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You Have Her Eyes, Patrick
Drunk guy #1: I don't know, I bet she was a nice-looking Irish lass back in her day.
Drunk guy #2: You keep calling my grandma a piece of ass like it's a compliment.
Bar
Syracuse, New York
Overheard by: Mike K.
Categories: Ass | Bars & Clubs | Compliments | Drunks | Family ties | New York | Posted 2010-06-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Australian Pornos Actually Have Plots
Lady in the cafe: I stole that woman's bra, that's why her boobs were exposed.
Opera
Melbourne
Australia
...For Knowing What Guys Like
Preppy girl #1: So, Emily's a total slut.
Preppy girl #2: I know, right?
Preppy guy: Wait, what's she like?
Preppy girl #1: Umm, like, a d.
Preppy girl #2: No, no, no: double d.
Preppy guy: I was talking about her personality, but thanks...
Starbucks
Manhattan, New York
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Gossip | Insults | New York | Preppies | Posted 2010-06-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Don't Know-- Are You Thinking Of Asking Me to Prom?
Sane-looking girl: Okay, so let's say that your boyfriend died a while back, right? Then he comes back as a zombie, like a real walking corpse. But he doesn't want to eat your brains or anything, he just wants to graduate high school and be your boyfriend again so he can go to prom with you. So, do you take him back?
Boy: Um... Has this actually happened to you?
High School Cafeteria
West Virginia
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Death & dying | Education | Girls | Guys | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Weirdness | West Virginia | Wishes | Zombies | Posted 2010-05-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We Blame Sex & the City for This Conversation
Fun date #1: I hate it when guys want to cum on your face every time.
Fun date #2: Yeah, it gets in your eyes.
Fun date #1: And in your hair.
Fun date #3: Once in a while is okay, but not every time.
Outside Coffee Shop
Harrisonburg, Virginia
Overheard by: browny
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Body parts | Cum | Friends | Gripes | Time Management | Virginia | Weirdness | Wishes | Posted 2010-05-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Was All, "But I'm Texting You!"
Young college girl #1: How was your date last night?
Young college girl #2: Okay. I don't think I'm going out with him again, though.
Young college girl #1: Why?
Young college girl #2: He was weird. He asked me to quit texting while we were having dinner.
Young college girl #1: Rude!
Starbuck's
Fayetteville, Arkansas
Categories: Arkansas | Bars & Clubs | Offers and requests | Questions | Relationships | Sorority types | Texting | Weirdness | Posted 2010-05-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Can Unprotected Sex Do That?
Home girl #1: Ay, foo, I thought I was pregnant!
Home girl #2: Oh, nahh!
Home girl #1: Yeah! Junior was all "Ay, you got your period yet or what?" and I was all "no, why?" and he goes "because I was tryn' to get you pregnant!" Chhh! Crazy huh?
CSULA Cafeteria
California
Overheard by: Itshahaholly
Categories: Bars & Clubs | California | Girls | Pregnancy | Questions | Relationships | Posted 2010-05-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Never Drink With Master Debaters, Dear Reader
Guy among friends: This conversation is too logical for me.
Bar
Norway
He's a Savory Savior
Guy to girl in bar: What did you have, some of that Blood of Christ?
Girl: Yeah!
Guy: Yeah?!
Girl: Yeah! It's yummy!
Bar
Lincoln, Nebraska
Overheard by: Jill
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Girls | Guys | Jesus | Nebraska | Sensory experiences | Posted 2010-05-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Although There's Nothing Worse Than a Goat with the Munchies.
Hipster girl #1: Those are nice (points at earrings), where did you get them?
Hipster girl #2: Oh, I stole these. I only steal earrings, for some reason. So did your parents ever get those goats for their farm?
Hipster girl #1: Not yet, but my mom said they're going to start growing pot.
Hipster girl #2: That's cool.
Cafe
Durham, North Carolina
Overheard by: Vincent Ignatius
Categories: Animals | Bars & Clubs | Compliments | Crimes | Drugs | Family ties | Fashion | Hipsters | North Carolina | Weirdness | Posted 2010-05-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What Happens When You Get Free Coffee at Work
Female barista: He's going to Tel Aviv or something. I don't even know where that is.
Male barista: Tel Aviv?
Female barista: Yeah, it's like in Egypt or something, I think.
Male barista: Oh, wait, no, that's the tv station.
Female barista: What?
Male barista: Yeah, it's like their version of the BBC.
Starbucks
Orinda, California
Categories: Baristas | Bars & Clubs | California | Geography | Stupidity | TV shows | Posted 2010-05-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...of Death!
20-something girl looking at picture: Isn't he so hot with his nunchucks?"
20-something guy friend: Those are called "muttonchops."
Bar
Connecticut
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Beauty | Connecticut | Friends | Girls | Guys | Hair | Words | Posted 2010-05-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Meet Australia's Only Posh Lady
Posh lady in loud voice: And then they ran out of mineral water! I was devastated... Devastated.
Tilley's Cafe
Canberra
Australia
Overheard by: Trish
Categories: Australia | Bars & Clubs | Feelings | Stupidity | Women | Posted 2010-05-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If "Swaziland" Is Already Taken
Girl, looking at bag of coffee: Tan-zay-nee-uh. Hey, I didn't know that was a country!
(friends laugh)
Girl: That's a pretty name, I'm going to name my daughter that!
Starbucks
Manhattan, New York
Is That Even Possible?
Jersey Shore fan: Can you put on Jersey Shore? It's the reunion!
Bartender: Sure, I was kind of hoping someone would ask.
Female drinker: Wow, I am going to watch this dumbass show in a bar, is this happening?
Jersey Shore fan: You love it, don't try to lie cause your boys are here.
Bartender: These people are crazy, and that's why we watch.
Bar patron: I cant believe I am watching the reunion show without having seen a full episode. You are right: I cant stop watching this. What the fuck? Is her name J-Lo?
Jersey Shore fan: J... Wow! She is awesome, snookie is my favorite. I wish I could be friends with her.
Bartender: You have enough slutty friends.
Bar
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Earnie Hustleton
Categories: Baristas | Bars & Clubs | Drunks | Insults | Pennsylvania | Sexuality | TV shows | Wishes | Posted 2010-04-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Did the Pizza Guy Even Apologize for Walking in on You in the Shower?
Chick #1: I was like, "I thought that shit only happened in porn!"
Chick #2: Or movies.
Chick #1: Oh. Yeah.
Cafe
Denver, Colorado
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Chicks | Colorado | Compare and contrast | Porn | Stupidity | Posted 2010-04-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Psh, Paula Abdul's Been Trying to Get Away with That Excuse for Years
Security guy: You fell down the stairs.
