? Why you jumping, bitch!? You weren't jumpin' last night when that guy put his long ass dick in you last night!
Female passenger: Excuse me, ma'am, don't say that to me! You don't know me!
(subway train stops)
Conductor: City Hall station!
Female passenger: Excuse me, sir, there's a crazy lady on the subway harassing the other passengers.
Conductor: Oh, could you point her out to me?
(female passenger points to crazy woman yelling)
Conductor: Ma'am, are you bothering people?
Crazy bag lady: Why you tryin' to fuck me standing up!? Why don't you fuck me lying down like a gentleman!
Conductor: Ma'am, I'm calling the police.
Broad Street Line Subway
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Categories: Ass | BJs | Compare and contrast | Crazies | Default | Employees | Insults | Offers and requests | Penis | Pennsylvania | Public Transportation | Public transportation | Questions | Sex | Vagina | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2009-05-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Could You Leave Me Alone with This for a Few Minutes?
Drunk man to man holding rolled-up newspaper: There's a kind of phallic-ness about it, a sort of masculine quality...
The Ship Inn, Southbank
Brisbane
Australia
Categories: Australia | Compare and contrast | Default | Drunks | Gender issues | Guys | Penis | Posted 2009-05-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If One More Person Asks Me That Today...
Tween: Should I get Fanta or cock?
Perth, Washington
Overheard by: shocked older sister.
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Drinking & drunks | Penis | Questions | Tweens | Washington | Posted 2009-05-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Cut To The Chase. Will There Be Girl On Girl Strap on Action?
Lesbian: They think that just because I like girls, I think with my penis. It's rubber!
Sydney
Australia
But I Still Don't Understand Those Two Dangly Bits
Girl, on sex-ed: Well, I went to a Catholic school and as a result I didn't know what a penis was until I got to high school.
Guy: I think these middle school girls need psychotherapy before they need birth control. 11-year-olds shouldn't be having sex.
Girl: Girls? Why just the girls? They're having sex with 11-year-old boys. You need something to stick in there in order to get pregnant.
Professor: Well, it looks like you found out what a penis was.
University of Northern Iowa
Cedar Falls, Iowa
It's Like in the Bible, or Something
Dude: And so you go to sleep all relaxed, but when you wake up, they cut off part of your penis!
University of Mary Washington
Fredericksburg, Virginia
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Guys | Penis | Virginia | Weirdness | Posted 2009-04-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Because I'd Be Happy to Give You a Guided Tour
Large middle-aged man with many teddy bears strapped to his fanny pack: Have you seen the penis worm?
Smithsonian Museum of Natural History
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Hadn't seen it
At Least That's What It Said on the Package
Girl in statistics class: She told me, "you're gay." How can I be gay? I had four--no, five and a half--servings of dick this morning.
Saint Peter's College
Jersey City, New Jersey
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Girls | New Jersey | Penis | Questions | Sexuality | Students | Posted 2009-04-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What? I'm Bendy.
Boy #1: Does this taste good?
Girl #1: Yes, it doesn't taste plasticky at all!
Boy #2: Tastes like penis.
Hollywood, Florida
Overheard by: meaw
Well, We Do Have a Couple Of Pre-op Trannies
Girl: Oh, I'm doing Zumba today at five.
Guy: What's Zumba? Can I do Zumba?
Girl: Well...you can.
Guy: I can?
Girl: Yeah, it's not like there's a sign that says "No penises allowed."
Guy: But "no penises" is implied.
University of Miami
Florida
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Florida | Girls | Guys | Offers and requests | Penis | Questions | Posted 2009-04-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The High School Musical Outtakes Were Somewhat Shocking
Guy: Why were you guys talking about my penis?
Girl: We weren't.
Guy: Yes you were! I heard you mention it!
Girl: Zach! The world doesn't revolve around you and your penis!
Hagley Park
Christchurch
New Zealand
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | Guys | Lies | New Zealand | Penis | Questions | Posted 2009-04-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...or at Least It
Girl, discussing the penis of Jon from Watchmen: I mean, I heard from someone that they actually made it smaller, so guys wouldn't feel embarrassed when they saw it on screen.
TA: Actually, they enhanced it.
Girl: What? Damn it, I wanted to marry him...
Whittier College
Whittier, California
Overheard by: Sam. the blind
Categories: California | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | Penis | Questions | Relationships | Students | Weirdness | Posted 2009-04-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Lear Has Something for Everyone
Strange curly-haired girl: Make sure you make Edmund really hot.
Morose pale dark-haired girl: Why?
Strange curly-haired girl: Dude! Did you not read King Lear? Bitches were all over his dick!
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: Anneliese
Doesn't Roto-Rooter Make Those?
Girl to friends: I'm normal when I'm single, but it's like my vagina is a dick-powered crazy machine!
Tucson, Arizona
Overheard by: Herdy
Categories: Arizona | Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | Penis | Relationships | Vagina | Posted 2009-03-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Actually...
Psychology instructor: If you look at the castle in The Little Mermaid, you'll see there are some phallic subliminal messages...
Student in the back row: It's a giant penis castle!
Psychology Class, Northwestern University
Illinois
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Illinois | Movies | Penis | Students | Teachers | Posted 2009-03-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Like Sand on the Beach, So Are the Balls Of Our Lives
Gay #1: One guy likes to have his junk stepped on, but no punches in them.
Gay #2: Ow!
Gay #1: I don't like balls in my toes, though.
Gay #2: Just think of it as sand on a beach!
Starbucks
Somerville, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Scott
Categories: Balls | Body parts | Compare and contrast | Default | Gays | Massachusetts | Penis | Restaurants | Posted 2009-03-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If Only There Were a Word for That...
Teenage girl: I can't figure out if he's gay or straight. Maybe he's, like, an equal-opportunity kind of guy?
20-something girl: Oh yeah, like, "Bring me your penises! Bring me your vaginas! None shall be turned away!"
Baton Rouge, Louisiana
Cheney?
Distraught girl on Valentine's Day: I can't get over it, I don't care if it's a new hour. I still have the taste of dick in my mouth!
Las Vegas, Nevada
So I Quit My Job on Capitol Hill
20-something girl to friend: Then one day I look around and think: "where did all these penises come from?"
Lee's Diner
Cambridge, Massachusetts
Overheard by: BoboB
Categories: Default | Girls | Massachusetts | Penis | Questions | Restaurants | Weirdness | Posted 2009-03-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It Was a Dance Craze Through Most Of the 80's
Law professor, lecturing on sexual abuse: I've had more men shake their weenies at me than I care to count.
Humboldt State University
Arcata, California
Categories: California | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Penis | Teachers | Weirdness | Posted 2009-03-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
None Of Which Are All That Hard
Student: Have you ever heard of the penis game?
Female professor: Which one? I've played many penis games.
Greek Myth Class
Illinois Wesleyan University
Overheard by: problem
And He Prefers to Make Love, Not War.
Dude to chick: William Howard Taft. That's what I call my penis. Because he is large and in charge. And he got stuck in a bathtub.
High School Law Class
New York
Overheard by: Adrienne
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Guys | Names | New York | Penis | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Posted 2009-02-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Hear the Russian Judge Gives Extra Points for That
Flaming gay over speakerphone: Just like that boy from Miami last night, I tried to suck his dick like I was trying to win an Olympic gold medal. And that's the only ass I would lick even if it wasn't clean.
Washington, DC
Categories: Ass | Compare and contrast | Default | Geography | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Penis | Queers | Washington, DC | Posted 2009-02-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Porn Overload Eventually Destroys Your Ability to Read
Customer looking up at menu board: Umm, I'll have the "German chock a lotta cock."
(girl scooping ice cream looks horrified)
Customer, now pointing: The "German chock a lotta cock." It's right there.
Ice cream girl: It's pronounced "German chocolate cake."
Cold Stone Creamery
Fountain Valley, California
Overheard by: RL
Categories: California | Customers | Default | Geography | Girls | Language barrier | Names | Offers and requests | Penis | Stores | Posted 2009-02-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Which Was Just Long Enough to Ride the Ferris Wheel
Frat boy: You know we measured his dick and it was like seven inches flaccid.
University of Virginia
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Frat boy types | Guys | Penis | Sexuality | Virginia | Weirdness | Posted 2009-02-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If You Call Them, They Will Come
Teenage girl: I could say "penis penis penis penis penis" all day and not feel weird about it.
Chino, California
It's Like a Headline Writer's Wet Dream
College guy: This must be a joke. We live in a city called "Cumming," we have a store called "BJ's," and a store called "Dick's," and a "Siemens" water tower.
Cumming, Georgia
Wouldn't Want People to Think I'm Less Than a Lady
20-year-old female emo: So basically, after hours of arguing outside his house, I was so fed up I told him to fucking suck my dick.
30-year-old female friend: Wow, what happened after that?
20-year-old female emo: I left. He was being such a fucking cunt. I wanted to piss in his mouth. He made me drive home drunk!
30-year-old female friend: He could at least offer to like, let you spend the night.
20-year-old female friend: Like, I don't even know, he's such a bitch boyfriend. I honestly hopes he gets the herpes.
30-year-old female friend: You have such a dirty mouth.
20-year-old female emo: Oh, is my lipstick smudged or something?
Starbucks
San Francisco, California
Categories: California | Default | Friends | Girls | Maladies | Pee | Penis | Questions | Relationships | Restaurants | Sex | Wishes | Posted 2009-01-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Rather Than Someone Else's
Guy at the end of the very long line to men's room: Man, it's like the line to Space Mountain. Except when you get to the end you have your dick in your hand.
Festival of Ales
Worcester, Massachusetts
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Guys | Hands | Massachusetts | Penis | Posted 2009-01-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What the Song "Twist and Shout" Really Means
Dining hall worker: When I got my nipples pierced I had an orgasm when the guy was doing the left one.
Student: Really? How did that happen?
Dining hall worker: When he clamped it I just told him to keep twisting that shit, and 20 minutes later I had an orgasm. It was a little Chinese man who did it...I bet his little uncircumcised dick was all bonered out and shit.
overheardatyale.com
Overheard by: overheardatyale
The Page That Didn't Make It Into Oh, the Places You'll Go!
Professor: There's a reason to go to Pompeii: To see all the crazy penises!
Tallahassee, Florida
Overheard by: Adam
Grande Penis
Teenage girl: That's why I got a coffee this morning, because my mouth tasted like penis.
Auckland
New Zealand
Overheard by: Cassie and Chloe
Categories: Default | Drinking & drunks | Feelings | Girls | Mouth | New Zealand | Penis | Teens | Posted 2009-01-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's It
College dude to girl: Yeah, so they tagged my penis...
UC Irvine
Irvine, California
Categories: California | Colleges & Universities | Default | Guys | Penis | Students | Weirdness | Words | Posted 2009-01-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Just Remember, "A Friend in Bed Is a Friend in Head"
Guy on cell: So, when are you coming back? You know, anytime you wanna come up here, you got a cock waiting for you.
Hoboken, New Jersey
Overheard by: Cris
Categories: Default | Guys | New Jersey | Offers and requests | On the phone | Penis | Questions | Sexuality | Posted 2008-12-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
For a Little Vienna Sausage
Teenage girl: It's like every time we get close he backs out. I can't help to think it has something to do with his penis size.
Friend: Next time just throw him over your shoulder and take him back to the cave.
Santee, California
Overheard by: Story of my life
But I Love Aluminum Foil
Guy to girl: Actually, no. I personally hate the idea of having a plastic trash bag on my cock.
Stow, Ohio
Overheard by: d
This Physics Project Is Gonna Get Us an "A" for Sure!
College guy #1: My penis is getting stronger!
College guy #2: What does that even mean? How do you know?
College guy #1: Cuz I can pee past the bushes now, and for a while I couldn't.
College guy #2: Niiiice!
(they high five)
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: a lil.
Categories: Compare and contrast | Compliments | Default | Frat boy types | Happiness | Overheard in Minneapolis | Penis | Pride | Posted 2008-12-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Glue, Duh
Girl to guy: What's so safe and innocent about my lips glued to your penis?
Cleveland Heights, Ohio
Overheard by: Spence
And the Knee Socks Were Only a Little Help
Concerned guy: So, were you wearing a loincloth?
Friend: See, that's the thing, I don't know.
Memorial University
St. John's, Newfoundland
Canadia
Overheard by: Mel
...Than a Cocktail Weenie
Sex ed teacher: Now, before I start this class, all of you remember that my penis is bigger.
Australia
Overheard by: Not so sure...
Um, This Label Says "For Skin"
Girl: Have you had glandular fever?
Guy: Yes, have you?
Girl: Yeah, the doctor gave me this cream to put on my mouth that was made from stuff that comes from uncircumcised dicks. I was like, "that doctor soooo didn't think I'd read the label."
