Get the 10 best quotesby e-mail weekly!
Pennsylvania All Categories > Places > North America > USA > Pennsylvania
Recent | Best Of
The Right Is Soon-Yi
Girl: My left toenail is totally MIA.
Reading, Pennsylvania
Categories: Body parts | Girls | Music | Pennsylvania | Posted 2010-09-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Sort Of Like a Human Centrifuge. Any Questions?
Professor, in monotone voice: I think we're all familiar with merry-go-rounds. They're objects in playgrounds that rotate at relatively high speeds, and we put our children on them.
Millersville University
Millersville, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Tyler G
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Kids | Pennsylvania | Science | Students | Teachers | Posted 2010-08-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If Not, I Don't Think You're Ready for This Sorority
Girl at dining hall: I mean: haven't you ever smelled your own bellybutton?
Lehigh Universuty
Bethlehem, Pennsylvania
Categories: Body parts | Colleges & Universities | Girls | Pennsylvania | Questions | Sensory experiences | Posted 2010-08-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Mary Kay Letourneau Always Knew What She Wanted
Kid: Woah, you just blew my mind!
Teacher: That's not all I'll blow.
High School
Pennsylvania
Categories: BJs | Education | Kids | Kids | Pennsylvania | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Sensory experiences | Students | Teachers | Posted 2010-08-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Show Could've Used More Salt
Mother to child: Mary*, what was your favorite part of the show?
Child, eating pretzel: This pretzel!
Mother's friend: Of course it is.
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Bruce Banner
Categories: Food | Kids | Moms | Pennsylvania | Questions | Posted 2010-08-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...And, Um, Then I Chastised Him for Being So Disrespectful!
Awkward guy: Hey, so remember when we were walking together yesterday?
Uncomfortable girl: Yeah.
Awkward guy: So my friend was all "who was that big-tittied girl you were walking with?"
Uncomfortable girl: Alright, then.
High School
Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Sarah
Categories: Girls | Guys | Pennsylvania | Questions | Rack | Relationships | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Posted 2010-07-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Good Job, Guys
Dad: Okay kids, here's a penny for each of you! Throw it in the fountain and make a wish! Mark*, what did you wish for?
Mark*: A cupcake!
Dad: Okay! Joe*, what did you wish for?
Joe*: A garbage can!
Zoo
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
...With a Preference for Manila Sex
Out-of-towner: I like being paid in envelopes; it makes me feel like a prostitute.
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Jonathan
Categories: Compare and contrast | Foreigners | Jobs & Careers | Money | Pennsylvania | Posted 2010-07-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Treat It in Much the Same Way.
Indian girl to friend: When I have a baby, I'm going to name it after my pet rock.
King of Prussia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Amanda
Kirstie Alley Lights Of Up the Screen in Look Who's Tanning!
Pale girl: Sure, I'll go tanning with you. How much is it?
Dark girl: For the baby bed, only $7.
Pale girl: The baby bed? What's the baby bed?
Dark girl: What you need to do, girl!
Pale girl: Yeah, but do they, like... Put babies in it?
Drexel University
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: I wouldn't know either....
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Girls | Kids | Money | Pennsylvania | Questions | Sensory experiences | Stupidity | Posted 2010-06-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Promise Nothing
Guy: I'm so horny, I want a blowjob so bad...
Girl: You're not gonna cry again this time, are you?
The Poconos
Pennsylvania
The Episode Of MacGuyver I'd Pay to See
Weird lady getting her hair cut: The nail just wouldn't stay down on my toe. So because it was all loose, junk kept getting in there. The doctor basically told me that junk would just keep getting in there.
Stylist: Wow!
(a minute later)
Weird lady getting her hair cut: If I could have one of those guys do my wedding, I'd be all like, "here's a doily and a paper cup, see what you can do."
Stylist: Yeah.
Weird lady getting her hair cut: I mean if you can't have a bangin wedding in Puerto Rico, you might as well see what you can get from a doily and a paper cup here.
Stylist: Yeah.
Supercuts
Pennsylvania
Categories: Body parts | Clients | Compare and contrast | Employees | Health & Hygiene | Pennsylvania | Relationships | Posted 2010-06-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Pshaw, Maybe in Middle School.
Girl #1: Did you ever have a threesome?
Girl #2: Does a train count?
Norristown, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: e
Categories: Girls | Pennsylvania | Public Transportation | Sex | Posted 2010-06-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
He Gives the Same Answer to "Is the Bathroom Clean?"
Customer: Is this a cheese danish?
Hipster barista: It's lemon creme...kind of cheesy, I guess.
Customer: Is it good?
Hipster barista: Kind of... It's subjective.
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Categories: Baristas | Customers | Food | Hipsters | Pennsylvania | Sensory experiences | Posted 2010-06-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Only a Good Friend Would Say That, Stacy
Sad girl: So we broke up and I started crying, and I told him to leave and he was like "can we still watch Star Wars?"
Short haired girl: It's not even that good a movie!
Allegheny College
Meadville, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Amused
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Girls | Movies | Offers and requests | Pennsylvania | Relationships | Posted 2010-05-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Probably All Those Vaccinations
Guy: They might be autistic, but that doesn't mean they don't want to have gay sex with children.
New Britain, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Grace
Categories: Assholes | Guys | Pennsylvania | Sex | Stupidity | Posted 2010-05-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Weight Watcher Points Aren't Even Close
Spanish girl to boy: Sleeping with ten niggas ain't the same thing as sleeping with ten white boys!
High School
Pennsylvania
Categories: Compare and contrast | Foreigners | Pennsylvania | Race | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Sex | Posted 2010-05-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Don't Flirt With the Homeless, Dude
Gay guy to hobo: Good morning. Did you get a hair cut?
Hobo: (mutters about spare change)
Gay guy: I know you got a hair cut! See, if you would have said hi to me, maybe I would have given you a dollar or something! (starts walking down street) Why do people have to be so ignorant on such a sunny day?
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Meater Maid
Categories: Assholes | Bragging | Hobos | Money | Panhandling | Pennsylvania | Queers | Posted 2010-05-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Um, Wharnk?
Irritated English professor: I think I'm just going to change all my paper assignments to "create an inscrutable utterance."
Ursinus College
Pennsylvania
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Education | Pennsylvania | Teachers | Words | Posted 2010-04-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Is That Even Possible?
Jersey Shore fan: Can you put on Jersey Shore? It's the reunion!
Bartender: Sure, I was kind of hoping someone would ask.
Female drinker: Wow, I am going to watch this dumbass show in a bar, is this happening?
Jersey Shore fan: You love it, don't try to lie cause your boys are here.
Bartender: These people are crazy, and that's why we watch.
Bar patron: I cant believe I am watching the reunion show without having seen a full episode. You are right: I cant stop watching this. What the fuck? Is her name J-Lo?
Jersey Shore fan: J... Wow! She is awesome, snookie is my favorite. I wish I could be friends with her.
Bartender: You have enough slutty friends.
Bar
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Earnie Hustleton
Categories: Baristas | Bars & Clubs | Drunks | Insults | Pennsylvania | Sexuality | TV shows | Wishes | Posted 2010-04-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If You Give Me That Seat, I'll Juggle Them for You.
Old man on subway to perfect stranger: So I give this woman three eggs to put in her pocket. You know, crack. And, can you hold this?
(young woman holds coffee for him)
Old man: So I've got these eggs...
Subway
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Then I Sniff It and I'm Like, "Ooo, Beer!"
Tiny pregnant girl to friend: He has this mattress that has pee stains all over it, and he keeps blaming it on the dog! I'm like, "yeah, right!"
Target
York, Pennsylvania
At Least There's No Violin Shortage
Starbucks employee: Actually, most of the stores in the city are out of soy today.
Pompous customer: Well, what am I supposed to do? Starve?
Starbucks
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Ho Lexington III
Categories: Bringing it back to you | Customers | Employees | Food | Pennsylvania | Restaurants | Stupidity | Posted 2010-04-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Since That's What This Pie Looks Like.
Bakery clerk: It's not like my dog is going to run off and do drugs!
Confused person next in line: Um, ha ha, you never know.
Bakery clerk: Oh, we were just talking about childbirth.
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Categories: Animals | Birthing | Compare and contrast | Customers | Drugs | Employees | Pennsylvania | Weirdness | Posted 2010-03-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
For Example, Say This Beaker Is My Vagina
Lab TA, chatting during break: So I live alone, and I have a lot of trouble opening bottles. Have you guys ever heard of the plastic husband?
(entire class laughs)
Lab TA: No! I didn't mean it like that! I just meant I need help opening things up!
(class laughs again)
University of Pittsburgh
Pennsylvania
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Pennsylvania | Sex | Teachers | Weirdness | Posted 2010-03-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
This Isn't How "20 Questions" Is Played, Amber.
Girl #1, in stall: Have you ever had sex?
Girl #2: No.
Girl #1: Oh. Does your classroom smell?
Delaware County Community College
Pennsylvania
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Girls | Pennsylvania | Questions | Sex | Weirdness | Posted 2010-03-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Thinking About Adding a Wallet but I Fear That Might Be Too Frivolous
Lady #1: I usually keep the essentials in my purse.
Lady #2: Well... I keep a toothbrush, vibrator, and pepper spray in mine.
Pennsylvania
Categories: Gender issues | Pennsylvania | Toys | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2010-03-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
No, Sweetie, That's "I Can't Believe It's Not David!"
Four-year-old girl, pointing to reproduction of David statue: Is that statue made out of butter?
Small Town
Pennsylvania
Categories: Food | Kids | Kids | Pennsylvania | Questions | Posted 2010-03-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Back Up-- What Does "She Gave Me Her Brush" Mean?
Six-year-old boy: I French-kissed my girlfriend today!
17-year-old girl: What? French kissed? You're six!
Six-year-old boy: I still did it. She gave me her brush!
17-year-old girl: You're six! You shouldn't know what French kissing is!
Six-year-old boy: I watch Family Guy.
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Mia
Categories: Girls | K-I-S-S-I-N-G | Kids | Kids | Pennsylvania | TV shows | Posted 2010-03-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Don't Just Hate Myself, I Hate Who I Aspire to Be
Girl, covering hair: I have kinky hair (pause), kinky, kinky hair (pause), and I spent so long yesterday making it straight.
Lancaster County, Pennsylvania
Categories: Beauty | Girls | Hair | Pennsylvania | Time Management | Posted 2010-02-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's in the Company's Value Statement
Guy to friend: Well, some armpits smell good, too.
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Turtle
Categories: Body parts | Guys | Pennsylvania | Sensory experiences | Weirdness | Posted 2010-02-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Shouldn't Have Skipped the Preliminaries
Girl #1: It is so hard getting laid living with my brother. I am a fucking loud girl when it's going on. For me to be quiet has been hard as hell.
Girl #2: Maybe get him to gag you, you'll like it and you will be quiet, that is what I found myself getting into.
Girl #1: I don't know, maybe I will try it, but I can't be doing that with a guy I meet on the first night.
Girl #3: It would be like anything else: try it a few times, if you don't like it find something else.
Girl #1: Last time I did that I tried anal, and that did not end well.
Girls #2 and #3: (laugh hard)
Girl #2: I remember that disaster.
Bar
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Categories: Backdoor | Bars & Clubs | Family ties | Girls | Kink | Pennsylvania | Sex | Posted 2010-02-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Isn't a Large Mouth Something You Look for in a Girl?
Guy #1: Dude, don't get me wrong--Laura* is great, but she's kind of...
Guy #2: Young?
Guy #1: Yeah, but also...
Guy #2: Goofy?
Guy #1: Yeah, but also...
Guy #2: What?
Guy #1: She's kind of... She looks like Mick Jagger.
Guy #2: Oh, if you're trying to tell me she's unattractive, I know. But at least she won't cheat on me. (pauses, then laughs) Yeah, she does look like Mick Jagger! Good one!
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: wow, that's harsh
Categories: About celebrities | Beauty | Compare and contrast | Guys | Infidelity | Pennsylvania | Posted 2010-02-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Then He Sneezed and We Solved Fermat's Last Theorem
Professor: The boy had all of the mathematical truths in his head and I was just pulling them out through his nose or something.
Swarthmore College
Swarthmore, Pennsylvania.
Categories: Body parts | Colleges & Universities | Education | Pennsylvania | Teachers | Weirdness | Posted 2010-02-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's 2:58 -- Give Him a Little Credit.
Girl on cell in empty hall: So how long do you want to have sex with your boyfriend? Until, like 3:00?
Temple University
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Girls | Infidelity | On the phone | Pennsylvania | Questions | Sex | Time Management | Posted 2010-02-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Wanna See My Needlpoint Thong?
High school freshman, examining friend's boot in hallway: These are like hooker boots, except crochet.
High School
Pennsylvania
Overheard by: One fine piece of needlework
Categories: Compare and contrast | Pennsylvania | Preppies | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Sexuality | Shoes | Posted 2010-02-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Advent Of a New Sport
Sports fan to another: I'm telling you: you swing a wheel of cheese and hit a bird, that bird's going down.
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Laure
I Mean Unprepared to Fight Me
50-something grubby, scruffy-looking woman: Why are you dressed like that?
40-something very nicely dressed woman: What, you mean well?
KMart Parking Lot
Delaware County, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Jayvee
The Monkey's Paw Is Especially Disturbing
Girl #1: It's just such a gross look, y'know? And she totally didn't have the body for it either. Total crotch octopus.
Girl #2: Crotch octopus?
Girl #1: Yeah, you know. When the fabric clings... and shows all your goodies?
Girl #2: Do you mean camel toe?
Girl #1: Yes! Right! Camel toe! I knew it had something to do with animals and appendages!
Bryn Mawr College
Pennsylvania
Categories: Animals | Clothes | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Girls | Pennsylvania | Stupidity | Vagina | Posted 2010-02-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Men's Intuition
Guy: That dude's gonna get a blowjob in 20 minutes.
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Categories: BJs | Guys | Pennsylvania | Time Management | Posted 2010-01-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
"Thou Shalt Not Gelati," It Says
Wife in line at water ice stand: I want a gelati!
Husband: They don't have any gelati. What do you want?
Wife: I want a gelati!
Husband: But they don't have any gelati!
Wife, pointing to menu, where it says gelati: What's this?
Husband: Rules.
Ambler, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Gracie
Categories: Couples | Food | Pennsylvania | Shopping | Stupidity | Posted 2010-01-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...In My Expert Psychiatric Opinion.
Girl: And it's not like Jeffery Dahmer crazy, it's like Mel Gibson crazy.
Coffee Shop
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Asteria
Categories: About celebrities | Bars & Clubs | Compare and contrast | Crimes | Girls | Pennsylvania | Weirdness | Posted 2010-01-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The New Party Game That's Sweeping Pennsylvania!
Girl to friend: Which would you rather die first, the dog or your dad?
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Categories: Animals | Compare and contrast | Death & dying | Family ties | Friends | Girls | Pennsylvania | Questions | Posted 2010-01-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You're My Bitch
Woman, watching magnificent poodle: Oh my god, that's the most beautiful dog in the world!
Man, wounded: Hey! I'm the most beautiful dog in the world!
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Categories: Animals | Beauty | Bringing it back to you | Compare and contrast | Guys | Pennsylvania | Women | Posted 2010-01-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Rather a Creature Who Hates All Happiness
Professor, on Dante's version of the devil: This is not like one of those vampire things that are good-looking and want to suck your blood, and that makes you happy.
University of Pittsburgh
Pennsylvania
Categories: Beauty | Books | Colleges & Universities | Evil | Happiness | Pennsylvania | Teachers | Weirdness | Wishes | Posted 2009-12-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Spontaneous Admission to Grad School Is Just a Myth
Philosophy professor: He chose this example because it had sex appeal. It turned people on.
(changes PowerPoint slide to picture of bacterial flagellum)
Male student: Ohhhhh!
Professor: Please don't have an orgasm in my class.
Lycoming College
Williamsport, Pennsylvania
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Education | Orgasm | Pennsylvania | Philosophy | Science | Sex | Students | Teachers | Posted 2009-12-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Its Subtitle: "I Was Too Drunk to Prepare a Lesson for Today"
Professor, pulling blue scarf out of pocket for magic trick: Now that... that is what I like to call... a blue scarf.
Villanova University
Villanova, Pennsylvania
Categories: Clothes | Colleges & Universities | Education | Magic | Pennsylvania | Teachers | Posted 2009-12-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
... and a Coal Miner?
Sorority chick, discussing Shroud of Turin: Jesus was 14 feet tall?
Philosophy of Religion Class, Lycoming College
Williamsport, Pennsylvania
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Jesus | Pennsylvania | Questions | Sorority types | Posted 2009-12-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Who Is He to Say I Can't Be a Lesbian?
Three-year-old to parents: Jesus is mean.
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Yesterday When I Hugged Her, She Crumbled a Little
Cute guy: Dude, I have to break up with her.
Friend: Yeah, why?
Cute guy: Cause every time I look at her, I think how nice it would be to have a girlfriend who didn't look like she was born in 100,000 BC.
Friend: Woah, that's harsh. But I see what you're saying.
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Categories: Age and ageing | Friends | Guys | Pennsylvania | Relationships | Weirdness | Posted 2009-11-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Or Where This Sweater Vest Came from
College student: So far, I'm three for three on not knowing who I left with, or how I got there.
Lycoming College
Williamsport, Pennsylvania
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Drinking & drunks | Frat boy types | Pennsylvania | Weirdness | Posted 2009-11-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Terrible Mileage
Guy to friend: Yeah, I don't know what's wrong with it, but my hamster just isn't working right.
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Not-at-all 21
Categories: Animals | Friends | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Pennsylvania | Posted 2009-10-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...That's a Terrible Marketing Slogan.
Gay man: Listen, we've all shat, we've all farted, we've all touched ourselves, and we've all used a dildo.
Girls: Ummm... no.
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Categories: Burping & farting | Girls | Masturbation | Pennsylvania | Poop | Queers | Toys | Posted 2009-10-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Either Listen Up or Nap Like the Rest Of Us, Dude
Guy leaving psych class: Why are we talking about bed bugs liking it up the ass?! How is that relevant?
University of Pittsburgh
Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Ellie
Categories: Ass | Colleges & Universities | Education | Insects | Pennsylvania | Questions | Students | Weirdness | Posted 2009-10-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What's More Natural Than Fondling a Relative's Artificial Breast?
Daughter in dressing room: Go ahead, feel them!
Mom in dressing room: No!
Daughter: Really, the point is to feel how natural they feel! I'm going to want to feel yours when you get them.
York, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Kendal
Categories: Family ties | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Moms | Parenting | Pennsylvania | Rack | Wishes | Posted 2009-10-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Ben and Jerry Are Such Studs
Girl to friend: And he tried to order frozen yogurt, so I didn't sleep with him. If you want to bang me, you have to eat full-fat ice cream!
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Categories: Diet & weight | Food | Friends | Girls | Pennsylvania | Sex | Wishes | Posted 2009-09-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Whoo Hoo, I Just Used All My Words Of the Day!
Girl on cell: It's going to fucking rain in circa one hour.
University of Pennsylvania
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: grad student
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Girls | Insults | On the phone | Pennsylvania | Weather | Words | Posted 2009-09-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Make Our Points Without Using the Word "Whatever"
Girl in anthropology class: So... Islam says that men can marry four wives, but women can only marry one husband. Whatever.
Professor: Let's try to maintain some cultural relativism!
Collegeville, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: nina
Categories: Class | Compare and contrast | Education | Pennsylvania | Relationships | Religion | Students | Teachers | Posted 2009-09-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If You Don't Want to Go to Grandma's, Just Say So.
Mom: I'll shoot you, then you'll shoot me, and we won't have to go anywhere.
Daughter: Mom...?
Mom: What? I'm just saying. If we shot each other we couldn't go anywhere, anyways.
Dressing Room in Mall
Pennsylvania
Categories: Family | Girls | Malls | Moms | Murder | Parenting | Pennsylvania | Philosophy | Stupidity | Posted 2009-09-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If You Run Into Them at a Bar Just Walk Away, or I Will Fail You
Professor: I have kids. I might have grandkids, but with my children... that probably shouldn't happen.
Arcadia University
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Family ties | Kids | Parenting | Pennsylvania | Teachers | Posted 2009-09-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Otherwise Known As the "Hockey Team" Effect
Anthropology professor: So they tried so hard to be hetero that they just came out being really homo...
Class: (laughs)
Anthropology professor: ...geneous.
Bucknell University
Lewisburg, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Peter
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Pennsylvania | Science | Sexuality | Students | Stupidity | Teachers | Words | Posted 2009-08-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We Regret to Inform You That New Jersey Was Founded in 1664, Dear Reader
Bimbo #1, buying coffee: Do you ever, like, look at your change and think, "Wow: $16.64. Something totally happened that year!"
Bimbo #2: Oh yeah, I totally agree. Like, if I bought something for like two dollars with a $20 and my change was $19.78, I like might know someone who was born that year!
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: BaptistaBarista
Must Be Why They Call It "The Linty City"
Blonde ditz: Oh my god, Philadelphia is, like, pockets!
Brunette ditz: I know, right? There are just sooooo many pockets!
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: hands in my pockets
Categories: Compare and contrast | Girls | Idiots | Pennsylvania | Stupidity | Posted 2009-08-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Think I've Heard This Country Song...
Guy to girlfriend: If I go to jail for you, you better get your tits done.
Viewmont Mall
Dickson City, Pennsylvania
Categories: Couples | Crimes | Health & Hygiene | Malls | Pennsylvania | Rack | Posted 2009-08-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's How the Doctor Knows You're Done
Lady: And as soon as the doctor said "stick out your tongue," she knew her goose was cooked!
West Chester, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Theresa
Categories: Body parts | Food | Health & Hygiene | Pennsylvania | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2009-08-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
My Dad Kept Telling People to Kill Me
Student #1: I told my dad I wanted to be famous, and he told me I should kill someone. I was like, seven.
Student #2: At least he's supportive.
Philedelphia University, Pennsylvania
Categories: Advice | Colleges & Universities | Family ties | Murder | Parenting | Pennsylvania | Students | Stupidity | Wishes | Posted 2009-08-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Is That How You Resolve Things with Your Dad?
Guy #1: Man, I've tried everything. I don't know what to do.
Guy #2: Have you tried sex?
Guy #1: Actually, no...
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Categories: Guys | Pennsylvania | Questions | Sex | Posted 2009-08-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Puerto Ricans: "We've Never Seen This Girl Before in Our Lives."
Dude: Buenos Aires, eh?
Bimbette wearing Buenos Aires t-shirt: I gotta represent for my Puerto Ricans!
Summit Park Clubhouse
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: rock.star.
Misrepresent!
Suit on cell: Where do you think I am? I'm at work.
Ticket taker: All tickets and passes!
Suit on cell: I'll call you back. I have a conference call.
R7 Regional Rail
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: I'm at work too
Categories: Employees | Lies | Pennsylvania | Questions | Suits | Posted 2009-08-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Best Part Is, They've Trademarked That Name
Friendly waitress, serious: Would you like to order a happy ending?
Lycoming Mall
Pennsdale, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: DazedinPA
Categories: Baristas | Death & dying | Drinking & drunks | Happiness | Malls | Offers and requests | Pennsylvania | Words | Posted 2009-08-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Smell the Plot Of a Lesbian Road-Trip Movie
Woman to another: But don't worry... I won't give up the boobie, and you can drive.
Bus
Chester, Pennsylvania
Categories: Bus | Pennsylvania | Rack | Sexuality | Women | Posted 2009-08-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Didn't They Try That Defense in a Law & Order Episode?
College guy #1: I think racism is just really bad OCD!
College guy #2: Haha, yeah!
University of Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Mental illnesses | Pennsylvania | Race | Students | Posted 2009-08-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Although McDonald's Menu Is More Like Scat Porn
Cute, hungry 20-something: I love menus, they're like porn.
SEPTA Bus
Philadelhia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by:
Categories: Bus | Compare and contrast | Food | Idiots | Pennsylvania | Porn | Posted 2009-07-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Explosive Phosphorous Diarrhea Really Lights Up Public Transport
Stoned frat boy: That's some illuminating shit!
Oakland-Pittsburgh
Pennsylvania
Overheard by: the girl in the front of the bus
Categories: Drugs | Frat boy types | Pennsylvania | Stoners | Stupidity | Posted 2009-07-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What Happens When You Read the Thesaurus at Bedtime
Little girl to dog: Lucy, no! I admonish you!
Perry Square
Erie, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Kat
Do You Do, Uh, Blown Glass?
Old Polish lady, bitching about price of handmade jewelry: So you're paying for the hand job and not the stone?
Bethlehem, Pennsylvania
Categories: Clients | Jobs & Careers | Money | Pennsylvania | Questions | Women | Posted 2009-07-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Eventually I Quit My Job and Began Living Off the Settlements
Black man jaywalking into oncoming traffic: I always loved playing in traffic. Ever since I was little. There's something wrong with me, man!
Scranton, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: reluctant scrantonian
Categories: Age and ageing | Black people | Pennsylvania | Stupidity | Posted 2009-07-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Get All My Internet News from the Radio
Teen girl: Hey guys! I heard there's going to be like, a digital Armageddon today!
Teen boy: I think that's a hoax.
Teen girl: No, but I heard it on the radio (pause) They wouldn't have reported it like that if it was fake.
Lancaster, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: H. G. Wells
Categories: Lies | Pennsylvania | Pop culture | Stupidity | Technology | Teens | Posted 2009-07-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
He's Been Known to Pleasure Several Girls en Brochette
Girl #1: His penis was huge, like 12 inches! He was holding it and his hand looked so tiny!
Girl #2: No wonder he doesn't get any play, that shit hurts!
Girl #3: Yeah, it would like come out my ass!
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Just 2
Categories: Ass | Compare and contrast | Girls | Hands | Penis | Pennsylvania | Sex | Posted 2009-07-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Hamlet Woulda Loved Resident Evil
English teacher, reading Hamlet: "To die, to sleep; To sleep: perchance to dream: ay, there's the rub; For in that sleep of death what dreams may come..." Alright class, we'll pick it up from there on Monday.
Frat boy #1: What the fuck was that about?
Frat boy #2: I don't know, man. Let's go kill some zombies.
Gettysburg College
Gettysburg, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Alyssa
Categories: Books | Colleges & Universities | Death & dying | Education | Frat boy types | Murder | Pennsylvania | Questions | Stupidity | Teachers | Zombies | Posted 2009-07-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If It's Not a Potential YouTube Video, Why Look?
Girl sitting by window: Oh, John, come here!
Guy: What? Why?
Girl: Because there's a male and female cardinal sitting on the same branch!
Guy: Are they fucking?
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
I Believe the Technical Term Is "Manure"
9-year-old boy, biking: Yo, what kind of flowers are they?
13-year-old brother, also biking: They be poppies an' calla-lilies an' peonies an' oleanders an' hydrangeas an' shit.
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Phanatic
Just a Bit Self-Conscious About His Baby-Carrot Penis
Blonde: So this guy was hitting on me and he was like, "so, do you have a boyfriend?" and I was like, "ummm, yeah." It was really creepy. I was like, "oh my god, I can not tell my boyfriend about this!" I mean, normally he wouldn't really care, but (looks around and lowers voice) this guy was black, so I think my boyfriend might flip. I mean, not that he's racist or anything.
Penn Tech
Williamsport, Pennsylvania
Categories: Bimbettes | Pennsylvania | Race | Relationships | Weirdness | Whiteys | Posted 2009-06-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If I'm Going to Rent Them Out, I Get to Make the Rules.
Girl in humanities course: I don't trust Chinese people with my eyebrows.
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Amused college student
Categories: Body parts | Fashion | Pennsylvania | Students | Posted 2009-06-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Literacy Campaigns Have Come a Long Way Since Reading Rainbow
Girl, looking at books: I love the library! It's like natural Adderall.
Scranton, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: too old for this
Categories: Books | Compare and contrast | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Pennsylvania | Posted 2009-06-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And What's That on Your Hamburger?
Chick: Has anyone seen the bottle of fake blood?
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Categories: Chicks | Drinking & drunks | Lies | Pennsylvania | Questions | Weirdness | Posted 2009-06-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
For Some Weird Reason I Can't Keep Them, Though.
High school kid to another, on bus: I'm all sensitive and shit, that's why I get all the bitches.
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Bus Boy
Categories: Bragging | Feelings | Frat boy types | Pennsylvania | Sex | Stupidity | Posted 2009-06-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's Only 'Cause You Can't Hear Her
Annoying teen #1, looking at trashy magazine: She's cute.
Annoying teen #2: That's Jessica Simpson.
Annoying teen #1: Well, she looks good red-headed and with her mouth open.
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Giggling quietly in the pharmacy sectino
Categories: About celebrities | Beauty | Default | Hair | Mouth | Pennsylvania | Teens | Posted 2009-06-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Contemporary Odd Couple Doesn't Hold a Candle to the Original
20-something guy #1: So you don't have to pee?
20-something guy #2: No man, never. It's fucking weird.
20-something guy #1: Yeah, I have to pee like, every hour. (both laugh)
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Every Guy Needs a Wingdyke
Tall blonde dude: If only she wasn't a butch lesbian, we would be so perfect for each other.
Petite blonde: You need to start thinking outside of those boundaries.
Juniata College
Huntingdon, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: I agree
Categories: Advice | Colleges & Universities | Default | Guys | Pennsylvania | Relationships | Sexuality | Posted 2009-06-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Especially You, Ma'am.
Bag lady, after no one would give her change: You all have small dicks! Small dicks! Small dicks! Small dicks!
Chinatown Restaurant
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Dan
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Penis | Pennsylvania | Restaurants | Weirdness | Women | Words | Posted 2009-06-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...When She Complained About Her First Day Of Preschool.
Field hockey jockette: And then I said, "at least you didn't get gonorrhea!"
Ursinus College
Collegeville, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: reading in the lounge
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | Jocks | Pennsylvania | STDs | Sex | Students | Posted 2009-06-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Hey, What Are Frenemies For?
Girl #1: It's like putting a band-aid on when you need stitches.
Girl #2: Oh, thats a good one.
Girl #3: Yeah, and then the band-aid falls off and it gets infected.
Girl #1: And then you get gangrene and you leg falls off.
Girl #3: Only we could be trying to be supportive and morbid at the same time...
Belleville, Pennsylvania
Categories: Body parts | Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | Maladies | Pennsylvania | Posted 2009-06-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Nothing Says Spring Like the Scent Of Ice Cream and Urine
Small boy with ice cream cone, trying to get mom's attention: I peed my pants! I peed my pants! Mommy, listen to me, I peed my pants!
Mom, deadpan: I bet that's real uncomfortable for you.
Dad to son: When we get home we are just gonna have to hose you down.
Son to dad: Oh yeah, make me lay on the yard and then spray the hose on me, and on my penis, and down my pants on my penis!
Boy's brother, from minivan: Ew! You can spell the pee!
Bucks County, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: free birth control
To Be Fair, This Is His Answer to Everything
Instructor to swim class: Okay, who can tell me one thing we can wear to protect ourselves from the sun?
Three-year-old boy, after much thought: Teeth!
YMCA
Easton, Pennsylvania
Categories: Body parts | Default | Guys | Kids | Kids | Offers and requests | Pennsylvania | Questions | Teachers | Posted 2009-05-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Is the Thesis Of My Biology Essay.
Chubby girl: Oreos are better than amphetamines.
Chambersburg, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: gidgetgirl
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Fat people | Food | Girls | Maladies | Pennsylvania | Posted 2009-05-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Shouldn't There Be an IQ Prerequisite?
Woman: So when are you guys riding?
Man #1: Three weekends from now, or maybe a month...
Woman: Isn't it too cold outside to ride motorcycles?
Man #2: Not if you're drunk!
Downingtown, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Crys
Categories: Default | Drinking & drunks | Guys | Pennsylvania | Questions | Stupidity | Time Management | Weather | Women | Posted 2009-05-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Every Presentation Was Brought to Us by the Letter "O"
Chick: I was in your area during lunch and thought about asking you to meet me for a quickie.
Dude: What the fuck? And you didn't, because...?
Chick: I had to drive some coworkers back to the city. Wasn't sure what to do with them while we copulated.
Dude: Do what my parents did, sit them down in front of the tv, turn on Sesame Street and turn it up!
Conshohocken, Pennsylvania
Categories: Default | Family ties | Food | Girls | Guys | Jobs & Careers | Offers and requests | Pennsylvania | Questions | Sex | TV shows | Posted 2009-05-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Um, Okay.
Sorority girl #1: Oh my god! I am like, not okay. I am not okay.
Sorority girl #2: Oh my god, are you okay?
Sorority girl #1: Yeah, I'm okay. But do you see me? I am not okay!
Bathroom, Gettysburg College
Gettysburg, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: just trying to pee
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Feelings | Girls | Pennsylvania | Questions | Sorority types | Words | Posted 2009-05-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You'll Start Wearing Deodorant?
6th grade student: Miss Smith, I've decided that I'm gonna to end my reign of terror.
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
I Couldn't Help It-- I Kept Shining a Strobe Light on Him.
College girl to three friends, completely serious: Yeah, I guess his penis had epilepsy or something.
College Dining Hall
Pennsylvania
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | Maladies | Penis | Pennsylvania | Students | Weirdness | Posted 2009-05-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Nobody Can Do Sexual Harassment Like the Insane
Crazy bag lady, loudly: I don't suck dick for pussy! I don't suck dick for pussy! I don't suck dick for pussy!
(sits down next to another passenger on the subway)
Crazy bag lady, now in passenger's face: I don't suck dick for pussy!
(female passenger gets up and moves)
Crazy bag lady: Why you jumping? Why you jumping, bitch!? You weren't jumpin' last night when that guy put his long ass dick in you last night!
Female passenger: Excuse me, ma'am, don't say that to me! You don't know me!
(subway train stops)
Conductor: City Hall station!
Female passenger: Excuse me, sir, there's a crazy lady on the subway harassing the other passengers.
Conductor: Oh, could you point her out to me?
(female passenger points to crazy woman yelling)
Conductor: Ma'am, are you bothering people?
Crazy bag lady: Why you tryin' to fuck me standing up!? Why don't you fuck me lying down like a gentleman!
Conductor: Ma'am, I'm calling the police.
Broad Street Line Subway
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Categories: Ass | BJs | Compare and contrast | Crazies | Default | Employees | Insults | Offers and requests | Penis | Pennsylvania | Public Transportation | Public transportation | Questions | Sex | Vagina | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2009-05-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Warning: The Michael Jackson Story May Be Unsuitable for Children
Old man to group of kids: And then it turned into a he-she! (kids gasp)
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: paulyy
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Gender issues | Guys | Old folks | Pennsylvania | Sexuality | Weirdness | Posted 2009-05-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Lovemaking Is Cooperative; Fucking Is Competitive
Dude: She fucks like a division one athlete. I swear, I take three shots of whiskey before I go to her place. I need to have the spins so I have any chance of lasting.
Ten Stone
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: johnny
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Drinking & drunks | Guys | Pennsylvania | Restaurants | Sex | Posted 2009-05-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...That I Dipped in Cat-Food.
Teen girl #1 to friend: Ew, your breath smells like fish!
Teen girl #2: It's 'cause of the Swedish fish.
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Categories: Animals | Compare and contrast | Default | Geography | Girls | Pennsylvania | Teens | Posted 2009-04-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Couldn't Dad Wait 'til I Graduate?
Girl in North Face jacket and Uggs to clone friends: I mean, why couldn't it have been a normal suicide? Like, this week? Really?
Penn State Library
University Park, Pennsylvania
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Death & dying | Default | Girls | Pennsylvania | Questions | Stupidity | Posted 2009-04-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Softly with Your Song, or What?
Black woman in the ER on cell: You killed him? What do you mean you "killed him"?
Chestnut Hill Hospital
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Categories: Black people | Death & dying | Default | Offers and requests | Pennsylvania | Questions | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2009-04-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
In Unrelated News, Could I Get a Ride to the Emergency Room?
Drunk guy #1, finishing rant: Plastic trees do not produce oxygen!
Drunk guy #2, retorting: They do if you eat them!
Bloomsburg, Pennsylvania
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Food | Guys | Pennsylvania | Posted 2009-04-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Are the Weakest Link. Goodbye.
Spanish teacher: And you really have to be careful what you eat, because they have a lot of E. Coli problems.
Teenage girl: E. Coli? Like in those commercials with the cough drops?
Spanish teacher: What?
Teenage girl: Y'know, like the "Eeee-coliiii..."
Jersey Shore High School
Pennsylvania
Overheard by: shana yo mamma
Categories: Advice | Default | Food | Girls | Pennsylvania | Pop culture | Questions | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Teachers | Teens | Posted 2009-04-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
For Some Reason, Nobody Ever Listens to Cassandra
Loud girl on cell: Don't you think he might just be settling for you because he don't have no other choice? (pause) What I mean is, he's only marrying you because he can't find no one better? (pause) This is what I'm talkin' about. You don't know nothing. He don't want to marry you. He just is cause he ain't got nothing better to do. (pause) Yes, I am serious. Don't take that tone with me. I know what I'm talkin' about!
King of Prussia, Pennsylvania
Categories: Advice | Default | Girls | Pennsylvania | Questions | Relationships | Posted 2009-04-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
On the Other Hand, Mocking You Is Both.
College girl #1: It was fun because it was easy.
College girl #2: Emily*, not all easy things are fun...like, I hear you're not that fun.
Borders
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Education | Euphemisms | Girls | Pennsylvania | Students | Posted 2009-04-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...When They Could Be Doing Porn
Guy: I saw some midgets wrestling last night. I felt really bad. Why would they do that?
Point Park University
Pittsburgh, PA
Overheard by: ZB
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Feelings | Guys | Pennsylvania | Questions | Violence | Posted 2009-04-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So You're Much Rounder
20-something girl to another: You remind me a lot of my old boss. But she was older than you and she got hit by a dump truck.
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Karen
Categories: Age and ageing | Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | Jobs & Careers | Pennsylvania | Posted 2009-03-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Just Wanted Permanent Safe Sex.
Flamboyant guy to another: There are just some things you can't laminate.
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Kate
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Guys | Pennsylvania | Queers | Weirdness | Words | Posted 2009-03-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Thanks to My Son, the Doctor
Large gentile man: I'm becoming a Jewish woman!
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Guys | Pennsylvania | Religion | Sexuality | Weirdness | Posted 2009-03-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Free Clinic Waiting Rooms, for Instance.
Loud woman on cell: If you're looking for a place to make friends and be sociable, you can do a lot better than AA.
Supermarket
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: the cashier
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Names | Pennsylvania | Relationships | Women | Posted 2009-03-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Just Don't Expect It to Say Your Name
English professor: Make that language your bitch.
Ursinus College
Pennsylvania
Categories: Advice | Colleges & Universities | Default | Education | Insults | Pennsylvania | Teachers | Words | Posted 2009-03-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Otherwise the Natural Process Of Erosion Will Take Care Of It
Guy coming into classroom: Somebody left their bagel in the water fountain.
Girl in classroom, without looking up: It's a donut.
Guy coming into classroom: Somebody left their donut in the water fountain.
Girl in classroom: It's still wrapped, if anyone wants it.
Chestnut Hill College
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Food | Girls | Guys | Offers and requests | Pennsylvania | Students | Words | Posted 2009-03-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Ever Feel Like Autistic Kids Are Just Silently Plotting the Revolution?
Counselor: What do you need Legos for?
Nine-year-old boy: To make weaponry!
Center for Autism and Emotional Support
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Categories: Compare and contrast | Counselors | Default | Games | Guys | Kids | Kids | Pennsylvania | Questions | Posted 2009-03-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I've Got Just Those Two Settings
Guy: We're cool now.
Girl: What?
Guy: I said we're cool now.
Girl: Oh, yeah, I know. That's why I smiled at you instead of slitting my throat.
Point Park University
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: ZB
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | Gripes | Guys | Pennsylvania | Questions | Posted 2009-03-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
They're Right Next the Megavitamins, Which Also Don't Work
Guy: I'm not going to stop and ask someone, "excuse me, where are your ray guns?"
CVS
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: ZB
I Always Muted the TV When President Bush Came on
Girl to guy: Do you really not know what a vagina sounds like?
Temple University
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Sean Mc
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Gender issues | Girls | Pennsylvania | Questions | Vagina | Posted 2009-03-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Huh? Can't Talk. Masturbating
Professor, on last day of sex addiction class: I'm putting a website on the board for anyone who's interested in more information on how to become a certified sex addict.
(entire class cheers)
Professor: I meant "sex addiction therapist."
Student to another: He just spent a whole semester telling us that sex addiction isn't fun. Clearly we didn't catch on.
Chestnut Hill College
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Education | Internet | Pennsylvania | Sex | Students | Teachers | Posted 2009-02-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's What My Shrink Said!
Girl: I feel like, you know, I'm, like, going out with a different guy almost every single night. You know?
Guy: Well, I think that's because you're a whore.
University of Pennsylvania
Overheard by: oh well, okay
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Feelings | Girls | Guys | Insults | Pennsylvania | Questions | Words | Posted 2009-02-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Video That Should Be Shown in Driver Training
Friend #1, driving: Yeah, she'll be okay with it, she'll just be like...oh, motherfucker, I'll stab you in the face!!
Friend #2: What?
Friend #1: She'll be okay with it, though, she'll just be like...pedidle!
Friend #2: (silence)
Friend #1: What?! Did you see that car? She'll be okay with it, she'll just be like, oh...okay.
Bentleyville, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: concerned friend
Categories: Body parts | Default | Friends | Games | Insults | Pennsylvania | Questions | Posted 2009-02-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Or the Other Couple
Professor: So my kid walked in on us last night...
Student in class: Well, you gave them the talk, why not say you were wrestling or something?
Professor: Well, I have no way to explain the handcuffs.
Penn State
Altoona, Pennsylvania
Thanks, Sharper Image!
Loud girl: And my mother said to me, "Well, I guess you're an adult now, since you have adult sex." And I was like, "What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" and she was like, "I opened your cupboard." and I was thinking, "Oh shit!" because I've got a lot of shit in there. I've got porn, I've got a vibrator, a cock ring. I've got things she doesn't even know what to call them!
University of Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Alex Remnick
Categories: Age and ageing | Colleges & Universities | Default | Family ties | Girls | Pennsylvania | Porn | Questions | Sex | Toys | Posted 2009-02-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But I'm Currently Putting David Hasselhoff Through a Rigorous Mentorship Program
Elderly Italian lady to store clerk, while judging jugs of wine: I'm the last of the great drinkers.
Liquor Store
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Steve
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Drinking & drunks | Foreigners | Old folks | Pennsylvania | Stores | Women | Words | Posted 2009-02-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Together, Our Geekiness Is Unstoppable
20-something girl: If anyone ever punches me, all of the turtles in western Pennsylvania will get together, form a giant stack, and bite that person.
20-something guy: Wow. Like Voltron?
20-something girl: Why did I marry you?
20-something guy: *Because* I say things like that.
20-something girl (sighing): Yeah, you're right.
Walnut St
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Categories: Animals | Default | Geography | Girls | Guys | Pennsylvania | Questions | Relationships | Posted 2009-02-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Which Is Also What I Wrote for My Essay About the Statue Of Liberty
High school girl, ranting to friend about biology class: It's *so* annoying...I hate evolution! He goes all into the *designing* of a cell and I'm like "God created it and that's all we need to know." We don't have to go all hi-def into it!
Lancaster Mennonite HIgh School
Lancaster, Pennsylvania
Categories: Default | Girls | God | Gripes | Pennsylvania | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Science | Students | Posted 2009-02-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Most Cancer Patients Don't Have to Go Make Amends Afterwards, Though
Woman #1: Having alcoholism isn't like having cancer. People don't like you more for having beat it.
Woman #2: Amen.
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Drinking & drunks | Pennsylvania | Religion | Women | Posted 2009-02-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Otherwise It'll Just Get Made Into McNuggets
Scruffy man with garbage bag to stranger: Want to buy some chicken breast?
Blue Line Train
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Categories: Birds | Default | Food | Guys | Offers and requests | Pennsylvania | Questions | Train | Posted 2009-02-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
King Henry V Was Disinclined to Explain
Barber, as 23-year-old boy with bad haircut sits down into his chair: So what's with this bowl cut thing you got going on?
The Barber Shop
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Will
And He Claimed It's Not Meant to Be Eaten Directly from the Jar
Woman in line at the bank: I am thinking about leaving him. All he does is lie to me!
Friend: Oh? Lie about what?
Woman: Well, yesterday he bought me some of that Nutella spread? He said it was chocolate, but I know for a fact that it's hazelnut!
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Categories: Default | Food | Friends | Lies | Names | Pennsylvania | Questions | Relationships | Women | Posted 2009-02-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
First Of All, There's Hardly Any Literacism There.
Elderly man to elderly gaggle: Why's everyone wasting their time trying to raise money for Africa? Africa's a wretched country.
Max's German Restaurant
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Ladle
Categories: Default | Geography | Guys | Money | Old folks | Pennsylvania | Questions | Restaurants | Posted 2009-02-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Except How the Lohan Family Has Managed to Survive
Woman #1: You know what I learned the other day? Social Darwinism.
(awkward pause)
Woman #2: Really? How's that working for you?
Woman #1: Well, it sure explains a lot.
Library, Arcadia University
Glenside, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Xander
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Names | Pennsylvania | Questions | Science | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2009-02-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
My Favorite Guy to Get Pregnant By Is Also Named Ricky
Skinny punk teen girl: Oh, I love lime rickeys. But my favorite drink--when I'm not pregnant--is a rum rickey.
Franklin Fountain
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: office peon
Categories: Default | Drinking & drunks | Feelings | Girls | Pennsylvania | Punks | Weirdness | Posted 2009-02-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We Heart Zippy Unironically
Teen prep: Shell is a lot more expensive than GetGo these days. (later) I'm missing a lifetime movie right now!
Father: She's like Zippy the Pinhead!
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Shoppy
Categories: Compare and contrast | Dads | Default | Guys | Money | Names | Pennsylvania | Pop culture | Students | Posted 2009-02-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Way Pittsburgh Stole the Overheard Concept
Professor, about a book currently sold out at the campus bookstore: This book has been required in my class for years. All the upperclassmen have this book. Borrow it! (whispering) Steal it!
Point Park University
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: ZB
Categories: Advice | Books | Colleges & Universities | Default | Offers and requests | Pennsylvania | Teachers | Posted 2009-02-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Let's Hope It's Either Biology Class Or Comparative Media Studies
Professor, noticing student's t-shirt: What is that?
Student: A gorilla and a shark high fiving in front of an explosion.
Professor: I'm going to work that into discussion somehow.
Point Park University
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: ZB
Categories: Animals | Class | Clothes | Colleges & Universities | Default | Education | Pennsylvania | Questions | Students | Teachers | Posted 2009-02-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Yuppie Naming Conventions Apply Only to White People
Girl #1: Why the heck is her name "Brezelle"?
Girl #2: Well, she's African.
Girl #1: Oh.
Temple University, Pennsylvania
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Geography | Girls | Names | Pennsylvania | Questions | Posted 2009-01-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Yeah, We Saw Your Facebook Post
Teacher: Okay, so get out your books and start doing the exercises.
Student: Can I borrow your book?
Teacher: You didn't bring your books? Man...you guys are such losers.
Philadelphia University, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Student
Categories: Books | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Education | Pennsylvania | Questions | Students | Teachers | Posted 2009-01-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Only True Currency in Any Nursing Home
Woman on cell: She'd look sharp if she had some teeth. She's just got to go get those teeth, though!
33 Bus
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Alyson
Categories: Body parts | Bus | Compare and contrast | Default | Pennsylvania | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2009-01-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Ashlee Simpson Will Never Get Her Credibility Back
Student: Would it be possible for the situation to be reversed?
Professor: Well... (talks in circles for 5 minutes) So I will say yes, but the answer is no.
Graduate Classroom
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Categories: Class | Compare and contrast | Default | Offers and requests | Pennsylvania | Questions | Students | Teachers | Posted 2009-01-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
At McCain and Obama's Sixth Debate
Guy #1: If I had to pick between icy and creamy, I'd go with a little icy.
Guy #2: I disagree, and let me tell you why.
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Emily
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Euphemisms | Guys | Pennsylvania | Words | Posted 2009-01-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Cool
Drunk girl looking at digital camera: Sometimes I'm having such a good time I look Chinese.
Saint Joseph's University
Philadelphia, PA
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Drunks | Feelings | Geography | Girls | Happiness | Pennsylvania | Technology | Posted 2009-01-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Politely Schooled Her in the Art Of Saying, "Wassup, Biiiiitches?"
Girl #1: And she was like, "Hi, I'm Ashley" and stuck out her hand.
Girl #2: Did you smack her in the head? And tell her to stop talking like that?
Saint Joseph's University
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Categories: Body parts | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | Pennsylvania | Questions | Violence | Posted 2009-01-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Can Cry Afterwards and He Can't Tell
Girl: It's not "oh, I got laid underwater." It's that I got to know the person and got close to them before I went underwater.
Psychology Class
University of Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Emily
Categories: Class | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Feelings | Girls | Pennsylvania | Sex | Weirdness | Words | Posted 2009-01-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
She's Wrong
Teen girl to friend: She doesn't even know what she wants! She just likes to text Scott because it makes her feel pretty.
Forever 21
King of Prussia, Pennsylvania
It's A Little Funny?
Father on phone to wife: No, it was at dinner, and then this drunk at the next table made a comment about our son. No. He said Josh looked like "a retarded page from the dark ages." That's not funny. (long pause) I'll schedule him for a haircut tomorrow.
Pennsylvania
Categories: Age and ageing | Dads | Default | Drinking & drunks | Family ties | Food | Guys | History | Pennsylvania | Posted 2009-01-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Yeah? Shalom, Baby
Black man, approaching black woman wrapped in garments with only her eyes visible: Salam Aleikum.
Woman: I'm not Muslim, muthafucka, I'm cold!
Harrisburg, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Michael
Do Some Real Bioengineering
Prof: Let's get down to the meat and bolts of it.
Chestnut Hill College
Philadelphia, Pennsylvaia
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Food | Pennsylvania | Teachers | Weirdness | Posted 2009-01-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Nothing Feels Like Real Wood
College girl: So how do you masturbate?
Friend: I hump my desk.
College girl: Wait...really?!
Friend: Yeah, it's great. I can go from nothing to orgasm in like, 20 seconds.
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Categories: Default | Friends | Girls | Masturbation | Orgasm | Pennsylvania | Questions | Posted 2009-01-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Welcome to College
Freshman guy: It's been in my mouth for almost a minute now, and I'm still not sure what it is.
Freshman girl: Scary thought, isn't it?
Dining Hall, Arcadia University
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Categories: Body parts | Colleges & Universities | Default | Fears | Girls | Guys | Pennsylvania | Questions | Students | Posted 2009-01-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We'll Drive Over to the PTA Meeting Together
Middle aged woman whispering to bald man at the bar: Put on a thong and meet me outside in five.
Irish Pub
Lafayette Hill, Pennsylvania
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Clothes | Default | Pennsylvania | Sexuality | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2009-01-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Or Dead-- Whichever
Elevator repair man: Hey, I got a call that someone was stuck in the elevator.
Security guard: Yeah, but I haven't heard any more noise from her in like four hours, so I guess she's fine.
Temple University
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Employees | Jobs & Careers | Pennsylvania | Stupidity | Weirdness | Posted 2009-01-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So Now He Must Be Punished
Four-year-old girl: What about Steven?!
Six-year-old girl: He's my new boyfriend, and I told his sister that I love him but she didn't tell him. But he's my boyfriend and he doesn't know it.
Pennsylvania
Categories: Default | Family ties | Feelings | Girls | Gossip | Kids | Kids | Pennsylvania | Questions | Relationships | Posted 2008-12-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Source of Her Confusion is That Her Ceiling is Covered with Postcards
Girl: Hey, how about this one? Have you heard the one about the ceiling?
Blonde: Um, no.
Girl: Oh, well never mind, it's *way* too over your head.
Blonde: No, tell me! I'm not that dumb!
Girl (shaking head): Never mind, you don't get it. Hmmm, what about the one about the postcard with no stamp? Oh, never mind, you wouldn't ever get it.
Blonde: Really, I think I could. Tell me, let me try!
Spring Grove, Pennsylvania
It's Not My Thing
Upset 20-something girl: I don't like things where things are things inside of things!
Drexel University
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Zywiec
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Feelings | Girls | Pennsylvania | Philosophy | Weirdness | Words | Posted 2008-12-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Let's See If She'll Be Trying with You After This
Cute chick in line: Oh! I want Haribo gummi bears! I need a snack to study effectively. There are lots of things I don't do effectively without snacking.
Boyfriend: Maybe you should try snacking next time we have sex. You know, maybe a little popcorn...a candy bar...
Cute chick: Are you saying my sex isn't effective? Well, maybe there won't be a next time.
Boyfriend: You know, you're not responding very well to constructive criticism. The solution is to keep trying, not to give up.
CVS
University City, Philadelphia
Overheard by: justtryingtowaitinline
Okay, See Ya Later!
Porn-'stached scuzzball: I mean, if you ever, like, masturbated, you'd know that smell.
Robinson, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: And I Go To College With You??
Categories: Default | Etiquette | Guys | Masturbation | Pennsylvania | Sensory experiences | Weirdness | Posted 2008-12-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Next Fox Game Show
Mother: Do you want to go poop on mommy's floor, or make in the potty?
Two-year-old: The potty!
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: meg
Categories: Default | Kids | Kids | Moms | Offers and requests | Pennsylvania | Poop | Questions | Posted 2008-12-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But Play-Doh, If Eaten, Can Become Poop
Mom to four-year-old's horrified babysitter: Poop is not play-doh. That's the lesson we learned today.
Plymouth Meeting, Pennsylvania
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Kids | Moms | Pennsylvania | Poop | Toys | Posted 2008-12-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Technically, I Don't Even Think I'm in That Class
Girl #1: And everyone was like, "What? This isn't what was on the study sheet! This test is unfair! We're so confused!"
Girl #2: Oh, wow. Were you confused, too?
Girl #1: No, I didn't look at the study sheet. I went downstairs and drank a bottle of wine with you.
Saint Joseph's University
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Drinking & drunks | Education | Girls | Gripes | Pennsylvania | Questions | Posted 2008-12-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
NewsFlash: "Your Mom" Replaces "That's What She Said" As Laziest Insult
Girl: I think the live-action of GTO is so much better.
Guy: I think the live action of your mom is so much better.
Norristown, Pennsylvania
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Family ties | Girls | Guys | Insults | Pennsylvania | Pop culture | TV shows | Posted 2008-12-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Exactly Who Hollywood Would Cast
Woman #1: I've always wanted to go to London.
Woman #2: I've never really wanted to fly overseas, but one place I would like to go is Venice.
Woman #1: Venice? Really?
Woman #2: Yeah. But I'd like to have a nice Italian man to go with me, like Antonio Banderas.
Bloomsburg, Pennsylvania
Categories: About celebrities | Default | Geography | Pennsylvania | Stupidity | Wishes | Women | Posted 2008-12-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If You're Forging, Try to Spell His Name Correctly This Time
Professor: No, pondering eternal truths is not a good excuse for missing my class...I'd need a signed note from god.
Lycoming College
Williamsport, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: JQ
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Education | God | Offers and requests | Pennsylvania | Philosophy | Teachers | Posted 2008-12-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Once We Took Off the Training Wheels
Psychology professor: We allowed homosexuals to do their own sex.
University of Pennsylvania
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Emily
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Pennsyl