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It Doesn't Come Up Much, but a Rule Is a Rule

Student: Yeah... I don't really take advice from a kid wearing a winter hat indoors, drinking white grape juice out of a measuring cup.

SUNY Cortland
Cortland, New York

Not Even Doggy-Style?

Girl: But she said you were cute.
Guy: Yeah but it's like: puppies are cute, but you don't fuck a puppy.

New York City
New York


Overheard by: I'm more of a cat person...


Categories: Animals | Compare and contrast | Compliments | Default | Girls | Guys | New York | Sex | Words | Posted 2008-06-19 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

But Don't You Think Toddlers Deserve to Work in Coal Mines?

Student: That's terrible!
Professor: I agree, I'm a horrible person.

Marist College
Poughkeepsie, New York


Categories: Character | Class | Default | Feelings | New York | Students | Teachers | Weirdness | Posted 2008-06-18 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Are You Still Upset About My Sandals With Black Socks?

Dad: That's an awfully big brownie. You know it's so big it's a Girl Scout.
Daughter: Silence.
Dad: Hey, this is funny stuff from your dad.
(daughter stares at him in silence)

Buffalo, New York

Overheard by: Tim


Categories: Compare and contrast | Dads | Default | Family ties | Food | Girls | Kids | New York | Posted 2008-06-17 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

That's the Last Time I'll Babysit Those Brats

Mellow teen: I got slapped in the tit with a dildo last night.

New Paltz, New York


Categories: Default | Girls | New York | Nipples | Sexuality | Teens | Toys | Violence | Posted 2008-06-16 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

It's Hard to Be Sure, but I Think I Won

College girl: And then she got all high and mighty about it. She was like: "Remember when you passed out in my bathroom? I do!" And I was like: "Remember when you were born and looked like a man? I do!"

Marist College
Poughkeepsie, New York


Overheard by: Russ

Aww, Look at Its Little Fuzzy Valtrex

Girl, observing a display of plush microbes: I want herpes! I think it's so cute!

SUNY
Geneseo, New York


Overheard by: Jeni


Categories: Class | Compliments | Default | Girls | Maladies | New York | Students | Weirdness | Wishes | Posted 2008-06-15 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Unless It's a Naughty Nurse

Stoned frat boy: I have this aversion with talking to dentists... or really anyone who wants to help me with my general health.

SUNY Geneseo
New York


Overheard by: Jeni

With the Possible Exception of the Dominant Chord

Professor: So, how was survey of western music?
Girl: It was terrible: someone would always find a way to bring up gender issues. I mean, I hate to break it to you, but eighteenth century tonal music doesn't give a shit about your vagina.

Sarah Lawrence College
Bronxville, New York

Dude, You Suck at the Dozens

Young thug #1: Your momma is a rat.
Young thug #2: At least she isn't a hood rat like your momma.
Young thug #1: Well at least everyone who is with my momma has a good time. I should know, I hear it.

Galleria
White Plains, New York


Overheard by: annoying blonde girl


Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Family ties | Insults | New York | Pride | Sexuality | Teens | Thugs | Posted 2008-06-07 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Hint Hint, Those of You Who Want to Pass This Class

College professor: I wish there was a gas station on the corner that had a cigarette bar, and an espresso bar, and a drive-up liquor store. I would go there all the time, especially if I could just drive up and get my liquor.

Rochester Institute of Technology
Henrietta, New York


Overheard by: Concerned Student

But, for the Record, I Adore David Spade

Girl #1: She's pregnant? I thought she was on birth control?
Girl #2: She still is.
Girl #1: Isn't that bad for the baby?
Girl #2: Not really, all that will happen is if it's a boy, it will start looking more like a girl...
Girl #1: That's messed up.

Bathroom Stall, Nutty Irishman Bar
Farmingdale, New York


Overheard by: Jennifer


Categories: Bars & Clubs | Girls | New York | Offspring | Pregnancy | Questions | Sexuality | Posted 2008-05-26 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

A Metaphor for Their Entire Life

Jock #1: Yo, dude, so you know how to get there?
Jock #2: Naw, man.
Jock #1: You don't know how to get there?
Jock #2: Where?

Marist College
Poughkeepsie, New York


Overheard by: Nik

Sometimes She Feels Like Wearing It. Sometimes She Doesn't

Big sister: Look sis! This coat says it was made in Macedonia.
Little sister: Isn't that a nut?

Macy's at Roosevelt Field
Long Island, New York


Categories: Clothes | Fruit | Geography | Names | New York | Questions | Stores | Words | Posted 2008-05-20 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

With the Help of Her Lovely Assistant

Jewish student, about another: Every time we talk about the holocaust she, like, throws her Jew out and spins a dreidel with it or whatever.

SUNY
Geneseo, New York


Overheard by: Jeni


Categories: Colleges & Universities | History | Jews | New York | Politics | Religion | Students | Words | Posted 2008-05-18 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Edgar Allen Poe Was a Difficult Kid to Raise

Mother: Honey, do you remember mommy's friend Denise?
Four-year-old son: Uh-huh.
Mother: Well, mommy has to leave right now, because Denise's father passed away, and I have to go and tell Denise that I'm sorry.
Four-year-old son: Oh. Did you kill him?

Port Jefferson, New York

Overheard by: arctinus


Categories: Family ties | Guys | Kids | Kids | Moms | Murder | New York | Questions | Weirdness | Posted 2008-05-14 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Christian Discovers He Has a Vocation for the Priesthood

Gay boy: ... And I woke up and my room was filled with red buttons and ears of corn, then my comforter turned into a giant lake, and three purple rhinoceroses just like rose out of it! And--
Girlfriend #1: No, Christian, there is no such thing as rhinoceroses. The plural of "rhinoceros" is "rhinocerii".
Girlfriend #2: Stacy... I don't think that's right... I think it may be "rhinos-"
Girlfriend #1: Courtney, that's ridiculous, we're being serious here...
Gay boy: Okay, guys! It doesn't matter. Anyway, back to the story... The weirdest part is, after all that happened, I thought I liked girls...
Girlfriend #1 and girlfriend #2: Wow... That is strange...

Huntington Movie Theater
Long Island, New York


Overheard by: Mo

I'm Lactose Intolerant!

Professor: So if we played the word association game, and I said the word "ice cream", Tiffany might say "playground" because she used to eat ice cream on the playground. And then maybe if I said the words "ice cream" to Tom, he might say "sex" because he's a serial rapist.
Tom: But I'm not.

SUNY
Geneseo, New York


Overheard by: Colin

Another Victim of Dr. Seuss' On Beyond Zebra!

Student: I just have a question about the alphabet.

Sarah Lawrence College
Bronxville, New York


Categories: Colleges & Universities | Education | New York | Questions | Students | Weirdness | Posted 2008-05-12 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Crap --I Hate Eighteenth-Century Make-Believe

Nine-year-old girl, planning game: So he'll be the priest, and you can be the wet nurse.

Mount Vernon, New York


Categories: Games | Girls | Kids | Kids | Leisure | New York | Offers and requests | Religion | Sexuality | Weirdness | Posted 2008-05-11 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

And Now, Please Clap Along As I Do the Tenure Dance

[Girl leaves class in the middle of a lesson]
Professor
: She didn't like what I was saying? I'm so upset, I'm going to go to the garden and eat fuzzy worms.


Marist College
Poughkepsie, New York


Overheard by: Nik


Categories: Class | Education | Feelings | Food | Insects | New York | Teachers | Posted 2008-05-09 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

This Is What Happens When Harry Potter Fans Grow Up

Extremely drunk chick crying: I love him so much and he doesn't even know! He's my soulmate.
Exasperated sober chick: He's fictional!

Armory Square
Syracuse, New York


Categories: Chicks | Comebacks | Compare and contrast | Drunks | Feelings | Gripes | New York | Sexuality | Weirdness | Posted 2008-05-05 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

If You Need a Longer Break, "Fluffy Pink Clouds 101" Is Right Down the Hall

Linda: Ugh, this class is so depressing!
Professor: Let's all take ten seconds to think about baby lambs to make Linda feel happy. [pause] Okay, back to Terri Schiavo!

Marist College
Poughkeepsie, New York

That's Like Saying, "I'll Pass This Class."

