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Playing Boggle Again?
Gay goth kid: Diana Ross, what are you doing in my mouth?
Dunkin Donuts
Worcester, Massachusetts
Overheard by: hootinanny
Categories: About celebrities | Goths | Massachusetts | Mouth | Music | Queers | Questions | Stores | Posted 2009-12-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But I Imagine It's a Lot Like Victory.
Little boy throwing fit: I've never had dessert in my life! I don't even know what it tastes like!
Outside Cookie Store
Kingsport, Tennessee
Everyone in Retail Can Identify
Little boy, in sing-song: I believe I can fly! I believe I can... die!
Sales clerk: That's the sad version.
JC Penney
Columbia, Missouri
Only Straight Men Start to Die in Craft Stores
Guy: Glitter is like the herpes of craft! It just gets everywhere!
Michael's Arts and Crafts
Merced, California
Categories: California | Compare and contrast | Guys | STDs | Stores | Posted 2009-12-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And, If You're at All Interested, Napoleon's in the Supply Closet.
Employee #1: It's been such a slow day. I feel like I've been here forever.
Employee #2: I know, right?
Employee #1: How about you? Today been slow for you too?
Employee #3: Nope. I discovered time travel.
Hardware Store
Agoura Hills, California
Categories: California | Compare and contrast | Employees | Feelings | Jobs & Careers | Stores | Time Management | Weirdness | Posted 2009-12-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Guess Everything Really Is Bigger in Texas
New Yorker, trying to get through a crowd of people blocking aisle: Excuse me. Excuse me! Excuse me!
Confused little boy: I already moved.
New Yorker: Oh, I know you have, dear. I was talking to your fat-ass mother.
Grocery Store
Austin, Texas
Categories: Ass | Assholes | Diet & weight | Family ties | Insults | Kids | Kids | Moms | Stores | Texas | Posted 2009-11-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Everyone Deserves at Least One Brush with Greatness
Woman, searching through bargain bin: Do you want this? This woman taught at Bennington!
Girl: Dude, that's old! She teaches at my school now. Her son was in my class. His lab puppy shat on dreadlock, girl!
Borders
Mansfield, Massachusetts
Categories: Animals | Education | Girls | Massachusetts | Offers and requests | Poop | Stores | Women | Posted 2009-11-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Tell Their Pimp What You're Into, and Find Out.
Guy in jumper: What do hermit crabs actually do?
Pet Shop
Australia
Overheard by: Stunned
You'd Prefer They Were Six Breasts All from the Same Chicken?
Bagger to cashier: There's something mildly strange about a package that contains breasts... from different chickens.
Whole Foods
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: They were thighs actually, but I see your point.
Is It Too Late to Start Over?
Customer: Do you sell Elastoplast?
Shop lady: What?
Customer: Do you sell Elastoplast?
Shop lady oh, I thought you said something about "the last of the Apaches."
Customer: That film was called The Last of the Mohicans.
Shop lady: What film?
Glasgow
Scotland
Overheard by: somedaftlassie
The Hot Salesgirl
Whiny man: I don't even know how to read. Why are we here?
Borders
California
So No One Will Even See Your Hooker Shoes
Mother to sixteen year-old in booty shorts and Uggs: You can be a geisha girl! It goes all the way down to the floor!
Halloween Store
New Jersey
Can a Personal TV Be Too Small? Discuss.
Girl on cell inside convenience store: Why the hell did she get it under her titty? Ain't nobody gonna see it under her titty!
Bowling Green, Ohio
How the Farmers' Market Got Rated NC-17
Lady to friend: I don't care that it's a squash, it's still inappropriate... legs spread everywhere.
Farmers' Market
Oregon
Overheard by: Shea
Long Island Has Feminists?
Overbearing mother: Let her see you in the bra! She will make sure it fits correctly!
13-year-old girl, buying first bra: Mother, I'm not for sale!
Victoria's Secret
Long Island, New York
Adam Sandler's Comedy Hasn't Evolved Much
Lady talking to friend: My little boy just loves balls. All I hear is balls,balls, balls...
Wal-Mart
Anniston, Alabama
Overheard by: Tyler
I Hate This Country and Its Degenerate Cinema!
Frustrated man with heavy Arabic accent to wife: I got the most chicky-flick movies I could find!
Supermarket
Connecticut
Categories: Compare and contrast | Connecticut | Couples | Gender issues | Movies | Stores | Posted 2009-09-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When Life Gives You Avocados...
Checker, as customer places avocados on the belt: Are these lemons?
Grocery Store
Centerville, Utah
Overheard by: JC
The Girls Next Door Workout Video It Is, Then.
Teenage girl: We can't rent anything with class.
Blockbuster
Orlando, Florida
And What's Written on the Box Makes No Sense at All
Bad-ass #1: What is Two and a Half Men about, anyway?
Bad-ass #2: Stop fuckin' askin' me, man! I told you, I don't know!
Video Store
Adelaide
Australia
Overheard by: behind the counter
Um, Books About Dildos?
Janeane Garofalo incarnate, walking past adult bookstore: What more does a feminist need than dildos and books?
Denver, Colorado
Overheard by: A. N. Cargo
Um, Willingly?
Chick to makeup artist: I want you to make me look like someone who just lost their virginity.
MAC Store
Toronto
Canadia
How to Tell If Someone's on Parole
Scruffy dude picking up cell with fart noises as ringtone: Hi, honey.
Family Video
Brockport, New York
Overheard by: swear it was the phone
Categories: Burping & farting | Cell phones | Guys | New York | On the phone | Relationships | Stores | Weirdness | Posted 2009-08-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's for Him to Decide
New dad: Look! These clothes are cute. Oh, look at this dress!
New mum: You have a boy, not a girl!
Department Store
Melbourne
Australia
Out Of What?
Middle-aged woman shopping with husband: If we weren't so old, I would say "let's go into the parking lot and make a baby."
Target
Hackensack, New Jersey
Categories: Age and ageing | Couples | New Jersey | Offers and requests | Sex | Stores | Posted 2009-08-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Is There a Toy for Me Anywhere in That?
Small boy: Dad! Dad! Can I have that?
Father: I've told you before, craving leads to attachment.
Toy Shop
Eastern Suburbs, Sydney
Australia
He'll Be Disappointed When He Learns It Has Nothing to Do With Guns
Youngish mom, enthusiastic: I need shot glasses for work!
Eight-year-old son, excited: I want a shot glass!!
Gift Shop
Branson, Missouri
If Your Editors Had a ShamWow, We Would Use It Every Day
Frat boy #1: Oh, dude, a ShamWow! (to friend at counter) Hey, should we get a ShamWow?
Frat boy #2, without looking at him: No.
Frat boy #1: But it's a ShamWow!
Frat boy #2: You're an idiot. (long pause) Fine, get the fucking ShamWow.
Frat boy #1: (excitedly runs ShamWow over to counter)
Frat boy #2: Fuck.
Pet's Mart, Montana
Overheard by: Sadie
Some Babies Learn to Run Away Before They Can Walk
Loud fat ghetto chick to baby: See dat? See dat baby walking? That's what you need to be doing. I'm sick of carrying yo' ass around.
Target Parking Lot
Florissant, Missouri
Categories: Advice | Ass | Chicks | Fat people | Kids | Missouri | Moms | Parenting | Should have used a condom | Stores | Posted 2009-08-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Will Strawberry Shortcake Never Learn?
Old woman to daughter: And now she's got no money cause she blew it all on muffins.
Supermarket
Sydney
Overheard by: Anny
Shall We Try "P" for "Polanski"?
Guy #1: What aisle are we looking for?
Guy #2: We should be looking under teen girls' rugs.
Guy #1: Yikes!
Furniture Store
New York City, New York
...to Our Lord Jesus Christ.
Librarian at info desk: How are you today?
Gloomy guy: Not very well.
Librarian: Why not?
Guy: Oh, my girlfriend's being mean to me... Are you single?
Librarian, unfazed: No, I'm married.
West Lafayette, Indiana
Overheard by: Rachel S.
NewsFlash: Craig Kilborn Lends Name to Chewable Prozac.
Little boy in handicapped stall: I like you... I like you, Craig... You relax me.
Ladies Room, Barnes & Noble
Saugus, Massachusetts
Meet the Science Channel's Number One Fan
Geeky kid: A glass cutter? Oh. My. God. This is a glass cutter! It cuts glass!
(mom tries to shush him)
Geeky kid, whispering: A glass cutter!
Hardware Store
San Francisco, California
Categories: Kids | Moms | Parenting | San Francisco | Stores | Stupidity | Technology | Posted 2009-07-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Don't Know Whether To Laugh, Say "Awww....", Call DSS, Or Puke In My Mouth
Lady on cell: Just because she's wearing big-girl panties doesn't mean she's not your baby.
Target
Midwest City, Okahoma
Lindsay Lohan's Bedside Table?
Lady, looking bewildered at companion: Well, where would you be if you were a sex book?
Bookstore
Birmingham, Alabama
Overheard by: Knows exactly where he would be
Raise Your Hand If You Share His Irrational Love Of Costco
Random male shopper: We're looking at meat accessories!
Costco
Raleigh, North Carolina
Overheard by: Anna
Categories: Clients | Food | North Carolina | Shopping | Stores | Posted 2009-07-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Specifically, "Sry 4 Rnin Yr Lf :("
Girl on cell: But I really ruined his life. I mean, what should I do? (pause) Should I, like, text him and say, "I'm sorry for ruining your life"?
Cold Stone Creamery
New Jersey
Categories: Cell phones | Girls | New Jersey | On the phone | Questions | Relationships | Stores | Posted 2009-07-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Don't Have a Dog, Sir.
Old man: I'll have two scoops of chocolate raspberry truffle in a waffle cone, and a baby cone for my dog. He's the one who made us stop here.
Brusters Ice Cream
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: Caylin
Try It and You're Outtie.
Dad to kid: Come back here, or I'll have to beat you!
Kid, indignant: You can't beat me! I'm a belly button!
Wal-Mart
Pasco, Washington
Categories: Body parts | Dads | Kids | Parenting | Stores | Threats | Violence | Washington | Posted 2009-06-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Since I Dispensed with My Beehive Hairdo
Female salesperson: I keep all my secrets in my Furby!
Toy Store
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: i keep mine in tupperware
And the State Will Take Both Of Us Away
Woman to four-year-old daughter: Do not touch anything. Do you know what will happen if you touch something?
Little girl: You'll smack me in the face!
Liquor Store
New Jersey
Sleepover!
Mother: These sheets smell weird.
Child, enthusiastically: Yeah, like other people's houses!
Thrift Store, St. John's
Newfoundland
Canadia
Overheard by: Sandy
She Won't Even Buy "Fancy" Ketchup
Girl, looking at a bag of chips: How about these?
Friend checking for price: They're three dollars.
Girl, putting back the bag of chips: Dayuuummm! We don't need anything that fancy!
Grocery Store
Michigan
Overheard by: just buying some salsa.
Nothing Reaffirms My Masculinity Better Than Tasting the Rainbow.
Angry male: You don't have a couch! Where are the boyfriends and husbands supposed to think?
Tiny shop assistant #1: I really don't know.
Tiny shop assistant #2: Well, we don't have a couch. But we do have Skittles!
Angry male: That will suffice.
Supre Store
Australia
Are You Allowed to Give Me That Advice?
Student, yelling at no one in particular: I can't believe this stupid book is $52! It's a fuckin' softcover 40-page book!
Bookstore employee: Dude, just photocopy it and return it.
Student: Ohhh! Good idea! Thanks!
Bookstore
Los Angeles, California
I Have to Get Away from It As Quickly As Possible
Fast-walking emo kid: There is no slowing down when it comes to me and High School Musical.
Wal-Mart
Roanoke, Virginia
Overheard by: snarky writer
Makes You Want to Roll Around in Her, Huh?
Cute girl: This lotion is great! I actually have it on now, and keep smelling myself!
Teen boy, dragged in by his mother: Really? Can I smell you?
Cute girl: Sure! Smell me!
Teen boy: Wow, you do smell great! Mom, smell her!
Soap Store
New York City, New York
Categories: Default | Family ties | Girls | Guys | New York | Offers and requests | Questions | Sensory experiences | Stores | Teens | Posted 2009-06-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Don't Even Get Me Started About Boo Beret Cereal
Old man to another, looking at soup: I just feel like I'm getting ripped off by the French!
Grocery Store
Maryland
Overheard by: Nic
Oh, Learn How to Spell.
Adult male to adult female and teen: You know what I told her? I says "you're a cunt, with a capital K."
Outside Skateboard Shop
Chattanooga, Tennessee
And Then We'll Hold This Nice Man Up.
Father with two small sons dressed in Halloween costumes, walking into liquor store: Okay, guys, now pick out the kind of whiskey you want and go put it up on the counter.
Oshkosh, Wisconsin
Categories: Dads | Default | Drinking & drunks | Guys | Kids | Offers and requests | Stores | Wisconsin | Posted 2009-05-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And It's Not Even in English!
Guy picking up copy of Les Miserables: Oh my god, look at the size of this thing! What a crappy book!
Barnes & Noble
Mankato, Minnesota
You Told Me That Was Medicine!
Kid: I wish I was as fat as you, mummy.
Mother: Mummy should not have had that ice cream.
GAP Fitting Room
Tunbridge Wells
England
Overheard by: Jim Giraffe
Sometimes Your Words Just Flow Out, Uncontrollably
Little girl: Is there diarrhea here? I love diarrhea!
Mother: I have no idea what you're talking about, but it doesn't sound good, so stop it.
Target
Delran, New Jersey
Overheard by: Amused Employee
There Are Entire Websites Devoted to That Sort Of Thing, Sweetie.
Three-year-old daughter, pointing at huge woman: Dada, she has a big booty.
Father: Sweetie, you don't want to talk about other people's booties.
Three-year-old daughter: But dada, she couldn't sit on our toilet. It is too small for her.
Father: Okay. (hurriedly moves out of the aisle)
Three-year-old daughter: Her booty is too big for pee and poop to come out. She makes a big mess and gets it all over! (father starts pushing faster)
Supermarket
Quincy, Massachusetts
Now Hold Still While I Affix This Muzzle
Little boy being pushed in cart: You smell!
Dad: No, you smell!
Little boy: No, you smell!
Dad: You smell!
(a little later)
Little boy: That was awful!
Dad: Only because you think it is.
Little boy: You're a sock!
Dad: Oh, I'm a sock now?
Little boy: A soooock!
Dad: No, you're a sock!
Whole Foods
Hollywood, California
Overheard by: Kafrin
Ooo, Let's Get T-Shirts Saying That.
Sorority girl #1: What did he die from?
Sorority girl #2: Cancer.
Sorority girl #1: Gawd! Cancer sucks!
CVS
Charlottesville, Indiana
Categories: Death & dying | Default | Girls | Indiana | Maladies | Questions | Sorority types | Stores | Words | Posted 2009-05-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's Not Gay If It's About Video Games
10-year-old boy to GameStop guy, after purchasing Mario Galaxy: Bye, I love you! I mean...wait. I meant "thank you." I didn't mean it! (runs away)
GameStop
Vestavia Hills, Alabama
Overheard by: that's what they all say
Do You Care If Our DVD Player Is Shaped Like a Schlong?
Man on cell: Yeah. (pause) No, yeah, I'm at Best Buy right now.
Porn Store
Oswego, Illinois
...Aunt Brian Shops Here Before All Her Shows
Mother, digging through prom dresses on rack, to nine-year-old daughter: There's so much glitter here! Did you know that so many drag queens shop at Ross that they call it "cross dress for less"?
Nine-year-old, bored: I know...
Ross Dress for Less
El Cerrito, California
Overheard by: innocent bystander
Now Finish Your Lollipop and Don't Contradict Me Again
Mom: He'll have chocolate ice cream with rainbow sprinkles and gummy bears.
Five-year-old son: But I want the blue ice cream!
Mom: Honey, the blue is cotton candy ice cream. You can't have it...it's pure sugar.
Coldstone Creamery
Carlsbad, California
Overheard by: Amused Employee
Categories: California | Candy | Default | Guys | Kids | Kids | Moms | Offers and requests | Stores | Women | Posted 2009-05-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Jeez, You're So Literal
Woman, holding up holiday card: This card is perfect! It says exactly what I want! (reads typical greeting card poem)
Man: Wow, it really says that?
Woman: Well, I made part of it up.
Fred Meyer Store
Oregon
Um, This Is Applebee's.
Intercom: The store will be closing in 15 minutes. Please bring your purchases to the front of the store to the check-out line. We hope you enjoyed your shopping experience. Thank you for shopping at K-Mart... Shit, I mean "Wal-Mart."
Wal-Mart
Massachusetts
Overheard by: Caitlin
Categories: Default | Employees | Massachusetts | Names | Offers and requests | Shopping | Stores | Posted 2009-04-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Once He Walks Through JoAnn's Door, a Man Starts to Die
Girlfriend, holding up scrapbook thing: Do you like this?
Boyfriend: Yeah, it's nice.
Girlfriend: "It's nice," because it's nice, or "it's nice," so we can get the fuck out of here?
JoAnn Fabrics and Crafts
Tacoma, Washington
Overheard by: baker98391
Categories: Compliments | Couples | Default | Girls | Guys | Offers and requests | Questions | Stores | Washington | Words | Posted 2009-04-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
From George Washington: The E! True Hollywood Story
Suit #1, very seriously: And she was totally fixated on Martha. So I said to Martha, who swings both ways, you know, I said: "this girl is in serious need of some fanny," but the trouble is, she's found god.
Suit #2: The worst coitus interruptus in the world! That Martha's a complete nutjob, though.
Bookstore
Liverpool
England
Plastic Shoes with Holes in the Tops Make Much More Sense.
Girl #1, sifting through shirts on table: Oh my god, these v-necks are so freaking cute.
Girl #2: Yeah...if this one didn't have sharks on it. If there's one thing I hate is sharks. Who puts sharks on shirts nowadays, anyway?
Urban Outfitters
San Francisco, California
In Fact, I Eat Skinny People
Hot girl in line #1: Oh my god, I was so bad today! I had two whole scoops of ice cream for lunch.
Hot girl in line #2: You better watch it or you're not going to be able to fit into that cocktail dress you're buying.
Fat woman behind them: I fucking hate skinny people!
Department Store
Stockton, California
Categories: California | Clothes | Default | Fat people | Feelings | Food | Girls | Stores | Women | Posted 2009-04-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Well, It Was New to Us.
Boyfriend, to girlfriend who has just ripped ass: Ugh! Baby! No, don't just walk away and leave me standing here, you can't just crop dust like that!
Target
Overland Park, Kansas
Categories: Default | Guys | Kansas | Offers and requests | Relationships | Sex | Stores | Posted 2009-04-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Even the Gardeners Wear Suits in Connecticut
Angry suit on phone: Listen, I don't care what you think, if you don't think I'm doing a good job, don't fucking ask me to work for you! (pause) No! No! No! I don't care, I'm doing more important things right now! (pause) I'm buying plant food!
CVS
Connecticut
Overheard by: Guy
Categories: Connecticut | Default | Feelings | Food | Guys | Jobs & Careers | Offers and requests | Stores | Suits | Posted 2009-04-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Grow Weary Of Cheesy Pick-Up Lines
Lady shopper on cell: I was just told by a Mexican guy that I should eat more cheese, so I'll have a bigger ass.
Value Village
Bellingham, Washington
Categories: Advice | Default | Food | Offers and requests | Stores | Washington | Women | Posted 2009-04-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'll Wear the Inevitable Gonorrhea with Pride
Plain girl: He's in a band and he lives in New York. What else is there to talk about?
Farmers Market
Los Angeles, California
...Come Help Me Pick Out a Thong.
Mother to three-year-old son: What are you doing? Come here, stop looking at the bras!
Son: (mumbles something unintelligible)
Mother: Yes, I know they're beautiful...but they're not for you!
Target
Delran, New Jersey
Overheard by: Amused Employee
Ben Franklin Was a Tough Kid to Raise
Little boy at ice cream parlor: Uh...can I have um, little gummy bears?
Impatient dad: Oh, that's great. You invented something the store doesn't have.
Westchester, New York
Overheard by: Griffin
We Don't Get Enough Fiber in Our Diets, Anyway
Hipster guy: Hey guys, this shirt's 100% organic. This shirt's made outta food! (quiet pause)
Hipster guy's friend: That is like, amazing.
Clothing Boutique
British Columbia
Canadia
Overheard by: Lauren.
It Was "FloralNosegay"
Guy on computer: Fuck, I always forget my student e-mail password.
Girl: Why?
Guy: I've always used the same password for everything for years but when I tried it on blackboard it was all "oh, you can't have 'gay' in your password."
Library
Tallahassee, Florida
Overheard by: Who uses
To the Maximum Extent Practicable
20-something to friend: How much next are you?
Wal-Mart
Tuscaloosa, Alabama
...And Scuttling Away, Like a Hermit Crab.
Female shopper, surveying bathing suits: The crotch in this looks a little, uh...narrow. Tiny, actually. I feel like it doesn't provide full coverage.
Sales girl: I know. It's sort of the style now, though.
Female shopper: What do you mean, "style"? My labia showing?
Other shopper, walking up: Yeah, I agree. I don't want my vagina suddenly falling out at the beach.
American Apparel, Capitol Hill
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Celessa
Is That What You Call Your Vagina?
Cashier to woman buying lots of sex toys and lingerie two days after Valentine's Day: Sweetie, you're a little late for Valentine's Day.
Woman: No matter. It's always a good time to freshen up the prop closet.
Touch of Romance
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: awesome
While You Live in My House, You'll Share My Ignorance
Whining toddler: Mommy, I want that book!
Yelling mother: You can't read!
Dalton Booksellers
Jefferson Valley, New York
Categories: Books | Default | Family ties | Kids | Kids | Moms | New York | Offers and requests | Stores | Women | Posted 2009-03-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
As Seen in Douching Miss Daisy
Greenpeace activist to couple walking out of grocery store: Are you guys concerned about our environment?
Elderly couple: Definitely! We recycle, and we take showers together!
Mothers Market
Costa Mesa, California
Overheard by: arie
Categories: Bathing | California | Couples | Default | Old folks | People | Questions | Relationships | Stores | Posted 2009-03-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Explorers Are Born, Not Made
Child: Mommy, mommy, my hand smells like butt!
Mother: Why does your hand smell like butt, honey?
Child: I put my hand in my butt.
Department Store
Davis, California
Overheard by: Arlene
Categories: Ass | California | Compare and contrast | Default | Family ties | Kids | Kids | Moms | Questions | Stores | Women | Posted 2009-03-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Well That and Anal Annie the Blow-Up Goddess
20-something geek to friends: I'm telling you guys, The Big Bang Theory is for us what Sex and the City was for lonely, depressed women.
Comic Book Shop
Metairie, Louisiana
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Dorks, Geeks & Nerds | Guys | Louisiana | Sex | Sexuality | Stores | TV shows | Posted 2009-03-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
In the Nightmares Section
Man to salesperson in hippie bookstore: Hi I'm looking for a children's book about how chemicals and global warming are destroying the earth.
Salesperson: Oh, sure, it's right over here!
The Bookshelf
Guelph, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: The zoe
And Lip Rings Are Less Work Than Babies
Customer to cashier with lip rings: Okay, two questions. One, did that hurt?
Cashier: Um, not as much as I thought it would.
Customer: Second question, why did you do that?!
Cashier, speechless: Uhm...honestly...
Friend of customer: Ah, hell man, because she likes it. Shit!
Music Store
Denver, Colorado
Overheard by: I've got metal in my face too...
The Female Version Of "She Was Asking for It"
Woman on iPhone: Well, he was doing squats, so I didn't think it was inappropriate to stare at his ass.
Trader Joe's
Campbell, California
Categories: Ass | California | Default | Health & Hygiene | Stores | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2009-03-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Check Whether It's Honorable or Dishonorable
Girl to friend wearing a short skirt: Ooooooh girl, if you bend over I could see all your discharge!
Ikea Parking Lot
Orlando, Florida
Overheard by: The Rex
That Better Not Be a Euphemism, Dude.
Buff manly guy, solemnly to friends: If worse comes to worst, we can always make S'mores.
Grocery Store
Southern California
Categories: Advice | California | Compare and contrast | Default | Guys | Stores | Words | Posted 2009-03-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If You'd Like Further Proof Of Age, I'll Give You a Rant About the Price Of Orange Juice
Guy about to buy beer: ID? ID? I'm 56-motherfucking-years-old! I don't need no ID! (reaches into cart and pulls out items) Here's my damn ID! I'm buying hemorrhoid cream and Fixodent!
Winn Dixie
Hammond, Louisiana
Overheard by: betsy
They're Right Next the Megavitamins, Which Also Don't Work
Guy: I'm not going to stop and ask someone, "excuse me, where are your ray guns?"
CVS
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: ZB
We Smoke It Over the Smoldering Corpses Of Our Enemies
Guy giving out samples: Free sausage! Try some local sausage for free! Made right here in Seattle, no preservatives!
(people walk right past stand without looking)
Guy, in same tone of voice: I will figure out where you live and burn down your houses! Free sausage! Try a sample!
Pike Place Market
Seattle, Washington
Categories: Compare and contrast | Condoms | Default | Employees | Food | Geography | Guys | Stores | Threats | Washington | Posted 2009-03-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
No Need to Get All Paulette Goddard on Me
Teenage girl: Mom, you have to buy me this book!
Mom: No, I don't, and I shan't.
Teenage girl: You what?
Mom: I shan't.
Teenage girl: "Shan't"?
Mom: Shan't.
Teenage girl: "Shan't"?
Mom: Shan't.
Teenage girl: "Shan't"?
Mom: Yes. Shan't.
Teenage girl: That's a word?
Mom: Yes.
Teenage girl: What's it mean?
Mom: It's a contraction of "shall not", as in "I shan't buy you that book."
Teenage girl: Ugh, fine! Enough shan'ting already!
Borders Bookstore
Olathe, Kansas
Dog: Oh, No She Didn't!
Girl at bakery: Awwww...look at the puppy! Well, I don't know, it could just be a multiracial dog.
Dupont Circle
Washington, DC
Categories: Animals | Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | Race | Stores | Washington, DC | Posted 2009-03-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Quiz: Which Of These Statements Is True About Audrina from The Hills?
Guy #1, shocked and angry: Dude, she's autistic!
Guy #2: Yeah! But she's a full functioning autistic, so fuck you for judging.
Ikea
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Ferdinand
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Guys | Insults | Maladies | Stores | Washington | Posted 2009-03-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Still, Nobody Better Lay a Finger on My Buttfingerer
Teenage girl to friend: And then he stuck his finger up my butt, and said "Oh, yeah, do you like that, babe?"
Friend: See, there you go. If you don't sit a guy down and tell him not to go up your butt, he will. Look at you, you're butt-fingered.
Subway Store
Maitland
Australia
But I'm Currently Putting David Hasselhoff Through a Rigorous Mentorship Program
Elderly Italian lady to store clerk, while judging jugs of wine: I'm the last of the great drinkers.
Liquor Store
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Steve
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Drinking & drunks | Foreigners | Old folks | Pennsylvania | Stores | Women | Words | Posted 2009-02-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Fauxcock Repels Gay Predators
Guy: So all I have to do is get some gel and spike my butt hair.
Target
Salem, Massachusetts
Categories: Ass | Default | Guys | Hair | Health & Hygiene | Massachusetts | Stores | Weirdness | Posted 2009-02-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Thought You Were Going to Say "Public Healthcare"
Seven-year-old girl: Daddy, do you know what stinks ?
Dad: No, what?
Seven-year-old girl: Dog farts.
Dad: Let's not talk about that here.
TJ Maxx
Ann Arbor, Michigan
Overheard by: A.Taylor
Ooh, and a Round Of STD Tests!
Girl #1: Hey.
Girl #2: Hey, what's wrong?
Girl #1: I fucked someone.
Girl #2: I fucked someone too. Let's get a coffee.
Bookstore
Melbourne
Australia
Overheard by: Jaclyn
Baby: Have You Seen the Crap They Call "Baby Books?"
One-year-old: Bah, bah, bah, bah, bah! (starts whimpering)
Mom: Yeah, it's hard being a baby, isn't it?
Coles Bookstore
Abbotsford, British Columbia
Canadia
Overheard by: girl in line
Categories: Age and ageing | Canadia | Default | Family ties | Moms | Questions | Stores | Women | Posted 2009-02-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's Been the Top Story on CNN All Week
White trash man to white trash woman: So did you hear the news?
White trash woman: No, what?
White trash man (sighing despairingly): Aggie broke her corn-broom.
White trash woman, looking stricken: Oh, no!
Giant Tiger Store
Napanee, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: Rockbot
Chances Are, Your Junk's Not Going Anywhere 'til Puberty, Kiddo
Little boy, grabbing his crotch and jumping up and down: Gotcha! Gotcha! Gotcha!
Target
New Jersey
Overheard by: Jo
She Has an Enemies List in the Back Of the Room
Mom, leaving dressing room with 7-year-old daughter: So you can see the teacher's boobies through her shirt? Hmm, I wonder how she'd react if she knew!
Daughter: Mommy, don't tell her I said that!
Target
Woodinville, Washington
Overheard by: Glad I wore a bra
Categories: Body parts | Clothes | Default | Family ties | Girls | Kids | Kids | Moms | Stores | Washington | Posted 2009-02-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Guess We Could Try Smoking Them
Teen guy: Yeah, we got like, so wasted!
Teen girl #1: It was great, yeah. We got so high.
Teen girl #2: Where did you guys get the alcohol?
Teen girl #1: What?
Teen girl #2: If you guys were getting high, where did you get the alcohol?
Teen girl #1: That's drunk. You get high off weed.
Teen girl #2: Oh. Okay. Then, where'd you get that?
Teen guy: My sister. She's sixteen!
Teen girl #2: Can't you get high off books?
Teen guy: What?
Teen girl #2: Cause, can't, like...books get you high?
Teen girl #1: What?
Library
East Vancouver, BC
Canadia
And They're Less Of a Drag
Hobo walking out of convenience store, tapping a pack of cigarettes to his hobo lady: I don't need you anymore. I got cigarettes.
San Diego, California
Overheard by: Matt
Categories: California | Compare and contrast | Default | Feelings | Guys | Hobos | Smoking | Stores | Posted 2009-02-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Porn Overload Eventually Destroys Your Ability to Read
Customer looking up at menu board: Umm, I'll have the "German chock a lotta cock."
(girl scooping ice cream looks horrified)
Customer, now pointing: The "German chock a lotta cock." It's right there.
Ice cream girl: It's pronounced "German chocolate cake."
Cold Stone Creamery
Fountain Valley, California
Overheard by: RL
Categories: California | Customers | Default | Geography | Girls | Language barrier | Names | Offers and requests | Penis | Stores | Posted 2009-02-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Always Try to Make Out with Them
Tween: God, I've had such a terrible day. First I was in a wreck, and then I saw a homeless woman--and you know how I am about homeless people.
Petro Express
Charlotte, North Carolina
...'s Guide to Astrophysics?
Customer: Excuse me, where is your non-fiction section?
Salesgirl: What type of non-fiction are you looking for?
Customer: Harry Potter.
Bookstore
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
The Secret To Salma Hayek's Success
Hipster girl: I don't know, she just smells amazing. Her entire face smells like corn tortilla!
