Overheard Everywhere | The Voice of the Towel" | Topics | Animals

And Yet We Soldier Bravely On

Suit #1: Yeah mate, it was fucking wild...
Suit #2: Oh yeah?
Suit #1: Yeah, took her back to mine. She's a skank. I swear there were spiders crawling out of her vag.

Leamington Spa
England

Overheard by: Bleep

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...Faking Its Own Death for the Publicity

Mother: Why did you kill that butterfly?
22-year-old daughter: It wasn't on purpose!
Mother: And what did you do with it?
22-year-old daughter: I put it outside, on the plant...
Mother: Why?
22-year-old daughter: I thought it was just pretending...

São Paulo
Brazil

Overheard by: Teca Arantes

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So We're Giving Him My Anal Fisting Videos and Hoping He Can Extrapolate

Middle-aged man: So the other day my friend asked me to borrow some porn tapes. He said he needed to teach his son about the birds and the bees.

Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com

Overheard by: the wirled

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How Criss Angel Makes a Tidy Profit at Parties

Drunk man at next table: Butterflies out the arse! And I wouldn't have bet 10 bucks on the sonofabitch!

Sushi Bar
Baton Rouge, Louisiana

Overheard by: Sushi Enjoyer

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Either Listen Up or Nap Like the Rest Of Us, Dude

Guy leaving psych class: Why are we talking about bed bugs liking it up the ass?! How is that relevant?

University of Pittsburgh
Pennsylvania

Overheard by: Ellie

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The Website?

Girl pointing at caterpillar on floor: Oh my god! What is that?
Friend: Ew, it's a caterpillar!
Girl: It just crawled out of me!
Friend: What?
Girl: Well she was just telling me that there are fish that crawl up your va-j-j if you pee in the lake!
Friend: That's only for guys. And in the Amazon!

Redding, California

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Now Everyone Brace Yourselves While I Release the Bee

Teacher: If there's a bee flying around the classroom, I don't want you to freak out. But, if you get stung by a bee, I want you to jump up, scream, run for the door, run into the door because you didn't open it, scream again, and run out. If you're going to disturb the class, we might as well get a laugh out of it.

Bristol, Vermont

Overheard by: Misaki

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Because I'd Be Happy to Give You a Guided Tour

Large middle-aged man with many teddy bears strapped to his fanny pack: Have you seen the penis worm?

Smithsonian Museum of Natural History
Washington, DC

Overheard by: Hadn't seen it

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That's the Last Time I'll Try Absinthe.

Teen to friend: My house smells like bug spray, and there is blood all over my bed!

Pappadeauxs Restaurant
Houston, Texas

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It's the Same Thing with Using a Neti Pot

Professor: You'd probably say "no, I wouldn't do it," but until you had a fly dropped in your nose, you wouldn't know.

Ann Arbor, Michigan

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Prepare to Fly Away, White Crane Brain

Explosive, neurotic 20-something to friend: Say your prayers, mantis pants!

Vancouver, BC
Canadia

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Seymour Glass Was Such a Sensitive Child

Little boy (pointing to a plastic butterfly): Mommy, what's that?
Mom: That's a butterfly. Do you like butterflies?
Little boy (timidly): No...
Mom: Why not?
Little boy: They hurt me.

The Mall
Victoria
Canadia

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Hard for Girls to Compete With That

Gross girl: Well, that girl's bathroom wasn't that bad.
Grosser guy: Well, the flies come to the men's because they like the pee pee floor. Mmmhmm.

Metro Red Line
Washington, DC

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Snow White Is Always Hurting the Dwarves' Feelings

Girl: Oh, as far as I'm concerned, they're just the happy little worker bees that bring me my birth control.

Madison, Wisconsin

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And Now, Please Clap Along As I Do the Tenure Dance

[Girl leaves class in the middle of a lesson]
Professor: She didn't like what I was saying? I'm so upset, I'm going to go to the garden and eat fuzzy worms.

Marist College
Poughkepsie, New York

Overheard by: Nik

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Always Sniffing My Delicate Petals

Science professor: So, the flower has this thing in it that looks exactly like a female wasp, and it smells like a female wasp. So, the male wasp comes up and tries to mate with it -- tries to copulate with it... I had a roommate like that once.

Marist College
Poughkeepsie, New York

Overheard by: Russ

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What Have We Told You about Speaking?

Little girl: Wouldn't it be great if, instead of stinging you, bees rescued you from quick sand?

Brookfield, Illinois

Overheard by: Joe V

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Unfriendly Bug Spirits Are the Worst

Tween boy: Can you imagine what it would be like to spend the night here? All the unfriendly spirits...
Teen girl, horrified: And, bugs!

Alcatraz Island
San Francisco, California

Overheard by: Casper the Friendly Roach

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Not Unlike Your Innocence

Cute little girl staring at ceiling: Mommy, what is that butterfly doing there?
Bitchy mom: It's dead.

Shout-out: overheardinthevalley.blogspot.com

Overheard by: Glowien

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And I Think a Swarovski Crystal Will Be Just the Thing to Brighten Her Day

Southern lady: I'm getting this for my daughter. She lost everything when the roaches took over the trailer.

Call on a home shopping channel

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