Overheard Everywhere | The Voice of the Towel" | Places | North America | USA

And Was Forced to Read the Congressional Record

Girl: Do you know what a pearl necklace is?
Woman: I didn't learn about any of that shit until I worked on the Senate floor.

Kokomo's
Linglestown, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: M.J.M.

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There's Never Really a Good Time to Come Out of the Closet

College girl #1: (laughs hysterically)
College girl #2: Yeah, and while he was balls deep in me too, can you believe that?

Pennsylvania

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With the Same Impure Love You Have for Hello Kitty

Hipster guy, earnestly: Yeah, you'll love her; her face is really funny!

16th & Market
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

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Lucy and Ethel Have a Serious Falling-out

Well dressed woman on cell: No, no, no. That's the problem, I can't just shoot her because she is on my property. She has to be like breaking into the house or something... We'll have to find another way.

Maket East Train Station
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

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Olive Oyl's Been Dating Popeye for a Long Time

Hipster chick: I am who I am and that's what I like about me, but it keeps getting me into these shitty situations.

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

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Is the Range of Gay Sex Really That Limited?

Straight guy: I really need your advice about this girl.
Gay guy: Stick it in her butt!
Straight guy: No. Her mom set us up on this date...
Gay guy: Stick it in her butt!
Straight guy: You just suggested that. I mean, I like her but I definitely don't want to date her, and we're supposed to hang out this weekend, but I don't know what to do with her.
Gay guy: Well, just be like: "Hey, do you want to toss a Frisbee in the arboretum?"
Straight guy: And if she says yes, be like: "Okay, do you want to toss my salad in the arboretum?"
Gay guy: Awesome.

Lancaster, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: $kank

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How Do You Think Pizza Bagels Are Conceived?

Little girl: My pizza is naked!

Fresh Grocer
Drexel Hill, Pennsylvania

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Smart Travelers Postpone That Recognition As Long As Possible

Pilot over loudspeaker: It's 40 degrees outside and sunny, and we will be landing shortly. Welcome to... Where are we? Oh. Philadelphia! Welcome to Philadelphia!

Flight over Pennsylvania

Overheard by: And he's flying this plane?

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Why Will's Parents Sent Him to His Auntie and Uncle in Bel Air

Girl: Jazmin*, what was you doing in the bathroom?
Jazmin: Oh, you know...
Boy across the hall: She was taking a dump!
Jazmin: Yup! That's what we do all day, every day.

Public High School
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: andromeda

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You Just Say That Because You're Failing Calculus

Undergrad: The whole reason I like the book was, like, because Isaac Newton is so badass!
Friend: I thought he was, like, an asshole.
Undergrad: No!

Carnegie Mellon University
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: whatgoesup

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The Professor Accused Me of Spreading It on Too Thick

Male art student: I'm in a creative writing class and I've been writing a lot of stories about mayonnaise.

Allegheny College
Meadville, Pennsylvania

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Jesus Was to Vex Mary His Entire Life

Mother, exiting trolley, to her son: Okay, come on, there's people behind us.
Son: I want to say goodbye!
Mother: Oh, god.

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

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Good Point --No Effect on Religious Beliefs

Professor: Now, if we did eliminate illness and achieved immortality there might be serious religious repercussions. Can anyone think of how this might affect religious beliefs?
Bimbette: Well, like, if Hitler were immortal, he would, like, go to jail for, like, a million years and then, like, chill out for eternity, you know?

Eternal Youth and Immortality Seminar
Lafayette College, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: knows that Hitler would still be dead because he SHOT himself

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Only That One Time, When We Were Stuck in Traffic

Small boy: It's fire!
His mother: That is your umbrella. It is not a sword or weapon of any kind.
Small boy: It's underpants!

Trolley
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

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Said She's Too Old to Start Wearing Pleather Again

Old lady to another: Mary started crying because she thought they were taking her back to New Jersey.

Pizza Shop
Lima, Pennsylvania

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It's Not Technically a Violation of the Restraining Order If She Boards the Plane

Pilot: Before we start our ascent, an important question: Anyone here from the North Allegheny high school class of '68? [silence] I always ask. I'm hoping at some point I'll find my old girlfriend.

JetBlue flight
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: Ladle

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If Beauty Is Truth, I'm Not Interested

Penn student #1, looking at sculpture: Oh my god, I, like, totally hate art.
Penn student #2: I know, right? They should just buy us all laptops instead.

Locust Walk
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

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Body Nazis Are So Vulnerable to Imperfection

Girl: I am going to show you guys my toe, and you're gonna be sorry!

Cresson, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: ZB

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It's Difficult Not to Violate One's Parole in Pennsylvania

Guy on train: It's a stone edifice! You can't wear a t-shirt in a stone edifice!

Train
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: Spazzy

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Sternum, Scrotum: Scranton

Girl #1: Owww, my sternum hurts. Wait...I have one of those, right?
Girl #2: What?
Girl #1: Don't only boys have sternums?
[pause]
Girl #3: I think you're thinking of scrotum...

University of Scranton
Scranton, Pennsylvania

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The Gerbil Was Menstruating!

Sorority girl: Well, yeah, but that doesn't change the fact that you have a tampon in your butt.

Dickinson College
Carlisle, Pennsylvania

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This Is a Photo Of a Manatee, Sir

Townie to his friend: Yeah well, just because you don't like your fat wife doesn't mean I don't!

Plaza Restaurant
Gettysburg, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: Alyssa

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Really the Only Way to Be Safe in a Manhole

Construction worker yelling into manhole: As a matter of fact, I'm wearing a condom right now! Really! I put one on this morning.

10th and Pine
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: Didn't want to know

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But First, a Round Of Applause for My Lovely Assistant

Physics professor: First we'll put it in the A hole and then we'll put it in the other hole.

Allegheny College
Pennsylvania

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I Knew Those DJ Lessons Were a Poor Idea

White father: There's Burger King, Subway, Taco Bell.
Six-year-old son: [no response].
White father: There's sushi.
Six-year-old son: Aw shizzle!

Food Court, King of Prussia Mall
Pennsylvania

Overheard by: Carrie

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At Least Take a Bite of This Apple

Boy: I believe in waiting until marriage.
Girl: That's funny, cause I believe in you fucking my brains out.

Bryn Mawr College
Pennsylvania

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A+

Male art student in response to female art student's sculpture: It's really kind of mortifyingly vaginal.

Allegheny College
Meadville Pennsylvania

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I Wonder If the Hospital Would Give Me a Discount If I Produced in Bulk

Black woman, to friend: I love Costco. It makes me like, want to have five kids.

Costco
King of Prussia, Pennsylvania

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And Won First Prize at the Science Fair

Serious drunk guy: I made babies with a woman!

BrewFest
Jenkintown, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: Drunk Girl

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There's Nothing You Can Do to Rehabilitate Its Coolness

Hipster girl pointing at piece of art: So, do you want to get it?
Hipster guy: Nah, we'll get it somewhere else. I hate when people ask you, 'Where did you get that?' and you're like, 'Ikea...'

Ikea
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

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Hey, I Told Her Not to Touch the Stream!

Little girl running back from bathroom with her father: Mommy, I got pee on my finger!

Perkins restaurant
Erie, Pennsylvania

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Embrace Your Degradation

Ticket collector: The bus is now here. Anyone going to Camden, Malden, or Newark, please step forward.
Custodian: Come on, step forward. You don't gotta be embarrassed if you're going to Newark.

Greyhound Station
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

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My Money's on the Democrats

Middle-aged student: ... But technically, can a woman get pregnant by two different men?
Biology professor: Depends on what party she went to.

York, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: Jessica

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And If Chris Hansen Shows Up, Don't Let Him In

Angry woman on cell: I told you -- we have Bible study in a half-hour! Get your clothes on and get off of the computer!

Locust Street
Harrisburg, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: Eavesdropper

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You Want to Spread the Cancer Evenly Throughout Your Body

Friend #1: You're not inhaling!
Smoking girl: Do I have to inhale?
Friend #1: Yeah. Otherwise you're not really smoking.
Friend #2: You're just getting mouth cancer.

Bryn Mawr College
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

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The Two Main Entertainment Options in Chambersburg

Fat chick: My dad has a bow and arrow that you can probably borrow, but try the chocolate laxatives first.

Chambersburg, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: gidgetgirl

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The Operative Phrase Here Is "Tried As an Adult"

Teen boy #1: Wow, she's hot.
Teen boy #2: What? She's, like, ten! You're a pedophile!
Teen boy #1: I'm not a pedophile -- I'm only sixteen! You can't be a pedophile until you're eighteen.
Teen boy #3: That's right -- I'm the only pedophile here.
Teen boy #4: I'm almost a pedophile...

Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: mikee

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And You Wouldn't Believe Some of the Shit I Saw in the Womb

30-ish black woman, emphatically to self: Damn! Life ain't nothin' like I ever seen before.

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

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