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Give Me Directions at Your Own Risk
City bus driver, at the beginning of his shift: My name is Bob, I'll be your new bus driver. I'll be taking this bus down University to... some mall. I don't know where we're going, heh. I'm new. I will drive very carefully... unless you piss me off.
Des Moines, Iowa
Another Soccer Hooligan Comes to a Bad End
Ned to another, in thick Scottish accent: My pal's not well. His brain doesn't float around. It's stuck to his head, like.
Bus
Edinburgh
Scotland
Overheard by: Still wondering what it could be
Categories: Body parts | Bus | Health & Hygiene | Scotland | Thugs | Posted 2010-09-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Weirdest. Job Interview. Ever.
Man on cell in very quiet bus: Look. I took the pills, I put the powder in my pants, I don't have cooties anymore!
Bus
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Kat from Tacoma
Categories: Bus | Guys | Health & Hygiene | On the phone | STDs | Undies | Washington | Posted 2010-06-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So Let a Toothless Smile Be Your Umbrella
20-something Puerto Rican female passenger: God, I hate this weather!
Young black passenger: Man, I love this weather! The rain is good.
20-something Puerto Rican female passenger: I want sunshine!
Young black passenger: No, man, the rain is great... It's perfect meth weather.
Bus
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Mia Coleman
Categories: Black people | Bus | Drugs | Feelings | Gripes | Latinas | Washington | Weather | Wishes | Posted 2010-06-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What's Complicated About That?
Girl on cell: She feels Facebook ruined their relationship.
Bus
Malmö
Sweden
Categories: Bus | Girls | Internet | On the phone | Relationships | Sweden | Posted 2010-06-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Where Kids from Band Camp End Up: Explained.
Female violinist, after conductor walks past: Do you ever want to slap Dr. Muller*'s ass? Cause I almost just did.
Female cellist: He has a doctorate in orchestral conducting.
Female violinist: And an ass I want to tap right now.
College Orchestra Tour Bus
Clive, Iowa
It's the First Thing I Can Remember
Young teen girl: So he fucked both your mums, and that's how you two are related?
Boy #1: Yeah.
Boy #2: But he didn't start fucking my mum till after she had me.
Bus
Wollongong
Australia
Overheard by: definately not related
Categories: Australia | Bus | Family ties | Questions | Sex | Teens | Time Management | Posted 2010-05-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And They Pay Me for It!
20-something girl: I love hairdressing, it's the best job. I get to talk about me all day long to everybody!
City Bus
Sydney
Australia
Overheard by: Rose
Categories: Australia | Bus | Girls | Hair | Jobs & Careers | Posted 2010-05-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Then They Blew Each Other
High school girls: Then Mr Jones* said "if anybody knows an easy-23-year old, let me know." and Jeff* told him "dude if I knew an easy 23-year-old, I wouldn't tell you."
Bus
Vancouver
Canadia
Categories: Bus | Canadia | Girls | Offers and requests | Sexuality | Posted 2010-05-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Just Want to Graduate, I Don't Want to Know Anything
Undergrad on cell: And the paper has to be, like, 10 to 12 pages long! (pause) I know! I'm like, "I'm not writing my freaking thesis here!"
Bus
Minneapolis, Minnesota
Do I Know You?
Guy on crowded bus to friend: My undies are going to smell like Mexican food for a day and a half.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: I don't want to know
Categories: Bus | Compare and contrast | Food | Friends | Guys | Overheard in Minneapolis | Sensory experiences | Undies | Posted 2010-01-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Which Is Why AA Gives You a Sponsor and Some New Friends
Girl on bus: I've been trying to quit drinking and she was all like, "have some juice with me!" And then she pulls out a half gallon of vodka, and I'm all, "bitch, what you doing?"
Seattle, Washington
Categories: Bus | Drinking & drunks | Food | Girls | Insults | Washington | Posted 2010-01-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Until She Finds My Letter-Bomb
Six-year-old, matter-of-factly when seeing fireworks go off at Magic Kingdom: They blew up Mickey... Now only Minnie is left.
Disneyworld Bus
Orlando, Florida
Why Ball-Gags Exist.
Girl #1: You should get you some.
Girl #2: I don't think I could handle the stupidity. I ruined my fantasy by talking to him.
Bus
Vancouver
Canadia
Overheard by: always a problem
Wasn't This a Steven Spielberg Movie?
Lady on the bus: So I was 17 and pregnant! He was a Nazi extremist, but a very nice man. Very charming. I was rebellous (sic) as a teenager. Very rebellous. But now I'm old-fashioned, and I've got lots of morals.
Wellington
New Zealand
Overheard by: dominic
Categories: Age and ageing | Bus | Character | New Zealand | Politics | Pregnancy | Weirdness | Women | Words | Posted 2009-11-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Hope I Get a Piece with Hair!
Chick #1: Do you want some peanut M&Ms?
Chick #2: No, thanks.
Chick #1: They touched my crotch.
Chick #2: In that case, sure!
High School Bus
Englewood, Colorado
Overheard by: Julia
How Far Will This Bus Token Get Me?
Old lady to female bus driver: I need to get laid.
Portland, Oregon
Overheard by: exactly
Categories: Bus | Bus drivers | Old folks | Oregon | Public Transportation | Sex | Wishes | Women | Posted 2009-11-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Doesn't Look Good
Young dude in car to children getting off school bus: You are the future!
Westport, Connecticut
Overheard by: Elisabeth
Is There an Appropriate One?
Crazy lady yelling at bus stop sign: I wish someone would rape me in an inappropriate way!
Chicago, Illinois
Earlier Today?
Teenage boy: Hey, James, don't you remember when you stuck Smarties down your shirt and rubbed them on your nipples?
On the Bus
Canadia
Overheard by: Kels
Yes. Yes I Have.
Girl #1: What are those dots underneath the sign?
Girl #2: You're so dumb, haven't you heard of language for the deaf?
Bus Station
Tønsberg
Norway
Overheard by: Håkon
Props for Not Drinking and Driving, Though
Drunk bus rider #1: Damn, this bus is always so slow!
Drunk bus rider #2: I swear, if I was a wizard, I would turn this bus into a rabbit... But that's fantasy stuff, and I'm not that into fantasy.
Seattle, Washington
Categories: Animals | Bus | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Gripes | Magic | Public Transportation | Washington | Posted 2009-08-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Ah, the Terrible Twos.
Woman on cell, in deadpan voice: Now's not a good time to talk to him about it. (pause) He's got a chainsaw. I really wouldn't talk to him about it right now.
Bus
Amherst, Massachusetts
Categories: Bus | Fears | Massachusetts | On the phone | Violence | Women | Posted 2009-08-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Australian Law Forbids Weekend Mourning
Teen girl #1: I think we need to get her a rebound guy.
Teen girl #2: Don't you think it's a bit soon? Paul died like two weeks ago.
Teen girl #1: Hmm. I guess. (pause) Maybe just for weekends then?
Teen girl #2: Yeah, okay.
Bus Stop
Brisbane
Australia
Overheard by: cara
Categories: Australia | Bus | Death & dying | Feelings | Girls | Questions | Relationships | Stupidity | Teens | Time Management | Posted 2009-08-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Underground. On Mars.
30-something large man: That book by George Orwell, 1984, is a prophecy!
Skinny guy sitting next to him: Yeah, yeah, man.
30-something large man: Because in 1985, the government took over, and they were the ones selling all the crack and dope. I would know. I was working for them.
Transit Bus
Olympia, Washington
Overheard by: scooting farther away
Categories: Books | Bus | Drugs | Fat people | Guys | Jobs & Careers | Politics | Skinny people | Stupidity | Washington | Posted 2009-08-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
One Problem with the Global Village
Boy to hot girl: Hey, how's it going?
Hot girl, in French: I'm speaking in French so that you won't know what I'm talking about and will think that I can't speak English.
Boy, in French: Oh really? I know French too!
Bus
New York City, New York
It's Become Illegal to Take Them Through Airports
Middle-aged man on bus: I made the mistake of letting my grandkids come over Saturday. They are nothing but little virus factories!
Shout-out: overheardinpdx.blogspot.com
Overheard by: micah
Categories: Bus | Compare and contrast | Family ties | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Kids | Maladies | Overheard in PDX | Posted 2009-08-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If We Could Transcribe Chimpanzee Conversations
Angsty teen #1: Why do you hate him?
Angsty teen #2: Because he's always putting shit in my hair.
Angsty teen #1: There are a million better reasons you could hate him for.
Angsty teen #2: Like what?
Angsty teen #1: Being him.
Bus Stop
Calgary, Alberta
Canadia
Overheard by: She should be a therapist.
I Smell the Plot Of a Lesbian Road-Trip Movie
Woman to another: But don't worry... I won't give up the boobie, and you can drive.
Bus
Chester, Pennsylvania
Categories: Bus | Pennsylvania | Rack | Sexuality | Women | Posted 2009-08-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Would Be Cute Except That the Bus Is Empty
Bus driver: Push back, push back! Don't be afraid! Hold somebody's hand, tell 'em you love 'em!
57 Bus
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Smallison
Categories: Bus | Bus drivers | Feelings | Hands | Massachusetts | Public Transportation | Posted 2009-08-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Some Lesbians Are More Convincing with Their Beards Than Others
Girl #1: Are you still going out with that guy you were with back in April?
Girl #2: (blank stare)
Girl #1: The one you were living with?
Girl #2: (blank stare)
Girl #1: The one with the dog?
Girl #2: (blank stare)
Girl #1: Little black dog?
Girl #2: Oh, Jack! Yeah, we're still together.
Bus
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Zoe
Categories: Animals | Bus | Girls | Questions | Relationships | Washington | Weirdness | Posted 2009-07-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Whew!
Girl in bus seat: Oh my gawd, look at all that discharge! Oh, wait, that's cum.
Houston, Texas
Although McDonald's Menu Is More Like Scat Porn
Cute, hungry 20-something: I love menus, they're like porn.
SEPTA Bus
Philadelhia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by:
Categories: Bus | Compare and contrast | Food | Idiots | Pennsylvania | Porn | Posted 2009-07-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Is It the Weekend Already?
Teen guy: Hey, Louise, do you wanna know why David broke up with you?
Teen girl: Because he was cheating on me...
Teen guy: No. Well, I shouldn't really say this, but David is gay.
Teen girl, surprised: Again?
Bus
Stockholm
Sweden
Categories: Bus | Gossip | Infidelity | Questions | Relationships | Sexuality | Sweden | Teens | Posted 2009-07-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Probably Need to Get Out Of Culinary Arts
College girl in workout gear: No, I don't really like to eat. I mean, I don't really like food. I just have to eat it, you know?
College friend: Yeah, I know what you mean. Sometimes I think, you know I could just live off of Gatorade or orange juice or something. You get the same nutrients and stuff from that anyway.
College girl in workout gear: Yeeeeah. Exactly.
Bus
Seattle, Washington
Categories: Anorexics | Bus | Diet & weight | Food | Friends | Students | Stupidity | Washington | Posted 2009-07-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The New Oxyclean Commercials Aren't for Everyone
Young man on cell: So there's someone cleaning their floor with the blood of one of their relatives, and it's like...a bit much, you know?
Bus, Denmark Hill
London
England
Overheard by: trying not to turn around
Categories: Bus | Cleanliness | England | Family ties | Guys | Health & Hygiene | On the phone | Posted 2009-07-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Right Said Fred Could Not Sustain Their Popularity
Guy #1: Just admit it, man.
Guy #2: Admit what? That I'm great and wonderful and perfect in every way shape and form? Alright, I'm great and wonderful and perfect in every way shape and form!
Guy #1: No, admit that you're crazier than me!
Guy #2: Yeah, well...you're just Mr "Too sexy for my shirt," and I'm Mr "Too sexy for my life," but seriously, I'm so smart and everyone loves me.
Guy #3: You're just lyin' to yourself, man.
Guy #2: I'm too sexy for the world! That's just the way it is. I'm the next Albert Einstein. Everyone will soon realize that they love me. You all know that I'm right, so say that I am always right! You're dumb and I'm smart. Everyone loves me.
Bus driver: Will you guys be quiet? No one wants to hear this!
Manhattan, New York
Overheard by: Lulu
Categories: Bragging | Bringing it back to you | Bus | Bus drivers | Compare and contrast | Guys | Lies | New York | Public Transportation | Questions | Posted 2009-07-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Too Realistic, Huh?
Teenage girl on bus: Oh, fuck. What is this world coming to? It's like it gets worse and worse.
Teenage guy sitting beside her: What? No. This wouldn't be the worst thing that's happened. Bad things happen all the time. Think about worse things going on right now, or that have been going on, for like, forever.
Teenage girl: It feels like it's getting worse, though.
Teenage guy: But it's not, though.
Teenage girl: Yeah, but, these bad things keep happening. It always keeps happening.
(pause)
Teenage guy: I wanna go see Watchmen.
Teenage girl: Don't, I heard it's not that good.
Bus
Ontario
Canadia
Tonight, on Bizarre Rationalization Theatre...
Creepy guy with shriveled arm: Nah, I haven't used in a couple months. But if I wanted to start again, I got a savings account now.
5 Bus
San Diego, California
Overheard by: mhd
Categories: Bus | California | Compare and contrast | Creepsters | Death & dying | Default | Guys | Weirdness | Posted 2009-05-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Like It Says in Our Biology Textbook?
Teen girl, looking confused: Wait, guys. (pause) Do black people see in different colors?
Bus
Seattle, Washington
Categories: Bus | Default | Girls | Offers and requests | Questions | Race | Stupidity | Teens | Washington | Posted 2009-04-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Yankee Candle Scent That Never Made It to Shelves
Kid on bus: Ew! What's that smell?
Teacher: That's New Jersey.
School Bus
New Jersey
Overheard by: this guy
Categories: Bus | Default | Geography | Kids | New Jersey | Questions | Sensory experiences | Students | Teachers | Posted 2009-04-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Lindsay Lohan: "How Come My Community Service Never Involves Martini Glasses?"
Guy #1, gesturing: ...in a martini glass.
Guy #2: That's disgusting! Why did you do that?
Guy #1: Because he had a broken jaw.
Guy #2: I know, but why were you doing that? Community service?
Bus Stop
San Diego, California
Categories: Body parts | Bus | California | Default | Drinking & drunks | Guys | Questions | Weirdness | Posted 2009-04-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Wait 'Til They Do "The Thong Song" in Middle English
Girls, singing: My milkshake bringeth the lads in the square, prithee, 'tis better than yours, 'tis better than yours, I could teach thee, but I'd levy a fee.
4 Bus
Victoria
Canadia
Overheard by: Fair maiden Juliet
Categories: Bus | Canadia | Compare and contrast | Default | Drinking & drunks | Girls | Music | Posted 2009-04-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
My Gospel: In the Beginning Was the Command Line
Male high school student, nonchalantly: I got a new phone; this one can take videos and stuff. It's pretty cool.
School bus driver, in hushed, dramatic tone: Technology is god on earth.
School Bus
Southern California
Categories: Bus | Bus drivers | California | Cell phones | Default | God | Guys | Students | Technology | Posted 2009-04-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Do We Really Want to Waste a Bag Of Crack, Though?
Guy #1: I know how to get your kid back, easy! I'll just put a bag of crack in your mom's car and call the cops and say "there is this old lady with a bag of crack and a baby in her car!" (laughs)
Guy #2: That would be so cool.
Bus Stop
Edmonton, Alberta
Canadia
As a Fax Machine, on the Other Hand...
30-something to friend: After that, it was no use to him. Well...not as a leg, anyway.
Bus
England
Overheard by: Jeff Alderman
Categories: Body parts | Bus | Compare and contrast | Default | England | Friends | Girls | Weirdness | Posted 2009-03-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Yahoo Fetish Groups: "Ahem-- "Nobody"?"
Passenger #1: I broke up with my woman because she spends all her money on crack...she crazy.
Passenger #2: Ah, that's no good.
Passenger #1: I know...and pretty soon she gonna run out of money.
Passenger #2: Really?
Passenger #1: Yeah, I told her too many times ain't nobody gonna want a senior citizen as a prostitute.
Passenger #2: Damn.
Greyhound Bus
Montana
Categories: Bus | Compare and contrast | Default | Drugs | Guys | Money | Montana | Relationships | Posted 2009-03-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Wouldn't the Dragon Own You?
Girl on bus: I've always wanted to ride a motorcycle.
Guy on bus: Yeah, I don't have one but I'm pretty good at driving them.
Girl: Oh, I don't want to own one, just ride one.
Guy: Yeah, that's how I feel about dragons.
Auburn, Alabama
With That Cute Little Charlie Chaplin Mustache
Girl #1, about friend's makeup: This is definitely your color. Makes you look really classy.
Girl #2: Thanks!
Girl #1: Which is funny, because you're such a tramp.
Bus
Adelaide
Australia
Overheard by: plethora
Categories: Australia | Beauty | Bus | Compare and contrast | Compliments | Default | Girls | Posted 2009-03-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Clinging to the Side Of the Bus With Magnets Was Pretty Clever, Though
Teen girl: My other friend is, like, sooo dumb, I'm so glad she isn't dead!
66 Bus
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: kerminator
Categories: Bus | Compare and contrast | Death & dying | Default | Girls | Massachusetts | Stupidity | Teens | Posted 2009-03-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If Not, a Dramatic Re-enactment Will Suffice
Male student: So after leaving my mom a note explaining I was going to New York, my friend and I just drove there. We saw a hobo pee in a cup then dump it out!
Female student: Sweet! Can I see?
Bus, University of Michigan
Hence the Babies
Hispanic teenager with baby, yelling out of bus doors: You're an icy bitch!
Chinese woman, muttering loudly: Fucking immigrants.
Bus Station
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: another immigrant
Categories: Bus | Compare and contrast | Default | Foreigners | Girls | Illinois | Insults | Race | Women | Posted 2009-02-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Your Editors' Gumdrop Field Tests Have Been Inconclusive
Bus driver: Folks, this just in from the weather service, I just thought I'd pass it along to you all. Don't let all these clouds fool you, there's a high heat warning in effect for Reese's Peanut Butter Cups, gumdrops, and...snow cones, so if you have any of those items, you'd better keep them inside. That's all.
Bus #17
Portland, Oregon
Overheard by: The Redhead
Unless "Dinner"'s the Name Of That Call Girl
Young boy: Where's daddy?
Mother: He's at home. Hypothetically he's starting dinner right now.
Slightly older boy: That's unlikely.
Bus
Bozeman, Montana
The Only True Currency in Any Nursing Home
Woman on cell: She'd look sharp if she had some teeth. She's just got to go get those teeth, though!
33 Bus
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Alyson
Categories: Body parts | Bus | Compare and contrast | Default | Pennsylvania | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2009-01-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Future's So Bright, I Gotta Wear Shades
20-something guy that obviously just woke up: So, do you think we'll have enough money to apply for college later today?
20-something girlfriend, also still bed-headed and yawning: Are you kidding me? It's 5 am and we're stoned. We'll talk about this later.
Bus
Dallas, Texas
It Takes A Village
Driver to people leaving the bus at the university: Buh-bye, have a great day, kids. Enjoy your lessons...bye now. Do your homework. Work hard on your exams so you don't become a bus driver! Bye-bye, everyone!
56 Bus
Leeds
England
Categories: Advice | Bus | Bus drivers | Compare and contrast | Default | Education | Employees | England | Posted 2009-01-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's No Excuse For Stupidity
Overly friendly man on bus: It's like, for example, do you know how many seasons there are in a year?
Woman: Tweleve.
Overly friendly man: Well, actually there are four seasons, four seasons in a year, I guess...
Woman: Well, I'm not from here, I'm from Montana.
Seattle, Washington
If You Figure This One Out, Let Us Know
Tayal tribesman bus driver: Sir, do you want to get off at this stop?
Old man: Yes, I want off at this stop, I am going to the dentist's.
Bus driver: What's wrong?
Old man: I have to have a tooth pulled. Can you believe that? I'm 82 but I still have to have a tooth pulled.
Bus driver: If you're going to have one pulled, you may as well have a bunch taken out.
Old man: That won't do, false teeth are expensive.
Bus driver: Then have boar tusks put in.
Old man: Boar tusks?
Bus driver (very earnestly): Yes, you can have two tusks put in on the lower jaw, and when they grow, they'll look great! (uses his fingers to demonstrate how the tusks would look growing out of his mouth)
Old man (laughing): It would take a long time for them to grow.
Bus driver: Not long! You're an old boar, but I'm just a young boar, so yours would grow much faster than mine!
(old man gets off bus laughing cheerfully)
Shout-out: talovich.blogspot.com
Overheard by: Yugan Dali
Categories: Age and ageing | Body parts | Bus | Bus drivers | Default | Guys | Happiness | Health & Hygiene | Old folks | Other sites | Questions | Posted 2009-01-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Axes Are For Plunder, Whips For Fun, Etc.
Four-year-old boy, wielding plastic sword and shield: It's a knife!
Boy's mother: No, it's a sword.
Four-year-old boy: No! It's a knife!
Boy's mother: No, no, no, Danny. Knives are for cutting. Swords are for vanquishing.
99 B-Line
Vancouver
Canadia
Overheard by: Frodo Baggins
The Gospel According to Brad
40-something suit: Jesus Christ could not possibly make Seattle more depressing.
Bus
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Carefull listener
Why Do You Ask, Senator?
Girl on cell: Yes, I have purple underwear.
Metro Bus
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Under where?
Categories: Bus | Default | Girls | On the phone | Undies | Washington, DC | Posted 2008-11-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Just Eat It With a Spoon Like Those Kids in the Bill Cosby Commercials
Guy on mobile: Hi! I just wanted to clear up that whole breastfeeding thing...well, my boss has a one-and-a-half-year-old, and he said there were three stages: a sort of watery stage, then it moves into a semi-skimmed stage, then just pudding. Well, I just found out today and I thought you'd want to know too.
N21 Bus
London
England
Categories: Age and ageing | Bus | Default | England | Guys | Jobs & Careers | Kids | On the phone | Posted 2008-11-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Grand Theft Auto: Apocalypse May Have Gone Too Far
Teenage ghetto boy: That'd be great, man, if everyone died ... They'd be gone, and we could take all their cars!
Bus
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Claire
Categories: Black people | Bus | Crimes | Death & dying | Default | Guys | Teens | Violence | Washington | Weirdness | Posted 2008-09-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Told Him There'd Be Repercussions If He Put Another Cheerio Up His Nose
Guy on bus: If I ever write a book, it'll be about how to kill my brother in the most painful way possible.
Girl on bus: But he's two.
Guy on bus: I don't care.
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: Meech
Categories: Age and ageing | Bus | Canadia | Default | Family ties | Girls | Guys | Murder | Weirdness | Posted 2008-09-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's an Essential Part of Your Education
(two 6th-grade boys are sitting on the bus playing with their phones)
Boy #1: Hey, you know "saxophone" sounds a lot like "sexy-phone"!
Boy #2: Haha! Then for short you could call it "the sex"!
Boy #1: (laughs)
Boy #2: It would be like, "Hey, do you know how to play the sex?"
Boy #1: Heh-heh... Yeah, its a very complicated one.
Boy #2: Ew... That's gross.
Boy #1: Yeah, you know where you learn how to do it?
Boy #2: Where?
Boy #1: In college.
Boy #2: No way! I thought we learned everything in 5th grade.
Boy #1: Yeah...but I mean this time they tell you where to stick it in.
Boy #2: Ohhh...
School Bus
Maryland
Overheard by: Sam
Same Reason So Many People Apply to Haverford.
Hipster girl #1: I got into Northeastern for grad school. I dunno what to do.
Hipster girl #2: Wow, that's really good! What a great school. Northwestern is like, famous.
Hipster girl #1: No, Northeastern.
Hipster girl #2: Oh. Is that a good school?
Hipster girl #1: Not really. But I figured if I put it small on my resume or say it fast, people will get confused. It clearly works!
30 Bus
San Francisco, California
Categories: Bus | Default | Education | Girls | Hipsters | Memory lane | San Francisco | Words | Posted 2008-08-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Yet Another Situation That Calls for Drugs
20-something girl: Rehab totally sucks. The halfway house only has basic cable.
#16 Bus
Ann Arbor, Michigan
Overheard by: unysmpathetic
...Which I Use for My Other Job
(on a bus passing city jail)
Mom: Look kids... that's where daddy is.
(pause)
Mom: I can give you a haircut.
Man: I like the lady who does my hair, she has good mirrors so I can see the back of my head.
Mom: I've got good mirrors. I've got mirrors on the ceiling, too.
Bus
Omaha, Nebraska
Categories: Bus | Default | Family ties | Guys | Jobs & Careers | Moms | Nebraska | Weirdness | Posted 2008-07-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Maintenance: "When You Put an End to Nude Chair-Hockey, Then We'll Talk"
Worried suit: That's why we get our chairs cleaned more than any other department. We get our chairs cleaned every three months. Why doesn't anyone put a stop to this?
Metro Bus
Seattle, Washington
Categories: Bus | Cleanliness | Compare and contrast | Default | Gripes | Questions | Suits | Washington | Posted 2008-07-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If I Don't, May God Have Mercy on Your Souls
(the road is closed for Chinese New Year parade)
Bus driver: Folks, we'll be alright. We're going to take a right on Sansome, a left on Broadway, and a left on Stockton. We'll rejoin the original route at Stockton and Sacramento. Don't worry. Everything will be alright. As long as I still get paid, it's okay.
San Francisco, California
Categories: Bus | Default | Feelings | Jobs & Careers | Money | Public Transportation | San Francisco | Threats | Posted 2008-06-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
My Technique's Right Out Of The Shaolin Cookbook
Girl on bus: So, I'm like: "Bitch, you can't question my big fork usage!"
99 Bus
Vancouver
Canadia
Cats Are Hypersensitive to Comma Faults
Boy: So why did you move here?
Girl: I was gonna go to art school and then I wrote this big essay and my cat shit on it.
Boy: Literally shit on it?
Girl: Yeah, I took it as a sign.
18 Bus
Seattle, Washington
He'd Still Have the Use of Both Hands
Guy, to friend: And so I said to him: "If you'd never seen Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon your life would be so different right now."
Bus
Coventry
England
You Slept with Him in Chinese?
[Chinese girls whispering.]
Girl #1 yells: What?! You slept with him last night and didn't come home until three this morning?!
Girl #2 yells back: In Chinese, stupid!
Bus
Chicago, Illinois
Categories: Asians | Bus | Etiquette | Friends | Girls | Illinois | Language barrier | Offers and requests | Questions | Sex | Posted 2008-06-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But We Call Them "American Voters"
American chick #1: Ohmigod! Look at those white cows! I've never seen cows like that before!
American chick #2: Maybe they're albino... Or it could be a special British type of cow.
Guy sitting behind them: ... Those are sheep.
Bus, Southern England
Overheard by: pretends to be Canadian
...to Quote Walter Cronkite
White HS boy, in fake deep voice: That's why titties and Tater Tots don't mix!
