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That's a Map Of Narnia, Jessica.
Girl: Oh my god, can you help me find the Dominican Republic of the Congo on this map?
Westchester, New York
Categories: Geography | Girls | New York | Offers and requests | Stupidity | Posted 2009-12-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Because If It's Boating, That's Way Too Political
Girl #1: What is Roe v. Wade?
Girl #2: What do you mean? I don't know!
Girl #1: What is it about?
Computer Lab, Syracuse University
New York
I Think I've Heard This Bob Dylan Song
Drunk guy to group of teens: If you're on the moon and you ain't got no shoes, man, you're outta luck.
Rye, New York
Overheard by: Grizzzly
We Warned You About Drinking from the Open Bottles
NYU guy in audience during group skits: PBR doesn't taste as good on a Sunday morning as it did last night at the party.
NYU girl in audience during group skits: Yeah, I'm like, "someone might as well just piss in my mouth instead."
Rock Hill, New York
Overheard by: I think I'll still go with the PBR
That Dog from the Old Navy Commercials?
Mom to adult daughter: Now what you do is you pick an aisle to go down that you think has magic at the end of it.
Dutchess County, New York
Overheard by: Rich Mintz
At the Hermaphroditic Contortionist Children's Support Group
Five-year-old girl, pointing at store window: Balls!
Young mom: That's right honey, those are balls, but you ate your balls, huh?
Five-year-old girl: I ate my balls!
Buffalo, New York
Or Gave Me Religious Pamphlets. I Forget.
20-something girl: Do you remember that guy last night?
Friend: Oh, him? Yeah, I think he motor-boated me.
Canisius College
Buffalo, New York
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Friends | Girls | New York | Questions | Rack | Sensory experiences | Sex | Weirdness | Posted 2009-11-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Oh, Leave Ethan Hawke Alone.
Guy to another: Why's he bother to wash his clothes, anyway, if he smells that bad and doesn't bother to bathe?
Laundromat
Catskill, New York
Overheard by: Amie
Categories: Bathing | Cleanliness | Clothes | Gossip | Guys | New York | Questions | Sensory experiences | Posted 2009-11-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Show and Tell Is Discouraged After Elementary School
Short girl: I studied the wrong vagina!
Curlie: Me too, but I studied the right penis.
Chem teacher: Uh...
Onteora, New York
Audrina from The Hills: Explained.
Woman #1, washing hands: What happened to your chin?
Woman #2: Oh! Uh, Justin head-butted me.
Woman #1: He what?
Woman #2: Oh, well, not like on purpose or anything, just, like, while we were messing around, or whatever.
Woman #1: Mmmmm...
Woman #2: Yeah, I was in like a bad accident when I was a kid so my face doesn't take blunt force trauma very well since then.
Manhattan, New York
Categories: Body parts | New York | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2009-11-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Have Nude Pictures in Catalogs.
Man: She said that? She has nude pictures on the internet! How can you compare me to her?
Emergency Room
Westchester, New York
Some Quotes Leave Your Editors Wanting to Hear Less
Girl to group: You guys! Everyone who has not had this fetus in their rectum is still a virgin!
Sarah Lawrence College
Bronxville, New York
She's Worried I'll Don Their Gay Apparel
Teenage scene girl: I'm going to American Apparel to apply for a job.
Friend: Do you think you'll get the job?
Teenage scene girl: Yeah, but I don't think my mom will let me.
Friend: Why?
Teenage scene girl: There are lesbians there.
McDonald's
Manhattan, New York
Categories: Friends | Girls | Jobs & Careers | McDonald's | New York | Parenting | Questions | Sexuality | Teens | Posted 2009-10-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What Have You Been Doing to That Poor Puppy?
College girl #1: You know, just because I want to hit it doesn't mean you have to, too.
College girl #2: But now that it's shaved, it's so much better!
Cornell University
Ithaca, New York
Categories: Colleges & Universities | New York | Shaving | Students | Wishes | Posted 2009-10-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Juding by the Way You're Huddled in the Corner, Chanting in Middle English.
Professor: Sorry, I think I just gave a few of you post-traumatic Chaucer disorder.
Marist College
Poughkeepsie, New York
Overheard by: Russ
Categories: Books | Colleges & Universities | Education | Mental illnesses | New York | Teachers | Weirdness | Posted 2009-10-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Try Reading to Them or Something
Loud girl to friend: Calm your nipples, bitch!
Huntington, New York
Overheard by: Sarah
Why Do You Think I Was Dressed As a Clown While Saying It?
Girl: You called me a slut and said you didn't want to talk to me anymore.
Guy: That was for show.
Long Island, New York
Overheard by: Kaleena
Instead Of Herpes
16-year-old student: Ah, those were the days... people talked on the phone, and phones got phone calls...
High School
Binghamton, New York
Categories: Memory lane | New York | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Students | Stupidity | Posted 2009-10-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...And That's How Nutella Is Produced.
Greasy old man to wheelchair-ridden woman: And then it drips out of my rectum...
Westchester Airport
New York
Sorry, we don't do special orders, that's Burger King
Woman who's too old to work at McDonald's: So, you want cheese on your sausage, egg and cheese?
Customer: Umm... okay, sure, yeah.
Centereach, New York
I Was Just Pointing Out That Most Dogs Don't Have Their Own Bathtubs
Drunk JAP, yelling at boyfriend: I can't deal with your shit anymore! You don't respect me, you ridicule me in front of my friends. You tell me my dog doesn't deserve to live in a house as big as mine! I don't want to live like this!
Long Island, New York
Overheard by: Jill and Weenie
...For Talking to Me!
Student #1: Hey, how was your Easter?
Student #2: I'm Jewish, but thank you!
Paul Smith's College
New York
Overheard by: agnostic librarian
Categories: Colleges & Universities | New York | Questions | Religion | Students | Posted 2009-10-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Long Island Has Feminists?
Overbearing mother: Let her see you in the bra! She will make sure it fits correctly!
13-year-old girl, buying first bra: Mother, I'm not for sale!
Victoria's Secret
Long Island, New York
And We're Glad You Did.
(professor starts to write on the board. The chalk breaks. Class laughs. Professor turns around and bumps into the desk. Class laughs harder)
Professor: Shut up! Shut up and listen to me! I am teaching you things and being enthusiastic! ...much as I dislike each and every one of you!
Student: Oh man, I am so writing that down.
SUNY Potsdam
New York
Overheard by: minibab
...After You Told Me If We Don't Have Sex, the Terrorists Win.
