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But This Place Doesn't Sell Rolling Paper
Teenage girl: How about a duke shot glass?
Friend: How old is your brother?
Teenage girl: 12.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: start em young
Categories: Age and ageing | Drinking & drunks | Family ties | Girls | Overheard in Minneapolis | Posted 2011-08-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
On the Plus Side, If People Think You're 16, You Totally Have a Future in Barely-Legal Porn!
Young woman #1: And I was like, "No, dude who's two years older than me, I'm not 16. Nice mandals."
Young woman #2: You said that?
Young woman #1: Oh, no. I try really hard to think of other things when 25-year-olds are hitting on my mom.
Young woman #2: I'm really sorry.
Nail Salon
Napa, California
Categories: Age and ageing | California | Family ties | Gossip | Women | Posted 2011-07-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Here, Try This Adorable Thong.
Mother to child in the girl's clothing aisle: No, you're not wearing a padded bra; you're six!
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: me
Categories: Age and ageing | Clothes | Moms | Overheard in Minneapolis | Parenting | Posted 2011-06-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Let Us Never Speak Of This Again.
College guy, watching little girl in husky cheerleader outfit: What's with all these cheerleaders everywhere? I like it!
Female friend: Dude, that sounded kind of wrong, she's like six.
College guy: Yeah... I just realized that.
UW Husky Tailgate
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Face
Categories: Age and ageing | Feelings | Guys | Washington | Weirdness | Posted 2011-06-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Apparently Medicare and Social Security Don't Count
Guy behind deli counter: Does anyone need any help?
Old man #1: What about psychiatric help?
Old man #2: Are you giving or receiving?
Old man #1: I'm on the receiving end of everything. Except taxes!
Gene's Fine Foods
Saratoga, California
Categories: Age and ageing | California | Employees | Health & Hygiene | Money | Old folks | Questions | Posted 2011-05-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Then the Wii Had to Come Along and Confuse Everything
Woman on phone: Yeah, well, as you get older, it's less manual labor and more electronics!
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: am I taking this the wrong way?
Categories: Age and ageing | Compare and contrast | On the phone | Overheard in Minneapolis | Technology | Women | Posted 2011-05-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Original Miracle Worker Screenplay Was Less Than Inspiring.
Male teacher talking about student: Yeah, that ear infection made her go deaf. She wears one of those things in her head. The implant.
Meanest lady ever: Her life is over. You can't be deaf and ugly. That is too many things.
Male teacher: She's five!
Meanest lady ever: By six she'll barely be a person.
Fairfield, Connecticut
Categories: Age and ageing | Beauty | Connecticut | Gossip | Maladies | Teachers | Posted 2011-05-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Jason's Pick-Up Strategy Is Full Of Holes
Drunk frat boy, yelling to group: Is it someone's birthday?
Cute girl: Yeah! Mine!
Drunk frat boy: How old are you? 19?
Girl: 22.
Drunk frat boy: Oh, I was confused. I was wondering how you could have gotten so drunk if you were 19.
Girl: We're not drunk.
Drunk frat boy: Oh. Well, we are!
Mini Golf Course
Minneapolis, Minnesota
Categories: Age and ageing | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Frat boy types | Girls | Minnesota | Questions | Stupidity | Posted 2011-05-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Oh, Leave Martin Short Alone.
Woman, exiting coffee shop: He's like ten years old, but he's aged really well...
Berkeley, California
Overheard by: Minivet
Categories: Age and ageing | Beauty | California | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2011-03-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Amen, Sister
Coworker, about Dick Clark's New Year's Eve: For people our age it's just not New Year's until we see Dick.
Sanford, Florida
Categories: About celebrities | Age and ageing | Coworkers | Florida | Holidays | Posted 2011-03-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Tonight, on the Pilot Episode Of The Golden-Palace Girls...
Woman to ten-year-old son: When I'm old and feeble, will you take me in and take care of me?
Ten-year-old son: No. I'm going to put you in a home with a bunch of Asian people.
Chesapeake, Virginia
Overheard by: Kids these days.
Grandma Does Have Her Own Fragrance Line
Sentimental girl, about her grandmother: She went all loopy last time!
Comforting friend: No, I am sure she'll be alright.
Sentimental girl: Last time she thought she lived with David Beckham!
East London
England
Overheard by: Luna
Categories: About celebrities | Age and ageing | Friends | Girls | UK | Wishes | Posted 2010-11-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'd Hoped to Outgrow My Vanity, Too
80-year-old grandmother walking feebly down the stairs: I'm not drunk; I'm handicapped.
Daughter assisting her: She's drunk and handicapped.
80-year-old grandmother: Okay. That's true... I just didn't want to bring my cane.
Turner Field, Braves Game
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: Drunk, but Not Handicapped
Categories: Age and ageing | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Georgia | Maladies | Old folks | Posted 2010-11-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You're As Big a Disappointment As Your Mother!
Elderly lady to six-month-old baby: Now, I want you to say nice and clearly, "here I am, grandmother," when I ask you where you are.
Oxford
England
Categories: Age and ageing | Bringing it back to you | Family ties | Kids | Old folks | UK | Posted 2010-11-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...And I'm Usually Into 20-Something Honduran Men...
Law student: So, listen. He went to get a manicure the other day and I was like, you know, "how was it?" He was like, "oh, it was good and all, but she was rubbing my arm and I kinda started getting turned on." And I was like, "what?" He said "yeah, and it was kinda weird because she was this 50-year-old Asian woman."
Mississippi College School of Law
Categories: Age and ageing | Body parts | Colleges & Universities | Erections | Health & Hygiene | Mississippi | Students | Weirdness | Posted 2010-09-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Brian.
Mother of musical theater fan: Oh, I didn't know Andrew Lloyd Webber wrote that. Well, maybe I did, but you weren't my daughter then.
Canadia
Not Even with All the Wood and the Nailing?
Super peppy freshman orientation guide: What was your favorite Halloween costume?
College freshman: Well, I was a construction worker once.
Super peppy freshman orientation guide: Was it a sexy construction worker?
College freshman: Well, I was five years old... so no.
Harrisonburg, Virginia
Categories: Age and ageing | Clothing | Compare and contrast | Students | Virginia | Posted 2010-09-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
To Be Fair, at Least She Won't Be a Cop.
Fat female student: I'm thirty-eight years old with a criminal justice degree, and I still can't find nothin' to do in this valley. Nobody's hirin', nothin'.
Skinny female student: Couldn't you just be a cop?
Fat female student: I can't be a cop. They give me a badge an' a gun, I'd be shootin' at fags and wetbacks. I mean, in this day in age... Not to be rude or anything...
Bookstore
West Virginia University
Categories: Age and ageing | Colleges & Universities | Education | Fat people | Jobs & Careers | Skinny people | Students | Violence | West Virginia | Posted 2010-09-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...They Turned Him Into a Wind Instrument!
Hipster guy to two girls with horrified looks on their faces: So it had been like a zit or a boil when he was seventeen, but because it never got treated... There was, like, a tunnel, and then... (passes out of earshot)
The Danforth
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: wondering what the hell came after the tunnel
Categories: Age and ageing | Canadia | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Hipsters | Weirdness | Posted 2010-09-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
No More Hentai for You, Young Man.
Three-year-old boy: When I get older my penis is going to get so big, and then it will talk to me.
Tampa, Florida
Overheard by: Dr Banana Grabber
Categories: Age and ageing | Florida | Kids | Kids | Penis | Sensory experiences | Posted 2010-09-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We Smell the Plot Of a New Indiana Jones Movie!
Mini-skirt girl: Her name is Pearl, so she's either an 80-year-old white lady from Connecticut...
Suit: Or an 18-year-old, French-speaking lieutenant in an Asian motorcycle gang.
Mini-skirt girl: Yours is weirdly specific.
