Recent | Best Of
Lady at table of discount clothing to guy browsing through sweatshirts: Yeah, Japanese-made condoms are really the most reliable.
Guy: Mmm-hmm.
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Overheard by: woefully uninformed
80-something lady to another: I saw Bertie and his lady friend at the state fair. Yes, she's a large woman, tall and quite big. I mean, you could say that about a lot of people, but she's very large. When she hugs him, it's all lady and no Bertie!
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Overheard by: poor bertie!
Depressed man to friends, while eating corn-on-the-cob: You know, this is just upsetting. I spent $180 today, and all I'll have to show for it is a really large shit.
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Overheard by: suddenly a little less hungry
Drunk sorostitute to group of friends: I'm getting boned in the butt! Who's boning me in the butt?
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Overheard by: pob
Suave dude on cell: Shut up, grandma! Your fridge isn't that heavy!
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Overheard by: at least I'm nice to my grandma
Skinny Asian kid buying 24-pack of Keystone Light, to friend: I dunno man. I've never played beer pong against a black dude before.
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Overheard by: Ian
Tan, blonde, 40-something woman: Just stick 'em on your nipples, it'll be okay.
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Overheard by: perplexed chai drinker
Doting, nervous mom: Honey! How was your first day of kindergarten?
Blond little boy, sounding disappointed: My teacher is really thrilled about safety.
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Overheard by: does that mean scissor juggling is out?
Target employee to another: The way the store is set up is to make the child misbehave and be tempted.
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Overheard by: hilary!
50-something suit at brunch: The South was a backwards place until air conditioning. That's what allowed them to advance as a people. Now, these hurricanes come and knock out their power. That's why they have so many problems during these storms.
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Overheard by: didn't know ac saved south
Guy with chocolate bars: Are these really two for two dollars?
Wal-Mart cashier: All I know is they're a dollar each.
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Overheard by: ellie.
College girl on cell: So, it's all good? Cause I'm just re-using the same guys over and over! My number doesn't go up!
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Overheard by: just eating my pizza
Impassioned college girl: When will the gods stop punishing me for cutting my own bangs?!
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Overheard by: this too shall pass?
Guy to friend: So, this weekend I was going to go down to Chicago to riot, beat people up, and break shit, but I realized I would have missed my dutch class on Monday, so I thought it would be a bad idea.
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Overheard by: shiggity shaft
Man at bar: Except it wasn't gin and tonic, it was gin and sex.
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Overheard by: Ian
20-something man: Oh, man, we've got a really full day tomorrow. We have to freeze all that tomato sauce we made.
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Overheard by: Jon
Daughter: I hate it when things don't have a price on them.
Mother: Oh, how much is it?
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Overheard by: another tired mother
Little girl pointing to City Hall: That's where we pick up daddy!
Mom: No, it's across the street at the jail.
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Overheard by: not good
Girl in debate to two guys at her table: But that doesn't make it gay. You're still having heterosexual sex, but you're just doing it next to yourself.
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Overheard by: true
Blonde girl to boyfriend: I think I'd make a good drug addict.
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Overheard by: uhh
Male wedding-goer to female wedding-goer: Oh, you guys work here? Excellent! My sister's husband, oh, I mean my brother-in-law, sells semen. Bull semen.
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Overheard by: best pick-up line ever
20-something woman to friend: So, that was how my morning started: waking up with a man I am not overly fond of.
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Overheard by: my morning started a little better
Older woman on phone: June* is in jail right now, but she'll be into work a little later.
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Overheard by: o_o
Girlfriend to boyfriend, after emerging from bathroom: Hahaha! I peed on my hands!
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Overheard by: that's disgusting. Really.
Teenage girl #1 to others in feminine products aisle: When do you douche?
Teenage girl #2: I don't know, when do you douche?
(group of teenage girls giggle hysterically)
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Overheard by: personally, I prefer Thursdays
Wannabe hipster girl: I'm anorexic!
Wannabe hipster friend: No way!
Wannabe hipster girl: No, seriously! I'm anorexic since lunch.
Wannabe hipster friend: Okay.
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Overheard by: the actual hipsters were way more polite
Middle aged female client: You aren't going to find out the sex? How are you going to know what color to paint the nursery or what kind of baby clothes to get?
Pregnant 30-something hair stylist: Oh, please, like it matters what colors I choose. People aren't going to be wondering if it's a girl or a boy, anyway; they're going to wonder if it's an animal or a baby.
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Overheard by: jenc17
Dad: Buddy, you have to breathe. You can't hold your breath forever.
Son: No! I'm never going to breathe again. I hate it!
Dad: Sounds good.
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Overheard by: kaybay
Manager of restaurant to guy leaving restroom: I know we don't have paper towels in there. I am getting some right now.
Guy: It's okay. I never wash my hands anyway.
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Overheard by: that guy's girlfriend
Middle aged drunk white lady, seriously: Dude, where's my car?
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Overheard by: unicorn lover
Guy on bike to random guy: Hey, do you know where Saint pedophilia is?
Random guy: Where?
Guy on bike: Saint pedophilia. It's a Catholic church by Saint Thomas where the priests molest little boys and turn them into homosexuals. (bikes away)
Random guy, stunned: What the fuck was that?
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Overheard by: well, that was odd
Guy on crowded bus to friend: My undies are going to smell like Mexican food for a day and a half.
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Overheard by: I don't want to know
Drunk guy to drunk date: So wait, you want us to be in an anonymous relationship?
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Overheard by: justarrivedtothebarsober
Man #1: I hate the Middle East.
Man #2: Yeah. We should just nuke that island.
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Overheard by: amazed and frightened
Woman, pointing to dress: That's nice and flowy. Not for me, but totally something Christine would wear.
Friend, indifferent: Oh yeah, Christine.
Woman: She throws up her food, though.
Friend, trailing off: Oh yeah, that's right.
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Overheard by: alexis
Coworker #1: Our courageous leader tells me our people have fallen on hard times and though the metaphorical rain may fall, our perseverance will prevail, and triumph will soon be ours.
Coworker #2: Weird, dude. Hey, wanna order Jimmy John's with me?
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Overheard by: coworker #3
Middle aged woman with grandchildren, at 11:30 am: I just took the kids out to breakfast and now I need to go home and have me a Jack Daniels.
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Overheard by: Les
Girl to friends: I always win, though... and it's pretty easy. I just hit him until he takes it off.
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Overheard by: disturbed onlooker
Man talking loudly on cell: Hey, I heard you have a threesome set up for Saturday! (pauses) Would it be alright if I joined?
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Overheard by: I hope he is referring to golf
Man: I'm too old for overnight adventures.
Woman: You're too married.
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Overheard by: garage girl #1
Call center girl to coworker who just hung up: Did he tell you he was going to come over here and rub one off?
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Overheard by: keep him away from my potato salad
Crazy woman on cell: Yeah, you know, I just... I really think we're meant to be together. I can't stop thinking about you. I mean I feel bad I lost you... (brief pause) but I mean I saw this psychic and she said we're totally meant to be, so yeah... (pause again) Well, I mean if you don't care that I slept with so many guys while we were together, maybe we could try again?
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Overheard by: aiden
Girl: Good luck with that. You'll end up with barbed wire embedded in your genitals if you go there on foot. And I'll say I told you so.
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Overheard by: Jon
Man eating with his family: So when she took her home pregnancy test, she accidentally peed all over the counter. When he confronted her, she lied about it, and also told him she wasn't pregnant. But then my sister told him that she was actually pregnant.
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Overheard by: just trying to enjoy my meat scrambler
Woman: So, now they're testing for incest.
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Overheard by: Me
Woman to companion, while waiting for bus: So, it was really lucky that grandma died on Christmas, because we just drove down and went from there. Otherwise, we would have had to drive down twice.
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Overheard by: ...you're kind of a bitch
Young woman on cell: Who is this? (pause) He is my baby, not my boyfriend! I told you that. (short pause) What's wrong with you?
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Overheard by: yikes!
Mother: Hey, you could get a job at Build-A-Bear.
Exasperated daughter: No I couldn't, they have to wear khaki pants and denim shirts.
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Overheard by: what?s wrong with that?
Teen, trying to convince friends: He wasn't lying! It was on Facebook!
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Overheard by: the usher
Teen to friend at urinal: How many people do you think have whacked off into this urinal?
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Overheard by: seriously?
50-something woman: Fine by me! How much cocaine can you even buy for $180 bucks? Probably only, like, a gram. (long pause) Ya know, that's the problem with drugs these days. They are so expensive.
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Overheard by: her niece
Middle-aged man: So the other day my friend asked me to borrow some porn tapes. He said he needed to teach his son about the birds and the bees.
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Overheard by: the wirled
Teen girl on cell: Cuz you're not a lesbian fan, and I like lesbians. They're funny.
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Overheard by: um...
Man: I just had a dream where I was stoned, and when I woke up, I couldn't tell if I was stoned or not.
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Overheard by: jfa
Freshman #1, reading from textbook: Butte. What is a butte exactly?
Freshman #2: A fancy way to say "butt."
Freshman #1: God, you learn so much at college.
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Overheard by: kbay
Slightly confused woman to tour guide of a greenhouse: So, why did they put all of these windows in here?
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Overheard by: um?
Female college student: My new thing is going to bed at a decent time when I have class in the morning.
20-something college dropout: My new thing is binge drinking every day. But I guess that's not really new.
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Overheard by: passing out at a decent hour
Male Wal-Mart employee to female coworker: Come on, what's your problem? (smiles at her)
Female coworker: I can't smile. I work here.
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Overheard by: A. Lil
Woman to friend: And her therapist is saying she doesn't need any more therapy sessions. I mean, she was cutting herself at camp a only month ago!
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Overheard by: not appropriate in the hardware store
Mom to preteen son: If you don't straighten up your act, I'm sending you back to school with all Hannah Montana notebooks!
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Overheard by: that'll teach him
Guy to others: I heard she once open-mouth kissed a horse.
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Overheard by: walking down the hall.
Father to three-year-old daughter, after she took her shirt off: Just like your mother.
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Overheard by: is that how you met her?
Five-year-old little boy to grandmother: If I ever meet George Bush, I'm going to kick him in the balls.
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Overheard by: trying not to laugh parent
Three-year-old boy to mom, noticing police officers nearby: Don't do anything bad while you're here. Okay, mom?
Mom: Okay.
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Overheard by: an amused barista.
Girl: Sometimes I like to look at pictures of deaf people online. They don't look any different!
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Overheard by: Ian
Guy: I decided I would do a little social experiment. So I went to the gas station and bought a chocolate muffin and sat down outside the door. Then this guy passed me, so I shoved the muffin in my mouth and started singing "What if God Was One of Us," with little pieces of the muffin falling out of my mouth. It was great.
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Overheard by: julie
White cube farmer to another: Chicks don't like dudes with umbrellas. They like wild and crazy guys who aren't afraid of getting their hair wet.
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Overheard by: alexis
Senior boy: I have no capacity for porn!
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Overheard by: I doubt that
20-something pregnant girl to baby daddy: I don't think we can handle a pet.
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Overheard by: babies are way easier.
20-something girl on cell: I had the malpractice ball this last weekend. It was in the Weisman Museum... kind of lame, not a lot of space. (pause) But I didn't bring a flask this year, so it was a little conservative, definitely a limited amount of alcohol. (pause) Are you going home for Passover? (pause) Oh my, are you converting? (pause) Yeah, I want to know what this whole Jerry Springer photo thing is all about.
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Overheard by: burrhead
Little boy: Ewww... what's that smell?
Slightly tipsy dad: Prolly barf.
Little boy: Yuck! You're gross!
Slightly tipsy dad: What? It's a twins game. People come to get drunk, then they barf, and you smell it. That's how it goes.
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Overheard by: that's not why I go to twins games.