20-something gal: Can you believe September 11th was eight years ago?
20-something guy: Really? That long? Yeah, I guess it's true.
20-something gal: A lot's changed since then. We've both lost our virginity.
Manhattan, New York
Overheard by: Will S.
...Next to Making Undergrads Uncomfortable.
Professor: I advise you all to make love, at least once, outside in the rain. It's the best feeling in the world.
Marist College
Poughkeepsie, New York
Overheard by: Mackenzie
Categories: Advice | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Education | Feelings | New York | Sex | Teachers | Weather | Posted 2009-09-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Is There One In Your Office?
Thesis advisor to uncomfortable-looking advisees: You girls might be too young for it, but if you ever have the chance to have sex on a water bed, you should do it.
Colgate University
Madison County, New York
Categories: Advice | Age and ageing | Colleges & Universities | Education | New York | Sex | Students | Teachers | Posted 2009-09-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Brad's Mistake Was Majoring in Women's Studies
Guy to friend: Why do I have such a small dick?
SUNY Binghamton
New York
But They Get Mad When I Try to Study Them
Guy #1: So how's your women studies class going?
Guy #2: Good! There's so many fine bitches.
Subway
Manhattan, New York
...But Wait: Your Girlfriend?
Dude #1: So, I'm trying to get my girlfriend to cancel her wedding to her friggin abusive boyfriend.
Dude #2: Wait! Your girlfriend?
Dude #1: Yeah, my girlfriend. Her boyfriend beats the shit out of her.
Dude #2: Word?
Dude #1: I mean, it's such a waste of money! They gotta spend money on the hotel and the reception. Such a waste, right?
Dude #2: I guess...
NYS Fair
Syracuse, New York
Why Stupid People Will Always Outnumber Smart People: Explained
Teen girl #1: You know, I wish we had some sort of pregnancy switch that we can turn on and off at will. That way, when we have one night stands, we can just turn 'em off, and, voila! No baby!
Teen girl #2: We do. They're called diagrams.
Teen girl #3: You mean "diaphragms."
Teen girl #2: Whatever.
Starbucks
Manhattan, New York
Overheard by: Leila
According to Their Publicists
Passerby to two women getting off elevator with a double stroller with white and black babies: Uh-oh!
Women: Oh, it's okay. They're just friends.
Elevator, Westchester Mall
White Plains, New York
I've Been Wearing These Same Sweatpants Since 1997
Chick: I don't care about what anyone else does. I barely care about what I do.
Fleetwood, New York
Overheard by: Deek
Just Say No to Jesus, Kids
Teen girl #1: He offered it to me in church--I mean, who offers someone marijuana in church?
Teen girl #2: When else could he do it?
Long Island, New York
Overheard by: Colleen
Categories: Christianity | Drugs | New York | Questions | Teens | Posted 2009-09-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You're Divorced, Mom.
Seven-year-old boy to mom: So, mom, all the kids in camp were making fun of this one boy cuz he was a stinky Yankees fan and we're all Mets fans!
Mom: Honey, if mommy can marry a Republican, than you can be friends with a Yankees fan.
Manhattan, New York
Overheard by: Laura
Categories: Compare and contrast | Kids | Kids | Moms | New York | Parenting | Politics | Relationships | Posted 2009-09-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
He Doesn't Fulfill Such Pedestrian Requests
Girl #1: I wish we had the same size feet.
Girl #2: Well, it's your fault.
Girl #1: How is it my fault? It's not like one day I woke up and was like, "yo Jesus, make my feet three sizes bigger than my sister's."
Roosevelt Field
Long Island, New York
Overheard by: greg
Categories: Body parts | Compare and contrast | Family ties | Girls | Jesus | New York | Weirdness | Wishes | Posted 2009-08-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
How to Tell If Someone's on Parole
Scruffy dude picking up cell with fart noises as ringtone: Hi, honey.
Family Video
Brockport, New York
Overheard by: swear it was the phone
Categories: Burping & farting | Cell phones | Guys | New York | On the phone | Relationships | Stores | Weirdness | Posted 2009-08-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Leave Jay Manuel Alone, Already.
Teen boy #1: He's gay.
Teen boy #2: No, he isn't.
Teen girl: He's just orange!
Teen boy #2, laughing: "Orange" isn't a sexual orientation.
Teen boy #1, laughing so hard he's crying: I was just thinking that.
Teen boy #2: Hes like, an Oompa-Loompa. He's always so mean 'cause he's tall, they rejected him because he was different.
McDonald's
New York City, New York
Categories: Books | Compare and contrast | Gossip | McDonald's | New York | Sexuality | Teens | Posted 2009-08-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Plus, I Prefer Anal. Anal!!
Chronically oversharing blonde woman: If I didn't know better, I'd swear there was a baby up in there, but there are three reasons I know that's impossible. For one thing, I'm on birth control, which is why I've gained twenty-five pounds. Twenty-five pounds! Also, I haven't had sex since (whispers) October, (resumes normal voice) so I'd be overdue. And I got my period today.
Chilango's Mexican Restaurant
Rochester, New York
Overheard by: TARDIS Dyke
Categories: Diet & weight | Health & Hygiene | New York | Pregnancy | Restaurants | Sex | Women | Posted 2009-08-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...While Pretending You're Alan Rickman
Guy, clueless: Wow, I can't believe Snape was evil the whole time!
Girl, exasperated: I can't believe I fuck you every night.
Cinema, after Harry Potter
New York City, New York
Overheard by: Ellen
Things Couldn't Be Any Worse If We Were Victims Of Nuclear Holocaust!
Jappy milf #1: I just feel like all I do is sell houses. And I hate it. I just hate my life!
Jappy milf #2: Ugh, I know. We really need to get out of Armonk!
Jappy milf #1: I know. I hate my house! I hate everything in it! My life is horrible here!
Armonk, New York
My Train Is Like the Hotel California, Beeyotch.
Black woman #1: I hate when people wait to the last minute to try and get off at a stop.
Black woman #2: Mmm-hmm.
Black woman #1: I don't let them past if they try to do that shit.
Black woman #2: What you do?
Black woman #1: I'll push their mothafuckin' ass back on the train!
Subway
New York City
Categories: Ass | Black people | Gripes | Insults | New York | Public Transportation | Train | Violence | Women | Posted 2009-08-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And I Love Your Ass
Hobo to another: Guys like us were never taught the value of words. And that's why I always come out on top. Because I understand the meaning of the word "itinerant." And you, sir, are an itinerant and a philanderer!
New York City, New York
With My Baby Brother Inside?!
Adorable little blond girl, ecstatically: Did our car get jacked?
Port Washington, New York
Overheard by: Ladle
...So, Uh, Wanna Talk About Your Period?
Man: So how's your baby?
Young woman: Great. He's three months old now, so he's no longer just a glorified fetus! He has emotions, and everything!
(pause)
Man, awkwardly: Oh. Huh, how about that?
Mohonk Resort
New Paltz, New York
Overheard by: Ali
I'd Love to Sniff Your Pores.
Professor: And that's why caffeine is my drug of choice. (awkward pause) So who here had some caffeine today?
University of Rochester, New York
Has No One Done the Reading?
Professor: Who creates design?
Student: Women?
Professor: Men! Men! Gay men!
SUNY
Purchase, New York
Overheard by: Ilysse Weisenfeld
I Don't Think You Have Much Choice
Woman on phone: So you want me to call her anyway and tell her that I'm not coming to a party that I wasn't invited to?
Park Ave
Long Beach, New York
Overheard by: Christina Federici
One Problem with the Global Village
Boy to hot girl: Hey, how's it going?
Hot girl, in French: I'm speaking in French so that you won't know what I'm talking about and will think that I can't speak English.
Boy, in French: Oh really? I know French too!
Bus
New York City, New York
Shall We Try "P" for "Polanski"?
Guy #1: What aisle are we looking for?
Guy #2: We should be looking under teen girls' rugs.
Guy #1: Yikes!
Furniture Store
New York City, New York
She Wears Steel-Toed Boots.
Teen #1: I could fuck your sister.
Teen #2: Yeah? Well, I could fuck a horse.
Teen #1: No you couldn't.
Teen #2: Why not?
Teen #1: You can't just sneak up on a horse and fuck it in the ass.
Teen #2: I wouldn't sneak up on it, I'd let it know I was there.
Teen #1: You'll get kicked in the face. And you'll die.
Teen #2, quietly: Whatever, dude... Just don't fuck my sister!
New York City, New York
Categories: Animals | Ass | Death & dying | Family ties | New York | Sex | Teens | Violence | Posted 2009-08-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Doesn't He Just Get That Swastika-Shaped Mole Removed?
Woman: Everyone's been asking me why I didn't bring my boyfriend!
Man: Why didn't you bring him? Too many Jews?
Woodstock, New York
Overheard by: Becca
When Communists and Capitalists Work Together
Flight attendant: As you depart the aircraft, please check your area for any personal belongings. If you leave anything behind, please make sure that it can either be split three ways or that we can sell it on eBay. Thanks for flying Southwest!
Buffalo, New York
Overheard by: robyn
Categories: Airports & flights | Flight attendants | Internet | New York | Public Transportation | Posted 2009-08-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Some Kids Wet the Bed
Mother to five-year-old: Keep moving, we don't want to be in the first car. If the train crashes, we'd be done for.
Metro North Railroad
New York City, New York
Overheard by: BOB Sled
Or Don't Be the Idiot Who Schedules Things Before Noon
Professor, at 8 am: If coffee doesn't work, drink RedBull. But if that doesn't work, I suggest amphetamines or heroin.
Class, SUNY
Purchase, New York
Overheard by: Jessica
Worst. Job Interview. Ever.
Woman #1: Are you wearing sexy underwear?
Woman #2: No, just cotton.
Arts and Crafts Show
New York City, New York
Overheard by: Karlene Kuhn
And It Was in My Baby's Diaper for Safekeeping the Whole Time
Judge: The police found drugs in your house?
Mother: It was just a little crack, and it was only there for two days.
Ulster County, New York
When Aesop Tried Peyote
Dude: You fail to see that the rhinoceros is not pleased that you've clogged the bathtub drain with jam and celery. She's quite angry with you. I mean, if you just shit out a canary, it's not going to want to play tonsil hockey.
Friend: How hard would it be to get you involuntarily committed to a mental institution?
Marist College
Poughkeepsie, New York
Overheard by: Russ
Categories: Animals | Bathing | Birds | Colleges & Universities | Food | Friends | Guys | K-I-S-S-I-N-G | Mental illnesses | New York | Questions | Weirdness | Posted 2009-07-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Religious Freedom's Expensive
Teacher: Why did the Pilgrims come to America?
Student: Because they wanted to dig for gold!
(later)
Teacher: Why did the Puritans come to America?
Student: Oh! I know this one! They're the ones that wanted to dig for gold!
East Greenbush, New York
...After Thinking About the Poor Children in the World Who Aren't Even Allowed to Poop
Girl to friend eating yogurt: You know, yogurt makes you shit.
Friend, frightened: Does it, really?
Girl: I dare you to take the Activia challenge.
Friend: Nah! I'm not in the mood to poop today.
Fire Island, New York
Overheard by: i laughed at this
Lightly Stroke It.
Flight attendant: Contrary to popular belief, pushing the button with the flight attendant on it will not turn your flight attendant on. So don't push it.
Flight to New York
Overheard by: Erica Lynn
Categories: Advice | Airports & flights | Flight attendants | New York | Public Transportation | Stupidity | Posted 2009-07-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Meet the Inventor Of the Bulletphone
Physics student: If you go faster than the speed of sound, can you...hear...into the future?
Kingston High School
Kingston, New York
Categories: Compare and contrast | New York | Questions | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Science | Sensory experiences | Students | Posted 2009-07-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...If It Were Spelled with a Silent T.
Teenager: Hey, which terminal is baggage claim?
Airport employee: Terminal T.
Teenager: Wait...which one?
Airport employee: Terminal T. "T" as in "Charlie."
JFK Airport
New York City, New York
Overheard by:
Categories: Airports & flights | Employees | Names | New York | Public Transportation | Questions | Stupidity | Teens | Words | Posted 2009-07-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Right Said Fred Could Not Sustain Their Popularity
Guy #1: Just admit it, man.
Guy #2: Admit what? That I'm great and wonderful and perfect in every way shape and form? Alright, I'm great and wonderful and perfect in every way shape and form!
Guy #1: No, admit that you're crazier than me!
Guy #2: Yeah, well...you're just Mr "Too sexy for my shirt," and I'm Mr "Too sexy for my life," but seriously, I'm so smart and everyone loves me.
Guy #3: You're just lyin' to yourself, man.