Bridgeport, Connecticut
Overheard by: Agreed
Categories: Age and ageing | Compare and contrast | Connecticut | Girls | Names | Suits | Weirdness | Posted 2010-09-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Like I Did That Time You Asked Me Out
Emo kid: Old people see me on the street with my bright pink hair and my studded collar and my eyeliner, and they hate me!
Girl: If I was old and I saw you, I would just laugh.
Amherst, Massachusetts
Overheard by: shay
Categories: Age and ageing | Fashion | Girls | Gripes | Guys | Hair | Massachusetts | Posted 2010-09-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
She Claimed the Pasties Were Medicinal.
Guy: So she lied to me. She said she wasn't eighteen.
Girl: How old was she?
Guy: Nineteen. And she said she wasn't a stripper.
Berkeley, California
Categories: Age and ageing | California | Girls | Guys | Lies | Sex | Posted 2010-08-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Man Probably Needs His Bran, Honey
Daughter: Why did you pick up that man's cereal, dad?
Dad: Because he dropped it, sweetie.
Daughter: Oh, is it because he's old?
Ottawa
Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: Kara
...Assuming I've Successfully Turned You Gay. Now Let's Go Look at Window-treatments.
Little boy on bus: Mom, mom, what's that? (points at Showgirls)
Mom: It's a titty place! Don't worry, no one's going to come out naked, but you won't care about that when you're 20.
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Face
Categories: Age and ageing | Kids | Kids | Moms | Parenting | Questions | Rack | Sensory experiences | Sex | Washington | Posted 2010-08-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Cautionary Tale That Elizabeth Taylor Has Taught Us All
Girl to friends: I mean, think about it: a girl that's pretty now could be ugly in ten years.
Crested Butte, Colorado
Overheard by: Wow.
There Was an Unfortunate Incident With Jeffrey at Toys Я Us
Girl #1: I mean, there are those people who pretend to be so moral, and then you find out they're, like, fucking a giraffe.
Girl #2, laughing: Ew! That's disgusting.
Girl #3: Seriously, though, hypocrites suck.
Girl #2: But what would that feel like?
Girl #1: What, being a hypocrite?
Girl #2: No... You know... The giraffe.
Girl #3: Ew... Uhm, horrible?
Girl #2: Yeah, you're right.
(five minutes later, in the middle of another topic)
Girl #2: But really, I think it would depend on how old it was.
Girl #1: What?
Girl #2: The giraffe.
Girl #1: Are you still thinking about fucking a giraffe?!?
Girl #3: We need to make sure she doesn't go to the zoo. That can only end badly.
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: that sounds wholly unpleasant
Categories: Age and ageing | Animals | Compare and contrast | Feelings | Girls | Insults | San Francisco | Sex | Posted 2010-08-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Just Barely Care About People
Philosophy student #1, about biomedical ethics: Yeah, we just don't know enough yet to go around screwing with genetic manipulation. Like, cloning people. That creeps me out.
Philosophy student #2: That sheep they cloned, Dolly. She died recently, didn't she? She was like five or six years old.
Philosophy student #1: Yeah. I don't think she lived very long.
Philosophy student #2: What's an average sheep lifespan?
Philosophy student #1, in defensive tone of voice: I don't know! I don't care about sheep!
Vancouver
Canadia
Categories: Age and ageing | Animals | Canadia | Death & dying | Philosophy | Science | Students | Posted 2010-06-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Of Course, I Also Thought She'd Be Giving Birth in Prison...
Girl #1: I never thought I'd be a mom at 23! See you later! (walks away)
Girl #2, to girl #3: I thought she would be.
Canadia
Categories: Age and ageing | Canadia | Girls | Parenting | Posted 2010-05-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Need Some Whacking Material for Later
50-something guy #1: My new girlfriend is twenty years younger than me.
50-something guy #2: You going to marry her?
50-something guy #1: No. I had that talk with her at the very beginning.
50-something guy #2: You got any nude photos of her on your phone?
Health Club Locker Room
Shawnee Mission, Kansas
Categories: Age and ageing | Assholes | Guys | Kansas | Porn | Relationships | Restroom | Posted 2010-05-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...For You, Missy.
Girl to boy: How old are you?
Boy: Two old!
Seattle, Washington
Categories: Age and ageing | Kids | Washington | Words | Posted 2010-04-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Translation: I'm Afraid You'd Kill Me
50-something guy on cell: Yeah, so honestly I don't think this will work out... I think your sexuality is a little... young for me.
Starbucks
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: dates older guys
Categories: Age and ageing | Bars & Clubs | Canadia | Compare and contrast | Guys | On the phone | Sexuality | Posted 2010-02-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Ones That Will Fit Over My Big-Boy Pull-Ups
Man in dressing room to employee waiting on him: Dude, I can see my ass hair. I'm a grown-ass man. Go find me some grown-ass man pants.
Las Vegas, Nevada
Or They'll Get the Business-End Of Our Canes!
Seriously old lady: Tell the oil companies to piss off... We're taking over!
Melbourne
Australia
Overheard by: skeeta
Categories: Age and ageing | Australia | Old folks | Politics | Threats | Posted 2010-02-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Old Is the New Dead
Guy on cell: You realize it is old people's only duty to die to get out of the way right?
International Airport
Louisville, Kentucky
Categories: Age and ageing | Airports & flights | Death & dying | Guys | Kentucky | On the phone | Posted 2010-02-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...But Before I Start to Spoil
16-year-old girl #1: I wanna wait to have kids, you know? But I don't wanna be old or anything. I think like 19 or somethin.
16-year-old girl #2: Yeah. Oscar wants to knock me up and I'm like "no bitch, I don't even have a license yet." We're thinking after I turn 18.
Los Angeles, California
Categories: Age and ageing | California | Insults | Kids | Pregnancy | Relationships | Sex | Teens | Wishes | Posted 2010-01-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
No One Expects Me to Understand Technology
Old Midwestern lady #1: All these kids bringing their videos games everywhere!
Old Midwestern lady #2: It's depressing! My son-in-law brings his laptop everywhere. Always on the internet.
Old Midwestern lady #1: Is he using one of those blueberries? Or blackpods?
Old Midwestern lady #2: I don't know, I'm just glad I'm old.
Newark, New Jersey
Overheard by: thankfully on a different flight
Categories: Age and ageing | Family ties | Gadgets | Games | Gripes | Internet | Kids | Laptops | New Jersey | Old folks | Women | Posted 2010-01-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
According to This Algorithm.
Man: I'm too old for overnight adventures.
Woman: You're too married.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: garage girl #1
Categories: Age and ageing | Family ties | Guys | Overheard in Minneapolis | Women | Posted 2009-12-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Wasn't This a Steven Spielberg Movie?
Lady on the bus: So I was 17 and pregnant! He was a Nazi extremist, but a very nice man. Very charming. I was rebellous (sic) as a teenager. Very rebellous. But now I'm old-fashioned, and I've got lots of morals.
Wellington
New Zealand
Overheard by: dominic
Categories: Age and ageing | Bus | Character | New Zealand | Politics | Pregnancy | Weirdness | Women | Words | Posted 2009-11-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Yesterday When I Hugged Her, She Crumbled a Little
Cute guy: Dude, I have to break up with her.
Friend: Yeah, why?
Cute guy: Cause every time I look at her, I think how nice it would be to have a girlfriend who didn't look like she was born in 100,000 BC.
Friend: Woah, that's harsh. But I see what you're saying.
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Categories: Age and ageing | Friends | Guys | Pennsylvania | Relationships | Weirdness | Posted 2009-11-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That Faux-Posh Accent Never Fooled Me
Old lady #1: I've never liked her!
Old lady #2: She was a shit at school, and she's a shit now.
West Midlands
England
It's a Prerequisite for Graduation.
Professor: How old are you?
Visiting high school student: Seventeen.
Professor: And you're not married? Well, you've come to the right place!
