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Then You Wonder Why He Becomes an Interior Decorator
Mom: No! We do not throw balls at people! Do not ever let me catch you throwing a ball!
Toy Store
Houston, Texas
Overheard by: huh?
And I'll Happily Let You Ride Me in the Water
Man on cell in grocery store: As long as you don't call me "flipper," that's okay.
Gresham, Oregon
Or I'm Sure He Would If We Could Locate Him.
Mother to four-year-old daughter: You're forgetting mummy is mummy and not daddy. Daddy is the one who cares.
Target
Australia
Steve Miller: "Same Here."
Girl: How do you choose a good peach?
Guy: I go with whichever would make the prettiest vagina. Seems to work pretty well.
Produce Market
Tampa, Florida
Overheard by: Dr. Banana Grabber
Straight Guys See Women's Clothes Solely in Terms Of What They Cover
Annoyed wife trying on unattractive skirt: So what do you think?
Husband, with baby: It looks nice.
Annoyed wife, returning to dressing room: What do you know?
Husband to baby: Son, you have no chance.
Old Navy
South Carolina
Overheard by: Kempii
What a World
Little boy: My legs are melting! My legs are melting!
Target
White Plains, New York
Categories: Body parts | Kids | Kids | New York | Sensory experiences | Stores | Posted 2010-08-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Bad Things Happen When Housemates Mate
Guy to crowd of housemates: See, this is the kind of toilet we want--it's rated to be able to flush one kilo of material at a time.
Girl: How many kilos does a newborn weigh?
Home Depot
Oakland, California
Overheard by: Alchemist George
And Apparently You're Not the Only One Who Wants to Know
Tall girlfriend: Where did Batman go to college?
Tall boyfriend: That may be the best question ever asked.
Target
Milford, Connecticut
Categories: Connecticut | Couples | Education | Pop culture | Questions | Stores | Posted 2010-08-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Well, We Will Be Running Around in Diapers Before We Know It.
Older woman: Want to go see the movie Babies tonight at 7:30?
Older man: Mmmmmmmmmmmm...
Older woman: It's too late for it to inspire us!
Coffee Shop
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: Greg
Why eBay Exists.
Man shopping with wife: Well, I recognize that someday I just won't need all my body parts.
Target Store
Augusta, Maine
Categories: Body parts | Clients | Maine | Stores | Weirdness | Posted 2010-07-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Um, Vampire Style?
19-year-old girl #1: You know, I just a want a man I can sit naked with, watch Dead Poets Society, and then write a song about it afterwards.
19-year-old girl #2: Edward would totally do that for Bella.
19-year-old girl #3: You should leave Ryan.
19-year-old girl #2: Tell Ryan he can suck your dick.
Coffee Shop
Johannesburg
South Africa
Overheard by: Aeleron
Need a Vacation from the Metric System, Canadia?
Deli customer: Could I have a kilo of shaved black forest ham, please?
Confused deli worker: How much?
Deli customer: One kilo.
Confused deli worker: I need to know how much you want.
Deli customer, getting frustrated: One kilo of shaved black forest ham.
Confused deli worker: So, 500 grams?
Deli customer, astonished: A kilo is 1000 grams.
Confused deli worker: Um... How much do you want?
Deli customer, annoyed: One kilo.
Confused deli worker: I don't know how much you want.
Deli customer, more annoyed: One kilo. 1000 grams.
Confused deli worker, after thinking for a minute: So, two 500 gram packages?
Deli customer, astonished: Sure.
Deli customer's partner: Are you serious?
Edmonton
Canadia
Overheard by: Math is hard
One Downmanship Is Fun!
Woman #1: Sorry I'm late, I had bad anxiety.
Woman #2: I have bad allergies and a hangover.
Woman #1: Well, I'm pregnant.
Woman #3, looking up suddenly: What!?
Woman #1: Top that!
Barnes & Noble
Birmingham, Alabama
America: Encapsulated.
Slightly obese lady on cell: Of course I'm at the gym, honey! I promised to go to the gym today, so I'm at the gym! (hangs up, talks to friend) What an idiot. I want some ice cream.
Ice Cream Shop
Missouri
Overheard by: jeeves
Categories: Diet & weight | Fat people | Food | Friends | Insults | Lies | Missouri | On the phone | Stores | Wishes | Posted 2010-07-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Obesity: Explained.
Little boy, pointing to a box of cereal: What's this?
Mom: Cocoa Krispies. It's chocolate-flavored Rice Krispies.
Little boy: Oh my god!
Stop & Shop
Mamaroneck, New York
Overheard by: Diana
When Culinary Students Have Orgies
Tiny college girl waiting in line: The cookies are soooooo good!
Tall male friend, confused: The ice cream?
Tiny college girl: The penises!
Tall male friend: Oh!
Tiny college girl: We just didn't let them cool!
Stop & Shop
Manhattan, New York
Just As Well-- I'm a Little Fuzzy on the Whole "Bagel" Concept
Customer: Do you have any lox?
Wal-Mart employee: Of course. They're over in hardware.
Customer: No. Lox, like bagels and lox.
Wal-Mart employee: Lots? Lots of bagels?
Customer: I'll just go to Publix.
Wal-Mart
Nashville, Tennessee
Overheard by: Heading for Publix, too.
Then I Sniff It and I'm Like, "Ooo, Beer!"
Tiny pregnant girl to friend: He has this mattress that has pee stains all over it, and he keeps blaming it on the dog! I'm like, "yeah, right!"
Target
York, Pennsylvania
Um, That's Just Beer, Sweetie.
Boy, screaming into pregnant mother's belly: We're going to give you up for adoption!
Tanger Outlet
Riverhead, New York
Overheard by: bemused
I Know I'm Flakey, But I Was Just Itching to Shop.
Foreign chick on cell: I'm at the gonorrhea. (pause) No, I'm at the gonorrhea. Yah... In yewstun. I'm at deelurds in the gonorrhea.
Dillards, The Galleria
Houston, Texas
Overheard by: OMG She had VD
Categories: Foreigners | Language barrier | On the phone | STDs | Stores | Texas | Weirdness | Posted 2010-03-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So We Chased Her Out Of Town with Torches
Woman to another: She washes her pickles in a dishwasher.
Cub Foods
Minneapolis, Minneapolis
Who Also Happens to Be My Husband.
Teen mum #1 with baby in pushchair: Ah! Lovely baby boy! Who's the father?
Teen mum #2 with baby in pushchair: That scumbag from the pub a few months back.
Clothes Store
Dartford
England
Ones That Will Fit Over My Big-Boy Pull-Ups
Man in dressing room to employee waiting on him: Dude, I can see my ass hair. I'm a grown-ass man. Go find me some grown-ass man pants.
Las Vegas, Nevada
I Mean Unprepared to Fight Me
50-something grubby, scruffy-looking woman: Why are you dressed like that?
40-something very nicely dressed woman: What, you mean well?
KMart Parking Lot
Delaware County, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Jayvee
A Llama on a Cart You Can Wheel Around?
Loud lady on cell phone in philosophy section of a bookstore: Which Dali Lama book? They have a million. What's a Dali Lama, anyway?
Southaven, Mississippi
Overheard by: Beth Walker
Categories: Books | Mississippi | Names | On the phone | Questions | Stores | Stupidity | Women | Posted 2010-01-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Ten Bucks Says She Has a Daughter Who's Single
Lady to man putting bagels in a bag: Are you getting those because you are Jewish?
Whole Foods
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: jigawhat
Identifying Your Feelings Is an Important First Step.
Huge guy with a Mohawk: It worries me that I can't smell my deodorant.
Grocery Store
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Deana
Categories: Guys | Health & Hygiene | Illinois | Sensory experiences | Stores | Posted 2010-01-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Oh Honey, We Feel You.
Little boy, desperately: I need to get out of here!
Kohl's Fitting Rooms
Georgia
Overheard by: Iris
Kids Start Disappointing You As Soon As They Possibly Can
Little girl: Mom, can I buy that doll house?
Mom: No, you don't have enough money.
Daughter: Can't I just use my college money?
Mom: No.
Daughter: But I don't want to go to college, I want the doll house! I don't want to go to college!
Toy Store
Canadia
Regardless, It Fills Us Up.
Girl: I've always wanted to try their maple bacon bar, but I either don't have enough cash, or I'm with someone and we usually either get the baker's dozen... or a penis.
Doughnut Store
Portland, Oregon
Tonight on Graze Anatomy
Little boy to grandmother: My mommy's held a cow brain.
Borders Bookstore
Alameda, California
Overheard by: Lith
Categories: Animals | Body parts | California | Family | Family ties | Kids | Kids | Parenting | Stores | Posted 2009-12-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Remember "Sweaty Boobs"?
Friend #1: I just want a Dance Dance Revolution mat that won't skid around on the floor while I dance on it. I am thinking about covering my old one in an unskiddable material.
Friend #2: Well, you could try human skin.
Friend #1: Does it skid?
Friend #2: Only when wet.
Gamestop
Omaha, Nebraska.
This Is a Gluestick, Sweetie.
Guy: I've been using the same deodorant stick for the last eight years. I'd replace it, but I think they discontinued the brand.
Wal-Mart
Ft. Collins, Colorado
Categories: Colorado | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Sensory experiences | Stores | Posted 2009-12-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When You're Swimming through Them Like Scrooge McDuck
Woman to another, shopping in frozen food aisle: You know, I think sometimes you really can have too many Tater Tots in the house.
Shoppers Food Warehouse
Northern Virginia
Overheard by: Pat Trenner
But This Time You'd Better Not Force Your Brother to Eat It
Eight-year-old boy: Hey dad, can I get deodorant?
Father: Uh, sure.
Eight-year-old boy: Yesssss!
A&P Supermarket
Totowa, New Jersey
Categories: Dads | Happiness | Kids | Kids | New Jersey | Offers and requests | Parenting | Stores | Posted 2009-12-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Because They Just Laughed at Me When I Asked at Toys R' Us
Guy, walking up to greeter: You wouldn't happen to have any buttplugs, would you?
Target
Little Falls, New Jersey
Overheard by: harry bohemis
Categories: Ass | Clients | Employees | New Jersey | Offers and requests | Shopping | Stores | Posted 2009-12-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Playing Boggle Again?
Gay goth kid: Diana Ross, what are you doing in my mouth?
Dunkin Donuts
Worcester, Massachusetts
Overheard by: hootinanny
Categories: About celebrities | Goths | Massachusetts | Mouth | Music | Queers | Questions | Stores | Posted 2009-12-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But I Imagine It's a Lot Like Victory.
Little boy throwing fit: I've never had dessert in my life! I don't even know what it tastes like!
Outside Cookie Store
Kingsport, Tennessee
Everyone in Retail Can Identify
Little boy, in sing-song: I believe I can fly! I believe I can... die!
Sales clerk: That's the sad version.
JC Penney
Columbia, Missouri
Only Straight Men Start to Die in Craft Stores
Guy: Glitter is like the herpes of craft! It just gets everywhere!
Michael's Arts and Crafts
Merced, California
Categories: California | Compare and contrast | Guys | STDs | Stores | Posted 2009-12-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And, If You're at All Interested, Napoleon's in the Supply Closet.
Employee #1: It's been such a slow day. I feel like I've been here forever.
Employee #2: I know, right?
Employee #1: How about you? Today been slow for you too?
Employee #3: Nope. I discovered time travel.
Hardware Store
Agoura Hills, California
Categories: California | Compare and contrast | Employees | Feelings | Jobs & Careers | Stores | Time Management | Weirdness | Posted 2009-12-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Guess Everything Really Is Bigger in Texas
New Yorker, trying to get through a crowd of people blocking aisle: Excuse me. Excuse me! Excuse me!
Confused little boy: I already moved.
New Yorker: Oh, I know you have, dear. I was talking to your fat-ass mother.
Grocery Store
Austin, Texas
Categories: Ass | Assholes | Diet & weight | Family ties | Insults | Kids | Kids | Moms | Stores | Texas | Posted 2009-11-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Everyone Deserves at Least One Brush with Greatness
Woman, searching through bargain bin: Do you want this? This woman taught at Bennington!
Girl: Dude, that's old! She teaches at my school now. Her son was in my class. His lab puppy shat on dreadlock, girl!
