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For the Last Time, Tommy, It's Not Even Goat-Stabbing Season
Four-year-old to mother: How do you kill a goat? With a gun?
Mother: Well...
Four-year-old, after epiphany: Or a sword!
Tacoma, Washington
Overheard by: Charlie G.
Ever Heard Of Grand Theft Autoerotica, Sally?
Nerdy frat boy #1: You know what we should do? Just go buy a video game, sit down, and fucking beat it.
Nerdy frat boy #2: Yeah!
Sorority girl, guffawing: Why would you buy a video game to jack off?!
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Charlie G.
Categories: Frat boy types | Games | Leisure | Masturbation | Questions | Sorority types | Washington | Posted 2011-08-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Well It Works in Her Favor!
Girl: I'm hanging out with Claire today, that's why I can't stay later.
Guy: Is Claire the one with the awesome accent?
Girl: She has a speech impediment.
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Leonard
Categories: Girls | Guys | Language barrier | Maladies | Questions | Relationships | Washington | Posted 2011-06-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Let Us Never Speak Of This Again.
College guy, watching little girl in husky cheerleader outfit: What's with all these cheerleaders everywhere? I like it!
Female friend: Dude, that sounded kind of wrong, she's like six.
College guy: Yeah... I just realized that.
UW Husky Tailgate
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Face
Categories: Age and ageing | Feelings | Guys | Washington | Weirdness | Posted 2011-06-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Like When Jim Carrey Became Jamie Kennedy
Nerd #1: What you really must decide is where your evil alter ego came from. Was it a sudden event that caused it to emerge? Or was it always lurking waiting for the right moment?
Nerd #2, nodding in agreement: Yes, yes. So true.
Skagit, Washington
Categories: Dorks, Geeks & Nerds | Philosophy | Questions | Washington | Weirdness | Posted 2011-05-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Want Us to Go Home and Change?!
Super drunk girls to random dude passing by: Could you take our picture?
Random dude: Sure, no problem! (pause) Three... Two... But try not to look too whorish...
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Offended on their behalf
Categories: Advice | Compliments | Drinking & drunks | Offers and requests | Washington | Posted 2011-04-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Thinking About Food Nonstop
Obese guy to another: That's what I like most about dieting...
Ferndale, Washington
Categories: Character | Diet & weight | Fat people | Feelings | Washington | Posted 2011-03-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Preferably That Squirmy, Hairless Guy in the Back Row.
Dumb freshman girl: Why does being castrated make your voice high?
Friar professor: Talk to someone after class.
Seattle University
Washington
Overheard by: facepalm
Categories: Body parts | Girls | Questions | Teachers | Washington | Weirdness | Posted 2011-03-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Don't Like Feeling Exotic
Little girl to mother: I always get weirded out when we come to Asian markets.
Mom: Why is that?
Little girl: Because there are so many Asian people in one place!
Mom: Why is that weird?
Uwajimaya
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Koley
Aren't You Glad We Can Talk Like This?
Girl: Woah, when did you get here?
Boy: Everywhere.
Girl: I asked when.
Boy: Oh. Uh. All the time.
Spokane, Washington
Categories: Girls | Guys | Language barrier | Questions | Stupidity | Washington | Posted 2011-03-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...As Some Of You Guessed on the Midterm?
Veterinary pathology professor: The client's Samoyed had puppies, and the last pup came out green. So what happened? Did the bitch get raped by a martian?
Washington State University
Pullman, Washington
Categories: Animals | Questions | Teachers | Washington | Weirdness | Posted 2011-03-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Although If Girls Had Dicks, I'd Be All Over 'em
Guy #1: Do you like Guns 'n' Roses?
Guy #2: Yeah.
Guy #1: In a strange sort of way, I know Slash. Well... Slash's mom used to be my TA, you know, my teacher's assistant, when I was a kid.
Guy #2: You gotta get me his autograph. I'll suck your dick if you get me his autograph.
Guy #1: Do you prefer guys?
Guy #2: Yeah.
Spokane, Washington
Categories: BJs | Guys | Music | Offers and requests | Questions | Washington | Posted 2011-03-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Beginning to Regret Taking You to Therapy.
Little girl trying on boots: Mom, can I get them?
Mom: Yes, but you have to take them off.
Little girl: Will you help me?
Mom: No, if you don't know how to take your own shoes off by now, I've done something very wrong.
Little girl, in low voice, taking boots off: ...you have.
Target
Bellingham, Washington
Overheard by: Rachel
Why Can't My Brother and I Be This Close?
Five-year-old girl: I farted on you, again.
Five-year-old brother: I don't care.
Shoreline, Washington
Categories: Burping & farting | Education | Kids | Kids | Washington | Posted 2010-12-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Now Teach Courses in It to Other Moms
Kid: Mom... Mom... Mom! You're ignoring me again!
Mom: Yeah, I know. I've sort of learned to tune you out.
Bellingham, Washington
You Always Know Just What to Say.
Boyfriend, quietly to girlfriend: You put the lime in the coconut, and dunk your balls in.
Dupont Circle
Washington, DC
Categories: Advice | Couples | Fruit | Washington | Weirdness | Posted 2010-12-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Third-Wave Feminism Finally Reaches Bellingham
Coworker, indignantly: Stop locking up my chuzzles!
Bellingham, Washington
Overheard by: Should be working
Categories: Balls | Coworkers | Gripes | Sex | Washington | Posted 2010-12-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Or Just Check It Out on Your Sex Blog
Little girl: What color is your bed?
Patient babysitter: Blue.
Little girl: What color is your bathroom?
Patient babysitter: Red.
Little girl: What color is your underwear?
Patient babysitter: Sweetie, I'm not telling you that!
Little girl: That's okay, I'll see it when you bend over.
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Face
Categories: Babysitters | Clothes | Education | Kids | Questions | Washington | Posted 2010-12-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Well It Is Exactly Nine Months Before Labor Day.
Tall girl: What is this? Let's-all-jump-Jennifer-and-get-her-pregnant Day?
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Julianna
Categories: Girls | Pregnancy | Questions | Violence | Washington | Posted 2010-12-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Pop Quiz: Calculate the Odds It Will Actually Be Fine
Guy to girl in motel breakfast room: Fine! You want to fuck, then let's fuck!
Seattle, Washington
Categories: Couples | Feelings | Relationships | Sex | Washington | Posted 2010-11-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When a Marriage Unravels, Both Spouses Know
Girl: I had a dream you died, and I woke up crying.
Guy: I woke up screaming, but that's because I dreamed I was being chased by aliens.
Bellingham, Washington
Categories: Couples | Gender issues | Relationships | Threats | Washington | Posted 2010-11-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...With William Shakespeare?
Older sister: Did you know Louie Armstrong smoked a lot of pot?
Younger sister: While he was in space?
Auburn, Washington
Are These Heels Clear? I Don't Think So!
Girl #1 to friend wearing tank top, booty shoes, and 3-inch heels: Girl, I don't know what they be sayin. You do not look like no hoe.
Girl #2, passing by, to friend: Hoe.
High School
Washington State
Categories: Clothing | Compare and contrast | Friends | Girls | Insults | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Washington | Posted 2010-10-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But Mick Jagger's So Old
Drunk girl at party: I want to hang off his lips until I die!
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Claire
Categories: Death & dying | Drunks | Girls | Mouth | Washington | Wishes | Posted 2010-09-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Their Relationship Is Sweet but Sticky
Guy: I bet you taste like cotton candy. (pause) Is it okay, sometime, if I'm hungry, if I take a little nibble...
Girl: No!
Bellingham, Washington
Categories: Candy | Compare and contrast | Girls | Guys | Sensory experiences | Washington | Posted 2010-09-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Kim Jong-il: "Wait, What?"
16-year-old male in office waiting room, to friend: You can't just solve all your problems by causing a nuclear holocaust, man!
Whatcom Community College
Bellingham, Washington
Overheard by: littlegirlmonkey
Categories: Advice | Colleges & Universities | Friends | Teens | Violence | Washington | Posted 2010-09-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Is That Chinese for "You're Hot"?
Balding nerdy guy to cute Asian arty girl: What was your name again?
Cute Asian arty chick: No.
Pioneer Square
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: curtis martin
Categories: Asians | Comebacks | Dorks, Geeks & Nerds | Names | Questions | Washington | Posted 2010-09-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Always Making Generalizations About Particular Groups
College chick: Oh my god! Girls are, like, so racist.
University of Washington
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Jackie
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Gender issues | Race | Sorority types | Washington | Posted 2010-09-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Assuming I've Successfully Turned You Gay. Now Let's Go Look at Window-treatments.
Little boy on bus: Mom, mom, what's that? (points at Showgirls)
Mom: It's a titty place! Don't worry, no one's going to come out naked, but you won't care about that when you're 20.
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Face
Categories: Age and ageing | Kids | Kids | Moms | Parenting | Questions | Rack | Sensory experiences | Sex | Washington | Posted 2010-08-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Shuts Himself Off Like C-3PO
Girl #1: Vern's breaking down.
Girl #2: Who?
Girl #1: My car.
Girl #2: Oh. I was worried there for a second.
Bellingham, Washington
Categories: Girls | Names | Technology | Washington | Weirdness | Posted 2010-08-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
A Nun Wouldn't Marry Some Prick, Honey
Little girl, pointing to picture of Jesus on card: Who's that?
Babysitter: Well, that's Jesus.
Little girl: Oh... He looks like a nice guy.
Bellevue, Washington
Categories: About celebrities | Compare and contrast | Girls | Jesus | Kids | Washington | Posted 2010-07-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Being a Termite Must Suck
Grungy teenager to group of grungy friends: And then I ate half of a cardboard box!
Olympia, Washington
Overheard by: Claire
Categories: Diet & weight | Food | Friends | Teens | Washington | Weirdness | Posted 2010-07-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
He Suggested I Test the Tracks by Sleeping on Them
Angry girl on cell: No, I seriously hate him. He wouldn't stop laughing at me the entire night, and I felt like an idiot. All I asked was whether real trains still run on train tracks. I mean, I just thought the tracks were antiques that got left behind or something... It's not a stupid question!
Bellingham, Washington
Overheard by: kgirl42
Categories: Feelings | Girls | Gripes | On the phone | Public Transportation | Questions | Stupidity | Washington | Posted 2010-07-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Weirdest. Job Interview. Ever.
Man on cell in very quiet bus: Look. I took the pills, I put the powder in my pants, I don't have cooties anymore!
Bus
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Kat from Tacoma
Categories: Bus | Guys | Health & Hygiene | On the phone | STDs | Undies | Washington | Posted 2010-06-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Hear Target Has Moms at Bargain Prices
Little girl, trying to find her mom: Mommy! Mom! Mom!
(she finds her)
Little girl: Hey, mom!
Mom, totally deadpan: I'm not your mom, you should go find your real mom.
Little girl: Mom...?
Mom: I am not your mom. It's time you go find your real mom.
Little girl: But... Mom...
Mom: Fine, what?!
Bellingham, Washington
Overheard by: Rachel
Categories: Family ties | Kids | Moms | Parenting | Washington | Weirdness | Posted 2010-06-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Taco Bell, Delicious but Disgusting
Canadian woman #1: And they found DNA in it.
Canadian woman #2: What?
Canadian woman #1: Sperm.
Canadian woman #2: What?! Again?! That's it, I'm not eating there anymore.
Bellingham, Washington
Overheard by: Rachel
Categories: Cum | Food | Foreigners | Washington | Women | Posted 2010-06-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So Let a Toothless Smile Be Your Umbrella
20-something Puerto Rican female passenger: God, I hate this weather!
Young black passenger: Man, I love this weather! The rain is good.
20-something Puerto Rican female passenger: I want sunshine!
Young black passenger: No, man, the rain is great... It's perfect meth weather.
Bus
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Mia Coleman
Categories: Black people | Bus | Drugs | Feelings | Gripes | Latinas | Washington | Weather | Wishes | Posted 2010-06-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And I'm a B-Cup, Easy
Teenage boy to teenage girl: I have a bigger penis than you.
Seattle, Washington
Categories: Compare and contrast | Gender issues | Penis | Teens | Washington | Posted 2010-06-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Mean, You Have to Have Priorities, Right?
Female health care professional: I was taking prenatal vitamins, but it made my hair grow really fast, and when I bleached my hair and it grew out too fast it looked really bad, so I stopped taking them.
Seattle, Washington
Categories: Employees | Hair | Health & Hygiene | Washington | Posted 2010-05-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Don't Know Degradation 'til You Go Into Retail
Scruffy hipster dude on cell: I'm tired of selling sex. I just want to sell jeans... Or something along those lines.
Seattle, Washington
Categories: Clothes | Hipsters | On the phone | Sex | Washington | Wishes | Posted 2010-05-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Did I Not Put My Tit in Your Coffee This Very Morning?
Older man: Let's go to that bikini coffee shop!
Younger woman: What? What?
Older man: It's a coffee shop where women with self esteem issues wear bikinis and serve... coffee. What's not to get?
Younger woman: Fuck you.
