Get the 10 best quotesby e-mail weekly!
Train All Categories > Places > Venues > Public transportation > Train
Recent | Best Of
As We Learned in Biology Class
Drunk dude to girl: You will get absolutely no penis in your life! None!
Transit Train
New Jersey
Overheard by: Russ
Dude, When You Go to Work You're Totally Gonna Shit
High school freshman #1: Sometimes I wish I didn't live somewhere so industrialized. Why can't I live somewhere where people are hunters and gatherers?
High school freshman #2: I know, we waste so much time in school getting an "education." I could learn so much more out in the world.
High school freshman #1: Yeah, and I don't understand why people go to work and shit.
Train Station
Chicago, Illinois
Gangsta Stackable
College kid #1: You know what would be tight? If we got some of those plastic containers from Ikea.
College kid #2: Oh yeah, that shit's stackable, yo.
Subway
Boston, Massachusetts
Categories: Guys | Massachusetts | Train | Weirdness | Wishes | Posted 2010-05-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Wolf Was No Match for Grandma
Dad: Later, we need to find grandma a boyfriend.
Seven-year-old son: Grandma already has a boyfriend, though.
Dad: Really? Who?
Seven-year-old son: She's married to granddad!
Dad: No, no, your other grandma.
Seven-year-old son: Oh yeah, she really needs a boyfriend.
Train
Manchester
England
Categories: Compare and contrast | Dads | England | Family ties | Kids | Relationships | Train | Posted 2010-04-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If You Give Me That Seat, I'll Juggle Them for You.
Old man on subway to perfect stranger: So I give this woman three eggs to put in her pocket. You know, crack. And, can you hold this?
(young woman holds coffee for him)
Old man: So I've got these eggs...
Subway
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
...Who Refuses to Be Confined to a Single Cell.
Girl: I am not an amoeba, I'm a free man!
Chatswood Station
Sydney
Australia
Hmm...You Also Said the Muppet Babies Were Making You Clean Your Oven.
Woman: The Italian mafia are making me conduct the trains!
Subway Station
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: Meech
...To Cut Coke with
Girl #1: So I unplugged the phone before I left, so the school can't call my mom to say I'm not at school.
Girl #2: Oh, that's pretty smart.
Girl #1: I also took my dad's credit card.
Train
Chicago, Illinois
Being American, in a Nutshell.
Conductor: Everybody please be patient, we have an obstruction on the tracks. Police are working to clear it, we will continue as soon as they finish.
Young suit: We're in a 55-ton battering ram, why did we even stop?
MAX Rail
Portland, Oregon
Overheard by: Ram Das
Categories: Conductors | Oregon | Public Transportation | Questions | Suits | Train | Posted 2010-02-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Tonight on Ask Nurse Ninja
Woman on cell: You know what you should do? You should punch her in the temple. (pause) Well, you need to punch her in the temple so you can resolve this in a professional manner.
MARTA Train
Atlanta, Georgia
Categories: Advice | Body parts | Georgia | On the phone | Train | Violence | Women | Posted 2010-02-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...And If You Have Any Train-Driving Experience, Please Report to the Front Car.
Conductor: Welcome on board the 4:15 service to Wolverhampton, calling at Smethwick, Sandwell and... Oh god, my head... (mic cuts out for a while) Sandwell... and Dudley, and Wolverhampton... (breathes heavily, deep sigh, mic cuts out again)
Birmingham to Wolverhampton Train
England
Overheard by: xSJBx
Categories: Conductors | England | Headaches | Public Transportation | Train | Weirdness | Posted 2009-12-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Assume Everyone's Seen Independence Day?
Conductor, at the end of introductory speech: And, ladies and gentlemen, in the event of an emergency... you all know what to do.
Train
St. Louis, Missouri
Categories: Advice | Conductors | Missouri | Public Transportation | Train | Posted 2009-12-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
He Then Burst Into the Laverne and Shirley Theme Song
Train operator: Orange line to Vienna. If you are on the platform, you better hurry up. Cause I'm not going to let you slow me down.
Metro
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Reject
Categories: Conductors | Public Transportation | Threats | Train | Washington, DC | Posted 2009-12-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Oh Yes, Mummy-- Ever So!
Mom to two little kids sitting directly behind her on the train: Do you feel a little bit better now that you've got slight independence?
Disneyland
Anaheim, California
Overheard by: They were the best behaved children there that day.
Check Your Calendar and Get Back to Me
Woman to husband: Can you run me over on Saturday?
Train
Sydney
Australia
That's the Last Time I'll Pick Up a Harvard Guy
Guy with sunglasses on cell: So I went back to the apartment today and he was passed out again! (pause) Yeah, dude, I think he smoked a bowl on my bed and then seized a few times...
B Train
Boston, Massachusetts
Categories: Drugs | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Massachusetts | On the phone | Train | Posted 2009-11-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Now Explain Why You're Defecating on That Statue
Boyfriend on train: I always wanted to be a pigeon.
Incredulous girlfriend: What?
Boyfriend: Oh shit, I just thought that out loud.
Melbourne
Australia
Having a TV on Every Seat Is Pretty Damn Great
Six-year-old girl: Mum, remember when we went on that airplane?
Distracted mum: Mm-hmm?
Six-year-old girl: Was that paradise?
Train
Melbourne
Australia
Overheard by: Wishing I could go holiday there
Ah, the Ever-Effective Nuremberg Defense!
Guido to skinny guy on métro: So you weren't really grabbing her boobs. That's just following instructions. (pause) You were just being a team player, man.
Vendôme Métro
Montréal
Canadia
The Enemy Of My Imaginary Enemy Is My Imaginary Friend
Hip-hop thug on train bursts out, to no one in particular: Fuck you, man!
(spits on floor) You don't like it, do somethin' 'bout it. (pause) You want my dick? You want to be on my dick?
(silence).
Chica sitting opposite: Who are you talking to?
(hip-hop thug mumbles)
Chica: I don't think anyone wants to be on your dick.
Boston, Massachusetts
Also, I'm Having Company Tonight, So You'll Have to Find Another Place to Sleep
Young boy to father: Dad, I really wanted that chocolate cereal, did you buy some for me?
Father: No.
Young boy: Why not?
Father: Listen, I'd also prefer it if you stayed at your mom's all the time. But do we always get what we want? No.
Subway
Vienna
Austria
Seriously, What Makes People Think That?
Goth girl on cell: His dick is huge! I came so hard I was crying! (notices several people looking at her and laughing) Do you fucking mind? This is a private conversation!
Red Line Train
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Joe
Categories: Girls | Goths | On the phone | Orgasm | Penis | Train | Washington, DC | Weirdness | Posted 2009-08-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
My Train Is Like the Hotel California, Beeyotch.
Black woman #1: I hate when people wait to the last minute to try and get off at a stop.
Black woman #2: Mmm-hmm.
Black woman #1: I don't let them past if they try to do that shit.
Black woman #2: What you do?
Black woman #1: I'll push their mothafuckin' ass back on the train!
Subway
New York City
Categories: Ass | Black people | Gripes | Insults | New York | Public Transportation | Train | Violence | Women | Posted 2009-08-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Portland Boasts a Rich Frottage Subculture
Boyfriend: Ow! Stop twisting my mole.
Girlfriend, singing quietly to herself: Looking for rub in all the wrong places.
MAX Train
Portland, Oregon
Overheard by: Amy Achterman
Categories: Body parts | Couples | Oregon | Relationships | Singing | Train | Posted 2009-08-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Some Kids Wet the Bed
Mother to five-year-old: Keep moving, we don't want to be in the first car. If the train crashes, we'd be done for.
Metro North Railroad
New York City, New York
Overheard by: BOB Sled
That Would End the Fun and Games
Emo guy on cell: I've got to get on the electric snake now. I'll go wherever it takes me. (pause) Tell your mom not to lose an eye, ok?
B Line
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Smallison
Categories: Animals | Body parts | Guys | Massachusetts | On the phone | Parenting | Public Transportation | Train | Posted 2009-08-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Well, I'm Sorry I Made You Kiss Her Feet...
New Yorker, on cell to fiancée: Honey, all set here for our wedding, when you coming over? I got both of our rings, in nine-carat gold! (appalled silence in carriage) Yeah, your finger's gonna go green and fall off or something? What the hell's wrong with nine-carat gold? Hey! Of course I love you more than I love my mom! Come on! What is this about?
Train
Dublin
Ireland
Categories: Compare and contrast | Couples | Feelings | Foreigners | Hands | Health & Hygiene | Ireland | Money | On the phone | Questions | Relationships | Train | Posted 2009-08-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
More Important Than You Knew
Brazilian guy to American: Pleeeeeaaase? Say it. Say it. Say "fucker de matriz" in English.
Brazilian girlfriend: He wants you to say (whispers) "motherfucker".
American guy: Okay. (blandly) Motherfucker.
Brazilian guy: No! Like an American, please!
American guy: Huh? Oh, "muthafucka!"
Brazilian guy, laughing giddily and clapping: Yes! Yes! Muthafucka, excellent!
