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On the Other Hand, Now She Can Totally Come Clubbing with Us!
Girl to friend: Well, if she's dumb enough to use chloroform to put her baby to sleep, then that's her fault!
Virginia Commonwealth University
Overheard by: tim c
Categories: Family ties | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Stupidity | Virginia | Posted 2011-08-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Are We Weird for Assuming They're Discussing Abortion?
Chatty female college student to friends: So it was sort of like that, except instead of a q-tip, it was a vacuum. There was no scraping at all.
Friend: Wow... that's crazy.
Harrisonburg, Virginia
Categories: Friends | Health & Hygiene | Sensory experiences | Students | Virginia | Weirdness | Posted 2011-08-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Confirming Everything I Know About Male Swimmers
Teenage boy to his mother: There's a lot of crazy stuff going on in the team area. It got all over my face, but none of it got in my mouth.
Summer League Swim Meet
Ashburn, Virginia
Categories: Body parts | Sexuality | Teens | Virginia | Weirdness | Posted 2011-08-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Wine Will Reveal Her True Self.
Father to young daughter in department store: I'm just going to get her a bottle of wine since I don't know what a coverup is.
Falls Church, Virginia
Categories: Clothes | Dads | Drinking & drunks | Gifts | Virginia | Posted 2011-07-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
One Way Or Another, I'm Getting Laid in College
Student in English class: Does anyone know the difference between romantic poems with a capital R and lowercase r?
Reston, Virginia
Categories: Education | Offers and requests | Students | Stupidity | Virginia | Posted 2011-07-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Because Jello Is More Traditional
Girl to friend: I just don't understand why people don't want to be covered in spaghetti!
University of Virginia
Overheard by: MW
Categories: Food | Girls | Sensory experiences | Virginia | Weirdness | Posted 2011-06-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So, All in All, It Was a Successful Party.
Girl: I look retarded!
Guy: My balls hurt.
George Mason University
Fairfax, Virginia
You're No Pussy, Dad
Teenage girl to father: I didn't come out of her vagina, okay? I don't have to respect her.
Father: Well, I guess you don't respect me either, cause you didn't come out of my vagina!
Chesapeake, Virginia
Overheard by: made my day
...Thank Goodness for Duct Tape, Am I Right?
Delta gate agent to another: There's always something wrong with this plane.
Newport News, Virginia
Overheard by: Hoping to get bumped
Categories: Employees | Stupidity | Technology | Virginia | Weirdness | Posted 2011-03-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Tonight, on the Pilot Episode Of The Golden-Palace Girls...
Woman to ten-year-old son: When I'm old and feeble, will you take me in and take care of me?
Ten-year-old son: No. I'm going to put you in a home with a bunch of Asian people.
Chesapeake, Virginia
Overheard by: Kids these days.
Even the Air at Whole Foods Is Rich in Fiber
Wife to husband: You're back already? That was the quickest poop you've ever done!
Whole Foods
Alexandria, Virginia
Categories: Compliments | Couples | Poop | Virginia | Weirdness | Posted 2011-01-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Or Were Those Internet Images Photoshopped?
Psychology teacher, collecting test papers: Do I have all the testes?
High School
Chesapeake, Virginia
Overheard by: Slips of the Freudian variety
Then at Least Invite Me, Next Time
Brunette to blonde: Stop being such a slut!
Blonde: No can do, bitch!
Williamsburg, Virginia
That's Not What I Meant When I Asked "What's Your Position?"
Eastern European delegate in back row: And that was by far the biggest thing that has ever been in my ass!
College of William & Mary Model United Nations Conference
Williamsburg, Virginia
Overheard by: The Georgia delegate now regretting her seat choice
I Blame Our Science Teacher for Your Potassium Fetish
Wannabe scene chick on phone: I drew another picture for you. There's a banana involved again. (pause) You and your bananas!
Chesapeake, Virginia
Categories: Body parts | Food | Girls | On the phone | Virginia | Weirdness | Posted 2010-11-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Are You in the Dark About Gay Sexual Slang, Dear Readers?
Gay husband to his husband: It's these Mexican circumstances. Everyone knows when you pass go, you collect $200.
Fairfax, Virginia
Do You Date Much?
Mother: Why are you so exhausted?
Chubby teen, out of breath: There... Was... Dog!
Mom: You ran from a dog?
Chubby teen: I ran... From Cerberus, watchdog of Hades.
Pulaski, Virginia
Not Even with All the Wood and the Nailing?
Super peppy freshman orientation guide: What was your favorite Halloween costume?
College freshman: Well, I was a construction worker once.
Super peppy freshman orientation guide: Was it a sexy construction worker?
College freshman: Well, I was five years old... so no.
Harrisonburg, Virginia
Categories: Age and ageing | Clothing | Compare and contrast | Students | Virginia | Posted 2010-09-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Remember: All That Glitters Is Not Gold, Son.
Boy to father about girlfriend standing right next to him: She decorated her panties and tried to show them to me.
Father, laughing loudly at glaring people: Sorry.
Arlington National Cemetary
Arlington, Virginia
Categories: Clothing | Dads | Kids | Masturbation | Virginia | Posted 2010-09-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
At Least This Time We Hit Something Soft
Drunk Canadian to another: I don't get it--every time we drink in the car, something bad happens.
Charlottesville, Virginia
Overheard by: christine
Categories: Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Foreigners | Stupidity | Virginia | Posted 2010-09-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Isn't That an R. Kelly Song?
Girl #1: Oh, I love Law & Order: SVU!
Girl #2: I know! Rape just brings out the best in people!
Richmond, Virginia
Overheard by: 804laura
...Prematurely
Overweight mom, walking away from grave, to young sons: If you don't start behaving, you are going to be buried here.
Arlington National Cemetery
Arlington, Virginia
Categories: Death & dying | Fat people | Kids | Moms | Parenting | Threats | Virginia | Posted 2010-08-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
A Gal Can Dream
Old woman shopping with friend, picking up jeans: Well, these looked good on George Strait.
Warrenton, Virginia
Ad: Maybe She's Bored With It, Maybe It's Heroin
Girl #1: Why did they all look at you like you were on heroin?
Girl #2: I don't know. I always act like I am on heroin, but I just take Xanax.
Mall
Virginia
As Are Balls.
13-year-old boy in black "Rock On" shirt: I want a pink ball. Pink is manly.
Stephens City, Virginia
Overheard by: Tybois
Categories: Fashion | Gender issues | Teens | Virginia | Wishes | Posted 2010-06-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Although You're Kind Of Taking the Choice Out Of My Hands Right Now.
40-something pant suit lady #1: I've been trying to cut back on my calories.
40-something pant suit lady #2: Well, you should try...
40-something pant suit lady #3, interrupting: You should try eating a lot of fruit.
40-something pant suit lady #1: Yeah, that sounds like a great idea, my friend told me about...
40-something pant suit lady #2, interrupting: No one ever listens to me! You're always ignoring what I'm saying, and I have a lot of good things to say. (turns to 20-something male at next table) You would listen to me wouldn't you?
20-something male, looking annoyed: No.
Panera
Norfolk, Virginia
Overheard by: Sweedie
Your Editors Will Never Understand Southern Sexual Slang
Woman on cell: You know she's only talkin' to him cause he's got a tractor in the tractor pull.
Culpeper, Virginia
Categories: On the phone | Relationships | Virginia | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2010-05-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We Blame Sex & the City for This Conversation
Fun date #1: I hate it when guys want to cum on your face every time.
Fun date #2: Yeah, it gets in your eyes.
Fun date #1: And in your hair.
Fun date #3: Once in a while is okay, but not every time.
Outside Coffee Shop
Harrisonburg, Virginia
Overheard by: browny
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Body parts | Cum | Friends | Gripes | Time Management | Virginia | Weirdness | Wishes | Posted 2010-05-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Just Like "Always Have a Cigarette After Cocktails"
Woman to screaming toddler in her arms: I'm not going to let you down unless you hold my hand. Are you going to hold my hand?
(toddler screams something unintelligible)
Woman: I'm sorry, I don't make the rules. They're the rules of the President of the United States of America.
Outlet Mall
Leesburg, Virginia
Mr. Woods Has Nothing to Fear From Me
Loud woman in restaurant: I'm discreet! My ad says I am!
Merrifield, Virginia
Overheard by: Ihatewhores
Who Was Just in a Coma.
Mom: You know, I necked in that funeral home.
Daughter: Mom!
Mom: Oh, honey, it wasn't with a corpse or anything. It was a preacher's son!
West Virginia
Categories: Memory lane | Moms | Religion | Sex | Virginia | Posted 2010-05-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Shhh-- He'll Hear!
Girl #1: You shouldn't drink that. It's bad for the baby.
Girl #2, drinking wine: It better be.
Washington and Lee University
Lexington, Virginia
Overheard by: Eden
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Drinking & drunks | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Pregnancy | Virginia | Posted 2010-04-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Oh, and One Of Your Mudslides, Please.
Entitled middle-aged anorexic: I'll have the Cobb salad with no croutons, no bacon, no egg, no cheese, and no avocado, with the chicken on a separate plate.
Sheepish waitress: That just leaves lettuce, tomato, and olives. You sure that's all you want, ma'am?
Entitled middle-aged anorexic: I'm sure.
Sheepish waitress: It'd be cheaper to get a side salad and just add chicken.
Entitled middle-aged anorexic: No, I want a Cobb salad.
Sheepish waitress: It would be the same thing without all the toppings.
Entitled middle-aged anorexic: I. Want. A. Cobb. Salad!
Sheepish waitress: Yes, ma'am. What kind of dressing would you like?
Entitled middle-aged anorexic: No dressing, please.
Sheepish waitress: Yes, ma'am.
TGI Friday's
Virginia
I Really Need to Start Tagging and Cataloging Them
Girl #1, after passing by awkward guy staring at her: Ummm, why did that guy we just passed stare at us?
Girl #2: Umm... Didn't you sleep with him last weekend?
Girl #3: Oooh... I thought he looked familiar!
James Madison University
Harrisonburg, Virginia
Overheard by: Dukeees for life
Categories: Bimbettes | Colleges & Universities | Sex | Virginia | Weirdness | Posted 2010-04-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Where I'll Never Have to Deal with Harassment!
Blonde, busty college student, to professor: I don't have to take this! I can get a job at Hooters!
Virginia
Overheard by: Sweenan A. Mornstuy
Categories: Chicks | Compare and contrast | Jobs & Careers | Virginia | Posted 2010-04-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
For the Last Time, It Was a Freak Welding Accident!
Guy on cell: Yeah, I get scared when you turn out the lights. (pause) That's not gay. (pause) It's not gay when "turning out the lights" means putting your hands over my eyes while we're test-driving a car that's worth more than your sister's gold plated vahjay!
George Mason University
Virginia
Overheard by: Your sister won
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Fears | Guys | Money | On the phone | Vagina | Virginia | Posted 2010-03-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Guess Somebody Wants to Go to College
Teacher to chatty class: Everyone, quiet, we have to go over this!
(class continues chatting)
Guy in the back: I will kill you all.
(class falls silent)
High School
Chesapeake, Virginia
Categories: Education | Offers and requests | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Teachers | Threats | Thugs | Virginia | Posted 2010-02-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Bed, Bath and Beyoobies Stives to Be Inclusive
Crazy black guy, very loudly to himself: That's the factory where they make gay people, but I don't care, because that's also where they make boobies!
Charlottesville, Virginia
Overheard by: tom
Categories: Black people | Compare and contrast | Rack | Sexuality | Virginia | Posted 2010-02-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...So I'm Afraid I'll Have to Decline Your Offer.
Macy's sales clerk: Now this cologne is $19.99 for the large bottle and comes with the free teddy bear.
Large woman spilling out of leopard-print tube top, sniffing: This is nice... It's real classy smelling.
Richmond, Virginia
Overheard by: I don't discriminate; I hate everybody.
Categories: Customers | Employees | Fat people | Sensory experiences | Shopping | Toys | Virginia | Posted 2010-01-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When Haven't I?
Guy at door: Have you seen a line of marching band kids?
Richmond, Virginia
Overheard by: james
You Think I Don't Dream About Them at Night?
Teen girl #1: I have pomegranate green tea at home.
Teen girl #2: Oh my god! Just think of the antioxidants!
Charlottesville, Virginia
Overheard by: local woman
Categories: Food | Health & Hygiene | Teens | Virginia | Posted 2010-01-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Tha'ts My New Profile Photo!
Girl to friend: Stop! Theirs a picture of his finger in my vagina.
Uninc Loudoun County, Virginia
When You're Swimming through Them Like Scrooge McDuck
Woman to another, shopping in frozen food aisle: You know, I think sometimes you really can have too many Tater Tots in the house.
Shoppers Food Warehouse
Northern Virginia
Overheard by: Pat Trenner
Mom's Just Mean
Guy #1: Yo, she can't be saying that "you small shit" to you, man. Was it limp or fully flexed?
Guy #2: No, it was ready to go.
Guy #1: Damn, she trippin.
Tysons Corner, Vriginia
On the Dollar Bill.
Bimbette, standing in front of George Washington's sarcophagus: Hold on! So, where is George Washington?
Mount Vernon, Virginia
Overheard by: Bemused
As Much As Any Six-Foot-Tall African American
Perky female voice: Do I look like Audrey Hepburn?
Reluctant male voice: Yes.
Perky female voice: Thanks!
Richmond, Virginia
Categories: Compare and contrast | Compliments | Guys | Questions | Virginia | Women | Posted 2009-12-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Depression's Always in Style in Virginia
Studious student: You know she would tell her students that she's far too sick to make it out to campus, and then curl up in a ball on her couch with a cup of tea so she can watch the rain fall and weep.
Virginia Commonwealth University
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Education | Feelings | Food | Health & Hygiene | Maladies | Students | Virginia | Weather | Posted 2009-11-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Which Is Sort Of Like Reparations...
Black woman, chuckling gleefully at bad financial news on tv: Oh, some white folks gon' kill themselves now!
Medical Office Waiting Room
Chesapeake, Virginia
Overheard by: Ashleigh
Categories: Black people | Death & dying | Doctor's office | Race | TV shows | Virginia | Women | Posted 2009-11-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Ironically, This Conversation Happened at Arby's
College girl #1: Look, there are two things in this world that I don't believe in: Cannibalism and butt sex.
College girl #2: I'm pretty sure both of those exist...
College girl #1: Yeah, but there is no way that they happen as much as people say they do! I mean, have you ever cannibalized or butt sexed? No, I didn't think so.
Charlottesville, Virginia
Overheard by: busting a gut
....Ooo, Chocolate Pudding!
Large chick in group of students: I like science, music, dance, and you know what else I like? Anal.
Community College
Virginia
Categories: Backdoor | Chicks | Colleges & Universities | Dancing | Fat people | Music | Science | Students | Virginia | Posted 2009-10-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Mr. Miyagi Taught Him How, in the First Movie.
Student: What would Elvis say?
Professor: What would Plato say?
Student: What would Butler say?
Campbell: What would Foucault say?
Girl in back row: All I know is he broke a table.
University of Mary Washington
Fredericksburg, Virginia
Overheard by: elvis eavesdropper
Categories: About celebrities | Colleges & Universities | Education | Philosophy | Questions | Students | Teachers | Virginia | Posted 2009-10-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Jenna Jameson Was a Tough Kid to Raise
Little girl: Tea... cock! (pause) Tea... cock! Cock! Teaaaaaaaa...
Distracted mother: Honey, "peacock" is all one word.
Little girl: Cock!
Leesburg, Virginia
Ask a Stupid Question...
High school government teacher: Which country has the most negative image?
Student, enthusiastically: Africa!
Virginia Beach, Virginia
The Guns Vs. Butter Model Of Parenting
Dad: Do you want to get McDonald's?
Boy, screaming: No!
Dad: Do you want to get Burger King?
Boy: No!
Dad: Do you want to get ice cream?
Boy: No!
Dad: Do you want to get machine guns?
Boy: Yes.
Richmond, Virginia
Overheard by: Lacy
I Can Finally See Things Clearly.
Hipster guy: Are you going to bed?
Hipster girl: No. I just don't know man. I feel like my head is full of Saran wrap.
Virginia Tech
Blacksburg, Virginia
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Health & Hygiene | Hipsters | Questions | Sensory experiences | Virginia | Posted 2009-09-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Dear O.J. ...
Businessman: I know! Because what was I supposed to kill him with---my driver? Can you even use a golf club for that sort of thing?
Arlington, Virginia
I Thought You Didn't Want To?
Mom to toddler girl: What fish should we get today? Salmon or tilapia or flounder?
Toddler girl: Is that "flounder" like in Little Mermaid?
Mom: Well, it's a fish, like flounder was.
Toddler girl: I want to eat flounder! Let's cook him. Mommy, can we eat Nemo too?
Costco
Fairfax, Virginia
...Which Is Also What Tom Said.
Girl #1: So what are we looking for here?
Girl #2, distractedly: A birthday card for my boyfriend Tom*. (pauses) I mean...
Girl #1: Oh my god, you totally just called your best friend your boyfriend! If that's not a huge Freudian slip, I don't know what is.
Girl #2: Freud can suck my dick!
Culpeper, Virginia
Overheard by: freudian follower
Categories: Gifts | Girls | Insults | Mental illnesses | Questions | Relationships | Shopping | Virginia | Posted 2009-09-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Told You Not to Pet the Rabbits, Lenny.
Girl: Oh... Unh... Yeah, that's the spot.
Friend: Doesn't it hurt when you rub it so hard like that?
Girl: No, it... oh, that's blood. That's probably not good.
Clark Hall Women's Room
University of Virginia
Overheard by: girl in the stall
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Friends | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Questions | Virginia | Posted 2009-09-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
For Whom, Exactly?
High school teacher: So they employed guerrilla warfare.
Chick: Wait, seriously? They sent gorillas out into the jungle? Wouldn't that be dangerous?
Vienna, Virginia
A Magical Planet, with Panty Vending Machines.
Teacher: I've decided that the Japanese live on another planet, that we can sometimes take a plane to.
Art Institute of Washington
Arlington, Virginia
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Geography | Teachers | Virginia | Weirdness | Posted 2009-09-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'll Trade You for Two Gonorrheas and a Scabies.
Girl, walking barefoot under the rain: Oh, the joys of Richmond. We are so gonna get hepatitis.
Bag lady: No! Don't do that, but if you do... give me some!
Richmond, Virginia
Overheard by: singing in the rain
Categories: Bag ladies | Girls | Maladies | Offers and requests | Virginia | Weather | Weirdness | Posted 2009-08-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We Can Think Of Better.
Girl #1 to friends: Anybody can be a cell phone.
Girl #2: That's a good t-shirt.
Hampton, Virginia
Overheard by: S. H.
The Mandated Intro to All Evolution Classes in Virginia
Professor: For all you know, this is a huge lie!
Christopher Newport University
Newport News, Virginia
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Education | Lies | Teachers | Virginia | Posted 2009-08-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
At Least They Own the Stereotype
Frat guy #1: So my mom bought me two new polos. One is blue with pink, and the other is orange and green. But I already have one that's orange and green.
Frat guy #2: Dude, I'll take it.
Frat guy #1: Nah, I think I'm gonna trade it to Duke for some pot.
Virginia Tech
Categories: Clothes | Clothing | Colleges & Universities | Drugs | Frat boy types | Gifts | Parenting | Virginia | Posted 2009-08-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Verne Troyer Has Forever Ruined That Role
Teacher: Oh my god, I love you, Erica! You're like a little me!
Student: Ew!
Middle School
Virginia
Overheard by: Eh, there are worse things
Categories: Bringing it back to you | Education | Feelings | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Students | Teachers | Virginia | Weirdness | Posted 2009-07-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's What I Got You Last Year
Drunk male friend: What do you want for your birthday, baby? I can make it happen, just tell me what you want!
Really, really drunk birthday girl, pointing at someone else: I want in that guy's pants!
Norfolk, Virginia
Love Was Free, Drugs Were Plentiful...
Ecstatic woman: Take me back to the 60s--when I was skinny!
Herman's Hermits Concert
Alexandria, Virginia
Overheard by: serpent queen
Categories: Diet & weight | Virginia | Wishes | Women | Posted 2009-07-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Regardless, I Am Now Spearheading a Search for My Pants
Teacher: If I say "I put pants on today," it's very different than if I say "Perhaps I put pants on today."
High School
Falls Church, Virginia
Overheard by: amused student....
Scientists Call It "Nature's Junk Drawer"
Professor: So does anyone know what the word "matrix" means in Latin?
(silence)
Professor: Well it means "womb." Now, why might that be? Let's think about it...I mean, I guess a womb is a pretty good place to put...things.
George Mason University
Fairfax, Virginia
Categories: Body parts | Colleges & Universities | Education | Language barrier | Questions | Students | Teachers | Virginia | Words | Posted 2009-06-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So You're...a Coxswain?
Girl #1: My two biggest concerns in life are rowing and gays.
Girl #2: Rowing and what?
Girl #1: Gays!
George Mason University
Fairfax, Virginia
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Questions | Sexuality | Virginia | Posted 2009-06-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Howard Stern Had One Custom-Installed.
Server: We need a button on the computer for this...
Boss man: For what?
Server: Balls on your face.
Midlothian, Virginia
Overheard by: bec-uhh
Categories: Balls | Body parts | Default | Employees | Guys | Offers and requests | Questions | Servers | Technology | Virginia | Posted 2009-06-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Have to Get Away from It As Quickly As Possible
Fast-walking emo kid: There is no slowing down when it comes to me and High School Musical.
Wal-Mart
Roanoke, Virginia
Overheard by: snarky writer
That's Probably Just the Breeze from Washington
Enthusiastic little boy, entering restaurant with parents: Smells like snakes in here!
Restaurant
Charlottesville, Virginia
Overheard by: pasquinn
Categories: Animals | Compare and contrast | Default | Guys | Kids | Kids | Restaurants | Virginia | Posted 2009-06-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Penis.
Professor: I can assume people don't walk on their hands, but some people might do it to fool me, because I have a robot.
George Mason University
Fairfax County, Virginia
Overheard by: NoRobot
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Hands | Teachers | Technology | Virginia | Weirdness | Posted 2009-05-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But All You Really Need Is Some Concealer and a Dream
Girl #1: So when is that thing you guys are doing?
Girl #2: Oh my god! You have to go! We're all going to get naked and walk around campus all day.
Girl #1: I honestly would, but I have tattoos in some really unconventional places.
Girl #2: Oh, I understand totally.
Chem Lab, William and Mary
Williamsburg, Virginia
Categories: Clothes | Colleges & Universities | Default | Girls | Offers and requests | Questions | Tattoos | Virginia | Posted 2009-05-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
A Kayak? Ohhh, a Kayak-- Gotcha.
Middle-aged man: So, how is your husband?
Middle-aged woman: He left me three years ago.
Man: Oh. (awkward/embarrassed laugh) I'm sorry to hear that.
Woman: It's okay, I bought myself a kayak.
Charlottesville, Virginia
Just When You Were Starting to Miss College...
Random guy at party: I can't believe I almost peed on that girl's face.
Fredericksburg, Virginia
It Was Just a Few Tiny Bumps in the Road
College student: As soon as I get rid of this molluscum, watch out, I am on the prowl again.
Norfolk, Virginia
Overheard by: I hear ya
But Slightly More Than Salt and Pepa
Sociology professor: Today, we'll be talking about sex.
(students mumble)
Sociology professor: I heard that. (pause) How much do I know about it? Well, I can tell you: less than my cheating ex-girlfriend.
University Classroom
Virginia
Overheard by: Nicole
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Infidelity | Questions | Sex | Teachers | Virginia | Posted 2009-05-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
My Mother Always Said I Married a Piece Of Trash
Neighbor, talking about busy husband: Yeah, he may take Monday off just to decompose.
Burke, Virginia
Overheard by: Jimmy C
Categories: Death & dying | Default | Jobs & Careers | Virginia | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2009-05-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's Like in the Bible, or Something
Dude: And so you go to sleep all relaxed, but when you wake up, they cut off part of your penis!
University of Mary Washington
Fredericksburg, Virginia
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Guys | Penis | Virginia | Weirdness | Posted 2009-04-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Ask a Monumentally-Retarded Question...
College student: Where do babies come from?
Professor: Well, one of mine came from a test tube, one came from China, and two of them came from a crazy woman. Any more questions?
UMW
Fredericksburg, Virginia
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Family ties | Geography | Questions | Students | Teachers | Virginia | Posted 2009-04-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When It's Creamed Spinach Day, She Gets So Excited She Needs to Be Sedated
Girl passing two students eating: They have corn!
JC Bistro, George Mason University
Fairfax County, Virginia
Overheard by: Candice
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Food | Girls | Happiness | Virginia | Posted 2009-04-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Some Gay Guys Have No Idea How to Woo Each Other
Upset gay boy: This is awful. I just wanted you to see the giant vagina made of sand.
Virginia Tech
Like, Is It Still in the Shrink Wrap? Lightly Used? Ruined?
Poetry girl: I've been so depressed all weekend.
Poetry guy: Well, why have you been so depressed?
Poetry girl: I wrote this poem about divorce, so I was thinking about divorce all weekend, and it just made me so depressed.
(long pause)
Poetry girl, loudly: Can you tell me about the human condition? I mean, can you really tell me about the human condition?
George Mason University
Fairfax County, Virginia
Overheard by: The Bu
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Feelings | Girls | Guys | Questions | Relationships | Virginia | Posted 2009-03-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
At Least He Didn't Say "a Brown Shower"
Guy #1, walking down sidewalk: I really have to poo.
Guy #2, walking down sidewalk: Speaking of poo, I could use some poontang.
Random girl walking the other way: Oh my goodness!
Richmond, Virginia
Overheard by: Alexa
Lots Of Couples Play Boggle
Girl: If you loved me, you wouldn't pressure me to do that!
Boy: Honey, I promise it isn't that weird!
University of Virginia
Overheard by: beth
This'll Continue Until You Whack the Sides Of Their Heads
Woman: Olivia likes beans.
Older woman: Who likes beans?
Woman: Olivia.
Older woman: What about 'er?
Woman: She likes beans.
Older woman: Who likes beans?
Woman (exasperated): Olivia!
Virginia Beach, Virginia
Overheard by: I also like beans
I Think I Read That in the Bible
Teacher: You can use stethoscopes to listen to water in trees. You should listen to thin trees and trees with less bark.
Student: Should it be hardwood or softwood?
Teacher: Softwood. You can't beat softwood.
Classroom
Alexandria, Virginia
And the FCC Can't Stop Me!
Earnest college girl: I'm gonna be naked--with a lot of clothes on.
Williamsburg, Virginia
Overheard by: I don't think that word means what you think it means
Have You Considered an Air Purifier?
Geology professor, after sneezing: It's all these trees outside having all of this unprotected sex.
Student: We're just caught in the crossfire.
Geology professor: Exactly. You should see the stains on my car!
University of Mary Washington
Fredericksburg, Virginia
Your Attitude Is Giving Me Leg Cramps
Girl to guy: I hate my life so much because of you.
Richmond, Virginia
Overheard by: James
Which Was Just Long Enough to Ride the Ferris Wheel
Frat boy: You know we measured his dick and it was like seven inches flaccid.
University of Virginia
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Frat boy types | Guys | Penis | Sexuality | Virginia | Weirdness | Posted 2009-02-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Believe It's Called "The Rugby Team"
College girl #1: I mean, they send people to those turn-straight camps, maybe they have a turn-gay camp.
College girl #2: Oh, let's go google it!
Virginia
Overheard by: Sasha
Everybody from the American South Takes English As a Second Language
Crying girl to friend: And my paper had all these, like, negative comments on it a-a-and then she pulled me aside and compared my paper to people who take English as a second language.
Virginia Commonwealth University, Virginia
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Education | Girls | Gripes | Virginia | Posted 2009-01-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Help Yourself--the Keys Are in It
Announcement: There's a gray car parked outside, four feet into the street.
Older woman: It's mine. I don't park cars; I just sort of abandon them.
Portsmouth, Virginia
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Employees | Offers and requests | Virginia | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2009-01-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Eating Dirt Is Also Off-Limits
Girl #1, talking about Lasik surgery: Well, they either cut your eye completely with a laser, or they do part of it surgically.
Girl #2: No! No! Stop. I can't talk about eyes. Don't talk about eyes, especially when I'm eating.
Guy: This is just like with my friend, Marise. We can't talk about killing people because she's from Haiti.
Arlington, Virginia
Overheard by: Molly
Categories: Body parts | Compare and contrast | Default | Food | Geography | Girls | Guys | Violence | Virginia | Posted 2009-01-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
To Avoid Shopping Tantrums, See That Your Husband Is Properly Fed and Watered
Husband trying on sandals: There's too much bullshit. What is all this bullshit on here?
Wife: I don't know...there's a lot of stuff.
Husband: It's too much bullshit. I'm not paying for all this bullshit.
Leesburg Corner Outlet Mall
Leesburg, Virginia
Overheard by: Nat
As That Sign at Old Navy Clearly Indicated
Guy holding up green shirt: It's never too early to start thinking about what you're going to throw up on next St. Patrick's day.
Gap Outlet
Alexandria, Virginia
...Well, Great to See You Again!
Girl: Didn't I lick maple syrup off you once?
Guy: I thought I licked maple syrup off you.
Girl: Really?
Guy: Wait, no. It was honey.
Girl: Oh, yeah. Honey.
Norfolk, Virginia
Overheard by: Olivia
According to My Logic Professor
Guy: If you can like anal, you can like feet!
George Mason University
Fairfax, Virginia
Categories: Ass | Body parts | Colleges & Universities | Default | Guys | Sex | Virginia | Weirdness | Posted 2009-01-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Then I Shower
Ditzy college girl: Everyone burps, everyone farts, everyone poops, and it feels fucking amazing.
Lynchburg College
Lynchburg, Virginia
Categories: Burping & farting | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Feelings | Girls | Poop | Students | Virginia | Posted 2009-01-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Two Girls, One Vlad Failed to Find an Audience
20-something guy: Dude, Putin is terrifying. I don't think I've ever seen him crack a smile.
Middle aged woman: I know! Don't you ever wonder what he's like, like, during sex?
20-something guy and girl in unison: No.
Virginia Commonwealth University
Whereas My Beer Belly Is a Perfect Sphere
Male student to girlfriend: Your body is uneven!
George Mason University
Fairfax County, Virginia
Categories: Body parts | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Guys | Insults | Students | Virginia | Posted 2008-12-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's When the Real Fun Begins
Frat boy to others: So you masturbate in a cup, right? Then you freeze it, and in the morning mix it with your protein powder.
George Mason University
Fairfax, Virginia
Overheard by: red
Categories: Advice | Colleges & Universities | Cum | Default | Food | Frat boy types | Masturbation | Virginia | Weirdness | Posted 2008-12-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Eh, I'm Joining the Marines Next Year, Anyway
Guy #1: We had to read Catcher in the Rye and Uncle Tom's Cabin last year! It was ridiculous!
Guy #2: Aren't they the same story?
Fauquier High
Warrenton, Virginia
Overheard by:
What's More Fun Than a Game Of Hungry, Hungry Hostage?
Black girl #1: Did you hear her? She said she was hungry as a hostage! I mean, how hungry is a hostage?
Black girl #2: Well...probably a lot...
Black girl #1: Yeah, but sometimes they feed yo' ass!
Northern Virginia
Overheard by: nosy roommate
Categories: Black people | Compare and contrast | Crimes | Default | Food | Girls | Questions | Virginia | Posted 2008-12-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
White People: "We're Not Touching This One."
Fat black woman to son running away: Don't make me go African American on your ass, now get back here!
Shafer Dining
Richmond, Virginia
Overheard by: Lacy
Categories: Black people | Default | Fat people | Moms | Offers and requests | Parenting | Race | Restaurants | Virginia | Women | Words | Posted 2008-12-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
After This, We Can All Go Have Tea
Instructor: Okay, ladies, on your backs and put the balls between your legs!
Athletic Club
Charlottesville, Virginia
Overheard by: you don't hear that every day
From Now On, All Lectures Will Be Given by the TA.
Professor, talking about Meatless Tuesdays during WWI: And what would not eating meat save?
Genius (excitedly): Bullets!
Professor: Um, no.
Genius: By not having to shoot the animals.
History Class, Christopher Newport University
Newport News, Virginia
Overheard by: be CNU
One Day You Will Make Some Dork Very, Very Happy
20-something chick to friend on cell: I like how you're listening to the message I left you while I'm standing right here.
Friend: I just want to make sure I get the message, I don't want to be like one of those people who calls you back without listening to the message.
20-something chick: I hate those people! It's like, what if the message was really important? Like, "Help me, I'm dying! Don't call me back--it sets off the bomb!"
University of Mary Washington
Fredericksburg, Virginia
Overheard by: Good point
Categories: Cell phones | Colleges & Universities | Default | Feelings | Friends | Girls | On the phone | Threats | Virginia | Posted 2008-11-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Any Questions?
English professor: Outer space is occupied by evil orientals.
Marymount University
Arlington, Virginia
Overheard by: Sarah Yvonne
A High Holy Day for Us Retailians
Girl #1: Well, today wasn't a total loss, I did find my outfit for tomorrow.
Girl #2: True. By the way, what's tomorrow?
Girl #1: Uh, Thursday. You mean like the date?
Girl #2: No, I mean: what's the occasion for the outfit?
Girl #1: Oh, right! Thursday.
Dulles Town Center
Loudoun County, Virginia
A National Cemetery Should Make the Comfort Of the Living Its Top Priority
Eight-year-old bratty boy at the top of the stairs: Elevators would be nice.
Robert E. Lee's Mansion, Arlington National Cemetery
Arlington, Virginia
Categories: Compliments | Default | Kids | Technology | Virginia | Posted 2008-11-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
God, Stop Smothering Me!
Random girl: And then I asked him, "So, how was that for you?" and then he said, "uh, I just came."
Washington and Lee University
Lexington, Virginia
Not As Gross As Mickey Mouse Christmas Ornaments, Honey
Hallmark salesgirl: My stomach really hurts.
Queer: Does your face hurt too?
Hallmark salesgirl (long pause): Oh my god, gross!
McLean, Virginia
Well What the Hell Kind of Sociology Tutor Are You, Anyway?
Guy on cell: Have you ever heard of swinging? (pause) Bestiality?
Richmond, Virginia
Overheard by: Us
And I Reject Your Bourgeois Conventions
Little girl in stall: No boys allowed in here!
Little boy in the next stall: Well, my name's Simon!
Girls' Bathroom, Clemyjontri Park
McLean, Virginia
Overheard by: Ellen
When He Was Little, She'd Carry Him in One of Her Haversacks
Sister: Grandma got him a box of latexes!
Dad: Oh, well, I didn't know you and grandma were so...ahem...close.
Brother: Oh! God! No! Stop! My ears!
Reston, Virginia
Overheard by: Carly
Categories: Compare and contrast | Condoms | Dads | Default | Family ties | Siblings | Virginia | Words | Posted 2008-10-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Why Is There Ham in My Lingerie Drawer?
Customer: The last thing I want in my refrigerator is another pair of pantyhose!
Charlottesville, Virginia
But It Was Actually the Four Horsemen and Their Nasty, Old Apocalypse
Professor: I thought it was an "Oh my god, ponies!" moment.
Christopher Newport University
Newport News, Virginia
Overheard by: It had to be...
Stepford Children Know What's Good for Them
Four-year-old girl licking gelato off a tiny spoon: This tastes like electricity!
Mom: That's right, honey.
Piccomolo Gelato Shop
Fairfax, Virginia
Overheard by: Meaggoo
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | Kids | Moms | Sensory experiences | Stores | Virginia | Weirdness | Posted 2008-10-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Assume It's a Craft Project and Go on With Your Life
Girl on cell: Well, Kristy's brain was there, so that's good, but all the other brains were gone. Plus the whole bucket of eyes!
George Mason University
Fairfax, Virginia
Categories: Body parts | Colleges & Universities | Default | Girls | On the phone | Virginia | Weirdness | Posted 2008-10-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
David Hasselhoff Preps for His Next Audition
Guy on urinal on the phone: Yeah, let slip the dogs of war...protein. No truer words have ever been spoken...Shakespeare didn't know shit... (farts loudly) Fuck! (farts again) Fuck. Energy drinks...I'm outta here.
George Mason University
Fairfax, Virginia
Categories: Books | Burping & farting | Colleges & Universities | Default | Drinking & drunks | Guys | On the phone | Restroom | Virginia | Weirdness | Words | Posted 2008-10-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You're the Worst Thesis Advisor Ever
Girl walking through campus: I can't believe you, I'm sitting in my living room in nothing but a towel, with mascara streaming down my face and you don't even care!
George Mason University
Fairfax, Virginia
Overheard by: You sit on a throne of lies
One Of Those Confused Girls Who Gets a "Moth" Tattoo
Young suit #1: So how was that new restaurant you went to?
Young suit #2: It was okay. (points at girl next to him) She had a salad, she liked it. But I don't eat salads.
Girl (pleased): It tasted like leaves.
Rosslyn, Virginia
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Food | Girls | Questions | Sensory experiences | Suits | Virginia | Posted 2008-10-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And I Think We All Know the Law
Party goer: Kate! It's your turn to do a keg stand.
Kate: No, I can't. I have a shirt on.
Charlottesville, Virginia
Overheard by: christine
Categories: Clothes | Default | Drinking & drunks | Friends | Offers and requests | Virginia | Posted 2008-09-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
In Her Fifties, Mom's Censor Went Out on Strike
50-something mom: It was the first time I've ever heard Brian* call uncle Ned* a prick!
20-something son: Mom!
50-something mom: I don't even know what that is, a prick.
20-something son: Don't worry about it.
50-something mom: Well, Brian's right. Ned is a prick, whatever that is.
Woodbridge, Virginia
Overheard by: Cols
Jared Likes to Watch the History Channel on Acid
Teen to others: Did you know that Ben Franklin invented the first haunted house?
In Line for Haunted House
Roanoke, Vriginia
More Evidence That Taking Drugs Increases Your Risk of Summer School
Random high school kid (during summer school): Shoes are like hats for your feet!
Thomas Jefferson High School for Science and Technology
Alexandria, Virginia
Categories: Body parts | Clothes | Compare and contrast | Default | Kids | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Students | Virginia | Posted 2008-09-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Snake Was Shedding Her Skin
Girl #1: I saw her panties.
Girl #2: What?
Girl #1: Oh, they were off of her, not on her.
Woodbridge, Virginia
A Good Cargo Pocket Comes in Handy for Almost Anything
Police officer: So that's when they started pulling baseball bats out of their pants?
Guy: Yeah, baseball bats and machetes!
Tysons Corner
Fairfax County, Virginia
Overheard by: Jack
I Only Go to the Cafeteria to Test Myself
Blonde girl entering the cafeteria: These lines are so long! Thank god I decided to be anorexic!
Mary Washington University
Fredericksburg, Virginia
Overheard by: waiting in line
If Worse Comes to Worse, We've Rented Some Large Ducks
Airline personnel: We should be boarding the plane at 10:25... If we have a plane.
Airport
Richmond, Virginia
Overheard by: Burt
Categories: Airports & flights | Default | Employees | Public Transportation | Time Management | Virginia | Wishes | Posted 2008-08-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Roll Videotape, Please
Professor: Then the electrons are passed around like a hot potato or, you know, a cheerleader.
Radford University, Virginia
Which Fortunately Has My Name on the Label
Professor: I make no sense to myself, I'm surprised I know my own name. Why? Because life sucks. But I have a nice jacket!
Christopher Newport University
Newport News, Virginia
Categories: Clothes | Colleges & Universities | Default | Gossip | Philosophy | Teachers | Virginia | Posted 2008-07-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We Named Them After the Kids on Seventh Heaven
Woman on cell waiting in line for lunch: Oh, to keep you in the loop, we are not getting pregnant any time soon. There is like no sperm. They said there were eight, but they were retarded.
Richmond, Virginia
Categories: Default | On the phone | Pregnancy | Virginia | Women | Posted 2008-07-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's the Last Time I'll Call the Psychic Friends Network
Ghetto girl on cell: I don't care what the fuck they said... They don't know shit 'bout my coochie!
McArthur Center
Norfolk, Virginia
Overheard by: wes
Categories: Black people | Default | Girls | Gripes | On the phone | Vagina | Virginia | Women | Posted 2008-07-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Heaven Entrance Exam Is Teeming With Poetry Questions
Teacher (about poetry assignment): Some of you did a good job and wrote some wonderful things. Some of you just did the assignment. Some of you haven't even turned it in. Those people are going to hell.
TJHSST
Alexandria, Virginia
Our Prediction: Advertising Will Eventually Convince You That You Do
Girl #1 to friend (indicating a cream to get rid of razor burn bumps on the bikini area): Does this stuff work okay?
Girl #2: Yeah, it works, it just smells kinda funny.
Girl #1: I don't care how it smells, it's goin' next to my vagina. I don't need no strawberries.
Target
Winchester, Virginia
Overheard by: Kendra
Do It In My Mouth! I've Got Lucky Charms!
Guy: You know what's actually really good? Cocoa Puffs and bacon!
Chick: (blank stare)
Guy: Once I had them both and I ate one bite of Cocoa Puffs and one bite of bacon and they mixed in my mouth and it was good!
Chick: You make me want to vomit.
Harris Teeter
Bristow, Virginia
What With Mrs. Butterworth Morally Judging Me
Elderly woman: You know... It's so hard to eat pancakes in the nude!
Winchester, Virginia
Overheard by: SB
Instead, I'll Discuss Your Pain With This Complete Stranger
Boyfriend to gas station attendant: She slept with the entire football team in high school.
Girlfriend: Maybe, but I still wouldn't have slept with you.
Boyfriend: Yeah? Really? How's your butt feel? Ha! I haven't even told my friends about that yet!
Richmond, Virginia
The Pope: Perhaps I Haven't Been Clear...
Cool college chick to friends: Ya know, birth control is the thing that makes sex okay.
Mexican Restaurant
Virginia
Overheard by: KMCV
Categories: Abortion | Default | Friends | Restaurants | Sex | Sorority types | Virginia | Posted 2008-06-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Have... a Drinking Problem
Obscenely tall man: I'm sorry. This is really random, but I was just drinking a milkshake. And... I think I spilled some on my head. Can you check it out for me?
University of Mary Washington
Fredericksburg, Virginia
Categories: Body parts | Colleges & Universities | Default | Drinking & drunks | Guys | Offers and requests | Sensory experiences | Virginia | Weirdness | Posted 2008-06-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Spin-Offs of The Neverending Story Were Never As Exciting As the Original
Little kid: I have a powerful thing coming to me. Ya know what it is? Pizza!
University of Virginia
Charlottesville, Virginia
Just the Ones That Don't Fly, Kiddo
Five-year-old to grandma: You're just jealous cuz you don't like monkeys.
Target
Virginia
Overheard by: JH
That's How in Love with His Mom He Is
Guy to friends: No, I mean he's really in love with her, like reeeeally in love. He left his trailer, and moved in with his parents.
Buffalo Wild Wings
Winchester, Virginia
Categories: Default | Friends | Guys | Relationships | Restaurants | Virginia | Weirdness | Posted 2008-06-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Some People Love Jesus More Than Others
Girl: Seriously, she's completely obsessed. Like all of her final drawings were of his penis. Like all of them.
Roanoke, Virginia
Overheard by: Abbie
Like an Open Spirit and Three Hits of Acid
Teacher: What you get from Beatlerama depends on what you bring to it.
Science class
Richmond, Virginia
Overheard by: mollydear
Categories: Education | Names | Offers and requests | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Science | Teachers | Virginia | Words | Posted 2008-05-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Hardly Worse Than Getting Dick-Poked Before Birth
[husband and wife are pushing stroller through the mall. Suddenly another man rushes up and picks the husband up, twirling him around while everyone cracks up]
Man, looking over at child: Wow, that would be a really awkward first memory!
Spotsylvania Towne Centre
Fredericksburg, Virginia
Overheard by: That Girl In The Kiosk
Categories: Family ties | Feelings | Stores | Virginia | Weirdness | Posted 2008-05-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Especially Not Child-Sized Ones
Girl on cell: Listen, he is not a nice guy. Anyone with handcuffs permanently attached to his bed frame is not a nice guy.
University of Mary Washington
Fredericksburg, Virginia
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Compliments | Girls | On the phone | Sexuality | Toys | Violence | Virginia | Weirdness | Posted 2008-05-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Where Only the Strong Survive Into Adulthood
Jolly literature professor: All of this talk of salacious babysitters and the indiscriminate disposing of corpses makes me feel like I'm back in Jersey again.
University of Mary Washington
Fredericksburg, Virginia
Categories: Class | Compare and contrast | Memory lane | Teachers | US Geography | Violence | Virginia | Posted 2008-05-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Terry McAuliffe: Shhhhhh!
Preppy brunette on cell: So did you hear? Hillary won the primaries yesterday! [Pause.] Wait, you mean there's more than one?
JMU Bookstore
Harrisonburg, Virginia
Overheard by: baffled
Psh, I'd Be Asking for High Fives
Guy #1: John* really needs to get laid. He hasn't hooked up for months.
Guy #2: Dude, didn't you hear what happened to him?
Guy #1: No.
Guy #2: The last girl he brought home shat in his bed. He's been kind of gun-shy since then.
Charlottesville, Virginia
Non-Fucking Whorehouses Are Pretty Much Libraries
Female professor: I may not be the best literary critic of the century, but I know when I'm in a fucking whorehouse.
Combs Hall
Fredericksburg, Virginia
Categories: Bragging | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Education | Etiquette | Pride | Teachers | Virginia | Women | Words | Posted 2008-04-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
As I Have Noticed Your Lack of Training Wheels
Drunk girl in bar to bartender: You should be so lucky as to have sex with me.
Bartender: I wouldn't fuck you for practice.
Richmond, Virginia
Overheard by: warm ups?
But Apparently That's Not How Job Interviews Work
Girl walking to bus stop drunk: I just wanted to walk in, get groped and leave.
Pheasant Run
Harrisonburg, Virginia
Overheard by: Brandon Call
Or "Freshmen"
Lit professor: Now, when we plant humans and they grow, we call those "zombies".
University of Mary Washington
Fredericksburg, Virginia
At Least Let Me Tie You to the Roof-Rack
Girl stopped at a gas station refueling: Get out of my trunk now! People are going to think that I kidnapped you!
Charlottesville, Virginia
Overheard by: A Concerned Friend
Categories: Conductors | Crimes | Default | Fears | Girls | Offers and requests | Virginia | Posted 2008-04-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
E-U-G-E-N-I-C-S
Loud woman: How do you spell 'taxi'?
1801 Alexander Bell Drive
Reston, Virginia
Could've Been Ugly If She Hadn't Been Lactating, Though
Guy at dinner: Yeah, we figured we'd just have a low key night with just a few beers and some margaritas, but then Ann* was like, 'Wow, I haven't had any liquor in two months!' so the next thing you know, we're dropping 60 bucks at the liquor store, then the backyard porch swing's on fire... It was a pretty fun night.
Arlington, Virginia
Categories: Compliments | Default | Drinking & drunks | Guys | Virginia | Weirdness | Posted 2008-03-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Well, That's a Given
HS boy #1: I love cheesecake in my mouth.
HS boy #2: You love dick in your mouth!!
HS boy #1: Well, yeah, if it has cheesecake on it!
Christiansburg, Virginia
That Is All the Government Has Allowed Me to Tell You
Health teacher to class: When you become more adult-like, you start to be more like an adult.
Roanoke, Virginia
So I Never Get to Use Them
Hoochie: I do have good morals, I'm just really drunk all the time.
Washington and Lee University
Lexington, Virginia
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Drinking & drunks | Gripes | Hoochies | Sex | Virginia | Posted 2008-03-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Every Country Has Its Own Rules for Greeting Royalty
Guy on cell at register: I know! I know! So listen -- when you first meet him, go up to him, bow, whip your own chopsticks, and tell him you would like to procreate with him.
Dick's Sporting Goods
Fairfax, Virginia
Overheard by: Cashier who needed the laugh
Aaron's Messy Handwriting Has Resulted in Many Botched Orders
Waiter: ... Chicken nachos all on her butt cheeks!
Arlington, Virginia
Overheard by: Nic
Categories: Ass | Blue collar | Default | Food | Gripes | Restaurants | Virginia | Posted 2008-03-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Catalog Them by Penis Size and Strange Bodily Features
Redhead: You seriously don't know where Bruce Willis was born?
Brunette: No.
Redhead: I can tell you where half the actors I'm in love with were born.
Brunette: Honey, I can't even tell you where half the men I've slept with were born.
Redhead: That's true.
Brunette: Hell, I'm lucky if I remember their last names.
Fredericksburg, Virginia
We're Hoping She'll Grow Out of That Once She Turns Five
Middle-aged professor, matter-of-factly: My daughter loves Stephen Colbert. She calls him her 'baby daddy.'
Art League School
Alexandria, Virginia
... Hanging between His Knees
Sorostitute #1: Oooh, a Southern boy!
Sorostitute #2: Yeah, it's just something about that Southern genitalia that makes him so sexy. Wait, 'genitalia'? Is that the right word? Well, you know -- that smooth Southern thing.
James Madison University
Harrisonburg, Virginia