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But This Place Doesn't Sell Rolling Paper
Teenage girl: How about a duke shot glass?
Friend: How old is your brother?
Teenage girl: 12.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: start em young
Categories: Age and ageing | Drinking & drunks | Family ties | Girls | Overheard in Minneapolis | Posted 2011-08-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Here, Try This Adorable Thong.
Mother to child in the girl's clothing aisle: No, you're not wearing a padded bra; you're six!
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: me
Categories: Age and ageing | Clothes | Moms | Overheard in Minneapolis | Parenting | Posted 2011-06-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Lassie "E! True Hollywood Story" Was Too Controversial for TV
40-something suit: You know how sometimes you can love a dog so much it's, like, illegal?
40-something woman: (looks at him blankly)
40-something suit: You know? So that it's, like, illegal?
40-something woman, looking straight ahead: Umm, let's look at Halloween candy.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: I love my dog, but not that much
Categories: Animals | Candy | Overheard in Minneapolis | Relationships | Suits | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2011-06-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What? I'm an Adult in the Eyes Of the Church!
Newly confirmed 15-year-old: Man, hangovers suck.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: Ian
Categories: Drinking & drunks | Feelings | Overheard in Minneapolis | Philosophy | Teens | Posted 2011-06-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Not As Much As Spencer from The Hills, But Close.
20-something girl: You know, slavery just bugs me.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: just a bug
Categories: Feelings | Girls | Gripes | Overheard in Minneapolis | Philosophy | Posted 2011-06-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Will You Put Your Hand Down My Pants?
Guy: I will get you anything you want, and I mean anything, if you walk back from lunch with your hand down my pants.
Girl: But we are already walking back from lunch, silly.
Guy: Starting now, if you walk back with your hands down my pants, I will get you anything.
Girl: Anything?
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: really?
Categories: Girls | Guys | Offers and requests | Overheard in Minneapolis | Questions | Sex | Posted 2011-06-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Also Why Aaron Burr and Alexander Hamilton Dueled
Bro #1: So, how did the fight start?
Bro #2: Who knows, something about some guy's girlfriend getting pissed on.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: looks like R. Kelly is making his rounds.
Categories: Frat boy types | Overheard in Minneapolis | Pee | Questions | Violence | Posted 2011-06-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The One Advantage to Growing Up Next to a Nuclear Power Plant
Drunk man: I just really want a fucking vagina!
Drunk woman: Like sparkly pink neon!
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: I'm sure you do
Categories: Drunks | Overheard in Minneapolis | Vagina | Weirdness | Wishes | Posted 2011-06-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Was Like, "You're Skirting the Issue Again, Mom."
Boy: So I said, "No, I'm not gonna do that! I wanna go to science camp!" (unintelligible) So, then she threw down her skirt and ran away.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by:
Categories: Clothes | Gossip | Guys | Overheard in Minneapolis | Science | Posted 2011-06-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Seems to Be a Common Theme
Girl to friend, while going to the bathroom: During that time of the month, I pee out of my butthole.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: weird, I normally just sneeze out of my eyes
Categories: Ass | Girls | Overheard in Minneapolis | Pee | Weirdness | Posted 2011-05-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We'll Admit It: We Laughed.
Unhappy girl: He left and said he couldn't work on the project because he had stuff he had to do.
Aggravated friend: But he left with his girlfriend? Stuff, my ass!
Calm friend: I'm sure that's what his girlfriend said.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: is that sanitary?
Categories: Etiquette | Friends | Overheard in Minneapolis | Questions | Sex | Posted 2011-05-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Then the Wii Had to Come Along and Confuse Everything
Woman on phone: Yeah, well, as you get older, it's less manual labor and more electronics!
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: am I taking this the wrong way?
Categories: Age and ageing | Compare and contrast | On the phone | Overheard in Minneapolis | Technology | Women | Posted 2011-05-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Unless You Know Something About Louis Pasteur That I Don't
Middle-aged woman, on sex offenders: Those people should just be pasteurized.
Teen daughter: Pasteurized?
Woman: Yeah, you know. Pasteurized.
Daughter: No, mom. I don't think that's what you mean.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: that might be just as effective
Isn't That a Song from Rent?
Guy #1: Yeah, getting crabs would suck.
Guy #2: Totally. But Aids would suck worse. There's no shampoo for Aids.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: too soon? I think so
Categories: Feelings | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Overheard in Minneapolis | STDs | Posted 2011-02-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm So Glad We Can Talk Like This
Girl #1, sitting on couch: I hate it when people sit on chairs that are facing me. It's irritating.
Girl #2: Yeah, I hate it too. There are other places they can sit.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: girl sitting on chair facing you
Categories: Character | Feelings | Girls | Gripes | Overheard in Minneapolis | Posted 2011-02-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Watched the Baby Play with a Plastic Bag
Office building tenant: Oh, and I just wanted to let you know there was a fire in the dumpster last week. I looked for the security guard in the building, but couldn't find him. I didn't know who else to notify, so I just went home.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: how about 911?
Categories: Character | Guys | Overheard in Minneapolis | Philosophy | Stupidity | Posted 2011-02-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
She Always Comes Through in the Clench
Roommate #1: But if she has a denty-face?
Roommate #2: Well, that has no bearing on her sphincter.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: roommate #3
Categories: Ass | Friends | Overheard in Minneapolis | Questions | Vagina | Posted 2011-01-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What Do You Mean You're Bringing Potato Salad Instead?
African-American man on phone: Well, now, you just bring your hair... and you be on your way.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: serial forgetter of hair
Categories: Black people | Hair | Offers and requests | On the phone | Overheard in Minneapolis | Weirdness | Posted 2010-12-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Ever Since I Realized I Can Get My Legs Behind My Head
College girl: You would be amazed by what I can do with the English language.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: and what else can you do?
Categories: Bragging | Education | Overheard in Minneapolis | Students | Stupidity | Posted 2010-12-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Just a Little Trick I Learned Working on the Senate Floor
Male friend to female friend: Yeah, I've found that when they start to get out of hand you just put a little whiskey on the nipple.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: context, please?!
Categories: Body parts | Friends | Overheard in Minneapolis | Sex | Weirdness | Posted 2010-12-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And, to Be Fair, I Borrowed Them from Some Girl on the Bus
Girl #1: So, I wore your underwear the other day.
Girl #2: Well, at least they were clean. I just washed them.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: mitch
Categories: Education | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Overheard in Minneapolis | Undies | Posted 2010-12-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Before My Sister Was Like, "Get Out Of My Room!"
Bearded college guy: I almost saw a high school girl's vagina today!