ViaRail Train
Canadia
Overheard by: Jim
Categories: Canadia | Couples | Foreigners | Insults | Offers and requests | Train | Wishes | Words | Posted 2009-07-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
A Problem I Can Solve Simply by Getting a Drunker ID
Drunk college dude, explaining how he got kicked out of a club: They looked at my ID, then they looked at my face. My face was not as sober as my ID.
Metro, Orange Line
Washington, DC
Overheard by: funniest Metro ride ever
Categories: Body parts | Compare and contrast | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Students | Train | Washington, DC | Posted 2009-07-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Just Did His Horoscope
Conductor: Do not buy anything from the man in the yellow shirt and white tennis shoes. He will be arrested.
Subway
Los Angeles, California
Categories: Advice | California | Clothes | Clothing | Conductors | Crimes | Public Transportation | Train | Posted 2009-07-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
In Hindsight, the Bible Could Have Been a Lot Worse
Young teenage girl with pink furry boots, rainbow hair, and seven facial piercings: Hey, if you were god, what would you do?
Young teenage boy with shaggy hair, acne, and a little boy face: I'd kill my foster parents.
Young teenage girl, totally ignoring her friend's response: I would totally make the world flat, so we could travel just by folding it in half. Imagine how much time and money I would save everyone!
Packed Train during Rush Hour
Calgary, Alberta
Canadia
Presenting, the Deepest Person at Banana Republic.
Aspiring fashionista: What if I die today and regret that I never dressed up all the time? But if I worked at Banana Republic, I'd be forced to dress up.
BART Train
Berkeley, California
Overheard by: Kaitlen
Categories: California | Clothes | Death & dying | Fashion | Idiots | Jobs & Careers | Questions | Stupidity | Train | Posted 2009-07-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Text Wouldn't All Fit.
Nerd #1 to another: How do you write "dd" in hexadecimal again? I forget...
(they turn to look at fat woman walking by)
Nerd #2: I would not write a dissertation on her boobs. No way.
PATH Train
Hoboken, New Jersey
Overheard by: I wouldn't either
Former Kindergarten Teachers Make Quite Efficient Hobos
Hobo #1, holding sneaker, to another: Put that shoe on!
Hobo #2: Man, I don't want to sweat in the shoe. That'll make my feet stink!
Hobo #1: Man, what the fuck you worried about? Your feet already stink. I can smell them from here. Those people can smell them from here. Now put on your goddamn shoes and tie that shit up tight. No one wants to smell what you got. Now I'm going to stand here and watch you tie those shoes for the good of everyone on this train.
(others on train applaud)
MARTA Train
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: Finally, a humanitarian homeless man
When Rappers Moonlight.
Train driver: This train is being taken out of service. Brigham Circle will be the last stop for this train. Don't hate the player, hate the game!
E Train
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: camille
Categories: Advice | Conductors | Gripes | Massachusetts | Public Transportation | Train | Posted 2009-06-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Depends -- Is It 1987?
Goth girl, looking at poster: Do you think that singing Weird Al in the middle of the train counts as suspicious behavior or unusual behavior?
H Line
Denver, Colorado
Categories: Colorado | Compare and contrast | Goths | Music | Public Transportation | Questions | Train | Weirdness | Posted 2009-06-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's Not Every Day You Get to Have Your Face Smushed Against a Complete Stranger
Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, we are normally a six-car train. Today they gave us four cars. I cried, I begged, but to no avail. (10 minutes later) Next stop, Secaucus! Hang on, we're gonna make it!
Transit Train
New Jersey
Overheard by: twoferrets
Categories: Conductors | Feelings | New Jersey | Public Transportation | Train | Posted 2009-06-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Vacations Exist.
Conductor: Next stop, Chiswick. (trailing off) Chiswick... Chiswick... Cheese balls... Cheese balls...balls. (normal tone) Next stop, Chiswick.
B Line
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Stefa
Categories: Balls | Conductors | Food | Massachusetts | Public Transportation | Train | Weirdness | Words | Posted 2009-06-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Sylvia's Whole Life Is a Word Problem
Annoyingly talkative woman: I got my pumpkin t-shirt at Old Navy eight years ago. I wear it every year. But I've only worn it... eight times!
Commuter Train
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: M@
Especially When You Start Punting the Elves
40-something suit to another: I should go see Santa, but I'm a couple decades too late. (pause) And if you go without a kid, they think you're weird or something.
LIRR Train Station
New York
Overheard by: BK
He's Really More Of a Northerner
Crazy man #1: Are you from Mexico or Switzerland?
Crazy man #2: I am from Georgia! From the mountains.
Crazy man #1: North Georgia?
Crazy man #2: No, the mountains.
Crazy man #1: Are you friends with Santa Claus?
Crazy man #2: No, me and Santa don't get along.
Marta Train
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: Jessica
Categories: Crazies | Default | Geography | Georgia | Guys | Questions | Santa Claus | Train | US Geography | Posted 2009-04-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
My Dad Wants to See Me ASAP
30-something druggie girl: I know my dad's looking down at me, helping me and shit. That's how I got my handbag back.
30-something druggie guy: Yeah? For fuckin serious?
30-something druggie girl: Yeah! I feel like he's telling me shit sometimes. Sometimes I reckon he wants me to stop taking the pills and the smack, but then I'm like, "Nah, that's just the drugs talking."
Train
Melbourne
Australia
Overheard by: XPIOTOS
But How Do You Feel About It?
Gossip girl #1: Oh my god! Did I tell you that I got accepted for my exchange to Paris next year? I'm going second semester.
Gossip girl #2: Oh my god! That's amazing!
Gossip girl #1: Yeah, I'm really excited.
Gossip girl #2: That's so exciting!
Gossip girl #1: Yeah, it's gonna be amazing.
Gossip girl #2: That is so amazing.
Gossip girl #1: Yeah, I'm super excited!
Gossip girl #2: That is just so exciting!
VIA Train
Montreal to Toronto
Overheard by: The zoe
What Passes for Raucous Wit, in Britain
Lady on loudspeaker: The train on platform 3 is going to Edgeware Road. The train on platform 4 is for Embankment Station. District Line services are not running between Embankment and Whitechapel. Platform 3 is for Edgeware Road, platform 4 is for Embankment. If you are still on this platform after these trains leave, you are lost and confused and need to find a member of staff.
Earl's Court Station
London
England
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | England | Geography | Jobs & Careers | Public Transportation | Train | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2009-03-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Jesus Rocks!
Guy: Dude, he gets so much pussy and he doesn't even want it.
Skytrain
Vancouver
Canadia
Overheard by: Arthur
Otherwise It'll Just Get Made Into McNuggets
Scruffy man with garbage bag to stranger: Want to buy some chicken breast?
Blue Line Train
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Categories: Birds | Default | Food | Guys | Offers and requests | Pennsylvania | Questions | Train | Posted 2009-02-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's Easy for the Deaf to Maintain Friendships
Old woman #1: She tried putting it everywhere, in the lamp and the overhead light, nothing worked.
Old woman #2: The violin is not my favorite instrument. It's too high pitched.
Old woman #1: I'm worried someone might steal the soup from the church, you never know who's in there now.
Old woman #2: Of course Justin never paid that bill, so I covered it for him.
Train
Melbourne
Australia
I Don't Care If It Is Cardboard
50-something man to 50-something woman: You are not homeless. Homeless people don't own dinnerware!
BART Train
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: Morpheus
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Food | Guys | San Francisco | Train | Words | Posted 2009-02-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Pretty Sure Steve Urkel Had a Gas-Mask Bong
Teen girl: Mom, guess what he got me for an early Christmas present?
Mother: What, honey?
Teen girl: A gas-mask bong--like in that movie Knocked Up. And it's purple!
Mother: Jeez, your dork-o-meter is in the red.
MARTA Train
Atlanta, Georgia
Your Editors Have a Soft Spot for Girls Who Say "Suitors"
Slutty looking girl: I want to send a bulletin to all my male suitors: "you will not be getting into my pants by texting me and asking me to give you a back massage. The bum who told me god did a beautiful job making my legs this morning had a better chance."
Ogilvie Train Station
Chicago, Illinois
On the Plus Side, We've Finally Found a Decent Place for Our Slip-n-Slide
Loud woman on phone: I was at the funeral on Wednesday and Melvin was sitting in the pew behind me. Halfway through the ceremony he leans forward and goes: "We're at the wrong funeral!" So we had to get up and find the right one. When we got there, the hill was so steep the hearse couldn't get up the hill! It was awful!
Train
Aberdeen
Scotland
Why Did People Kill Each Other Before Cell Phones?
Loud man on cell: Yeah, 800,000 dollars. But let's just keep this between ourselves, okay?
Packed Commuter Train
Toronto, Canadia
Overheard by: M@
Survivor Finally Jumps the Shark.
Indie girl to friend: And then, as revenge, Jess urinated in her Nutella jar.
Train
Wollongong
Australia
In and Out, In and Out, All Night Long
Conductor: Mind the gap, doors closing. (train does not move) Those naughty, naughty doors.
London
England
Overheard by: ren
Categories: Advice | Conductors | Default | England | Offers and requests | Public Transportation | Train | Posted 2009-01-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Whereas the Middle Ages Were More Like Getting Ear-Fucked Repeatedly
Girl on train helping her friend study: Think of a baby crawling back into the vagina and popping out again. That's the renaissance.
