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Then You Wonder Why He Becomes an Interior Decorator

Mom: No! We do not throw balls at people! Do not ever let me catch you throwing a ball!

Toy Store
Houston, Texas


Overheard by: huh?


Categories: Moms | Parenting | Stores | Texas | Threats | Posted 2010-09-02 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

And I'll Happily Let You Ride Me in the Water

Man on cell in grocery store: As long as you don't call me "flipper," that's okay.

Gresham, Oregon


Categories: Guys | Names | On the phone | Oregon | Stores | Weirdness | Posted 2010-08-30 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Or I'm Sure He Would If We Could Locate Him.

Mother to four-year-old daughter: You're forgetting mummy is mummy and not daddy. Daddy is the one who cares.

Target
Australia


Categories: Australia | Family ties | Kids | Moms | Parenting | Stores | Posted 2010-08-24 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Steve Miller: "Same Here."

Girl: How do you choose a good peach?
Guy: I go with whichever would make the prettiest vagina. Seems to work pretty well.

Produce Market
Tampa, Florida


Overheard by: Dr. Banana Grabber


Categories: Beauty | Florida | Fruit | Girls | Guys | Stores | Vagina | Posted 2010-08-21 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Straight Guys See Women's Clothes Solely in Terms Of What They Cover

Annoyed wife trying on unattractive skirt: So what do you think?
Husband, with baby: It looks nice.
Annoyed wife, returning to dressing room: What do you know?
Husband to baby: Son, you have no chance.

Old Navy
South Carolina


Overheard by: Kempii


Categories: Clothes | Clothing | Couples | Kids | Questions | South Carolina | Stores | Posted 2010-08-21 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

What a World

Little boy: My legs are melting! My legs are melting!

Target
White Plains, New York


Categories: Body parts | Kids | Kids | New York | Sensory experiences | Stores | Posted 2010-08-15 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Bad Things Happen When Housemates Mate

Guy to crowd of housemates: See, this is the kind of toilet we want--it's rated to be able to flush one kilo of material at a time.
Girl: How many kilos does a newborn weigh?

Home Depot
Oakland, California


Overheard by: Alchemist George


Categories: Abortion | California | Diet & weight | Friends | Girls | Guys | Kids | Pregnancy | Questions | Stores | Weirdness | Wishes | Posted 2010-08-14 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

And Apparently You're Not the Only One Who Wants to Know

Tall girlfriend: Where did Batman go to college?
Tall boyfriend: That may be the best question ever asked.

Target
Milford, Connecticut


Categories: Connecticut | Couples | Education | Pop culture | Questions | Stores | Posted 2010-08-04 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Well, We Will Be Running Around in Diapers Before We Know It.

Older woman: Want to go see the movie Babies tonight at 7:30?
Older man: Mmmmmmmmmmmm...
Older woman: It's too late for it to inspire us!

Coffee Shop
Atlanta, Georgia


Overheard by: Greg


Categories: Georgia | Kids | Movies | Offers and requests | Old folks | Pregnancy | Stores | Posted 2010-08-02 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Why eBay Exists.

Man shopping with wife: Well, I recognize that someday I just won't need all my body parts.

Target Store
Augusta, Maine


Categories: Body parts | Clients | Maine | Stores | Weirdness | Posted 2010-07-29 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Um, Vampire Style?

19-year-old girl #1: You know, I just a want a man I can sit naked with, watch Dead Poets Society, and then write a song about it afterwards.
19-year-old girl #2: Edward would totally do that for Bella.
19-year-old girl #3: You should leave Ryan.
19-year-old girl #2: Tell Ryan he can suck your dick.

Coffee Shop
Johannesburg
South Africa


Overheard by: Aeleron


Categories: Africa | Girls | Insults | Movies | Music | Stores | Wishes | Posted 2010-07-16 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Need a Vacation from the Metric System, Canadia?

Deli customer: Could I have a kilo of shaved black forest ham, please?
Confused deli worker: How much?
Deli customer: One kilo.
Confused deli worker: I need to know how much you want.
Deli customer, getting frustrated: One kilo of shaved black forest ham.
Confused deli worker: So, 500 grams?
Deli customer, astonished: A kilo is 1000 grams.
Confused deli worker: Um... How much do you want?
Deli customer, annoyed: One kilo.
Confused deli worker: I don't know how much you want.
Deli customer, more annoyed: One kilo. 1000 grams.
Confused deli worker, after thinking for a minute: So, two 500 gram packages?
Deli customer, astonished: Sure.
Deli customer's partner: Are you serious?

Edmonton
Canadia


Overheard by: Math is hard


Categories: Canadia | Customers | Employees | Food | Questions | Stores | Stupidity | Posted 2010-07-12 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

One Downmanship Is Fun!

Woman #1: Sorry I'm late, I had bad anxiety.
Woman #2: I have bad allergies and a hangover.
Woman #1: Well, I'm pregnant.
Woman #3, looking up suddenly: What!?
Woman #1: Top that!

Barnes & Noble
Birmingham, Alabama


Categories: Alabama | Compare and contrast | Headaches | Maladies | Pregnancy | Stores | Women | Posted 2010-07-10 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

America: Encapsulated.

Slightly obese lady on cell: Of course I'm at the gym, honey! I promised to go to the gym today, so I'm at the gym! (hangs up, talks to friend) What an idiot. I want some ice cream.

Ice Cream Shop
Missouri


Overheard by: jeeves


Categories: Diet & weight | Fat people | Food | Friends | Insults | Lies | Missouri | On the phone | Stores | Wishes | Posted 2010-07-08 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Obesity: Explained.

Little boy, pointing to a box of cereal: What's this?
Mom: Cocoa Krispies. It's chocolate-flavored Rice Krispies.
Little boy: Oh my god!

Stop & Shop
Mamaroneck, New York


Overheard by: Diana


Categories: Food | Kids | Kids | Moms | New York | Parenting | Sensory experiences | Stores | Posted 2010-07-06 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

When Culinary Students Have Orgies

Tiny college girl waiting in line: The cookies are soooooo good!
Tall male friend, confused: The ice cream?
Tiny college girl: The penises!
Tall male friend: Oh!
Tiny college girl: We just didn't let them cool!

Stop & Shop
Manhattan, New York


Categories: Food | Friends | New York | Penis | Sorority types | Stores | Posted 2010-06-08 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Just As Well-- I'm a Little Fuzzy on the Whole "Bagel" Concept

Customer: Do you have any lox?
Wal-Mart employee: Of course. They're over in hardware.
Customer: No. Lox, like bagels and lox.
Wal-Mart employee: Lots? Lots of bagels?
Customer: I'll just go to Publix.

Wal-Mart
Nashville, Tennessee


Overheard by: Heading for Publix, too.


Categories: Compare and contrast | Customers | Employees | Food | Idiots | Stores | Stupidity | Tennessee | Words | Posted 2010-05-03 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Then I Sniff It and I'm Like, "Ooo, Beer!"

Tiny pregnant girl to friend: He has this mattress that has pee stains all over it, and he keeps blaming it on the dog! I'm like, "yeah, right!"

Target
York, Pennsylvania


Categories: Animals | Girls | Gossip | Pee | Pennsylvania | Preggers | Stores | Posted 2010-04-11 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Um, That's Just Beer, Sweetie.

Boy, screaming into pregnant mother's belly: We're going to give you up for adoption!

Tanger Outlet
Riverhead, New York


Overheard by: bemused


Categories: Kids | New York | Pregnancy | Should have used a condom | Stores | Threats | Posted 2010-04-08 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

I Know I'm Flakey, But I Was Just Itching to Shop.

Foreign chick on cell: I'm at the gonorrhea. (pause) No, I'm at the gonorrhea. Yah... In yewstun. I'm at deelurds in the gonorrhea.

