Get the 10 best quotesby e-mail weekly!
Stores All Categories > Places > Venues > Stores
Recent | Best Of
And Don't Even Get Me Started on Bob Barker
Teenage daughter: You just know Chuck Woolery was banging every chick on Love Connection.
Mother: Not in front of the 12-year-olds!
Teenage daughter: I dunno, Chuck Woolery is a pretty sick son of a bitch.
Grocery Store Parking Lot
Littleton, Colorado
Is That Yiddish for "a Moment"?
Tall gay 20-something male on cell: My niece died. I need a Fresca.
CVS
Boston, Massachusetts
Categories: Death & dying | Drinking & drunks | Family ties | Feelings | Gays | Guys | Massachusetts | On the phone | Stores | Wishes | Posted 2008-05-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Knew I Should've Let the Doctor Keep You a Girl
Mother to ten-year-old son at supermarket check-out queue: And then we'll go and look for a dress for me.
Ten-year-old son: I'm not going clothes shopping with you. You go in every shop, you try everything on, you never like anything and come home with nothing and I'm not standing around waiting!
[All male members of the queue cheer.]
Luton
England
Why Kids Shouldn't Watch Cinemax After Dark
Six-year-old girl, gyrating hips: Mommy! Mommy! This is how babies are made!
Mother: That's nice.
Gap Store, Stanford Shopping Center
Palo Alto, California
Overheard by: this is why I don't shop at the gap
Categories: California | Family ties | Girls | Glad the condom broke | Kids | Malls | Moms | Offspring | Stores | Weirdness | Posted 2008-04-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Dude, It Has the Word "Vajayjay" on the Cover
Twelve-year-old boy to friend: I didn't know bookstores had porn!
Friend: Dude, that's Cosmo!
Barnes & Noble
Illinois
Categories: Books | Comebacks | Compare and contrast | Friends | Guys | Illinois | Pop culture | Porn | Stores | Tweens | Posted 2008-04-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
This Season's Most Unlikely Love Story
Girl, looking at video games: If I had a sword that pimp, I would just kill people all day and run around.
Boy following her: Girl, if you had a sword that pimp I would stop being gay and make you stop to make love to me.
Girl, looking appalled: I'd be busy killing people, though.
Boy, matter-of-factly: Well... I'd make you stop every thirteen kills.
Random Walmart
Boise, Idaho
Overheard by: Bunnee
They Told Me to Say That, but Never Trained Me
Grocery store clerk: Did you find everything you were looking for today?
Customer: Yep.
Clerk: Oh good. The last woman said she didn't, and I had no idea what to say. So I just looked at her and kind of shrugged my shoulders. She got so mad.
Customer: Then why do you ask?
Clerk: To be polite.
HyVee
Fort Dodge, Iowa
Being a Contestant on The Price Is Right? Really?
Morbidly obese man: It's like when you go dumpster-diving and find a whole bedroom set.
Wal-Mart
Gainesville, Florida
Overheard by: Andrea
Categories: Compare and contrast | Fat people | Florida | Guys | Happiness | Stores | Weirdness | Posted 2008-04-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Kid Must've Been Horrible to Get Taken to a Fabric Store
Six-year-old kid: Will you come over to our place?
Mom's friend: No.
Six-year-old kid: Why not?
Mom's friend: Because you're annoying.
Mom: See? I told you!
Fabric Store
DeKalb, Illinois
Since My Lime Green Mumu Failed to Get Their Attention
Flea market lady: I don't see the big deal about sanitation these days.
Older flea market lady: I know. The other day at work I dropped a cookie on the floor, then picked it up and ate it. You know, just to see what people would do.
Flea Market
Burley Park, Michigan
Overheard by: Amanda
Categories: Cleanliness | Food | Friends | Grumpies | Health & Hygiene | Michigan | Stores | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2008-04-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Have the Hairbrushes, Right?
Girl, wearing leather pants and high heels, pushing a cart containing D batteries, duct tape, and huge bag of rice, on cell: I don't know why he's so smug, I told him what I would do to him if I caught him again. [pause] Okay, well I've almost got everything I need, I'll be right over.