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Sitting in front of them for an hour on the train
It Was Almost Like Being in the United States
Train guy: I just got in last night from Denver.
Train girl: Oh yeah? What part?
Train guy: Colorado.
South Shore Train
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Chubi
That, or the Patriot Act
Dirty hobo (screaming): Does anyone have any popcorn on this fucking train? (glares because no one answers) That's what's fucked up with his country, no one will give you any fucking popcorn!
BART Train
San Francisco, California
Categories: Crazies | Default | Food | Hobos | Mental illnesses | Offers and requests | Politics | Questions | San Francisco | Train | Posted 2008-11-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...in Exchange for Cooking Lessons
Conductor: This train will terminate at Stratford. The next station is Waterloo. Please change here for the Bakerloo, Northern and Waterloo & City lines. Alternatively you can also change for Waterloo International, catch the next Eurostar, go to Paris and show the French how to play rugby.
London
England
Overheard by: kat
Categories: Conductors | Default | England | Geography | Offers and requests | Pride | Public Transportation | Train | Posted 2008-11-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Giuliani As a Kid
Girl: My mom is never going to let me go on a field trip again.
Boy #1: Why?
Girl: I left my jacket at the museum.
Boy #2: Wanna know what I left at the museum? My dignity. My dignity and my pride.
BART
San Francisco, California
But If I Collect Enough Quarters, Perhaps I Can Buy Him Out
Aboriginal hobo: There is a nice cave outside of Kings Park. Only problem is there's some old guy livin' in it, he's been livin' there for at least 20 years... I'm just waiting for him to die already so I can move in.
Train
Perth
Australia
Overheard by: Dylann
We Better Just Get Off the Train, Mom
Tourist lady, as train approaches the end of the line: So how are they going to turn this train around?
Daughter: They don't have to. It can go in either direction.
Tourist lady: Well, are they at least going to turn the seats around?
Subway
Washington, DC
Categories: Default | Girls | Kids | Kids | Moms | Public transportation | Questions | Technology | Tourists | Train | Washington, DC | Women | Posted 2008-11-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Bottom Line: Can I Borrow a Pickle and Some Duct Tape?
Girl on cell: And I'm like "If you get to fuck me in the ass, then I get to fuck you!" Yeah, except then he's like, "Okay, sweet!" and I'm like, "Shit, that backfired."
University LRT Station
Calgary
Canadia
Overheard by: thrilled commuter
Categories: Backdoor | Canadia | Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | On the phone | Threats | Train | Posted 2008-10-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Well, We're Stopping, but We're Not Stopping-Stopping
Conductor (at tube stop before Finchley Road station): This train will not be stopping at Finchley Road. I repeat, this train will not be stopping at Finchley Road. (train pulls into Finchley Road, slows down and stops) This train will not be stopping at Finchley Road. (pause) I'm aware that we've actually stopped at Finchley Road, but we will not be stopping at Finchley Road.
Jubilee Underground Line
London
England
Overheard by: Tom
Categories: Conductors | Default | England | Public transportation | Train | Weirdness | Words | Posted 2008-10-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When "Come Here Often?" Just Isn't Special Enough
Awkward girl: Are you an organ donor?
Uninterested guy: No.
Awkward girl: You should donate your skin. It's nice. Non-cancerous.
Uninterested guy: I'm good.
Awkward girl: Oh. So what's up with guys always having to spread their seed?
BART Train
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: Grace
Categories: Advice | Default | Girls | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Questions | San Francisco | Train | Weirdness | Posted 2008-10-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And You Thought Picking Up Girls at Funerals Was Bad
Girlfriend on packed, stopped train: I'm bored. Tell me a story.
Boyfriend: I remember the first time I saw you...you were crying...sitting outside the abortion clinic. I gave you my hankie.
Yellow Train
Washington, DC
Overheard by: entertained next to them
Categories: Abortion | Couples | Default | Feelings | Girls | Guys | Memory lane | Offers and requests | Relationships | Train | Washington, DC | Weirdness | Posted 2008-10-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It Was Magical Meeting You in the Bar Last Night, by the Way
Woman leaving voice mail: Hey, it's me. I just wanted to let you know that I ate an entire bag of salad last night for dinner. Um...it was like three servings. Okay, call me later.
Brown Line Train
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Patrick
Just Like I Was Cleaning My Hand When I Slapped You Just Now
Posh old lady: Well, everyone else said that daddy shot himself, but I still contend that he fell on his gun when he was cleaning it...
Tube, London
England
Overheard by: Wendy Stephens
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | England | Family ties | Feelings | Murder | Old folks | Train | Violence | Women | Posted 2008-10-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Due to All the Air.
Girl to friends (while reading horoscope page): I guess it means that, as an Aries, I should just embrace the fact that I'm better than people! (pause) Well, not better, just cooler.
Metro Red Line
Washington, DC
Overheard by: felonaz
Categories: Compare and contrast | Compliments | Default | Feelings | Friends | Girls | Train | Washington, DC | Posted 2008-09-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's the Last Time We Party with the Dean
Frat boy to friends: So, I look at him and think, "I'm not such a good friend that I'm gonna help him here." He was halfway off his air mattress and his tighty whities were soaked with either sweat or urine
Friend #1: I'd have kept away too. I hope it was sweat.
Friend #2: Nah, dude. He's a pisser.
Brown Line Train
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Jim
Categories: Body parts | Default | Frat boy types | Friends | Illinois | Pee | Train | Weirdness | Posted 2008-09-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Like, "Good Boy, Cujo!"
Loud woman on cell: I mean I know he was seriously injured--he had a few fractures and sprains and he hurt his neck and back... But hey, that's what you get when you take too many shots and fall backwards down a flight of stairs because you tripped over your neighbor's dog... I'm so glad we won this case!
MBTA Train
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Sarah
Categories: Animals | Body parts | Default | Health & Hygiene | Massachusetts | On the phone | Train | Women | Posted 2008-09-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Santa Summers in Stamford
Conductor: Stamford, Stamford stop is...ooh, did you see those two baby reindeer?!
MetroNorth Train
Stamford, Connecticut
Categories: Animals | Conductors | Connecticut | Public transportation | Questions | Train | Posted 2008-09-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If It Was Around at Least One Ankle, It Counts
Guy: I saw Mark yesterday.
Girl: Oh my gawd! We haven't seen him, like, since the nightclub last year.
Guy: I'm surprised you remember that night.
Girl: Yeah, good thing you are strong enough to carry me.
Guy: Good thing you were wearing underwear.
Girl: Barely.
Guy: That's my girl.
TTC Subway
Toronto
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Compliments | Default | Drinking & drunks | Girls | Guys | Train | Undies | Posted 2008-09-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's What You Said When You Gave Him Syphilis
Girl on phone: He says that we can't be together because it bothers him that we're cousins, and we were intimate. I think it's because doctors are more sensitive to that kind of thing than the rest of us.
Train, New Jersey
Overheard by: NoNoK
Categories: Default | Family ties | Feelings | Girls | New Jersey | On the phone | Sexuality | Train | Posted 2008-09-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
All the Other Times I Didn't Need the Vodka
Hipster girl: I wasn't invited to the wedding but maybe I'll go anyway. I could be your date. Who knows, maybe you'll even score.
Guy: Shit, all I have to do is give you two vodka sodas and point you to a pool and I'll score. Easy.
Hipster girl: One time that happened. One time.
Marta Train
Atlanta, Georgia
Categories: Default | Drinking & drunks | Georgia | Girls | Guys | Hipsters | Relationships | Sexuality | Train | Posted 2008-09-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Musky Petals Often Considers Changing Her Name
20-something girl #1: So she's dating him and has spent the night at his place, but he's still in the middle of a divorce.
20-something girl #2: ...and she doesn't know his last name?
20-something girl #1: Yep.
20-something girl #2: And he's her boss.
20-something girl #1: Yep. I told her to google him or look at his business card.
20-something girl #2: I don't understand any of this. I've never googled myself, actually. Have you?
20-something girl #1: Yeah, you should try it! It makes you feel famous.
20-something girl #2, to herself: All that came up when I did it was porn.
Northbound Caltrain
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: A Cheek
Categories: Advice | California | Default | Girls | Internet | Names | Porn | Relationships | Train | Posted 2008-09-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If You Have Anything to Say to Me, You Can Say It Via Text
Girl on subway: Hey, can we talk for a minute?
Guy sitting next to her: What are you, some kind of psycho?
Shout-out: community.livejournal.com
Overheard by: Ian
Categories: Default | Girls | Guys | Mental illnesses | Offers and requests | Overheard at BU | Questions | Train | Weirdness | Posted 2008-09-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Last Time I Use Flammable Lube
Man on phone: So I took my dick out of her ass and started smoking a cigarette... What else was I supposed to do?
Subway
New York City, New York
Your First Mistake Was Trying to Talk to Him
Black girl to girlfriend: He's young, like 24, 25. And get this: I was like, "So, what else do you do?" and he goes "I make beats." I said, "Of course you do."