Freed-Hardeman University
Henderson, Tennessee
Overheard by: Lisa
Categories: Age and ageing | Colleges & Universities | Education | Questions | Relationships | Students | Teachers | Tennessee | Posted 2009-10-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Anyone Wanna Teabag?
Dude, after receiving dickhead hat on 50th birthday: Hey, look! My double chin looks like a pair of balls in a nutsack!
Columbia, Missouri
Overheard by: Tiger Fan
Categories: Age and ageing | Balls | Body parts | Clothes | Compare and contrast | Guys | Missouri | Penis | Posted 2009-10-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We're Imagining the Cat Lady from The Simpsons
Crazy lady to group of girls: Well, there's us and then there's them. And when I was your age I said I was never gonna be like them. And look at me... Do I look anything like them?
Greenfield, Massachusetts
Categories: Age and ageing | Compare and contrast | Crazies | Girls | Massachusetts | Questions | Women | Posted 2009-10-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Sometimes We Find It Makes More Sense to Read Your Quote Submissions While Drunk
High-school girl #1: Caveman.
High-school girl #2: Arm-sex!
High-school girl #1: That never gets old.
High-school girl #2: Yeah!
Edmonton
Alberta
Canadia
Overheard by: SpamiKami
I Promised My Mom
Girl with friends walking by my door: No, no... sixteen! Sixteen is the age to get pregnant.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: Did I miss something?
Categories: Advice | Age and ageing | Friends | Girls | Overheard in Minneapolis | Pregnancy | Stupidity | Posted 2009-10-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Your Editors All Have Bulletproof Alibis
High school girl: There was way too much drama in sixth grade. All my friends were always talking about how their boyfriends knocked someone up. I'm like, "you're twelve years old! Get over it!"
Greenbelt, Maryland
Categories: Age and ageing | Education | Girls | Maryland | Pregnancy | Relationships | Students | Weirdness | Posted 2009-09-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Don't Make Me Do Date Math, Tricia
18-year-old girl to 20-year-old girl: The Declaration of Independence looks really old and faded. How old is it?
National Archives
Washington, DC
Categories: Age and ageing | Girls | History | Questions | Washington, DC | Posted 2009-09-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You're the Only One Who Can See Me, Anyway.
Old guy to total stranger celebrating birthday: When you're young you can make love to six women at a time, but when you're old you can only make love to three women at a time.
Birthday man: Three women is plenty for me.
Old guy: Don't tell anyone I said that to you.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: coco
Categories: Age and ageing | Compare and contrast | Old folks | Overheard in Minneapolis | Sex | Strangers | Posted 2009-09-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Is There One In Your Office?
Thesis advisor to uncomfortable-looking advisees: You girls might be too young for it, but if you ever have the chance to have sex on a water bed, you should do it.
Colgate University
Madison County, New York
Categories: Advice | Age and ageing | Colleges & Universities | Education | New York | Sex | Students | Teachers | Posted 2009-09-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Small, but Wired
Female yuppie: When my daughter was nine months old, she was eating tiramisu... with espresso in it!
Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
Overheard by: Kab00m
You're Just Supposed to Be Having Sex Shamefully in Cars and Stairwells
Boy: Yo soy sexy.
Teacher, hyperventilating: You can't say you're sexy! You're only fifteen years old!
Spanish Class
El Paso, Texas
Categories: Age and ageing | Beauty | Bragging | Education | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Sexuality | Students | Teachers | Texas | Posted 2009-09-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Mind If I Feed Her This Pot Brownie?
Sorostitute: Oh my god! Your baby is so cute! How old is she?
Single mom: One.
Sorostitute: Oh my god. She is so precious! I love children, I keep the nursery in church and I used to babysit, like, all the time. Do you think I could...
Single mom: No.
Sorostitute: Hold her?
Single mom: No.
University of Alabama
Categories: Age and ageing | Alabama | Beauty | Biotechs | Colleges & Universities | Compliments | Kids | Moms | Offers and requests | Parenting | Questions | Sorority types | Posted 2009-09-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Oh, You'll Just Look for Any Excuse to Wear Tights
30-something guy : Growing up sucks. If I knew it was going to be like this I would have put on some tights and run away to fucking Neverland.
Ontario
Canadia
Categories: Age and ageing | Canadia | Gripes | Guys | Posted 2009-08-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Then There Are the Things I Pretend to Forget
Older lady to friend over lunch: When I remember things, I remember them. But when I forget them, I forget them.
Vancouver
Canadia
Overheard by: Having breakfast nearby
Categories: Age and ageing | Canadia | Friends | Memory lane | Old folks | Stupidity | Women | Posted 2009-08-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Out Of What?
Middle-aged woman shopping with husband: If we weren't so old, I would say "let's go into the parking lot and make a baby."
Target
Hackensack, New Jersey
Categories: Age and ageing | Couples | New Jersey | Offers and requests | Sex | Stores | Posted 2009-08-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Better Than Our Current Strategy in the Middle East
Crazy hobo, walking in office: Ecstasy! Ecstasy! Give every male one shot of ecstasy a day from the time they are seven to seventy, and that will end all the violence!
Phoenix, Arizona
Overheard by: follylolly
In Between and During Periods Of Incarceration
Woman to mother being slapped in the rear by little boy: Oooh, your son is bad!
Mother: Yeah, I think he's gonna be an ass man when he grows up!
Jersey City
New Jersey
Categories: Age and ageing | Ass | Kids | Kids | Moms | New Jersey | Parenting | Strangers | Violence | Women | Posted 2009-07-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Or at Least Make Out in It.
Teenage girl being pushed in shopping trolley, singing loudly: Nineteen! You're only nineteen, for god's sake, oh, you don't need a boyfriend!
Teenage boy pushing girl, monotone: Everybody is looking at you. They think you're a lesbian.
Teenage girl: I feel like such a rebel! But we should return this trolley, like dutiful citizens.
Geelong
Victoria
Australia
Categories: Age and ageing | Australia | Compare and contrast | Relationships | Sexuality | Stupidity | Teens | Posted 2009-07-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Eventually I Quit My Job and Began Living Off the Settlements
Black man jaywalking into oncoming traffic: I always loved playing in traffic. Ever since I was little. There's something wrong with me, man!
Scranton, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: reluctant scrantonian
Categories: Age and ageing | Black people | Pennsylvania | Stupidity | Posted 2009-07-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Gay Babies May Fail to Grasp the Point
Mom with eight-month-old to other parents with small child: Yeah, I've already told his dad he's going to have to give him some sort of remedial breast lessons when he's older...he's bad with the boobies.
Portland, Oregon
Overheard by: Raina
It Was the Best Of News, It Was the Worst Of News
Young girl in stall with mother: Mommy, what's that?
Mother to young girl: It's called pubic hair, sweetie...all women have it. When you get older, someday you will get some.
Young girl, mortified: Nooooooooooo!
Mall Restroom
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Monica
Categories: Age and ageing | Hair | Kids | Malls | Moms | Parenting | Questions | Restroom | Should have used a condom | Vagina | Washington, DC | Posted 2009-07-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
She's Always Regretted Not Attending Finishing School
Girl #1: Wait, your mom is 50?
Girl #2: No, she just pees a lot.
Charleston, South Carolina
Overheard by: Aubree
Categories: Age and ageing | Family ties | Girls | Pee | Questions | South Carolina | Posted 2009-07-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Spoken Like Somebody Who's Never Seen SVU
Student: There's no child out there that's like, "you know what I want today, I want to have sex with a forty-year-old man, that's what I'm really craving today."
Shout-out: www.overheardatumbc.com
Categories: Age and ageing | Kids | Overheard at UMBC | Sex | Students | Wishes | Posted 2009-06-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Etymology Lesson You'll Wish You Never Had
Effeminate boy #1: And he said "my penis is so big I can't control it."
Effeminate boy #2: Oh, god. Really?
Effeminate boy #1: Yes, his mother uses really scientific terminology.
Effeminate boy #2: Oh. Oh, I see.
