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Why She Shops at The Gap.
Chickie #1: You have a hole in your jeans.
Chickie #2: I love my hole!
Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: The Old Man
Well I Can't Help It If Yours Is a Bigger Target
Guy going up escalator to friend: Did you see that? That guy just tried to touch my butt.
Friend: Don't complain, he succeeded in touching mine!
Washington, DC
Categories: Ass | Friends | Guys | Sensory experiences | Washington, DC | Weirdness | Posted 2011-06-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Seems to Be a Common Theme
Girl to friend, while going to the bathroom: During that time of the month, I pee out of my butthole.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: weird, I normally just sneeze out of my eyes
Categories: Ass | Girls | Overheard in Minneapolis | Pee | Weirdness | Posted 2011-05-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If Men Had to Wear Thongs.
Man in fancy shirt: Oh, my butt's been hurting.
Girlfriend: Why does it hurt?
Man in fancy shirt: There's been something pokin' me all day.
Portland, Oregon
Overheard by: Brilicia
Categories: Ass | Couples | Oregon | Questions | Sensory experiences | Posted 2011-05-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We're Gonna Get Along Swimmingly, Mate.
Drunk #1: I'm telling you man, these fucking guys raped a fish.
Drunk #2: What fucking guys?
Drunk #1: In Africa. They raped a fish. That's why the fish have to wear condoms, so they don't have fish babies with bulging human eyes.
Drunk #3: How the fuck did we get from talking about his (gestures towards drunk #2) sister's hairy vulva to fish rape?
Drunk #4: How the fuck would you even rape a fish anyway?
Drunk #1: Gut it and wank with its corpse?
Drunk #2, knowingly: Or freeze it and push it up your arse.
Leamington Spa
England
Overheard by: Bleep
That's Why I Married Her, Sweetie
Dad, leading three-year-old girl to bathroom: You need to go potty? You can sit on the potty in here.
Three-year-old girl: No, that potty's not for me. That's for mommy. She has a big butt.
Alameda, California
Overheard by: lith
You Won't Feel a Thing, I Promise
Long-nosed cute blond girl: So you're basically offering to fuck me in the arse?
Drunk guy: Not in the arse per se, but I can't guarantee that I won't get the wrong hole and just go for it.
Long-nosed cute blond girl: You do know we just met five minutes ago?
Drunk guy: What can I say? I work fast.
Leamington Spa
England
Overheard by: Bleep
Categories: Ass | Backdoor | Drunks | England | Girls | Offers and requests | Philosophy | Posted 2011-03-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Kathy Griffin Loves Disneyland
Teen to another: I got so excited, I have wet butt syndrome!
Disneyland
Anaheim, California
Overheard by: Kristen
Categories: Ass | California | Maladies | Sensory experiences | Teens | Posted 2011-02-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
She Always Comes Through in the Clench
Roommate #1: But if she has a denty-face?
Roommate #2: Well, that has no bearing on her sphincter.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: roommate #3
Categories: Ass | Friends | Overheard in Minneapolis | Questions | Vagina | Posted 2011-01-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's Not What I Meant When I Asked "What's Your Position?"
Eastern European delegate in back row: And that was by far the biggest thing that has ever been in my ass!
College of William & Mary Model United Nations Conference
Williamsburg, Virginia
Overheard by: The Georgia delegate now regretting her seat choice
My Campaign Would Be Like Whoopi Goldberg's Marriage to Ted Danson
Very white English major girl: I could never be a politician. I'd be all like "bitch, you're trippin' balls. Sit yo' fat toupeed ass down!"
Universisty Station
Calgary
Canadia
Isn't That a Country Song?
Cashier: If it weren't for fat asses and sexy feet, I'd get out of the South and move back to New York.
Fayetteville, North Carolina
Overheard by: Nick
The Best First Date I've Had in a Good Long While
Girl: And then he asked if I had dingleberries, and I was like, "no," and then I said "but my cat does."
UMASS
Massachusetts
Categories: Ass | Massachusetts | Poop | Questions | Posted 2010-12-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Beaver + Ton = Beaverton
Man on cell, laughing: You don't need a chair! Your ass is so big you can sit on the ground! (pause, then enamored) Aw, I love that laugh. You know I wanna marry that laugh. (defensive) Why do you do that? You always do that when I try to share my feelings with you!
Beaverton, Oregon
Overheard by: facepalm
Categories: Ass | Comebacks | Guys | On the phone | Oregon | Relationships | Weirdness | Wishes | Posted 2010-10-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Just the Classy Ones.
Girl to another: I had to just say, like, not every girl wants a photo of your asshole.
MusicFest
Allentown, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Stretchen
Categories: Ass | Girls | Pennsylvania | Weirdness | Wishes | Posted 2010-09-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
A Stripper Is Born
Middle aged lady in hospital scrubs: It's a lot of fun and great exercise.
Old toothless lady: I really admire you, I don't like to show off my fuzzy-fuzzy to just anyone.
Middle aged lady: Yeah, well, I don't either, but like I said: it's great exercise.
Portland, Oregon
Overheard by: Karl
Categories: Ass | Compare and contrast | Medical personnel | Old folks | Oregon | Posted 2010-09-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Exactly.
20-something girlfriend, pointing at "exit only--do not enter" sign: I should tattoo that on my butt.
20-something boyfriend: But then you would be single.
Lincoln Park
Chicago, Illinois
You Have Her Eyes, Patrick
Drunk guy #1: I don't know, I bet she was a nice-looking Irish lass back in her day.
Drunk guy #2: You keep calling my grandma a piece of ass like it's a compliment.
Bar
Syracuse, New York
Overheard by: Mike K.
Categories: Ass | Bars & Clubs | Compliments | Drunks | Family ties | New York | Posted 2010-06-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Where Kids from Band Camp End Up: Explained.
Female violinist, after conductor walks past: Do you ever want to slap Dr. Muller*'s ass? Cause I almost just did.
Female cellist: He has a doctorate in orchestral conducting.
Female violinist: And an ass I want to tap right now.
College Orchestra Tour Bus
Clive, Iowa
Now If Only I Could Marry Louis Vuitton
Really skinny sorority girl: I paid my rent and then I spent the rest, $700, on this new Louis Vuitton (squeals and hugs the purse). But now I have 30 bucks to last a whole month. Looks like I'll be dating for dinner or eating crackers.
Sorority friend: You spent twice as much on your bag as you did your rent! At least you paid your rent on time! Don't worry, you'll find dates. That purse is totally worth it!
Really skinny sorority girl: I know, right, I should just live in my purse. I think that is why married women get fat: they can finally afford to eat. You know my ass is getting fat when I get married.
IHOP
Dallas, Texas
Categories: Ass | Diet & weight | Fashion | Food | Friends | Money | Relationships | Shopping | Skinny people | Sorority types | Texas | Posted 2010-05-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Too Much, Too Much!
Overzealous personal trainer to neophyte trainee: Touch yourself in the butt!
Gym
West Long Branch, New Jersey
Overheard by: Robert
Categories: Ass | New Jersey | Students | Teachers | Weirdness | Posted 2010-05-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Make-a-Wish Foundation Failed to Return Her Calls
Teenage girl: You know what I wish I had?
Teenage boy, not paying attention: Uh-huh.
Teenage girl: A penis... I'd just go shoving it into people's butts.
Teenage boy: Wait... What?
Teenage girl, whispering to herself: I wish I had a penis.
Bus
Ottawa
Canadia
Are You Talking About Elephants?
Guy #1: Put them in the back seat. I've got a bunch of junk in my trunk... Excuse the double meaning.
Guy #2: Double meaning?
Guy #1: I've got junk in my trunk.
Guy #2: I don't get it.
Guy #1: Never mind.
Kroger Parking Lot
Athens, Georgia
There Is a Downside to Thong Underwear
Concerned-looking sorority girl, walking out of bathroom stall: Oh my god guys, do you really think my butt smells like ass?
Bathroom
University of Idaho
Overheard by: CrayonCake
Categories: Ass | Idaho | Questions | Restroom | Sensory experiences | Sorority types | Stupidity | Posted 2010-04-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Whomever It Is, Thank You!
Drunk sorostitute to group of friends: I'm getting boned in the butt! Who's boning me in the butt?
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: pob
Categories: Ass | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Overheard in Minneapolis | Sensory experiences | Sex | Sorority types | Posted 2010-04-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But Not As Good As the Cucumber, or the Remote Control
Doctor: Okay, we're going to give you an iron shot.
Nurse: Roll over on your side. Okay, you're just going to feel a little prick in your butt.
Patient: Better than the finger that was up there earlier!
ER
Newport Beach, California
Categories: Ass | California | Compare and contrast | Creepsters | Doctor's office | Doctors | Hands | Nurses | Sensory experiences | Sex | Posted 2010-03-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And I Haven't Been Mowed in Quite Some Time
Gay son: I need a sugar daddy.
Mother: You and me both.
Gay son: But I have a booty.
Mother, after long pause, and looking out the window: I have weeds where I once had grass...
Murrieta, California
Overheard by: I hope I don't become my mother
Categories: Ass | California | Compare and contrast | Moms | Money | Queers | Sex | Posted 2010-03-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Best. Wedding. Ever.
Girl to friend: I distinctly remember him saying "I still have the dildo up my ass."
UCLA
Los Angeles, California
Categories: Ass | California | Colleges & Universities | Girls | Toys | Weirdness | Posted 2010-02-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Like Fat Elvis!
Grandmother to little boy: Elvis! Come here, we're going. (to store person) His mother was a big Elvis fan, so now he's a little Elvis.
Little boy: I have hair on my back!
Brisbane
Australia
Categories: About celebrities | Ass | Australia | Compare and contrast | Hair | Kids | Old folks | Posted 2010-02-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Ones That Will Fit Over My Big-Boy Pull-Ups
Man in dressing room to employee waiting on him: Dude, I can see my ass hair. I'm a grown-ass man. Go find me some grown-ass man pants.
Las Vegas, Nevada
Business in the Front and Party in the Back?
Girl waiting for bus: A skort is like a mullet for your ass.
Ottawa
Ontario
Canadia
Categories: Ass | Canadia | Clothing | Compare and contrast | Girls | Posted 2010-02-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Yet I Notice You're Not Moving.
Asian girl in bright coat: Oh my fucking god, I think I just lost my virginity.
Blonde girl: Wait, how does that even work?
Asian girl in bright coat: The end of the teeter-totter seat is like totally up my ass, and it's like penetrating.
Blonde girl: Oh.
Calgary
Canadia
Overheard by: Shawn
Geeks and Sexual Experimentation Are Often a Perilous Combo
Student to friend: Could you imagine having a test tube shatter while it is up your ass, or worse? I know a girl that it happened to!
Cabra Dominican College
Australia
Categories: Ass | Australia | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Friends | Health & Hygiene | Science | Students | Weirdness | Posted 2010-01-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Perils Of Undercooked Turducken
Guy on cell: And I was crouched down lookin' up at her, and all of a sudden this teal duck shot out her ass! Pass me them field peas.
Louisiana
Overheard by: 2 tables over
Ever Dated Anyone from Seattle?
Trendy Asian on crowded platform: It smells like hot ass in here.
Trendy Asian friend: How would you know what hot ass smells like?
Vancouver
Canadia
Overheard by: TrainRider
Categories: Asians | Ass | Canadia | Compare and contrast | Friends | Questions | Sensory experiences | Posted 2009-12-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Like How to Talk Out Of Your Butte
Freshman #1, reading from textbook: Butte. What is a butte exactly?
Freshman #2: A fancy way to say "butt."
Freshman #1: God, you learn so much at college.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: kbay
Now at Least Describe the Butts to Me, Winifred.
Old woman in wheelchair being driven around busy food court: I hate this place! All I can see are people's butts.
Old man behind her: So why are you having me cart you around the city in a wheelchair for?!
Mall
Sydney
Australia
Overheard by: I saw her later stand up...
Because They Just Laughed at Me When I Asked at Toys R' Us
Guy, walking up to greeter: You wouldn't happen to have any buttplugs, would you?
Target
Little Falls, New Jersey
Overheard by: harry bohemis
Categories: Ass | Clients | Employees | New Jersey | Offers and requests | Shopping | Stores | Posted 2009-12-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And I Wouldn't Stop and Smell the Roses, Either.
Old woman: It's like flowers were spitting out of my ass, so don't go telling me how bright and shiny your (makes finger quotes) "effing" life is!
Small Town
Nebraska
Categories: Ass | Compare and contrast | Nebraska | Old folks | Sex | Posted 2009-12-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Unlike Vicks Vap-o-Rub. (Don't Ask.)
Guy, about hand sanitizer: You know that germ stuff? Well, I put it on my hands, then I put it on my butt cheeks, and it stung my butt cheeks!
Monterey, California
Categories: Ass | California | Cleanliness | Guys | Hands | Posted 2009-12-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Moral: Never Ask Someone "Why Are You Walking Like That?"
Girl to friend: It's like karma in the butt, you know?
Friend: (pained expression on face, agreeing)
San Francisco, California
Worst. Magician. Ever.
Girl, paying for something: Oh. hang on, I have more money in my butt.
Amherst, Massachusetts
Categories: Ass | Compare and contrast | Girls | Massachusetts | Money | Posted 2009-11-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
'Cause I'd Love to Have Promotional Footage for My Website
Girl #1: They're checking out your ass. Up you skirt.
Girl #2: Whatevs. (pause) Wait, do they have cameras?
Hotle Bar
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: arrc
Categories: Ass | Bars & Clubs | Clothes | Girls | Massachusetts | Questions | Technology | Weirdness | Posted 2009-11-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When Rappers Teach Geography
Girl to friends: Fuck Europe! I got Tanzania all up on my ass!
Atlanta, Georgia
Who Knew It Would Be Anthrax, Though?
Goth girl: Typical, I come to your party and end up wiping white stuff off my ass.
Withrow Park
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: Alex
Guess Everything Really Is Bigger in Texas
New Yorker, trying to get through a crowd of people blocking aisle: Excuse me. Excuse me! Excuse me!
Confused little boy: I already moved.
New Yorker: Oh, I know you have, dear. I was talking to your fat-ass mother.
Grocery Store
Austin, Texas
Categories: Ass | Assholes | Diet & weight | Family ties | Insults | Kids | Kids | Moms | Stores | Texas | Posted 2009-11-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Your Friends Say It All the Time.
Little girl, singing: You got a fat butt, you got a fat butt!
Mother: Now sweetie, that's not nice to say about mommy.
Little boy: But its true!
Dressing Room
Union, New Jersey
Overheard by: Sarah
Categories: Ass | Assholes | Comebacks | Diet & weight | Kids | Moms | New Jersey | Parenting | Should have used a condom | Posted 2009-11-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Some Quotes Leave Your Editors Wanting to Hear Less
Girl to group: You guys! Everyone who has not had this fetus in their rectum is still a virgin!
Sarah Lawrence College
Bronxville, New York
...Science à L'Orange
Professor #1: There are other people here who put stuff up ducks' butts.
Professor #2: Yeah, but you do it for science!
Fairbanks, Alaska
Overheard by: Lowlie Worm
...And That's How Nutella Is Produced.
Greasy old man to wheelchair-ridden woman: And then it drips out of my rectum...
Westchester Airport
New York
...As This 45-Minute Presentation Will Demonstrate.
Physicist: Elise has a quantum ass. It's either big or real big. Depending on what pants she wears.
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: change
Either Listen Up or Nap Like the Rest Of Us, Dude
Guy leaving psych class: Why are we talking about bed bugs liking it up the ass?! How is that relevant?
University of Pittsburgh
Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Ellie
Categories: Ass | Colleges & Universities | Education | Insects | Pennsylvania | Questions | Students | Weirdness | Posted 2009-10-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Best. Peer Advisor. Ever.
Curious friend: Doesn't your mouth get tired?
Small Asian girl: That's what my hands are for!
Curious friend: Don't your arms get tired?!
Small Asian girl: That's what my mouth is for!
Curious friend: What do you do when both get tired?
Small Asian girl: Oh, that's when he puts it in my butt.
Hoboken, New Jersey
Happened to the Cro-Magnons All the Time
Drunk girl, very concerned: He's totally going to get fucked in the A! And he has scoliosis, so he's always bent over, so he's definitely going to get fucked in the A!
Macalester College
St. Paul, Minnesota
And I Was in the Boy Scouts.
Mover and shaker: I went to a military academy, I know about anal sex. I went to a military academy.
Austin, Texas
Or, Put More Eloquently, "What What (In the Butt)?"
Woman on toilet: What the fuck is going on with my ass?
Medford, Massachusetts
Categories: Ass | Health & Hygiene | Massachusetts | Poop | Questions | Restroom | Women | Posted 2009-09-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That Means the Chili Was Juuuust Right
Four-year-old child, excitedly, holding mother's hand: My butt is burning!
Maine
Ladies, Please Watch Your Actions.
Female track jock, to friend: So I had this fucking hair up my fucking ass.
Private school football coach, overhearing: Ladies, please watch you language.
Female track jock: I had a hair up my butt.
El Paso, Texas
Hold On-- Lemme Just Wipe It for Her
Annoyed lady on cell in bathroom stall: Mmm- hmmm... uh-huh, mmm-hmm, yep. Oh, before that, can you tell her to lick my ass, too?
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: I hope she?s not talking about me.
Categories: Ass | Licking | Offers and requests | On the phone | Overheard in Minneapolis | Restroom | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2009-09-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Portrait Of the Scat Fetishist As a Young Man
Little boy, gleefully wiping chocolate on his father's white pants: I'm wiping your butt! Haha! I'm wiping your butt!
Ann Arbor, Michigan
Categories: Ass | Candy | Cleanliness | Dads | Kids | Michigan | Parenting | Should have used a condom | Posted 2009-09-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Is Swamp Ass the Next Evolutionary Step? Discuss.
Teenage boy: Are you saying your asshole gets sweaty when I'm around?
Teenage girl: Exactly.
Northgate
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: NotSoSuperMario
Categories: Ass | Health & Hygiene | Questions | Sensory experiences | Teens | Washington | Posted 2009-09-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
My Train Is Like the Hotel California, Beeyotch.
Black woman #1: I hate when people wait to the last minute to try and get off at a stop.
Black woman #2: Mmm-hmm.
Black woman #1: I don't let them past if they try to do that shit.
Black woman #2: What you do?
Black woman #1: I'll push their mothafuckin' ass back on the train!
Subway
New York City
Categories: Ass | Black people | Gripes | Insults | New York | Public Transportation | Train | Violence | Women | Posted 2009-08-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Some Babies Learn to Run Away Before They Can Walk
Loud fat ghetto chick to baby: See dat? See dat baby walking? That's what you need to be doing. I'm sick of carrying yo' ass around.
Target Parking Lot
Florissant, Missouri
Categories: Advice | Ass | Chicks | Fat people | Kids | Missouri | Moms | Parenting | Should have used a condom | Stores | Posted 2009-08-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Wondered Why She Was So Hairy.
College guy #1: Hey, remember that time I fucked your mom in the ass?
College guy #2: Hey, remember that time I dressed up as my mom?
Fulton, Missouri
Overheard by: The Sweetheart
Categories: Ass | Backdoor | Clothing | Comebacks | Family ties | Frat boy types | Missouri | Questions | Posted 2009-08-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
As Explained in Thurber's The Wonderful O
Student to another: You're an asshole!
Science teacher: If you're going to say that, you should use the proper term, which is "anus."
High School
Auckland
New Zealand
Categories: Advice | Ass | Etiquette | Insults | New Zealand | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Students | Teachers | Words | Posted 2009-08-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
She Wears Steel-Toed Boots.
Teen #1: I could fuck your sister.
Teen #2: Yeah? Well, I could fuck a horse.
Teen #1: No you couldn't.
Teen #2: Why not?
Teen #1: You can't just sneak up on a horse and fuck it in the ass.
Teen #2: I wouldn't sneak up on it, I'd let it know I was there.
Teen #1: You'll get kicked in the face. And you'll die.
Teen #2, quietly: Whatever, dude... Just don't fuck my sister!
New York City, New York
Categories: Animals | Ass | Death & dying | Family ties | New York | Sex | Teens | Violence | Posted 2009-08-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What You Never Knew About Clark Kent's Upbringing
Daddy: If you don't eat...
Three-year-old boy: You'll hit my butt? I like it when you hit my butt, it feels good on my super wee-wee!
Chick-fil-A
Columbia, South Carolina
Overheard by: Carrie
Categories: Ass | Dads | Food | Kids | Parenting | Restaurants | Sensory experiences | Should have used a condom | South Carolina | Threats | Violence | Weirdness | Posted 2009-08-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Wish I Was a Dog So I Could Pick the Butts Of Others
Woman to group of friends: I wish I was a little kid, so I could pick my butt whenever I wanted.
Disneyland
Anaheim, California
In Between and During Periods Of Incarceration
Woman to mother being slapped in the rear by little boy: Oooh, your son is bad!
Mother: Yeah, I think he's gonna be an ass man when he grows up!
Jersey City
New Jersey
Categories: Age and ageing | Ass | Kids | Kids | Moms | New Jersey | Parenting | Strangers | Violence | Women | Posted 2009-07-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Will, Too, At The Drop Of a Hat
Seven-year-old boy: Jonas Brothers! The Jonas Brothers can suck my ass!
Borders
Austin, Texas
Overheard by: Amy D
Categories: About celebrities | Ass | Glad the condom broke | Gripes | Insults | Kids | Music | Texas | Posted 2009-07-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Hard to Believe, with All the Japanese Tourists.
Teen at Disneyland, loudly to a group of family and friends: Everyone's butt is obvious!
Disneyland
Anaheim, California
Categories: Ass | California | Compare and contrast | Family | Friends | Teens | Weirdness | Posted 2009-07-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Then There Was the Guy We Stabbed and Stuck in the Dumpster...
Hungover girl #1: I really feel like an ass.
Hungover girl #2: Why do you feel like an ass?
Hungover girl #1: Well I did throw a drink on someone.
Hungover girl #2, nodding: And got kicked out of the bar twice.
Wilmington, North Carolina
Categories: Ass | Compare and contrast | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Girls | North Carolina | Violence | Weirdness | Posted 2009-07-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
He's Been Known to Pleasure Several Girls en Brochette
Girl #1: His penis was huge, like 12 inches! He was holding it and his hand looked so tiny!
Girl #2: No wonder he doesn't get any play, that shit hurts!
Girl #3: Yeah, it would like come out my ass!
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Just 2
Categories: Ass | Compare and contrast | Girls | Hands | Penis | Pennsylvania | Sex | Posted 2009-07-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Sigh. You Guys Are So Predictable.
Comic book artist: Is the word "stab" or "poink" best for a dog nose being inserted into someone's butt?
Group of coworkers in unison, very serious: "Poink," definitely.
Portland, Oregon
Ever Wonder What Happened to Gumby?
Woman: He's called "The Anal Man." His ass can bend in 15 different positions. He's a big hit in Europe. (produces rubber toy)
Los Angeles, California
Why Lightbulb-Shaped Buttplugs Exist.
Punk girl: A lamp?
Punk guy: While it was still on.
Punk girl: Didn't that like...burn the colon?
Punk guy: Apparently it wasn't on at first. Someone decided to plug it in as a joke.
Punk girl, giggling: Oh my god...what happened with that?
Punk guy: I don't know--all I know is that it involved the hospital.
California
Categories: Ass | California | Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | Guys | Punks | Questions | Weirdness | Posted 2009-05-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Realize That Means "Highly Pleasant to the Taste or Smell"?
Black girl #1: Girl, it is freezing outside.
Black girl #2: Girl, I know, right?
Black girl #1: Nigga, you know what? I don't have any blood, and since I don't have blood I turn blue all over. All the blood I do have is in my ass, because it is so luscious.
Black girl #2: Oh, nigga, I know that is right!
University of North Carolina at Greensboro
Categories: Ass | Black people | Colleges & Universities | Default | Feelings | Girls | North Carolina | Questions | Weather | Words | Posted 2009-05-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Just Like the Ad Promises!
Girl outside changing room: How are those other pants working for you, Jen?
Girl in changing room, frustrated: I feel like the devil himself crafted them to make a mockery of my ass.
