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...Which I Use for My Other Job
(on a bus passing city jail)
Mom: Look kids... that's where daddy is.
(pause)
Mom: I can give you a haircut.
Man: I like the lady who does my hair, she has good mirrors so I can see the back of my head.
Mom: I've got good mirrors. I've got mirrors on the ceiling, too.
Bus
Omaha, Nebraska
Categories: Bus | Default | Family ties | Guys | Jobs & Careers | Moms | Nebraska | Weirdness | Posted 2008-07-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Maintenance: "When You Put an End to Nude Chair-Hockey, Then We'll Talk"
Worried suit: That's why we get our chairs cleaned more than any other department. We get our chairs cleaned every three months. Why doesn't anyone put a stop to this?
Metro Bus
Seattle, Washington
Categories: Bus | Cleanliness | Compare and contrast | Default | Gripes | Questions | Suits | Washington | Posted 2008-07-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If I Don't, May God Have Mercy on Your Souls
(the road is closed for Chinese New Year parade)
Bus driver: Folks, we'll be alright. We're going to take a right on Sansome, a left on Broadway, and a left on Stockton. We'll rejoin the original route at Stockton and Sacramento. Don't worry. Everything will be alright. As long as I still get paid, it's okay.
San Francisco, California
Categories: Bus | Default | Feelings | Jobs & Careers | Money | Public Transportation | San Francisco | Threats | Posted 2008-06-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
My Technique's Right Out Of The Shaolin Cookbook
Girl on bus: So, I'm like: "Bitch, you can't question my big fork usage!"
99 Bus
Vancouver
Canadia
Cats Are Hypersensitive to Comma Faults
Boy: So why did you move here?
Girl: I was gonna go to art school and then I wrote this big essay and my cat shit on it.
Boy: Literally shit on it?
Girl: Yeah, I took it as a sign.
18 Bus
Seattle, Washington
He'd Still Have the Use of Both Hands
Guy, to friend: And so I said to him: "If you'd never seen Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon your life would be so different right now."
Bus
Coventry
England
You Slept with Him in Chinese?
[Chinese girls whispering.]
Girl #1 yells: What?! You slept with him last night and didn't come home until three this morning?!
Girl #2 yells back: In Chinese, stupid!
Bus
Chicago, Illinois
Categories: Asians | Bus | Etiquette | Friends | Girls | Illinois | Language barrier | Offers and requests | Questions | Sex | Posted 2008-06-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But We Call Them "American Voters"
American chick #1: Ohmigod! Look at those white cows! I've never seen cows like that before!
American chick #2: Maybe they're albino... Or it could be a special British type of cow.
Guy sitting behind them: ... Those are sheep.
Bus, Southern England
Overheard by: pretends to be Canadian
...to Quote Walter Cronkite
White HS boy, in fake deep voice: That's why titties and Tater Tots don't mix!
33X Bus
Nashville, Tennessee
And at Least the Newport Jazz Festival Is Over in Three Days
Guy in suit: I said, "It's better than a Chinese prison, you should be used to it by now."
Memorial Union Bus Stop
University of Rhode Island, Kingston, Rhode Island
Overheard by: Jo
Categories: Advice | Bus | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Geography | Guys | Rhode Island | Suits | Posted 2008-05-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Do You Mean It, or Are You Just Using Her for Sex?
Girl on cell: I said "I love you" like three years ago. Why? When was the last time you said it?
[pause]
Girl on cell, shocked: Ew! To who, you whorebag?!
[pause]
Girl on cell, incredulous: You say "I love you" to your mom?
200 Bus
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: likewhoa
Categories: Bus | California | Family ties | Girls | Infidelity | On the phone | Questions | Relationships | Words | Posted 2008-05-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
A Mom Can Dream, Can't She?
Angry mother on the bus: Come here and sit down!
Four-year-old: No, it's okay. I'm being good.
Angry mother: This bus is going to stop suddenly and you're going to fall down and crack your head open on one of the bars, and before the bus gets back around to the hospital you will bleed to death!
Pullman, Washington
Overheard by: jeff
Categories: Advice | Bus | Death & dying | Kids | Moms | Offers and requests | Public Transportation | Threats | Violence | Washington | Weirdness | Posted 2008-05-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But It Was a Planned Incarceration
Obese John Wayne wannabe: I can't believe we are not hanging out tonight.
Gap tooth hootchie: I told you I made plans with my friends a month ago!
Obese John Wayne wannabe: Well you're supposed to be hanging out with me. We never hang out anymore and we are boyfriend and girlfriend!
Gap tooth hootchie: We were supposed to hang out this past Saturday and Sunday but we didn't! You were not fucking there.
Obese John Wayne wannabe: I had a change of plans!
Gap tooth hootchie: Change of plans?! Muthafucker you were in jail!
Bus
Iowa State University, Iowa
Overheard by: Casey
Categories: Bus | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Couples | Crimes | Euphemisms | Fat people | Girls | Gripes | Guys | Hoochies | Iowa | Leisure | Relationships | Posted 2008-04-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Had a Roommate Who Bleached the Bathroom Three Times a Week. True Story
Chick on cell phone: My roommate was rolling a lint roller all over her head for like ten minutes and finally I was like: "What the fuck are you doing? You're gonna pull all your hair out!" ... Haha yeah... She threatened to kill me if I asked her anymore questions... She probably watches me sleep.
UB Bus
Buffalo, New York
She's Decomposing Nicely in the Tool Shed
Creepster in poncho: I like your hair.
Hot chick: Oh, thanks.
Creepster in poncho: It smells like my grandma.
Bus stop
Gainesville, Florida
Categories: Bus | Compare and contrast | Creepsters | Default | Florida | Girls | Sensory experiences | Posted 2008-03-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Snaggleteeth Are in This Season
Woman: There's nothing in my mouth that I'm ashamed of!
87 Bus
Jersey City, New Jersey
Hey, You're Not a Rutgers Student! Get Off This Bus!
Genius #1, about Neil Armstrong: Wait, didn't he win the Tour de-- Oh, no, that was Lance Armstrong.
Genius #2: Wait, there are two of them? I thought the astronaut guy turned into the bike guy!
Rutgers bus
New Jersey
Categories: About celebrities | Bus | Idiots | Posted 2007-05-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Or a First Edition of Great Expectations
Young black man: That's the best gift you can give a brother -- a fine Latina with B cups.
Orange Line bus
San Fernando Valley, California
Overheard by: suzy vapid
Categories: Black people | Bus | California | Race | Posted 2007-05-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
New York Apartments Are Too Damn Small
Girl on phone: I mean, do you know how strange it feels to climb out of the bed of the guy you just hooked up with and then climb into bed with your brother?
Chinatown bus from New York City to Baltimore, Maryland
Categories: Bus | On the phone | Questions | Posted 2007-05-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
