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It Doesn't Come Up Much, but a Rule Is a Rule
Student: Yeah... I don't really take advice from a kid wearing a winter hat indoors, drinking white grape juice out of a measuring cup.
SUNY Cortland
Cortland, New York
Categories: Advice | Clothing | Colleges & Universities | Default | Drinking & drunks | New York | Students | Weirdness | Posted 2008-06-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Not Even Doggy-Style?
Girl: But she said you were cute.
Guy: Yeah but it's like: puppies are cute, but you don't fuck a puppy.
New York City
New York
Overheard by: I'm more of a cat person...
Categories: Animals | Compare and contrast | Compliments | Default | Girls | Guys | New York | Sex | Words | Posted 2008-06-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But Don't You Think Toddlers Deserve to Work in Coal Mines?
Student: That's terrible!
Professor: I agree, I'm a horrible person.
Marist College
Poughkeepsie, New York
Are You Still Upset About My Sandals With Black Socks?
Dad: That's an awfully big brownie. You know it's so big it's a Girl Scout.
Daughter: Silence.
Dad: Hey, this is funny stuff from your dad.
(daughter stares at him in silence)
Buffalo, New York
Overheard by: Tim
Categories: Compare and contrast | Dads | Default | Family ties | Food | Girls | Kids | New York | Posted 2008-06-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's the Last Time I'll Babysit Those Brats
Mellow teen: I got slapped in the tit with a dildo last night.
New Paltz, New York
It's Hard to Be Sure, but I Think I Won
College girl: And then she got all high and mighty about it. She was like: "Remember when you passed out in my bathroom? I do!" And I was like: "Remember when you were born and looked like a man? I do!"
Marist College
Poughkeepsie, New York
Overheard by: Russ
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Comebacks | Compare and contrast | Default | Gender issues | Insults | Kids | New York | Sorority types | Posted 2008-06-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Aww, Look at Its Little Fuzzy Valtrex
Girl, observing a display of plush microbes: I want herpes! I think it's so cute!
SUNY
Geneseo, New York
Overheard by: Jeni
Unless It's a Naughty Nurse
Stoned frat boy: I have this aversion with talking to dentists... or really anyone who wants to help me with my general health.
SUNY Geneseo
New York
Overheard by: Jeni
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Feelings | Frat boy types | Health & Hygiene | New York | Stoners | Weirdness | Posted 2008-06-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
With the Possible Exception of the Dominant Chord
Professor: So, how was survey of western music?
Girl: It was terrible: someone would always find a way to bring up gender issues. I mean, I hate to break it to you, but eighteenth century tonal music doesn't give a shit about your vagina.
Sarah Lawrence College
Bronxville, New York
Dude, You Suck at the Dozens
Young thug #1: Your momma is a rat.
Young thug #2: At least she isn't a hood rat like your momma.
Young thug #1: Well at least everyone who is with my momma has a good time. I should know, I hear it.
Galleria
White Plains, New York
Overheard by: annoying blonde girl
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Family ties | Insults | New York | Pride | Sexuality | Teens | Thugs | Posted 2008-06-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Hint Hint, Those of You Who Want to Pass This Class
College professor: I wish there was a gas station on the corner that had a cigarette bar, and an espresso bar, and a drive-up liquor store. I would go there all the time, especially if I could just drive up and get my liquor.
Rochester Institute of Technology
Henrietta, New York
Overheard by: Concerned Student
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Drinking & drunks | New York | Smoking | Teachers | Wishes | Posted 2008-06-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But, for the Record, I Adore David Spade
Girl #1: She's pregnant? I thought she was on birth control?
Girl #2: She still is.
Girl #1: Isn't that bad for the baby?
Girl #2: Not really, all that will happen is if it's a boy, it will start looking more like a girl...
Girl #1: That's messed up.
Bathroom Stall, Nutty Irishman Bar
Farmingdale, New York
Overheard by: Jennifer
A Metaphor for Their Entire Life
Jock #1: Yo, dude, so you know how to get there?
Jock #2: Naw, man.
Jock #1: You don't know how to get there?
Jock #2: Where?
Marist College
Poughkeepsie, New York
Overheard by: Nik
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Friends | Jocks | New York | Offers and requests | Questions | Stupidity | Posted 2008-05-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Sometimes She Feels Like Wearing It. Sometimes She Doesn't
Big sister: Look sis! This coat says it was made in Macedonia.
Little sister: Isn't that a nut?
Macy's at Roosevelt Field
Long Island, New York
With the Help of Her Lovely Assistant
Jewish student, about another: Every time we talk about the holocaust she, like, throws her Jew out and spins a dreidel with it or whatever.
SUNY
Geneseo, New York
Overheard by: Jeni
Edgar Allen Poe Was a Difficult Kid to Raise
Mother: Honey, do you remember mommy's friend Denise?
Four-year-old son: Uh-huh.
Mother: Well, mommy has to leave right now, because Denise's father passed away, and I have to go and tell Denise that I'm sorry.
Four-year-old son: Oh. Did you kill him?
Port Jefferson, New York
Overheard by: arctinus
Christian Discovers He Has a Vocation for the Priesthood
Gay boy: ... And I woke up and my room was filled with red buttons and ears of corn, then my comforter turned into a giant lake, and three purple rhinoceroses just like rose out of it! And--
Girlfriend #1: No, Christian, there is no such thing as rhinoceroses. The plural of "rhinoceros" is "rhinocerii".
Girlfriend #2: Stacy... I don't think that's right... I think it may be "rhinos-"
Girlfriend #1: Courtney, that's ridiculous, we're being serious here...
Gay boy: Okay, guys! It doesn't matter. Anyway, back to the story... The weirdest part is, after all that happened, I thought I liked girls...
Girlfriend #1 and girlfriend #2: Wow... That is strange...
Huntington Movie Theater
Long Island, New York
Overheard by: Mo
I'm Lactose Intolerant!
Professor: So if we played the word association game, and I said the word "ice cream", Tiffany might say "playground" because she used to eat ice cream on the playground. And then maybe if I said the words "ice cream" to Tom, he might say "sex" because he's a serial rapist.
Tom: But I'm not.
SUNY
Geneseo, New York
Overheard by: Colin
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Crimes | Education | Guys | New York | Students | Teachers | Violence | Words | Posted 2008-05-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Another Victim of Dr. Seuss' On Beyond Zebra!
Student: I just have a question about the alphabet.
Sarah Lawrence College
Bronxville, New York
Crap --I Hate Eighteenth-Century Make-Believe
Nine-year-old girl, planning game: So he'll be the priest, and you can be the wet nurse.
Mount Vernon, New York
And Now, Please Clap Along As I Do the Tenure Dance
[Girl leaves class in the middle of a lesson]
Professor: She didn't like what I was saying? I'm so upset, I'm going to go to the garden and eat fuzzy worms.
Marist College
Poughkepsie, New York
Overheard by: Nik
This Is What Happens When Harry Potter Fans Grow Up
Extremely drunk chick crying: I love him so much and he doesn't even know! He's my soulmate.
Exasperated sober chick: He's fictional!
Armory Square
Syracuse, New York
If You Need a Longer Break, "Fluffy Pink Clouds 101" Is Right Down the Hall
Linda: Ugh, this class is so depressing!
Professor: Let's all take ten seconds to think about baby lambs to make Linda feel happy. [pause] Okay, back to Terri Schiavo!
Marist College
Poughkeepsie, New York
Categories: Animals | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Education | Feelings | Girls | Gripes | Insults | New York | Offers and requests | Philosophy | Teachers | Posted 2008-05-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's Like Saying, "I'll Pass This Class."
Professor: Can anyone give me an example of an equal relationship?
Student: Husband and wife?
Professor: Oh, you're so idealistic...