Seattle, Washington
Categories: Clothes | Food | Guys | Insults | Offers and requests | Washington | Women | Posted 2010-05-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...By Lying
Guy #1: I was supposed to interview my grandma for my sociology project, but I didn't. I'm going to have to like, make up her life right now.
Guy #2: Why didn't you interview her?
Guy #1: Well, she lives in Oregon, and you know, the time change...
Guy #2: Dude, there's no time change from here to Oregon.
Guy #1: I know that, shut up! I'm trying to make myself feel better.
University of Washington
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Beatrice
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Family ties | Guys | Lies | US Geography | Washington | Posted 2010-05-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Just Pretend You're in New York
Girl, seeing random guy screaming gibberish: What was that?
Guy: Don't worry about it.
Bellingham, Washington
Categories: Girls | Guys | Language barrier | Washington | Weirdness | Posted 2010-04-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
No Wonder Everybody Has Herpes
Freshman guy: In health today, we were looking at pictures of vaginas with herpes, and it made me want pizza...
High School
Steilacoom, Washington
Overheard by: Meredith
Categories: Compare and contrast | Food | STDs | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Students | Vagina | Washington | Weirdness | Posted 2010-04-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...For You, Missy.
Girl to boy: How old are you?
Boy: Two old!
Seattle, Washington
Categories: Age and ageing | Kids | Washington | Words | Posted 2010-04-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Before We Proceed to the Big Photoshoot at McDonald's
Overweight tourist: Oh, get a picture of me outside Starbucks.
Seattle, Washington
Categories: Fat people | Food | Washington | Wishes | Posted 2010-04-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Should I Make Her a Little Card That Says That?
Waiter, about female patron: Mmm. So hot. I just want to pump her full of babies!
Seattle, Washington
Categories: Baristas | Beauty | Pregnancy | Sex | Washington | Posted 2010-03-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We're So Vanilla We've Given Each Other Diabetes
Tall, pale, blonde girl: And Joe and I realized that we are both ridiculously tall, blonde and blue-eyed. So Aryan. We're basically Hitler's wet dream.
Capitol Hill
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Celessa
Just the Whites-- She's on a Diet
Bar patron to another: And then we cracked eggs into her vagina.
Blue Moon Tavern
Seattle, Washington
Categories: Baristas | Bars & Clubs | Food | Vagina | Washington | Weirdness | Posted 2010-03-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What? You've Never Heard Of Rounding?
Young teenage girl to friend: $3.25 for a Rockstar? That's like, wait... (pauses for a few seconds) That's like five dollars.
Tacoma Mall
Washington
Overheard by: Not impressed by the math skills of today's youth.
Categories: Money | Shopping | Stupidity | Teens | Washington | Posted 2010-03-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Suing for Breach Of the Social Contract
Smelly drunk in silent library room: You don't work for me? Man, no one knows that they work for me!
Public Library
Seattle, Washington
Categories: Drunks | Gripes | Washington | Weirdness | Posted 2010-03-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Dad Still Isn't Talking to Me
Girl: T9 is responsible for so many mishaps. Once I tried to text someone "thanks for helping me". Instead I typed "thanks for humping me." It was bad!
Tacoma, Washington
Categories: Girls | Texting | Washington | Weirdness | Words | Posted 2010-02-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The First Rule Of Play-Date Is...
Girl #1: I just got a betta fish.
Girl #2, way too excited: Oh my gosh, I have one of those! You should bring yours over for a play-date!
Bellingham, Washington
Categories: Animals | Girls | Offers and requests | Washington | Weirdness | Posted 2010-02-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We Have No Words for This Quote.
Woman: Do you have the book How to Fix Your Marriage without Words?
Saleslady: Sorry, it looks like we don't have that in stock right now.
Woman: Fuck!
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Taylor
Categories: Books | Customers | Employees | Insults | Relationships | Shopping | Washington | Posted 2010-02-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Wouldn't Going Potty First Be Most Important?
Mother in bathroom stall to small child: We can go soon, but first mommy has to go potty, then put her pants back on. Put her pants back on... That's the most important thing.
Puyallup, Washington
Overheard by: in the next stall...
Categories: Health & Hygiene | Kids | Kids | Moms | Parenting | Pee | Undies | Washington | Posted 2010-01-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Might As Well Face It, You're Addicted to Lumps
Very pregnant woman surrounded by misbehaving children: Pregnancy is just such a gift. I mean, I feel so blessed. Like, this is what my body was made for, you know? I just feel so much more complete when I'm pregnant. Knowing that I'm growing this life...
Young woman behind her in line, interrupting: Madam? You are a walking advertisement for mandatory birth control.
Starbucks
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: The guy applauding her
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Happiness | Kids | Preggers | Pregnancy | Pride | Washington | Posted 2010-01-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
My Childhood Dream Is Finally Coming True!
Girl to friend: Like, oh my god! I just got mistaken for a sales clerk at freakin' Levi's!
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: seastardodell
Categories: Clothes | Clothing | Friends | Girls | Jobs & Careers | Washington | Posted 2010-01-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Which Is Why AA Gives You a Sponsor and Some New Friends
Girl on bus: I've been trying to quit drinking and she was all like, "have some juice with me!" And then she pulls out a half gallon of vodka, and I'm all, "bitch, what you doing?"
Seattle, Washington
Categories: Bus | Drinking & drunks | Food | Girls | Insults | Washington | Posted 2010-01-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Most Exciting Thing That's Happened in Tukwila, Washington in Years
Man on cell in line at bank, clearly agitated: After what happened last time, you expect me to do that? (pause) What? I can't work with that! (dead silence, then yelling) Look, you motherfucker... I know what the goddamn price of heroin is, and that's not it! (runs away from bank, gets on his 745 BMW)
Customer in line: Did he just say what I think he said?
Teller: I totally heard "heroin."
Tukwila, Washington
Categories: Customers | Drugs | Employees | Guys | Insults | Money | On the phone | Washington | Posted 2009-12-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Firefighters Multitask Brilliantly
Drugstore cashier to another: Are the firemen here to shop? Or is someone down again?
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: jamjam
Categories: Coworkers | Maladies | Questions | Shopping | Washington | Posted 2009-12-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
After You Get Your Rocks Off
Geology teacher: That is dew that is on your glass of joy juice.
Olympia, Washington
Categories: Cum | Drinking & drunks | Teachers | Washington | Weirdness | Posted 2009-12-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What's with All the Waking Up Naked?
Guy: I took some ibuprofen, and then when I woke up in the morning all my clothes were off. Luckily, my headache was gone.
Seattle, Washington
Categories: Clothes | Guys | Headaches | Health & Hygiene | Sensory experiences | Washington | Posted 2009-12-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Though I Would Advise Against Googling the TA. *Shudder*
Professor: So I was looking through your online homework and I tried out the first question and I got it wrong. So I suggest you google the answer. You can find anything on google.
Bellingham, Washington
Overheard by: Condones This
Or I'll Be Red with Embarassment.
Professor: The emotional impact of one story is greater than the story of many people.
Student: Isn't that what Stalin said?
Professor: Um. Sort of the same sentiment. But I really hope that is my last parallel to Stalin.
Seattle, Washington
Categories: Compare and contrast | Education | Feelings | Questions | Students | Teachers | Washington | Posted 2009-12-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
According to Paris Hilton's Guide to Science
Woman: My legs are burning. But only because I'm putting more pressure on the gravity.
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Just Me
Categories: Body parts | Health & Hygiene | Science | Sensory experiences | Washington | Women | Posted 2009-11-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Um, of State Security?
Art student: He told me he really relates to my organs.
University of Washington
Seattle, Washington
Categories: Body parts | Colleges & Universities | Feelings | Relationships | Students | Washington | Weirdness | Posted 2009-11-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You'd Prefer They Were Six Breasts All from the Same Chicken?
Bagger to cashier: There's something mildly strange about a package that contains breasts... from different chickens.
Whole Foods
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: They were thighs actually, but I see your point.
...But She'd Been Complaining About How She Doesn't Make Enough Bread.
Guy: Oh my god, she hates me!
Girl: What? Why?
Guy: Cause I'm the kid who threw a sandwich at her!
Tacoma, Washington
You'll Need to Be More Specific.
Woman: Oh, man, I wish I had nuts.
Bellingham, Washington
Overheard by: Amused Friend
Categories: Balls | Gender issues | Washington | Weirdness | Wishes | Women | Posted 2009-10-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Which Has Made Her Extremely Popular
Middle aged woman, casually to friend: And she hasn't worn pants to school since 7th grade.
Woodinville, Washington
Overheard by: The employee washing the window behind them
...And It Fulfills Your Science Requirement?
College freshman girl: Wait... wait... Dinosaurs and vaginas!? (pause) Oh, now I get it!
Olympia, Washington
Overheard by: prefers dinosaurs
Categories: Animals | Questions | Students | Vagina | Washington | Posted 2009-10-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
In Our Family, We Get Our Pornography from the Internet
Boy, holding bodice-ripper romance novel: Dad, is this a book for fifth-graders?
Distracted father: No. Put it back.
Boy: What is it?
Distracted father: Hardcore pornography. Put it back.
Fairwood, Washington
Overheard by: he was so hopeful
Yet You Divorced Your Third Husband for Peeing in Your Shoes?
Woman on cell: I've been through many husbands, but the dog has been with me for 14 years! Men can be replaced but the dog stays!
Bellingham, Washington
Overheard by: sara
Categories: Animals | Compare and contrast | Feelings | On the phone | Relationships | Time Management | Washington | Women | Posted 2009-09-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Right Next to Our TA
Communications professor: There are no stupid questions. If you have a question, that means you don't understand something. If you don't ask the question you will be behind for the day, for the week, semester, and the rest of your life. You will find yourself sucking cheap wine out of a paper bag and sleeping on a grate.
Washington State University
Pullman, Washington
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Education | Jobs & Careers | Questions | Stupidity | Teachers | Washington | Posted 2009-09-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Says the Girl Who Was Caught Humping a Rhino?
Girl to two bald eagles: I will mate with you and you will like it. We will have hot eagahuman babies and you will like it!
Friend: Sarah, sometimes I swear you should have stayed in special ed longer.
Woodland Park Zoo
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: xhollisterluv1045
But I Don't Think Becoming a Baller Is a Reasonable Goal, Peewee.
Thug to friend: I ain't no dream killer!
Seattle, Washington
Categories: Friends | Murder | Thugs | Washington | Weirdness | Posted 2009-09-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Is Swamp Ass the Next Evolutionary Step? Discuss.
Teenage boy: Are you saying your asshole gets sweaty when I'm around?
Teenage girl: Exactly.
Northgate
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: NotSoSuperMario
Categories: Ass | Health & Hygiene | Questions | Sensory experiences | Teens | Washington | Posted 2009-09-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Props for Not Drinking and Driving, Though
Drunk bus rider #1: Damn, this bus is always so slow!
Drunk bus rider #2: I swear, if I was a wizard, I would turn this bus into a rabbit... But that's fantasy stuff, and I'm not that into fantasy.
Seattle, Washington
Categories: Animals | Bus | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Gripes | Magic | Public Transportation | Washington | Posted 2009-08-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Those Of You Too Ugly to Complete This Assignment May Write an Essay Instead
Professor to students: You need go out and have a lot of sex.
Seattle University, Washington
Underground. On Mars.
30-something large man: That book by George Orwell, 1984, is a prophecy!
Skinny guy sitting next to him: Yeah, yeah, man.
30-something large man: Because in 1985, the government took over, and they were the ones selling all the crack and dope. I would know. I was working for them.
Transit Bus
Olympia, Washington
Overheard by: scooting farther away
Categories: Books | Bus | Drugs | Fat people | Guys | Jobs & Careers | Politics | Skinny people | Stupidity | Washington | Posted 2009-08-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'd Totally Do That If It'd Make Me Young Again
Middle-aged woman, about teenager: She's so beautiful. She could be a model. (pause) I want to run her over with my car.
Bellingham, Washington
Sadly, The Best Laid Plans.....
Woman #1 in bathroom stall: You should have an orgy!
Woman #2 in next bathroom stall: I know, that's what I said!
Bathroom, Bar
Olympia, Washington
Overheard by: H
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Restroom | Sex | Washington | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2009-08-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Every Time I Smell Sewage.
Chick: Yeah, we really need to hang out with Julie soon. She told me yesterday: "I miss Andrea, she's so gross!"
Andrea: Awww, I miss her too!
Seattle, Washington
Categories: Chicks | Feelings | Relationships | Washington | Posted 2009-08-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Some Children Don't Blend Well
Little girl to friend: You little... Butter, I'm going to whip you up until you smell like rotten juice!
Park Playground
Tacoma, Washington
Categories: Compare and contrast | Food | Friends | Kids | Sensory experiences | Should have used a condom | Threats | Violence | Washington | Posted 2009-08-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Your Editors Detect a Veiled Insult
Guy #1, during pride festival: Why do I have to carry all the condoms!?
Guy #2: Because you have the biggest pockets!
Bellingham, Washington
Categories: Clothes | Compare and contrast | Condoms | Guys | Questions | Washington | Posted 2009-08-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
No More Scientific American for You, Young Lady.
Teacher: What that show didn't tell you is that ferrets smell like dirty wet dog.
Seven-year-old girl: Well, you know you can get their scent glands removed.
Teacher: Yeah, but is that really good for them?
Seven-year-old girl: I think it's about the same as removing a dog's testicles.
Seattle, Washington
Categories: Animals | Balls | Body parts | Compare and contrast | Education | Health & Hygiene | Kids | Questions | Students | Teachers | Washington | Posted 2009-08-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Some Lesbians Are More Convincing with Their Beards Than Others
Girl #1: Are you still going out with that guy you were with back in April?
Girl #2: (blank stare)
Girl #1: The one you were living with?
Girl #2: (blank stare)
Girl #1: The one with the dog?
Girl #2: (blank stare)
Girl #1: Little black dog?
Girl #2: Oh, Jack! Yeah, we're still together.
Bus
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Zoe
Categories: Animals | Bus | Girls | Questions | Relationships | Washington | Weirdness | Posted 2009-07-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Damn IRS!
Married man at party: They went after my nipples!
Washington
Overheard by: Salazar
Categories: Guys | Nipples | Washington | Weirdness | Posted 2009-07-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Tonight on Logo
Guy with girl #1, yelling: Oh, hey! How's it going? I love your haircut!
Guy with girl #2, walking in opposite direction: Thank you.
Guy #1: Thank you!
Guy #2: You're welcome.
Guy #1: I love you!
Guy #2: I love you, too.
Olympia, Washington
Categories: Compliments | Feelings | Girls | Guys | Hair | Stupidity | Washington | Posted 2009-07-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Probably Need to Get Out Of Culinary Arts
College girl in workout gear: No, I don't really like to eat. I mean, I don't really like food. I just have to eat it, you know?
College friend: Yeah, I know what you mean. Sometimes I think, you know I could just live off of Gatorade or orange juice or something. You get the same nutrients and stuff from that anyway.
College girl in workout gear: Yeeeeah. Exactly.
Bus
Seattle, Washington
Categories: Anorexics | Bus | Diet & weight | Food | Friends | Students | Stupidity | Washington | Posted 2009-07-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Meeting Kevin Sorbo Is Always an Experience
Guy to friend: So he asked "How's the leather work going?" So we went out and got some skins and string and made some loincloths.
Pierce County Annex
Tacoma, Washington
Which Is Why the White House Has Stopped Letting Him Make Calls
Woman at diner: So I answer it, and he goes "Hi! Happy 9/11!"
Restaurant
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: of bugle be uncouth
Categories: Happiness | Restaurants | Washington | Weirdness | Wishes | Women | Posted 2009-07-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's the Beauty Of Singapore-- You Don't Have To.
Guy: Obviously, you've never been to Singapore.
Girl: Obviously, you've never pleased a woman.
Capitol Hill
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: bethany
But Do They Need Math Tutoring?
Suit on cell: And then we'll use the leftover money for the Asians!
Bellevue, Washington
Overheard by: Curious
Categories: Money | On the phone | Race | Suits | Washington | Posted 2009-07-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Edgar Allan Poe, You Get Out Of That Crypt This Minute!
Frowning little boy among kids running and playing: I wonder if this building is haunted. (pause) You should really keep an eye out for these things.
University of Washington
Seattle, Washington
Categories: Advice | Colleges & Universities | Fears | Kids | Kids | Magic | Washington | Posted 2009-07-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Just Eat More Popcorn and You'll Be Fine
Guy #1: Dude, I wonder how Orville Redenbacher is still in all those commercials when he's been dead for, like, a bazillion years?
Guy #2: Maybe he's a zombie.
Guy #1: Or a robot.
Guy #3: Or a zombie robot.
Guy #1: Seriously, dude. I think you've been reading too much sci-fi.
Bellingham, Washington
Categories: About celebrities | Books | Death & dying | Guys | Questions | Washington | Zombies | Posted 2009-07-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
By the Time It Was Over, I'd Broken All Ten Commandments
Blonde 20-something to sister: This morning I was rinsing my mouth with mouthwash and also peeing, and then I realized I had to sneeze and I was like, "uh oh...this can only end poorly" ...because I was kind of stuck.
Bellingham, Washington
Categories: Cleanliness | Health & Hygiene | Mouth | Pee | Sensory experiences | Siblings | Washington | Posted 2009-07-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...It's Deep
Women studies professor, waving arms: We all have the same vaginas!
Student: I love this class.
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Tri
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Education | Students | Teachers | Vagina | Washington | Posted 2009-07-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Try It and You're Outtie.
Dad to kid: Come back here, or I'll have to beat you!
Kid, indignant: You can't beat me! I'm a belly button!
Wal-Mart
Pasco, Washington
Categories: Body parts | Dads | Kids | Parenting | Stores | Threats | Violence | Washington | Posted 2009-06-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Judge the Germans.
Mother: Where's Germany?
Daughter: There. (points it out on map)
Mother: That's not Germany! That's Germany! (points to Africa)
Daughter: What? Mom, that's Africa. (points to Germany again) This is Germany. And this is Europe...
Mom: Oh.
Daughter: Holy shit, mom.
Mom: Don't judge me!
Renton, Washington
Categories: Default | Geography | Girls | Moms | Offers and requests | Stupidity | Washington | Women | Posted 2009-06-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Unfortunately, We've Lost Megan
Girl on cell to guy with glasses: Oh! Megan found your pants!
Guy with glasses, doing jazz hands: Yay!
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: What...?
We Proudly Present the Year's Dorkiest Sentence
Student: I didn't get to say "bosums"! Dang it!
Seattle, Washington
Have You Ever Even Been to New York City?
Student, talking about Marxism and class struggle: Above ground, it's really nice, and there are buildings and cars, so that's the bourgeoisie. And underground is the proletariat, because it's messy, and it's basically just...dirt.
(class nods in silent awe).
High School
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: embarassed to be here
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Money | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Students | Stupidity | Washington | Words | Posted 2009-05-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Stop Referring to Freshmen That Way!
Professor: And these cultural anthropologists have discovered many different aspects of law in the countries they live in that differ to ours.
(pause)
Older student: Did you know that you can't own pygmies?
The Evergreen State College
Olympia, Washington
Overheard by: Katie
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Education | Questions | Students | Teachers | Washington | Weirdness | Posted 2009-05-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If One More Person Asks Me That Today...
Tween: Should I get Fanta or cock?
Perth, Washington
Overheard by: shocked older sister.
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Drinking & drunks | Penis | Questions | Tweens | Washington | Posted 2009-05-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Hey, Some Shoes Aren't Virtuous-- Crocs? Wingtips?
Young gay man: Whereas, lacking the virtue of shoes, men must content themselves with being jerks.
Female friend: A poor consolation, and unfashionable.
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Bethany
Use "Infinite" As a Noun. I Dare You.
Preppy girl #1, working on chemistry assignment: So, say you have a finite amount of this chemical.
Preppy girl #2: Wait, "finite" means there's no limit.
Preppy girl #1: No, that's "infinite."
Preppy girl #2: "Finite" and "infinite" are the same thing. "Finite" is the adjective form of "infinite."
Suzalo Library, University of Washington
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Scared for America's future
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Education | Girls | Students | Stupidity | Teens | Washington | Words | Posted 2009-05-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
A Venti Boy, If You Catch My Drift.
Barista #1: Katie, can you make one more tall Americano?
Barista #2: Katie, can you make one black straight boy love me?
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Rook
Categories: Baristas | Default | Feelings | Offers and requests | Questions | Race | Washington | Posted 2009-05-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So I Poured a Cosmo Down His Pants.
Excited lady, telling story to group of people: And then he turned the tap on right into my purse!
Seattle, Washington
...Like It Says in Our Biology Textbook?
Teen girl, looking confused: Wait, guys. (pause) Do black people see in different colors?
Bus
Seattle, Washington
Categories: Bus | Default | Girls | Offers and requests | Questions | Race | Stupidity | Teens | Washington | Posted 2009-04-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Once He Walks Through JoAnn's Door, a Man Starts to Die
Girlfriend, holding up scrapbook thing: Do you like this?
Boyfriend: Yeah, it's nice.
Girlfriend: "It's nice," because it's nice, or "it's nice," so we can get the fuck out of here?
JoAnn Fabrics and Crafts
Tacoma, Washington
Overheard by: baker98391
Categories: Compliments | Couples | Default | Girls | Guys | Offers and requests | Questions | Stores | Washington | Words | Posted 2009-04-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Sometimes I Go Overboard with My Hoeing
Sweet old lady: I'm a pretty wild gardener.
Bellingham, Washington
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Old folks | Washington | Weirdness | Women | Words | Posted 2009-04-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We Fear You Lack the Brainpower to Be an Effective Stripper
Teacher, explaining sign up sheet: So, where it says "What are your plans?" You need to just put something like "Doctor," "lawyer," etc.
Blonde in back, whispering to girl next to her: Girl, I'm putting down "stripper," then all of my classes will be in the humanities building!
College Orientation
Washington State Community College
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Education | Girls | Jobs & Careers | Questions | Sexuality | Students | Teachers | Washington | Posted 2009-04-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Grow Weary Of Cheesy Pick-Up Lines
Lady shopper on cell: I was just told by a Mexican guy that I should eat more cheese, so I'll have a bigger ass.
Value Village
Bellingham, Washington
Categories: Advice | Default | Food | Offers and requests | Stores | Washington | Women | Posted 2009-04-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
As We Learned in Our Last Lab.
Biology teacher: Your brain can have a conscious override over breathing. However, it is hard to stop breathing intentionally.
Student: Oh, ya! That's why it's so hard to drown people!
Steilacoom, Washington
Overheard by: Meredith
Categories: Body parts | Death & dying | Default | Students | Teachers | Washington | Weirdness | Posted 2009-04-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You're Not Butch Enough for Us, Pal
Hobo to girls: Oh, ladies, I like the way your skirts move. (girls look disgusted) Sorry, I can't help it if I'm a lesbian.
Olympia, Washington
Overheard by: Sticking with pants
So Why Do They Worship Brooke Shields?
Teen girl: Have you noticed that he's getting gayer by the minute? I swear he's getting gayer and gayer--and his eyebrows are getting smaller and smaller.
Teen guy: Ah, yes. The all too telling gay-to-eyebrow ratio...
Olympia, Washington
Overheard by: ninita
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | Guys | Questions | Sexuality | Teens | Washington | Posted 2009-04-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'd Always Thought They Were the Stuff Of Myth!
30-something girl: Hi, James!
20-something guy: Where do I know you from?
30-something girl: Remember we met on that bench?
20-something guy: Oh, yeah! You're that really cool old person!
University of Washington, Seattle
Categories: Age and ageing | Colleges & Universities | Default | Girls | Guys | Memory lane | Questions | Washington | Posted 2009-04-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...And Scuttling Away, Like a Hermit Crab.
Female shopper, surveying bathing suits: The crotch in this looks a little, uh...narrow. Tiny, actually. I feel like it doesn't provide full coverage.
Sales girl: I know. It's sort of the style now, though.
Female shopper: What do you mean, "style"? My labia showing?
Other shopper, walking up: Yeah, I agree. I don't want my vagina suddenly falling out at the beach.
American Apparel, Capitol Hill
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Celessa
Jeff Goldblum Was Never the Most Popular Student
Frat guy to group of freshmen girls: I swear, you're like the ninth person who's said I look creepy tonight.
University of Puget Sound
Tacoma, Washington
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Frat boy types | Guys | Washington | Weirdness | Words | Posted 2009-03-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Judging from My Hidden Camera Footage
Butch lesbian: So...how do blind people wipe their ass?
Fem lesbian: The same way everyone else does. Oh...oh my god, that's gross, Wendy. Most people don't look at it.
Seattle, Washington
Categories: Ass | Default | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Lesbos | Questions | Washington | Weirdness | Posted 2009-03-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Isn't That Like Telling a Starving Person "I Am Stuffed"?
Hot girl to less than hot guy: It gets annoying having guys hitting on you all the time.
Seattle, Washington
Knowledge Is Murder, Patty
Girl to friend: You know a little too much. Just like your abortion thing the other day!
Friend: What?
University of Washington
Seattle, Washington
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Friends | Girls | Questions | Washington | Weirdness | Posted 2009-03-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
For the Last Time, Tommy, You're Supposed to Do That to Old Ladies
Little boy hitting trash can: I demand this trash can to give me money!
Point Defiance Zoo & Aquarium
Tacoma, Washington
Categories: Default | Guys | Kids | Kids | Money | Offers and requests | Tourist attractions | Washington | Posted 2009-03-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Ad: Hi, I'm Billy Mays!
Pompous guy: The karmic wrong done to me that day was absorbed by the jacket!
Fremont
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Mickity Mike
Categories: Clothes | Compare and contrast | Default | Guys | Washington | Weirdness | Words | Posted 2009-03-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...And Light Green.
Dad: There are some things you can't discuss with girls. Like I would never tell your mom about the really weird-colored shit I had last night.
Preteen son: What color was it?
Dad: See, that's not the kind of question a girl would ask.
Northgate Mall
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Didn't want to hear it either
We Smoke It Over the Smoldering Corpses Of Our Enemies
Guy giving out samples: Free sausage! Try some local sausage for free! Made right here in Seattle, no preservatives!
(people walk right past stand without looking)
Guy, in same tone of voice: I will figure out where you live and burn down your houses! Free sausage! Try a sample!
Pike Place Market
Seattle, Washington
Categories: Compare and contrast | Condoms | Default | Employees | Food | Geography | Guys | Stores | Threats | Washington | Posted 2009-03-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Also the Difference Between the Middle Class and Everybody Else
Student: Hey there! How was your Thanksgiving?
Dining hall worker: Meh, I was pretty indifferent. At least I didn't get arrested.
Student: Oh...that's a good way to look at things.
Gonzaga University
Spokane, Washington
Overheard by: its something to be thankful for
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Employees | Food | Questions | Students | Washington | Weirdness | Posted 2009-03-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Quiz: Which Of These Statements Is True About Audrina from The Hills?
Guy #1, shocked and angry: Dude, she's autistic!
Guy #2: Yeah! But she's a full functioning autistic, so fuck you for judging.
Ikea
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Ferdinand
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Guys | Insults | Maladies | Stores | Washington | Posted 2009-03-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Knitted Her Own Wings
Female flight attendant on cell: She was the ugliest woman I had ever seen in my life! But I swear she was my guardian angel. (sighs)
Seatac airport
Seattle, Washington
Categories: Airports & flights | Compare and contrast | Default | Employees | Girls | Religion | Washington | Words | Posted 2009-02-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Nothing Intelligent Ever Follows the Word "Dude"
Indian guy: Dude...what if Shakespeare was Jesus?
Bellingham, Washington
Categories: Asians | Christianity | Compare and contrast | Default | Guys | Names | Questions | Washington | Posted 2009-02-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Really Shouldn't Tell Kids That Ice Cream Is Medicinal
Spastic five-year old: Medicate me, daddy! Medicate me! Medicate me!
University Village
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Jackie
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Family ties | Kids | Kids | Offers and requests | Washington | Posted 2009-02-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
She Has an Enemies List in the Back Of the Room
Mom, leaving dressing room with 7-year-old daughter: So you can see the teacher's boobies through her shirt? Hmm, I wonder how she'd react if she knew!
Daughter: Mommy, don't tell her I said that!
Target
Woodinville, Washington
Overheard by: Glad I wore a bra
Categories: Body parts | Clothes | Default | Family ties | Girls | Kids | Kids | Moms | Stores | Washington | Posted 2009-02-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Because All Your Term Papers Are Based on Tobey Maguire Movies
Girl #1 (super cheerfully): I learned that from Spiderman 3!
Girl #2: Gah! (quietly, while walking away) Why don't you just shut up?
Girl #1 (whining under her breath): Why don't you listen to meeeeeeee?
Pottery Class, University of Washington
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Just Me
Categories: Class | Colleges & Universities | Default | Girls | Happiness | Movies | Offers and requests | Questions | Washington | Posted 2009-02-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Afraid Library Regulations Dictate That I Must Give You a Wedgie
Librarian: Watcha doin'?
High school girl: Studying.
Librarian: Nerd.
Bellingham, Washington
Nature's Pretty Gay When You Come Right Down to It
Disappointed man to child on shoulders: Cranes aren't that great.
Woodland Park Zoo
Seattle, Washington
Categories: Animals | Compare and contrast | Default | Feelings | Guys | Kids | Tourist attractions | Washington | Posted 2009-01-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That Wouldn't Make a Bad Video Game
Grandmother: I think the cat is pregnant with one kitten or something.
Five-year-old boy: Yeah, and the kitten is like, controlling her from the inside.
Spokane, Washington
It's Total Crap, But the Wine Selection's Incredible
Woman #1: It's raining, didn't you pray for no rain this morning in church?
Woman #2: No, we just shook hands and congratulated ourselves on our own self-righteousness.
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Amy
This Is Still Lindsay Lohan's Most Functional Relationship to Date
Drunk lesbian to sober girlfriend: Aw, I wanna puke but I can't!
Sober girlfriend: I would punch you in the stomach if you wanted ...that's how much I love you.
Drunk lesbian: Awww, that's sweet.
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Claire
Categories: Compliments | Default | Drinking & drunks | Girls | Lesbos | Stomach | Violence | Washington | Posted 2009-01-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Never Take That Option Off the Table
Old man pushing shopping cart, singing happily to himself: Maybe I should get an 8-million-dollar lawsuit against my own family!
Seattle, Washington
Anorexics: 0 Normal Girls: 1
Freshmen dorm girl: Take it from someone who swallows quite often: it's actually pretty fun!
Washington State University
Pullman, Washington
Categories: Advice | Colleges & Universities | Default | Food | Girls | Students | Washington | Weirdness | Posted 2009-01-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's No Excuse For Stupidity
Overly friendly man on bus: It's like, for example, do you know how many seasons there are in a year?
Woman: Tweleve.
Overly friendly man: Well, actually there are four seasons, four seasons in a year, I guess...
Woman: Well, I'm not from here, I'm from Montana.
Seattle, Washington
Sure, Why Not?
Guy to TA, during archaeology midterm exam: When it says "How did they adapt physically?" does that mean...like...physically?
University of Washington
Seattle, Washington
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Education | Guys | Questions | Students | Stupidity | Washington | Words | Posted 2009-01-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'll Have to If I Want to Be Prom Queen
High school boy: From now on, I'm going to do everything as homosexually as possible.
Bellingham, Washington
Danny DeVito Rehearses for the Next Batman Movie
Waiter in white shirt, black pants and black bow tie (singing): Doot doot doot, penguins walking downtown, doot doot doot, penguins smoking cigarettes...
Spokane, Washington
I'm Talking to You, Mary Todd Lincoln
Tour guide: Be sure to stay with the group. The rats are very large and can sense weakness within the herd. (gives hard look to four old women)
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Julia
Categories: Advice | Animals | Default | Employees | Sensory experiences | Threats | Washington | Posted 2008-12-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Mom Still Isn't Speaking to Me
Frat guy to others: I can't believe I puked all over her tits last night. I was so fucking drunk.
University District
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Yujin
Categories: Default | Drinking & drunks | Frat boy types | Nipples | Sexuality | Washington | Weirdness | Posted 2008-12-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Bastard Sunk My Battleship
Girl on cell: I think the relationship really started going downhill when he took Western Australia from me.
Seattle, Washington
Categories: Default | Feelings | Games | Girls | On the phone | Relationships | Washington | Posted 2008-12-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Original Line at the End Of Gone with the Wind
Girl #1: I'm having the worst day today.
Girl #2: Yeah, it's a good thing I had sex yesterday. Otherwise, today would just be hell.
Seattle, Washington
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | Gripes | Sex | Washington | Posted 2008-12-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Demand Unlimited Loaves and Fishes in Recompense
Random smoker at party: If Jesus cockblocks me one more time, I am going to find where he lives!
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Claire
Must...Resist..."Wet Pussy"...Joke...
Guy on phone: What's wrong with taking a shower with the cat?
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Amy
Categories: Animals | Default | Douching | Guys | On the phone | Questions | Washington | Weirdness | Posted 2008-12-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
One Where He's Not Wearing a Human-Skin Vest
Girl on cell: Yeah, he's a friend of my friend in California. He killed those two people... Oh, you saw him on the news? That's a shitty picture they have of him on tv, I hope they get a better picture soon.
University of Washington
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: trying to study here
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | Murder | On the phone | Washington | Weirdness | Posted 2008-12-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
In My Day, We Made Do with Electric Toothbrushes and Washing Machines
Woman #1: So, all these women are going skydiving now, because you can have an orgasm against the updraft.
Woman #2 (enthusiastically): Oh, that's great!
Olympic Sculpture Garden
Seattle, Washington
Categories: Default | Feelings | Gender issues | Orgasm | Washington | Women | Posted 2008-12-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Gospel According to Brad
40-something suit: Jesus Christ could not possibly make Seattle more depressing.
Bus
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Carefull listener
...Dad?
Loud 20-something girl on cell: What do you mean you made out with my uncle?!
Spokane, Washington
Categories: Default | Family ties | Girls | K-I-S-S-I-N-G | Questions | Washington | Posted 2008-11-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Well, Not No Reason--I've Met Your Kids
Man #1: So I got it, and then a month later my wife found out she's in menopause. So I got it for no reason.
Man #2: Damn.
Seattle, Washington
Categories: Default | Gender issues | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Washington | Posted 2008-11-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Well He Is the One Who Taught Me How to Do a Ponytail Poof
Girl with ponytail poof: He said I'm a stereotype, not an individual.
Blonde friends: That is so gay.
College, Tacoma
Overheard by: Kai
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Friends | Girls | Insults | Philosophy | Sexuality | Washington | Posted 2008-11-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Technically, It Was a Barbie Doll and a Handkerchief
Sidewalk hoodlum to another: He had this bangin' ass bitch all up in his tent--and he doesn't even have a tent!
Olympia, Washington
Overheard by: Fzzzzzzzt
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Sexuality | Thugs | Washington | Posted 2008-10-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Is That What's Meant by "I'm in a Jam"?
Guy #1: The pop tart is cooked, and by that I mean that I fucked her and now she's pregnant.
Guy #2: I can't wait for the day when I can say that to my mother.
Pullman
Washington
You Know... Down There
Anthropology professor teaching Sex and Gender: I'm afraid I'll have to leave class early today...I have to go to the hospital, I have a doctor's appointment...for something...at a certain time...
Western Washington University
Bellingham, Washington
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Education | Health & Hygiene | Teachers | Time Management | Washington | Weirdness | Words | Posted 2008-10-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We Also Would've Accepted "Lines of Coke" or "a Hooker"
Woman visiting Seattle with daughters: Guess what daddy is doing down in Portland right now!
Four-year-old girl: Going to a bar?
Seattle, Washington
How Did We Meet? Funny Story, Actually...
Guy on cell: My mom's husband is my dad's wife's ex-husband. Now you know why I live in Seattle--as far away as I can get on the continental US.
Bank of America
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Thinking holidays must be rough
Categories: Default | Family ties | Geography | Guys | On the phone | Parents | Relationships | Washington | Weirdness | Posted 2008-09-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Grand Theft Auto: Apocalypse May Have Gone Too Far
Teenage ghetto boy: That'd be great, man, if everyone died ... They'd be gone, and we could take all their cars!
Bus
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Claire
Categories: Black people | Bus | Crimes | Death & dying | Default | Guys | Teens | Violence | Washington | Weirdness | Posted 2008-09-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But I'm Thinking It Gracefully
Girl #1: You're being awkward.
Girl #2: I'm not being awkward, I'm thinking something awkward.
Olympia, Washington
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | Washington | Posted 2008-09-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But the Sombrero Is Just for Style
Prof: Is today Cinco de Mayo?
Girl: No, that's in a few days.
Prof: Well, I had a few shots of tequila when I got up this morning, just in case.
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Face
Categories: Default | Drinking & drunks | Holidays | Questions | Teachers | Washington | Weirdness | Posted 2008-09-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And How You Spent Your Summer Vacation
Black girl on cell: So, uh? So then, you explain what a cracker is to you...
Tacoma Mall, Washington
Overheard by: Troy
Categories: Black people | Default | Girls | Malls | On the phone | Race | Washington | Words | Posted 2008-09-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
How Most of Us Feel About Seventh Heaven
Boi lesbian talking to shorter boi lesbian: Those motherfuckers are sweet as shit. Those bitches make me sick.
Tacoma, Washington
Overheard by: Maybe she likes them to be mean?
Categories: Default | Insults | Lesbos | Sexuality | Washington | Posted 2008-09-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...On the Advice of That Fortune Cookie
Drunk man dragging a giant ten-foot stick down the middle of the street: I have to lift this over my head and spin around to see if I will be getting into a pool naked tonight.
Capitol Hill
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Celessa
Categories: Default | Drunks | Guys | Washington | Weirdness | Posted 2008-09-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
How Mrs. Bisbee Made the 'Naughty' List
Mom: I don't know what I should get for him. He likes video games and that kind of stuff. I got him a GameCube last year and he loves it.
Five-year-old child (looks away from game display, shocked): But you told me Santa got me the GameCube!
Best Buy
Seattle, Washington
Categories: Default | Kids | Kids | Lies | Moms | Santa Claus | Stores | Technology | Washington | Posted 2008-09-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Maybe Pops a Breath-Mint After Devouring Live Rats?
Girl with bright green hair: My whole family likes him, except for me.
Guy with dreadlocks: Tell them you'll go for him if he wipes off the chrome makeup and stops wearing a black latex trench coat in the summer.
Spokane, Washington
Overheard by: Nina
Categories: Clothes | Default | Family ties | Feelings | Girls | Guys | Washington | Weirdness | Posted 2008-08-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Until the Day I Tried Shepherd's Pie
Enthusiastic guy: I mean, the only thing I hated worse than the word "gist" was eating squash and touching cotton balls.
Seattle, Washington
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Feelings | Guys | Washington | Words | Posted 2008-08-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Have I Got a Girl for You
Male student: I just... can't control my erections.
Library, University of Washington
Seattle, Washington
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Erections | Gripes | Guys | Students | Washington | Posted 2008-08-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook