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Any Working Girl Knows That.
Crazy, overweight French prof: Ma boîte est dans un endroit très triste.
Student: Your box is in a sad place?
Crazy, overweight french prof: Oui, but which box?
Student: (giggles)
Crazy, overweight French prof: Box is another word for office!
Simon Fraser University
Canadia
Overheard by: so that's what they're calling it these days
Categories: Body parts | Canadia | Crazies | Language barrier | Teachers | Words | Posted 2011-08-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Think They'll Let Us Go Back and Look for Your Ass, or What?
Black lady #1, after riding Superman: Did you sit on them tree sides?
Black lady #2: No, I didn't.
Black lady #1: You should've! You could see them motherfuckin' trees! And I was like "what the fuck!" I mean, I was cussing my ass off!
Black lady #2: So that was you?
St. Louis, Missouri
Overheard by: Emma
Categories: Black people | Body parts | Gripes | Missouri | Sensory experiences | Posted 2011-08-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Dr. Heimlich Invented His Maneuver
Guy, chuckling: Can you give me a blowjob?
Girl, also chuckling: No! Why would I do that?
Guy: Come on! Please?
Girl: No! (laughs)
Guy: Why not?
Girl: Just... No. Guy, please, there has to be some reason, just, why not?
Girl: There is no reason, I'm just not giving you a blowjob.
Guy: Oh. Come on! Please? There has to be a reason why.
Girl: I'm not giving you a blowjob because... (sighs) My mom says you would be a choking hazard, and I don't want to choke.
High School
Canadia
Categories: BJs | Body parts | Canadia | Girls | Guys | Offers and requests | Weirdness | Posted 2011-08-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Do I Need to Draw Those Diagrams for You Again?
Preppy cutie, about steroided-up jock: Oh my god! He just winked at me!
Sarcastic friend: You sure it's not a twitch?
Preppie cutie: Your mom has a twitch! That's how she had you!
(friends stare)
Friend: What?!
El Paso, Texas
Overheard by:
Confirming Everything I Know About Male Swimmers
Teenage boy to his mother: There's a lot of crazy stuff going on in the team area. It got all over my face, but none of it got in my mouth.
Summer League Swim Meet
Ashburn, Virginia
Categories: Body parts | Sexuality | Teens | Virginia | Weirdness | Posted 2011-08-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Just Like the Tag Promises!
Older lady: This purse is perfect! It has two outside pockets! One for my phone and one for my teeth!
TJ Maxx
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: Interesting Use for a Purse Pocket
Categories: Body parts | Georgia | Old folks | Shopping | Weirdness | Posted 2011-06-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Just Call Me Tweedle Diva
Fat black chick: Yo, real women got curves, nigga.
Black queer: Yeah, bitch, curves. You only got one big curve! (traces circle in air)
Bus
Tallahassee, Florida
Overheard by: Dropper of Eaves
Categories: Black people | Body parts | Bragging | Comebacks | Florida | Gays | Posted 2011-06-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Well That's What the African Kids in Those Charity Videos Are Always Whining About!
Skinny Asian girl: These shorts are way too big.
Plus-sized white friend: Oh no, I have skinny-ass legs. My life sucks. What am I going to do?
Skinny Asian girl: (laughs)
St. Joseph, Michigan
Why I Stopped Watching Law & Order: SVU
Mother to son: Don't you talk to me that way! I'll put my finger anywhere I want to!
Turtle Back Zoo
West Orange, New Jersey
Overheard by: lickety-split
Categories: Body parts | Moms | New Jersey | Parenting | Weirdness | Posted 2011-05-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Thanks to All That Community Fingering at the Lakes.
Guy #1: So what I'm not clear on is how the penis and vagina work.
Guy #2: Well, how are you doing on STDs?
Guy #1: I'm still a little unsure about some, but I have syphilis down pat!
Finger Lakes Community College
New York
It May Sound Fishy, but She's Got All the Other Acts Schooled!
50-something woman to friend: She's got a phenomenal voice--when she sings, it's like she has gills instead of lungs.
Shout-out: www.violaraptor.co.uk
Overheard by: Raptor
Categories: Body parts | Compliments | Gossip | Other sites | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2011-05-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What? I'm Not Proud Of Myself!
Girl to friends: So, when I was 6, I took my golden retriever's rectal temperature with a tire pressure gauge.
Nice Restaurant
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Categories: Animals | Body parts | Girls | Memory lane | Pennsylvania | Weirdness | Posted 2011-04-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Oh, That. Subway, Why?
Girl, after hugging friend: Um, why do you smell like a scrotum?
Guy: Wait, what?
Manhattan, New York
Categories: Body parts | Girls | Guys | New York | Questions | Sensory experiences | Posted 2011-04-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Gotta Love the Church Bake Sale.
Young dude: Man, my jaw hurts.
Chick: Must have been all that sucking last night.
Young dude: Gotta be from something. Plus, I don't remember anything, so...
Quakertown, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Ken
Categories: BJs | Body parts | Feelings | Guys | Memory lane | Pennsylvania | Posted 2011-03-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Preferably That Squirmy, Hairless Guy in the Back Row.
Dumb freshman girl: Why does being castrated make your voice high?
Friar professor: Talk to someone after class.
Seattle University
Washington
Overheard by: facepalm
Categories: Body parts | Girls | Questions | Teachers | Washington | Weirdness | Posted 2011-03-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Draw the Line at the Elephant Man, Though
Guy #1: Wow, you like them big.
Guy #2: No, I can do fingers. As long as it's a Chernobyl mate with, like, fifteen of them.
England
Overheard by: Noel
Categories: Body parts | Character | England | Guys | Weirdness | Posted 2011-03-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...The Prostitutes and Junkies Will Think You're Uncouth.
Sleazy 40-something drunk, pointing and laughing at embarrassed 20-something: And then he got poo all over his knob!
20-something: For fuck's sake dad! Shut up!
Red Light District
Amsterdam
Overheard by: Bleep
Categories: Body parts | Drunks | Netherlands | Poop | Stupidity | Posted 2011-03-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Don't Even Get Them Started on the Pussy Products.
Little girl: Can I have the nose now?
Guy: Yeah, sure, it probably has everyone's snot on it now, though.
Older girl: Ew! Oh my gosh, mental image!
Guy: What do you want me to say? I'm speaking their language.
Older girl: Say "nose... products." It has "nose products."
Guy, laughing hysterically: Nose products?
Older girl: Yes, nose products.
Little girl, holding out fake vampire teeth: Here, take my mouth products.
Kids' Playground
Manhattan, New York
Categories: Body parts | Girls | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Language barrier | New York | Questions | Posted 2011-02-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
From My Big Book Of Things to Say Before Bursting Into Tears
Girl on phone: But I don't have a mustache...
Colorado State University
Categories: Beauty | Body parts | Character | Colorado | Gender issues | On the phone | Posted 2011-01-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...But Congratulations!
Woman: I guess it depends on the kind of tumor. A baby's kind of like a tumor, drains your body of all nutrients. It's like having an alien parasite.
UW Rock County
Janesville, Wisconsin
Overheard by: Akuaku
Categories: Body parts | Maladies | Offspring | Wisconsin | Women | Posted 2011-01-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Yada Yada Yada, I'm Not Allowed Back Next Semester.
Female college girl: She asked me "what's a vagina?"
Montreal
Quebec
Canadia
Categories: Body parts | Canadia | Girls | Questions | Stupidity | Posted 2010-12-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
America: Encapsulated.
Plus-size girl looking at maternity shirt: Oh, this is cute! (pause) It will hide my fat rolls!