Melbourne
Australia
Hello? I'm Eating a Cucumber Sandwich With No Crusts!
Guy #1: What are those, zucchini?
Guy #2, with sandwich: No, they're cucumbers.
Girl: Oh please, they're like the same thing.
Guy #2: No, they're totally different. Not every phallic-shaped green vegetable is the same thing.
Girl (pauses): Why does everything have to be about penises with you?
San Diego, California
Overheard by: i just came here to clean the air ducts
Categories: California | Compare and contrast | Default | Fruit | Girls | Guys | Penis | Questions | Posted 2008-12-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Meet the Hippest Kids in Montana
Tall adolescent: Peach sucks. Daisy's okay, but peach sucks.
Short adolescent: See, I've always been more of a toad fan. Even if he does look kind of like a circumcised wang.
Tall adolescent: Oh, you.
Missoula, Montana
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Games | Insults | Montana | Penis | Pop culture | Teens | Posted 2008-12-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
In the Glow of the Aurora Borealis
Girl: I saw two penises on Saturday.
Outside Airport, Yellowknife
Northwest Territories
Canadia
Categories: Airports & flights | Canadia | Default | Girls | Penis | Sexuality | Time Management | Posted 2008-12-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We Thought We'd Give Him Something to Make Him Extra Hyper
Five-year-old boy to barista: I'm getting my pee-pee cut off tomorrow so I get a treat today!
Barista: Umm...
Mother to child: You are being circumcised, not mutilated! (to barista) It's just a medical thing, he doesn't really get it.
Starbucks
Carmel, Indiana
Categories: Baristas | Compare and contrast | Default | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Indiana | Kids | Kids | Moms | Penis | Restaurants | Posted 2008-12-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Bottom Line: We're Having Six More Weeks of Winter
Girl to friends trying to eat lunch: And then all of a sudden his penis started groundhoging!
Friends: (blank stare)
Franklin Dining Hall, UMass
Amherst, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Cate
Categories: Animals | Colleges & Universities | Default | Girls | Massachusetts | Penis | Sexuality | Weirdness | Words | Posted 2008-11-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
In This Month's Cosmo: "How to Get Guys to Watch Chick Flicks"
Girl: Yeah, but he has a really nice penis. I like to play with it while we watch movies.
overheardattcnj.blogspot.com
Overheard by: Overheard at TCNJ
Categories: Beauty | Compliments | Default | Girls | Movies | Other sites | Penis | Time Management | Posted 2008-11-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Which Most People Only Try a Couple of Times in College
Girl #1: Yeah, I hate when people talk about babies like they grow in your stomach. They're in your uterus!
Girl #2: Yeah, it's so dumb. Like, that's not even possible unless you swallowed a penis...or ate a baby.
Connecticut
Categories: Body parts | Connecticut | Default | Girls | Penis | Pregnancy | Stupidity | Weirdness | Posted 2008-11-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Remember, These Are the Guys Who Treat Our Nipples Like Radio Dials
Girl #1: I wonder if there are exercises to strengthen that.
Girl #2: I know. I tried to look into it once because I can't go down that far without gagging. Is that weird? I want skill tips.
Girl #1: I just use my hand a lot so I don't have to skit it down far.
Girl #2: Okay, so I think it's because I started out with not a lot of girth, but now guys are like, "you can squeeze harder." And I'm like, "uuum...are you sure?" I feel like I"m going to break your fucking dick off.
Girl #1: Yeah. It makes it go faster. Dicks are resilient. Get violent.
Madison Children's Museum
Madison, Wisconsin
Men Are More Like Women Than We Like to Think
American bimbo, standing in front of an Italian painting of a martyr bleeding from his leg: Uhh, why is he, like, bleeding from his penis?
The Louvre
Paris
France
Overheard by: American art student
Later the Cafeteria Staff Served Us Pasta Boobies
Random freshman: And then this junior girl came up to me and was like, "look at this penis on my locker...his name is Napoleon."
Lakeland Regional High School
Wanaque, New Jersey
Overheard by: kristina
Categories: Default | Guys | History | Names | New Jersey | Penis | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Students | Posted 2008-10-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Just to Cite One Example
Grandma: I don't like these halogen lightbulbs. They are ugly, like men's penises.
Calgary
Alberta
Canadia
Overheard by: Martha
Because at the Moment I'm a Good Dad
Voice across patio: So, I'm trying to be good mom, so I took the gonorrhea test. I'm all about the penis.
Billings, Montana
How Do You Think the Lollipop Guild Got Their Name?
Girl #1: So my computer is dead, and I don't know how to fix it.
Girl #2: What do you think is wrong with it?
Girl #1: It's got a virus. But it was totally worth it.
Girl #2: Oh, yeah? Why?
Girl #1: Well, Mary* and I were curious and wanted to know if midgets' dicks are normal-sized or midget-sized, so we were looking up midget porn.
Girl #2: And the verdict is?
Girl #1: They're normal-sized. This one guy was seriously a tripod. It's incredible.
Male bartender: Yeah, I can see how that would be worth a completely devastating virus on your computer. Can you write down the website you found it on?
Killarney's Pub
Hamilton, New Jersey
Overheard by: Currrly!
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Bartenders | Girls | Guys | New Jersey | Offers and requests | Penis | Questions | Sexuality | Technology | Posted 2008-10-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Eli Whitney: I Swear, Sir, That Was Never My Intention!
Drunk college girl: She doesn't use tampons because she doesn't want anything up there except her husband's dick? So, if she used tampons she'd be like, "Oh, I'm sorry honey, I lost my virginity to a cotton stick?" What a retard!
Nashville, Tennessee
Overheard by: Megan
Categories: Default | Drunks | Health & Hygiene | Insults | Penis | Relationships | Sorority types | Stupidity | Tennessee | Posted 2008-10-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Is That the Best Way to Take the Moral High Ground?
Woman #1: So, you think he is?
Woman #2: No, you don't really think he is?
Woman #3: Hell, yes! I know he is. He is cheating on his wife and me. I'm gonna cut off his dick and then quit! That'll teach him.
Shout-out: eavesdropdc.blogspot.com
Overheard by: Jon
Categories: Default | Eavesdrop DC | Infidelity | Penis | Questions | Sexuality | Violence | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2008-10-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Warm Syrup Seemed Like a Great Idea--at First
Young mother to four-year-old boy: C'mon, sweetie, let's wash your hands.
Sarcastic father: Yeah, dude, you're disgusting.
Boy (increasingly louder): Yes. I am disgusting. You know what else is disgusting? My penis!
IHOP
Hammond, Louisiana
Overheard by: The Only Small Press in Bumfuck
I Don't Want To Know What the "Bread" Was
Girl on cell: His thing...it was like a big lamb sandwich!
Shout-out: overheardinpdx.blogspot.com
Overheard by: aaron
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Food | Girls | On the phone | Overheard in PDX | Penis | Sexuality | Weirdness | Posted 2008-09-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Take That Little Hat Off It, Timmy
Two-year-old: Daddy, do I have a penis?
Father: Yes, you do.
Two-year-old: Ha ha! Silly penis.
Chicago, Illinois
The Role Of the Town Crier Has Become Distorted Over the Years
Pubescent boy screaming at elderly passerby: Fuck you! Fuck you! You, right there! Fuck you! (aside) Man, I gotta write an email. (screaming again) Your mother has a dick!
Eastchester, New York
Mostly Because My Mouth Is Full of Flaccid Flesh
Guy to friend: What you should've said was, "Ya know, I don't laugh at you when you can't get your dick hard!"
Decatur, Georgia
Amy Didn't Expect It to Be Beautiful
Five-year-old girl (pointing at penis on sculpture in museum): Daddy, what's that?
Daddy: What do you think it is?
Girl's little sister: It's a butt!
Five-year-old girl (pause, whispers in amazement): It's a penis.
Harvard
Cambridge, Massachusetts
Overheard by: loves smart kids
Categories: Ass | Compare and contrast | Dads | Default | Kids | Massachusetts | Penis | Questions | Siblings | Posted 2008-09-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Last Time I Use Flammable Lube
Man on phone: So I took my dick out of her ass and started smoking a cigarette... What else was I supposed to do?
Subway
New York City, New York
And I Speak From Experience
Guy: I wonder why they don't make "ribbed for her pleasure" Magnums.
Girl: Because if your shit's that big to need a Magnum, it's already her pleasure.
CVS
Atlanta, Georgia
Bleaching Your Anus Could Go Either Way
Broseph to broski: Shaving your ass is a sign of homosexuality, shaving your testicles is a sign of being a porn star.
Chicago, Illinois
You Only Get Circumsized Once, Sweetie
Mother to four-year-old in doctor's waiting room: Come on, Sam*, we're next.
Sam: Are we seeing the doctor?
Mother: Yup.
Sam: (pause) Well, okay. As long as he doesn't look at my penis.
Hurstbridge Medical Center
Hurstbridge
Australia
Categories: Australia | Default | Doctor's office | Health & Hygiene | Kids | Moms | Names | Penis | Posted 2008-08-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Knowing She's Got the Biggest Package in Town
Frat boy #1: Wait... so they didn't rape her?
Frat boy #2: No dude, turns out she had a penis. Now every time I see the girl I throw up a little in my mouth.
Laramie, Wyoming
Categories: Frat boy types | Penis | Questions | Sex | USA | Posted 2008-08-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
They're Instant YouTube Celebrities
Little boy (chanting loudly): My penis and my butt! My penis and my butt! My penis and my butt, butt, butt, butt, butt!
Little girl: But I don't have a penis.
Both: My vagina and my butt! My vagina and my butt...
Ashland, Oregon
Overheard by: Kelly
Do They Make Clearasil for Penises?
Girl: Nick's dick reminds me of being fifteen.
Marquee Theatre
Phoenix, Arizona
Categories: Age and ageing | Arizona | Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | Penis | Posted 2008-08-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...As This Photo Album Clearly Illustrates
Girl #1: Oh my god, black guys have the biggest penises in the world.
Girl #2: No way!
Girl #1: Really, it was as big as my thigh.
Random lady sitting next to them: Oh my god, they are!
Los Angeles, California
Categories: California | Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | Penis | Race | Strangers | Posted 2008-08-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Nice Try-- No Homosexual Calls Himself "Homosexual"
Stoner guitarist: I got shot in the dick with an Airsoft. Seriously, check this shit out. (unzips his pants)
Guy: Just to let you know, before you do that, I am a homosexual.
Local Show
Gulfport, Mississippi
...With Binoculars
College student to friend: Scott* is so funny. Like, last night, he was looking at his penis...
University of Delaware
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Delaware | Memory lane | Penis | Students | Weirdness | Posted 2008-07-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...of the Coach's Ass
Guy: Yeah, I got disqualified from long jump because my dick fell out.
Track Meet
Broadalbin Perth, New York
On the Plus Side, You Always Had Somewhere to Hang Your Coat
Druggie talking about Italy: There were dicks coming out the walls everywhere!
Maine
Overheard by: abbitt the rabbitt
Categories: Default | Druggies | Maine | Memory lane | Penis | Posted 2008-07-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Especially with This Little Pink Bow
Three-year-old boy to grandfather: Do you have a penis?
Grandfather: Yes, I do.
Boy: I have a penis, too. My penis is small. My penis is cute.
Cincinnati, Ohio
Overheard by: Vejewsbian
Why Cashmere Condoms Are So Popular
Bearded dude: Yeah... I care a lot more about my penis than I do my friends.
Not quite as bearded dude: Oh, totally.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: wondering if that is selfish, or self preservation...
Categories: Compare and contrast | Creepsters | Default | Feelings | Guys | Overheard in Minneapolis | Penis | Weirdness | Posted 2008-06-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Abraham Lincoln? Really?
Girl: I basically touched his dick, through the transitive property.
Northbrok, Illinois
Overheard by: Jake
English Conversation Is Fun
Attractive 30-year-old blond European woman: You can say it, say it, sayyyyyy it!
50-year-old well dressed Japanese man: Penis... penis... penis...
Ginza
Tokyo
Japan
Overheard by: Brian Milvid
Oh, I'm Sorry--Aren't You a Size Queen?
Tall guy: My girlfriend's ex-boyfriend had an eight inch penis.
Younger friend girl: What!? Why would she tell you that?!
Tall guy: I guess she just thought I should know.
Younger friend girl: No, here's a better question. Why would you tell me that!?
Chick-fil-A
Houston, Texas
Categories: Default | Friends | Girls | Guys | Penis | Questions | Relationships | Restaurants | Sexuality | Texas | Posted 2008-06-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Just Because You Seem Unable to Get Dishes Really Clean
Girl to friend, walking from their car: Jesus, Amber, nobody thinks you have a penis.
Nashville, Tennessee