Effeminate boy #1: Mhmm. Well, he's only four, too. He's already peed on himself because as he says "it's not long enough go down." I just call it a pee-pee. That's where the word "pee" comes from. Mmhmm.
Effeminate boy #2: Really! Huh!
Friendship Heights
Washington, DC
Overheard by: aimc
Categories: Age and ageing | Compare and contrast | Pee | Penis | Queers | Science | Stupidity | Washington, DC | Words | Posted 2009-06-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Only If He Promises Not to Perform Auto-fellatio Again
Bus-riding teen #1: Fully grown adult males are, like, five inches! I'm telling you!
Bus-riding teen #2: No way! Tom is, like, ten inches when it's hard and, like, eight when it's soft!
Bus-riding teen #1: Do you want me to get my dad and check?
Toronto
Canadia
Categories: Age and ageing | Canadia | Compare and contrast | Family ties | Penis | Teens | Weirdness | Posted 2009-06-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Confucius Was Quite the Misogynist
Old man to another: Well, ya know what they say. Life's too short to dance with ugly women!
Flea Market
Nashville, Tennessee
Categories: Age and ageing | Beauty | Compare and contrast | Dancing | Default | Guys | Old folks | Tennessee | Posted 2009-06-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Elizabeth Taylor Would Soon Realize Her Goal
Girl to friend: If I'm 80 and still alive, I'm going to eat the whole world.
South Bend, Indiana
Overheard by: Carole
Categories: Age and ageing | Default | Euphemisms | Food | Girls | Indiana | Posted 2009-06-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...When I Sat on His Face. What?
Girl #1: My 21st birthday was fun.
Girl #2: So was mine, minus the fact that my friends bought stuffed animal beavers at the winery and proceeded to yell about how soft and hairy their beavers were... While my dad was driving.
Girl #2's grandma: What's a beaver?
Girl #2's mom: It's...what some people call the female genitalia.
Girl #2's grandma: Ohhh...your grandfather used to just call it a cunt.
San Francisco, California
Categories: Age and ageing | Animals | Compare and contrast | Default | Family ties | Girls | Hair | Moms | Old folks | Questions | San Francisco | Vagina | Words | Posted 2009-06-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Blame the Vast Fixodent Conspiracy
Guy: I've heard that old people have the stickiest fingers.
Arvada, Colorado
Categories: Age and ageing | Body parts | Colorado | Compare and contrast | Default | Guys | Posted 2009-06-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Doctor Said You Border on Mumu Fat.
Woman: You should shop at Lane Bryant!
Girl: Mom, that's a fat girls store!
Woman: I shopped there when I was 17, and you're much fatter that I was!
Hendersonville, Tennessee
Overheard by: Tanner
Categories: Advice | Age and ageing | Compare and contrast | Default | Family ties | Girls | Shopping | Tennessee | Women | Posted 2009-05-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Hate When They Do It While You're Driving, and You Can't See the Road
Frustrated gamer playing The Legend of Zelda: Did you see that? She's such a slut! Her vagina was just totally up in link's face. And he's like, twelve. Why are women like that all the time?
University of Massachusetts
Overheard by: the girl in the corner cramming for finals
Categories: Age and ageing | Body parts | Colleges & Universities | Default | Guys | Insults | Massachusetts | Questions | Vagina | Posted 2009-05-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Just Like That Girl Over There, in the Second Row
Sociology professor: The world is fundamentally the same as 100 years or so. Fathers back then were worried about their daughters listening to the radio. Now, they worry about them "sexting" on their BlackBerrys!
University of Delaware
Overheard by: Who is sexting?
Categories: Age and ageing | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Delaware | Family ties | Gadgets | Teachers | Words | Posted 2009-05-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Judge Me When You've Walked a Mile in My G-String, Okay?
Stripper, yelling at boyfriend: You don't have to shave your vagina everyday to get tips from bald, fifty-year-old men!
Lincoln, Nebraska
Overheard by: late night studier
Categories: Age and ageing | Default | Employees | Girls | Jobs & Careers | Money | Nebraska | Vagina | Posted 2009-05-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Her Shirt Says "Jesus Is My Homeboy"
Fat drunk guy: I really like your shirt. It's very intellectual.
Girl: Uh, thanks.
Fat drunk guy: I mean, I'm in college, I like to think deep, you know? I want to make films. Deep films.
Girl: Yeah, that'll be cool.
Fat drunk guy: How old are you?
Girl: I'm 16.
Fat drunk guy: Oh, I'm 18. Well...I mean, I'm 23.
Shreveport, Louisiana
Overheard by: Elle
Categories: Age and ageing | Clothes | Compliments | Default | Drunks | Fat people | Girls | Guys | Louisiana | Offers and requests | Questions | Posted 2009-04-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Even If I Am Wearing Pull-Ups Like a Big Boy
20-something guy on phone: Then I went to McDonald's and they said that I'm too old. I'm not too old! I can go to Chuck E. Cheese if I want! I'm not too old. Just so long as I can have fun. I'm not too old...
Montclair, New Jersey
Overheard by: Just minding my own business as usual.
Categories: Age and ageing | Compare and contrast | Default | Food | Guys | New Jersey | Posted 2009-04-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'd Always Thought They Were the Stuff Of Myth!
30-something girl: Hi, James!
20-something guy: Where do I know you from?
30-something girl: Remember we met on that bench?
20-something guy: Oh, yeah! You're that really cool old person!
University of Washington, Seattle
Categories: Age and ageing | Colleges & Universities | Default | Girls | Guys | Memory lane | Questions | Washington | Posted 2009-04-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Whatever Happened to a Good Old-Fashioned Accidental Pregnancy?
Rich girl: After 25 you might as well just die. If I'm not married by the time I'm 25, I'm having a boob job, a nose job and a face lift.
Leeds
England
Categories: Age and ageing | Body parts | Death & dying | Default | England | Girls | Posted 2009-04-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Monkeys: Ooooo...
Cholo #1, tapping roughly on glass: Heeeey monkey! Oh! Monkey!
Treehugger in sandals with socks, hysterically: Stop it, stop it! Oh my god!
(cholo #2 and #3 snicker and speak Spanish to each other)
Cholo #1: Crazy gringa...needa get laid.
Treehugger: Well, at least I didn't have ten kids by the time I was twenty! Like your mother!
National Zoo
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Meaggoo
Categories: Age and ageing | Animals | Default | Family ties | Kids | Latinos | Sex | Tourist attractions | Washington, DC | Posted 2009-04-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Are There No Gay Cougars?
Fratty-looking queer #1: I need some lip balm. My lips feel all dried up, like...old fruit.
Fratty looking queer #2: You are an old fruit. (pause) No, really, you're 25, which means you're almost 30, which means you're almost dead.
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: gymbo
Categories: Age and ageing | Body parts | Death & dying | Default | Feelings | Fruit | Massachusetts | Queers | Posted 2009-04-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So You're Much Rounder
20-something girl to another: You remind me a lot of my old boss. But she was older than you and she got hit by a dump truck.
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Karen
Categories: Age and ageing | Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | Jobs & Careers | Pennsylvania | Posted 2009-03-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
In Her Basement
Woman #1: He's 41 and a millionaire, what's wrong with him?
Woman #2: He lives with his mother.
Geelong
Australia
Overheard by: laughing
Categories: Age and ageing | Australia | Default | Family ties | Money | Questions | Women | Posted 2009-03-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Even Though It's Shaped Like St. Peter?
Girlfriend, excited: I know exactly what I'm going to get you for your birthday this year.
Boyfriend: Oh yeah? I know exactly what I am going to get you for your birthday.
Girlfriend: Really? Are you going to get that thing cut off your back?
Cafe
Sydney
Australia
Categories: Age and ageing | Australia | Couples | Default | Girls | Guys | Offers and requests | Questions | Restaurants | Posted 2009-03-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If You'd Like Further Proof Of Age, I'll Give You a Rant About the Price Of Orange Juice
Guy about to buy beer: ID? ID? I'm 56-motherfucking-years-old! I don't need no ID! (reaches into cart and pulls out items) Here's my damn ID! I'm buying hemorrhoid cream and Fixodent!
