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Quoth the Raven, "Nevermore."
30-something woman on cell: Yeah, the crow was annoying, but at least it wasn't masturbating.
Framingham, Massachusetts
Categories: Birds | Gripes | Massachusetts | Masturbation | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2010-12-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Thankfully the Stupid Seem to Always Die Off First
Environmental science teacher: What, in your opinion, is the most pressing environmental issue our planet faces today?
Clueless redhead, raising hand unsurely: Is it... The birds?
Environmental science teacher: Excuse me?
Clueless redhead: Isn't there something up with birds? Like, aren't they dying or something?
Environmental science teacher: Um... Thousands of different animals are dying...
Clueless redhead: Oh. I thought it was just birds.
High School
Los Angeles, California
Categories: Animals | Birds | California | Compare and contrast | Death & dying | Questions | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Students | Stupidity | Teachers | Posted 2010-08-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If They Don't Perform, You Can Eat Them
Middle-aged guy to 20-something girl: You could hire chickens, they're not union!
BART
San Francisco, California
Categories: Birds | Girls | Guys | Jobs & Careers | San Francisco | Posted 2010-08-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When Disney Movies Go Too Far
Tall girl: I find fault with your explanation of how penguins get the machete upgrade.
Hamden, Connecticut
Overheard by: Soy Bomb
Categories: Birds | Connecticut | Girls | Violence | Weirdness | Posted 2010-07-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So Now I Need a Dust Bath
Paris Hilton lookalike waif on cell, wearing tight cargo Capris and giant white sunglasses: No, the steakhouse one... (pause) Yeah, when the vultures flew out of my pants!
Trailer Park behind PETCO
New Jersey
Overheard by: IDK if I want to understand this one
Categories: Birds | Clothing | Girls | New Jersey | On the phone | Weirdness | Posted 2010-07-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Chickenman?
Loud man on cell on bus: You know, I don't really care for turkey. Have it at Thanksgiving and sometimes Christmas, and I am sick of that shit. Now me, I like chicken. That's my thing. I'm a chicken man.
Austin, Texas
Categories: Birds | Compare and contrast | Food | Guys | On the phone | Texas | Posted 2010-07-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Advent Of a New Sport
Sports fan to another: I'm telling you: you swing a wheel of cheese and hit a bird, that bird's going down.
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Laure
The Perils Of Undercooked Turducken
Guy on cell: And I was crouched down lookin' up at her, and all of a sudden this teal duck shot out her ass! Pass me them field peas.
Louisiana
Overheard by: 2 tables over
So We're Giving Him My Anal Fisting Videos and Hoping He Can Extrapolate
Middle-aged man: So the other day my friend asked me to borrow some porn tapes. He said he needed to teach his son about the birds and the bees.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: the wirled
Categories: Birds | Education | Guys | Insects | Kids | Offers and requests | Overheard in Minneapolis | Parenting | Porn | Posted 2009-12-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's Meg Ryan.
Girl #1: I want to have sex with that duck.
Girl #2: Shut up!
Shout-out: overheardinpdx.blogspot.com
Overheard by: io
You'd Prefer They Were Six Breasts All from the Same Chicken?
Bagger to cashier: There's something mildly strange about a package that contains breasts... from different chickens.
Whole Foods
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: They were thighs actually, but I see your point.
Now Explain Why You're Defecating on That Statue
Boyfriend on train: I always wanted to be a pigeon.
Incredulous girlfriend: What?
Boyfriend: Oh shit, I just thought that out loud.
Melbourne
Australia
Jenna Jameson Was a Tough Kid to Raise
Little girl: Tea... cock! (pause) Tea... cock! Cock! Teaaaaaaaa...
Distracted mother: Honey, "peacock" is all one word.
Little girl: Cock!
Leesburg, Virginia
Like Many Of My Students, Strangely Enough.
