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You Only Think Threesomes Are Exciting, 'til You Encounter One.
Bearded man, teaching math: ...which is gonna give you nine over nine over four, which is horribly ugly. Does that terrify you greatly? It should.
UW Rock County
Janesville, Wisconsin
Overheard by: Akuaku
She Always Comes Up with the Best Gifts for an Old Fart.
Woman: My mom was in the hospital with brain cancer. Then my cousin showed up, and I asked her if she wanted to, you know, go to a craft store and get something for mom. Well, on the walk over, she... (makes farting noises). So you can imagine how upset I was.
YMCA
Beloit, Wisconsin
Categories: Death & dying | Family ties | Maladies | Offers and requests | Wisconsin | Women | Posted 2011-03-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That Rug Really Tied the Room Together.
Crazy woman on cell: Do you want that pretty rug that I found at your aunt's house? I found out why it smells like piss.
Beloit, Wisconsin
Categories: Crazies | Family ties | Questions | Sensory experiences | Wisconsin | Women | Posted 2011-03-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Trust Me
Student: The trophoblast looks like a teething ring!
Sex ed teacher: Yes. It looks like a teething ring, but it's not.
UW Rock County
Janesville, Wisconsin
Overheard by: Akuaku
It Isn't Easy Buying Green.
Guy: So I got there, and they were out of the green ones, so I had to get two of the green ones to get one of the green ones!
Nikki's Cafe
Beloit, Wisconsin
And That They're Ladies
Econ professor: Now, if you'll look to the upper-right corner of the handout, you'll see some pretty ladies. Since this handout is somewhat blurry, you can't see them very well, so you'll just have to take my word that they're pretty.
UW Rock County
Janesville, Wisconsin
...But Congratulations!
Woman: I guess it depends on the kind of tumor. A baby's kind of like a tumor, drains your body of all nutrients. It's like having an alien parasite.
UW Rock County
Janesville, Wisconsin
Overheard by: Akuaku
Categories: Body parts | Maladies | Offspring | Wisconsin | Women | Posted 2011-01-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Nothing's Sweeter Than Frozen Semen
Old broad #1: Well, you heard that they froze his semen, right?
Old broad #2, gasping: Really?
Old broad #1: Of course! I mean, Susan* would love to have more children with Thomas*, you know, but on account of the cancer, it just makes things a little difficult.
Old broad #2: That's so sweet...
Salon
Madison, Wisconsin
Your Assignment: Fill That Cavity
Sex ed teacher, drawing something in red marker: It looks like a tooth, but... (continues drawing) ...it's supposed to be a uterus!
UW Rock County
Janesville, Wisconsin
Overheard by: Aku
Categories: Education | Health & Hygiene | Teachers | Uterus | Wisconsin | Posted 2010-11-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What Is This, Degrassi?
Female student: Uh... I think we left off on the hymen.
Sex ed teacher: Oh, we're going there.
Janesville, Wisconsin
...With My Hand Down My Pants Like This.
English teacher to class: Apostrophes and semicolons really turn me on.
Class: (horrified silence)
English teacher, to self: Maybe I shouldn't have said that.
High School
Wisconsin
I'm Afraid Beer Had Me
Hobo, surrounded by EMTs and police: Hocus pocus!
Officer: Sir, have you been drinking?
Hobo: Hocus pocus!
Officer: Have you had anything yummy, like beer?
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Overheard by: nathans
Take That IPad!
Teen girl #1, looking at bookmarks: Oh--I would totally read if I had a cool bookmark!
Teen girl #2: Oh, me too, for sure!
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
And It Goes "Bloop Bloop Bloop" When You Pour It
Girl: Do you want this in your coffee?
Boy: What is it?
Girl: It's half and half.
Boy: No. I don't know what that is.
Coffee Shop
Madison, Wisconsin
Overheard by: Don
Categories: Food | Girls | Guys | Offers and requests | Wisconsin | Posted 2010-08-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The High Point Of an All-Cat Theme Park
Boyfriend: Wait! Imagine... zip-lines for cats.
Girlfriend: Yes!
Stevens Point, Wisconsin
Overheard by: Hannah
Sesame Street Has, Like, Totally Opened My Eyes!
Clueless teen girl: I didn't know that New Mexico was a state, I thought it was a country!
Ditzy blonde: Ohmygod! No way!
Clueless teen girl: Yeah, I know! And did you know that "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" and "The Alphabet Song" are the same?!
Ditzy blonde: No fucking way!
High School
Wisconsin
Overheard by: Genius
All the Other Races Do It!
College girl to college guy: So you won't marry me but you'll procreate with me?
Glendale, Wisconsin
Categories: Frat boy types | Kids | Parenting | Pregnancy | Questions | Relationships | Sex | Sorority types | Wisconsin | Posted 2010-07-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
God Bless the USA!
English professor: "My wife, Bob, is pregnant." Polygamy, pregnant men, gay marriage--it's got it all!
University of Rock County
Wisconsin
Overheard by: Aku
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Pregnancy | Relationships | Sexuality | Teachers | Wisconsin | Posted 2010-06-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
On the Plus Side, When I Get There, I Can Make Pie!
20-something girl: I am so bad with directions. I can't find my way around anywhere.
20-something guy: That's because you're a woman.
20-something girl: Way to be sexist! (long pause) But yeah, you're probably right.
Cardinal Stritch University
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Gender issues | Girls | Guys | Sexuality | Wisconsin | Posted 2010-05-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Not Ready for 3D TV
Blonde, on childbirth: Well, there's blood, and there are vaginas, and both make people uncomfortable.
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Categories: Girls | Health & Hygiene | Vagina | Wisconsin | Posted 2010-05-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...We're Aiming for a Spring Wedding.
Girl #1: Jeff once told me if he didn't get laid within the first week, the relationship wasn't going to work out.
Girl #2: Oh my god.
Girl #1: Yeah, Jeff's a great guy.
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Your Editors Hate to Fly Anymore
Girl #1: A baby exploded on me today.
Girl #2: Did you just say "exploded"?
Girl #1: Yeah.
Girl #2: Ew!
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Certainly Like Life in Wisconsin
Guy: Death is a lot like life.
Girl: So I've heard.
Beloit, Wisconsin
Overheard by: I heard that too
Categories: Compare and contrast | Death & dying | Girls | Guys | Weirdness | Wisconsin | Posted 2010-04-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Now That I Can Suck My Own Nipples.
Preppy tween girl #1: So you're grounded?
Preppy tween girl #2: Worse. My mom threw away my pacifiers.
Madison, Wisconsin
For One Thing, They Haven't Been Bred Into Stupidity
Boy to girl: Do you think a zebra feels like a horse?
Girl to boy, after brief pause: I don't think they really feel like they are horses, I think they know they are different.
Zoo
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
In Wisconsin, That's a 1-900 Number
Tween boy with arm around girlfriend: So, he actually tried to use my phone to call Hitler...
Wisconsin
Tonight's Movie: Drunkventures in Babysitting
Young mother on phone: Well, tell him if he's going to stay home and get drunk by himself then he can babysit for me.
Wisconsin
Overheard by: smirkburglar
Categories: Drinking & drunks | Kids | Moms | Offers and requests | On the phone | Parenting | Wisconsin | Posted 2010-01-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Or Was That the Time I Was Temporarily Decapitated?
40-something suit #1: So you remember when I was dying of melanoma?
40-something suit #2: Is that when you couldn't go on the golf trip with the boss?
40-something suit #1: Yes, that was it!
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Overheard by: MilwaukeeBabe
Categories: Death & dying | Jobs & Careers | Leisure | Maladies | Suits | Wisconsin | Posted 2010-01-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Used to Let You Be on Top, Too
Wife to husband bagging groceries: Make sure you don't squish my bread.
Husband: You used to like it when I did that!
Waukesha, Wisconsin
It's a Slippery Slope
Concerned father, giving advice to someone else's kid: I would strongly advise against eating gum found in the bathroom.
Madison, Wisconsin
Overheard by: Amanda Postel
Like Divorce Mediation
Guy to girl wearing multi-colored cowboy scarf: You're like a rainbow bandit. It's like you're going to rob me... With niceness.
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Categories: Compare and contrast | Crimes | Girls | Guys | Wisconsin | Posted 2009-12-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Bong Hits All Around!
Professor: I have no idea how we got onto this discussion, class. Does anyone know what we're supposed to be talking about?
Class: (silence, then soft giggles from back of the room)
Professor: Well, we accomplished nothing today. But it's okay!, 'cause (raises his voice in excitement) I had fun!
Richland Center, Wisconsin
Overheard by: CollegeIsn'tSoBad
You Altar Boys Know What I'm Talking About
English professor: I know what you're thinking. Two pages! I can write that with half a bottle of whiskey in me and my hands tied behind my back!
Cardinal Stritch University
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
The R&B Hit That's Sweeping Wisconsin
Man in crowd of bar patrons leaving after last call, singing: It's ti-ime for the pizza store, it's ti-ime for the pizza store... I don't even care where we go, I just got to get some cheese on my dick. I'm just gonna stick it in. I'm serious, let's go, get that in an oven and roast it. Let's get it in an oven... and roast it like a cherry tomato.
Madison, Wisconsin
A Delight to Hear, but Generally Incomprehensible
Woman: Ireland was amazing!
Man: Do they have accents there?
Woman: Yes.
Man: Like British accents?
Woman: Like Irish accents.
Man: They have those?
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Yeah, But That's What We Thought About Sweden and Meatballs
10-year-old boy to another, watching air show performers from Canadia: Come on, any country that has its own bacon must be good.
Janesville, Wisconsin
Categories: Compare and contrast | Food | Kids | Kids | Wisconsin | Posted 2009-10-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And They Love Drinking Out Of Coke Bottles
Mother to young son: The sign says that polar bears are carnivores. That means they eat mostly plants, but will eat meat when they can find it.
Henry Vilas Zoo
Madison, Wisconsin
Overheard by: weeping for the future
Why Else Go to College?
Frat guy, after taking a hit from a blunt and smoking a cigarette: I feel like I spend the majority of my day inhaling something.
University of Wisconsin
Madison, Wisconsin
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Drugs | Frat boy types | Smoking | Time Management | Wisconsin | Posted 2009-09-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Think a Musical About the Nazis Has Been Done, Sir.
Professor to creative writing class: This is probably one of the smartest things I've ever stumbled upon in my life, so I shouldn't blow my load this early.
University of Wisconsin
Overheard by: Mixi
When Sex Ed Works Too Well.
Biology teacher: Can anyone give me an example of a parasite?
Girl: A baby!
Madison, Wisconsin
Overheard by: Tangent
Their Gary Glitter/ Al Gore Poster Became a Worldwide Sensation
Teacher: So, what would you like to put on your poster?
Third grade boy: Glitter!
Third grade girl: Gore!
Acting Class
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
They Require a Cute, Brightly-Colored Ark.
Little old lady, yelling to friend across the store: The world is flooded with Beanie Babies!
Wauwatosa, Wisconsin
Overheard by: Embarassed at how loud my friend laughed before walking away
Would Any Other Country Name Its Team "the Patriots"?
Gay Blockbuster employee: I hear the New England Patriots are going to make it to the Super Bowl this year.
Customer: Yeah, I hope. They're my favorite team.
Gay Blockbuster employee: Wait, New England... Are other countries allowed to play in the Super Bowl?
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Why Sherry Got Fired from Her Movie Critic Gig
Girl watching Christian Bale in The Dark Knight: If I had a cock I'd so fuck him in the mouth.
Racine, Wisconsin
...So I Went Shopping for You
Guy to girl: I know about women. I lived with fifteen women. I know when you're going to get your period, and I can tell your bra size just by looking.
Kenosha, Wisconsin
Porky Pig Has Some 'Splaining to Do
Mom to six-year-old: I'm not buying this whole "selective stuttering" thing.
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
And I've Been Looking to Trade Up
Skanky 20-something girl: So the crack dealer who beat me up in the third grade keeps asking me for my number.
Alterra Coffee
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Categories: Default | Drugs | Girls | Offers and requests | Restaurants | Weirdness | Wisconsin | Posted 2009-06-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's Almost As Powerful As the Care Bear Stare
English professor: Now don't think you're going to be just one big solid bloc of female voting energy because I won't stand for that.
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Or I Would If I Didn't Enjoy It So Much.
Reporter, at man's house after he hit someone at a kids' soccer game: Sir, how do you feel about your behavior?
Man, coming up to the door holding bowl of macaroni and cheese: I am ashamed. I slap my own face.
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
We're All Sick Of Hearing You Say That, Holden.
Blonde: I don't ever want to be a baby thrower, but I can't wait to be a baby catcher!
