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Think Of It Like That Marijuana You Have in Your Desk
Teenage girl in the middle of high school hallway: Hold on to your virginity, Kaylee! Hold on to it, and never let it go!
Edmonton
Canadia
Categories: Advice | Canadia | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Teens | Virginity | Posted 2010-06-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Internet Audiences *Loved* Two Girls, One Copy
Teacher: Please staple again. Please, if there is a god, staple again. Do it! Staple! Push it down hard! I want to hear you staple!
Middle School
North Carolina
Categories: God | North Carolina | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Students | Teachers | Weirdness | Wishes | Posted 2010-06-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Don't Know-- Are You Thinking Of Asking Me to Prom?
Sane-looking girl: Okay, so let's say that your boyfriend died a while back, right? Then he comes back as a zombie, like a real walking corpse. But he doesn't want to eat your brains or anything, he just wants to graduate high school and be your boyfriend again so he can go to prom with you. So, do you take him back?
Boy: Um... Has this actually happened to you?
High School Cafeteria
West Virginia
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Death & dying | Education | Girls | Guys | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Weirdness | West Virginia | Wishes | Zombies | Posted 2010-05-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Is This Sexual Harassment? Discuss.
Male English teacher to female student: You know, for the last 30 minutes I've been thinking of... The holy city that is your face.
High School
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: ShouldThisBeReported?
Categories: Body parts | Compliments | Education | Georgia | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Students | Teachers | Posted 2010-05-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If It Doesn't Happen Soon, We'll Get the Sack for Sure.
Male teacher to another: Hey, I still haven't gotten those wiener cages from you.
High School
West Linn, Oregon
Overheard by: scott
Categories: Food | Oregon | Penis | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Teachers | Posted 2010-05-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Then Do the Romantic Thing and Sell It on the Internet
Ditzy teen girl to ditzy friend: Oh my god! I would never be able to live with myself if I died before I lost my virginity!
High School
Springwood
Australia
Categories: Australia | Death & dying | Girls | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Stupidity | Virginity | Posted 2010-05-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Weight Watcher Points Aren't Even Close
Spanish girl to boy: Sleeping with ten niggas ain't the same thing as sleeping with ten white boys!
High School
Pennsylvania
Categories: Compare and contrast | Foreigners | Pennsylvania | Race | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Sex | Posted 2010-05-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Um, That's a Magic Eye Picture.
Architecture tutor critiquing students' poster: When you look at it, it starts making some irrational type of sense.
Unitec Polytech
Auckland
New Zealand
Categories: Education | New Zealand | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Teachers | Weirdness | Posted 2010-04-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Can't Answer. Crashing.
Skinny boy at the back of the classroom: I had a Pop-Tart for breakfast!
Teacher, horrified: Why? Oh my god, why?!
Middle School
North Carolina
Categories: Food | Gripes | North Carolina | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Skinny people | Teachers | Posted 2010-04-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Thanks, European Colonialism!
Ditzy 13-year-old brunette: That's so cool! She's French and (whispers) black. I didn't know you could get those!
Woldingham Sacred Heart School
England
Overheard by: on the floor laughing
Categories: England | Race | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Stupidity | Tweens | Posted 2010-04-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why the Taliban Exists
Teacher: From an evolutionary perspective, what do you have more time to do if you don't need to find a mate?
Female student: Build an army!
South Eugene High School
Eugene, Oregon
That's Not Even How You Play Strip Poker
Girl: Stop poking my love handles!
St. Joseph High School
Michigan
Categories: Body parts | Girls | Michigan | Offers and requests | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Weirdness | Posted 2010-04-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Oh, Please-- Victoria's Secret's Been Selling Those for Years.
Girl, about teacher: He kept bending over in front of my desk. And he was wearing these tie-dye boxers, and they were hanging out of his pants. Except it looked like a thong. Like, there was a thong line. So, yeah, he might have been wearing a thong.
Girl #2: Maybe it's like a weird, secret guy thing. The top looks like boxers but the rest is a thong.
Girl #1: Yeah.
High School
Columbia, Missouri
Categories: Girls | Gossip | Missouri | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Undies | Posted 2010-04-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Were Number Six!
Sex-ed teacher: This 16-year-old girl had nine partners.
Kid in the back: I want to be number ten!
Tampa, Florida
No Wonder Everybody Has Herpes
Freshman guy: In health today, we were looking at pictures of vaginas with herpes, and it made me want pizza...
High School
Steilacoom, Washington
Overheard by: Meredith
Categories: Compare and contrast | Food | STDs | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Students | Vagina | Washington | Weirdness | Posted 2010-04-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And, More Importantly, What Is Up with the Name "Dallin"?
Drama teacher to students: Okay, I want you all to close your eyes and imagine the most painful thing you can think of. Okay?
(a few moments pass)
Drama teacher: Okay, who wants to share? Dallin, how about you?
Dallin: Umm... Well, I imagined giving birth to a cactus baby.
Girl next to him: What is with you and cactus babies?
High School
Utah
Overheard by: Weskimo
Have You Learned So Little from The Sweetest Thing?
Teen girl in bathroom #1: I'd hate to be a guy and have to use a urinal.
Teen girl in bathroom #2: Oh yeah, that thing looks unsanitary.
Teen girl in bathroom #1: Not even that, but like if you had to go poop then everyone would know it.
Teen girl in bathroom #3: You can't poop in a urinal?
High School
Coral Springs, Florida
Categories: Compare and contrast | Florida | Gender issues | Pee | Poop | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Stupidity | Teens | Posted 2010-03-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Peristalsis? Beyonce? Linoleum?
Teacher: Okay. Quick review: which Greek gods did we cover on Friday?
Student, seriously: Hermaphrodite? Herpes? Asbestos?
High School
Michigan
Read Your Bible
Drama teacher to girls playing whores in Les Misérables: Come on ladies, skank it up! There's no shame in being a whore!
High School
Utah
Overheard by: Weskimo
Categories: Pride | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Sexuality | Teachers | Utah | Posted 2010-03-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When the Need to Be Offensive Overcomes the Need to Get Laid
Short boy, yelling inches away from short girl's face: We should hang out!
Short girl: (walks away silently)
Tall boy, laughing: Dude!
High School
Eugene, Oregon
Categories: Girls | Guys | Offers and requests | Oregon | Relationships | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Weirdness | Posted 2010-03-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Guess Somebody Wants to Go to College
Teacher to chatty class: Everyone, quiet, we have to go over this!
(class continues chatting)
Guy in the back: I will kill you all.
(class falls silent)
High School
Chesapeake, Virginia
Categories: Education | Offers and requests | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Teachers | Threats | Thugs | Virginia | Posted 2010-02-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Or There'll Be No Peace When You Are Done
Girl #1: I have cows in my head!
Boy: What?
Girl #1: We're playing "Carry on Wayward Son" in orchestra. C-o-w-s.
Boy: Oh.
Girl #2: You really need to tell people that before you tell them you have cows in your head.
St. Joseph High School
Michigan
Teenage Boys Live in Fear That Gayness Will Stage a Surprise Attack
Boy holding slinky: I feel weird.
Boy holding other end: It's okay. We've got a slinky!
High School
Eugene, Oregon
Right in the Seabiscuit
15-year-old girl to friend: And then she tells me, like three weeks later: "You know how I was angry at you? Well, I punched your horse."
School Cafeteria
New Zealand
Categories: Animals | Feelings | New Zealand | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Teens | Violence | Posted 2010-02-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Prison Pretty Much Takes Care Of That, Anyway.
Teacher: So... then, what should happen to the guy?
Student #1: I think he should be sent to jail.
Student #2: I think that since he killed his neighbor, he should have to be killed himself. Get the death penalty. Ya know... "eye for an eye".
Student #3: That's the stupidest thing in the world. It doesn't work in all situations.
Student #2: Yes it does! Let's say some guy molests a kid, then the guy should... (pause) Ok... Nevermind.
High School
Illinois
Categories: Compare and contrast | Crimes | Illinois | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Sex | Students | Stupidity | Teachers | Posted 2010-02-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Wanna See My Needlpoint Thong?
High school freshman, examining friend's boot in hallway: These are like hooker boots, except crochet.
High School
Pennsylvania
Overheard by: One fine piece of needlework
Categories: Compare and contrast | Pennsylvania | Preppies | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Sexuality | Shoes | Posted 2010-02-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's Your Answer to Everything!
Preppy girl #1: You know you can't have sex for like, six moths after you have an abortion?
Preppy girl #2: That's stupid! Why wouldn't you just fall down some stairs?
Classroom
Ontario
Canadia
Squidward Moved to Utah for Religious Reasons
Girl to guy wearing alien-hand gloves: What the hell are those?
Guy: They're my testicles... No! My... My... Test--test... The things that octopuses have!
Girl: Tentacles?
Guy: Yes! Tentacles...
High School
Utah
Overheard by: Weskimo
I'm Saving Those for the Yearbook
Ambiguous boy, yelling to friend across hall: And no pictures of me without pants!
High School
Nashville, Tennessee
But That Doesn't Mean I'll Tolerate Flogging and Spanking in My Class
Music teacher: Tenors like to dominate.
School
Western Australia
Australia
Categories: Australia | Jobs & Careers | Music | Roleplay | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Teachers | Posted 2010-01-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The "Hugs, Not Drugs" Campaign Has Had Mixed Results
Huge gangsta boy: Maaaan, gimme a hug!
Preppy white friend: What?! No!
Huge gansta boy: What the fuck, man, just gimme a goddam hug!
High School
Nashville, Tennessee
Categories: Feelings | Friends | Insults | Offers and requests | Preppies | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Tennessee | Thugs | Whiteys | Posted 2010-01-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Which Explains Our 1980's Haircuts
Sophomore #1: I mean, I don't really keep up with current events that much.
Sophomore #2: You need watch the news. Seriously. It's the twentieth century.
High School
Kentucky
Overheard by: Oh, high school
Categories: Advice | Girls | Kentucky | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Stupidity | Time Management | Posted 2010-01-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...As General Custer Clearly Stated at the Time.
Student: But why would someone do that?
Teacher: For the LOLs.
High School
Englewood, Colorado
Overheard by: Lee
Not As Lame As Saying "No" to Drugs, But Close Enough.
Government teacher: The finance committee is sexy. Who wants to be part of the education committee, anyway? They're lame.
High School
Los Angeles, California
Categories: California | Education | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Sexuality | Teachers | Weirdness | Posted 2010-01-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Gosh, I Love the Senator's Parties.
Guy #1: I think I have the handcuffs, but I'll call you if I don't.
Guy #2: Yeah, yeah, and I've got the fairy wings, for sure.
High School
Toronto, Canadia
Overheard by: Hope the where talking about drama class
Categories: Canadia | Guys | Kink | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Weirdness | Posted 2009-12-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What If You're Pregnant with a Large Tumor That Has Teeth and Hair?
Boy #1: So, I never got what the difference was between liberals and conservatives.
Boy #2: Well, conservatives like big business, and liberals like communism.
Boy #1: Oh. What if I want to be both?
Boy #2: You can't be both. It's an on/off thing. Like, you're either pregnant or you're not. Or like you're Christian or you're Islam.
High School
Minnesota
Categories: Compare and contrast | Kids | Kids | Minnesota | Politics | Pregnancy | Questions | Religion | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Wishes | Posted 2009-12-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Your Prostitutes Will Be Right on Time.
Substitute teacher: Because your teacher is gone today, your prostitutions... Wait! No! Prosecutions... No, not that one either. Presentations. Yes, that's the one! Your presentations will be postponed.
High School
Kuna, Idaho
Overheard by: Girl in the back of the class
I'm Still Not Having Your Baby, Curtis
Large black male student to tiny white female student: Stretch marks are awesome! They make you look like a tiger! (makes tiger claw gesture) Raaar!
High School
Lincoln Park, Michigan
Overheard by: The teacher
Categories: Animals | Black people | Compare and contrast | Fat people | Health & Hygiene | Michigan | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Students | Whiteys | Posted 2009-11-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Well What's Spanish for "Cornholing"?
Spanish teacher, teaching tenses: If your parents were away, what would you do?
Student: I would do Jeff!
(class laughs)
Student: No, I mean I would invite Jeff over!
Spanish teacher: That doesn't make it sound any better.
High School
Concord, North Carolina
Overheard by: Mary
Categories: Family ties | North Carolina | Parenting | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Sex | Students | Teachers | Weirdness | Words | Posted 2009-11-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Nope-- Just My Virginity.
Girl to boy: I thought you lost your voice when you dropped your laptop?
Queens Park Community School
London
England
Categories: England | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Kids | Laptops | Questions | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Posted 2009-11-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
In the Immortal Words Of Khrushchev.
Chick giving presentation: Because this is Russia, bitch.
High School Classroom
Englewood, Colorado
Overheard by: Julia
I Knew This "Ellen" Haircut Was a Mistake
Two-year-old: Mommy!
Tired teen girl: I'm not your mommy.
Two-year-old: Daddy?
Preschool
Denver, Colorado
Categories: Colorado | Family ties | Kids | Kids | Questions | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Teens | Posted 2009-11-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's the Last Time I'll Give Her Something for Safekeeping
Bro to friend: Well, that's in your sister's vagina, so I don't know how you feel about that.
High School
Illinois
Overheard by: Chloe
Categories: Family ties | Feelings | Friends | Illinois | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Vagina | Posted 2009-11-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Who's Black and White and Back from the Dead All Over?
Black girl, holding up picture she drew of black Jesus: My hero is Jesus Christ.
White kid: Jesus isn't black.
Black girl: Yes, he is!