Girl, trying to convince him that she's sober: Okay, have a gander at these heels.
Security guy: You were also making out with a man on the couch.
Girl: I'm promiscuous!? All your evidence is circumstantial! See, I'm using words like "promiscuous" and "circumstantial." Have you ever met a drunk person who uses such vocabulary?
Security guy: You exhibit all the signs of intoxication, you are underage, we must ask you to leave.
Girl: For the last time, I'm not drunk! This is just my personality!
Beta Nightclub
Denver, Colorado
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Character | Colorado | Cops | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Sexuality | Words | Posted 2010-03-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Just the Whites-- She's on a Diet
Bar patron to another: And then we cracked eggs into her vagina.
Blue Moon Tavern
Seattle, Washington
Categories: Baristas | Bars & Clubs | Food | Vagina | Washington | Weirdness | Posted 2010-03-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Shouldn't Have Skipped the Preliminaries
Girl #1: It is so hard getting laid living with my brother. I am a fucking loud girl when it's going on. For me to be quiet has been hard as hell.
Girl #2: Maybe get him to gag you, you'll like it and you will be quiet, that is what I found myself getting into.
Girl #1: I don't know, maybe I will try it, but I can't be doing that with a guy I meet on the first night.
Girl #3: It would be like anything else: try it a few times, if you don't like it find something else.
Girl #1: Last time I did that I tried anal, and that did not end well.
Girls #2 and #3: (laugh hard)
Girl #2: I remember that disaster.
Bar
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Categories: Backdoor | Bars & Clubs | Family ties | Girls | Kink | Pennsylvania | Sex | Posted 2010-02-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Translation: I'm Afraid You'd Kill Me
50-something guy on cell: Yeah, so honestly I don't think this will work out... I think your sexuality is a little... young for me.
Starbucks
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: dates older guys
Categories: Age and ageing | Bars & Clubs | Canadia | Compare and contrast | Guys | On the phone | Sexuality | Posted 2010-02-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
"...From Outer Space"
Woman #1: Oh, did I tell you? I had a dream last night about Ray. He told me that he was okay where he was.
Woman #2: You know what that means, right? It means he's gone up to heaven.
Woman #3: Or... It could simply mean that you dreamed about Ray.
Woman #2: You have to have some faith in dreams. Remember that bible story: Jacob and the technicolor bathrobe.
Starbucks
Manhattan, New York
Overheard by: Wondering if they took many baths back in those days to reqire bathrobes
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Christianity | Clothes | Death & dying | New York | Women | Posted 2010-02-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When Nerds Have Sex Dreams
Guy on cell: My rocket scientist shows up, she's drunk! But she's capable.
Cafe
Champaign, Illinois
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Compare and contrast | Drinking & drunks | Guys | Illinois | On the phone | Posted 2010-02-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Jigsaw Killer from Saw Sings "Blue Suede Shoes"
20-something hipster guy: There was the big drill for the alcoholic... Then they busted out the small drill and it was like... woah!
Coffee Shop
Colorado Springs, Colorado
Overheard by: Vanessa
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Colorado | Drinking & drunks | Hipsters | Weirdness | Posted 2010-02-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Might As Well Face It, You're Addicted to Lumps
Very pregnant woman surrounded by misbehaving children: Pregnancy is just such a gift. I mean, I feel so blessed. Like, this is what my body was made for, you know? I just feel so much more complete when I'm pregnant. Knowing that I'm growing this life...
Young woman behind her in line, interrupting: Madam? You are a walking advertisement for mandatory birth control.
Starbucks
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: The guy applauding her
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Happiness | Kids | Preggers | Pregnancy | Pride | Washington | Posted 2010-01-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...In My Expert Psychiatric Opinion.
Girl: And it's not like Jeffery Dahmer crazy, it's like Mel Gibson crazy.
Coffee Shop
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Asteria
Categories: About celebrities | Bars & Clubs | Compare and contrast | Crimes | Girls | Pennsylvania | Weirdness | Posted 2010-01-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Long Story Short, That Show Left Me with a Bad Taste in My Mouth.
Guy: I've never seen an emcee try to facefuck a crowd like that before.
The Roxy
Boston, Massachusetts
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Guys | Massachusetts | Music | Sex | Weirdness | Posted 2010-01-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Plus, I Learned to Use a Urinal
Barely legal drunk blonde: Oh my god, I just walked into the guys' washroom. There were guys at the urinals!
Barely legal drunk brunette: It's okay, you were just breaking down gender dichotomies.
Karaoke Bar
Canadia
Overheard by: Tiffany
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Bimbettes | Canadia | Drunks | Gender issues | Pee | Sexuality | Posted 2009-12-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Ooh, and Some Scrambled Eggs!
Girl to friend: I'm going to order a pint. Or do we just want to split a pitcher?
Friend: I'm pregnant, remember?
Girl: Oh, yeah. But I thought you were planning to abort it?
Friend: I am. (sighs) Okay, let's get a pitcher.
Bar
Zwankendamme
Belgium
Categories: Abortion | Bars & Clubs | Belgium | Drinking & drunks | Friends | Girls | Pregnancy | Questions | Wishes | Posted 2009-12-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Oh, Right: "I'm a Smoker Now."
Guy #1: Dude, how do you blow smoke rings!
Guy #2 jokingly: It is the same as sucking dick.
Guy #1: Oh, okay! (blows smoke rings effortlessly)
Guy #2: Do you need to tell me something, man?
Hookah Bar
Colorado Springs, Colorado
Categories: BJs | Bars & Clubs | Colorado | Compare and contrast | Guys | Penis | Questions | Sexuality | Smoking | Posted 2009-12-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
How Criss Angel Makes a Tidy Profit at Parties
Drunk man at next table: Butterflies out the arse! And I wouldn't have bet 10 bucks on the sonofabitch!
Sushi Bar
Baton Rouge, Louisiana
Overheard by: Sushi Enjoyer
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Insects | Insults | Louisiana | Money | Posted 2009-11-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
'Cause I'd Love to Have Promotional Footage for My Website
Girl #1: They're checking out your ass. Up you skirt.
Girl #2: Whatevs. (pause) Wait, do they have cameras?
Hotle Bar
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: arrc
Categories: Ass | Bars & Clubs | Clothes | Girls | Massachusetts | Questions | Technology | Weirdness | Posted 2009-11-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
My Parents Are Native American. What's It to You?
Drunk guy, walking into bathroom: Hey, you are at my pisser!
Sober guy at urinal: I didn't realize your name was "push to flush."
Bar
Michigan
Overheard by: I wasn't looking
Wish I Was a Sociopath Like My Dad
Drunk guy to girlfriend: I care about you a lot. It sucks.
