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We're Going to Congress!
Student to friend: Just put the rape stick in the alcohol bag.
American University
Washington, DC
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Drinking & drunks | Friends | Students | Violence | Washington, DC | Weirdness | Posted 2010-05-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Does Everyone Keep Telling Me That?
Guy with soul patch: Don't German people always drive at 200 miles an hour all the time?
Girl in front row, sarcastically: I think you mean 200 kilometers per hour.
Guy with soul patch: It doesn't matter, they're the same thing!
Professor, calmly: If I go crazy and start a killing spree, you'll be the first one I get.
George Washington University
Washington, DC
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Death & dying | Education | Stupidity | Teachers | Washington, DC | Words | Posted 2010-05-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm a Politician-- So What Do You Think?
Man: Does your thingy work down here?
Washington, DC
Categories: Guys | Questions | Washington, DC | Words | Posted 2010-04-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When I Think About Seeing You, I Touch My Eyes
Lady standing in bathroom, giving advice: Hey, you can get STDs from public bathrooms! Don't touch your eyes!
Washington, DC
Overheard by: pretty sure that's not how you get STDs
Categories: Body parts | Crazies | Health & Hygiene | STDs | Washington, DC | Posted 2010-03-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Says All My Bad Decisions Cost Her Money
Drunk girl, burying head into boyfriend's arm: I'm upset with my mother. She expects me to take care of me.
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Fallon
Categories: Drunks | Family ties | Feelings | Washington, DC | Posted 2010-03-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But My Counselor Doubts I Can Make a Career Out Of It
Frat boy: They called me "the virgin detector."
Washington, DC
Categories: Frat boy types | Names | Virginity | Washington, DC | Posted 2009-12-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
He Then Burst Into the Laverne and Shirley Theme Song
Train operator: Orange line to Vienna. If you are on the platform, you better hurry up. Cause I'm not going to let you slow me down.
Metro
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Reject
Categories: Conductors | Public Transportation | Threats | Train | Washington, DC | Posted 2009-12-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I've Lost 10 Pounds Since I Started Sending Myself to Bed Without Supper!
Girl with blue hair, excitedly on cell: I love it when I inspire my own maternal instincts!
National Mall
Washington, DC
Categories: Feelings | Girls | Malls | On the phone | Parenting | Washington, DC | Posted 2009-12-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...As Dear Abby Told You in That Column
Girl #1, throwing home pregnancy test into friend's basket: Here, I think you need this.
Girl #2, throwing box of condoms into friend's basket: Not as much as you need these, you slut.
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Erica
Categories: Comebacks | Condoms | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Insults | Pregnancy | Washington, DC | Posted 2009-11-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...How Were Your Midterms?
20-year-old guy to his friend: So then I finally find my laptop in the dumpster, covered in semen, so that's how that went.
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Vanessa Duguay
Adam and Eve Were Initially Quite Confused About Sex
Girl to friend: Yes, but he can't pick it off an apple tree that comes out of my vag.
Dorm
Washington, DC
And Swing by the Great Wall on the Way?
Traveler with heavy European accent: So, can we drive to the Grand Canyon one day? We'd really like to see it while in America.
Dulles Airport
Washington, DC
Categories: Airports & flights | Foreigners | Holidays | Offers and requests | Stupidity | Washington, DC | Posted 2009-10-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But We Honor Him Every Time I Buy You a Lap Dance for Your Birthday
Mom tourist: We're going to go see the Washington Monument, do you know who it's named for?
Son tourist: Yes, our first President, George Washington
Mom tourist: That's right. (pause) He's dead now.
Washington, DC
Categories: Death & dying | Family | History | Moms | Names | Questions | Stupidity | Tourists | Washington, DC | Posted 2009-10-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Evidence That Sex and the City Would've Been a *Lot* More Interesting If It Had Involved Plus-Sized Sistahs
Plus-size sistah: And that damn condom came off!
Friend: Oh, shit, girl! What happened?
Plus-size sistah: I dunno. It's still up in there.
Friend: What? How long?
Plus-size sistah: It's been three days. I can't reach that bitch!
Friend: Girl! That's nasty! And if you askin' what I think you askin', you can forget it!
Restaurant, Chinatown
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Joe
Categories: Biotechs | Condoms | Fat people | Friends | Questions | Restaurants | Vagina | Washington, DC | Weirdness | Posted 2009-09-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Don't Make Me Do Date Math, Tricia
18-year-old girl to 20-year-old girl: The Declaration of Independence looks really old and faded. How old is it?
National Archives
Washington, DC
Categories: Age and ageing | Girls | History | Questions | Washington, DC | Posted 2009-09-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Occasionally Fellate.
Guy: So who are you meeting here? Some friends?
Girl, sighing: I wouldn't necessarily call them my friends, they're just people I eat with.
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Wait, what?
Categories: Food | Girls | Guys | Questions | Relationships | Washington, DC | Posted 2009-09-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Like, One Containing a Central Venous Line
Middle-aged rich bitch on cell: I'll pay up to $300 for a hat I can't live without, you know?
Washington, DC
Categories: Biotechs | Clothes | Clothing | Money | On the phone | Shopping | Washington, DC | Posted 2009-09-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
He Feels Guilty When He Calls Things Hot Trannies Messes
Fashionista student: So is he like, Christian gay from project runway?
Oblivious teacher: No, he's like Jewish gay.
American University
Washington, DC
Overheard by: I'm Jewish
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Religion | Sexuality | Students | Teachers | Washington, DC | Posted 2009-09-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's the Olive Garden's Call-Ahead Policy, Ma'am
Loud girl on cell: No embalming for me! I just wanna rot!
National Zoo
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Joe
Categories: Death & dying | Girls | On the phone | Washington, DC | Wishes | Posted 2009-09-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm One Of Those People Who's Always Cold!
College girl #1: I can always tell it's really cold when my face starts tightening up. And I start talking with a lisp.
College girl #2: Girl, you always talk with a lisp!
Capitol Hill
Washington, DC
Categories: Health & Hygiene | Students | Washington, DC | Weather | Weirdness | Posted 2009-08-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Seriously, What Makes People Think That?
Goth girl on cell: His dick is huge! I came so hard I was crying! (notices several people looking at her and laughing) Do you fucking mind? This is a private conversation!
Red Line Train
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Joe
Categories: Girls | Goths | On the phone | Orgasm | Penis | Train | Washington, DC | Weirdness | Posted 2009-08-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Guys Find Eating Disorders Profoundly Unattractive
Cute boyfriend to girlfriend: I am so glad you eat!
Washington, DC
Categories: Couples | Food | Happiness | Health & Hygiene | Washington, DC | Posted 2009-08-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What's Worse Than Abortion, Alex?
Five-year-old girl to little boy: What happened to our baby?
Little boy: Don't you worry about that baby, woman! I threw it in the trash!
National Zoo
Washington, DC
Categories: Kids | Kids | Parenting | Questions | Washington, DC | Posted 2009-08-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What Trendy Nightclubs Are Like, in Bizarro World
Crazy blonde lady on park bench: Because they're all about gluttony. Plus, it's harder for them to get in if you're thin, because they're usually fat, you know? (two heavy ladies next to her nod)
Judiciary Square
Washington, DC
Categories: Compare and contrast | Crazies | Diet & weight | Washington, DC | Women | Posted 2009-08-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Is This the Best I'm Ever Gonna Look?