Professor: Can anyone give me an example of an equal relationship?
Student: Husband and wife?
Professor: Oh, you're so idealistic...

Marist College
Poughkeepsie, New York

Well, First Rubber Cement. Then Sex

Poetry professor: I don't know about you, but when I hear the word "sniffing" I think of sex!

SUNY Purchase
New York


Overheard by: S. Van-Ho

Carlos Beltran: I Hate Being an Outfielder

Female Mets fan: I'd let the whole infield fuck me in the ass with no lube if it meant they would win the World Series.
Friend: Classy, Michelle, real classy.

Braves-Mets Game
Queens, New York


Overheard by: aaron

Projecting onto My Kids Seems to Help

Honest soccer mom: I'm really trying to get into the whole body-acceptance thing, but I just can't get past how disgusting it is.

Westchester County, New York


Categories: Beauty | Compare and contrast | Feelings | Moms | New York | Pride | Wishes | Posted 2008-04-25 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

It's Great Anal Lube

Perky middle-aged lady: And that's what's so interesting about salad dressing!

East Aurora
New York


Categories: Advice | Food | Happiness | New York | Women | Posted 2008-04-25 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

I Had a Roommate Who Bleached the Bathroom Three Times a Week. True Story

Chick on cell phone: My roommate was rolling a lint roller all over her head for like ten minutes and finally I was like: "What the fuck are you doing? You're gonna pull all your hair out!" ... Haha yeah... She threatened to kill me if I asked her anymore questions... She probably watches me sleep.

UB Bus
Buffalo, New York


Categories: Advice | Bus | Character | Chicks | Education | Fears | Hair | Murder | New York | On the phone | Sorority types | Threats | Threats | Weirdness | Posted 2008-04-16 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

But You're Probably at Least Drunk

Professor: You may not be the target audience. You may not be on drugs!

Marist College
Poughkeepsie, New York


Overheard by: Nik

If You're Really Bad, I'll Make You Go in the Ball Pit

Angry father, to young daughter: Do you wanna go to Chuck E. Cheese?
Daughter: [scared silence]
Father: Then stop touching shit!

Wal-Mart
Long Island, New York


Overheard by: Molly BOOM


Categories: Dads | Default | Etiquette | Family | Food | Girls | Kids | Kids | New York | Offers and requests | Shopping | Stores | Wishes | Posted 2008-04-13 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Always a Burning Question

Sensitive soul: Why would I fuck you if you have a rash?

Dining Hall, Stony Brook University
Stony Brook, New York


Overheard by: Slightly amused but scared


Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Etiquette | New York | Questions | STDs | Sex | Students | Threats | Posted 2008-04-10 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

And Had a Dream About It.

Thug on cell: Fuck off, man. Don't even try arguing with me. I'm a fucking expert on this shit. I wikipedia-ed it last night.

Carousel Mall
Syracuse, New York


Categories: Advice | Bragging | Default | Etiquette | Guys | Insults | Internet | Malls | New York | On the phone | Thugs | Posted 2008-04-08 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

I'm Not Saying Your Assessment of Thomas Jefferson Is Wrong...

Student: Maybe he's gay for the snake.
Teacher: Did you just say "gay for the snake"?!

Pleasantville High School
Pleasantville, New York

Gosh, That Was a Fun Baptism.

Big Italian guy holding a putter: Man, the last time I had one of these was to beat someone up!

Lumberjack Mini Golf
Lake George, New York


Overheard by: Jessica


Categories: Bragging | Compare and contrast | Default | Foreigners | Guys | New York | Violence | Weirdness | Posted 2008-04-06 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Taught Me the "White Elephant"

College guy: I went to sleep-away camp so long ago my counselor was Jesus Christ!

University of Rochester
Rochester, New York

I'm Safer Here Where Everybody Hates Me

Girl on cell: Nooo... I'm not sure I should go to Florida. That could lead to sex.

Cornell University
Ithaca, New York


Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Geography | Girls | New York | On the phone | Sex | Posted 2008-03-29 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

The True Test of Whether You Should Be Wearing Skinny Jeans

Hipster girl: Ugh, I had, like, the worst day yesterday. I was skipping on the quad, and I ripped my skinny jeans.

Vassar College
Poughkeepsie, New York