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And Test the Theory Of Post-Menopausal Invisibility
Woman to friend: I'd really like to take off my dress.
Shopping Area
Kansas City, Missouri
...So I'll Steal Your Wallet Respectfully.
Hobo: Can I ask for a favor?
Man: Not today, mate (walks away)
Hobo, muttering: Well, at least you're honest.
Outside Mall
West Australia
Ad: Maybe She's Bored With It, Maybe It's Heroin
Girl #1: Why did they all look at you like you were on heroin?
Girl #2: I don't know. I always act like I am on heroin, but I just take Xanax.
Mall
Virginia
When Stabbing a Stranger Is Okay: An Overheard Everywhere Short Story
Indecisive young woman to stranger: It's just so hard to chose which wallet I want!
Stranger: Er, yeah. I'm shopping for a gift for a friend.
Indecisive young woman, holding up two wallets: What do you think, the red or the black?
Stranger: Ummmmm... The black.
Indecisive young woman: Hmmmm. It's just that red is so classy, you know?
Stranger: Then take the red one.
Indecisive young woman: But red doesn't go with everything... Black goes with everything.
Stranger: Then take the black one.
Indecisive young woman: I don't know. I don't like the way it looks inside. I liked that brown one over there (points) but it's a color that would just get dirty so quickly, you know?
Stranger: Mmmm-hmmm.
indecisive young woman, holding up two other wallets: What do you think, what suits me best?
Stranger: Um, they're both nice. It's hard to say which is best.
Indecisive young woman: Oh, I know... Choosing a wallet is such a personal thing, you know?
Mall
Australia
Overheard by: which is why you ask a complete stranger for their opinion
How Hard Is That?
Old woman, yelling: Did you remember to put Viagra on the list?
Old man, yelling, very annoyed: Of course I did!
Old woman, yelling: Well, I don't know! You forgot to put milk on the list!
Mall
New Hampshire
Categories: Food | Health & Hygiene | Malls | New Hampshire | Old folks | Posted 2010-06-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Just Like "Always Have a Cigarette After Cocktails"
Woman to screaming toddler in her arms: I'm not going to let you down unless you hold my hand. Are you going to hold my hand?
(toddler screams something unintelligible)
Woman: I'm sorry, I don't make the rules. They're the rules of the President of the United States of America.
Outlet Mall
Leesburg, Virginia
Every Political Marriage, Encapsulated.
Boyfriend: Remember when you used to love me?
Girlfriend: Yeah...
Boyfriend: That was nice.
Mall
Biloxi, Mississippi
Overheard by: good times
Categories: Couples | Feelings | Malls | Mississippi | Questions | Posted 2010-01-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Now at Least Describe the Butts to Me, Winifred.
Old woman in wheelchair being driven around busy food court: I hate this place! All I can see are people's butts.
Old man behind her: So why are you having me cart you around the city in a wheelchair for?!
Mall
Sydney
Australia
Overheard by: I saw her later stand up...
I've Lost 10 Pounds Since I Started Sending Myself to Bed Without Supper!
Girl with blue hair, excitedly on cell: I love it when I inspire my own maternal instincts!
National Mall
Washington, DC
Categories: Feelings | Girls | Malls | On the phone | Parenting | Washington, DC | Posted 2009-12-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
One Word About V-Neck Tees and I Will Slit Your Throat
Girl #1: Hey, let's go to The Gap, they have short pants there.
Girl #2, pissed off: Shut the fuck up! I hate you.
Mall
Northern New Jersey
According to Their Publicists
Passerby to two women getting off elevator with a double stroller with white and black babies: Uh-oh!
Women: Oh, it's okay. They're just friends.
Elevator, Westchester Mall
White Plains, New York
If You Don't Want to Go to Grandma's, Just Say So.
Mom: I'll shoot you, then you'll shoot me, and we won't have to go anywhere.
Daughter: Mom...?
Mom: What? I'm just saying. If we shot each other we couldn't go anywhere, anyways.
Dressing Room in Mall
Pennsylvania
Categories: Family | Girls | Malls | Moms | Murder | Parenting | Pennsylvania | Philosophy | Stupidity | Posted 2009-09-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why I Could Never Teach Middle School
13-year-old preppy white girl: It be sneakah time, ya'll!
Deptford Mall
Deptford, New Jersey
Categories: Kids | Language barrier | Malls | New Jersey | Preppies | Stupidity | Teens | Whiteys | Posted 2009-08-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Think I've Heard This Country Song...
Guy to girlfriend: If I go to jail for you, you better get your tits done.
Viewmont Mall
Dickson City, Pennsylvania
Categories: Couples | Crimes | Health & Hygiene | Malls | Pennsylvania | Rack | Posted 2009-08-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
For All Your Disfiguration Needs
Metro guy to friend: And in the bathroom, under the sink, we have eye clippers...
Mall
San Diego, California
Categories: California | Gadgets | Guys | Malls | Weirdness | Posted 2009-08-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Best Part Is, They've Trademarked That Name
Friendly waitress, serious: Would you like to order a happy ending?
Lycoming Mall
Pennsdale, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: DazedinPA
Categories: Baristas | Death & dying | Drinking & drunks | Happiness | Malls | Offers and requests | Pennsylvania | Words | Posted 2009-08-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Just Psyched to Have the Opportunity to Mock It
Tween #1, excitedly: Oh my god! Look, it's High School Musical stuff!
Tween #2: I hate High School Musical.
Tween #1: Oh, well... so do I!
Hickory Hollow Mall
Nashville, Tennessee
Overheard by: i hate it too
...You Wanna Go to Build-a-Bear?
Roid Rager, angrily: Nobody gives me the finger while I'm driving!
Hipster, calmly: Well, you need to slow down. It's a parking lot.
Roid Rager, enraged: You wanna do something about it?
Hipster: No. I'm not gonna fight you in front of Sears.
Rockaway Mall, New Jersey
Overheard by: Joe Bagodonuts
It Was the Best Of News, It Was the Worst Of News
Young girl in stall with mother: Mommy, what's that?
Mother to young girl: It's called pubic hair, sweetie...all women have it. When you get older, someday you will get some.
Young girl, mortified: Nooooooooooo!
Mall Restroom
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Monica
Categories: Age and ageing | Hair | Kids | Malls | Moms | Parenting | Questions | Restroom | Should have used a condom | Vagina | Washington, DC | Posted 2009-07-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...For Her Birthday.
Girl #1: I used to be really good friends with her, but then we got in a fight.
Girl #2: How come?
Girl #1: Well, I gave her lice.
Rockingham Mall
Salem, New Hampshire
Categories: Girls | Health & Hygiene | Malls | New Hampshire | Questions | Relationships | Posted 2009-07-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But She's Saving Her Belching for Marriage
Redneck woman: He said that he could tell she really dug him because she farted in front of him.
Friend: Oh, she'll fart in front of anybody!
Square Mall
Hammond, Louisiana
Overheard by: pull my finger
Categories: Etiquette | Friends | Health & Hygiene | Louisiana | Malls | Rednecks | Relationships | Posted 2009-07-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Without Menopause, We'd Have an Infanticide Epidemic
Grandmother, about tantrum-throwing child: I think it might be time to put her to sleep.
Mother: Yeah. Come on honey, we'll go home and have a nap!
Grandmother, under her breath: That's not what I meant.
Westfield Shopping Center
South Morang
Australia
NewsFlash: Happy Feet Director's Cut Startles Movie Patrons
Scary-looking older woman with two teenage girls: Well, they only skinned and hung up one man by his ankles.
Movie Entrance, Chapel Hills Mall
Colorado Springs, Colorado
Why You're Not Supposed to Return to the Scene Of a Crime
Little girl to store employee: Do you remember us?