Dillards, The Galleria
Houston, Texas


Overheard by: OMG She had VD


Categories: Foreigners | Language barrier | On the phone | STDs | Stores | Texas | Weirdness | Posted 2010-03-30 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

So We Chased Her Out Of Town with Torches

Woman to another: She washes her pickles in a dishwasher.

Cub Foods
Minneapolis, Minneapolis


Categories: Body parts | Food | Minnesota | Stores | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2010-03-09 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Who Also Happens to Be My Husband.

Teen mum #1 with baby in pushchair: Ah! Lovely baby boy! Who's the father?
Teen mum #2 with baby in pushchair: That scumbag from the pub a few months back.

Clothes Store
Dartford
England


Categories: England | Insults | Kids | Moms | Parenting | Stores | Teens | Posted 2010-02-19 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Ones That Will Fit Over My Big-Boy Pull-Ups

Man in dressing room to employee waiting on him: Dude, I can see my ass hair. I'm a grown-ass man. Go find me some grown-ass man pants.

Las Vegas, Nevada


Categories: Age and ageing | Ass | Clothing | Customers | Employees | Hair | Nevada | Stores | Posted 2010-02-10 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

I Mean Unprepared to Fight Me

50-something grubby, scruffy-looking woman: Why are you dressed like that?
40-something very nicely dressed woman: What, you mean well?

KMart Parking Lot
Delaware County, Pennsylvania


Overheard by: Jayvee


Categories: Comebacks | Fashion | Pennsylvania | Questions | Stores | Women | Posted 2010-02-03 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

A Llama on a Cart You Can Wheel Around?

Loud lady on cell phone in philosophy section of a bookstore: Which Dali Lama book? They have a million. What's a Dali Lama, anyway?

Southaven, Mississippi

Overheard by: Beth Walker


Categories: Books | Mississippi | Names | On the phone | Questions | Stores | Stupidity | Women | Posted 2010-01-11 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Ten Bucks Says She Has a Daughter Who's Single

Lady to man putting bagels in a bag: Are you getting those because you are Jewish?

Whole Foods
Boston, Massachusetts


Overheard by: jigawhat


Categories: Food | Guys | Massachusetts | Questions | Religion | Shopping | Stores | Women | Posted 2010-01-06 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Identifying Your Feelings Is an Important First Step.

Huge guy with a Mohawk: It worries me that I can't smell my deodorant.

Grocery Store
Chicago, Illinois


Overheard by: Deana


Categories: Guys | Health & Hygiene | Illinois | Sensory experiences | Stores | Posted 2010-01-05 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Oh Honey, We Feel You.

Little boy, desperately: I need to get out of here!

Kohl's Fitting Rooms
Georgia


Overheard by: Iris


Categories: Georgia | Kids | Kids | Shopping | Stores | Posted 2010-01-02 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Kids Start Disappointing You As Soon As They Possibly Can

Little girl: Mom, can I buy that doll house?
Mom: No, you don't have enough money.
Daughter: Can't I just use my college money?
Mom: No.
Daughter: But I don't want to go to college, I want the doll house! I don't want to go to college!

Toy Store
Canadia

Regardless, It Fills Us Up.

Girl: I've always wanted to try their maple bacon bar, but I either don't have enough cash, or I'm with someone and we usually either get the baker's dozen... or a penis.

Doughnut Store
Portland, Oregon


Categories: Food | Girls | Money | Oregon | Penis | Stores | Wishes | Posted 2009-12-26 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Tonight on Graze Anatomy

Little boy to grandmother: My mommy's held a cow brain.

Borders Bookstore
Alameda, California


Overheard by: Lith


Categories: Animals | Body parts | California | Family | Family ties | Kids | Kids | Parenting | Stores | Posted 2009-12-22 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Remember "Sweaty Boobs"?

Friend #1: I just want a Dance Dance Revolution mat that won't skid around on the floor while I dance on it. I am thinking about covering my old one in an unskiddable material.
Friend #2: Well, you could try human skin.
Friend #1: Does it skid?
Friend #2: Only when wet.

Gamestop
Omaha, Nebraska.


Categories: Advice | Body parts | Dancing | Friends | Games | Nebraska | Stores | Weirdness | Posted 2009-12-14 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

This Is a Gluestick, Sweetie.

Guy: I've been using the same deodorant stick for the last eight years. I'd replace it, but I think they discontinued the brand.

Wal-Mart
Ft. Collins, Colorado


Categories: Colorado | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Sensory experiences | Stores | Posted 2009-12-12 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

When You're Swimming through Them Like Scrooge McDuck

Woman to another, shopping in frozen food aisle: You know, I think sometimes you really can have too many Tater Tots in the house.

Shoppers Food Warehouse
Northern Virginia


Overheard by: Pat Trenner


Categories: Food | Shopping | Stores | Stupidity | Virginia | Women | Posted 2009-12-12 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

But This Time You'd Better Not Force Your Brother to Eat It

Eight-year-old boy: Hey dad, can I get deodorant?
Father: Uh, sure.
Eight-year-old boy: Yesssss!

A&P Supermarket
Totowa, New Jersey


Categories: Dads | Happiness | Kids | Kids | New Jersey | Offers and requests | Parenting | Stores | Posted 2009-12-11 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Because They Just Laughed at Me When I Asked at Toys R' Us

Guy, walking up to greeter: You wouldn't happen to have any buttplugs, would you?

Target
Little Falls, New Jersey


Overheard by: harry bohemis


Categories: Ass | Clients | Employees | New Jersey | Offers and requests | Shopping | Stores | Posted 2009-12-08 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Playing Boggle Again?

Gay goth kid: Diana Ross, what are you doing in my mouth?

Dunkin Donuts
Worcester, Massachusetts


Overheard by: hootinanny


Categories: About celebrities | Goths | Massachusetts | Mouth | Music | Queers | Questions | Stores | Posted 2009-12-07 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

But I Imagine It's a Lot Like Victory.

Little boy throwing fit: I've never had dessert in my life! I don't even know what it tastes like!

Outside Cookie Store
Kingsport, Tennessee


Categories: Food | Kids | Kids | Sensory experiences | Stores | Tennessee | Weirdness | Posted 2009-12-06 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Everyone in Retail Can Identify

Little boy, in sing-song: I believe I can fly! I believe I can... die!
Sales clerk: That's the sad version.

JC Penney
Columbia, Missouri


Categories: Death & dying | Employees | Feelings | Kids | Missouri | Singing | Stores | Posted 2009-12-04 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Only Straight Men Start to Die in Craft Stores

Guy: Glitter is like the herpes of craft! It just gets everywhere!

Michael's Arts and Crafts
Merced, California


Categories: California | Compare and contrast | Guys | STDs | Stores | Posted 2009-12-03 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

And, If You're at All Interested, Napoleon's in the Supply Closet.

Employee #1: It's been such a slow day. I feel like I've been here forever.
Employee #2: I know, right?
Employee #1: How about you? Today been slow for you too?
Employee #3: Nope. I discovered time travel.

Hardware Store
Agoura Hills, California

Guess Everything Really Is Bigger in Texas

New Yorker, trying to get through a crowd of people blocking aisle: Excuse me. Excuse me! Excuse me!
Confused little boy: I already moved.
New Yorker: Oh, I know you have, dear. I was talking to your fat-ass mother.

Grocery Store
Austin, Texas


Categories: Ass | Assholes | Diet & weight | Family ties | Insults | Kids | Kids | Moms | Stores | Texas | Posted 2009-11-18 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Everyone Deserves at Least One Brush with Greatness

Woman, searching through bargain bin: Do you want this? This woman taught at Bennington!
Girl: Dude, that's old! She teaches at my school now. Her son was in my class. His lab puppy shat on dreadlock, girl!