Mall
Baton Rouge, Louisiana
Overheard by: almost broke a rib trying not to laugh
There Are Entire Websites Devoted to That Sort Of Thing, Sweetie.
Three-year-old daughter, pointing at huge woman: Dada, she has a big booty.
Father: Sweetie, you don't want to talk about other people's booties.
Three-year-old daughter: But dada, she couldn't sit on our toilet. It is too small for her.
Father: Okay. (hurriedly moves out of the aisle)
Three-year-old daughter: Her booty is too big for pee and poop to come out. She makes a big mess and gets it all over! (father starts pushing faster)
Supermarket
Quincy, Massachusetts
Nobody Can Do Sexual Harassment Like the Insane
Crazy bag lady, loudly: I don't suck dick for pussy! I don't suck dick for pussy! I don't suck dick for pussy!
(sits down next to another passenger on the subway)
Crazy bag lady, now in passenger's face: I don't suck dick for pussy!
(female passenger gets up and moves)
Crazy bag lady: Why you jumping? Why you jumping, bitch!? You weren't jumpin' last night when that guy put his long ass dick in you last night!
Female passenger: Excuse me, ma'am, don't say that to me! You don't know me!
(subway train stops)
Conductor: City Hall station!
Female passenger: Excuse me, sir, there's a crazy lady on the subway harassing the other passengers.
Conductor: Oh, could you point her out to me?
(female passenger points to crazy woman yelling)
Conductor: Ma'am, are you bothering people?
Crazy bag lady: Why you tryin' to fuck me standing up!? Why don't you fuck me lying down like a gentleman!
Conductor: Ma'am, I'm calling the police.
Broad Street Line Subway
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Categories: Ass | BJs | Compare and contrast | Crazies | Default | Employees | Insults | Offers and requests | Penis | Pennsylvania | Public Transportation | Public transportation | Questions | Sex | Vagina | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2009-05-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Couldn't Be Any Prouder Of Myself If My Nipples Were Fountains Of Blood!
Blonde teenage girl: I already burnt my vagina today. Now my butt is bruised, too!
Brantford
Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: Jayme
Categories: Ass | Canadia | Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Teens | Vagina | Weirdness | Posted 2009-05-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Demolished That Problem Set, Yo.
Thug #1: Yo, nigga! I will beat you up! You hear me? I will demolish your ass!
Thug #2: Nah man, nah. I'll beat your ass!
Thug #1: Fuck that, nigga, fuck that.
(pause)
Thug #1: Yo, nigga, what was our physics homework for last night?
Thug #2: Section 4. It's on that Archimedes' principle shit.
University of Louisville
Louisville, Kentucky
Categories: Ass | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Education | Kentucky | Questions | Thugs | Words | Posted 2009-05-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
At Midnight It Turns Into a Pumpkin
Thug wannabe: Damn, you see that white girl? She got a magic booty.
Mall
Buford, Georgia
Overheard by: girl with the magical booty
...Or Me Having to Give It.
20-something woman preparing turkey to guy: I'm not sure what's worse, pulling all this out of the turkey's ass, or you taking it in the ass last night.
Orlando, Florida
Overheard by: At least some one had a happy thanksgiving
Nobody Ever Wins the Which-Sex's-Sex-Is-Best Argument
Straight girl: Butt sex, butt sex, butt sex!
Gay guy: You really love saying that, don't you?
Straight girl: Yes!
Gay professor: Do you prefer anal to vaginal!
Straight girl: Ewww, fuck no! I don't want anything in my asshole! See, I have a vagina. I have options, unlike gay men.
Gay professor: Ah, you'll never know the pleasures of prostate stimulation.
Westchester, New York
Fewer Errors
Girl, watching baseball: Ugh, I'd rather have anal than watch baseball!
Waterloo
Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: me too.
But Mostly Because I Want to Use the Words "Ass Scope"
Suit #1: Yeah, I went in for a colonoscopy last week.
Suit #2: Really? How was it? Painful?
Suit #1: No, actually, with all the Demerol they gave me I don't remember anything about it...love that Demerol...so much so that I think I'll schedule another ass scope for next week.
Modesto, California
Overheard by: Ken Lane
Dude, We Warned You About This
Serious college boy to friend: I was too busy to wipe my ass this morning.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: but you weren't too busy for the preceding action?
Categories: Ass | Default | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Overheard in Minneapolis | Students | Weirdness | Posted 2009-04-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Tingly!
Young woman #1: I wonder if Vicks expires.
Young woman #2: Yeah, it expires. I use it as butt lube.
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: Ashrey
Explorers Are Born, Not Made
Child: Mommy, mommy, my hand smells like butt!
Mother: Why does your hand smell like butt, honey?
Child: I put my hand in my butt.
Department Store
Davis, California
Overheard by: Arlene
Categories: Ass | California | Compare and contrast | Default | Family ties | Kids | Kids | Moms | Questions | Stores | Women | Posted 2009-03-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Judging from My Hidden Camera Footage
Butch lesbian: So...how do blind people wipe their ass?
Fem lesbian: The same way everyone else does. Oh...oh my god, that's gross, Wendy. Most people don't look at it.
Seattle, Washington
Categories: Ass | Default | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Lesbos | Questions | Washington | Weirdness | Posted 2009-03-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
They're a Bit Behind the Curve
Girl shouting across room to guy at soda fountain: Hey Doug*! Hey, Doug! Come over there, they want to hear your song about buttsex!
Montevallo, Alabama
The Female Version Of "She Was Asking for It"
Woman on iPhone: Well, he was doing squats, so I didn't think it was inappropriate to stare at his ass.
Trader Joe's
Campbell, California
Categories: Ass | California | Default | Health & Hygiene | Stores | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2009-03-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Think I've Seen This Movie...
Teen #1: I stuck my ass in her face and she choked on her broccoli.
(dog coughs)
Teen #2: Your ass is making everyone choke!
Harrison, Michigan
Overheard by: Lauren
Ever Eaten in Our Cafeteria?
Teacher to student: See, why can't you be more of a brown noser, like him? (points at another student)
Student: Because I don't like the taste of ass?
(class groans)
Teacher: Don't knock it till you try it.
San Diego, California
You're an Ass Whore?
20-something girl #1: I can so control when he gets off now.
20-something girl #2: How?
20-something girl #1: I just bend over and tell him that my ass is jealous.
20-something girl #2: Oh my god!
Sushi Bar
Tempe, Arizona
Categories: Arizona | Ass | Bars & Clubs | Default | Getting off | Girls | Questions | Posted 2009-03-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Worst. Smoothie. Ever.
Guy #1: Did you see the video where that girl shoots a banana out of her ass?
Guy #2: Yeah! And then she's like "I think there's still a strawberry up there!"
Clemson University
Clemson, South Carolina
Overheard by: starch
Categories: Ass | Colleges & Universities | Default | Food | Guys | Pop culture | South Carolina | Weirdness | Posted 2009-02-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Still, Nobody Better Lay a Finger on My Buttfingerer
Teenage girl to friend: And then he stuck his finger up my butt, and said "Oh, yeah, do you like that, babe?"
Friend: See, there you go. If you don't sit a guy down and tell him not to go up your butt, he will. Look at you, you're butt-fingered.
Subway Store
Maitland
Australia
The Immaculate Conception Story Gets More Warped Every Year
20-something guy: And then she was like, "there's a boner in my ass!" She was like a turbo-slut!
Diner
Mamaroneck, New York
Overheard by: Dianachka
The Fauxcock Repels Gay Predators
Guy: So all I have to do is get some gel and spike my butt hair.
Target
Salem, Massachusetts
Categories: Ass | Default | Guys | Hair | Health & Hygiene | Massachusetts | Stores | Weirdness | Posted 2009-02-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Perversion That's Sweeping the Nation!
Teen goth boy #1: Dude! That girl is so hot.
Teen goth boy #2: I know!I would so totally pee in her butthole.
Oak Park Mall, Kansas
I Hear the Russian Judge Gives Extra Points for That
Flaming gay over speakerphone: Just like that boy from Miami last night, I tried to suck his dick like I was trying to win an Olympic gold medal. And that's the only ass I would lick even if it wasn't clean.
Washington, DC
Categories: Ass | Compare and contrast | Default | Geography | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Penis | Queers | Washington, DC | Posted 2009-02-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Brenda's Quest Continued
20-something girl: When you go pee first thing in the morning, do you ever make a bunch of noises and you're not sure if they 're coming from your hoo-haw or your ass?
Friend: Umm...no.
20-something girl: Yeah, me neither.
University of Missouri
Columbia, Missouri
According to My Logic Professor
Guy: If you can like anal, you can like feet!
George Mason University
Fairfax, Virginia
Categories: Ass | Body parts | Colleges & Universities | Default | Guys | Sex | Virginia | Weirdness | Posted 2009-01-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Given Time
Queer #1: I can adjust to change, I think.
Queer #2: Yeah, but can your sphincter?
Leon High School
Tallahassee, Florida
Overheard by: Deathly Confused
Categories: Ass | Compare and contrast | Default | Florida | Guys | Queers | Questions | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Sexuality | Posted 2009-01-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Was Thinking More A Piece of Pizza
Guy: You know what you need? You need your asshole licked.
Girl, deadly serious: I've had my asshole licked. That is not what I need.
Planetfest 2008
Jacksonville, Florida
Overheard by: Raynay
We Miss the Old Grey Poupon Ad Campaign
Girl: You so should have tested it first.
Guy: I did! I used it on my ass the other day.
Girl: And it didn't burn?
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: evan.
And the Knee Socks Were Only a Little Help
Concerned guy: So, were you wearing a loincloth?
Friend: See, that's the thing, I don't know.
Memorial University
St. John's, Newfoundland
Canadia
Overheard by: Mel
He Can Turn a Doorknob With It
Guy: I try to cover my butt so girls don't stare at it.
Girl: He's so butt-conceited.
Rochester, New York
Amy Didn't Expect It to Be Beautiful
Five-year-old girl (pointing at penis on sculpture in museum): Daddy, what's that?
Daddy: What do you think it is?
Girl's little sister: It's a butt!
Five-year-old girl (pause, whispers in amazement): It's a penis.
Harvard
Cambridge, Massachusetts
Overheard by: loves smart kids
Categories: Ass | Compare and contrast | Dads | Default | Kids | Massachusetts | Penis | Questions | Siblings | Posted 2008-09-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Bleaching Your Anus Could Go Either Way
Broseph to broski: Shaving your ass is a sign of homosexuality, shaving your testicles is a sign of being a porn star.
Chicago, Illinois
Can We Write a Theme Song About You with That Lyric?
Lady, bumping into female cop in crowded elevator: Oh! Excuse me.
Female cop: Hey, if my boobs don't getcha, my ass will.
Justice Center
El Paso County, Colorado
Without Warning, It Leaped Out of Its Hiding Place
Girl to cross-dressing friends: ...and then my butt scared him.
Gay Club
Denver, Colorado
They're Instant YouTube Celebrities
Little boy (chanting loudly): My penis and my butt! My penis and my butt! My penis and my butt, butt, butt, butt, butt!
Little girl: But I don't have a penis.
Both: My vagina and my butt! My vagina and my butt...
Ashland, Oregon
Overheard by: Kelly
Yet the Outlook Is Still Not So Good
Girl to boyfriend: My ass is not a magic 8-ball.
Cornmarket Street
Oxford
England
I've Practiced on My Lifesized "Seven of Nine" Doll
Nerdy teen #1: So you just sort of put your hands down her pants and rub up behind her.
Nerdy teen #2 (nodding): Yeah. I know what you mean.
Vancouver
Canadia
Overheard by: iloveholidays
As Recorded in My Memoirs: What What (The Unibutt!)
Skater guy: I'm not into the unibutt.
Friend: The what?
Skater guy: You know, it's like a unibrow, except a butt.
Friend: What are you talking about?
Skater guy: I am just giving my commentary on how style has affected my life.
Shout-out: eavesdropdc.blogspot.com
Overheard by:
Now I'm Working on a Novel About Them
Suit on the Taipei subway: After I went home that day, I kept thinking about hemorrhoids.
Shout-out: talovich.blogspot.com
Overheard by: Yugan
It's the Greatest Thing Since... You Know
Girlfriend: I think my butt has gotten bigger.
Boyfriend: If that's true, hallelujah. I love big booties.
