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Soldier: What is that thing?
Passenger #1: An iPhone.
Passenger #2: Man, where the hell have you been?
Soldier: Iraq.
Flight from Minneapolis to Pittsburgh
20-something #1: Yeah, see, that's our problem: These girls are pushing 30 and their biological clocks are going off and all that.
20-something #2: Well, that wasn't my problem before, she was 23 when I started dating her.
20-something #1 (thoughtfully): Yeah... that's our other problem: time.
Airplane between Detroit and Las Vegas
Overheard by: ncs
TSA agent, looking at ID: So Judy*, how are you doing today?
50-something woman: Fine. How are you?
TSA agent: You know, living the dream.
Security Terminal
Airport, Minneapolis
Flight attendant: As we prepare to disembark, please check to make sure you have not abandoned any bags, personal items or children. All abandoned items will be divided up among the flight attendants, except the children, who will be given to the captain.
JetBlue Flight
Pilot: Before we start our ascent, an important question: Anyone here from the North Allegheny high school class of '68? [silence] I always ask. I'm hoping at some point I'll find my old girlfriend.
JetBlue flight
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Ladle
Woman in bathroom stall, on cell : ... That's just how it is... No, that's my pee you're hearing... Anyways, what did she say? Wait a second, I have to wipe...
Spokane Airport
Spokane, Washington
Overheard by: wish i had held it...
Large black woman on cell: Girl! I'm tellin' you, I don't know where I gots them warts on my feets. But they nasty! I don't want to give them to nobody else, so I brought me some lil' socks, you know... Them cushy foots? Not like Earl, who goes barefoot all over the city with them mushroom funguses on his toes. His toenails be like baby powder! They all crumbly and shit.
Detroit Metro Airport
Detroit, Michigan
Overheard by: Trying not to barf (and glad I wore socks)
Male flight attendant: ... And if you brought more than two children with you today, decide which your favorite is and oxygen that one first.
Southwest Airlines Flight #135
Man on cell: I wouldn't worry about her though, she's dead.
Newark airport
Newark, New Jersey
Overheard by: catherine
Lady on PA system: United 119 passengers can claim their baggage at carousel D... D as in delicious. Delicious mango. Delicious, delicious mangoes.
Logan International Airport
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: John Y
Man, pointing out the window, to his wife: Look, honey, they even have cars!
Shout-out: zipster.wordpress.com
Overheard by: The Zipster
Teen girl #1: Oh my god! Really? Well, even though you're three weeks late, you totally don't have to worry until a month after you guys actually did it. So you've definitely got at least a week left until you need to start worrying.
Teen girl #2: ... Really?
Teen girl #1: Yes, I'm completely sure. You're totally fine. Golden. Except that you're 17 and might be pregnant.
Dallas Airport
Dallas, Texas
Pilot to passengers: Welcome to Hawaii! I'm going to tell you all what my mom told me when I turned 18: get your bags and get out.
Direct flight from Seattle, Washington to Oakland, California
Chick #1: Ewww!
Chick #2: It wasn't me! I take responsibility for all of my actions, including farts.
Shout-out: overheardinpdx.blogspot.com
Overheard by: martin
Large white lady to small Mexican husband: I'm bleeding. [Pokes hubby, who ignores her.] Heyyy, I'm bleeding from my neck! Don't you care?! [Hubby puts headphones on and looks out window.] I wish I knew you didn't speak English before I married you!
Shout-out: overheardinpdx.blogspot.com
Overheard by: corwin
American college guy to friends: My mom told me I was pussy-whipped.
Brussels National Airport
Belgium
Overheard by: aja
Skinny guy #1: I'm thinking our restaurant should have, like, taxidermied animals and tomato plants and stuff.
Skinny guy #2: Way cool!
Skinny guy #1: That way it could be like a museum of natural history full of the things people are eating, living or dead.
Shout-out: overheardinpdx.blogspot.com
Overheard by: rich
Guy #1, leaving the bar: I'll see you later.
Guy #2, still nursing his drink: Yeah, if I don't die first.
Shout-out: overheardinpdx.blogspot.com
Overheard by: molly
Passenger: What lake is that we're flying over?
Flight attendant: That would be a cloud.
Flight from St. George, Utah, to Los Angeles, California
Young girl: Where is your husband?
Old woman: Oh, honey, my husband is up in heaven.
Young girl: I'm sorry... Did he get eaten by a crocodile?
Flight to Bermuda
Overheard by: elizabeth
Flight attendant, before takeoff: My name is Marynell. That's 'Mary' and 'Nell,' not just Mary... But that's probably too much information since this is such a short flight.
United flight 6056
Madison, Wisconsin to Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: archdiva
Child: Why are we landing in Baltimore?
Mom: We switch planes there on the way home to Phoenix.
Child: What state is Baltimore in?
Mom: Um, let me think [picks up airline magazine to look at route map]. 'Baltimore/Washington.' Well, that doesn't make any sense.
Southwest Airlines flight from Buffalo to Baltimore
Pilot: There is no smoking on this aircraft. The penalty for smoking is two thousand dollars. If you had that kind of money, you'd probably be flying United.
Southwest Airlines flight
Overheard by: broke
Passenger #1 looking at map on screen: Oh, look -- we're over Montana right now.
Passenger #2: Montana's in Canada! Cool!
Over Montana, British Airways flight
Overheard by: Confused Flyer
20-something: Alright! Smells like booze on the plane.
Overprotective mom: No, that's just my hand sanitizer.
Flight to Buffalo, New York
Pilot over loudspeaker, while landing plane: Whoa there, big fella!
Delta Airlines flight
Guy to girlfriend: It sounds like we hit a whale.
AirTran plane from New Orleans to New York
Overheard by: Jofo
Young suit: I need to get a new BlackBerry. I dropped my old one in a urinal. Well, I was wearing lederhosen, and they don't have pockets.
San Jose Airport
California
Overheard by: Keren
Flight attendant: Should the overhead oxygen masks deploy, please put the mask around your face as I will now demonstrate... [Puts mask on, then breathes heavily] Luuuke, I am your father...
US Airways flight to Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Hot chick: I was too tired for a layover in Denver! It's not like you'd let me nap -- we'd just end up fucking in the airport bathroom for five hours. Wait! If Denver's the Mile High City, do you think bathroom sex can count us into the Mile High Club? Oh my god, I am changing my flight -- Cleveland can wait. Cock is so much more important.
Minneapolis-St.Paul International Airport
Minneapolis, Minnesota
Overheard by: Wishing I was the dude in Denver
Flight attendant over PA after bump during taxi: Don't worry guys, it was just a cat!
Southwest Airlines, BWI airport
Baltimore, Maryland
Dad to howling toddler: Stop it! Suck it up! You don't hear anyone else crying, do you?
United flight descending into O'Hare
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Airport PA: Will the man with his pants around his ankles please return to Security and retrieve your belt?
Chicago Midway Airport
Chicago, Illinois
Pilot: We'll be flying with our team of flight attendants today, and of course we'll be looking forward to the great service they provide... [Awkward laugh] The great service they provide to you, of course.
American Airlines flight
Overheard by: not that kind of service
Male flight attendant: This will be a miserable flight. It'll be really turbulent and then we'll end up in New Jersey.
Flight into Newark Airport
Sorority girl #1: So, like, you still get your period when you're on the pill.
Sorority girl #2: Yeah, but not when you're pregnant.
Sorority girl #1: So what's the point of the pill, then?
Sorority girl #2: It totally makes your boobs bigger.
Airport
Lexington, Kentucky
Little girl: Mom, why don't I have a hairy butt like you?
Bathroom, AA flight 329
The pilot is sitting in the cockpit making clicking noises and singing in a falsetto voice.
Flight attendant: Are you high?
On the runway
Dulles, Virginia
Overheard by: first class is scary