Borders
Mansfield, Massachusetts


Categories: Animals | Education | Girls | Massachusetts | Offers and requests | Poop | Stores | Women | Posted 2009-11-15 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Tell Their Pimp What You're Into, and Find Out.

Guy in jumper: What do hermit crabs actually do?

Pet Shop
Australia


Overheard by: Stunned


Categories: Animals | Australia | Guys | Questions | Stores | Posted 2009-11-11 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

You'd Prefer They Were Six Breasts All from the Same Chicken?

Bagger to cashier: There's something mildly strange about a package that contains breasts... from different chickens.

Whole Foods
Seattle, Washington


Overheard by: They were thighs actually, but I see your point.


Categories: Birds | Coworkers | Food | Rack | Stores | Washington | Weirdness | Posted 2009-11-11 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Is It Too Late to Start Over?

Customer: Do you sell Elastoplast?
Shop lady: What?
Customer: Do you sell Elastoplast?
Shop lady oh, I thought you said something about "the last of the Apaches."
Customer
: That film was called The Last of the Mohicans.

Shop lady: What film?

Glasgow
Scotland


Overheard by: somedaftlassie


Categories: Clients | Employees | Movies | Offers and requests | Questions | Scotland | Shopping | Stores | Words | Posted 2009-11-10 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

The Hot Salesgirl

Whiny man: I don't even know how to read. Why are we here?

Borders
California


Categories: Books | California | Guys | Questions | Shopping | Stores | Stupidity | Posted 2009-10-30 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

So No One Will Even See Your Hooker Shoes

Mother to sixteen year-old in booty shorts and Uggs: You can be a geisha girl! It goes all the way down to the floor!

Halloween Store
New Jersey


Categories: Clothes | Clothing | Moms | New Jersey | Parenting | Stores | Teens | Posted 2009-10-28 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Can a Personal TV Be Too Small? Discuss.

Girl on cell inside convenience store: Why the hell did she get it under her titty? Ain't nobody gonna see it under her titty!

Bowling Green, Ohio


Categories: Girls | Ohio | On the phone | Questions | Rack | Stores | Posted 2009-10-27 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

How the Farmers' Market Got Rated NC-17

Lady to friend: I don't care that it's a squash, it's still inappropriate... legs spread everywhere.

Farmers' Market
Oregon


Overheard by: Shea


Categories: Body parts | Food | Friends | Oregon | Stores | Women | Posted 2009-10-25 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Long Island Has Feminists?

Overbearing mother: Let her see you in the bra! She will make sure it fits correctly!
13-year-old girl, buying first bra: Mother, I'm not for sale!

Victoria's Secret
Long Island, New York


Categories: Clothes | Clothing | Moms | New York | Parenting | Stores | Teens | Posted 2009-10-06 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Adam Sandler's Comedy Hasn't Evolved Much

Lady talking to friend: My little boy just loves balls. All I hear is balls,balls, balls...

Wal-Mart
Anniston, Alabama


Overheard by: Tyler


Categories: Alabama | Balls | Friends | Kids | Parenting | Stores | Women | Posted 2009-10-01 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

I Hate This Country and Its Degenerate Cinema!

Frustrated man with heavy Arabic accent to wife: I got the most chicky-flick movies I could find!

Supermarket
Connecticut


Categories: Compare and contrast | Connecticut | Couples | Gender issues | Movies | Stores | Posted 2009-09-14 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

When Life Gives You Avocados...

Checker, as customer places avocados on the belt: Are these lemons?

Grocery Store
Centerville, Utah


Overheard by: JC


Categories: Clients | Employees | Food | Fruit | Questions | Stores | Stupidity | Utah | Posted 2009-09-11 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

The Girls Next Door Workout Video It Is, Then.

Teenage girl: We can't rent anything with class.

Blockbuster
Orlando, Florida


Categories: Florida | Movies | Stores | Stupidity | Teens | Posted 2009-09-09 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

And What's Written on the Box Makes No Sense at All

Bad-ass #1: What is Two and a Half Men about, anyway?
Bad-ass #2: Stop fuckin' askin' me, man! I told you, I don't know!

Video Store
Adelaide
Australia


Overheard by: behind the counter


Categories: Assholes | Australia | Insults | Questions | Stores | Stupidity | TV shows | Posted 2009-09-02 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Um, Books About Dildos?

Janeane Garofalo incarnate, walking past adult bookstore: What more does a feminist need than dildos and books?

Denver, Colorado

Overheard by: A. N. Cargo


Categories: Books | Colorado | Girls | Politics | Questions | Stores | Toys | Posted 2009-08-31 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Um, Willingly?

Chick to makeup artist: I want you to make me look like someone who just lost their virginity.

MAC Store
Toronto
Canadia


Categories: Canadia | Chicks | Guys | Stores | Virginity | Wishes | Posted 2009-08-30 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

How to Tell If Someone's on Parole

Scruffy dude picking up cell with fart noises as ringtone: Hi, honey.

Family Video
Brockport, New York


Overheard by: swear it was the phone

That's for Him to Decide

New dad: Look! These clothes are cute. Oh, look at this dress!
New mum: You have a boy, not a girl!

Department Store
Melbourne
Australia


Categories: Australia | Beauty | Clothes | Clothing | Dads | Kids | Moms | Parenting | Sexuality | Stores | Posted 2009-08-25 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Out Of What?

Middle-aged woman shopping with husband: If we weren't so old, I would say "let's go into the parking lot and make a baby."

Target
Hackensack, New Jersey


Categories: Age and ageing | Couples | New Jersey | Offers and requests | Sex | Stores | Posted 2009-08-18 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Is There a Toy for Me Anywhere in That?

Small boy: Dad! Dad! Can I have that?
Father: I've told you before, craving leads to attachment.

Toy Shop
Eastern Suburbs, Sydney
Australia


Categories: Australia | Dads | Kids | Kids | Offers and requests | Parenting | Shopping | Stores | Stupidity | Wishes | Posted 2009-08-17 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

He'll Be Disappointed When He Learns It Has Nothing to Do With Guns

Youngish mom, enthusiastic: I need shot glasses for work!
Eight-year-old son, excited: I want a shot glass!!

Gift Shop
Branson, Missouri


Categories: Drinking & drunks | Kids | Kids | Missouri | Moms | Parenting | Stores | Weirdness | Wishes | Posted 2009-08-15 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

If Your Editors Had a ShamWow, We Would Use It Every Day

Frat boy #1: Oh, dude, a ShamWow! (to friend at counter) Hey, should we get a ShamWow?
Frat boy #2, without looking at him: No.
Frat boy #1: But it's a ShamWow!
Frat boy #2: You're an idiot. (long pause) Fine, get the fucking ShamWow.
Frat boy #1: (excitedly runs ShamWow over to counter)
Frat boy #2: Fuck.

Pet's Mart, Montana

Overheard by: Sadie


Categories: Frat boy types | Insults | Montana | Shopping | Stores | Stupidity | Posted 2009-08-15 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Some Babies Learn to Run Away Before They Can Walk

Loud fat ghetto chick to baby: See dat? See dat baby walking? That's what you need to be doing. I'm sick of carrying yo' ass around.

Target Parking Lot
Florissant, Missouri


Categories: Advice | Ass | Chicks | Fat people | Kids | Missouri | Moms | Parenting | Should have used a condom | Stores | Posted 2009-08-14 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Will Strawberry Shortcake Never Learn?

Old woman to daughter: And now she's got no money cause she blew it all on muffins.

Supermarket
Sydney


Overheard by: Anny


Categories: Australia | Family | Food | Moms | Money | Old folks | Stores | Posted 2009-08-14 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Shall We Try "P" for "Polanski"?

Guy #1: What aisle are we looking for?
Guy #2: We should be looking under teen girls' rugs.
Guy #1: Yikes!