Marist College
Poughkeepsie, New York
Categories: Class | Compliments | Education | New York | Offers and requests | Questions | Relationships | Students | Teachers | Posted 2008-05-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Well, First Rubber Cement. Then Sex
Poetry professor: I don't know about you, but when I hear the word "sniffing" I think of sex!
SUNY Purchase
New York
Overheard by: S. Van-Ho
Categories: Colleges & Universities | New York | Sensory experiences | Sexuality | Teachers | Weirdness | Words | Posted 2008-05-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Carlos Beltran: I Hate Being an Outfielder
Female Mets fan: I'd let the whole infield fuck me in the ass with no lube if it meant they would win the World Series.
Friend: Classy, Michelle, real classy.
Braves-Mets Game
Queens, New York
Overheard by: aaron
Projecting onto My Kids Seems to Help
Honest soccer mom: I'm really trying to get into the whole body-acceptance thing, but I just can't get past how disgusting it is.
Westchester County, New York
It's Great Anal Lube
Perky middle-aged lady: And that's what's so interesting about salad dressing!
East Aurora
New York
I Had a Roommate Who Bleached the Bathroom Three Times a Week. True Story
Chick on cell phone: My roommate was rolling a lint roller all over her head for like ten minutes and finally I was like: "What the fuck are you doing? You're gonna pull all your hair out!" ... Haha yeah... She threatened to kill me if I asked her anymore questions... She probably watches me sleep.
UB Bus
Buffalo, New York
But You're Probably at Least Drunk
Professor: You may not be the target audience. You may not be on drugs!
Marist College
Poughkeepsie, New York
Overheard by: Nik
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Drugs | Education | New York | Teachers | Posted 2008-04-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If You're Really Bad, I'll Make You Go in the Ball Pit
Angry father, to young daughter: Do you wanna go to Chuck E. Cheese?
Daughter: [scared silence]
Father: Then stop touching shit!
Wal-Mart
Long Island, New York
Overheard by: Molly BOOM
Always a Burning Question
Sensitive soul: Why would I fuck you if you have a rash?
Dining Hall, Stony Brook University
Stony Brook, New York
Overheard by: Slightly amused but scared
And Had a Dream About It.
Thug on cell: Fuck off, man. Don't even try arguing with me. I'm a fucking expert on this shit. I wikipedia-ed it last night.
Carousel Mall
Syracuse, New York
I'm Not Saying Your Assessment of Thomas Jefferson Is Wrong...
Student: Maybe he's gay for the snake.
Teacher: Did you just say "gay for the snake"?!
Pleasantville High School
Pleasantville, New York
Categories: Animals | Body parts | Default | Etiquette | Euphemisms | New York | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Sexuality | Students | Teachers | Words | Posted 2008-04-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Gosh, That Was a Fun Baptism.
Big Italian guy holding a putter: Man, the last time I had one of these was to beat someone up!
Lumberjack Mini Golf
Lake George, New York
Overheard by: Jessica
Categories: Bragging | Compare and contrast | Default | Foreigners | Guys | New York | Violence | Weirdness | Posted 2008-04-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Taught Me the "White Elephant"
College guy: I went to sleep-away camp so long ago my counselor was Jesus Christ!
University of Rochester
Rochester, New York
Categories: Age and ageing | Bragging | Colleges & Universities | Default | Guys | Jesus | Leisure | Memory lane | New York | Students | Posted 2008-04-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Safer Here Where Everybody Hates Me
Girl on cell: Nooo... I'm not sure I should go to Florida. That could lead to sex.
Cornell University
Ithaca, New York
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Geography | Girls | New York | On the phone | Sex | Posted 2008-03-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The True Test of Whether You Should Be Wearing Skinny Jeans
Hipster girl: Ugh, I had, like, the worst day yesterday. I was skipping on the quad, and I ripped my skinny jeans.
Vassar College
Poughkeepsie, New York
Categories: Clothing | Colleges & Universities | Default | Girls |