Overheard Everywhere | The Voice of the Towel" | Topics

Lady, You Live in the Wrong Fucking State

Older woman working out with personal trainer: I'm almost 70 years old. Ask me how much I care how I look. I don't even have a mirror in my bathroom. I was just interested in a chemical peel. They wanted to roll my skin up over my head, take out the fat, then roll it down again, not to mention take out my liver and kidney. And the woman that's dragging me around to this stuff? She's a gusher. I hate gushers. She says: "We'll go through this together". She says: "Ask the gods." Can you imagine me asking the gods for a facelift? What blasphemy. She says: "Tell me about yourself". I say: "You mean the heroin addiction?" She says: "Really?" I say: "Yeah, it was after my two daughters were born, when I started robbing banks to support us." Honestly, everything has to be so sordid before someone will listen to you. You have to have an incestuous affair or something. When in reality, I work all day, then come home and watch TV like the rest of the human race.

Women's gym
Studio City, California

Overheard by: Trying not to howl with laughter

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...for Chip 'n' Dale

Little boy, covered in glitter: Mom! Casey's whompin' glitter on me again!
Little girl: I am not!
Mother: She's just tryin' to make you look pretty!

Magic Kingdom, Disney World
Orlando, Florida

Overheard by: Natalie

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Chyna's a Great Role Model for Girls

Seven-year-old girl: Mom, when I grow up I wanna be big and beautiful.
Mom: What?
Seven-year-old girl: You heard me, big and beautiful!

Target, Connecticut

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I Assume That Means a General Lack of Randiness

Girl: What about her? She's cute.
Guy: Yeah... but her boobs are small.
Girl: What's wrong with small boobs anyway?
Guy: They're... not... big.

Restaurant, Oregon

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Everyone's a Beautiful Woman After 12 Tequila Shots

Drunk guy on cell: Dad, I can't talk right now, I'm surrounded by FBI agents, but I've got your $100, your beer, and your marijuana. Oh, and your toilet paper. [Pause.] No, dad, FBI agents. [Pause.] I don't know, they're all beautiful women.

B Line
Boston, Massachusetts

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As We Shall See in Today's Film, Big British MILFs

Biology professor: There are a lot of great tits in england.

Knox College
Galesburg, Illinois

Overheard by: Oh, bio...

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

No Good Ever Comes of Communication

Wife: Do you like my new hairstyle?
Husband: Yep.
Wife: That's it? Just "yep"?
Husband: Looks very different. It'll be like having sex with another woman.
Wife: Asshole! Should have kept my mouth shut.
Husband: Yep.

Circle Centre Mall
Indianapolis, Indiana

Overheard by: Shatmandu

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Do I Need to Show You the Algorithm Again?

Guy: I would ask her out, but she's just so dumb. I mean, like, soo dumb.
Girl: Can't you just overlook that for one night?
Guy: She's not quite cute enough.

San Jose, California

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Since His Parole Officer Told Him to Keep His Ass Clean

Teen girl: Sam is so sexy. There's like, no poopy on him.

Palm City, Florida

Overheard by: I don't know about you

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Oh Honey, a Sorority Girl Doesn't Need a Personality

Sorority girl #1: I should, like, just wear mini skirts all the time.
Sorority girl #2: Why?
Sorority girl #1: I have great legs, they're my best asset. [quiet pause] But I don't like my personality.

Dressing Room at Buffalo Exchange
Austin, Texas

Overheard by: Yes! She just redeemed herself

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Body Nazis Are So Vulnerable to Imperfection

Girl: I am going to show you guys my toe, and you're gonna be sorry!

Cresson, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: ZB

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At That Point My Crush Was Ova

Girl to friend: So, there was this cute guy, and I was standing behind him, and he just started laying eggs!

Government Center
Boston, Massachusetts

Overheard by: meems

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For One Thing, He Looks Less Like a Gay Man

[Beauty & the Beast sing-a-long.]
Drunk girl: Is it just me... or is the beast-beast hotter than the human beast?

Duke University
Durham, North Carolina

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Projecting onto My Kids Seems to Help

Honest soccer mom: I'm really trying to get into the whole body-acceptance thing, but I just can't get past how disgusting it is.

Westchester County, New York

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I Figure Since He Died for Me, I May As Well Give Him Something Nice to Look At

Man: I'm giving up bread for lent.
Woman: Is that because Jesus Christ died for your sins, or because you're concerned with your figure?

Starbucks
San Diego, California

Overheard by: Maggie

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This Is a Photo Of a Manatee, Sir

Townie to his friend: Yeah well, just because you don't like your fat wife doesn't mean I don't!

Plaza Restaurant
Gettysburg, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: Alyssa

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I'd Like to Make a "Donation" to That Cause, If You Know What I Mean

Girl: So Natalie Portman is speaking tonight. I want to go.
Boy: What is it about?
Girl: Poverty, but who cares? It's Natalie Portman.
Boy: Yeah, fuck poverty, she's hot.

University
Berkeley, California

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

In L.A., Teenage Girls Who Don't Look Good Naked Are Put to Death

Teen girl #1, looking at hot teen guy's myspace page: He likes me.
Teen girl #2: No, he doesn't.
Teen girl #1: Yes, he does. He told me I'd look good naked.
Teen girl #2: Well, that's just a fact. It doesn't mean he likes you.

Los Angeles, California

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Storytelling Is a Lost Art

Drunk bimbette: Oh my god! I used to like this ugly guy once... Then I realized he was ugly and stopped liking him.

Barbeque
Jundiaí
Brazil

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Nala Would Be an Animal in Bed, Though

Drunk college guy: Is that Nala?
Drunk college chick: She is so pretty... Don't you think she's pretty?
Drunk college guy: I'm not really into cartoons...[after several seconds] I gotta say, though, Kim pretty hot.

Nashville, Tennessee

Overheard by: Megan

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I'm... Black?

Traffic cop: She said, "Do you like it?" and I was like, "Yeah, it looks really nice." And then she said, "Is it subtle?" and I was like "Jenny*, you're a black woman with orange and yellow hair!"

Plymouth, Michigan

Overheard by: Morgz

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And Shoes. Don't Forget Shoes

High school chick #1: Omygod, I totally love him.
High school chick #2: Omygod, me too.
High school chick #1: I mean, he is like easily the hottest guy at our school.
High school chick #2: Oh totally. Like he is soooo cute.
[pause].
High school chick #2: What does he look like again?
High school chick #1: Um, like, I think he wears jeans a lot.

Lambton Quay
Wellington
New Zealand

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And Cute Buttplug!

Woman drying her hands, nonchalantly, to woman ball-gagged and tied to a toilet: "Oh, you changed your hair. It looks pretty."

Women's Bathroom, Bondage-a-GoGo
San Francisco, California

Overheard by: Ladle

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But the Make-a-Wish People Laughed at Me

Drunk guy to two girls: No, really! My ultimate fantasy is to have sex with a ridiculously hot girl while you two are on the futon eating cheetos!

Aburn University
Auburn, Alabama

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...Once I Ran Out of Poop

Daughter: Mommy, mommy, that dress makes you look sixteen years younger!
[Later]
Daughter: Mommy, if you were stranded in the desert without any water, what would you do?
Mother: [No response].
Daughter: [to little sister] I would eat my own blood.

Old Navy
Promenade Mall, California

Overheard by: Claustrophobic

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They Lacked the Sweet Aroma Of Chemicals and Seared Flesh

Brunette girl: Well, they were blondes, but they were natural blondes, so not like, hot blondes.

Melbourne
Australia

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Mmm, Faminelicious.

Chick: Brazilians are the bomb.
Dude: Eastern European chicks are always sooo hot because they can't afford food.

Shout-out: www.overheardatmcgill.com" rel="external">www.overheardatmcgill.com

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How the Colonials Felt about John Hancock

Queer en route to Obama rally: Oh my god, he's so cute. Do you think he'll sign my ass for me?

Ohio State University
Columbus, Ohio

Overheard by: Rachel Jane

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If He Starts Doing Lipo, That's Marriage Material

30-ish blonde #1: So, what do you think of my date?
30-ish blonde #2: He seems nice... Plus, he's a plastic surgeon!
30-ish blonde #1: Hmmm... I don't really like him. Plus, he only does same day procedures. I'm only dating him for the free Botox.
30-ish blonde #2: I totally understand. I would only date him for free Botox, too.

Ladies' room, The Wilshire
Santa Monica, California

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And Everything They Say Is Grounded in Reality

Ugly girl #1: What happened to you? You used to be so photogenic!
Ugly girl #2: I am photogenic! Even the born-again Christian who came to my house said so!

Toronto, Ontario
Canadia

Overheard by: blue block

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On a Good Day, She's You-Don't-Have-to-Be-Drunk-Pretty

Hipster on cell: She's not ugly, she's just not leave-your-girlfriend-pretty.

McDonald's
Morristown, New Jersey

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We Need a Nice Set of Operational Definitions

Male MBA #1: We should have a contest to see who can bring the hottest date to charity ball.
Male MBA #2: That wouldn't work, because looks are subjective.
Female MBA: Um... No... Some people are objectively hot. You can be empirically attractive.

Shout-out: overheardatkmc.blogspot.com

Overheard by:

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He Has Two Towers

High school girl: Yeah, he's cute, but in a kind of Lord of the Rings way.

Starbucks, Bloor Street
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia

Overheard by: Myrna

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Oh, Poor Maggie Gyllenhaal

Chick #1: Was she cute?
Chick #2: No, she was fugs! She looked like an anorexic bear. You know, like, at the circus? One of the ones that are tortured... And forced to wear party hats.

Red Line train
Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: I totally know what you mean...

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In Recent Years, Mr. Rove's Tastes Had Changed

Bra-less woman in tight pink polo shirt, to boyfriend: I asked Carl what his new girlfriend looked like, and he didn't even hesitate -- he just said, 'Shrek'!

Shout-out: overheardinpdx.blogspot.com

Overheard by: stephanie

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Bad Things All Start Out Innocently Enough

Guy: Dude, I'll hook you up. My wife is hot, but her friends are hotter.

Tulsa, Oklahoma

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The Beautiful Have a Wider Range of Things to Go Wrong, Though

Bimbette #1: You know what must suck?
Bimbette #2: What?
Bimbette #1: It must suck to be ugly. Because then, on top of everything else that's going wrong in your life, you're, like, ugly.
Bimbette #2: Yeah...

Buddhism class
Virginia

Overheard by: Mindygotback

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About As Deep As Men Get

Chick #1: Sometimes I talk to my guy friends about the difference between women who are hot and women who are beautiful.
Chick #2: Which would they rather be with?
Chick #1: Hot in high school, but beautiful for getting married, because she'll be beautiful forever.
All chicks: Awww!
Chick #3: That is so deep.

Spokane, Washington

Overheard by: Holly Golightly

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With a Hint of Schmuck and a Dash of Tool

Blonde, about brunette's fiancé: He's too pretty to be hot.