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Girl: Do you know what a pearl necklace is?
Woman: I didn't learn about any of that shit until I worked on the Senate floor.
Kokomo's
Linglestown, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: M.J.M.
College girl #1: (laughs hysterically)
College girl #2: Yeah, and while he was balls deep in me too, can you believe that?
Pennsylvania
Hipster guy, earnestly: Yeah, you'll love her; her face is really funny!
16th & Market
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Well dressed woman on cell: No, no, no. That's the problem, I can't just shoot her because she is on my property. She has to be like breaking into the house or something... We'll have to find another way.
Maket East Train Station
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Hipster chick: I am who I am and that's what I like about me, but it keeps getting me into these shitty situations.
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Straight guy: I really need your advice about this girl.
Gay guy: Stick it in her butt!
Straight guy: No. Her mom set us up on this date...
Gay guy: Stick it in her butt!
Straight guy: You just suggested that. I mean, I like her but I definitely don't want to date her, and we're supposed to hang out this weekend, but I don't know what to do with her.
Gay guy: Well, just be like: "Hey, do you want to toss a Frisbee in the arboretum?"
Straight guy: And if she says yes, be like: "Okay, do you want to toss my salad in the arboretum?"
Gay guy: Awesome.
Lancaster, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: $kank
Little girl: My pizza is naked!
Fresh Grocer
Drexel Hill, Pennsylvania
Pilot over loudspeaker: It's 40 degrees outside and sunny, and we will be landing shortly. Welcome to... Where are we? Oh. Philadelphia! Welcome to Philadelphia!
Flight over Pennsylvania
Overheard by: And he's flying this plane?
Girl: Jazmin*, what was you doing in the bathroom?
Jazmin: Oh, you know...
Boy across the hall: She was taking a dump!
Jazmin: Yup! That's what we do all day, every day.
Public High School
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: andromeda
Undergrad: The whole reason I like the book was, like, because Isaac Newton is so badass!
Friend: I thought he was, like, an asshole.
Undergrad: No!
Carnegie Mellon University
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: whatgoesup
Male art student: I'm in a creative writing class and I've been writing a lot of stories about mayonnaise.
Allegheny College
Meadville, Pennsylvania
Mother, exiting trolley, to her son: Okay, come on, there's people behind us.
Son: I want to say goodbye!
Mother: Oh, god.
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Professor: Now, if we did eliminate illness and achieved immortality there might be serious religious repercussions. Can anyone think of how this might affect religious beliefs?
Bimbette: Well, like, if Hitler were immortal, he would, like, go to jail for, like, a million years and then, like, chill out for eternity, you know?
Eternal Youth and Immortality Seminar
Lafayette College, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: knows that Hitler would still be dead because he SHOT himself
Small boy: It's fire!
His mother: That is your umbrella. It is not a sword or weapon of any kind.
Small boy: It's underpants!
Trolley
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Old lady to another: Mary started crying because she thought they were taking her back to New Jersey.
Pizza Shop
Lima, Pennsylvania
Pilot: Before we start our ascent, an important question: Anyone here from the North Allegheny high school class of '68? [silence] I always ask. I'm hoping at some point I'll find my old girlfriend.
JetBlue flight
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Ladle
Penn student #1, looking at sculpture: Oh my god, I, like, totally hate art.
Penn student #2: I know, right? They should just buy us all laptops instead.
Locust Walk
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Girl: I am going to show you guys my toe, and you're gonna be sorry!
Cresson, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: ZB
Guy on train: It's a stone edifice! You can't wear a t-shirt in a stone edifice!
Train
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Spazzy
Girl #1: Owww, my sternum hurts. Wait...I have one of those, right?
Girl #2: What?
Girl #1: Don't only boys have sternums?
[pause]
Girl #3: I think you're thinking of scrotum...
University of Scranton
Scranton, Pennsylvania
Sorority girl: Well, yeah, but that doesn't change the fact that you have a tampon in your butt.
Dickinson College
Carlisle, Pennsylvania
Townie to his friend: Yeah well, just because you don't like your fat wife doesn't mean I don't!
Plaza Restaurant
Gettysburg, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Alyssa
Construction worker yelling into manhole: As a matter of fact, I'm wearing a condom right now! Really! I put one on this morning.
10th and Pine
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Didn't want to know
Physics professor: First we'll put it in the A hole and then we'll put it in the other hole.
Allegheny College
Pennsylvania
White father: There's Burger King, Subway, Taco Bell.
Six-year-old son: [no response].
White father: There's sushi.
Six-year-old son: Aw shizzle!
Food Court, King of Prussia Mall
Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Carrie
Boy: I believe in waiting until marriage.
Girl: That's funny, cause I believe in you fucking my brains out.
Bryn Mawr College
Pennsylvania
Male art student in response to female art student's sculpture: It's really kind of mortifyingly vaginal.
Allegheny College
Meadville Pennsylvania
Black woman, to friend: I love Costco. It makes me like, want to have five kids.
Costco
King of Prussia, Pennsylvania
Serious drunk guy: I made babies with a woman!
BrewFest
Jenkintown, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Drunk Girl
Hipster girl pointing at piece of art: So, do you want to get it?
Hipster guy: Nah, we'll get it somewhere else. I hate when people ask you, 'Where did you get that?' and you're like, 'Ikea...'
Ikea
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Little girl running back from bathroom with her father: Mommy, I got pee on my finger!
Perkins restaurant
Erie, Pennsylvania
Ticket collector: The bus is now here. Anyone going to Camden, Malden, or Newark, please step forward.
Custodian: Come on, step forward. You don't gotta be embarrassed if you're going to Newark.
Greyhound Station
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Middle-aged student: ... But technically, can a woman get pregnant by two different men?
Biology professor: Depends on what party she went to.
York, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Jessica
Angry woman on cell: I told you -- we have Bible study in a half-hour! Get your clothes on and get off of the computer!
Locust Street
Harrisburg, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Eavesdropper
Friend #1: You're not inhaling!
Smoking girl: Do I have to inhale?
Friend #1: Yeah. Otherwise you're not really smoking.
Friend #2: You're just getting mouth cancer.
Bryn Mawr College
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Fat chick: My dad has a bow and arrow that you can probably borrow, but try the chocolate laxatives first.
Chambersburg, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: gidgetgirl
Teen boy #1: Wow, she's hot.
Teen boy #2: What? She's, like, ten! You're a pedophile!
Teen boy #1: I'm not a pedophile -- I'm only sixteen! You can't be a pedophile until you're eighteen.
Teen boy #3: That's right -- I'm the only pedophile here.
Teen boy #4: I'm almost a pedophile...
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: mikee
30-ish black woman, emphatically to self: Damn! Life ain't nothin' like I ever seen before.
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania