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She Does a Lovely Rendition of "Plaque in the USSR"
American woman on cell: So when you go to Moscow, can you bring me back some toothpaste? Yeah, just Crest. Thanks.
13th St
Washington, DC
Categories: Default | Geography | Health & Hygiene | Offers and requests | On the phone | Washington, DC | Women | Posted 2008-06-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The FDA Has Less Influence Every Year
Woman: Do you have mothballs?
CVS employee: (after thinking for a few seconds) Is that a protein bar?
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Nana
Categories: Default | Offers and requests | Questions | Stores | Stupidity | Washington, DC | Women | Words | Posted 2008-06-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
They Have a Cool Little Hotspot Called Bar Nun
Balding yuppie guy on cell: All things being equal, I would like to drink.
(pause)
Balding yuppie guy on cell: Oh, so you guys are drinking in the convent?
Saxby's Coffee
Georgetown, Washington, DC
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Drinking & drunks | Guys | On the phone | Questions | Religion | Restaurants | Washington, DC | Wishes | Yuppies | Posted 2008-06-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Straight Men: Dammit, You Guys Ruin Everything!
Gay sports fan to table of gay sports fans, while watching Packers game: So, are you a packer or a packee?
Washington, DC
Categories: Compare and contrast | Queers | Questions | Sexuality | Washington, DC | Words | Posted 2008-05-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When I Have My Period, I Get a Mop
Chick: No, if I take a shit I get the dish soap.
Guy: [nods understandingly].
George Washington University
Washington, DC
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Etiquette | Girls | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Poop | Washington, DC | Words | Posted 2008-05-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Translation: I'm Still a Little Stoned
Girl, frantically looking through fridge: Shit, I'm gonna be late for work... What the hell? Why is your rice in my freezer?
Boyfriend: Because then it will be happy and prosperous.
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Nic
The National Association of Farmers Convention Can Get Rowdy
Preppie guy: ... And I said, "That's why I trade corn futures!" [Entire table erupts in raucous laughter.]
Ethiopian restaurant, 12th & U
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Ladle
Categories: Bragging | Guys | Jobs & Careers | Preppies | Restaurants | Washington, DC | Posted 2008-05-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
He'll Be Singing a Different Tune When Turtlenecks Come Back in Style
Twentysomething guy, excitedly: And all I could think was "Thank god im circumsized!"
Cherry Blossom Festival, National Mall
Washington, DC
Overheard by: sara aliza
Categories: Guys | Happiness | Health & Hygiene | Penis | Tourist attractions | Washington, DC | Posted 2008-04-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Do We Have to Drag Bernie Everywhere We Go?
Little boy: But I don't care about the dead guys anymore!
Washington Monument
Washington, DC
Categories: Compare and contrast | Death & dying | Fears | Feelings | Guys | Kids | Kids | Tourist attractions | Washington, DC | Posted 2008-04-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If It Leaves My Coffee Table All Wobbly Again, So Be It
Annoyed suit: Sir, don't make me break out the "Canterbury Tales!"
Washington, DC
And You'd Be Like, "I Got the Pus-sy!"
Lady professor: AU is so different, there are so many females here. When I was in college, my sophomore year it was a five to one ratio! Males to females! The men were hanging from the trees. You'd walk through campus, wary, and then you'd sit at the cafeteria table and look up from your breakfast and there would be five guys -just staring at you!
Justice Research Class, American University
Washington, D.C.
Categories: Bragging | Class | Compare and contrast | Education | Etiquette | Gender issues | Memory lane | Sexuality | Teachers | Washington, DC | Women | Posted 2008-04-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Only When I'm Drunk
Chick #1: I miss my car.
Chick #2: I miss my car too. Not like, driving it or anything. But I miss my car. We've been through so much together --four accidents, hitting a mailbox, and a lot of repairs. But I'm not like, a bad driver or anything.
George Washington University
Washington, DC
Categories: Bragging | Chicks | Colleges & Universities | Feelings | Friends | Idiots | Sorority types | Stupidity | Washington, DC | Posted 2008-04-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Are You Trying to Jumpstart the Cat Again?
Young woman on cell: Did you just say "The cables must be subjugated"? Uh huh... Okay... Yeah, I don't think you're okay to drive either.
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Nic
Categories: Advice | Drinking & drunks | On the phone | Questions | Washington, DC | Women | Words | Posted 2008-04-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If He Does Get Convicted, I Expect at Least a Bus Pass
Woman on cell: I know! I'm going to testify in court tomorrow for him so he doesn't go to jail for ten years. The least he can do is give me ride home!
Red line metro
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Mary
Categories: Crimes | Default | Gripes | On the phone | Washington, DC | Women | Posted 2008-03-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Especially If He Were Standing Next to Me with a Machete
Guy on phone: I don't vote for people who put their name in quotation marks on the ballot... Well, yeah, if it was 'Killer,' then I'd definitely vote for him.
Shout-out: eavesdropdc.blogspot.com
Overheard by:
Categories: Default | Eavesdrop DC | Gripes | Guys | Names | On the phone | Politics | Washington, DC | Posted 2008-03-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If We Don't Bend Time, the Terrorists Win
Conductor: Welcome aboard to all the new passengers. The time is 9:11. Actually... Let's make that 9:12. That's better, isn't it?
Washington, DC
Categories: Conductors | Default | Time Management | Washington, DC | Posted 2008-03-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But Smokers and Belchers Rise Straight to the Top
Grandpa to grandson: ... And no one but nobody can be a young leader if they crack their knuckles!
Washington, DC
Categories: Advice | Default | Family | Health & Hygiene | Lies | Old folks | Washington, DC | Posted 2008-03-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Not Any Louder Than Sex in a Prom Dress, Though
Chipper girl: I tell the sex workers that they can wear the female condom before going out. You can wear it for, like, three hours. They are kind of loud, though -- they crinkle! Sex is awkward, anyway.
Women's health class, American University
Washington, DC
Overheard by: aimc
Categories: Advice | Colleges & Universities | Default | Girls | Gripes | Health & Hygiene | Sex | Washington, DC | Posted 2008-03-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Father Martin, Why Is This Pew Wet and Sticky?
Girl: I should probably go to church tomorrow. It would make my mom happy... And the priest is really fucking hot.
Shout-out: eavesdropdc.blogspot.com
Overheard by:
Categories: Compliments | Default | Eavesdrop DC | Family ties | Girls | Religion | Washington, DC | Posted 2008-03-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You're Both Right!
Preppy girl #1: Wow, now we all have the same necklace! We should all wear them the next time we go out!
Preppy girl #2: Yeah! We'd be like the Power Rangers or something!
Preppy girl #3: Or we'd be like douchebags.
Eastern Market
Washington, DC
Overheard by: office peon does d.c.
Categories: Comebacks | Default | Fashion | Girls | Insults | Offers and requests | Preppies | Stores | Washington, DC | Posted 2008-03-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Calling President Washington "G-Money" Is Just Wrong
American history professor: Whoever is writing 'vah-jay-jay' instead of 'Virginia' in the notes they are submitting, please stop.
eavesdropdc.blogspot.com
Categories: Advice | Default | Eavesdrop DC | Teachers | Washington, DC | Words | Posted 2008-03-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
With a Scary Product
Girl: Why do they have an ambassador to Vatican City?
Guy: Because it's a country and stuff.
Girl: Do, like, normal people live there?
Guy: I don't know...
Girl, thoughtfully: It's a scary place...
Shout-out: eavesdropdc.blogspot.com
Overheard by:
Categories: Default | Eavesdrop DC | Geography | Girls | Guys | Politics | Questions | Stupidity | Washington, DC | Posted 2008-02-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Sweetie, All Men Are Transparent
Hobo: Damn, shorty, you lookin' good!
Black girl, groping white boy passerby: I don't like the dark chocolate -- I need a boy I can see my reflection in!
Washington, DC
Overheard by: D.B.
Categories: Black people | Hobos | Race | Washington, DC | Posted 2008-01-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
All I Asked Was, "Can I Buy You a Drink?"
Latina: So, this one time I was giving this guy a blowjob, but I just ate a tuna fish sandwich like 20 minutes before, and the whole time I'm like, 'Don't shoot that shit in my mouth 'cause I'll puke,' right? Then he totally came in my mouth!
White dude: Haha, nice!
Latina: Naw, man -- it was nasty! I fuckin' puked tuna fish all over this dude's dick and balls. It got all in his pubes and everything!
White dude: Wow.
Latina: But yeah, I give good head.
Buffalo Billiards
Washington, DC
Overheard by: procrastiNate
Categories: BJs | Food | Latinas | Washington, DC | Posted 2008-01-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What's the Word for Ironic Irony?
Young hipster dude to older hipster dude: Man, fuck Yanni. That guy sucks. [Mocks his singing] 'The best part of waking up...' Wait, no, that's Michael Bolton. Wait, no, that's Folgers!
Blue line Metro
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Laughing at that guy
Categories: Hipsters | Music | Washington, DC | Posted 2008-01-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's a Twofer!
Child running up escalator: I'm winning again!
Mom, huffing and puffing on other escalator: Yeah, well, I'm having a stroke, so...
Cleveland Park Metro station
Washington, DC
Categories: Kids | Maladies | Moms | Washington, DC | Posted 2008-01-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Eliot Spitzer's next big target
Thugette: Yo, I think Diet Coke got some nicotine in it, 'cause I can't stop drinking it!
Thug: Yeah, for real. They still must be puttin' some coke in that jank.
Passerby: It's called caffeine.
9th & M Streets
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Erika
Categories: Drugs | Thugs | Washington, DC | Posted 2008-01-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And I Stopped Listening to Myself Years Ago
Student: Professor, can you repeat that question?
Professor: I can't remember! I just make this shit up.
American University
Washington, DC
Categories: Education | Students | Teachers | Washington, DC | Posted 2007-12-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That, and the Shrapnel
Preppy girl #1: Yeah, so he's going to be in Iraq until early December, and then he gets to be here until early January, and then he starts his second tour.
Preppy girl #2: That's awesome.
Preppy girl #1: Yeah, except that he's dating my best friend.
Judiciary Square Metro Station
Washington, DC
Overheard by: V
Categories: Gossip | Preppies | Washington, DC | Posted 2007-12-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Recommend Not Moving between Them
Conductor over PA after train starts and stops a few times: There are six different kinds of metro cars, all manufactured in different places and different times. This particular train is comprised of three of those kinds. The transit authority says they all work fine together. I'll let you decide that for yourselves...
Blue Line
Washington, DC
Categories: Conductors | Gossip | Washington, DC | Posted 2007-12-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
As Her Husband, I'm Gonna Have to Say No
Suit on cell: I just want to take her to North Carolina and pound the shit out of her. Is that okay?
18th Street and Belmont Road
Washington, DC
Overheard by: glad im not in NC
Categories: Gossip | Sex | Suits | Washington, DC | Posted 2007-12-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Or We'll Be Late for Our Scientology Meeting.
Child, about diorama: Mommy, is that real?
Mother: No, it's all lies. Let's go.
Museum
Washington, DC
Categories: Kids | Lies | Moms | Washington, DC | Posted 2007-12-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
... Unlike Some of the More Outgoing Stuffed Animals
Man on cell: ... So I just put her in the closet, because she's very quiet...
Military Road and 41st Street NW
Washington, DC
Categories: Gossip | On the phone | Washington, DC | Posted 2007-12-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Laura Bush and Lynne Cheney Pop Out for a Smoke
Ciggy #1: The time you and I went and bought cigarettes -- was that the night you went in a toga?
Ciggy #2: Haha, oh my god, yes! Oh, wait... Was that the lesbian night?
Washington, DC
Categories: Chicks | Leisure | Questions | Washington, DC | Posted 2007-12-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What?
Professor, about megafauna: I would love to have a giant beaver.
GWU Archaeology lecture
Washington, DC
Categories: Animals | Teachers | Washington, DC | Posted 2007-11-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Be Wary of Their Explosive Diarrhea
Old woman: That's the problem with men -- they treat kids like little adults instead of like--
Younger woman: --Kids?
Old woman: No. Like terrorists.
Washington, DC
Categories: Gripes | Ladies who lunch | Washington, DC | Posted 2007-11-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Up from Zero
Teen boy #1: Dude, you enlarged your penis with that thing?!
Teen boy #2: Yeah, like five inches.
Washington, DC
Categories: Penis | Teens | Washington, DC | Posted 2007-11-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Your Phone Number in Blood on My Mirror? Genius!
Suit: You are so good at stalking.
20-ish chick: Thank you so much! [Shakes his hand.]
Suit: Keep up the good work.
Dupont Circle
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Steve
Categories: Compliments | Suits | Washington, DC | Posted 2007-11-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Just Friends with It
Mom: Do you remember what the name of this river is, Billy?
Son: Is it the Platonic River?
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Keith
Categories: Kids | Moms | Washington, DC | Posted 2007-11-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's Like a Drug-Free Acid Trip
Suit: I always enjoy going to Comic-Con because of the midgets in costumes.
Dulles Airport
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Becka
Categories: Leisure | Suits | Washington, DC | Posted 2007-11-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Using Implements No Man Can Match
Hot chick #1: I just cannot get off during sex.
Hot chick #2: That's because you masturbate too much.
Hot chick #1: Oh.
Lebanese Taverna
Washington, DC
Categories: Chicks | Masturbation | Washington, DC | Posted 2007-11-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Someday All That Water Will Join Up -- Then What?
High school boy: Damn, this is the part where we go over the ocean! I hate this shit! Every day going over the ocean! Shit!
Yellow Line train crossing the Potomac
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Not afraid of the Potomac