Borders
Mansfield, Massachusetts
Categories: Animals | Education | Girls | Massachusetts | Offers and requests | Poop | Stores | Women | Posted 2009-11-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Tell Their Pimp What You're Into, and Find Out.
Guy in jumper: What do hermit crabs actually do?
Pet Shop
Australia
Overheard by: Stunned
You'd Prefer They Were Six Breasts All from the Same Chicken?
Bagger to cashier: There's something mildly strange about a package that contains breasts... from different chickens.
Whole Foods
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: They were thighs actually, but I see your point.
Is It Too Late to Start Over?
Customer: Do you sell Elastoplast?
Shop lady: What?
Customer: Do you sell Elastoplast?
Shop lady oh, I thought you said something about "the last of the Apaches."
Customer: That film was called The Last of the Mohicans.
Shop lady: What film?
Glasgow
Scotland
Overheard by: somedaftlassie
The Hot Salesgirl
Whiny man: I don't even know how to read. Why are we here?
Borders
California
So No One Will Even See Your Hooker Shoes
Mother to sixteen year-old in booty shorts and Uggs: You can be a geisha girl! It goes all the way down to the floor!
Halloween Store
New Jersey
Can a Personal TV Be Too Small? Discuss.
Girl on cell inside convenience store: Why the hell did she get it under her titty? Ain't nobody gonna see it under her titty!
Bowling Green, Ohio
How the Farmers' Market Got Rated NC-17
Lady to friend: I don't care that it's a squash, it's still inappropriate... legs spread everywhere.
Farmers' Market
Oregon
Overheard by: Shea
Long Island Has Feminists?
Overbearing mother: Let her see you in the bra! She will make sure it fits correctly!
13-year-old girl, buying first bra: Mother, I'm not for sale!
Victoria's Secret
Long Island, New York
Adam Sandler's Comedy Hasn't Evolved Much
Lady talking to friend: My little boy just loves balls. All I hear is balls,balls, balls...
Wal-Mart
Anniston, Alabama
Overheard by: Tyler
I Hate This Country and Its Degenerate Cinema!
Frustrated man with heavy Arabic accent to wife: I got the most chicky-flick movies I could find!
Supermarket
Connecticut
Categories: Compare and contrast | Connecticut | Couples | Gender issues | Movies | Stores | Posted 2009-09-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When Life Gives You Avocados...
Checker, as customer places avocados on the belt: Are these lemons?
Grocery Store
Centerville, Utah
Overheard by: JC
The Girls Next Door Workout Video It Is, Then.
Teenage girl: We can't rent anything with class.
Blockbuster
Orlando, Florida
And What's Written on the Box Makes No Sense at All
Bad-ass #1: What is Two and a Half Men about, anyway?
Bad-ass #2: Stop fuckin' askin' me, man! I told you, I don't know!
Video Store
Adelaide
Australia
Overheard by: behind the counter
Um, Books About Dildos?
Janeane Garofalo incarnate, walking past adult bookstore: What more does a feminist need than dildos and books?
Denver, Colorado
Overheard by: A. N. Cargo
Um, Willingly?
Chick to makeup artist: I want you to make me look like someone who just lost their virginity.
MAC Store
Toronto
Canadia
How to Tell If Someone's on Parole
Scruffy dude picking up cell with fart noises as ringtone: Hi, honey.
Family Video
Brockport, New York
Overheard by: swear it was the phone
Categories: Burping & farting | Cell phones | Guys | New York | On the phone | Relationships | Stores | Weirdness | Posted 2009-08-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's for Him to Decide
New dad: Look! These clothes are cute. Oh, look at this dress!
New mum: You have a boy, not a girl!
Department Store
Melbourne
Australia
Out Of What?
Middle-aged woman shopping with husband: If we weren't so old, I would say "let's go into the parking lot and make a baby."
Target
Hackensack, New Jersey
Categories: Age and ageing | Couples | New Jersey | Offers and requests | Sex | Stores | Posted 2009-08-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Is There a Toy for Me Anywhere in That?
Small boy: Dad! Dad! Can I have that?
Father: I've told you before, craving leads to attachment.
Toy Shop
Eastern Suburbs, Sydney
Australia
He'll Be Disappointed When He Learns It Has Nothing to Do With Guns
Youngish mom, enthusiastic: I need shot glasses for work!
Eight-year-old son, excited: I want a shot glass!!
Gift Shop
Branson, Missouri
If Your Editors Had a ShamWow, We Would Use It Every Day
Frat boy #1: Oh, dude, a ShamWow! (to friend at counter) Hey, should we get a ShamWow?
Frat boy #2, without looking at him: No.
Frat boy #1: But it's a ShamWow!
Frat boy #2: You're an idiot. (long pause) Fine, get the fucking ShamWow.
Frat boy #1: (excitedly runs ShamWow over to counter)
Frat boy #2: Fuck.
Pet's Mart, Montana
Overheard by: Sadie
Some Babies Learn to Run Away Before They Can Walk
Loud fat ghetto chick to baby: See dat? See dat baby walking? That's what you need to be doing. I'm sick of carrying yo' ass around.
Target Parking Lot
Florissant, Missouri
Categories: Advice | Ass | Chicks | Fat people | Kids | Missouri | Moms | Parenting | Should have used a condom | Stores | Posted 2009-08-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Will Strawberry Shortcake Never Learn?
Old woman to daughter: And now she's got no money cause she blew it all on muffins.
Supermarket
Sydney
Overheard by: Anny
Shall We Try "P" for "Polanski"?
Guy #1: What aisle are we looking for?
Guy #2: We should be looking under teen girls' rugs.
Guy #1: Yikes!
Furniture Store
New York City, New York
...to Our Lord Jesus Christ.
Librarian at info desk: How are you today?
Gloomy guy: Not very well.
Librarian: Why not?
Guy: Oh, my girlfriend's being mean to me... Are you single?
Librarian, unfazed: No, I'm married.
West Lafayette, Indiana
Overheard by: Rachel S.
NewsFlash: Craig Kilborn Lends Name to Chewable Prozac.
Little boy in handicapped stall: I like you... I like you, Craig... You relax me.
Ladies Room, Barnes & Noble
Saugus, Massachusetts
Meet the Science Channel's Number One Fan
Geeky kid: A glass cutter? Oh. My. God. This is a glass cutter! It cuts glass!
