Overheard Everywhere | The Voice of the Towel" | Places | South America

Good to Know Fast Food Joints Are Just As Classy Outside the U.S.

Crazy hobo in McDonald's line: Does the McDuplo come with fries?
Mcworker: Only if you get the combo. Would you like the combo?
Crazy hobo in McDonald's line: Son of a bitch! This is McDonald's. I want fries with my fucking sandwich. [he throws up on the floor, then walks away muttering.]
Mcworker to other mcworker: I wish I was dead.

McDonald's
Belo Horizonte
Brazil

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Storytelling Is a Lost Art

Drunk bimbette: Oh my god! I used to like this ugly guy once... Then I realized he was ugly and stopped liking him.

Barbeque
Jundiaí
Brazil

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He Doesn't Go Very Far In

Young fashionista #1: How do you stay so positive?
Young fashionista #2: Oh, you know, I just don't let the bad stuff in.
Young fashionista #1: What about Pedro?

São Paulo
Brazil

Overheard by: paparazzi

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Okay, Now Tell Me How You Know That

Male fashionista: Deepness is just a less shallow superficiality.

São Paulo
Brazil

Overheard by: paparazzi

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From Now On, I'm Smoking with the Other End

Korean queer, smoking: I heard oral sex gives you more throat cancer than cigarettes.

Dida's Bar
Sao Paulo
Brazil

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How Structural Engineers Unwind

Girl: That orgy was like Legos -- anyone and everyone on top of each other! You didn't know what was what, who was who, where someone began or where did they end. It was just a big pile of human building blocks of pleasure.

Wonka Bar
Curitiba
Brazil

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Nearly Impossible to Discuss One without Bringing Up the Other

Hot girl: It's great to go out with new people. My friends and I are in a conversation slump -- we realized that all our conversations ended up in stories about drugs or sex, so we said, 'Let's be normal, you know, and talk about women and football!' So we ended up talking about all the transvestites we know and about synchronized swimming.

Bar 13
São Paulo
Brazil

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Oh, No You Don't!

Hot girl: You know why I don't come here? Just so you can have an idea, last time I came here I lost my virginity!
Queer: Oh my god! That long ago? With who? In the bathroom?!
Hot girl: With some guy, randomly... We went to his friend's apartment, and it was awful because I have this problem that... Okay, many, many people are listening in to our conversation... I think I want to change the subject. When did you dye your hair like that?

Milo's Garage
São Paulo
Brazil

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I Feel So Guilty about Being Aroused

Guy, about Betty Boop: She's like a pin-up with Down Syndrome.

Equipe High School
São Paulo
Brazil

Overheard by: laughing my ass off

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Which One Would You Want to Be True?

Hobo: Look, the pope!
Man: Like I'm going to fall for that!
Hobo, minutes later: Look, Batman! [Man turns and looks.]

Week the pope is in town
São Paulo
Brazil

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Don't Harsh My Mellow

Woman to herself: I love the smell of the subway!
Passerby: You know it's primarily piss, right?

Consolação subway
São Paulo
Brazil

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Mom, It's a Business Conference

Mom: So, how long are you going away with those people?
Daughter: The whole weekend. The whole fucking weekend with those morons!
Mom, reflecting: God... We'll need to buy you a lot of booze.

São Paulo
Brazil

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I Can't Wait to Go to the Airport and Say That!

Little boy: I have the power of microbes! [Evil laugh.]

Liberdade
São Paulo
Brazil

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Are You Deflating?

Guy lying on girl's stomach: Your bellybutton is probably the worst thing I've smelled this week.

São Paulo
Brazil

Overheard by: what about last week?

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I Wanna Eat Your Hair, Cough It Up, and Mold It into the Shape of a Baby

Hot lesbo #1: I wanna have your babies.
Hot lesbo #2: I wanna eat your babies.
Hot lesbo #1: I wanna eat your hair.

Piola Bar
São Paulo
Brazil

Overheard by: touché

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Not Really -- Your Hair Looks Like Shit

Fashionista: Why are you so late?
Queer in hat: I ran out of money and had to give the cabbie a blowjob to pay the fare.
Fashionista: Oh my god! Really?!
Queer in hat: No. I had a hair emergency... But wasn't that a much better answer?

Ellus fashion show line
São Paulo
Brazil

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Second-Hand Smoke Is Better Than I Remembered

Man: Can I bum a cigarette?
Beatnik girl: No, I need them all. The smoke fertilizes my brain, and I must get pregnant with ideas [blows smoke in his face].

São Paulo
Brazil

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Mom, I Think It's Time We Had a Little Talk

Mom to four-year-old girl: Eat your tomatoes, honey. They're good for your prostate.

Banana Verde Vegetarian Restaurant
Vila Madalena, São Paulo
Brazil

Overheard by: menu #2

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Window Shopping for New Ones

Girl, about hoochie: Wait a second, Angelica -- I wanna stare at this girl's boobs.

São Paulo
Brazil

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No Tuition Payments after High School

Old Jewish lady: ... And what do you want to be when you grow up?
Six-year-old girl: A shampoo girl.
Four-year-old boy: A hooker!
Mother, smoking: I like it when they have low expectations about life.

São Paulo
Brazil

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That, New Stockings, and a Clean Umbrella

Fag hag: So, I fell asleep when Jack* was stripping, and when I woke up Victor* was in pink stockings and doing something to my umbrella that I don't even want to think about. I really have to start having more straight friends.

Bar
São Paulo
Brazil

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You Might Want to Consider a Laxative

Queer on cell: I think I broke my nail inside your asshole.

Augusta
São Paulo
Brazil

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Steven Segal Is: Out for Vagina

Brunette: Why are you laughing?
Redhead: I have this thing I do in video stores where I replace one word of the movie title with 'vagina.'
Brunette: So?
Redhead: Dude, where's my vagina?

Video store
São Paulo
Brazil

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But Her Orgasm Faking Is Sub Par

Chick: Is she a good actress?
Dude: Well, she gives good blowjobs.

Café Pequeno
São Paulo
Brazil

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I Protect Myself with This Aluminum Foil Hat

Dude: I don't believe in AIDS. I think STDs are just negative energy.

Corda Bar
São Paulo
Brazil

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That's the Last Heterosexual Bender I'll Be Going on for a While

Girl: Shit! I've been out of commission for, like, one week and there's already three new gay words!

Casa dos Artistas Fashion Show
São Paulo
Brazil

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By Something That Doesn't Have "Hitachi" Written on the Side

Chick: There comes an age when just kissing won't do it anymore. I'm 22 and I want to be fucked!

Augusta Street
São Paulo
Brazil

Overheard by: Laughing passerby

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What History Says of Me Is Another Matter

Queer: At least I can say I did not die naked eating JELL-O.

House of Erika Palomino, Vila Madalena
São Paulo
Brazil

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In the Sense That I Don't Know What He Did

Social science student: I don't think of Che Guevara in the political sense. For me he's only a pop icon.

Pontifícia Universidade Católica de São Paulo
Brazil

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A Good Simile Is One We Can All Relate To

Drunk guy: That hurt so much -- like accidentally stapling your tongue to the wall.

São Paulo
Brazil

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