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Always Making Generalizations About Particular Groups
College chick: Oh my god! Girls are, like, so racist.
University of Washington
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Jackie
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Gender issues | Race | Sorority types | Washington | Posted 2010-09-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Sort Of Like a Human Centrifuge. Any Questions?
Professor, in monotone voice: I think we're all familiar with merry-go-rounds. They're objects in playgrounds that rotate at relatively high speeds, and we put our children on them.
Millersville University
Millersville, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Tyler G
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Kids | Pennsylvania | Science | Students | Teachers | Posted 2010-08-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If Not, I Don't Think You're Ready for This Sorority
Girl at dining hall: I mean: haven't you ever smelled your own bellybutton?
Lehigh Universuty
Bethlehem, Pennsylvania
Categories: Body parts | Colleges & Universities | Girls | Pennsylvania | Questions | Sensory experiences | Posted 2010-08-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
For Good Teachers, Even Stupid Arguments Beat Silence
Tutor to quiet class: Are you normally this talkative? (silence) Rightie-o, then. You know, when I went to university I practically didn't say a word for four years. It was good.
University of Western Sydney
Australia
With This Little Thing?
30-something male student to teacher: I keep having sex with these girls, and I go for 30 minutes... or sometimes and hour. They don't come. What's wrong with me? What's wrong with them?
Female professor, confidently: It sounds like you're rubbing 'em raw!
Community College
Tulsa, Oklahoma
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Oklahoma | Orgasm | Questions | Sex | Students | Teachers | Time Management | Posted 2010-08-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
They Call Him "The Baconator"!
Twelve-year-old boy in lunch line: So I think I have a new arch-nemesis... He's like, Canadian, or something.
Friend: Cool!
Brown University
Providence, Rhode Island
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Friends | Relationships | Rhode Island | Tweens | Weirdness | Posted 2010-08-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why You Shouldn't Wait to Have Sex 'til Marriage
Med student #1: You broke up with her because of a facial expression?
Med student #2: Man, if you saw her "o" face you'd would've done the same. (makes contorted face with mouth wide open)
Med student #1: Oh, hell yeah... that's some ugly shit to come to.
Med student #2: I would have never been able to get off... and all those sounds!
Med student #1: Sexy?
Med student #2: Jungle. Primal.
School of Medicine
University of Maryland
Overheard by: Mykl
Categories: Body parts | Colleges & Universities | Maryland | Questions | Relationships | Sensory experiences | Students | Posted 2010-08-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
At Least We Have the Alt-world Version
Girl #1: I was so disappointed when I found out Neil Patrick Harris is gay!
Girl #2: I know, right?
Girl #1: It's such a loss for womankind!
Girl #2: Men don't deserve him!
Women's Dressing Room
Western Michigan University
Categories: About celebrities | Colleges & Universities | Gender issues | Girls | Gripes | Michigan | Sexuality | Posted 2010-08-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Think I've Seen This Daryl Hannah Movie...
Girl #1: Well, it doesn't bother me.
Girl #2: That's because you don't have to look at it!
Girl #3: You. Look. Like. A. Whore.
Girl #4: But a mermaid whore!
University of Florida
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Comebacks | Compare and contrast | Florida | Girls | Sex | Posted 2010-07-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That, and the Fact That He Loves Her
Angry coffee drinker: He referred to his last sexual congress as "being balls-deep" in his lady.
Amused coffee drinker: Something tells me she was no lady.
Angry coffee drinker: That's what you take away from that?
Cornell University
Ithaca, New York
Categories: Balls | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Guys | New York | Questions | Sex | Posted 2010-07-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Everybody Respects a Gentleman Bandit
Professor: I could go to Mark*, for example, and say, "hey, you have to do this or I'm going to shoot you." (to Mark*) Uh, sorry.
Mark*: Well, at least you're polite about it.
Emerson College
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: S.m. Torres
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Etiquette | Massachusetts | Murder | Students | Teachers | Threats | Posted 2010-07-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...I Fuck at Least Two Girls on the Side.
Dude #1: You gotta find a girl to fuck. On the side.
Dude #2: I'm not like that. That's your game.
UCLA
Los Angeles, California
Categories: California | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Guys | Infidelity | Sex | Posted 2010-07-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What Are You Doing in Community College?
Black guy: Hey! What country you from?
Asian girl: Um... America?
Black guy: You look Chinese.
Asian girl: I am?
Community College
Godfrey, Illinois
Overheard by: M
Categories: Asians | Black people | Colleges & Universities | Illinois | Questions | Race | Posted 2010-06-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Kirstie Alley Lights Of Up the Screen in Look Who's Tanning!
Pale girl: Sure, I'll go tanning with you. How much is it?
Dark girl: For the baby bed, only $7.
Pale girl: The baby bed? What's the baby bed?
Dark girl: What you need to do, girl!
Pale girl: Yeah, but do they, like... Put babies in it?
Drexel University
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: I wouldn't know either....
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Girls | Kids | Money | Pennsylvania | Questions | Sensory experiences | Stupidity | Posted 2010-06-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Then They Die
Girl #1: Corey's* got a treatment scheduled for Monday.
Girl #2: What's wrong with him?
Guy: Nothing.
Girl #1: He's got cancer.
Guy: He's fine. People get cancer all the time.
Nicholls State University
Thibodaux, Louisiana
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Girls | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Louisiana | Maladies | Stupidity | Posted 2010-06-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
A Girl Who Wears Her Thong As a Headband Has No Shame
Girl: She came in at 5:30 in the morning. Is she like trying to beat the walk of shame rush?
University of Florida
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Florida | Girls | Questions | Time Management | Posted 2010-06-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Can't Get Decent Sackcloth Anymore
Crazy-religious-dude, pointing at male student: Are you free from sin?
Male student: Yes I am!
Cray-religious-dude: Sure about that? (looks student over) Then why is your shirt so tight?
Florida International University
Categories: Christianity | Clothing | Colleges & Universities | Crazies | Florida | Questions | Religious fanatics | Posted 2010-06-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...You're in for One Miserable Ride.
Angry girl to group of male friends: You can sleep with my mother, you can kill my father, you can burn down my house, but if you fuck with my bike...
Harvard University
Cambridge, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Veli Velo
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Family ties | Friends | Girls | Massachusetts | Murder | Sex | Violence | Posted 2010-06-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Guess Who's Had a Little Too Much Caffeine?
Guy: I'm not exactly awake yet. Hence the espresso. (holds up cup)
Girl: Oh, you should pour it all over yourself!
Guy: I think that would be contrary to waking up.
Girl: No, no. You'd absorb the caffeine into your skin, and you'd become Awake Man! And your arch-nemesis would be the Sandman, and... and... stuff.
Saint Peter's College
New Jersey
Categories: Advice | Colleges & Universities | Food | Girls | Guys | New Jersey | Sensory experiences | Weirdness | Posted 2010-06-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Nobody Expects a Gay Guy to Carry a Speculum
Gay guy: Give me a sip of your drink!
Girl: No!
Gay guy: Give me a sip or I'll bite your cervix!
Military College
Georgia
Overheard by: Amanda
Categories: Body parts | Colleges & Universities | Drinking & drunks | Georgia | Girls | Offers and requests | Queers | Threats | Violence | Posted 2010-06-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's on My Google Calendar!
