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...Whilst I Watch, Eating This Popcorn.
Girl, carrying armloads of stuff: I don't have a free hand to lock the door with.
Boyfriend, in most sketch-ass tone imaginable: Use your mouth.
Orlando, Florida
Overheard by: Hazzenkockle
Categories: Couples | Florida | Mouth | Offers and requests | Relationships | Posted 2011-01-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You're Lucky You Have Me, Melina
Guy: If you had to suck a bag of dicks, would you want them to be hard or soft?
Girl: Soft! So I can fit them all in my mouth.
Guy: Well, I'd rather have them erect.
Girl: Oh! Uh. Why?
Guy: Cause there'd be less dicks in the bag.
Girl: What?! Why didn't I think of that?! Now I just sound like a whore!
Guy: You are.
Saint Peter's College
New Jersey
But Mick Jagger's So Old
Drunk girl at party: I want to hang off his lips until I die!
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Claire
Categories: Death & dying | Drunks | Girls | Mouth | Washington | Wishes | Posted 2010-09-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
None Of Them Are Filtered
Teen gangsta wannabe yelling to small boy on playground: No, I wasn't, I don't smoke! He was just transferring the smoke to my mouth! (pause) Never mind! I'm not gay!
Park
Cincinnati, Ohio
Little Kids These Days Are Snottier Than Ever
Man to two-year-old daughter: I drew a face with eyes, nose and mouth. Can you tell me what's missing?
Two-year-old daughter: The boogers in the nose!
Faulconbridge
Australia
Taste-Testing Jawbreakers Is a Lot More Difficult Than My Old Job Of Sucking Cock
Man on cell: Well, yeah, I think it was worth it, considering how much money I made... (pause) Well, my mouth really hurts, and I think I need some antibiotics.
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: i swear this is not made up
Categories: California | Health & Hygiene | Jobs & Careers | Mouth | On the phone | Weirdness | Posted 2010-04-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Sure Those Of You in Sororities Know Exactly What I'm Talking About
Professor: In the work-a-day world we work a lot through our mouth.
Grand Rapids, Michigan
Categories: Education | Jobs & Careers | Michigan | Mouth | Teachers | Posted 2010-03-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Her Boyfriend Is Willing to Stick It in Any Cavity
Girl #1: I had to go to the dentist, and I spent over a million dollars!
Girl #2: Oh my god, what did you have done?
Girl #3: She had a dick removed from her mouth.
Peoria, Illinois
Overheard by: Allison
Playing Boggle Again?
Gay goth kid: Diana Ross, what are you doing in my mouth?
Dunkin Donuts
Worcester, Massachusetts
Overheard by: hootinanny
Categories: About celebrities | Goths | Massachusetts | Mouth | Music | Queers | Questions | Stores | Posted 2009-12-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Who Ever Said Dating Teen Wolf Was Easy?
White girl: Bite his face!
Asian girl: Ew, no! It's all hairy!
White girl: Sometimes you need to do things that you don't like. Like biting a hairy face, for example. Or putting balls in your mouth to get back your Breakfast Club movie...
Asian girl: Oh, you poor thing.
New Jersey
We Warned You About Drinking from the Open Bottles
NYU guy in audience during group skits: PBR doesn't taste as good on a Sunday morning as it did last night at the party.
NYU girl in audience during group skits: Yeah, I'm like, "someone might as well just piss in my mouth instead."
Rock Hill, New York
Overheard by: I think I'll still go with the PBR
The Day I Met Charlie Sheen
Dude to friends: So he had this towel spread out on the bed, and he popped a cherry in his mouth...
San Luis Obispo, California
We All Love the No-Hands Rule, Sir
Soccer coach: I love Fiji water.
Assistant: It's silky smooth.
Soccer coach: It's never been touched by human hands until it touches my lips.
Texas
When Did Bennington Drop the Lesbianism Requirement?
Girl: So my jaw hurts really bad, right here. (points)
Boy: Maybe you stop sucking so much dick.
Girl, thinking for a second: Many dicks.
Bennington College
Vermont
He Asked Me on a Date!
Guy: I decided I would do a little social experiment. So I went to the gas station and bought a chocolate muffin and sat down outside the door. Then this guy passed me, so I shoved the muffin in my mouth and started singing "What if God Was One of Us," with little pieces of the muffin falling out of my mouth. It was great.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: julie
Why Genies Are Wasted on Blondes
Red-headed friend to blonde friend: If I had a special power it would be to fly!
Blonde friend, seriously: If I had a special power I would have a microwave in my mouth so that I could cook anything I wanted, whenever I wanted.
Red-headed friend: You could never get salmonella again!
Blonde friend: I know, right? It's my best idea yet!
Canada's Wonderland
Toronto
Canadia
Best. Peer Advisor. Ever.
Curious friend: Doesn't your mouth get tired?
Small Asian girl: That's what my hands are for!
Curious friend: Don't your arms get tired?!
Small Asian girl: That's what my mouth is for!
Curious friend: What do you do when both get tired?
