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In Spain They Speak Spainish
Mom doing magazine quiz to teenage sons: Spanish can't be one of the world's top languages. The only Spanish-speaking country is Mexico.
Cincinnati, Ohio
What? I'm Buy-Curious.
Cashier: You're all set?
Man: (places Steal This Book on the counter)
Cashier, seeing title of book: Pussy!
Barnes & Noble
Columbus, Ohio
Overheard by: fionasputnik
Oh Honey, I Would Put Your Marlboro Out With My Tongue
Obviously-not-18-year-old girl, handing man money: Go get me a pack of Camels number nine, please.
20-something man: Are you serious? They're going to think I'm fruity. (walks into store, immediately walks back out) I can't buy them. That girl is working.
Obviously-not-18-year-old girl: I'm sorry, would you like me to buy Marlboro Reds? That's a manlier cigarette.
20-something man: That'd be great. (goes back in and returns with Marlboro Reds): Sorry about that. Uh, if I don't get my type of cigarettes then I think they'd get suspicious.
Obviously-not-18-year-old girl: You don't even smoke.
Akron, Ohio
...You're Always Lookin' Out for Me, Grandma!
Drunk 20-something, yelling in a crowd: Because I am a grad student and I don't do anything!
Older woman: You know there are some attractive young men over by the band.
Drunk 20-something: Well, I do do that.
Cincinnati, Ohio
...Or at Least I Try to Forget.
Daughter: You don't remember his mom?
Mother: Not the one with the cool back hair.
Canton, Ohio
Overheard by: Kaylah
...And We'll Write It Off As a Business Expense.
Loud 40-something suit on cell: Yeah, let's sit around smoking ganja on a beautiful Sunday afternoon, and you can teach me Swahili.
Giant Eagle Grocery
Medina, Ohio
Categories: Druggies | Offers and requests | Ohio | On the phone | Smoking | Posted 2011-01-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Match.com Steps Up Their Game
Guy #1: So I sent her a picture of my junk.
Guy #2: Right.
Guy #1: Problem solved.
Sandusky, Ohio
Categories: Guys | Ohio | Penis | Relationships | Sex | Posted 2010-12-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What Else Should I Put on My Resume?
Very loud drunk woman: No, I don't shoot darts, but I'm good at stabbin' people!
Fairborn, Ohio
Overheard by: Monika
Really Big Girls, Though
Ditzy blond: How many girls have you seen down there!
Ditzy guy with ditzy blond: Tons! Like, so many! (pause) Oh, okay! Fine! Six.
Great American Ball Park
Cincinnati, Ohio
Getting a Piece Of Tail Is Always a Problem in Ohio
Woman to man: She fucked the lobster?
Cincinnati, Ohio
...Put It Away!
30-something dude: I didn't circumcise my son.
20-something dude #1: Are you circumcised?
20-something dude #2: Woah!
Cincinnati, Ohio
And Just a Heads Up That Your Grades Will All Suck
Professor: We are going to talk about tea rooms. Which involve no tea. Unless by "tea," you mean "cock."
Columbus,Ohio
Overheard by: Em
None Of Them Are Filtered
Teen gangsta wannabe yelling to small boy on playground: No, I wasn't, I don't smoke! He was just transferring the smoke to my mouth! (pause) Never mind! I'm not gay!
Park
Cincinnati, Ohio
B-
Fine arts teacher: Michelangelo and Donatello. They were both brilliant, they were both homosexual, they were both... Both...
Girl: Ninja turtles!
Ohio
If Grad School Has Taught Me Anything, It's That You Can.
Teen girl to teen boy: But you can't play spin the bottle with a box of wine!
Giant Eagle
Parma, Ohio
Overheard by: Tmoore
Categories: Drinking & drunks | Ohio | Stupidity | Teens | Posted 2010-07-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...And Haven't We All Been There?
Woman on cell in department store: She's probably trading food for underwear.
Cincinnati, Ohio
Overheard by: Leslie
Categories: Food | Ohio | On the phone | Undies | Women | Posted 2010-07-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Grocery Store Is to Me What Internet Porn Is to Your Father
Son: Mom, can we get something?
Mom: No.
Son: Can we get some Life Savers?
Mom: No.
(son walks over with five Hershey bars)
Son: These?
Mother: No. And if I bought them, I'd eat them all in front of you.
Rocky River, Ohio
Overheard by: Beanah
...Drugs? It's Drugs, Right?
Dumb brunette #1: Well, he likes Sarah and Matt...
Dumb brunette #2: They don't count, everyone likes them!
Dumb brunette #1: Well, my boyfriend doesn't like any of my friends, then. I don't really like any of my friends.
Smart, older blonde walking by: Well, dear, there's a simple solution to that.
Dumb brunette #1: Oh? What is it?
University Library, Kent State
Kent, Ohio
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Girls | Ohio | Questions | Relationships | Posted 2010-03-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Next on Maury
Brunette: And then he called me back ten minutes later and told me his brother got his girlfriend pregnant, and she's like sixteen or something.
Blonde: Is he mad his brother and his girlfriend hooked up?
Brunette: He's got more serious issues dating a child and shit.
Kent State University
Kent, Ohio
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Family ties | Girls | Ohio | Pregnancy | Sex | Posted 2010-02-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Hard to Argue
Four-year-old girl, playing with dinosaurs: Today is the best day ever to eat people!
Cincinnati, Ohio
Overheard by: Miss Ann
Maybe You Shouldn't Blow Him Whenever He Asks for It
Girlfriend to boyfriend: Aww... I love you.
Boyfriend: Thanks, buddy!
Girlfriend: What?
Boyfriend: I kinda like you too!
Girlfriend: I can't believe you. (to another girl) Can you believe that?
Kent, Ohio
Categories: Feelings | Hubbies | Ohio | Relationships | Posted 2010-02-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Men Die Before Women: Explained
Angry boyfriend: I'm not off gallivanting around town!
Girlfriend: (indistinct mumbles)
Angry boyfriend: I don't hang out with anyone!
Girlfriend: (more mumbles)
Angry boyfriend: I'll just lie to you from now on.
Kent, Ohio
I Was Hoping to Avoid the Disney Store
Queer: I told you they wouldn't have nipple stars!
Girl: Why the hell would they not have nipple stars? It's a hot topic, they should have nipple stars!
Columbus, Ohio
Overheard by: Shopper
Then He Was Like, "This Is a Job Interview, Tanya."
Black teen girl to friend: He was like "you're so high you don't even know what to do!" and I was like "nigga, this ain't the first time I smoked!"