Winn Dixie
Hammond, Louisiana
Overheard by: betsy
Nobody Can Afford to Retire Anymore
13-year-old boy to parents: Shit, this place smells like old people and debauchery.
Mom: Now let's not judge the whores, Tommy.
Sahara Casino
Las Vegas, Nevada
Overheard by: djglucose
Thanks, Sharper Image!
Loud girl: And my mother said to me, "Well, I guess you're an adult now, since you have adult sex." And I was like, "What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" and she was like, "I opened your cupboard." and I was thinking, "Oh shit!" because I've got a lot of shit in there. I've got porn, I've got a vibrator, a cock ring. I've got things she doesn't even know what to call them!
University of Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Alex Remnick
Categories: Age and ageing | Colleges & Universities | Default | Family ties | Girls | Pennsylvania | Porn | Questions | Sex | Toys | Posted 2009-02-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Baby: Have You Seen the Crap They Call "Baby Books?"
One-year-old: Bah, bah, bah, bah, bah! (starts whimpering)
Mom: Yeah, it's hard being a baby, isn't it?
Coles Bookstore
Abbotsford, British Columbia
Canadia
Overheard by: girl in line
Categories: Age and ageing | Canadia | Default | Family ties | Moms | Questions | Stores | Women | Posted 2009-02-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Even Mothers Don't Really Know Where Babies Come From
60-something woman: He has always been a quiet person. He's been that way for as long as I have know him, and I have known him since he was a little boy.
Car salesman: Yeah. Wait, didn't you give birth to him?
Woman: I guess I have known him pretty much from the beginning, then. Weird.
Car Dealership
Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
Overheard by: stephen
Colonel Sanders Was Mad Pimpin' in His Heyday
Girl #1: So how much older is this guy exactly?
Girl #2: Only like 9 years. He's 37. But I mean, I really like him, and he has chickens.
Auburn, Alabama
Even If I Am 87% Synthetic
Overly dramatic English teacher: You will have the face you deserve when you are eighty. I will be beautiful.
AC Flora High School
Columbia, South Carolina
Categories: Age and ageing | Body parts | Compliments | Default | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | South Carolina | Teachers | Posted 2009-01-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Need Mine To Sign Contracts!
Professor: I'm still on the search for a contortionist, by the way.
Student #1: Aren't all contortionists like really young?
Professor: Are they?
Student #2: Yeah, I'm pretty sure the oldest contortionist is like, 15. Their flexibility has something to do with their age.
Professor: Well, what good would an underage contortionist be?
University of Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: an incredibly amused student
Categories: Age and ageing | Canadia | Colleges & Universities | Default | Offers and requests | Questions | Students | Teachers | Posted 2009-01-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We Can't Discuss Literature, But the Sex Is Fantastic
Woman #1: Do you think that he's kind of young for her?
Woman #2: You know, I've realized that age really doesn't matter. I'm dating a baby right now.
Thai Food Restaurant
Sturbridge, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Sarah
Categories: Age and ageing | Default | Massachusetts | Questions | Relationships | Restaurants | Women | Posted 2009-01-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's A Little Funny?
Father on phone to wife: No, it was at dinner, and then this drunk at the next table made a comment about our son. No. He said Josh looked like "a retarded page from the dark ages." That's not funny. (long pause) I'll schedule him for a haircut tomorrow.
Pennsylvania
Categories: Age and ageing | Dads | Default | Drinking & drunks | Family ties | Food | Guys | History | Pennsylvania | Posted 2009-01-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
"Why'd You Come As Yourself,?" They Said
Old woman on bus: I have a skirt like that.
Young professional woman: Really?
Old woman: I can't wear it. I can't wear skirts that short. I'm too old.
Young professional: Oh.
Old woman: But it cost a lot, so I wore it as a halloween costume.
Young professional: Really.
Old woman: Everyone thought I was a hooker.
Portland, Oregon
If You Figure This One Out, Let Us Know
Tayal tribesman bus driver: Sir, do you want to get off at this stop?
Old man: Yes, I want off at this stop, I am going to the dentist's.
Bus driver: What's wrong?
Old man: I have to have a tooth pulled. Can you believe that? I'm 82 but I still have to have a tooth pulled.
Bus driver: If you're going to have one pulled, you may as well have a bunch taken out.
Old man: That won't do, false teeth are expensive.
Bus driver: Then have boar tusks put in.
Old man: Boar tusks?
Bus driver (very earnestly): Yes, you can have two tusks put in on the lower jaw, and when they grow, they'll look great! (uses his fingers to demonstrate how the tusks would look growing out of his mouth)
Old man (laughing): It would take a long time for them to grow.
Bus driver: Not long! You're an old boar, but I'm just a young boar, so yours would grow much faster than mine!
(old man gets off bus laughing cheerfully)
Shout-out: talovich.blogspot.com
Overheard by: Yugan Dali
Categories: Age and ageing | Body parts | Bus | Bus drivers | Default | Guys | Happiness | Health & Hygiene | Old folks | Other sites | Questions | Posted 2009-01-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Would You Say It While Brandishing a Riding Crop?
35-year-old man: Do you know what I did for you? I left my home, my wife. I cheated because I was cheated on, I know what that's like. You're turning 30, you need a man, what's a woman at 30? You're alone!
28-year-old woman: You're having a midlife crisis. Women don't get those. I'm there for you, like, "you should stop at three drinks because you're a terrible drunk."
35-year-old man: You'd do that for me?
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Matt
Categories: Age and ageing | Default | Drinking & drunks | Feelings | Gender issues | Guys | Illinois | Infidelity | Offers and requests | Questions | Relationships | Women | Posted 2008-12-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Unless You Count Vaginal Penetration
Drunk old guy (supported by another): 61 years of celibacy!
Pirate's Alley
New Orleans, Louisiana
Overheard by: Sara
And the Lights Are on
Young single woman talking about her date with an older man: I was like, "Don't kiss me yet, you're an old man!"
San Rafael, California
Categories: Age and ageing | California | Default | K-I-S-S-I-N-G | Offers and requests | Women | Posted 2008-12-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
DeadSpace!
Friend #1: God! Old people get so pissy when they don't get their obituaries on time.
Friend #2: Why?
Friend #1: Because they want to know which of their friends has died that week.
Friend #2: Oh, so it's like Facebook for the elderly!
Memorial Hospital
Sudbury
Ontario, Canadia
Overheard by: Dani
Categories: Age and ageing | Canadia | Compare and contrast | Death & dying | Default | Feelings | Friends | Internet | Posted 2008-11-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Your Editors Just Threw Up
Soccer mom #1: I heard once that the reason animals don't live as long as humans is because they come into the world knowing how to love, and we have to learn.
Soccer mom #2: That is so true.
Lee County Humane Society
Auburn, Alabama
Overheard by: Gee
Categories: Age and ageing | Alabama | Animals | Compare and contrast | Death & dying | Default | Feelings | Moms | Posted 2008-11-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Seems Unfair to Blame Bill Cosby
20-something chick on cell: How do five-year-olds even know about jello enemas?
Vallejo Street
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: Pookins
Categories: Age and ageing | California | Default | Girls | Kids | Kink | On the phone | Questions | Weirdness | Posted 2008-11-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But It's Kinda Cool When They Come Back to Life
Guy #1: You want to come hang out at my grandparents' with me?
Guy #2: That's alright. I don't like hanging out with grandparents. They're always dying and shit.
Gastown
Vancouver
Canadia
Categories: Age and ageing | Canadia | Death & dying | Default | Family ties | Guys | Offers and requests | Questions | Weirdness | Posted 2008-11-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Would You Like One?
Professor: I have three children: 15, 13, and 7.
Female student: Oh, I don't think I could have three.
Male student: Yeah, with two you can do person-on-person defense, but with three you need zone.
professor: You have a point.
Shout-out: eavesdropdc.blogspot.com
Overheard by: Ian
Categories: Age and ageing | Compare and contrast | Default | Eavesdrop DC | Girls | Guys | Kids | Students | Teachers | Posted 2008-11-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's the STD for the New Century
Guy #1: What? Barely legal girls are hot.
Guy #2: Barely lethal?
Guy #1: What?
Guy #2: What?
Univeristy of Florida
Gainesville, Florida
Categories: Age and ageing | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Compliments | Default | Florida | Guys | Questions | Sexuality | Words | Posted 2008-11-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Long to Feel the Pleasant Tingle of Arthritis
(at 4:30 pm)
College girl #1: Well, we could go get dinner now, but it's really early for that.
College guy: Well, it's not too early if you are old.
College girl #2: Yeah, they always start rolling into the restaurant about this time.
College girl #1: Really? I can't wait to be old!
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: I'm not in that big of a rush
Categories: Age and ageing | Default | Food | Frat boy types | Girls | Guys | Overheard in Minneapolis | Sorority types | Students | Time Management | Wishes | Posted 2008-11-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Just Eat It With a Spoon Like Those Kids in the Bill Cosby Commercials
Guy on mobile: Hi! I just wanted to clear up that whole breastfeeding thing...well, my boss has a one-and-a-half-year-old, and he said there were three stages: a sort of watery stage, then it moves into a semi-skimmed stage, then just pudding. Well, I just found out today and I thought you'd want to know too.
N21 Bus
London
England
Categories: Age and ageing | Bus | Default | England | Guys | Jobs & Careers | Kids | On the phone | Posted 2008-11-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Just Wait
College girl #1: And I want to see babies running around soon.
College girl #2: Yeah, I definitely want children. I'm *so* horny. I want babies.
College girl #1: Yeah, they're starting to grow on me. I mean, I definitely want kids. And I want to be a young mom, like I want to have kids by 25. I don't want to be one of those moms who just throw their kids outside and tell them to have fun.
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Danielle
Categories: Age and ageing | Default | Girls | Kids | Parenting | Pregnancy | Sorority types | Washington, DC | Wishes | Posted 2008-11-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Should I Write My Number on His Hand in Crayon?
Preschooler left alone in stroller, singing, to 20-something girl walking by: Cha, cha, cha...you're charming!
20-something, on cell: I think I just got hit on by a four-year-old! No, it was actually better than most of the lines I've heard.
Appleton, Wisconsin
Categories: Age and ageing | Beauty | Compare and contrast | Compliments | Default | Girls | Kids | Kids | On the phone | Sexuality | Wisconsin | Words | Posted 2008-10-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I May Just Be Really, Really Slutty
Woman to friend: How can she know she's bi at 16? I'm 35 and *I* don't know if *I'm* bi!
Outside Steinmart
Nashville, Tennessee
Overheard by: BecauseISaidSo
Categories: Age and ageing | Compare and contrast | Default | Friends | Questions | Sexuality | Stores | Tennessee | Women | Posted 2008-10-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Just a City Boy, Prof
Prof, to guy whose ringtone is "Don't Stop Believing": Aren't you a little young to like that song?
Princeton University
New Jersey
Categories: Age and ageing | Colleges & Universities | Default | Music | New Jersey | Questions | Teachers | Posted 2008-10-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Riverdale Hasn't Been the Same Since Archie Went Off the Rails
Teenage girl #1: I mean, what's the point of dating an ugly, short, junior with herpes and acne if he doesn't even have his learner's permit?
Teenage girl #2: Shut up and eat.
Shari's Restaurant
Beaverton, Oregon
Overheard by: Claire
Categories: Age and ageing | Beauty | Default | Girls | Offers and requests | Oregon | Questions | Relationships | Restaurants | STDs | Teens | Posted 2008-10-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Not an Expert on Bone Density, But Wouldn't the Floor Be Getting Closer?
Professor: The floor's getting further away the older I get, but there's always Jack Daniels and Percocet.
Rutgers University
New Jersey
Overheard by: hopes he never gets THAT old
Categories: Age and ageing | Colleges & Universities | Default | Drinking & drunks | Drugs | Health & Hygiene | New Jersey | Teachers | Posted 2008-10-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
At Least Pretend to Turn It Off
Flight attendant: Please ensure that your mobile phone is switched off for take-off. If you don't know how to turn your phone off, there are plenty of kids on this flight who do.
Adelaide Airport
Australia
Categories: Age and ageing | Airports & flights | Australia | Cell phones | Compare and contrast | Default | Flight attendants | Offers and requests | Public Transportation | Posted 2008-10-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Just Once, I'd Like Somebody to Weep With Gratitude
Annoying girl #1: She's the only girl I know that really wants to fuck a 90-year-old man.
Annoying girl #2: I really would!
Chilis, New Jersey
Overheard by: K
Categories: Age and ageing | Default | Friends | Girls | New Jersey | Sexuality | Weirdness | Wishes | Posted 2008-10-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Where an Ancient Tribe Had Scrawled Its Secrets on the Stall Wall
Teacher: You know, when I was your age we didn't have classes like this. If you wanted to learn about personal finance, you got a job. If you wanted to learn about sex, you went to the bathroom.
Rock Bridge High School
Columbia, Missouri
Categories: Advice | Age and ageing | Default | Education | Masturbation | Memory lane | Missouri | Money | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Sexuality | Teachers | Posted 2008-10-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Tonight's Movie: Grumpy Old Gonorrhea
Wannabe cowboy on cell: Dude, I gotta tell you about my STD from the silent film era! (long pause) Okay, ready? Okay: I made out with a chick who was 52 years old!
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: hope she had a charlie chaplin mustache
Categories: Age and ageing | Guys | On the phone | Overheard in Minneapolis | STDs | Sexuality | Posted 2008-10-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Maturity Takes Awhile to Develop
Teen girl: I hate you.
Teen guy: You hate me? Nice. Real mature... (pause) Oh my god! An Elmo lunchbox!
Officeworks
Bendigo
Australia
Overheard by: ColdSpiral
Categories: Age and ageing | Australia | Compare and contrast | Default | Feelings | Girls | Guys | Questions | Teens | Posted 2008-09-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Told Him There'd Be Repercussions If He Put Another Cheerio Up His Nose
Guy on bus: If I ever write a book, it'll be about how to kill my brother in the most painful way possible.
Girl on bus: But he's two.
Guy on bus: I don't care.
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: Meech
Categories: Age and ageing | Bus | Canadia | Default | Family ties | Girls | Guys | Murder | Weirdness | Posted 2008-09-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Made HimThink Twice About Becoming a Woman
Woman #1: My boss shaves his legs.
Woman #2: Really?
Woman #1: His legs, his back, his chest, everything. All guys do it now.
Woman #2: That's so weird. My son asked me to wax his chest because he said girls don't like hairy chests.
Woman #1: How much hair could a 14-year-old have?
Woman #2: Actually, a lot.
Woman #1: He's going to be really hairy when he's older.
Woman #2: Fortunately not on his back yet. So anyway--don't tell anybody I told you this. You're sworn to secrecy--I told him I wouldn't wax him, but I went out and bought some Nair and put it on him, and it worked. But the next morning, he was in such pain--his chest was all inflamed. He said he would never do it again.
Women's Gym
Studio City, California
Overheard by: I always eavesdrop on these two
Categories: Age and ageing | California | Default | Gender issues | Hair | Sensory experiences | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2008-09-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Should've Realized He Wasn't "Chosen" When He Never Got Picked for T-Ball
Girl to friend: So he was already crying because he found out we weren't Jewish. Then he was like, "But aunt Jill is Jewish! Why aren't we?!" My mom had to explain that Jill's her best friend, not her sister. So then he found out we weren't related to Jacob and everyone. So he cried even harder.