Sad-looking girl on cell: I'm trying my hardest to be pretty... I'm at the gym, like, every day!
Washington, DC
Categories: Beauty | Diet & weight | Girls | On the phone | Washington, DC | Posted 2009-08-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
A Problem I Can Solve Simply by Getting a Drunker ID
Drunk college dude, explaining how he got kicked out of a club: They looked at my ID, then they looked at my face. My face was not as sober as my ID.
Metro, Orange Line
Washington, DC
Overheard by: funniest Metro ride ever
Categories: Body parts | Compare and contrast | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Students | Train | Washington, DC | Posted 2009-07-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's What You Said About the Dentist's Chair!
Middle aged woman #1: I want to see the flag exhibit.
Middle aged woman #2: Me too! I hear it's just like Space Mountain.
Smithsonian National Museum of American History
Washington, DC
Categories: Compare and contrast | Pop culture | Washington, DC | Wishes | Women | Posted 2009-07-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Unless My Cousin's Available.
Nerdy-looking teenage boy: No way, going to the school dance with a partner seriously decreases my chances of getting laid.
Outside School
Washington, DC
Categories: Dancing | Education | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Sex | Teens | Washington, DC | Posted 2009-07-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It Was the Best Of News, It Was the Worst Of News
Young girl in stall with mother: Mommy, what's that?
Mother to young girl: It's called pubic hair, sweetie...all women have it. When you get older, someday you will get some.
Young girl, mortified: Nooooooooooo!
Mall Restroom
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Monica
Categories: Age and ageing | Hair | Kids | Malls | Moms | Parenting | Questions | Restroom | Should have used a condom | Vagina | Washington, DC | Posted 2009-07-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So I'm Sure You All Appreciated the Delay
Vaguely thuggish flight attendant: Aiiight, y'all, welcome aboard United Airlines...don't know the flight number, but we're going to Detroit, and that's all that matters.
Delayed Flight from Washington, DC
Overheard by: keeeeem
Categories: Airports & flights | Flight attendants | Public Transportation | Thugs | Washington, DC | Weirdness | Posted 2009-07-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Etymology Lesson You'll Wish You Never Had
Effeminate boy #1: And he said "my penis is so big I can't control it."
Effeminate boy #2: Oh, god. Really?
Effeminate boy #1: Yes, his mother uses really scientific terminology.
Effeminate boy #2: Oh. Oh, I see.
Effeminate boy #1: Mhmm. Well, he's only four, too. He's already peed on himself because as he says "it's not long enough go down." I just call it a pee-pee. That's where the word "pee" comes from. Mmhmm.
Effeminate boy #2: Really! Huh!
Friendship Heights
Washington, DC
Overheard by: aimc
Categories: Age and ageing | Compare and contrast | Pee | Penis | Queers | Science | Stupidity | Washington, DC | Words | Posted 2009-06-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Thought All the Whack-Jobs Were on Capitol Hill?
Confused tourist lady, looking at anime convention kids in costume: Excuse me? Do you know what all of this is about?
Local: Yeah, the whack-job convention is in town.
Confused tourist lady: The...the..."whack-job" convention? (looks at costumes) Whack-jobs?
Local: (smacks forehead and turns away)
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Sarah Boyd
Categories: Default | Girls | Kids | Names | Offers and requests | Questions | Stupidity | Tourists | Washington, DC | Posted 2009-06-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We Predict the Expression "Fantasy Bar" Will Soon Sweep the Nation
Teen girl eating Fantasy Bar brownie: You want some of my Fantasy Bar?
Male friend, suddenly paying attention: What? Heck yes, it's about time!
Union Station
Washington, DC
Categories: Default | Food | Friends | Girls | Guys | Offers and requests | Public transportation | Questions | Teens | Washington, DC | Posted 2009-06-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Did I Just Say That Out Loud?
Businessman on cell: I could barely see over her head, dude! It was like reading Klingon for the first time.
Independence Avenue
Washington, DC
Categories: Body parts | Books | Compliments | Default | Guys | Pop culture | Washington, DC | Posted 2009-05-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Ad: Have You Sustained a U.D.I.?
Bartender to limping girl entering bar: Are you limping? Oh my god! What happened?
Limping girl: Damn, you weren't here last night, I was hoping you'd tell me!
Washington, DC
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Bartenders | Default | Girls | Offers and requests | Questions | Washington, DC | Wishes | Posted 2009-05-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Some Kids Refuse to Come Out Of Their Shells
Little boy: Mommy, if a turtle has no shell is it naked or homeless?
Mother: It would be dead, sweetheart.
Little boy: That's sad, mommy.
Mother: No, it isn't, dear. Come on, this is our stop.
Metro
Washington, DC
Categories: Animals | Compare and contrast | Death & dying | Default | Family ties | Feelings | Guys | Kids | Kids | Moms | Offers and requests | Public Transportation | Public transportation | Questions | Washington, DC | Women | Posted 2009-05-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Remember the Days When I Was the Only One?
Old woman to young stranger: Is that your mother?
Young woman: No, bitch. That's my bitch.
Old woman to friend: Kids have way too many bitches these days.
Union Station
Washington, DC
Categories: Default | Family ties | Kids | Old folks | Public transportation | Questions | Strangers | Washington, DC | Women | Posted 2009-05-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Pity Hillary and Obama Can't Be Civil
Lady, bumping into man: What? You're so in a rush you have to knock me down?!
Man: Sorry, I was gonna ask you the same thing.
Lady: Watch where you're going!
Man: Please leave me alone!
Lady: No! You leave me alone!
Metro
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Jim
Categories: Default | Gripes | Guys | Offers and requests | Public transportation | Questions | Washington, DC | Women | Posted 2009-05-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Because I'd Be Happy to Give You a Guided Tour
Large middle-aged man with many teddy bears strapped to his fanny pack: Have you seen the penis worm?
Smithsonian Museum of Natural History
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Hadn't seen it
Moving on to the Case Of Muffet V. Spider...
Father to son in stroller: Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall; Humpty Dumpty had a great fall; Humpty Dumpty hired a great lawyer; Humpty Dumpty sued the pants of the wall maker.
K Street
Washington, DC
Categories: Clothes | Dads | Default | Games | Guys | Jobs & Careers | Kids | Names | Washington, DC | Posted 2009-04-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's Been Too Long Since I've Played Magic: The Gathering
Young female hill staffer #1: Right there in the friggin' book stacks...
Young female hill staffer #2: You were friggin' in the book stacks?
Young female hill staffer #1: Damn girl, I was watching, not doing.
Young female hill staffer #2: Wasted opportunity, if you ask me. I'd have joined in, or embarrassed the hell out of them till they let me in.
Capitol Hill South Metro Station
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Yoda
Categories: Books | Default | Girls | Public transportation | Questions | Washington, DC | Weirdness | Posted 2009-04-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Also, "Boner"
Nerdy philosophy professor: The word that comes to mind when I think about grading multiple-choice tests is 'bloodbath'.
Catholic University
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Ditto.
Categories: Bathing | Body parts | Colleges & Universities | Default | Dorks, Geeks & Nerds | Education | Teachers | Washington, DC | Words | Posted 2009-04-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Neither Could God
College student: So first my girlfriend and I split, then I got accepted into the frat, and then I found god...I couldn't handle spring break after that weekend.
Georgetown University
Washington, DC
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Education | God | Relationships | Students | Washington, DC | Posted 2009-04-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
This Will Easier to Explain with a Cone and Two Scoops
Nanny to five-year-old: Look, Stephen, there's a kitty!
Stephen, petting cat: Since boys have short hair and girls have long hair, then this kitty is a boy.
Nanny: Maybe not. Boys can have long hair and girls can have short hair too.
Stephen: Then how do you tell if it's a girl or a boy?
Nanny: How 'bout some ice cream?
Washington, DC
...And I'm Oddly Aroused.
Sober girl, crossing street: So what happened?
Tipsy girl: Well, everything was fine, I guess, but then the sex got really boring, so I had to let him go. Oh god, was that really loud?
Random stranger: Yup.
Dupont Circle
Washington, DC
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Drunks | Girls | Questions | Sex | Washington, DC | Posted 2009-04-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Monkeys: Ooooo...
Cholo #1, tapping roughly on glass: Heeeey monkey! Oh! Monkey!
Treehugger in sandals with socks, hysterically: Stop it, stop it! Oh my god!
(cholo #2 and #3 snicker and speak Spanish to each other)
Cholo #1: Crazy gringa...needa get laid.
Treehugger: Well, at least I didn't have ten kids by the time I was twenty! Like your mother!
National Zoo
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Meaggoo
Categories: Age and ageing | Animals | Default | Family ties | Kids | Latinos | Sex | Tourist attractions | Washington, DC | Posted 2009-04-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That, or a Phone.
Teacher: Who knows what the word "cell" means?
4th-grader: Oh, I do, I do! It's a tiny thing like a jelly doughnut! Except instead of jelly, there's blood!
Elementary School
Washington, DC
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Education | Questions | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Science | Students | Teachers | Washington, DC | Words | Posted 2009-04-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Let's Just Say His Istanbul Couldn't Constantinople
Woman: I've only been to Turkey once, to visit my boyfriend.
Turkish woman: That's far. He must be very good in bed.
Woman: We're not together anymore. I'll leave it at that.
Eastern Market
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Intern
Categories: Default | Foreigners | Geography | Relationships | Sex | Washington, DC | Women | Posted 2009-03-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Isn't That a Phone?
Dude: Man, that guy is your exact twin! He's like your doppleberry or something!
Inaugural Concert
Washington, DC
Overheard by: DingleGanger
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Family ties | Guys | Washington, DC | Words | Posted 2009-03-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Dog: Oh, No She Didn't!
Girl at bakery: Awwww...look at the puppy! Well, I don't know, it could just be a multiracial dog.
Dupont Circle
Washington, DC
Categories: Animals | Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | Race | Stores | Washington, DC | Posted 2009-03-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
This Reads Like a Seinfeld Line
College student: Everything in life can be related back to Seinfeld. It's like the bible, except it won't fail you.
Hookah Bar
Washington, DC
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Christianity | Compare and contrast | Default | Students | TV shows | Washington, DC | Posted 2009-02-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Beginning Of This Season's Greatest Love Story
Bag lady: Any money you can spare for the homeless?
College girl: No, I'm sorry.
Bag lady: Well, fuck you, you sexy bitch!
Washington, DC
Overheard by:
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | Insults | Offers and requests | Questions | Students | Washington, DC | Women | Posted 2009-02-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Bet Your Honduras!
Customer pointing to guacamole: Can you put some of that Guatemala on it?
Chipotle
Washington, DC
Categories: Customers | Default | Food | Geography | Language barrier | Restaurants | Washington, DC | Posted 2009-02-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Hear the Russian Judge Gives Extra Points for That
Flaming gay over speakerphone: Just like that boy from Miami last night, I tried to suck his dick like I was trying to win an Olympic gold medal. And that's the only ass I would lick even if it wasn't clean.
Washington, DC
Categories: Ass | Compare and contrast | Default | Geography | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Penis | Queers | Washington, DC | Posted 2009-02-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
As Evidenced by the Last Election
Metro cop addressing large crowd waiting for the orange line: Keep moving down the platform. Move down, please!
Tired tourist mom: Move down, honey.
Little girl: Why?
Tired tourist mom: Because we're sheep, that's why.
Smithsonian Station, DC Metro
Washington, DC
Categories: Animals | Cops | Default | Family ties | Girls | Kids | Moms | Public Transportation | Public transportation | Questions | Tourists | Washington, DC | Posted 2009-02-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So This Is All Magic
Hausfrau dragging small son into hall of prehistory: Now remember, we don't believe in evolution!
Smithsonian Museum of Natural History
Overheard by: In the right museum
Categories: Default | Education | Kids | Kids | Moms | Religion | Science | Tourist attractions | Washington, DC | Posted 2009-02-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And...?
Elderly man: Human beings are rats.
Uncomfortable young man: Are you sure about that? Rats seem more...furry.
Elderly man: Human beings are furless rats.
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Listening, speechless.
Categories: Animals | Compare and contrast | Default | Guys | Questions | Washington, DC | Posted 2009-01-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Heidegger Hobo Also Plays Fundraisers and Private Parties
Homeless guy to girl passing by: The economic downturn has thrown me into an existential panic! (girl looks at him quizzically) Yeah, us street folk feel that shit too.
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Alessa Colaianni
Read and Heed, Gentlemen
Girl #1: He fucking made my bed this morning! It was cute!
Girl #2: Aawwwww. I love when they do that. If you're gonna mess around in my bed, you gotta make it. It's kinda my rule: if you're gonna cum on me, you better wash it off too.
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Meg
Categories: Cleanliness | Cum | Default | Friends | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Relationships | Sexuality | Washington, DC | Posted 2008-12-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Does It Make a Sound?
Security guard: What do you do with a mailbox? You throw it in the middle of the woods!
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Elaine
They're the Only Living Species of the Family Struthionidae. True Story
Hobo: Excuse me, miss. Can you tell me something about ostriches?
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Jonesy
Categories: Birds | Default | Hobos | Offers and requests | Questions | Washington, DC | Posted 2008-12-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Was Tired
Girl #1: Oh my gosh, it was so awkward. I was so tired yesterday, I walked in my room and my roommate was totally having sex with a random guy.
Girl #2: Oh god, what did you do?
Girl #1: What do you mean? I took a nap.
American University
Washington, DC
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Feelings | Friends | Girls | Questions | Sexuality | Washington, DC | Weirdness | Posted 2008-12-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Or Who You Are, Really
Student librarian on cell: Hey...who is this? Bill from architecture? Well, yeah, I remember writing my name on your arm, but I like don't remember why.
Music Library, Catholic University
Washington, DC
Overheard by: So much for quiet in the library...
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Memory lane | Names | On the phone | Questions | Students | Washington, DC | Posted 2008-12-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But I Love It As a Band Name
Jock in business attire #1: Islamic golf carts.
Jock in business attire #2: Sick, dude. Sick.
Georgetown University
Washington, DC
Overheard by: taylor
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Geography | Jocks | Religion | Suits | Washington, DC | Weirdness | Posted 2008-12-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Gotta Go With Your Strengths
20-something hippie blonde: What can I say? I love humping people!
