Overheard Everywhere | The Voice of the Towel" | Places | Venues

Especially the One from Little House on the Prairie

Very obnoxious drunk man to long-suffering waitress: Hey, what's your name, anyway?
Waitress (coldly): Melissa.
Drunk man (softly): Awww, my daughter's name is Melissa.
Waitress: Well, I'm sorry to be the one to tell you this, but we usually turn out slutty.

Bar
Los Angeles, California

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Granted, I Cut Her, but They Still Owe Me Ten Bucks

Gay guy: I told them not to have hip-hop night cause a bitch would get cut. And what happened? A bitch got cut!

Outside The Hippo
Mt. Vernon, Mayrland

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I Can Always Play Canasta Again Later

Guy to friend returning from bathroom: (distraught) But I wanted to be the one to do it with you! I wanted to be the one to do it with you!

Gables Night Club
Inwood West Virginia

Overheard by: joanna

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Next Time Put the Message in a Bottle

Girl in stall: I have paper stuck in my vagina.
Friend: You might not want to say that, there's people here.
Girl in stall: Why is vagina a bad word?

Ladies Room, Foreplay Bar
Portland, Maine

Overheard by: How did it get there?

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Knows All the Homeopathic Crab Remedies

Middle-aged creepster: She was a slut in middle school, so she's my type of girl.

Gentle Bens Brewery
Tucson, Arizona

Overheard by: a middle school slut

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Where the Strippers Shit in the Water

Guy #1: So yeah, you can get in the water with them but you can't touch the manatees unless they swim up to you.
Guy #2: Sort of like a strip club.

Bar
Kansas City, Missouri

Overheard by: Matt

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I Drink Constantly, Though

Guy: You know, I'm usually anti-slavery... Except when I drink, then I'm all for it.

Bar
Milwaukee, Wisconsin

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I Feel Like One of the Extras in Carrie

Female suit: Wow, it smells really bad in here... like old period. Yeah! That's it, old period.

Bridie O'Reillys
Melbourne
Australia

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But, for the Record, I Adore David Spade

Girl #1: She's pregnant? I thought she was on birth control?
Girl #2: She still is.
Girl #1: Isn't that bad for the baby?
Girl #2: Not really, all that will happen is if it's a boy, it will start looking more like a girl...
Girl #1: That's messed up.

Bathroom Stall, Nutty Irishman Bar
Farmingdale, New York

Overheard by: Jennifer

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So Thanks for Letting Me Into Yale

Hipster guy: Yeah, it probably didn't help that I gave you poison ivy and then threw up on you.

Bar
Columbia, Missouri

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Dear Martha Stewart...

Frustrated waitress: There's not enough Scotchguard in the world to help those sex cushions!

Rudyard's
Houston, Texas

Overheard by: Hales

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He's Been Disgruntled Ever Since Discovering I'm a Bottom.

Fat guy: Sorry I'm late. Mr. Sphincter isn't being very co-operative today.

Nova Cafe
Dunedin
New Zealand

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And Can I Use Your Leg As a Scratching Post?

Patron #1: Keith is really sorry to have acted like that.
Bartender: Does he even realize how drunk he was?
Patron #1: I'm just saying, that is not the Keith we know
Patron #2: [starts laughing].
Bartender: Well, he is a nice guy, he just gets too drunk.
Patron #1: I'm just letting you know, that according to all the cats he knows, you are the meow [makes a pawing gesture].
Bartender: Okay, how drunk are you?
Patron #2: He doesn't even know who Keith is.
Patron #1: Where are we?

Bennigans
Tampa, Florida

Overheard by: Chris

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As I Have Noticed Your Lack of Training Wheels

Drunk girl in bar to bartender: You should be so lucky as to have sex with me.
Bartender: I wouldn't fuck you for practice.

Richmond, Virginia

Overheard by: warm ups?

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Gay Men Can't Drink Coffee? That's Crazy.

Crazy homeless lady to well-dressed businessman: Look at you with the coffee, you faggot, you just love dick in your ass!

Starbucks
San Francisco, California

Overheard by: trying to avoid her wrath

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And Cute Buttplug!

Woman drying her hands, nonchalantly, to woman ball-gagged and tied to a toilet: "Oh, you changed your hair. It looks pretty."

Women's Bathroom, Bondage-a-GoGo
San Francisco, California

Overheard by: Ladle

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We're Getting Closer to an Answer All the Time

Guy #1: How much have you had to drink?
Guy #2: Just beers.
Guy #1: But how many?
Guy #2: Just beers.
Guy #1: Yeah, how many beers have you had?
Guy #2: Yeah.
Guy #1: How many have you had though?
Guy #2: I'm only drinking beers tonight.

Pinehaven
New Zealand

Overheard by: Schmitty

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And Won First Prize at the Science Fair

Serious drunk guy: I made babies with a woman!

BrewFest
Jenkintown, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: Drunk Girl

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The Difference between Boys and Girls

Guy to girlfriend: My dick is aching for your vagina.
Girl: I missed you too.

Barista cafe
Mumbai
India

Overheard by: mehr

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Good to Meet a Gentleman Of the Old School

Dude: Hey I'm Eddie*.
Chick: Yeah, I know. I'm Lauren*. We've met before.
Dude: Oh. Yeah. Well I just thought we should know each other's name since we're talking about anal.

The Beta Bar
Tallahassee, Florida

Overheard by: just here for the show

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And That I Was Her Favorite Sunday School Student

Slacker boy: I could tell she was really into me, because she told me, like, three times, how she had given up sex for lent.

PM's
Nashville, Tennessee

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Pickings Seem to Be Slim in Iowa

College girl #1: So I met up with Jeremy last night.
College girl #2: Ah, the one with the small penis. Wait... No, Adam has the small dick. Jeremy's the bad kisser, right?
College girl #1: To be fair, they're both bad kissers. But yeah, Adam's the one with the small dick.

Coffee shop
Iowa City, Iowa

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Father Mike Continues His Downward Spiral

Satisfied customer: They had bacon I would drop-kick a nun for.

Maggie's
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia

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Just the Decorative Scarring, Then?

Hoochie: I would never get my clit pierced there.

O'Bannon's Bar
College Station, Texas

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From Now On, I'm Smoking with the Other End

Korean queer, smoking: I heard oral sex gives you more throat cancer than cigarettes.

Dida's Bar
Sao Paulo
Brazil

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Just Not from Their Government

Man: At least Canadian homosexuals take it up the ass.

Bar
New Jersey

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The Way Some Girls Find Four-Leaf Clovers

Drunk chick: So his penis ended up in my mouth. It just happens.

Backroom Tavern
Knoxville, Tennessee

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How Hemingway Really Died

Drunk redneck: You wanna shoot a shotgun naked? Come to my house!

The Pour House
Charleston, South Carolina

Overheard by: innocent bystander

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Stop Laughing -- I'm Serious!

Chick #1: What is that? A rape whistle?
Chick #2, wearing whistle around neck: Yeah, it is! [Blows it loudly] I'm gonna rape you!

Cans Bar & Canteen
Charlotte, North Carolina

Overheard by: Devon

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Father! How Nice to See You Again

Guy on phone at leather bar: Yeah, I'm at a church social... doing the Lord's work. I'll be on my knees later.

San Francisco, California
Shout-out: overheardinsanfrancisco.blogspot.com

Overheard by: Kiko

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