33X Bus
Nashville, Tennessee
And at Least the Newport Jazz Festival Is Over in Three Days
Guy in suit: I said, "It's better than a Chinese prison, you should be used to it by now."
Memorial Union Bus Stop
University of Rhode Island, Kingston, Rhode Island
Overheard by: Jo
Categories: Advice | Bus | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Geography | Guys | Rhode Island | Suits | Posted 2008-05-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Do You Mean It, or Are You Just Using Her for Sex?
Girl on cell: I said "I love you" like three years ago. Why? When was the last time you said it?
[pause]
Girl on cell, shocked: Ew! To who, you whorebag?!
[pause]
Girl on cell, incredulous: You say "I love you" to your mom?
200 Bus
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: likewhoa
Categories: Bus | California | Family ties | Girls | Infidelity | On the phone | Questions | Relationships | Words | Posted 2008-05-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
A Mom Can Dream, Can't She?
Angry mother on the bus: Come here and sit down!
Four-year-old: No, it's okay. I'm being good.
Angry mother: This bus is going to stop suddenly and you're going to fall down and crack your head open on one of the bars, and before the bus gets back around to the hospital you will bleed to death!
Pullman, Washington
Overheard by: jeff
Categories: Advice | Bus | Death & dying | Kids | Moms | Offers and requests | Public Transportation | Threats | Violence | Washington | Weirdness | Posted 2008-05-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But It Was a Planned Incarceration
Obese John Wayne wannabe: I can't believe we are not hanging out tonight.
Gap tooth hootchie: I told you I made plans with my friends a month ago!
Obese John Wayne wannabe: Well you're supposed to be hanging out with me. We never hang out anymore and we are boyfriend and girlfriend!
Gap tooth hootchie: We were supposed to hang out this past Saturday and Sunday but we didn't! You were not fucking there.
Obese John Wayne wannabe: I had a change of plans!
Gap tooth hootchie: Change of plans?! Muthafucker you were in jail!
Bus
Iowa State University, Iowa
Overheard by: Casey
Categories: Bus | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Couples | Crimes | Euphemisms | Fat people | Girls | Gripes | Guys | Hoochies | Iowa | Leisure | Relationships | Posted 2008-04-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Had a Roommate Who Bleached the Bathroom Three Times a Week. True Story
Chick on cell phone: My roommate was rolling a lint roller all over her head for like ten minutes and finally I was like: "What the fuck are you doing? You're gonna pull all your hair out!" ... Haha yeah... She threatened to kill me if I asked her anymore questions... She probably watches me sleep.
UB Bus
Buffalo, New York
She's Decomposing Nicely in the Tool Shed
Creepster in poncho: I like your hair.
Hot chick: Oh, thanks.
Creepster in poncho: It smells like my grandma.
Bus stop
Gainesville, Florida
Categories: Bus | Compare and contrast | Creepsters | Default | Florida | Girls | Sensory experiences | Posted 2008-03-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Snaggleteeth Are in This Season
Woman: There's nothing in my mouth that I'm ashamed of!
87 Bus
Jersey City, New Jersey
Hey, You're Not a Rutgers Student! Get Off This Bus!
Genius #1, about Neil Armstrong: Wait, didn't he win the Tour de-- Oh, no, that was Lance Armstrong.
Genius #2: Wait, there are two of them? I thought the astronaut guy turned into the bike guy!
Rutgers bus
New Jersey
Categories: About celebrities | Bus | Idiots | Posted 2007-05-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Or a First Edition of Great Expectations
Young black man: That's the best gift you can give a brother -- a fine Latina with B cups.
Orange Line bus
San Fernando Valley, California
Overheard by: suzy vapid
Categories: Black people | Bus | California | Race | Posted 2007-05-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
New York Apartments Are Too Damn Small
Girl on phone: I mean, do you know how strange it feels to climb out of the bed of the guy you just hooked up with and then climb into bed with your brother?
Chinatown bus from New York City to Baltimore, Maryland
Categories: Bus | On the phone | Questions | Posted 2007-05-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
