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English teacher: Calling someone a douche is not a constructive comment, even if it's true.
Flora High School
Columbia, South Carolina
History teacher (hanging up posters with spray adhesive): If ya'll get high from this, you're welcome.
High School
Columbia, South Carolina
Overheard by: thank you!
English teacher: It's a big responsibility to be a goddess, it troubles me all the time.
A.C. Flora High School
Columbia, South Carolina
Girl #1: So, how did she find out?
Girl #2: I was right in the middle of vomiting and my mom opened the door and said, 'You've been binge drinking and having unprotected sex?!'
Girl #1: ... So, how did she find out?
College of Charleston
Charleston, South Carolina
Overheard by: Addison
Yuppie teen girl #1: I'm sooo glad it didn't happen when those boys were looking at the restaurant!
Yuppie teen girl #2: Your face is totally like a target for their... like... stuff.
Hotel elevator
South Carolina
Overheard by: wtf are you talking about?
Girl #1: Hey, I know you! Isn't your name 'Laura'?
Girl #2: No, not even close, actually.
Girl #1: Yes, it is. Your name is Laura.
Girl #2: No, it really isn't.
Girl #1: Well, it is now.
Friendly's
South Carolina
Guy to pal: Sometimes I wish it were socially acceptable to have another guy suck your dick.
Simpsonville, South Carolina
Queer to fag hag, after Transformers preview: I thought they were, like, good guys...
Regal Cinemas
Greenville, South Carolina
Overheard by: Trying not to laugh hysterically
Woman, speaking up to friends: My cat is gay, and I'm okay with that... I tell the groomer he wants the pink bow, not the plaid one.
Restaurant
Columbia, South Carolina
Male student #1: I was seriously one letter away from spelling 'vagina.'
Male student #2: That's a pretty high-scoring word.
Male student #3: You'd be, like, a Scrabble Club hero or something.
Addelstone Library
Charleston, South Carolina
Overheard by: i was impressed
Chick #1: Hey, how was your weekend?
Chick #2: It was really fun -- my wart fell off!
Chick #1: Really? How?
Chick #2: I don't know! It just fell off. It was the best weekend ever!
Charleston, South Carolina
Hipster: Anal leakage is never funny.
Charleston, South Carolina
Overheard by: Katie
Religion professor: Why did Jesus die?
Student: Loss of blood?
College of Charleston
South Carolina
Big black lady in checkout lane: This place is a hell of a lot better than Wal-Mart.
Companion: Tell me about it.
Big black lady: Last time I was in there, my blood pressure was, like, eight hundred over five hundred.
Companion: Mmm-hm.
Big black lady: I was seeing stars. Pretty colors, though. Man, I should not have seen cats.
Target, Woodruff Road
Greenville, South Carolina
Overheard by: amused cashier
Short girl: I'm gonna go and buy you a birthday card.
Tall girl: Yeah, you didn't buy me anything for my birthday!
Short girl: Yes, I did! I bought your fingers!
Tall girl: Oh, yeah! [Laughs.]
Magnolia Mall
Florence, South Carolina
Fat lady pulling her kid from path of speeding bus: That's right -- step out and meet Jesus!
Columbia, South Carolina
Overheard by: Cootine
Drunk redneck: You wanna shoot a shotgun naked? Come to my house!
The Pour House
Charleston, South Carolina
Overheard by: innocent bystander