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Always Making Generalizations About Particular Groups

College chick: Oh my god! Girls are, like, so racist.

University of Washington
Seattle, Washington


Overheard by: Jackie


Categories: Colleges & Universities | Gender issues | Race | Sorority types | Washington | Posted 2010-09-03 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Sort Of Like a Human Centrifuge. Any Questions?

Professor, in monotone voice: I think we're all familiar with merry-go-rounds. They're objects in playgrounds that rotate at relatively high speeds, and we put our children on them.

Millersville University
Millersville, Pennsylvania


Overheard by: Tyler G


Categories: Colleges & Universities | Kids | Pennsylvania | Science | Students | Teachers | Posted 2010-08-30 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

If Not, I Don't Think You're Ready for This Sorority

Girl at dining hall: I mean: haven't you ever smelled your own bellybutton?

Lehigh Universuty
Bethlehem, Pennsylvania

For Good Teachers, Even Stupid Arguments Beat Silence

Tutor to quiet class: Are you normally this talkative? (silence) Rightie-o, then. You know, when I went to university I practically didn't say a word for four years. It was good.

University of Western Sydney
Australia


Categories: Australia | Colleges & Universities | Education | Students | Teachers | Words | Posted 2010-08-27 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

With This Little Thing?

30-something male student to teacher: I keep having sex with these girls, and I go for 30 minutes... or sometimes and hour. They don't come. What's wrong with me? What's wrong with them?
Female professor, confidently: It sounds like you're rubbing 'em raw!

Community College
Tulsa, Oklahoma

They Call Him "The Baconator"!

Twelve-year-old boy in lunch line: So I think I have a new arch-nemesis... He's like, Canadian, or something.
Friend: Cool!

Brown University
Providence, Rhode Island

Why You Shouldn't Wait to Have Sex 'til Marriage

Med student #1: You broke up with her because of a facial expression?
Med student #2: Man, if you saw her "o" face you'd would've done the same. (makes contorted face with mouth wide open)
Med student #1: Oh, hell yeah... that's some ugly shit to come to.
Med student #2: I would have never been able to get off... and all those sounds!
Med student #1: Sexy?
Med student #2: Jungle. Primal.

School of Medicine
University of Maryland


Overheard by: Mykl

At Least We Have the Alt-world Version

Girl #1: I was so disappointed when I found out Neil Patrick Harris is gay!
Girl #2: I know, right?
Girl #1: It's such a loss for womankind!
Girl #2: Men don't deserve him!

Women's Dressing Room
Western Michigan University

I Think I've Seen This Daryl Hannah Movie...

Girl #1: Well, it doesn't bother me.
Girl #2: That's because you don't have to look at it!
Girl #3: You. Look. Like. A. Whore.
Girl #4: But a mermaid whore!

University of Florida


Categories: Colleges & Universities | Comebacks | Compare and contrast | Florida | Girls | Sex | Posted 2010-07-31 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

That, and the Fact That He Loves Her

Angry coffee drinker: He referred to his last sexual congress as "being balls-deep" in his lady.
Amused coffee drinker: Something tells me she was no lady.
Angry coffee drinker: That's what you take away from that?

Cornell University
Ithaca, New York


Categories: Balls | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Guys | New York | Questions | Sex | Posted 2010-07-27 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Everybody Respects a Gentleman Bandit

Professor: I could go to Mark*, for example, and say, "hey, you have to do this or I'm going to shoot you." (to Mark*) Uh, sorry.
Mark*: Well, at least you're polite about it.

Emerson College
Boston, Massachusetts


Overheard by: S.m. Torres


Categories: Colleges & Universities | Etiquette | Massachusetts | Murder | Students | Teachers | Threats | Posted 2010-07-23 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

...I Fuck at Least Two Girls on the Side.

Dude #1: You gotta find a girl to fuck. On the side.
Dude #2: I'm not like that. That's your game.

UCLA
Los Angeles, California

What Are You Doing in Community College?

Black guy: Hey! What country you from?
Asian girl: Um... America?
Black guy: You look Chinese.
Asian girl: I am?

Community College
Godfrey, Illinois


Overheard by: M


Categories: Asians | Black people | Colleges & Universities | Illinois | Questions | Race | Posted 2010-06-29 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Kirstie Alley Lights Of Up the Screen in Look Who's Tanning!

Pale girl: Sure, I'll go tanning with you. How much is it?
Dark girl: For the baby bed, only $7.
Pale girl: The baby bed? What's the baby bed?
Dark girl: What you need to do, girl!
Pale girl: Yeah, but do they, like... Put babies in it?

Drexel University
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania


Overheard by: I wouldn't know either....

Then They Die

Girl #1: Corey's* got a treatment scheduled for Monday.
Girl #2: What's wrong with him?
Guy: Nothing.
Girl #1: He's got cancer.
Guy: He's fine. People get cancer all the time.

Nicholls State University
Thibodaux, Louisiana


Categories: Colleges & Universities | Girls | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Louisiana | Maladies | Stupidity | Posted 2010-06-28 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

A Girl Who Wears Her Thong As a Headband Has No Shame

Girl: She came in at 5:30 in the morning. Is she like trying to beat the walk of shame rush?

University of Florida


Categories: Colleges & Universities | Florida | Girls | Questions | Time Management | Posted 2010-06-27 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

You Can't Get Decent Sackcloth Anymore

Crazy-religious-dude, pointing at male student: Are you free from sin?
Male student: Yes I am!
Cray-religious-dude: Sure about that? (looks student over) Then why is your shirt so tight?

Florida International University

...You're in for One Miserable Ride.

Angry girl to group of male friends: You can sleep with my mother, you can kill my father, you can burn down my house, but if you fuck with my bike...

Harvard University
Cambridge, Massachusetts


Overheard by: Veli Velo

Guess Who's Had a Little Too Much Caffeine?

Guy: I'm not exactly awake yet. Hence the espresso. (holds up cup)
Girl: Oh, you should pour it all over yourself!
Guy: I think that would be contrary to waking up.
Girl: No, no. You'd absorb the caffeine into your skin, and you'd become Awake Man! And your arch-nemesis would be the Sandman, and... and... stuff.

Saint Peter's College
New Jersey

Nobody Expects a Gay Guy to Carry a Speculum

Gay guy: Give me a sip of your drink!
Girl: No!
Gay guy: Give me a sip or I'll bite your cervix!

Military College
Georgia


Overheard by: Amanda

It's on My Google Calendar!

Girl #1: Ew! Are you gonna ask her tonight? You gonna ask her?
Girl #2: What?
Girl #1: Why she has a huge fucking bush!
Girl #2: Oh, for sure!

McGill University
Montreal
Canadia


Categories: Canadia | Colleges & Universities | Girls | Insults | Questions | Vagina | Posted 2010-06-16 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

God Bless the USA!

English professor: "My wife, Bob, is pregnant." Polygamy, pregnant men, gay marriage--it's got it all!

University of Rock County
Wisconsin


Overheard by: Aku

...When I Asked Them to Unplug the Faxierphone.

Ditzy new student: People don't think I'm smart. But I just don't, like, like big words. I don't use them. I used one of them once at work and no one knew what I was talking about!

University of South Australia


Categories: Australia | Colleges & Universities | Jobs & Careers | Students | Words | Posted 2010-06-05 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

...Mmm, Okay, Leave the Shirt Off.

Girl #1, watching attractive guy: Du-ude, check that out!
Girl #2: Oooh. Yummy! (notices friend shamelessly ogling)
Girl #1: Elizabeth!! Put his clothes back on!

Yale University
New Haven, Connecticut


Overheard by: You Can Take Mine Instead


Categories: Beauty | Clothing | Colleges & Universities | Connecticut | Girls | Posted 2010-06-04 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Only If They Don't Squeak

Student: Is it okay to wear leather trousers to a funeral?

Hull University
Hull
England


Categories: Clothing | Colleges & Universities | Death & dying | Etiquette | Students | UK | Posted 2010-06-04 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

The Graduate, in a Nutshell

Guy: My parents seem fake. My parents' friends seem really really fake.

Texas Christian University
Fort Worth, Texas


Categories: Colleges & Universities | Guys | Lies | Parenting | Texas | Posted 2010-06-03 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

But I Didn't Back Up Over It. That's Gay.

English major #1: So, I totally ran over a snake today.
English major #2: Was it an anaconda?
English major #1: I don't know... It was a snake!
English major #3: Was it a grass snake?
English major #2: Was it a trouser snake?
English major #1: Yes. I ran over a penis.

Southern Illinois University
Edwardsville, Edwardsville, Illinois


Overheard by: M


Categories: Animals | Colleges & Universities | Illinois | Penis | Students | Posted 2010-06-02 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

...So We Had to Tend to It.

Guy: You abandoned me last night! Both of you, you and James*!
Girl: I'm sorry, I was feeling sick. And I told James* to go back to the bar afterwards, but then, you know, I have a vagina...

Saint Peter's College
New Jersey


Categories: Colleges & Universities | Feelings | Girls | Guys | New Jersey | Sex | Vagina | Posted 2010-06-01 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

...Because Most Of You Got That Wrong on the Midterm.

US History professor, angrily: I don't put up stuff on the overhead for me to masturbate to! I do that at home. Pay attention!

Georgia State University

Overheard by: Kat


Categories: Colleges & Universities | Education | Georgia | Masturbation | Teachers | Posted 2010-06-01 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

On the Plus Side, When I Get There, I Can Make Pie!

20-something girl: I am so bad with directions. I can't find my way around anywhere.
20-something guy: That's because you're a woman.
20-something girl: Way to be sexist! (long pause) But yeah, you're probably right.

Cardinal Stritch University
Milwaukee, Wisconsin

We're Going to Congress!

Student to friend: Just put the rape stick in the alcohol bag.

American University
Washington, DC

Only a Good Friend Would Say That, Stacy

Sad girl: So we broke up and I started crying, and I told him to leave and he was like "can we still watch Star Wars?"
Short haired girl: It's not even that good a movie!

Allegheny College
Meadville, Pennsylvania


Overheard by: Amused

Kirk Cameron: "No."

Student in library: Could you forget that Jesus died for your sins for like five minutes?

Smith College
Northampton, Massachusetts

What Orgies at Nursing Homes Sound Like

Girl: Do you have selective hearing?
Guy: No, I just really like this sandwich.

St. Peter's College
Jersey City, New Jersey


Categories: Colleges & Universities | Food | Girls | Guys | Health & Hygiene | New Jersey | Questions | Posted 2010-05-15 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

A Gay Man Who Looks at a Straight Man Sees Only His Anima

Young gay guy #1: Dude! You were like so throwing yourself at him. What happened?
Young gay guy #2: I think he's a lesbian.

College of Western Idaho

Overheard by: Another lesbian traped in a mans body


Categories: Colleges & Universities | Idaho | Queers | Questions | Sexuality | Posted 2010-05-13 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Why Does Everyone Keep Telling Me That?

Guy with soul patch: Don't German people always drive at 200 miles an hour all the time?
Girl in front row, sarcastically: I think you mean 200 kilometers per hour.
Guy with soul patch: It doesn't matter, they're the same thing!
Professor, calmly: If I go crazy and start a killing spree, you'll be the first one I get.

George Washington University
Washington, DC

We're Too Aroused to Think Straight

Women studies professor, during discussion about nymphomaniacs: Ladies, are there any of you who are in a constant state of arousal?
Class: (uncomfortable silence)
Professor: Let me rephrase that. Are you constantly ready to engage in sex?
Student, alarmed: Professor, I don't think any of us are comfortable with answering this question.

Saint Peter's College
Jersey City, New Jersey


Categories: Colleges & Universities | New Jersey | Questions | Sexuality | Stupidity | Teachers | Women | Posted 2010-05-11 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Here, I'm Using Sarcasm to Make a Teaching Point

Political science professor: Our president is black. Some of you may have noticed this. Some of you probably haven't yet.

California State University
San Marcos, California


Overheard by: I knew it


Categories: California | Colleges & Universities | Politics | Race | Stupidity | Teachers | Posted 2010-05-08 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

That Hoe!

Weird emo girl: I've still got bruises from the first time she hit me with a wheelbarrow!

Bridgwater College
Somerset
England


Categories: Colleges & Universities | England | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Violence | Posted 2010-05-06 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

...By Lying

Guy #1: I was supposed to interview my grandma for my sociology project, but I didn't. I'm going to have to like, make up her life right now.
Guy #2: Why didn't you interview her?
Guy #1: Well, she lives in Oregon, and you know, the time change...
Guy #2: Dude, there's no time change from here to Oregon.
Guy #1: I know that, shut up! I'm trying to make myself feel better.

University of Washington
Seattle, Washington


Overheard by: Beatrice


Categories: Colleges & Universities | Family ties | Guys | Lies | US Geography | Washington | Posted 2010-05-05 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Ignorance + Ignorance = Ignorance

Girl: So I hear that all Puerto Rican women are like models.
Guy: What?
Girl: Like they're all really hot and stuff.
Guy: I'm sure some are...
Girl: Yeah, they are, and they wear like thongs and stuff for underwear too.
Guy: I always heard Puerto Rican women were fat.
Girl: No, that's Hawaiian women.
Guy: Oh.

Lecture Hall
University of Alabama at Birmingham


Categories: Alabama | Beauty | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Girls | Guys | Stupidity | Posted 2010-05-05 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

This Is Long Island, Bitch!

Composition professor: So, by the way, this is how your do the top of the paper--title, dash, name, just like this paper here. I don't want a four-page paper which is three and a half pages long, with a half-page heading.
Student: But it's standard MLA citation practice for that heading to be like that.
Professor: Fuck MLA.

