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Stand Back, People
30-something Catholic to girlfriend: I think I'm giving up masturbation for lent. (long pause) I think I might just give up masturbation.
Norman, Oklahoma
Categories: Christianity | Holidays | Masturbation | Oklahoma | Religious fanatics | Posted 2011-05-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Time to Invest in Some Bose Headphones, Dear Reader
Female heard through the wall, after giving blow job: That's all you have to say? "Thanks?"
Male, through wall: Moshi-moshi.
Female, exasperated: See, that's your problem! Half the time you don't even speak English anymore!
Male: That was "thank you" in Japanese.
Female: Oh.
Norman, Oklahoma
Tragically, Many Kids Don't Recognize a Vegetable When They See One.
Mom, with neck tattoo reading "ape" to toddler daughter picking produce: Put that back. That is not what you think it is.
Wal-Mart
Tulsa, Oklahoma
Overheard by: Kathyp
The Best Part Is, He's Recording His Voicemail Away Message.
20-something man on cell: I've got women. I started my own religion. I don't give a shit if hipsters don't think I'm cool. (pause) I know in my heart I'm a fucking genius. If I died tonight, there would be a massive white trash orgasm. (pause) If you're so bad, your soul goes into a wax museum. We should make our own rap music. We'll be so good they'll put us in a mausoleum, like Stalin.
Norman, Oklahoma
Why Many Therapists Quit.
30-something woman to 20-something woman: I had a crush--a psychotic crush--on Viggo Mortensen, and only you would understand. I hallucinated that he read me poetry!
Norman, Oklahoma
Categories: About celebrities | Bonding | Crazies | Happiness | Oklahoma | Posted 2010-11-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
My Mistake Was Shaking His Hand
20-something to friend: I can't believe you asked if he was the handjob guy!
Norman, Oklahoma
"Tulsa" Spelled Backwards Is "a Slut"-- Coincidence?
Teen girl to friend: I'm too sexy for my vulva.
Tulsa, Oklahoma
Said I Hated Black People Enough for Both Of Us
Black guy to white girl: I hate black people!
White girl: You hate yourself?
Black guy: No. I just hate black people. They're always late. And they tell me to wear my pants down. I made friends with a white supremacist.
White girl: But they hate you!
Black guy: He liked me...
Norman, Oklahoma
When the Magic Mushrooms Came to Oklahoma City
Girl #1: I hallucinated that you and my boyfriend had sex in the spirit world! I think I hallucinated I was using an umbrella in the shower this morning.
Girl #2: Uh. No... Sorry, I found one in our shower.
Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
Do You Have to Say That About Everything?
Girlfriend: Those sculptures over there look nice.
Boyfriend: Baby, I think they're vaginas.
Norman, Oklahoma
Categories: Compliments | Couples | Oklahoma | Vagina | Posted 2010-09-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When Straight Guys Are Forced to Watch Martha Stewart
20-something loud man: I would not put my dick in her ear. That's how not interested I am.
Norman, Oklahoma
Categories: Body parts | Guys | Oklahoma | Penis | Posted 2010-08-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
With This Little Thing?
30-something male student to teacher: I keep having sex with these girls, and I go for 30 minutes... or sometimes and hour. They don't come. What's wrong with me? What's wrong with them?
Female professor, confidently: It sounds like you're rubbing 'em raw!
Community College
Tulsa, Oklahoma
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Oklahoma | Orgasm | Questions | Sex | Students | Teachers | Time Management | Posted 2010-08-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Yeah. I Guess.
Guy: Men are bastards. I'm a man.
Girl: Then what does that make you?
Guy: Huh?
Girl: You said men are bastards. So then what does that make you?
Guy, not paying attention: Wanna dance?
Norman, Oklahoma
Categories: Dancing | Gender issues | Girls | Guys | Insults | Offers and requests | Oklahoma | Posted 2010-08-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Kinda Like Disney World?
20-something guy: I had a threesome once with two lesbians. They were eating each other's pussies out. It was fun.
20-something girl: You liked it?
20-something guy: I didn't say I liked it. I said it was fun.
Norman, Oklahoma
...On the Internet, I Met Someone Who Was All Three!
Girl #1: You should stop meeting guys off the internet so much. They're creepy.
Girl #2: The internet is the best place to meet people. I met a rapist at a job interview, a pimp at the airport, and a pedophile at church.
Norman, Oklahoma
Categories: Bonding | Compare and contrast | Girls | Internet | Jobs & Careers | Oklahoma | Religion | Violence | Weirdness | Posted 2010-08-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Also the Story Behind the KFC Double Down Sandwich
Cashier: Want to hear the lamest shit? I went to get Subway for lunch... And they were out of bread! Completely out! What the fuck is up with that?
Norman, Oklahoma
...But My Second Wish Would Be for World Peace.
Man in Mötley Crüe t-shirt to little girl: But yeah, I think I'd bring Kurt Cobain back for a day just for the fun of it.
Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
Categories: About celebrities | Crazies | Oklahoma | Weirdness | Wishes | Posted 2010-04-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's the High Notes That Hurt Your Ears
Overweight middle-aged woman, about infant crying non-stop: Oh my god, seriously, somebody just kill it.
Target
Norman, Oklahoma
I'm Beginning to Regret Making Smoke-Signals Our Primary Form Of Communication
Young woman: And if he's still giving you mixed signals, he can just go suck his own dick.
Frustrated friend: That's the point! If he'd give me a clear sign, I'd do it for him!
Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
Every Educated American Should See Bringing Up Baby
Girl #1: Oh my god! You sounded so much like Katharine Hepburn just then!
Girl #2: I sounded like who?
Girl #1: Well, never mind, you stopped doing it. Bitch.
Couch Dorm
University of Oklahoma
Categories: About celebrities | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Girls | Insults | Oklahoma | Questions | Posted 2009-11-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
He Just Sings Instead Of Talking
Female student to friend at bus stop: So, he was, like, freakishly quiet, but every now and then he would bust out with something that, you know, we would say, you know, like, (bursts into song) "Do you like waffles? Yeah, I like waffles!" (in normal voice) And, you know, I would be, like, "Woah! He is a real person."
University of Oklahoma
Overheard by: becauseobviouslyallnormalpeoplelikewaffles
Small, but Wired
Female yuppie: When my daughter was nine months old, she was eating tiramisu... with espresso in it!
Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
Overheard by: Kab00m
I Don't Know Whether To Laugh, Say "Awww....", Call DSS, Or Puke In My Mouth
Lady on cell: Just because she's wearing big-girl panties doesn't mean she's not your baby.
Target
Midwest City, Okahoma
Got Any Bacon Chocolate?
Woman looking at chocolate display case: I don't want any of those. Those aren't death-on-a-stick enough.
Coco Flow
Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
Overheard by: Reiza
Categories: Compare and contrast | Death & dying | Oklahoma | Wishes | Women | Posted 2009-06-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
NewsFlash: X-Treme Sex Gains Popularity on College Campuses
Roommate on phone: You've gotta get through the ribcage.
University of Oklahoma
Norman, Oklahoma
Overheard by: Wondering what they're planning.
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Guys | Offers and requests | Oklahoma | Weirdness | Words | Posted 2009-04-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Olsen Twins' Popularity? Really?
Guy: It'll make more sense once you figure it out.
Stillwater, Oklahoma
Even Mothers Don't Really Know Where Babies Come From
60-something woman: He has always been a quiet person. He's been that way for as long as I have know him, and I have known him since he was a little boy.
Car salesman: Yeah. Wait, didn't you give birth to him?
Woman: I guess I have known him pretty much from the beginning, then. Weird.
Car Dealership
Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
Overheard by: stephen
So in This Case, It's Acceptable
Female passerby: Unless you can see an arm dangling out of her vagina, you should never ask a woman if she's pregnant!
Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
Overheard by: Renizzle
Why Rachel Loses Every Potato-Sack Race
Underage girl: I don't close my legs. (more defiantly) I won't.
Norman Regional Hospital
Norman, Oklahoma
...the Underwear Model?
Woman walking out to parking lot to random guy: Hey dude, I have a picture of you in your underwear! Are you Jared's roommate?
Mexican Restaurant
Stillwater, Oklahoma
Overheard by: Confused yet amused vet student
Forgot I Glued It to My Palm for Convenience
Little girl walking behind mom: Mom, did you hit me in the head with your phone!
Mom: No, I didn't, I don't even have my phone out! (looks down at hand) Oh, yes I do. Did it hurt?
Eskimo Joe's
Stillwater, Oklahoma
Overheard by: Cameron
He Could Use Some Advice
Professor: We think imperfectly. If you think you think perfectly... well, just talk to god.
University of Tulsa, Oklahoma
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Education | God | Oklahoma | Philosophy | Teachers | Posted 2008-07-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Whom I'd Started Dating in Geometry
Boy #1, talking to friend in between classes: Hey what did you do in English?
Boy #2: Oh... I broke up with Jessica*.
Berryhill High School
Oklahoma
Overheard by: BlakeMas
Categories: Compare and contrast | Education | Guys | Oklahoma | Questions | Relationships | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Teens | Posted 2008-05-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If You Have to Tell Her, You're Doing It Wrong
Random guy: Man, you just gotta cowboy the fuck up and tell the dumb bitch you're doing her in the ass!
Moe's Southwest Grill
Norman, Oklahoma
Which They Got Fucking a Liar
Drunk girl, loudly: Anyone who says they've never had an itchy asshole is just fucking lying.
Cock O the Walk Bar
Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
Overheard by: Beer Bitch
Four-Eyed Men Are Illegal in Oklahoma
Little girl: I'll tell you what my daddy looks like. He has eyeglasses and he's a woman.
Car dealer
Midwest City, Oklahoma
Overheard by: Reiza
I Just Need It to Happen before He Finds Jesus
Chick on cell: Well, they had their flaws, but you know what I mean... I was thinking about Mike last night. Oh, how I would like to get back with him now that I'm kind of looking for a relationship and he's not on speed anymore...
Oklahoma
Categories: Chicks | Compliments | Default | Drugs | Oklahoma | On the phone | Relationships | Wishes | Posted 2008-02-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Sadly, the Dork Seldom Hears an Answer to His Mating Call
Guy: It's from Star Trek! I know it is! Bet me!
Claremore, Oklahoma
Overheard by: I work with dorks
Categories: Dorks, Geeks & Nerds | Oklahoma | Pop culture | Posted 2008-01-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Personally, I'll Be Grading the Exams at a Bar
Professor: I don't think we'll have class on Monday -- I'd rather you study for the final... Preferably not at a bar... But I realize the temptation may be tremendous.
University of Tulsa
Tulsa, Oklahoma
We'd Rather See You Tweak It a Little
Grad student on her Gender History peer review: I don't feel the need to keep the nipple section.
University of Tulsa
Tulsa, Oklahoma
Overheard by: Andrea
At the Algonquin Round Table
Chick #1: Are you drunk?
Chick #2: Just a little. I only had two drinks!
Chick #1: What about you?
Chick #3: No, I ate a pot brownie! I made them all by myself! I'm so proud!
O'Colly newsroom, Oklahoma State University
Oklahoma
Overheard by: The Designated Driver
Categories: Chicks | Drinking & drunks | Drugs | Oklahoma | Posted 2007-12-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Life in Oklahoma's Impossible without Willful Ignorance
Mom #1: Well, you are blonde, you know!
Mom #2: Yeah, well, I'm not blonde everywhere!
Mom #1: Well, I don't know how that works...
Panera Bread
Norman, Oklahoma
Overheard by: Freelance Mama
Bad Things All Start Out Innocently Enough
Guy: Dude, I'll hook you up. My wife is hot, but her friends are hotter.
Tulsa, Oklahoma
No One's Ever Been Interested in the Content of My Character
Chick: I'd love it if my boobs were pink. I'd never wear a shirt if my breasts were hot pink.
Oklahoma State University-Stillwater
Oklahoma
Overheard by: The Opinionator
Gorilla: Can't Be Worse Than Taco Bell
Woman watching gorilla eat poo: I'm sorry, but there is no way I evolved from that.
Oklahoma City Zoo
Oklahoma
Overheard by: Mikie
Any Test, Really
Emo teen girl with water bottle: I mean, it's not like I'm drinking all this just to pass a drug test. It would be nice to pass one, though...
Jenks, Oklahoma
Categories: Health & Hygiene | Oklahoma | Teens | Posted 2007-09-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So Just Staple Your Arm Back on and Quit Complaining
Old man: If you're having sex twice a day, you don't need to go to the doctor!
IHOP
Stillwater, Oklahoma
Overheard by: Breanne S.
Categories: Oklahoma | Old folks | Philosophy | Posted 2007-09-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Know, with the Caverns
Teacher: Alright, how many of you have been to a national park?
Student #1: I've been to Yellowstone.
Teacher: Okay, good. Anyone else?
Bimbette: Oh, I've been to Central Park.
Student #2: That isn't near anything that has any geographical importance.
Bimbette: Yeah, it does. It's in Pennsylvania. Duh.
Oklahoma
Overheard by: lauren.
You Takes the Stigmata You're Given
Boyfriend: But baby, I don't want bloody arms!
Girlfriend: Then talk to me about my feet!
Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
Categories: Body parts | Couples | Oklahoma | Posted 2007-08-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Then He Came Back As a Zombie
Kid #1: Michael Jackson? I think he died.
Kid #2: He died?
Kid #1: Yeah. He killed someone and then he died.
Kid #2: Oh, yeah, I remember.
Golden Corral
Tulsa, Oklahoma
Categories: About celebrities | Kids | Oklahoma | Posted 2007-06-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Also Happened to Sean Connery in Goldfinger
30-ish blonde: Yeah, my three o'clock appointment canceled, so I lasered off my pubes.
Bar
Newcastle, Oklahoma
I'm Currently in between Abortions
Lab TA: This is bromium chloride. If you have guys in your group, have them work with it. If not, girls, I hope you're not pregnant. It tends to cause birth defects and cancer.
Chick #1 in back of room, whispering: You guys, I can't touch that stuff!
Chick #2: Why not? Are you pregnant?
Chick #1: You see, that's the thing -- I don't know...
Oklahoma State University
Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
Overheard by: She's majoring in drunken sorority girl
Being President Means Always Having to Say You're Sorry
Visiting Chinese professor: We like Clinton for his love stories.
University of Tulsa
Tulsa, Oklahoma
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Oklahoma | Politics | Teachers | Posted 2007-05-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Keeps Me Running in Tip-Top Shape
Chick: I really think my gynecologist helps our relationship, though.
Starbucks
Edmond, Oklahoma
Categories: Chicks | Health & Hygiene | Oklahoma | Posted 2007-05-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Will It Make a Difference If He's Guatemalan?
Chick: Just imagine -- you go home and your mother has a hot Ecuadorian boy stashed in the back bedroom.
University of Tulsa
Tulsa, Oklahoma
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Gossip | Oklahoma | Students | Posted 2007-03-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