Friend: Wow.
Girl: Yeah, but he was like 10, so he should have just sucked it up.
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Tyler
Categories: Age and ageing | Default | Family ties | Feelings | Friends | Girls | Massachusetts | Religion | Posted 2008-09-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Your First Mistake Was Trying to Talk to Him
Black girl to girlfriend: He's young, like 24, 25. And get this: I was like, "So, what else do you do?" and he goes "I make beats." I said, "Of course you do."
Subway
New York City, New York
Overheard by: EL
Categories: Age and ageing | Black people | Default | Friends | Girls | New York | Questions | Sexuality | Train | Posted 2008-09-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Fifth Grade's Usually When Kids Develop Flayva
White girl to Hispanic chick: I swear, in 5th grade you were, like, white.
Hispanic chick: White, like, acted white? Or white like white skin?
White girl: Like, white. Weren't you ever white?
Panera Bread
Fairlawn, New Jersey
Overheard by: Siberia
Categories: Age and ageing | Bars & Clubs | Chicks | Default | Foreigners | Memory lane | New Jersey | Questions | Race | Posted 2008-08-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Luckily They Never Exceed 10 MPH
Girl on the street (looking at cars go by): Have you ever noticed how old people are like drunk people driving?
Fairfax, California
Categories: Age and ageing | California | Compare and contrast | Default | Drinking & drunks | Girls | Questions | Posted 2008-08-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Do They Make Clearasil for Penises?
Girl: Nick's dick reminds me of being fifteen.
Marquee Theatre
Phoenix, Arizona
Categories: Age and ageing | Arizona | Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | Penis | Posted 2008-08-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's Easily Mistaken for a Leak in the Basement
Galveston woman: I swear, when I first met Sheila 20 years ago she looked middle-aged. She still looks middle-aged.
Guest from California: Maybe she discovered the fountain of middle age.
Galveston, Texas
Overheard by: Chas
Categories: Age and ageing | Default | Memory lane | Names | Texas | Women | Posted 2008-07-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Let's Just Say She's in Shape
Dude: You have a sister, right?
Chick: Yeah.
Dude: Is she hot?
Chick: She's 12 and shaped like a rectangle.
Dude: That doesn't answer my question.
High School Classroom
Englewood, Colorado
Overheard by: Julia
Categories: Age and ageing | Beauty | Chicks | Colorado | Family ties | Guys | Questions | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Posted 2008-07-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Even If He Does Host The O'Reilly Factor
Girl to friends: I'm 31 years old, for Christ's sake. My mom doesn't get it. I'm too fucking old to get excited about some guy that pisses himself, calls me up and acts like it's a fucking achievement.
Bar
Atlanta, Georgia
Categories: Age and ageing | Default | Family ties | Georgia | Girls | Gripes | Pee | Posted 2008-07-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Don' Even Wanna Think About What They're Not Being Taught in History Class
Teen girl, to friend: I'm tired of being stuck with a bunch of 12-year-olds who think Knight Rider and Batman are the same thing!
Steamboat Springs, Colorado
Roman Polanski's Legacy
Drunken, nostalgic girl #1: So, did you guys end up getting anywhere?
Drunken, nostalgic girl #2: No, I was thirteen!
Drunken, nostalgic girl #1: Yeah, but you didn't do anything? Like, not even touch his dick?
Drunken, nostalgic girl #2: I don't know, I was drunk!
Vincennes, Indiana
Overheard by: 202 Tavern Girl
Categories: Age and ageing | Default | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Friends | Girls | Indiana | Memory lane | Questions | Sexuality | Posted 2008-07-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
From Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Giving Head
Girl #1: Well, you know she gave that guy a blow job when three other people were in the room. Someone was bound to find out.
Girl #2: I've never even done it in front of people.
Girl #1: Me either, I'm not that slutty.
Younger girl with them: Oh, guess just me then?
Girl #1: You gave someone a blowjob with people watching?!
Younger girl: Uh, yeah. Back when I was 15 and drunk.
Girl #1: I'm your aunt: should you really have told me that, McSlutty?
Park
San Diego, California
Categories: Age and ageing | BJs | California | Default | Drinking & drunks | Family | Family ties | Girls | Insults | Memory lane | Names | Weirdness | Posted 2008-07-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Unless I Can Have Someone Holding the Train Like a Bridesmaid
Old lady: I've lived with my body my whole life, but I don't want it down around my ankles.
Women's Gym
Studio City, California
Categories: Age and ageing | Body parts | California | Compare and contrast | Default | Old folks | Wishes | Women | Posted 2008-06-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Lady, You Live in the Wrong Fucking State
Older woman working out with personal trainer: I'm almost 70 years old. Ask me how much I care how I look. I don't even have a mirror in my bathroom. I was just interested in a chemical peel. They wanted to roll my skin up over my head, take out the fat, then roll it down again, not to mention take out my liver and kidney. And the woman that's dragging me around to this stuff? She's a gusher. I hate gushers. She says: "We'll go through this together". She says: "Ask the gods." Can you imagine me asking the gods for a facelift? What blasphemy. She says: "Tell me about yourself". I say: "You mean the heroin addiction?" She says: "Really?" I say: "Yeah, it was after my two daughters were born, when I started robbing banks to support us." Honestly, everything has to be so sordid before someone will listen to you. You have to have an incestuous affair or something. When in reality, I work all day, then come home and watch TV like the rest of the human race.
Women's gym
Studio City, California
Overheard by: Trying not to howl with laughter
Categories: Age and ageing | Beauty | California | Compare and contrast | Default | Feelings | Health & Hygiene | Insults | Old folks | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2008-06-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Really? Now All I Have to Do Is Master Shot Callin' and I Can Die Happy!
Teen cashier at checkout: Are you listening to music on an iPod?
Geriatric customer: It's an iPhone.
Teen cashier: Dude, you're ballin'.
Columbus, Indiana
Overheard by: Hoosier
Categories: Age and ageing | Cell phones | Compare and contrast | Compliments | Customers | Default | Employees | Gadgets | Indiana | Old folks | Questions | Teens | Posted 2008-06-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Oh, and Death. And Taxes
20-something #1: Yeah, see, that's our problem: These girls are pushing 30 and their biological clocks are going off and all that.
20-something #2: Well, that wasn't my problem before, she was 23 when I started dating her.
20-something #1 (thoughtfully): Yeah... that's our other problem: time.
Airplane between Detroit and Las Vegas
Overheard by: ncs
Categories: Age and ageing | Airports & flights | Compare and contrast | Default | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Relationships | Science | Posted 2008-06-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Laugh, But He Has Poisoned Darts in His Backpack
Seven-year-old little boy staring at a little old lady with white hair: You're going to die!
Hilander
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Koosa
Categories: Age and ageing | Death & dying | Default | Guys | Illinois | Kids | Kids | Threats | Weirdness | Posted 2008-06-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Chyna's a Great Role Model for Girls
Seven-year-old girl: Mom, when I grow up I wanna be big and beautiful.
Mom: What?
Seven-year-old girl: You heard me, big and beautiful!
Target, Connecticut
Whereas Elizabeth Taylor Will Turn Into Delicious Pudding
Professor: One day you'll wake up an old weathered hag, unless you're Cher--she'll just turn to dust one day when the sun hits her.
McDaniel College
Maryland
Categories: About celebrities | Age and ageing | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Maryland | Teachers | Posted 2008-06-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Wanna See Some Wallet Photos from the Huffing Years?
Girl#1: I mean, my parents have no money now. Dad lost it in his "snort" phase.
Girl#2: My mom had that phase, but now she's just into the "prescription" phase.
Girl#3: That's a great phase.
Banana Republic
Kitchener
Canada
Categories: Age and ageing | Canadia | Compare and contrast | Compliments | Default | Drugs | Family ties | Friends | Girls | Stores | Posted 2008-06-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Drugging Miss Daisy
Old white lady, leaving table with a flourish: Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to the bathroom to shoot up.