JC Penney
Wichita, Kansas
Categories: Beauty | Body parts | Clothes | Fat people | Girls | Kansas | Shopping | Posted 2010-12-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Ad: Stuffed Animal Security, Now With New Functionanality!
Toy store employee: Wait, so which one has the butthole?
Mall
New Jersey
Overheard by: thinking of the children
Categories: Body parts | Employees | New Jersey | Questions | Weirdness | Posted 2010-12-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Here's Stephen Jay Gould to Explain
Professor: Do you ever wonder why men have nipples? Men use their large chests to attract women, like peacocks. But why the nipples? It's not like someone's going to be sucking on my nipple...
Oswego, New York
Categories: Body parts | New York | Questions | Teachers | Weirdness | Posted 2010-12-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Just a Little Trick I Learned Working on the Senate Floor
Male friend to female friend: Yeah, I've found that when they start to get out of hand you just put a little whiskey on the nipple.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: context, please?!
Categories: Body parts | Friends | Overheard in Minneapolis | Sex | Weirdness | Posted 2010-12-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Unlike Yours, Stomachface.
Taller Asian teen: Ha ha! You're so short! Shorty!
Shorter Asian teen: (silence)
Taller Asian teen: Sorry, I was just kidding.
Shorter Asian teen, sadly: Well, it's only because my shoulders are below my head...
China
Categories: Asians | Beauty | Body parts | China | Comebacks | Posted 2010-12-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Because This Is New Jersey, Bitch!
Girl #1, discussing her boobs: I have lemons! What do you have?
Girl #2: Shit, I have watermelons.
Girl #3, grabbing her own boobs: I have cantaloupes.
Girl #1: Why are you grabbing your cantaloupes?
Jersey City, New Jersey
Categories: Body parts | Euphemisms | Fruit | Girls | New Jersey | Questions | Posted 2010-11-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Shit, That's What the Bible Says
Professor, discussing sperm's passage to egg: "Come and chase me!" That's what the woman says.
Saint Peter's College
New Jersey
Categories: Body parts | Euphemisms | New Jersey | Sex | Sexuality | Teachers | Uterus | Posted 2010-11-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
He's Got Bette Davis Thighs
Girl, about guy in Jason Vorhees mask coming on stage during Halloween skit: I always recognize James* by his thighs.
St. Peter's College
New Jersey
Categories: Body parts | Girls | Holidays | New Jersey | Pop culture | Posted 2010-11-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Blame Our Science Teacher for Your Potassium Fetish
Wannabe scene chick on phone: I drew another picture for you. There's a banana involved again. (pause) You and your bananas!
Chesapeake, Virginia
Categories: Body parts | Food | Girls | On the phone | Virginia | Weirdness | Posted 2010-11-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Are You Talking About Conversation or Fellatio?
Boyfriend to boyfriend: Yesterday Hughes came over and, well, exploded my brain, basically. I was like "ahh!"
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: laughing on the inside
Categories: Body parts | Canadia | Euphemisms | Queers | Sensory experiences | Posted 2010-11-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Now Who Wants to Play "Hang the Sock"??
High school student: People are often uncomfortable when they're naked...
Male professor: Now, that's just not true, because I'm never uncomfortable when I'm naked, and you wanna know why? Because whenever I am naked, fun ensues.
Charlotte, North Carolina
Categories: Body parts | Bragging | Bringing it back to you | Creepsters | Education | North Carolina | Teachers | Posted 2010-11-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Mom Has All the Answers
Girl on phone: Hamster ovaries? Really? I did not know that.
College
Portland, Oregon
Categories: Animals | Bimbettes | Body parts | Oregon | Questions | Posted 2010-11-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Because I Won't Make That Mistake Again.
Student, during class: Are we talking about real prostitutes or a guy who duct tapes everything back and puts a skirt on?
Stockton College
New Jersey
Overheard by: Charlie
Categories: Body parts | Clothing | Gender issues | Jobs & Careers | New Jersey | Students | Posted 2010-10-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Laser Pointers Are for Girls!
Australian lecturer: Nakedness wasn't good until now. Now it's great.
College
Portland, Oregon
Categories: Advice | Body parts | Oregon | Sensory experiences | Teachers | Posted 2010-10-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Ad: Kathleen Turner Is... Bendy Vadge, P.I.!
Loud, stoned, drunk guy on train: Dude, I totally saw Melissa pee standing up before.
Loud, stoned, drunk girl: That is impossible! Seriously, that doesn't even make any sense! You'd get piss all over your leg!
Loud, stoned, drunk guy: No way, I saw her just take one leg out of her pants and prop it up against a tree, and it just shot down! She didn't get any anywhere!
Loud, stoned, drunk girl: Do you even understand female anatomy?! It doesn't work the same way as you! We can't do that! Melissa didn't do that!
Loud, stoned, drunk guy: Dude, if you can't pee standing up, then you've just got a bendy vag.
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Wizzbiff
Categories: Body parts | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Girls | Guys | Illinois | Pee | Stoners | Train | Vagina | Posted 2010-10-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
9 Out Of 10 Dentists Disapprove Of Their Relationship
Guy: I was really pissed off. Then you bit me on the shoulder. Three times.
Girl: (laughs hysterically)
DePaul University
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: University Peon
Categories: Body parts | Colleges & Universities | Girls | Guys | Illinois | Violence | Posted 2010-10-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
My Heart Will Fucking Go On, Dudebro.
Jock #1: Yo! I've grown accustomed to your face!
Jock #2: Word!
Macalester College
St. Paul, Minnesota
Categories: Body parts | Colleges & Universities | Jocks | Minnesota | Weirdness | Posted 2010-09-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Is the Gist Of My Anthropology Paper.
Bro: We don't put shaving cream on our dicks, we put it on our faces.
Illinois State University
Overheard by: Eddy
Categories: Body parts | Colleges & Universities | Frat boy types | Health & Hygiene | Illinois | Penis | Posted 2010-09-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Because That's What My Therapist Said
20-something guy, browsing toys: So... Do I have a penis face?
Edinburgh
Scotland
Overheard by: Lena
Categories: Body parts | Guys | Penis | Questions | Scotland | Posted 2010-09-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Another Soccer Hooligan Comes to a Bad End
Ned to another, in thick Scottish accent: My pal's not well. His brain doesn't float around. It's stuck to his head, like.
Bus
Edinburgh
Scotland
Overheard by: Still wondering what it could be
Categories: Body parts | Bus | Health & Hygiene | Scotland | Thugs | Posted 2010-09-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...And I'm Usually Into 20-Something Honduran Men...
Law student: So, listen. He went to get a manicure the other day and I was like, you know, "how was it?" He was like, "oh, it was good and all, but she was rubbing my arm and I kinda started getting turned on." And I was like, "what?" He said "yeah, and it was kinda weird because she was this 50-year-old Asian woman."
Mississippi College School of Law
Categories: Age and ageing | Body parts | Colleges & Universities | Erections | Health & Hygiene | Mississippi | Students | Weirdness | Posted 2010-09-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...According to This Snapple Cap.
Teacher to class: You never know what you're going to find stuffed in the head of a mummified crocodile.
Metro State College
Denver, Colorado
Raise Your Hand If You Know This Guy
Loud annoying guy, gesturing toward himself: Who has two thumbs and is ready to go? This guy!
Saratoga, New York
Overheard by: Ready to Go
Categories: Body parts | Guys | New York | Questions | Weirdness | Posted 2010-09-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Kermit: It's Not Easy Oozing Green
Bartender #1: Yeah, so I had this weird shit comin' outta my dick. It was sick, dude. Like this funky green pus-like shit oozing from the tip. Smelled like shit, too.
Bartender #2: Dude, you need to quit boning so many filthy whores. You're like rotting from the inside.
Bartender #1: Shit, man, I don't give a fuck. As long as I keep gettin' laid.
Bartender #2: You ain't gonna be doin' shit if your fuckin' nasty dick falls off.
Bartender #1: I know, right? This last chick I nailed was a total slut. I pulled down my pants and she could smell whatever's up with my cock. She goes "Ew, what stinks? Is that your dick?" And I go, "No, it's my feet, I swear!" Then I just pulled her towards me and shoved it in. It was awesome.
Bartender #2: Fuck, man. Something's definitely wrong with you.
Gaithersburg, Maryland
Overheard by: Nasty Nate
Categories: Bartenders | Body parts | Health & Hygiene | Insults | Maryland | Penis | STDs | Sensory experiences | Sex | Posted 2010-09-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Or Whatever This Is in My Eye
16-year-old: Mom, if you don't have herpes, why'd I find Valtrex in your purse?
Mother, seriously: I got Valtrex from the eye doctor for my yeast infection, Kim*.
Illinois
Categories: Body parts | Health & Hygiene | Illinois | Moms | Parenting | STDs | Teens | Posted 2010-09-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Right Is Soon-Yi
Girl: My left toenail is totally MIA.
Reading, Pennsylvania
Categories: Body parts | Girls | Music | Pennsylvania | Posted 2010-09-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If Not, I Don't Think You're Ready for This Sorority
Girl at dining hall: I mean: haven't you ever smelled your own bellybutton?
Lehigh Universuty
Bethlehem, Pennsylvania
Categories: Body parts | Colleges & Universities | Girls | Pennsylvania | Questions | Sensory experiences | Posted 2010-08-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When Straight Guys Are Forced to Watch Martha Stewart
20-something loud man: I would not put my dick in her ear. That's how not interested I am.
Norman, Oklahoma
Categories: Body parts | Guys | Oklahoma | Penis | Posted 2010-08-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Bad Ones
Lazy construction worker: Watch out, that stuff is hot!
Busy construction worker: It's okay, my fingers are used to the heat. I used to have habits.
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Kendra
Categories: Body parts | Construction workers | Massachusetts | Sensory experiences | Posted 2010-08-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It Enchants All the Men Who See It
Teenage boy: I'm so ripped my back has a six pack! Six-pack back!
Portland, Oregon
Categories: Body parts | Oregon | Teens | Weirdness | Posted 2010-08-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What a World
Little boy: My legs are melting! My legs are melting!
Target
White Plains, New York
Categories: Body parts | Kids | Kids | New York | Sensory experiences | Stores | Posted 2010-08-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Beware Of Canadian Estheticians, Dear Reader
Teenage girl to friend, giggling: So then she said she was going to put diarrhea on my face!
Toronto
Canadia
I've Been Told Exactly Enough to Procreate, but No More
Girl looking at drawing in journal: Oh my god, is that a scrotum?
Guy: No! (concerned) Are you a virgin?
Atlanta, Georgia
Also Why Ashley from Real Housewives Of New Jersey Has So Many Friends.
Prissy girl on phone: You have a stupid face. You have to be my friend.
Cardiff
Wales
Overheard by: Gordinho
Categories: Body parts | Comebacks | Girls | Insults | On the phone | Stupidity | UK | Posted 2010-08-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Who Invited Her?
Drunk guy #1: So what you're saying is, we rip the spine out of a dog?
Drunk guy #2: Yeah, but then you put a robotic spine in. You could get a remote-controlled dog.
Drunk guy #1: Shit, we could control its bark function.
Drunk girl: And make it ski.
Leamington Spa
England
Categories: Animals | Body parts | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | England | Health & Hygiene | Stupidity | Posted 2010-08-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Goodness, Just Look at the Time!
Tanorexic blonde on date: So basically the fucking doctor told me that my cervix is fucked up.
Uncomfortable-looking date: Right...
Tanorexic blonde on date: Yeah. Cunt told me that it'd be like pushing a baby through a toothpaste tube. I gotta go get it widened or some shit like that. Or that thing where they cut you open...
Uncomfortable-looking date: A caesarian?
Tanorexic blonde on date: Yeah. That's it. Baby kebab.
Leamington Spa
England
Categories: Anorexics | Body parts | Compare and contrast | Couples | England | Food | Health & Hygiene | Kids | Pregnancy | Weirdness | Posted 2010-08-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why You Shouldn't Wait to Have Sex 'til Marriage
Med student #1: You broke up with her because of a facial expression?
Med student #2: Man, if you saw her "o" face you'd would've done the same. (makes contorted face with mouth wide open)
Med student #1: Oh, hell yeah... that's some ugly shit to come to.
Med student #2: I would have never been able to get off... and all those sounds!
Med student #1: Sexy?
Med student #2: Jungle. Primal.
School of Medicine
University of Maryland
Overheard by: Mykl
Categories: Body parts | Colleges & Universities | Maryland | Questions | Relationships | Sensory experiences | Students | Posted 2010-08-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why eBay Exists.
Man shopping with wife: Well, I recognize that someday I just won't need all my body parts.
Target Store
Augusta, Maine
Categories: Body parts | Clients | Maine | Stores | Weirdness | Posted 2010-07-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Would Enjoy Crying During My TV News Interview
High school senior girl #1: Where's Meg*?
High school senior girl #2: Getting her wisdom teeth out.
High school senior girl #1: Don't some people die from that?
High school senior girl #2: Maybe she will die.
High school senior girl #1: You'd like that, wouldn't you?
New Jersey
Categories: Body parts | Death & dying | Health & Hygiene | New Jersey | Students | Posted 2010-07-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Also Like All the Men in Troy
Girl #1: I used to shave my armpits before I even had hair, just to feel like a woman. You know?
Girl #2: (nods)
Guelph
Canadia
Categories: Body parts | Canadia | Gender issues | Girls | Hair | Shaving | Posted 2010-07-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...I'm Saving That for Marriage.
Girlfriend: Ugh, I can't think about hot dogs or sausages when I eat them. I can't bare to think what body parts I'm eating.
Boyfriend: Oh, hush. Look at what else you eat.
Girlfriend: I know, but I like you! And I wouldn't eat your arm!
Jersey City, New Jersey
Categories: Body parts | Couples | Feelings | Food | New Jersey | Weirdness | Posted 2010-06-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Henry VIII's Kids Had Some Serious Psychological Issues
Little girl, holding mannequin's hand: Daddy! Daddy! Look!
Dad: Is that your new mommy?
Little girl, singing: No! She doesn't have a head!
Coralville, Iowa
Nobody Expects a Gay Guy to Carry a Speculum
Gay guy: Give me a sip of your drink!
Girl: No!
Gay guy: Give me a sip or I'll bite your cervix!
Military College
Georgia
Overheard by: Amanda
Categories: Body parts | Colleges & Universities | Drinking & drunks | Georgia | Girls | Offers and requests | Queers | Threats | Violence | Posted 2010-06-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Episode Of MacGuyver I'd Pay to See
Weird lady getting her hair cut: The nail just wouldn't stay down on my toe. So because it was all loose, junk kept getting in there. The doctor basically told me that junk would just keep getting in there.
Stylist: Wow!
(a minute later)
Weird lady getting her hair cut: If I could have one of those guys do my wedding, I'd be all like, "here's a doily and a paper cup, see what you can do."
Stylist: Yeah.
Weird lady getting her hair cut: I mean if you can't have a bangin wedding in Puerto Rico, you might as well see what you can get from a doily and a paper cup here.
Stylist: Yeah.
Supercuts
Pennsylvania
Categories: Body parts | Clients | Compare and contrast | Employees | Health & Hygiene | Pennsylvania | Relationships | Posted 2010-06-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Casper the Friendly Ghost Has Difficulty Keeping a Girlfriend
Really stoned girl: Oh god, my first relationship was horrible. It was just six weeks of me being scared of his genitals.
Canberra
Australia
Overheard by: Boffins
Categories: Australia | Body parts | Compare and contrast | Fears | Relationships | Stoners | Weirdness | Posted 2010-06-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
No More Babysitting for You, Suzanne.
Nerdy girl to Asian friend: I mean, it was pathetic. I could've had my top off and had a sign around my neck that said "free blowjobs" and they wouldn't have noticed. They were all crowded around Mike watching him play Pokemon.
Chicago, Illinois
Categories: Asians | BJs | Body parts | Dorks, Geeks & Nerds | Friends | Games | Illinois | Posted 2010-06-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Slow It Is, Sir
Surgeon: Hey, I need to change the big, sticky plastic dressing on your arm. Wanna go slow or do it in one fell swoop?
Patient, looking at dressing covering length of arm: Nahhh, that ain't gon' be no wonton soup...
Jamaica Hospital
Overheard by: MS3
Categories: Body parts | Doctors | Food | Health & Hygiene | New York | Patients | Posted 2010-06-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Mine Just Tells Me to Burn Things.
Mother to teenage daughter: Are you sure you don't want anything?
Skinny teenage daughter: Nah. (shrugs) My uterus isn't happy.
(mother raises a quizzical eyebrow)
Skinny teenage daughter: It's all like: "hello, I'm a uterus, and I'm going to bloat my way through for awhile, and push Ms Stomach organ out through Ms Bellybutton."
Mother: Oh.
Burger King
Manhattan, New York
Overheard by: i just work here...
Categories: Body parts | Happiness | Moms | New York | Restaurants | Skinny people | Teens | Uterus | Wishes | Posted 2010-06-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We Blame Sex & the City for This Conversation
Fun date #1: I hate it when guys want to cum on your face every time.
Fun date #2: Yeah, it gets in your eyes.
Fun date #1: And in your hair.
Fun date #3: Once in a while is okay, but not every time.
Outside Coffee Shop
Harrisonburg, Virginia
Overheard by: browny
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Body parts | Cum | Friends | Gripes | Time Management | Virginia | Weirdness | Wishes | Posted 2010-05-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Yet You Won't Swallow Your Husband's Semen?
Middle-aged woman with dog: Oh, she peed on my foot. That's your pee. That's your love juice. Did you put your love juice on me? You gave me your love juice.
Woman's friend: It's on your shirt now.
Middle-aged woman: Oh, she pissed on my shirt? It's okay, it's just love juice. Come here, stinks. Come here, stinky. It's just pee. Come, gimme kisses, stink-stink.
Woman's friend: Here, maybe you should let me hold her.
Middle-aged woman, hissing: Get away from my stinky! She gave me her love juice, not you.
Starbucks
San Diego, California
Overheard by: Pips
Categories: Animals | Body parts | California | Feelings | Friends | K-I-S-S-I-N-G | Pee | Questions | Stupidity | Women | Posted 2010-05-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...So I Take Drugs
Guy: You've got to listen to your body.
Gal: But my body's such a whiny bitch.
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: Stephan Zielinski
Categories: Advice | Body parts | Girls | Guys | Insults | San Francisco | Posted 2010-05-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Is This Sexual Harassment? Discuss.
Male English teacher to female student: You know, for the last 30 minutes I've been thinking of... The holy city that is your face.
High School
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: ShouldThisBeReported?
Categories: Body parts | Compliments | Education | Georgia | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Students | Teachers | Posted 2010-05-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Little Kids These Days Are Snottier Than Ever
Man to two-year-old daughter: I drew a face with eyes, nose and mouth. Can you tell me what's missing?
Two-year-old daughter: The boogers in the nose!
Faulconbridge
Australia
That's Not Even How You Play Strip Poker
Girl: Stop poking my love handles!
St. Joseph High School
Michigan
Categories: Body parts | Girls | Michigan | Offers and requests | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Weirdness | Posted 2010-04-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Though Usually I'm Being Flogged at the Time
Student to teacher who just made a mistake finger-spelling on board: Finger!
Teacher, erasing board: If I had a nickel every time someone said that to me.
Hampden, Maine
Categories: Body parts | Education | Maine | Masturbation | Sex | Students | Teachers | Words | Posted 2010-04-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Some Men Wait Their Whole Lives to Hear That
Slightly tipsy girl at party: Hi, I'm Liz. (pause) Oh, I like your ears.
Savannah, Georgia
Categories: Body parts | Compliments | Georgia | Girls | Weirdness | Posted 2010-04-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When I Think About Seeing You, I Touch My Eyes
Lady standing in bathroom, giving advice: Hey, you can get STDs from public bathrooms! Don't touch your eyes!
Washington, DC
Overheard by: pretty sure that's not how you get STDs
Categories: Body parts | Crazies | Health & Hygiene | STDs | Washington, DC | Posted 2010-03-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So We Chased Her Out Of Town with Torches
Woman to another: She washes her pickles in a dishwasher.
Cub Foods
Minneapolis, Minneapolis
When Black Widow Spiders Chat
College dude: I'd totally fuck her bottom half... and I'd just chomp off her top half.
San Jose, California
Overheard by: Skye
Categories: Body parts | California | Guys | Sex | Violence | Weirdness | Posted 2010-03-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
For Sheer Drama, Jersey Shore Has Nothing on the North Shore
Restaurant waitress, ranting: If my family weren't here I would take my shoe off and stab you in the eye with it.
Saugus, Massachusetts
Categories: Bartenders | Body parts | Family ties | Massachusetts | Shoes | Threats | Posted 2010-02-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's in the Company's Value Statement
Guy to friend: Well, some armpits smell good, too.
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Turtle
Categories: Body parts | Guys | Pennsylvania | Sensory experiences | Weirdness | Posted 2010-02-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Can and Will
Orchestra director to French horn player: Can you just stick your fist up in there?
Luther College
Decorah, Iowa
Overheard by: percussionist who snorted like a 12-year-old
Categories: Body parts | Colleges & Universities | Iowa | Offers and requests | Weirdness | Posted 2010-02-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Note to Self: Don't Punch Natalie in the Nose
Boyfriend, pressing girlfriend's nose with thumb: Hmmm. I don't think I'd date you if you looked like this.
New Jersey
Categories: Beauty | Body parts | Compare and contrast | Hubbies | New Jersey | Posted 2010-02-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
My Wax Sculpture Of Aaron Burr Is Nearly Complete
Asian guy #1: So... Where are we goin'?
Asian guy #2: Well, I haven't cleaned my ears since this morning, so... Gotta do that.
Community College
Reno, Nevada
Overheard by: Michele
Categories: Asians | Body parts | Colleges & Universities | Health & Hygiene | Nevada | Questions | Posted 2010-02-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Then He Sneezed and We Solved Fermat's Last Theorem
Professor: The boy had all of the mathematical truths in his head and I was just pulling them out through his nose or something.
Swarthmore College
Swarthmore, Pennsylvania.
Categories: Body parts | Colleges & Universities | Education | Pennsylvania | Teachers | Weirdness | Posted 2010-02-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Tonight on Ask Nurse Ninja
Woman on cell: You know what you should do? You should punch her in the temple. (pause) Well, you need to punch her in the temple so you can resolve this in a professional manner.
MARTA Train
Atlanta, Georgia
Categories: Advice | Body parts | Georgia | On the phone | Train | Violence | Women | Posted 2010-02-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Need My Face for Other Things
Flamboyant grad student, on ice skating: I went years ago... and fell flat on my face. Then I decided that I was too important for this!
Oxford
England
Categories: Body parts | Bragging | Compare and contrast | England | Leisure | Pride | Students | Posted 2010-01-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
A Man Needs a Cool Head to Eat at Denny's
Cowboy #1, in cowboy dialect: One thing I can tell you, if one of them bites you on the lip, don't panic. Just wait till it starts to let go and then push it off of you.
Cowboy #2: You know, that's right.
Denny's
Willcox, Arizona
Overheard by: Alan B. Barley
Categories: Advice | Arizona | Body parts | Fears | Rednecks | Restaurants | Violence | Posted 2010-01-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Don't Care If You Are My Grandma.
Man on cell: What? You calling me fat pussy? I will punch you in the face!
Boston, Massachusetts
Categories: Body parts | Insults | Massachusetts | On the phone | Threats | Posted 2010-01-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And That's the Last Time We'll Discuss This, Dad.
Sorority girl to another: All I'm saying is that it would be a lot better at home if you used less tongue.
CU
Boulder, Colorado
Categories: Advice | Body parts | Colleges & Universities | Colorado | Compare and contrast | Licking | Sorority types | Posted 2010-01-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Being the Midwest Corn Princess Is Not Without Its Benefits
Hot brunette to guy friend: I just really want to get it, you know, so I can fuck it in its ear.
Guy: Ugh, me too!
Liberty State Park, New Jersey
Overheard by: Julia
Categories: Bimbettes | Body parts | Friends | Guys | Kink | New Jersey | Wishes | Posted 2010-01-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Shhh-- You'll Give the Poor Flying Squirrel Body Image Issues
Girl, about woman who had gastric bypass: Dude, she has bags of skins. If she jumped out an airplane, she'd glide.
Aurora, Colorado
Overheard by: Lee
Categories: Body parts | Colorado | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Posted 2010-01-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's What I Love About You-- You're Not Afraid to Take Risks
Girl #1: I pulled out my knuckle hair with my teeth just now.
Girl #2: What? What the hell?
Girl #1: I was bored. And I wanted to see what it would feel like.
(silence)
Girl #1: It felt like a pinch.
Columbia, Missouri
Categories: Body parts | Compare and contrast | Feelings | Girls | Hair | Missouri | Sensory experiences | Wishes | Posted 2010-01-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Can Hear You All Blinking
Boy to giggling girl #1: I like your eyelashes, they're really long.
(jealous silence)
Giggling girl #2: The rest of us have eyelashes too!
Twickenham
England
Overheard by: Becca
Categories: Body parts | Bringing it back to you | Compliments | England | Girls | Guys | Posted 2009-12-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Really, Who Wants to Lay Eggs and Have a Guy Shoot on Them?
Student #1: My friend's mom didn't let him watch The Little Mermaid because she was half naked.
Student #2: Yeah, Ariel was such a ho-bag.
Student #1: You know she just wanted those legs so she could spread 'em.
Loma Linda, California
Categories: Body parts | California | Movies | Parenting | Students | Wishes | Posted 2009-12-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Tonight on Graze Anatomy
Little boy to grandmother: My mommy's held a cow brain.
Borders Bookstore
Alameda, California
Overheard by: Lith
Categories: Animals | Body parts | California | Family | Family ties | Kids | Kids | Parenting | Stores | Posted 2009-12-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And What Kind Of a Lame-Ass Answer Is "Energy"?
Tutor: So what are some things you associate with lemons?
Student #1: Yellow!
Student #2: Energy!
Student #3: Gin-an-tonic!
Tutor: What? Genitalia? Who said genitalia?
Massey University
Wellington
New Zealand
Categories: Body parts | Colleges & Universities | Drinking & drunks | Fruit | New Zealand | Questions | Students | Teachers | Words | Posted 2009-12-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
He Used to Just Be Known As "R. Kelly"
Girl, about her dog: Yeah... My friends call him "Facefucker."
Guy: What does that even mean?
Girl: It means he fucks faces.
Guy: Oh.
Shout-out: overheardinpdx.blogspot.com
Overheard by: lauren
Categories: Animals | Body parts | Girls | Guys | Names | Overheard in PDX | Sex | Posted 2009-12-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Eh. Most Of What We Produce Is Shit, Anyway.
Coworker #1: Are either of you any good with reviewing grammar?
Coworker #2: What?
Coworker #1, yelling: I'm having colon problems!
Shout-out: eavesdropdc.blogspot.com
Overheard by: Ian
Categories: Body parts | Coworkers | Eavesdrop DC | Health & Hygiene | Questions | Posted 2009-12-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Remember "Sweaty Boobs"?
Friend #1: I just want a Dance Dance Revolution mat that won't skid around on the floor while I dance on it. I am thinking about covering my old one in an unskiddable material.
Friend #2: Well, you could try human skin.
Friend #1: Does it skid?
Friend #2: Only when wet.
Gamestop
Omaha, Nebraska.
...That's an Erection, Joey.
Teenage boy to friend: Oh, damn, my skin's turning purple again!
Friend: Your skin's turning purple again?
Teenage boy: Yeah!
Friend: Oh, damn!
Charleston, South Carolina
Categories: Body parts | Friends | Sensory experiences | South Carolina | Teens | Weirdness | Posted 2009-12-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Thought That Was Only Possible in Thailand?
Professor: Here, let me make you some flesh. You know, you can buy flesh in the school store!
Maryland Institute College of Art
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: Painting with Mr. Lector
Categories: Body parts | Colleges & Universities | Maryland | Shopping | Teachers | Weirdness | Posted 2009-12-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Great Motor Skills for a 1-Year-Old, Though.
Suit #1, referring to scar on suit #2's throat: What happened to you?
Suit #2: My daughter is batshit. What of it?
Denver, Colorado
Overheard by: Julia
Categories: Body parts | Colorado | Family ties | Health & Hygiene | Questions | Suits | Posted 2009-11-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
At Least I'll Make Some Money Off the Video
Girl on phone: So I walked in on my flatmate using my electric toothbrush to... yeah, doing that. And here I am, still brushing my teeth with it. That is just disgusting. Disgusting!
Cape Town
South Africa
Categories: Africa | Body parts | Cleanliness | Girls | Health & Hygiene | On the phone | Technology | Weirdness | Posted 2009-11-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
According to Paris Hilton's Guide to Science
Woman: My legs are burning. But only because I'm putting more pressure on the gravity.
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Just Me
Categories: Body parts | Health & Hygiene | Science | Sensory experiences | Washington | Women | Posted 2009-11-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Homie Also Has a Hard Time on Armed Forces Career Day
Flamboyant, very white math teacher: Alright, we have a test on Tuuuuseday, which is also, guess what, the blood drive! So don't donate blood before the test and please, please, do not donate blood during the test. You'll be writing with one arm and bleeding with the other, and then you'll get paler and paler... and keel over and die. Homie can't fly that. Homie can't.
Math Classroom
Hawaii
Categories: Body parts | Death & dying | Education | Hawaii | Health & Hygiene | Students | Teachers | Whiteys | Posted 2009-11-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Um, of State Security?
Art student: He told me he really relates to my organs.
University of Washington
Seattle, Washington
Categories: Body parts | Colleges & Universities | Feelings | Relationships | Students | Washington | Weirdness | Posted 2009-11-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Audrina from The Hills: Explained.
Woman #1, washing hands: What happened to your chin?
Woman #2: Oh! Uh, Justin head-butted me.
Woman #1: He what?
Woman #2: Oh, well, not like on purpose or anything, just, like, while we were messing around, or whatever.
Woman #1: Mmmmm...
Woman #2: Yeah, I was in like a bad accident when I was a kid so my face doesn't take blunt force trauma very well since then.
Manhattan, New York
Categories: Body parts | New York | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2009-11-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Once You Invoke Hitler, Rational Conversation Ceases
Girl #1, playing Tetris: Stop moving your feet, it's distracting me.
Girl #2: I wasn't trying to distract you! I needed to crack my ankles.
Girl #1: I bet Hitler just needed to crack his ankles too, he didn't mean to kill all those Jews.
Calgary
Canadia
Overheard by: Estelle
Categories: Body parts | Canadia | Compare and contrast | Games | Girls | History | Murder | Weirdness | Posted 2009-11-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You're So Full Of Shit, Jason
Jock: Our soccer team's like the colon--it's probably there for a reason but no one knows what it is.
Friend: That's the appendix.
Westminster, Maryland
Categories: Body parts | Compare and contrast | Friends | Health & Hygiene | Jocks | Maryland | Stupidity | Posted 2009-11-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Here Comes Another One
Teen girl: This skirt is so short! My legs are freezing!
Teen boy: Mine are fine.
Teen girl: That's because of your intense orgasms.
Teen boy: True.
Starbucks
Burlington, Vermont
Overheard by: Sweenan A. Mornstuy
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Body parts | Clothes | Clothing | Compare and contrast | Orgasm | Teens | Vermont | Posted 2009-10-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
David Byrne, Is That You?
Disgruntled hobo outside dollar store: All anyone ever thinks about is "Do I still love him?" and "What happened to your teeth?" That don't make no sense!
Los Angeles, California
Categories: Body parts | California | Feelings | Hobos | Posted 2009-10-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
How the Farmers' Market Got Rated NC-17
Lady to friend: I don't care that it's a squash, it's still inappropriate... legs spread everywhere.
Farmers' Market
Oregon
Overheard by: Shea
Are Catholic Girls Allowed to Sing from the Diaphragm?
Guy: Do you know how I know you were singing correctly?
Girl: You saw me sucking in my stomach?
Guy: No. When you started spitting at me!
Girl: I can't help that I have great diction!
Saint Peter's College
New Jersey
Categories: Body parts | Colleges & Universities | Girls | Guys | New Jersey | Questions | Singing | Weirdness | Posted 2009-10-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Anyone Wanna Teabag?
Dude, after receiving dickhead hat on 50th birthday: Hey, look! My double chin looks like a pair of balls in a nutsack!
Columbia, Missouri
Overheard by: Tiger Fan
Categories: Age and ageing | Balls | Body parts | Clothes | Compare and contrast | Guys | Missouri | Penis | Posted 2009-10-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Limbo Is Not a Man's Game, Son.
Mother to little boy: Stop that! You're gonna hurt your scrotum!
Boston, Massachusetts
Categories: Advice | Body parts | Health & Hygiene | Kids | Kids | Massachusetts | Moms | Parenting | Posted 2009-10-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Incestuous Cirque Du Soleil Porn Is a Joy to Watch
Guy: Yeah, and then there was uncle Marty, who was on his knees throwing balls at her...
Sydney
Australia
Categories: Australia | Balls | Body parts | Family ties | Guys | Sex | Posted 2009-10-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But Talking Out Of My Ass, Of Course.
Harvard student to another: Okay, so I was thinking in my brain...
Harvard Square
Cambridge, Massachusetts
Overheard by: non-ivy-leaguer
Categories: Body parts | Massachusetts | Students | Stupidity | Posted 2009-10-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
From the Hilarious Teen Comedy Can't Hardly Walk
Guy #1: I'm so totally better than him. I have two properly functioning legs.
Guy #2: So does he, they just don't work quite as well as yours.
Guy #1: That's what the crutches are for.
High School
San Diego, California
Overheard by: Alex
Categories: Body parts | California | Compare and contrast | Guys | Health & Hygiene | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Posted 2009-10-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And My Statue Collection Is Really Suffering
Brunette: I don't have ear wax.
Blonde: That's impossible! Your ears can't not produce wax.
Brunette: Well, I get a little bit of yellow on the q-tip like every 2 weeks, but it's just not as satisfying.
Calgary
Canadia
Overheard by: mr. mitch
Categories: Body parts | Canadia | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Stupidity | Weirdness | Posted 2009-10-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
This Ring Symbolizes My No-Footsie Promise
Burly male college student: I don't want to put my bare feet somewhere where someone's already put their bare feet.
Murray State University
Kentucky
Categories: Body parts | Colleges & Universities | Kentucky | Students | Stupidity | Wishes | Posted 2009-10-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Bambi Was a Boy!
Girlfriend to boyfriend: Honey, don't you think I've got Bambi eyes?
Boyfriend: No!
Girlfriend: A lot of people think so.
Boyfriend: You don't have Bambi eyes.
Denmark
Categories: Body parts | Couples | Europe | Movies | Questions | Posted 2009-10-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Stop Eating Those Cheetos!
Girl in puffy pink coat: I went to Jared's yesterday and I was all like, "you're a jerk." Know what I mean?
Girl in puffy white coat: I dunno. My nails are orange.
Illinois institute
Overheard by: abbie
Categories: Body parts | Colleges & Universities | Girls | Illinois | Insults | Stupidity | Posted 2009-10-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Kind Of Scandinavian Thinking That Produced Ikea
Girlfriend to boyfriend: I did the most useless thing today. I stuck something into another thing and pretended it had feet.
Trondheim
Norway
Overheard by: Knowbuddy
Categories: Body parts | Couples | Europe | Weirdness | Posted 2009-10-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Spencer Pratt Has That Effect on a Lot Of People
Frustrated professor: I wanted to go back and eat my own flesh.
Portland, Oregon
But Enough About the Livestock...
New Yorker: So how do you like it down here?
Local thug: If it weren't for the double d breasts and sexy feet, I would've gotten the hell out of here years ago.
Fayetteville, North Carolina
Categories: Body parts | Guys | North Carolina | Questions | Rack | Thugs | Posted 2009-10-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Preparing Me for the Cattiness Of Academia
Statistics teacher: There is a correlation between cats and happiness. Cats make people happy. But not all cats. I still have nightmares about some cats. When I was a little girl, there was this cat, Greta, who lived outdoors. I wanted to pet her, but she scratched up my whole arm and got her claws into my protoplasm!
Atlanta, Georgia
Categories: Animals | Body parts | Georgia | Happiness | Kids | Memory lane | Teachers | Violence | Wishes | Posted 2009-10-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Well, It Was Just Rain.
Preppy girl #1: So I had it all over me, it was on my hands and my face...
Preppy girl #2: Oh my god! Did you throw up?
San Luis Obispo, California
Categories: Body parts | California | Cum | Hands | Health & Hygiene | Preppies | Questions | Sensory experiences | Weirdness | Posted 2009-09-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Maybe Stop Voting Republican?
Guy: My mom hit my dad with a frying pan. He doesn't have a cheek anymore. It's been entirely restructured. She used to beat the shit out of him! It was so funny. But when he drunk--that's when she'd get a beating.
Girl, sympathetically: Your family...
Guy: Oh, I love my family! I don't know what I'd do without them!
Neptune City, New Jersey
Categories: Body parts | Drinking & drunks | Family ties | Feelings | Girls | Guys | New Jersey | Relationships | Violence | Weirdness | Posted 2009-09-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Whether They Like It or Not!
20-something guy: I'm gonna buff the shit out of my nails!
Illinois
Overheard by: Claire
Categories: Body parts | Guys | Illinois | Weirdness | Posted 2009-09-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
These Are the Moments They'll Cherish Forever
Mom to six-year-old daughter: Naiya, you better not be swimming in that toilet, or I will punch you in the neck!
Restaurant Bathroom
Delaware
Overheard by: Laughing Neighbor
Categories: Body parts | Delaware | Family ties | Kids | Kids | Moms | Parenting | Restaurants | Restroom | Threats | Weirdness | Posted 2009-09-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If God Were Irish
Teenage girl: Potato chips are like flakes of god's skin.
Rumson, New Jersey
Categories: Body parts | Compare and contrast | Food | God | New Jersey | Teens | Posted 2009-09-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
To Use a Completely Hypothetical Anecdote
Professor: Fluorine is to chlorine as chlorine is to Kool-Aid. If you inhale chlorine, it burns your nose--you inhale fluorine and it'll eat your face and look for your family.
San Diego State University
San Diego, California
Categories: Body parts | California | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Education | Family ties | Health & Hygiene | Science | Sensory experiences | Teachers | Posted 2009-09-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Didn't I See This in Kindergarten Cop?
Teacher, pointing to female student: You have ovaries. (pointing to self) I have testes.
High School Classroom
Englewood, Colorado
Categories: Balls | Body parts | Colorado | Compare and contrast | Education | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Students | Teachers | Posted 2009-09-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Airlines Don't Even Pretend to Care Anymore
Guy on cell: Well, there's a chance you'll get burns all over your body, but other than that you should be fine.
Louisville, Kentucky
Categories: Body parts | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Kentucky | On the phone | Posted 2009-09-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
In This Case, She Meant to Stun, Not Kill
Taxi cab driver: She ain't big, but she ain't little, you know. (pause) Broke that bottle over Anna head, but she mean well.
Sierra Vista, Arizona
Overheard by: K
Categories: Arizona | Body parts | Compare and contrast | Conductors | Violence | Weirdness | Posted 2009-09-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Raise Your Hand If You're Married to Her
Woman, looking at exhibit containing jellyfish: But where are their brains? Where do you think their brains are? Where would they keep their brains? Where are the brains? Where are their brains? The brains? Where do you think they keep the brains? Huh... I wonder where their brains are?
Aquarium
North Carolina
Overheard by: Kellllyyyyy
Categories: Animals | Body parts | North Carolina | Questions | Women | Posted 2009-09-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
There Are Muslims in Utah?
Boy: Why do you wear that on your head?
Muslim girl, indifferently: So the aliens don't read my brain.
High School
Utah
Overheard by: I need one of those!
Categories: Body parts | Clothes | Girls | Guys | Questions | Religion | Religious fanatics | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Utah | Weirdness | Posted 2009-09-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When I Finally Mastered Writing My Name in Urine
13-year-old boy, jumping all over the place: It was a feeling of pure urethra!
Perth
Western Australia
Australia
Overheard by: he didn't really think that one through
Categories: Australia | Body parts | Feelings | Tweens | Posted 2009-09-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
All I Mean Is, You Really Stand for Something.
Lady in suit to man in wheelchair: Well, you're quick on your feet, I'll give you that. You're quick on your feet... Oh.
Summer Street
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Julianna
Categories: Body parts | Disabled | Health & Hygiene | Massachusetts | Suits | Weirdness | Posted 2009-09-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Well, Yes, and by 'Yes' I Mean 'No.'
Girl: If Mary was a virgin, wouldn't Jesus have had to kick through the placenta to be born?
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: Can't stop thinking about that now at Christmas
And Then I'll Have to French-Kiss You, in a "Thank-You-for-Smacking-Me" Kind Of Way
Marine #1, on plane: Since you got the window seat, I might lean my head on your shoulder for part of this flight. Not in a gay way, more in a I'm-tired-and-want-to-lean-my-head-on-something kind of way.
Marine #2: Alright, but I might have to smack you. Not in an I-hate-you kind of way, more in a get-your-head-off-my-damn-shoulder kind of way.
Airplane
Atlanta, Georgia
Categories: Airports & flights | Body parts | Georgia | Military | Offers and requests | Sexuality | Threats | Weirdness | Wishes | Posted 2009-09-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
No Licking Above the Waist!
Girlfriend: Hold my hand, Eric. Please.
Boyfriend, yelling: No! Just stop it, okay?
Girlfriend: Come on. Just hold my hand.
Boyfriend: No! I'm not doing that again.
Girlfriend, laughing: Aw, why not?
Boyfriend: Because last time you licked my face!
Lawrenceville, New Jersey
Overheard by: Jake
Categories: Body parts | Couples | Hands | New Jersey | Offers and requests | Weirdness | Posted 2009-08-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
He Doesn't Fulfill Such Pedestrian Requests
Girl #1: I wish we had the same size feet.
Girl #2: Well, it's your fault.
Girl #1: How is it my fault? It's not like one day I woke up and was like, "yo Jesus, make my feet three sizes bigger than my sister's."
Roosevelt Field
Long Island, New York
Overheard by: greg
Categories: Body parts | Compare and contrast | Family ties | Girls | Jesus | New York | Weirdness | Wishes | Posted 2009-08-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Best Boss I've Ever Had!
Girl: So Jack sucked my thumb today.
Friends: Really?
Girl: Yeah, he sucked my thumb, then wiped his snot on my arm, licked my leg, and told me he wanted to go to the office.
Simsbury, Connecticut
Overheard by: rehreh88
Categories: Body parts | Connecticut | Friends | Girls | Hands | Health & Hygiene | Licking | Weirdness | Posted 2009-08-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Going for Drinks After Work Can Be a Minefield
Girl #1: Get your hand out of your crotch!
Girl #2: It's not in my crotch!
Girl #1: Yeah, well it's in my way!
Girl #2: (laughs)
Girl #1: No, no, no, no! Wait! No!
Boston, Massachusetts
Categories: Body parts | Girls | Massachusetts | Weirdness | Words | Posted 2009-08-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's How the Doctor Knows You're Done
Lady: And as soon as the doctor said "stick out your tongue," she knew her goose was cooked!
West Chester, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Theresa
Categories: Body parts | Food | Health & Hygiene | Pennsylvania | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2009-08-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Portland Boasts a Rich Frottage Subculture
Boyfriend: Ow! Stop twisting my mole.
Girlfriend, singing quietly to herself: Looking for rub in all the wrong places.
MAX Train
Portland, Oregon
Overheard by: Amy Achterman
Categories: Body parts | Couples | Oregon | Relationships | Singing | Train | Posted 2009-08-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When Scientists Have Pinata Parties
Teen to another: Man, there's DNA all over the streets!
Shout-out: overheardlines.blogspot.com
Overheard by: jessica
Categories: Body parts | Health & Hygiene | Overheard Lines | Teens | Weirdness | Posted 2009-08-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So Just Swear to Me You Aren't a Terrorist, and I'll Let You Through.
Poor overworked guy at counter: Please pardon my ignorance. My computers have collapsed, and that means my brain doesn't work anymore.
International Airport
New Orleans, Louisiana
Overheard by: Meaghan
Categories: Airports & flights | Body parts | Employees | Louisiana | Stupidity | Technology | Posted 2009-08-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That Would End the Fun and Games
Emo guy on cell: I've got to get on the electric snake now. I'll go wherever it takes me. (pause) Tell your mom not to lose an eye, ok?
B Line
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Smallison
Categories: Animals | Body parts | Guys | Massachusetts | On the phone | Parenting | Public Transportation | Train | Posted 2009-08-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
No More Scientific American for You, Young Lady.
Teacher: What that show didn't tell you is that ferrets smell like dirty wet dog.
Seven-year-old girl: Well, you know you can get their scent glands removed.
Teacher: Yeah, but is that really good for them?
Seven-year-old girl: I think it's about the same as removing a dog's testicles.
Seattle, Washington
Categories: Animals | Balls | Body parts | Compare and contrast | Education | Health & Hygiene | Kids | Questions | Students | Teachers | Washington | Posted 2009-08-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
A Problem I Can Solve Simply by Getting a Drunker ID
Drunk college dude, explaining how he got kicked out of a club: They looked at my ID, then they looked at my face. My face was not as sober as my ID.
Metro, Orange Line
Washington, DC
Overheard by: funniest Metro ride ever
Categories: Body parts | Compare and contrast | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Students | Train | Washington, DC | Posted 2009-07-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Who Also Sweats Through His Pants
Babysitter: My dog gets hot walking.
Seven-year-old: How can you tell?
Babysitter: He sticks his tongue out, and his fur is really warm.
Seven-year-old: Sometimes when I'm out in the sun my hair feels hot.
Babysitter: Yeah, now imagine you have hair all over your body.
Seven-year-old: Like my dad.
St. Louis, Missouri
Categories: Animals | Babysitters | Body parts | Compare and contrast | Hair | Kids | Kids | Missouri | Questions | Sensory experiences | Posted 2009-07-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Tell Anyone, And I'll Burn You With This Acid Exfoliant
Guy #1: What is that?
Guy #2, holding sunscreen: Oh, it's sport sunscreen. My mom made bring it.
Guy #3: Dude. Why do you have so many ointments?
Guy #2: The back of my legs get burnt.
Guy #1: You moisturize?
Canada's Wonderland
Vaughan, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: Shan
Categories: Body parts | Canadia | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Parenting | Questions | Posted 2009-07-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
From Stephen King's The Passion Of Christine
Little girl: Where is Jesus?
Bored babysitter: Umm, I don't know... In your heart?
Little girl: Well, then guess what?
Bored babysitter: What?
Little girl: I'm going to punch him! (starts punching herself in the heart)
Toronto
Canadia
Categories: Babysitters | Body parts | Canadia | Feelings | Jesus | Kids | Kids | Questions | Violence | Posted 2009-07-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
More Like Interesting Fungal Formations
Teen: I don't know. I always have great art on my toes.
Choate Rosemary Hall
Wallingford, Connecticut
Categories: Body parts | Connecticut | Teens | Weirdness | Posted 2009-07-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Sort Of Thing That Keeps Us in Business
Guy, telling girl how to inspect screws in a table: Reach up, right up in there...
Girl: Right here?
Guy: Yeah, can you feel it?
Girl: Uh-huh...
Guy: Okay, now can you play around with it with your finger?
Girl: Uh-huh...
Guy, after long pause: You know, if anyone overheard this conversation, it would sound pretty bad.
Security Park
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: Cool Breeze
But He's a Fantastic Gymnastics Coach.
Girl #1: He stabbed me in the face, but he awright.
Girl #2: (unintelligible)
Girl #1: Yeah! It's like he don't care about my well-being.
Grand Rapids, Michigan
Categories: Body parts | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Michigan | Relationships | Stupidity | Violence | Posted 2009-07-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Was Alvin and the Chipmunks Banned in Canadia?
Lady #1: So we have these squirrels in our backyard, and I don't know if the rabbits got to them or what, but they don't have any tails, just these stubs.
Lady #2: (laughs loudly)
Union Station
Toronto
Canadia
Categories: Animals | Body parts | Canadia | Violence | Women | Posted 2009-07-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Can Sell the Blood to Marilyn Manson for a Bundle.
Professor: Now, I want you to listen to what McCormack does with this last phrase. And then I want you to go slit your wrists. Because I know I do every time I hear this.
Peabody Conservatory
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: Emo has nothing on opera
Categories: Body parts | Colleges & Universities | Education | Feelings | Maryland | Music | Students | Teachers | Weirdness | Wishes | Posted 2009-07-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's Either One or the Other, These Days.
Blonde guy: And it burned the whole way down! I think my esophagus hemorrhaged.
Skinny guy: Hey, at least you didn't eat nine bowls of pudding.
Kansas State University
Overheard by: Michele
Categories: Body parts | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Food | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Kansas | Skinny people | Posted 2009-07-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Unlike Your Tasseled Loafers.
Hobo: You ever model?
Cute Asian guy: Uh, no.
Hobo: You should think about it. You have nice cheekbones. But definitely go with an agency.
Cute Asian guy: Okay. (awkward pause)
Hobo: By the way, this is man-to-man. This isn't no gay shit!
Chicago, Illinois
Categories: Asians | Body parts | Compliments | Guys | Hobos | Illinois | Jobs & Careers | Sexuality | Posted 2009-07-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Sigh. You Guys Are So Predictable.
Comic book artist: Is the word "stab" or "poink" best for a dog nose being inserted into someone's butt?
Group of coworkers in unison, very serious: "Poink," definitely.
Portland, Oregon
Bet You Don't Know About Her Meth Problem!
Mother: Do you know about the tooth fairy?
Toddler: Yeah!
Mother: No, you don't.
Fleetwood, New York
Overheard by: Deek
Categories: Body parts | Family ties | Kids | Kids | Magic | Moms | New York | Parenting | Questions | Posted 2009-07-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Unless You Got Johnny Depp to Lick It Out.
Mayo hater: If you kill one of my pets I'd be able to forgive you. If you put mayonnaise in my belly button, I would never talk to you again!
Universal Studios
Florida
Categories: Animals | Body parts | Compare and contrast | Crazies | Florida | Food | Murder | Posted 2009-07-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It Was the Ear.
Guy on phone: I didn't, like...have eye-sex with him. (pause) I didn't fuck him in the eye!
Amherst, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Mike Dunn
Categories: Body parts | Guys | Massachusetts | On the phone | Sex | Weirdness | Posted 2009-06-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's Even More Fetching When It's Full
Coed: I like your bladder.
USC
Los Angeles, California
Categories: Body parts | California | Colleges & Universities | Compliments | Students | Posted 2009-06-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If I'm Going to Rent Them Out, I Get to Make the Rules.
Girl in humanities course: I don't trust Chinese people with my eyebrows.
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Amused college student
Categories: Body parts | Fashion | Pennsylvania | Students | Posted 2009-06-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So Why Would You Want to Be a Middle-School Nurse?
Tall woman on cell: It's not like I wanted to do it either, but sometimes you just have to grab her, spread her legs, and shove the tampon in there. I mean it's part of the job after all.
Dayton, Ohio
Overheard by: I hope she gets hazard pay!
Categories: Body parts | Health & Hygiene | Jobs & Careers | Ohio | On the phone | Weirdness | Wishes | Women | Posted 2009-06-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Try It and You're Outtie.
Dad to kid: Come back here, or I'll have to beat you!
Kid, indignant: You can't beat me! I'm a belly button!
Wal-Mart
Pasco, Washington
Categories: Body parts | Dads | Kids | Parenting | Stores | Threats | Violence | Washington | Posted 2009-06-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us |