(mom tries to shush him)
Geeky kid, whispering: A glass cutter!
Hardware Store
San Francisco, California
Categories: Kids | Moms | Parenting | San Francisco | Stores | Stupidity | Technology | Posted 2009-07-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Don't Know Whether To Laugh, Say "Awww....", Call DSS, Or Puke In My Mouth
Lady on cell: Just because she's wearing big-girl panties doesn't mean she's not your baby.
Target
Midwest City, Okahoma
Lindsay Lohan's Bedside Table?
Lady, looking bewildered at companion: Well, where would you be if you were a sex book?
Bookstore
Birmingham, Alabama
Overheard by: Knows exactly where he would be
Raise Your Hand If You Share His Irrational Love Of Costco
Random male shopper: We're looking at meat accessories!
Costco
Raleigh, North Carolina
Overheard by: Anna
Categories: Clients | Food | North Carolina | Shopping | Stores | Posted 2009-07-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Specifically, "Sry 4 Rnin Yr Lf :("
Girl on cell: But I really ruined his life. I mean, what should I do? (pause) Should I, like, text him and say, "I'm sorry for ruining your life"?
Cold Stone Creamery
New Jersey
Categories: Cell phones | Girls | New Jersey | On the phone | Questions | Relationships | Stores | Posted 2009-07-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Don't Have a Dog, Sir.
Old man: I'll have two scoops of chocolate raspberry truffle in a waffle cone, and a baby cone for my dog. He's the one who made us stop here.
Brusters Ice Cream
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: Caylin
Try It and You're Outtie.
Dad to kid: Come back here, or I'll have to beat you!
Kid, indignant: You can't beat me! I'm a belly button!
Wal-Mart
Pasco, Washington
Categories: Body parts | Dads | Kids | Parenting | Stores | Threats | Violence | Washington | Posted 2009-06-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Since I Dispensed with My Beehive Hairdo
Female salesperson: I keep all my secrets in my Furby!
Toy Store
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: i keep mine in tupperware
And the State Will Take Both Of Us Away
Woman to four-year-old daughter: Do not touch anything. Do you know what will happen if you touch something?
Little girl: You'll smack me in the face!
Liquor Store
New Jersey
Sleepover!
Mother: These sheets smell weird.
Child, enthusiastically: Yeah, like other people's houses!
Thrift Store, St. John's
Newfoundland
Canadia
Overheard by: Sandy
She Won't Even Buy "Fancy" Ketchup
Girl, looking at a bag of chips: How about these?
Friend checking for price: They're three dollars.
Girl, putting back the bag of chips: Dayuuummm! We don't need anything that fancy!
Grocery Store
Michigan
Overheard by: just buying some salsa.
Nothing Reaffirms My Masculinity Better Than Tasting the Rainbow.
Angry male: You don't have a couch! Where are the boyfriends and husbands supposed to think?
Tiny shop assistant #1: I really don't know.
Tiny shop assistant #2: Well, we don't have a couch. But we do have Skittles!
Angry male: That will suffice.
Supre Store
Australia
Are You Allowed to Give Me That Advice?
Student, yelling at no one in particular: I can't believe this stupid book is $52! It's a fuckin' softcover 40-page book!
Bookstore employee: Dude, just photocopy it and return it.
Student: Ohhh! Good idea! Thanks!
Bookstore
Los Angeles, California
I Have to Get Away from It As Quickly As Possible
Fast-walking emo kid: There is no slowing down when it comes to me and High School Musical.
Wal-Mart
Roanoke, Virginia
Overheard by: snarky writer
Makes You Want to Roll Around in Her, Huh?
Cute girl: This lotion is great! I actually have it on now, and keep smelling myself!
Teen boy, dragged in by his mother: Really? Can I smell you?
Cute girl: Sure! Smell me!
Teen boy: Wow, you do smell great! Mom, smell her!
Soap Store
New York City, New York
Categories: Default | Family ties | Girls | Guys | New York | Offers and requests | Questions | Sensory experiences | Stores | Teens | Posted 2009-06-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Don't Even Get Me Started About Boo Beret Cereal
Old man to another, looking at soup: I just feel like I'm getting ripped off by the French!
Grocery Store
Maryland
Overheard by: Nic
Oh, Learn How to Spell.
Adult male to adult female and teen: You know what I told her? I says "you're a cunt, with a capital K."
Outside Skateboard Shop
Chattanooga, Tennessee
And Then We'll Hold This Nice Man Up.
Father with two small sons dressed in Halloween costumes, walking into liquor store: Okay, guys, now pick out the kind of whiskey you want and go put it up on the counter.
Oshkosh, Wisconsin
Categories: Dads | Default | Drinking & drunks | Guys | Kids | Offers and requests | Stores | Wisconsin | Posted 2009-05-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And It's Not Even in English!
Guy picking up copy of Les Miserables: Oh my god, look at the size of this thing! What a crappy book!
Barnes & Noble
Mankato, Minnesota
You Told Me That Was Medicine!
Kid: I wish I was as fat as you, mummy.
Mother: Mummy should not have had that ice cream.
GAP Fitting Room
Tunbridge Wells
England
Overheard by: Jim Giraffe
Sometimes Your Words Just Flow Out, Uncontrollably
Little girl: Is there diarrhea here? I love diarrhea!
Mother: I have no idea what you're talking about, but it doesn't sound good, so stop it.
Target
Delran, New Jersey
Overheard by: Amused Employee
There Are Entire Websites Devoted to That Sort Of Thing, Sweetie.
Three-year-old daughter, pointing at huge woman: Dada, she has a big booty.
Father: Sweetie, you don't want to talk about other people's booties.
Three-year-old daughter: But dada, she couldn't sit on our toilet. It is too small for her.
Father: Okay. (hurriedly moves out of the aisle)
Three-year-old daughter: Her booty is too big for pee and poop to come out. She makes a big mess and gets it all over! (father starts pushing faster)
Supermarket
Quincy, Massachusetts
Now Hold Still While I Affix This Muzzle
Little boy being pushed in cart: You smell!
Dad: No, you smell!
Little boy: No, you smell!
Dad: You smell!
(a little later)
Little boy: That was awful!
Dad: Only because you think it is.
Little boy: You're a sock!
Dad: Oh, I'm a sock now?