Park Tavern
Jersey City, New Jersey
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Couples | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Insults | New Jersey | Relationships | Weirdness | Posted 2009-11-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Here Comes Another One
Teen girl: This skirt is so short! My legs are freezing!
Teen boy: Mine are fine.
Teen girl: That's because of your intense orgasms.
Teen boy: True.
Starbucks
Burlington, Vermont
Overheard by: Sweenan A. Mornstuy
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Body parts | Clothes | Clothing | Compare and contrast | Orgasm | Teens | Vermont | Posted 2009-10-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Like "Dragon" or "Compassionate Conservative"
20-something American guy: Hermaphrodites are real?
20-something American girl: Well, what did you think they were?
20-something American guy: I thought they were a made-up word, like "unicorn" or something.
Bar
Munich
Germany
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Foreigners | Germany | Girls | Guys | Questions | Sexuality | Stupidity | Words | Posted 2009-10-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Stupid People Will Always Outnumber Smart People: Explained
Teen girl #1: You know, I wish we had some sort of pregnancy switch that we can turn on and off at will. That way, when we have one night stands, we can just turn 'em off, and, voila! No baby!
Teen girl #2: We do. They're called diagrams.
Teen girl #3: You mean "diaphragms."
Teen girl #2: Whatever.
Starbucks
Manhattan, New York
Overheard by: Leila
U.S. Citizens Will Either Not Understand This or Be Hurt by It
Gay guy to another: Yeah, cuz there's nothing like listening to Americans talk about their feelings to let you know what's really going on in the world.
Starbucks
Edmonton, Alberta
Canadia
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Canadia | Feelings | Queers | Stupidity | Posted 2009-09-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Propelled by Airbrush, Like a Playboy Bunny
American tourist to girlfriend: No, it's a special species of blue rabbit that can survive in space.
Girlfriend: Wow!
Kaaba Cafe
Prague
Czech Republic
Sadly, The Best Laid Plans.....
Woman #1 in bathroom stall: You should have an orgy!
Woman #2 in next bathroom stall: I know, that's what I said!
Bathroom, Bar
Olympia, Washington
Overheard by: H
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Restroom | Sex | Washington | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2009-08-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You're Wearing a Nametag.
Chick, approaching yuppie guy: Hey I haven't seen you since...
Yuppie guy: Since I nailed you in the high school bathroom! Four... five years ago, right Jen?
Chick: No, that wasn't me. But thanks for remembering my name!
Bar
Nebraska
Overheard by: allie
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Chicks | Education | Names | Nebraska | Questions | Sex | Time Management | Yuppies | Posted 2009-08-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Then I Found Out She Had an Anne Frank Fetish and I Was Like, "Whew!"
Barmaid: I was having sex with a girl, and in the heat of the moment she called me Frank. Which is horrifying, as that's her dad's name.
Pub
Surrey
England
Categories: Baristas | Bars & Clubs | England | Family ties | Names | Sex | Weirdness | Posted 2009-07-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
At Least Five Times a Day.
Girl inside stall: I love my vagina!
Bathroom in Bar
New Haven, Connecticut
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Bringing it back to you | Connecticut | Feelings | Girls | Vagina | Posted 2009-06-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Garfield Would Do Pretty Much Anything for Lasagna
Slightly drunk chick, peering into drink: I think my cat is gay.
Really drunk friend: Hey, heyyyy...
Slightly drunk chick: Or maybe he's just a slut.
The Backdoor
Louisville, Kentucky
Categories: Animals | Bars & Clubs | Chicks | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Friends | Kentucky | Sex | Sexuality | Posted 2009-06-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Yet You Know When Jennifer Aniston Changes Her Hair Color?
Mexican drag queen hosting a show: It's St. Patrick's day tomorrow...
Crowd: It's today!
Mexican drag queen: Is it tonight? I never know these things, I don't watch the news!
Gay Bar
Toronto
Canadia
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Canadia | Latinos | Queers | Strangers | Stupidity | TV shows | Time Management | Posted 2009-06-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
With a Cardboard Cut-Out Of Him, Anyway
Girl: So all these old football guys showed up...and long story short, she ended up making out. With Terry Bradshaw.
Joe's Place
Iowa City, Iowa
Overheard by: devon
Categories: About celebrities | Bars & Clubs | Girls | Gossip | Iowa | K-I-S-S-I-N-G | Posted 2009-06-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Chemical Element?
Drunk man to another: If I had a nose like fluorine I wouldn't be wishing anyone a merry Christmas.
Bar
Edinburgh
Scotland
Overheard by: Jesse Green
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Body parts | Compare and contrast | Default | Drunks | Guys | Holidays | Scotland | Wishes | Posted 2009-06-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why, Are Crocs Back?
Patron #1: How are you tonight?
Patron #2: Well, I'm currently disappointed in humanity.
Bar
Columbus, Indiana
Overheard by: Projection1234
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Bosses | Compare and contrast | Default | Feelings | Guys | Indiana | Questions | Posted 2009-06-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Then I'll Have Everything Checked Off My Bucket List.
Wine girl #1: We should go get tattoos!
Wine girl #2: We totally should, I'll be divorced by morning!
Open Mic Night
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: only if it's my name on her ass
Categories: Advice | Bars & Clubs | Default | Girls | Illinois | Relationships | Tattoos | Posted 2009-06-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Correct-- Yet You Still Manage to Sound Stupid.
Princess: You guys, Johnny Depp doesn't always play dark characters. He was blonde in Secret Window!
Little Bar
Kentucky
Overheard by: Dead Betty
Categories: About celebrities | Bars & Clubs | Character | Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | Kentucky | Movies | Posted 2009-06-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Apparently the Grace Period for Blaming the Potato Famine Has Expired
Irishman to friend, huddling under bar's awning during massive downpour: And people wonder why we drink...
Dublin
Ireland
Overheard by: l_tau
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Compare and contrast | Default | Drinking & drunks | Guys | Ireland | Questions | Posted 2009-06-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Ad: Have You Sustained a U.D.I.?
Bartender to limping girl entering bar: Are you limping? Oh my god! What happened?
Limping girl: Damn, you weren't here last night, I was hoping you'd tell me!
Washington, DC
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Bartenders | Default | Girls | Offers and requests | Questions | Washington, DC | Wishes | Posted 2009-05-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Unless She Gets Knocked Up Again in the Interim
Girl #1: So do you have any friends who are total disasters like us, who would want to go to Vegas that weekend?
Girl #2: I have a friend who's getting an abortion next week.
Girl #1: Oh, good, so she'll be good to go by then.