Employee: Yes, of course I do.
Little girl: Oh, no! Run away! He remembers us!
Mission Viejo Mall
Mission Viejo, California
Categories: California | Default | Employees | Girls | Kids | Kids | Malls | Memory lane | Offers and requests | Questions | Posted 2009-05-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Trevor Had Watched One Lifetime Movie Marathon Too Many
Thug #1, in restroom stall: Oh, shit!
Thug #2, outside restroom: What's goin' on?
Thug #1: Why's it bleeding? It's bleeding! Why's it bleeding?!
Thug #2: Yo, you better wash your goddamn hands after you done in there.
Crossgates Mall
Albany, New York
Overheard by: Dack
Just Like the Ad Promises!
Girl outside changing room: How are those other pants working for you, Jen?
Girl in changing room, frustrated: I feel like the devil himself crafted them to make a mockery of my ass.
Mall
Baton Rouge, Louisiana
Overheard by: almost broke a rib trying not to laugh
So Give Me Back Those Quarters.
Dad to son: I don't need to pay someone 50 cents to tell me that I'm overweight.
Pheasant Lane Mall, New Hampshire
Categories: Dads | Default | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Malls | Money | New Hampshire | Offers and requests | Posted 2009-05-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
At Midnight It Turns Into a Pumpkin
Thug wannabe: Damn, you see that white girl? She got a magic booty.
Mall
Buford, Georgia
Overheard by: girl with the magical booty
Stop Referring to Juicy Juice That Way, Sadie.
Little girl, seriously: This is what I like best about elevators. But it's not the blood of Christ.
Cherry Creek Mall
Denver, Colorado
Overheard by: Lee
Who Isn't Picturing Rod and Todd Flanders Right Now?
Small child #1: Hey, daddy, can we go get some ice cream?!
Small child #2: Yeah, daddy, let's have ice cream!
Father: Uh, no. But you can have yogurt drinks. They're basically the same!
Small children: Yay!
West Edmonton Mall
Canadia
Overheard by: Dr. Ruth
Categories: Canadia | Dads | Default | Family ties | Food | Guys | Kids | Kids | Malls | Offers and requests | Posted 2009-04-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Are the Stories About Martha Stewart As True As They Say?
Angry woman on cell: I want the fucking muffins!
Galleria Mall
Poughkeepsie, New York
Overheard by: Russ
But If I Did, I'd Advise You to Go with the Heart-Shaped Nipple Clamps
Dad to son, passing Valentine's Day t-shirt display: These are kind of nice for your mom, no?
Son: It's for mom, what do I care?
City Center Mall
White Plains, New York
Overheard by: Nathan
From Nancy Drew and the Mystery Of the Bumpy Undies
Girl #1: Hey! I still have your bra from the other night. (takes bra out of her bag and hands it over)
Girl #2: Oh yeah, thanks! Wait, it has bumps in it! It didn't have bumps in it before!
Girl #1: Yeah, I wore it. It was cleaner than mine.
Girl #2: Huh?
Girl #1: Uh...no, of course I didn't wear it!
Girl #2: Well, someone did. With bumpy boobs. It didn't have bumps before.
Queen Street Mall
Brisbane
Australia
Overheard by: uh-huh
...And Light Green.
Dad: There are some things you can't discuss with girls. Like I would never tell your mom about the really weird-colored shit I had last night.
Preteen son: What color was it?
Dad: See, that's not the kind of question a girl would ask.
Northgate Mall
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Didn't want to hear it either
Dad Won't Let Me
Girl #1: Oh, hey! I'm wearing a purple bra today!
Girl #2: Why is that a surprise? Don't you dress yourself?
Fitting Rooms
Morwell Shopping Centre
Australia
Overheard by: Ann
This Is the Happiest Day Of My Life
Emo kid carrying a toaster with two slices of bread: Everyone's looking at our toaster.
Glenfield Mall
Auckland
New Zealand
Overheard by: Kelly
Categories: Default | Food | Kids | Malls | New Zealand | Technology | Weirdness | Posted 2009-03-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
More Of a Sugar Grandpa
Older man walking into a jewelery store, to another: I'm not a sugar-daddy, am I?
Fashion Valley Mall
San Diego, California
Categories: California | Default | Family ties | Guys | Malls | Names | Old folks | Pop culture | Questions | Words | Posted 2009-02-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Does It Make My Breasts Look Phoney?
Teen girl: Hey! This lip gloss matches my nipples! And my phone.
Galleria Mall
Las Vegas, Nevada
Overheard by: Jo
Categories: Body parts | Cell phones | Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | Malls | Nevada | Nipples | Teens | Posted 2009-02-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Don't Think Church Is Working for You, Ramón
Guy: Who's that?
Girl: That's jenny.
Guy: How do we know her?
Girl: From church. She's so humble and pretty! And to think she looks like that after giving birth!
Guy: Ugh! What a bitch!
Mall
Manila
Philippines
Lyle Thinks People Can Hear Him Over His Floor Buffer
Wal-Mart floor waxer: My grandma got bit twice on the leg. And they thought they were gonna have to amputate it. But then it magically healed.
Wal-Mart
Athens, Ohio
Overheard by: Lisa
Categories: Body parts | Compare and contrast | Default | Employees | Family ties | Malls | Ohio | Posted 2009-02-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Perversion That's Sweeping the Nation!
Teen goth boy #1: Dude! That girl is so hot.
Teen goth boy #2: I know!I would so totally pee in her butthole.
Oak Park Mall, Kansas
To Avoid Shopping Tantrums, See That Your Husband Is Properly Fed and Watered
Husband trying on sandals: There's too much bullshit. What is all this bullshit on here?
Wife: I don't know...there's a lot of stuff.
Husband: It's too much bullshit. I'm not paying for all this bullshit.
Leesburg Corner Outlet Mall
Leesburg, Virginia
Overheard by: Nat
I Was an Art History Major
Pre-hipster eyeing Harvard t-shirt: What do you mean you can't afford it? But you graduated from there. Isn't that the whole point of going there?
Prudential Mall
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by:
You Can Pay a Dominatrix with a Gift Card. True Story.
Girl #1, entering mall: Do you think you can pay a drug dealer with a gift card?
Girl #2: That would be so cool!
Baton Rouge, Louisiana
Overheard by: Christmas Shopper thinking to same thing
Why Synonyms Were Invented
Crazy lady, noticing long line: Is this the line to urinate? I can not believe this is the urination line. Unbelievable! I can't wait this long to urinate. There is no way. I have kidney problems. I need to urinate now. I don't wanna cut in line. I'll just go in the men's room. (as she enters men's room) I am a woman coming in here. I can not wait in a long line to urinate.
(a few minutes later, to women in line, while coming out) See! Your line hasn't even moved!
Hamilton Mall, New Jersey
Overheard by: last in line
Categories: Body parts | Crazies | Default | Malls | New Jersey | Pee | Questions | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2009-01-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Martin Luther King: *Facepalm*
Boy: Why didn't black people just move back to Africa after slavery ended?
Girl: They didn't have the money to.
Boy: They could have gotten the money if they really wanted.
Girl: They didn't want to move back to Africa! They wanted to stay here, they just wanted equal rights. What's wrong with that?
Boy: I'm just saying that they could have moved back if they wanted rights and stuff.
Girl: That's the most retarded thing I've ever heard. Seriously, just stop talking.
(some time later)
Girl: This is why I hate white people, no offense you guys. I don't hate you personally, just as a race in general. They piss me off.
Boy: That's racist. Wow, this tastes good.
Panera at Fashion Square Mall
Orlando, Florida
Together We Could Rule the World!