Little boy: A soooock!
Dad: No, you're a sock!
Whole Foods
Hollywood, California
Overheard by: Kafrin
Ooo, Let's Get T-Shirts Saying That.
Sorority girl #1: What did he die from?
Sorority girl #2: Cancer.
Sorority girl #1: Gawd! Cancer sucks!
CVS
Charlottesville, Indiana
Categories: Death & dying | Default | Girls | Indiana | Maladies | Questions | Sorority types | Stores | Words | Posted 2009-05-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's Not Gay If It's About Video Games
10-year-old boy to GameStop guy, after purchasing Mario Galaxy: Bye, I love you! I mean...wait. I meant "thank you." I didn't mean it! (runs away)
GameStop
Vestavia Hills, Alabama
Overheard by: that's what they all say
Do You Care If Our DVD Player Is Shaped Like a Schlong?
Man on cell: Yeah. (pause) No, yeah, I'm at Best Buy right now.
Porn Store
Oswego, Illinois
...Aunt Brian Shops Here Before All Her Shows
Mother, digging through prom dresses on rack, to nine-year-old daughter: There's so much glitter here! Did you know that so many drag queens shop at Ross that they call it "cross dress for less"?
Nine-year-old, bored: I know...
Ross Dress for Less
El Cerrito, California
Overheard by: innocent bystander
Now Finish Your Lollipop and Don't Contradict Me Again
Mom: He'll have chocolate ice cream with rainbow sprinkles and gummy bears.
Five-year-old son: But I want the blue ice cream!
Mom: Honey, the blue is cotton candy ice cream. You can't have it...it's pure sugar.
Coldstone Creamery
Carlsbad, California
Overheard by: Amused Employee
Categories: California | Candy | Default | Guys | Kids | Kids | Moms | Offers and requests | Stores | Women | Posted 2009-05-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Jeez, You're So Literal
Woman, holding up holiday card: This card is perfect! It says exactly what I want! (reads typical greeting card poem)
Man: Wow, it really says that?
Woman: Well, I made part of it up.
Fred Meyer Store
Oregon
Um, This Is Applebee's.
Intercom: The store will be closing in 15 minutes. Please bring your purchases to the front of the store to the check-out line. We hope you enjoyed your shopping experience. Thank you for shopping at K-Mart... Shit, I mean "Wal-Mart."
Wal-Mart
Massachusetts
Overheard by: Caitlin
Categories: Default | Employees | Massachusetts | Names | Offers and requests | Shopping | Stores | Posted 2009-04-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Once He Walks Through JoAnn's Door, a Man Starts to Die
Girlfriend, holding up scrapbook thing: Do you like this?
Boyfriend: Yeah, it's nice.
Girlfriend: "It's nice," because it's nice, or "it's nice," so we can get the fuck out of here?
JoAnn Fabrics and Crafts
Tacoma, Washington
Overheard by: baker98391
Categories: Compliments | Couples | Default | Girls | Guys | Offers and requests | Questions | Stores | Washington | Words | Posted 2009-04-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
From George Washington: The E! True Hollywood Story
Suit #1, very seriously: And she was totally fixated on Martha. So I said to Martha, who swings both ways, you know, I said: "this girl is in serious need of some fanny," but the trouble is, she's found god.
Suit #2: The worst coitus interruptus in the world! That Martha's a complete nutjob, though.
Bookstore
Liverpool
England
Plastic Shoes with Holes in the Tops Make Much More Sense.
Girl #1, sifting through shirts on table: Oh my god, these v-necks are so freaking cute.
Girl #2: Yeah...if this one didn't have sharks on it. If there's one thing I hate is sharks. Who puts sharks on shirts nowadays, anyway?
Urban Outfitters
San Francisco, California
In Fact, I Eat Skinny People
Hot girl in line #1: Oh my god, I was so bad today! I had two whole scoops of ice cream for lunch.
Hot girl in line #2: You better watch it or you're not going to be able to fit into that cocktail dress you're buying.
Fat woman behind them: I fucking hate skinny people!
Department Store
Stockton, California
Categories: California | Clothes | Default | Fat people | Feelings | Food | Girls | Stores | Women | Posted 2009-04-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Well, It Was New to Us.
Boyfriend, to girlfriend who has just ripped ass: Ugh! Baby! No, don't just walk away and leave me standing here, you can't just crop dust like that!
Target
Overland Park, Kansas
Categories: Default | Guys | Kansas | Offers and requests | Relationships | Sex | Stores | Posted 2009-04-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Even the Gardeners Wear Suits in Connecticut
Angry suit on phone: Listen, I don't care what you think, if you don't think I'm doing a good job, don't fucking ask me to work for you! (pause) No! No! No! I don't care, I'm doing more important things right now! (pause) I'm buying plant food!
CVS
Connecticut
Overheard by: Guy
Categories: Connecticut | Default | Feelings | Food | Guys | Jobs & Careers | Offers and requests | Stores | Suits | Posted 2009-04-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Grow Weary Of Cheesy Pick-Up Lines
Lady shopper on cell: I was just told by a Mexican guy that I should eat more cheese, so I'll have a bigger ass.
Value Village
Bellingham, Washington
Categories: Advice | Default | Food | Offers and requests | Stores | Washington | Women | Posted 2009-04-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'll Wear the Inevitable Gonorrhea with Pride
Plain girl: He's in a band and he lives in New York. What else is there to talk about?
Farmers Market
Los Angeles, California
...Come Help Me Pick Out a Thong.
Mother to three-year-old son: What are you doing? Come here, stop looking at the bras!
Son: (mumbles something unintelligible)
Mother: Yes, I know they're beautiful...but they're not for you!
Target
Delran, New Jersey
Overheard by: Amused Employee
Ben Franklin Was a Tough Kid to Raise
Little boy at ice cream parlor: Uh...can I have um, little gummy bears?
Impatient dad: Oh, that's great. You invented something the store doesn't have.
Westchester, New York
Overheard by: Griffin
We Don't Get Enough Fiber in Our Diets, Anyway
Hipster guy: Hey guys, this shirt's 100% organic. This shirt's made outta food! (quiet pause)
Hipster guy's friend: That is like, amazing.
Clothing Boutique
British Columbia
Canadia
Overheard by: Lauren.