Guy #2: I'm too sexy for the world! That's just the way it is. I'm the next Albert Einstein. Everyone will soon realize that they love me. You all know that I'm right, so say that I am always right! You're dumb and I'm smart. Everyone loves me.
Bus driver: Will you guys be quiet? No one wants to hear this!
Manhattan, New York
Overheard by: Lulu
Categories: Bragging | Bringing it back to you | Bus | Bus drivers | Compare and contrast | Guys | Lies | New York | Public Transportation | Questions | Posted 2009-07-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Bet You Don't Know About Her Meth Problem!
Mother: Do you know about the tooth fairy?
Toddler: Yeah!
Mother: No, you don't.
Fleetwood, New York
Overheard by: Deek
Categories: Body parts | Family ties | Kids | Kids | Magic | Moms | New York | Parenting | Questions | Posted 2009-07-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Desire to Flee Rochester Will Overpower Anything
Woman on PA system: Attention. Please disregard the call for wheelchair assistance at gate A-5. Repeat: there is no wheelchair needed at gate A-5. It's a miracle!
Airport
Rochester, New York
Overheard by: Patty Astrolabe
Categories: Airports & flights | Health & Hygiene | Magic | New York | Public Transportation | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2009-07-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But Instead It Was Kindergarteners.
Guy: We could have been run over by trucks or seagulls.
Marist College
Poughkeepsie, New York
Overheard by: Nik
...Remember When We Used to Talk About Politics?
60-year-old man #1: Do you get the Disney channel?
60-year-old man #2: I sure do!
60-year-old man #1: Do you ever watch Kim Possible?
60-year-old man #2: It's my favorite show!
60-year-old man #1: No way! Me too!
60-year-old man #2, attempting to sing: Call me, beep me, if ya' wanna reach me!
60-year-old man #1: (silence)
60-year-old man #2: I like the naked rat.
Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute
Troy, New York
Overheard by: Bacon
So I Joined the Rugby Team
College girl: I'm so ready for my first homoerotic experience!
New Paltz, New York
And They're the Only Place You Have Any Fat
Obviously skinny girl: Do you think I should get lipo?
Friend: No! There's nothing wrong with your boobs.
Rochester, New York
Overheard by: wow!!
Categories: Body parts | Compliments | Default | Friends | Girls | Health & Hygiene | New York | Questions | Skinny people | Posted 2009-06-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
He'd Just Gone Off His Meds-- Whew!
Girl: At first, I was really afraid he was cheating on me, but then I called him the next day and asked him where he was the night before...
Girl's friend: Well, where was he?
Girl: Oh, he was having drinks with John Lennon. I was freaking out for no reason!
New York
Categories: Default | Drinking & drunks | Feelings | Friends | Girls | Infidelity | Names | New York | Questions | Posted 2009-06-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But Is It Worth Having to See The Bucket List?
Dude: If you don't come along, I'll have your first-born child sodomized. By a moose.
Marist College
Poughkeepsie, New York
Overheard by: Russ
Categories: Animals | Colleges & Universities | Default | Family ties | Guys | Kids | New York | Threats | Posted 2009-06-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Is That a "Yes" on the Cleavage Shirt?
Dorky girl: I think when the sugar is visible, that's a good sign.
Sarah Lawrence
Yonkers, New York
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Dorks, Geeks & Nerds | Feelings | Food | Girls | New York | Posted 2009-06-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Makes You Want to Roll Around in Her, Huh?
Cute girl: This lotion is great! I actually have it on now, and keep smelling myself!
Teen boy, dragged in by his mother: Really? Can I smell you?
Cute girl: Sure! Smell me!
Teen boy: Wow, you do smell great! Mom, smell her!
Soap Store
New York City, New York
Categories: Default | Family ties | Girls | Guys | New York | Offers and requests | Questions | Sensory experiences | Stores | Teens | Posted 2009-06-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Dear Abby-- My Friend Has an "Awkward" Husband...
Woman #1: Oh my god, Jason Statham is so hot! I want to funk him so bad!
Woman #2: I know! When you're done, I'm next!
Hubby of woman #1: And when they're done, I want to smell his cock.
Islip, New York
Overheard by: Who is Jason Statham?
...to Use the Proper Measurement Units.
50-something man to another: I got a bunion you could hang a hat off of.
Durand Eastman Golf Course
Rochester, New York
Unfortunately, George Michael Took the Advice.
Kid #1: Yo, man! You're missin' somethin'."
Kid #2: What?
Kid #1: Yeah, you look weird now that you got a haircut.
Kid #2: Huh?
Kid #1: You need to get some earrings!
SUNY
Old Westbury, New York
Who Will Punch Me in the Ovaries Regardless.
Drunk punk girl #1: Oh my god! Is that a raccoon? I think it's staring at me!
Drunk punk girl #2: That's a fuckin shirt, you retard.
Drunk punk girl #1: Well, if it bites me, I'm punching you in the ovaries!
Drunk punk girl #2, muttering: I need new friends.
Outside Bar
Niagara Falls, New York
Categories: Animals | Bars & Clubs | Body parts | Clothes | Default | Drunks | Girls | New York | Offers and requests | Punks | Threats | Violence | Posted 2009-05-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Trevor Had Watched One Lifetime Movie Marathon Too Many
Thug #1, in restroom stall: Oh, shit!
Thug #2, outside restroom: What's goin' on?
Thug #1: Why's it bleeding? It's bleeding! Why's it bleeding?!
Thug #2: Yo, you better wash your goddamn hands after you done in there.
Crossgates Mall
Albany, New York
Overheard by: Dack
So They'll Take Care Of the Dogs
Guy #1: No man, I told her I don't want kids. I just want dogs.
Guy #2: Then why not just have kids?
Manhattan, New York
I'm Dating Him Now.
Preppy blonde on cell: She said she could see herself spending the rest of her life with him, so I told her: "wow, you really need to break up with him." And she did!
Marist College
Poughkeepsie, New York
Categories: Advice | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | New York | Relationships | Students | Weirdness | Posted 2009-05-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Have You Considered Sarah Lawrence?
Girl #1: Let me suggest to you...
Girl #2 (interrupting): Why can't I take like drugs or sex? Something that interests me? Not like race... Not that it isn't that interesting... Not that I'm racist. I'm not a racist. (nervous laugh)
Long Island University, New York
Overheard by: Reena
Especially When You Start Punting the Elves
40-something suit to another: I should go see Santa, but I'm a couple decades too late. (pause) And if you go without a kid, they think you're weird or something.