Hofstra University
Long Island, New York


Overheard by: I hate MLA


Categories: Colleges & Universities | Education | Insults | New York | Students | Teachers | Posted 2010-05-05 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

My New Cream Rinse Is Unstoppable!

Jiu-Jitsu guy #1, rolling around and trying to choke the other: Oh, your hair's soft today.
Jiu-Jitsu guy #2: Thanks, I used herbal essence this morning.

Indiana University

Overheard by: Rachel S.


Categories: Beauty | Colleges & Universities | Compliments | Guys | Hair | Indiana | Posted 2010-05-03 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Being Catholic, We Already Hate Ourselves

Boyfriend to girlfriend: If anyone ever walked in on us having sex, they'd swear we hate each other.

Saint Peter's College
New Jersey


Categories: Colleges & Universities | Hubbies | New Jersey | Sex | Violence | Posted 2010-05-03 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Sacred Heart Boasts the Naughtiest Librarians in the Land

Librarian: Hello, Justin. I'd shake hands with you but my hands are very sticky.

Sacred Heart University
Fairfield, Connecticut


Overheard by: Jesse


Categories: Colleges & Universities | Connecticut | Employees | Hands | Weirdness | Posted 2010-05-02 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Shhh-- He'll Hear!

Girl #1: You shouldn't drink that. It's bad for the baby.
Girl #2, drinking wine: It better be.

Washington and Lee University
Lexington, Virginia


Overheard by: Eden

Pretty Much Sums It Up.

Girl to friend: And then they nailed Him to a cross! And we get chocolate eggs for this?

College Campus
Michigan


Categories: Colleges & Universities | Food | Girls | Jesus | Michigan | Questions | Posted 2010-04-24 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

...With Total Uggs.

Girl #1: So what's up with those boots you bought this weekend? You don't look like the type to wear them.
Girl #2: Uh, Tim* wanted me to buy them.
Girl #1: Oh, that's right. I almost forgot about his boot fetish.
Girl #2: And I'm pretty sure he wants me to wear them. And nothing else.
Girl #1, sighing wistfully: I wish I had a hot relationship like that! All I have is slut sex!

Saint Peter's College
New Jersey


Categories: Colleges & Universities | Girls | New Jersey | Relationships | Sex | Shoes | Wishes | Posted 2010-04-22 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

They Need To-- Ever Seen a White Baby?

Asian kid: We don't do a lot of jumping around.
Black kid: Except in the wars, when Chuck Norris has lots of babies.
Asian kid: And white people are marrying everyone.

Babson College
Wellesley, Massachusetts


Overheard by: Bruce

Um, Wharnk?

Irritated English professor: I think I'm just going to change all my paper assignments to "create an inscrutable utterance."

Ursinus College
Pennsylvania


Categories: Colleges & Universities | Education | Pennsylvania | Teachers | Words | Posted 2010-04-20 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

You Wear Pajamas With Feet!

Guy #1: I'm going to study all night!
Guy #2: Yeah, I'll come too.
Guy #1: No, man... You're too weak.

Wayne State University
Detroit, Michigan


Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Education | Guys | Michigan | Posted 2010-04-19 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

I Really Need to Start Tagging and Cataloging Them

Girl #1, after passing by awkward guy staring at her: Ummm, why did that guy we just passed stare at us?
Girl #2: Umm... Didn't you sleep with him last weekend?
Girl #3: Oooh... I thought he looked familiar!

James Madison University
Harrisonburg, Virginia


Overheard by: Dukeees for life


Categories: Bimbettes | Colleges & Universities | Sex | Virginia | Weirdness | Posted 2010-04-15 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

The Two Guys Loved It, Though

Sorority girl to another: That has to be the worst way to lose your virginity.

Murray State University
Kentucky

Lousy Human Condition

Cute girl #1: Do you ever wake up and just smell really bad for some reason?
Cute girl #2, without hesitation: Yeah!

Tufts University
Medford, Massachusetts


Overheard by: concerned about sanitation

Exactly.

Communications major: What the hell is a palindrome?
English major: No, it isn't.

California State University
Fullerton, California


Overheard by: SixPackReich


Categories: California | Colleges & Universities | Coworkers | Education | Words | Posted 2010-04-07 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Or Maybe It Was White Men Can't Hunch?

Girl: I was watching this show the other night about large white British men who were sent to Africa to learn to hunt. It was called Fat Men Can't Hump. Wait! No! "Hunt"! It was called Fat Men Can't Hunt. Of course they can hump... If they want to.

Post-Colonial Literature Lecture
University of British Columbia
Canadia


Overheard by: Martha Carscadden


Categories: Canadia | Colleges & Universities | Girls | Pop culture | Sex | Words | Posted 2010-04-02 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

For the Last Time, It Was a Freak Welding Accident!

Guy on cell: Yeah, I get scared when you turn out the lights. (pause) That's not gay. (pause) It's not gay when "turning out the lights" means putting your hands over my eyes while we're test-driving a car that's worth more than your sister's gold plated vahjay!

George Mason University
Virginia


Overheard by: Your sister won


Categories: Colleges & Universities | Fears | Guys | Money | On the phone | Vagina | Virginia | Posted 2010-03-30 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Usually I'm Able to Draw a Whole Unicorn Galaxy

Girl: I don't know what's wrong with me. I can't do anything. All I could do in my last class was draw a unicorn!

Emory University
Atlanta, Georgia


Overheard by: Christina


Categories: Colleges & Universities | Education | Georgia | Girls | Stupidity | Posted 2010-03-30 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

"Who Can Shower Less?" Is a Dangerous Game

Girl #1: Awww... I knew I smelled you!
Girl #2: (laughs hysterically)

Bennington College
Bennington, Vermont


Categories: Colleges & Universities | Girls | Sensory experiences | Vermont | Weirdness | Posted 2010-03-29 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

It's a Conclusion I've Come to After Many Years Of Self-Reflection

Guy to girl: I hate Asian people named Christine.

Drew University
New Jersey


Overheard by: Greg Everitt


Categories: Colleges & Universities | Guys | Names | New Jersey | Race | Weirdness | Posted 2010-03-29 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

I Believe Fingerpainting and Paste-Eating Are Down the Hall

Dumb blonde: Wait, wasn't Columbus the first president? That's why we have Columbus day!
Professor, calmly: Get out, please.

University of Michigan

Overheard by: getout


Categories: Colleges & Universities | Education | History | Idiots | Michigan | Stupidity | Teachers | Posted 2010-03-27 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

For Example, Say This Beaker Is My Vagina

Lab TA, chatting during break: So I live alone, and I have a lot of trouble opening bottles. Have you guys ever heard of the plastic husband?
(entire class laughs)
Lab TA
: No! I didn't mean it like that! I just meant I need help opening things up!

