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How Many Tons Of Vomit Does Disney World Produce a Year? Show Your Work.
20-something guy in the middle of a group: Guys, guys. I've got big news.
(group quiets down)
20-something guy: I just got a text from Ross. It says "Let's put it this way: they've stopped the ride, are cleaning up my vomit, and I'm leaving in a wheelchair. Spaceship Earth."
(group cheers)
Disney World
Orlando, Florida
Categories: Florida | Games | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Stupidity | Tourist attractions | Violence | Posted 2010-04-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Dan Brown Totally Deserves This
50-something white-haired British guy: I know you!
Stranger: No sir, we haven't met.
50-something white-haired British guy: I remember you from before!
Stranger: I'm sorry sir, I just don't remember you.
50-something white-haired British guy: I was there too! We were both knights of Templar! You were Mary Magdalene's personal guard... How have you been all these years!?
Grand Canyon
Arizona
Overheard by: J
Categories: Arizona | Crazies | History | Memory lane | Strangers | Tourist attractions | Weirdness | Posted 2010-04-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'll Just Wait Here 'til It Melts
Tour bus driver to American girl: So you aren't doing the glacier hike?
American girl: No way! No one is making me walk up some icy hill!
Fox Glacier
New Zealand
Categories: Bus drivers | New Zealand | Questions | Stupidity | Tourist attractions | Posted 2010-02-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
They're As Thick-Skinned and Adorable As Kardashians
Girlfriend to boyfriend: What I want to know is why the hell people haven't domesticated the rhino yet!
Royal Ontario Museum
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: Surprised
Categories: Animals | Canadia | Couples | Questions | Tourist attractions | Posted 2010-02-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What Kind Of a Boy Gives Hugs, Anyway?
Man to son, coming out of restroom: After what you tried to do to Tigger I'm not sure if you deserve that.
Disney World
Orlando, Florida
Overheard by: Tracy
Categories: About celebrities | Dads | Default | Florida | Guys | Kids | Offers and requests | Pop culture | Tourist attractions | Posted 2009-06-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Like to Think Of It As Adding a Little More Magic to the Kingdom
Male golfer to 20-something son and his girlfriend: See, that's the problem golfing with a female. If there are no women here, the world is your toilet!
The Magnolia Golf Course, DisneyWorld
Orlando, Florida
Categories: Compare and contrast | Dads | Default | Florida | Games | Guys | Sexuality | Tourist attractions | Posted 2009-06-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Shaquille O'Neal Stars in The Emperor's New Brain
Little girl, right before fireworks begin: Daddy, I can see perfectly through that tall man's head.
Walt Disney World
Orlando, Florida
Categories: Body parts | Default | Family ties | Florida | Girls | Kids | Kids | Tourist attractions | Posted 2009-04-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But I Don't Know Why the Caged Bird Sings!
Mother pushing stroller with three small boys at her side: Your brother asked you a question. Now answer it or stop talking!
Valley Fair
Shakopee, Minnesota
Categories: Default | Family ties | Kids | Minnesota | Moms | Offers and requests | Questions | Tourist attractions | Women | Posted 2009-04-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Monkeys: Ooooo...
Cholo #1, tapping roughly on glass: Heeeey monkey! Oh! Monkey!
Treehugger in sandals with socks, hysterically: Stop it, stop it! Oh my god!
(cholo #2 and #3 snicker and speak Spanish to each other)
Cholo #1: Crazy gringa...needa get laid.
Treehugger: Well, at least I didn't have ten kids by the time I was twenty! Like your mother!
National Zoo
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Meaggoo
Categories: Age and ageing | Animals | Default | Family ties | Kids | Latinos | Sex | Tourist attractions | Washington, DC | Posted 2009-04-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Can See They Have Separate but Equal Cages
Zookeeper: We have three types of penguins: Humboldt, Emperor, and Macaroni.
Small child watching zookeeper: Are there African American penguins?
Zookeeper, clearly flustered: Er...well...there are penguins from many countries and continents...
Milwaukee County Zoo
Wisconsin
Overheard by: Not a penguin racist
Let's Milk This Country for All It's Worth!
Nigerian man to wife loading small children into overcrowded rental van: Come, we are in America now! We go home and eat cheese!
Rosicrucian Museum
San Jose, California
Categories: California | Default | Food | Foreigners | Geography | Guys | Offers and requests | Tourist attractions | Posted 2009-03-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
For the Last Time, Tommy, You're Supposed to Do That to Old Ladies
Little boy hitting trash can: I demand this trash can to give me money!
Point Defiance Zoo & Aquarium
Tacoma, Washington
Categories: Default | Guys | Kids | Kids | Money | Offers and requests | Tourist attractions | Washington | Posted 2009-03-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...And Got Banned from Playgroup?