LIRR Train Station
New York
Overheard by: BK
As Seen in Two Girls, One Cut
Male suit: Did you know that the most common cosmetic surgery these days is vaginal rejuvenation?
Female suit: "Vaginal rejuvenation," that's a mouthful.
Starbucks
New York
Overheard by: Caged Monkey
Nobody Ever Wins the Which-Sex's-Sex-Is-Best Argument
Straight girl: Butt sex, butt sex, butt sex!
Gay guy: You really love saying that, don't you?
Straight girl: Yes!
Gay professor: Do you prefer anal to vaginal!
Straight girl: Ewww, fuck no! I don't want anything in my asshole! See, I have a vagina. I have options, unlike gay men.
Gay professor: Ah, you'll never know the pleasures of prostate stimulation.
Westchester, New York
So He's More Of a Business Associate Than a Friend
Climbing instructor to terrified new climber being held by another: Is he or is he not your friend? Would a friend drop you?
Terrified new climber: Well, he's my husband, so I don't know!
Climbing Gym
New York City, New York
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Employees | New York | Questions | Relationships | Posted 2009-04-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Are the Stories About Martha Stewart As True As They Say?
Angry woman on cell: I want the fucking muffins!
Galleria Mall
Poughkeepsie, New York
Overheard by: Russ
And Have an Orgy to Celebrate-- Right, Mommy?
Seven-year-old daughter, confused: Mommy, why's the play called Murder on the Ides?
Mom: Well, it's about Julius Caesar, a Roman leader. See, in this country, when we don't like our leader anymore, we vote 'em out. But the Romans...
Seven-year-old daughter, excitedly: Oh! Oh! They kill them!!
Colgate University
Madison County, New York
Overheard by: Jake
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Death & dying | Default | Family ties | Girls | History | Kids | Kids | Moms | New York | Pop culture | Women | Posted 2009-04-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Translation: "Welcome to New York, Muthafuckaaaas."
MTA worker to tourist mom buying tickets with daughter: 10 dollars.
Mom: Oh, but she's a student.
Worker, looking at daughter: Oh! How nice for you! (looks back at mom) Ten dollars please.
Subway Station
New York City, New York
Overheard by: Glad thats not my cheap-ass mom
Categories: Compliments | Default | Education | Employees | Moms | Money | New York | Offers and requests | Public transportation | Tourists | Women | Posted 2009-04-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's What Wretching Means, Right?
Guy with limp: I went up to a teacher and was like, "are you sexually aroused by my limp?"
Friend: What did she say?
Guy with limp: He didn't say anything, but I knew he was.
Kingston High School
Kingston, New York
Don't Stop 'til After Your Story's Climax
AP English teacher: Now, remember kids, what do I always say you all should do?
Student: Procreate?
AP English teacher: No! Well, eh...I do say that too, but I meant "proofread!"
Northport, Long Island
New York
We've Given the Bin Ladens Enough, Sir
Crazy Polish man: I need a receipt!
Cashier: Sir, you can't have a receipt if you didn't buy anything.
Crazy Polish man: I need a receipt. I need a receipt or I'll kill you...because I am Osama Bin Laden.
Starbucks
New York City, New York
Categories: Character | Crazies | Death & dying | Default | Employees | Foreigners | Names | New York | Offers and requests | Restaurants | Threats | Weirdness | Posted 2009-04-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Gene Kelly and Debbie Reynolds Weren't Always the Lovebirds They Appeared
Girl: Dang, it's raining!
Boy: Do you have an umbrella?
Girl: Yeah. I hate umbrellas.
Boy, surprisingly vehemently: Suck it up!
Syracuse University
Syracuse, New York
When You Locate the Controls Of Your Spacecraft
Quirky lesbian professor leading class in Kegel exercises: And everybody squeeze, hold, hold...release and squeeze, two, three...release.
Ditzy Indian, after shiver spasm: It gives me the willies!
Quirky lesbian professor: It's great, right!
Health Ed Class
Borough of Manhattan Community College, New York
Overheard by: Trying not to laugh at all the serious faces trying to hide these private exercises
Categories: Asians | Class | Default | Education | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Lesbos | New York | Offers and requests | Teachers | Posted 2009-04-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Get That Hannah Montana Ringtone I've Been Wanting
Hipster boy: So, are you doing that post-bac pre-med thing?
Hipster girl: I dunno...I don't really know what I wanna do.
Hipster boy: Really, you don't wanna do medicine anymore?
Hipster girl: I dunno, I wish I could like, win the lottery. Then I'd go to like, Ghana, and just save people.
NYU Elevator
Categories: Default | Girls | Guys | Hipsters | Jobs & Careers | Money | New York | Questions | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Wishes | Posted 2009-04-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It Could Be Like Cooked Meat, For Instance
Goober: I wish the whole world was edible!
Pseudo-metalhead: Dude, then everything would be, like, sticky and gross.
Goober: Well, that's assuming everything would be like candy. It wouldn't have to be sticky and gross.
Professor: I'm gonna jump in here before it gets any weirder.
Bard College
New York
Overheard by: why i put up with philosophy
We Had No Idea What They Were, Either.
Short girl: So, what do you do with the pen cap condoms?
Much taller girl: Okay, you take them...and you throw them out.
Short girl: You don't like...reuse them or something?
Much taller girl, smiling: Do you reuse normal condoms?
(short girl laughs)
Much taller girl, seriously: Don't just wash those and reuse them.
Onteora HS
Boiceville, New York
Overheard by: Toasted
Ben Franklin Was a Tough Kid to Raise
Little boy at ice cream parlor: Uh...can I have um, little gummy bears?
Impatient dad: Oh, that's great. You invented something the store doesn't have.
Westchester, New York
Overheard by: Griffin
His Tusks Are Hot, Though
Girl: It's been a week and I still haven't gotten the smell of bacon out of my hair.
Supportive friend: You have a weird boyfriend.
Rochester, New York
The Wrong Way to Spice Up Your Marriage
Guy: So Stacy comes in and finds me screaming in the shower.
Friend: Wow!
Guy: Yeah, there are some places you should just never touch after cutting Habanero peppers.
Men's Room
Garrison, New York
Overheard by: mark
While You Live in My House, You'll Share My Ignorance
Whining toddler: Mommy, I want that book!
Yelling mother: You can't read!
Dalton Booksellers
Jefferson Valley, New York
Categories: Books | Default | Family ties | Kids | Kids | Moms | New York | Offers and requests | Stores | Women | Posted 2009-03-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Let Me Just Open Up My Briefcase
Professor to clapping students: You know what makes that funnier? I just took a shit.