Subway
New York City, New York
Overheard by: EL
Categories: Age and ageing | Black people | Default | Friends | Girls | New York | Questions | Sexuality | Train | Posted 2008-09-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Now I Have a Little More Captain in Me Than Most People
30-something white lady: I just shove it down my pants. But it's not beer, it's Captain Morgan!
BART Escalator
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: Hott Bi Luv
Categories: Clothes | Default | Drinking & drunks | Euphemisms | San Francisco | Train | Whiteys | Women | Posted 2008-08-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's My Prerogative
Young pregnant mother, gratefully accepting seat on crowded tram: Come over here and sit with mummy, Adam.
Four-year-old: Noooooooooo.
Mother: C'mon, Adam, come sit with mummy.
Four-year-old: Noooooooo (but slinks over and sits down anyway)
Mother: Better?
Four-year-old: You've ruined my life, mom.
Mother: Yes, honey, I know.
Melbourne
Australia
Overheard by: Soap Oprah
Categories: Australia | Default | Kids | Moms | Offers and requests | Parenting | Preggers | Public transportation | Train | Posted 2008-08-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Mean Conductors Are Like This Everywhere?
Train conductor: Thank you for traveling on this 3:30 service to Southern Cross. If you need to use the toilet, they are located at the end of each carriage for your convenience. Please remember to both close and lock the door, which will save you from embarrassment and other passengers from blindness.
Train Service to Melbourne
Australia
Overheard by: Meg
Categories: Australia | Conductors | Default | Offers and requests | Pee | Poop | Train | Posted 2008-07-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Hookers and Blow, Sweetie. Hookers and Blow
Little boy: This is boring!
Mom: You know what? Life is boring if you make it that way.
Katonah Train Station
New York City, New York
Overheard by: lisa
Say Something to Me in C++
Guy trying to impress girl: So then I mastered a few languages, and after that it was pretty easy to get hired.
Girl: Oh wow! What languages?
Guy: C++.
Yellow Line Train
Washington, DC
Categories: Bragging | Default | Dorks, Geeks & Nerds | Girls | Guys | Relationships | Stupidity | Technology | Train | Washington, DC | Posted 2008-07-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Now I'm Working on a Novel About Them
Suit on the Taipei subway: After I went home that day, I kept thinking about hemorrhoids.
Shout-out: talovich.blogspot.com
Overheard by: Yugan
Lucy and Ethel Have a Serious Falling-out
Well dressed woman on cell: No, no, no. That's the problem, I can't just shoot her because she is on my property. She has to be like breaking into the house or something... We'll have to find another way.
Maket East Train Station
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Categories: Crimes | Default | On the phone | Pennsylvania | Suits | Train | Violence | Women | Posted 2008-06-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Michael Jackson: At Least I'm Consistent!
Woman talking on phone to friend: I have a real thing for little boys. I never used to...
Train Leaving Brighton
England
Overheard by: Wishing she hadn't tuned in at that point
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | England | Feelings | Kids | On the phone | Sexuality | Train | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2008-06-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Who You Callin' a Dias?
Old man with mullet to brown child in stroller: Buenos dias, niñito.
Woman pushing stroller: We're black. He knows English.
Gallivan Center Trax Station
Salt Lake City, Utah
Their Lips Say "Shut Up" But Their Eyes Say "Play On!"
Young woman, after graphic conversation about sex and drugs: Do you ever think, while we're talking: "Wow, the people on the train are so lucky to get to listen to us on their morning commute!"?
Older woman: Oh my god, all the time.
Train
Sydney
Australia
Overheard by: catherine
Categories: Australia | Compliments | Default | Old folks | Pride | Public Transportation | Questions | Train | Women | Posted 2008-06-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But, More Importantly, Why Is Your Subway Outside?
Guy with luggage: What's the temperature tonight?
Guy without luggage: Two.
Guy with luggage: Two? Two! Why the fuck do people live here!?
Brown Line
Chicago, Illinois
The Water-Walking, Fig-Tree-Blasting Badass from Nazareth
Freshman theater student: So we were in acting class and we did this exercise where we had to portray mythological creatures, and afterwards when we were telling the class what we were, this one kid said: "I was Jesus!"
MBTA
Boston, Massachusetts
Everyone's a Beautiful Woman After 12 Tequila Shots
Drunk guy on cell: Dad, I can't talk right now, I'm surrounded by FBI agents, but I've got your $100, your beer, and your marijuana. Oh, and your toilet paper. [Pause.] No, dad, FBI agents. [Pause.] I don't know, they're all beautiful women.
B Line
Boston, Massachusetts
Categories: Beauty | Crimes | Default | Drugs | Drunks | Family ties | Guys | Massachusetts | Money | Offers and requests | On the phone | Sexuality | Train | Posted 2008-06-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Jesus Was to Vex Mary His Entire Life
Mother, exiting trolley, to her son: Okay, come on, there's people behind us.
Son: I want to say goodbye!
Mother: Oh, god.
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Categories: Education | Etiquette | Kids | Kids | Moms | Offers and requests | Pennsylvania | Public Transportation | Train | Wishes | Words | Posted 2008-05-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Only That One Time, When We Were Stuck in Traffic
Small boy: It's fire!
His mother: That is your umbrella. It is not a sword or weapon of any kind.
Small boy: It's underpants!
Trolley
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
And in a Jar in the Office Fridge
Large black dude on cell: What?!... Okay... His sperm is alive and well and kicking.
BART
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: Nate
Categories: Black people | Cum | Guys | On the phone | Train | Words | Posted 2008-05-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Can You Picture Martha Stewart on a Public Bus?
Thug #1: Why the hell are you going all the way to back of the train car? Why don't we sit in the front like that Martha Stewart woman?
Thug #2: What the fuck are you talking about Martha Stewart?
Thug #1: You know, she stood up for herself on the bus? Wait, who was that? Not Martha Stewart?
Orange Line at Downtown Crossing
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: drunkbigirls
And I'd Lose the Best Piano Teacher I've Ever Had
Guy #1: I woke up in her bed without any pants.
Guy #2: What happened?
Guy #1: I think we had sex.
Guy #2: You don't know?
Guy #1: I cant exactly remember. Luckily neither can she. She'd kill me if she knew.
Train
Sydney, Australia
I'm Not Sure Hocking Your VCR Quite Counts
Thuggish teen to friends: Yeah, I'm going antiquing this weekend. For at least an hour.
Orange Line Train
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Julianna
It's Difficult Not to Violate One's Parole in Pennsylvania
Guy on train: It's a stone edifice! You can't wear a t-shirt in a stone edifice!
Train
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Spazzy
Categories: Clothes | Etiquette | Offers and requests | Pennsylvania | Train | Posted 2008-05-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Looked Like He Might Be Manorexic
Teen girl on cell: I saw this guy with a man tramp stamp... A mamp stamp.
Green Line
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: sadie
Categories: Compare and contrast | Gender issues | Girls | Massachusetts | On the phone | Tattoos | Teens | Train | Words | Posted 2008-04-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The First Time in History a Bang from Behind Has Resulted in Pregnancy
Middle-aged guy: Yeah, I've been in a couple of accidents before. One time this lady rear-ended me out of nowhere.
Middle-aged woman: Did you sue her?
Middle-aged guy: Of course I did. How do you think we paid for in-vitro?
Newark Airtrain, New Jersey
At the Sexual Deviants' Auction
Ballet girl: Do you know how much our feet are worth?!
West Leederville Train Station
Perth
Western Australia
Overheard by: Rose
Either That or a Hysterical Woman Tied to the Train Tracks
Old nag, as train breaks down: Why'd we stop? What's wrong?
Fellow commuter: We hit a buffalo.
Old nag: Really?!
Fellow commuter: Yes.
Worcester/Framingham Line to Boston, Massachusetts
I'm So Sneaking into the Men's Locker Room!
Girl on train: I usually do my arms, but then I look at Jane and her hairy arms and think, Man, if she can do it, I can, too!
Shout-out: overheardinsydney.blogspot.com
Categories: Australia | Beauty | Body parts | Overheard in Sydney | Public transportation | Train | Posted 2007-06-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Take That Back or I'll Give You an Atomic Wedgie Right Here
Late 20s drone in front of train operator's door: Excuse me, can you move forward? The operator said I'm blocking the window.
Late 40s suit: No, you move forward. This is my spot.
Late 20s drone: We're both blocking the window, and I can't move unless you do.
Late 40s suit: I'm not moving.
Late 20s drone, groaning: You're an ass.
Late 40s suit: No, you're an ass.
Late 20s drone, pushing past: Oh, fuck you.
Late 40s suit, mocking: Oh, fuck you.
Late 20s drone: Good luck in third grade.
BART train, Bay Point - Daly City line
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: baby boomers must die
Categories: Insults | Jerks | San Francisco | Strangers | Train | Posted 2007-05-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Everyone There Has Given Up on Life Anyway
Father: Honey, you can't cry on the train. The conductor will kick us off.
Young daughter, crying: Can I cry on the bus?
Father, after thoughtful pause: Sure, you can cry on the bus.
MBTA Green Line
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Joe
Categories: Dads | Lies | Massachusetts | Parenting | Train | Posted 2007-05-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
