Overheard Everywhere | The Voice of the Towel" | Places | North America | USA

Those Were Different Times--There Was a War On

College girl #1: If I'm pregnant, the father is either him or his cousin.
College girl #2: Wait, you slept with David* and his cousin?
College girl #1: It wasn't a big deal, it was a threesome!

Barnes & Noble
Cary, North Carolina

Overheard by: Jennifer

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That's What He Said at the ER

Drunk girl applying lip gloss: I can't believe he broke up with me. I gave him the blow job of his life last night!

Napper Tandy's Bathroom
Raleigh, North Carolina

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Or Reject Gender Stratification

Five-year boy in front of a door: (frantically) Which one? I have to go!
Exasperated mother: The men's room.
Little boy: Which one?!
Mother: That one (points) and that's why you need to learn to read.

Barnes & Noble
Cary, North Carolina

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Mark Penn Offered Us $2 Million for This Quote

Black girl to another black girl wearing Obama t-shirt: Girl, what is that on your shirt? Mmmm, Obama is looking all fine up on your chest.

UNC
Greensboro, North Carolina

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Like Kathy Griffin

Boy: So, if you're afraid of the leprechaun from that one movie, does that mean you're afraid of the lucky charm leprechaun too?
Girl: No, no, no. I'm only afraid of the *real* ones.

Chapel Hill, North Carolina

Overheard by: Amused

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I Like to Think of My Mouth As a Protective Pouch

30-something guy to friend: Yeah, but you teabagging me does not mean you're concerned about my safety!

Durham, North Carolina

Overheard by: good thing i'd already finished my taco

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Especially If, Instead of the G-Spot, There Was a Little Plastic Prize

Guy: But I hate wearing condoms! I can't feel anything. I might as well put my dick in a cereal box.
Girl: I think my vagina is a bit different from a cereal box.
Dude, excitedly: If your vagina had cereal in it, I'd eat you out all the time!

Davidson, North Carolina

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And You're Spilling My Martini!

Kid: I want to go swimming!
Dad: They don't have any smoking rooms here, and I gotta smoke. We have to go somewhere else.
Kid: Can't you just go outside and smoke?
Dad: It's snowing outside! You'd like it if I had to go out in the cold and snow just so you could go swimming, wouldn't you?
Kid: But they have a pool here! I want to go in the pool!
Dad: That's all you do... All you do is think about yourself! I gotta smoke!

204 Hendersonville Road
Asheville, North Carolina

Overheard by: Taryn

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Not Without My Fainting Couch and Fan Nearby

Drunk girl: I went to the University of Alabama, so you don't have to tell me about sex.

Sammy's
Raleigh, North Carolina

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As Long As You Don't Lie in the Same Bed Together, It's All Good

Man: What does it say in the bible about punching your son in the face?

Starbucks
Durham, North Carolina

Overheard by: wondering the same thing myself

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For One Thing, He Looks Less Like a Gay Man

[Beauty & the Beast sing-a-long.]
Drunk girl: Is it just me... or is the beast-beast hotter than the human beast?

Duke University
Durham, North Carolina

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Now I'm Terrified a Cat in a Hat Will Come Mess Up My House

Professor: I thought this was made up, but then I read it in a book, which of course means it?s true.

East Carolina University
Greenville, North Carolina

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... With My Girlfriend

Guy: Dude, I'm totally getting sexiled by my pre-frosh tonight.

Duke University
Durham, North Carolina

Overheard by: Blue Devils

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I Mean, I Am, but That's Neither Here Nor There

Black lady on cell: I said, 'Yeah, I'm black, but dat don' mean I be makin' counterfeit money!'

Food Lion
Sanford, North Carolina

Overheard by: Elizabeth

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Whatever, Ms. "I'm Allergic to Sex"

Girl to friend: So, you told him you were a nun and couldn't have friends? That's so mean!

Chic-Fil-A
Asheville, North Carolina

Overheard by: jaye

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According to What Not to Wear

Chick: Yeah, no one has syphilis anymore. Everyone has chlamydia now.

Duke University
Durham, North Carolina

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So Put Out That Cigarette, Too

Mother crossing street with three-year-old daughter: Molly*, stay in the crosswalk. Stay in the crosswalk! Molly! You are not in New York City!

Southern Village
Chapel Hill, North Carolina

Overheard by: staying between the lines

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Meet Kourtney Kibble-Britches

Hot girl: Either my dog is eating my underwear, or my vagina is so acidic it's burning holes in them... Neither of which I would be pleased about.

Charlotte, North Carolina

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'Cause Then She Took One of My Legs and Snapped It

Skinny girl: My roommate's nuts. We got into another fight.
Tall girl: Oh, God, what is it now? She's mad again 'cause you don't rinse every drop of toothpaste out of the sink, right?
Skinny girl: No, it's the mayonnaise! The fucking mayonnaise! She accused me of eating it! Just the plain mayo, not on a sandwich or anything. I looked at her and told her, 'Listen, bitch, I don't eat mayo. I'm anorexic.' She's accusing me of having no self control!
Tall girl: So, what happened then?
Skinny girl: I was drunk, so I threw the mayo out our front door and said, 'Ha! Now no one can eat it!' I don't think that helped the situation at all.

George Herman's
Charlotte, North Carolina

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Did You Just Whinny?

Redhead: If I were a horse, I would totally do this one [points to horse in magazine].
Blonde: If you were a horse, you would do them all.
Redhead: Yeah! There's the Quarter Horse, the Mustang, the Appaloosa, and the Arabian. Ohhh, the Arabian! [Shivers.]

Raleigh, North Carolina

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Save That Kind of Behavior for Old Navy

Queer #1: He punched him in the face right in the middle of Banana Republic.
Queer #2: That is so damn rude.

University of North Carolina-Chapel Hill
Chapel Hill, North Carolina

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Jesus: How the Fuck Did That Rumor Get Started?

Girl #1: So, what's your idea of the perfect guy?
Girl #2: Oh, I know what she'll say! Jesus.
Girl #3, blushing: She's right.
Girl #1, rolling eyes: Ugh! But you can't go down on Jesus... can you?

Franklin, North Carolina

Overheard by: J-Bake-Oh

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They Had a Contest

Professor: The Kaiser was not the worst leader Germany had in the twentieth century.

East Carolina University
Greenville, North Carolina

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I'm Sorry, Miss, but His Holiness Can't Take Your Call

Excited girl on cell: So, I'm sorry to wake you, but do you still wear those crazy socks? Or do you only wear white ones?

K-Mart
North Carolina

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You'll Be Back

Student: I'm so angry about having to pay for social security and all that crap when I'm never going to see it myself. Heck, my parents won't even see it! They can't retire until they're like eighty. This country sucks! I'm moving to Iran.

Art studio, East Carolina University
Greenville, North Carolina

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He Doesn't See That Purple Monkey... and I Do.

Professor: I urge you to visit the TA as well, because we have complementary viewpoints. For example, he's with it... and I'm not.

UNC-Chapel Hill
North Carolina

Overheard by: Li'l Bit

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But You Keep Squirming

Teacher: I love you, Daniel*, and I love you, Jacob*, and I love you, Madison*.
Class clown: Do you love me?
Teacher: I like you.
Class clown, after class stops laughing: So you don't love me?
Teacher: I try to love you -- I really do.

Durham School of the Arts
Durham, North Carolina

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Don't Make Me Start Jabbing You with Pins Again

Man with camera: No, smile. There's no frowning allowed on MySpace anymore. It's a rule. If you want your picture there, you have to smile.
Six-year-old son: Okay.
Man, to other young son: And you -- be serious. No, not like that. Beyond serious. Like you lost your dog -- that serious. No, even more -- like you lost your truck!