Girlfriend: David*, this is serious! I think I have been doing so many squats that my butt has lifted and risen... like bread.
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: MoMo
That's Just Because You Didn't Understand What 'Phone Sex' Meant
Guy: Just trust me on this one and go along with it one more time.
Girl: I did that last time and ended up with random things up my ass.
Stoneham, Massachusetts
Instead, I'll Discuss Your Pain With This Complete Stranger
Boyfriend to gas station attendant: She slept with the entire football team in high school.
Girlfriend: Maybe, but I still wouldn't have slept with you.
Boyfriend: Yeah? Really? How's your butt feel? Ha! I haven't even told my friends about that yet!
Richmond, Virginia
Who Knew Organic Chemists Were So Funky?
Professor: I'm just waiting for a chlorine radical to come and bite me up the ass.
Morraine Valley Community College
Palos Hills, Illinois
Overheard by: Kati
Jenna Jameson: "Story of My Life, Honey"
20-something girl: My ass hurts and my throat is sore. I also feel very underwhelmed.
San Francisco, California
Categories: Ass | Default | Feelings | Girls | Gripes | Health & Hygiene | San Francisco | Posted 2008-05-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Also Why She Refuses to Play Musical Chairs
Girl #1: Isn't lap dancing anal sex?
Girl #2: Uhh, excuse me?
Girl #1: Well, if a girl sits on a guy's lap and he gets an erection, it would go [points up] up the ass, right?
High School
Australia
Overheard by: NinjaPirates
Categories: Ass | Australia | Backdoor | Compare and contrast | Dancing | Erections | Girls | Questions | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Posted 2008-05-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The San Francisco Equivalent of a Nice Dinner and Jewelry
Angry suit on cell: I cleaned out my ass for you, bitch!
On the Street
San Francisco, California
Categories: Ass | California | Cleanliness | Health & Hygiene | Insults | On the phone | Sexuality | Suits | Weirdness | Posted 2008-05-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Have to Earn the Right to Stay in Paradise, Pal
Guido: Dude, I think your girlfriend is going to dump you. You fell off your chair inside and you punched me in the ribs twice when I got up to go to the bathroom.
Drunk Guido: No, she can't dump me. She lets me put it in her ass!
Outside Restuarant
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: Lauren
Categories: Ass | Backdoor | Drunks | Guys | Maryland | Pride | Relationships | Restaurants | Posted 2008-05-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Georgia State Penitentiary?
Freshman #1: So... where is he from?
Freshman #2: He's from the part of Georgia where they ass-rape you.
Washington University
St. Louis, Missouri
Overheard by: New Yorker hopefully about to graduate
Categories: Ass | Colleges & Universities | Guys | Hair | Missouri | Questions | Students | US Geography | Weirdness | Posted 2008-05-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Carlos Beltran: I Hate Being an Outfielder
Female Mets fan: I'd let the whole infield fuck me in the ass with no lube if it meant they would win the World Series.
Friend: Classy, Michelle, real classy.
Braves-Mets Game
Queens, New York
Overheard by: aaron
The Gerbil Was Menstruating!
Sorority girl: Well, yeah, but that doesn't change the fact that you have a tampon in your butt.
Dickinson College
Carlisle, Pennsylvania
Categories: Ass | Colleges & Universities | Comebacks | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Pennsylvania | Sexuality | Sorority types | Posted 2008-04-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If You Have to Tell Her, You're Doing It Wrong
Random guy: Man, you just gotta cowboy the fuck up and tell the dumb bitch you're doing her in the ass!
Moe's Southwest Grill
Norman, Oklahoma
Gay Men Can't Drink Coffee? That's Crazy.
Crazy homeless lady to well-dressed businessman: Look at you with the coffee, you faggot, you just love dick in your ass!
Starbucks
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: trying to avoid her wrath
Categories: Ass | Backdoor | Bag ladies | Bars & Clubs | Character | Crazies | Default | Etiquette | Insults | Penis | San Francisco | Posted 2008-04-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
As My Plaques and Trophies Will Attest
Dude carrying Subway sandwich: My ass? No, I wouldn't expect a girl to be looking at my ass.
Chick carrying Subway sandwich: Oh yeah. Women will look at your ass. But they can't check out the other thing.
Dude: Well, under certain circumstances . . .
Chick: No, there's nothing equivalent. There's no cleavage shot.
Dude: A girl slapped my ass at the gym the other day.
Chick: Oh yeah. That's right. I have slapped lots of asses.
Howard and New Montgomery
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: Cleavage Shots All Around!
Categories: Ass | Bimbettes | Chicks | Default | Euphemisms | Friends | Gender issues | Guys | Penis | San Francisco | Sexuality | Posted 2008-04-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Or A-Rod's Rod
Obnoxious 20-something chick: We went to a Yankees game and had the worst seats ever. We didn't even see Derek Jeter's ass! ... Or anyone's ass.
IHOP
Green Bay, Wisconsin
...Through Binoculars.
Music History prof taking roll: Jane Smith?
Jane: Here.
Prof: Oh, there you are. I'm just used to seeing you from behind.
Hartford, Connecticut
Categories: Ass | Compare and contrast | Connecticut | Creepsters | Default | Education | Etiquette | Girls | Names | Students | Teachers | Posted 2008-04-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Which They Got Fucking a Liar
Drunk girl, loudly: Anyone who says they've never had an itchy asshole is just fucking lying.
Cock O the Walk Bar
Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
Overheard by: Beer Bitch
Sometimes You Do Know What You're Missing
Little old lady to husband: I don't care how many times you've washed it or how clean it is! I've lived 60 years without my tongue making acquaintance with your asshole, and I'm not about to introduce the two of them now!
St. Louis Street
Lebanon, Illinois
Overheard by: AlternknitiveKnitter
Categories: Ass | Body parts | Couples | Default | Gripes | Illinois | Licking | Old folks | Time Management | Posted 2008-03-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Aaron's Messy Handwriting Has Resulted in Many Botched Orders
Waiter: ... Chicken nachos all on her butt cheeks!
Arlington, Virginia
Overheard by: Nic
Categories: Ass | Blue collar | Default | Food | Gripes | Restaurants | Virginia | Posted 2008-03-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Immaculate Conception Story Has Gotten Skewed with Time
Frustrated waiter: It doesn't matter if it was real or not. What matters is that it came out of her ass!
Cass Corridor
Detroit, Michigan
Overheard by: fox news
That's My Poodle's Ass.
Disembodied male voice: That is not my ass!
Borders
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: Caylin
I Need to Know More about What You Tried
Queer #1: Ugh. All I know is that pussy smells like ass. I tried once in high school, and I was all, 'Oooh, that smells like ass!' and so I tried one more time, and it still smelled like ass.
Queer #2: Well, we know one thing for sure -- your ass must smell like pussy.
Cleo's, Chicago Avenue
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: EEE
Categories: Ass | Compare and contrast | Default | Illinois | Queers | Sensory experiences | Vagina | Posted 2008-02-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
No -- Just Patting and Slapping, Like Football Players
Mother: Max, no pinching girls' hineys!
Three-year-old boy: Just boys'?
Highlands Ranch, Colorado
Like What Happened to the Knights Templar?
Attending physician to resident: You'd be surprised what you can learn from someone's anus.
Tampa General Emergency Room
Tampa, Florida
Now, Honey, You Know I Prefer Brushes with Metal Studs
Little girl holding up toilet brush: Hey, Mom, I could scrub your butt with this when we get home if we buy it!
Target
Enfield, Connecticut
Categories: Ass | Connecticut | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Kids | Kids | Shopping | Posted 2008-02-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Last Year, It Was Empire-Waist Shirts. This Year, Butt Shootings
Professor #1, during a mock voir dire: Where'd you get shot, sir?
Professor #2: In the butt! It's a recent thing! People shoot the victim in the butt!
Shout-out: overheardinlawschool.blogspot.com
Overheard by:
Categories: Ass | Overheard in Law School | Teachers | Posted 2008-01-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And the Make-a-Wish Foundation Rejected My Request
Hobo to three women crossing street: I wanna bite y'alls' butts! I wanna bite a butt!
Shout-out: overheardinphilly.blogspot.com
Overheard by: tron
Categories: Ass | Hobos | Overheard in Philly | Posted 2008-01-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Cracked Rear View
Woman #1: Hey, you look good.
Woman #2: Thanks! I've been working out... Wanna feel my ass? [Protrudes her rear.]
Arlington, Texas
Overheard by: AmadeusMaxwell
Categories: Ass | Ladies who lunch | Texas | Posted 2007-12-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Skid or Stretch?
Sorostitute yelling at friend: I can see the marks on your butt from over here!
Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com
Overheard by: yix
Categories: Ass | Overheard at Cornell | Sorority types | Posted 2007-12-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
She's Just Jealous because I Can Rest Snacks on Top of It
Ghetto girl: Did you know that half my weight is in my ass?
Girl #1: What?
Girl #2: You have a ghetto booty?
Ghetto girl: Yeah, I went to the doctor's and he said, 'Yo, half your weight is in your ass,' and my mother laughed her head off.
All Saints High School
Whitby, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: freshman whisperer
... And a Smelly Big Toe Is Not a Medical Concern
Surgeon #1: ... So I told him, 'If you just stop putting it in your ass, you won't have that problem!'
Surgeon #2: Yeah.
Robert Wood Johnson University Hospital
New Brunswick, New Jersey
Categories: Advice | Ass | Gossip | Medical personnel | Posted 2007-12-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Um, Which Other Parts Would It Be Okay to Comment On?
Guy to girl dancing on street corner: Shake that ass, girl!
Girl: Thank you!
Guy: Sorry, I'm being an asshole.
Girl: It's okay -- I got the goods!
Chicago, Illinois
Categories: Ass | Compliments | Illinois | Strangers | Posted 2007-11-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Could You Be More Specific?
Girl: Is there anything on my ass? You're a girl. You look and see and tell me. Oh my god, is there anything on my ass?!
San Francisco, California
Categories: Ass | Chicks | San Francisco | Posted 2007-11-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If You'll Refer to the Third Bullet-Point on My Resume
Drunk queer: I can pick up a shot glass with my ass!
Outside Grand Central
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: widget
The Current Exit Strategy for Iraq
Dude: I was trying to moon them with your butt without you knowing.
Lebanon, Indiana
What Can I Say? It Was a Moment of Passion
Doctor to patient: It's simply impossible to fall on it! Your ass would not stretch that far for it to go in!
Sparrow Hospital ER
Lansing, Michigan
Overheard by: laughing intern
Of Course!
Teen #1: Dude, gross!
Teen #2: Come on, man! Don't act like that, you've wondered if it was worth it having your asshole licked during sex, too!
Teen #1: Yeah, but not by a fat Asian chick!
Stranger: Was it worth it?
Modern Skate and Surf
Royal Oak, Michigan
I Always Wanted That Gift Too, but Never Got It
Girl on cell: I know it's your birthday... but it's my ass!
Shout-out: community.livejournal.com
Categories: Ass | On the phone | Overheard in Melbourne's Journal | Posted 2007-07-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Draw the Line at Branding, Though
Stoner chick on cell: Yeah, he's just gonna want to get high and do stuff to my ass.
Wendy's
Scottsdale, Arizona
Overheard by: Jon
But I'm Not Sure I Was Making Any Sense
Communications professor: Do you think you've made any progress in this class?
Student who just gave her speech: Well, my butt cheeks weren't shaking this time!
Community college
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Some progress is better than none.
Categories: Ass | Class | Pennsylvania | Students | Teachers | Posted 2007-05-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Just a Test of the Emergency Menopause Warning System
Cute chick: I don't know what's going on, but my butt cheeks are sweating really bad.
Shout-out: www.overheardinminneapolis.com
Overheard by: the bomb track
Categories: Ass | Chicks | Overheard in Minneapolis | Posted 2007-05-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Just Keep Watering It, Sweetie
Little girl: Mom, why don't I have a hairy butt like you?
Bathroom, AA flight 329
Categories: Airports & flights | Ass | Glad the condom broke | Hair | Questions | Restroom | Posted 2007-04-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Saddest Words: 'It Might Have Been'
Asian chick: If I wasn't wearing underwear I definitely would have let him slide his hand up my butt.
Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com
Overheard by: doug