Bar
Phoenix, Arizona
Overheard by: Orkide
Categories: Abortion | Arizona | Bars & Clubs | Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | Questions | Relationships | US Geography | Posted 2009-05-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Who Will Punch Me in the Ovaries Regardless.
Drunk punk girl #1: Oh my god! Is that a raccoon? I think it's staring at me!
Drunk punk girl #2: That's a fuckin shirt, you retard.
Drunk punk girl #1: Well, if it bites me, I'm punching you in the ovaries!
Drunk punk girl #2, muttering: I need new friends.
Outside Bar
Niagara Falls, New York
Categories: Animals | Bars & Clubs | Body parts | Clothes | Default | Drunks | Girls | New York | Offers and requests | Punks | Threats | Violence | Posted 2009-05-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Wouldn't You Much Rather Blow Someone Lemon-Scented?
Drunk man: I may not have a home, but I'm not like homeless homeless...I take showers and usually smell good.
Drunk woman: And what does this have to do with blowjobs?
Pub
Orange County, California
Overheard by: Katie
Categories: BJs | Bars & Clubs | Bathing | California | Compare and contrast | Default | Drunks | Girls | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Questions | Posted 2009-05-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You'd Know Why If You'd Ever Dipped One in the Toilet
Tipsy guy to girl beside him: What are you doing later?
Girl: Going home to Scotchgard my bathrobe.
Duke & Duchess Bar
Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: Cooper Street Relic
...Does Hallmark Make a Card Saying That?
Girl to friend: Sorry about your vagina, but I'm sure the dog is okay.
Bar
Colorado
According to Wiki
Drunk girl at pub table: It's just that guys get sex changes all the time and then realize it's not so fun. They just think it'd be awesome to have boobs.
London
England
Overheard by: Grew her own boobs.
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Body parts | Compare and contrast | Default | Drunks | England | Girls | Sex | Posted 2009-05-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So Another Good Thing Is, I'm Resourceful
Friend #1: We should all say something about ourselves. One thing good and one thing bad.
Friend #2: What about you?
Friend #1: Well, I have a good sense of humor. And I guess something bad would be that the other day, I slept with some person because I didn't have a place to stay, but in the morning, I'd forgotten his name...so when he went out his room I had to search through it to find some kind of identity card of his so I could pretend I knew it all along. His name was Richard.
Pub
London Bridge
England
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Compare and contrast | Default | England | Friends | Names | Questions | Sex | Posted 2009-05-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Except for My Dog, Who's Gunther.
Drunk guy at bar: My life is an episode of Friends, only there's no girls, and everyone's Chandler.
Bar
Dayton, Ohio
Overheard by: Kristin
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Character | Compare and contrast | Default | Drunks | Guys | Ohio | TV shows | Posted 2009-05-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So Then They Both Went Out for Fro-Yo
20-something girl at bar: So then Steve went to Danny's house, and he had to break his legs, cos...you know...
Friend: Yeah, that's a shame.
Brighton
England
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Body parts | Default | England | Friends | Girls | Gossip | Violence | Posted 2009-04-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
She Wasn't Well Bread
Drunk guy to friend: I didn't respect her because she didn't respect the sandwich.
Scooter's Bar
Portland, Oregon
Overheard by: Kate
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Compare and contrast | Default | Drunks | Food | Guys | Oregon | Relationships | Posted 2009-04-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You'll Pick Up My Tab, Right?
Cute girl to suit: What are you drinking?
Suit: Absolut on the rocks.
Cute girl: I prefer Belvedere.
Suit: Are you trying to get a free drink?
Cute girl to bartender: May I please have a Chopin Martini, up with olives? (points to suit, then turns back to him) Go fuck yourself. (walks away)
Hotel Bar
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: arrc
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Compare and contrast | Default | Drinking & drunks | Girls | Guys | Massachusetts | Names | Offers and requests | Questions | Suits | Posted 2009-03-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It May Be Time to Take the Wii Out Of the Office
Male bar patron #1: Matt's just too much, man.
Male bar patron #2: I can't take that much manhood.
(awkward pause)
Male bar patron #3: I'm sore.
The Sevens
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Bar Patron
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Default | Feelings | Guys | Massachusetts | Sexuality | Weirdness | Posted 2009-03-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
As His Sancho Panza
Girl: You should meet his dad! He's like Don Quixote in a Kafka story.
Guy: Who's father they were talking about...you know...but with a tv.
Sabiá bar, Vila Madalena
Sao Paulo, Brazil
Categories: Advice | Bars & Clubs | Books | Brazil | Compare and contrast | Default | Family ties | Girls | Guys | Technology | Posted 2009-03-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Thanks, Make-a-Wish Foundation!
Drunk girl in bar during Rose Bowl: It's official--I'm going to be ovulating on my wedding day.
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Double V
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Default | Drunks | Gender issues | Girls | Illinois | Relationships | Weirdness | Posted 2009-03-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Tonight's Movie: Dude, Where's My Common Sense?
Dude #1: So did you fuck that chick after we left the other night?
Dude #2 (glancing around to make sure no one's listening): Yeah.
Dude #1: Yes! I knew it!
Dude #2: Dude, I didn't even know what was going on until I came outta my blackout, and realized I was balls deep.
Dude #1: Condom?
Dude #2: (shakes head)
Dude #1: Yes!
Toons Bar
Chicago, Illinois
Wasn't This a Cheers Episode?
Waitress: Is this the book club? These are your free shots.
Bar
Allston, Massachusetts
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Books | Default | Drinking & drunks | Employees | Girls | Massachusetts | Questions | Posted 2009-03-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Plus, Concrete Shoes Are the New Black
Drunk woman #1: I shoulda been in the mafia.
Drunk woman #2: Why?
Drunk woman #1: I hate loose ends.
Bar
Louisiana
Overheard by: soprano
I Happen to Have an Eyedropper and PH Strip in My Pocket
Tipsy girl to friend on phone: Who are you talking to?
Friend, suspiciously: No one!
Tipsy girl: Do I need to monitor your drinking?
Friend: No!
Tipsy girl: Do I need to monitor your vagina?
Friend: No!
Tipsy girl: Good, cause I don't know how I would do that.
Drunken guy from end of the bar: I can do it!
Bar
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: three_eyed_fish
Categories: Bars & Clubs | California | Default | Drinking & drunks | Friends | Girls | Guys | Questions | Vagina | Posted 2009-03-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
JewTube's Kind Of an Open Secret, Ellie
Girl on line: Guess what! I watched a video about Jews on YouTube today!
Girl next to her, embarrassed: Shhhh!
Bear's Den, Washington University
St Louis, Missouri
Overheard by: Scandalized
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | Internet | Missouri | Religion | Posted 2009-03-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You're an Ass Whore?
20-something girl #1: I can so control when he gets off now.
20-something girl #2: How?
20-something girl #1: I just bend over and tell him that my ass is jealous.
20-something girl #2: Oh my god!
Sushi Bar
Tempe, Arizona
Categories: Arizona | Ass | Bars & Clubs | Default | Getting off | Girls | Questions | Posted 2009-03-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Roast Beef Glistens So Hypnotically
Guy: Where'd you go for lunch today?
Friend: Umm...I don't want to tell you.
Guy: Oh god, you went to Arby's, didn't you!
Friend, groaning: Yes.
Bar
Omaha, Nebraska
This Reads Like a Seinfeld Line
College student: Everything in life can be related back to Seinfeld. It's like the bible, except it won't fail you.
Hookah Bar
Washington, DC
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Christianity | Compare and contrast | Default | Students | TV shows | Washington, DC | Posted 2009-02-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Christopher Walken Has a Fever Again
Man walking into coffee shop: I need some pantyhose, stat!
Muddy Waters Coffee Shop
Burlington, Vermont
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Clothing | Default | Guys | Offers and requests | Vermont | Words | Posted 2009-02-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
My Diet Regimen: A Jerk for Breakfast, a Jerk for Lunch, and a Sensible Breakup
Slightly drunk friend: I hate Valentine's Day!
Slightly drunker friend: Me too. Anyway, so here's what I'm going to do: I'm just going to convince myself that I'm in love with him. That way, when he breaks my heart, I'll drop 20 pounds.
Volta Taverna
Oxford, Mississippi
Overheard by: that's the only diet i know...
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Body parts | Default | Feelings | Friends | Girls | Mississippi | Relationships | Posted 2009-02-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I've Only Recently Learned It Was Thomas Edison
Blond girl: I thought jesus invented sex.
Bar
Perth
Australia
Overheard by: jimbo
Categories: Australia | Bars & Clubs | Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | Jesus | Sex | Posted 2009-01-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We'll Drive Over to the PTA Meeting Together
Middle aged woman whispering to bald man at the bar: Put on a thong and meet me outside in five.
Irish Pub
Lafayette Hill, Pennsylvania
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Clothes | Default | Pennsylvania | Sexuality | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2009-01-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But She Wanted Me to Go Tornado Bicycling With Her!
Guy to friend in a bar, after woman suddenly departed: What happened? Where'd she go?
Friend: I'm pretty sure she left. She kept on telling me she has no self-esteem at all and that she has a huge nose. So I just told her, "look, you really don't have a huge nose--you just have a Wicked Witch of the West nose."
Guy: Fuck. Why do I even bother trying to fix you up with my friends?
Franco's Bar
Highland, Indiana
A Lot of Those Babies Are Really Wrinkly
Guy: Dude, it's not like you can get Botox while you're breastfeeding.
Girl: Why not?
Zeitgeist Bar
San Francisco, California
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Default | Girls | Guys | Kids | Parenting | Questions | San Francisco | Stupidity | Posted 2008-12-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Now My Batman Costume Just Looks Silly
(elastic snapping sound)
Woman in stall: And that was the sound of my outside panties!
Bathroom, Dive Bar
Ohio
Overheard by: Monika
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Default | Ohio | Restroom | Sensory experiences | Undies | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2008-11-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Like a Good-Karma Chameleon?
College guy #1: I can't believe I wasn't invited to the wedding.
College guy #2: Maybe if you'd eat another lizard.
Clancy's Irish Pub
Keyser, West Virginia
Overheard by: Millicent Bystander
Categories: Advice | Bars & Clubs | Default | Feelings | Food | Frat boy types | Guys | West Virginia | Posted 2008-11-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That Damn Talking Mirror Tells Her All the Time
Guy to brunette: Yo, tell your friend she's beautiful.
Brunette, about hot redhead: Oh, don't worry, she knows.
Grasshopper On The Green
New Jersey
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Beauty | Compliments | Default | Girls | Guys | New Jersey | Posted 2008-11-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Are You Looking at Me, or Not?
Dart player #1: You're kicking ass because you can aim with your lazy eye.
Dart player #2: No, I'm not using my lazy eye.
Dart player #1: Well, it's still not fair.
Riprock's
Denton, Texas
Overheard by: still glad i don't have a lazy eye
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Compare and contrast | Default | Games | Guys | Texas | Posted 2008-11-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Christian Right Gets Weirder Every Day
Man outside bar: Look man, I love my wife, I do. But I swear to god, I wish she were dead.
Shout-out: overheardinjxn.blogspot.com
Overheard by: Ian
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Compare and contrast | Death & dying | Default | Feelings | Guys | Overheard in Jackson | Relationships | Wishes | Posted 2008-11-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
For This Experiment to Be Accurate, I Shall Ask You Again When You're Drunk.
Bar patron to chick: Hey, come here one second.
Chick: What?
Bar patron: Would you say I'm hideous?
Chick: So-so...
Ship & Anchor
Calgary
Canadia
Overheard by: Lenovskyvich
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Canadia | Default | Girls | Guys | Offers and requests | Questions | Posted 2008-11-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
A Woman With a Full Bladder Stops Believing in Multitasking
(in the ladies' restroom, after seeing camera flash from inside a stall)
Angry blonde in line: Oh, come on! There's a whole line of people out here who have to pee, and you twits are in there taking fucking pictures for your damn MySpace pages.
Two girls in one stall: We're just peeing.
Angry blonde, to no one in particular: Who the hell takes pictures of themselves on the damn toilet anyway? I can just see the caption on that one... "Night at Zen, usin' the potty." Jeez!
(the two girls come out of the stall, obviously offended...in full 80s garb).
Angry blonde: Bwaaahhhaaaaa hhhaaaa hhhaaaa, (deadpan) Fucking losers!
Zen Night Club
Addison, Texas
Overheard by: If she hadn't said it, I would have
If He Asked You Out, He Probably Likes Crazy Drag Queens
Girl looking at herself in the mirror to stranger: Do I look crazy? Do I look like a drag queen? I'm on a first date and I'm really nervous.
Bar Bathroom
Chicago, Illinois
This Happens a Lot at Hippie Sex Retreats
Drunk guy: Oh my god! Everyone in this room is so ugly!
Irish Pub
Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Jackie
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Default | Drunks | Feelings | Guys | Pennsylvania | Weirdness | Posted 2008-10-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
She Was Like, "Your Dad Really Enjoys Puttin' on the Ritz, Honey!"
20-something girl to table of people: And I was like, "Whoa, mom--your nipples are like top hats!"
Kasey's Tavern
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Sara
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Clothes | Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | Illinois | Nipples | Posted 2008-10-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
How Do You Think the Lollipop Guild Got Their Name?
Girl #1: So my computer is dead, and I don't know how to fix it.
Girl #2: What do you think is wrong with it?
Girl #1: It's got a virus. But it was totally worth it.
Girl #2: Oh, yeah? Why?
Girl #1: Well, Mary* and I were curious and wanted to know if midgets' dicks are normal-sized or midget-sized, so we were looking up midget porn.
Girl #2: And the verdict is?
Girl #1: They're normal-sized. This one guy was seriously a tripod. It's incredible.
Male bartender: Yeah, I can see how that would be worth a completely devastating virus on your computer. Can you write down the website you found it on?
Killarney's Pub
Hamilton, New Jersey
Overheard by: Currrly!
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Bartenders | Girls | Guys | New Jersey | Offers and requests | Penis | Questions | Sexuality | Technology | Posted 2008-10-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
In the Back, with I.C. Weiner and Amanda Hugginkiss
Customer, bursting through door: Is there a gentleman here named "male libido?"
Bartender: Yep!
Prescott, Arizona
Overheard by: The Colinator
Categories: Arizona | Bars & Clubs | Bartenders | Customers | Default | Names | Questions | Weirdness | Posted 2008-10-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Who Doesn't Like Bill Murray?
Coworker at happy hour: It doesn't matter. I like food, I've got great boobs and people dig me.
Barristers Pub
St. Louis, Missouri
Overheard by: JD
I'm Working My Way Up to Toads Racing Camels Around Post Offices
Girl standing at the bar: I train armadillos to race horses around banks.
Killarney's
Hamilton, New Jersey
Overheard by: I wish I had heard the beginning of that conversation...
Categories: Animals | Bars & Clubs | Default | Girls | New Jersey | Weirdness | Posted 2008-10-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Oh, the Hora! The Hora!
Queer #1: I remember you! Are you Jewish?
Queer #2: No! I'm from Charleston!
Gay Strip Club
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: Oh, thank god!
But Was He Grateful?
Teen girl: ...and seriously, I spent half an hour on his groin!
Bar
Victoria University
Australia
Overheard by: She was takking about drawing a cartoon!
Categories: Australia | Bars & Clubs | Body parts | Colleges & Universities | Default | Girls | Sexuality | Teens | Time Management | Posted 2008-09-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You'll Look for Any Excuse to Reference That Song
Girl #1 (talking about her relationship): Yup, I'm pussy whipped. Or...what's the male equivalent for "pussy whipped"?
Girl #2: Well, there's that Ian Dury song that goes "hit me with your rhythm stick", so maybe something along those lines.
Sabiá Bar
Sao Paulo
Brazil
Except for Excrement on Outdoor Statues
Girl to guy: I think that should be my new catch phrase, "I want my pigeons!" But what does that even mean?
Guy: If we knew that, all the world's problems would be solved.
The Star Bar
Atlanta, Georgia
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Birds | Default | Georgia | Girls | Guys | Philosophy | Weirdness | Posted 2008-09-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Is Anybody Shocked That Las Vegas Has Creepy Guys?
Creepy lurky guy at bar (walking up and smelling girl sitting at table): Sorry y'all. Just smells really good.
Friend of girl (giving guy a dirty look): That was awkward.
Creepy lurky guy: Well, maybe you shouldn't be here then.
Friend of girl: Well, maybe you shouldn't be trying to smell us.
Blue Martini
Las Vegas, Nevada
Overheard by: Ariola
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Comebacks | Compliments | Creepsters | Default | Friends | Guys | Nevada | Sensory experiences | Weirdness | Posted 2008-09-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Boogeyman: The Bitch Scares Me, Okay?
Loud woman in a bar: I thought I was going to have a nightmare, but I was disappointed.
Harrisburg, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Cecil
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Default | Feelings | Memory lane | Pennsylvania | Women | Posted 2008-09-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Widely Studied on the Local Pleather and Acrylic-Nail Rituals
Long Island girl being interviewed: ...my physical goals, well, I want to keep going to the gym, keep eating healthy, not smoking. My personal goals, one is that I really want to travel. Like this weekend I'm going to New Jersey for a wedding.
Starbucks
Long Island, New York
Overheard by: Queens girl
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Default | Girls | Health & Hygiene | New York | Stupidity | US Geography | Posted 2008-08-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Fifth Grade's Usually When Kids Develop Flayva
White girl to Hispanic chick: I swear, in 5th grade you were, like, white.
Hispanic chick: White, like, acted white? Or white like white skin?
White girl: Like, white. Weren't you ever white?
Panera Bread
Fairlawn, New Jersey
Overheard by: Siberia
Categories: Age and ageing | Bars & Clubs | Chicks | Default | Foreigners | Memory lane | New Jersey | Questions | Race | Posted 2008-08-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Wanna Do That, the Army's Recruiting Right Down the Block
Customer having lunch: Can I smoke at this table?
Waitress: Honey, you're in Nevada. You can smoke, gamble, drink, screw and cuss. Just don't kill nobody!
Bucket of Blood Saloon
Virgina City, Nevada
Overheard by: Philly Joe
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Crimes | Customers | Default | Drinking & drunks | Employees | Murder | Nevada | Offers and requests | Questions | Smoking | US Geography | Women | Posted 2008-08-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Okay, Now You're Just Doing It on Purpose
Mother in bathroom stall with four-year-old son: No, no, you're peeing on mommy. Aim lower! Aim lower!
Chili's
Augusta, Georgia
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Georgia | Moms | Offers and requests | Parenting | Pee | Posted 2008-08-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Or Breast Display Units
Manly hipster #1: She's been really into these half sweater type things lately.
Manly hipster #2: Yeah, they're called "shrugs".
TOAD
Cambridge, Massachusetts
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Clothes | Default | Hipsters | Massachusetts | Words | Posted 2008-08-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Go to Med School?
20-something girl on cell: I'm sunburnt, drunk, and Asian, so why not? Why not?
The Wildcat Lounge
Santa Barbara, California
Categories: Bars & Clubs | California | Default | Drinking & drunks | Girls | Gripes | Questions | Race | Posted 2008-08-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
"Thank You, Brother Fish, for Feeding Me," I Said
Hipster to buddies: Look, all I'm saying is, that fish made me feel so special.
Stumptown Coffee
Portland, Oregon
Overheard by: Addison
Barkeep, Another Hot Toddy for My Toddler!
Hipster girl: I know a couple people who have to wear diapers when they drink!
Old Tavern Bar & Grill
Sacramento, California
Overheard by: kat
Categories: Bars & Clubs | California | Drinking & drunks | Hipsters | Pee | Restaurants | Posted 2008-08-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Take Your Side Ponytail With You
Drunk (just thrown out): I bet if had really big boobs you'd let me back in.
Cop working security for the club: No, actually we wouldn't.
Drunk: What, you don't like big boobs?
Cop: Not on dudes.
Drunk: Huh? No, I mean if I was a chick.
Cop: You'd make a really ugly chick.
Drunk: Huh?
Cop: Get the fuck out of here.
Nightclub
Scottsdale, Arizona
Categories: Arizona | Bars & Clubs | Beauty | Cops | Default | Drunks | Gender issues | Rack | Posted 2008-08-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Since Apparently Assholism No Longer Qualifies
Guy to another: I don't know what to tell you... If she won't break up with you because you invited her to have a threesome, then tell her that you have some disability... (mumbles) ...like, what's that form of autism called? "Asperger syndrome"?
Bar
Austin, Texas
Categories: Advice | Bars & Clubs | Default | Guys | Maladies | Relationships | Texas | Posted 2008-08-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...And Season One Little House on the Prairie
Girl #1: It's just that I feel like Amazon is judging me.
Girl #2: Why?
Girl #1: I bought one gay erotica book and now it wants me to buy Japanese porn.
Starbucks
Ukiah, California
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Books | California | Default | Feelings | Girls | Internet | Pop culture | Porn | Sexuality | Shopping | Posted 2008-08-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Your Webcam Viewers Thank You, Too.
(two girls exit bathroom stall together)
Girl #1: It was such a pleasure watching you. It was bliss.
Elbo Room Bar
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: crafty biotech
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Body parts | Default | Feelings | Girls | Happiness | Restroom | San Francisco | Sex | Undies | Posted 2008-07-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
She Heard It Was an Island and Expects to Find Palm Trees
Tipsy chick: Why is she wearing a bra-top to Alcatraz?
The Big Hunt Bar
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Ladle
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Chicks | Clothes | Default | Questions | Stupidity | Washington, DC | Posted 2008-07-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Can't Explain Why I Continue to Play
Random board gamer: Settlers of Catan was created in the bowels of hell to make otherwise intelligent people say: "I have wood for sheep."
Epoch Coffee
Austin, Texas
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Default | Dorks, Geeks & Nerds | Evil | Games | Texas | Weirdness | Posted 2008-07-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
In One Of Those Containers That's Like a Bowl, but It Has a Handle
Customer: Do you have any tea that's like coffee only it isn't caffeinated like coffee... But it tastes like coffee?
Barista: Uh, you mean decaf coffee?
Customer: Yes! That's exactly what I want. I'll have a decaf coffee.
Red Brick Coffee Pub
Guelph
Ontario, Canadia
Categories: Baristas | Bars & Clubs | Canadia | Customers | Default | Food | Offers and requests | Stupidity | Posted 2008-07-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Especially the One from Little House on the Prairie
Very obnoxious drunk man to long-suffering waitress: Hey, what's your name, anyway?
Waitress (coldly): Melissa.
Drunk man (softly): Awww, my daughter's name is Melissa.
Waitress: Well, I'm sorry to be the one to tell you this, but we usually turn out slutty.
Bar
Los Angeles, California
Categories: Bars & Clubs | California | Comebacks | Creepsters | Customers | Default | Drunks | Family ties | Guys | Insults | Names | Questions | Servers | Posted 2008-06-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Granted, I Cut Her, but They Still Owe Me Ten Bucks
Gay guy: I told them not to have hip-hop night cause a bitch would get cut. And what happened? A bitch got cut!
Outside The Hippo
Mt. Vernon, Mayrland
I Can Always Play Canasta Again Later
Guy to friend returning from bathroom: (distraught) But I wanted to be the one to do it with you! I wanted to be the one to do it with you!
Gables Night Club
Inwood West Virginia
Overheard by: joanna
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Default | Feelings | Friends | Guys | Sexuality | West Virginia | Wishes | Posted 2008-06-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Next Time Put the Message in a Bottle
Girl in stall: I have paper stuck in my vagina.
Friend: You might not want to say that, there's people here.
Girl in stall: Why is vagina a bad word?
Ladies Room, Foreplay Bar
Portland, Maine
Overheard by: How did it get there?
Knows All the Homeopathic Crab Remedies
Middle-aged creepster: She was a slut in middle school, so she's my type of girl.
Gentle Bens Brewery
Tucson, Arizona
Overheard by: a middle school slut
Categories: Arizona | Bars & Clubs | Compliments | Creepsters | Default | Education | Guys | Sexuality | Weirdness | Posted 2008-06-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Where the Strippers Shit in the Water
Guy #1: So yeah, you can get in the water with them but you can't touch the manatees unless they swim up to you.
Guy #2: Sort of like a strip club.
Bar
Kansas City, Missouri
Overheard by: Matt
Categories: Advice | Animals | Bars & Clubs | Compare and contrast | Default | Guys | Missouri | Sexuality | Posted 2008-06-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Drink Constantly, Though
Guy: You know, I'm usually anti-slavery... Except when I drink, then I'm all for it.
Bar
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Compare and contrast | Default | Drinking & drunks | Guys | History | Philosophy | Weirdness | Wisconsin | Posted 2008-06-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Feel Like One of the Extras in Carrie
Female suit: Wow, it smells really bad in here... like old period. Yeah! That's it, old period.
Bridie O'Reillys
Melbourne
Australia
Categories: Australia | Bars & Clubs | Compare and contrast | Default | Health & Hygiene | Sensory experiences | Suits | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2008-06-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But, for the Record, I Adore David Spade
Girl #1: She's pregnant? I thought she was on birth control?
Girl #2: She still is.
Girl #1: Isn't that bad for the baby?
Girl #2: Not really, all that will happen is if it's a boy, it will start looking more like a girl...
Girl #1: That's messed up.
Bathroom Stall, Nutty Irishman Bar
Farmingdale, New York
Overheard by: Jennifer
So Thanks for Letting Me Into Yale
Hipster guy: Yeah, it probably didn't help that I gave you poison ivy and then threw up on you.
Bar
Columbia, Missouri
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Default | Etiquette | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Hipsters | Maladies | Missouri | Relationships | Weirdness | Posted 2008-05-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Dear Martha Stewart...
Frustrated waitress: There's not enough Scotchguard in the world to help those sex cushions!
Rudyard's
Houston, Texas
Overheard by: Hales
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Cleanliness | Gripes | Health & Hygiene | Servers | Sexuality | Texas | Women | Posted 2008-05-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
He's Been Disgruntled Ever Since Discovering I'm a Bottom.
Fat guy: Sorry I'm late. Mr. Sphincter isn't being very co-operative today.
Nova Cafe
Dunedin
New Zealand
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Body parts | Etiquette | Euphemisms | Fat people | Guys | Health & Hygiene | New Zealand | Pee | Weirdness | Posted 2008-04-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Can I Use Your Leg As a Scratching Post?
Patron #1: Keith is really sorry to have acted like that.
Bartender: Does he even realize how drunk he was?
Patron #1: I'm just saying, that is not the Keith we know
Patron #2: [starts laughing].
Bartender: Well, he is a nice guy, he just gets too drunk.
Patron #1: I'm just letting you know, that according to all the cats he knows, you are the meow [makes a pawing gesture].
Bartender: Okay, how drunk are you?
Patron #2: He doesn't even know who Keith is.
Patron #1: Where are we?
Bennigans
Tampa, Florida
Overheard by: Chris
Categories: Animals | Bars & Clubs | Bartenders | Compliments | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Feelings | Florida | Guys | Questions | Posted 2008-04-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
As I Have Noticed Your Lack of Training Wheels
Drunk girl in bar to bartender: You should be so lucky as to have sex with me.
Bartender: I wouldn't fuck you for practice.
Richmond, Virginia
Overheard by: warm ups?
Gay Men Can't Drink Coffee? That's Crazy.
Crazy homeless lady to well-dressed businessman: Look at you with the coffee, you faggot, you just love dick in your ass!
Starbucks
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: trying to avoid her wrath
Categories: Ass | Backdoor | Bag ladies | Bars & Clubs | Character | Crazies | Default | Etiquette | Insults | Penis | San Francisco | Posted 2008-04-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Cute Buttplug!
Woman drying her hands, nonchalantly, to woman ball-gagged and tied to a toilet: "Oh, you changed your hair. It looks pretty."
Women's Bathroom, Bondage-a-GoGo
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: Ladle
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Beauty | Compliments | Default | Hair | San Francisco | Women | Posted 2008-04-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We're Getting Closer to an Answer All the Time
Guy #1: How much have you had to drink?
Guy #2: Just beers.
Guy #1: But how many?
Guy #2: Just beers.
Guy #1: Yeah, how many beers have you had?
Guy #2: Yeah.
Guy #1: How many have you had though?
Guy #2: I'm only drinking beers tonight.
Pinehaven
New Zealand
Overheard by: Schmitty
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Default | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Guys | Idiots | New Zealand | Questions | Stupidity | Words | Posted 2008-04-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Won First Prize at the Science Fair
Serious drunk guy: I made babies with a woman!
BrewFest
Jenkintown, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Drunk Girl
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Default | Drunks | Guys | Offspring | Pennsylvania | Relationships | Sexuality | Weirdness | Posted 2008-04-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Difference between Boys and Girls
Guy to girlfriend: My dick is aching for your vagina.
Girl: I missed you too.
Barista cafe
Mumbai
India
Overheard by: mehr
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Compliments | Default | Etiquette | Girls | Guys | India | Penis | Relationships | Sex | Vagina | Wishes | Words | Posted 2008-04-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Good to Meet a Gentleman Of the Old School
Dude: Hey I'm Eddie*.
Chick: Yeah, I know. I'm Lauren*. We've met before.
Dude: Oh. Yeah. Well I just thought we should know each other's name since we're talking about anal.
The Beta Bar
Tallahassee, Florida
Overheard by: just here for the show
Categories: Backdoor | Bars & Clubs | Chicks | Default | Etiquette | Florida | Guys | Names | Relationships | Posted 2008-04-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And That I Was Her Favorite Sunday School Student
Slacker boy: I could tell she was really into me, because she told me, like, three times, how she had given up sex for lent.
PM's
Nashville, Tennessee
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Bragging | Christianity | Compliments | Default | Guys | Religious fanatics | Sex | Tennessee | Posted 2008-04-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Pickings Seem to Be Slim in Iowa
College girl #1: So I met up with Jeremy last night.
College girl #2: Ah, the one with the small penis. Wait... No, Adam has the small dick. Jeremy's the bad kisser, right?
College girl #1: To be fair, they're both bad kissers. But yeah, Adam's the one with the small dick.
Coffee shop
Iowa City, Iowa
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Bimbettes | Chicks | Compare and contrast | Default | Friends | Gossip | Iowa | K-I-S-S-I-N-G | Penis | Sexuality | Students | Posted 2008-04-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Father Mike Continues His Downward Spiral
Satisfied customer: They had bacon I would drop-kick a nun for.
Maggie's
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Canadia | Compliments | Customers | Default | Food | Posted 2008-03-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Just the Decorative Scarring, Then?
Hoochie: I would never get my clit pierced there.
O'Bannon's Bar
College Station, Texas
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Default | Hoochies | Texas | Vagina | Posted 2008-03-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
From Now On, I'm Smoking with the Other End
Korean queer, smoking: I heard oral sex gives you more throat cancer than cigarettes.
Dida's Bar
Sao Paulo
Brazil
Categories: BJs | Bars & Clubs | Brazil | Compare and contrast | Default | Maladies | Queers | Stupidity | Posted 2008-03-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Just Not from Their Government
Man: At least Canadian homosexuals take it up the ass.
Bar
New Jersey
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Default | Geography | Gripes | Guys | New Jersey | Sexuality | Posted 2008-03-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Way Some Girls Find Four-Leaf Clovers
Drunk chick: So his penis ended up in my mouth. It just happens.
Backroom Tavern
Knoxville, Tennessee
Categories: BJs | Bars & Clubs | Drinking & drunks | North America | Penis | Sex | Tennessee | USA | Posted 2007-06-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
How Hemingway Really Died
Drunk redneck: You wanna shoot a shotgun naked? Come to my house!
The Pour House
Charleston, South Carolina
Overheard by: innocent bystander
Categories: Bars & Clubs | North America | South Carolina | USA | Violence | Posted 2007-06-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Stop Laughing -- I'm Serious!
Chick #1: What is that? A rape whistle?
Chick #2, wearing whistle around neck: Yeah, it is! [Blows it loudly] I'm gonna rape you!
Cans Bar & Canteen
Charlotte, North Carolina
Overheard by: Devon
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Chicks | North Carolina | Threats | Posted 2007-06-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Father! How Nice to See You Again
Guy on phone at leather bar: Yeah, I'm at a church social... doing the Lord's work. I'll be on my knees later.
San Francisco, California
Shout-out: overheardinsanfrancisco.blogspot.com
Overheard by: Kiko
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Liars | Lies | On the phone | Overheard in San Francisco | San Francisco | Posted 2007-03-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
