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And Was Forced to Read the Congressional Record
Girl: Do you know what a pearl necklace is?
Woman: I didn't learn about any of that shit until I worked on the Senate floor.
Kokomo's
Linglestown, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: M.J.M.
Categories: Default | Etiquette | Fashion | Girls | Jobs & Careers | Pennsylvania | Questions | Restaurants | Women | Posted 2008-07-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
How Many National Secrets Are Spilled
Little girl to mom: This ice cream is screwing with my mind.
McDonald's
Dayton, Ohio
Overheard by: heather
Categories: Default | Fears | Food | Girls | Headaches | Kids | Kids | Mental illnesses | Ohio | Restaurants | Posted 2008-07-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Vertical Bars Are So Slimming
20-something goth/thug girl: Remember the time I went to jail? I didn't want to leave!
Denny's
San Antonio, Texas
Overheard by: I didn't want to be at dennys
Categories: Crimes | Default | Girls | Goths | Memory lane | Restaurants | Texas | Thugs | Weirdness | Wishes | Posted 2008-06-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
They Usually Have Pretty Cool Stereo Equipment
Customer: My therapist wants me to start thinking of men as friends. Seriously though, if you can't fuck'em, what's the point?
Espresso Drive Thru
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: The Barista Who Loves Her Job
Categories: Advice | Creepsters | Customers | Default | Gender issues | Guys | Mental illnesses | Questions | Restaurants | Sexuality | Washington | Posted 2008-06-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Well, I Got a Lap Dance in the Buffet Line
Girl one: Smell my face. Smell right here. Doesn't it smell great? The stripper I got a lap dance from was wearing great perfume.
Girl two: It smells like pickles.
Toby Keith's Restaurant
Las Vegas, Nevada
Overheard by: At least it doesn't smell like tuna
Categories: Compare and contrast | Dancing | Default | Food | Girls | Nevada | Restaurants | Sensory experiences | Sexuality | Posted 2008-06-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Now the Judge Says I Can't Babysit There?
Girl to fourteen classmates: I do *everything* in the bathroom!
The Melting Pot
New Jersey
Overheard by: supersecret!
Categories: Etiquette | Euphemisms | Girls | New Jersey | Restaurants | Students | Weirdness | Words | Posted 2008-06-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Pope: Perhaps I Haven't Been Clear...
Cool college chick to friends: Ya know, birth control is the thing that makes sex okay.
Mexican Restaurant
Virginia
Overheard by: KMCV
Categories: Abortion | Default | Friends | Restaurants | Sex | Sorority types | Virginia | Posted 2008-06-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
They Have a Cool Little Hotspot Called Bar Nun
Balding yuppie guy on cell: All things being equal, I would like to drink.
(pause)
Balding yuppie guy on cell: Oh, so you guys are drinking in the convent?
Saxby's Coffee
Georgetown, Washington, DC
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Drinking & drunks | Guys | On the phone | Questions | Religion | Restaurants | Washington, DC | Wishes | Yuppies | Posted 2008-06-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Is That How the Peter Rabbit Story Is Supposed to End?
Surprised biker: And once he was released from custody, he never ate rice again.
Outside Burger Joint
Glendale, California
Overheard by: Brady
Categories: California | Crimes | Default | Food | Restaurants | Weirdness | Posted 2008-06-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Assume That Means a General Lack of Randiness
Girl: What about her? She's cute.
Guy: Yeah... but her boobs are small.
Girl: What's wrong with small boobs anyway?
Guy: They're... not... big.
Restaurant, Oregon
Categories: Beauty | Body parts | Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | Guys | Oregon | Questions | Restaurants | Posted 2008-06-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Oh, I'm Sorry--Aren't You a Size Queen?
Tall guy: My girlfriend's ex-boyfriend had an eight inch penis.
Younger friend girl: What!? Why would she tell you that?!
Tall guy: I guess she just thought I should know.
Younger friend girl: No, here's a better question. Why would you tell me that!?
Chick-fil-A
Houston, Texas
Categories: Default | Friends | Girls | Guys | Penis | Questions | Relationships | Restaurants | Sexuality | Texas | Posted 2008-06-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's How in Love with His Mom He Is
Guy to friends: No, I mean he's really in love with her, like reeeeally in love. He left his trailer, and moved in with his parents.
Buffalo Wild Wings
Winchester, Virginia
Categories: Default | Friends | Guys | Relationships | Restaurants | Virginia | Weirdness | Posted 2008-06-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Was It a Big Bang?
Guy, crying: Ahhh! I just had sex with Stephen Hawking right up here, in my head!