(class laughs again)

University of Pittsburgh
Pennsylvania


Categories: Colleges & Universities | Pennsylvania | Sex | Teachers | Weirdness | Posted 2010-03-25 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

This Isn't How "20 Questions" Is Played, Amber.

Girl #1, in stall: Have you ever had sex?
Girl #2: No.
Girl #1: Oh. Does your classroom smell?

Delaware County Community College
Pennsylvania


Categories: Colleges & Universities | Girls | Pennsylvania | Questions | Sex | Weirdness | Posted 2010-03-24 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Sentence Fragments Baaaad!

Professor: I want to please you... Not with goats, but with sentences.

Greek Class
UCLA, California


Overheard by: shepherd


Categories: Animals | California | Class | Colleges & Universities | Education | Teachers | Weirdness | Posted 2010-03-22 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Juliette Lewis Has Made a Career Of It

Girl in track pants: No! People don't look at me and think "oh, that bitch went to the gym." No, they look at me and think "oh, that bitch is nasty!"

UC
Santa Cruz, California

Good to See Michigan Living Up to Its Reputation

Dorm guy: I said "thanks for the help," but I should have said, "thanks for the help, asshole, I hope they send you back to China."

Michigan State University


Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Guys | Insults | Michigan | Race | Posted 2010-03-15 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

You'd Think They Could Be Programmed Not to Splatter the Seat

Student emerging from bathroom to self: I hate those frickin' androids...

Brookdale Community College
New Jersey


Overheard by: Whiskeysaurus


Categories: Colleges & Universities | Gripes | Guys | Insults | New Jersey | Weirdness | Posted 2010-03-13 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

No Easy Feat, Considering It Was Sauce from a Domino's Pizza.

Dude on cell, excitedly: Yeah, dude. Everything. We even learned how to make food out of pizza sauce!

University of Memphis
Memphis, Tennessee


Overheard by: Miss Behaved


Categories: Colleges & Universities | Education | Food | Guys | Tennessee | Posted 2010-03-13 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Not Even Drag Queen Bingo?

Religion professor: Contrary to popular belief, bingo is not a sacrament!

North Central Michigan College


Categories: Colleges & Universities | Games | Michigan | Religion | Teachers | Posted 2010-03-12 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Whether Real or Imaginary

Professor: It's like trying to make a deity out of a bottle of Stoli at the height of the cold war.
Class: (laughter)
Professor: I know plenty of people who've done that, by the way... And so do you.

Macalester College
St. Paul, Minnesota

But I Still Adore Rosie Perez

College guy: You know when you throw the egg at the pink dinosaur? You know that sound? That's what her accent sounds like.

Macalester College
St. Paul, Minnesota

"History in a Nutshell" Was the Most Popular Course at York

Guy: Cause, like, Stalin was a pretty crazy dude, right?

York University
Toronto
Canadia


Overheard by: Just don't call me dude


Categories: Canadia | Colleges & Universities | Education | Guys | History | Questions | Stupidity | Posted 2010-03-11 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

...Ain't That a Bitch?

Professor, sighing: Every computer program has its glitches. This one certainly has a glitch, and the glitch is me.

Maine College of Art
Portland, Maine


Overheard by: Misaki


Categories: Colleges & Universities | Education | Maine | Teachers | Technology | Posted 2010-03-08 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

...Would You Like to Go Out With Us This Friday?

Freshman boy trying to flirt with girl: I'm from Boston and he's from Boston and he's Chinese and he likes Bruce Lee, naked, naked, naked. (pokes Chinese friend)

University Library
Binghamton, New York


Overheard by: Brianna


Categories: About celebrities | Colleges & Universities | New York | Preppies | Sexuality | Posted 2010-03-03 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Which, Ironically, Would Be a Good Title for a Country Song

Black girl to white friends: Black people want to be country, but we don't want to listen to the music.

Harvard Yard
Cambridge, Massachusetts


Overheard by: meems


Categories: Black people | Colleges & Universities | Massachusetts | Music | Race | Posted 2010-03-02 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Jesuits: Eeexcellent...!

Girl to another: She pulls the virgin card all the time, but she's such a slut.

North Dakota State University

Overheard by: Chelsea

...Drugs? It's Drugs, Right?

Dumb brunette #1: Well, he likes Sarah and Matt...
Dumb brunette #2: They don't count, everyone likes them!
Dumb brunette #1: Well, my boyfriend doesn't like any of my friends, then. I don't really like any of my friends.
Smart, older blonde walking by: Well, dear, there's a simple solution to that.
Dumb brunette #1: Oh? What is it?

University Library, Kent State
Kent, Ohio


Categories: Colleges & Universities | Girls | Ohio | Questions | Relationships | Posted 2010-03-01 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Whoa, Is My Face Red

Jock: Dude, I went to our professor's office yesterday, and you know what? She has a giant bottle of lube just sitting there on her desk!
(pause)
Friend
: You jackass! That's hand sanitizer on her desk, not lube!


University of Colorado

Overheard by: I keep the lube in the drawer


Categories: Colleges & Universities | Colorado | Compare and contrast | Jocks | Sex | Stupidity | Posted 2010-02-28 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Let's All Tweet!

Girl: I just spilled some tea. But luckily it was in a frying pan!
Entire room: Yaaaay!

Smith College
Northampton, Massachusetts


Categories: Colleges & Universities | Food | Girls | Massachusetts | Stupidity | Posted 2010-02-28 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Next on Maury

Brunette: And then he called me back ten minutes later and told me his brother got his girlfriend pregnant, and she's like sixteen or something.
Blonde: Is he mad his brother and his girlfriend hooked up?
Brunette: He's got more serious issues dating a child and shit.

Kent State University
Kent, Ohio


Categories: Colleges & Universities | Family ties | Girls | Ohio | Pregnancy | Sex | Posted 2010-02-26 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

...Can I Live With You This Summer?

Chipper guy: Everyone in my family, except for my little brother I think, is suicidal. They're all just like "blah blah blah... kill myself."

Florida Atlantic University

Overheard by: Kiwi


Categories: Character | Colleges & Universities | Death & dying | Family ties | Florida | Guys | Posted 2010-02-25 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Life Is Sweet; Don't Fuck It Up

Professor: No drinking and driving this weekend! No drugs! ...and no babies.

Ball State University
Muncie, Indiana


Overheard by: Sara


Categories: Advice | Colleges & Universities | Drinking & drunks | Drugs | Indiana | Pregnancy | Sex | Teachers | Posted 2010-02-23 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Can and Will

Orchestra director to French horn player: Can you just stick your fist up in there?

Luther College
Decorah, Iowa


Overheard by: percussionist who snorted like a 12-year-old


Categories: Body parts | Colleges & Universities | Iowa | Offers and requests | Weirdness | Posted 2010-02-22 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Best. Wedding. Ever.

Girl to friend: I distinctly remember him saying "I still have the dildo up my ass."