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: a. lil
Categories: Bragging | Overheard in Minneapolis | Sensory experiences | Students | Vagina | Posted 2010-12-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Especially Not About a Peanut Being Neither a Pea Nor a Nut
Six-year-old boy in coffee shop: Mom! I did not come here to talk!
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: he's got an agenda
Categories: Family ties | Kids | Language barrier | Overheard in Minneapolis | Parenting | Posted 2010-12-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Or Renée Zellweger?
Drunk Asian kid entering kitchen at party: I just went to use the bathroom, but there was some weird Asian girl waiting outside the door.
Sober, bitter girl: Are you sure it wasn't just a mirror?
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: bitter girl's roommate
Categories: Asians | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Girls | Overheard in Minneapolis | Questions | Stupidity | Posted 2010-12-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Is It Wrong That We Kinda Do?
Drunk girl: So, I wrote a folk song about Christopher Reeves. Post-paralysis, pre-death. So, it's not quite as depressing. Wanna hear it?
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: uhhh yes
Categories: Drunks | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Overheard in Minneapolis | Singing | Weirdness | Posted 2010-12-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Pepper Spray Exists.
Man to bundled up girl who sat down ten minutes before: Whoa, whoa, whoa! You're a lady? I mean, when you sat down, I totally thought you were a man. I can see you're a lady now, but I could've sworn...
Girl: Uhmmm... Yeah, thanks.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: Ian
Categories: Clothes | Gender issues | Guys | Overheard in Minneapolis | Weirdness | Posted 2010-12-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Have You Tried Polygamy Barn?
30-something woman to employee: Hey, do you have those long jean skirts here? You know, the kind that polygamists' wives wear.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: a. lil
Categories: Clothing | Employees | Family ties | Overheard in Minneapolis | Relationships | Women | Posted 2010-10-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And the Most Space-Effective
Lady at table of discount clothing to guy browsing through sweatshirts: Yeah, Japanese-made condoms are really the most reliable.
Guy: Mmm-hmm.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: woefully uninformed
Categories: Compare and contrast | Condoms | Customers | Overheard in Minneapolis | Shopping | Posted 2010-08-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Eventually He Struggles to the Surface and We All Breathe a Sigh Of Relief
80-something lady to another: I saw Bertie and his lady friend at the state fair. Yes, she's a large woman, tall and quite big. I mean, you could say that about a lot of people, but she's very large. When she hugs him, it's all lady and no Bertie!
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: poor bertie!
Categories: Gossip | Old folks | Overheard in Minneapolis | Relationships | Posted 2010-04-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Was Hoping for at Least Some Vomit
Depressed man to friends, while eating corn-on-the-cob: You know, this is just upsetting. I spent $180 today, and all I'll have to show for it is a really large shit.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: suddenly a little less hungry
Categories: Feelings | Food | Guys | Overheard in Minneapolis | Posted 2010-04-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Whomever It Is, Thank You!
Drunk sorostitute to group of friends: I'm getting boned in the butt! Who's boning me in the butt?
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: pob
Categories: Ass | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Overheard in Minneapolis | Sensory experiences | Sex | Sorority types | Posted 2010-04-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Can't You Just Tether It to Your Wheelchair?
Suave dude on cell: Shut up, grandma! Your fridge isn't that heavy!
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: at least I'm nice to my grandma
Categories: Family ties | Jerks | On the phone | Overheard in Minneapolis | Stupidity | Posted 2010-04-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Suppose He'll Object to Playing with a White Ball?
Skinny Asian kid buying 24-pack of Keystone Light, to friend: I dunno man. I've never played beer pong against a black dude before.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: Ian
Categories: Asians | Drinking & drunks | Games | Overheard in Minneapolis | Race | Violence | Posted 2010-04-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The World's Shortest Infant-Care Book
Tan, blonde, 40-something woman: Just stick 'em on your nipples, it'll be okay.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: perplexed chai drinker
Categories: Advice | Nipples | Overheard in Minneapolis | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2010-04-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
On the Plus Side, We Got Free Flavored Condoms!
Doting, nervous mom: Honey! How was your first day of kindergarten?
Blond little boy, sounding disappointed: My teacher is really thrilled about safety.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: does that mean scissor juggling is out?
Categories: Education | Kids | Moms | Overheard in Minneapolis | Questions | Posted 2010-04-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Now Stop Complaining and Start Handing Out Apples
Target employee to another: The way the store is set up is to make the child misbehave and be tempted.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: hilary!
Categories: Employees | Kids | Overheard in Minneapolis | Shopping | Posted 2010-03-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And the Utter Decimation, but Whatever.
50-something suit at brunch: The South was a backwards place until air conditioning. That's what allowed them to advance as a people. Now, these hurricanes come and knock out their power. That's why they have so many problems during these storms.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: didn't know ac saved south
My Contract Doesn't Permit Me to Draw Any Conclusions
Guy with chocolate bars: Are these really two for two dollars?
Wal-Mart cashier: All I know is they're a dollar each.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: ellie.
Thank Goodness I Got the Rollover Slut Plan
College girl on cell: So, it's all good? Cause I'm just re-using the same guys over and over! My number doesn't go up!
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: just eating my pizza
Categories: Bimbettes | On the phone | Overheard in Minneapolis | Questions | Sex | Posted 2010-03-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's Bad Enough the Devil's After Me for That French Manicure
Impassioned college girl: When will the gods stop punishing me for cutting my own bangs?!
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: this too shall pass?
Categories: Beauty | Girls | Hair | Overheard in Minneapolis | Religion | Posted 2010-03-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Almost Finished Whittling My Wooden Shoes!
Guy to friend: So, this weekend I was going to go down to Chicago to riot, beat people up, and break shit, but I realized I would have missed my dutch class on Monday, so I thought it would be a bad idea.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: shiggity shaft
Categories: Guys | Overheard in Minneapolis | Time Management | Violence | Posted 2010-03-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
In the Future, Could You Get My Order Right?
Man at bar: Except it wasn't gin and tonic, it was gin and sex.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: Ian
Categories: Compare and contrast | Drinking & drunks | Guys | Overheard in Minneapolis | Sex | Posted 2010-03-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Building the Giant Freeze-Ray Will Probably Take Most Of the Morning
20-something man: Oh, man, we've got a really full day tomorrow. We have to freeze all that tomato sauce we made.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: Jon
Categories: Food | Guys | Jobs & Careers | Overheard in Minneapolis | Time Management | Posted 2010-03-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Some Mothers Get Left at Wal-Mart
Daughter: I hate it when things don't have a price on them.
Mother: Oh, how much is it?
