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Snow White Is Always Hurting the Dwarves' Feelings
Girl: Oh, as far as I'm concerned, they're just the happy little worker bees that bring me my birth control.
Madison, Wisconsin
Their Relationship's in the Crapper
Exasperated woman: I just called to say "I love you" while I had a moment to myself, okay?! Jeez! [Flushes.]
Women's Bathroom, Bay Park Square Mall
Green Bay, Wisconsin
I Drink Constantly, Though
Guy: You know, I'm usually anti-slavery... Except when I drink, then I'm all for it.
Bar
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Compare and contrast | Default | Drinking & drunks | Guys | History | Philosophy | Weirdness | Wisconsin | Posted 2008-06-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You've Taught Him Respect
Hubby: Absolute power corrupts absolutely, dear.
Wifey: It's not absolute.
Hubby: It isn't?
Wifey: No. You're not bowing.
Cashier: Ooh, I like you.
Eau Claire, Wisconsin
Overheard by: the girl with the hat
Categories: Comebacks | Compare and contrast | Compliments | Couples | Customers | Default | Employees | Hubbies | Wisconsin | Women | Posted 2008-06-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
....If There Any Left
College kid: Excuse me, what is the difference between these potato pancakes and a potato latka?
Grocery stocker: Um, I don't know what a latka is, so I couldn't tell you.
College kid: A Jewish potato pancake.
Grocery stocker: Well, those potato pancakes are German.
College kid: I wonder if a German Jew would eat them.
Sendik's Grocery Store
Grafton, Wisconsin
Overheard by: Arthur
How Jessie Got Us Arrested
[Three intoxicated college girls are walking along the street. One trips, falls, and all three laugh hysterically. An unmarked police van passes by]
Cop, yelling out of the window: Looks like three underage drinking tickets right there!
Girl #1: We're all 21!
Cop: Well, it looks like you're 4!
Girl #2: Looks like you're 37 and looking for a boyfriend!
Madison, Wisconsin
Categories: Age and ageing | Comebacks | Compare and contrast | Cops | Crimes | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Friends | Relationships | Sexuality | Sorority types | Weirdness | Wisconsin | Posted 2008-05-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If We'd Really Won, We'd Still Have Those Cool Accents
Boy holding a box of revolutionary war army men: Mom, who won this war?
Mom: Y'know, I'm not sure.
Craft Store
Wisconsin
Ha Ha, Dude Watches Oprah!
Girl: My history teacher says women are more evolved than men.
Biology teacher: And what evidence does she base this on?
Guy: Oprah?
La Follette High
Madison, Wisconsin
Overheard by: Tangent
Categories: About celebrities | Compare and contrast | Education | Gender issues | Girls | Guys | Questions | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Science | Students | Teachers | Wisconsin | Posted 2008-05-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Or A-Rod's Rod
Obnoxious 20-something chick: We went to a Yankees game and had the worst seats ever. We didn't even see Derek Jeter's ass! ... Or anyone's ass.
IHOP
Green Bay, Wisconsin
Or Mechanical Bull -- Whichever's Closest.
Drunk Texan to car with window open: Excuse me, where's the nearest brothel?
Miller Park parking lot
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
We Can Bond by Watching the Footage Together Later
Mom: A 21-year-old girl from Oshkosh died today, but they aren't saying how.
College daughter: A house blew up this morning... Well, a mobile home, actually.
Mom: And it killed that 21-year-old girl?!
College daughter: Well, no. They're unrelated. Actually, I'm just trying to upstage you... But a house really did blow up.
Appleton, Wisconsin
Categories: Compare and contrast | Death & dying | Default | Girls | Moms | Violence | Wisconsin | Posted 2008-02-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So, Why'd God Break Your Hip, Myrtle?
Old lady #1: ... And now he's crippled!
Old lady #2: Well, of course he is. That's what God does to people who get divorced.
Old lady #1: That's true.
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Overheard by: Voudou
Categories: God | Maladies | Old folks | Relationships | Wisconsin | Posted 2008-02-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
"I'm Never Babysitting for You Again!" She Said.
Guy to girls: First I kicked her, then I put a dick in her ear.
Target
Menomonee Falls, Wisconsin
Overheard by: NU Rules
Categories: Body parts | Creepsters | Penis | Sex | Violence | Wisconsin | Posted 2008-02-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
... To "Delaware"?
Proctor: What do you believe is the current state of our country?
Pageant contestant: Wisconsin. Wait... Can I change my answer?
Beauty pageant
Green Bay, Wisconsin
I'll Miss Foaming at the Mouth, Though
Teen girl: Well, I had to stop eating soap, but I'm sure I'll be fine anyways!
Madison, Wisconsin
Under the Flexible Standards of Wisconsin Law
Mom to barking, howling little boy: Stop that! Remember, you're a person!
Eau Claire, Wisconsin
Overheard by: the girl with the hat
Entertainment's Scarce During Long Wisconsin Winters
High school girl: I'm so excited! I can't wait to poop out just a little of this burrito!
Fort Atkinson, Wisconsin
Spring Break in South Beach, for Instance
Man #1: What's that bruise on your forehead from?
Man #2: Watch out for someone in diapers carrying a mallet.
Man #1: I've found that to be sage advice in multiple situations...
Wausau, Wisconsin
Dunno, It Feels Like It's Helping
Old woman: Should you really be drinking with your condition?
Young guy: What condition?
Old woman: Y'know -- the crazy and all.
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Overheard by: fregout
How God Was Feeling When He Got to the Tyrannosaurus Rex
Girl #1: I'm not a vest person.
Girl #2: You don't think I look good in this vest?
Girl #1: No, you look good, but I just don't get them. I mean, it's my arms that are cold!
Girl #2: Whatever. I'm over arms.
Madison, Wisconsin
Categories: Bimbettes | Body parts | Wisconsin | Posted 2007-12-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
While Bearded Ladies Prefer Monkey Bars
Boy to mother: If there's one thing I know about little people, it's that they love playhouses.
ShopKo
Eau Claire, Wisconsin
Overheard by: Andre
Oh, Sweetie, That's Part of Adult Swim
Little girl: Yay! It's time for our swim vulvalations!
Wisconsin
Overheard by: Nic
And That's When I Got the Idea, Your Honor
Teacher: Are you guys understanding this?
Class: [Stares blankly.]
Teacher: It feels like I'm taking my clothes off.
Class: What?
Teacher: I meant that this is disturbing.
Kenosha, Wisconsin
I'm Not Sure That Belongs on Our Meeting Agenda, Ted
Dude: In grade school I would always pretend that there was someone chasing me when we had to get timed for the sprint. I thought it would make me run faster. It didn't.
Wausau, Wisconsin
Hard As a Rock -- and I Owe It All to You, Buddy!
Suburbanite man #1, waving: Hey, John!
Suburbanite man #2, excitedly shaking guy's hand: Hey! How's your concrete?!
Cedarburg Strawberry Festival
Cedarburg, Wisconsin
There Are Black People in Wisconsin?
Black party hostess: So, are there any black people in Nevada?
Drunk white hippie girl from Nevada: No! But we might as well be black, because we're so uneducated and everything, you know? [Room, full of black professionals, explodes with laughter.]
Black suit: I need a very dry martini right now.
Gregory Street
Madison, Wisconsin
Categories: Black people | Race | Whiteys | Wisconsin | Posted 2007-11-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Masks the Vomit Nicely
Girl: The combination of your cologne and cigarette smoke is really sexy.
Guy: What about the whiskey on my breath?
State Street
Madison, Wisconsin
Categories: Chicks | Compliments | Wisconsin | Posted 2007-11-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Just Your Average Red Sox Fan
Queer: I just got into an argument with that guy because I'm wearing a Red Socks hat. Little does he know that I fuck men -- I don't give a shit about baseball. Ha.
Bar
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Then How Exactly Is This Threesome Going to Work?
Girl: I like you and all, but you're married.
Dude: My wife and I have an open marriage.
Girl: Is that would she say if I asked her if we could sleep together?
Dude: Probably not. That's why we're not gonna ask her.
Sun Prairie, Wisconsin
Categories: Idiots | Infidelity | Wisconsin | Posted 2007-11-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Gonna Cost Us to Get Out of It Alive
Angry kid: Mom! I don't want to go shopping!
Mom: We are not shopping -- we are on an adventure!
Oshkosh, Wisconsin
Overheard by: I love adventures
If You Know What I Mean
Child, as his dad videotapes a monkey: I can't see the monkey!
Dad: You'll see him when we get home.
Vilas Park Zoo
Madison, Wisconsin
Overheard by: mike
I'd Be Like, "Dude, This Is My Body"
Chick: I totally want to make out with Jesus. I mean, I like my boyfriend, but it's Jesus... I'm totally going to Hell.
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Being a Viking Means Having to Pick Your Battles
Bearded college guy: Yeah, I would have had a much better chance if my last name was, like, "Visigoth," but I couldn't, like, lie to her about it at that point, you know?
Madison, Wisconsin
Overheard by: Elizabeth
Categories: Names | Wisconsin | Yeahhh, college! | Posted 2007-10-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
... Thing to Have Shoved Down Your Throat? We Doubt It.
Girl in dorm bathroom: I just love it when they shove evolution down my throat! That's my favorite...
University of Wisconsin
Wisconsin
The Tusks Are a Dead Giveaway
Dude #1: Is that him? I can't tell from here.
Dude #2: That's him. I can tell because he looks like a walrus.
Beloit, Wisconsin
Overheard by: Coo-coo-ca-choo
Worth a Shot
Mom: I'll have a diet Coke.
Dad: I'll have an iced tea.
10-year-old girl: I'll have a Bailey's coffee.
Waitress: Um... Can I see some ID?
10-year-old girl: Okay, I'll just have coffee, then.
Cheesecake Factory
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Overheard by: around the corner
Categories: Drinking & drunks | Glad the condom broke | Parents | Servers | Wisconsin | Posted 2007-07-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But You Could Do That Now!
Future career counselor: What do you want to be when you grow up?
Future asylum inmate: A crazy person that likes to be alone.
Future career counselor: Like a snarly recluse?
Future asylum inmate: Like the Unabomber.
Wausau, Wisconsin
Categories: Jobs & Careers | Kids | North America | Should have used a condom | USA | Wisconsin | Posted 2007-06-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Or a Sunburn. With Blisters
Guy: I don't mean children should burn in hell, just burn a little. Like their hands.
Wisconsin
Dude, I'm Not a Starfish!
Drunk girl: I have an amazing vagina.
Bartender: Is it an innie or an outie?
Madison, Wisconsin
Overheard by: abby
Categories: Bartenders | Drunks | Questions | Vagina | Wisconsin | Posted 2007-06-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Actually, Just a Regular One with a Small Bun
Hungry girl: Oooh, what's the jumbo hot dog?
Clerk: Ummm, it's a really big hot dog.
Milwaukee Admirals game, Bradley Center
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Overheard by: Travis
Hailing a Cab Is No Picnic
Dude #1: Man, this is hard.
Dude #2: So, do you use one hand or two?
Highway 16
La Crosse, Wisconsin
... Her Contract Calls for Sausage
Brunette on cell: Bacon may be a powerful motivator, but...
Public library
Appleton, Wisconsin
Categories: Food | On the phone | Wisconsin | Posted 2007-04-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Scary Up-on-the-Cross-Why'd-You-Do-This-to-Me Jesus
Girl #1: I was up until two a.m. last night. I'm so tired.
Girl #2: Why were you up so late?
Girl #1: I was talking to Jesus.
Girl #2: Oh, which one?
Wisconsin