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And We've Got This Whole Textbook for the Class to Share
(math test is interrupted by a loud construction drill in the next room).
Student: Oh my god, I can't take this test anymore! Can you tell them to stop, please?!
Teacher: Heh... At least there aren't bullets flying over your head.
Concord High School
California
Overheard by: When I was in Vietnam
Categories: California | Education | Feelings | Gripes | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Students | Teachers | Violence | Posted 2008-07-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That, and All the Hors D'Oeuvres Were Sprinkled with Lithium
Chick #1: But everyone was happy. It was a happy funeral.
Chick #2: Wow, your grandma must have been a real bitch.
High School Classroom
Englewood, Colorado
Categories: Chicks | Colorado | Death & dying | Family ties | Happiness | Insults | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Posted 2008-07-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Let's Just Say She's in Shape
Dude: You have a sister, right?
Chick: Yeah.
Dude: Is she hot?
Chick: She's 12 and shaped like a rectangle.
Dude: That doesn't answer my question.
High School Classroom
Englewood, Colorado
Overheard by: Julia
Categories: Age and ageing | Beauty | Chicks | Colorado | Family ties | Guys | Questions | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Posted 2008-07-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What the Hell Is Going On in That Gym Class?
High school student #1: My finger hurts.
High school student #2 (absent mindedly): Yeah, my ass hurts too.
Prishtina
Kosovo
Overheard by: Curly
Categories: Default | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Sensory experiences | Students | Weirdness | Posted 2008-07-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Does That Include the Sombrero?
Tall chick: I wish I could find a nice, tall guy.
Friend #1: My brother is 6'5".
Tall chick: Is he cute?
Friend: Well...
Friend #2: He looks like a Mexican pedophile.
Tall chick: 6'5", eh? I'll think about it.
High School Classroom
Englewood, Colorado
Categories: Beauty | Chicks | Colorado | Default | Family ties | Friends | Relationships | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Wishes | Posted 2008-07-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
She Doesn't Even Recognize Our Sincere and Unyielding Love for Children
Pre-school teacher #1: Which kids do you want in your group today?
Pre-school teacher #2: Oh, I don't really care. Just not Monica*. I cant stand her.
Pre-school teacher #1: Yeah, I know. It's like it's her period every friggin' day!
Pre-school teacher #2: Yeah, she's such a little frigid bitch!
New York City, New York
Overheard by: first day on the job
Power Corrupts, Short-Lived Power Corrupts Immediately
Teacher: I'm leaving for a few minutes. Ted*, you're in charge.
Ted*: Alright, everyone get naked.
High School Classroom
Englewood, Colorado
Categories: Body parts | Colorado | Default | Guys | Names | Offers and requests | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Sex | Teachers | Posted 2008-07-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
A Real Sex God
Literature teacher: So what the Europeans did was take the description of Jesus from the texts and made their images of him Caucasian so as to be more relatable to those they were teaching to.
Girl of questionable literacy: European Jesus was hot.
Delta Secondary School
Ladner, British Columbia
Canadia
Well, My Name Is "Ashley"
Skanky girl walking down hall to friends: She told me to put my cigarette out... I put it in my bra.
Asher Alternative High School
Detroit, Michigan
Categories: Chicks | Clothes | Default | Girls | Michigan | Offers and requests | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Posted 2008-07-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Teacher: "Must...Tread...Lightly..."
Girl: I thought dinosaurs were a fairy tale.
Junior High Science Class
El Paso, Texas
The Heaven Entrance Exam Is Teeming With Poetry Questions
Teacher (about poetry assignment): Some of you did a good job and wrote some wonderful things. Some of you just did the assignment. Some of you haven't even turned it in. Those people are going to hell.
TJHSST
Alexandria, Virginia
Of Me and My Husband in Koala Suits
Teacher: So, the koala bears are pretty much high all of the time. They fall off the trees. I have videos!
High School
Londonderry, New Hampshire
Overheard by: humanities student
Categories: Animals | Default | Drugs | Education | New Hampshire | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Teachers | Posted 2008-07-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So I'm Sorry I Did That, Amber
English teacher: Calling someone a douche is not a constructive comment, even if it's true.
Flora High School
Columbia, South Carolina
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Etiquette | Insults | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | South Carolina | Teachers | Words | Posted 2008-06-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
As You Should Know All Too Well, Cuntrella
Teacher: Does anyone know how to spell that?
(silence)
Student: Looks like it's time to whip out the dic!
Teacher: Some words should *not* be shortened.
High School Classroom
Rhode Island
Categories: Default | Education | Questions | Rhode Island | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Students | Teachers | Words | Posted 2008-06-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If You Don't, Try the Cafeteria's Amphetameatloaf
History teacher (hanging up posters with spray adhesive): If ya'll get high from this, you're welcome.
High School
Columbia, South Carolina
Overheard by: thank you!
Categories: Default | Drugs | Education | Etiquette | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | South Carolina | Teachers | Posted 2008-06-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Yes
Student: I bet half of the kids are still going to show up at the computer room.
Teacher: You think half of them will, or half of them won't?
East Meadow Drive
Palo Alto, California
Categories: California | Questions | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Students | Stupidity | Teachers | Words | Posted 2008-06-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Like We'd Really Elect a Latino?
Teen girl to classmates: Jesus was not a President!
US History Class, High School
San Diego, California
Categories: California | Default | History | Jesus | Politics | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Posted 2008-06-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Just When You Thought Canadians and Americans Had Nothing in Common
Guy #1: What are you gonna do for your spare?
Guy #2: I don't know, probably get a sandwich and beat off in the library.
High School
British Columbia
Canadia
Overheard by: Nick
Categories: Canadia | Default | Education | Food | Friends | Guys | Masturbation | Questions | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Posted 2008-06-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Will's Parents Sent Him to His Auntie and Uncle in Bel Air
Girl: Jazmin*, what was you doing in the bathroom?
Jazmin: Oh, you know...
Boy across the hall: She was taking a dump!
Jazmin: Yup! That's what we do all day, every day.
Public High School
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: andromeda
Categories: Default | Etiquette | Friends | Girls | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Pennsylvania | Poop | Questions | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Words | Posted 2008-06-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Everything She Knows About Homosexuality She Learned from Bravo TV
Bimbette: What's wrong with gay people? Gay people are funny.
Religion Class
El Paso, Texas
Categories: Bimbettes | Compliments | Default | Feelings | Questions | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Sexuality | Texas | Posted 2008-06-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Joey Tribbiani As a Kid
Feminist speaker: What does feminism mean to you?
Dude: Lack of delicious sandwich?
Catholic High School classroom
Aurora, Colorado
Categories: Colorado | Default | Euphemisms | Food | Guys | Philosophy | Questions | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Students | Words | Posted 2008-06-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It Is Important to Air Things Out
Preppy girl: I love not wearing pants.
[Friends start to laugh.]
Preppy girl: No! I mean have you ever gone to the beach and --you just take off your bottoms and --no! I mean you like take off your swimsuit bottoms--.
[Friends erupt in laughter.]
Preppy girl: I just mean --I just like not wearing pants...
High School
San Diego, California
Categories: California | Clothes | Feelings | Friends | Girls | Preppies | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Words | Posted 2008-06-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Planned Parenthood Would Have Advised Mary to Say No
Planned parenthood speaker: I'm here to talk to you about birth control.
Chick, ecstatic: This really is the best Christmas ever!
High School Assembly
Englewood, Colorado
Categories: Birthing | Colorado | Compare and contrast | Compliments | Education | Happiness | Holidays | Pregnancy | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Posted 2008-05-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Want the Human Race to Pack This Planet Like a Sausage
English professor: Just think of all the eggs that are wasted every time a woman doesn't get pregnant... That's what I do.
Montevallo, Alabama
Categories: Alabama | Cum | Default | Education | Euphemisms | Pregnancy | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Teachers | Posted 2008-05-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Or the Word "Dyke" Ever Again
Teacher: So, for the final sentence we should get some sort of metaphor for tax cuts helping the US recession.
Student #1: Hmm... Hey, you know like, the commercial where they put gum in the hole in the dam to stop the leak?.
Student #2: Or the finger!
Teacher: Oh, you mean in the dyke!
Student #1: Yeah, so... Tax cuts would be the finger in the hole of America's dyke?
Teacher: Maybe we shouldn't use a metaphor.
English Essentials Class
Waimea, Hawaii
Overheard by: boehmface
I'll Let You Use It for Special Effects in the School Play
Chick on cell: Hey! I had a miscarriage! Wanna hang out?
High School Classroom
Englewood, Colorado
Categories: Abortion | Colorado | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Leisure | Offers and requests | On the phone | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Weirdness | Posted 2008-05-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
For Instance, If the State Wants to Mix Stripes and Plaids
Bimbette government teacher, explaining checks and balances: So then, like, the national government says to the state government, "Um, you can't do that, you little... like, state."
Canton, Michigan
Like an Open Spirit and Three Hits of Acid
Teacher: What you get from Beatlerama depends on what you bring to it.
Science class
Richmond, Virginia
Overheard by: mollydear
Categories: Education | Names | Offers and requests | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Science | Teachers | Virginia | Words | Posted 2008-05-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Also Why She Refuses to Play Musical Chairs
Girl #1: Isn't lap dancing anal sex?
Girl #2: Uhh, excuse me?
Girl #1: Well, if a girl sits on a guy's lap and he gets an erection, it would go [points up] up the ass, right?
High School
Australia
Overheard by: NinjaPirates
Categories: Ass | Australia | Backdoor | Compare and contrast | Dancing | Erections | Girls | Questions | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Posted 2008-05-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Out of What?
Five-year-old boy: How old are you?
Tutor: Twenty.
Five-year-old boy: Yeah, well, do you know how to make a monkey?
Dallas, Texas
You're Lucky You Were Able to Kiss All My Anger Away
Guy #1: Dude... that joke went to far.
Guy #2: You know what was going too far, David*? Breaking into my house.
Bolingbrook High School
Bolingbrook, Illinois
Categories: Comebacks | Compare and contrast | Crimes | Guys | Illinois | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Posted 2008-05-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We're More Of a Honky Hut Family
Black student to white teacher: So we're going to Sarasota to visit a college up there. Do you know the easiest way to get there?
White teacher: Sure! You can take I-75 straight up, and if you want to stop for something to eat, there's Cracker Barrel all over the place.
Black student: Cracker Barrel? Umm, no, I don't think so...
Design and Architecture High School
Miami, Florida
Categories: Advice | Black people | Fears | Florida | Food | Names | Offers and requests | Questions | Race | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Students | Teachers | US Geography | Posted 2008-05-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Got Strung Up by My Ankles at an AC/DC Concert for That Mistake
English teacher: A rhetorical question is a question you don't expect an answer to. When a band yells, "Are you ready to rock?", they're not actually expecting someone to yell back, "Not quite, give us a couple more minutes."
Hume-Fogg High School
Nashville, Tennessee
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Education | Questions | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Teachers | Tennessee | Words | Posted 2008-05-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Whom I'd Started Dating in Geometry
Boy #1, talking to friend in between classes: Hey what did you do in English?
Boy #2: Oh... I broke up with Jessica*.
Berryhill High School
Oklahoma
Overheard by: BlakeMas
Categories: Compare and contrast | Education | Guys | Oklahoma | Questions | Relationships | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Teens | Posted 2008-05-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Hardly Touched Myself at All
Dude: Just because I watched you out a window for an hour doesn't mean I'm creepy.
High School Classroom
Englewood, Colorado
Categories: Colorado | Compare and contrast | Creepsters | Guys | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Sexuality | Threats | Violence | Weirdness | Posted 2008-05-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Know It's True --I Heard It from a Christian Rapper
Teacher: So when you have sex with someone who isn't a virgin, your spirit is having sex with the spirits of everyone that person had sex with.
Religion Classroom
El Paso, Texas
Texas Finally Catches Up to the Rest of the Country
Teacher: In a representative democracy, if you don't like who's in office, what can you do?
Student: Impeach him!
Teacher: Well, that's too drastic, what else?
Same student: Assassination?
9th Grade World Geography Class
Houston, Texas
Overheard by: amused teacher's aide
Yeah, and I'm Not Sure He Has an Exit Strategy
Little girl: Where's Ben*?
Father: He's in heaven, honey.
Little girl: Still?!
Preschool
Fort Lauderdale, FL
Categories: Dads | Death & dying | Euphemisms | Feelings | Florida | Girls | Kids | Questions |