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: another tired mother
Categories: Gripes | Moms | Overheard in Minneapolis | Shopping | Stupidity | Posted 2010-03-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And It's Not So Much "Pick Up" As "Break Out"
Little girl pointing to City Hall: That's where we pick up daddy!
Mom: No, it's across the street at the jail.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: not good
Categories: Crimes | Family ties | Kids | Moms | Overheard in Minneapolis | Parenting | Posted 2010-02-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Just When You Thought Human Sexuality Was Complicated Enough, Cloning Arrived.
Girl in debate to two guys at her table: But that doesn't make it gay. You're still having heterosexual sex, but you're just doing it next to yourself.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: true
Categories: Compare and contrast | Girls | Guys | Overheard in Minneapolis | Sex | Sexuality | Posted 2010-01-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Or High School Guidance Counselor.
Blonde girl to boyfriend: I think I'd make a good drug addict.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: uhh
Categories: Couples | Drugs | Jobs & Careers | Overheard in Minneapolis | Posted 2010-01-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'll Stick to My Placenta Face-Cream, Thank You Very Much
Male wedding-goer to female wedding-goer: Oh, you guys work here? Excellent! My sister's husband, oh, I mean my brother-in-law, sells semen. Bull semen.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: best pick-up line ever
Categories: Animals | Cum | Family ties | Jobs & Careers | Overheard in Minneapolis | Strangers | Weirdness | Posted 2010-01-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Elizabeth Bennet on Her Honeymoon
20-something woman to friend: So, that was how my morning started: waking up with a man I am not overly fond of.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: my morning started a little better
Categories: Feelings | Friends | Overheard in Minneapolis | Relationships | Women | Posted 2010-01-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Dropping Off Her Kids Again?
Older woman on phone: June* is in jail right now, but she'll be into work a little later.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: o_o
Categories: Crimes | Jobs & Careers | Old folks | On the phone | Overheard in Minneapolis | Time Management | Women | Posted 2010-01-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Now I Smell Like Paris Hilton!
Girlfriend to boyfriend, after emerging from bathroom: Hahaha! I peed on my hands!
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: that's disgusting. Really.
Categories: Couples | Hands | Overheard in Minneapolis | Pee | Restroom | Posted 2010-01-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If You Kept Up-to-Date on My Facebook Status, You'd Know
Teenage girl #1 to others in feminine products aisle: When do you douche?
Teenage girl #2: I don't know, when do you douche?
(group of teenage girls giggle hysterically)
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: personally, I prefer Thursdays
Just Until Dinner, Though.
Wannabe hipster girl: I'm anorexic!
Wannabe hipster friend: No way!
Wannabe hipster girl: No, seriously! I'm anorexic since lunch.
Wannabe hipster friend: Okay.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: the actual hipsters were way more polite
Categories: Food | Friends | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Hipsters | Overheard in Minneapolis | Stupidity | Posted 2010-01-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We're Hoping for a Muppet Baby
Middle aged female client: You aren't going to find out the sex? How are you going to know what color to paint the nursery or what kind of baby clothes to get?
Pregnant 30-something hair stylist: Oh, please, like it matters what colors I choose. People aren't going to be wondering if it's a girl or a boy, anyway; they're going to wonder if it's an animal or a baby.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: jenc17
We Were Only Growing You for the Organs, Anyway
Dad: Buddy, you have to breathe. You can't hold your breath forever.
Son: No! I'm never going to breathe again. I hate it!
Dad: Sounds good.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: kaybay
Categories: Dads | Family | Gripes | Health & Hygiene | Kids | Overheard in Minneapolis | Parenting | Should have used a condom | Stupidity | Posted 2010-01-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
In Unrelated News, Want Some Homemade Cookies?
Manager of restaurant to guy leaving restroom: I know we don't have paper towels in there. I am getting some right now.
Guy: It's okay. I never wash my hands anyway.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: that guy's girlfriend
Categories: Bosses | Guys | Hands | Health & Hygiene | Overheard in Minneapolis | Restaurants | Restroom | Posted 2010-01-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
*Facepalm*
Middle aged drunk white lady, seriously: Dude, where's my car?
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: unicorn lover
Categories: Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Overheard in Minneapolis | Questions | Whiteys | Women | Posted 2010-01-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Minneapolis Does Its Public Service Announcements a Bit Differently
Guy on bike to random guy: Hey, do you know where Saint pedophilia is?
Random guy: Where?
Guy on bike: Saint pedophilia. It's a Catholic church by Saint Thomas where the priests molest little boys and turn them into homosexuals. (bikes away)
Random guy, stunned: What the fuck was that?
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: well, that was odd
Categories: Christianity | Kids | Overheard in Minneapolis | Questions | Sex | Sexuality | Strangers | Weirdness | Posted 2010-01-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Do I Know You?
Guy on crowded bus to friend: My undies are going to smell like Mexican food for a day and a half.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: I don't want to know
Categories: Bus | Compare and contrast | Food | Friends | Guys | Overheard in Minneapolis | Sensory experiences | Undies | Posted 2010-01-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
No. I Said, "Pass the Bread."
Drunk guy to drunk date: So wait, you want us to be in an anonymous relationship?
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: justarrivedtothebarsober
Categories: Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Overheard in Minneapolis | Questions | Relationships | Wishes | Posted 2010-01-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
They're All Just So Ignorant, Y'Know?
Man #1: I hate the Middle East.
Man #2: Yeah. We should just nuke that island.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: amazed and frightened
Categories: Geography | Gripes | Guys | Overheard in Minneapolis | Violence | Posted 2009-12-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Hides It under All the Ruffles
Woman, pointing to dress: That's nice and flowy. Not for me, but totally something Christine would wear.
Friend, indifferent: Oh yeah, Christine.
Woman: She throws up her food, though.
Friend, trailing off: Oh yeah, that's right.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: alexis
Categories: Clothes | Clothing | Food | Friends | Health & Hygiene | Overheard in Minneapolis | Women | Posted 2009-12-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Pretty Sure Dead Cow Is My Spirit-Animal
Coworker #1: Our courageous leader tells me our people have fallen on hard times and though the metaphorical rain may fall, our perseverance will prevail, and triumph will soon be ours.
Coworker #2: Weird, dude. Hey, wanna order Jimmy John's with me?
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: coworker #3
Categories: Coworkers | Food | Offers and requests | Overheard in Minneapolis | Religion | Weather | Posted 2009-12-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Before Church.
Middle aged woman with grandchildren, at 11:30 am: I just took the kids out to breakfast and now I need to go home and have me a Jack Daniels.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: Les
Categories: Drinking & drunks | Family ties | Food | Kids | Overheard in Minneapolis | Women | Posted 2009-12-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Strip Poker Has Sure Changed a Lot Since I Was in College
Girl to friends: I always win, though... and it's pretty easy. I just hit him until he takes it off.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: disturbed onlooker
Categories: Friends | Girls | Overheard in Minneapolis | Violence | Weirdness | Posted 2009-12-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Even If You Just Need Someone to Take the Minutes
Man talking loudly on cell: Hey, I heard you have a threesome set up for Saturday! (pauses) Would it be alright if I joined?
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: I hope he is referring to golf
Categories: Guys | Offers and requests | On the phone | Overheard in Minneapolis | Sex | Posted 2009-12-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
According to This Algorithm.
Man: I'm too old for overnight adventures.
Woman: You're too married.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: garage girl #1
Categories: Age and ageing | Family ties | Guys | Overheard in Minneapolis | Women | Posted 2009-12-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Since HR Told Him He Had to Start Giving Us Warnings
Call center girl to coworker who just hung up: Did he tell you he was going to come over here and rub one off?
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: keep him away from my potato salad
Categories: Coworkers | Masturbation | Overheard in Minneapolis | Questions | Posted 2009-12-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
This Time I Promise Not to Cheat in Front Of You
Crazy woman on cell: Yeah, you know, I just... I really think we're meant to be together. I can't stop thinking about you. I mean I feel bad I lost you... (brief pause) but I mean I saw this psychic and she said we're totally meant to be, so yeah... (pause again) Well, I mean if you don't care that I slept with so many guys while we were together, maybe we could try again?
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: aiden
Categories: Crazies | Feelings | Infidelity | Magic | On the phone | Overheard in Minneapolis | Posted 2009-12-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Deleted Scene from The Neverending Story
Girl: Good luck with that. You'll end up with barbed wire embedded in your genitals if you go there on foot. And I'll say I told you so.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: Jon
Categories: Balls | Girls | Overheard in Minneapolis | Threats | Posted 2009-12-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's What Your Novel's About?
Man eating with his family: So when she took her home pregnancy test, she accidentally peed all over the counter. When he confronted her, she lied about it, and also told him she wasn't pregnant. But then my sister told him that she was actually pregnant.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: just trying to enjoy my meat scrambler
Isn't That a Little Advanced for Ninth Grade Biology?
Woman: So, now they're testing for incest.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: Me
Categories: Family ties | Overheard in Minneapolis | Science | Sex | Women | Posted 2009-12-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Disposed Of Her Along with the Tree
Woman to companion, while waiting for bus: So, it was really lucky that grandma died on Christmas, because we just drove down and went from there. Otherwise, we would have had to drive down twice.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: ...you're kind of a bitch
Categories: Death & dying | Family ties | Feelings | Overheard in Minneapolis | Women | Posted 2009-12-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Way Too Shallow to Date a Bald Guy.
Young woman on cell: Who is this? (pause) He is my baby, not my boyfriend! I told you that. (short pause) What's wrong with you?
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: yikes!
Categories: Family ties | On the phone | Overheard in Minneapolis | Questions | Relationships | Women | Posted 2009-12-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
A Nightmare I Thought Had Ended in the Mid-90's
Mother: Hey, you could get a job at Build-A-Bear.
Exasperated daughter: No I couldn't, they have to wear khaki pants and denim shirts.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: what?s wrong with that?
Categories: Clothes | Family | Jobs & Careers | Moms | Overheard in Minneapolis | Parenting | Posted 2009-12-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Which Has a Built-In Polygraph
Teen, trying to convince friends: He wasn't lying! It was on Facebook!
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: the usher
Categories: Friends | Internet | Lies | Overheard in Minneapolis | Teens | Posted 2009-12-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Are You Even Here, Mary Anne?
Teen to friend at urinal: How many people do you think have whacked off into this urinal?
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: seriously?
Categories: Friends | Masturbation | Overheard in Minneapolis | Questions | Restroom | Teens | Posted 2009-12-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Such Small Portions!
50-something woman: Fine by me! How much cocaine can you even buy for $180 bucks? Probably only, like, a gram. (long pause) Ya know, that's the problem with drugs these days. They are so expensive.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: her niece
Categories: Drugs | Money | Overheard in Minneapolis | Questions | Women | Posted 2009-12-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So We're Giving Him My Anal Fisting Videos and Hoping He Can Extrapolate
Middle-aged man: So the other day my friend asked me to borrow some porn tapes. He said he needed to teach his son about the birds and the bees.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: the wirled
Categories: Birds | Education | Guys | Insects | Kids | Offers and requests | Overheard in Minneapolis | Parenting | Porn | Posted 2009-12-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Spoken Like Someone Who's Never Seen Mr. Wrong
Teen girl on cell: Cuz you're not a lesbian fan, and I like lesbians. They're funny.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: um...
Categories: Compare and contrast | On the phone | Overheard in Minneapolis | Sexuality | Teens | Posted 2009-12-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Asked the Purple Monkey in the Corner, and Even He Didn't Know.
Man: I just had a dream where I was stoned, and when I woke up, I couldn't tell if I was stoned or not.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: jfa
Categories: Drugs | Guys | Overheard in Minneapolis | Sensory experiences | Stupidity | Posted 2009-12-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Like How to Talk Out Of Your Butte
Freshman #1, reading from textbook: Butte. What is a butte exactly?
Freshman #2: A fancy way to say "butt."
Freshman #1: God, you learn so much at college.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: kbay
So We Can Throw Stones, or What?
Slightly confused woman to tour guide of a greenhouse: So, why did they put all of these windows in here?
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: um?
Categories: Employees | Overheard in Minneapolis | Questions | Stupidity | Women | Posted 2009-12-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Though Every Drunken Brawl Is Like a Snowflake.
Female college student: My new thing is going to bed at a decent time when I have class in the morning.
20-something college dropout: My new thing is binge drinking every day. But I guess that's not really new.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: passing out at a decent hour
Categories: Comebacks | Compare and contrast | Drinking & drunks | Education | Overheard in Minneapolis | Students | Time Management | Posted 2009-12-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And You Know the Company Bylaws
Male Wal-Mart employee to female coworker: Come on, what's your problem? (smiles at her)
Female coworker: I can't smile. I work here.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: A. Lil
Categories: Coworkers | Jobs & Careers | Overheard in Minneapolis | Questions | Posted 2009-12-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If You've Never Been Forced to Go to Bible Camp, You Can't Judge.
Woman to friend: And her therapist is saying she doesn't need any more therapy sessions. I mean, she was cutting herself at camp a only month ago!
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: not appropriate in the hardware store
Categories: Friends | Mental illnesses | Overheard in Minneapolis | Violence | Weirdness | Posted 2009-12-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And a That's So Raven Thermos!
Mom to preteen son: If you don't straighten up your act, I'm sending you back to school with all Hannah Montana notebooks!
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: that'll teach him
Categories: About celebrities | Education | Kids | Kids | Moms | Overheard in Minneapolis | Parenting | Threats | Posted 2009-12-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And She Didn't Even Know Its Name
Guy to others: I heard she once open-mouth kissed a horse.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: walking down the hall.
Categories: Animals | Gossip | Guys | K-I-S-S-I-N-G | Overheard in Minneapolis | Weirdness | Posted 2009-11-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Were Conceived Right Here in Aisle Four
Father to three-year-old daughter, after she took her shirt off: Just like your mother.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: is that how you met her?
Categories: Clothes | Compare and contrast | Dads | Family ties | Kids | Kids | Overheard in Minneapolis | Parenting | Posted 2009-11-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Did He Ever Think That Some Of Us Wanted to Be Left Behind?
Five-year-old little boy to grandmother: If I ever meet George Bush, I'm going to kick him in the balls.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: trying not to laugh parent
Categories: Balls | Family | Glad the condom broke | Kids | Overheard in Minneapolis | Politics | Threats | Posted 2009-11-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Don't Worry - I Left My Pocket Knife at Home.
Three-year-old boy to mom, noticing police officers nearby: Don't do anything bad while you're here. Okay, mom?
Mom: Okay.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: an amused barista.
Categories: Crimes | Kids | Kids | Moms | Offers and requests | Overheard in Minneapolis | Parenting | Weirdness | Posted 2009-10-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Which Directly Contradicts My Anthropology Thesis
Girl: Sometimes I like to look at pictures of deaf people online. They don't look any different!
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: Ian
Categories: Girls | Health & Hygiene | Internet | Overheard in Minneapolis | Stupidity | Posted 2009-10-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
He Asked Me on a Date!
Guy: I decided I would do a little social experiment. So I went to the gas station and bought a chocolate muffin and sat down outside the door. Then this guy passed me, so I shoved the muffin in my mouth and started singing "What if God Was One of Us," with little pieces of the muffin falling out of my mouth. It was great.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: julie
But I Draw the Line at Moving to Seattle
White cube farmer to another: Chicks don't like dudes with umbrellas. They like wild and crazy guys who aren't afraid of getting their hair wet.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: alexis
Categories: Advice | Compare and contrast | Gender issues | Hair | Overheard in Minneapolis | Stupidity | Whiteys | Posted 2009-10-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
JC Penney Bra Catalogs, on the Other Hand...
Senior boy: I have no capacity for porn!
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: I doubt that
Categories: Overheard in Minneapolis | Porn | Students | Weirdness | Posted 2009-10-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Thank God Babies Come Housebroken.
20-something pregnant girl to baby daddy: I don't think we can handle a pet.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: babies are way easier.
So Do We.
20-something girl on cell: I had the malpractice ball this last weekend. It was in the Weisman Museum... kind of lame, not a lot of space. (pause) But I didn't bring a flask this year, so it was a little conservative, definitely a limited amount of alcohol. (pause) Are you going home for Passover? (pause) Oh my, are you converting? (pause) Yeah, I want to know what this whole Jerry Springer photo thing is all about.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: burrhead
Categories: About celebrities | Drinking & drunks | Girls | On the phone | Overheard in Minneapolis | Questions | Religion | Weirdness | Wishes | Posted 2009-10-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
This Is What Fun Is, Son.
Little boy: Ewww... what's that smell?
Slightly tipsy dad: Prolly barf.
Little boy: Yuck! You're gross!
Slightly tipsy dad: What? It's a twins game. People come to get drunk, then they barf, and you smell it. That's how it goes.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: that's not why I go to twins games.
Categories: Dads | Drinking & drunks | Kids | Kids | Overheard in Minneapolis | Parenting | Questions | Sensory experiences | Posted 2009-10-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Name It "Suri Cruise"?
Girl during evolution lab in biology: So, humans came from monkeys, right? So, if two monkeys had a baby and it was a human, like, what would we do with it?
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: we would name it tarzan.
I Promised My Mom
Girl with friends walking by my door: No, no... sixteen! Sixteen is the age to get pregnant.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: Did I miss something?
Categories: Advice | Age and ageing | Friends | Girls | Overheard in Minneapolis | Pregnancy | Stupidity | Posted 2009-10-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Sometimes They Play Backup with Paperclip Castanets
Clarinet girl: I have, like, this fetish with office supplies, especially the electric stapler.
Friend: Oh my god! What?
Clarinet girl: Yeah, sometimes my roommate and I dance with it. And the boys above us creep at our window.
Friend: Oh... interesting.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: Glad I don't live near them... And glad I wasn't stuck with either of them as a roommate.
At Least He Only Wanted My Clothes.
Teen to friends: Yeah, as if getting mugged isn't bad enough, it's even worse when the dude is naked.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: jfa.
Categories: Compare and contrast | Friends | Overheard in Minneapolis | Teens | Violence | Weirdness | Posted 2009-09-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Unless You Could Find Some Cute Coveralls
Blonde teenage girl #1: If I don't get asked to prom I might just drop out of school and become a mechanic.
Blonde teenage girl #2: I know... that would suck.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: high school
Categories: Education | Girls | Insults | Jobs & Careers | Overheard in Minneapolis | Teens | Posted 2009-09-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Then They Told Me There'd Be Free Lunch
Incredulous girl: They wanted me to do jury duty. I told them I ain't no snitch!
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: that doesn?t make sense.
Categories: Comebacks | Crimes | Girls | Overheard in Minneapolis | Posted 2009-09-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Is That What This Is?
Male patron, hitting on girl at bar: Not gonna lie, when I get drunk, I get charming.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: friends of both
Categories: Bosses | Bragging | Drinking & drunks | Girls | Lies | Overheard in Minneapolis | Posted 2009-09-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Swear I Was Aiming for the Bed.
Hungover guy: Yeah man, so it was all good until I got so drunk that I pissed in my oven.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: hah!
Categories: Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Guys | Overheard in Minneapolis | Pee | Weirdness | Posted 2009-09-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You're the Only One Who Can See Me, Anyway.
Old guy to total stranger celebrating birthday: When you're young you can make love to six women at a time, but when you're old you can only make love to three women at a time.
Birthday man: Three women is plenty for me.
Old guy: Don't tell anyone I said that to you.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: coco
Categories: Age and ageing | Compare and contrast | Old folks | Overheard in Minneapolis | Sex | Strangers | Posted 2009-09-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Not Even the Most Awkward Thing Involving an Eight-Sided Die
Cool guy to roommate: That's not even the most awkward thing you've walked in on me doing.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: I don't even want to know.
Categories: Compare and contrast | Guys | Overheard in Minneapolis | Weirdness | Posted 2009-09-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Some Of Emily Dickinson's Later Work Fell a Bit Short
Literature substitute teacher: Did I hear that correctly? Did you say "Please don't rape me with your feelings"?
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: yep, your hearing is perfect.
Categories: Education | Feelings | Offers and requests | Overheard in Minneapolis | Teachers | Violence | Posted 2009-09-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The First Season Of The Simple Life Was Rich with Conflict
Abnormally skinny girl: I feel fat.
Normal girl: Shut up before I smother you with my muffin top.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: seward
Categories: Anorexics | Diet & weight | Feelings | Food | Girls | Overheard in Minneapolis | Threats | Posted 2009-09-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Wait-- Are Periods Supposed to Have Placentas?
Sarcastic teenage girl to mom: Guess who just got their period three days before prom!
Mom, putting hand over heart and exhaling in relief: Oh, thank god!
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: Jon
Categories: Education | Health & Hygiene | Moms | Overheard in Minneapolis | Pregnancy | Teens | Posted 2009-09-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Hold On-- Lemme Just Wipe It for Her
Annoyed lady on cell in bathroom stall: Mmm- hmmm... uh-huh, mmm-hmm, yep. Oh, before that, can you tell her to lick my ass, too?
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: I hope she?s not talking about me.
Categories: Ass | Licking | Offers and requests | On the phone | Overheard in Minneapolis | Restroom | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2009-09-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Little Pig Is Self-Conscious About Her Chinny Chin Chin
Girlfriend: I have to shave every single day.
Boyfriend: Oh, yeah?
Girlfriend: Yeah... do I have any hairs sticking out on my chin right now?
Shout-out: www.overheardinminneapolis.com
Overheard by: Ian
The Kinds Of Questions Gay People Get Asked in the Midwest
Man to friend, very seriously: Now, when you shower, do you stand up?
Shout-out: www.overheardinminneapolis.com
Overheard by: I prefer the fetal position
Categories: Douching | Friends | Overheard in Minneapolis | Questions | Stupidity | Posted 2009-08-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
As a Reward for Having Completed That Etiquette Course
Older woman with no inside voice, inside a bus on rush hour: I want a diamond about as big as a horse turd.
Shout-out: www.overheardinminneapolis.com
Overheard by: bleep
Categories: Animals | Compare and contrast | Old folks | Overheard in Minneapolis | Poop | Wishes | Women | Posted 2009-08-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Difference Between Quality and Quantity Eludes Many Americans
Pouting newlywed wife: I feel like we don't spend enough time together.
Seething newlywed husband: (grinds teeth)
Pouting newlywed wife: Enough quality time.
Seething newlywed husband: (remains silent)
Pouting newlywed wife: Would you like me to tell you what quality time is?
Seething newlywed husband: (about to speak, thinks better of it)
Pouting newlywed wife: 23 hours a day.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: good, that leaves one hour for him to think of a response
Categories: Couples | Default | Girls | Guys | Offers and requests | Overheard in Minneapolis | Questions | Relationships | Posted 2009-04-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Dude, We Warned You About This
Serious college boy to friend: I was too busy to wipe my ass this morning.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: but you weren't too busy for the preceding action?
Categories: Ass | Default | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Overheard in Minneapolis | Students | Weirdness | Posted 2009-04-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And They Were Like, "Now We Can All Poke Without Passing Around Chlamydia!"
Girl: My friends are always saying I need to make a Facebook page and I'm like, "Why? I talk to you a-holes enough already!"
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: sleeping on the job
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | Internet | Overheard in Minneapolis | Questions | Posted 2009-03-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
A Magical Fat That Slides Down Rainbows and Grants Wishes
Preteen girl #1: Boobies are just fat.
Preteen girl #2: No, they aren't. They are a special kind of fat: boobie fat.
Shout-out: www.overheardinminneapolis.com
Categories: Body parts | Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Overheard in Minneapolis | Tweens | Words | Posted 2009-02-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But Thanks to Modern Medicine, She Has Breasts Like He-Man
Dude #1: Have you seen her lately?
Dude #2: Yeah, she looks great, except for the bulimia!
Dude #1: Really? She looks good?
Dude #2: Yeah, except her face looks like Skeletor.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: give her a sandwich
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Maladies | Overheard in Minneapolis | Questions | TV shows | Posted 2009-02-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We Offer the Full Spectrum Of Coffeeness, Sir
Barista at coffee shop: Can I help you, sir?
50-something man: Ah, yes. Do you have, ah, something like coffee?
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: the man with the mohawk
Categories: Baristas | Default | Drinking & drunks | Guys | Offers and requests | Overheard in Minneapolis | Questions | Posted 2009-02-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But Here's a Coupon for a Complimentary Cavity Search
Irate mother: No, you don't understand. I need to board that plane now!
Stewardess at gate: Ma'm, you cannot board now. There is no airplane at the end of the jetway. Look--no plane out there.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: delayed flights always make me irrational too
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Employees | Moms | Offers and requests | Overheard in Minneapolis | Public Transportation | Women | Posted 2009-02-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We Talking Pecker Snot Here, Carlo?
Very drunk male friend to very sober, pregnant, married friend: Can I phlegm on your cleavage?
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: a connoisseur of terrible pick-up lines
Categories: Clothes | Default | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Friends | Guys | Overheard in Minneapolis | Questions | Weirdness | Posted 2009-02-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Dads Often Regret Not Eating Their Young
Little boy looking at gorillas: You can tell that one's the dad, because he looks angry.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: rsp
Categories: Default | Family ties | Feelings | Guys | Kids | Kids | Overheard in Minneapolis | Posted 2009-02-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...by Color
Earnest fellow: And then I watched Scrubs, and then I watched Blade Runner, the movie. And then guess what I did?
Girlfriend: What?
Earnest fellow (proudly): I organized my receipts.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: the girls by the elevator.
But It's My Cross to Bear
Nervous tattooed boy: I mean, your face is really really beautiful, though.
Bored pretty girl, nodding: Yeah, that's true.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: invisiblepilot
Categories: Beauty | Body parts | Compliments | Default | Girls | Guys | Overheard in Minneapolis | Posted 2009-02-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
She Unhinges Her Jaw Like a Python
Guy #1: Seriously, that girl has a mouth the size of a dinosaur.
Guy #2: What kind of dinosaur?
Guy #1: A big-mouthed dinosaur.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: he could have said any noun
They Later Stole the Cake
One of three bros, ordering a cake: And could you make it say, "Sorry we stole your car"?
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: cake fixes all problems.
And Fluffy's Even More Fanatical About Keeping Kosher
Woman, purchasing dog treat: Is this beef or pork?
Cashier: It says right here, it's 100% beef.
Woman: Oh good, I don't eat pork.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: slightly concerned.
I Will Now Pause to Accept Your Abuse
Manly college guy to friends: I just like to dance my way through life.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: a. Lil.
Categories: Compare and contrast | Dancing | Default | Guys | Overheard in Minneapolis | Students | Weirdness | Posted 2009-02-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And This....Surprises You?
Woman waiting for coffee: You know my sister is a Playboy model?
Friend: (blank stare)
Woman waiting for coffee: Yeah! She sends me the pictures. I mean, she's beautiful, but I don't wanna see that. And my brother, he looks at those!
Friend: (blank stare)
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: next in line.
Categories: Default | Family ties | Names | Overheard in Minneapolis | Porn | Women | Posted 2009-01-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Only Sweet, Sweet Kisses
60-year-old woman, spotting a friend walking towards her: Oh, fancy seeing you here!
Friend: How nice to see you! But no hugs below the waist this time.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: curious.
Categories: Compare and contrast | Compliments | Default | Feelings | Friends | Old folks | Overheard in Minneapolis | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2009-01-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Now Who Wants Ice Cream?
Administrator (mumbling to herself): Maybe I should just fire everyone here. (opens a drawer) Oh, here's my spoon. Okay, maybe everyone can keep their jobs.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: spoon.
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Employees | Gripes | Jobs & Careers | Overheard in Minneapolis | Posted 2009-01-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...In Unrelated News
Roomie #1: So, is your greatest strength still spooning?
Roomie #2: I told you, we're re not getting a cat!
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: roomie numero tre.
Categories: Animals | Compliments | Default | Friends | Overheard in Minneapolis | Questions | Posted 2009-01-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Every Mission Impossible Sequel Is Weaker Than the Last
Small child: Hey, dad, can we take the quarters out of the fountain?
Father: Not now. That's what we do after dark, when we put our ski masks on.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: rappeling from the ceiling for spare change.
Categories: Dads | Default | Family ties | Guys | Kids | Kids | Money | Overheard in Minneapolis | Questions | Posted 2009-01-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Rosa Parks Was Definitely Chinese Though, Right?
7th-grade-boy to another: I didn't know Martin Luther King Jr. was black!
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: scared for the future of education.
Categories: Default | Family ties | Guys | Kids | Names | Overheard in Minneapolis | Race | Posted 2009-01-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Maybe I'll Leave My Top Button Unbuttoned Today!
Cute, 20-something, professional woman: You know, sometimes I just really wish I knew what it's like to be slutty!
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: chino latino
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Overheard in Minneapolis | Sexuality | Weirdness | Wishes | Women | Posted 2009-01-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Only When She Licks Them First and Squeals, "Wet Willy!"
18-year-old guy #1: Dude, I hate when she sticks her fingers in my ears.
18-year-old guy #2: Wait, so that doesn't turn you on?
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: luke.
Categories: Body parts | Compare and contrast | Default | Guys | Overheard in Minneapolis | Questions | Sexuality | Teens | Posted 2009-01-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Wait, What?
Young dude: Yeah, when I was dating her I found myself doing, like, things I didn't really want to do.
Female friend: Like?
Young dude: Like she had a really high sex drive, which, you know, is such a turn off.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: yeah, I hate having sex with people I'm dating.
Categories: Default | Friends | Girls | Guys | Overheard in Minneapolis | Questions | Relationships | Sex | Posted 2009-01-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Some Girls Want Relationships, Others Just Want to Have Relations
Blond girl to friend: I would go out with him but I heard he was going to be deported soon.
Friend: Really? That sounds cool! Is he hot?
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: I'd go out with him too.
Categories: Default | Friends | Girls | Gossip | Overheard in Minneapolis | Questions | Relationships | Posted 2009-01-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
To Be Fair, No One's First Job Interview Goes Well
Man in bathroom on cell: Hang on a sec, I am going someplace quieter. (a few seconds later) Damn, hang on. I just peed on my hand.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: did they know you were in the bathroom? Ewww.
Categories: Default | Guys | Hands | Health & Hygiene | Overheard in Minneapolis | Pee | Weirdness | Posted 2009-01-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
He's Bringing Bathroom Sexy Back
20-something girl: I don't care how much bathrooom sex he's had; he's still really, really sexy. I mean, just look at him. Sooo sexy.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: bringin sexy back
Categories: Beauty | Compliments | Default | Girls | Overheard in Minneapolis | Sex | Sexuality | Posted 2009-01-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Tonight on Birthdayzillas
Eight-year-old boy: So, is the birthday party going to be fun?
Six-year-old girl: Yeah!
Eight-year-old boy: Who knows? It could be a disaster!
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: working hard to make it a fun party.
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | Guys | Happiness | Kids | Kids | Overheard in Minneapolis | Questions | Posted 2008-12-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And I Prefer to Call It "Putting Out the Fruit Plate"
Girl #1: Soooooo, how did staying at his place go?
Girl #2: Well? (smiles)
Girl #1: You opened the muffin shop, didn't you?
Girl #2: Yeah, well, only for a night.
Girl #1: Seriously? I thought we said that was a bad idea.
Girl #2: And a morning. Sorry.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: Ian
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | Overheard in Minneapolis | Questions | Sex | Words | Posted 2008-12-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Like "It's My Potty (And I'll Be Dry If I Want To)"
Teacher: Do you have to go potty?
Two-year-old girl: I don't go potty anymore; I listen to music.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: wayzata
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | Kids | Kids | Music | Overheard in Minneapolis | Poop | Questions | Teachers | Posted 2008-12-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
In the Same Way That Fear and Loathing... Is Utopian
Elderly professor: Who's to say Brave New World is a dystopia? I mean, they just did drugs and had sex all day. That sounds like a utopia, if you ask me.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: unsettled.
Categories: Books | Compare and contrast | Default | Drugs | Education | Feelings | Overheard in Minneapolis | Questions | Sex | Teachers | Posted 2008-12-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But Hopefully I'd Remain This Saucy
Kid to mom: Mom, if you were Indian, I mean if we were from India and you were Indian, I bet you could teach me to cook some really yummy food.
Mom: Even if I were Indian, I would have to be someone completely different in order to be a good cook.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: jr.
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Food | Geography | Kids | Moms | Overheard in Minneapolis | Posted 2008-12-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We Miss the Old Grey Poupon Ad Campaign
Girl: You so should have tested it first.
Guy: I did! I used it on my ass the other day.
Girl: And it didn't burn?
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: evan.
Michael Encounters Darth Tater
Girl to friends, walking through produce section: I have never felt so threatened by produce in all my life.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: laurel.
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Feelings | Friends | Girls | Overheard in Minneapolis | Threats | Weirdness | Posted 2008-12-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
No Wonder King Cole Isn't a Merry Old Soul Anymore
Preppy college girl to friend: She was the girl who would go down on him while lighting his bowl. She was the perfect girl for him. It's too bad she went crazy, they would have been so happy together!
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: burrhead.
Categories: BJs | Compare and contrast | Default | Friends | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Overheard in Minneapolis | Preppies | Relationships | Weirdness | Posted 2008-12-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Need a Designated Thinker
Girl on cell: It's not that I don't want to get wasted. I want to get wasted. I just don't want to get fucked up, you know? So I'm not really sure what to do.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: I have that dilemma often
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Feelings | Girls | On the phone | Overheard in Minneapolis | Wishes | Posted 2008-12-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But I'll Totally Buy the Kid Tap Shoes
Slightly effeminate black man on cell: Uh-uh, child. If you're pregnant, that ain't my child. You got to talk to my brother.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: Ian
Categories: Black people | Compare and contrast | Default | Family ties | Offspring | On the phone | Overheard in Minneapolis | Pregnancy | Queers | Posted 2008-12-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
This Physics Project Is Gonna Get Us an "A" for Sure!
College guy #1: My penis is getting stronger!
College guy #2: What does that even mean? How do you know?
College guy #1: Cuz I can pee past the bushes now, and for a while I couldn't.
College guy #2: Niiiice!
(they high five)
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: a lil.
Categories: Compare and contrast | Compliments | Default | Frat boy types | Happiness | Overheard in Minneapolis | Penis | Pride | Posted 2008-12-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Larry's Unusually Susceptible to Food Porn
Guy #1: Dude, I gotta tell you about this lemon coffee cake.
Guy #2: I said no!
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: oh geeze.
Categories: Default | Food | Guys | Offers and requests | Overheard in Minneapolis | Wishes | Posted 2008-12-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Remember What Happened to Your Sister the S'more?
Six-year-old boy: Mom! I want a cookie.
Mom: If you don't start behaving you're going to turn into a deep-fried boy on a stick at the state fair.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: Ian
Way to Ruin the Moment
Middle-aged woman: My wedding ring from my first marriage has new meaning now.
Friend: What's that?
Middle-aged woman: When I lost all that weight and it didn't fit anymore, I took it as a sign to divorce the bastard and marry Jesus Christ.
Friend: Why don't you just wear it on your toe instead?
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: good lord.
Categories: Advice | Body parts | Default | Feelings | Friends | Jesus | Overheard in Minneapolis | Relationships | Women | Posted 2008-12-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Like, "Look at All These Dishes-- What's Your Problem?"
Drunk 40-year-old dude #1, standing in line for the bathroom: Well, there are four sinks. We only need two with the number of people I've seen wash their hands.
Drunk 40-year-old dude #2: Yeah. There was this one time I was peeing in the sink at home, and my wife walked in. She was pissed. Good times.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: slight overshare
Categories: Default | Feelings | Guys | Memory lane | Overheard in Minneapolis | Pee | Relationships | Restroom | Posted 2008-12-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Don't Have to Protect the Fantasy of Your Desirability
Short-haired college girl to guy friend: So, is it okay if I fart in front of you?
Guy friend (pause): Well, you're gay, right? Then I guess it's okay.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: a. Lil.
Categories: Burping & farting | Default | Etiquette | Frat boy types | Friends | Girls | Guys | Lesbos | Overheard in Minneapolis | Questions | Relationships | Sexuality | Weirdness | Posted 2008-12-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Your Accomplishments Didn't Get You Into This School
Computer professor explaining design process: You can't use shortcuts until you have lots of experience, like your mom.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: I bet!
Categories: Advice | Compare and contrast | Default | Education | Family ties | Overheard in Minneapolis | Teachers | Posted 2008-12-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Everyone Laughed at Wendy Until Her Fast-Food Franchise Took Off
Pigtailed four-year-old girl to couple behind at checkout: Do you know me? Do you?
Tired mother: Hush, honey. They don't know you.
Pigtailed four-year-old girl: Well, they should! Know me! Don't forget me.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: that girl is going to be famous
Categories: Default | Girls | Kids | Kids | Moms | Offers and requests | Overheard in Minneapolis | Questions | Weirdness | Posted 2008-11-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Life's a Privilege, Not a Right
Mom: Then I'd have to kill you.
Daughter: Why?
Mom: Because that's my job as a mother.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: glad I'm not her daughter
Tuesday's Dingleberry-Pulling Day
Very large gross woman: So, I'm gonna need a serious douching when I get home.
Friend: It's Tuesday.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: threw up in his mouth
Categories: Default | Douching | Friends | Overheard in Minneapolis | Time Management | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2008-11-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Ballplayers' Demands Get Stranger Every Year
Young man to two female friends: If we go on that ride and his underwear aren't wet at the end, I am making him trade me.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: it's a deal!
But for a Simple $5 a Day, You Can Help Save Just One
Professor: America has a terrible problem with nipples.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: tru dat?
I Must Now Go and Tell the World My Tale of Woe
Pained 20-something woman: Ouch! I hit myself in my already sore crotch with my overly heavy purse.
Shout-out: www.overheardinminneapolis.com
Overheard by: Dan
Categories: Body parts | Default | Gripes | Overheard in Minneapolis | Sensory experiences | Women | Posted 2008-11-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Long to Feel the Pleasant Tingle of Arthritis
(at 4:30 pm)
College girl #1: Well, we could go get dinner now, but it's really early for that.
College guy: Well, it's not too early if you are old.
College girl #2: Yeah, they always start rolling into the restaurant about this time.
College girl #1: Really? I can't wait to be old!
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: I'm not in that big of a rush
Categories: Age and ageing | Default | Food | Frat boy types | Girls | Guys | Overheard in Minneapolis | Sorority types | Students | Time Management | Wishes | Posted 2008-11-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...In the Complete Absence of Underwear
Young college girl to group of boys and girls: We're already sluts cause we pants each other.
Shout-out: www.overheardinminneapolis.com
Overheard by: that's not the only reason