Overheard Everywhere | The Voice of the Towel" | Places | Venues

Whatever I Can't Get from Miss Cleo, Anyway.

Professor: Temperature is an example of an invented reality. Temperature doesn't exist. It's all in our minds. It's either hot or cold out, but what are "degrees" really? Nothing!
Student: Actually, temperature is scientifically calculated by... (goes on to give long, technical explanation)
Professor: Really? I'm going to have to go look that up on Wikipedia. I get all of my information from Wikipedia.

University of Toronto
Canadia

Overheard by: Glad you're teaching us then...

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The Professor Appreciated the Eight-Sided Paper

Excited student: I got a B+ on my Nietzsche paper!
Friend: The one based on a Dungeons & Dragons joke?

Auraria Campus
Denver, Colorado

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And It's Important to Know About Paula Abdul's Career Trajectory

Student: If none of this is going to be on the exam, why are we devoting a class to it?
Professor: Because I find it interesting, and you have to listen to me.

Carleton University
Ottawa
Canadia

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What the Hell Is Going on in Illinois?

Professor walking through the hall: Well I guess I'd have to be spanked then.
Asian grad student: That's why they're called "accidents"!

University of Illinois

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I Mean, He Is on Our Bedsheets

Nerdy freshman talking about philosophy: Well, it depends on what you consider real. Like is Spiderman real?
Kid sitting with him: Uh...
Nerdy freshman: Think about it! Is he?

U Mass
Amherst, Massachusetts

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Somewhere There's a Live, Cheerful Half of a Rat, and No One Knows How Heavy He Is

Girl #1: And I was like: "How many depressed lab rats do you have to weigh and kill to figure that out?"
Girl #2: What?
Girl #3: 37.5, apparently.

Macalester College
St. Paul, Minnesota

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It Doesn't Come Up Much, but a Rule Is a Rule

Student: Yeah... I don't really take advice from a kid wearing a winter hat indoors, drinking white grape juice out of a measuring cup.

SUNY Cortland
Cortland, New York

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So If Anyone Requires a Strip-o-Gram...

Law professor: I don't get paid very well at this job. And I need beer money.

SFSU
San Francisco, California

Overheard by: RL

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The Reason Dirges Were Invented

Girl on cell: You know, like, I don't feel tired, but, like, I know in my heart that I'm tired. You know?

University of Washington
Seattle, Washington

Overheard by: Just Me

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Perhaps Some Clove Cigarettes Would Help

Geek #1: But I'm a semi-Mac user! I can't have a beard and be a Mac user!
Geek #2: Yeah, I know what you mean...

Memorial University
Newfoundland
Canadia

Overheard by: Beardless Mac User

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It's Hard to Be Sure, but I Think I Won

College girl: And then she got all high and mighty about it. She was like: "Remember when you passed out in my bathroom? I do!" And I was like: "Remember when you were born and looked like a man? I do!"

Marist College
Poughkeepsie, New York

Overheard by: Russ

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Some News Just Sounds Better from a Payphone

Loud man on payphone: He said they removed something like four pimples from his prostate. What? No! Pimples! Pimples on his prostate!

Florida State Campus

Overheard by: Dr. Ian Maxwell von Indypants

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Wasn't I Right About 2000-- and 2001?

Goth chick: Don't talk to me about the year 2012. The year 2012 is seriously pissing me off.
Otaku chick: Try to stick around for 2013 anyway. Just trust me on this one.

University Plaza
Colorado State

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Someone's Gotta Inspire Hanson's Next Effort

Guy: What are you showing me? Bruises on your knees? You can't do that with every guy in the band you know.
Girl: I know. But that would be awesome if I could!

Carroll Community College
Maryland

Overheard by: Left Speechless

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Can They Still Call It Martha Stewart Living?

Girl on cell: Wait... Wait! You're telling me she's not a zombie? You mean she's actually dead?

Emory College
Atlanta, Georgia

Overheard by: Zack

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Mark Penn Offered Us $2 Million for This Quote

Black girl to another black girl wearing Obama t-shirt: Girl, what is that on your shirt? Mmmm, Obama is looking all fine up on your chest.

UNC
Greensboro, North Carolina

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Unless It's a Naughty Nurse

Stoned frat boy: I have this aversion with talking to dentists... or really anyone who wants to help me with my general health.

SUNY Geneseo
New York

Overheard by: Jeni

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Whereas Elizabeth Taylor Will Turn Into Delicious Pudding

Professor: One day you'll wake up an old weathered hag, unless you're Cher--she'll just turn to dust one day when the sun hits her.

McDaniel College
Maryland

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But "Jews Give Me a Boner" Is Positive

MHS student to another: Emileeeeeeey... You can't say the "boner" word at a Holocaust luncheon!

University 4
Moscow, Idaho

Overheard by: i agree

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Your Soul Is Irredeemably Banal

Spaced-out kid: And I think it was some kind of message in that out-of-body experience. Like, it was my soul trying to tell me that after I finished puking, I should take a shower.
Teenage queer: Your dreams are fucked.

St. Andrew's College
Aurora
Canadia

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Sorry, Just Taking My Neuroses for a Walk

Professor: And this means that... [Looks at two students in the second row wearing striped shirts.] I just noticed that you two are matching! Wow! Anyway, this means that... [Sees another student farther back.] You too! [Stands back, eyes class suspiciously.] That's almost too much of a coincidence.

Carleton University
Ottawa
Canadia

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I Have... a Drinking Problem

Obscenely tall man: I'm sorry. This is really random, but I was just drinking a milkshake. And... I think I spilled some on my head. Can you check it out for me?

University of Mary Washington
Fredericksburg, Virginia

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Spin-Offs of The Neverending Story Were Never As Exciting As the Original

Little kid: I have a powerful thing coming to me. Ya know what it is? Pizza!

University of Virginia
Charlottesville, Virginia

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With the Possible Exception of the Dominant Chord

Professor: So, how was survey of western music?
Girl: It was terrible: someone would always find a way to bring up gender issues. I mean, I hate to break it to you, but eighteenth century tonal music doesn't give a shit about your vagina.

Sarah Lawrence College
Bronxville, New York

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Now as Lost to Us as the Age of Dinosaurs

Girl #1: You've written "2007" instead of "2008" on your exam sheet.
Girl #2: Yeah, so? It was a better time, ok?

University of Guelph
Canadia

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But If I Had to Make a Guess It Would Be "Pussy and Blow"

Professor: What did our founding fathers want? Who cares? They're dead.

Oberlin, Ohio

Overheard by: Secret Spy

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And You Could Actually Sing

Guy to girl: You know, Mandy Moore made a bad decision going brunette. Now she looks like you, if you were a crack whore.

Oberlin College
Oberlin, Ohio

Overheard by: emily

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Those Poopyheads Have Already Exhausted Their Five Minutes of Fame

College girl: There, I've belittled and insulted The View without using the word "bitch" or the c-word.

Student Center, Montclair State University
New Jersey

Overheard by: ...and that itself is a feat

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Warthogs! Cabbages! Pokemon!

Professor: So, what are most songs written about?
Student #1: Apple bottom jeans?
Student #2: Boots with the fur?

School of Environmental Studies
Minnesota

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Wait 'Til You Hear "Total Ellipses the Sun"

English professor, going over punctuation: We can fix this sentence by putting a comma here... and here... and here. See? Comma, comma, comma. [Breaks into song.] Comma-comma-comma-comma-comma chameleeeooon!

Community College
Palm Bay, Florida

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As Explained in Survival of the Tittiest

Girl #1: This dress makes me look like a pregnant woman with small boobs.
Girl #2: Pregnant women can't have small boobs. That's like impossible. It's, like, natural selection or something.

Boston University
Boston, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Rebecca

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Hint Hint, Those of You Who Want to Pass This Class

College professor: I wish there was a gas station on the corner that had a cigarette bar, and an espresso bar, and a drive-up liquor store. I would go there all the time, especially if I could just drive up and get my liquor.

Rochester Institute of Technology
Henrietta, New York

Overheard by: Concerned Student

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I Thought There Was Just Solid, Liquid, and Gas?

Student #1: I went to Mankato State.
Student #2, also a TA: There's a state called Mankato?!

University of Minnesota, Minnesota

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Some Of Ty Pennington's Ideas Are Rejected by the Network

Guy walking by the main library: ... And we could have, like, a Moroccan sex room, with pillows and draperies!
Male friend: Right on!

University of Toronto
Canadia

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You Just Say That Because You're Failing Calculus

Undergrad: The whole reason I like the book was, like, because Isaac Newton is so badass!
Friend: I thought he was, like, an asshole.
Undergrad: No!

Carnegie Mellon University
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: whatgoesup

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Why Girl Engineers Don't Invite Boy Engineers to Their Slumber Parties

Engineer #1: We're playing my little ponies?!
Engineer #2: Oh, god.
Engineer #1: Dude, we're gonna fucking kill them! [Laughs maniacally].

Northwestern University
Evanston, Illinois

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Despite What You Guys Promised Me

Professor: I'm on drugs... And they're not fun.

Ohio University
Athens, Ohio

Overheard by: thereallc

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Now Aren't You Glad We Went Through My Daughter's Sock Drawer?

Middle-aged woman, to older woman: Those were some really good drugs!

Dunkin' Donuts
University of Rhode Island

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