Pretty teenage girl #1: Why do all the geeks like me?
Pretty teenage girl #2: Why do all the alcoholic German boarders like me?
Boca Raton Mall
Florida
Toaster Strudel Is My Religion
40-something tourist woman: But is it beneficial for your toaster?
40-something tourist woman #2: Umm...do I really have to answer that?
Underground Mall
Montreal, Canadia
Overheard by: Yes, yes you do.
Categories: Canadia | Default | Food | Malls | Offers and requests | Questions | Technology | Tourists | Women | Posted 2008-12-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Dear Gays and Lesbians-- Sure You Want This?
Sexy businesswoman on cell: No, I'll be here at the office for at least four or five more hours, honey. Love you. Bye. (sits down at bar next to young man and rubs his crotch) Husband's taken care of.
Circle Centre Mall
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Shatmandu
Categories: Default | Indiana | Infidelity | Jobs & Careers | Lies | Malls | On the phone | Suits | Time Management | Women | Posted 2008-12-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Is That Why You Always Look Fatter When We Leave Williams Sonoma?
Homely housewife: And she said, "are you going to blot it?" and I said, "of course, that's why I collect napkins."
Fayette Mall
Lexington, Kentucky
Overheard by: verticalQ
Wasn't Much of a Game for the Other Guy, If You Follow Me
Guy (looking around suspiciously): Yeah, well, it was a couple baseball bats really. Let's just say I was really in the game last night, so to speak.
Beachwood Place Mall
Beachwood, Ohio
Overheard by: Just Buying Votives, Sir
Why Stella Never Got Her Groove Back
Mother heading into Victoria's Secret with five-year-old son: And this time, don't touch anything!
University Mall
Burlington, Vermont
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Kids | Malls | Moms | Offers and requests | Vermont | Posted 2008-11-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why "Family Vacation" Will Always Be an Oxymoron
Toddler to older sister: The pencil! Pencil! Look! (screaming) Looooook!
Teenage sister: That's the Washington Monument.
Toddler: Noooooo! It'll kill us! (sobbing uncontrollably) Kiiiillll! (continues sobbing)
National Mall
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Meaggoo
In This Case, Even Dad Would Agree
(outside Abercrombie & Fitch)
Little boy, pointing at picture of shirtless male model: Look mommy, nipples!
Mother: Yes, honey, nipples. We aren't supposed to be looking at nipples.
Rockaway Townsquare Mall
Rockaway Township, New Jersey
Overheard by: We Aren't?
Senator Obama's Primary Obstacle
Blonde #1: Woaaaaah!
Blonde #2: What?
Blonde #1: Look! A black guy!
Blonde #2: Woaaah!
Valencia Mall, California
Overheard by: Tim
A High Holy Day for Us Retailians
Girl #1: Well, today wasn't a total loss, I did find my outfit for tomorrow.
Girl #2: True. By the way, what's tomorrow?
Girl #1: Uh, Thursday. You mean like the date?
Girl #2: No, I mean: what's the occasion for the outfit?
Girl #1: Oh, right! Thursday.
Dulles Town Center
Loudoun County, Virginia
For a Second I Thought You Were Talking About Our Key-Parties
Five-year-old girl: Hey, mom, you know how you hate "pop and switch?"
Mom: Uh...what's "pop and switch?"
Five-year-old girl: The one where they trade bodies.
Mom: Oh! Oh, yeah, I hate "pop and switch." That's scary...
JCPenney, Florence Mall
Florence, Kentucky
Overheard by: Dohiyi
Consider Your Face Sucked
Boyfriend: If we were in person right now, I would totally suck your face right now.
Girlfriend: We *are* in person.
Boyfriend: Oh, yeah.
(they walk on casually)
Memorial City Mall
Houston, Texas
Buy Me a Pony and I'll Throw in the Windshield
Little girl sitting in shopping cart to mother: I love you more than the car! That's a lot,right, mommy? (thinks a while) More than the lights, too!