White kid: No, he's white!
Uncomfortable teacher: Now, now, let's just say Jesus is all colors!
Art Class, Middle School
Maryland
Categories: Black people | Education | Jesus | Maryland | Race | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Students | Teachers | Whiteys | Posted 2009-11-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Type Of Question That Should Be on the SATs
Teenage boy to school friend: Dude, why would you buy a pocket vagina and not use it?
High School
Hartford, Connecticut
Overheard by: Murray
Categories: Connecticut | Friends | Questions | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Shopping | Teens | Toys | Vagina | Posted 2009-10-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Australian Sex Ed Is a Lot Different from Ours
Teenage girl: Orgies suck when they smell.
School
Brisbane
Australia
Overheard by: I worry about this girl
Categories: Australia | Gripes | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Sensory experiences | Sex | Teens | Posted 2009-10-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But This New Biography Proves Me Wrong!
Freshman boy: I don't think Helen Keller was too concerned about dick.
High School
Colorado
Overheard by: clur
Categories: About celebrities | Colorado | Health & Hygiene | Penis | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Students | Posted 2009-10-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Instead Of Herpes
16-year-old student: Ah, those were the days... people talked on the phone, and phones got phone calls...
High School
Binghamton, New York
Categories: Memory lane | New York | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Students | Stupidity | Posted 2009-10-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Like, I Notice You're Wearing a Nike Shirt...
50-something female to Native American presenter in elementary school: Is it true that the arrival of whites changed your way of life?
Denver, Colorado
From the Hilarious Teen Comedy Can't Hardly Walk
Guy #1: I'm so totally better than him. I have two properly functioning legs.
Guy #2: So does he, they just don't work quite as well as yours.
Guy #1: That's what the crutches are for.
High School
San Diego, California
Overheard by: Alex
Categories: Body parts | California | Compare and contrast | Guys | Health & Hygiene | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Posted 2009-10-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...You and I Are, Like, Soulmates!
Dopey girl #1: Have you seen the movie Sweet Sixteen? I mean, Sixteen Candles?
Dopey girl #2: Yeah!
Dopey girl #1: Yeah! Oh my god!
High School
La Jolla, California
Overheard by: God
Categories: California | Girls | Idiots | Movies | Names | Questions | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Stupidity | Posted 2009-10-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Ask a Stupid Question...
High school government teacher: Which country has the most negative image?
Student, enthusiastically: Africa!
Virginia Beach, Virginia
What Happens When You Tell Them There Are No Stupid Questions
Girl to teacher, about Underground Railroad: Wait... didn't the white people hear the train go by?
High School
Clark, New Jersey
Overheard by: Sweeney
Categories: Education | New Jersey | Public Transportation | Questions | Race | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Students | Teachers | Posted 2009-09-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Cherry Poppin' Daddies Are on Tour Again
Teacher, on first day of school: So, did anything particularly exciting happen during your vacation?
Loud teenage girl at back of room: I lost my virginity... three times!
Edmonton
Alberta
Canadia
Didn't I See This in Kindergarten Cop?
Teacher, pointing to female student: You have ovaries. (pointing to self) I have testes.
High School Classroom
Englewood, Colorado
Categories: Balls | Body parts | Colorado | Compare and contrast | Education | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Students | Teachers | Posted 2009-09-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
There Are Muslims in Utah?
Boy: Why do you wear that on your head?
Muslim girl, indifferently: So the aliens don't read my brain.
High School
Utah
Overheard by: I need one of those!
Categories: Body parts | Clothes | Girls | Guys | Questions | Religion | Religious fanatics | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Utah | Weirdness | Posted 2009-09-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You're Just Supposed to Be Having Sex Shamefully in Cars and Stairwells
Boy: Yo soy sexy.
Teacher, hyperventilating: You can't say you're sexy! You're only fifteen years old!
Spanish Class
El Paso, Texas
Categories: Age and ageing | Beauty | Bragging | Education | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Sexuality | Students | Teachers | Texas | Posted 2009-09-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But You're Drunk Now, Amber.
Girl #1: So, yeah, when the cops like think you're kinda drunk or something, they'll get you to do the ABCs.
Girl #2: What? I can't even do that when I'm sober! I'll try now. A, b, c, d, e, f... then j, maybe?
High School Gym Class
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: Myr Myr
Categories: Canadia | Crimes | Drinking & drunks | Girls | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Stupidity | Posted 2009-09-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
For Whom, Exactly?
High school teacher: So they employed guerrilla warfare.
Chick: Wait, seriously? They sent gorillas out into the jungle? Wouldn't that be dangerous?
Vienna, Virginia
Further Evidence That Some Wood Is Wiser Than Others
Teacher, handing out candy to class: They're really sweet.
Student #1: And they make the roof of your mouth bleed.
Student #2: That's the best part.
High School
Calgary, Alberta
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Candy | Gifts | Health & Hygiene | Mouth | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Sensory experiences | Students | Teachers | Posted 2009-09-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Well Why'd You Enroll in an Art History Class?
Dumb Girl #1: I feel like I'm suffocating!
Dumb girl #2: Why? What's wrong?
Dumb girl #1: It's just too much! There's vagina everywhere!
High School
Genoa, Ohio
Overheard by: Tricia Rae
Categories: Girls | Health & Hygiene | Idiots | Ohio | Questions | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Stupidity | Vagina | Posted 2009-09-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What If Learn Something?
Girl navigating display tables during Culture Day event at school: I hate cultures.
Columbus, Ohio
Categories: Girls | Gripes | Ohio | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Stupidity | Posted 2009-08-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
As Explained in Thurber's The Wonderful O
Student to another: You're an asshole!
Science teacher: If you're going to say that, you should use the proper term, which is "anus."
High School
Auckland
New Zealand
Categories: Advice | Ass | Etiquette | Insults | New Zealand | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Students | Teachers | Words | Posted 2009-08-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Getting Lonely All by Myself in This Little Office
Woman on intercom: Would Joe Smithson please report to the guidance office? (pause) Please? Seriously, please, please, please, just come... please.
High School
New Jersey
Overheard by: Miss Fabulous
Categories: New Jersey | Offers and requests | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2009-08-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Verne Troyer Has Forever Ruined That Role
Teacher: Oh my god, I love you, Erica! You're like a little me!
Student: Ew!
Middle School
Virginia
Overheard by: Eh, there are worse things
Categories: Bringing it back to you | Education | Feelings | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Students | Teachers | Virginia | Weirdness | Posted 2009-07-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Clearly You've Never Had to Deal with a Crying Five-Year-Old
English teacher: Literature just isn't exciting unless people suffer. Like Dora the Explorer, nothing bad ever happens to her. The show would be a lot better if her monkey got hit by a car and died, wouldn't it?
