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That's a Funny Name for a Ghost!
Crazy guy: Hey, June*! Do you know that my cabinets keep opening and closing by themselves?
June*: Well, do you believe in ghosts?
Crazy guy: Yes, I do!
June*: Maybe your place is haunted, and the ghosts just want to say hello.
Crazy guy, after thinking a while: No, I think it's just my schizophrenia.
Burlington, Vermont
Overheard by: Sweenan A. Mornstuy
Categories: Crazies | Girls | Guys | Mental illnesses | Sensory experiences | Vermont | Wishes | Posted 2010-07-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why We Drop Our Childhood Friends: Explained
Tween girl in pack of tween girls: Yes, he's my friend! He's nice! But I guess if I thought about it, I wouldn't like him.
Burlington, Vermont
Overheard by: Isotope Feeney
Categories: Compliments | Feelings | Tweens | Vermont | Posted 2010-06-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
She's All, "This Party Smells Like Salami"
Party goer #1: That girl is wasted.
Party goer #2: Which one?
Party goer #1: The one with the blue shirt and lip ring.
Party goer #2: That's not a lip ring, she's got a piece of meat stuck to her face.
Burlington, Vermont
Overheard by: Tim
"Who Can Shower Less?" Is a Dangerous Game
Girl #1: Awww... I knew I smelled you!
Girl #2: (laughs hysterically)
Bennington College
Bennington, Vermont
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Girls | Sensory experiences | Vermont | Weirdness | Posted 2010-03-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's Not Their Worlds I Want to Enter
Girl: So I think he's taken our relationship a step further.
Gay friend: Oh! What, did he ask you out?
Girl: No.
Gay friend: Did he finally tell you he likes you?
Girl: No! Nothing like that.
Gay friend: Then what?
Girl: He started talking to me exclusively in D&D jargon!
Gay friend: See, this is why we have different tastes in men.
Burlington, Vermont
Overheard by: Doesn't play D&D
Categories: Compare and contrast | Fag hags | Games | Queers | Relationships | Vermont | Words | Posted 2010-03-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Be Careful Whose Army You Enlist In, Dear Reader
Very tall woman: I never hear you talk about your uncle. Is he dead?
Short man: No, he's still alive, but he's a Nazi.
Very tall woman: Ha ha.
Short man: No, really. He's a Nazi. He was in the SS and everything.
Burlington, Vermont
Overheard by: Sweenan A. Mornstuy
Categories: Death & dying | Family ties | Guys | Vermont | Women | Posted 2010-02-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But That Still Doesn't Excuse All the Stains.
Girl on porch: That's the kind of car you lose your virginity in!
Burlington, Vermont
For Some Reason, It Rarely Happens the Other Way Around
College girl, surprised: You went on a blind date last night?
College boy: Yeah, she was nice. She's gonna be a nurse.
Sketchy friend: Dude, that's awesome! Y'know, nurses make the best porn stars.
Coffeeshop
Burlington, Vermont
Categories: Beauty | Frat boy types | Jobs & Careers | Porn | Questions | Relationships | Sorority types | Vermont | Posted 2009-11-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Just Trying to Make Learning Fun.
Girl, frustrated: Because every time I try to study, you yell "sausage" at me!
Bristol, Vermont
If They Nag, You Can Shoot 'em
Clerk: I love women. The only thing prettier than a woman is a deer.
Post Office
South Burlington, Vermont
Overheard by: Sweenan A. Mornstuy
Categories: Animals | Beauty | Compare and contrast | Employees | Gender issues | Post offices | Vermont | Posted 2009-11-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Here Comes Another One
Teen girl: This skirt is so short! My legs are freezing!
Teen boy: Mine are fine.
Teen girl: That's because of your intense orgasms.
Teen boy: True.
Starbucks
Burlington, Vermont
Overheard by: Sweenan A. Mornstuy
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Body parts | Clothes | Clothing | Compare and contrast | Orgasm | Teens | Vermont | Posted 2009-10-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When Did Bennington Drop the Lesbianism Requirement?
Girl: So my jaw hurts really bad, right here. (points)
Boy: Maybe you stop sucking so much dick.
Girl, thinking for a second: Many dicks.
Bennington College
Vermont
Now Everyone Brace Yourselves While I Release the Bee
Teacher: If there's a bee flying around the classroom, I don't want you to freak out. But, if you get stung by a bee, I want you to jump up, scream, run for the door, run into the door because you didn't open it, scream again, and run out. If you're going to disturb the class, we might as well get a laugh out of it.
Bristol, Vermont
Overheard by: Misaki
If That's Your Sex Club, I'm Not Interested.
Guy: Hold my backpack for me.
Turkish girl: No.
Guy: If you hold my backpack for me, I'll let you into the European Union.
Middlebury College
Middlebury, Vermont
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Foreigners | Girls | Guys | Offers and requests | Politics | Stupidity | Vermont | Posted 2009-07-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Sure You're Not Thinking Of Herman?
Student: Hey, sir, did you hear about James?
Teacher: No.
Student: He's got fifteen people living in his head. Want to join them?
Teacher: No, not a chance.
Bristol, Vermont
Overheard by: Misaki
To Be Fair, I Only Saw Her a Little.
Psych professor: I dated a girl who was 4'10'' once, but she always insisted that that was the legal cutoff height for little people.
Psych student: Actually, I think 4'11'' is the cutoff.
Psych professor: What? I dated a midget?
Bennington, Vermont
Overheard by: laughing in class
At the Very Least, in the Cafeteria Food
Little boy: Mom! Look! An ant!
Mother (pulling little boy by the arm): Come on, sweetie, there will be ants at school.
Burlington, Vermont
Christopher Walken Has a Fever Again
Man walking into coffee shop: I need some pantyhose, stat!
Muddy Waters Coffee Shop
Burlington, Vermont
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Clothing | Default | Guys | Offers and requests | Vermont | Words | Posted 2009-02-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Have My Chalice in Your Purse!
College guy fighting with his girlfriend: What? Do you want me to tell you that my ex-girlfriend treated me like a Greek god? 'cause she did.
(girlfriend storms up the street)
College guy: Wait, uh, come back!
Burlington, Vermont
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Feelings | Frat boy types | Offers and requests | Questions | Relationships | Vermont | Posted 2008-12-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When, Really, They Go Together Like a Wink and Smile
Loud 40-something: The government wants to cut down on unplanned pregnancy and decrease abortions, but a dozen condoms is as much as a 12-pack of beer? Hello, middle America is not choosing condoms over beer!
Burlington, Vermont
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Drinking & drunks | Money | Politics | Pregnancy | Vermont | Posted 2008-12-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Stella Never Got Her Groove Back
Mother heading into Victoria's Secret with five-year-old son: And this time, don't touch anything!
University Mall
Burlington, Vermont
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Kids | Malls | Moms | Offers and requests | Vermont | Posted 2008-11-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Being Raised by the Buddha Isn't All It's Cracked Up to Be
Five-year-old: Daddy, I want ice cream.
Father: How does it feel to want something?
Vermont
Isn't That the Title of a Kanye West Song?
Man in mall: Excuse me, where can I hail a taxi?
Mall employee: This is Vermont, dude.
Man in mall: There has to be taxis. There are roads, aren't they?
Mall employee: Nope, no taxis. But lots of guns.
Rutland, Vermont
Overheard by: MeggerzDotCom
Categories: Compare and contrast | Customers | Default | Employees | Malls | Offers and requests | Public Transportation | Questions | US Geography | Vermont | Violence | Posted 2008-09-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's Whispering, "Your Friends Will Pay for Your Meal"
Girl #1 (pouring a cup of tea): Awww man, it's all the stuff from the bottom.
Girl #2: Oooh! After you drink it, give it to me and I'll read the tea leaves!
Girl #1: (hands the cup to girl #2)
Girl #2 (with a fake British accent): I see a hippogriff!
Guy: I did not just hear that.
Burlington, Vermont
Overheard by: Misaki
In the Meantime All of Our Popsicles Taste Like Mr. Waggles
Prof: So, how's everything at home?
Italian cafe worker: My dog died.
Prof: Oh my god, I'm so sorry. Was he old?
Italian cafe worker: Yes. But I can't bury him. The ground is frozen. There's snow.
Prof: You could have him cremated.
Italian cafe worker: I have him in my freezer. I had to clear it out, my freezer. All the food is out. I'm going to keep him there 'til mud season when I can bury him in the backyard.
Prof: Oh.
Landmark College
Putney, Vermont
Categories: Animals | Colleges & Universities | Death & dying | Default | Employees | Foreigners | Teachers | Vermont | Weather | Weirdness | Posted 2008-08-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Orange Really Is the Prettiest Color
Hobo to another: Well, I think I have a very nice smile.
Burlington, Vermont
In the World Of Work, 8 A.M. Is Like Noon
Freshman, before 8 am final: My internal alarm clock was like, "Dude, I didn't fucking go off!"
Burlington, Vermont
Categories: Body parts | Default | Guys | Time Management | Vermont | Posted 2008-07-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Am One With My Car
Young woman to girl, after car accident: Do you have car insurance or anything?
College girl: Blue Cross Blue Shield.
Young woman: ... Uhh... That would be health insurance.
South Burlington, Vermont
Overheard by: Charlee
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Offers and requests | Questions | Sorority types | Stupidity | Vermont | Women | Posted 2008-05-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Dear Social Services, Something's Afoot.
Child #1: Let's play house!
Child #2 to child #3: You're the baby! [Children #1 and #2 start slapping child #3.]
Child #3: Stop the game! Stop the game!
Windjammer Inn
Burlington, Vermont
Categories: Should have used a condom | Vermont | Violence | Posted 2007-12-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Only a Limited Number Of Lives Are Available in Vermont
Teacher, reading paper by student #1: 'I'm not living my life yet.' Then whose life are you living?
Student #1, pointing to student #2: His.
Mount Abraham Union High School
Bristol, Vermont