Wal-Mart
Weslaco,Texas
Overheard by: I love Mommy too
From Another Disturbing Episode Of The Nail Files
Little boy, stopping in front of a nail salon, horrified: Mommy, what are they doing to these people?!
Wal-Mart
Marietta, Georgia
Overheard by: nezuzu
Oh, That's It-- I'm Blocking BET!
Four-year old black boy, as security car passes: Run, mommy, run! The cops are coming!
Outside of Wal-Mart
Cortlandt, New York
For the Last Time, Those Strippers Were There to Help Make a Quilt
Six-year-old boy: What happens at grandma's stays at grandma's!
Mother: Ssssshhhhhhhhh!
Wal-Mart
Grand Junction, Colorado
Overheard by: Vanessa
And How You Spent Your Summer Vacation
Black girl on cell: So, uh? So then, you explain what a cracker is to you...
Tacoma Mall, Washington
Overheard by: Troy
Categories: Black people | Default | Girls | Malls | On the phone | Race | Washington | Words | Posted 2008-09-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Puberty Should Be Fun
Precocious five-year-old girl: Lipstick! Lipstick! I want lipstick!
Harried mother: Okay, fine, you can pick out one lip gloss. But your father will get really mad if he finds out, because he says...
Precocious five-year-old girl: I know, he says, "we shouldn't waste money, blah blah blah..."
Target Cosmetics Section
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: Becca
You Don't Even Want My Boobs?
Adopted Chinese daughter: I just wish we looked more alike.
Mother: Aw, you wish you looked more like me?
Adopted Chinese daughter: No, I wish you looked more like me.
Mall
Washington, DC
Overheard by: kellerz
Categories: Asians | Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | Kids | Kids | Malls | Moms | Washington, DC | Wishes | Posted 2008-09-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Isn't That the Title of a Kanye West Song?
Man in mall: Excuse me, where can I hail a taxi?
Mall employee: This is Vermont, dude.
Man in mall: There has to be taxis. There are roads, aren't they?
Mall employee: Nope, no taxis. But lots of guns.
Rutland, Vermont
Overheard by: MeggerzDotCom
Categories: Compare and contrast | Customers | Default | Employees | Malls | Offers and requests | Public Transportation | Questions | US Geography | Vermont | Violence | Posted 2008-09-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Later, They'd Collaborate on a Paper About the Post-Structural Significance of the Poorly-Constructed Leopard-Print Tanktop
Middle-aged woman to friend, exiting Forever 21: Well, that was a foray into a subculture we're not familiar with.
Kenwood Mall
Cincinnati, Ohio
Overheard by: Lisa
He's Like, "Could You Point That Shotgun Away from Me?"
Man on cell: So I told the guy, "Your current girlfriend is my wife."
Mall
Savannah, Georgia
Categories: Default | Georgia | Guys | Infidelity | Malls | On the phone | Relationships | Posted 2008-09-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
A Woman Never Knows When Her Uterus Will Get Gentrified
Black woman to child: You just mama's little white boy, aren't you? Yes you are!
Passing Hispanic woman: Is he really white?
Wal-Mart Parking Lot
Austin, Texas
Overheard by: Walk By Faster
Categories: Black people | Compare and contrast | Default | Latinos | Malls | Questions | Race | Texas | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2008-09-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Because You're the Big Top, Pee-wee
(two lesbians taking items out of the shopping cart to place in their truck)
Butch lesbian (picking up a heavy box): Why do I always have to carry the heavy things just because I wear the dildo?
Wal-Mart
Dublin, Ohio
Overheard by: Octopus seeks sucker fish for good times and long walks
Shame They'll Never Know About Our Fantastic Punnery
Guy #1: The deaf people are coming out in droves.
Guy #2: That bad?
Guy #1: Dude, it's like day of the deaf, or night of the living deaf!
Wal-Mart
Austin, Texas
Overheard by: Rev Loon
But Why Would You Trust Her After She Traded Your Cow for Magic Beans?
Dude #1: So yeah, Kayla* got me kicked off the ski trip because I gave her ten bucks to buy some food. And she bought scissors. Fucking scissors. And apparently I'm not stable enough to have scissors and they think I'll fucking stab someone with them. And she gave me back $2.48 in change. The scissors were from the fucking dollar store. They couldn't have been that expensive. Next time she sits on my lap in math class I'm gonna call her a pick-pocket.
Dude #2: Okay, great story. Now shut the fuck up. I missed half the fucking dialogue of Cloverfield.
West Edmonton Mall
Edmonton, Alberta
Canadia
Overheard by: Trying to watch Cloverfield
And Middle-Aged Women Try to Squeeze Into It
(walking past Victoria's Secret PINK)
Goth #1: Dude, that place sells, like, sexy lingerie for 14-year-olds.
Goth #2: Awesome, dude!
Old Orchard Mall
Skokie, Illinois
The Worst Case Scenario for The Gap's PR Department
Woman on cell: Uh, yeah, I'm standing in, uh... Old Navy. See you in a bit!
The Gap, Crossgates Mall
Albany, New York
Overheard by: unhappy gapper
Seymour Glass Was Such a Sensitive Child
Little boy (pointing to a plastic butterfly): Mommy, what's that?
Mom: That's a butterfly. Do you like butterflies?
Little boy (timidly): No...
Mom: Why not?
Little boy: They hurt me.
The Mall
Victoria
Canadia
Strangely Less Inappropriate
Bro #1: You were about to make fun of a girl who was missing a hand!
Bro #2 (defensively): An arm!
Rogue Valley Mall
Medford, Oregon
It'll Give Her a Break from the Monotony of Fucking Me
Guy #1: What are you going to get your girlfriend for her birthday?
Guy #2: I got her this sweater she wanted. But I'm also going to get her a dildo in case she doesn't like the sweater. That way she can go fuck herself.
Roosevelt Field Mall
Long Island, New York
My Explanation of "Airtight" Was Too Much for Them
Girl at mall: Did I tell you about traumatizing the Amish family?
Champaign, Illinois
Overheard by: Frito Bandito
Later, They'd Vomit Up Quarters
Drunk girl #1: I'm Wells Fargo!
Drunk girl #2: Really? I'm Wells Fargo, too!
(they gleefully skip off together)
Pearl St Mall
Boulder, Colorado
From the "Bump N' Grind" Escort Service
Suit on cell: I don't know much about this party he's throwing, other than he got me a pregnant stripper.
Del Monte Shopping Center
Monterey, California
Overheard by: Amy
Categories: California | Default | Malls | On the phone | Pregnancy | Sexuality | Suits | Weirdness | Posted 2008-07-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Dating MacGyver Scars You for Life
Chick to friend: Oh, yeah, this doesn't look suspicious. A taco wrapped in a Dollar Tree bag, a baby, and a grill lighter.
16th Street Mall
Denver, Colorado
Enough with the Empire-Waists Already, People
Chick: Do I look pregnant in this dress?
Boyfriend: Nah, I told you. It just looks like something a pregnant person would wear.
Lakeline Mall
Austin, Texas
Instead of Prison, Convicts Should Be Sentenced to Host Slumber Parties
Group of little girls to window poster: Hannah Montana! Hannah Montana! Hannah Montana!
Exasperated father: Don't kiss that!
Mall
San Diego, California
Categories: California | Dads | Default | Family | Girls | Kids | Malls | Offers and requests | Should have used a condom | Siblings | TV shows | Posted 2008-06-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Humorless Girl Was the Most Depressing Of the X-Men
Victoria's Secret salesgirl to couple: Our bras are 15% off today.
Male: I prefer it when your bras are 100% off.
Victoria's Secret salesgirl: [With a blank look on her face.] That wouldn't make sense. Then they would be free.
Depford Mall
Depford, New Jersey
Overheard by: Philly Joe
Categories: Clothes | Compare and contrast | Customers | Default | Employees | Girls | Guys | Malls | Money | New Jersey | Offers and requests | Stupidity | Wishes | Words | Posted 2008-06-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
No Good Ever Comes of Communication
Wife: Do you like my new hairstyle?
Husband: Yep.
Wife: That's it? Just "yep"?
Husband: Looks very different. It'll be like having sex with another woman.
Wife: Asshole! Should have kept my mouth shut.
Husband: Yep.
Circle Centre Mall
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Shatmandu
Why Kids Shouldn't Watch Cinemax After Dark
Six-year-old girl, gyrating hips: Mommy! Mommy! This is how babies are made!
Mother: That's nice.
Gap Store, Stanford Shopping Center
Palo Alto, California
Overheard by: this is why I don't shop at the gap
Categories: California | Family ties | Girls | Glad the condom broke | Kids | Malls | Moms | Offspring | Stores | Weirdness | Posted 2008-04-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Zeus Was Quite the Problem Child
Little boy #1: [Makes peeing sound, pretends to pee.]
Little boy #2: That's nothing! Feel the wrath of my penis!!
Macy's in Fashion Square Mall
Orlando, Florida
Overheard by: Stephanie
Categories: Bragging | Compare and contrast | Florida | Friends | Guys | Kids | Malls | Pee | Penis | Sensory experiences | Should have used a condom | Posted 2008-04-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Knew Those DJ Lessons Were a Poor Idea
White father: There's Burger King, Subway, Taco Bell.
Six-year-old son: [no response].
White father: There's sushi.
Six-year-old son: Aw shizzle!
Food Court, King of Prussia Mall
Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Carrie
Categories: Compare and contrast | Dads | Food | Kids | Malls | Offers and requests | Pennsylvania | Whiteys | Posted 2008-04-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Had a Dream About It.
Thug on cell: Fuck off, man. Don't even try arguing with me. I'm a fucking expert on this shit. I wikipedia-ed it last night.
Carousel Mall
Syracuse, New York
...and a Pussy
Blonde clone: It's not that we're both Leos. He's just a dick.
Westfield Mall
San Diego, California
Categories: California | Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | Insults | Malls | Penis | Relationships | Sexuality | Posted 2008-04-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Once I Ran Out of Poop
Daughter: Mommy, mommy, that dress makes you look sixteen years younger!
[Later]
Daughter: Mommy, if you were stranded in the desert without any water, what would you do?
Mother: [No response].
Daughter: [to little sister] I would eat my own blood.
Old Navy
Promenade Mall, California
Overheard by: Claustrophobic
Categories: Age and ageing | Beauty | California | Default | Family ties | Food | Geography | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Kids | Kids | Malls | Questions | Weirdness | Posted 2008-04-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
These People Are Everywhere
Thugette: I ain't talking to you no more!
Thug: Well, let me ask you a question -- about you.
Thugette: Alright.
Thug: What you heard about me?!
Downtown Mall
Charlottesville, Virginia
'I Believe You Have My Stapler,' He'll Say
National Science Foundation lady #1: He said my behavior was willful professional misconduct.
National Science Foundation lady #2: And then what?
National Science Foundation lady #1: I told him to suck my fat black dick.
National Science Foundation lady #2: Creative. What'd he say to that?
National Science Foundation lady #1: He was real calm. He said, A) my comment was vulgar, rude, and highly unprofessional, and B) completely illogical.
National Science Foundation lady #2: Well, he's got a point, yeah.
National Science Foundation lady #1: If he says another word to me, I'm gonna bust him with a stapler...
Food court, Ballston Mall
Shout-out: eavesdropdc.blogspot.com