Tenley Town
Washington, DC
Please Join Mr. Morse and Mr. Braille in the Office
Woman over intercom: Attention, there is an emergency in the ladies' room. There are no more paper towels.
(customers in super long line snicker)
Man on intercom (a minute or two later): Attention Mr. Dewey, we have an emergency in the office. Nobody can understand your decimal system.
Trader Joe's
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Hungry
Categories: Coworkers | Default | Employees | Guys | Offers and requests | Office politics | Stores | Washington, DC | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2008-11-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why "Family Vacation" Will Always Be an Oxymoron
Toddler to older sister: The pencil! Pencil! Look! (screaming) Looooook!
Teenage sister: That's the Washington Monument.
Toddler: Noooooo! It'll kill us! (sobbing uncontrollably) Kiiiillll! (continues sobbing)
National Mall
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Meaggoo
Just Plug and Play-- What Could Be Easier?
Drunk girl #1, in bathroom: So I told her she just needed to remove her vagina, put on a cock and man up!
Drunk girl #2: Totally.
Bathroom, Rocket Bar
Washington, DC
And Serve Beef
Frat boy: Indian food can't be any good! I mean, if it was, they'd have chain restaurants!
Washington, DC
Categories: Default | Food | Frat boy types | Geography | Stupidity | Washington, DC | Posted 2008-11-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We Better Just Get Off the Train, Mom
Tourist lady, as train approaches the end of the line: So how are they going to turn this train around?
Daughter: They don't have to. It can go in either direction.
Tourist lady: Well, are they at least going to turn the seats around?
Subway
Washington, DC
Categories: Default | Girls | Kids | Kids | Moms | Public transportation | Questions | Technology | Tourists | Train | Washington, DC | Women | Posted 2008-11-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Do You Ask, Senator?
Girl on cell: Yes, I have purple underwear.
Metro Bus
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Under where?
Categories: Bus | Default | Girls | On the phone | Undies | Washington, DC | Posted 2008-11-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Or Anthrax
Mom: No! Don't walk on that! (kid continues to walk on grass) I hope you step in dog shit.
Capitol Hill
Washington, DC
Overheard by: christa
Categories: Animals | Default | Moms | Offers and requests | Poop | Washington, DC | Wishes | Posted 2008-11-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Just Wait
College girl #1: And I want to see babies running around soon.
College girl #2: Yeah, I definitely want children. I'm *so* horny. I want babies.
College girl #1: Yeah, they're starting to grow on me. I mean, I definitely want kids. And I want to be a young mom, like I want to have kids by 25. I don't want to be one of those moms who just throw their kids outside and tell them to have fun.
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Danielle
Categories: Age and ageing | Default | Girls | Kids | Parenting | Pregnancy | Sorority types | Washington, DC | Wishes | Posted 2008-11-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Curiously, She Refuses to Watch SpongeBob SquarePants With Me
Professor: Like, for example, my wife loves Everybody Loves Raymond. I think it's...well, I think it's the death of all art.
Catholic University of America
Washington, DC
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Education | Philosophy | TV shows | Teachers | Washington, DC | Posted 2008-10-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And You Thought Picking Up Girls at Funerals Was Bad
Girlfriend on packed, stopped train: I'm bored. Tell me a story.
Boyfriend: I remember the first time I saw you...you were crying...sitting outside the abortion clinic. I gave you my hankie.
Yellow Train
Washington, DC
Overheard by: entertained next to them
Categories: Abortion | Couples | Default | Feelings | Girls | Guys | Memory lane | Offers and requests | Relationships | Train | Washington, DC | Weirdness | Posted 2008-10-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Putting on a Sock Puppet Show-- Why, What Were You Thinking?
20-something guy: I could do this all day. If you left me alone in a room with my hand, I could entertain myself all day.
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Lauren
Categories: Body parts | Default | Guys | Masturbation | Time Management | Washington, DC | Posted 2008-10-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Alan Breaks Into a Chorus of "Gonna Floss Those Reds Right Out of My Lair"
Important looking man on cell: So, apparently, Georgia is being occupied by Russia. What this means to us is... Oooh! Toothbrushes!
Washington, DC
Overheard by: ak
Categories: Default | Geography | Guys | Health & Hygiene | On the phone | Politics | Washington, DC | Weirdness | Posted 2008-10-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Due to All the Air.
Girl to friends (while reading horoscope page): I guess it means that, as an Aries, I should just embrace the fact that I'm better than people! (pause) Well, not better, just cooler.
Metro Red Line
Washington, DC
Overheard by: felonaz
Categories: Compare and contrast | Compliments | Default | Feelings | Friends | Girls | Train | Washington, DC | Posted 2008-09-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But I Always Get It Confused with "Elimidate"
Cashier #1: He's definitely overcompensating for something.
Cashier #2: I do not know what that word means.
Cashier #3: "Compensate?" You don't know what that means?
Cashier #2: "Compensate?" Penetrate--I know what *that* is.
Filene's Basement
Washington, DC
Categories: Compare and contrast | Coworkers | Default | Employees | Questions | Sexuality | Washington, DC | Words | Posted 2008-09-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Don't Even Want My Boobs?
Adopted Chinese daughter: I just wish we looked more alike.
Mother: Aw, you wish you looked more like me?
Adopted Chinese daughter: No, I wish you looked more like me.
Mall
Washington, DC
Overheard by: kellerz
Categories: Asians | Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | Kids | Kids | Malls | Moms | Washington, DC | Wishes | Posted 2008-09-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Well You Do Have a Cozy-Looking Mustache...
Texan hottie: Holy hell, its freezing. My lips are numb.
Nerdy guy: Want me to warm them up with mine?
Texan hottie: Ha, you wish.
Nerdy guy: Well... yeah, kinda.
Texan hottie: Oh.
Washington, DC
Categories: Chicks | Default | Dorks, Geeks & Nerds | Mouth | Washington, DC | Weather | Wishes | Posted 2008-08-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Portrait of the Runway Coach As a Young Boy
Seven-year-old boy to small sister at counter: Get out of the line! You on the line and I'm exquisite. I'm exquisite! I'm exquisite! I'm exquisite!
H&M
Washington, DC
Categories: Bragging | Default | Kids | Offers and requests | Stores | Washington, DC | Posted 2008-08-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Men Want You to Want Them, It's That Simple
Girl: So, you're like, a guy, right?
Guy: Um, yeah.
Girl: What would you want for Valentine's Day?
Guy: Sex.
Girl: Oh. I mean as a present.
Guy: Yeah. Still sex.
Georgetown, Washington DC
Is My Little Brother Getting Sober?
Frat boy to another: Dude, why do we always act like such assholes?
National Zoo
Washington, DC
Overheard by: keeeeem
Categories: Assholes | Default | Frat boy types | Questions | Tourist attractions | Washington, DC | Posted 2008-08-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So the Kardashians Are Safe
Girl: Oh my god, that is so slutty!
Guy: Not it's not! Sluts in unison aren't as slutty.
Georgetown University
Washington, DC
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Girls | Gripes | Guys | Stupidity | Washington, DC | Posted 2008-08-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
A Cantaloupe Bong Isn't an "Invention", Per Se...
Thug: So I just need somewhere to test my invention...
Washington, DC
Overheard by: can't help but wonder...
Categories: Thugs | Washington, DC | Wishes | Posted 2008-08-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But Try Not to Speak
Large, beefy boyfriend: Wow babe, what you said was really extinct... wait, doesn't "extinct" mean dead and not here anymore? I think I mean "distinct" or something.
Nerdy girlfriend: I love you.
Georgetown University
Washington, DC
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compliments | Couples | Default | Stupidity | Washington, DC | Words | Posted 2008-08-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Hard for Girls to Compete With That
Gross girl: Well, that girl's bathroom wasn't that bad.
Grosser guy: Well, the flies come to the men's because they like the pee pee floor. Mmmhmm.
Metro Red Line
Washington, DC
Categories: Default | Girls | Guys | Insects | Pee | Public transportation | Washington, DC | Posted 2008-08-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Seems to Keep Dad at Bay
Two-year-old girl: Mommy! You have hair on your vagina!
Restroom
Washington, DC
Probably the Funniest Thing Ever Uttered in a Statistics Class
Indian professor with thick accent: Okay class. If I flip this coin 50 times, what is the probability that I get head?
Dude in the back: Man, I could flip a coin 100 times and I'm still not gettin' head.
(class bursts into hysterical laughter)
Indian professor: What? What did I say?
Statistics Class, George Washington University
Washington, DC
We Better Have to Swim Through Her Blood When We Disembark
Metro announcement: The Red Line is experiencing delays due to a sick customer at Farragut North... Trains will share tracks at Gallery Place and Metro Center.
Man on metro: How sick was this customer?
Woman on metro: She better be dead, I'll tell you that.
Washington, DC
Overheard by: jposkin
Categories: Death & dying | Default | Guys | Maladies | Public Transportation | Strangers | Washington, DC | Women | Posted 2008-07-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...And He Let Me Touch His Mallard?
Girl: Hey, what about that time we went duck hunting naked and...
Random passerby: That sounds like fun!
Georgetown
Washington, DC
Categories: Animals | Body parts | Default | Girls | Memory lane | Sex | Strangers | Washington, DC | Posted 2008-07-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
At the Nymphomaniac Gamblers Anonymous Meeting
20-something chick to friend: If I have to strip him down and put him on top of you myself, I will. *Now* it's a bet!
Mercado, Washington, DC
Overheard by: Ladle
Categories: Chicks | Default | Sex | Washington, DC | Posted 2008-07-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
She Heard It Was an Island and Expects to Find Palm Trees
Tipsy chick: Why is she wearing a bra-top to Alcatraz?
The Big Hunt Bar
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Ladle
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Chicks | Clothes | Default | Questions | Stupidity | Washington, DC | Posted 2008-07-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Say Something to Me in C++
Guy trying to impress girl: So then I mastered a few languages, and after that it was pretty easy to get hired.
Girl: Oh wow! What languages?
Guy: C++.
Yellow Line Train
Washington, DC
Categories: Bragging | Default | Dorks, Geeks & Nerds | Girls | Guys | Relationships | Stupidity | Technology | Train | Washington, DC | Posted 2008-07-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
She Does a Lovely Rendition of "Plaque in the USSR"
American woman on cell: So when you go to Moscow, can you bring me back some toothpaste? Yeah, just Crest. Thanks.
13th St
Washington, DC
Categories: Default | Geography | Health & Hygiene | Offers and requests | On the phone | Washington, DC | Women | Posted 2008-06-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The FDA Has Less Influence Every Year
Woman: Do you have mothballs?
CVS employee: (after thinking for a few seconds) Is that a protein bar?
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Nana
Categories: Default | Offers and requests | Questions | Stores | Stupidity | Washington, DC | Women | Words | Posted 2008-06-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
They Have a Cool Little Hotspot Called Bar Nun
Balding yuppie guy on cell: All things being equal, I would like to drink.
(pause)
Balding yuppie guy on cell: Oh, so you guys are drinking in the convent?
Saxby's Coffee
Georgetown, Washington, DC
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Drinking & drunks | Guys | On the phone | Questions | Religion | Restaurants | Washington, DC | Wishes | Yuppies | Posted 2008-06-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Straight Men: Dammit, You Guys Ruin Everything!
Gay sports fan to table of gay sports fans, while watching Packers game: So, are you a packer or a packee?
Washington, DC
Categories: Compare and contrast | Queers | Questions | Sexuality | Washington, DC | Words | Posted 2008-05-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When I Have My Period, I Get a Mop
Chick: No, if I take a shit I get the dish soap.
Guy: [nods understandingly].
George Washington University
Washington, DC
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Etiquette | Girls | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Poop | Washington, DC | Words | Posted 2008-05-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Translation: I'm Still a Little Stoned
Girl, frantically looking through fridge: Shit, I'm gonna be late for work... What the hell? Why is your rice in my freezer?
Boyfriend: Because then it will be happy and prosperous.
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Nic
The National Association of Farmers Convention Can Get Rowdy
Preppie guy: ... And I said, "That's why I trade corn futures!" [Entire table erupts in raucous laughter.]
Ethiopian restaurant, 12th & U
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Ladle
Categories: Bragging | Guys | Jobs & Careers | Preppies | Restaurants | Washington, DC | Posted 2008-05-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
He'll Be Singing a Different Tune When Turtlenecks Come Back in Style
Twentysomething guy, excitedly: And all I could think was "Thank god im circumsized!"
Cherry Blossom Festival, National Mall
Washington, DC
Overheard by: sara aliza
Categories: Guys | Happiness | Health & Hygiene | Penis | Tourist attractions | Washington, DC | Posted 2008-04-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Do We Have to Drag Bernie Everywhere We Go?
Little boy: But I don't care about the dead guys anymore!
Washington Monument
Washington, DC
Categories: Compare and contrast | Death & dying | Fears | Feelings | Guys | Kids | Kids | Tourist attractions | Washington, DC | Posted 2008-04-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If It Leaves My Coffee Table All Wobbly Again, So Be It
Annoyed suit: Sir, don't make me break out the "Canterbury Tales!"
Washington, DC
And You'd Be Like, "I Got the Pus-sy!"
Lady professor: AU is so different, there are so many females here. When I was in college, my sophomore year it was a five to one ratio! Males to females! The men were hanging from the trees. You'd walk through campus, wary, and then you'd sit at the cafeteria table and look up from your breakfast and there would be five guys -just staring at you!
Justice Research Class, American University
Washington, D.C.
Categories: Bragging | Class | Compare and contrast | Education | Etiquette | Gender issues | Memory lane | Sexuality | Teachers | Washington, DC | Women | Posted 2008-04-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Only When I'm Drunk
Chick #1: I miss my car.
Chick #2: I miss my car too. Not like, driving it or anything. But I miss my car. We've been through so much together --four accidents, hitting a mailbox, and a lot of repairs. But I'm not like, a bad driver or anything.
George Washington University
Washington, DC
Categories: Bragging | Chicks | Colleges & Universities | Feelings | Friends | Idiots | Sorority types | Stupidity | Washington, DC | Posted 2008-04-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Are You Trying to Jumpstart the Cat Again?
Young woman on cell: Did you just say "The cables must be subjugated"? Uh huh... Okay... Yeah, I don't think you're okay to drive either.
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Nic
Categories: Advice | Drinking & drunks | On the phone | Questions | Washington, DC | Women | Words | Posted 2008-04-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If He Does Get Convicted, I Expect at Least a Bus Pass
Woman on cell: I know! I'm going to testify in court tomorrow for him so he doesn't go to jail for ten years. The least he can do is give me ride home!
Red line metro
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Mary
Categories: Crimes | Default | Gripes | On the phone | Washington, DC | Women | Posted 2008-03-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Especially If He Were Standing Next to Me with a Machete
Guy on phone: I don't vote for people who put their name in quotation marks on the ballot... Well, yeah, if it was 'Killer,' then I'd definitely vote for him.
Shout-out: eavesdropdc.blogspot.com
Overheard by:
Categories: Default | Eavesdrop DC | Gripes | Guys | Names | On the phone | Politics | Washington, DC | Posted 2008-03-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If We Don't Bend Time, the Terrorists Win
Conductor: Welcome aboard to all the new passengers. The time is 9:11. Actually... Let's make that 9:12. That's better, isn't it?
Washington, DC
Categories: Conductors | Default | Time Management | Washington, DC | Posted 2008-03-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But Smokers and Belchers Rise Straight to the Top
Grandpa to grandson: ... And no one but nobody can be a young leader if they crack their knuckles!
Washington, DC
Categories: Advice | Default | Family | Health & Hygiene | Lies | Old folks | Washington, DC | Posted 2008-03-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Not Any Louder Than Sex in a Prom Dress, Though
Chipper girl: I tell the sex workers that they can wear the female condom before going out. You can wear it for, like, three hours. They are kind of loud, though -- they crinkle! Sex is awkward, anyway.
Women's health class, American University
Washington, DC
Overheard by: aimc
Categories: Advice | Colleges & Universities | Default | Girls | Gripes | Health & Hygiene | Sex | Washington, DC | Posted 2008-03-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Father Martin, Why Is This Pew Wet and Sticky?
Girl: I should probably go to church tomorrow. It would make my mom happy... And the priest is really fucking hot.
Shout-out: eavesdropdc.blogspot.com
Overheard by:
Categories: Compliments | Default | Eavesdrop DC | Family ties | Girls | Religion | Washington, DC | Posted 2008-03-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You're Both Right!
Preppy girl #1: Wow, now we all have the same necklace! We should all wear them the next time we go out!
Preppy girl #2: Yeah! We'd be like the Power Rangers or something!
Preppy girl #3: Or we'd be like douchebags.
Eastern Market
Washington, DC
Overheard by: office peon does d.c.
Categories: Comebacks | Default | Fashion | Girls | Insults | Offers and requests | Preppies | Stores | Washington, DC | Posted 2008-03-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Calling President Washington "G-Money" Is Just Wrong
American history professor: Whoever is writing 'vah-jay-jay' instead of 'Virginia' in the notes they are submitting, please stop.
eavesdropdc.blogspot.com
Categories: Advice | Default | Eavesdrop DC | Teachers | Washington, DC | Words | Posted 2008-03-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
With a Scary Product
Girl: Why do they have an ambassador to Vatican City?
Guy: Because it's a country and stuff.
Girl: Do, like, normal people live there?
Guy: I don't know...
Girl, thoughtfully: It's a scary place...
Shout-out: eavesdropdc.blogspot.com
Overheard by:
Categories: Default | Eavesdrop DC | Geography | Girls | Guys | Politics | Questions | Stupidity | Washington, DC | Posted 2008-02-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Sweetie, All Men Are Transparent
Hobo: Damn, shorty, you lookin' good!
Black girl, groping white boy passerby: I don't like the dark chocolate -- I need a boy I can see my reflection in!
Washington, DC
Overheard by: D.B.
Categories: Black people | Hobos | Race | Washington, DC | Posted 2008-01-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
All I Asked Was, "Can I Buy You a Drink?"
Latina: So, this one time I was giving this guy a blowjob, but I just ate a tuna fish sandwich like 20 minutes before, and the whole time I'm like, 'Don't shoot that shit in my mouth 'cause I'll puke,' right? Then he totally came in my mouth!
White dude: Haha, nice!
Latina: Naw, man -- it was nasty! I fuckin' puked tuna fish all over this dude's dick and balls. It got all in his pubes and everything!
White dude: Wow.
Latina: But yeah, I give good head.
Buffalo Billiards
Washington, DC
Overheard by: procrastiNate
Categories: BJs | Food | Latinas | Washington, DC | Posted 2008-01-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What's the Word for Ironic Irony?
Young hipster dude to older hipster dude: Man, fuck Yanni. That guy sucks. [Mocks his singing] 'The best part of waking up...' Wait, no, that's Michael Bolton. Wait, no, that's Folgers!
Blue line Metro
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Laughing at that guy
Categories: Hipsters | Music | Washington, DC | Posted 2008-01-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's a Twofer!
Child running up escalator: I'm winning again!
Mom, huffing and puffing on other escalator: Yeah, well, I'm having a stroke, so...
Cleveland Park Metro station
Washington, DC
Categories: Kids | Maladies | Moms | Washington, DC | Posted 2008-01-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Eliot Spitzer's next big target
Thugette: Yo, I think Diet Coke got some nicotine in it, 'cause I can't stop drinking it!
Thug: Yeah, for real. They still must be puttin' some coke in that jank.
Passerby: It's called caffeine.
9th & M Streets
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Erika
Categories: Drugs | Thugs | Washington, DC | Posted 2008-01-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And I Stopped Listening to Myself Years Ago
Student: Professor, can you repeat that question?
Professor: I can't remember! I just make this shit up.
American University
Washington, DC
Categories: Education | Students | Teachers | Washington, DC | Posted 2007-12-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That, and the Shrapnel
Preppy girl #1: Yeah, so he's going to be in Iraq until early December, and then he gets to be here until early January, and then he starts his second tour.
Preppy girl #2: That's awesome.
Preppy girl #1: Yeah, except that he's dating my best friend.
Judiciary Square Metro Station
Washington, DC
Overheard by: V
Categories: Gossip | Preppies | Washington, DC | Posted 2007-12-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Recommend Not Moving between Them
Conductor over PA after train starts and stops a few times: There are six different kinds of metro cars, all manufactured in different places and different times. This particular train is comprised of three of those kinds. The transit authority says they all work fine together. I'll let you decide that for yourselves...
Blue Line
Washington, DC
Categories: Conductors | Gossip | Washington, DC | Posted 2007-12-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
As Her Husband, I'm Gonna Have to Say No
Suit on cell: I just want to take her to North Carolina and pound the shit out of her. Is that okay?
18th Street and Belmont Road
Washington, DC
Overheard by: glad im not in NC
Categories: Gossip | Sex | Suits | Washington, DC | Posted 2007-12-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Or We'll Be Late for Our Scientology Meeting.
Child, about diorama: Mommy, is that real?
Mother: No, it's all lies. Let's go.
Museum
Washington, DC
Categories: Kids | Lies | Moms | Washington, DC | Posted 2007-12-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
... Unlike Some of the More Outgoing Stuffed Animals
Man on cell: ... So I just put her in the closet, because she's very quiet...
Military Road and 41st Street NW
Washington, DC
Categories: Gossip | On the phone | Washington, DC | Posted 2007-12-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Laura Bush and Lynne Cheney Pop Out for a Smoke
Ciggy #1: The time you and I went and bought cigarettes -- was that the night you went in a toga?
Ciggy #2: Haha, oh my god, yes! Oh, wait... Was that the lesbian night?
Washington, DC
Categories: Chicks | Leisure | Questions | Washington, DC | Posted 2007-12-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What?
Professor, about megafauna: I would love to have a giant beaver.
GWU Archaeology lecture
Washington, DC
Categories: Animals | Teachers | Washington, DC | Posted 2007-11-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Be Wary of Their Explosive Diarrhea
Old woman: That's the problem with men -- they treat kids like little adults instead of like--
Younger woman: --Kids?
Old woman: No. Like terrorists.
Washington, DC
Categories: Gripes | Ladies who lunch | Washington, DC | Posted 2007-11-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Up from Zero
Teen boy #1: Dude, you enlarged your penis with that thing?!
Teen boy #2: Yeah, like five inches.
Washington, DC
Categories: Penis | Teens | Washington, DC | Posted 2007-11-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Your Phone Number in Blood on My Mirror? Genius!
Suit: You are so good at stalking.
20-ish chick: Thank you so much! [Shakes his hand.]
Suit: Keep up the good work.
Dupont Circle
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Steve
Categories: Compliments | Suits | Washington, DC | Posted 2007-11-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Just Friends with It
Mom: Do you remember what the name of this river is, Billy?
Son: Is it the Platonic River?
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Keith
Categories: Kids | Moms | Washington, DC | Posted 2007-11-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's Like a Drug-Free Acid Trip
Suit: I always enjoy going to Comic-Con because of the midgets in costumes.
Dulles Airport
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Becka
Categories: Leisure | Suits | Washington, DC | Posted 2007-11-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Using Implements No Man Can Match
Hot chick #1: I just cannot get off during sex.
Hot chick #2: That's because you masturbate too much.
Hot chick #1: Oh.
Lebanese Taverna
Washington, DC
Categories: Chicks | Masturbation | Washington, DC | Posted 2007-11-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Someday All That Water Will Join Up -- Then What?
High school boy: Damn, this is the part where we go over the ocean! I hate this shit! Every day going over the ocean! Shit!
Yellow Line train crossing the Potomac
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Not afraid of the Potomac
Categories: Idiots | Stupidity | Washington, DC | Posted 2007-10-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Because I'd Really Like to Get My Money's Worth
Girl: The schedule says 'Icebreaker activity.' Do you think that will involve a lot of bodily contact?
Washington, DC
Categories: Chicks | Questions | Washington, DC | Posted 2007-10-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The First Time in a Spotless Twenty Years of Alcohol Abuse
Loud hobo with wet pant leg: I pissed my pants! I got to get home to my wife to show her I pissed my pants! I got to teach my kids how not to piss their pants! I can't believe I pissed my pants!
Washington, DC
Categories: Hobos | Pee | Washington, DC | Posted 2007-10-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Terrible Wig-Hair
Smug male hipster law student: I don't do gender-bending anymore -- it almost always leads to bar fights.
Washington College of Law
Washington, DC
Overheard by: If it weren't for my horse...
Categories: Gender issues | Hipsters | Washington, DC | Posted 2007-10-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's Not the Place I Belong, After All
Girl #1: ... And his sack -- it fucking smelled like a carnival.
Girl #2: What?!
Girl #1: Like barnyard animals and carny folk... And kinda like hay.
Girl #2: Well, I told you not to hump someone who is from West Virginia!
M Street and Wisconsin Avenue
Washington, DC
Overheard by: NinaBeana
Categories: Balls | Chicks | Washington, DC | Posted 2007-10-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's So Cute. Now Take the Little Fucker Home.
Cute toddler boy in giant sombrero: I'm running amok! I'm running amok!
Georgetown Cafe
Washington, DC
Categories: Kids | Leisure | Washington, DC | Posted 2007-10-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Unless You Have Pepperoni Nipples
Gym bunny to frat boy: Yeah, but I mean, boobs don't smell like anything.
American University
Washington, DC
Categories: Gym rats | Rack | Washington, DC | Posted 2007-10-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Still Tasting Yesterday's
Crazy bag lady: Can I have that shirt? I'm all dirty and nasty.
Young guy: No, I need this for work.
Crazy bag lady: Oh. Can I shit in your mouth?
Young guy: Um, no.
Washington, DC
Categories: Bag ladies | Clothing | Poop | Washington, DC | Posted 2007-10-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
A Little-Known Provision of the USA PATRIOT Act
Umpire to catcher and kicker during kickball game: Now, legally you're allowed to pants each other.
National Mall
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Satsuki
Categories: Guys | Philosophy | Washington, DC | Posted 2007-10-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Sure Hope So!
Loud man in fatigues: Wow! Y'all look like Charlie's Angels. I didn't realize how beautiful you are.
Girl #1: Oh, thanks.
Loud man in fatigues: Wow! You have beautiful feet! Can I suck a toe-jam?
Girl #1: Ummm, no, thank you.
Girl #2, whispering: What's a toe-jam? Is it something really gross and inappropriate?
Washington, DC
Categories: Chicks | Compliments | Creepsters | Washington, DC | Posted 2007-09-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Gonna Be Sticking Your Dick in It?
Man to harried employee: I would like a latte, but please do not steam the milk any hotter than a hundred and thirty degrees...
Coffee stand, Washington National Airport
Washington, DC
Categories: Food | Jerks | Washington, DC | Posted 2007-09-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Like When Daddy Wears Your Clothes?
Mom reading book: This says 'odd.' Do you know what 'odd' means? It means something is funny or weird. Like when you said you wanted to eat a rock -- that was odd.
Red Line train
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Sitting behind them trying not to laugh
Categories: Moms | Washington, DC | Words | Posted 2007-08-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Squirtle's a No-Brainer, but Jigglypuff's Going to Be Tough
High school boy #1: Know what I'm gonna do?
High school boy #2: You're gonna jizz in my mouth.
High school boy #1: I'm gonna go to a third world country, buy four people, put them in an arena, and make them play Super Smash Brothers in real life. For Pikachu I'm gonna put thousand-volt batteries in his cheeks.
Ride-On bus
Washington, DC
Overheard by: bus rider
Categories: Games | Kids | Washington, DC | Posted 2007-08-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Couldn't Jar My Uvula!
Annoying girl: Are you ignoring me? Mike. Mike. Mike. Mike. Mike. Mike. Mike.
Mike, apparently: God, I wish chivalry was dead.
Annoying girl: What's chivalry?
Mike: It's what's keeping me from smashing your head open with my cock.
Diner
Washington, DC
Categories: Couples | Gripes | Washington, DC | Posted 2007-08-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And I Forgot to Bring Breadcrumbs
Park ranger on horseback to another: We have to stay inside the perimeter or else... [thoughtful pause]... we will be outside the perimeter.
National Mall
Washington, DC
Overheard by: three amigas
Categories: Idiots | Philosophy | Washington, DC | Posted 2007-08-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Basically a Communal Stress Ball
Yuppie girl on cell: ... And then he grabbed my ass right in front of her! If I was her, I would have thrown a fit... But she knows she'll never be at my level.
Georgetown
Washington, DC
Categories: Insults | Washington, DC | Yuppies | Posted 2007-07-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Observing the Employed in Their Natural Habitat
College guy to group, confused by crowd at ten a.m.: I always forget there's this whole subculture of people who get up before noon.
Connecticut Avenue and R Street
Washington, DC
Categories: Frat boy types | Stupidity | Washington, DC | Posted 2007-07-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
... Other Than My Anti-Semitism and Her Brutal Rape
Drunk girl #1: I can't date him -- he's a vegetarian. You can't trust vegetarians.
Drunk girl #2: You're just saying that 'cause that vegetarian guy you dated last semester raped you. He was also Jewish. You should hate the Jews -- you'd have more company! [Drunk girl #1 leaves, upset.] I don't know what her problem is.
Georgetown
Washington, DC
Categories: Drunks | Insults | Washington, DC | Posted 2007-07-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Look, Baby, I'll Give You a Half Point Interest Rate Reduction, and That's My Final Offer
Drunk girl to another: I am going to suck it so good he is going to pay back all my loans!
Bar, Capital Hill
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Katie
Categories: BJs | Bragging | Drunks | Washington, DC | Posted 2007-07-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
For Those Who Think It Tragic That White Birthrates Are Dropping
Old frat boy #1: Yeah, dude, I really need to get my stuff together. I've already graduated college and I still live like I'm in college.
Old frat boy #2: Yeah, don't mess around and end up like Mike* -- he's about to have a second kid. Both of them were mistakes.
Old frat boy #1: Yeah, I always make the girls I have sex with stand on their heads after. I'm so glad that urban legend is true.
Old frat boy #2: Haha, yeah, I always make the girls I hook up with do post-coital jumping jacks.
Metrobus
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Tyler
Categories: Frat boy types | Gossip | Washington, DC | Posted 2007-07-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Guys Can Be So Fake
Chick #1: I'm glad we're not dating anymore. He was tiring. He thought he was such a Don Juan, and I would have to pretend to be charmed by what he said.
Chick #2: Like, how do you mean?
Chick #1: Well, I told him that I thought sex should be special, and he comes back with the line, 'Every day is special with you, Olivia*.' I wanted to laugh in his face, but instead I was like, 'Oh, that's so sweet!'
Georgetown University
Washington, DC
Overheard by: they're smarter than I thought
Categories: Chicks | Gossip | Washington, DC | Posted 2007-07-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Back Half
Man on cell: Hang on, I'm coming with half of my pants!
Metro
Washington, DC
Categories: Clothing | On the phone | Washington, DC | Posted 2007-07-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's Important to Rule That Out First
Blonde: So, what's this play about?
Brunnette: It's the adult version of Peter Pan.
Blonde: You mean, like, porn?
Brunette: Uhhh, not exactly.
Showing of Peter and Wendy, Kreeger Theater
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Julius
Categories: Bimbettes | Questions | Washington, DC | Posted 2007-07-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Before We Have a Chance to Pass on Our Genes?
Girl #1: We are so fly, we should kill ourselves.
Guy: Oh, yeah.
Girl #2 nods.
Shout-out: overheardatthemecca.blogspot.com
Overheard by: autumn
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Death & dying | North America | Overheard At The Mecca | USA | Washington, DC | Posted 2007-06-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Also Why I Didn't Get That Modeling Contract
Girl: I got into the international university in Bremen, but they didn't give me any scholarship money because I'm not Ethiopian and I eat dinner every night.
Washington, DC
Categories: Biotechs | Education | Gossip | Washington, DC | Posted 2007-06-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
People Are All "What's Up?" As Volunteers Push Me Back into the Sea
College guy: Ugh. Now I know what a beached whale feels like when it gets a phone call.
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Bahama Mama
Categories: Animals | Students | Washington, DC | Posted 2007-05-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So Now I Found a White House with a Really Big Lawn
Tourist girl on cell: I found the house I want to live in when I move to DC, but then I found out it was the Smithsonian...
Washington, DC
Categories: Gossip | Stupidity | Tourists | Washington, DC | Posted 2007-05-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Which I Do to Make Getting Pregnant Fun
Girl: That's totally the last time I'm getting pregnant. It takes all the fun out of drinking!
RFK Stadium Metro Station
Washington, DC
Categories: Hoochies | Philosophy | Pregnancy | Washington, DC | Posted 2007-05-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
All I Have to Do Is Stand in a Phone Booth and Take Off My Glasses
Suit #1: You gotta stop traveling and eating out like this. You're starting to pack it on.
Suit #2, slapping his stomach: Nah, after seven p.m. all this turns to dick.
Steakhouse
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Poor Bastard
Categories: Advice | Bragging | Suits | Washington, DC | Posted 2007-04-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If You'll Refer to This Pie Chart...
Frat boy: All of my plans involve either money or pussy.
Starbucks, E Street
Shout-out: eavesdropdc.blogspot.com
Categories: Eavesdrop DC | Frat boy types | Vagina | Washington, DC | Posted 2007-04-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Said That about My Leg, and It's Still Broken
Dude #1: I have a really bad headache.
Dude #2: You know what cures that? Sodomy!
Shout-out: eavesdropdc.blogspot.com
Categories: Advice | Eavesdrop DC | Friends | Headaches | Washington, DC | Posted 2007-03-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Your Backpack, for Instance, Holds a Gram of Weak Pot
International Relations professor: If I was to go to San Diego, or any city I've never been to, give me 24 hours and I could tell you what, where, by whom, and how much the drugs are sold for... [Long pause] And, depending on the drug, perhaps even the quality.
Shout-out: eavesdropdc.blogspot.com
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Drugs | Eavesdrop DC | Teachers | Washington, DC | Posted 2007-03-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Do Other Guys Get All the Herpes?
Dude: It's weird... All of the girls I dated turned slutty after I dated them. It's totally unfair.
Shout-out: eavesdropdc.blogspot.com
Categories: Eavesdrop DC | Frat boy types | Gripes | Washington, DC | Posted 2007-03-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Also Known As a White Sale
Guy #1: 'Drinking the Kool-Aid' is such a misused phrase. It's even become corporate speak. Don't people realize that it's a reference to the death of a thousand people?
Guy #2: Yeah, next thing you know they'll be saying, 'We're going to offer a Holocaust of savings.'
Shout-out: eavesdropdc.blogspot.com
Categories: Eavesdrop DC | Gossip | Guys | Washington, DC | Posted 2007-03-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Last Time You Said That, We Had to Get Extradited from Nepal
Chick: I haven't even showered today.
Dude: If we're going to have a quickie you need to take a shower first.
Chick: I could just douche first.
Dude: I don't want my dick to smell like a tree. I want it to smell like a panther.
American University
Washington, DC
Categories: Chicks | Douching | Washington, DC | Posted 2007-03-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Totally Worth It
Man to buddy: She's the one who introduced me to the lesbian that beat me up after sex.
Adams Morgan, DC
Shout-out: eavesdropdc.blogspot.com
Categories: Eavesdrop DC | Gossip | Guys | Washington, DC | Posted 2007-03-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Are These Not the Hottest Slippers Ever?
Girl: I'm like Mister Rogers -- I change my style twice a day.
Farragut North Metro
Shout-out: eavesdropdc.blogspot.com
Categories: Chicks | Eavesdrop DC | Fashion | Washington, DC | Posted 2007-03-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
