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You Wouldn't Believe How Many Miles To The Baby My Truck Gets

Brunette: I use babies as a unit of measurement.

5th Avenue
Seattle, Washington


Categories: Default | Girls | Kids | Science | Washington | Weirdness | Posted 2008-06-28 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

He Dug the Mariana Trench With It, Baby Girl

(grandmother mumbles something unintelligible)
Young girl
: Oh my god, grandma! I didn't want to hear how grandpa was hung like a whale!


Longview, Washington

Overheard by: CaerBear


Categories: Animals | Death & dying | Default | Family ties | Girls | Memory lane | Washington | Wishes | Posted 2008-06-26 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

They Usually Have Pretty Cool Stereo Equipment

Customer: My therapist wants me to start thinking of men as friends. Seriously though, if you can't fuck'em, what's the point?

Espresso Drive Thru
Seattle, Washington


Overheard by: The Barista Who Loves Her Job

Just Since the Gangbang

Woman: Wooo! It's wetter than a nymphomaniac in a gangbang out there.
Man: You've been waiting to say that for a long time, haven't you?

Seattle, Washington

Overheard by: Just Me


Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Guys | Questions | Sex | Washington | Weirdness | Women | Words | Posted 2008-06-24 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

From the Sex and the City Cutting-Room Floor

Guy: So they said to her: "Carrie, you can't wear a head lamp! That's a really obvious sign!" And she said: "Yeah! Of adventure!"

Mukilteo Ferry, Washington

Overheard by: Just Me


Categories: Advice | Boat/Ferry | Compare and contrast | Default | Guys | Sexuality | Washington | Posted 2008-06-21 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

What Daphne, Velma and the Gang Were Really Up to in That Van

Kid with lisp: Let's investigate some underwear!

Fairwood, Washington

Overheard by: that won't be in the children's section...


Categories: Clothes | Clothing | Default | Kids | Kids | Washington | Wishes | Posted 2008-06-20 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

The Reason Dirges Were Invented

Girl on cell: You know, like, I don't feel tired, but, like, I know in my heart that I'm tired. You know?

University of Washington
Seattle, Washington


Overheard by: Just Me

Cats Are Hypersensitive to Comma Faults

Boy: So why did you move here?
Girl: I was gonna go to art school and then I wrote this big essay and my cat shit on it.
Boy: Literally shit on it?
Girl: Yeah, I took it as a sign.

18 Bus
Seattle, Washington


Categories: Animals | Bus | Default | Education | Feelings | Friends | Girls | Guys | Poop | Questions | Washington | Posted 2008-06-10 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

But I Believe That's Your Nipple

Girl, looking down her shirt: I can't tell if that's pork or a hickey.
Friend: You're so awesome!

Bellingham, Washington

Overheard by: Muffler


Categories: Body parts | Compliments | Default | Friends | Girls | Washington | Words | Posted 2008-06-08 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

It Is Hard To Come Across Jeans Already Faded

Guy watching Macy's commercial: Ugh! This American obsession with consumerism is just disgusting! Not to mention flawed.
Sarcastic girl: What the hell do you think you are, Mr. Abercrombie jeans? Jamaican?

Western Washington University
Bellingham, Washington


Overheard by: He was obviously a freshman

"You're the Meanest Babysitter Ever!" She Screamed

Suit on cell: Yeah, well, we got into a fight about whether she would rather have a regenerating salami foot, or a regenerating cheese hand. She chose cheese hand, but I explained about the salami foot being protected by socks, while the cheese hand is exposed to everything. The conversation just went downhill from there...

Bellevue, Washington

We'd Be Wide Awake, but Our Cards Would Be Stained

Guy playing magic card game with a bunch of friends: All I'm saying is that somewhere, in an alternate universe, there is a table producing coffee!

Clark College
Vancouver, Washington


Categories: Colleges & Universities | Food | Philosophy | Technology | Washington | Weirdness | Posted 2008-05-18 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

In Some Cultures, That's the Highest Compliment

Drunk girl yelling to bald guy from car window: You left your toupee in my vagina!

Seattle, Washington

Overheard by: Paige & Liz


Categories: Drunks | Girls | Hair | Insults | Vagina | Washington | Posted 2008-05-11 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

A Mom Can Dream, Can't She?

Angry mother on the bus: Come here and sit down!
Four-year-old: No, it's okay. I'm being good.
Angry mother: This bus is going to stop suddenly and you're going to fall down and crack your head open on one of the bars, and before the bus gets back around to the hospital you will bleed to death!

Pullman, Washington

Overheard by: jeff

Did That Come Out Of Me?

Woman in bathroom stall, on cell : ... That's just how it is... No, that's my pee you're hearing... Anyways, what did she say? Wait a second, I have to wipe...

Spokane Airport
Spokane, Washington


Overheard by: wish i had held it...

Though I'm Still Working on Context

Girl walking with two guys: I'm going to teabag you! ...I'm so glad I know what that means now!

WSU
Pullman, Washington


Overheard by: Rachel


Categories: Balls | Colleges & Universities | Girls | Happiness | Sex | Stupidity | Washington | Words | Posted 2008-04-26 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Of Course My Anal Probes Are Constantly Interrupted by Ads

Freak in furry pants and top hat, to fellow freak: You're the friendster of alien abduction services, and I'm the myspace: You did it first, but I did it better.

Seattle, Washington

Overheard by: LeeKelly


Categories: Bragging | Compare and contrast | Crazies | Guys | MySpace | Pride | Washington | Weirdness | Posted 2008-04-20 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

But Isn't an All-Male Choir Kinda Gay?

Weird Asian guy: You've never heard about the clitoral frequency?! It's a certain frequency that only men can hit, and if they hit it then all the women in the area will simultaneously orgasm.
Weird white guy: I've heard about the clitoral frequency! If you get an all-male choir to all sing as low as they can go, then they hit it.

Seattle, Washington

Overheard by: deb


Categories: Asians | Body parts | Dorks, Geeks & Nerds | Guys | Orgasm | Singing | Washington | Weirdness | Whiteys | Posted 2008-04-16 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Happy Birthday to You/ Don't Bend to Tie Your Shoe

Girl #1: Hanging out with him on his birthday was so much fun!
Girl #2: Oh, I heard about that! He went to jail, right?

Brooklyn Avenue
Seattle, Washington


Overheard by: Glad they're not my friends


Categories: Crimes | Default | Friends | Girls | Gossip | Idiots | Leisure | Stupidity | Washington | Weirdness | Posted 2008-04-08 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

And You're Not in a Relationship Just because She Says So

Meathead to another: Dude, are you in a relationship? 'Cause if you're not in a relationship, you don't have to call her ever. Do you hear me? Ever!

Safeway
Ellensburg, Washington


Categories: Advice | Default | Jocks | Questions | Relationships | Stores | Washington | Posted 2008-03-30 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Gonna Work a Little Child-Support-Reducing Magic

Little boy: Daddy, how are we going to get down?
Father: Parachutes.

Top of Space Needle
Seattle, Washington


Categories: Comebacks | Dads | Default | Kids | Questions | Washington | Posted 2008-03-28 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

... Actually, Can I Just Get a Hot Chocolate?

Customer: I'd like some tea... Organic mint, please.
Barista: Okay, we have organic lemon and organic Earl Grey.
Customer: Um... Actually, I wanted the organic mint.
Barista: Oh, we have that, too.
Customer: Okay, then. That's the one I'll have.

Design Coffee shop, University of Washington
Seattle, Washington


Overheard by: Just Me

The Turkey Exploded Through the Neighbor's Window Like a Mortar Round

20-ish girl, reminiscing: Yeah, one year we deep-fried a turkey... But then the driveway caught on fire.
Friend, laughing: What?! How?!
20-ish girl, distressed: I don't want to talk about it right now.

Seattle, Washington

Overheard by: Celessa Dietzel


Categories: Comebacks | Default | Food | Friends | Girls | Washington | Weirdness | Posted 2008-03-23 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

If I Don't Keep at It, I'll Never Graduate to Snarling

Hobo #1, after growling at passenger: I had to growl at someone.
Hobo #2: Yup.

Seattle, Washington


Categories: Default | Feelings | Hobos | Violence | Washington | Posted 2008-03-14 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

From the Mister Rogers' Neighborhood Cutting-Room Floor

Male neighbor: Hey, how ya doin'?
Female visitor: Not so good.
Male neighbor: What's wrong? Girl problems? Something with your hoochie-koochie?

Lake Tapps, Washington

Overheard by: baker98391


Categories: Default | Girls | Gripes | Guys | Questions | Relationships | Washington | Words | Posted 2008-03-12 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Roger Often Wonders If He Made the Right Choice Going Straight

Preggers snapping at hubby: He said they don't have it! That means they don't have it!
Husband, pushing cart with two-year-old in seat: Get over yourself, babe. We'll be in the car.
Two-year-old: Mama!
Husband, under his breath: Your mom better hurry up and have that kid, dude.

Fred Meyer
Issaquah, Washington


Overheard by: Bryan


Categories: Advice | Couples | Default | Feelings | Preggers | Pregnancy | Washington | Posted 2008-03-10 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Stupid Boomer -- Tricks Are for Kids!

Girl on phone: Ewww, Grandma is so gross. Remember that time she went to the doctor and found out she had chlamydia?

Seattle University
Seattle, Washington


Overheard by: gross

And Megatron Is Totally My Ex-Girlfriend!

Transformers-loving college student: I mean, there's just so much symbolism in that movie -- take the fact that Optimus Prime transforms into a truck. He's, like, Everyman!

University of Washington
Seattle, Washington


Overheard by: I never thought of it that way


Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Education | Guys | Movies | Students | Washington | Posted 2008-02-27 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

That's What It Means to Be a Middle-Class American

Professor: It's like when you walk into a bathroom with a corpse in the tub and go, 'Wow, just look at that tile pattern!'

The Evergreen State College
Olympia, Washington

Marriage Happens by Default in the Pacific Northwest

Girl on phone: So, we had this bet that if the Patriots won, we were going to break up, so we were both hoping for that. But that didn't happen, so now we're just kind of stuck together.

Seattle, Washington


Categories: Default | Girls | Gossip | Gripes | On the phone | Relationships | Washington | Posted 2008-02-26 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Translation: I'm About to Start Crying

Jock #1: Dude, that bitch broke my heart.
Jock #2, eating a burrito: I know, man. You were always so unhappy, and I wanted to, like, slap you around and make you happy.
Jock #1, singing softly and staring blankly at the ground: I'm all out of love, I'm so lost without you...
Jock #2: Look, man, we boys, aight? But when you start singing cheesy-ass love songs to a chick that cheated on you, gave you an STD, and shit on top of your car because she's crazier than a fucking monkey on crack with a banana up its ass, something's wrong with you, and maybe we shouldn't hang out anymore.

University of Washington
Seattle, Washington


Overheard by: Sam


Categories: Advice | Default | Jocks | Relationships | Washington | Posted 2008-02-21 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Just Made My Last Payment

Hippie chick: I am the proud owner of an American vagina, thank you very much.

Western Washington University
Bellingham, Washington


Overheard by: Rachel


Categories: Hippies | Vagina | Washington | Posted 2008-02-16 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Straight Love Is So 20th Century

Guy on cell: Oh, for fuck's sake! Is it a lesbian wedding? ... Is it a lesbian wedding? Then fuck it!

Seattle, Washington

Overheard by: Mephisto


Categories: Gripes | On the phone | Sexuality | Washington | Posted 2008-02-09 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Look, Just Pay the Damn Taxes, Artie

White guy trailing fast-walking lady: So, do you know of any doomsday machines?

Bus stop, Pine and 3rd Avenue
Seattle, Washington


Overheard by: Andy Christ


Categories: Dorks, Geeks & Nerds | Questions | Washington | Posted 2008-02-09 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

We Were Supposed to Do That Together

Teen hipster on cell: Mom... Mom! I still have the 10 bucks. I did not spend it on drugs... I did not spend it on drugs!

Capitol Hill
Seattle, Washington


Overheard by: mightbekatrina


Categories: Drugs | Hipsters | Money | Washington | Posted 2008-02-07 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Weird Is Weird, Gay Is Gay

Guy: No, Derek* is definitely gay.
Girl #1: No, he's not! He has naked pictures of girls all over his walls and MySpace and everything.
Girl #2: So? You know he only has those because he likes to paint chickens on them!

Seattle, Washington


Categories: Comebacks | Friends | Girls | Guys | MySpace | Sexuality | Washington | Posted 2008-02-05 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

If the Universe Doesn't Get You First

Math professor: Now, if there's one thing you can't do in Mathland, it's divide by zero. If you divide by zero, I will personally hunt you down and shoot you.

Bellevue Community College
Washington


Overheard by: The Kid


Categories: Education | Teachers | Threats | Washington | Posted 2008-01-28 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

When Was the Last Time You Got 20 Years for Jaywalking?

Guy: Statutory rape is the jaywalking of sex crimes!

Interbay Golf
Seattle, Washington


Categories: Crimes | Guys | Washington | Posted 2008-01-23 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

I'm Content to Be Her Booty-Call Beneficiary

Dude to friend: ... And then she asked me, 'Where do you think this relationship is going?' Fuck! She calls me when she's drunk, and I leave the door unlocked for her... This situation is working out well for me -- that's where this relationship is going.

Museum of Flight
Seattle, Washington


Categories: Guys | Relationships | Washington | Posted 2008-01-19 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

That Was Your First Mistake

Mother to misbehaving five-year-old: Knock it off! I just got you a pedicure!

Forever 21
Lynnwood, Washington


Categories: Gripes | Moms | Washington | Posted 2008-01-19 EmailQuoteLink