Girl #1: Ew! Are you gonna ask her tonight? You gonna ask her?
Girl #2: What?
Girl #1: Why she has a huge fucking bush!
Girl #2: Oh, for sure!
McGill University
Montreal
Canadia
God Bless the USA!
English professor: "My wife, Bob, is pregnant." Polygamy, pregnant men, gay marriage--it's got it all!
University of Rock County
Wisconsin
Overheard by: Aku
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Pregnancy | Relationships | Sexuality | Teachers | Wisconsin | Posted 2010-06-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...When I Asked Them to Unplug the Faxierphone.
Ditzy new student: People don't think I'm smart. But I just don't, like, like big words. I don't use them. I used one of them once at work and no one knew what I was talking about!
University of South Australia
Categories: Australia | Colleges & Universities | Jobs & Careers | Students | Words | Posted 2010-06-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Mmm, Okay, Leave the Shirt Off.
Girl #1, watching attractive guy: Du-ude, check that out!
Girl #2: Oooh. Yummy! (notices friend shamelessly ogling)
Girl #1: Elizabeth!! Put his clothes back on!
Yale University
New Haven, Connecticut
Overheard by: You Can Take Mine Instead
Categories: Beauty | Clothing | Colleges & Universities | Connecticut | Girls | Posted 2010-06-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Only If They Don't Squeak
Student: Is it okay to wear leather trousers to a funeral?
Hull University
Hull
England
Categories: Clothing | Colleges & Universities | Death & dying | Etiquette | Students | UK | Posted 2010-06-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Graduate, in a Nutshell
Guy: My parents seem fake. My parents' friends seem really really fake.
Texas Christian University
Fort Worth, Texas
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Guys | Lies | Parenting | Texas | Posted 2010-06-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But I Didn't Back Up Over It. That's Gay.
English major #1: So, I totally ran over a snake today.
English major #2: Was it an anaconda?
English major #1: I don't know... It was a snake!
English major #3: Was it a grass snake?
English major #2: Was it a trouser snake?
English major #1: Yes. I ran over a penis.
Southern Illinois University
Edwardsville, Edwardsville, Illinois
Overheard by: M
Categories: Animals | Colleges & Universities | Illinois | Penis | Students | Posted 2010-06-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...So We Had to Tend to It.
Guy: You abandoned me last night! Both of you, you and James*!
Girl: I'm sorry, I was feeling sick. And I told James* to go back to the bar afterwards, but then, you know, I have a vagina...
Saint Peter's College
New Jersey
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Feelings | Girls | Guys | New Jersey | Sex | Vagina | Posted 2010-06-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Because Most Of You Got That Wrong on the Midterm.
US History professor, angrily: I don't put up stuff on the overhead for me to masturbate to! I do that at home. Pay attention!
Georgia State University
Overheard by: Kat
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Education | Georgia | Masturbation | Teachers | Posted 2010-06-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
On the Plus Side, When I Get There, I Can Make Pie!
20-something girl: I am so bad with directions. I can't find my way around anywhere.
20-something guy: That's because you're a woman.
20-something girl: Way to be sexist! (long pause) But yeah, you're probably right.
Cardinal Stritch University
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Gender issues | Girls | Guys | Sexuality | Wisconsin | Posted 2010-05-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We're Going to Congress!
Student to friend: Just put the rape stick in the alcohol bag.
American University
Washington, DC
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Drinking & drunks | Friends | Students | Violence | Washington, DC | Weirdness | Posted 2010-05-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Only a Good Friend Would Say That, Stacy
Sad girl: So we broke up and I started crying, and I told him to leave and he was like "can we still watch Star Wars?"
Short haired girl: It's not even that good a movie!
Allegheny College
Meadville, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Amused
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Girls | Movies | Offers and requests | Pennsylvania | Relationships | Posted 2010-05-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Kirk Cameron: "No."
Student in library: Could you forget that Jesus died for your sins for like five minutes?
Smith College
Northampton, Massachusetts
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Death & dying | Jesus | Massachusetts | Offers and requests | Students | Posted 2010-05-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What Orgies at Nursing Homes Sound Like
Girl: Do you have selective hearing?
Guy: No, I just really like this sandwich.
St. Peter's College
Jersey City, New Jersey
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Food | Girls | Guys | Health & Hygiene | New Jersey | Questions | Posted 2010-05-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
A Gay Man Who Looks at a Straight Man Sees Only His Anima
Young gay guy #1: Dude! You were like so throwing yourself at him. What happened?
Young gay guy #2: I think he's a lesbian.
College of Western Idaho
Overheard by: Another lesbian traped in a mans body
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Idaho | Queers | Questions | Sexuality | Posted 2010-05-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Does Everyone Keep Telling Me That?
Guy with soul patch: Don't German people always drive at 200 miles an hour all the time?
Girl in front row, sarcastically: I think you mean 200 kilometers per hour.
Guy with soul patch: It doesn't matter, they're the same thing!
Professor, calmly: If I go crazy and start a killing spree, you'll be the first one I get.
George Washington University
Washington, DC
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Death & dying | Education | Stupidity | Teachers | Washington, DC | Words | Posted 2010-05-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We're Too Aroused to Think Straight
Women studies professor, during discussion about nymphomaniacs: Ladies, are there any of you who are in a constant state of arousal?
Class: (uncomfortable silence)
Professor: Let me rephrase that. Are you constantly ready to engage in sex?
Student, alarmed: Professor, I don't think any of us are comfortable with answering this question.
Saint Peter's College
Jersey City, New Jersey
Categories: Colleges & Universities | New Jersey | Questions | Sexuality | Stupidity | Teachers | Women | Posted 2010-05-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Here, I'm Using Sarcasm to Make a Teaching Point
Political science professor: Our president is black. Some of you may have noticed this. Some of you probably haven't yet.
California State University
San Marcos, California
Overheard by: I knew it
Categories: California | Colleges & Universities | Politics | Race | Stupidity | Teachers | Posted 2010-05-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That Hoe!
Weird emo girl: I've still got bruises from the first time she hit me with a wheelbarrow!
Bridgwater College
Somerset
England
Categories: Colleges & Universities | England | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Violence | Posted 2010-05-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...By Lying
Guy #1: I was supposed to interview my grandma for my sociology project, but I didn't. I'm going to have to like, make up her life right now.
Guy #2: Why didn't you interview her?
Guy #1: Well, she lives in Oregon, and you know, the time change...
Guy #2: Dude, there's no time change from here to Oregon.
Guy #1: I know that, shut up! I'm trying to make myself feel better.
University of Washington
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Beatrice
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Family ties | Guys | Lies | US Geography | Washington | Posted 2010-05-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Ignorance + Ignorance = Ignorance
Girl: So I hear that all Puerto Rican women are like models.
Guy: What?
Girl: Like they're all really hot and stuff.
Guy: I'm sure some are...
Girl: Yeah, they are, and they wear like thongs and stuff for underwear too.
Guy: I always heard Puerto Rican women were fat.
Girl: No, that's Hawaiian women.
Guy: Oh.
Lecture Hall
University of Alabama at Birmingham
Categories: Alabama | Beauty | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Girls | Guys | Stupidity | Posted 2010-05-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
This Is Long Island, Bitch!
Composition professor: So, by the way, this is how your do the top of the paper--title, dash, name, just like this paper here. I don't want a four-page paper which is three and a half pages long, with a half-page heading.
Student: But it's standard MLA citation practice for that heading to be like that.
Professor: Fuck MLA.
Hofstra University
Long Island, New York
Overheard by: I hate MLA
My New Cream Rinse Is Unstoppable!
Jiu-Jitsu guy #1, rolling around and trying to choke the other: Oh, your hair's soft today.
Jiu-Jitsu guy #2: Thanks, I used herbal essence this morning.
Indiana University
Overheard by: Rachel S.
Categories: Beauty | Colleges & Universities | Compliments | Guys | Hair | Indiana | Posted 2010-05-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Being Catholic, We Already Hate Ourselves
Boyfriend to girlfriend: If anyone ever walked in on us having sex, they'd swear we hate each other.
Saint Peter's College
New Jersey
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Hubbies | New Jersey | Sex | Violence | Posted 2010-05-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Sacred Heart Boasts the Naughtiest Librarians in the Land
Librarian: Hello, Justin. I'd shake hands with you but my hands are very sticky.
Sacred Heart University
Fairfield, Connecticut
Overheard by: Jesse
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Connecticut | Employees | Hands | Weirdness | Posted 2010-05-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Shhh-- He'll Hear!
Girl #1: You shouldn't drink that. It's bad for the baby.
Girl #2, drinking wine: It better be.
Washington and Lee University
Lexington, Virginia
Overheard by: Eden
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Drinking & drunks | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Pregnancy | Virginia | Posted 2010-04-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Pretty Much Sums It Up.
Girl to friend: And then they nailed Him to a cross! And we get chocolate eggs for this?
College Campus
Michigan
...With Total Uggs.
Girl #1: So what's up with those boots you bought this weekend? You don't look like the type to wear them.
Girl #2: Uh, Tim* wanted me to buy them.
Girl #1: Oh, that's right. I almost forgot about his boot fetish.
Girl #2: And I'm pretty sure he wants me to wear them. And nothing else.
Girl #1, sighing wistfully: I wish I had a hot relationship like that! All I have is slut sex!
Saint Peter's College
New Jersey
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Girls | New Jersey | Relationships | Sex | Shoes | Wishes | Posted 2010-04-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
They Need To-- Ever Seen a White Baby?
Asian kid: We don't do a lot of jumping around.
Black kid: Except in the wars, when Chuck Norris has lots of babies.
Asian kid: And white people are marrying everyone.
Babson College
Wellesley, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Bruce
Categories: About celebrities | Asians | Black people | Colleges & Universities | Massachusetts | Race | Weirdness | Posted 2010-04-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Um, Wharnk?
Irritated English professor: I think I'm just going to change all my paper assignments to "create an inscrutable utterance."
Ursinus College
Pennsylvania
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Education | Pennsylvania | Teachers | Words | Posted 2010-04-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Wear Pajamas With Feet!
Guy #1: I'm going to study all night!
Guy #2: Yeah, I'll come too.
Guy #1: No, man... You're too weak.
Wayne State University
Detroit, Michigan
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Education | Guys | Michigan | Posted 2010-04-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Really Need to Start Tagging and Cataloging Them
Girl #1, after passing by awkward guy staring at her: Ummm, why did that guy we just passed stare at us?
Girl #2: Umm... Didn't you sleep with him last weekend?
Girl #3: Oooh... I thought he looked familiar!
James Madison University
Harrisonburg, Virginia
Overheard by: Dukeees for life
Categories: Bimbettes | Colleges & Universities | Sex | Virginia | Weirdness | Posted 2010-04-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Two Guys Loved It, Though
Sorority girl to another: That has to be the worst way to lose your virginity.
Murray State University
Kentucky
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Kentucky | Sex | Sorority types | Virginity | Posted 2010-04-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Lousy Human Condition
Cute girl #1: Do you ever wake up and just smell really bad for some reason?
Cute girl #2, without hesitation: Yeah!
Tufts University
Medford, Massachusetts
Overheard by: concerned about sanitation
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Massachusetts | Sensory experiences | Posted 2010-04-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Exactly.
Communications major: What the hell is a palindrome?
English major: No, it isn't.
California State University
Fullerton, California
Overheard by: SixPackReich
Categories: California | Colleges & Universities | Coworkers | Education | Words | Posted 2010-04-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Or Maybe It Was White Men Can't Hunch?
Girl: I was watching this show the other night about large white British men who were sent to Africa to learn to hunt. It was called Fat Men Can't Hump. Wait! No! "Hunt"! It was called Fat Men Can't Hunt. Of course they can hump... If they want to.
Post-Colonial Literature Lecture
University of British Columbia
Canadia
Overheard by: Martha Carscadden
Categories: Canadia | Colleges & Universities | Girls | Pop culture | Sex | Words | Posted 2010-04-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
For the Last Time, It Was a Freak Welding Accident!
Guy on cell: Yeah, I get scared when you turn out the lights. (pause) That's not gay. (pause) It's not gay when "turning out the lights" means putting your hands over my eyes while we're test-driving a car that's worth more than your sister's gold plated vahjay!
George Mason University
Virginia
Overheard by: Your sister won
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Fears | Guys | Money | On the phone | Vagina | Virginia | Posted 2010-03-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Usually I'm Able to Draw a Whole Unicorn Galaxy
Girl: I don't know what's wrong with me. I can't do anything. All I could do in my last class was draw a unicorn!
Emory University
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: Christina
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Education | Georgia | Girls | Stupidity | Posted 2010-03-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
"Who Can Shower Less?" Is a Dangerous Game
Girl #1: Awww... I knew I smelled you!
Girl #2: (laughs hysterically)
Bennington College
Bennington, Vermont
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Girls | Sensory experiences | Vermont | Weirdness | Posted 2010-03-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's a Conclusion I've Come to After Many Years Of Self-Reflection
Guy to girl: I hate Asian people named Christine.
Drew University
New Jersey
Overheard by: Greg Everitt
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Guys | Names | New Jersey | Race | Weirdness | Posted 2010-03-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Believe Fingerpainting and Paste-Eating Are Down the Hall
Dumb blonde: Wait, wasn't Columbus the first president? That's why we have Columbus day!
Professor, calmly: Get out, please.
University of Michigan
Overheard by: getout
For Example, Say This Beaker Is My Vagina
Lab TA, chatting during break: So I live alone, and I have a lot of trouble opening bottles. Have you guys ever heard of the plastic husband?
(entire class laughs)
Lab TA: No! I didn't mean it like that! I just meant I need help opening things up!
(class laughs again)
University of Pittsburgh
Pennsylvania
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Pennsylvania | Sex | Teachers | Weirdness | Posted 2010-03-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
This Isn't How "20 Questions" Is Played, Amber.
Girl #1, in stall: Have you ever had sex?
Girl #2: No.
Girl #1: Oh. Does your classroom smell?
Delaware County Community College
Pennsylvania
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Girls | Pennsylvania | Questions | Sex | Weirdness | Posted 2010-03-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Sentence Fragments Baaaad!
Professor: I want to please you... Not with goats, but with sentences.
Greek Class
UCLA, California
Overheard by: shepherd
Categories: Animals | California | Class | Colleges & Universities | Education | Teachers | Weirdness | Posted 2010-03-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Juliette Lewis Has Made a Career Of It
Girl in track pants: No! People don't look at me and think "oh, that bitch went to the gym." No, they look at me and think "oh, that bitch is nasty!"
UC
Santa Cruz, California
Categories: Beauty | California | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Girls | Gripes | Posted 2010-03-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Good to See Michigan Living Up to Its Reputation
Dorm guy: I said "thanks for the help," but I should have said, "thanks for the help, asshole, I hope they send you back to China."
Michigan State University
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Guys | Insults | Michigan | Race | Posted 2010-03-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You'd Think They Could Be Programmed Not to Splatter the Seat
Student emerging from bathroom to self: I hate those frickin' androids...
Brookdale Community College
New Jersey
Overheard by: Whiskeysaurus
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Gripes | Guys | Insults | New Jersey | Weirdness | Posted 2010-03-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
No Easy Feat, Considering It Was Sauce from a Domino's Pizza.
Dude on cell, excitedly: Yeah, dude. Everything. We even learned how to make food out of pizza sauce!
University of Memphis
Memphis, Tennessee
Overheard by: Miss Behaved
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Education | Food | Guys | Tennessee | Posted 2010-03-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Not Even Drag Queen Bingo?
Religion professor: Contrary to popular belief, bingo is not a sacrament!
North Central Michigan College
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Games | Michigan | Religion | Teachers | Posted 2010-03-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Whether Real or Imaginary
Professor: It's like trying to make a deity out of a bottle of Stoli at the height of the cold war.
Class: (laughter)
Professor: I know plenty of people who've done that, by the way... And so do you.
Macalester College
St. Paul, Minnesota
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Drinking & drunks | History | Minnesota | Teachers | Weirdness | Posted 2010-03-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But I Still Adore Rosie Perez
College guy: You know when you throw the egg at the pink dinosaur? You know that sound? That's what her accent sounds like.
Macalester College
St. Paul, Minnesota
Categories: Animals | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Guys | Minnesota | Sensory experiences | Posted 2010-03-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
"History in a Nutshell" Was the Most Popular Course at York
Guy: Cause, like, Stalin was a pretty crazy dude, right?
York University
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: Just don't call me dude
...Ain't That a Bitch?
Professor, sighing: Every computer program has its glitches. This one certainly has a glitch, and the glitch is me.
Maine College of Art
Portland, Maine
Overheard by: Misaki
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Education | Maine | Teachers | Technology | Posted 2010-03-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Would You Like to Go Out With Us This Friday?
Freshman boy trying to flirt with girl: I'm from Boston and he's from Boston and he's Chinese and he likes Bruce Lee, naked, naked, naked. (pokes Chinese friend)
University Library
Binghamton, New York
Overheard by: Brianna
Categories: About celebrities | Colleges & Universities | New York | Preppies | Sexuality | Posted 2010-03-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Which, Ironically, Would Be a Good Title for a Country Song
Black girl to white friends: Black people want to be country, but we don't want to listen to the music.
Harvard Yard
Cambridge, Massachusetts
Overheard by: meems
Categories: Black people | Colleges & Universities | Massachusetts | Music | Race | Posted 2010-03-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Jesuits: Eeexcellent...!
Girl to another: She pulls the virgin card all the time, but she's such a slut.
North Dakota State University
Overheard by: Chelsea
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Girls | Gossip | Sexuality | Virginity | Posted 2010-03-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Drugs? It's Drugs, Right?
Dumb brunette #1: Well, he likes Sarah and Matt...
Dumb brunette #2: They don't count, everyone likes them!
Dumb brunette #1: Well, my boyfriend doesn't like any of my friends, then. I don't really like any of my friends.
Smart, older blonde walking by: Well, dear, there's a simple solution to that.
Dumb brunette #1: Oh? What is it?
University Library, Kent State
Kent, Ohio
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Girls | Ohio | Questions | Relationships | Posted 2010-03-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Whoa, Is My Face Red
Jock: Dude, I went to our professor's office yesterday, and you know what? She has a giant bottle of lube just sitting there on her desk!
(pause)
Friend: You jackass! That's hand sanitizer on her desk, not lube!
University of Colorado
Overheard by: I keep the lube in the drawer
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Colorado | Compare and contrast | Jocks | Sex | Stupidity | Posted 2010-02-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Let's All Tweet!
Girl: I just spilled some tea. But luckily it was in a frying pan!
Entire room: Yaaaay!
Smith College
Northampton, Massachusetts
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Food | Girls | Massachusetts | Stupidity | Posted 2010-02-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Next on Maury
Brunette: And then he called me back ten minutes later and told me his brother got his girlfriend pregnant, and she's like sixteen or something.
Blonde: Is he mad his brother and his girlfriend hooked up?
Brunette: He's got more serious issues dating a child and shit.
Kent State University
Kent, Ohio
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Family ties | Girls | Ohio | Pregnancy | Sex | Posted 2010-02-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Can I Live With You This Summer?
Chipper guy: Everyone in my family, except for my little brother I think, is suicidal. They're all just like "blah blah blah... kill myself."
Florida Atlantic University
Overheard by: Kiwi
Categories: Character | Colleges & Universities | Death & dying | Family ties | Florida | Guys | Posted 2010-02-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Life Is Sweet; Don't Fuck It Up
Professor: No drinking and driving this weekend! No drugs! ...and no babies.
Ball State University
Muncie, Indiana
Overheard by: Sara
Categories: Advice | Colleges & Universities | Drinking & drunks | Drugs | Indiana | Pregnancy | Sex | Teachers | Posted 2010-02-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Can and Will
Orchestra director to French horn player: Can you just stick your fist up in there?
Luther College
Decorah, Iowa
Overheard by: percussionist who snorted like a 12-year-old
Categories: Body parts | Colleges & Universities | Iowa | Offers and requests | Weirdness | Posted 2010-02-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Best. Wedding. Ever.
Girl to friend: I distinctly remember him saying "I still have the dildo up my ass."
UCLA
Los Angeles, California
Categories: Ass | California | Colleges & Universities | Girls | Toys | Weirdness | Posted 2010-02-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If Only There Were a Website That Printed Such Gems...
Guy: I think it's just every guy's fantasy to live with a giant black man and engage in tomfoolery.
Santa Clara University
California
Overheard by: Erin
Categories: California | Colleges & Universities | Guys | Race | Weirdness | Wishes | Posted 2010-02-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Um, Why Are They Playing Naked Leapfrog?
Professor, showing slide: And here we have another example of a seal or stamp, with a procession of men along the bottom. However, they could be aliens. (pause) Anyways...
Art History Class
University of Alabama
Overheard by: Bennett
Categories: Alabama | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Teachers | Weirdness | Posted 2010-02-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...But Let's Consult Wikipedia to Be Sure.
Girl: Seriously, it's about this guy who fucks his clone and then wonders whether it's gay or masturbation. And that's the whole fucking book!
Guy, after thoughtful pause: No. Totally not gay.
UBC
Canadia
Categories: Books | Canadia | Colleges & Universities | Girls | Guys | Masturbation | Sex | Posted 2010-02-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
My Wax Sculpture Of Aaron Burr Is Nearly Complete
Asian guy #1: So... Where are we goin'?
Asian guy #2: Well, I haven't cleaned my ears since this morning, so... Gotta do that.
Community College
Reno, Nevada
Overheard by: Michele
Categories: Asians | Body parts | Colleges & Universities | Health & Hygiene | Nevada | Questions | Posted 2010-02-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Which Possibly Means I'm Growing As a Person
Girl #1: How's your sister?
Girl #2: She's a whore. If she wasn't pregnant, I'd go beat her ass.
University of New Orleans, Louisiana
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Family ties | Girls | Insults | Louisiana | Pregnancy | Posted 2010-02-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Then He Sneezed and We Solved Fermat's Last Theorem
Professor: The boy had all of the mathematical truths in his head and I was just pulling them out through his nose or something.
Swarthmore College
Swarthmore, Pennsylvania.
Categories: Body parts | Colleges & Universities | Education | Pennsylvania | Teachers | Weirdness | Posted 2010-02-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's 2:58 -- Give Him a Little Credit.
Girl on cell in empty hall: So how long do you want to have sex with your boyfriend? Until, like 3:00?
Temple University
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Girls | Infidelity | On the phone | Pennsylvania | Questions | Sex | Time Management | Posted 2010-02-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...And Be Granted Three Wishes.
Guy to girl: If I had an iPhone I wouldn't need a girlfriend, I would just rub that...
Valparaiso University
Indiana
Overheard by: Rachel Kaiser
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Gadgets | Girls | Guys | Indiana | Sex | Posted 2010-02-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...I Don't Care What Your Forensics Team Found.
Male lecturer to friend: Well: in my defense, it wasn't my dildo.
Lancaster University
England
Categories: Colleges & Universities | England | Guys | Masturbation | Toys | Posted 2010-02-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Monkey's Paw Is Especially Disturbing
Girl #1: It's just such a gross look, y'know? And she totally didn't have the body for it either. Total crotch octopus.
Girl #2: Crotch octopus?
Girl #1: Yeah, you know. When the fabric clings... and shows all your goodies?
Girl #2: Do you mean camel toe?
Girl #1: Yes! Right! Camel toe! I knew it had something to do with animals and appendages!
Bryn Mawr College
Pennsylvania
Categories: Animals | Clothes | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Girls | Pennsylvania | Stupidity | Vagina | Posted 2010-02-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
NewsFlash: Community College Student Has Intimate Drug Knowledge. Film at 11.
Student: My girlfriend's theory on smoking is that it's good for you because it's natural.
Professor: Yeah, it's not like that crystal meth. That stuff's all chemicals.
Voice from the back: True dat!
Community College
Michigan
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Drugs | Health & Hygiene | Michigan | Smoking | Students | Teachers | Posted 2010-02-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You'll Hear a Lot Of Myths About Safe Sex in College
Guy to girl: I just had this overwhelming urge to drink vinegar, and it worked!
University of New Orleans
Louisiana
Just Killing Time Before the Dance Party in the Romance Languages Section
Brunette: So, are you gonna get some studying done?
Blonde: No, not really...
Brunette: So, you're here just to kill time?
Blonde: Yeah, to play.
Baillieu Library
University of Melbourne
Australia
Categories: Australia | Colleges & Universities | Education | Girls | Time Management | Posted 2010-01-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
College Exists to Prolong Adolescence
Female Brown student #1: That lab class is so stupid.
Female Brown student #2: Yeah. Harry Potter had the best labs.
Female Brown student #1, sighing: I wish this was Hogwarts.
Providence, Rhode Island
Overheard by: Sadie
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Education | Pop culture | Rhode Island | Students | Posted 2010-01-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We'd Be Doing Bad Things, Too, If We Didn't Have Our Own Continent
Girl, seeing Palestine poster: Who do you go for?
Guy: What?
Girl: You know, between Israel and um, Pakistan.
Guy: You mean Palestine?
Girl: Whatever. Which one is doing the bad stuff?
Guy: They both are...
Girl: Yeah, I can never decide.
Sydney University
Australia
Overheard by: Don't hurt yourself, honey.
Categories: Australia | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Girls | Guys | Politics | Stupidity | Posted 2010-01-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
In That It's Entirely Made Up
Guy #1: My boss, who's a Shaolin monk, told me if I saved his school, he'd pay off my loans. He was like "I pay off 1.5 million dollar debt!" and then, for a while, I was dealing with the Russian mafia, so I've been pretty busy.
Guy #2: Man... Your life is like a movie. It's like Karate Kid 15 or something.
Tulane University
New Orleans, Louisiana
Overheard by: iwouldtotallywatchthatmovie
Categories: Buddhism | Colleges & Universities | Crimes | Guys | Jobs & Careers | Louisiana | Money | Movies | Time Management | Posted 2010-01-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Crap You Write Proves You Don't Listen to Me
Professor: My job is pretty sweet. All I have to do is show up and talk about something I'm interested in. How sweet is that? It would be even better if I didn't hate all of you.
Columbia College
Chicago, Illinois
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Education | Feelings | Gripes | Grumpies | Illinois | Jobs & Careers | Teachers | Posted 2010-01-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Unless It Was in Vegas, in Which Case It Stays There.
Defense lawyer, teaching trial advocacy: But remember that in real life, nobody charged with marijuana possession is actually going to go to trial.
Law student: Last summer when I was working at the legal clinic I had a client who was charged with possession go to trial!
Defense lawyer: What? In fifteen years of practice, I've never seen it go to trial.
Law student: Yeah, the prosecutor was being a dick about it too--he wanted jail time.
Defense lawyer: Who was the prosecutor? Tell me his name, I'll tell you if I ever got high with him.
Law School
Canadia
Overheard by: Law student
Categories: Canadia | Colleges & Universities | Crimes | Drugs | Memory lane | Names | Stoners | Students | Teachers | Posted 2010-01-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Yay! Let's All Join the Army!
Girl #1, loudly in quiet library: And we thought we were going to the lecture on reasons to join the army, but we accidentally went to the wrong lecture theater, and it was a medical lecture on burns patients!
Studying girl: Shhhhh!
Girl #1, loudly: And this med guy who knew we weren't med students goes "This is a good lecture to come to! Lots of gory pictures!" and we were both thinking "Shit! Are these army people going to show us photos of people who have been blown up or something!?"
Studying boy and girl: Shhhhhhhh!
Girl #2: Can't be as bad as that lecture from first year. Remember the photo of the person's head who'd been run over by a train?
Girl #1, even more loudly: Yeah! And they showed us photos of a penis which had been bitten off!
(everyone in library, including studying boy and girl, burst out laughing)
Griffith University Library
Australia
Categories: Australia | Colleges & Universities | Death & dying | Education | Penis | Science | Students | Violence | Posted 2010-01-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Try Turning the Paper Right Side Up.
Student, raising hand: I can't read...
Professor: I'm sorry.
San Francisco State University
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: The Only One Laughing?
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Education | San Francisco | Students | Stupidity | Teachers | Posted 2010-01-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And That's the Last Time We'll Discuss This, Dad.
Sorority girl to another: All I'm saying is that it would be a lot better at home if you used less tongue.
CU
Boulder, Colorado
Categories: Advice | Body parts | Colleges & Universities | Colorado | Compare and contrast | Licking | Sorority types | Posted 2010-01-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And If They're Really Yummy, It's "Mmm"
Asian bimbo #1, filling out apartment application: How do you spell "roommate"?
Asian bimbo #2 : Well... If it's just one person, it has one "m". It it's two or more, two "m's"
UC Riverside
California
Overheard by: Sophya
Categories: Asians | Bimbettes | California | Colleges & Universities | Questions | Stupidity | Words | Posted 2010-01-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Geeks and Sexual Experimentation Are Often a Perilous Combo
Student to friend: Could you imagine having a test tube shatter while it is up your ass, or worse? I know a girl that it happened to!
Cabra Dominican College
Australia
Categories: Ass | Australia | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Friends | Health & Hygiene | Science | Students | Weirdness | Posted 2010-01-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Best. Quote Location. Ever.
Male roommate to another: Don't jump on me. I have a boner.
Saint Peter's College
New Jersey
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Erections | Friends | New Jersey | Sex | Posted 2010-01-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Stop Wearing Those Stiletto Boots and Bra-tops and We'll Talk
Communications professor: I mean, I can offer you a dollar for sex or I can offer you a million dollars. You're still a prostitute. We're just haggling over price.
(some female students giggle)
Communications professor: What? Oh, you're laughing because I called you whores?
Otago University
New Zealand
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Education | Insults | Money | New Zealand | Offers and requests | Questions | Sex | Students | Teachers | Posted 2010-01-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Some Of Your Editors Are Doing Stupid Things Right Now
College boy #1: Hey, man, thanks for getting me out of that skiing trip.
College boy #2: No problem. Pretty girls have made me do stupid things before. In fact, I bet pretty girls make me do stupid things in the future, too. Probably tonight, or tomorrow...
University of Ottawa
Canadia
Overheard by: not a college student yet
Categories: Beauty | Canadia | Colleges & Universities | Frat boy types | Stupidity | Time Management | Posted 2010-01-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And I Enjoy Mocking Your Working-Class Accents
Student, after teacher announced students would take turns to read: Erm, excuse me... Why can't we read quietly for ourselves?
Teacher, with mock shock: Because... We're here together! This is a room full of communion and harmony!
University of Zurich
Switzerland
Overheard by: Stephie
You Lithuanian Girls Know What I'm Talking About
Anthropology teacher: All women are beautiful, whether they're tall and skinny or not. Including female Sasquatch.
USF
Florida
Categories: Beauty | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Florida | Teachers | Posted 2009-12-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Forgot to Add "...My Penis?"
Normal, fairly cute boy: Excuse me.
Normal, fairly cute girl: Yes? (stops walking)
Normal, fairly cute boy: Are you interested in any global issues? Aids, the environment, human rights?
Normal, fairly cute girl: Honestly, no. (walks away)
Normal, fairly cute boy: Oh. (looks really confused and a little crushed)
Outside Library
University of York
England
Overheard by: Even I thought it was a bit harsh!
...As Expressly Stated in the Terms Of My Employment.
Girl on phone: You can't just give me some Craisins and expect everything to be okay after you called me a Nazi!
University of Florida
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Florida | Food | Gifts | Girls | Insults | On the phone | Posted 2009-12-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Rather a Creature Who Hates All Happiness
Professor, on Dante's version of the devil: This is not like one of those vampire things that are good-looking and want to suck your blood, and that makes you happy.
University of Pittsburgh
Pennsylvania
Categories: Beauty | Books | Colleges & Universities | Evil | Happiness | Pennsylvania | Teachers | Weirdness | Wishes | Posted 2009-12-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Wondered About the Beanie
Brunette: Are you getting him something for Christmas?
Blonde: Why would I?
Brunette: I don't know, I thought you were close!
Blonde: Christmas present? He's Jewish!
Brunette: Ohhhh.
Kent State University
Kent, Ohio
Categories: Bimbettes | Colleges & Universities | Gifts | Ohio | Questions | Relationships | Religion | Posted 2009-12-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Spontaneous Admission to Grad School Is Just a Myth
Philosophy professor: He chose this example because it had sex appeal. It turned people on.
(changes PowerPoint slide to picture of bacterial flagellum)
Male student: Ohhhhh!
Professor: Please don't have an orgasm in my class.
Lycoming College
Williamsport, Pennsylvania
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Education | Orgasm | Pennsylvania | Philosophy | Science | Sex | Students | Teachers | Posted 2009-12-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Jack Daniels and Cigarettes: the Early Years
Girl: Good morning, Rob*.
Guy, gasping: Your voice changed! It's deeper!
Girl: Oh. This is my morning voice. It's how I sound in the morning.
Guy: You're not cute anymore!
Saint Peter's College
New Jersey
Categories: Beauty | Colleges & Universities | Comebacks | Compare and contrast | Girls | Guys | New Jersey | Sensory experiences | Posted 2009-12-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
With Just a Little More Downtown
20-something trendy gangster: I'm just there for looks, you know? (pause) I'm like the sculpture of David, chiseled and beautiful.
University of Arizona
Categories: Arizona | Beauty | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Fashion | Thugs | Posted 2009-12-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
In Michigan It's Always the 1950s
Girl #1: We have to deal with it for nine months!
Girl #2: At least we get to be bitches for no reason.
Girl #1: Yeah, my boyfriend's basically a slave.
University of Michigan
Ann Arbor, Michigan
Overheard by: ...I knew it!
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Girls | Michigan | Pregnancy | Relationships | Posted 2009-12-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...So Most Of You Got That Wrong on the Midterm.
Psychology professor at all-women college: Personality disorders are the people you end up married to.
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: Sabrina
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Family ties | Maryland | Mental illnesses | Relationships | Teachers | Posted 2009-12-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And What Kind Of a Lame-Ass Answer Is "Energy"?
Tutor: So what are some things you associate with lemons?
Student #1: Yellow!
Student #2: Energy!
Student #3: Gin-an-tonic!
Tutor: What? Genitalia? Who said genitalia?
Massey University
Wellington
New Zealand
Categories: Body parts | Colleges & Universities | Drinking & drunks | Fruit | New Zealand | Questions | Students | Teachers | Words | Posted 2009-12-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But I'm Not Sure the Koala Enjoys It
Male student #1: Man, you can't get pregnant doing that.
Male student #2: Oh.
Monash University
Melbourne
Australia
Overheard by: Assilem
Categories: Advice | Australia | Colleges & Universities | Pregnancy | Students | Posted 2009-12-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
B.D. Wong Discusses His Performance on Law & Order: SVU
Student to friend: I was going for Asian and it came out pedophile.
Otago University
New Zealand
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Friends | New Zealand | Race | Sex | Students | Weirdness | Posted 2009-12-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Spent a Whole Week in a Broom Closet Once
Boy #1 to boy #2, who is moving his chair: What the fuck are you doing?
Boy #2: I'm moving you out of the way so I can get by.
Boy #1: What? You could've just asked me to move.