Guy to friend: So she broke her vibrator for the third time?
Mystic Lake Casino
Minneapolis, Minnesota
Or the Pope's Been Using That "Sugar N' Spice" Bodywash Again
Tour guide: Now go up the stairs and take a left at the top. (pause) Wait, do I smell cookies? I smell cookies!
Vatican Museum
Vatican City
Overheard by: Face
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Employees | Europe | Food | Questions | Tourist attractions | Posted 2009-03-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's Like They Were Trying to Get Us to Learn
Little boy leaving Epcot: Well, that was unpleasant.
Disney World
Orlando, Florida
If You Get Kidnapped, What Happens to the Child Support, Huh?
Woman to child: I'm not responsible for knowing where you are. It's not my job to watch you. You need to be responsible and know where I'm at.
Aquarium
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: Really?
Categories: Advice | Default | Georgia | Jobs & Careers | Kids | Tourist attractions | Women | Posted 2009-02-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And That's Not What's on Abe Lincoln's Chin
Mom to young son: Don't say "testicles" in public!
Mount Rushmore, South Dakota
Overheard by: Sarah
Categories: Advice | Balls | Default | Moms | South Dakota | Tourist attractions | Women | Words | Posted 2009-02-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So This Is All Magic
Hausfrau dragging small son into hall of prehistory: Now remember, we don't believe in evolution!
Smithsonian Museum of Natural History
Overheard by: In the right museum
Categories: Default | Education | Kids | Kids | Moms | Religion | Science | Tourist attractions | Washington, DC | Posted 2009-02-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Nature's Pretty Gay When You Come Right Down to It
Disappointed man to child on shoulders: Cranes aren't that great.
Woodland Park Zoo
Seattle, Washington
Categories: Animals | Compare and contrast | Default | Feelings | Guys | Kids | Tourist attractions | Washington | Posted 2009-01-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Rhino Chicks Never Give Me the Time Of Day
Man #1, watching rhino: Damn, it's huge.
Man #2: Lucky bastard.
San Diego Zoo
San Diego, California
Overheard by: Nikki
Categories: Animals | California | Compliments | Default | Guys | Tourist attractions | Weirdness | Posted 2009-01-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
At Least Wait 'til We Get to Dubai
Ten-year-old girl to passing adult man: What's your name?
Mother, scolding: Do you have to hit on every man you see?
Disneyland
Anaheim, California
Eerily, He Did
Tourist baby: Bah bah bah bah bah!
Tourist dad, changing his diaper: I hear ya.
Tourist baby: Bah bah bah bah bah bah!
Tourist dad: Uh huh.
Tourist baby: Bah bah bah bah!
Tourist dad: I told you not to mess with those guys.
(tourist baby laughs)
Tourist dad: Yeah, you know what I'm talking about!
Restroom, Walt Disney World
Orlando, Florida
Overheard by: The Normie in the Handistall
Categories: Dads | Default | Family ties | Florida | Happiness | Health & Hygiene | Kids | Tourist attractions | Posted 2009-01-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Twitter Was Invented
Guy on cell walking past elephants: I'm watching elephants pour shit on their heads. Yeah, I'm watching elephants pour shit on their heads. Okay. Bye.
Busch Gardens
Tampa Bay, Florida
Categories: Animals | Body parts | Florida | Guys | Poop | Tourist attractions | Posted 2009-01-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Even If It Does Have Perfect Pitch
Girl: I'm not gonna bend over and let you play my butt in front of other people!
Epcot
Florida
Overheard by: Pilbur
Categories: Body parts | Default | Florida | Girls | Offers and requests | Sexuality | Tourist attractions | Posted 2008-12-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Dad's a Committed Mythical Traditionalist
Little girl: So when do we get to see the unicorns?
Dad: There don't have any. Unicorns aren't real.
Little girl: Even African unicorns?
Dad: No, they don't exist either. And even if there were real unicorns, they'd probably be from Europe.
Zoo
Honolulu, Hawaii
Overheard by: mel
Disney's Dumpo Has Been Box Office Gold for Decades
Mom to toddler in stroller: What was your favorite part of the circus?
Toddler in stroller: The elephants pooping!
Disneyland
Anaheim, California
Categories: Animals | California | Default | Kids | Kids | Moms | Poop | Questions | Tourist attractions | Posted 2008-11-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Tried That at Sesame Place and Now That Damn Bird Won't Stop IMing Me
Four-year-old: I'm not here to make friends!
Disney's Animal Kingdom
Orlando, Florida
That's Part of the Magic
Tramcar driver in Magic Kingdom: It has come to my attention that people use their panic button to help them find their car. That is cheating. You must wander around aimlessly for a while first.