Ice rink
Asheville, North Carolina

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Or Something, Yes

Freshmen: So, like, where do you want to go college?
Junior: Oh, I don't know... Maybe somewhere around the New England area?
Freshmen: Oh... So, like, where is that? In Britain or something?

Winston-Salem, North Carolina

Overheard by: Dumbstruck

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And the Duke Lacrosse Party Only Got Better

Sophomore #1: [Whispering.]
Sophomore #2: Oh, dude! She is hot!
Sophomore #1: [Inaudible.]
Sophomore #2: I would so fuck her!
Sophomore #1: [Inaudible.]
Sophomore #2: Dude, I so would fuck her. Like, fuck her up the ass.

Mt. Tabor High School
North Carolina

Overheard by: eating lunch.

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I Wouldn't Agree to Any Surgery, Either

Girl on cell: ... And don't let her dress you in drag -- she likes doing that.

Asheville, North Carolina

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Because What Else Is There to Do in North Carolina?

College dude on cell: It will be the same thing -- we'll go out drinking, she'll drink too much, she'll cry on my shirt, and then she'll pass out and I'll have to carry her home. Happens every time... Because, dude, she's my girlfriend. It's what we do... Because! It's what everyone does.

Winston-Salem, North Carolina

Overheard by: not his girlfriend

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Mom's Now Written Me a Series of Letters I'm Afraid to Open

Older woman: So, I was at my parents' house this weekend and there were some condoms sitting on the table...
Friend: What?
Older woman: Yeah. So I asked my mom, 'Why do you need condoms?' And she said, 'It's for easier clean up.'
Friend: Gross!
Older woman: Yeah... So that's why I stopped asking my parents questions.

Raleigh, North Carolina

Overheard by: Emily I

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Some Public Safety Officers Are Creepier Than Others

Skinny guy in tank top showing girl some crumpled mugshot: Have you seen this man before?
Girl on treadmill: Ummm, no?
Skinny guy: Well, he's a rapist, and he's at large. So if you see him, or if you get scared at night, just give me a call [hands her a phone number].

Gym
Cary, North Carolina

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And He Told Me He Was Saving the Good Roofies for Me

Sorostitute #1: So, he tried walking me back to his frat house and he was holding my hand... I should've fucked him, right?
Sorostitute #2: What? You just met him! And he's hooked up with Patricia*. I mean, hellooo -- bad taste.
Sorostitute #1: I totally should have. I mean, he was holding my hand, after all.

Duke University
Durham, North Carolina

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Yes, but Not with Gentiles

Mom: No, I liked-- Is that bacon?!
Daughter: What?
Mom: There is a piece of bacon on the elevator floor.
Daughter: You did go to college, right?

Dorm elevator
North Carolina

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Thinks Our President Is Curious George

Blonde: You know, it's like the story of Ferdinand!
Brunette: How does my relationship have anything to do with Ferdinand, the king of Spain?!
Blonde: No! Ferdinand the bull! The classic children's book! What kind of best friend are you? You know I wouldn't know anything about the king of Spain!

Charlotte, North Carolina

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Because You Touched Your Naughty Bits That Way

Kid running for shelter from rain: Why did Mother Nature betray us?!

Durham, North Carolina

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And We Can't Help You

Frazzled female customer: Oh, you have to change my last name on the account, too. I got divorced...
Sales assistant: Congratulations!

Verizon Wireless
Charlotte, North Carolina

Overheard by: i just want my phone upgrade

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Fucking Puritans

Confused guy on cell: What I don't get is, what part of the country are there people like this? I mean, I draw the line at spitting in someone's asshole!

Raleigh, North Carolina

Overheard by: whylime

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And We're Fresh Out of Gym-Sock Substitute

Employee to another: You gotta stay focused! He's gonna run out of meat! You're letting him run out of meat!

McDonald's
Asheville, North Carolina

Overheard by: Mrs. BigMac

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Categories: Advice | Employees | North Carolina | Posted 2007-09-25 |&nb