UCLA
Los Angeles, California


Categories: Ass | California | Colleges & Universities | Girls | Toys | Weirdness | Posted 2010-02-21 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

If Only There Were a Website That Printed Such Gems...

Guy: I think it's just every guy's fantasy to live with a giant black man and engage in tomfoolery.

Santa Clara University
California


Overheard by: Erin


Categories: California | Colleges & Universities | Guys | Race | Weirdness | Wishes | Posted 2010-02-18 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Um, Why Are They Playing Naked Leapfrog?

Professor, showing slide: And here we have another example of a seal or stamp, with a procession of men along the bottom. However, they could be aliens. (pause) Anyways...

Art History Class
University of Alabama


Overheard by: Bennett

...But Let's Consult Wikipedia to Be Sure.

Girl: Seriously, it's about this guy who fucks his clone and then wonders whether it's gay or masturbation. And that's the whole fucking book!
Guy, after thoughtful pause: No. Totally not gay.

UBC
Canadia


Categories: Books | Canadia | Colleges & Universities | Girls | Guys | Masturbation | Sex | Posted 2010-02-17 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

My Wax Sculpture Of Aaron Burr Is Nearly Complete

Asian guy #1: So... Where are we goin'?
Asian guy #2: Well, I haven't cleaned my ears since this morning, so... Gotta do that.

Community College
Reno, Nevada


Overheard by: Michele

Which Possibly Means I'm Growing As a Person

Girl #1: How's your sister?
Girl #2: She's a whore. If she wasn't pregnant, I'd go beat her ass.

University of New Orleans, Louisiana


Categories: Colleges & Universities | Family ties | Girls | Insults | Louisiana | Pregnancy | Posted 2010-02-14 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Then He Sneezed and We Solved Fermat's Last Theorem

Professor: The boy had all of the mathematical truths in his head and I was just pulling them out through his nose or something.

Swarthmore College
Swarthmore, Pennsylvania.

It's 2:58 -- Give Him a Little Credit.

Girl on cell in empty hall: So how long do you want to have sex with your boyfriend? Until, like 3:00?

Temple University
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

...And Be Granted Three Wishes.

Guy to girl: If I had an iPhone I wouldn't need a girlfriend, I would just rub that...

Valparaiso University
Indiana


Overheard by: Rachel Kaiser


Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Gadgets | Girls | Guys | Indiana | Sex | Posted 2010-02-13 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

...I Don't Care What Your Forensics Team Found.

Male lecturer to friend: Well: in my defense, it wasn't my dildo.

Lancaster University
England


Categories: Colleges & Universities | England | Guys | Masturbation | Toys | Posted 2010-02-04 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

The Monkey's Paw Is Especially Disturbing

Girl #1: It's just such a gross look, y'know? And she totally didn't have the body for it either. Total crotch octopus.
Girl #2: Crotch octopus?
Girl #1: Yeah, you know. When the fabric clings... and shows all your goodies?
Girl #2: Do you mean camel toe?
Girl #1: Yes! Right! Camel toe! I knew it had something to do with animals and appendages!

Bryn Mawr College
Pennsylvania

NewsFlash: Community College Student Has Intimate Drug Knowledge. Film at 11.

Student: My girlfriend's theory on smoking is that it's good for you because it's natural.
Professor: Yeah, it's not like that crystal meth. That stuff's all chemicals.
Voice from the back: True dat!

Community College
Michigan

You'll Hear a Lot Of Myths About Safe Sex in College

Guy to girl: I just had this overwhelming urge to drink vinegar, and it worked!

University of New Orleans
Louisiana


Categories: Colleges & Universities | Food | Girls | Guys | Louisiana | Stupidity | Posted 2010-01-31 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Just Killing Time Before the Dance Party in the Romance Languages Section

Brunette: So, are you gonna get some studying done?
Blonde: No, not really...
Brunette: So, you're here just to kill time?
Blonde: Yeah, to play.

Baillieu Library
University of Melbourne
Australia


Categories: Australia | Colleges & Universities | Education | Girls | Time Management | Posted 2010-01-29 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

College Exists to Prolong Adolescence

Female Brown student #1: That lab class is so stupid.
Female Brown student #2: Yeah. Harry Potter had the best labs.
Female Brown student #1, sighing: I wish this was Hogwarts.

Providence, Rhode Island

Overheard by: Sadie

We'd Be Doing Bad Things, Too, If We Didn't Have Our Own Continent

Girl, seeing Palestine poster: Who do you go for?
Guy: What?
Girl: You know, between Israel and um, Pakistan.
Guy: You mean Palestine?
Girl: Whatever. Which one is doing the bad stuff?
Guy: They both are...
Girl: Yeah, I can never decide.

Sydney University
Australia


Overheard by: Don't hurt yourself, honey.

In That It's Entirely Made Up

Guy #1: My boss, who's a Shaolin monk, told me if I saved his school, he'd pay off my loans. He was like "I pay off 1.5 million dollar debt!" and then, for a while, I was dealing with the Russian mafia, so I've been pretty busy.
Guy #2: Man... Your life is like a movie. It's like Karate Kid 15 or something.

Tulane University
New Orleans, Louisiana


Overheard by: iwouldtotallywatchthatmovie

The Crap You Write Proves You Don't Listen to Me

Professor: My job is pretty sweet. All I have to do is show up and talk about something I'm interested in. How sweet is that? It would be even better if I didn't hate all of you.

Columbia College
Chicago, Illinois

Unless It Was in Vegas, in Which Case It Stays There.

Defense lawyer, teaching trial advocacy: But remember that in real life, nobody charged with marijuana possession is actually going to go to trial.
Law student: Last summer when I was working at the legal clinic I had a client who was charged with possession go to trial!
Defense lawyer: What? In fifteen years of practice, I've never seen it go to trial.
Law student: Yeah, the prosecutor was being a dick about it too--he wanted jail time.
Defense lawyer: Who was the prosecutor? Tell me his name, I'll tell you if I ever got high with him.

Law School
Canadia


Overheard by: Law student


Categories: Canadia | Colleges & Universities | Crimes | Drugs | Memory lane | Names | Stoners | Students | Teachers | Posted 2010-01-22 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Yay! Let's All Join the Army!

Girl #1, loudly in quiet library: And we thought we were going to the lecture on reasons to join the army, but we accidentally went to the wrong lecture theater, and it was a medical lecture on burns patients!
Studying girl: Shhhhh!
Girl #1, loudly: And this med guy who knew we weren't med students goes "This is a good lecture to come to! Lots of gory pictures!" and we were both thinking "Shit! Are these army people going to show us photos of people who have been blown up or something!?"
Studying boy and girl: Shhhhhhhh!
Girl #2: Can't be as bad as that lecture from first year. Remember the photo of the person's head who'd been run over by a train?
Girl #1, even more loudly: Yeah! And they showed us photos of a penis which had been bitten off!
(everyone in library, including studying boy and girl, burst out laughing)

Griffith University Library
Australia

Try Turning the Paper Right Side Up.

Student, raising hand: I can't read...
Professor: I'm sorry.

San Francisco State University
San Francisco, California


Overheard by: The Only One Laughing?

And That's the Last Time We'll Discuss This, Dad.

Sorority girl to another: All I'm saying is that it would be a lot better at home if you used less tongue.

CU
Boulder, Colorado

And If They're Really Yummy, It's "Mmm"

Asian bimbo #1, filling out apartment application: How do you spell "roommate"?
Asian bimbo #2 : Well... If it's just one person, it has one "m". It it's two or more, two "m's"

UC Riverside
California


Overheard by: Sophya


Categories: Asians | Bimbettes | California | Colleges & Universities | Questions | Stupidity | Words | Posted 2010-01-14 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Geeks and Sexual Experimentation Are Often a Perilous Combo

Student to friend: Could you imagine having a test tube shatter while it is up your ass, or worse? I know a girl that it happened to!

Cabra Dominican College
Australia

Best. Quote Location. Ever.

Male roommate to another: Don't jump on me. I have a boner.

Saint Peter's College
New Jersey


Categories: Colleges & Universities | Erections | Friends | New Jersey | Sex | Posted 2010-01-02 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Stop Wearing Those Stiletto Boots and Bra-tops and We'll Talk

Communications professor: I mean, I can offer you a dollar for sex or I can offer you a million dollars. You're still a prostitute. We're just haggling over price.
(some female students giggle)
Communications professor
: What? Oh, you're laughing because I called you whores?


Otago University
New Zealand

Some Of Your Editors Are Doing Stupid Things Right Now

College boy #1: Hey, man, thanks for getting me out of that skiing trip.
College boy #2: No problem. Pretty girls have made me do stupid things before. In fact, I bet pretty girls make me do stupid things in the future, too. Probably tonight, or tomorrow...

University of Ottawa
Canadia


Overheard by: not a college student yet

And I Enjoy Mocking Your Working-Class Accents

Student, after teacher announced students would take turns to read: Erm, excuse me... Why can't we read quietly for ourselves?
Teacher, with mock shock: Because... We're here together! This is a room full of communion and harmony!

University of Zurich
Switzerland


Overheard by: Stephie


Categories: Colleges & Universities | Education | Europe | Questions | Students | Teachers | Posted 2009-12-31 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

You Lithuanian Girls Know What I'm Talking About

Anthropology teacher: All women are beautiful, whether they're tall and skinny or not. Including female Sasquatch.

USF
Florida


Categories: Beauty | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Florida | Teachers | Posted 2009-12-29 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

You Forgot to Add "...My Penis?"

Normal, fairly cute boy: Excuse me.
Normal, fairly cute girl: Yes? (stops walking)
Normal, fairly cute boy: Are you interested in any global issues? Aids, the environment, human rights?
Normal, fairly cute girl: Honestly, no. (walks away)
Normal, fairly cute boy: Oh. (looks really confused and a little crushed)

Outside Library
University of York
England


Overheard by: Even I thought it was a bit harsh!


Categories: Colleges & Universities | England | Girls | Guys | Politics | Questions | Posted 2009-12-29 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

...As Expressly Stated in the Terms Of My Employment.

Girl on phone: You can't just give me some Craisins and expect everything to be okay after you called me a Nazi!

University of Florida


Categories: Colleges & Universities | Florida | Food | Gifts | Girls | Insults | On the phone | Posted 2009-12-26 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Rather a Creature Who Hates All Happiness

Professor, on Dante's version of the devil: This is not like one of those vampire things that are good-looking and want to suck your blood, and that makes you happy.

University of Pittsburgh
Pennsylvania


Categories: Beauty | Books | Colleges & Universities | Evil | Happiness | Pennsylvania | Teachers | Weirdness | Wishes | Posted 2009-12-26 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

I Wondered About the Beanie

Brunette: Are you getting him something for Christmas?
Blonde: Why would I?
Brunette: I don't know, I thought you were close!
Blonde: Christmas present? He's Jewish!
Brunette: Ohhhh.

Kent State University
Kent, Ohio


Categories: Bimbettes | Colleges & Universities | Gifts | Ohio | Questions | Relationships | Religion | Posted 2009-12-25 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

The Spontaneous Admission to Grad School Is Just a Myth

Philosophy professor: He chose this example because it had sex appeal. It turned people on.
(changes PowerPoint slide to picture of bacterial flagellum)
Male student
: Ohhhhh!

Professor: Please don't have an orgasm in my class.

Lycoming College
Williamsport, Pennsylvania

Jack Daniels and Cigarettes: the Early Years

Girl: Good morning, Rob*.
Guy, gasping: Your voice changed! It's deeper!
Girl: Oh. This is my morning voice. It's how I sound in the morning.
Guy: You're not cute anymore!

Saint Peter's College
New Jersey

With Just a Little More Downtown

20-something trendy gangster: I'm just there for looks, you know? (pause) I'm like the sculpture of David, chiseled and beautiful.

University of Arizona


Categories: Arizona | Beauty | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Fashion | Thugs | Posted 2009-12-23 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

In Michigan It's Always the 1950s

Girl #1: We have to deal with it for nine months!
Girl #2: At least we get to be bitches for no reason.
Girl #1: Yeah, my boyfriend's basically a slave.

University of Michigan
Ann Arbor, Michigan


Overheard by: ...I knew it!


Categories: Colleges & Universities | Girls | Michigan | Pregnancy | Relationships | Posted 2009-12-23 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

...So Most Of You Got That Wrong on the Midterm.

Psychology professor at all-women college: Personality disorders are the people you end up married to.

Baltimore, Maryland

Overheard by: Sabrina

And What Kind Of a Lame-Ass Answer Is "Energy"?

Tutor: So what are some things you associate with lemons?
Student #1: Yellow!
Student #2: Energy!
Student #3: Gin-an-tonic!
Tutor: What? Genitalia? Who said genitalia?

Massey University
Wellington
New Zealand

But I'm Not Sure the Koala Enjoys It

Male student #1: Man, you can't get pregnant doing that.
Male student #2: Oh.

Monash University
Melbourne
Australia


Overheard by: Assilem


Categories: Advice | Australia | Colleges & Universities | Pregnancy | Students | Posted 2009-12-16 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

B.D. Wong Discusses His Performance on Law & Order: SVU

Student to friend: I was going for Asian and it came out pedophile.

Otago University
New Zealand


Categories: Colleges & Universities | Friends | New Zealand | Race | Sex | Students | Weirdness | Posted 2009-12-15 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

I Spent a Whole Week in a Broom Closet Once

Boy #1 to boy #2, who is moving his chair: What the fuck are you doing?
Boy #2: I'm moving you out of the way so I can get by.
Boy #1: What? You could've just asked me to move.
Boy #2: Yeah, but I was trying to save you from having to do anything. Don't worry, I was gonna put you back.
Boy #1: Okay.
Boy #2: I hate when people move me and don't put me back.

Student Center, WCC
Valhalla, New York


Overheard by: Princess Diana


Categories: Colleges & Universities | Gripes | Insults | Kids | New York | Weirdness | Posted 2009-12-12 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

They're So Cute-- I Want One

Junior girl, watching group of new freshman and shaking her head: I swear they keep getting smaller.

Weber State University
Utah


Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Education | Students | Utah | Posted 2009-12-12 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Its Subtitle: "I Was Too Drunk to Prepare a Lesson for Today"

Professor, pulling blue scarf out of pocket for magic trick: Now that... that is what I like to call... a blue scarf.

Villanova University
Villanova, Pennsylvania


Categories: Clothes | Colleges & Universities | Education | Magic | Pennsylvania | Teachers | Posted 2009-12-11 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

But with a Better Sense Of Meter.

Student: I think that Eminem is like a modern-day Hamlet, you know?

Memorial University
Newfoundland
Canadia


Categories: About celebrities | Books | Canadia | Colleges & Universities | Music | Students | Posted 2009-12-07 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Why Yeast Infections Exist: A Short Story.

Girl #1: Do you think I could wash my clothes with fabric softener? I don't have any detergent.
Girl #2: That should probably work.
(30 minutes later)
Girl #2
: So, did it work?

Girl #1: Yeah... I think... they don't smell anymore, at least. Good enough, right?

Laundry Room, University of Alabama
Birmingham, Alabama


Overheard by: I don't think it is

The Alternate Ending to Stand by Me

Guy on bicycle: Hey guys, what should we do when we get home?
Bike friend #1: Hmm... I don't know.
Bike friend #2: Let's masturbate!
Guy on bicycle: Yeah!

University of California
Santa Barbara, California


Categories: California | Colleges & Universities | Friends | Guys | Masturbation | Questions | Posted 2009-12-03 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Dream Big, Kids.

Girl: I want a squirrel.
Friend: I want a cheeseburger.

UT
Austin, Texas


Categories: Animals | Colleges & Universities | Food | Friends | Girls | Texas | Wishes | Posted 2009-12-03 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Because If It's Boating, That's Way Too Political

Girl #1: What is Roe v. Wade?
Girl #2: What do you mean? I don't know!
Girl #1: What is it about?

Computer Lab, Syracuse University
New York


Categories: Abortion | Colleges & Universities | Girls | New York | Questions | Stupidity | Posted 2009-12-03 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

I Thought That Was Only Possible in Thailand?

Professor: Here, let me make you some flesh. You know, you can buy flesh in the school store!

Maryland Institute College of Art
Baltimore, Maryland


Overheard by: Painting with Mr. Lector


Categories: Body parts | Colleges & Universities | Maryland | Shopping | Teachers | Weirdness | Posted 2009-12-02 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

When Telepaths Mate

Old lady, walking up to old man: Hi there. Sorry I was just staring off at you. I had something on my mind and I think you were thinking it too. Bye!
Old man: Bye.

Sacred Heart University
Connecticut

... and a Coal Miner?

Sorority chick, discussing Shroud of Turin: Jesus was 14 feet tall?

Philosophy of Religion Class, Lycoming College
Williamsport, Pennsylvania

...You All Have Your Paper Mache Assignment.

Professor: Okay, guys, let's stop talking about penises.

Metro State College
Denver, Colorado


Categories: Colleges & Universities | Colorado | Education | Penis | Students | Teachers | Weirdness | Posted 2009-12-01 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Or Ham.

Frathole: The thing about being Jewish is that you don't have to believe in god.

UMass
Massachusetts


Overheard by: So proud of my degree

What Will Thailand Think Of Next?

Dude on phone: You have a post-coital gift shop?!

College Campus
Denver, Colorado


Categories: Colleges & Universities | Colorado | Gifts | Guys | On the phone | Questions | Sex | Shopping | Weirdness | Posted 2009-11-29 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

The Gay Guys Just Criticize Your Outfit

Prof: Ladies, I'm just gonna give it to you straight: I guarantee you that almost every straight guy you see today is going to picture you naked.
Techie guy, fixing projector: Fuckin' A!

University of Calgary
Canadia

Depression's Always in Style in Virginia

Studious student: You know she would tell her students that she's far too sick to make it out to campus, and then curl up in a ball on her couch with a cup of tea so she can watch the rain fall and weep.

Virginia Commonwealth University

Your Editors Googled "Lesbian Triplets" and Got Distracted by Porn

College girl #1: So it turned out that he was one of the lesbian triplets!
College girl #2: No way!
College girl #1: Yeah, the tranny!
College girl #2: Owen? I love Owen! I knew him when he still identified as a girl!
College girl #1: Yeah, and it turned out the midget was trans too.

Hampshire College
Amherst, Massachusetts

Or Gave Me Religious Pamphlets. I Forget.

20-something girl: Do you remember that guy last night?
Friend: Oh, him? Yeah, I think he motor-boated me.

Canisius College
Buffalo, New York

You Really Get a Little Something Extra When You Go Away to School in San Francisco

Professor: It's hard to have an orgy without orgasms. What? It's true! What're you gonna do, play video games?

University of San Francisco
San Francisco, California


Categories: Colleges & Universities | Games | Orgasm | Questions | San Francisco | Sex | Teachers | Posted 2009-11-16 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Now Squint, Damn Your Eyes!

History professor: You know how I said that this class wouldn't have a lot of text-heavy PowerPoint slides? Sometimes I lie to you, because that's funny.

Community College
Grand Rapids, Michigan


Overheard by: i love this school


Categories: Colleges & Universities | Education | Lies | Michigan | Students | Teachers | Weirdness | Posted 2009-11-16 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

So Many Girls Are Fascists, but Don't Know It

Girl #1: My dream is to have a harem of guys that I can make dress up like the pale man from Pan's Labyrinth.
Girl #2: Why the hell would you do that?
Girl #1: Because it would be awesome and scary. I just want to see a bunch of people running away from me and my harem.

Mount Holyoke College
South Hadley, Massachusetts

Think Of Purgatory As a Drive-Through Soul Wash

Professor: So, basically god has to suppress the gag reflex when he looks at you; but it's okay because he loves you anyway.

University of Akron
Akron, Ohio


Overheard by: Rebecca


Categories: Colleges & Universities | Feelings | God | Ohio | Teachers | Weirdness | Posted 2009-11-15 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Um, of State Security?

Art student: He told me he really relates to my organs.

University of Washington
Seattle, Washington

At Least, He Said It Was Mayonnaise

Girl on cell: Yeah, last semester the professor had this obsession with mayonnaise. It was freaking everyone out.

College of Charleston
Charleston, South Carolina


Overheard by: Tori


Categories: Colleges & Universities | Education | Food | Girls | On the phone | South Carolina | Posted 2009-11-15 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

It's Easier to Write the Paper Than Its Outline

Student, about assignment she's written: It's supposed to be (emphasizes with hands) that, that, then that, then that! But it's all blah blah blah blah! You know?
Friend: Is you introduction all dot, dot, dot at least?
Student: Yeah.

University of South Australia
Adelaide
Australia


Overheard by: fellow stressed out uni student


Categories: Australia | Colleges & Universities | Education | Friends | Students | Weirdness | Words | Posted 2009-11-14 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Well, When the Penis Is Erect and the Vagina Is Lubricated...

Gangsta guy: So Brenda had sex with her cousin, but didn't know it was her cousin.
Woman: How do you do that?!

DePaul University
Chicago, Illinois


Categories: Colleges & Universities | Family ties | Illinois | Questions | Sex | Thugs | Women | Posted 2009-11-14 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

When You're Greeting a Female Dignitary, for Instance

Nerdy college guy #1: "Bitch" does have a negative connotation.
Nerdy college guy #2: But girls say it to each other, it's like the "n" word!
Nerdy college guy #3: And it can be used as a greeting! "Yo, bitch, what's shakin'?"

USF
Florida


Overheard by: SB

...Let's Relax with Some Margaritas.

Russian professor: Grammarlicious definition makes them "gringo locos." (pause) Now that you've all been permanently scarred...

Arizona State University

Almost As Rude As Answering Your Cell Phone in Class

Pol-sci professor: Nuking other countries is kind of rude.

University of Memphis
Memphis, Tennessee


Categories: Colleges & Universities | Education | Stupidity | Teachers | Tennessee | Violence | Posted 2009-11-11 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

It's in the Microwave

20-something chick on mobile: How many times do I have to tell you? There is no cocaine in my fridge!

University
Queensland
Australia


Overheard by: how many times


Categories: Australia | Chicks | Colleges & Universities | Drugs | On the phone | Weirdness | Posted 2009-11-11 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Today's Young Woman Is Proud to Display Everything She's Got

Library worker girl: That's a cute bag.
Library worker girl with clear purse: Thanks!
Boss man: But then everyone can see everything you have!
Library worker girl with clear purse: It's not like I got a gun or anything... I can always hide things between the books...
Library worker girl: Like your gun?

Kent State University Library
Kent, Ohio


Categories: Books | Bosses | Colleges & Universities | Compliments | Coworkers | Fashion | Ohio | Questions | Violence | Posted 2009-11-10 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Every Educated American Should See Bringing Up Baby

Girl #1: Oh my god! You sounded so much like Katharine Hepburn just then!
Girl #2: I sounded like who?
Girl #1: Well, never mind, you stopped doing it. Bitch.

Couch Dorm
University of Oklahoma

Why Is That Always Your Question?

College girl: I really want to go as Superman!
Friend: You aren't going to stuff your crotch, are you?

Melbourne University
Australia

Why Professors Rarely Ask Students to Introduce Themselves on the First Day Of Class Anymore

Nerd: I don't know about you, but I have trouble being romantic when I'm sweating to death.

Community College
Illinois


Overheard by: adderall driven

I'll Just Slip Into Something More Comfortable

Evolution professor: So why can't humans have more then just two sexes? Man, that'd be a lot of fun, wouldn't it?
Class: (uncontrollable laughter)
Evolution professor: Oh, I can see. (pause) I shouldn't have said anything, let's continue...

UC
Santa Cruz, California


Overheard by: I'm glad he said it

Frightening Because the Photograph Is Screaming

Girl, nodding to human mess across the way: Is that girl burning holes into a photograph with a cigarette?
Guy: That is frighteningly erotic.

University of South Florida

Some Quotes Leave Your Editors Wanting to Hear Less

Girl to group: You guys! Everyone who has not had this fetus in their rectum is still a virgin!

Sarah Lawrence College
Bronxville, New York


Categories: Ass | Colleges & Universities | Girls | Guys | New York | Pregnancy | Stupidity | Virginity | Posted 2009-11-06 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

They Get Homesick

Emphatic girl: Babies can't watch porn!

Smith College
Northampton, Massachusetts


Overheard by: TARDIS Dyke


Categories: Colleges & Universities | Girls | Kids | Massachusetts | Porn | Posted 2009-11-06 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Or Where This Sweater Vest Came from

College student: So far, I'm three for three on not knowing who I left with, or how I got there.

Lycoming College
Williamsport, Pennsylvania

He Just Sings Instead Of Talking

Female student to friend at bus stop: So, he was, like, freakishly quiet, but every now and then he would bust out with something that, you know, we would say, you know, like, (bursts into song) "Do you like waffles? Yeah, I like waffles!" (in normal voice) And, you know, I would be, like, "Woah! He is a real person."

University of Oklahoma

Overheard by: becauseobviouslyallnormalpeoplelikewaffles


Categories: Character | Colleges & Universities | Food | Friends | Oklahoma | Singing | Students | Weirdness | Posted 2009-10-29 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Mr. Cheney's Office Failed to Return Our Calls

Student: I think the result of this case means that people are worried that government officials can be held just as accountable as normal citizens.

Law School
Los Angeles, California


Overheard by: MaggieB

When Did Bennington Drop the Lesbianism Requirement?

Girl: So my jaw hurts really bad, right here. (points)
Boy: Maybe you stop sucking so much dick.
Girl, thinking for a second: Many dicks.

Bennington College
Vermont


Categories: BJs | Colleges & Universities | Girls | Guys | Mouth | Penis | Vermont | Posted 2009-10-28 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Pregnancy? Absofuckinglutely.

Student: The form told me that there's a 2% chance that it will happen to me, but if it does happen to me, there's a 100% chance that it will happen to me.

UCLA, California

Overheard by: MaggieB


Categories: California | Colleges & Universities | Science | Students | Stupidity | Posted 2009-10-28 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

....Ooo, Chocolate Pudding!

Large chick in group of students: I like science, music, dance, and you know what else I like? Anal.

Community College
Virginia


Categories: Backdoor | Chicks | Colleges & Universities | Dancing | Fat people | Music | Science | Students | Virginia | Posted 2009-10-28 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

When Semesters and Trimesters Conflict

Bleached blonde sorority chick: If she doesn't abort it, we're totally throwing her a baby shower!

University
Midwest


Overheard by: GDI


Categories: Abortion | Colleges & Universities | Kids | Sorority types | USA | Posted 2009-10-27 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

It's a Prerequisite for Graduation.

Professor: How old are you?
Visiting high school student: Seventeen.
Professor: And you're not married? Well, you've come to the right place!

Freed-Hardeman University
Henderson, Tennessee


Overheard by: Lisa

What Have You Been Doing to That Poor Puppy?

College girl #1: You know, just because I want to hit it doesn't mean you have to, too.
College girl #2: But now that it's shaved, it's so much better!

Cornell University
Ithaca, New York