Disney World, Florida
Overheard by: Kristen
Categories: Conductors | Default | Florida | Offers and requests | Public transportation | Tourist attractions | Posted 2008-11-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Bear: Just Give Me an Excuse, You Ice-Cap-Melting-Rock-Throwing Motherfucker!
(at the polar bear exhibit)
Father to son holding a rock: Don't throw that rock! If you throw that, it's going to hit the bear, and then he's going to come over here and eat you. Do you want him to come over here and eat you?!
Zoo
Buffalo, New York
Overheard by: Sarah.
Categories: Animals | Dads | Default | New York | Offers and requests | Questions | Threats | Tourist attractions | Violence | Weirdness | Posted 2008-10-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
She Took Music Class at Montessori School
Very white mom: "The wheels on the bus go round and round, round and round..." Sing with me, honey.
Very white four-year old daughter: "Rollin' down the street smokin'..."
Walt Disney World
Orlando, Florida
Jared Likes to Watch the History Channel on Acid
Teen to others: Did you know that Ben Franklin invented the first haunted house?
In Line for Haunted House
Roanoke, Vriginia
By the Prince's Attorney in Cross-Examination
Single mom: And what happens to Cinderella at midnight?
Eight-year-old son: She gets destroyed!
Disneyland
Anaheim, California
Categories: California | Default | Guys | Kids | Kids | Moms | Questions | Time Management | Tourist attractions | Weirdness | Posted 2008-09-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
"Adultland" Was the Most Lucrative Disney Attraction in Half a Century
Dad to son in stroller: Here's where we saw the sexy tree!
Disney World Animal Kingdom
Orlando, Florida
Categories: Dads | Default | Florida | Memory lane | Tourist attractions | Words | Posted 2008-08-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Is My Little Brother Getting Sober?
Frat boy to another: Dude, why do we always act like such assholes?
National Zoo
Washington, DC
Overheard by: keeeeem
Categories: Assholes | Default | Frat boy types | Questions | Tourist attractions | Washington, DC | Posted 2008-08-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And She Totally Fled the Trade Towers on 9/11
Drunk hipster girl: Let's drunk dial Cameron!
Drunker hipster guy: I hate Cameron!
Drunkest hipster guy: You know what my biggest problem with Cameron is? She wasn't in New Orleans during hurricane Katrina.
Hollywood Bowl
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: Chantily
Categories: California | Drunks | Guys | Hipsters | Insults | Offers and requests | Tourist attractions | Wishes | Posted 2008-08-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
They Were Naked Already
Man in line for character photos: Crap, I just took a picture of someone else's kids, I'm not a pedophile, don't start thinking that!
Disney World
Florida
Overheard by: Chelsea
Especially With Their Eyes Shut
Guy: If someone was legally blind, it would be really hard for them to see in here.
Revenge of the Mummy ride, Universal Studios
Orlando, Florida
Categories: Default | Florida | Guys | Sensory experiences | Stupidity | Tourist attractions | Posted 2008-07-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Now I Go to the Nursing Home and Do That to Grandma
Mom passing rows of whole fish: When I was a little girl, I used to poke their raw eyeballs with my finger!
Little boy: Wow!
Pike Market
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: wow indeed
Categories: Animals | Body parts | Default | Hands | Kids | Memory lane | Moms | Tourist attractions | Washington | Weirdness | Posted 2008-07-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why They Only Buy Button-Down Shirts
Mother admonishing her child for sticking his head through the bars in a fence: You do not put your head through anything. Ever.
Disney World
Florida
Overheard by: Becca
Categories: Advice | Body parts | Default | Florida | Moms | Parenting | Tourist attractions | Posted 2008-07-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Now She's Standing on Her Head to Keep It There
Old woman to granddaughter: I saw her the other day, and all the fat from her face has slipped down to her boobs.
Piccadilly Circus
London
England
Overheard by: lola
I Come Here for the Food
Dumb girl: So what's the difference between when the guy hits the ball and someone catches it and when someone hits the ball and no one catches it?
Boy: Absolutely nothing.
PETCO Park
San Diego, California
Categories: California | Default | Girls | Guys | Idiots | Stupidity | Tourist attractions | Posted 2008-07-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
How the Woodland Park Zoo Became a Disco Inferno
Trashy mom trying to get toddler to leave an animal exhibit: Get over here or I'll whop your butt!
(five seconds later) And give me back my lighter!
Woodland Park Zoo
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Jenster
Categories: Default | Insults | Kids | Moms | Offers and requests | Parenting | Smoking | Threats | Tourist attractions | Washington | Posted 2008-07-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If He Dies, They'll Probably Let You Cut All the Lines
Eight-year-old kid in line for Universal Studios park ticket: I know how to get a discount ticket.
Eight-year-old friend: How?
Eight-year-old kid: You get your friend to come along with you, then you stab him in the neck and say "My friend's dying, can we have discount tickets?"
Universal Studios
Los Angeles, California
Categories: California | Death & dying | Default | Friends | Kids | Kids | Money | Offers and requests | Should have used a condom | Tourist attractions | Violence | Weirdness | Posted 2008-07-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...for Chip 'n' Dale
Little boy, covered in glitter: Mom! Casey's whompin' glitter on me again!
Little girl: I am not!
Mother: She's just tryin' to make you look pretty!
Magic Kingdom, Disney World
Orlando, Florida
Overheard by: Natalie
Categories: Beauty | Compare and contrast | Family ties | Florida | Girls | Gripes | Guys | Kids | Kids | Moms | Tourist attractions | Posted 2008-06-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Put the Bedazzler Down, Bert
Guy, aggressively: I'll sparkle you!
The Eiffel Tower
Paris
France
Overheard by: Emily
Categories: France | Guys | Threats | Tourist attractions | Words | Posted 2008-06-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Feel the Magma Flowing Beneath Their Placid Surface
Mother to daughter, regarding t-shirts: We need to get you a big one 'cause your boobs are growing way too fast.
Flat-chested daughter: Yeah, I know.
Hollywood Tower of Terror Shop
Disneyland, California
Categories: Body parts | California | Clothes | Compare and contrast | Compliments | Gender issues | Girls | Moms | Teens | Tourist attractions | Posted 2008-05-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Good Thing Pluto Didn't Hear That
Chocolate store girl: You're a dicksucker. You know that? I mean, why bother with you? You seen my ass, you know I'm good-looking. You're-.
Guy in Goofy costume, muffled: Whatever. There are other tits. I'll be just fine regardless. And just so you know [lowers voice as kids approach] you're gonna get us both fired if you keep this shit up.
Chocolate store girl, loudly: Fuck you, and fuck your fucking ass! I hope you get fired! Then you can go home and suck your asshole!
Guy in Goofy costume, losing it: Better than sucking your ex's dick when you're supposed to be working.
Chocolate store girl, stunned: Who told you that?!
Guy in Goofy costume: Jen, after I fucked her!
[Girl walks into the shop quickly and goes into back room looking like she's going to cry. Goofy goes back to wandering around aimlessly, waving to little kids.]
Disney World
Orlando, Florida
Overheard by: after that, my g/f and i applied for jobs there
Categories: BJs | Couples | Coworkers | Florida | Girls | Guys | Insults | Jobs & Careers | Relationships | Sex | Tourist attractions | Weirdness | Posted 2008-05-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
As Depicted in All of My Paintings
Mother to daughter: I swear, next time you're going to smack your mouth on something and I'm just going to move you to the side and leave you there and watch the blood run down.
On Line for Space Mountain
Disney World, Florida
Overheard by: Kat
In Case You're Curious...
Little boy: Dad, what's a "brer" rabbit?
Father: A rabbit with a lot of brer in it.
Magic Kingdom
Disney World, Florida
Overheard by: Natalie
He'll Be Singing a Different Tune When Turtlenecks Come Back in Style
Twentysomething guy, excitedly: And all I could think was "Thank god im circumsized!"
Cherry Blossom Festival, National Mall
Washington, DC
Overheard by: sara aliza
Categories: Guys | Happiness | Health & Hygiene | Penis | Tourist attractions | Washington, DC | Posted 2008-04-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Do We Have to Drag Bernie Everywhere We Go?
Little boy: But I don't care about the dead guys anymore!
Washington Monument
Washington, DC
Categories: Compare and contrast | Death & dying | Fears | Feelings | Guys | Kids | Kids | Tourist attractions | Washington, DC | Posted 2008-04-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Mrs. Claus's Given Name Was Derek
Little boy to big sister walking behind him: Do you believe in Santa?
Big sister: No! Keep walking.
[big sister shoves him].
Little brother: I heard Santa dislikes girls.
County Fair
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: jake
Categories: California | Girls | Kids | Kids | Questions | Santa Claus | Siblings | Tourist attractions | Posted 2008-04-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Yes, I Found Out What I'm Doing Now Is Illegal
Woman on phone, sobbing and screaming: We have two beautiful children, and you want to stick your dick in someone else?
Disneyland
Anaheim, California
Categories: California | Infidelity | North America | Relationships | Sex | Tourist attractions | USA | Posted 2007-06-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
On Second Thought, I'll Wheel Myself
Man pushing wheelchair lady, singing: Handicap, handicap, oh handy handy handy...
Epcot Park, Disney World
Florida
Overheard by: Euggh
Categories: Florida | Guys | Singing | Tourist attractions | Posted 2007-04-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
