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MC Hammer Hasn't Gotten Laid in a Good Long Time
Professor: Clearly, if I am wearing these pants, no one is gonna want to get in them with me!
Economics Class
University of Delaware Newark, Delaware
Which Is Why Men Wear Pink Shirts
Professor: Ever wonder why pink is considered a girl color?
Student: Because vaginas are pink.
UC
Santa Cruz, California
Overheard by: Kelly
Categories: California | Class | Default | Education | Gender issues | Questions | Students | Teachers | Vagina | Posted 2008-06-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...A Metaphor I Would Know Nothing About
Professor: The Government was spending money like a drunken sailor in a Tijuana whorehouse.
Macroeconomics Class
University of California
Overheard by: Econometrically Bored
Categories: California | Class | Compare and contrast | Default | Money | Politics | Teachers | Words | Posted 2008-06-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But Don't You Think Toddlers Deserve to Work in Coal Mines?
Student: That's terrible!
Professor: I agree, I'm a horrible person.
Marist College
Poughkeepsie, New York
Aww, Look at Its Little Fuzzy Valtrex
Girl, observing a display of plush microbes: I want herpes! I think it's so cute!
SUNY
Geneseo, New York
Overheard by: Jeni
Anybody Have Any Bread?
(student coughs violently into hands, spewing fake blood)
Lit professor: Oh my god! Are you okay?
Student: (coughing up more blood) Can I go to the bathroom?
Lit professor: Oh my god, go, go!
(student leaves)
Lit professor: (realizing it's April 1st) Haha... His consumption smells like raspberries.
Colorado University, Boulder
Overheard by: In the back of the classroom
Categories: Class | Colorado | Default | Food | Health & Hygiene | Holidays | Maladies | Offers and requests | Questions | Sensory experiences | Students | Teachers | Posted 2008-06-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Way I'm Stealing Your Bra
Student: So if I, like, read something in the library and I memorize it, am I, like, stealing it with my mind?
Instructor: Yes. You can steal things with your mind.
Copy Editing Class
Edmonton, Alberta
Canadia
Who Knew Organic Chemists Were So Funky?
Professor: I'm just waiting for a chlorine radical to come and bite me up the ass.
Morraine Valley Community College
Palos Hills, Illinois
Overheard by: Kati
Which Also Explains the Peanut Butter Smears
College student: That one answer is wrong. You put a nine instead of a six.
Professor: I was probably stoned at the time.
Sussex, New Jersey
Categories: Class | Compare and contrast | Default | Drugs | Education | New Jersey | Students | Teachers | Weirdness | Posted 2008-06-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But They Look Fantastic the Whole Time
Professor: The Swedes. They look at the glaciers, go inside, watch a Bergman film, have a heavy drink, then have some sex in the sauna, but ultimately that is unsatisfying, so they kill themselves.
Oberlin, Ohio
Overheard by: Secret Spy
Categories: Class | Compare and contrast | Death & dying | Default | Drinking & drunks | Feelings | Geography | Movies | Ohio | Sex | Teachers | Posted 2008-06-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Suppose I Could Have One of My Concubines Answer Them, Though
Student: Professor, will you be able to answer e-mails while you are away, since our final is in a week?
Uncomfortable Japanese professor with strange British/Japanese accent: No, I will not be able to answer students' e-mails because most of the time I come home I am drunk.
Students: [Incredulous silence. Laughter.]
Philosophy class
McGill University
Canadia
Overheard by: student who hated this prof until this comment...
Categories: Asians | Canadia | Class | Default | Drinking & drunks | Education | Offers and requests | Questions | Students | Teachers | Posted 2008-06-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Unlike My Grading Scale
Professor: The guillotine was humane. It was just humane many thousands of times.
Oberlin, Ohio
Overheard by: Secret Spy
I'm Thinking, I'm Thinking!
Prof: Do you think that kicking a pregnant woman in the stomach was wrong?
Student: Ummmm... I'm not certain.
Prof: Do you think that what he did was a crime?
[Student pauses for nearly 30 seconds.]
Student #2: Dude, he kicked a baby.
Seton Hall Law
Newark, New Jersey
Categories: Class | Crimes | New Jersey | Philosophy | Pregnancy | Questions | Stomach | Students | Teachers | Violence | Posted 2008-05-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Wanted You to Understand How It Felt to Read Your Term Papers
Professor: I think I popped a few Oxycontins before I wrote this so it might not make any sense.
Salem State College
Salem, Massachusetts
With Their Affectionate Natures and Agile Fingers
Stats professor explaining problem: And that comes out to be 13.58 when we hire monkeys to plug in the values on our calculators...[more quietly] I really do love monkeys you know...
Barnum Hall, Tufts University
Massachusetts
Overheard by: Adrian
Dude, Just Make an Audio-Visual Geek Your Friend
Music history professor, putting a CD in the player: And now we pray to the god of CDs. It's not good to be a teacher with CDs. They are very stupid things. [Pause.] ...It's not good to be a teacher, perhaps that's what it is.
Peabody Conservatory
Baltimore, Maryland
Yeah, Technically 'Martians' and 'Venusians'
Guy in sociology class: So male and female... Are those races?
Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com
Overheard by: doug
Categories: Class | Education | Gender issues | Guys | Overheard at Cornell | Questions | Race | Students | Stupidity | Posted 2008-05-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Oscar Meyer Was Never a Straight A Student
Instructor to student, during class debate: You look like you're deep in thought there. Anything you want to share with us?
Student: Dude, I was just thinking about hot dogs.
College class
Farmington, Connecticut
Overheard by: Student
The Professor Accused Me of Spreading It on Too Thick
Male art student: I'm in a creative writing class and I've been writing a lot of stories about mayonnaise.
Allegheny College
Meadville, Pennsylvania
Categories: Class | Compare and contrast | Education | Food | Guys | Pennsylvania | Students | Posted 2008-05-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Really Shouldn't Discriminate Against People Who Try to Kill You
Jewish man: I am not sexist!
Jewish man's friend: You are so sexist Archie Bunker is embarrassed.
Jewish man: I'm not sexist. I'll stab a chick in her junk!
Israeli Martial Arts Class
Kansas City, Missouri
Overheard by: Ari
Categories: Class | Compare and contrast | Friends | Gender issues | Jews | Missouri | TV shows | Vagina | Violence | Weirdness | Posted 2008-05-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
They're Instrumental in Getting High?
Professor: So the wars of opium wars were fought because the Chinese didn't want their citizens smoking their bongos and being loopy.
Student: Wait, bongos?
Professor: Yeah those pipe things... Bongos, right?
Michigan State University
East Lansing, Michigan
Overheard by: Erika
Good Point --No Effect on Religious Beliefs
Professor: Now, if we did eliminate illness and achieved immortality there might be serious religious repercussions. Can anyone think of how this might affect religious beliefs?
Bimbette: Well, like, if Hitler were immortal, he would, like, go to jail for, like, a million years and then, like, chill out for eternity, you know?
Eternal Youth and Immortality Seminar
Lafayette College, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: knows that Hitler would still be dead because he SHOT himself
Categories: Bimbettes | Class | Compare and contrast | Crimes | Education | History | Pennsylvania | Philosophy | Questions | Religion | Stupidity | Teachers | Posted 2008-05-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Not Allowed to Use Them at Home
Biology professor, on earthworm digestive systems: And I'm including this part because I enjoy saying words like "anus".
South Dakota State University
South Dakota
Categories: Animals | Body parts | Class | Creepsters | Education | Science | South Dakota | Teachers | Weirdness | Wishes | Words | Posted 2008-05-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Now, Please Clap Along As I Do the Tenure Dance
[Girl leaves class in the middle of a lesson]
Professor: She didn't like what I was saying? I'm so upset, I'm going to go to the garden and eat fuzzy worms.
Marist College
Poughkepsie, New York
Overheard by: Nik
Where Only the Strong Survive Into Adulthood
Jolly literature professor: All of this talk of salacious babysitters and the indiscriminate disposing of corpses makes me feel like I'm back in Jersey again.
University of Mary Washington
Fredericksburg, Virginia
Categories: Class | Compare and contrast | Memory lane | Teachers | US Geography | Violence | Virginia | Posted 2008-05-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's Like Saying, "I'll Pass This Class."
Professor: Can anyone give me an example of an equal relationship?
Student: Husband and wife?
Professor: Oh, you're so idealistic...
Marist College
Poughkeepsie, New York
Categories: Class | Compliments | Education | New York | Offers and requests | Questions | Relationships | Students | Teachers | Posted 2008-05-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Uncle Walter Won't Stop Poking Me
Distraught sorority girl: My mom won't accept my friend request on Facebook!
Sisters, collectively: Awwwwww.
Social Psychology Class
Florida
Overheard by: Dr. Ian Maxwell von Indypants
Categories: Class | Family ties | Feelings | Florida | Friends | Girls | Internet | Offers and requests | Sorority types | Posted 2008-05-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Well He Was French
Philosophy professor: Whatever you do guys, you can't let Descartes come through the back door!
Students: [Laugh hysterically.]
Philosophy professor: It's not funny! Descartes always tries to come through the back door!
University of Portland
Oregon
Overheard by: B Student
Shouldn't This Be Eleventeen
Statistics professor writing on board: I'll leave the numbers out because I always get them wrong anyway.
University of Chicago
Illinois
Overheard by: too early for this class
Later That Night, She Was Attacked in Her Bed with Maple Syrup
Professor: So what sorts of people travel abroad and exploit children that are forced into prostitution?
Student: Canadians.
[Class remains silent and professor stares.]
Student: ...I... Was just kidding.
Las Positas College
Livermore, California
With Dresden As a Possible Exception
Professor: Well, they had Nazis, but those aren't exactly lighting fixtures.
Theatre Class, SUNY
Geneseo, New York
Overheard by: Jeni
I Was Going to Say, "Masturbate to Climax"
History prof: Benjamin Harrison was a pretty boring guy, with all the personality of a statue...I'm sure he couldn't even...
[Class snickers.]
History prof: Oh god, you fricken teenagers, you drag everything into the gutter!
Colorado University
Boulder, Colorado
God: Suddenly I'm Getting All the Attention I Deserve
Professor, whispering: What is god doing with female breasts?
Oglethorpe University
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: Caylin
But First, a Round Of Applause for My Lovely Assistant
Physics professor: First we'll put it in the A hole and then we'll put it in the other hole.
Allegheny College
Pennsylvania
...Has Been Selected As Our New State Motto
Art professor: Say goodbye to sex and violence and hello to boring allegories.
KSU
Manhattan, Kansas
And You'd Be Like, "I Got the Pus-sy!"
Lady professor: AU is so different, there are so many females here. When I was in college, my sophomore year it was a five to one ratio! Males to females! The men were hanging from the trees. You'd walk through campus, wary, and then you'd sit at the cafeteria table and look up from your breakfast and there would be five guys -just staring at you!
Justice Research Class, American University
Washington, D.C.
Categories: Bragging | Class | Compare and contrast | Education | Etiquette | Gender issues | Memory lane | Sexuality | Teachers | Washington, DC | Women | Posted 2008-04-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
A+
Male art student in response to female art student's sculpture: It's really kind of mortifyingly vaginal.
Allegheny College
Meadville Pennsylvania
Categories: Class | Compare and contrast | Etiquette | Euphemisms | Feelings | Guys | Hipsters | Pennsylvania | Students | Vagina | Words | Posted 2008-04-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The 1990's Called...
Philosophy professor, proving his argument: Therefore, if I don't get a little crazy, then I'm never gonna survive.
Michigan State University
Michigan
Overheard by: sjshock
Categories: Character | Class | Death & dying | Default | Guys | Mental illnesses |