It Was "FloralNosegay"
Guy on computer: Fuck, I always forget my student e-mail password.
Girl: Why?
Guy: I've always used the same password for everything for years but when I tried it on blackboard it was all "oh, you can't have 'gay' in your password."
Library
Tallahassee, Florida
Overheard by: Who uses
To the Maximum Extent Practicable
20-something to friend: How much next are you?
Wal-Mart
Tuscaloosa, Alabama
...And Scuttling Away, Like a Hermit Crab.
Female shopper, surveying bathing suits: The crotch in this looks a little, uh...narrow. Tiny, actually. I feel like it doesn't provide full coverage.
Sales girl: I know. It's sort of the style now, though.
Female shopper: What do you mean, "style"? My labia showing?
Other shopper, walking up: Yeah, I agree. I don't want my vagina suddenly falling out at the beach.
American Apparel, Capitol Hill
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Celessa
Is That What You Call Your Vagina?
Cashier to woman buying lots of sex toys and lingerie two days after Valentine's Day: Sweetie, you're a little late for Valentine's Day.
Woman: No matter. It's always a good time to freshen up the prop closet.
Touch of Romance
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: awesome
While You Live in My House, You'll Share My Ignorance
Whining toddler: Mommy, I want that book!
Yelling mother: You can't read!
Dalton Booksellers
Jefferson Valley, New York
Categories: Books | Default | Family ties | Kids | Kids | Moms | New York | Offers and requests | Stores | Women | Posted 2009-03-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
As Seen in Douching Miss Daisy
Greenpeace activist to couple walking out of grocery store: Are you guys concerned about our environment?
Elderly couple: Definitely! We recycle, and we take showers together!
Mothers Market
Costa Mesa, California
Overheard by: arie
Categories: Bathing | California | Couples | Default | Old folks | People | Questions | Relationships | Stores | Posted 2009-03-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Explorers Are Born, Not Made
Child: Mommy, mommy, my hand smells like butt!
Mother: Why does your hand smell like butt, honey?
Child: I put my hand in my butt.
Department Store
Davis, California
Overheard by: Arlene
Categories: Ass | California | Compare and contrast | Default | Family ties | Kids | Kids | Moms | Questions | Stores | Women | Posted 2009-03-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Well That and Anal Annie the Blow-Up Goddess
20-something geek to friends: I'm telling you guys, The Big Bang Theory is for us what Sex and the City was for lonely, depressed women.
Comic Book Shop
Metairie, Louisiana
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Dorks, Geeks & Nerds | Guys | Louisiana | Sex | Sexuality | Stores | TV shows | Posted 2009-03-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
In the Nightmares Section
Man to salesperson in hippie bookstore: Hi I'm looking for a children's book about how chemicals and global warming are destroying the earth.
Salesperson: Oh, sure, it's right over here!
The Bookshelf
Guelph, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: The zoe
And Lip Rings Are Less Work Than Babies
Customer to cashier with lip rings: Okay, two questions. One, did that hurt?
Cashier: Um, not as much as I thought it would.
Customer: Second question, why did you do that?!
Cashier, speechless: Uhm...honestly...
Friend of customer: Ah, hell man, because she likes it. Shit!
Music Store
Denver, Colorado
Overheard by: I've got metal in my face too...
The Female Version Of "She Was Asking for It"
Woman on iPhone: Well, he was doing squats, so I didn't think it was inappropriate to stare at his ass.
Trader Joe's
Campbell, California
Categories: Ass | California | Default | Health & Hygiene | Stores | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2009-03-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Check Whether It's Honorable or Dishonorable
Girl to friend wearing a short skirt: Ooooooh girl, if you bend over I could see all your discharge!
Ikea Parking Lot
Orlando, Florida
Overheard by: The Rex
That Better Not Be a Euphemism, Dude.
Buff manly guy, solemnly to friends: If worse comes to worst, we can always make S'mores.
Grocery Store
Southern California
Categories: Advice | California | Compare and contrast | Default | Guys | Stores | Words | Posted 2009-03-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If You'd Like Further Proof Of Age, I'll Give You a Rant About the Price Of Orange Juice
Guy about to buy beer: ID? ID? I'm 56-motherfucking-years-old! I don't need no ID! (reaches into cart and pulls out items) Here's my damn ID! I'm buying hemorrhoid cream and Fixodent!
Winn Dixie
Hammond, Louisiana
Overheard by: betsy
They're Right Next the Megavitamins, Which Also Don't Work
Guy: I'm not going to stop and ask someone, "excuse me, where are your ray guns?"
CVS
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: ZB
We Smoke It Over the Smoldering Corpses Of Our Enemies
Guy giving out samples: Free sausage! Try some local sausage for free! Made right here in Seattle, no preservatives!
(people walk right past stand without looking)
Guy, in same tone of voice: I will figure out where you live and burn down your houses! Free sausage! Try a sample!
Pike Place Market
Seattle, Washington
Categories: Compare and contrast | Condoms | Default | Employees | Food | Geography | Guys | Stores | Threats | Washington | Posted 2009-03-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
No Need to Get All Paulette Goddard on Me
Teenage girl: Mom, you have to buy me this book!
Mom: No, I don't, and I shan't.
Teenage girl: You what?
Mom: I shan't.
Teenage girl: "Shan't"?
Mom: Shan't.
Teenage girl: "Shan't"?
Mom: Shan't.
Teenage girl: "Shan't"?
Mom: Yes. Shan't.
Teenage girl: That's a word?
Mom: Yes.
Teenage girl: What's it mean?
Mom: It's a contraction of "shall not", as in "I shan't buy you that book."
Teenage girl: Ugh, fine! Enough shan'ting already!
Borders Bookstore
Olathe, Kansas
Dog: Oh, No She Didn't!
Girl at bakery: Awwww...look at the puppy! Well, I don't know, it could just be a multiracial dog.
Dupont Circle
Washington, DC
Categories: Animals | Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | Race | Stores | Washington, DC | Posted 2009-03-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Quiz: Which Of These Statements Is True About Audrina from The Hills?
Guy #1, shocked and angry: Dude, she's autistic!
Guy #2: Yeah! But she's a full functioning autistic, so fuck you for judging.
Ikea
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Ferdinand
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Guys | Insults | Maladies | Stores | Washington | Posted 2009-03-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Still, Nobody Better Lay a Finger on My Buttfingerer
Teenage girl to friend: And then he stuck his finger up my butt, and said "Oh, yeah, do you like that, babe?"
Friend: See, there you go. If you don't sit a guy down and tell him not to go up your butt, he will. Look at you, you're butt-fingered.
Subway Store
Maitland
Australia
But I'm Currently Putting David Hasselhoff Through a Rigorous Mentorship Program
Elderly Italian lady to store clerk, while judging jugs of wine: I'm the last of the great drinkers.
Liquor Store
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Steve
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Drinking & drunks | Foreigners | Old folks | Pennsylvania | Stores | Women | Words | Posted 2009-02-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Fauxcock Repels Gay Predators
Guy: So all I have to do is get some gel and spike my butt hair.
Target
Salem, Massachusetts
Categories: Ass | Default | Guys | Hair | Health & Hygiene | Massachusetts | Stores | Weirdness | Posted 2009-02-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Thought You Were Going to Say "Public Healthcare"
Seven-year-old girl: Daddy, do you know what stinks ?
Dad: No, what?
Seven-year-old girl: Dog farts.
Dad: Let's not talk about that here.
TJ Maxx
Ann Arbor, Michigan
Overheard by: A.Taylor
Ooh, and a Round Of STD Tests!
Girl #1: Hey.
Girl #2: Hey, what's wrong?
Girl #1: I fucked someone.
Girl #2: I fucked someone too. Let's get a coffee.
Bookstore
Melbourne
Australia
Overheard by: Jaclyn
Baby: Have You Seen the Crap They Call "Baby Books?"
One-year-old: Bah, bah, bah, bah, bah! (starts whimpering)
Mom: Yeah, it's hard being a baby, isn't it?
Coles Bookstore
Abbotsford, British Columbia
Canadia
Overheard by: girl in line
Categories: Age and ageing | Canadia | Default | Family ties | Moms | Questions | Stores | Women | Posted 2009-02-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's Been the Top Story on CNN All Week
White trash man to white trash woman: So did you hear the news?
White trash woman: No, what?
White trash man (sighing despairingly): Aggie broke her corn-broom.
White trash woman, looking stricken: Oh, no!
Giant Tiger Store
Napanee, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: Rockbot
Chances Are, Your Junk's Not Going Anywhere 'til Puberty, Kiddo
Little boy, grabbing his crotch and jumping up and down: Gotcha! Gotcha! Gotcha!
Target
New Jersey
Overheard by: Jo
She Has an Enemies List in the Back Of the Room
Mom, leaving dressing room with 7-year-old daughter: So you can see the teacher's boobies through her shirt? Hmm, I wonder how she'd react if she knew!
Daughter: Mommy, don't tell her I said that!
Target
Woodinville, Washington
Overheard by: Glad I wore a bra
Categories: Body parts | Clothes | Default | Family ties | Girls | Kids | Kids | Moms | Stores | Washington | Posted 2009-02-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Guess We Could Try Smoking Them
Teen guy: Yeah, we got like, so wasted!
Teen girl #1: It was great, yeah. We got so high.
Teen girl #2: Where did you guys get the alcohol?
Teen girl #1: What?
Teen girl #2: If you guys were getting high, where did you get the alcohol?
Teen girl #1: That's drunk. You get high off weed.
Teen girl #2: Oh. Okay. Then, where'd you get that?
Teen guy: My sister. She's sixteen!
Teen girl #2: Can't you get high off books?
Teen guy: What?
Teen girl #2: Cause, can't, like...books get you high?
Teen girl #1: What?
Library
East Vancouver, BC
Canadia
And They're Less Of a Drag
Hobo walking out of convenience store, tapping a pack of cigarettes to his hobo lady: I don't need you anymore. I got cigarettes.
San Diego, California
Overheard by: Matt
Categories: California | Compare and contrast | Default | Feelings | Guys | Hobos | Smoking | Stores | Posted 2009-02-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Porn Overload Eventually Destroys Your Ability to Read
Customer looking up at menu board: Umm, I'll have the "German chock a lotta cock."
(girl scooping ice cream looks horrified)
Customer, now pointing: The "German chock a lotta cock." It's right there.
Ice cream girl: It's pronounced "German chocolate cake."
Cold Stone Creamery
Fountain Valley, California
Overheard by: RL
Categories: California | Customers | Default | Geography | Girls | Language barrier | Names | Offers and requests | Penis | Stores | Posted 2009-02-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Always Try to Make Out with Them
Tween: God, I've had such a terrible day. First I was in a wreck, and then I saw a homeless woman--and you know how I am about homeless people.
Petro Express
Charlotte, North Carolina
...'s Guide to Astrophysics?
Customer: Excuse me, where is your non-fiction section?
Salesgirl: What type of non-fiction are you looking for?
Customer: Harry Potter.
Bookstore
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
The Secret To Salma Hayek's Success
Hipster girl: I don't know, she just smells amazing. Her entire face smells like corn tortilla!
American Apparel
San Francisco, California
Categories: Body parts | Compliments | Default | Food | Girls | Hipsters | San Francisco | Stores | Posted 2009-01-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Even Got Extra Time on My SATs for It.
Cop, helping hobo into jacket inside store: You are not drunk enough to be acting like this. People are going to think you are just mean.
Hobo: I *am* mean!
Sugarhood Smiths
Sugarhood, Utah
Categories: Advice | Compare and contrast | Cops | Default | Drinking & drunks | Feelings | Guys | Hobos | Stores | Utah | Posted 2009-01-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Which Is Why I've Named Her "Sids"
Grandma: She doesn't need those...she's getting too big for baby clothes.
Mom: I know, but I don't want her to be too big for baby clothes! I just want her to stay little and not start talking...or moving.
Shop
Buffalo, New York
As That Sign at Old Navy Clearly Indicated
Guy holding up green shirt: It's never too early to start thinking about what you're going to throw up on next St. Patrick's day.
Gap Outlet
Alexandria, Virginia
Now Finish Your Pop Rocks and Soda, and Let's Go Home
12-year-old girl to younger sibling: Every time you buy a Barbie they give money to the abortion place to give someone like a scholarship for an abortion. Every time you touch a barbie, it's like touching an abortion.
Toy Store
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: i now want to touch a barbie
Why Few Gymnastics Coaches Can Sustain a Marriage
Man to wife in purse section: That doesn't look like a travel bag! Stay focused!
Nordstrom
Austin, Texas
Overheard by: Kim
Just A Small-town Girl // Livin' In This Lonely Worrrrrllld
H&M worker: Hi, how are you?
Customer: Great, thanks, and you?
H&M worker: I'm okay.
Customer: Only okay? You're listening to a Journey remix in H&M! These are great times!
H&M
Toronto
Canadia
Crazy Like a Bunny
Older woman, picking up a bag of peppermints: I still have candy corn out from Halloween. Is it okay to have peppermints and candy corn out at the same time?
Younger woman: What do I look like, Miss Manners? You've been to my house...you know there's still Easter candy out in my candy dishes. And until that goes, I'm not putting anything else out.
Older woman: Now I understand why your children are crazy.
Grocery Store
Hamilton, New Jersey
Overheard by: Currrly!
But You Knew What You Were Getting Into When You Agreed to Date Paul Bunyan
40-something woman: So now all my panties are gross and streched out.
Friend: What a jerk!
Macy's
Traverse City, Michigan
Overheard by: megansbaby
So That's What the Propeller Beanie Is About
Rowdy child in shopping cart: Mom! What's that?
Tired mom: Spam.
Rowdy child: Mom! Can we get it? Can we get it, mom? Mom? Can we? Mom!
Tired mom: No.
(rowdy child starts freaking out)
Tired mom: Okay! Fine, but will you eat it?
Rowdy child: Nope...I just like attention.
Sobey's
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: aleXis
I Just Hadn't Met the Right Transsexual
Store clerk: Oh yeah, karaoke. I used to be totally into that shit back when I was gay.
The Video Underground
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Sam
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Employees | Massachusetts | Memory lane | Music | Sexuality | Stores | Posted 2008-12-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Let's See If She'll Be Trying with You After This
Cute chick in line: Oh! I want Haribo gummi bears! I need a snack to study effectively. There are lots of things I don't do effectively without snacking.
Boyfriend: Maybe you should try snacking next time we have sex. You know, maybe a little popcorn...a candy bar...
Cute chick: Are you saying my sex isn't effective? Well, maybe there won't be a next time.
Boyfriend: You know, you're not responding very well to constructive criticism. The solution is to keep trying, not to give up.
CVS
University City, Philadelphia
Overheard by: justtryingtowaitinline
We Should Put the Top Up in the Boxster, Though
(it is raining extremely hard outside)
Gay guy #1: So wet. Whatever, I guess we can make this look work.
Gay guy #2: We totally can.
Outside Macy's
Burlington, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Emma W.
Categories: Clothes | Compare and contrast | Default | Fashion | Massachusetts | Queers | Stores | Weather | Posted 2008-12-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Joking in Florida Is Always Risky
Lost mother with child to employee: Excuse me, sir? Where can I find the exit?
Employee (bluntly): Um, you have to buy something before you can leave.
Lost mother with child: (blank stare)
Sam Ash
Orlando, Florida
Overheard by: Stole something instead
Nah, They Know the Pecking Order
Bookseller to pregnant coworker: Aren't you worried there will be jealousy between the chickens and your unborn child?
Barnes & Noble
Augusta, Maine
Overheard by: Just browsing
If Only Our TV Had an Off Switch!
Excited preteen girl to dad: Look, dad, it's Hannah Montana!
Dad: Honey, we get out of the house so that we don't have to sit around and watch this all day long.
Macy's
Bridgewater, New Jersey
Overheard by: AS
He's in Training for the Cobra Fight
Woman, paying for breakfast: I had to beat up my son for this five dollars.
Deli Counter
Bethesda, Maryland
Overheard by: Minivet
The ACLU Defends the Constitution? What Kinda Commie Shit Is That?!
Volunteer #1: We can't be selling this music, it's devil worship.
Volunteer #2: Well, that's the ACLU. The ACLU ought to be abolished. They're why there's all this stuff around.
Customer: Why are you getting rid of that? Don't you think people ought to be able to choose for themselves?
Volunteer #2: Harry Potter is a witch!
Customer: I think we ought to get rid of Bush and Cheney, put them in jail--they're mass murderers!
Volunteers #1 & #2: (silence)
Joshua Tree Thrift Shop
California
Overheard by: Celeste Mann
Categories: California | Compare and contrast | Coworkers | Crimes | Customers | Default | Evil | Murder | Music | Politics | Religious fanatics | Stores | Weirdness | Posted 2008-12-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
As You'd Know If You Ever Watched TV With Me
Two-year-old: Waaaaah!
White trash mom: You want mommy to push your stroller?
Two-year-old: Waaaaah!
White trash dad: You wanna go ten feet under?!
White trash mom: Honey, it's six feet.
Sears
Nashua, New Hampshire
Overheard by: jefe
Categories: Compare and contrast | Dads | Death & dying | Default | Kids | Kids | Moms | Murder | New Hampshire | Offers and requests | Parenting | Stores | Weirdness | Posted 2008-11-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Please Join Mr. Morse and Mr. Braille in the Office
Woman over intercom: Attention, there is an emergency in the ladies' room. There are no more paper towels.
(customers in super long line snicker)
Man on intercom (a minute or two later): Attention Mr. Dewey, we have an emergency in the office. Nobody can understand your decimal system.
Trader Joe's
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Hungry
Categories: Coworkers | Default | Employees | Guys | Offers and requests | Office politics | Stores | Washington, DC | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2008-11-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Boys: I'm Keeping It in My Pants Now, Thanks Anyway
High school girl #1: I'm so glad I only have one baby daddy. I feel sorry for those girls with more than one! You've gotta figure out who has money and who doesn't.
High school girl #2: That is so true!
Grocery Store
Austin, Texas
Overheard by: Just doing my grocery shopping
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Feelings | Girls | Money | Relationships | Stores | Teens | Texas | Posted 2008-11-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...In Unrelated News
Preppy guy #1: "Pangaea," like the continent?
Preppy guy #2: Yeah, my sister just had a face lift.
Wal-Mart
Austin, Texas
Overheard by: Rev Loon