Small Asian girl: Oh, that's when he puts it in my butt.
Hoboken, New Jersey
When a Couple's Goals Conflict
Flamboyant gay guy #1, whispering discretely: I'm going to do you so hard when we get home.
Flamboyant gay guy #2, not whispering: I'm going to shit in your mouth.
Sydney
Australia
Overheard by: MB
Further Evidence That Some Wood Is Wiser Than Others
Teacher, handing out candy to class: They're really sweet.
Student #1: And they make the roof of your mouth bleed.
Student #2: That's the best part.
High School
Calgary, Alberta
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Candy | Gifts | Health & Hygiene | Mouth | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Sensory experiences | Students | Teachers | Posted 2009-09-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
By the Time It Was Over, I'd Broken All Ten Commandments
Blonde 20-something to sister: This morning I was rinsing my mouth with mouthwash and also peeing, and then I realized I had to sneeze and I was like, "uh oh...this can only end poorly" ...because I was kind of stuck.
Bellingham, Washington
Categories: Cleanliness | Health & Hygiene | Mouth | Pee | Sensory experiences | Siblings | Washington | Posted 2009-07-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's Only 'Cause You Can't Hear Her
Annoying teen #1, looking at trashy magazine: She's cute.
Annoying teen #2: That's Jessica Simpson.
Annoying teen #1: Well, she looks good red-headed and with her mouth open.
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Giggling quietly in the pharmacy sectino
Categories: About celebrities | Beauty | Default | Hair | Mouth | Pennsylvania | Teens | Posted 2009-06-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
With a Little Cinnamon and Some Splenda. What?
Nursing student #1, about absent classmate: If she'd have kept her fucking mouth shut and not been a motherfucking snitch we wouldn't be in this mess!
Nursing student #2: Why'd she snitch on us?
Nursing student #1: I don't know, but she think she the best thing since apple sauce!
(long pause)
Nursing student #1: I really like applesauce!
Marian College
Indianapolis, Indiana
Yes and Yes!
Female employee, seeing lunch being prepared: Oh, Kielbasa! I love Kielbasa! You know how I like my Kielbasa?
(pause)
Fireman #1: On your knees?
Fireman #2: In your mouth?
Maine
That Baby Has Some Jaw
20-something to mother: She's really cute on the rare occasions when she has a tennis ball in her mouth.
Supermarket
Caroline Springs, Victoria
Australia
Meet New Hampshire's Ski Mom Of the Year
Mother to crying toddler: Shut your mouth and go ski somewhere!
Bear Peak, New Hampshire
Overheard by: Leigh
She Unhinges Her Jaw Like a Python
Guy #1: Seriously, that girl has a mouth the size of a dinosaur.
Guy #2: What kind of dinosaur?
Guy #1: A big-mouthed dinosaur.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: he could have said any noun
Grande Penis
Teenage girl: That's why I got a coffee this morning, because my mouth tasted like penis.
Auckland
New Zealand
Overheard by: Cassie and Chloe
Categories: Default | Drinking & drunks | Feelings | Girls | Mouth | New Zealand | Penis | Teens | Posted 2009-01-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Well You Do Have a Cozy-Looking Mustache...
Texan hottie: Holy hell, its freezing. My lips are numb.
Nerdy guy: Want me to warm them up with mine?
Texan hottie: Ha, you wish.
Nerdy guy: Well... yeah, kinda.
Texan hottie: Oh.
Washington, DC
Categories: Chicks | Default | Dorks, Geeks & Nerds | Mouth | Washington, DC | Weather | Wishes | Posted 2008-08-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Orange Really Is the Prettiest Color
Hobo to another: Well, I think I have a very nice smile.
Burlington, Vermont
The Last Time I'll Put My Money Where My Mouth Is
Man coming out of strip club: My mouth still tastes like dollars.
New Orleans, Louisiana
Categories: Compare and contrast | Guys | Louisiana | Money | Mouth | Sensory experiences | Weirdness | Posted 2008-05-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
As Depicted in All of My Paintings
Mother to daughter: I swear, next time you're going to smack your mouth on something and I'm just going to move you to the side and leave you there and watch the blood run down.
On Line for Space Mountain
Disney World, Florida
Overheard by: Kat
Yeah, but We're Also in Boston
Girl #1: And yeah... She had these stains on her teeth.
Girl #2: Ew! Why... We're in America.
Boston, Massachusetts
Categories: Default | Feelings | Friends | Geography | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Insults | Massachusetts | Mouth | Stupidity | Posted 2008-04-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Snaggleteeth Are in This Season
Woman: There's nothing in my mouth that I'm ashamed of!
87 Bus
Jersey City, New Jersey
Which Is the Gold Standard for Nastiness
Screaming hobo: Your mouth is nasty! Your mouth is nasty, man! Your mouth is nastier than my asshole!
Shattuck Avenue and Bancroft Way
Berkeley, California
Overheard by: Kaitlen
Categories: California | Hobos | Insults | Mouth | Posted 2007-04-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