Starbucks
Biloxi, Mississippi
Categories: About celebrities | Creepsters | Default | Fears | Feelings | Guys | Mississippi | Restaurants | Science | Sex | Weirdness | Posted 2008-06-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Does...Not...Compute...
Chick #1: She doesn't even *want* to get married!
Chick #2: And she's not a ho?
Starbucks, Pacific Center
Daly City, California
Overheard by: Ladle
Categories: California | Chicks | Questions | Relationships | Restaurants | Sexuality | Wishes | Posted 2008-06-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Now Aren't You Glad We Went Through My Daughter's Sock Drawer?
Middle-aged woman, to older woman: Those were some really good drugs!
Dunkin' Donuts
University of Rhode Island
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compliments | Drugs | Ladies who lunch | Restaurants | Rhode Island | Posted 2008-05-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But Not a Real Green Dress --That's Cruel
Girl on phone: I'll go on MySpace and look until I die for a picture of you in a ugly green dress!
Orlando Ale House
Orlando, Florida
Categories: Clothing | Florida | Girls | MySpace | On the phone | Restaurants | Threats | Posted 2008-05-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Either Way I Won't Be Able to Get Off Now
Suit #1: I can't believe I've lost them again!
Suit #2: Are we talking about dildos still or the midgets?
McDonald's Parking Lot
St. Louis, Missouri
Overheard by: I wish I heard the first part of this conversation
Childbirth Is All a Hoax
20-something hipster girl to another: So, anyway, no one is pregnant.
Sorella's Diner
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Julianna
Categories: Default | Fears | Friends | Girls | Hipsters | Massachusetts | Pregnancy | Restaurants | Words | Posted 2008-05-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
A Family Tradition I've Been Staunch about Continuing
Drunk woman: ... And that's how my parents hooked up! My dad was a drunk dialer!
Outside George's
Waco, Texas
Categories: Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Family ties | Memory lane | Relationships | Restaurants | Texas | Women | Posted 2008-05-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Drugging Miss Daisy
Old white lady, leaving table with a flourish: Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to the bathroom to shoot up.
Lemongrass
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: Loves Her Some Thai Food
Categories: Age and ageing | Compare and contrast | Drugs | Etiquette | Ladies who lunch | Maryland | Restaurants | Weirdness | Wishes | Words | Posted 2008-05-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Eat It Before Those Orgies with the Football Team
College girl #1: Eating raw fish makes you super fertile.
College girl #2: Really?
College girl #1: Yeah, thats why I get pregnant so much.
Japanese Restaurant
Richmond, Virginia
Categories: Animals | Food | Friends | Pregnancy | Restaurants | Science | Sorority types | Posted 2008-05-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Something Just Expanded --Possibly My Awareness
Barista guy, gesturing toward mug of Sharpies: Are you aware that these markers cost ninety-nine cents each?
Barista chick: Are you aware that I want to get my nipples pierced?
Starbuck's, Castro Street
Mountain View, California
Overheard by: touché
Categories: Baristas | Bringing it back to you | California | Girls | Guys | Money | Nipples | Questions | Restaurants | Wishes | Posted 2008-05-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Specifically, a Fatty Boombalatty
Guy: I learned something... What did I learn? I learned that my son is a fatty.
Chick-fil-A
Marietta, Georgia
Categories: Dads | Diet & weight | Family ties | Georgia | Offspring | Questions | Restaurants | Words | Posted 2008-05-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Not Without My Fainting Couch and Fan Nearby
Drunk girl: I went to the University of Alabama, so you don't have to tell me about sex.
Sammy's
Raleigh, North Carolina
Categories: Bragging | Drunks | Education | Girls | North Carolina | Restaurants | Sex | Posted 2008-05-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Not Even in Back Bay?
Guy: Yeah, it's like that one time we ended up at the homosexual movie theater.
Girl: They have gay movie theaters?
Guy: Yeah, it's called, like... Homoplex or something.
Girl: We don't even have those in Boston.
Diner
St. Louis, Missouri
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | Guys | Missouri | Movies | Names | Questions | Restaurants | Sexuality | US Geography | Posted 2008-05-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Have to Earn the Right to Stay in Paradise, Pal
Guido: Dude, I think your girlfriend is going to dump you. You fell off your chair inside and you punched me in the ribs twice when I got up to go to the bathroom.
Drunk Guido: No, she can't dump me. She lets me put it in her ass!
Outside Restuarant
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: Lauren
Categories: Ass | Backdoor | Drunks | Guys | Maryland | Pride | Relationships | Restaurants | Posted 2008-05-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Build Him a Sukkah?
Loudmouthed breakfast patron: I'm not trying to be rude or anything, but what if you keep kosher and someone, like, brings a pig to your house? Like, what do you do with their pet pig?
Toast Two
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Paul
Said She's Too Old to Start Wearing Pleather Again
Old lady to another: Mary started crying because she thought they were taking her back to New Jersey.
Pizza Shop
Lima, Pennsylvania
Categories: Fears | Feelings | Friends | Gripes | Old folks | Pennsylvania | Restaurants | US Geography | Women | Posted 2008-05-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Or Striptionary?
MIT frat boy #1: I'm just saying, everybody has a strip poker tournament during rush week. We need something different.
MIT frat boy #2: You mean, like, strip risk or battleship?
MIT frat boy #1: Um... Sure.
Chinese Restaurant
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Brian
Categories: Compare and contrast | Education | Frat boy types | Friends | Games | Guys | Massachusetts | Offers and requests | Restaurants | Sexuality | Students | Stupidity | Wishes | Posted 2008-05-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
As Long As You Don't Lie in the Same Bed Together, It's All Good
Man: What does it say in the bible about punching your son in the face?
Starbucks
Durham, North Carolina
Overheard by: wondering the same thing myself
Categories: Books | Guys | North Carolina | Offspring | Parenting | Questions | Religion | Restaurants | Violence | Posted 2008-05-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The National Association of Farmers Convention Can Get Rowdy
Preppie guy: ... And I said, "That's why I trade corn futures!" [Entire table erupts in raucous laughter.]
Ethiopian restaurant, 12th & U
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Ladle
Categories: Bragging | Guys | Jobs & Careers | Preppies | Restaurants | Washington, DC | Posted 2008-05-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Stop Being White in Popeye's!
Black girl #1: Okay, I know what I'm getting. Do you know what you're getting?
White girl: I've never been here before. Let me look for a while. [Pauses, then yells.] Wait a minute! Popeye's a sailor; Why does he sell chicken?
Black girl #2: Oh my god, shut up now or no more vodka for you for the rest of the night!
White girl: Okay. [Giggles.] I'm sorry.
[Black girls start talking to each other.]
White girl, yelling: Why are there no white people in here?!
Black girl #1: Aww fuck, take her outside to the car. This is her first and last time ever coming here!
Popeye's
Trenton, New Jersey
Categories: Advice | Black people | Compare and contrast | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Food | Friends | Girls | New Jersey | Questions | Race | Restaurants | Threats | Wishes | Posted 2008-05-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
All I Asked Was, "Does That Come with Fries?"
Light-skinned black woman: I'm just saying, I'd have been in the home and not in the fields.
Taco Mac
Atlanta, Georgia
Categories: Black people | Georgia | History | Jobs & Careers | Race | Restaurants | Women | Posted 2008-05-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Called 867-5309 and Asked
Tween girl to crowd of loitering friends: Everyone's bisexual... except for Jenny.
Outside Starbucks
Avon, Connecticut
Categories: Compare and contrast | Connecticut | Girls | Restaurants | Sexuality | Tweens | Weirdness | Posted 2008-05-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Button Up Your Pants, Sweetie
Little girl: I love you, pole.
[She kisses the pole.]
Father: Don't kiss the pole! Keep it rated G!
Outside a Dim Sum Shop
Alameda, California
Categories: Advice | California | Dads | Etiquette | Girls | Kids | Kids | Movies | Restaurants | Sexuality | Posted 2008-04-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But Only in the Fucking Men Kind of Way
Teen girl #1: So the guy you're dating is gay?
Teen girl #2: No he's not. He isn't gay! ... Well he is a little gay.
Restaurant Patio
California
Categories: California | Compare and contrast | Girls | Questions | Relationships | Restaurants | Sexuality | Teens | Weirdness | Posted 2008-04-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Typhoid Mary Was Also an Avid Bowler
Woman at table dining with friend: I mean, I love infectious diseases, don't get me wrong, but that's not my life.
Red Restaurant
Nashville, Tennessee
Overheard by: kyndgrrl
Categories: Compare and contrast | Feelings | Friends | Health & Hygiene | Ladies who lunch | Maladies | Restaurants | Tennessee | Threats | Weirdness | Posted 2008-04-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Figure Since He Died for Me, I May As Well Give Him Something Nice to Look At
Man: I'm giving up bread for lent.
Woman: Is that because Jesus Christ died for your sins, or because you're concerned with your figure?
Starbucks
San Diego, California
Overheard by: Maggie
Categories: Beauty | Christianity | Comebacks | Diet & weight | Food | Guys | Holidays | Jesus | Restaurants | Women | Posted 2008-04-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook