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Then She Charged Me $75 for the "Psychic Advice"
Older woman: ... And then she told me that I was too small for my breasts.
Younger man: I think she said, 'Too small for your dress.'
Older woman: ... Either way, it was totally inappropriate.
Shout-out: overheardinthevalley.blogspot.com
Categories: Gripes | Idiots | Overheard in the Valley | Posted 2008-01-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Do You Think I Would Fail His Class?
Asian hipster: People stare at him, and he resents them for staring at him. But I'm like, 'Maybe you should bathe!'
Jewish hipster: You should give him an elephant tranquilizer or something.
Shout-out: overheardinthevalley.blogspot.com
Overheard by: Glowien
Categories: Advice | Cleanliness | Hipsters | Overheard in the Valley | Posted 2008-01-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But Adam Sandler's Rich!
Guy: Come on! He's only a little retarded.
Chick: I'm not going to sleep with him. Ever!
Shout-out: overheardinthevalley.blogspot.com
Overheard by:
Categories: Friends | Mental illnesses | Overheard in the Valley | Sex | Posted 2007-12-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Playing Chess? Really?
Girl on cell: Wait, how exactly did you manage to pull your ass muscle?
Shout-out: overheardinthevalley.blogspot.com
Overheard by:
Categories: On the phone | Overheard in the Valley | Questions | Posted 2007-10-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Though Sometimes I Daydream about the Former
Man: I'm working with little kids now, you know. I babysit for teachers. At a nursery.
Girl: Oh?
Man: Yeah, I kinda like how the kids are recycled every year... I don't mean, like, cut up and made into new babies, but that I get new ones and the old ones move on.
Shout-out: overheardinthevalley.blogspot.com
Overheard by:
Categories: Guys | Jobs & Careers | Overheard in the Valley | Posted 2007-10-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Not Unlike Your Innocence
Cute little girl staring at ceiling: Mommy, what is that butterfly doing there?
Bitchy mom: It's dead.
Shout-out: overheardinthevalley.blogspot.com
Overheard by: Glowien
Categories: Death & dying | Insects | Kids | Moms | Overheard in the Valley | Posted 2007-09-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Is That Why You Named Me "Ralph"?
Little boy: Mommy, where do babies come from? Your mouth?
Shout-out: overheardinthevalley.blogspot.com
Overheard by: Nikki
Categories: Kids | Overheard in the Valley | Questions | Posted 2007-09-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Just Like Mother Theresa
Woman #1, to table of friends: Well, I'm getting old, too. I'm getting wrinkles.
Woman #2: The thing is, you're so fucking ugly that no one notices when you get old.
Shout-out: overheardinthevalley.blogspot.com
Overheard by: Me.
Categories: Insults | Ladies who lunch | Overheard in the Valley | Posted 2007-09-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
With the Possible Exception of the Half-Man-Half-Woman
Young guy: I know it's stereotypical for a guy to want a girl who's a freak in bed, but, really, it's just so nice.
Shout-out: overheardinthevalley.blogspot.com
Categories: Gossip | Guys | Overheard in the Valley | Posted 2007-08-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We Were Going to Let That Slide
Chick: After he slept with me, I told him that his dick had been where cameras, carrots, and necklaces have gone before.
Friend: Why were you sticking necklaces in your vagina? ... Note how I'm okay with the fact that you stuck carrots and cameras up there...
Shout-out: overheardinthevalley.blogspot.com
Categories: Friends | Overheard in the Valley | Vagina | Posted 2007-07-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Daniel Radcliffe: It Was Lipstick, Actually
Lady suit: I hate to say it, but Harry Potter's penis is small.
Hipster girl: What! Nooo!
Lady suit: No, really -- it is. He got an erection on stage... and it was just sad. But the weirdest part is that it was bright red, like they had put blush on it or something.
Hipster girl: What the fuck?! My dreams are ruined!
Shout-out: overheardinthevalley.blogspot.com
Categories: About celebrities | Hipsters | Overheard in the Valley | Penis | Suits | Posted 2007-05-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Hey, Is That a Taser?
Girl: Hey, you're that chick I stalk on MySpace!
Shout-out: overheardinthevalley.blogspot.com
Categories: Chicks | MySpace | Overheard in the Valley | Posted 2007-05-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And If You Like Him, Like, More Than a Friend
Employee to customer: Excuse me, my boss wants to know if you're a transvestite.
Shout-out: overheardinthevalley.blogspot.com
Categories: Employees | Gender issues | Overheard in the Valley | Posted 2007-05-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Like Olestra Chips
Chick #1: Try it. It's a Malibu Bay Breeze. It's a chick drink, but it's really good.
Dude, sipping: Damn, that's delicious.
Chick #2: It's a bitch drink.
Dude: A bitch drink?
Chick #2: It'll make you grow vaginas on your arm.
Dude: That wouldn't be that bad. I'd never leave my house.
Chick #2: No, not functional vaginas. Just ugly ones that people would be freaked out by.
Dude: You know, you just took something wonderful and made it horrible.
Shout-out: overheardinthevalley.blogspot.com
Categories: Chicks | Overheard in the Valley | Vagina | Posted 2007-05-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Food Chain's There -- We Just Have to Use It
Girl: I hate geese.
Guy: Because they're Canadian?
Girl: No, the fat white ones. I hate them because they're fat. And greedy.
Guy: Yeah, what's up with that? They always run right up to you if you have bread.
Girl: And they totally harass the ducks, man!
Guy: Yeah, what the fuck?! Stupid geese. Fuck that shit, man. Fuck that shit.
Girl: Yeah!
Shout-out: overheardinthevalley.blogspot.com
Categories: Birds | Grumpies | Overheard in the Valley | Posted 2007-04-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Second-Best Sex I Ever Had
Woman: Sleeping with him just never feels consensual. It's like being raped by your brother.
Friend: Yeah, it felt like that for me, too.
Shout-out: overheardinthevalley.blogspot.com
Categories: Friends | Overheard in the Valley | Sex | Posted 2007-04-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Food Chain's There -- We Just Have to Use It
Girl: I hate geese.
Guy: Because they're Canadian?
Girl: No, the fat white ones. I hate them because they're fat. And greedy.
Guy: Yeah, what's up with that? They always run right up to you if you have bread.
Girl: And they totally harass the ducks, man!
Guy: Yeah, what the fuck?! Stupid geese. Fuck that shit, man. Fuck that shit.
Girl: Yeah!
Shout-out: overheardinthevalley.blogspot.com
Categories: Birds | Grumpies | Overheard in the Valley | Posted 2007-04-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Who Says Human Rights Organizations Don't Appeal to the Masses?
Girl: I save Soviet Jews. I win valuable prizes!
Shout-out: overheardinthevalley.blogspot.com
Overheard by:
Categories: Crazies | Jobs & Careers | Overheard in the Valley | Posted 2007-04-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And You Just Know That's His Porn Name
Chick: So, what are your irrational fears?
Dude: Well, I'm afraid of that song. You know, the John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt one. I mean, 'that's my name, too'? What does that mean?! I mean, think about it's larger sociological implications. That just freaks me out.
Shout-out: overheardinthevalley.blogspot.com
Categories: Dorks, Geeks & Nerds | Music | Overheard in the Valley | Posted 2007-04-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Medea Didn't Listen, Though, and the Gods Punished Her with a Rash
Dude: Tell your sister I won't sleep with her if she shaves her pubic hair. That shit is like the golden fleece, yo.
Shout-out: overheardinthevalley.blogspot.com
Overheard by: Angie
Categories: Frat boy types | Overheard in the Valley | Shaving | Posted 2007-04-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
