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And the Liquid Soap Was to Die for
Redneck man with mullet coming out of bathroom: Well, son, that was some mighty fine hand dryer, wudn't it?
Son,excitedly: Yeah, pops, sure was!
Shepherdsville, Kentucky
Overheard by: Chelsea
With Each Revelation, the Female Mystery Only Deepens
Blind old lady to old lady friend: Oh my, you started peeing so fast.
Old lady friend: Yes, it's because I stand up.
Blind old lady: Ohhhh...
Old lady friend: Yes, not a lot of women know how to stand up, you know.
Blind old lady: Yes, that's true. My mother used to stand.
CSULA Women's Bathroom
California
Overheard by: itshahaholly
Categories: California | Disabled | Friends | Gender issues | Old folks | Parenting | Pee | Restroom | Posted 2010-05-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Need Some Whacking Material for Later
50-something guy #1: My new girlfriend is twenty years younger than me.
50-something guy #2: You going to marry her?
50-something guy #1: No. I had that talk with her at the very beginning.
50-something guy #2: You got any nude photos of her on your phone?
Health Club Locker Room
Shawnee Mission, Kansas
Categories: Age and ageing | Assholes | Guys | Kansas | Porn | Relationships | Restroom | Posted 2010-05-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
There Is a Downside to Thong Underwear
Concerned-looking sorority girl, walking out of bathroom stall: Oh my god guys, do you really think my butt smells like ass?
Bathroom
University of Idaho
Overheard by: CrayonCake
Categories: Ass | Idaho | Questions | Restroom | Sensory experiences | Sorority types | Stupidity | Posted 2010-04-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Isn't This a Show on TLC?
Guy to girl: I know these people out in Colorado, and they're like totally brother and sister, and they're married! I mean, they had to sign something saying they'd never have children, but they're totally married!
Nightclub Bathroom
Columbia, Missouri
Overheard by: RW
Categories: Family ties | Guys | Missouri | Relationships | Restroom | Weirdness | Posted 2010-04-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But I Still *Adored* Gone with the Wind.
Naked dude #1: I'm really surprised by how long it is.
Naked dude #2: Yeah... It's quite long.
Locker Room
Kansas City, Missouri
When Deejays Moonlight
Big black woman acting as bathroom attendant: Welcome, beautiful ladies, to the best urination station in the nation! A big pee at the Big E! Stall 5 is open! Okay, we've got a full house, so I wanna hear some flushin'! Ma'am, go to numba 2, let it flow through! Pee as comfortably as you can, cause we all know this place was built by a man! The stalls are too small, haha!
Bathroom, Big E Fairgrounds
Springfield, Massachusetts
Categories: Black people | Gender issues | Massachusetts | Pee | Restroom | Posted 2010-03-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It Really Doesn't Age Well
Guy to another: Don't shake my hand, dude, it's still got pussy on it!
Men's Bathroom
Bar, Alabama
Overheard by: So glad I don't live here anymore
Now I Smell Like Paris Hilton!
Girlfriend to boyfriend, after emerging from bathroom: Hahaha! I peed on my hands!
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: that's disgusting. Really.
Categories: Couples | Hands | Overheard in Minneapolis | Pee | Restroom | Posted 2010-01-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
In Unrelated News, Want Some Homemade Cookies?
Manager of restaurant to guy leaving restroom: I know we don't have paper towels in there. I am getting some right now.
Guy: It's okay. I never wash my hands anyway.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: that guy's girlfriend
Categories: Bosses | Guys | Hands | Health & Hygiene | Overheard in Minneapolis | Restaurants | Restroom | Posted 2010-01-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Are You Even Here, Mary Anne?
Teen to friend at urinal: How many people do you think have whacked off into this urinal?
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: seriously?
Categories: Friends | Masturbation | Overheard in Minneapolis | Questions | Restroom | Teens | Posted 2009-12-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Which, As We Both Know, Is More Than We Can Say for Dad.
Little girl to mom: But I am getting real good! Yesterday I didn't get any poop on my hand!
Public Restroom
Iceland
My Parents Are Native American. What's It to You?
Drunk guy, walking into bathroom: Hey, you are at my pisser!
Sober guy at urinal: I didn't realize your name was "push to flush."
Bar
Michigan
Overheard by: I wasn't looking
So You and the Doctors Keep Saying...
Small child entering restroom: Mom, why can't we go to the boys' room? Because I've got a girl with me?
Mom: You are a girl!
Sushi Restaurant
Kansas City, Kansas
Overheard by: zombie z
Categories: Gender issues | Kansas | Kids | Kids | Moms | Parenting | Questions | Restaurants | Restroom | Sexuality | Posted 2009-10-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Or Clean Up the Blood Again
Girl #1: So my mom is getting married to that guy she met on the internet.
Girl #2: Internet? He might be a serial killer!
Girl #1: Yeah, but she lives in Florida, so at least I don't have to hear about it.
Bathrooms
Cinema, Illinois
Categories: Family ties | Girls | Illinois | Internet | Murder | Parenting | Relationships | Restroom | Posted 2009-10-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
For the Last Time, You're Not Getting My American Express Card
Five-year-old boy, calling to mother in bathroom stall: Mom, we need to talk about something.
Mom: Can it wait?
Five-year-old boy: No.
Mom: What is it?
Five-year-old boy: I need more credit. You don't give me enough credit for the things I do, and my feathers are simply getting ruffled by this.
Cincinnati, Ohio
Overheard by: Laughing
These Are the Moments They'll Cherish Forever
Mom to six-year-old daughter: Naiya, you better not be swimming in that toilet, or I will punch you in the neck!
Restaurant Bathroom
Delaware
Overheard by: Laughing Neighbor
Categories: Body parts | Delaware | Family ties | Kids | Kids | Moms | Parenting | Restaurants | Restroom | Threats | Weirdness | Posted 2009-09-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Or, Put More Eloquently, "What What (In the Butt)?"
Woman on toilet: What the fuck is going on with my ass?
Medford, Massachusetts
Categories: Ass | Health & Hygiene | Massachusetts | Poop | Questions | Restroom | Women | Posted 2009-09-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Really? I Was Just Talking About You!
Girl #1: Oh my god, I'm so glad Sammy didn't come tonight.
Girl #2: I'm Sammy.
Women's Bathroom
Adelaide
Australia
Overheard by: I was in a cubicle. Oh, to have seen their faces.
Hold On-- Lemme Just Wipe It for Her
Annoyed lady on cell in bathroom stall: Mmm- hmmm... uh-huh, mmm-hmm, yep. Oh, before that, can you tell her to lick my ass, too?
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: I hope she?s not talking about me.
Categories: Ass | Licking | Offers and requests | On the phone | Overheard in Minneapolis | Restroom | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2009-09-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What?? It's Not Like I Told Them About Your Giant, Hammy Thighs.
Little girl in next stall: But what if Old Faithful starts going while we're not out there?
Girl's mother: Well, you'll have to pee really quickly so mommy can pee and then we can go.
Little girl: But you take a long time to pee.
Mother: Yes, I know.
(pause)
Little girl: You take a long time to pee.
Mother: Well, thank you for announcing that to the entire bathroom.
Restroom, Old Faithful Inn
Yellowstone National Park, Wyoming
Categories: Kids | Moms | Parenting | Pee | Restroom | Should have used a condom | Time Management | Wyoming | Posted 2009-09-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Sadly, The Best Laid Plans.....
Woman #1 in bathroom stall: You should have an orgy!
Woman #2 in next bathroom stall: I know, that's what I said!
Bathroom, Bar
Olympia, Washington
Overheard by: H
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Restroom | Sex | Washington | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2009-08-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
No Wonder I Keep Passing Out!
Girl in bathroom stall #1: I have really exciting news!
Girl in bathroom stall #2: You just saved a bunch of money on your car insurance?
Girl in bathroom stall #1: No. When I bought these pants they fit, and now they are too big! I've been trying to lose some weight.
Girl in bathroom stall #2: That's great! What size are they?
Girl in bathroom stall #1: Ummm... 25s.
Girl in bathroom stall #2: That's like a size zero. Why are you trying to lose weight?
Girl in bathroom stall #1: Oh, is that too small or something?
Restaurant Bathroom
Boston, Massachusetts
Categories: Anorexics | Clothes | Clothing | Diet & weight | Girls | Massachusetts | Money | Questions | Restroom | Posted 2009-08-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It Was the Best Of News, It Was the Worst Of News
Young girl in stall with mother: Mommy, what's that?
Mother to young girl: It's called pubic hair, sweetie...all women have it. When you get older, someday you will get some.
Young girl, mortified: Nooooooooooo!
Mall Restroom
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Monica
Categories: Age and ageing | Hair | Kids | Malls | Moms | Parenting | Questions | Restroom | Should have used a condom | Vagina | Washington, DC | Posted 2009-07-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Just Thought It Would Be a Lot Bigger, Is All.
Little girl in stall with dad: You're silly! This is silly!
Dad, peeing: Nothing is silly in here.
Girl: That's silly. This is silly. Stop.
Men's Bathroom
Hendersonville, Tennessee
Overheard by: Tanner
If It Weren't for Those Compromising Nudie Pics Of You with the Chalupa
Guy #1: (mumbles)
Guy #2: Well, maybe you need to be more white.
Guy #1: What are you talking about? I'm Mexican, you're white!
(pause)
Guy #2: Dude, you would make the best politician.
Bathroom, UC Santa Cruz
California
Categories: Advice | California | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Guys | Politics | Questions | Restroom | Posted 2009-06-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Maybe They Could Just Hold Hands While the Piercings Did It
Bathroom chick #1: So he had three piercings up there and two down there...
Bathroom chick #2: He said he had one that would get her off on her clit if they did it doggie style.
Bathroom chick #1: But what if her clit was pierced too? And his piercings on her clit?
Chilkoot Charlies
Anchorage, Alaska
Your Editors Are Unaccountably Aroused
Girl in restroom #1: I just found an eyelash in my bellybutton!
Girl in restroom #2: Is it yours?
Girl in restroom #1: Yeah...I think.
Auburn University Student Union
Auburn, Alabama
Categories: Alabama | Body parts | Colleges & Universities | Default | Girls | Questions | Restroom | Students | Weirdness | Posted 2009-05-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Did You Have to Use a Staple Remover, Though?
Enthusiastic woman, yelling over hand dryer: Circumcision is the way forward!
Women's Bathroom
The Gate, Newcastle
England
Overheard by: Mell
Does That Pole Make Me Look Fat?
Girl in stall: Hi, can you put mom on the phone? (pause) Hey mom, yeah, it's me...next time you're online, go to my Facebook page and check out the pictures of me at the strip club.
Ladies Restroom, Library
Mississippi
Categories: Default | Family ties | Girls | Internet | Mississippi | Offers and requests | Restroom | Posted 2009-04-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What? Two Bugs Are Having a Race.
Very large man, staring down at his junk in front of urinal: Come on now, baby, you can do it, come on...
Houston, Texas
Overheard by: Dan
Categories: Default | Euphemisms | Guys | Offers and requests | Restroom | Texas | Weirdness | Posted 2009-04-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Wrong Way to Spice Up Your Marriage
Guy: So Stacy comes in and finds me screaming in the shower.
Friend: Wow!
Guy: Yeah, there are some places you should just never touch after cutting Habanero peppers.
Men's Room
Garrison, New York
Overheard by: mark
A Portrait of the Archaeologist as a Young Boy
Boy in restroom: Mommy, what's this box for?
Mom: Oh, that's for...Kleenex.
(squeaking sound as boy opens sanitary napkin disposal box)
Boy: Well, then mommy, what's this?
Mom: That's not for little boys! Ew!
Moncton
Canadia
When the Legal Limit Is More Like 75
Woman exiting ladies' bathroom: It smells like a hundred men showered in there!
Humboldt
Saskatchewan
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Compare and contrast | Default | Gender issues | Restroom | Sensory experiences | Women | Posted 2008-12-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Like, "Look at All These Dishes-- What's Your Problem?"
Drunk 40-year-old dude #1, standing in line for the bathroom: Well, there are four sinks. We only need two with the number of people I've seen wash their hands.
Drunk 40-year-old dude #2: Yeah. There was this one time I was peeing in the sink at home, and my wife walked in. She was pissed. Good times.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: slight overshare
Categories: Default | Feelings | Guys | Memory lane | Overheard in Minneapolis | Pee | Relationships | Restroom | Posted 2008-12-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Now My Batman Costume Just Looks Silly
(elastic snapping sound)
Woman in stall: And that was the sound of my outside panties!
Bathroom, Dive Bar
Ohio
Overheard by: Monika
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Default | Ohio | Restroom | Sensory experiences | Undies | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2008-11-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Just Plug and Play-- What Could Be Easier?
Drunk girl #1, in bathroom: So I told her she just needed to remove her vagina, put on a cock and man up!
Drunk girl #2: Totally.
Bathroom, Rocket Bar
Washington, DC
Michigan Girls Make a Bid for the Title
Girl #1 in bathroom stall: My poop looks awesome! It has things in it! Come, look!
Girl #2 (waiting outside stall): No.
Girl #1: Come on!
Girl #2: No.
Girl #1: Please?
Girl #2: No! I never will.
Girl #1: I just won't flush it and then you'll have to look.
Girl #2: You better flush that shit!
Grand Rapids, Michigan
If He Asked You Out, He Probably Likes Crazy Drag Queens
Girl looking at herself in the mirror to stranger: Do I look crazy? Do I look like a drag queen? I'm on a first date and I'm really nervous.
Bar Bathroom
Chicago, Illinois
And I Reject Your Bourgeois Conventions
Little girl in stall: No boys allowed in here!
Little boy in the next stall: Well, my name's Simon!
Girls' Bathroom, Clemyjontri Park
McLean, Virginia
Overheard by: Ellen
David Hasselhoff Preps for His Next Audition
Guy on urinal on the phone: Yeah, let slip the dogs of war...protein. No truer words have ever been spoken...Shakespeare didn't know shit... (farts loudly) Fuck! (farts again) Fuck. Energy drinks...I'm outta here.
George Mason University
Fairfax, Virginia
Categories: Books | Burping & farting | Colleges & Universities | Default | Drinking & drunks | Guys | On the phone | Restroom | Virginia | Weirdness | Words | Posted 2008-10-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
People With No Boundaries Aren't Quite Sure When They're Having Sex
Girl in stall (yelling on cell): Oh, my god. Do you really have herpes? That's contagious, right? Should I get tested?
(flush of toilet)
Friend's voice on speakerphone: Am I on speakerphone in the bathroom?
Girl in stall: Yeah, I'm just peeing. So should I get tested?
Friend: I'm not talking about this on speakerphone.
Girl in stall: Okay, it's off... Oh, so you can only get herpes through sex?
Public Bathroom
Kent State University, Ohio
Overheard by: Laureen
I'm Sorry, I Thought You Said "Long"
Peeing guy #1: Jesus Christ, how tall are you?
Peeing guy #2: Six three.
Peeing guy #1: How did I never notice this before?
Peeing guy #2: Why did you have to notice at a urinal?
Arclight Cinema Men's Room
Hollywood, California
Overheard by: Matt W.
Categories: Body parts | California | Default | Guys | Questions | Restroom | Weirdness | Posted 2008-08-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Stop Sticking Your Fingers in That Socket
Little girl washing hands: Look, mommy, electric soap!
Women's Restroom
Salt Lake City International Airport, Utah
Categories: Airports & flights | Health & Hygiene | Kids | Restroom | Technology | Utah | Posted 2008-08-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Last Time I Tried That, the Other Girl and I Both Ended Up with Concussions
(women's restroom, a man in a Santa suit enters)
Drunk woman: Hey, you're not a boy!
Restroom attendant: You mean he's not a girl.
Drunk woman: Yeah, you're not a girl!
Drunk Santa: Ho ho ho, ladies! I just wanted to see what you wanted for Christmas!
Drunk woman: Huh?
Restroom attendant: I want money, haha!
Drunk Santa: Then cross your labia, ladies, and merry Christmas!
(he leaves)
Drunk woman: Wait, what?
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Elizabeth
Seems to Keep Dad at Bay
Two-year-old girl: Mommy! You have hair on your vagina!
Restroom
Washington, DC
Preschool-Level Sex Ed Only Leads to Confusion
Mom standing outside of bathroom stall: Honey, hurry up, there is a line waiting.
Four-year-old girl: I can't, my body requires me to go slow.
Capitol Building Bathroom
Washington, DC
Categories: Default | Health & Hygiene | Kids | Moms | Pee | Poop | Restroom | Washington | Posted 2008-07-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Your Webcam Viewers Thank You, Too.
(two girls exit bathroom stall together)
Girl #1: It was such a pleasure watching you. It was bliss.
Elbo Room Bar
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: crafty biotech
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Body parts | Default | Feelings | Girls | Happiness | Restroom | San Francisco | Sex | Undies | Posted 2008-07-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Is It Your Time of the Math?
Puzzled teen: I swear I've never seen so much math on a napkin before.
Women's Bathroom, Wynkoop Brewery
Denver, Colorado
Overheard by: Bathroom Goer
I Told Them They Were "Perky" the Other Day, and They Sobbed and Called Me Cruel
(two guys peeing next to each other at the urinals)
Pretty boy #1: I think I have sensitive wrists.
Pretty boy #2: You have sensitive nipples!
Bowling Alley Bathroom
Dayton, Ohio
Overheard by: Liz
That's What He Said at the ER
Drunk girl applying lip gloss: I can't believe he broke up with me. I gave him the blow job of his life last night!
Napper Tandy's Bathroom
Raleigh, North Carolina
Categories: BJs | Default | Drunks | Girls | North Carolina | Relationships | Restroom | Posted 2008-06-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But I'll Be Playing Magic the Gathering in Here
Girl, entering bathroom stall: Please don't judge me!
Hartford, Connecticut
Overheard by: Claire
Categories: Connecticut | Default | Feelings | Girls | Offers and requests | Restroom | Posted 2008-06-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Head Cheerleaders Are Born, Not Made
Little kid in bathroom with grandmother: Poopies, yay, yay! Poopies, yay yay!
Arby's Bathroom
Howell, Michigan
Can You Prove That's Where They Are?
20-something girl to another: Oh, I'm sorry, I forgot you weren't privy to the thoughts that are in my head.
Bathroom, Second City Comedy Club
Chicago, Illinois
Next Time Put the Message in a Bottle
Girl in stall: I have paper stuck in my vagina.
Friend: You might not want to say that, there's people here.
Girl in stall: Why is vagina a bad word?
Ladies Room, Foreplay Bar
Portland, Maine
Overheard by: How did it get there?
Their Relationship's in the Crapper
Exasperated woman: I just called to say "I love you" while I had a moment to myself, okay?! Jeez! [Flushes.]
Women's Bathroom, Bay Park Square Mall
Green Bay, Wisconsin
We Thought Only Americans Knew This Little About Sex Ed.
[Line for ladies' room]
Girl #1: Hi, do you mind if I cut in front of you? It's urgent.
Girl #2: Sure.
Girl #1: Thanks, I have to change my tampon.
Girl #2: [Blank stare.]
Girl #1: I have to make sure I change it often. Not too often, because once I changed it too much and got chlamydia.
Girl #2: Oh...[Suppresses laugh.]
Western Australia
Australia
Categories: Australia | Cleanliness | Compare and contrast | Crazies | Etiquette | Gender issues | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Restroom | STDs | Threats | Vagina | Weirdness | Posted 2008-04-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Thought the Figure on the Door Was Sporting a Jaunty Kilt
Man in stall on the left: Bill, I think we're in the wrong bathroom.
Man in stall on the right: Yeah, I think I just figured that out.
Women's restroom at United Center
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: the girl in the stall between them
Categories: Compare and contrast | Fears | Friends | Gender issues | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Illinois | Questions | Restroom | Posted 2008-04-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Just Keep Watering It, Sweetie
Little girl: Mom, why don't I have a hairy butt like you?
Bathroom, AA flight 329
Categories: Airports & flights | Ass | Glad the condom broke | Hair | Questions | Restroom | Posted 2007-04-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Yeah, You're Mommy's Little Miracle
Toddler boy in stall with mom: I'm done!
Mom: Are you sure? Why are you doing that? Don't pull on it!
Toddler boy: Daddy does it all the time!
Border Grill
Santa Monica, California
Overheard by: Smooph
Categories: California | Gossip | Kids | Masturbation | Moms | Restroom | Posted 2007-04-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