High School
Calgary
Canadia
Overheard by: mcoo
Categories: Animals | Books | Canadia | Compare and contrast | Death & dying | Education | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Teachers | Posted 2009-07-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We're Lucky the Wildfires Keep Us Safe
Girl #1: There are these bees in Asia, and they like shoot venom at you and it like eats your skin or something.
Girl #2: Wow, that's crazy, man! Remind me never to go to Africa.
High School
Scottsdale, Arizona
Gotta Love the New Razr Phone
Freshman girl, gesturing: I bet it's thiiiis tiny!
Big black freshman, barreling up stairs: No! I'll show you!
High School
Skillman, New Jersey
Overheard by: 3 guesses at what they're talking about.
Categories: Black people | New Jersey | Offers and requests | Penis | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Students | Weirdness | Posted 2009-07-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Regardless, I Am Now Spearheading a Search for My Pants
Teacher: If I say "I put pants on today," it's very different than if I say "Perhaps I put pants on today."
High School
Falls Church, Virginia
Overheard by: amused student....
Meet the Inventor Of the Bulletphone
Physics student: If you go faster than the speed of sound, can you...hear...into the future?
Kingston High School
Kingston, New York
Categories: Compare and contrast | New York | Questions | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Science | Sensory experiences | Students | Posted 2009-07-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Unless My Cousin's Available.
Nerdy-looking teenage boy: No way, going to the school dance with a partner seriously decreases my chances of getting laid.
Outside School
Washington, DC
Categories: Dancing | Education | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Sex | Teens | Washington, DC | Posted 2009-07-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Nothing That Happens in New Jersey Qualifies As Real Life
Algebra class kid: Will we ever use this stuff in real life?
Teacher: No. You won't.
Middle School Algebra Class
New Jersey
Categories: Education | New Jersey | Questions | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Science | Students | Teachers | Posted 2009-07-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Does That Sound Dirty to Anyone Else?
Teen boy to friends: Wait, how the hell did we start talking about the Swedish mafia?
Teen girl three tables away, leaping out of seat very excitedly: I want a Swedish muffin!
Cafeteria, Corona del Sol High School
Chandler, Arizona
Categories: Arizona | Compare and contrast | Default | Food | Geography | Girls | Guys | Offers and requests | Questions | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Teens | Posted 2009-06-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And You Were There, and You Were There, and You Were There...
Teacher to students: And then you thought we were going to an imaginary place...but it was Louisiana!
High School English Class
Sweden
Overheard by: It was real?
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Sweden | Teachers | US Geography | Weirdness | Posted 2009-05-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Afraid It's Just Cold Cuts for the Dead
Teacher: Where does the friar discover the bloodstains in the tomb?
Student #1: In the kitchen!
Teacher: There's no kitchen in a tomb.
Student #2: Well, dead people got to eat too!
Student #3: No they don't, stupid!
Student #4: Wait, don't people get hungry when they die?
9th Grade English Class
Louisiana
Overheard by: Is it Summer Vacation Yet?
Categories: Death & dying | Default | Louisiana | Questions | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Students | Stupidity | Teachers | Posted 2009-05-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You've All Done That at Band Camp.
Band instructor, about section: No, no, clarinets! It has to be short! Like pizzicato--pluck it, like a g string!
Band students: (attempting to contain laughter)
Instructor: Aww, c'mon, what the hell!
High School
Mattawan, Michigan
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Michigan | Offers and requests | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Teachers | Words | Posted 2009-05-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Dear Skanky Girl-- Call Me -- Love, Dave
Skanky girl sitting at outdoor lunch table: I wanna have sex on the bleachers, I wanna have sex in the classrooms, I wanna have sex in the principal's office, I wanna have sex in the teacher's lounge...
High School
Missouri
Overheard by: Jacob
Categories: Default | Education | Girls | Missouri | Offers and requests | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Sex | Posted 2009-05-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It Makes Up for My Lack Of Boobs.
Short Asian chick to tall white guy: Oh my gawd, I've got it! So, heat rises, right? So it's probably all warm up there where you are, and down here with the normal people it's cold, and that's why you don't think it's cold, even though it's freaking freezing! Gawd, I love being an Asian! I come up with the most genius shit!
Muirlands Middle School
La Jolla, California
Categories: Asians | California | Default | Feelings | Girls | Questions | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Weather | Posted 2009-05-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Have You Ever Even Been to New York City?
Student, talking about Marxism and class struggle: Above ground, it's really nice, and there are buildings and cars, so that's the bourgeoisie. And underground is the proletariat, because it's messy, and it's basically just...dirt.
(class nods in silent awe).
High School
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: embarassed to be here
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Money | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Students | Stupidity | Washington | Words | Posted 2009-05-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Aced It!
Girl, after US history exam: How did you do on the essays?
Serious boy: Well, I drew hand turkeys on three pages of the answer booklet, and on the fourth I drew a picture of Samuel Glompers riding a tortoise while holding a marble cake.
High School Gymnasium
West Palm Beach, Florida
See That Guy in the Tiny Daisy Dukes?
Teen girl to friend: Oh! I finally figured out whose pants I'm wearing.
Brantford
Ontario
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Clothes | Default | Friends | Girls | Memory lane | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Teens | Weirdness | Posted 2009-05-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Like "Melancholy" or "Pterodactyl"?
Student: What's "Nostradamus"? It that just some random, made-up word or something?
Rock Bridge High School
Columbia, Missouri
Overheard by: Kelsey
Wouldn't Steel Birkenstocks Be Uncomfortable?
Drunk girl: I want to be lesbionic!
Georgia Tech
Overheard by: YellowJacketGals
Categories: Default | Drunks | Georgia | Girls | Offers and requests | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Sexuality | Technology | Weirdness | Words | Posted 2009-05-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Okay, Partial Credit.
Chick: How can free will and divine preordination coexist?
Dude: Smack da shit out dat ho?
High School Classroom
Englewood, Colorado
Categories: Colorado | Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | Guys | Offers and requests | Questions | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Words | Posted 2009-05-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Couldn't Be Any Prouder Of Myself If My Nipples Were Fountains Of Blood!
Blonde teenage girl: I already burnt my vagina today. Now my butt is bruised, too!
Brantford
Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: Jayme
Categories: Ass | Canadia | Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Teens | Vagina | Weirdness | Posted 2009-05-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Yeah, They're Always Sitting in the Front Of the Bus
Dude: It's not racial profiling, because every black person breaks the law.
High School Classroom
Englewood, Colorado
Categories: Colorado | Compare and contrast | Default | Guys | Race | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Stupidity | Posted 2009-05-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Only Because Of All These Brown Splotches, Though.
Girl #1: He keeps calling me a slut whenever I see him, and I'm like "what the hell?", you know?
Girl #2: You should say something back.
Girl #1: Yeah, but I don't know what.
Girl #2: Oh! Let me help you, I'm good with comebacks! You should say, "well, at least I... (long pause) ...look like a cookie."