Girl during evolution lab in biology: So, humans came from monkeys, right? So, if two monkeys had a baby and it was a human, like, what would we do with it?
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Overheard by: we would name it tarzan.
Girl with friends walking by my door: No, no... sixteen! Sixteen is the age to get pregnant.
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Overheard by: Did I miss something?
Clarinet girl: I have, like, this fetish with office supplies, especially the electric stapler.
Friend: Oh my god! What?
Clarinet girl: Yeah, sometimes my roommate and I dance with it. And the boys above us creep at our window.
Friend: Oh... interesting.
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Overheard by: Glad I don't live near them... And glad I wasn't stuck with either of them as a roommate.
Teen to friends: Yeah, as if getting mugged isn't bad enough, it's even worse when the dude is naked.
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Overheard by: jfa.
Blonde teenage girl #1: If I don't get asked to prom I might just drop out of school and become a mechanic.
Blonde teenage girl #2: I know... that would suck.
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Overheard by: high school
Incredulous girl: They wanted me to do jury duty. I told them I ain't no snitch!
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Overheard by: that doesn?t make sense.
Male patron, hitting on girl at bar: Not gonna lie, when I get drunk, I get charming.
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Overheard by: friends of both
Hungover guy: Yeah man, so it was all good until I got so drunk that I pissed in my oven.
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Overheard by: hah!
Old guy to total stranger celebrating birthday: When you're young you can make love to six women at a time, but when you're old you can only make love to three women at a time.
Birthday man: Three women is plenty for me.
Old guy: Don't tell anyone I said that to you.
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Overheard by: coco
Cool guy to roommate: That's not even the most awkward thing you've walked in on me doing.
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Overheard by: I don't even want to know.
Literature substitute teacher: Did I hear that correctly? Did you say "Please don't rape me with your feelings"?
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Overheard by: yep, your hearing is perfect.
Abnormally skinny girl: I feel fat.
Normal girl: Shut up before I smother you with my muffin top.
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Overheard by: seward
Sarcastic teenage girl to mom: Guess who just got their period three days before prom!
Mom, putting hand over heart and exhaling in relief: Oh, thank god!
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Overheard by: Jon
Annoyed lady on cell in bathroom stall: Mmm- hmmm... uh-huh, mmm-hmm, yep. Oh, before that, can you tell her to lick my ass, too?
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Overheard by: I hope she?s not talking about me.
Girlfriend: I have to shave every single day.
Boyfriend: Oh, yeah?
Girlfriend: Yeah... do I have any hairs sticking out on my chin right now?
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Overheard by: Ian
Man to friend, very seriously: Now, when you shower, do you stand up?
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Overheard by: I prefer the fetal position
Older woman with no inside voice, inside a bus on rush hour: I want a diamond about as big as a horse turd.
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Overheard by: bleep
Pouting newlywed wife: I feel like we don't spend enough time together.
Seething newlywed husband: (grinds teeth)
Pouting newlywed wife: Enough quality time.
Seething newlywed husband: (remains silent)
Pouting newlywed wife: Would you like me to tell you what quality time is?
Seething newlywed husband: (about to speak, thinks better of it)
Pouting newlywed wife: 23 hours a day.
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Overheard by: good, that leaves one hour for him to think of a response
Serious college boy to friend: I was too busy to wipe my ass this morning.
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Overheard by: but you weren't too busy for the preceding action?
Girl: My friends are always saying I need to make a Facebook page and I'm like, "Why? I talk to you a-holes enough already!"
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Overheard by: sleeping on the job
Preteen girl #1: Boobies are just fat.
Preteen girl #2: No, they aren't. They are a special kind of fat: boobie fat.
Shout-out: www.overheardinminneapolis.com
Dude #1: Have you seen her lately?
Dude #2: Yeah, she looks great, except for the bulimia!
Dude #1: Really? She looks good?
Dude #2: Yeah, except her face looks like Skeletor.
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Overheard by: give her a sandwich
Barista at coffee shop: Can I help you, sir?
50-something man: Ah, yes. Do you have, ah, something like coffee?
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Overheard by: the man with the mohawk
Irate mother: No, you don't understand. I need to board that plane now!
Stewardess at gate: Ma'm, you cannot board now. There is no airplane at the end of the jetway. Look--no plane out there.
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Overheard by: delayed flights always make me irrational too
Very drunk male friend to very sober, pregnant, married friend: Can I phlegm on your cleavage?
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Overheard by: a connoisseur of terrible pick-up lines
Little boy looking at gorillas: You can tell that one's the dad, because he looks angry.
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Overheard by: rsp
Earnest fellow: And then I watched Scrubs, and then I watched Blade Runner, the movie. And then guess what I did?
Girlfriend: What?
Earnest fellow (proudly): I organized my receipts.
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Overheard by: the girls by the elevator.
Nervous tattooed boy: I mean, your face is really really beautiful, though.
Bored pretty girl, nodding: Yeah, that's true.
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Overheard by: invisiblepilot
Guy #1: Seriously, that girl has a mouth the size of a dinosaur.
Guy #2: What kind of dinosaur?
Guy #1: A big-mouthed dinosaur.
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Overheard by: he could have said any noun
One of three bros, ordering a cake: And could you make it say, "Sorry we stole your car"?
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Overheard by: cake fixes all problems.
Woman, purchasing dog treat: Is this beef or pork?
Cashier: It says right here, it's 100% beef.
Woman: Oh good, I don't eat pork.
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Overheard by: slightly concerned.
Manly college guy to friends: I just like to dance my way through life.
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Overheard by: a. Lil.
Woman waiting for coffee: You know my sister is a Playboy model?
Friend: (blank stare)
Woman waiting for coffee: Yeah! She sends me the pictures. I mean, she's beautiful, but I don't wanna see that. And my brother, he looks at those!
Friend: (blank stare)
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: next in line.
60-year-old woman, spotting a friend walking towards her: Oh, fancy seeing you here!
Friend: How nice to see you! But no hugs below the waist this time.
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Overheard by: curious.
Administrator (mumbling to herself): Maybe I should just fire everyone here. (opens a drawer) Oh, here's my spoon. Okay, maybe everyone can keep their jobs.
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Overheard by: spoon.
Roomie #1: So, is your greatest strength still spooning?
Roomie #2: I told you, we're re not getting a cat!
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Overheard by: roomie numero tre.
Small child: Hey, dad, can we take the quarters out of the fountain?
Father: Not now. That's what we do after dark, when we put our ski masks on.
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Overheard by: rappeling from the ceiling for spare change.
7th-grade-boy to another: I didn't know Martin Luther King Jr. was black!
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Overheard by: scared for the future of education.
Cute, 20-something, professional woman: You know, sometimes I just really wish I knew what it's like to be slutty!
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Overheard by: chino latino
18-year-old guy #1: Dude, I hate when she sticks her fingers in my ears.
18-year-old guy #2: Wait, so that doesn't turn you on?
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: luke.
Young dude: Yeah, when I was dating her I found myself doing, like, things I didn't really want to do.
Female friend: Like?
Young dude: Like she had a really high sex drive, which, you know, is such a turn off.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: yeah, I hate having sex with people I'm dating.
Blond girl to friend: I would go out with him but I heard he was going to be deported soon.
Friend: Really? That sounds cool! Is he hot?
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: I'd go out with him too.
Man in bathroom on cell: Hang on a sec, I am going someplace quieter. (a few seconds later) Damn, hang on. I just peed on my hand.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: did they know you were in the bathroom? Ewww.
20-something girl: I don't care how much bathrooom sex he's had; he's still really, really sexy. I mean, just look at him. Sooo sexy.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: bringin sexy back
Eight-year-old boy: So, is the birthday party going to be fun?
Six-year-old girl: Yeah!
Eight-year-old boy: Who knows? It could be a disaster!
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: working hard to make it a fun party.
Girl #1: Soooooo, how did staying at his place go?
Girl #2: Well? (smiles)
Girl #1: You opened the muffin shop, didn't you?
Girl #2: Yeah, well, only for a night.
Girl #1: Seriously? I thought we said that was a bad idea.
Girl #2: And a morning. Sorry.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: Ian
Teacher: Do you have to go potty?
Two-year-old girl: I don't go potty anymore; I listen to music.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: wayzata
Elderly professor: Who's to say Brave New World is a dystopia? I mean, they just did drugs and had sex all day. That sounds like a utopia, if you ask me.
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Overheard by: unsettled.
Kid to mom: Mom, if you were Indian, I mean if we were from India and you were Indian, I bet you could teach me to cook some really yummy food.
Mom: Even if I were Indian, I would have to be someone completely different in order to be a good cook.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: jr.
Girl: You so should have tested it first.
Guy: I did! I used it on my ass the other day.
Girl: And it didn't burn?
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Overheard by: evan.
Girl to friends, walking through produce section: I have never felt so threatened by produce in all my life.
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Overheard by: laurel.
Preppy college girl to friend: She was the girl who would go down on him while lighting his bowl. She was the perfect girl for him. It's too bad she went crazy, they would have been so happy together!
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: burrhead.
Girl on cell: It's not that I don't want to get wasted. I want to get wasted. I just don't want to get fucked up, you know? So I'm not really sure what to do.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: I have that dilemma often
Slightly effeminate black man on cell: Uh-uh, child. If you're pregnant, that ain't my child. You got to talk to my brother.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: Ian
College guy #1: My penis is getting stronger!
College guy #2: What does that even mean? How do you know?
College guy #1: Cuz I can pee past the bushes now, and for a while I couldn't.
College guy #2: Niiiice!
(they high five)
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: a lil.
Guy #1: Dude, I gotta tell you about this lemon coffee cake.
Guy #2: I said no!
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: oh geeze.
Six-year-old boy: Mom! I want a cookie.
Mom: If you don't start behaving you're going to turn into a deep-fried boy on a stick at the state fair.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: Ian
Middle-aged woman: My wedding ring from my first marriage has new meaning now.
Friend: What's that?
Middle-aged woman: When I lost all that weight and it didn't fit anymore, I took it as a sign to divorce the bastard and marry Jesus Christ.
Friend: Why don't you just wear it on your toe instead?
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: good lord.
Drunk 40-year-old dude #1, standing in line for the bathroom: Well, there are four sinks. We only need two with the number of people I've seen wash their hands.
Drunk 40-year-old dude #2: Yeah. There was this one time I was peeing in the sink at home, and my wife walked in. She was pissed. Good times.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: slight overshare
Short-haired college girl to guy friend: So, is it okay if I fart in front of you?
Guy friend (pause): Well, you're gay, right? Then I guess it's okay.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: a. Lil.
Computer professor explaining design process: You can't use shortcuts until you have lots of experience, like your mom.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: I bet!
Pigtailed four-year-old girl to couple behind at checkout: Do you know me? Do you?
Tired mother: Hush, honey. They don't know you.
Pigtailed four-year-old girl: Well, they should! Know me! Don't forget me.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: that girl is going to be famous
Mom: Then I'd have to kill you.
Daughter: Why?
Mom: Because that's my job as a mother.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: glad I'm not her daughter
Very large gross woman: So, I'm gonna need a serious douching when I get home.
Friend: It's Tuesday.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: threw up in his mouth
Young man to two female friends: If we go on that ride and his underwear aren't wet at the end, I am making him trade me.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: it's a deal!
Professor: America has a terrible problem with nipples.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: tru dat?
Pained 20-something woman: Ouch! I hit myself in my already sore crotch with my overly heavy purse.
Shout-out: www.overheardinminneapolis.com
Overheard by: Dan
(at 4:30 pm)
College girl #1: Well, we could go get dinner now, but it's really early for that.
College guy: Well, it's not too early if you are old.
College girl #2: Yeah, they always start rolling into the restaurant about this time.
College girl #1: Really? I can't wait to be old!
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: I'm not in that big of a rush
Young college girl to group of boys and girls: We're already sluts cause we pants each other.
Shout-out: www.overheardinminneapolis.com
Overheard by: that's not the only reason
Middle-aged African American bus driver: So what if she is? I wear heels and I'm 5′8". I wear them to church.
Prim-looking Caucasian female passenger: Oh, but at least at church you're sitting down.
Middle-aged African American bus driver: Oh no, honey. I'm up singing and dancing. I go to a black church. We get our praise on.
Prim-looking Caucasian female passenger (after uncomfortable pause): That sounds fun.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: yes it does
Little girl to popsicle: And then I'm going to lick you and suck on you until you melt all over me.
Concerned mother: Kelly! I told you not to talk to popsicles!
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: Ian
20-something daughter: Mom, can you hand me the scissors?
Mom: Not right now, I'm doing Kegels.
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Overheard by: tara
Blonde female teen to friend: Here. I'll trade you her right boob for the left side of her crotch.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: I'm really glad I'm not her.
Construction worker #1: The only time I know you're not talking is when you're smoking or pooping.
Construction worker #2: How do you know I'm not talking when I'm pooping?
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: heard you in the porta-potty
Older woman to middle aged man walking a dog: Is that how all dogs walk?
Middle aged man: That's how *this* dog walks.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: have you never seen a dog walk before?
25-year-old man: If I don't have enough to drink, I get tired and go to sleep. It's a character flaw.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: kung pao rick.
Hot girl on cell: Um, why were your boxers in the bathroom trash can this morning? Okay, well, from now on throw them away in the dumpster and maybe, I don't know, wipe before you decide to do lunges?
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: you could do better
Wannabe cowboy on cell: Dude, I gotta tell you about my STD from the silent film era! (long pause) Okay, ready? Okay: I made out with a chick who was 52 years old!
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: hope she had a charlie chaplin mustache
Nurse: How are the bowel movements?
Patient: Define "bowel movements."
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: Not a Dr
Young professional girl: He's cute. But then again, lately I think every guy is cute.
Friend: Are you ovulating?
Young professional girl: No. I think I'm just desperate.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: Sigh. Me too.
Fat guy: (moans)
Woman: You alright?
Fat guy: I just feel...
Woman: Yeah?
Fat guy: I feel fat this morning.
Woman: Well, you shoulda eaten something. You should eat more!
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: orly.
Middle-aged dude #1: You should petition the State High School League to make killing with porcupines a sport.
Middle-aged dude #2: Yeah, with the quills and everything.
Middle-aged dude #1: Exactly! That's what I'm saying.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: I grabbed my blackberry as soon as I heard it.
Guy #1: You smell like urine.
Guy #2: Good!
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: time for a shower?
Teenage boy surrounded by girls: So, do you guys play the penis game?
(awkward silence)
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: no, I don't
Redhead gay in short shorts: Did you ever imagine yourself falling in love with a ginger vegetarian?
Smoking gay in short shorts (taking drag from cigarette): Not in a million years.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: Ian
Woman on phone: No dad, the Democratic congress is probably not affecting the cancer rate. No, a Democratic president will probably not make cancer rates worse.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: me!
Man, rolling down window after being cut off in traffic: Motherfucker, you're lucky I'm listening to Journey!
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: anyway you want it.
Pissy gay man: I don't like The Onion. They just make up all their stories. It's not the real news.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: that's sort of the point
Drunk man to girlfriend: So, it's like Swiss cheese, okay? All the women I've ever slept with are like Swiss cheese.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: wow, where do you pick up girls?
Female suit to another: So...how do we do things that make it look like we're doing things?
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: corporate America, we have a problem
Professor: As you can see, I don't take breaks. So if you have to go smoke a marijuana cigarette or go have sex in the bathroom, just go ahead.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: see ya
Receptionist to executive assistant: ...so in conclusion, I got peed on...by a taxi driver...who I dated.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: Ian
Woman: So, we didn't check the restaurants to see if they had a dress code, so we couldn't eat anywhere because you had to wear pants.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: sxoidmal
Lady in late twenties to male companion: Where is my list of ugly people?
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: someone who would like to read that list