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Which Only Comes Into Play After Three or More Margaritas
Bartender: The answer was "The North Sea." We did not accept "Nordic" or "Norse."
Guy: But my hand has a lisp!
Shout-out: www.overheardatumbc.com
Categories: Bartenders | Guys | Hands | Maladies | Overheard at UMBC | Words | Posted 2009-06-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Spoken Like Somebody Who's Never Seen SVU
Student: There's no child out there that's like, "you know what I want today, I want to have sex with a forty-year-old man, that's what I'm really craving today."
Shout-out: www.overheardatumbc.com
Categories: Age and ageing | Kids | Overheard at UMBC | Sex | Students | Wishes | Posted 2009-06-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But We'll Learn Better Ways to Do That in This Class
Professor: At concerts, you move your head in an up-and-down motion in certain parts, also known as "headbanging." You may also be Satanic. You may or may not, or you might just to piss off your parents.
Shout-out: www.overheardatumbc.com
Categories: Evil | Family ties | Music | Overheard at UMBC | Teachers | Words | Posted 2009-06-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
How This Is Relevant to Jane Eyre Has Yet to Become Clear
Professor: So the idea of women getting foreplay before sex often ends up being a way...
Student (cutting her off): For him to get you just wet enough so he can stick it in.
Professor: Well, I was trying to think of a more polite way to say it, but...yes.
Shout-out: www.overheardatumbc.com
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Etiquette | Foreplay | Girls | Overheard at UMBC | Students | Teachers | Women | Words | Posted 2008-10-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Guess Which One His Wife Just Tells Him Is a Law
Professor: People break laws all the time, like stop signs and oral sex.
Shout-out: www.overheardatumbc.com
Categories: BJs | Crimes | Default | Overheard at UMBC | Teachers | Posted 2008-08-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
As Demanded by the Quality of Your Recent Essays
Professor: Okay, time to get back to class.
Student: But this conversation is so rewarding.
Professor: Sorry, but some of us have to go out drinking later tonight.
Shout-out: www.overheardatumbc.com
Categories: Bringing it back to you | Comebacks | Drinking & drunks | Education | Overheard at UMBC | Students | Teachers | Posted 2008-04-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If Your Eyes Are Closed, I Assume You're Imagining Another Professor
Professor: I try to say the word "sex" at least two or three times a class to wake people up.
Shout-out: www.overheardatumbc.com
Categories: Education | Overheard at UMBC | Sensory experiences | Sexuality | Teachers | Words | Posted 2008-04-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Scissors, Ipods, Horses, Pauses...
Dude #1: Hey man, wanna go get some things pregnant?
Dude #2: Um. What? What kind of things?
Dude #1: Just stuff. Whatever we find.
Shout-out: www.overheardatumbc.com
Categories: Guys | Jerks | Leisure | Offers and requests | Overheard at UMBC | Pregnancy | Questions | Sex | Wishes | Posted 2008-04-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...You're My Mom and I'll Always Love You.
Guy talking too loudly on cell phone: Honestly, if you took a dump and smeared it all over my chest, you know, in my face and all that, I?d be fine. Actually I might not, thats pretty extreme, but you know...
Shout-out: www.overheardatumbc.com
Categories: Body parts | Cleanliness | Default | Etiquette | Feelings | Guys | On the phone | Overheard at UMBC | Weirdness | Posted 2008-04-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The French: "We're on Your Side?"
Professor: And the French, they?re only worth 2/3 of a person because, well, they?re on our side, but they don?t fight well.
Shout-out: www.overheardatumbc.com
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Education | Geography | Guys | History | Insults | Overheard at UMBC | Politics | Teachers | Posted 2008-04-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Guppy-Smuggling Is a Lost Art
Professor: You take some guppies from different populations in Trinidad, put them into little plastic bags, shove them down your pants, and smuggle them through the airport back to the lab in California. At least, that?s what we did.
Shout-out: www.overheardatumbc.com
Categories: Animals | Canadia | Colleges & Universities | Crimes | Default | Education | Overheard at UMBC | Teachers | Posted 2008-03-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But You Students Are Unwilling to Spread the Word around Campus?
Professor: Even my own mother tells people I'm a drug dealer.
Shout-out: www.overheardatumbc.com
Categories: Canadia | Colleges & Universities | Default | Family ties | Jobs & Careers | Lies | Overheard at UMBC | Teachers | Posted 2008-03-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Dress Up
Professor: The Civil War actually brought along a lot of the standardized clothing measurements that we use today, though they were much more in-depth, such as inseam in relation to knuckle-width and things like that... And, of course, they measured penis size.
Student: Why?
Professor: Well, because it's one of the things you can measure.
Shout-out: www.overheardatumbc.com
Categories: Overheard at UMBC | Penis | Students | Teachers | Posted 2007-12-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
How to Inspire a Lawsuit in One Easy Step
Professor: I will now hand back your exams... These exams are in the order of who I would most like to date.
Shout-out: overheardatumbc.com
Categories: Education | Overheard at UMBC | Teachers | Posted 2007-12-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Gonna Show Your Work?
Professor: So, what is the meatiest calculator out there?
Student: TI-89!
Professor: So, what can the TI-89 do?
Student: Calculus!
Professor: Holy shit! Integral calculus! I didn't know they could do that these days. Well, I'm gonna clutch my genitals and go hide in the corner!
Shout-out: www.overheardatumbc.com
Categories: Gadgets | Overheard at UMBC | Students | Teachers | Posted 2007-12-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You'll Note Your TAs Have Already Done So
Professor: We'll talk later in the semester about how suicide will be a better choice. Now, I don't want anyone committing suicide before the first exam, but it would be less for me to grade, so go ahead.
Shout-out: www.overheardatumbc.com
Categories: Advice | Overheard at UMBC | Teachers | Posted 2007-12-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