Furniture Store
New York City, New York


Categories: Guys | Hair | New York | Questions | Sex | Shopping | Stores | Vagina | Posted 2009-08-11 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

...to Our Lord Jesus Christ.

Librarian at info desk: How are you today?
Gloomy guy: Not very well.
Librarian: Why not?
Guy: Oh, my girlfriend's being mean to me... Are you single?
Librarian, unfazed: No, I'm married.

West Lafayette, Indiana

Overheard by: Rachel S.


Categories: Clients | Employees | Feelings | Indiana | Questions | Relationships | Stores | Posted 2009-08-03 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

NewsFlash: Craig Kilborn Lends Name to Chewable Prozac.

Little boy in handicapped stall: I like you... I like you, Craig... You relax me.

Ladies Room, Barnes & Noble
Saugus, Massachusetts


Categories: Feelings | Kids | Kids | Massachusetts | Names | Pee | Poop | Stores | Weirdness | Posted 2009-07-28 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Meet the Science Channel's Number One Fan

Geeky kid: A glass cutter? Oh. My. God. This is a glass cutter! It cuts glass!
(mom tries to shush him)
Geeky kid, whispering
: A glass cutter!


Hardware Store
San Francisco, California


Categories: Kids | Moms | Parenting | San Francisco | Stores | Stupidity | Technology | Posted 2009-07-27 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

I Don't Know Whether To Laugh, Say "Awww....", Call DSS, Or Puke In My Mouth

Lady on cell: Just because she's wearing big-girl panties doesn't mean she's not your baby.

Target
Midwest City, Okahoma


Categories: Clothes | Oklahoma | On the phone | Parenting | Stores | Undies | Women | Posted 2009-07-19 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Lindsay Lohan's Bedside Table?

Lady, looking bewildered at companion: Well, where would you be if you were a sex book?

Bookstore
Birmingham, Alabama


Overheard by: Knows exactly where he would be


Categories: Alabama | Books | Questions | Sex | Stores | Women | Posted 2009-07-15 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Raise Your Hand If You Share His Irrational Love Of Costco

Random male shopper: We're looking at meat accessories!

Costco
Raleigh, North Carolina


Overheard by: Anna


Categories: Clients | Food | North Carolina | Shopping | Stores | Posted 2009-07-10 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Specifically, "Sry 4 Rnin Yr Lf :("

Girl on cell: But I really ruined his life. I mean, what should I do? (pause) Should I, like, text him and say, "I'm sorry for ruining your life"?

Cold Stone Creamery
New Jersey


Categories: Cell phones | Girls | New Jersey | On the phone | Questions | Relationships | Stores | Posted 2009-07-06 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

You Don't Have a Dog, Sir.

Old man: I'll have two scoops of chocolate raspberry truffle in a waffle cone, and a baby cone for my dog. He's the one who made us stop here.

Brusters Ice Cream
Atlanta, Georgia


Overheard by: Caylin


Categories: Animals | Food | Georgia | Old folks | Stores | Weirdness | Posted 2009-06-28 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Try It and You're Outtie.

Dad to kid: Come back here, or I'll have to beat you!
Kid, indignant: You can't beat me! I'm a belly button!

Wal-Mart
Pasco, Washington


Categories: Body parts | Dads | Kids | Parenting | Stores | Threats | Violence | Washington | Posted 2009-06-23 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Since I Dispensed with My Beehive Hairdo

Female salesperson: I keep all my secrets in my Furby!

Toy Store
Toronto
Canadia


Overheard by: i keep mine in tupperware


Categories: Canadia | Coworkers | Stores | Toys | Weirdness | Posted 2009-06-23 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

And the State Will Take Both Of Us Away

Woman to four-year-old daughter: Do not touch anything. Do you know what will happen if you touch something?
Little girl: You'll smack me in the face!

Liquor Store
New Jersey


Categories: Kids | Moms | New Jersey | Questions | Stores | Threats | Violence | Weirdness | Posted 2009-06-23 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Sleepover!

Mother: These sheets smell weird.
Child, enthusiastically: Yeah, like other people's houses!

Thrift Store, St. John's
Newfoundland
Canadia


Overheard by: Sandy


Categories: Canadia | Compare and contrast | Default | Kids | Kids | Moms | Stores | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2009-06-13 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

She Won't Even Buy "Fancy" Ketchup

Girl, looking at a bag of chips: How about these?
Friend checking for price: They're three dollars.
Girl, putting back the bag of chips: Dayuuummm! We don't need anything that fancy!

Grocery Store
Michigan


Overheard by: just buying some salsa.


Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Food | Friends | Girls | Michigan | Money | Questions | Stores | Posted 2009-06-09 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Nothing Reaffirms My Masculinity Better Than Tasting the Rainbow.

Angry male: You don't have a couch! Where are the boyfriends and husbands supposed to think?
Tiny shop assistant #1: I really don't know.
Tiny shop assistant #2: Well, we don't have a couch. But we do have Skittles!
Angry male: That will suffice.

Supre Store
Australia


Categories: Australia | Candy | Compare and contrast | Default | Employees | Girls | Gripes | Guys | Questions | Stores | Posted 2009-06-06 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Are You Allowed to Give Me That Advice?

Student, yelling at no one in particular: I can't believe this stupid book is $52! It's a fuckin' softcover 40-page book!
Bookstore employee: Dude, just photocopy it and return it.
Student: Ohhh! Good idea! Thanks!

Bookstore
Los Angeles, California


Categories: Advice | Books | California | Default | Employees | Gripes | Money | Stores | Students | Posted 2009-06-06 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

I Have to Get Away from It As Quickly As Possible

Fast-walking emo kid: There is no slowing down when it comes to me and High School Musical.

Wal-Mart
Roanoke, Virginia


Overheard by: snarky writer


Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Kids | Kids | Movies | Punks | Stores | Virginia | Posted 2009-06-04 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Makes You Want to Roll Around in Her, Huh?

Cute girl: This lotion is great! I actually have it on now, and keep smelling myself!
Teen boy, dragged in by his mother: Really? Can I smell you?
Cute girl: Sure! Smell me!
Teen boy: Wow, you do smell great! Mom, smell her!

Soap Store
New York City, New York

Don't Even Get Me Started About Boo Beret Cereal

Old man to another, looking at soup: I just feel like I'm getting ripped off by the French!

Grocery Store
Maryland


Overheard by: Nic


Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Feelings | Guys | Maryland | Old folks | Sex | Stores | Violence | Posted 2009-06-03 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Oh, Learn How to Spell.

Adult male to adult female and teen: You know what I told her? I says "you're a cunt, with a capital K."

Outside Skateboard Shop
Chattanooga, Tennessee


Categories: Default | Guys | Insults | Questions | Sexuality | Stores | Tennessee | Words | Posted 2009-05-27 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

And Then We'll Hold This Nice Man Up.

Father with two small sons dressed in Halloween costumes, walking into liquor store: Okay, guys, now pick out the kind of whiskey you want and go put it up on the counter.

Oshkosh, Wisconsin


Categories: Dads | Default | Drinking & drunks | Guys | Kids | Offers and requests | Stores | Wisconsin | Posted 2009-05-22 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

And It's Not Even in English!

Guy picking up copy of Les Miserables: Oh my god, look at the size of this thing! What a crappy book!

Barnes & Noble
Mankato, Minnesota


Categories: Books | Default | Guys | Minnesota | Pop culture | Stores | Stupidity | Posted 2009-05-16 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

You Told Me That Was Medicine!

Kid: I wish I was as fat as you, mummy.
Mother: Mummy should not have had that ice cream.

GAP Fitting Room
Tunbridge Wells
England


Overheard by: Jim Giraffe


Categories: Default | England | Family ties | Food | Kids | Moms | Stores | Wishes | Women | Posted 2009-05-16 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Sometimes Your Words Just Flow Out, Uncontrollably

Little girl: Is there diarrhea here? I love diarrhea!
Mother: I have no idea what you're talking about, but it doesn't sound good, so stop it.

Target
Delran, New Jersey


Overheard by: Amused Employee


Categories: Default | Feelings | Girls | Kids | Moms | New Jersey | Offers and requests | Poop | Stores | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2009-05-15 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

There Are Entire Websites Devoted to That Sort Of Thing, Sweetie.

Three-year-old daughter, pointing at huge woman: Dada, she has a big booty.
Father: Sweetie, you don't want to talk about other people's booties.
Three-year-old daughter: But dada, she couldn't sit on our toilet. It is too small for her.
Father: Okay. (hurriedly moves out of the aisle)
Three-year-old daughter: Her booty is too big for pee and poop to come out. She makes a big mess and gets it all over! (father starts pushing faster)

Supermarket
Quincy, Massachusetts


Categories: Ass | Dads | Default | Family ties | Girls | Guys | Kids | Kids | Massachusetts | Pee | Poop | Stores | Posted 2009-05-13 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Now Hold Still While I Affix This Muzzle

Little boy being pushed in cart: You smell!
Dad: No, you smell!
Little boy: No, you smell!
Dad: You smell!
(a little later)
Little boy
: That was awful!

Dad: Only because you think it is.
Little boy: You're a sock!
Dad: Oh, I'm a sock now?
Little boy: A soooock!
Dad: No, you're a sock!

Whole Foods
Hollywood, California


Overheard by: Kafrin


Categories: California | Clothes | Dads | Default | Games | Guys | Kids | Questions | Sensory experiences | Stores | Words | Posted 2009-05-11 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Ooo, Let's Get T-Shirts Saying That.

Sorority girl #1: What did he die from?
Sorority girl #2: Cancer.
Sorority girl #1: Gawd! Cancer sucks!

CVS
Charlottesville, Indiana


Categories: Death & dying | Default | Girls | Indiana | Maladies | Questions | Sorority types | Stores | Words | Posted 2009-05-11 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

It's Not Gay If It's About Video Games

10-year-old boy to GameStop guy, after purchasing Mario Galaxy: Bye, I love you! I mean...wait. I meant "thank you." I didn't mean it! (runs away)

GameStop
Vestavia Hills, Alabama


Overheard by: that's what they all say


Categories: Alabama | Default | Feelings | Guys | Kids | Kids | Shopping | Stores | Words | Posted 2009-05-09 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Do You Care If Our DVD Player Is Shaped Like a Schlong?

Man on cell: Yeah. (pause) No, yeah, I'm at Best Buy right now.

Porn Store
Oswego, Illinois


Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Guys | Illinois | Shopping | Stores | Weirdness | Posted 2009-05-09 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

...Aunt Brian Shops Here Before All Her Shows

Mother, digging through prom dresses on rack, to nine-year-old daughter: There's so much glitter here! Did you know that so many drag queens shop at Ross that they call it "cross dress for less"?
Nine-year-old, bored: I know...

Ross Dress for Less
El Cerrito, California


Overheard by: innocent bystander


Categories: California | Default | Fashion | Girls | Kids | Kids | Moms | Names | Questions | Stores | Women | Posted 2009-05-07 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Now Finish Your Lollipop and Don't Contradict Me Again

Mom: He'll have chocolate ice cream with rainbow sprinkles and gummy bears.
Five-year-old son: But I want the blue ice cream!
Mom: Honey, the blue is cotton candy ice cream. You can't have it...it's pure sugar.

Coldstone Creamery
Carlsbad, California


Overheard by: Amused Employee


Categories: California | Candy | Default | Guys | Kids | Kids | Moms | Offers and requests | Stores | Women | Posted 2009-05-05 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Jeez, You're So Literal

Woman, holding up holiday card: This card is perfect! It says exactly what I want! (reads typical greeting card poem)
Man: Wow, it really says that?
Woman: Well, I made part of it up.

Fred Meyer Store
Oregon


Categories: Default | Guys | Holidays | Offers and requests | Oregon | Questions | Stores | Women | Posted 2009-04-28 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Um, This Is Applebee's.

Intercom: The store will be closing in 15 minutes. Please bring your purchases to the front of the store to the check-out line. We hope you enjoyed your shopping experience. Thank you for shopping at K-Mart... Shit, I mean "Wal-Mart."

Wal-Mart
Massachusetts


Overheard by: Caitlin


Categories: Default | Employees | Massachusetts | Names | Offers and requests | Shopping | Stores | Posted 2009-04-26 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Once He Walks Through JoAnn's Door, a Man Starts to Die

Girlfriend, holding up scrapbook thing: Do you like this?
Boyfriend: Yeah, it's nice.
Girlfriend: "It's nice," because it's nice, or "it's nice," so we can get the fuck out of here?

JoAnn Fabrics and Crafts
Tacoma, Washington


Overheard by: baker98391


Categories: Compliments | Couples | Default | Girls | Guys | Offers and requests | Questions | Stores | Washington | Words | Posted 2009-04-26 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

From George Washington: The E! True Hollywood Story

Suit #1, very seriously: And she was totally fixated on Martha. So I said to Martha, who swings both ways, you know, I said: "this girl is in serious need of some fanny," but the trouble is, she's found god.
Suit #2: The worst coitus interruptus in the world! That Martha's a complete nutjob, though.

Bookstore
Liverpool
England


Categories: Default | England | God | Relationships | Sex | Sexuality | Stores | Suits | Posted 2009-04-23 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Plastic Shoes with Holes in the Tops Make Much More Sense.

Girl #1, sifting through shirts on table: Oh my god, these v-necks are so freaking cute.
Girl #2: Yeah...if this one didn't have sharks on it. If there's one thing I hate is sharks. Who puts sharks on shirts nowadays, anyway?

Urban Outfitters
San Francisco, California


Categories: Animals | Clothes | Default | Feelings | Girls | Questions | San Francisco | Stores | Posted 2009-04-22 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

In Fact, I Eat Skinny People

Hot girl in line #1: Oh my god, I was so bad today! I had two whole scoops of ice cream for lunch.
Hot girl in line #2: You better watch it or you're not going to be able to fit into that cocktail dress you're buying.
Fat woman behind them: I fucking hate skinny people!

Department Store
Stockton, California


Categories: California | Clothes | Default | Fat people | Feelings | Food | Girls | Stores | Women | Posted 2009-04-19 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Well, It Was New to Us.

Boyfriend, to girlfriend who has just ripped ass: Ugh! Baby! No, don't just walk away and leave me standing here, you can't just crop dust like that!

Target
Overland Park, Kansas


Categories: Default | Guys | Kansas | Offers and requests | Relationships | Sex | Stores | Posted 2009-04-18 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Even the Gardeners Wear Suits in Connecticut

Angry suit on phone: Listen, I don't care what you think, if you don't think I'm doing a good job, don't fucking ask me to work for you! (pause) No! No! No! I don't care, I'm doing more important things right now! (pause) I'm buying plant food!

CVS
Connecticut


Overheard by: Guy


Categories: Connecticut | Default | Feelings | Food | Guys | Jobs & Careers | Offers and requests | Stores | Suits | Posted 2009-04-15 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

I Grow Weary Of Cheesy Pick-Up Lines

Lady shopper on cell: I was just told by a Mexican guy that I should eat more cheese, so I'll have a bigger ass.

Value Village
Bellingham, Washington


Categories: Advice | Default | Food | Offers and requests | Stores | Washington | Women | Posted 2009-04-14 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

I'll Wear the Inevitable Gonorrhea with Pride

Plain girl: He's in a band and he lives in New York. What else is there to talk about?