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Sex with Livestock Is a Close Second.
Professor: Apparently nothin' says lovin' in Louisiana like carving your name into the Bonnie and Clyde monument.
University of Wisconsin, Milwaukee
Overheard by: darkhorse
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Feelings | Names | Teachers | US Geography | Wisconsin | Posted 2009-05-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Then We'll Hold This Nice Man Up.
Father with two small sons dressed in Halloween costumes, walking into liquor store: Okay, guys, now pick out the kind of whiskey you want and go put it up on the counter.
Oshkosh, Wisconsin
Categories: Dads | Default | Drinking & drunks | Guys | Kids | Offers and requests | Stores | Wisconsin | Posted 2009-05-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Now Line Up!
Professor: Someone is going to take their pee and throw it at you. Yes. It is going to happen.
Parkside, Wisconsin
Or Maybe That Was the Little Asian Kid from Goonies?
Animated professor: And without the socialist revolution, to paraphrase Jar Jar Binks, "People gonna die!"
University of Wisconsin-Madison
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Death & dying | Default | Movies | Teachers | Weirdness | Wisconsin | Posted 2009-04-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Yeah, Stop Emailing Me Those Photos.
Drunk girl: Guess whose shirt I'm wearing!
Sober friend: Whose?
Drunk girl, without missing a beat: What?
(15 minutes later)
Drunk girl: I'm not even wearing a shirt!
Dorm Room
Wisconsin
Categories: Clothes | Default | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Girls | Offers and requests | Questions | Wisconsin | Posted 2009-04-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Well I Got Into the Sorority, Didn't I?
Girl to another standing outside business office: So did you smack her titties?
College Building
Wisconsin
You Can See They Have Separate but Equal Cages
Zookeeper: We have three types of penguins: Humboldt, Emperor, and Macaroni.
Small child watching zookeeper: Are there African American penguins?
Zookeeper, clearly flustered: Er...well...there are penguins from many countries and continents...
Milwaukee County Zoo
Wisconsin
Overheard by: Not a penguin racist
I'm Sure I Could Learn to Vacuum in Pearls
20-something girl, to friend: So I was reading in my magazine the other day that only 60% of American women work outside the home. I mean, that is really sad. Why can't I be part of the other 40%?
Appleton, Wisconsin
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Gender issues | Girls | Questions | Weirdness | Wisconsin | Posted 2009-03-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Your Editors Are Standing by
Literature professor: You know, eventually we're going to have to talk about the clitoris.
(class stares at him in silence) Maybe not today, but one of these days. I'm just saying.
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Overheard by: trying not to laugh
...'s Guide to Astrophysics?
Customer: Excuse me, where is your non-fiction section?
Salesgirl: What type of non-fiction are you looking for?
Customer: Harry Potter.
Bookstore
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Translation: Dad's Not Leaving Us Much
Woman to friends holding books: I finally told him, "I don't care if your father dies tonight--I am not missing book club!"
Coffee Shop
Kenosha, Wisconsin
Overheard by: a coffee gal
Categories: Books | Death & dying | Default | Family ties | Restaurants | Wisconsin | Women | Posted 2009-01-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So Failing You Would Be Against My Religion
Professor, on last day of lecture: You are all pregnant.
(students awkwardly looking around and extremely uncomfortable)
Professor: ...with your futures.
University of Wisconsin
Categories: Advice | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Education | Teachers | Wisconsin | Words | Posted 2009-01-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Or Should I Buy a Sock to Stick in It?
Whiny three-year-old: Mom! I'm hungry! I'm huuuungryyyyy!
Mother (calmly, without missing a beat): Well, you should probably shut up.
Target
Wausau, Wisconsin
...Can I Have That Back Now?
Hobo: Anyone got a dollar? I'm hungry as hell.
Fat girl: Here you go, man. (gives him a five)
Hobo: Thank you! Thank you! Now, see, because she's fat--no, I say healthy. I like my women healthy, gives me something to grab onto. Now, because she's fat, she knows I got to eat!
Fat girl: Umm...
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Categories: Default | Etiquette | Fat people | Food | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Hobos | Money | Offers and requests | Panhandling | Sensory experiences | Wisconsin | Words | Posted 2008-12-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Could I Borrow Your Pigtail for a Sec?
Strange, awkward tall guy, putting down a math magazine: I noticed that you didn't finish your pretzel cheese.
Girl across the table doing homework (mystified): No, I guess I didn't.
Strange, awkward tall guy: I was going to ask for it, but then I realized I don't have anything to dip in it.
Wausau, Wisconsin
Overheard by: It was a small pretzel
Summer's Eve Box: Have It Your Vajayway
Girl #1: So I saw you had some summer's eve in your bathroom earlier... Do you have a douche?
Girl #2: I saw that when I was in there too! It's not a douche. I looked at the box. It's just wipes.
Girl #1: Why would you need wipes?
Girl #3: You know when you eat a hamburger and have ketchup on your face, so you use a napkin to wipe it off? Well it's just like that, but it's for your vagina!
Appleton, Wisconsin
Who We Are As Kids Is Who We Are in Life
Friend #1: Do you remember when we were little and I used to show the neighbor's boys my boobs so they'd give me candy? Bet you're glad I stopped doing that!
Friend #2: What are you talking about? The only thing that's changed is your form of payment! You just finished telling everyone not two minutes ago how last week you won $200 on amateur's night when you went to the strip club with the guys!
Eau Claire, Wisconsin
Categories: Candy | Comebacks | Compare and contrast | Default | Friends | Memory lane | Money | Nipples | Offers and requests | Sexuality | Wisconsin | Posted 2008-11-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And His Cousins' Friend's Stomach Exploded from Pop Rocks
High school freshman: I once knew a guy who knew a guy who was a cyclops!
Kenosha, Wisconsin
Categories: Body parts | Default | Guys | Lies | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Students | Teens | Weirdness | Wisconsin | Posted 2008-11-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Well, Your Ice Caps Are Melting
Student: So, the only way they won't kick me out of college is if I was diagnosed with a mental problem. Do you think I can pull off bipolar?
University of Wisconsin-Eau Claire
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Education | Mental illnesses | Questions | Students | Wisconsin | Posted 2008-11-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Remember, These Are the Guys Who Treat Our Nipples Like Radio Dials
Girl #1: I wonder if there are exercises to strengthen that.
Girl #2: I know. I tried to look into it once because I can't go down that far without gagging. Is that weird? I want skill tips.
Girl #1: I just use my hand a lot so I don't have to skit it down far.
Girl #2: Okay, so I think it's because I started out with not a lot of girth, but now guys are like, "you can squeeze harder." And I'm like, "uuum...are you sure?" I feel like I"m going to break your fucking dick off.
Girl #1: Yeah. It makes it go faster. Dicks are resilient. Get violent.
Madison Children's Museum
Madison, Wisconsin
Should I Write My Number on His Hand in Crayon?
Preschooler left alone in stroller, singing, to 20-something girl walking by: Cha, cha, cha...you're charming!
20-something, on cell: I think I just got hit on by a four-year-old! No, it was actually better than most of the lines I've heard.
Appleton, Wisconsin
Categories: Age and ageing | Beauty | Compare and contrast | Compliments | Default | Girls | Kids | Kids | On the phone | Sexuality | Wisconsin | Words | Posted 2008-10-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Some Birthday Wishes Are More Complex Than Others
Girl on cell: I hope that I am never in the position where I need to ask your mother about your sister's vagina, my dear.
Wisconsin
Overheard by: Sara
Categories: Default | Family ties | Feelings | Girls | On the phone | Vagina | Weirdness | Wisconsin | Posted 2008-10-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
How to Come Out to Your Parents in One Easy Step
Dad: Oh, the menu says they have fish tacos. Have you ever had a fish taco? I've never had a fish taco.
Mom: No, I haven't. I don't think I'm going to get a fish taco.
Young daughter (under her breath): Fish tacos make me think bad things.
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Overheard by: they make me think bad things too
Bobby Has the Dullest Stream of Consciousness in Wisconsin
Little boy looking at book: Is a noun a noun? Is an adjective an adjective?
Madison, Wisconsin
Overheard by: Couch Centaur
At the Non Sequitur Quarterfinals
College guy #1: Castaway is such a good movie... except why is it called Castaway? He wasn't cast away, he was just... lost.
College guy #2: Well, I guess he was kind of cast out of society because he was lost, you know?
College guy #1: Yeah...I still don't get it. It's not like someone came up to him and was like "Hey you, I'm casting you away!"
College guy #2: Right. Hey, you know what's another really good movie? Nanook of the North. It has an igloo in it!
Camp Randall Sports Center
Madison, Wisconsin
Any Questions?
Professor: All the crazies kept moving from the East Coast to the west until they hit California. Some moved back to Oklahoma, but the rest of us just hope there's an earthquake and California floats off into the Mediterranean to become a homeland for Palestinians.
Carroll College
Waukesha, Wisconsin
Overheard by: Abbey
I Began to Feel Like a Sundae
Possibly gay barista: Caramel.
Trailer park barista: Car-mel.
Possibly gay barista: Car-a-mel.
Trailer park barista: That used to drive me nuts when I used to work here.
Robot Lodge, Wisconsin
Overheard by: Coffee Lurker
Grandma Was a Master of Disguise
20-something girl to friends: And I was like, he was my first ugly boyfriend and my first kiss, and I was like "grandma!"
Maxwell's
Cedarburg, Wisconsin
Overheard by: and i was like, what?!
Categories: Default | Family ties | Girls | K-I-S-S-I-N-G | Memory lane | Relationships | Weirdness | Wisconsin | Posted 2008-07-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Snow White Is Always Hurting the Dwarves' Feelings
Girl: Oh, as far as I'm concerned, they're just the happy little worker bees that bring me my birth control.
Madison, Wisconsin
Their Relationship's in the Crapper
Exasperated woman: I just called to say "I love you" while I had a moment to myself, okay?! Jeez! [Flushes.]
Women's Bathroom, Bay Park Square Mall
Green Bay, Wisconsin
I Drink Constantly, Though
Guy: You know, I'm usually anti-slavery... Except when I drink, then I'm all for it.
Bar
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Compare and contrast | Default | Drinking & drunks | Guys | History | Philosophy | Weirdness | Wisconsin | Posted 2008-06-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You've Taught Him Respect
Hubby: Absolute power corrupts absolutely, dear.
Wifey: It's not absolute.
Hubby: It isn't?
Wifey: No. You're not bowing.
Cashier: Ooh, I like you.
Eau Claire, Wisconsin
Overheard by: the girl with the hat
Categories: Comebacks | Compare and contrast | Compliments | Couples | Customers | Default | Employees | Hubbies | Wisconsin | Women | Posted 2008-06-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
....If There Any Left
College kid: Excuse me, what is the difference between these potato pancakes and a potato latka?
Grocery stocker: Um, I don't know what a latka is, so I couldn't tell you.
College kid: A Jewish potato pancake.
Grocery stocker: Well, those potato pancakes are German.
College kid: I wonder if a German Jew would eat them.
Sendik's Grocery Store
Grafton, Wisconsin
Overheard by: Arthur
How Jessie Got Us Arrested
[Three intoxicated college girls are walking along the street. One trips, falls, and all three laugh hysterically. An unmarked police van passes by]
Cop, yelling out of the window: Looks like three underage drinking tickets right there!
Girl #1: We're all 21!
Cop: Well, it looks like you're 4!
Girl #2: Looks like you're 37 and looking for a boyfriend!
Madison, Wisconsin
Categories: Age and ageing | Comebacks | Compare and contrast | Cops | Crimes | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Friends | Relationships | Sexuality | Sorority types | Weirdness | Wisconsin | Posted 2008-05-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If We'd Really Won, We'd Still Have Those Cool Accents
Boy holding a box of revolutionary war army men: Mom, who won this war?
Mom: Y'know, I'm not sure.
Craft Store
Wisconsin
Ha Ha, Dude Watches Oprah!
Girl: My history teacher says women are more evolved than men.
Biology teacher: And what evidence does she base this on?
Guy: Oprah?
La Follette High
Madison, Wisconsin
Overheard by: Tangent
Categories: About celebrities | Compare and contrast | Education | Gender issues | Girls | Guys | Questions | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Science | Students | Teachers | Wisconsin | Posted 2008-05-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Or A-Rod's Rod
Obnoxious 20-something chick: We went to a Yankees game and had the worst seats ever. We didn't even see Derek Jeter's ass! ... Or anyone's ass.
IHOP
Green Bay, Wisconsin
Or Mechanical Bull -- Whichever's Closest.
Drunk Texan to car with window open: Excuse me, where's the nearest brothel?
Miller Park parking lot
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
We Can Bond by Watching the Footage Together Later
Mom: A 21-year-old girl from Oshkosh died today, but they aren't saying how.
College daughter: A house blew up this morning... Well, a mobile home, actually.
Mom: And it killed that 21-year-old girl?!
College daughter: Well, no. They're unrelated. Actually, I'm just trying to upstage you... But a house really did blow up.
Appleton, Wisconsin
Categories: Compare and contrast | Death & dying | Default | Girls | Moms | Violence | Wisconsin | Posted 2008-02-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So, Why'd God Break Your Hip, Myrtle?
Old lady #1: ... And now he's crippled!
Old lady #2: Well, of course he is. That's what God does to people who get divorced.
Old lady #1: That's true.
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Overheard by: Voudou
Categories: God | Maladies | Old folks | Relationships | Wisconsin | Posted 2008-02-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
"I'm Never Babysitting for You Again!" She Said.
Guy to girls: First I kicked her, then I put a dick in her ear.
Target
Menomonee Falls, Wisconsin
Overheard by: NU Rules
Categories: Body parts | Creepsters | Penis | Sex | Violence | Wisconsin | Posted 2008-02-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
... To "Delaware"?
Proctor: What do you believe is the current state of our country?
Pageant contestant: Wisconsin. Wait... Can I change my answer?
Beauty pageant
Green Bay, Wisconsin
I'll Miss Foaming at the Mouth, Though
Teen girl: Well, I had to stop eating soap, but I'm sure I'll be fine anyways!
Madison, Wisconsin
Under the Flexible Standards of Wisconsin Law
Mom to barking, howling little boy: Stop that! Remember, you're a person!
Eau Claire, Wisconsin
Overheard by: the girl with the hat
Entertainment's Scarce During Long Wisconsin Winters
High school girl: I'm so excited! I can't wait to poop out just a little of this burrito!
Fort Atkinson, Wisconsin
Spring Break in South Beach, for Instance
Man #1: What's that bruise on your forehead from?
Man #2: Watch out for someone in diapers carrying a mallet.
Man #1: I've found that to be sage advice in multiple situations...
Wausau, Wisconsin
Dunno, It Feels Like It's Helping
Old woman: Should you really be drinking with your condition?
Young guy: What condition?
Old woman: Y'know -- the crazy and all.
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Overheard by: fregout
How God Was Feeling When He Got to the Tyrannosaurus Rex
Girl #1: I'm not a vest person.
Girl #2: You don't think I look good in this vest?
Girl #1: No, you look good, but I just don't get them. I mean, it's my arms that are cold!
Girl #2: Whatever. I'm over arms.
Madison, Wisconsin
Categories: Bimbettes | Body parts | Wisconsin | Posted 2007-12-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
While Bearded Ladies Prefer Monkey Bars
Boy to mother: If there's one thing I know about little people, it's that they love playhouses.
ShopKo
Eau Claire, Wisconsin
Overheard by: Andre
Oh, Sweetie, That's Part of Adult Swim
Little girl: Yay! It's time for our swim vulvalations!
Wisconsin
Overheard by: Nic
And That's When I Got the Idea, Your Honor
Teacher: Are you guys understanding this?
Class: [Stares blankly.]
Teacher: It feels like I'm taking my clothes off.
Class: What?
Teacher: I meant that this is disturbing.
Kenosha, Wisconsin
I'm Not Sure That Belongs on Our Meeting Agenda, Ted
Dude: In grade school I would always pretend that there was someone chasing me when we had to get timed for the sprint. I thought it would make me run faster. It didn't.
Wausau, Wisconsin
Hard As a Rock -- and I Owe It All to You, Buddy!
Suburbanite man #1, waving: Hey, John!
Suburbanite man #2, excitedly shaking guy's hand: Hey! How's your concrete?!
Cedarburg Strawberry Festival
Cedarburg, Wisconsin
There Are Black People in Wisconsin?
Black party hostess: So, are there any black people in Nevada?
Drunk white hippie girl from Nevada: No! But we might as well be black, because we're so uneducated and everything, you know? [Room, full of black professionals, explodes with laughter.]
Black suit: I need a very dry martini right now.
Gregory Street
Madison, Wisconsin
Categories: Black people | Race | Whiteys | Wisconsin | Posted 2007-11-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Masks the Vomit Nicely
Girl: The combination of your cologne and cigarette smoke is really sexy.
Guy: What about the whiskey on my breath?
State Street
Madison, Wisconsin
Categories: Chicks | Compliments | Wisconsin | Posted 2007-11-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Just Your Average Red Sox Fan
Queer: I just got into an argument with that guy because I'm wearing a Red Socks hat. Little does he know that I fuck men -- I don't give a shit about baseball. Ha.
Bar
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Then How Exactly Is This Threesome Going to Work?
Girl: I like you and all, but you're married.
Dude: My wife and I have an open marriage.
Girl: Is that would she say if I asked her if we could sleep together?
Dude: Probably not. That's why we're not gonna ask her.
Sun Prairie, Wisconsin
Categories: Idiots | Infidelity | Wisconsin | Posted 2007-11-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Gonna Cost Us to Get Out of It Alive
Angry kid: Mom! I don't want to go shopping!
Mom: We are not shopping -- we are on an adventure!
Oshkosh, Wisconsin
Overheard by: I love adventures
If You Know What I Mean
Child, as his dad videotapes a monkey: I can't see the monkey!
Dad: You'll see him when we get home.
Vilas Park Zoo
Madison, Wisconsin
Overheard by: mike
I'd Be Like, "Dude, This Is My Body"
Chick: I totally want to make out with Jesus. I mean, I like my boyfriend, but it's Jesus... I'm totally going to Hell.
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Being a Viking Means Having to Pick Your Battles
Bearded college guy: Yeah, I would have had a much better chance if my last name was, like, "Visigoth," but I couldn't, like, lie to her about it at that point, you know?
Madison, Wisconsin
Overheard by: Elizabeth
Categories: Names | Wisconsin | Yeahhh, college! | Posted 2007-10-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
... Thing to Have Shoved Down Your Throat? We Doubt It.
Girl in dorm bathroom: I just love it when they shove evolution down my throat! That's my favorite...
University of Wisconsin
Wisconsin
The Tusks Are a Dead Giveaway
Dude #1: Is that him? I can't tell from here.
Dude #2: That's him. I can tell because he looks like a walrus.
Beloit, Wisconsin
Overheard by: Coo-coo-ca-choo
Worth a Shot
Mom: I'll have a diet Coke.
Dad: I'll have an iced tea.
10-year-old girl: I'll have a Bailey's coffee.
Waitress: Um... Can I see some ID?
10-year-old girl: Okay, I'll just have coffee, then.
Cheesecake Factory
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Overheard by: around the corner
Categories: Drinking & drunks | Glad the condom broke | Parents | Servers | Wisconsin | Posted 2007-07-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But You Could Do That Now!
Future career counselor: What do you want to be when you grow up?
Future asylum inmate: A crazy person that likes to be alone.
Future career counselor: Like a snarly recluse?
Future asylum inmate: Like the Unabomber.
Wausau, Wisconsin
Categories: Jobs & Careers | Kids | North America | Should have used a condom | USA | Wisconsin | Posted 2007-06-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Or a Sunburn. With Blisters
Guy: I don't mean children should burn in hell, just burn a little. Like their hands.
Wisconsin
Dude, I'm Not a Starfish!
Drunk girl: I have an amazing vagina.
Bartender: Is it an innie or an outie?
Madison, Wisconsin
Overheard by: abby
Categories: Bartenders | Drunks | Questions | Vagina | Wisconsin | Posted 2007-06-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Actually, Just a Regular One with a Small Bun
Hungry girl: Oooh, what's the jumbo hot dog?
Clerk: Ummm, it's a really big hot dog.
Milwaukee Admirals game, Bradley Center
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Overheard by: Travis
Hailing a Cab Is No Picnic
Dude #1: Man, this is hard.
Dude #2: So, do you use one hand or two?
Highway 16
La Crosse, Wisconsin
... Her Contract Calls for Sausage
Brunette on cell: Bacon may be a powerful motivator, but...
Public library
Appleton, Wisconsin
Categories: Food | On the phone | Wisconsin | Posted 2007-04-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Scary Up-on-the-Cross-Why'd-You-Do-This-to-Me Jesus
Girl #1: I was up until two a.m. last night. I'm so tired.
Girl #2: Why were you up so late?
Girl #1: I was talking to Jesus.
Girl #2: Oh, which one?
Wisconsin