High School Bathroom
Las Vegas, Nevada
Overheard by: Meghan
Categories: Comebacks | Compare and contrast | Default | Food | Girls | Nevada | Questions | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Posted 2009-05-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Tell Me You Didn't Get It Just to Use That Line?
Girl: Yeah, my husband's in Iraq. And I just got a boob job! How do you like my rack?
High School Reunion
Michigan
Categories: Body parts | Default | Geography | Girls | Michigan | Questions | Relationships | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Posted 2009-05-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Get Your Desks Out Of That V Formation
Teacher: Sit the fuck down and stop acting like a bird!
High School Classroom
Englewood, Colorado
Categories: Birds | Colorado | Compare and contrast | Default | Offers and requests | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Teachers | Posted 2009-04-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's What Wretching Means, Right?
Guy with limp: I went up to a teacher and was like, "are you sexually aroused by my limp?"
Friend: What did she say?
Guy with limp: He didn't say anything, but I knew he was.
Kingston High School
Kingston, New York
Why Norway Isn't Known for Its Music
Teacher: Let's all play a c.
(music class plays a horrible, off-key c)
Teacher: Without the instruments, then.
High School
Oslo
Norway
Overheard by: Jorunn
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Education | Europe | Offers and requests | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Teachers | Posted 2009-04-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Are the Weakest Link. Goodbye.
Spanish teacher: And you really have to be careful what you eat, because they have a lot of E. Coli problems.
Teenage girl: E. Coli? Like in those commercials with the cough drops?
Spanish teacher: What?
Teenage girl: Y'know, like the "Eeee-coliiii..."
Jersey Shore High School
Pennsylvania
Overheard by: shana yo mamma
Categories: Advice | Default | Food | Girls | Pennsylvania | Pop culture | Questions | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Teachers | Teens | Posted 2009-04-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Get That Hannah Montana Ringtone I've Been Wanting
Hipster boy: So, are you doing that post-bac pre-med thing?
Hipster girl: I dunno...I don't really know what I wanna do.
Hipster boy: Really, you don't wanna do medicine anymore?
Hipster girl: I dunno, I wish I could like, win the lottery. Then I'd go to like, Ghana, and just save people.
NYU Elevator
Categories: Default | Girls | Guys | Hipsters | Jobs & Careers | Money | New York | Questions | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Wishes | Posted 2009-04-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's Not Right
Girl who always rides skateboard: And so we were playing ping pong, and he took his shirt off!
Friend: Right.
Girl who always rides skateboard: And then he let me hit stuff against him!
Rangi Ruru Girls' School
New Zealand
Categories: Clothes | Default | Friends | Games | Girls | New Zealand | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Sexuality | Weirdness | Posted 2009-04-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It Was the Practical Joke Of a Lifetime
Year 8 student #1: So basically, if you stick your fingers up there, take them out and lick them, it tastes like strawberries!
Year 8 student #2: Cooooool!
Perth Modern School
Western Australia
Australia
Overheard by: Hannah
Categories: Australia | Body parts | Compare and contrast | Default | Food | Kids | Kids | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Students | Posted 2009-04-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When Halloween Safety Goes Too Far
Bored school nurse: Valerie, do you remember the name of the little girl who ate the glowstick last week?
Elementary School
Utah
We Had No Idea What They Were, Either.
Short girl: So, what do you do with the pen cap condoms?
Much taller girl: Okay, you take them...and you throw them out.
Short girl: You don't like...reuse them or something?
Much taller girl, smiling: Do you reuse normal condoms?
(short girl laughs)
Much taller girl, seriously: Don't just wash those and reuse them.
Onteora HS
Boiceville, New York
Overheard by: Toasted
If It's Bobbing for Saviors, Count Me Out.
Sunday school teacher: We're going to play a fun game next! Does anybody want to guess what it is?
Five-year-old student: Take of our shirts and pants?
Sunday school teacher: No!
Sunday School Classroom
Fredericton
Canadia
Overheard by: Andrew
That, or a Phone.
Teacher: Who knows what the word "cell" means?
4th-grader: Oh, I do, I do! It's a tiny thing like a jelly doughnut! Except instead of jelly, there's blood!
Elementary School
Washington, DC
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Education | Questions | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Science | Students | Teachers | Washington, DC | Words | Posted 2009-04-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Suppose the Holes in the Balls Are Also Off Limits?
Vice principal: Listen up, everyone! The rules of the school also apply at the bowling alley. If you smoke, drink, or do drugs, we will call the cops. If you break anything, you will have to pay. If you hump the ball machine for the sake of irony, you will be sent home. That means you, Aaron*!
Aaron*: Aw, man!
High School
Englewood, Colorado
His Parents Say That About Any Place That's Not Alabama
3rd grade girl, about essay: I am writing about taking a vacation to heaven!
Teacher: Okay, but why don't you pick a place you can actually go on vacation? You can't really just visit heaven.
3rd grade boy: Yes you can! I went to heaven once to visit my aunt!
Auburn, Alabama
Eh, That's What You Said About Reading
Very excited sex ed teacher on first day of class: I know you guys hear a lot of scary, nasty things about sex on tv, but I'm going to tell you something: sex is fun!
Middle School
Louisiana
Overheard by: Amused Guest
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Education | Louisiana | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Sex | Teachers | Posted 2009-03-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Anyway, Aliens Share a Hive Consciousness and Can't Die
Sophomore #1, during heated debate about zombie safety: Wait! What if there were alien zombies?
Sophomore #2: Shut up! We're talking about realistic stuff, here!
Theatre Class, Rossview High
Clarksville, Tennessee
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Dorks, Geeks & Nerds | Offers and requests | Questions | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Students | Tennessee | Zombies | Posted 2009-03-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Some Gay Guys Have No Idea How to Woo Each Other
Upset gay boy: This is awful. I just wanted you to see the giant vagina made of sand.
Virginia Tech
Probably Not the Best Topic to Assign a Special-Needs Kid
Nervous fourth grader giving oral report: Joan of Arc, the pheasant, was caught in a blender.
Elementary School
Duluth, Minnesota
Overheard by: Nic
Whatever Queen Elizabeth Said Went
Teacher: Next, we're reading Much Ado about Nothing.
(class groans)
Teacher: Back then, "nothing" was slang for "vagina."
Class: Ooooh.
Enloe High
Raleigh, North Carolina
Categories: Books | Compare and contrast | Default | North Carolina | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Teachers | Vagina | Posted 2009-03-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Is Your Dad on Facebook?
Ditz to friend: He took me Facebook poking him as a romantic gesture!
TC Central High School
Michigan
Categories: Default | Feelings | Girls | Internet | Michigan | Pop culture | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Posted 2009-03-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Nobody Even Pretends to Understand U.S. Politics
Teacher: So, you have two teams. Let's make a team name. Like...the red team and the green team, or the lion team and the tiger team. What's your team name?
Ten-year-old boy: Obama team. (team members nod)
Teacher: Uh, okay. (to other team) So, are you guys the McCain team?
Ten-year-old girl: No! (whispered consultation with team members) Blue team.
English School
Gifu
Japan
Categories: Animals | Asia | Compare and contrast | Default | Guys | Kids | Names | Questions | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Teachers | Posted 2009-03-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
In Other Words, It's Like Being Molested
Happy teacher: Welcome to creative writing class. This class is like us taking a hot bath. Together. With candles.
Harpeth Hall School
Nashville, Tennessee
Categories: Default | Education | Health & Hygiene | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Teachers | Tennessee | Weirdness | Posted 2009-02-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Which Is Also What I Wrote for My Essay About the Statue Of Liberty
High school girl, ranting to friend about biology class: It's *so* annoying...I hate evolution! He goes all into the *designing* of a cell and I'm like "God created it and that's all we need to know." We don't have to go all hi-def into it!
Lancaster Mennonite HIgh School
Lancaster, Pennsylvania
Categories: Default | Girls | God | Gripes | Pennsylvania | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Science | Students | Posted 2009-02-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Though I've Always Found the Growling Very Alluring
Plain Jane: Finish eating, so we can go outside!
Goth girl: Quit bossing me around! I just got out of line five minutes ago; it's not my fault that it's 12:45 and I've only eaten half of my lunch!
Popular boy to goth girl: I don't think I've ever heard you speak before.
School Cafeteria
El Paso, Texas
Categories: Default | Food | Girls | Goths | Guys | Memory lane | Offers and requests | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Students | Texas | Posted 2009-02-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
In His Electronic Sepulchre There by the Sea
Girl discussing Edgar Allan Poe's The Oval Portrait: It's just that it seems like he went through and for each word looked in the dictionary for the longest synonym. Or, well, did he use those words back then?
Baltimore School for the Arts
Baltimore, Maryland
And He Prefers to Make Love, Not War.
Dude to chick: William Howard Taft. That's what I call my penis. Because he is large and in charge. And he got stuck in a bathtub.
High School Law Class
New York
Overheard by: Adrienne
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Guys | Names | New York | Penis | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Posted 2009-02-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
This Happens Every School Day
Black girl #1: It looks like you're wearing underwear.
Black girl #2: I am wearing underwear.
Black girl #1: Oh okay.
Black girl #2: Wanna see?
Black girls surrounding: No!
Jackson Memorial High School
Jackson, New Jersey
Categories: Clothes | Default | Girls | New Jersey | Offers and requests | Questions | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Posted 2009-02-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Even If I Am 87% Synthetic
Overly dramatic English teacher: You will have the face you deserve when you are eighty. I will be beautiful.
AC Flora High School
Columbia, South Carolina
Categories: Age and ageing | Body parts | Compliments | Default | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | South Carolina | Teachers | Posted 2009-01-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Like When Troy McClure Married Selma on The Simpsons
Girl #1: What's an orgasm?
Girl #2: It's like when two people get excited during sex.
Girl #1: So, like, when they go "rawwwrr!"
Girl #2: Uh...yeah. Sure.
School Cafeteria
El Paso, Texas
How "What What (In the Butt)" Was Born
Teacher: Okay, I want you to write down twenty words relating to one of your hobbies, and then write a poem about it.
Girl: Can we write it on surprise butt sex?
Teacher: Errrmmm...if you want?
School Classroom
Australia
Overheard by: i wrote mine on sport....
Fair Enough
Guy: I was a dragon in my past life.
Girl: Did you have sex with other dragons?
Guy: Of course.
High School Gym
West Virginia
Overheard by: Kimber
Categories: Animals | Default | Girls | Guys | Questions | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Sex | Weirdness | West Virginia | Posted 2009-01-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Given Time
Queer #1: I can adjust to change, I think.
Queer #2: Yeah, but can your sphincter?
Leon High School
Tallahassee, Florida
Overheard by: Deathly Confused
Categories: Ass | Compare and contrast | Default | Florida | Guys | Queers | Questions | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Sexuality | Posted 2009-01-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Water Is Also a Tough One
Substitute teacher to class: I have a theory that everything in the world is derived from grilled cheese sandwiches.
Student: What about things made out of meat? You know, like animals and people?
Substitute teacher: That's where my theory ends.
High School, Missouri
Overheard by: can's wait to graduate
We'll Get You a Milk and an Epi Pen and Let's See What Unfolds
Five-year-old in cafeteria during kindergarten lunchtime: Mr. Greg, my mom didn't put juice in my lunch. Can I get a drink from the cafeteria?
Mr. Greg: Sure, I'll get you something. You want milk?
Five-year-old: Yeah.
Mr. Greg: Regular white milk or chocolate?
Five-year-old: Chocolate.
Mr. Greg: Okay. You're not allergic to chocolate, are you?
Five-year-old: Yeah.
Mr. Greg: You are? Oh, then I'll get you white milk. Are you allergic to white milk?
Five-year-old: Yeah.
Mr. Greg: Oh, then I'd better see if they have juice.
(Mr. Greg goes into the kitchen and comes back with orange juice)
Mr. Greg: Here's some orange juice. You're not allergic to orange juice, are you?
Five-year-old: Yeah.
Mr. Greg: Do you know what "allergic" means?
Five-year-old: No.
Elementary School
Los Angeles, California
Categories: California | Default | Food | Guys | Kids | Kids | Language barrier | Offers and requests | Questions | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Teachers | Posted 2009-01-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Sugar Bear Is Next
Serious philosophy teacher: Captain Crunch has been raped.
High School
Bethesda, Maryland
Overheard by: clementine
Categories: About celebrities | Crimes | Default | Internet | Maryland | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Teachers | Violence | Posted 2008-12-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Best Apples Don't Go Into Applesauce. Or Teaching
English teacher (about Don Pedro in Much Ado about Nothing: "Don" in Spanish means "wicked cool guy."
Tantasqua High School
Fiskdale, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Kat
Categories: Default | Education | Language barrier | Massachusetts | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Teachers | Words | Posted 2008-12-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Hook Me Up?
Guy #1: Is your aunt gonna get a divorce?
Guy #2: Yeah.
Guy #1: Niiiice.
Walton High School
Marietta, Georgia
Overheard by: nezu!
Categories: Compliments | Default | Family ties | Georgia | Guys | Relationships | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Posted 2008-12-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But at Least I'm Passing His Biology Class This Time
Preppy girl on cell: Yeah. He just got out of jail and he's hitting on me again.
Salem Community High School
Salem, Illinois
Overheard by: LiLlistna
Categories: Crimes | Girls | Illinois | On the phone | Preppies | Relationships | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Threats | Posted 2008-11-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That Damn Third Commandment Always Trips Me Up
Good Catholic schoolboy to friend who just recited a really long prayer: Good job! You only missed one word. This one can be really hard and you almost got it perfect.
Bad Catholic schoolboy: God dammit! Jesus Christ, I'm never gonna get this bullshit memorized!
Goretti-Neumann High
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: lora
Categories: Compare and contrast | Compliments | Default | Education | Etiquette | Friends | Guys | Insults | Pennsylvania | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Teens | Words | Posted 2008-11-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Most High-Brow Reference to Be Made in Arkansas
Cultured student, before exam week: I'm drinking more Earl Grey than Jean-Luc Picard this week.
High School
Little Rock, Arkansas
Categories: Arkansas | Compare and contrast | Default | Food | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Students | TV shows | Posted 2008-11-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And His Cousins' Friend's Stomach Exploded from Pop Rocks
High school freshman: I once knew a guy who knew a guy who was a cyclops!
Kenosha, Wisconsin
Categories: Body parts | Default | Guys | Lies | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Students | Teens | Weirdness | Wisconsin | Posted 2008-11-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Makes Teaching Teenagers Seem Almost Bearable
Chemistry teacher: We've been experimenting with butane for the last three periods and I'm a little high right now.
Hume-Fogg High School
Nashville, Tennessee
You're the Most Boring Imaginary Friend Ever
Emo-poser teen girl: Does this make me look like I exist?
Teen guy (looking): No.
Pinnacle High School
Phoenix, Arizona
Categories: Arizona | Clothing | Default | Girls | Guys | Philosophy | Questions | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Teens | Posted 2008-11-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Little Guy Never Gets a Break
Boy: Why can't we go in?
Girl: Maybe someone was murdered.
Boy: Lucky.
West Junior High
Columbia, Missouri
Overheard by: Kelsey
Categories: Death & dying | Default | Girls | Guys | Missouri | Murder | Questions | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Weirdness | Posted 2008-11-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Girls Beat the Shit Out of Him After Class
AP English teacher: Can anyone tell me what feminine rhyme is?
Guy in class: Um, rhyme that's not very good?
Winona Senior High School
Winona, Minnesota
Overheard by: Stephanie Miene
Categories: Default | Education | Gender issues | Guys | Minnesota | Questions | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Students | Teachers | Posted 2008-10-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's the Last Time I'll Use the Frathouse Shower
Skanky girl: My hair smells like cum.
Gleneagle Secondary School
Vancouver
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Compare and contrast | Cum | Default | Girls | Hair | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Sensory experiences | Posted 2008-10-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Later the Cafeteria Staff Served Us Pasta Boobies
Random freshman: And then this junior girl came up to me and was like, "look at this penis on my locker...his name is Napoleon."
Lakeland Regional High School
Wanaque, New Jersey
Overheard by: kristina
Categories: Default | Guys | History | Names | New Jersey | Penis | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Students | Posted 2008-10-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I've Seen Enough Of Hell
Little girl: I don't want to go to heaven. I want to go to Texas.
Teacher: How about you go to heaven after you go to Texas?
Little girl: Nah. I just wanna go to Texas.
Vacation Bible School
New Orleans, Louisiana
Overheard by: Not from here
Categories: Default | Girls | Kids | Louisiana | Questions | Religion | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Teachers | US Geography | Wishes | Posted 2008-10-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
They Were All Cured by Evangelicals
Bimbette, staring at Gay-Straight Alliance meeting sign: Oh my god, the gay thing was *so* five years ago.
Troy High School
Fullerton, California
Categories: Bimbettes | California | Default | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Sexuality | Stupidity | Time Management | Words | Posted 2008-10-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Believe It's Pronounced "Ho"
Tiny girl to friend: You're not fat, you're Santa Claus-esque. Get it right, whore.
Coronado Middle School
Coronado, California
Overheard by: they won the game
Categories: California | Compare and contrast | Default | Diet & weight | Friends | Girls | Insults | Kids | Santa Claus | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Words | Posted 2008-10-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Except That Donatello Would Never Leave You Dangling
Teacher: See, adjectives are boring old turtles.
Students: Uhhh.
Teacher: But participles are like Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles!
Marshall High School
Virginia
Overheard by: amused student....
Categories: Animals | Compare and contrast | Default | Pop culture | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Students | Teachers | Words | Posted 2008-10-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The One It Was So Easy It Was a Piece Of?
Guy to girlfriend: And after that, I was just done. It took the icing on the cake...or whatever.
Girlfriend: What cake?
Aloha Highschool
Oregon
As Friends
White guy: So, is it true that when you die you go to heaven and get forty virgins to do whatever with?
Muslim guy: No, that's wrong. It's heaven: you get as many virgins as you want.
Liberty High School
Colorado Springs, Colorado
Categories: Colorado | Compare and contrast | Guys | Questions | Religion | Religious fanatics | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Sexuality | Whiteys | Posted 2008-10-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Where an Ancient Tribe Had Scrawled Its Secrets on the Stall Wall
Teacher: You know, when I was your age we didn't have classes like this. If you wanted to learn about personal finance, you got a job. If you wanted to learn about sex, you went to the bathroom.
Rock Bridge High School
Columbia, Missouri
Categories: Advice | Age and ageing | Default | Education | Masturbation | Memory lane | Missouri | Money | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Sexuality | Teachers | Posted 2008-10-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
She Sent Me So I Could Learn to Drink
Pregnant teen waiting in lunch line: Yeah, I'm having the shower at my grandma's. My mom said she did not send me to that fancy Catholic school just so I could get knocked up.
Publis High School
Cincinnati, Ohio
Categories: Default | Education | Family ties | Ohio | Preggers | Religion | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Teens | Posted 2008-10-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We Give Honey, I Shrunk Liberace! Two Thumbs Up
Middle schooler: There's a gay singer in my bra! There's a gay singer in my bra!
Muirlands Middle
La Jolla, California
Categories: California | Clothes | Default | Gender issues | Girls | Music | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Sexuality | Students | Tweens | Weirdness | Posted 2008-10-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If I Show You a Boob, Will You Forget This Lecture Ever Happened?
Moral and religious education teacher, describing opening scene of Gridiron Gang: So the movie opens, right, and you hear all these guns going off, and everyone's gangbanging everywhere...
Students: (silence, then loud raucous laughter)
Teacher: Oh, Jesus Christ... I mean they're shooting loads at each other... Oh god, no...
Centennial Regional High School
Quebec
Canadia
Overheard by: amused
Which Was the Thesis of My Last Biology Paper
Thug #1: Everybody calls that girl "Orangutan titties."
Thug #2: What? Why?
Thug #1: She's the one that flashed everybody back in freshman year at that one assembly, and her titties be all pointy and shit.
Thug #2: I remember that shit, that was pretty fuckin' funny.
Thug #3 (after a long pause): Man, orangutans are fuckin' weird.
Thug #1: Yeah, monkeys be fucked up.
MDN High School, Tempe, Arizona
Overheard by: I saw this whole assembly thing, too.
Categories: Animals | Arizona | Compare and contrast | Default | Friends | Names | Nipples | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Thugs | Weirdness | Posted 2008-09-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Ashley Olsen Dating Lance Armstrong Was the Final Nail in the Coffin
Preppy girl #1: So the Apocalypse is totally going to happen... It's scary.
Preppy girl #2: Yeah, I know, right?
High School Hall
Ontario
Canadia
...Until I Heard Her Reciting Beowulf in the Shower
English teacher: Yeah, I dated this girl one time and she took a class and learned middle English. She memorized the beginning of The Canterbury Tales in middle English so she was like, "Do you want to hear The Canterbury Tales in middle English?" And I was like "yeah!" and she said it, and it didn't even sound like English. It was crazy, like chanting or something. I was about to propose to her just then. But I got over it.
Rock Bridge High School
Columbia, Missouri
Overheard by: Kelsey
Categories: Default | Education | Feelings | Language barrier | Missouri | Relationships | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Teachers | Posted 2008-09-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
More Evidence That Taking Drugs Increases Your Risk of Summer School
Random high school kid (during summer school): Shoes are like hats for your feet!
Thomas Jefferson High School for Science and Technology
Alexandria, Virginia
Categories: Body parts | Clothes | Compare and contrast | Default | Kids | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Students | Virginia | Posted 2008-09-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's an Essential Part of Your Education
(two 6th-grade boys are sitting on the bus playing with their phones)
Boy #1: Hey, you know "saxophone" sounds a lot like "sexy-phone"!
Boy #2: Haha! Then for short you could call it "the sex"!
Boy #1: (laughs)
Boy #2: It would be like, "Hey, do you know how to play the sex?"
Boy #1: Heh-heh... Yeah, its a very complicated one.
Boy #2: Ew... That's gross.
Boy #1: Yeah, you know where you learn how to do it?
Boy #2: Where?
Boy #1: In college.
Boy #2: No way! I thought we learned everything in 5th grade.
Boy #1: Yeah...but I mean this time they tell you where to stick it in.
Boy #2: Ohhh...
School Bus
Maryland
Overheard by: Sam
Hmm, Yeah-- Maybe We Shouldn't Write Our Own Vows
Male student: This one time I pissed in a trash bag, and I stuck my head in there just to see how bad it would smell.
Female student: What?
Male student: It was so hot and I was like sweating.
Springside School/Chestnut Hill Academy
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: spectaculore
Categories: Default | Pee | Pennsylvania | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Sensory experiences | Students | Weirdness | Posted 2008-08-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Always Chewing Up Movies Like Independence Day
Professor, to VCR: Oh, you socialist!
Tantasqua High School
Fiskdale, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Kat
Categories: Default | Insults | Massachusetts | Politics | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Teachers | Posted 2008-08-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Stupidest. Exercise DVD. Ever
Dude: You have ovaries of steel.
High School Classroom
Englewood, Colorado
Categories: Body parts | Compliments | Default | Guys | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Posted 2008-08-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If You Know What I Mean
Girl to friend: I gave my ostrich a fur coat.
Rich Catholic Girls School
St. Louis, Missouri
Overheard by: Sarah
Categories: Default | Euphemisms | Girls | Hair | Missouri | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Vagina | Posted 2008-08-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Nice Kevlar Shirt, by the Way
Dude: That guy totally has a gun.
Chick (offended): Just because he has sunglasses doesn't mean he has a gun!
High School
Englewood, Colorado
Although Roseanne Was Pretty Funny
Cafeteria kid: Acting would be really boring if we were all giant slugs.
High School Cafeteria
Victoria, B.C.
Canadia
Overheard by: Sefie
And We've Got This Whole Textbook for the Class to Share
(math test is interrupted by a loud construction drill in the next room).
Student: Oh my god, I can't take this test anymore! Can you tell them to stop, please?!
Teacher: Heh... At least there aren't bullets flying over your head.
Concord High School
California
Overheard by: When I was in Vietnam
Categories: California | Education | Feelings | Gripes | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Students | Teachers | Violence | Posted 2008-07-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That, and All the Hors D'Oeuvres Were Sprinkled with Lithium
Chick #1: But everyone was happy. It was a happy funeral.
Chick #2: Wow, your grandma must have been a real bitch.
High School Classroom
Englewood, Colorado
Categories: Chicks | Colorado | Death & dying | Family ties | Happiness | Insults | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Posted 2008-07-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Let's Just Say She's in Shape
Dude: You have a sister, right?
Chick: Yeah.
Dude: Is she hot?
Chick: She's 12 and shaped like a rectangle.
Dude: That doesn't answer my question.
High School Classroom
Englewood, Colorado
Overheard by: Julia
Categories: Age and ageing | Beauty | Chicks | Colorado | Family ties | Guys | Questions | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Posted 2008-07-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What the Hell Is Going On in That Gym Class?
High school student #1: My finger hurts.
High school student #2 (absent mindedly): Yeah, my ass hurts too.
Prishtina
Kosovo
Overheard by: Curly
Categories: Default | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Sensory experiences | Students | Weirdness | Posted 2008-07-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Does That Include the Sombrero?
Tall chick: I wish I could find a nice, tall guy.
Friend #1: My brother is 6'5".
Tall chick: Is he cute?
Friend: Well...
Friend #2: He looks like a Mexican pedophile.
Tall chick: 6'5", eh? I'll think about it.
High School Classroom
Englewood, Colorado
Categories: Beauty | Chicks | Colorado | Default | Family ties | Friends | Relationships | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Wishes | Posted 2008-07-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
She Doesn't Even Recognize Our Sincere and Unyielding Love for Children
Pre-school teacher #1: Which kids do you want in your group today?
Pre-school teacher #2: Oh, I don't really care. Just not Monica*. I cant stand her.
Pre-school teacher #1: Yeah, I know. It's like it's her period every friggin' day!
Pre-school teacher #2: Yeah, she's such a little frigid bitch!
New York City, New York
Overheard by: first day on the job
Power Corrupts, Short-Lived Power Corrupts Immediately
Teacher: I'm leaving for a few minutes. Ted*, you're in charge.
Ted*: Alright, everyone get naked.
High School Classroom
Englewood, Colorado
Categories: Body parts | Colorado | Default | Guys | Names | Offers and requests | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Sex | Teachers | Posted 2008-07-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
A Real Sex God
Literature teacher: So what the Europeans did was take the description of Jesus from the texts and made their images of him Caucasian so as to be more relatable to those they were teaching to.
Girl of questionable literacy: European Jesus was hot.
Delta Secondary School
Ladner, British Columbia
Canadia
Well, My Name Is "Ashley"
Skanky girl walking down hall to friends: She told me to put my cigarette out... I put it in my bra.
Asher Alternative High School
Detroit, Michigan
Categories: Chicks | Clothes | Default | Girls | Michigan | Offers and requests | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Posted 2008-07-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Teacher: "Must...Tread...Lightly..."
Girl: I thought dinosaurs were a fairy tale.
Junior High Science Class
El Paso, Texas