Lemongrass
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: Loves Her Some Thai Food
Categories: Age and ageing | Compare and contrast | Drugs | Etiquette | Ladies who lunch | Maryland | Restaurants | Weirdness | Wishes | Words | Posted 2008-05-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
By 35, She Was Already Set in Her Ways
Goateed gentleman: I tried to teach her that certain words for things were different, like that toothpaste was actually "poop," but I think I waited until she was a bit too old.
Mars Volta Concert, Rams Head Live
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: Greeg
Categories: Age and ageing | Compare and contrast | Default | Education | Guys | Kids | Maryland | Offspring | Weirdness | Words | Posted 2008-05-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Out of What?
Five-year-old boy: How old are you?
Tutor: Twenty.
Five-year-old boy: Yeah, well, do you know how to make a monkey?
Dallas, Texas
How Jessie Got Us Arrested
[Three intoxicated college girls are walking along the street. One trips, falls, and all three laugh hysterically. An unmarked police van passes by]
Cop, yelling out of the window: Looks like three underage drinking tickets right there!
Girl #1: We're all 21!
Cop: Well, it looks like you're 4!
Girl #2: Looks like you're 37 and looking for a boyfriend!
Madison, Wisconsin
Categories: Age and ageing | Comebacks | Compare and contrast | Cops | Crimes | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Friends | Relationships | Sexuality | Sorority types | Weirdness | Wisconsin | Posted 2008-05-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Then Whose Funeral Was I Just Attending?
70-something woman to 80-something woman: Oh hello, so you're still alive?!
Wloclawek
Poland
Overheard by: renia
Categories: Age and ageing | Death & dying | Etiquette | Old folks | Poland | Questions | Women | Posted 2008-05-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Still, It's a Violation of the Standard Creepiness Rule for Dating Age Differences
20-something #1: Your boyfriend is 61, right?
20-something #2: My boyfriend is 60. Our father is 61.
Colorado
Categories: Age and ageing | Colorado | Compare and contrast | Family ties | Girls | Relationships | Siblings | Weirdness | Posted 2008-05-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Do I Have to Rationalize for Everyone in This Family?
Fat kid: Mom, I wanna go on a diet.
Fat mom: You don't need to go on a diet, you're too young!
Fat kid: You aren't too young.
Fat mom: Shush.
Meat Section at Publix
Orlando, Florida
Overheard by: Trevor Allen
Categories: Advice | Age and ageing | Comebacks | Compare and contrast | Diet & weight | Fat people | Florida | Moms | Should have used a condom | Stores | Wishes | Posted 2008-05-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
She Escaped from the Closet and Alerted Red Riding Hood
Fat suit on cell: Damn that grandma!
Russell Square Station
London
England
Categories: Age and ageing | Family ties | Fat people | Guys | Insults | Public transportation | Suits | UK | Words | Posted 2008-04-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You'll Understand Why Santa's Fighting Him
Economics professor, suddenly, in a creepy voice: Noooo you may not! Aquaman, you cannot marry a woman without gills! [Continuing in normal voice.] No? Anybody? No? Shame on you all! Just wait a few more years and you'll get what I'm talking about and you will be so pleased.
Tufts University
Massachusetts
Overheard by: Adrian
Categories: Advice | Age and ageing | Colleges & Universities | Massachusetts | Pop culture | Questions | Teachers | Weirdness | Posted 2008-04-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Was Going to Say, "Masturbate to Climax"
History prof: Benjamin Harrison was a pretty boring guy, with all the personality of a statue...I'm sure he couldn't even...
[Class snickers.]
History prof: Oh god, you fricken teenagers, you drag everything into the gutter!
Colorado University
Boulder, Colorado
... With My Girlfriend
Guy: Dude, I'm totally getting sexiled by my pre-frosh tonight.
Duke University
Durham, North Carolina
Overheard by: Blue Devils
Categories: Age and ageing | Colleges & Universities | Education | Frat boy types | Guys | North Carolina | Offers and requests | Sexuality | Students | Words | Posted 2008-04-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Since Barenaked Ladies Was Already Taken
Twenty-something dude: When I grow up, and learn how to play an instrument, I'm calling my band he-gina and she-nis.
McKenna's
Baltimore, Maryland
Categories: Age and ageing | Education | Guys | Maryland | Music | Names | Penis | Restaurants | Vagina | Words | Posted 2008-04-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Viagra Is So Popular
Woman: Wood is like money to old people.
Maryland Farms
Brentwood, Tennessee
Overheard by: FACT.
Categories: Age and ageing | Compare and contrast | Erections | Money | Tennessee | Women | Posted 2008-04-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If They've Been Naughty, Santa Brings Them Small Penises.
Female college student: Do boys still really have cooties at thirteen?
Male college student: Nope. That's when they get penises.
Tempe, Arizona
Overheard by: Meghan
Categories: Age and ageing | Arizona | Compare and contrast | Default | Friends | Gender issues | Girls | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Kids | Penis | Sexuality | Students | Yeahhh, college! | Posted 2008-04-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Once I Ran Out of Poop
Daughter: Mommy, mommy, that dress makes you look sixteen years younger!
[Later]
Daughter: Mommy, if you were stranded in the desert without any water, what would you do?
Mother: [No response].
Daughter: [to little sister] I would eat my own blood.
Old Navy
Promenade Mall, California
Overheard by: Claustrophobic
Categories: Age and ageing | Beauty | California | Default | Family ties | Food | Geography | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Kids | Kids | Malls | Questions | Weirdness | Posted 2008-04-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's No Country for Old Women, Either
Middle aged woman to another: It's not the hot flashes that are so bad... It's the depression.
BeauJo's
Ft. Collins, Colorado
Overheard by: always listening
Categories: Age and ageing | Colorado | Compare and contrast | Default | Feelings | Friends | Happiness | Ladies who lunch | Mental illnesses | Restaurants | Women | Posted 2008-04-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Or Should We Cut to the Chase and Snort Some Lines?
Six-year-old girl to six-year old boy: Do you want to get a coffee?
Barnes & Noble
Plainfield, Illinois
Overheard by: Tdcompton
Categories: Age and ageing | Default | Illinois | Kids | Kids | Offers and requests | Questions | Relationships | Stores | Wishes | Posted 2008-04-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Taught Me the "White Elephant"
College guy: I went to sleep-away camp so long ago my counselor was Jesus Christ!
University of Rochester
Rochester, New York
Categories: Age and ageing | Bragging | Colleges & Universities | Default | Guys | Jesus | Leisure | Memory lane | New York | Students | Posted 2008-04-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Whatever You Say, Latonya
Woman in line to another: Yeah, my brother's birthday is tomorrow. He's Aryan.
Wal-Mart
Tracy, California
Overheard by: Jeff
Categories: Age and ageing | California | Default | Family ties | On the phone | Pride | Race | Stores | Stupidity | Whiteys | Women | Posted 2008-04-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Called Him Jonah
Crackhead lady: I was raised on McDonald's hamburgers until one day I puked up a fish!
McDonald's
Vancouver, British Columbia
Canadia
Categories: Age and ageing | Canadia | Crazies | Default | Druggies | Food | Health & Hygiene | Posted 2008-03-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That Is All the Government Has Allowed Me to Tell You
Health teacher to class: When you become more adult-like, you start to be more like an adult.
Roanoke, Virginia
The Operative Phrase Here Is "Tried As an Adult"
Teen boy #1: Wow, she's hot.
Teen boy #2: What? She's, like, ten! You're a pedophile!
Teen boy #1: I'm not a pedophile -- I'm only sixteen! You can't be a pedophile until you're eighteen.
Teen boy #3: That's right -- I'm the only pedophile here.
Teen boy #4: I'm almost a pedophile...
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: mikee
Categories: Age and ageing | Default | Gripes | Guys | Pennsylvania | Teens | Words | Posted 2008-03-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