Columbus, Ohio
Overheard by: Hancock
I Wondered About the Beanie
Brunette: Are you getting him something for Christmas?
Blonde: Why would I?
Brunette: I don't know, I thought you were close!
Blonde: Christmas present? He's Jewish!
Brunette: Ohhhh.
Kent State University
Kent, Ohio
Categories: Bimbettes | Colleges & Universities | Gifts | Ohio | Questions | Relationships | Religion | Posted 2009-12-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why McDonald's Employees Have Too Much Power in Their Personal Relationships
Chick on cell: There's withholding sex, and then there's withholding French fries.
Cleveland, Ohio
Categories: Chicks | Compare and contrast | Food | Ohio | On the phone | Sex | Posted 2009-12-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Think Of Purgatory As a Drive-Through Soul Wash
Professor: So, basically god has to suppress the gag reflex when he looks at you; but it's okay because he loves you anyway.
University of Akron
Akron, Ohio
Overheard by: Rebecca
Today's Young Woman Is Proud to Display Everything She's Got
Library worker girl: That's a cute bag.
Library worker girl with clear purse: Thanks!
Boss man: But then everyone can see everything you have!
Library worker girl with clear purse: It's not like I got a gun or anything... I can always hide things between the books...
Library worker girl: Like your gun?
Kent State University Library
Kent, Ohio
Categories: Books | Bosses | Colleges & Universities | Compliments | Coworkers | Fashion | Ohio | Questions | Violence | Posted 2009-11-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Learned That the Hard Way.
Girl: Oh my god, I love their deep-fried mac and cheese balls!
Boy: I got some fried mac and cheese balls for you.
Girl: Tommy, if you tried to dip your balls in a deep fryer, they would probably fall off.
Boy: No they wouldn't.
Waiter, passing by quickly: Yes they would!
Cheesecake Factory
Kettering, Ohio
Can a Personal TV Be Too Small? Discuss.
Girl on cell inside convenience store: Why the hell did she get it under her titty? Ain't nobody gonna see it under her titty!
Bowling Green, Ohio
Um, That's What You Said About Anal.
Worldly hipster: Do you drink?
Very naive girl: No, tried it once, didn't like the taste.
Worldly hipster: Do you like tea?
Very naive girl: Yes.
Worldly hipster: Good, then you'll like beer.
Columbus, Ohio
Overheard by: The RJP
Categories: Compare and contrast | Drinking & drunks | Food | Girls | Hipsters | Ohio | Questions | Sensory experiences | Posted 2009-10-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
For the Last Time, You're Not Getting My American Express Card
Five-year-old boy, calling to mother in bathroom stall: Mom, we need to talk about something.
Mom: Can it wait?
Five-year-old boy: No.
Mom: What is it?
Five-year-old boy: I need more credit. You don't give me enough credit for the things I do, and my feathers are simply getting ruffled by this.
Cincinnati, Ohio
Overheard by: Laughing
If Porn Sites Sold Word-a-Day Calendars
Guy in courtyard: Areolas! Areolas! Areolas! Aaaareeeeoooolaaaas! Areolas! Areolas!
Voice from window: What the fuck?
Guy: Areolas!
Kent, Ohio
Old Age Homes Are a Lot Like Prison...
Grandmother to granddaughter: Who knows? I might become a lesbian!
Arlington, Ohio
And Difficult-to-Pronounce Furniture?
Professor, exasperated: Don't you guys know anything about education in Sweden? Or anything about Sweden at all?
Physical education major: Yeah, that's where we get those Swiss Army knives.
Education Class
Ohio State University
Overheard by: i can't believe these people are going to be teachers...
Any Questions?
Woman, showing friend around: And this skyline is where I had my first pregnancy test. It was negative.
Ludlow
Cincinnati, Ohio
Overheard by: Alison
Categories: Friends | Memory lane | Ohio | Pregnancy | Women | Posted 2009-09-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Global Theologicalear Destruction
Friend to another: Then he dropped the f-bomb of god!
Cleveland, Ohio
Next Thing You Know, You've Blogged Yourself 5-10 With Good Behavior
Big, sweaty man: No, you need to stay offa that Facebook, offa that MySpace, because when they need evidence, that's where they look first.
Columbus, Ohio
Overheard by: slightly suspicious
Well Why'd You Enroll in an Art History Class?
Dumb Girl #1: I feel like I'm suffocating!
Dumb girl #2: Why? What's wrong?
Dumb girl #1: It's just too much! There's vagina everywhere!
High School
Genoa, Ohio
Overheard by: Tricia Rae
Categories: Girls | Health & Hygiene | Idiots | Ohio | Questions | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Stupidity | Vagina | Posted 2009-09-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What If Learn Something?
Girl navigating display tables during Culture Day event at school: I hate cultures.
Columbus, Ohio
Categories: Girls | Gripes | Ohio | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Stupidity | Posted 2009-08-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Hate to Ask Their Names, Though
Girl #1: Girl, I am pregnant.
Girl #2: Do you know who the daddy is?
Girl #1: No!
Girl #2: Girl, my doctor told me that when I sleep with a man, to write it on the calendar, so if I get pregnant they can try to find the daddy!
Elevator, Columbus State Community College
Columbus, Ohio
Homer Simpson: Mmm, Sacrelicious...
Teen girl to friend: You know what I wanna do? Smoke a joint rolled in a page from the bible.
McDonald's
Ohio
Overheard by: Dylan
Categories: Christianity | Drugs | Friends | Girls | McDonald's | Ohio | Questions | Teens | Wishes | Posted 2009-08-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And I Know What "Autoeroticism" Means
Four-year-old in shopping cart: Yadda, yadda, yadda, yadda! (repeated over and over)
Mom: Stop that! Stop saying that!
Four-year-old: (continues)
Mom: You don't even know what that means! Just because you don't know what something means doesn't mean you can just repeat it like that. (turns to man behind her in line) I don't know where he gets this stuff.
Four-year-old: I heard it from you, crazy!
Columbus, Ohio
Overheard by: Lindsay
And by That I Mean Exactly What You Think I Mean
Professor: I was house-sitting for them. I almost strangled the cat.
Oberlin, Ohio
Overheard by: Secret Spy
This Class, Not So Much.
Professor: Society, chocolate pudding, and cars. All complex phenomena.
Oberlin, Ohio
Overheard by: secret Spy
Categories: Compare and contrast | Food | Ohio | Teachers | Weirdness | Posted 2009-06-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Who Gives Map Quizzes at the College Level?
Student #1, pointing to answer on a map quiz: Why did I get this wrong?
Student #2: That's Canada, you labeled it the USA.
Student #1: But we own them, the professor said so.
Student #2: Figuratively.
Student #1: Well, that's misinforming!
Cafe, Kent State University
Kent, Ohio
So Why Would You Want to Be a Middle-School Nurse?
Tall woman on cell: It's not like I wanted to do it either, but sometimes you just have to grab her, spread her legs, and shove the tampon in there. I mean it's part of the job after all.
Dayton, Ohio
Overheard by: I hope she gets hazard pay!
Categories: Body parts | Health & Hygiene | Jobs & Careers | Ohio | On the phone | Weirdness | Wishes | Women | Posted 2009-06-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Aren't You Wendy from Season One?
Barista #1: Yeah, Joey does a great Tim Gunn impression. You should ask him to do it for you.
Barista #2: I will. So you really like Project Runway?
Barista #1: Oh my god, yes! Like, I should totally be on that show.
Barista #2: Yeah? Do you do fashion design?
Barista #1: Well, no. But I dress myself really well. And I have really good ideas. But I can't really sew or anything.
Starbucks
Fairborn, Ohio
Overheard by: Barista #3
Categories: About celebrities | Baristas | Clothing | Fashion | Offers and requests | Ohio | Questions | TV shows | Posted 2009-06-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If That's True, How Come There's Never Been a Real World There?
Flight attendant: Okay, everyone, we're going to be landing soon. We would like to be the first to welcome you to reality...I mean, Cleveland.
Plane over Cleveland, Ohio
Categories: Airports & flights | Default | Flight attendants | Ohio | Public Transportation | US Geography | Words | Posted 2009-06-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's Rare to Find a Young Man Who Thinks That Far Ahead
Five-year-old boy: Hey, I got an idea! Let's get naked!
Visiting adult friend: Yeah? And then what?
Five-year-old boy: We'll sit in the street!
Mason, Ohio
Overheard by: Rachel
One Of the More Awkward Responses to "I Love You"
Man to woman: You know what I really love? My hair.
Oberlin, Ohio
Overheard by: jaytro
...After You Put Your Legs Up on Your Desk, Ma'am.
Male lab instructor: So, really, it's totally unnatural for a human baby to pass through such a small birth canal when their heads are so big. But it's also unnatural for us to give birth laying down. We should stand. Then the canal is more open, and gravity does most of the work. We are fighting nature. Now, why am I talking about pregnancy? I lost my train of thought.
Anthropology Class
Kent State University, Ohio
Categories: Body parts | Class | Compare and contrast | Default | Employees | Guys | Ohio | Pregnancy | Questions | Posted 2009-05-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And What About "Punk"?
Punk guy: Man, I hate all these suburban punks.
Dumb girl: "Suburban"? Is that even a word??
Toledo, Ohio
Overheard by: Audrey
...Before They Would Give Us a Home Loan.
Sorority girl, walking from class with a friend: Yeah, so they made us cook naked.
Kent State University
Kent, Ohio
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Food | Girls | Offers and requests | Ohio | Sorority types | Weirdness | Posted 2009-05-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Except for My Dog, Who's Gunther.
Drunk guy at bar: My life is an episode of Friends, only there's no girls, and everyone's Chandler.
Bar
Dayton, Ohio
Overheard by: Kristin
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Character | Compare and contrast | Default | Drunks | Guys | Ohio | TV shows | Posted 2009-05-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
A Small But Important Distinction.
Daughter, about cousin: Does he want to give me a ride?
Dad: No, he wants you to ride him.
North Canton, Ohio
Stay Far Away from the Octomom, Dear Reader
Girl to friend: Then she sends him an e-mail saying that she wants his baby inside her. Talk about mixed messages.
Fred's Diner
Akron, Ohio
Overheard by: Adam
Categories: Default | E-mail | Family ties | Girls | Ohio | Restaurants | Weirdness | Posted 2009-04-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...After Tuna Wrestling in Them.
Woman #1: I have to return some things to Victoria's Secret.
Woman #2: Why?
Woman #1: I don't like the way they smell.
Sandusky, Ohio
Overheard by: NOT a VS smeller
How Is a Dorm Room Like a Crime Scene, Alex?
Drunk girl: Oh! So you're not going to go home with your girlfriend when she is asking you and her roommate isn't even home! Oh! Oh! (boyfriend whispers something to her) I don't care if I'm on my period or not!
University of Dayton
Dayton, Ohio
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Drunks | Gender issues | Girls | Ohio | Questions | Relationships | Posted 2009-03-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
At This Point in My Life, They're Semi-Precious
Instructor: I may have to open my kimono and give him access to my jewels. (entire class chuckles)
College Lecture
Dayton, Ohio
Overheard by: Mandi
Categories: Clothes | Colleges & Universities | Default | Employees | Euphemisms | Geography | Ohio | Posted 2009-03-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And You Really Shouldn't Joke About That.
Teen to friend: He's always making fun of the holocaust.
Cincinnati, Ohio
Lyle Thinks People Can Hear Him Over His Floor Buffer
Wal-Mart floor waxer: My grandma got bit twice on the leg. And they thought they were gonna have to amputate it. But then it magically healed.
Wal-Mart
Athens, Ohio
Overheard by: Lisa
Categories: Body parts | Compare and contrast | Default | Employees | Family ties | Malls | Ohio | Posted 2009-02-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
She Keeps a Pearl-Handled Revolver in Her Clutch for Just Such Occasions
Cashier: Did you find everything you were looking for?
Old lady: Yes. Actually, no! You don't have any vanilla frozen yogurt! You have every other flavor (getting worked up) I have a coupon for frozen yogurt! (waves it in cashier's face)
Cashier: Uh...I'm sorry! (sends a carryout to look for vanilla frozen yogurt)
Old lady: At least you had flat-iron chicken. You didn't have it last time. (glares)
Old lady's son, in a whisper: I'm glad you had flat-iron chicken, or I don't know what we would have done!
Springboro, Ohio
Overheard by: Never knew frozen yogurt was so important
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Employees | Family ties | Food | Guys | Ohio | Old folks | Questions | Women | Posted 2009-01-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
For Today's Lab, You Won't Need Partners
Teaching assistant to bunch of anatomy students: When in doubt, touch yourself!
Cleveland State University, Ohio
Categories: Advice | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Masturbation | Ohio | Students | Weirdness | Posted 2009-01-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
How You Know It's Time for a Vacation
Waitress: That comes with a side salad.
Woman at booth: I'll have a salad with ranch.
(10 minutes later)
Woman at booth: What is this?
Waitress: Your salad?
Woman at booth, loudly sobbing: I ordered a Caesar salad!
Waitress, at the top of her lungs: We have other salads! We have other salads! They are in the fridge!
Restaurant
Boardman, Ohio
Tonight on MythBusterBusters
Man wearing 9/11 conspiracy t-shirt to friend: Did I tell you I'm working on debunking the discovery channel?
University of Cincinnati, Ohio
Overheard by: Vejewsbian
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Guys | Jobs & Careers | Lies | Ohio | Questions | TV shows | Posted 2008-12-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
According to Sister Mary Bernice
Drunk girl: You only get pregnant if you want to.
Ohio
But I Love Aluminum Foil
Guy to girl: Actually, no. I personally hate the idea of having a plastic trash bag on my cock.
Stow, Ohio
Overheard by: d
For Some Reason, They Never Had Vanilla
Mr. Hon, hanging on car door: Hon! Tell mom here exactly where that swingers' club is, that I took you to on your birthday.
(wife says something unintelligible as she walks down path towards car)
Mom, sitting in car: Oh! That's where I used to buy ice cream when I was a little kid!
Public Pond
Kettering, Ohio
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Food | Guys | Memory lane | Moms | Offers and requests | Ohio | Sexuality | Posted 2008-12-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Glue, Duh
Girl to guy: What's so safe and innocent about my lips glued to your penis?
Cleveland Heights, Ohio
Overheard by: Spence
Wasn't Much of a Game for the Other Guy, If You Follow Me
Guy (looking around suspiciously): Yeah, well, it was a couple baseball bats really. Let's just say I was really in the game last night, so to speak.
Beachwood Place Mall
Beachwood, Ohio
Overheard by: Just Buying Votives, Sir
Tonight's Movie: Eyes Wide Shut
Middle aged, balding psych professor disproving "empty nest" theory: Now, when you leave the house your parents are free to run around the house naked, and fuck on the kitchen table! (pauses) Your parents like to have sex!
Psychology Class, Youngstown State University
Ohio
Overheard by: Carmen
Now My Batman Costume Just Looks Silly
(elastic snapping sound)
Woman in stall: And that was the sound of my outside panties!
Bathroom, Dive Bar
Ohio
Overheard by: Monika
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Default | Ohio | Restroom | Sensory experiences | Undies | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2008-11-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If Evolution Is Wrong, I Don't Want to Be Right!
Human evolution professor, showing a slide of a monkey: Just look at those testicles! They're huge and pink...just...they're all in your face!
Anthropology Classroom, Kent State University
Ohio
Overheard by: Laureen
You Can Be My Dirty Fling
Five-year-old boy: Daddy?
Father: Yes?
Five-year-old boy: When I grow up, I want to marry you.
Father: Uhm, you can't do that. What about your friend, Alex?
Five-year-old boy: Hmmm. Okay. I think I'll marry Alex instead.
Reynoldsburg, Ohio
Overheard by: Timothy
Mom's Still Upset About That Explosion in My Room
Girl to friend: You know, I think your house is the best place to keep the meth at room temperature.
Sheffield, Ohio
Overheard by: Julian
In Every Job That Must Be Done, There Is an Element of Fun
Gay male flight attendant: If you'll be requiring wheelchair assistance when we get to Cleveland, please remain seated. Because, if you stand up, we'll assume you've been healed by the Holy Spirit and no longer need our help.
Passengers: (laughter)
Flight attendant: And please keep your seatbelts fastened until we've reached the gate and come to a complete stop.
(man in front row unbuckles his belt)
Flight attendant: Stop it, cheater!
Southwest Airlines Flight
Cleveland, Ohio
Overheard by: Erica
Categories: Airports & flights | Default | Flight attendants | God | Offers and requests | Ohio | Public transportation | Queers | Posted 2008-10-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...To Paraphrase Nietzsche
White trash woman on cell: Yeah, she OD'ed, right? I just got out of jail for murder. "Your mom died of overdose" is what she told her. You need to stop telling people all this, I could get locked up for a long time. You told Heather and everybody, she knew all about what I did. But...I don't know, she said to call her. She's at her house, I guess. Look, you don't do shitty things to people that are there for you, you do shitty things to people that are not there for you.
Computer Science Department
Ohio State University
Overheard by: Now Heather and I are both in on the secret
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Crimes | Default | Drugs | Family ties | Fears | Offers and requests | Ohio | On the phone | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2008-10-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But My Ass Got Hungry
Man #1, shouting: Are you wearing a thong? Dude, this dude's wearing a thong! Why are you wearing a thong?
Man #2: Well, it didn't start out that way.
Oberlin, Ohio
Brenda's Expecting a Wee One
Girl sitting at desk: I've got to pee. I've got to pee. Urine needs to come out of my uterus.
Dayton, Ohio
Overheard by: LC
So I Won't Be Voting for Him for President
Gay man to friend: He's not hot enough to have AIDS!
Cleveland, Ohio
Overheard by: Rachel Kaiser
How Yoga Began
Teen girl: I think I'm going to lie on my bed in a butterfly position.
Friend: Oh, to air out your STD?
Cleveland Heights, Ohio
Overheard by: evanescent
She Sent Me So I Could Learn to Drink
Pregnant teen waiting in lunch line: Yeah, I'm having the shower at my grandma's. My mom said she did not send me to that fancy Catholic school just so I could get knocked up.
Publis High School
Cincinnati, Ohio
Categories: Default | Education | Family ties | Ohio | Preggers | Religion | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Teens | Posted 2008-10-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Long-Awaited Follow-up to "My Humps"
Little girl #1 (holding a Patrick Star toy): Mommy, mommy! Can I get this?
Scary mom: No.
Little girl #1: Why?
Scary mom: Because last time we bought one of those was the day you had your seizure.
Little girl #1 (running around the store and flapping her arms): My seizure, my seizure!
Little girl #2 (also running and flapping): Your seizure, your seizure!
Kings Island, Ohio
To the Fudgemobile, Robin!
Soccer mom: Oh great, it's raining. Now we can't eat fudgesicles outside.
Cincinnati, Ohio
Overheard by: Natalie
I'm Surprised You Were There, Ms. Chipped Nail Polish
Girl #1: You weren't even in school today, were you?
Girl #2 (with her hood up): No, 'cuz my hair is messed up!
Columbus, Ohio
Why Are These Bills Sticking Together?
Woman: Sorry, I have to pay in singles.
Cashier: That's okay, people do all the time. (asking innocently) Are you a waitress?
Woman: No, honey. My career is a little less wholesome than that.
Cashier: (stutters and looks at her screen) Alright then, your total is $27.45.
Kroger
Cincinnati, Ohio
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Employees | Jobs & Careers | Money | Ohio | Questions | Stores | Women | Posted 2008-09-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
People With No Boundaries Aren't Quite Sure When They're Having Sex
Girl in stall (yelling on cell): Oh, my god. Do you really have herpes? That's contagious, right? Should I get tested?
(flush of toilet)
Friend's voice on speakerphone: Am I on speakerphone in the bathroom?
Girl in stall: Yeah, I'm just peeing. So should I get tested?
Friend: I'm not talking about this on speakerphone.
Girl in stall: Okay, it's off... Oh, so you can only get herpes through sex?
Public Bathroom
Kent State University, Ohio
Overheard by: Laureen
Later, They'd Collaborate on a Paper About the Post-Structural Significance of the Poorly-Constructed Leopard-Print Tanktop
Middle-aged woman to friend, exiting Forever 21: Well, that was a foray into a subculture we're not familiar with.
Kenwood Mall
Cincinnati, Ohio
Overheard by: Lisa
Because You're the Big Top, Pee-wee
(two lesbians taking items out of the shopping cart to place in their truck)
Butch lesbian (picking up a heavy box): Why do I always have to carry the heavy things just because I wear the dildo?
Wal-Mart
Dublin, Ohio
Overheard by: Octopus seeks sucker fish for good times and long walks
Does Your Dad Own a Cow Parts Store, or Something?
Girl looking at a picture of someone milking a cow: Oh my god, look at the size of the testicles on this cow!
Embarrassed friend: Um, that's its udder.
Ohio State University
Categories: Animals | Body parts | Colleges & Universities | Default | Friends | Girls | Ohio | Stupidity | Posted 2008-08-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Yeah, We Read the Admissions Brochure
College guy from dorm room window to tour group: If your daughters are virgins they won't be for long!
Miami University
Oxford, Ohio
Overheard by: sarah
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Etiquette | Family ties | Guys | Ohio | Virginity | Posted 2008-08-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But Take This Cream, to Be on the Safe Side
Girl: Hey, Lamar!
Guy: Oh, hey!
Girl: How you been? You been sick?
Guy: Nah... healthy.
Girl: Oh... see ya!
Bowling Green State University
Bowling Green, Ohio
Overheard by: Alex
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Etiquette | Girls | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Ohio | Questions | Posted 2008-08-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'll Bet You Say That to All the Girls
(outside of a coffee shop downtown late at night)
Hipster chick: So then I went to the store and found out the shoes were discontinued but...
Creepy guy (with unzipped and unbuttoned pants): What are you guys talking about? Can I talk or are you going to kick me out?
Hipster chick: Uh... (looks around for a quick exit) No man, you can stay. We're talking about shoes.
Creepy guy: You're so hot. No, really. I would kiss you like you'd never think about shoes again.
Akron, Ohio
Overheard by: Julia M
Categories: Clothes | Compliments | Creepsters | Default | Etiquette | Hipsters | K-I-S-S-I-N-G | Kink | Ohio | Strangers | Weirdness | Posted 2008-07-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Told Them They Were "Perky" the Other Day, and They Sobbed and Called Me Cruel
(two guys peeing next to each other at the urinals)
Pretty boy #1: I think I have sensitive wrists.
Pretty boy #2: You have sensitive nipples!
Bowling Alley Bathroom
Dayton, Ohio
Overheard by: Liz
You Owe Me Two!
Boyfriend: I only cheated on you with one girl but you cheated on me with three guys... at the same time!
Ohio State University
Overheard by: JooSki
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Gripes | Guys | Infidelity | Ohio | Sex | Posted 2008-07-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
How Many National Secrets Are Spilled
Little girl to mom: This ice cream is screwing with my mind.
McDonald's
Dayton, Ohio
Overheard by: heather
Categories: Default | Fears | Food | Girls | Headaches | Kids | Kids | Mental illnesses | Ohio | Restaurants | Posted 2008-07-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Especially with This Little Pink Bow
Three-year-old boy to grandfather: Do you have a penis?
Grandfather: Yes, I do.
Boy: I have a penis, too. My penis is small. My penis is cute.
Cincinnati, Ohio
Overheard by: Vejewsbian
But They Look Fantastic the Whole Time
Professor: The Swedes. They look at the glaciers, go inside, watch a Bergman film, have a heavy drink, then have some sex in the sauna, but ultimately that is unsatisfying, so they kill themselves.
Oberlin, Ohio
Overheard by: Secret Spy
Categories: Class | Compare and contrast | Death & dying | Default | Drinking & drunks | Feelings | Geography | Movies | Ohio | Sex | Teachers | Posted 2008-06-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But If I Had to Make a Guess It Would Be "Pussy and Blow"
Professor: What did our founding fathers want? Who cares? They're dead.
Oberlin, Ohio
Overheard by: Secret Spy
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Death & dying | Default | Education | History | Ohio | Teachers | Wishes | Posted 2008-06-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Unlike My Grading Scale
Professor: The guillotine was humane. It was just humane many thousands of times.
Oberlin, Ohio
Overheard by: Secret Spy
And You Could Actually Sing
Guy to girl: You know, Mandy Moore made a bad decision going brunette. Now she looks like you, if you were a crack whore.
Oberlin College
Oberlin, Ohio
Overheard by: emily
Categories: About celebrities | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | Guys | Hair | Insults | Ohio | Posted 2008-06-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Despite What You Guys Promised Me
Professor: I'm on drugs... And they're not fun.
Ohio University
Athens, Ohio
Overheard by: thereallc
The Environment Thanks You, Citizen!
Woman browsing through dildos at a sex shop: Do you have any of these that plug in? I run through batteries too fast.
Toledo, Ohio
Overheard by: Cap
Categories: Masturbation | Offers and requests | Ohio | Technology | Toys | Women | Posted 2008-05-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Our Love Is A Battlefield
Casanova: This is a replica of the helmet I wear when I fuck my wife.
Cincinnati, Ohio
Overheard by: shadow
Categories: Clothes | Creepsters | Guys | Ohio | Relationships | Roleplay | Sex | Weirdness | Posted 2008-05-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Was I Awake?
Tipsy girlfriend, playing "Never Have I Ever": Never have I ever done 69 with anyone.
Boyfriend: Ping.
Girlfriend: What?! Who did you 69?!
Boyfriend: You, fool!
Girlfriend: Oh.
Ohio University
Athens, Ohio
Overheard by: outfirst
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Comebacks | Couples | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Games | Girls | Guys | Ohio | Questions | Relationships | Sex | Posted 2008-05-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Um, Racoon Mario Is So Much More Useful
Girl playing video game: Some girls just want to get married. I just want fire.
Columbus, Ohio
Overheard by: Kelson
Categories: Character | Compare and contrast | Dorks, Geeks & Nerds | Gender issues | Girls | Ohio | Relationships | Tweens | Weirdness | Wishes | Posted 2008-04-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If You Have a Very Liberal Definition of "Okay"
Girl on cell phone: So I got a little finger action this week, but I said 'No' so it's okay.
Cleveland, Ohio
Overheard by: Justin
Categories: Default | Euphemisms | Feelings | Foreplay | Girls | Ohio | On the phone | Words | Posted 2008-04-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But He's Our President, So We Have to Listen
Guy in restaurant to female companion: Of course, this is coming from a guy who eats potpourri...
Central Avenue
Cincinnati, Ohio
Probably the "Pot" As Well.
Skateboarder in large banana suit: We put the 'ass' in 'potassium'!
Ohio State University
Ohio
Where to Begin?
Husband to wife showing him Greek Bible: Honey, if English is good enough for Jesus, it's good enough for me.
Barnes & Noble
Cincinnati, Ohio
Overheard by: aharon
Categories: Christianity | Couples | Default | Idiots | Language barrier | Ohio | Stores | Stupidity | Posted 2008-03-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
At Least Stop Throwing the Panties.
Physics professor: Hey! Listen up! I'm tired of some of you walking out or ignoring me when we talk about the Big Bang Theory. I'm not telling you God doesn't exist, so don't get your panties in a bunch! You! Sit down! Let me finish!
Kent State University
Kent, Ohio
Guess Which One's the "Naughty Librarian"
Library worker #1: Do I have to lick it?
Library worker #2: ... What?
Library worker #1: The envelope. Do I have to lick it?
Library worker #2: You could tape it, I guess...
Library worker #1: Great, because after last night, I am totally out of saliva.
Main Library, Kent State University
Kent, Ohio
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Coworkers | Default | Gripes | Health & Hygiene | Ohio | Questions | Posted 2008-03-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
How the Colonials Felt about John Hancock
Queer en route to Obama rally: Oh my god, he's so cute. Do you think he'll sign my ass for me?
Ohio State University
Columbus, Ohio
Overheard by: Rachel Jane
Categories: Beauty | Colleges & Universities | Compliments | Default | Idiots | Ohio | Queers | Questions | Posted 2008-03-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Whatever. Starving Children in Nigeria Don't Even Have Earlobes.
Bartender: Geez, Hank, you're looking great these days. Been working out?
Chubby Jewish guy: Yeah. I tell ya, I've been trying to lose the spare tire, but I lost it all in my earlobes instead. It's a cruel world.
Suami's India Garden Resturant
Cincinnati, Ohio
Overheard by: Jeebus McGee
Categories: Bartenders | Body parts | Default | Diet & weight | Fat people | Gripes | Jews | Ohio | Restaurants | Posted 2008-03-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Twenty-Year-Old White Guys: That Hurts. Let's Have Sex!
30-something black woman #1: The eye is superficial.
30-something black woman #2: Yeah, like 20-year-old white guys.
Community College
Columbus, Ohio
Overheard by: Madison
Categories: Black people | Body parts | Compare and contrast | Default | Ohio | Race | Women | Posted 2008-03-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Probably Not Doing My Part
Thug #1: Man, it's so hard to be in a relationship these days.
Thug #2: Yeah, my relationships die faster than those goldfish you win at a carnival.
Columbus, Ohio
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Gripes | Ohio | Relationships | Thugs | Posted 2008-03-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If You Can Do That, What's Your Incentive to Leave the House?
Chick: No, Spencer, you don't have to lick your penis to let everyone know that you're here!
Cleveland Heights, Ohio
Overheard by: Drunk guy in apartment hallway
That Itching and Flaking Are Just Jesus Telling You You've Been Naughty
Guy to pals: Dude, seriously -- STDs are just Christian propaganda.
Riverbend Music Center
Cincinnati, Ohio
Overheard by: robby gigante
That Way There Are Always People around to Help Me with the Big Words
Drunk guy: Well, I'm, like, more of a social reader, you know?
Columbus, Ohio
My Standards Are Low, but I Adhere to Them
Female customer: I would never do anything with someone other than my boyfriend.
Male customer: You cheated on your husband!
Female customer: I wasn't in love with my husband.
Visible Voice Books
Cleveland, Ohio
I Eagerly Await the Arrival of Your Point
Club guy: You asked him if he has ever seen Dances with Wolves?
Club girl: Well, yeah. He's Native American!
Club guy: That's like asking a Jewish person if they have ever seen Fiddler on the Roof!
Ohio State University, High Street
Columbus, Ohio
Overheard by: Tuition Wasted
Using the Red Pen Makes Me Tingle in My Naughty Places
Teacher on cell, grading papers: On the whole, these papers have been disappointingly good.
Columbus Airport
Ohio
Overheard by: confabulation Nation
We Don't Want to Get Him Confused with Mommy
Six-year-old boy, about new kitten: That pussycat is crazy! He eats anything and everything... I mean, he was eating carrots! We need to give him a name... How about 'Food Kitty'? Or 'Pussy Eater'?
Mom: Uhhh, no. Not that one.
Polaris Mall
Columbus, Ohio
Overheard by: jweils
But That Uterine Rumbling Was All You, Baby
Girl: Okay, what other weird noises have I made? ... I queefed...
Boyfriend: I helped.
Athens, Ohio
Who Isn't Discussing the iPhone These Days?
Hipster boy: I mean, yeah, I'd buy it, but I would not have sex with it. I wouldn't fuck it. I'd just buy it.
Oberlin, Ohio
Instead of Making License Plates, Like Usual
Dad to two-year-old daughter, before dropping her off at daycare: What are you going to do with the other kids today? ... You should teach them all to be cage-fighters!
Ada, Ohio
Overheard by: Marci
I Call It Comparison Shtupping
Chick: So, what did you and Kev do last night?
Sorostitute: We got drunk and had sex.
Chick: You're a walking fucking disease.
Sorostitute: What? How am I supposed to know what I want unless I drunkenly sleep with a bunch of people I don't want?
Ohio State University
Columbus, Ohio
Categories: Ohio | Questions | Sex | Sorority types | Posted 2008-02-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Then What's That Waving at Me?
Hootchie at pool table: Believe me, there is nothing coming out of my vagina!
Jake's Saloon
Toledo, Ohio
Overheard by: MoNkEyPoX
Little Oedipus Never Got Used to It
Mother quickly pulling young child along: You'll just have to get used to having a hot mom, okay?
Great American Ballpark
Cincinnati, Ohio
Overheard by: Joey-Poey
Categories: Family ties | Moms | Ohio | Posted 2008-01-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Aw, Man, I'm Always Bringing Up the Rear
Girl to two guys: So, who has the smaller cock?
Guy #1: Oh, me.
Girl: You can fuck me in the ass.
Cincinnati, Ohio
Overheard by: Doug
While the Catcher Uses Rye
Little leaguer #1: My team is really good this summer!
Dad: Your team stinks. Your outfielder eats grass.
Little leaguer #2: Yes, but he's going au natural. He also puts sunflower seeds in his ears.
Jacobs Field
Cleveland, Ohio
Go a Few Miles South and That's Punishable by Death
Child: Who's Elvis?
Mother, not paying attention: I don't know.
Concerned old lady nearby, to mother: You don't know who Elvis is, honey?
Cincinnati, Ohio
That's Your Explanation for Everything!
Daughter #1: Mom, do you remember when we were little and we met that little boy whose name was Chelsea?
Daughter #2: Who the hell would name their boy 'Chelsea'?!
Mom: Well, they might have been oriental, you guys.
Columbus, Ohio
It's a Sensitive Matter Only a Truck Full of Syrup Can Resolve
Man on cell: No, Eileen's not too happy with me. I filled her refrigerator with waffles... No, I can't talk about it here.
Public library
Cincinnati, Ohio
Categories: Food | Gossip | Ohio | On the phone | Posted 2008-01-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Auto-Abortion Function Would Be Optional
Loud black lady in long line: Girl, I know how you feel! Every time I try to buy a pregnancy test, there gotta be a big ordeal! The line too long, or there someone you know.
Girl with pregnancy test, embarrassed and chuckling: Yeah...
Loud black lady: I wish I could just go in my toilet, then push a button and have my toilet say, 'Uh-huh, you pregnant today!'
Van Wert, Ohio
Overheard by: Woah, that's not a bad idea...
Categories: Black people | Ohio | Pregnancy | Posted 2008-01-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
My Patient Was a Little Upset with Me
Nurse: I didn't know it yet, but I was saying 'fuck'!
VA Medical Center
Cleveland, Ohio
Overheard by: Scut-monkey
Last Time We Rented a Movie, I Almost Went Blind
Young black woman #1: What's We Own the Night about?
Young black woman #2: One guy's a cop, and his brother is a gangster or something.
Young black woman #1: Does it have black people in it or white people?
Young black woman #2: White people.
Young black woman #1: Let's see something else.
Columbus, Ohio
Overheard by: Jason Bourne
Categories: Black people | Ohio | Race | Posted 2007-12-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Or Maybe I Shouldn't Shave My Balls with Occam's Razor
Dude #1: So, yeah -- I woke up last night and I had cramps.
Dude #2: Like a girl?
Dude #1: Yeah, exactly like a girl. They were in that area... You know, that area near your penis but that's also near your belly button. It has a lot of hair and skin. I dunno.
Dude #2: Whoa, you might have, like, an ovary or something.
Dude #1: I guess anything's possible.
Ohio State University
Columbus, Ohio
Overheard by: Rachel
Categories: Body parts | Guys | Ohio | Posted 2007-12-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Draw Your Weapon First
Dude to older lady: What do you mean, you don't know what a hooker is? [To security guard] Hey, tell my mother what a hooker is.
Kroger
Columbus, Ohio
Categories: Creepsters | Ohio | Words | Posted 2007-11-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Once You Have Kids, Santa Loses All Respect for You
Crazy, bearded old man: Have you seen Bobby lately?
Ohio state trooper: No. His wife just had a baby, so he's on leave for a while.
Crazy, bearded old man: Well, the next time you see him, tell him Santa Claus says [blows a raspberry].
Goshen, Ohio
Overheard by: Michael
Can We Still Sleep with Them?
Tomboy: We need to get boyfriends so people will stop thinking we're gay.
Russian girl: Why do people think we're gay?
Tomboy: 'Cause everyone we hang out with is gay!
Ludlow Avenue
Cincinnati, Ohio
Overheard by: The gay girl standing with them
Dude, You're the Worst Beggar Ever
Student: So, basically I've come to beg for my life.
Professor: Go on.
Student: So, I need this class to graduate, right? But I know I'm failing. The problem is I'm taking too many credit hours and stopped coming to class, but this guy that I know who was taking notes for me and whatever -- he stopped coming to class because he says he can't stand to listen to you drone on and on. But don't worry, it's not like I don't like psychology or anything -- I love deviant psychology. So can I get extra credit or something?
Professor: Oh, Lord, no.
Ohio State University
Columbus, Ohio
Overheard by: JP
They All Belong to Fraternities
Frat boy to sky: Where is the pussy in this world?!
Athens, Ohio
Overheard by: Lisa
Categories: Frat boy types | Ohio | Questions | Posted 2007-11-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
This Wasn't Covered During Pastoral Counseling
Woman: How would I know if you just found out?
Man, her fiancé: Well, shouldn't you know before I know?
Woman: I never do that to myself -- you do that for me!
Man: Well, it was all over my finger afterwards and under my nail -- you must be on your visitor.
Woman: I didn't know I was getting my visitor until you had some on your hand.
Man: Well, don't you look inside yourself?! Go look inside yourself and tell me what you see!
Winking Lizard Tavern
Cleveland Heights, Ohio
Floppy Ears and Tail Aside
Guy: Amanda, you know how I always say people are dumb?
Amanda: [Blank stare.]
Guy: You are totally 'people.'
Columbus, Ohio
Now Stop Squirming
Chick, responding to example question: You can't randomly choose which woman gets an abortion and which doesn't!
Professor: Why not?
Chick: Because some women do want to give up their babies!
Professor: I don't care! I'm a statistician!
Statistics class, Ohio State University
Columbus, Ohio
Overheard by: Rachel
And Nobody Had to Shave Anything
Girl to friend: Why couldn't we have lived in the '60s so we could just take acid and have sex with whoever we wanted?
Bowling Green State University
Ohio
I'm a One-Bean Maraca
Mom: Now think very hard, honey. Use your noggin.
Son, after long pause: I think my noggin is empty.
Ohio
Categories: Body parts | Kids | Moms | Ohio | Posted 2007-10-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
This, and I Live in Ohio
10-year-old girl on broken bike: This is why I hate my life!
Campground
Ohio
Not Moonlite Bunny Ranch Caliber, Either
Girl #1: I know her. She's a skank.
Mother: Really?
Girl #2: Yeah. You can smell the hooker coming off of her.
Cambridge, Ohio
You'll Pay, Like All the Others, When My Time Machine Is Complete
Five-year-old son: I am going to see the Reds yesterday with Mom.
Father: You mean tomorrow?
Five-year-old son: No, yesterday.
Father, puzzled: I think you mean tomorrow, buddy.
Five-year-old son, frustrated: Ugh! You're a pea-brain, Dad!
Cincinnati, Ohio
Overheard by: teachinghimthewrongthings
So Anyway, She's Talking to Crackhead John and Smelly Pete
Girl #1: So, I walk into my Econ class, and Katie's there.
Girl #2: Who?
Girl #1: Awkward Katie.
Girl #2: Crazy Katie?
Girl #1: Naked Katie.
Girl #2: Ohhh! There are way too many Katies. You could have just said 'Naked Katie' and I would have known what you were talking about.
Delaware, Ohio
Overheard by: None-of-the-above Katie
You're Such a Card, Adolf!
Meathead: That's the type of woman I want to marry. I'll bend her over, then we can have hairy Aryan babies and eat hummus together. God, what I wouldn't do to her!
Pleased girl with him: You know, I'm really glad I decided to invite you instead of Joe!
Cedar Point
Sandusky, Ohio
Overheard by: Ckiska
Don't Have to Be Miss Cleo to Know How This Ends
Drunk guy #1 to guy he just met: I just get sick of people when they come over. My dad, my brother -- after an hour, I'm sick of them.
Drunk guy #2: Oh, yeah?
Drunk guy #1: Yeah. And another thing I hate? Let's say you come over tonight and spend the night -- you can't sleep on the couch.
Drunk guy #2: Why not? Where would I sleep?
Drunk guy #1: Because there are no sheets on it! I don't want your body fluids on my couch. But you could sleep in the bed.
Panini's
Cleveland Heights, Ohio
Overheard by: Is that an offer?
Good Point. From Now on, I'll Just Yell about Yours
Dude: So, is it true that you have herpes?
Drunk girl #1: What?! No!
Dude: Thank god!
Drunk girl #1: I had chlamydia and now I have HPV. I only told two people, and now the whole town thinks I have herpes!
Dude: [Stares.]
Drunk girl #1, crying: Why does everyone know about my diseases?!
Drunk girl #2: Because you go to the bar, get trashed, and yell about it?
Bar
Newark, Ohio
Do Your Best and I'll Laugh at You
Bimbette, inquiring about exam during review: Yeah, but, like -- what if you, like, can't think that hard?
Ohio University
Athens, Ohio
You're Definitely a Man
Freshman boy #1: Are you a man now?
Freshman boy #2: Yeah.
Freshman boy #3: It was that fast?
Outside Beaver [all girl's dorm], Denison University
Granville, Ohio
Overheard by: L. A. DiLalla
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Gossip | Guys | Ohio | Time Management | Virginity | Posted 2007-08-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Well, What about McDonald's?
Father looking at sign: Look! You could work here when you start school.
Son: Why would I want to work here? They can't even spell 'prerequisite' right.
Father: That's because it's per-quisite.
Ohio
Overheard by: glad to be sharing a school with this kid
Well, Okay -- I'll Try Anything Once
Customer to clerk: Maybe my idea of sex is sticking a drill in your head.
Visible Voice Books
Cleveland, Ohio
Overheard by: phoebe
Categories: Creepsters | Kink | Ohio | Posted 2007-08-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
My Secret? Low Standards.
Girl #1: You fail at life.
Girl #2: Nuh-uh! I'm good at life! I have a C-plus at life!
High school
Ohio
Overheard by: Kat Navane
There's a Thin Line between Noun and Hate
Sunday school instructor: Hate is a very, very strong adjective.
Donkey Coffee
Athens, Ohio
Overheard by: Lisa
In This World There Are No Unmixed Blessings
Chick: I love going to the Jimmy Buffet concert, but every year someone throws up on my shoes.
In line at Kroger's
Cincinnati, Ohio
I've Heard Good Things about It
11-year-old boy: Let's go fuck some girls!
Delhi Skatepark
Cincinnati, Ohio
And Well-Deserved
Gym bunny #1: ... So then he said I must not be paying attention to my practice if I had so much to say about his.
Gym bunny #2: Oooh, that's a yoga slap if I've ever heard one!
Donkey Coffee
Athens, Ohio
Overheard by: Lisa
Snow All Over His Mustache
Loud woman: Yeah, Santa was all fucked up on drugs.
Cincinnati, Ohio
Categories: Chicks | Gossip | Ohio | Santa Claus | Posted 2007-06-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Now I Know What That Sensation Means
Waitress #1: At least you didn't pee your pants like you did yesterday.
Waitress #2: I know, right?
Steak-n-Shake
Cleveland, Ohio
Overheard by: pee bee
Categories: Ohio | Pee | Restaurants | Servers | Posted 2007-06-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
People Say They Lack Focus
Student giving presentation: There's also astigmatism on people who are poor...
Wright State University
Dayton, Ohio
Overheard by: thinks he meant
No Need for That Kind of Language, Missy
Girl stretching after a workout: Oooh, my cooter bone!
Ohio University
Athens, Ohio
Overheard by: Meredith
Categories: Body parts | Chicks | Ohio | Posted 2007-05-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Nothing Tastes As Good As Dead Feels
Woman on cell: So, she hasn't had anything to eat since Monday afternoon... Yeah, I guess that means she's doing great!
Arby's
Lebanon, Ohio
Categories: Gossip | Ohio | On the phone | Posted 2007-05-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Dunno -- the Glue Is Vewwy Vewwy Sticky
Teen: What do you think made Elmer famous? It wasn't the glue -- it was the Fudd.
Cincinnati Street
Cincinnati, Ohio
Lex Decides to Shave His Head
Young man, thoughtfully: I think the reason I stopped believing in God was because when I was little I begged... I begged him to give me Superman's powers. And he never did. He never did...
Rocky River, Ohio
Overheard by: Defying Gravity
Otherwise No One Will Believe Me
White basketball coach at end of middle school game: Wait... Wait! Don't let any black people leave. I need to take their picture!
Ohio
Overheard by: A rare sighting
Mmm, Sacrilicious
Stoner: That's like saying Jesus and Gandhi are the same. A Gandhi would be the cinnamon bun and Jesus would be the cinnabon.
100 Main Street
Cincinnati, Ohio
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