American Apparel
San Francisco, California
Categories: Body parts | Compliments | Default | Food | Girls | Hipsters | San Francisco | Stores | Posted 2009-01-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Even Got Extra Time on My SATs for It.
Cop, helping hobo into jacket inside store: You are not drunk enough to be acting like this. People are going to think you are just mean.
Hobo: I *am* mean!
Sugarhood Smiths
Sugarhood, Utah
Categories: Advice | Compare and contrast | Cops | Default | Drinking & drunks | Feelings | Guys | Hobos | Stores | Utah | Posted 2009-01-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Which Is Why I've Named Her "Sids"
Grandma: She doesn't need those...she's getting too big for baby clothes.
Mom: I know, but I don't want her to be too big for baby clothes! I just want her to stay little and not start talking...or moving.
Shop
Buffalo, New York
As That Sign at Old Navy Clearly Indicated
Guy holding up green shirt: It's never too early to start thinking about what you're going to throw up on next St. Patrick's day.
Gap Outlet
Alexandria, Virginia
Now Finish Your Pop Rocks and Soda, and Let's Go Home
12-year-old girl to younger sibling: Every time you buy a Barbie they give money to the abortion place to give someone like a scholarship for an abortion. Every time you touch a barbie, it's like touching an abortion.
Toy Store
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: i now want to touch a barbie
Why Few Gymnastics Coaches Can Sustain a Marriage
Man to wife in purse section: That doesn't look like a travel bag! Stay focused!
Nordstrom
Austin, Texas
Overheard by: Kim
Just A Small-town Girl // Livin' In This Lonely Worrrrrllld
H&M worker: Hi, how are you?
Customer: Great, thanks, and you?
H&M worker: I'm okay.
Customer: Only okay? You're listening to a Journey remix in H&M! These are great times!
H&M
Toronto
Canadia
Crazy Like a Bunny
Older woman, picking up a bag of peppermints: I still have candy corn out from Halloween. Is it okay to have peppermints and candy corn out at the same time?
Younger woman: What do I look like, Miss Manners? You've been to my house...you know there's still Easter candy out in my candy dishes. And until that goes, I'm not putting anything else out.
Older woman: Now I understand why your children are crazy.
Grocery Store
Hamilton, New Jersey
Overheard by: Currrly!
But You Knew What You Were Getting Into When You Agreed to Date Paul Bunyan
40-something woman: So now all my panties are gross and streched out.
Friend: What a jerk!
Macy's
Traverse City, Michigan
Overheard by: megansbaby
So That's What the Propeller Beanie Is About
Rowdy child in shopping cart: Mom! What's that?
Tired mom: Spam.
Rowdy child: Mom! Can we get it? Can we get it, mom? Mom? Can we? Mom!
Tired mom: No.
(rowdy child starts freaking out)
Tired mom: Okay! Fine, but will you eat it?
Rowdy child: Nope...I just like attention.
Sobey's
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: aleXis
I Just Hadn't Met the Right Transsexual
Store clerk: Oh yeah, karaoke. I used to be totally into that shit back when I was gay.
The Video Underground
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Sam
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Employees | Massachusetts | Memory lane | Music | Sexuality | Stores | Posted 2008-12-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Let's See If She'll Be Trying with You After This
Cute chick in line: Oh! I want Haribo gummi bears! I need a snack to study effectively. There are lots of things I don't do effectively without snacking.
Boyfriend: Maybe you should try snacking next time we have sex. You know, maybe a little popcorn...a candy bar...
Cute chick: Are you saying my sex isn't effective? Well, maybe there won't be a next time.
Boyfriend: You know, you're not responding very well to constructive criticism. The solution is to keep trying, not to give up.
CVS
University City, Philadelphia
Overheard by: justtryingtowaitinline
We Should Put the Top Up in the Boxster, Though
(it is raining extremely hard outside)
Gay guy #1: So wet. Whatever, I guess we can make this look work.
Gay guy #2: We totally can.
Outside Macy's
Burlington, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Emma W.
Categories: Clothes | Compare and contrast | Default | Fashion | Massachusetts | Queers | Stores | Weather | Posted 2008-12-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Joking in Florida Is Always Risky
Lost mother with child to employee: Excuse me, sir? Where can I find the exit?
Employee (bluntly): Um, you have to buy something before you can leave.
Lost mother with child: (blank stare)
Sam Ash
Orlando, Florida
Overheard by: Stole something instead
Nah, They Know the Pecking Order
Bookseller to pregnant coworker: Aren't you worried there will be jealousy between the chickens and your unborn child?
Barnes & Noble
Augusta, Maine
Overheard by: Just browsing
If Only Our TV Had an Off Switch!
Excited preteen girl to dad: Look, dad, it's Hannah Montana!
Dad: Honey, we get out of the house so that we don't have to sit around and watch this all day long.
Macy's
Bridgewater, New Jersey
Overheard by: AS
He's in Training for the Cobra Fight
Woman, paying for breakfast: I had to beat up my son for this five dollars.
Deli Counter
Bethesda, Maryland
Overheard by: Minivet
The ACLU Defends the Constitution? What Kinda Commie Shit Is That?!
Volunteer #1: We can't be selling this music, it's devil worship.
Volunteer #2: Well, that's the ACLU. The ACLU ought to be abolished. They're why there's all this stuff around.
Customer: Why are you getting rid of that? Don't you think people ought to be able to choose for themselves?
Volunteer #2: Harry Potter is a witch!
Customer: I think we ought to get rid of Bush and Cheney, put them in jail--they're mass murderers!
Volunteers #1 & #2: (silence)
Joshua Tree Thrift Shop
California
Overheard by: Celeste Mann
Categories: California | Compare and contrast | Coworkers | Crimes | Customers | Default | Evil | Murder | Music | Politics | Religious fanatics | Stores | Weirdness | Posted 2008-12-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
As You'd Know If You Ever Watched TV With Me
Two-year-old: Waaaaah!
White trash mom: You want mommy to push your stroller?
Two-year-old: Waaaaah!
White trash dad: You wanna go ten feet under?!
White trash mom: Honey, it's six feet.
Sears
Nashua, New Hampshire
Overheard by: jefe
Categories: Compare and contrast | Dads | Death & dying | Default | Kids | Kids | Moms | Murder | New Hampshire | Offers and requests | Parenting | Stores | Weirdness | Posted 2008-11-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Please Join Mr. Morse and Mr. Braille in the Office
Woman over intercom: Attention, there is an emergency in the ladies' room. There are no more paper towels.
(customers in super long line snicker)
Man on intercom (a minute or two later): Attention Mr. Dewey, we have an emergency in the office. Nobody can understand your decimal system.
Trader Joe's
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Hungry
Categories: Coworkers | Default | Employees | Guys | Offers and requests | Office politics | Stores | Washington, DC | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2008-11-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Boys: I'm Keeping It in My Pants Now, Thanks Anyway
High school girl #1: I'm so glad I only have one baby daddy. I feel sorry for those girls with more than one! You've gotta figure out who has money and who doesn't.
High school girl #2: That is so true!
Grocery Store
Austin, Texas
Overheard by: Just doing my grocery shopping
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Feelings | Girls | Money | Relationships | Stores | Teens | Texas | Posted 2008-11-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...In Unrelated News
Preppy guy #1: "Pangaea," like the continent?
Preppy guy #2: Yeah, my sister just had a face lift.
Wal-Mart
Austin, Texas
Overheard by: Rev Loon
It's Almost Like You're Blaming the Victim Here
Guy, carrying basket: It's just hard to know that I did so much for her, I did everything right in our marriage and now she is intentionally trying to hurt me.
Girl, pushing cart: Seriously? You did everything right?
Guy: Yes, I did.
Girl: Um, you slept with me.
Guy: Yeah, but that was a long time ago and I didn't do it to hurt her.
Trader Joe's
Hillcrest, California
Categories: California | Comebacks | Compare and contrast | Default | Feelings | Girls | Guys | Infidelity | Questions | Relationships | Stores | Posted 2008-11-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Well, You Say I Never Communicate!
Teenage cart boy on cell: I'm at GIANT right now. I just have to go home and take a shit and I'll be fine.
GIANT
Lehighton, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Missy
Categories: Default | Feelings | Guys | On the phone | Pennsylvania | Poop | Stores | Teens | Posted 2008-11-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Sierra Club Got a Restraining Order Against Her
Woman #1: Hey! Look! Trees!
Woman #2: No, you can't get one. Not after you killed the last one we gave you.
De Anza Flea Market
Cupertino, California
Overheard by: shyinvisiblegirl
Categories: California | Death & dying | Default | Shopping | Stores | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2008-11-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Hard to Imagine You Two Have Time to Read
(40-something man was hitting on young clerk when his wife comes up)
Man: I honestly think man wasn't meant to be faithful. We're all so sexual.
Wife: Did you forget I was here?
Man: I'll be in the car in a second.
(she leaves store)
Man, after looking back at clerk: Please. She loves getting pimped out to my friends.
Bookstore
Ocala, Florida
Categories: Books | Compare and contrast | Couples | Default | Feelings | Florida | Gender issues | Guys | Infidelity | Questions | Sexuality | Stores | Women | Posted 2008-11-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
A One-Two Punch Of Knowledge Knocks Marcy Out
Girl #1: Oh my god! Romeo and Juliet is a book!
Girl #2: It's like, Shakespeare.
Girl #1: Oh my god, who?
Borders Bookstore
Commack, New York
Tonight on The Don't-Have-to-Wonder-Anymore Years
Kid: Can we go yet? Why are we shopping for luggage here, anyway?
Mom: Because I'm leaving your father.
Department Store
Altamonte Springs, Florida
Overheard by: Voip
Categories: Default | Florida | Kids | Moms | Offers and requests | Questions | Relationships | Shopping | Stores | Weirdness | Posted 2008-11-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I've Got My Surprised Face on and Everything!
Toddler being towed by mom, bawling: But I want that to be my surprise now!
Convenience Store
Greenwich, Connecticut
Overheard by: Tyrone
Categories: Connecticut | Default | Gifts | Kids | Offers and requests | Stores | Wishes | Posted 2008-11-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Then I'm Afraid There'll Be No Way Around Our Necromany Fee
Woman in cell phone store: I want to change the billing name on this account.
Employee: I'm sorry, we can't allow you to make changes on this account. You're not the primary account-holder.
Woman: Right. The primary account holder died.
Employee: I'm sorry, only the primary account-holder can make changes to the account.
Woman: He's dead!
Verizon Store
Grand Rapids, Michigan
Categories: Customers | Death & dying | Default | Employees | Michigan | Names | Offers and requests | On the phone | Stores | Stupidity | Wishes | Women | Posted 2008-11-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Do I Question the Priest in Church?
Husband: How can women spend so much money on purses?
Wife: Shhh!
Coach Store
Pennsylvania
Categories: Couples | Default | Gender issues | Guys | Money | Pennsylvania | Questions | Stores | Women | Posted 2008-10-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I May Just Be Really, Really Slutty
Woman to friend: How can she know she's bi at 16? I'm 35 and *I* don't know if *I'm* bi!
Outside Steinmart
Nashville, Tennessee
Overheard by: BecauseISaidSo
Categories: Age and ageing | Compare and contrast | Default | Friends | Questions | Sexuality | Stores | Tennessee | Women | Posted 2008-10-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Promised We'd Watch Action Movies and Fuck Me in the Butt Tonight
Yuppie boyfriend (excitedly): Let's have an Ashton Kutcher movie marathon night!
Yuppie girlfriend (whispering): Honey, we've already talked about this...
Blockbuster
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: Pallas
Categories: About celebrities | California | Couples | Default | Girls | Guys | Movies | Stores | Posted 2008-10-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's for Grandma's Glaucoma
Employee: Hi, can I help you find anything?
Ghetto kid: Yeah, I'm looking for a book called Marijuana Horticulture.
Employee: Yeah, I know that book. I think we are out, though.
Bookstore
Stockton, California
Overheard by: Can I get some of that?
Categories: Books | California | Default | Drugs | Employees | Guys | Offers and requests | Stores | Posted 2008-10-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Fowl Behavior?
Woman: So, I want a small frozen turkey.
Meat guy: Okay, just right over here.
Woman: Ewww... What's wrong with this one?
Meat guy: Sorry?
Woman: Well, is something missing?
Meat guy: Um... No.
Woman: Well, what is this "grain fed" business??
Meat guy: Oh, that means it's fed with grains.
Woman: Oh! (picks up turkey and leaves)
Grocery Store
Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: Matt C
Stepford Children Know What's Good for Them
Four-year-old girl licking gelato off a tiny spoon: This tastes like electricity!
Mom: That's right, honey.
Piccomolo Gelato Shop
Fairfax, Virginia
Overheard by: Meaggoo
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | Kids | Moms | Sensory experiences | Stores | Virginia | Weirdness | Posted 2008-10-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Excellent-- Let the Beatings Begin
Mom: Honey, don't eat your boogers!
Two-year-old: But mommy, I like them!
Mom, exasperated: Go to your dad.
Supermarket
St. Louis, Missouri
Overheard by: Ryskie
And Possibly a Few Sex Hats
Girl to friend: I need some cute shirts that I can just throw on and like...jerk off in.
H&M
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: XT
Categories: Clothes | Default | Friends | Girls | Massachusetts | Masturbation | Stores | Wishes | Posted 2008-10-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Warren Beatty Should Stop Having Work Done
Tall, skinny kid: He's...like...suspiciously Asian.
Tall skinny friend: That's what I thought too!
Arby's
Tempe, Arizona
Or Sam's Club, the All-S&M Warehouse
Girlfriend, after guy has smacked her butt: This isn't Wal-Mart!
Target
Salem, Oregon
...If I Get Some Flan
Six-year-old boy: I want flan. I want flan, mom. I want flan. I've never tried it before. Can we get flan?
Mother: Okay, you need to stop being so annoying.
Six-year-old boy: Maybe.
Supermarket
Northampton, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Adrienne
Categories: Default | Food | Guys | Kids | Massachusetts | Moms | Offers and requests | Should have used a condom | Stores | Wishes | Posted 2008-10-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Please Ignore This Inadvertent Overshare
Girl: I wish I had a loving relationship with my feet.
Woman: What?
Girl: Oh my god, you're not my mom!
Shoe Store
Durham, North Carolina
Categories: Body parts | Compare and contrast | Default | Family ties | Girls | North Carolina | Relationships | Stores | Weirdness | Wishes | Women | Posted 2008-10-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
She Has Everything I've Always Wanted, and a Little Something More
Suit on cell: Oh, did I tell you I met someone? (pause) Her name is Brian.
Civic Center Farmer's Market
San Francisco, California
Categories: California | Default | Names | On the phone | Queers | Questions | Sexuality | Stores | Suits | Posted 2008-09-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Followed by Fro-Yo
Trendy girl: Yeah, so like, the mom and her daughter went and got abortions together.
Town Center
Sugar Land, TX
Recession Watch: Outlook Not So Good
(a man and a woman are looking at a crib)
Woman: Look how pretty!
Man: But would you really be comfortable sleeping in that?
Furniture Store
Umea
Sweden
Overheard by: Johanna
Categories: Compare and contrast | Compliments | Default | Guys | Questions | Stores | Sweden | Women | Posted 2008-09-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm So Glad You Confided in Me
Frumpy middle aged woman: Excuse me, who can I talk to if I'm interested in purchasing a piece of furniture?
Employee: That would be me. How can I help you?
Frumpy middle aged woman: I'm interesting in purchasing a piece of furniture.
Furniture Store
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Categories: Customers | Default | Employees | Offers and requests | Pennsylvania | Shopping | Stores | Women | Words | Posted 2008-09-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We Suspect It's Only Physical
Little boy, running and screaming down the aisle: I...love...diet...Coke!
Borders
Columbia, Maryland
Overheard by: Liz
The One with Big, Glossy Pictures Instead of Words
Man to store employee: It's one of those real estate investment books, the yellow ones.
Employee: Let's see, follow me... Is this what you were looking for?
Man: No, no, that's the one for idiots, I want the one for dummies.
Barnes & Noble
San Diego, California
Overheard by: Lisa
Categories: California | Compare and contrast | Customers | Default | Employees | Offers and requests | Stores | Words | Posted 2008-09-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Got My Own Personal Trail Of Tears Over Here
Crazy old white lady trying on wedding veil: So I always wondered why I didn't look good in these things...until 2004.
Disinterested customer: Oh?
Crazy old white lady: Yeah, then I found out I was part Native American. At least 5%.
Disinterested customer (confused): Oh...?
Crazy, old white lady: Yeah. That's why I don't look good in veils. Cause we Native Americans don't wear them.
Disinterested customer: I got married in a courthouse.
Crazy old white lady: I hate to say it since I am part white, but damn those white people!
Goodwill
Altoona, Pennsylvania
Categories: Clothes | Crazies | Customers | Default | Family ties | History | Insults | Mental illnesses | Old folks | Pennsylvania | Race | Stores | Whiteys | Women | Posted 2008-09-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Glittery Leopard Print? We'd Say So
Girl in fitting room: These leggings are totally going to ruin my karma.
Forever 21
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: lisa
Some Guys Prefer to Be Firmly Held
Little kid (skipping and yelling): Tighty whitey man! Tighty whitey man!
Mount Vernon Farmers' Market
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: livin'
Why Are These Bills Sticking Together?
Woman: Sorry, I have to pay in singles.
Cashier: That's okay, people do all the time. (asking innocently) Are you a waitress?
Woman: No, honey. My career is a little less wholesome than that.
Cashier: (stutters and looks at her screen) Alright then, your total is $27.45.
Kroger
Cincinnati, Ohio
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Employees | Jobs & Careers | Money | Ohio | Questions | Stores | Women | Posted 2008-09-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Usually They Just Ask Us to Keep the Blood Splatter to a Minimum
Lady on cell pumping gas): Y'know, even when he picked up the knife, I just didn't expect the cops to get involved...
Shell Gas Station
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: Just filling my tank, thanks
How Mrs. Bisbee Made the 'Naughty' List
Mom: I don't know what I should get for him. He likes video games and that kind of stuff. I got him a GameCube last year and he loves it.
Five-year-old child (looks away from game display, shocked): But you told me Santa got me the GameCube!
Best Buy
Seattle, Washington
Categories: Default | Kids | Kids | Lies | Moms | Santa Claus | Stores | Technology | Washington | Posted 2008-09-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Claire Was Significantly Less Thrilled with the "Mysteries Solved by Cats" Section
Emo girl to emo friend: They have a whole Harry Potter section...I love the world!
Borders
Manalapan, New Jersey
At This Point in His Life, Pinocchio Needs Serious Work
Girl #1: He's kind of ugly.
Girl #2: He kind of reminds me of a marionette because his cheeks are shiny and puffed up all the time.
Black Market Vintage Clothing
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: kj
Categories: Body parts |