Wal-Mart
Lufkin, Texas
Overheard by: wtf?
Categories: Bimbettes | Girls | On the phone | Relationships | Shopping | Stores | Texas | Threats | Posted 2008-04-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If You're Really Bad, I'll Make You Go in the Ball Pit
Angry father, to young daughter: Do you wanna go to Chuck E. Cheese?
Daughter: [scared silence]
Father: Then stop touching shit!
Wal-Mart
Long Island, New York
Overheard by: Molly BOOM
...Full Of Heroin?
Middle-aged black woman to husband: Baby, you remember that time I shot you?
CVS
Indianapolis, Indiana
Categories: Crimes | Default | Hubbies | Memory lane | Questions | Relationships | Stores | Thugs | Violence | Women | Posted 2008-04-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Wonder If the Hospital Would Give Me a Discount If I Produced in Bulk
Black woman, to friend: I love Costco. It makes me like, want to have five kids.
Costco
King of Prussia, Pennsylvania
Categories: Default | Feelings | Friends | Gender issues | Offspring | Pennsylvania | Shopping | Stores | Wishes | Women | Posted 2008-04-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Well, That Self-Actualization Seminar Was a Bust
Nine year-old girl: I want that shirt and you are going to get it for me. Any questions?
Mom: Many. Shut up and put the damn shirt back.
Target
Atlanta, Georgia
Hey, You're the Experienced Pet-Sitter!
Cashier on cell phone: I mean... What's the problem? Ejaculating? Is he ejaculating too much or too little? Which is the problem?
Shoprite
New Jersey
Overheard by: allison
Categories: Cum | Default | Employees | Etiquette | Gripes | New Jersey | On the phone | Questions | Relationships | Stores | Posted 2008-04-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Or Should We Cut to the Chase and Snort Some Lines?
Six-year-old girl to six-year old boy: Do you want to get a coffee?
Barnes & Noble
Plainfield, Illinois
Overheard by: Tdcompton
Categories: Age and ageing | Default | Illinois | Kids | Kids | Offers and requests | Questions | Relationships | Stores | Wishes | Posted 2008-04-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Whatever You Say, Latonya
Woman in line to another: Yeah, my brother's birthday is tomorrow. He's Aryan.
Wal-Mart
Tracy, California
Overheard by: Jeff
Categories: Age and ageing | California | Default | Family ties | On the phone | Pride | Race | Stores | Stupidity | Whiteys | Women | Posted 2008-04-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But I Told You Not to Call Me at Work, Grandma
Salesclerk: Your total is $1.81. [Into her cellphone.] Don't worry, girl, I am listening to yo' hideous self!
Lawrence, Kansas
Overheard by: kerblammerz
Dakota Works for Chris Hansen
Little girl singing in the aisle: Hide the wiener, hide the wiener!
Target
Orlando, Florida
Overheard by: Stephanie
And You're Not in a Relationship Just because She Says So
Meathead to another: Dude, are you in a relationship? 'Cause if you're not in a relationship, you don't have to call her ever. Do you hear me? Ever!
Safeway
Ellensburg, Washington
Categories: Advice | Default | Jocks | Questions | Relationships | Stores | Washington | Posted 2008-03-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Where to Begin?
Husband to wife showing him Greek Bible: Honey, if English is good enough for Jesus, it's good enough for me.
Barnes & Noble
Cincinnati, Ohio
Overheard by: aharon
Categories: Christianity | Couples | Default | Idiots | Language barrier | Ohio | Stores | Stupidity | Posted 2008-03-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Is That a Lip-Liner and EpiPen in One?
Hottie: Here ya go -- put this in your man-purse for me, please.
Indie boyfriend, indignantly: It's not a man-purse! It's a medical evac bag!
Hottie: Okay. You got any bandages or sterile alcohol in there?
Indie boyfriend: ... No.
Hottie: Yeah, right -- it's a man-purse. [Guy sullenly puts item in bag.]
Target, Saint Matthews
Louisville, Kentucky
There's Nothing You Can Do to Rehabilitate Its Coolness
Hipster girl pointing at piece of art: So, do you want to get it?
Hipster guy: Nah, we'll get it somewhere else. I hate when people ask you, 'Where did you get that?' and you're like, 'Ikea...'
Ikea
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Four-Eyed Men Are Illegal in Oklahoma
Little girl: I'll tell you what my daddy looks like. He has eyeglasses and he's a woman.
Car dealer
Midwest City, Oklahoma
Overheard by: Reiza
That's What You Said About Spiral Notebooks!
Young girl, spraying perfume: These smell yucky. Who actually buys these, Mom?
Mom: Put those down. Those are for prostitutes.
Macy's
St. Paul, Minnesota
Overheard by: ChasingDori
Oooh -- And Graphic Intolerance!
Mom: No, that's not an appropriate video, either.
14-year-old son: What about this one? It's Christian. It only has violence in it!
Blockbuster
Liberty, Missouri
Overheard by: blockbuster lurker
Our Backyard Squirrels Just Don't Hold the Allure They Once Did
60-ish lady: If it weren't for Dancing with the Stars, I don't know what we'd be watching!
Whole Foods
Ridgewood, New Jersey
Categories: Compliments | Default | New Jersey | Old folks | Stores | TV shows | Women | Posted 2008-03-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Every Country Has Its Own Rules for Greeting Royalty
Guy on cell at register: I know! I know! So listen -- when you first meet him, go up to him, bow, whip your own chopsticks, and tell him you would like to procreate with him.
Dick's Sporting Goods
Fairfax, Virginia
Overheard by: Cashier who needed the laugh
Did He Know That?
Clerk: Hitler was a black man. Did you know that?
Long's Drugs
Oakland, California
Categories: Blue collar | California | Default | History | Race | Stores | Stupidity | Posted 2008-03-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Is My Widdle Boy Gonna Asphyxiatey-watey?
Mom, giving toddler a stocking: That'll keep you quiet for a minute. [Toddler starts stretching it over his face.] Awww, that's so cute. Are you gonna go rob a bank?
DSW Shoes
New Jersey
Overheard by: Unburdened shoe shopper
You're Both Right!
Preppy girl #1: Wow, now we all have the same necklace! We should all wear them the next time we go out!
Preppy girl #2: Yeah! We'd be like the Power Rangers or something!
Preppy girl #3: Or we'd be like douchebags.
Eastern Market
Washington, DC
Overheard by: office peon does d.c.
Categories: Comebacks | Default | Fashion | Girls | Insults | Offers and requests | Preppies | Stores | Washington, DC | Posted 2008-03-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Ummm, We're at a Wal-Mart in Tennessee.
Mom: Do you want to take your coat off?
Toddler: Go to hell!
Wal-Mart
Hendersonville, Tennessee
Overheard by: Tanner
And Mr. Cheney Looks Damn Good in a Black Teddie
Girl: Dude! Satan is in the store! He's trying on lingerie.
Victoria's Secret
Bakersfield, California
Just Start Fires
Three-year-old girl: Can I open this?
Dad: No. There are two hundred and fifty matches in there, and they're going to fall all over the place.
Three-year-old girl: But I promise I won't eat them.
Harvest Co-Op
Cambridge, Massachusetts
My Standards Are Low, but I Adhere to Them
Female customer: I would never do anything with someone other than my boyfriend.
Male customer: You cheated on your husband!
Female customer: I wasn't in love with my husband.
Visible Voice Books
Cleveland, Ohio
Luckily, I Was There to Apply Blush on Her While They Were Removing Her Lung
Woman on cell: I totally didn't recognize her. Yeah, so I guess she thinks she can get away with not doing her hair and make-up before surgery.
Office Depot
Fort Worth, Texas
Categories: Beauty | Biotechs | Maladies | North America | On the phone | Stores | Texas | USA | Posted 2007-06-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Leave the Details to My Subordinates
Girl on cell: What do you want? I'm in a fucking dressing room... Oh yeah, I guess there was a stabbing earlier... What? It's not like I was the one stabbing people!
1576 NE Halsey
Portland, Oregon
Overheard by: really?
Categories: North America | On the phone | Oregon | Stores | USA | Violence | Posted 2007-06-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook