Overheard Everywhere | The Voice of the Towel" | Places | North America | USA

They Call Him "The Baconator"!

Twelve-year-old boy in lunch line: So I think I have a new arch-nemesis... He's like, Canadian, or something.
Friend: Cool!

Brown University
Providence, Rhode Island

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Rhode Island's a Very Small State, Dear Reader

Girl, waiting for Italian professor: How can she know Italian well enough to teach it when she can't even speak English that well?

Rhode Island

Overheard by: Doesn't Speak Italian

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Now Could You Delicately Put That Switchblade Away?

Scary emo girl, pointing at friend: What am I? Say it! Say it! What am I? Say it!
Bullied emo guy, quietly: You're a delicate emo angel.

Federal Hill
Providence, Rhode Island

Overheard by: Katie M

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

College Exists to Prolong Adolescence

Female Brown student #1: That lab class is so stupid.
Female Brown student #2: Yeah. Harry Potter had the best labs.
Female Brown student #1, sighing: I wish this was Hogwarts.

Providence, Rhode Island

Overheard by: Sadie

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

...For Being So Gay.

Oversexed frat boy at house party: Yeah! We're gonna shoot 'em with our sperm cannons!

Providence, Rhode Island

Overheard by: Katie M

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

I Also Feel Strangely Ashamed.

Waiter: How were the balls?
Blonde: Well, they were filling.

Cheesecake Factory
Providence, Rhode Island

Overheard by: Mallory

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

I've Heard You Play Cello.

Asian kid: Damn, I can't do math.
Non-Asian kid: Somehow I doubt that.

Providence, Rhode Island

Overheard by: Jesse

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Invented by Mister Newton.

Professor: So, I can see that some of you try to care about my feelings, and others don't give a fig.
Student #1: Whoa! Could you not use such harsh vegetables?
(entire class goes silent)
Student #2: I didn't know a "fig" was a vegetable.
Student #3: I thought it was a grape. A dried grape.

Johnson & Wales University
Providence, Rhode Island

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

You Have a Friend Named "Halfbreed"?

Smoker girl: How did you get that scrape on your arm?
Inked boy: Well, TJ picked me up in the parking lot the other night after the club, like literally, picked me up and carried me over to Halfbreed, and threw me to him, but Halfbreed didn't know what was going on and so we both fell over.
Smoker girl: Ouch.
Inked boy: So apparently, all it takes to knock him down is a hundred-thirty-five pound Italian projectile surprise.
Smoker girl: Do you stay awake at night thinking of these little quips? Or do they just come to you in moments of genius?
Inked boy: No, I thought of it that night. I've just been waiting to use it.

Providence, Rhode Island

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Mostly Just Between the Sheets.

Girl: So we decided to be friends.
Friend: Wait, in real life or on Facebook?

Brown University
Providence, Rhode Island

Overheard by: krr

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Tonight, on Mystery Quote Theater...

Girl #1: She defriended me!
Girl #2: Well, that explains the shoes.

Brown University
Providence, Rhode Island

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Please Direct Any Questions to That Brick Wall Over There

Flight attendant, doing safety instructions before takeoff: Pull on the tab to inflate the life vest. If that doesn't work, blow it up manually. If that doesn't work...thank you for flying Southwest.

Flight over Providence, Rhode Island

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

I Really Need to Lose a Few Pounds

Guy: And then I was skipping down the street naked. I put my underpants back on after the girl realized that I wasn't wearing anything, though.

Portsmouth, Rhode Island

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

All Communications Majors Believe Perception Is Reality

Sorority girl #1: I may as well go around and sleep with all the people everyone thinks I'm sleeping with...
Sorority girl #2: I would *so* not judge you for that.

Bryant University
Smithfield, Rhode Island

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Of Mufflers and Men?

Guy #1: Check out that girl's ensemble. Interesting.
Gut #2: I bet she read a book about how to wear her scarf.

Antonio's Pizza
Providence, Rhode Island

Overheard by: Chris

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

In Providence, The Living Will Envy the Dead

Soccer mom to group of children: Okay, who's dead?
Several of the children, excitedly: I'm dead! I'm dead!

Outisde Trinity Rep
Providence, Rhode Island

Overheard by: Katie M

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

We Have Merit Badges in Blasphemy and Obscenity

Woman, crossing in front of two Scouts: Shit! Oh, I'm sorry!
Scout to another: We could top that.

Slatersville, Rhode Island

Overheard by: Ben Jam'in

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Who's Going As Pontius Pilate of Nottingham?

Bimbette, looking at halloween costumes online with her boyfriend: Oh, look! You can go as Robin Hood and I'll be Mary Magdalene!

RIC College
Providence, Rhode Island

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Tonight on Origami Mami

Redhead: That's why I couldn't be a lesbian. Too many folds of flesh... It's like a mystery box of angry.

Federal Hill
Providence, Rhode Island

Overheard by: Katie M agrees

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Now Square the Circle! Square It, I Say!

Math professor: In Russia, if something is not allowed and you want it really bad, you can do it.

Brown University
Providence, Rhode Island

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Dude, If You're Sick Of Lecturing, Think How We Feel

Professor: Man, I'm sick of this lecture. Let's just leave.

Johnson and Wales University
Providence, Rhode Island

Overheard by: Misaki

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

As You Should Know All Too Well, Cuntrella

Teacher: Does anyone know how to spell that?
(silence)
Student: Looks like it's time to whip out the dic!
Teacher: Some words should *not* be shortened.

High School Classroom
Rhode Island

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Right Up There with the Taoist Classic "C Is For Cookie-- Is Good Enough for Me"

Female voice over speakerphone: Maybe you shouldn't listen to me. I just reached into my glass of milk to retrieve a cookie that I accidentally dropped to the bottom during dunking. Now I am covered in milk. I've got milk hands!
Fraternity guy: I thought you were trying to make your own metaphor, like "I don't see the glass as half empty or half full, I see my hand in it retrieving cookies."

Providence, Rhode Island

Overheard by: Wants No Part Of This

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Now Aren't You Glad We Went Through My Daughter's Sock Drawer?

Middle-aged woman, to older woman: Those were some really good drugs!

Dunkin' Donuts
University of Rhode Island

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

And at Least the Newport Jazz Festival Is Over in Three Days

Guy in suit: I said, "It's better than a Chinese prison, you should be used to it by now."

Memorial Union Bus Stop
University of Rhode Island, Kingston, Rhode Island

Overheard by: Jo

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

One Day He Will Write Lyrics for Christina Aguilera

Dad in locker room, to son: Jake, take your pants off.
Five-year-old son, singing: Take your pants off, do the ducky-ducky.
Dad: Jake!
Five-year-old son: Take your pants off, do the something-something.

Newport Athletic Club
Middletown, Rhode Island

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

We're Now Almost Certain the Holy Grail Was Actually a Cockring

Theology professor: I can talk about whores and sex with animals... It's in the Bible!

Providence College
Providence, Rhode Island

Overheard by: too busy laughing to take notes

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Their Lullabies Are the Stuff of Nightmares

Professor, on possible Nazi allusions in animation: Well, it was a German film, and any time you hear German muttering, it's harsh words and armbands.

Rhode Island School of Design
Rhode Island

Overheard by: Sandro

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

I Don't Think They Know That

College girl: I'm taking this online Arabic course... Did you know their alphabet is just all, like, smiley faces?

Providence, Rhode Island

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Of Course, They Also Don't Sleep with You

Lesbian: True friends don't believe you have STDs!

Energy-Alternative club
Providence, Rhode Island

Overheard by: Christine

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Geez, I Hope He Means "Pissing Out His Ass"

Teen boy to friends: I tried to drink a whole gallon of milk once, but that didn't happen and I ended up drinking a half gallon instead. Then I ended up pissing shit, man. It was awful, and it smelled so bad...

Skybridge, Providence Place Mall
Providence, Rhode Island

Overheard by: Ang

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Maybe It's Time to Invent Fig Leaves

Drunk frat boy: Shiiit, I'm God! I'm God, and I've seen so much asscrack!

Brown University
Providence, Rhode Island

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?