Binghamton University
Binghamton, New York
Overheard by: ThirstyEar2
In Fact, They Probably Prefer It.
Chick in hoodie: I think they prefer to be called "little people."
Preppy guy: When you're hiring them for a sex act I'm pretty sure it's okay to call them midgets.
Landmark Diner
Port Washington, New York
Overheard by: Hunter (aka
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | Guys | Names | New York | Restaurants | Sex | Students | Posted 2009-03-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But If I Did, I'd Advise You to Go with the Heart-Shaped Nipple Clamps
Dad to son, passing Valentine's Day t-shirt display: These are kind of nice for your mom, no?
Son: It's for mom, what do I care?
City Center Mall
White Plains, New York
Overheard by: Nathan
How Close to the Burger Should We Bring the Cheese?
Middle aged woman: Can I get a cheeseburger, without the cheese?
Burger King
Dansville, New York
Categories: Default | Food | New York | Offers and requests | Questions | Restaurants | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2009-03-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Unless Our Government Reinstates the Draft
Philosophy professor: I can't say I would rather have M&Ms than strong feet.
SUNY Purchase
Purchase, New York
Overheard by: Seth
Categories: Body parts | Candy | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | New York | Teachers | Posted 2009-03-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Sculpted to Look Like a Hamburger
Vegetarian, pointing to pink thing on her plate: What animal is that?
Waitress: That's a pear.
Mt. Vernon, New York
Overheard by: Deek
Oh, the Horror. The Horror!
Dudely dude: You know Heart of Darkness, by Marlon Brando...
Ithaca College
Ithaca, New York
Categories: About celebrities | Books | Colleges & Universities | Default | Guys | Names | New York | Pop culture | Posted 2009-03-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We've All Seen the YouTube Video
Professor: You have a special relationship with Aristotle.
Dramatic Lit Class, Ithaca College
Ithaca, New York
Overheard by: Wish I did
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Names | New York | Relationships | Teachers | Weirdness | Posted 2009-03-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
One More Lifetime Movie Marathon Should Do It, Though
Dining hall boy #1: I haven't gotten my period yet.
Dining hall boy #2: Me neither!
University at Buffalo
Buffalo, New York
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Gender issues | Guys | New York | Sexuality | Weirdness | Posted 2009-02-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Immaculate Conception Story Gets More Warped Every Year
20-something guy: And then she was like, "there's a boner in my ass!" She was like a turbo-slut!
Diner
Mamaroneck, New York
Overheard by: Dianachka
...When You Saw Dick Clark in Person?
Male student to another, seriously: So you just came in your pants?
Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute
Troy, New York
And He Prefers to Make Love, Not War.
Dude to chick: William Howard Taft. That's what I call my penis. Because he is large and in charge. And he got stuck in a bathtub.
High School Law Class
New York
Overheard by: Adrienne
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Guys | Names | New York | Penis | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Posted 2009-02-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
As Long As You Diligently Come to Office Hours
Teacher: Listen, I guarantee that by the time you graduate, each one of you will have a form of herpes.
New York City, New York
One Word: Lube.
Girlfriend: No, whenever we try to have sex it always ends in tears!
Albany, New York
She Was All Just Whatever About Whatever
Girl #1: Do you remember that chick we saw that time?
Girl #2: The one at that place?
Girl #1: Yeah, wait, no, that other place.
Girl #2: Yeah. What a whore.
Girl #1: I know, right?
Buffalo, New York
Overheard by: not that chick
That's What You Said About Gossip Girl
Drunk episcopal priest in wine cellar: Yes! Yes! Science fiction is like religion, only backwards!
Penn Yan, New York
Overheard by: Liz
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Drinking & drunks | New York | Religion | Religious fanatics | Weirdness | Posted 2009-01-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Your Editors Are Already Imagining Their New Website
Girl #1, about girl #2's umbrella: That's so skinny!
Girl #2: Yeah, thanks.
Girl #1: You could do bad things with that...
Binghamton University, New York
Overheard by: Jillian
Categories: Advice | Colleges & Universities | Compliments | Default | Girls | New York | Sex | Weirdness | Posted 2009-01-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
After I Rolled Your Lungs and Smoked the Tar Out of Them
Nurse #1 (during break): I hope you don't mind, I took one of your cigarettes from your purse because I was really craving one.
Nurse #2: it's no problem. (pause) Wait. Was it my last one?
Nurse #1: Yeah...is that a problem?
Nurse #2 (furious): Are you fucking kidding me?!
Nurse #1: Yeah, yeah, relax! I was just kidding. There's two more in there.
Nurse #2: Oh my god. Don't joke about things like that.
Nurse #1 (nervously): Hahaha. I'd be lying if I told you I wasn't scared for my life just now.
Nurse #2 (seriously): And I'd be lying if I told you I wasn't thinking of places to hide your body.
Geneva General Hospital
Geneva, New York
Overheard by: molly guns
Or Come To Office Hours and I'll Show You
80-something religious studies professor: Do you all know what circumcision is? (class stares at him) Okay. Well, if you don't, don't ask here. Wait for an appropriate time and ask a friend outside of class.
Canisius College
Buffalo, New York
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Education | Health & Hygiene | New York | Old folks | Questions | Teachers | Posted 2009-01-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Which Is Why I've Named Her "Sids"
Grandma: She doesn't need those...she's getting too big for baby clothes.
Mom: I know, but I don't want her to be too big for baby clothes! I just want her to stay little and not start talking...or moving.
Shop
Buffalo, New York
You Get a Cookie
Professor: So what happened in Germany between 1928 and 1930?
Student: 1929!
Fordham University, New York
Overheard by: Sromeo
Is That What I've Been Swallowing?
Older male professor, addressing a large lecture hall with only girls: So you see, in my body you will find lots of regular cells, and also you will find cells that are in the process of meiosis; and those are my sperm cells.
Barnard girl: That is so awkward.
Barnard College
New York
Overheard by: Vicksburg
Back Up-- Did You Just Call Me "Homie"?
Girl #1: Well, if you're totally past it, it won't matter.
Girl #2: But I'm not totally past it, and it does matter. I hate that I did that to someone. And I know it sets feminism way back, but...I mean, Jesus, before I met him, I was like, "No way am I gonna reproduce!" And then...Bam! I'm like a fucking salmon Metro-Northing it for unrequited spawn.
Girl #1: You weren't gonna have kids?
Girl #2: Homie, I can't even handle my period.
Girl #1: I hear ya.
Girl #2: I'm not sure his kind of crazy and my kind of crazy would translate well into offspring.
Girl #1: But your kind of beautiful and his kind of beautiful would make for adorable children.
Girl #2: Oh, shut the fuck up, I'm not beautiful. I have no forehead.
Girl #1: You have a fine forehead.
Girl #2: I have a threehead.
Girl #1: It's a fine forehead. If your forehead was a person and mine was a person, my forehead would totally have sex with your forehead.
Girl #2: I can't believe you. I haven't talked to you face-to-face for more than a year and within ten minutes of reuniting, you're already talking about forehead sex.
(she looks up)
Girl #2: Oh, shit! That's my mentor, and I think she just heard me say "forehead sex."
Sarah Lawrence College
Westchester County, New York
Categories: Body parts | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Compliments | Girls | Jesus | New York | Sex | Stupidity | Posted 2009-01-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Tonight's Movie: Star Words
Best Shakespeare professor ever: I love metaphors. Metaphors be with you!
College of St. Rose
Albany, New York
Overheard by: Erin
But You Never Know with the Royal Family Left to Their Own Devices
Guy with small crowd around him (completely straight-faced): So we're doing everything we can to ensure that there'll be as little incest going on as possible. (crowd nods)
Hofstra University, New York
Guess What Peewee's Word Of the Day Is
College professor: Are you mocking my forest? My forest could kick your forest's butt any day. Bring your forest on!
(later)
College professor: I can see my forest from the window in my office. Do you have an office you can see your forest from?
Keuka College
New York
Overheard by: Rachel Bz.
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | New York | Questions | Teachers | Weirdness | Posted 2008-12-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Call It Froast!
Professor: I invent things too! My great invention is this toast, and you make it in a toaster, and then you stick it in the freezer. And, like, when you want toast, you just put it back in the toaster...
Students: (confused silence)
Professor: Man, no one understands me! (stomps out)
SUNY
Geneseo, New York
Overheard by: Jeni
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Feelings | Gripes | New York | Students | Teachers | Technology | Weirdness | Posted 2008-12-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
See the Truth in the Morning and Die Happy That Night
Old man in hospital bed, to family: I've said it once, and I'll say it again. Tigers are the sharks of the land!
Poughkeepsie, New York
Categories: Animals | Compare and contrast | Default | New York | Old folks | Philosophy | Posted 2008-12-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Now He'll Turn This Into a Song and Record It in Eight Languages
Woman (talking on the phone about a friend): She's happy as a clam since she had her uterus removed...
Husband (in the background): Happy as a clam without a uterus.
Woman: (glaring at him, keeps talking)
Husband: Happy as a clam without a uterus!
Dresden, New York
Overheard by: Rachel Bz.
The David's U.S. Tour Got Everyone Excited
Dude #1: What are you doing this weekend?
Dude #2: Well, I know I'm going to see at least one more naked person this weekend than usual.
Marist College
Poughkeepsie, New York
Overheard by: Russ
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Guys | Leisure | New York | Questions | Sexuality | Posted 2008-12-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
He Can Turn a Doorknob With It
Guy: I try to cover my butt so girls don't stare at it.
Girl: He's so butt-conceited.
Rochester, New York
His Farts Are Delicately Scented With Botanicals
Guy to girl: So you heard about Dave, right? His girlfriend broke up with him last night. He got completely wasted and tried to kill himself by drinking a bottle of shampoo.
Girl: Oh my god! Is he okay?
Guy: Yeah, turns out you cant kill yourself by drinking shampoo. We're calling him "bubbles" now. He'll never live this down.
Lockport, New York
Overheard by: evan
You and Your Wily Little Electrolytes!
Flamboyant male: Fuck you, Gatorade! Fuck you!
SUNY Purchase
New York
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Drinking & drunks | Insults | New York | Weirdness | Posted 2008-11-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's a Personal Choice
Tall girl: Because you can still wear it under your clothes and be like, "Oh yeah, I have sexy underwear on and you'd only see it if I took my clothes off."
Short girl: Or if you bend over, which I do a lot.
Woodstock, New York
Meet Gov. Palin's Younger Kids
Third grader #1, pushing empty kiddie swing: I'm practicing pushing my baby.
Third grader #2: Why? You're not going to have a baby for like 55 years.
Third grader #1: But it's good to know how, just in case.
Mount Vernon, New York
Plus, It Totally Clashed with My Pumps
Frat boy to another: It was the ugliest lipstick I've ever seen!
Cornell University
Ithaca, New York
Overheard by: Anna
Categories: Beauty | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Fashion | Frat boy types | New York | Posted 2008-11-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Yes, Exactly Like That-- Keep It Up, You Two!
History professor, during lecture: After all, people have always had dirty...nasty...raunchy sex.
Syracuse University, New York
Overheard by: del
We Have a Winner
Girl #1: I'm 20-orgasms horny!
Girl #2: I'm 100-orgasms horny!
Girl #3: I'm masturbate-in-my-class horny!
Girl #1: I'm stick-a-banana-in-my-ass horny!
Syracuse University, New York
Overheard by: gelatinous
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Feelings | Girls | Masturbation | New York | Sexuality | Words | Posted 2008-11-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We've All Been Burned by Facebook Applications, Marcie
College girl: I don't want to spam twenty people! I just want to know what fucking Disney princess I am!
Hofstra University
Long Island, New York
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Girls | Internet | New York | Pop culture | Sorority types | Wishes | Posted 2008-11-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
No More Trips to the City for Me
Woman to man: No, I didn't enjoy it. They tied me up!
Clifton Park, New York
Overheard by: Don't Want to Imagine
...I'm Transferring to Vassar, Where They Understand My Needs
Dude: Unless you can show me one big titted cat!
Marist College
Poughkeepsie, New York
Overheard by: Russ
Categories: Animals | Colleges & Universities | Default | Guys | New York | Nipples | Offers and requests | Weirdness | Posted 2008-11-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Made Them Into a Necklace for You
Dad to daughters: I've stolen more bellybuttons than you can count.
Rochester, New York
Overheard by: Jude
Categories: Body parts | Crimes | Dads | Default | New York | Posted 2008-11-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
A One-Two Punch Of Knowledge Knocks Marcy Out
Girl #1: Oh my god! Romeo and Juliet is a book!
Girl #2: It's like, Shakespeare.
Girl #1: Oh my god, who?
Borders Bookstore
Commack, New York
After Accidentally Stumbling Into the Gay District and Handing Him Money
Italian guy with ridiculous Bronx accent: Yeah, so I jerked the guy off...accidentally.
Elmsford, New York
Overheard by: Mark Nilges
I'm Relatively Free of Parasites
Young buck #1: Do you want to go out to the track and race?
Young buck #2: I'm not fond of dust baths.
Monroe Community College
Rochester, New York
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Dancing | Default | Guys | New York | Offers and requests | Questions | Posted 2008-11-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Daddy Has to Go Bring Home the Kibble
Man getting into car to dog barking wildly: No, you can't come. You have to stay home with mommy!
Westchester County, New York
Categories: Animals | Default | Family ties | Guys | New York | Offers and requests | Posted 2008-10-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Bear: Just Give Me an Excuse, You Ice-Cap-Melting-Rock-Throwing Motherfucker!
(at the polar bear exhibit)
Father to son holding a rock: Don't throw that rock! If you throw that, it's going to hit the bear, and then he's going to come over here and eat you. Do you want him to come over here and eat you?!
Zoo
Buffalo, New York
Overheard by: Sarah.
Categories: Animals | Dads | Default | New York | Offers and requests | Questions | Threats | Tourist attractions | Violence | Weirdness | Posted 2008-10-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
While You, Me, and Dupre Taught Me to Value Threesomes
Cute girl to friend: But I don't want a booty call! (pause) But the message of the notebook made me realize how important they are.
Cornell University
Ithaca, New York
Overheard by: Anna
That Makes You Afterbirth, Sis
Teen boy being pushed through large crowd: I feel like I'm being born!
Parking Lot
Giants Stadium, New York
Overheard by: Gaby Young
...Or Stay Here and Piss My Initials? Make Up Your Mind
Thug to another: You want me to go home and take a shit?
Lake Grove, New York
Next Time She'll Sing The Beatles' "Ticket to Ride"
College girl: Can I have one ticket for the midnight train, going anywhere?
Ticket vendor: (blank stare)
College girl: Not so funny out loud as it is in my head, huh? One ticket to Rome, please!
Amtrak Station
Buffalo-Depew, New York
Categories: Default | New York | Offers and requests | Public transportation | Questions | Sorority types | Time Management | Posted 2008-10-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If Renaissance Painters Ran the Beauty Industry
Skinny woman: So what do you do?
Fat woman: I'm a dietitian.
Skinny woman: You should give me some advice!
Menands, New York
Categories: Advice | Default | Diet & weight | Fat people | New York | Offers and requests | Questions | Skinny people | Women | Posted 2008-09-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's New Yorkese for "Pretty Please"
Eight- year-old girl to parents: Can I pleeeese have a Cinnabon?
Dad: No, you don't need that. Finish your dinner.
Eight- year-old girl: If I don't get a Cinnabon, I'm basically going to kill myself.
Rest Stop
New York Thruway
Overheard by: Karen
Oh, That's It-- I'm Blocking BET!
Four-year old black boy, as security car passes: Run, mommy, run! The cops are coming!
Outside of Wal-Mart
Cortlandt, New York
Yeah, Um, About That Jerri-Curl
Camp counselor: Do you have shampoo with you?
Seven-year-old camper: I don't wash my hair. I'm black! Duh.
Rec Center Pool
New York, New York
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Hair | Health & Hygiene | Kids | New York | Questions | Race | Teachers | Posted 2008-09-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When You Abducted That Thong It Was Like You Ripped Out My Very Soul
20-something crying girl: You. Don't. Get. It. I bleed Victoria's Secret.
Duff's Wings
Buffalo, New York
Categories: Default | Gender issues | Girls | New York | Restaurants | Undies | Posted 2008-09-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But I'm Half Gay So It's Acceptable, Right?
Extremely effeminate boy (taking deep breath): So...I think I am bi. (flips hair)
Blonde girl (flipping page in magazine, sounding bored): Hmmm. Are you?
Extremely effeminate boy: Yes! (flips hair) I am bi!
Blonde girl: Well, duh. You never stop checking out other guys!
Extremely effeminate boy: I'm not gay, though. My mom thought I was gay.
Blonde girl: I know you're not gay. (pause) For one thing, you are looking at my boobs right now.
Extremely effeminate boy: Oh. Right.
Blonde girl: You feel like stopping?
Extremely effeminate boy: ...not particularly.
Washington Square Park
New York City, New York
Categories: Bi-curious | Default | Gender issues | Girls | Guys | New York | Nipples | Questions | Sexuality | Posted 2008-09-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...And I Drink Twelve Beers in Celebration
Drunk girl: Sometimes I think I'm an alcoholic, but then I watch Intervention and I realize I'm just a love machine.
Syracuse University, New York
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Girls | Maladies | New York | Sexuality | TV shows | Posted 2008-09-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So I No Longer Let My Children Have Co-Ed Slumber Parties
Laughing man: Yeah, a lot of kids were conceived that night, especially after they broke out the crotchless panties.
Watkins Glen, New York
No Ordinary Man Is Enough for Two Women
Girl to friend: Sometimes she comes back from a party, and she's like, "Laura and I totally double-teamed this guy last night!" And I'm like, "That is just so wrong."
Hamilton College
Clinton, New York
The Artistic Temperament, You Know
College chick #1: Where are we going?
College chick #2: I think he just draws stuff and has freaky sex...
Marist College
Poughkeepsie, New York
Overheard by: Russ
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | New York | Questions | Sex | Sorority types | Weirdness | Posted 2008-09-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
"I'll See Ya Later, Boi" Is Code for "God Is Dead"
Grad student #1: Have you heard Avril Lavigne's song? The deep one?
Grad student #2: "Sk8r Boi"?
NWU Campus
New York City, New York
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Feelings | Music | New York | Questions | Students | Posted 2008-09-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Role Of the Town Crier Has Become Distorted Over the Years
Pubescent boy screaming at elderly passerby: Fuck you! Fuck you! You, right there! Fuck you! (aside) Man, I gotta write an email. (screaming again) Your mother has a dick!
Eastchester, New York
Video Might Be More Helpful
Woman to boyfriend: Get back here so I can take a picture of you lying to me!
New York City, New York
Overheard by: Trying not to spit soda from my nose
Last Time I Use Flammable Lube
Man on phone: So I took my dick out of her ass and started smoking a cigarette... What else was I supposed to do?
Subway
New York City, New York
Categories: Backdoor | Default | Guys | New York | On the phone |