Farmers Market
Los Angeles, California


Categories: California | Default | Geography | Girls | Gossip | Questions | Stores | Posted 2009-04-10 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

...Come Help Me Pick Out a Thong.

Mother to three-year-old son: What are you doing? Come here, stop looking at the bras!
Son: (mumbles something unintelligible)
Mother: Yes, I know they're beautiful...but they're not for you!

Target
Delran, New Jersey


Overheard by: Amused Employee


Categories: Beauty | Clothes | Default | Kids | Moms | New Jersey | Questions | Stores | Women | Posted 2009-04-10 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Ben Franklin Was a Tough Kid to Raise

Little boy at ice cream parlor: Uh...can I have um, little gummy bears?
Impatient dad: Oh, that's great. You invented something the store doesn't have.

Westchester, New York

Overheard by: Griffin


Categories: Candy | Dads | Default | Guys | Kids | Kids | New York | Offers and requests | Questions | Stores | Posted 2009-04-06 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

We Don't Get Enough Fiber in Our Diets, Anyway

Hipster guy: Hey guys, this shirt's 100% organic. This shirt's made outta food! (quiet pause)
Hipster guy's friend: That is like, amazing.

Clothing Boutique
British Columbia
Canadia


Overheard by: Lauren.


Categories: Canadia | Clothes | Default | Fashion | Food | Friends | Guys | Hipsters | Stores | Posted 2009-04-05 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

It Was "FloralNosegay"

Guy on computer: Fuck, I always forget my student e-mail password.
Girl: Why?
Guy: I've always used the same password for everything for years but when I tried it on blackboard it was all "oh, you can't have 'gay' in your password."

Library
Tallahassee, Florida


Overheard by: Who uses


Categories: Default | Florida | Girls | Guys | Memory lane | Questions | Sexuality | Stores | Posted 2009-04-04 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

To the Maximum Extent Practicable

20-something to friend: How much next are you?

Wal-Mart
Tuscaloosa, Alabama


Categories: Alabama | Compare and contrast | Default | Friends | Questions | Stores | Weirdness | Posted 2009-04-02 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

...And Scuttling Away, Like a Hermit Crab.

Female shopper, surveying bathing suits: The crotch in this looks a little, uh...narrow. Tiny, actually. I feel like it doesn't provide full coverage.
Sales girl: I know. It's sort of the style now, though.
Female shopper: What do you mean, "style"? My labia showing?
Other shopper, walking up: Yeah, I agree. I don't want my vagina suddenly falling out at the beach.

American Apparel, Capitol Hill
Seattle, Washington


Overheard by: Celessa

Is That What You Call Your Vagina?

Cashier to woman buying lots of sex toys and lingerie two days after Valentine's Day: Sweetie, you're a little late for Valentine's Day.
Woman: No matter. It's always a good time to freshen up the prop closet.

Touch of Romance
Los Angeles, California


Overheard by: awesome


Categories: California | Clothes | Default | Employees | Fashion | Holidays | Stores | Toys | Women | Posted 2009-03-26 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

While You Live in My House, You'll Share My Ignorance

Whining toddler: Mommy, I want that book!
Yelling mother: You can't read!

Dalton Booksellers
Jefferson Valley, New York


Categories: Books | Default | Family ties | Kids | Kids | Moms | New York | Offers and requests | Stores | Women | Posted 2009-03-26 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

As Seen in Douching Miss Daisy

Greenpeace activist to couple walking out of grocery store: Are you guys concerned about our environment?
Elderly couple: Definitely! We recycle, and we take showers together!

Mothers Market
Costa Mesa, California


Overheard by: arie


Categories: Bathing | California | Couples | Default | Old folks | People | Questions | Relationships | Stores | Posted 2009-03-25 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Explorers Are Born, Not Made

Child: Mommy, mommy, my hand smells like butt!
Mother: Why does your hand smell like butt, honey?
Child: I put my hand in my butt.

Department Store
Davis, California


Overheard by: Arlene


Categories: Ass | California | Compare and contrast | Default | Family ties | Kids | Kids | Moms | Questions | Stores | Women | Posted 2009-03-25 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Well That and Anal Annie the Blow-Up Goddess

20-something geek to friends: I'm telling you guys, The Big Bang Theory is for us what Sex and the City was for lonely, depressed women.

Comic Book Shop
Metairie, Louisiana

In the Nightmares Section

Man to salesperson in hippie bookstore: Hi I'm looking for a children's book about how chemicals and global warming are destroying the earth.
Salesperson: Oh, sure, it's right over here!

The Bookshelf
Guelph, Ontario
Canadia


Overheard by: The zoe


Categories: Books | Canadia | Default | Employees | Guys | Kids | Offers and requests | Stores | Posted 2009-03-22 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

And Lip Rings Are Less Work Than Babies

Customer to cashier with lip rings: Okay, two questions. One, did that hurt?
Cashier: Um, not as much as I thought it would.
Customer: Second question, why did you do that?!
Cashier, speechless: Uhm...honestly...
Friend of customer: Ah, hell man, because she likes it. Shit!

Music Store
Denver, Colorado


Overheard by: I've got metal in my face too...


Categories: Colorado | Customers | Default | Employees | Fashion | Friends | Insults | Questions | Stores | Posted 2009-03-18 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

The Female Version Of "She Was Asking for It"

Woman on iPhone: Well, he was doing squats, so I didn't think it was inappropriate to stare at his ass.

Trader Joe's
Campbell, California


Categories: Ass | California | Default | Health & Hygiene | Stores | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2009-03-15 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

And Check Whether It's Honorable or Dishonorable

Girl to friend wearing a short skirt: Ooooooh girl, if you bend over I could see all your discharge!

Ikea Parking Lot
Orlando, Florida


Overheard by: The Rex


Categories: Clothes | Default | Euphemisms | Florida | Girls | Stores | Words | Posted 2009-03-13 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

That Better Not Be a Euphemism, Dude.

Buff manly guy, solemnly to friends: If worse comes to worst, we can always make S'mores.

Grocery Store
Southern California


Categories: Advice | California | Compare and contrast | Default | Guys | Stores | Words | Posted 2009-03-10 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

If You'd Like Further Proof Of Age, I'll Give You a Rant About the Price Of Orange Juice

Guy about to buy beer: ID? ID? I'm 56-motherfucking-years-old! I don't need no ID! (reaches into cart and pulls out items) Here's my damn ID! I'm buying hemorrhoid cream and Fixodent!

Winn Dixie
Hammond, Louisiana


Overheard by: betsy


Categories: Age and ageing | Default | Guys | Louisiana | Maladies | Names | Stores | Posted 2009-03-09 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

They're Right Next the Megavitamins, Which Also Don't Work

Guy: I'm not going to stop and ask someone, "excuse me, where are your ray guns?"

CVS
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania


Overheard by: ZB


Categories: Default | Games | Guys | Pennsylvania | Questions | Stores | Weirdness | Zombies | Posted 2009-03-07 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

We Smoke It Over the Smoldering Corpses Of Our Enemies

Guy giving out samples: Free sausage! Try some local sausage for free! Made right here in Seattle, no preservatives!
(people walk right past stand without looking)
Guy, in same tone of voice
: I will figure out where you live and burn down your houses! Free sausage! Try a sample!


Pike Place Market
Seattle, Washington


Categories: Compare and contrast | Condoms | Default | Employees | Food | Geography | Guys | Stores | Threats | Washington | Posted 2009-03-03 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

No Need to Get All Paulette Goddard on Me

Teenage girl: Mom, you have to buy me this book!
Mom: No, I don't, and I shan't.
Teenage girl: You what?
Mom: I shan't.
Teenage girl: "Shan't"?
Mom: Shan't.
Teenage girl: "Shan't"?
Mom: Shan't.
Teenage girl: "Shan't"?
Mom: Yes. Shan't.
Teenage girl: That's a word?
Mom: Yes.
Teenage girl: What's it mean?
Mom: It's a contraction of "shall not", as in "I shan't buy you that book."
Teenage girl: Ugh, fine! Enough shan'ting already!

Borders Bookstore
Olathe, Kansas


Categories: Books | Default | Family ties | Girls | Kansas | Language barrier | Moms | Questions | Stores | Teens | Women | Words | Posted 2009-03-03 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Dog: Oh, No She Didn't!

Girl at bakery: Awwww...look at the puppy! Well, I don't know, it could just be a multiracial dog.

Dupont Circle
Washington, DC


Categories: Animals | Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | Race | Stores | Washington, DC | Posted 2009-03-03 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Quiz: Which Of These Statements Is True About Audrina from The Hills?

Guy #1, shocked and angry: Dude, she's autistic!
Guy #2: Yeah! But she's a full functioning autistic, so fuck you for judging.

Ikea
Seattle, Washington


Overheard by: Ferdinand


Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Guys | Insults | Maladies | Stores | Washington | Posted 2009-03-02 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Still, Nobody Better Lay a Finger on My Buttfingerer

Teenage girl to friend: And then he stuck his finger up my butt, and said "Oh, yeah, do you like that, babe?"
Friend: See, there you go. If you don't sit a guy down and tell him not to go up your butt, he will. Look at you, you're butt-fingered.

Subway Store
Maitland
Australia


Categories: Ass | Australia | Body parts | Default | Friends | Girls | Questions | Sex | Stores | Teens | Words | Posted 2009-02-23 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

But I'm Currently Putting David Hasselhoff Through a Rigorous Mentorship Program

Elderly Italian lady to store clerk, while judging jugs of wine: I'm the last of the great drinkers.

Liquor Store
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania


Overheard by: Steve

The Fauxcock Repels Gay Predators

Guy: So all I have to do is get some gel and spike my butt hair.

Target
Salem, Massachusetts


Categories: Ass | Default | Guys | Hair | Health & Hygiene | Massachusetts | Stores | Weirdness | Posted 2009-02-21 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

I Thought You Were Going to Say "Public Healthcare"

Seven-year-old girl: Daddy, do you know what stinks ?
Dad: No, what?
Seven-year-old girl: Dog farts.
Dad: Let's not talk about that here.

TJ Maxx
Ann Arbor, Michigan


Overheard by: A.Taylor


Categories: Animals | Dads | Default | Family ties | Girls | Guys | Kids | Kids | Michigan | Questions | Stores | Posted 2009-02-21 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Ooh, and a Round Of STD Tests!

Girl #1: Hey.
Girl #2: Hey, what's wrong?
Girl #1: I fucked someone.
Girl #2: I fucked someone too. Let's get a coffee.

Bookstore
Melbourne
Australia


Overheard by: Jaclyn


Categories: Australia | Default | Drinking & drunks | Girls | Questions | Sex | Stores | Posted 2009-02-20 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Baby: Have You Seen the Crap They Call "Baby Books?"

One-year-old: Bah, bah, bah, bah, bah! (starts whimpering)
Mom: Yeah, it's hard being a baby, isn't it?

Coles Bookstore
Abbotsford, British Columbia
Canadia


Overheard by: girl in line


Categories: Age and ageing | Canadia | Default | Family ties | Moms | Questions | Stores | Women | Posted 2009-02-20 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

It's Been the Top Story on CNN All Week

White trash man to white trash woman: So did you hear the news?
White trash woman: No, what?
White trash man (sighing despairingly): Aggie broke her corn-broom.
White trash woman, looking stricken: Oh, no!

Giant Tiger Store
Napanee, Ontario
Canadia


Overheard by: Rockbot


Categories: Canadia | Cleanliness | Default | Guys | Questions | Stores | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2009-02-18 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Chances Are, Your Junk's Not Going Anywhere 'til Puberty, Kiddo

Little boy, grabbing his crotch and jumping up and down: Gotcha! Gotcha! Gotcha!

Target
New Jersey


Overheard by: Jo


Categories: Default | Guys | Kids | Kids | New Jersey | Stores | Weirdness | Words | Posted 2009-02-16 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

She Has an Enemies List in the Back Of the Room

Mom, leaving dressing room with 7-year-old daughter: So you can see the teacher's boobies through her shirt? Hmm, I wonder how she'd react if she knew!
Daughter: Mommy, don't tell her I said that!

Target
Woodinville, Washington


Overheard by: Glad I wore a bra


Categories: Body parts | Clothes | Default | Family ties | Girls | Kids | Kids | Moms | Stores | Washington | Posted 2009-02-16 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

I Guess We Could Try Smoking Them

Teen guy: Yeah, we got like, so wasted!
Teen girl #1: It was great, yeah. We got so high.
Teen girl #2: Where did you guys get the alcohol?
Teen girl #1: What?
Teen girl #2: If you guys were getting high, where did you get the alcohol?
Teen girl #1: That's drunk. You get high off weed.
Teen girl #2: Oh. Okay. Then, where'd you get that?
Teen guy: My sister. She's sixteen!
Teen girl #2: Can't you get high off books?
Teen guy: What?
Teen girl #2: Cause, can't, like...books get you high?
Teen girl #1: What?

Library
East Vancouver, BC
Canadia


Categories: Books | Canadia | Default | Drinking & drunks | Drugs | Girls | Guys | Questions | Stores | Teens | Weirdness | Posted 2009-02-12 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

And They're Less Of a Drag

Hobo walking out of convenience store, tapping a pack of cigarettes to his hobo lady: I don't need you anymore. I got cigarettes.

San Diego, California

Overheard by: Matt


Categories: California | Compare and contrast | Default | Feelings | Guys | Hobos | Smoking | Stores | Posted 2009-02-09 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Porn Overload Eventually Destroys Your Ability to Read

Customer looking up at menu board: Umm, I'll have the "German chock a lotta cock."
(girl scooping ice cream looks horrified)
Customer, now pointing
: The "German chock a lotta cock." It's right there.

Ice cream girl: It's pronounced "German chocolate cake."

Cold Stone Creamery
Fountain Valley, California


Overheard by: RL

I Always Try to Make Out with Them

Tween: God, I've had such a terrible day. First I was in a wreck, and then I saw a homeless woman--and you know how I am about homeless people.

Petro Express
Charlotte, North Carolina


Categories: Default | Feelings | Gripes | North Carolina | Stores | Stupidity | Tweens | Posted 2009-02-05 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

...'s Guide to Astrophysics?

Customer: Excuse me, where is your non-fiction section?
Salesgirl: What type of non-fiction are you looking for?
Customer: Harry Potter.

Bookstore
Milwaukee, Wisconsin


Categories: Books | Customers | Default | Employees | Girls | Pop culture | Questions | Stores | Stupidity | Wisconsin | Posted 2009-02-02 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

The Secret To Salma Hayek's Success

Hipster girl: I don't know, she just smells amazing. Her entire face smells like corn tortilla!

American Apparel
San Francisco, California


Categories: Body parts | Compliments | Default | Food | Girls | Hipsters | San Francisco | Stores | Posted 2009-01-25 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

I Even Got Extra Time on My SATs for It.

Cop, helping hobo into jacket inside store: You are not drunk enough to be acting like this. People are going to think you are just mean.
Hobo: I *am* mean!

Sugarhood Smiths
Sugarhood, Utah


Categories: Advice | Compare and contrast | Cops | Default | Drinking & drunks | Feelings | Guys | Hobos | Stores | Utah | Posted 2009-01-25 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Which Is Why I've Named Her "Sids"

Grandma: She doesn't need those...she's getting too big for baby clothes.
Mom: I know, but I don't want her to be too big for baby clothes! I just want her to stay little and not start talking...or moving.

Shop
Buffalo, New York


Categories: Clothes | Default | Family ties | Kids | Moms | New York | Old folks | Shopping | Stores | Women | Posted 2009-01-23 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

As That Sign at Old Navy Clearly Indicated

Guy holding up green shirt: It's never too early to start thinking about what you're going to throw up on next St. Patrick's day.

Gap Outlet
Alexandria, Virginia


Categories: Clothes | Default | Drinking & drunks | Guys | Names | Stores | Virginia | Posted 2009-01-17 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Now Finish Your Pop Rocks and Soda, and Let's Go Home

12-year-old girl to younger sibling: Every time you buy a Barbie they give money to the abortion place to give someone like a scholarship for an abortion. Every time you touch a barbie, it's like touching an abortion.

Toy Store
San Francisco, California


Overheard by: i now want to touch a barbie


Categories: California | Default | Girls | Kids | Kids | Shopping | Stores | Toys | Posted 2009-01-10 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Why Few Gymnastics Coaches Can Sustain a Marriage

Man to wife in purse section: That doesn't look like a travel bag! Stay focused!

Nordstrom
Austin, Texas


Overheard by: Kim


Categories: Default | Family ties | Fashion | Guys | Shopping | Stores | Texas | Posted 2009-01-10 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Just A Small-town Girl // Livin' In This Lonely Worrrrrllld

H&M worker: Hi, how are you?
Customer: Great, thanks, and you?
H&M worker: I'm okay.
Customer: Only okay? You're listening to a Journey remix in H&M! These are great times!

H&M
Toronto
Canadia

Crazy Like a Bunny

Older woman, picking up a bag of peppermints: I still have candy corn out from Halloween. Is it okay to have peppermints and candy corn out at the same time?
Younger woman: What do I look like, Miss Manners? You've been to my house...you know there's still Easter candy out in my candy dishes. And until that goes, I'm not putting anything else out.
Older woman: Now I understand why your children are crazy.

Grocery Store
Hamilton, New Jersey


Overheard by: Currrly!


Categories: Candy | Default | Holidays | Kids | New Jersey | Old folks | Questions | Stores | Women | Posted 2009-01-07 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

But You Knew What You Were Getting Into When You Agreed to Date Paul Bunyan

40-something woman: So now all my panties are gross and streched out.
Friend: What a jerk!

Macy's
Traverse City, Michigan


Overheard by: megansbaby


Categories: Default | Friends | Gripes | Insults | Michigan | Stores | Undies | Women | Posted 2008-12-30 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

So That's What the Propeller Beanie Is About

Rowdy child in shopping cart: Mom! What's that?
Tired mom: Spam.
Rowdy child: Mom! Can we get it? Can we get it, mom? Mom? Can we? Mom!
Tired mom: No.
(rowdy child starts freaking out)
Tired mom
: Okay! Fine, but will you eat it?

Rowdy child: Nope...I just like attention.

Sobey's
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia


Overheard by: aleXis


Categories: Canadia | Default | Feelings | Food | Kids | Kids | Moms | Offers and requests | Questions | Stores | Wishes | Posted 2008-12-25 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

I Just Hadn't Met the Right Transsexual

Store clerk: Oh yeah, karaoke. I used to be totally into that shit back when I was gay.

The Video Underground
Boston, Massachusetts


Overheard by: Sam

Let's See If She'll Be Trying with You After This

Cute chick in line: Oh! I want Haribo gummi bears! I need a snack to study effectively. There are lots of things I don't do effectively without snacking.
Boyfriend: Maybe you should try snacking next time we have sex. You know, maybe a little popcorn...a candy bar...
Cute chick: Are you saying my sex isn't effective? Well, maybe there won't be a next time.
Boyfriend: You know, you're not responding very well to constructive criticism. The solution is to keep trying, not to give up.

CVS
University City, Philadelphia


Overheard by: justtryingtowaitinline

We Should Put the Top Up in the Boxster, Though

(it is raining extremely hard outside)
Gay guy #1
: So wet. Whatever, I guess we can make this look work.

Gay guy #2: We totally can.

Outside Macy's
Burlington, Massachusetts


Overheard by: Emma W.


Categories: Clothes | Compare and contrast | Default | Fashion | Massachusetts | Queers | Stores | Weather | Posted 2008-12-17 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Joking in Florida Is Always Risky

Lost mother with child to employee: Excuse me, sir? Where can I find the exit?
Employee (bluntly): Um, you have to buy something before you can leave.
Lost mother with child: (blank stare)

Sam Ash
Orlando, Florida


Overheard by: Stole something instead


Categories: Default | Employees | Florida | Moms | Offers and requests | Questions | Shopping | Stores | Weirdness | Posted 2008-12-16 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Nah, They Know the Pecking Order

Bookseller to pregnant coworker: Aren't you worried there will be jealousy between the chickens and your unborn child?

Barnes & Noble
Augusta, Maine


Overheard by: Just browsing


Categories: Birds | Customers | Default | Feelings | Kids | Maine | Questions | Stores | Weirdness | Posted 2008-12-16 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

If Only Our TV Had an Off Switch!

Excited preteen girl to dad: Look, dad, it's Hannah Montana!
Dad: Honey, we get out of the house so that we don't have to sit around and watch this all day long.

Macy's
Bridgewater, New Jersey


Overheard by: AS


Categories: Compare and contrast | Dads | Default | Girls | Kids | Stores | TV shows | Tweens | Posted 2008-12-06 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

He's in Training for the Cobra Fight

Woman, paying for breakfast: I had to beat up my son for this five dollars.

Deli Counter
Bethesda, Maryland


Overheard by: Minivet


Categories: Default | Family ties | Maryland | Moms | Money | Parenting | Stores | Violence | Weirdness | Posted 2008-12-05 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

The ACLU Defends the Constitution? What Kinda Commie Shit Is That?!

Volunteer #1: We can't be selling this music, it's devil worship.
Volunteer #2: Well, that's the ACLU. The ACLU ought to be abolished. They're why there's all this stuff around.
Customer: Why are you getting rid of that? Don't you think people ought to be able to choose for themselves?
Volunteer #2: Harry Potter is a witch!
Customer: I think we ought to get rid of Bush and Cheney, put them in jail--they're mass murderers!
Volunteers #1 & #2: (silence)

Joshua Tree Thrift Shop
California


Overheard by: Celeste Mann

As You'd Know If You Ever Watched TV With Me

Two-year-old: Waaaaah!
White trash mom: You want mommy to push your stroller?
Two-year-old: Waaaaah!
White trash dad: You wanna go ten feet under?!
White trash mom: Honey, it's six feet.

Sears
Nashua, New Hampshire


Overheard by: jefe

Please Join Mr. Morse and Mr. Braille in the Office

Woman over intercom: Attention, there is an emergency in the ladies' room. There are no more paper towels.
(customers in super long line snicker)
Man on intercom (a minute or two later)
: Attention Mr. Dewey, we have an emergency in the office. Nobody can understand your decimal system.


Trader Joe's
Washington, DC


Overheard by: Hungry

Boys: I'm Keeping It in My Pants Now, Thanks Anyway

High school girl #1: I'm so glad I only have one baby daddy. I feel sorry for those girls with more than one! You've gotta figure out who has money and who doesn't.
High school girl #2: That is so true!

Grocery Store
Austin, Texas


Overheard by: Just doing my grocery shopping


Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Feelings | Girls | Money | Relationships | Stores | Teens | Texas | Posted 2008-11-26 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

...In Unrelated News

Preppy guy #1: "Pangaea," like the continent?
Preppy guy #2: Yeah, my sister just had a face lift.

Wal-Mart
Austin, Texas


Overheard by: Rev Loon