Science professor: This is plastic deformation, like what happens to those baby-seal catchers. You know, the plastic that comes around soda cans? Sometimes you catch penguins too, but those are much harder--they run really fast, and they have no regard for their bodies. They just throw themselves off cliffs.
Boston University
Boston, Massachusetts
Categories: Animals | Birds | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Education | Health & Hygiene | Questions | Science | Teachers | Posted 2009-09-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Notice: This Quote Not Endorsed by Morgan Freeman
Blonde: Um, no, actually, a penguin is a mammal. I learned that from Morgan Freeman.
Halifax
Canadia
Categories: About celebrities | Birds | Canadia | Girls | Stupidity | Posted 2009-08-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When Aesop Tried Peyote
Dude: You fail to see that the rhinoceros is not pleased that you've clogged the bathtub drain with jam and celery. She's quite angry with you. I mean, if you just shit out a canary, it's not going to want to play tonsil hockey.
Friend: How hard would it be to get you involuntarily committed to a mental institution?
Marist College
Poughkeepsie, New York
Overheard by: Russ
Categories: Animals | Bathing | Birds | Colleges & Universities | Food | Friends | Guys | K-I-S-S-I-N-G | Mental illnesses | New York | Questions | Weirdness | Posted 2009-07-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If It's Not a Potential YouTube Video, Why Look?
Girl sitting by window: Oh, John, come here!
Guy: What? Why?
Girl: Because there's a male and female cardinal sitting on the same branch!
Guy: Are they fucking?
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
But Instead It Was Kindergarteners.
Guy: We could have been run over by trucks or seagulls.
Marist College
Poughkeepsie, New York
Overheard by: Nik
Just Like Whales.
Guy with burger to friend, loudly: Penguins are fish, and fish don't eat fish!
Vancouver
Canadia
Overheard by: kib
Or "Dy-no-miiiiite"?
Kooky English professor, leading discussion: Now, what if the raven had said "chicken soup"?
Birmingham-Southern College
Birmingham, Alabama
Overheard by: lenore
At Least She Correctly Identified Them As Birds.
High school girl, looking at seagulls feeding: That ain't crows, them are ducks!
Shout-out: talovich.blogspot.com
Overheard by: Yugan
Categories: Birds | Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | Language barrier | Other sites | Students | Posted 2009-06-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Find the Current Lend-Lease Arrangement Quite Satisfactory
Guy: I am making this shitty 50% less sodium Progresso chicken noodle soup. Tastes like penis!
Girl: Always an appealing taste.
Guy: If I ever get a twitter, that's my first status.
Girl: I'm tempted to get one. (pause) A twitter, not a penis.
University of Kansas
Categories: Birds | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Food | Girls | Guys | Internet | Kansas | Penis | Posted 2009-05-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
65% Of Me Is!
Brunette: I'm like a total vegetarian. Except I like chicken, and beef. And sometimes I eat bacon with my breakfast.
Blonde: Are you for real?
Salt Lake City, Utah
Overheard by: Vastly Amused
The Big Ones Are Making My Tummy Ache
Cute little girl: Daddy, can we eat a little pigeon?
São Paulo
Brazil
And Get Your Desks Out Of That V Formation
Teacher: Sit the fuck down and stop acting like a bird!
High School Classroom
Englewood, Colorado
Categories: Birds | Colorado | Compare and contrast | Default | Offers and requests | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Teachers | Posted 2009-04-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Potato, Potahto
Girl to pizza delivery guy: So that's a meat feast, a ham and pineapple, a chicken supreme, and a Margherita for Amy because she's a lesbian.
Amy: I'm a vegetarian!
Sheffield
England
You Can See They Have Separate but Equal Cages
Zookeeper: We have three types of penguins: Humboldt, Emperor, and Macaroni.
Small child watching zookeeper: Are there African American penguins?
Zookeeper, clearly flustered: Er...well...there are penguins from many countries and continents...
Milwaukee County Zoo
Wisconsin
Overheard by: Not a penguin racist
Those Lean Cuisine Commercials Have Rocked Our Society to the Core
Girl #1: You know, thanks for listening to my problems. I know you've got a lot of your own, and they're totally worse than mine.
Girl #2: Dude! My problems are like...I had really crappy Chinese for dinner four hours ago shit. Your problems are just like, you had chicken and a salad for dinner last night shit. It's totally cool.
East Tennessee
Overheard by: yeah? well i had lasagna for dinner.
The Cartoon Network-History Channel Merger Confused Everybody
Six-year-old boy to brother: You know who'll save you? Abraham Lincoln. Too bad he's dead now. He'll rise from the dead! And raise chickens! His chicken powers can't save you now!
Baltimore, Maryland
Otherwise It'll Just Get Made Into McNuggets
Scruffy man with garbage bag to stranger: Want to buy some chicken breast?
Blue Line Train
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Categories: Birds | Default | Food | Guys | Offers and requests | Pennsylvania | Questions | Train | Posted 2009-02-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Colonel Sanders Was Mad Pimpin' in His Heyday
Girl #1: So how much older is this guy exactly?
Girl #2: Only like 9 years. He's 37. But I mean, I really like him, and he has chickens.
Auburn, Alabama
Remember When I Did That at My Son's Bar Mitzvah?
Woman, urinating and talking to friend in next stall: I was holding my piss in for so long, my Kegel muscles could choke a chicken!
Memorial Hall
Monson, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Sarah
Categories: Birds | Body parts | Default | Massachusetts | Names | Pee | Women | Posted 2009-01-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
While Black Eyeliner Is the New Jersey State Bird
Goth girl to friend: You have to know your ChapStick! ChapStick is the Colorado state bird!
Aurora, Colorado
Overheard by: Lee
They're the Only Living Species of the Family Struthionidae. True Story
Hobo: Excuse me, miss. Can you tell me something about ostriches?
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Jonesy
Categories: Birds | Default | Hobos | Offers and requests | Questions | Washington, DC | Posted 2008-12-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Nah, They Know the Pecking Order
Bookseller to pregnant coworker: Aren't you worried there will be jealousy between the chickens and your unborn child?
Barnes & Noble
Augusta, Maine
Overheard by: Just browsing
In Fact, He's Delicious
Captain on intercom: Ladies and gentlemen, just wanted to let you know the reason this flight was delayed. The plane collided with a bird upon landing. It's no big deal; it just hit a body part. The bird is okay.
Airport
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Ladle (who is skeptical about the well-being of the bird)
Categories: Airports & flights | Birds | Default | Pennsylvania | Pilots | Public Transportation | Posted 2008-09-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Except for Excrement on Outdoor Statues
Girl to guy: I think that should be my new catch phrase, "I want my pigeons!" But what does that even mean?
Guy: If we knew that, all the world's problems would be solved.
The Star Bar
Atlanta, Georgia
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Birds | Default | Georgia | Girls | Guys | Philosophy | Weirdness | Posted 2008-09-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
e e cummings Would Go on to Fame and Fortune
Hobo, sitting next to guys on bench: And then my guys, damn birds! (mutters incoherently) Everywhere! Fucking pigeons! They eat and shit and live and shit. (mutters incoherently) Cats, and mind control, that's what we need...
(hobo gets up and rolls down the street)
Guy #1: What the fuck?
Guy #2: I think he's my hero.
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Categories: Birds | Crazies | Default | Gripes | Guys | Hobos | Mental illnesses | Pennsylvania | Weirdness | Posted 2008-09-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Christianity's All About the Special Effects
Girl to mother: You know, that's why I'm so messed up. My main memories of church are smearing fake blood on a Ken doll for Cain killing Abel, with pigeons cooing at me; and dancing across the stage in a pink tutu for The Odyssey.
Aurora, Colorado
Like Richard Simmons
Bimbette #1: Wait, is a bird a mammal? I don't think it's a mammal...
Bimbette #2: I think a bird is, like, its own species.
B train
Boston, Massachusetts
Turkeys: Damn Right!
Brunette: Hold up -- I just want to grab some turkey.
Redhead: Why?
Brunette: ... So I can make a turkey sandwich?
Redhead: Yeah, I know, but we have chicken back home.
Brunette: Uh-huhhh -- and I want a turkey sandwich.
Redhead: It's the same thing.
Brunette: No. No, it's not.
Redhead: Alright, then what's the difference?
Brunette: ... One's a fucking turkey.
Long Island Super Market
Long Island, New York
Does "Chicken Salad Toss" Mean What I Think It Means?
Hotel guest exiting meeting: You know, in a case like this I would typically use the phrase, 'I wouldn't trust it as far as I could throw it,' but I could throw that chicken pretty far.
The Phoenician Resort
Scottsdale, Arizona
Overheard by: Accurate...
Sure, Ernie, I'd Be Glad To
Crazy college student: Can you take the rubber ducky? I can't bring him into the cafeteria. There's no duck food in there.
Blanton Hall, Montclair State University
New Jersey
Overheard by: Rubber Ducks don't eat
Categories: Birds | New Jersey | Students | Posted 2007-09-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Flamingos: Let's Beat the Crap Out of Her
Child: Look!
Mom: They're just flamingos. They don't do anything.
Disney World
Orlando, Florida
Overheard by: Suezahn
Oh, in That Case I'd Be a Cheetah
Guy #1: Man, that movie was so good last night -- I was so baked.
Guy #2: Yeah, that shit is so much better when you're high.
Guy #1, after a pause: If you were a bird, what kind of bird would you be?
Guy #2: I don't like birds.
Guy #3: I'd be a pterodactyl, dude.
Cafeteria line, Colgate University
Hamilton, New York
Categories: Birds | Colleges & Universities | Frat boy types | New York | Questions | Posted 2007-07-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Quoth the Raven: "Jackass."
College dude #1: What are those birds that fucking talk?
College dude #2: Parrots?
College dude #1: No, that's what my teacher said... Ravens! That's right!
College dude #2: Ravens talk? That's like Edgar Allen Poe shit or something.
College dude #1: No, dude, they for real only say like one word, though.
College dude #2, imitating a raven: Aquafina!
College dude #1: Yeah, dude! 'Aquafina!' Only I'd make mine say, 'Radiator.'
www.overheardinpittsburgh.com
Categories: Birds | Idiots | Overheard in Pittsburgh | Words | Posted 2007-05-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Food Chain's There -- We Just Have to Use It
Girl: I hate geese.
Guy: Because they're Canadian?
Girl: No, the fat white ones. I hate them because they're fat. And greedy.
Guy: Yeah, what's up with that? They always run right up to you if you have bread.
Girl: And they totally harass the ducks, man!
Guy: Yeah, what the fuck?! Stupid geese. Fuck that shit, man. Fuck that shit.
Girl: Yeah!
Shout-out: overheardinthevalley.blogspot.com
Categories: Birds | Grumpies | Overheard in the Valley | Posted 2007-04-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Food Chain's There -- We Just Have to Use It
Girl: I hate geese.
Guy: Because they're Canadian?
Girl: No, the fat white ones. I hate them because they're fat. And greedy.
Guy: Yeah, what's up with that? They always run right up to you if you have bread.
Girl: And they totally harass the ducks, man!
Guy: Yeah, what the fuck?! Stupid geese. Fuck that shit, man. Fuck that shit.
Girl: Yeah!
Shout-out: overheardinthevalley.blogspot.com
Categories: Birds | Grumpies | Overheard in the Valley | Posted 2007-04-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Knew You Didn't Have Mono Last Year
Grad student trying to impress a date: Pigeon shit is the most toxic bird poop.
Date: How do you know that?!
Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com
Overheard by: squirrely mcsquirrel
Categories: Birds | Overheard at Cornell | Poop | Students | Posted 2007-04-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
