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I'd Suggest a Rollerblades Tour
Fat American female tourist to new best friend: If ya didn't like the Vatican, you're gonna hate the Louvre!
6th Floor, Hilton Arc de Triumph
Paris
France
Overheard by: Pope Andrew I
And Lacoste Was So 1998
Homeless woman to preppy kid in pink shirt: Don't mix your reds and your whites!
Boulder, Colorado
From What Your Dad Tells Me
Overenthusiastic principal: So, where'd ya guys go for lunch? Huh?
Jaded student (indicating Subway cup): I ate fresh.
Principal: Did you go the 6 inch route? Or the 12 inch?
Student: I, uhhh... 6.
Principal, grinning: Don't worry, Shane* -I think you're man enough to take a 12-inch.
Livingston, Montana
They Usually Have Pretty Cool Stereo Equipment
Customer: My therapist wants me to start thinking of men as friends. Seriously though, if you can't fuck'em, what's the point?
Espresso Drive Thru
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: The Barista Who Loves Her Job
Categories: Advice | Creepsters | Customers | Default | Gender issues | Guys | Mental illnesses | Questions | Restaurants | Sexuality | Washington | Posted 2008-06-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Plastics Were So 1967
Suit on cell: But yeah, concrete is the future.
Metairie Road
Metairie, Louisiana
Overheard by: What happened to plastic?
Categories: Advice | Default | Louisiana | On the phone | Suits | Technology | Posted 2008-06-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's Just Because You Didn't Understand What 'Phone Sex' Meant
Guy: Just trust me on this one and go along with it one more time.
Girl: I did that last time and ended up with random things up my ass.
Stoneham, Massachusetts
Granted, I Cut Her, but They Still Owe Me Ten Bucks
Gay guy: I told them not to have hip-hop night cause a bitch would get cut. And what happened? A bitch got cut!
Outside The Hippo
Mt. Vernon, Mayrland
Every Time I Try That, I Lose Some Memory
Mom: Arrrrgh. My brain just isn't working today!
Eight-year-old (deadpan): Did you try turning it off and on again?
Steveston
Canadia
Overheard by: laughing sangria out my nose
From the Sex and the City Cutting-Room Floor
Guy: So they said to her: "Carrie, you can't wear a head lamp! That's a really obvious sign!" And she said: "Yeah! Of adventure!"
Mukilteo Ferry, Washington
Overheard by: Just Me
Categories: Advice | Boat/Ferry | Compare and contrast | Default | Guys | Sexuality | Washington | Posted 2008-06-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It Doesn't Come Up Much, but a Rule Is a Rule
Student: Yeah... I don't really take advice from a kid wearing a winter hat indoors, drinking white grape juice out of a measuring cup.
SUNY Cortland
Cortland, New York
Categories: Advice | Clothing | Colleges & Universities | Default | Drinking & drunks | New York | Students | Weirdness | Posted 2008-06-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Right Up There with the Taoist Classic "C Is For Cookie-- Is Good Enough for Me"
Female voice over speakerphone: Maybe you shouldn't listen to me. I just reached into my glass of milk to retrieve a cookie that I accidentally dropped to the bottom during dunking. Now I am covered in milk. I've got milk hands!
Fraternity guy: I thought you were trying to make your own metaphor, like "I don't see the glass as half empty or half full, I see my hand in it retrieving cookies."
Providence, Rhode Island
Overheard by: Wants No Part Of This
Categories: Advice | Default | Food | Frat boy types | Health & Hygiene | Rhode Island | Women | Words | Posted 2008-06-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So Anyway, Are the Cheerleaders All Okay?
Queer #1: You said: "Oooh, girl, you can't build a pyramid on top of a pyramid."
Queer #2: Did I say: "Oooh, girl"?! I did not say "Oooh, girl"!
Memphis, Tennessee
Overheard by: The Faghag
Or Reject Gender Stratification
Five-year boy in front of a door: (frantically) Which one? I have to go!
Exasperated mother: The men's room.
Little boy: Which one?!
Mother: That one (points) and that's why you need to learn to read.
Barnes & Noble
Cary, North Carolina
Next Time Put the Message in a Bottle
Girl in stall: I have paper stuck in my vagina.
Friend: You might not want to say that, there's people here.
Girl in stall: Why is vagina a bad word?
Ladies Room, Foreplay Bar
Portland, Maine
Overheard by: How did it get there?
Is the Range of Gay Sex Really That Limited?
Straight guy: I really need your advice about this girl.
Gay guy: Stick it in her butt!
Straight guy: No. Her mom set us up on this date...
Gay guy: Stick it in her butt!
Straight guy: You just suggested that. I mean, I like her but I definitely don't want to date her, and we're supposed to hang out this weekend, but I don't know what to do with her.
Gay guy: Well, just be like: "Hey, do you want to toss a Frisbee in the arboretum?"
Straight guy: And if she says yes, be like: "Okay, do you want to toss my salad in the arboretum?"
Gay guy: Awesome.
Lancaster, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: $kank
Categories: Advice | Backdoor | Compliments | Default | Family ties | Friends | Guys | Offers and requests | Pennsylvania | Queers | Questions | Words | Posted 2008-06-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But "Jews Give Me a Boner" Is Positive
MHS student to another: Emileeeeeeey... You can't say the "boner" word at a Holocaust luncheon!
University 4
Moscow, Idaho
Overheard by: i agree
Your Soul Is Irredeemably Banal
Spaced-out kid: And I think it was some kind of message in that out-of-body experience. Like, it was my soul trying to tell me that after I finished puking, I should take a shower.
Teenage queer: Your dreams are fucked.
St. Andrew's College
Aurora
Canadia
It's Also a Bathroom of a Sort
Girl: Can you tell me where the bathroom is?
Woman: Yeah, it's at the end of this hallway. Just don't look in the cage there.
Highland, Utah
Overheard by: A tiny bit worried...!
Where the Strippers Shit in the Water
Guy #1: So yeah, you can get in the water with them but you can't touch the manatees unless they swim up to you.
Guy #2: Sort of like a strip club.
Bar
Kansas City, Missouri
Overheard by: Matt
Categories: Advice | Animals | Bars & Clubs | Compare and contrast | Default | Guys | Missouri | Sexuality | Posted 2008-06-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When Shown That They Do Exist, He Fainted
Grungy dude, pointing to expensive vacuum: You should get this one. It sucks up everything!
Girlfriend: Yeah, but I don't have much carpet. I need, like, a Broom Vac or something.
Grungy dude: A Broom Vac?! Put down the crack pipe!
Target
Baltimore, Maryland
Categories: Advice | Compare and contrast | Couples | Default | Drugs | Girls | Guys | Maryland | Stores | Technology | Posted 2008-06-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
He'd Still Have the Use of Both Hands
Guy, to friend: And so I said to him: "If you'd never seen Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon your life would be so different right now."
Bus
Coventry
England
Rain on Your Wedding Day, for Instance, Is Just Good Luck
[At computer lab.]
Student #1: Try looking up "irony-", that might work.
Student #2: Irony isn't even a word, idiot.
Royalton, Minnesota
Overheard by: Lynn
I Wanted You to Understand How It Felt to Read Your Term Papers
Professor: I think I popped a few Oxycontins before I wrote this so it might not make any sense.
Salem State College
Salem, Massachusetts
Or the Word "Dyke" Ever Again
Teacher: So, for the final sentence we should get some sort of metaphor for tax cuts helping the US recession.
Student #1: Hmm... Hey, you know like, the commercial where they put gum in the hole in the dam to stop the leak?.
Student #2: Or the finger!
Teacher: Oh, you mean in the dyke!
Student #1: Yeah, so... Tax cuts would be the finger in the hole of America's dyke?
Teacher: Maybe we shouldn't use a metaphor.
English Essentials Class
Waimea, Hawaii
Overheard by: boehmface
That Carmen Miranda Costume Will Be Done in No Time!
Woman on cell: Slowly... over the next week... add a fruit.
Barnes & Noble
St. Louis, Missouri
Categories: Advice | Fruit | Missouri | On the phone | Stores | Time Management | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2008-05-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And at Least the Newport Jazz Festival Is Over in Three Days
Guy in suit: I said, "It's better than a Chinese prison, you should be used to it by now."
Memorial Union Bus Stop
University of Rhode Island, Kingston, Rhode Island
Overheard by: Jo
Categories: Advice | Bus | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Geography | Guys | Rhode Island | Suits | Posted 2008-05-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We're More Of a Honky Hut Family
Black student to white teacher: So we're going to Sarasota to visit a college up there. Do you know the easiest way to get there?
White teacher: Sure! You can take I-75 straight up, and if you want to stop for something to eat, there's Cracker Barrel all over the place.
Black student: Cracker Barrel? Umm, no, I don't think so...
Design and Architecture High School
Miami, Florida
Categories: Advice | Black people | Fears | Florida | Food | Names | Offers and requests | Questions | Race | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Students | Teachers | US Geography | Posted 2008-05-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Remember How I Said I Couldn't Come to Class Yesterday Morning Because I Was "Tied Up"?
Professor: Never spend the night with a Croatian! Those guys are fucked up.
Hartford, Connecticut
Overheard by: Claire
Fool Me Twice, Shame on Morton's
Freshman girl: Never snort salt.
Other freshman girl: I know, right! It burns so bad!
Bethesda, Maryland
Overheard by: Shelby
Categories: Advice | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Maryland | Sensory experiences | Sorority types | Stupidity | Weirdness | Posted 2008-05-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Do You Want to Go to Epcot? Do You?
Mother to daughter: You don't want to piss me off in the happiest place on earth!
Disneyland
Anaheim, California
Categories: Advice | California | Compare and contrast | Geography | Happiness | Kids | Moms | Pop culture | Posted 2008-05-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When Stoners Write for Fortune Cookie Companies
Serious girl: You have to clean your bathroom or else there'll be hungry ghosts lurking behind your toilet.
Smith College
Northampton, Massachusetts
Categories: Advice | Colleges & Universities | Fears | Girls | Massachusetts | Threats | Weirdness | Posted 2008-05-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
There's a Lesson in That
Guy: Egg salad is a dish best served cold.
Shout-out: overheardinumcp.blogspot.com
Overheard by: alyssa
Categories: Advice | Food | Guys | Overheard in College Park | Sensory experiences | Words | Posted 2008-05-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
A Mom Can Dream, Can't She?
Angry mother on the bus: Come here and sit down!
Four-year-old: No, it's okay. I'm being good.
Angry mother: This bus is going to stop suddenly and you're going to fall down and crack your head open on one of the bars, and before the bus gets back around to the hospital you will bleed to death!
Pullman, Washington
Overheard by: jeff
Categories: Advice | Bus | Death & dying | Kids | Moms | Offers and requests | Public Transportation | Threats | Violence | Washington | Weirdness | Posted 2008-05-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Hey! I'm Not Dying Yet!
Drunk college student: What's up, man?
Tired-looking bum: Allah! Allah always be up.
Drunk college student: True. True. Holla' at your boy.
Green Line
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: On my way to church
I'm Just a Toxic Spill Waiting to Happen
Goth girl, to friend looking at military jackets: You can get those a lot cheaper at goodwill, dude.
Overweight friend: Not in my size! When fat people die, they leak, and then their clothes can't be given to goodwill!
Starfest Sci-Fi Convention
Denver, Colorado
Categories: Advice | Clothes | Colorado | Compare and contrast | Diet & weight | Fat people | Friends | Girls | Goths | Gripes | Money | Offers and requests | Posted 2008-05-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Do I Have to Rationalize for Everyone in This Family?
Fat kid: Mom, I wanna go on a diet.
Fat mom: You don't need to go on a diet, you're too young!
Fat kid: You aren't too young.
Fat mom: Shush.
Meat Section at Publix
Orlando, Florida
Overheard by: Trevor Allen
Categories: Advice | Age and ageing | Comebacks | Compare and contrast | Diet & weight | Fat people | Florida | Moms | Should have used a condom | Stores | Wishes | Posted 2008-05-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But I Think We All Know What Happened with Monica and That Cigar
African professor: It is up to you to decide whether he was accurately and eloquently speaking BS.
Kalamazoo, Mississippi
Categories: Advice | Black people | Compare and contrast | Education | Euphemisms | Foreigners | Mississippi | Teachers | Words | Posted 2008-05-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Stop Being White in Popeye's!
Black girl #1: Okay, I know what I'm getting. Do you know what you're getting?
White girl: I've never been here before. Let me look for a while. [Pauses, then yells.] Wait a minute! Popeye's a sailor; Why does he sell chicken?
Black girl #2: Oh my god, shut up now or no more vodka for you for the rest of the night!
White girl: Okay. [Giggles.] I'm sorry.
[Black girls start talking to each other.]
White girl, yelling: Why are there no white people in here?!
Black girl #1: Aww fuck, take her outside to the car. This is her first and last time ever coming here!
Popeye's
Trenton, New Jersey