Boy #2: Yeah, but I was trying to save you from having to do anything. Don't worry, I was gonna put you back.
Boy #1: Okay.
Boy #2: I hate when people move me and don't put me back.
Student Center, WCC
Valhalla, New York
Overheard by: Princess Diana
They're So Cute-- I Want One
Junior girl, watching group of new freshman and shaking her head: I swear they keep getting smaller.
Weber State University
Utah
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Education | Students | Utah | Posted 2009-12-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Its Subtitle: "I Was Too Drunk to Prepare a Lesson for Today"
Professor, pulling blue scarf out of pocket for magic trick: Now that... that is what I like to call... a blue scarf.
Villanova University
Villanova, Pennsylvania
Categories: Clothes | Colleges & Universities | Education | Magic | Pennsylvania | Teachers | Posted 2009-12-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But with a Better Sense Of Meter.
Student: I think that Eminem is like a modern-day Hamlet, you know?
Memorial University
Newfoundland
Canadia
Categories: About celebrities | Books | Canadia | Colleges & Universities | Music | Students | Posted 2009-12-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Yeast Infections Exist: A Short Story.
Girl #1: Do you think I could wash my clothes with fabric softener? I don't have any detergent.
Girl #2: That should probably work.
(30 minutes later)
Girl #2: So, did it work?
Girl #1: Yeah... I think... they don't smell anymore, at least. Good enough, right?
Laundry Room, University of Alabama
Birmingham, Alabama
Overheard by: I don't think it is
Categories: Advice | Alabama | Cleanliness | Clothes | Colleges & Universities | Girls | Questions | Sensory experiences | Posted 2009-12-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Alternate Ending to Stand by Me
Guy on bicycle: Hey guys, what should we do when we get home?
Bike friend #1: Hmm... I don't know.
Bike friend #2: Let's masturbate!
Guy on bicycle: Yeah!
University of California
Santa Barbara, California
Categories: California | Colleges & Universities | Friends | Guys | Masturbation | Questions | Posted 2009-12-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Dream Big, Kids.
Girl: I want a squirrel.
Friend: I want a cheeseburger.
UT
Austin, Texas
Because If It's Boating, That's Way Too Political
Girl #1: What is Roe v. Wade?
Girl #2: What do you mean? I don't know!
Girl #1: What is it about?
Computer Lab, Syracuse University
New York
I Thought That Was Only Possible in Thailand?
Professor: Here, let me make you some flesh. You know, you can buy flesh in the school store!
Maryland Institute College of Art
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: Painting with Mr. Lector
Categories: Body parts | Colleges & Universities | Maryland | Shopping | Teachers | Weirdness | Posted 2009-12-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When Telepaths Mate
Old lady, walking up to old man: Hi there. Sorry I was just staring off at you. I had something on my mind and I think you were thinking it too. Bye!
Old man: Bye.
Sacred Heart University
Connecticut
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Connecticut | Old folks | Weirdness | Posted 2009-12-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
... and a Coal Miner?
Sorority chick, discussing Shroud of Turin: Jesus was 14 feet tall?
Philosophy of Religion Class, Lycoming College
Williamsport, Pennsylvania
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Jesus | Pennsylvania | Questions | Sorority types | Posted 2009-12-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...You All Have Your Paper Mache Assignment.
Professor: Okay, guys, let's stop talking about penises.
Metro State College
Denver, Colorado
Or Ham.
Frathole: The thing about being Jewish is that you don't have to believe in god.
UMass
Massachusetts
Overheard by: So proud of my degree
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Frat boy types | God | Massachusetts | Religion | Stupidity | Posted 2009-11-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What Will Thailand Think Of Next?
Dude on phone: You have a post-coital gift shop?!
College Campus
Denver, Colorado
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Colorado | Gifts | Guys | On the phone | Questions | Sex | Shopping | Weirdness | Posted 2009-11-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Gay Guys Just Criticize Your Outfit
Prof: Ladies, I'm just gonna give it to you straight: I guarantee you that almost every straight guy you see today is going to picture you naked.
Techie guy, fixing projector: Fuckin' A!
University of Calgary
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Colleges & Universities | Education | Gender issues | Sexuality | Students | Teachers | Weirdness | Posted 2009-11-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Depression's Always in Style in Virginia
Studious student: You know she would tell her students that she's far too sick to make it out to campus, and then curl up in a ball on her couch with a cup of tea so she can watch the rain fall and weep.
Virginia Commonwealth University
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Education | Feelings | Food | Health & Hygiene | Maladies | Students | Virginia | Weather | Posted 2009-11-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Your Editors Googled "Lesbian Triplets" and Got Distracted by Porn
College girl #1: So it turned out that he was one of the lesbian triplets!
College girl #2: No way!
College girl #1: Yeah, the tranny!
College girl #2: Owen? I love Owen! I knew him when he still identified as a girl!
College girl #1: Yeah, and it turned out the midget was trans too.
Hampshire College
Amherst, Massachusetts
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Feelings | Gender issues | Massachusetts | Sexuality | Sorority types | Weirdness | Posted 2009-11-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Or Gave Me Religious Pamphlets. I Forget.
20-something girl: Do you remember that guy last night?
Friend: Oh, him? Yeah, I think he motor-boated me.
Canisius College
Buffalo, New York
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Friends | Girls | New York | Questions | Rack | Sensory experiences | Sex | Weirdness | Posted 2009-11-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Really Get a Little Something Extra When You Go Away to School in San Francisco
Professor: It's hard to have an orgy without orgasms. What? It's true! What're you gonna do, play video games?
University of San Francisco
San Francisco, California
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Games | Orgasm | Questions | San Francisco | Sex | Teachers | Posted 2009-11-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Now Squint, Damn Your Eyes!
History professor: You know how I said that this class wouldn't have a lot of text-heavy PowerPoint slides? Sometimes I lie to you, because that's funny.
Community College
Grand Rapids, Michigan
Overheard by: i love this school
So Many Girls Are Fascists, but Don't Know It
Girl #1: My dream is to have a harem of guys that I can make dress up like the pale man from Pan's Labyrinth.
Girl #2: Why the hell would you do that?
Girl #1: Because it would be awesome and scary. I just want to see a bunch of people running away from me and my harem.
Mount Holyoke College
South Hadley, Massachusetts
Categories: Clothes | Clothing | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Fears | Girls | Massachusetts | Movies | Questions | Relationships | Weirdness | Wishes | Posted 2009-11-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Think Of Purgatory As a Drive-Through Soul Wash
Professor: So, basically god has to suppress the gag reflex when he looks at you; but it's okay because he loves you anyway.
University of Akron
Akron, Ohio
Overheard by: Rebecca
Um, of State Security?
Art student: He told me he really relates to my organs.
University of Washington
Seattle, Washington
Categories: Body parts | Colleges & Universities | Feelings | Relationships | Students | Washington | Weirdness | Posted 2009-11-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
At Least, He Said It Was Mayonnaise
Girl on cell: Yeah, last semester the professor had this obsession with mayonnaise. It was freaking everyone out.
College of Charleston
Charleston, South Carolina
Overheard by: Tori
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Education | Food | Girls | On the phone | South Carolina | Posted 2009-11-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's Easier to Write the Paper Than Its Outline
Student, about assignment she's written: It's supposed to be (emphasizes with hands) that, that, then that, then that! But it's all blah blah blah blah! You know?
Friend: Is you introduction all dot, dot, dot at least?
Student: Yeah.
University of South Australia
Adelaide
Australia
Overheard by: fellow stressed out uni student
Well, When the Penis Is Erect and the Vagina Is Lubricated...
Gangsta guy: So Brenda had sex with her cousin, but didn't know it was her cousin.
Woman: How do you do that?!
DePaul University
Chicago, Illinois
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Family ties | Illinois | Questions | Sex | Thugs | Women | Posted 2009-11-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When You're Greeting a Female Dignitary, for Instance
Nerdy college guy #1: "Bitch" does have a negative connotation.
Nerdy college guy #2: But girls say it to each other, it's like the "n" word!
Nerdy college guy #3: And it can be used as a greeting! "Yo, bitch, what's shakin'?"
USF
Florida
Overheard by: SB
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Dorks, Geeks & Nerds | Florida | Insults | Students | Words | Posted 2009-11-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Let's Relax with Some Margaritas.
Russian professor: Grammarlicious definition makes them "gringo locos." (pause) Now that you've all been permanently scarred...
Arizona State University
Categories: Arizona | Colleges & Universities | Education | Language barrier | Teachers | Weirdness | Words | Posted 2009-11-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Almost As Rude As Answering Your Cell Phone in Class
Pol-sci professor: Nuking other countries is kind of rude.
University of Memphis
Memphis, Tennessee
It's in the Microwave
20-something chick on mobile: How many times do I have to tell you? There is no cocaine in my fridge!
University
Queensland
Australia
Overheard by: how many times
Categories: Australia | Chicks | Colleges & Universities | Drugs | On the phone | Weirdness | Posted 2009-11-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Today's Young Woman Is Proud to Display Everything She's Got
Library worker girl: That's a cute bag.
Library worker girl with clear purse: Thanks!
Boss man: But then everyone can see everything you have!
Library worker girl with clear purse: It's not like I got a gun or anything... I can always hide things between the books...
Library worker girl: Like your gun?
Kent State University Library
Kent, Ohio
Categories: Books | Bosses | Colleges & Universities | Compliments | Coworkers | Fashion | Ohio | Questions | Violence | Posted 2009-11-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Every Educated American Should See Bringing Up Baby
Girl #1: Oh my god! You sounded so much like Katharine Hepburn just then!
Girl #2: I sounded like who?
Girl #1: Well, never mind, you stopped doing it. Bitch.
Couch Dorm
University of Oklahoma
Categories: About celebrities | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Girls | Insults | Oklahoma | Questions | Posted 2009-11-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Is That Always Your Question?
College girl: I really want to go as Superman!
Friend: You aren't going to stuff your crotch, are you?
Melbourne University
Australia
Categories: Australia | Colleges & Universities | Friends | Pop culture | Sorority types | Vagina | Wishes | Posted 2009-11-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Professors Rarely Ask Students to Introduce Themselves on the First Day Of Class Anymore
Nerd: I don't know about you, but I have trouble being romantic when I'm sweating to death.
Community College
Illinois
Overheard by: adderall driven
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Dorks, Geeks & Nerds | Feelings | Illinois | Sensory experiences | Posted 2009-11-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'll Just Slip Into Something More Comfortable
Evolution professor: So why can't humans have more then just two sexes? Man, that'd be a lot of fun, wouldn't it?
Class: (uncontrollable laughter)
Evolution professor: Oh, I can see. (pause) I shouldn't have said anything, let's continue...
UC
Santa Cruz, California
Overheard by: I'm glad he said it
Categories: California | Colleges & Universities | Education | Gender issues | Questions | Sexuality | Students | Teachers | Posted 2009-11-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Frightening Because the Photograph Is Screaming
Girl, nodding to human mess across the way: Is that girl burning holes into a photograph with a cigarette?
Guy: That is frighteningly erotic.
University of South Florida
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Florida | Girls | Guys | Questions | Sensory experiences | Sex | Smoking | Weirdness | Posted 2009-11-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Some Quotes Leave Your Editors Wanting to Hear Less
Girl to group: You guys! Everyone who has not had this fetus in their rectum is still a virgin!
Sarah Lawrence College
Bronxville, New York
They Get Homesick
Emphatic girl: Babies can't watch porn!
Smith College
Northampton, Massachusetts
Overheard by: TARDIS Dyke
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Girls | Kids | Massachusetts | Porn | Posted 2009-11-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Or Where This Sweater Vest Came from
College student: So far, I'm three for three on not knowing who I left with, or how I got there.
Lycoming College
Williamsport, Pennsylvania
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Drinking & drunks | Frat boy types | Pennsylvania | Weirdness | Posted 2009-11-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
He Just Sings Instead Of Talking
Female student to friend at bus stop: So, he was, like, freakishly quiet, but every now and then he would bust out with something that, you know, we would say, you know, like, (bursts into song) "Do you like waffles? Yeah, I like waffles!" (in normal voice) And, you know, I would be, like, "Woah! He is a real person."
University of Oklahoma
Overheard by: becauseobviouslyallnormalpeoplelikewaffles
Mr. Cheney's Office Failed to Return Our Calls
Student: I think the result of this case means that people are worried that government officials can be held just as accountable as normal citizens.
Law School
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: MaggieB
Categories: California | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Crimes | Politics | Students | Posted 2009-10-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When Did Bennington Drop the Lesbianism Requirement?
Girl: So my jaw hurts really bad, right here. (points)
Boy: Maybe you stop sucking so much dick.
Girl, thinking for a second: Many dicks.
Bennington College
Vermont
Pregnancy? Absofuckinglutely.
Student: The form told me that there's a 2% chance that it will happen to me, but if it does happen to me, there's a 100% chance that it will happen to me.
UCLA, California
Overheard by: MaggieB
Categories: California | Colleges & Universities | Science | Students | Stupidity | Posted 2009-10-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
....Ooo, Chocolate Pudding!
Large chick in group of students: I like science, music, dance, and you know what else I like? Anal.
Community College
Virginia
Categories: Backdoor | Chicks | Colleges & Universities | Dancing | Fat people | Music | Science | Students | Virginia | Posted 2009-10-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When Semesters and Trimesters Conflict
Bleached blonde sorority chick: If she doesn't abort it, we're totally throwing her a baby shower!
University
Midwest
Overheard by: GDI
Categories: Abortion | Colleges & Universities | Kids | Sorority types | USA | Posted 2009-10-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's a Prerequisite for Graduation.
Professor: How old are you?
Visiting high school student: Seventeen.
Professor: And you're not married? Well, you've come to the right place!
Freed-Hardeman University
Henderson, Tennessee
Overheard by: Lisa
Categories: Age and ageing | Colleges & Universities | Education | Questions | Relationships | Students | Teachers | Tennessee | Posted 2009-10-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What Have You Been Doing to That Poor Puppy?
College girl #1: You know, just because I want to hit it doesn't mean you have to, too.
College girl #2: But now that it's shaved, it's so much better!
Cornell University
Ithaca, New York
Categories: Colleges & Universities | New York