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I'll Put Them on Ice for You 'til After the Exam
Guy to another: Dude, just study your nuts off and you'll be fine.
Binghamton University
New York
Some Spies May Be Adorable, but They Get the Job Done
Girl on cell in library: It's crunch time, sparky!
Marist College
Poughkeepsie, New York
Overheard by: Russ
...She's a Good, Honest Whore
Angry guy, loudly: My sister is not a fetish model!
Greenport Harbor Brewery
Long Island, New York
Overheard by: Ladle
Categories: Family ties | Guys | New York | Sexuality | Weirdness | Posted 2011-08-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
This Must Be How Men Feel About Vaginas
Short, round, drunk girl with British accent: I have to pee! I just hate walking by all these apartments knowing they all have working toilets!
Manhattan, New York
Why Don't You Start and I'll Go Out for a Cigarette Break
Student #1: There are an infinite number of answers?!
AP calc teacher: Yeah, there are.
Student #2: Do you want us to write them all down?
High School
Boiceville, New York
Overheard by: Toasted
And I Do Mean Everything
Boy #1: I'm gonna take out my iPhone and post these pictures on YouTube.
Boy #2: You can't post photos on YouTube.
Boy #1: Fine, I'll post them on Facebook.
Boy #2: You don't have a Facebook.
Boy #1: I'll e-mail them to your mom. She posts everything on Facebook.
Central Islip, New York
Overheard by: Val
Categories: Family ties | Guys | Internet | New York | Threats | Posted 2011-06-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Cunt Remember a Thing
Pretty black girlfriend with super long hair: I have no vaginal memory.
Cornell University
Ithaca, New York
Categories: Black people | Girls | Memory lane | New York | Vagina | Weirdness | Posted 2011-06-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...I Want a Postcard!
Woman, dropping friend off at airport, then heading to doctor's office: Enjoy your two weeks in France.
Friend: Thanks, enjoy your colonoscopy.
Airport
Ithaca, New York
Haiti's Funniest Home Videos Is the Stuff Of Nightmare
Retail employee to coworkers: I once saw a man having sex with a chicken in Haiti, and the chicken was crowing...
White Plains, New York
Overheard by: Dubpsfinezt228
Categories: Animals | Memory lane | New York | Sex | Posted 2011-06-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Old Testament God Rides the MTA With His Mom
Eight-year-old boy: Mommy... I can't wait for my day of vengeance to be at hand.
Mother: I know he's unlikable, but there are quieter ways.
Eight-year-old boy, wielding stick in hand: I wanna use this.
Mother: He'll shush up if you put a bow and arrow through his eye.
MTA
Manhattan, New York
Overheard by: PatriotAhckt
If Lifetime Were a Channel for Men
Girl: Oh my gosh, Brian* went off with the sexual predator dude!
Couple, in unison: Bro rape!
Syracuse University
Syracuse, New York
Eh, Suze Orman's Just a Little Quirky.
Middle-aged suit on cell: Yeah... Well, I don't know. (pause) Doesn't she have Alzheimer's? (pause) I don't care if she's your mother. (pause) Yeah, well, maybe she shouldn't be trading your stocks, then.
Manhattan, New York
Overheard by: mo
Categories: Family ties | Maladies | New York | On the phone | Questions | Suits | Posted 2011-06-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Little Madalyn Murray O'Hair Was Quite the Handful
Little girl, running by: She's going to church, I have to stop her!
Lawrence Farms Orchards
New York
Overheard by: MissPinkKate
Categories: Character | Christianity | Kids | New York | Weirdness | Posted 2011-06-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Wasn't That the Title Of a Judy Blume Book?
Young bearded hipster to college girl: They keep telling me anal bleaching is the way to go, but do girls really notice that stuff?
Manhattan, New York
Gosh, I Miss Circuit Parties.
Nurse #1: Constipated and a lot of bloody stool.
Nurse #2: (laughs uproariously)
North Shore Hospital
Long Island, New York
Overheard by: Ladle
Categories: Etiquette | Health & Hygiene | New York | Nurses | Poop | Posted 2011-05-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Question Mark.
Teen: I couldn't tell if he meant "stop, exclamation point," "don't, exclamation point," or if he meant "don't stop, exclamation point."
Friend: What did you do?
Teen: Look, that handjob wasn't going to finish itself, and I have a reputation, so I had no choice.
Friend: You're a goddamn trooper.
Syracuse Mall
Syracuse, New York
Overheard by: Just Exclaming!
Categories: Friends | Language barrier | Masturbation | New York | Words | Posted 2011-05-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Sarah Really Knows How to Push Her Own Buttons.
Self-centered bimbo to another: I love texting myself, but I told myself: "let me see if I can hold off doing that til Sunday, to see if I can live alone."
Mamaroneck, New York
Categories: Advice | Bimbettes | New York | Stupidity | Technology | Posted 2011-05-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So None Of That Unpleasantness Was Personal?
30-something artist: It's not that everybody hated the Jews, it's that the Catholics were crazy.
Art Studio
Rochester, New York
Strangely, They Still Have the Same Collective IQ.
Construction worker #1: There's a lot of sick bastards out there.
Construction worker #2: Not like when we were growing up.
Construction worker #3: That's because the country's got 300 million people now. When we was growing up it only had 150 million. That's why you got three times the number of crazies now.
Oceanside, New York
Categories: Coworkers | Gripes | Memory lane | New York | Stupidity | Posted 2011-05-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Thanks to All That Community Fingering at the Lakes.
Guy #1: So what I'm not clear on is how the penis and vagina work.
Guy #2: Well, how are you doing on STDs?
Guy #1: I'm still a little unsure about some, but I have syphilis down pat!
Finger Lakes Community College
New York
Her Favorite Country Is Switzerland.
Spray-haired Long Island housewife #1: Beige is my favorite shade...
Spray-haired Long Island housewife #2, interrupting: Oh my gawd, the neutrals! I love the neutrals!
Long Island, New York
Overheard by: Ladle
Nor Am I a Female Gang Member on Law & Order
20-something boyfriend: What's it called when girls put brown around their lips?
20-something girlfriend: Lip liner?
20-something boyfriend: Yeah. Why don't you wear that?
20-something girlfriend: Because it's not 1995, and I'm not going on the Ricki Lake show.
Manhattan, New York
Categories: About celebrities | Beauty | Couples | New York | Questions | Posted 2011-05-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Gay Cruising Slang Gets More Cryptic by the Minute.
Guy on phone: That sounds awesome. (pause) Did he kill the bear? (pause) Wellllll, fuck him!
Manhattan, New York
Overheard by: Coral
...Oh, That. Subway, Why?
Girl, after hugging friend: Um, why do you smell like a scrotum?
Guy: Wait, what?
Manhattan, New York
Categories: Body parts | Girls | Guys | New York | Questions | Sensory experiences | Posted 2011-04-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Alanis Morissette Should Really Move on With Her Life
Angry girl shouting to her boyfriend hysterically: I can't believe you're ditching me, you will never, never, never find a girl like me in your entire fucking life again!
Boyfriend: That is the point.
Manhattan, New York
Overheard by: Tadashi
Categories: Character | Comebacks | Couples | New York | Relationships | Posted 2011-03-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Oh Wait, That's Just My Blackberry.
Girlfriend to boyfriend who is trying hard not to look at a hot girl dancing sexily: Don't worry baby, I'm getting the erection for you.
Manhattan, New York
Categories: Beauty | Couples | Erections | New York | Relationships | Posted 2011-03-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
In Summary, Never Pick Your Nose With Your Thumbnail
Coed to another: It's someone picking their nose... but in the thumbnail it looked like a penis
SUNY
New Paltz, New York
Categories: Girls | New York | Penis | Sensory experiences | Weirdness | Posted 2011-03-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
They'll Tell Us What to Do
Teen, hearing that IBM computer "Watson" is winning at Jeopardy: That makes me so happy! We have robot overlords!
Ithaca, New York
Categories: Feelings | New York | Technology | Teens | Weirdness | Posted 2011-03-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Raise Your Hand If You Think He'd Have Hated Mass
Mother to eldest daughter: You can come have sushi with us for lunch on Sunday, but only if you go to mass with us too.
Eldest daughter: I don't think Jesus would approve.
Mother: It's fine. Jesus loved sushi.
Yorktown Heights, New York
Overheard by: Monty
Categories: Christianity | Food | Jesus | Kids | Moms | New York | Offers and requests | Posted 2011-03-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Can't Talk. Orgasming.
Girl hottie: Do they give out medals for chronic female masturbators? Because if so... (points to self with thumbs) Super star. I'm talking gold medal, national treasure.
Guy hottie: You're not deterring me! We're getting turkey bacon!
Wegmans
New York
Overheard by: Bronze Medalist
When Yonkers Girls Make a Sexual Availability Statement
Roller girl: Whoa! That's a vagina you could accidentally fist.
Yonkers, New York
Categories: Girls | Masturbation | New York | Vagina | Weirdness | Posted 2011-03-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Maybe Getting Some Hair Extensions
Elderly lady to another: I wonder what God's doing right now. Probably drunk, celebrating his 400th birthday.
Washingtonville, New York
Overheard by: Trisha
Don't Even Get Them Started on the Pussy Products.
Little girl: Can I have the nose now?
Guy: Yeah, sure, it probably has everyone's snot on it now, though.
Older girl: Ew! Oh my gosh, mental image!
Guy: What do you want me to say? I'm speaking their language.
Older girl: Say "nose... products." It has "nose products."
Guy, laughing hysterically: Nose products?
Older girl: Yes, nose products.
Little girl, holding out fake vampire teeth: Here, take my mouth products.
Kids' Playground
Manhattan, New York
Categories: Body parts | Girls | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Language barrier | New York | Questions | Posted 2011-02-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
TV Lied to Me
Six-year-old boy holding "pillow pet", singing: It's a pillow, it's a pet, it's a pillow pet! (then, whispering to himself) This isn't as cool as I thought it would be...
Target
White Plains, New York
Overheard by: M
You Haven't Lived 'Til You've Seen Me Applaud with Them.
Cute girl: I have great tits!
Gay friend, skeptically: I guess they're nice...
Cute girl: No, really. Each of my last four boyfriends or longish-term hookup buddies were ass-men when they met me, and by the time we split, they'd each been converted to boob-men.
Gay friend, still skeptical: That may just mean your ass isn't great.
Cute girl: Damn, you're so cup-half-empty. My ass is great. My tits are just phenomenal.
Manhattan, New York
The Right Tool for the Job, and So Forth
Roller girl: So you either need a lesbian or a bearing press.
Yonkers, New York
I Think I've Seen This Episode Of Roseanne...
Woman entering stall to daughter: See you in an hour. (ten seconds later, from inside stall) You know... People are gross. (another 10 seconds later) Okay, I'm over the toilet!
Daughter: Shhh!
White Plains, New York
Overheard by: L-Dawg
Categories: Health & Hygiene | New York | Parenting | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2011-01-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Worst. Telemarketer. Ever.
Asian guy: I mean, I'm a nice guy, but I'ma fucking kill you.
Syracuse, New York
Overheard by: Tucker
Admit It-- You're Strangely Aroused.
Pretty hipster in lab: It's cold in here and it's also not hot outside.
Pretty nerd in lab: Shouldn't the thrill of science keep you warm?
Pretty hipster in lab: That's such a stupid thing to say...
Cornell University
Ithaca, New York
Overheard by: Warm for Science
Categories: Dorks, Geeks & Nerds | Hipsters | New York | Questions | Science | Sensory experiences | Stupidity | Posted 2010-12-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Here's Stephen Jay Gould to Explain
Professor: Do you ever wonder why men have nipples? Men use their large chests to attract women, like peacocks. But why the nipples? It's not like someone's going to be sucking on my nipple...
Oswego, New York
Categories: Body parts | New York | Questions | Teachers | Weirdness | Posted 2010-12-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Now Ask Me How to Say "Pizza"!
Guy #1: I can speak Italian.
Guy #2: How do you say "cheese" in Italian?
Guy #1: Ha! That's easy, "mozzarella"!
Italian Restaurant
Manhattan, New York
Overheard by: Chloe
Oh, Biblically.
Five-year-old girl, pointing to picture on cup: Who's that?
Babysitter: That's Ronald McDonald.
Five-year-old girl: Oh... How do you know him?
McDonald's
Manhattan, New York
Categories: About celebrities | Babysitters | Kids | New York | Questions | Relationships | Posted 2010-12-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Who You Callin' Unoriginal?!
Emo #1, trying on black eyeshadow: Does it look alright?
Emo #2: Yeah, it looks great!
Emo #1: Should I buy it?
Emo #2: Yes! Oh my god, there's some on your face!
Emo #1: Where?
Emo #2: There, on your cheek!
(emo #1 starts wiping it off)
Emo #2: Hey, you look like an aboriginal.
Cosmetics Shop
Manhattan, New York
Overheard by: Somni
Categories: Beauty | New York | Sensory experiences | Teens | Weirdness | Posted 2010-12-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Thank God We Live in a Country Where the Popular Vote Is Irrelevant
Female student during welcome week: My uncle doesn't believe in recycling. You know, cause it's like a democratic principle...
Male student: Oh, yeah, totally.
Cornell University
Ithaca, New York
Overheard by: Actually, it's more communist...
Categories: Family ties | New York | Politics | Students | Posted 2010-12-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Don't Even Get Me Started on Mullets.
Loud black guy at pharmacy counter to friend: You know why they got that, right? (points to sign about restrictions on liquid cough medicine sales) Cos people are using them to make methamphetamine. Mm-hmm, if you mix that up you can make methamphetamine. (looks around, whispers to friend, they laugh) You don't see any brothers doing that shit, that's all I'm saying.
CVS
New Rochelle, New York
Categories: Black people | Customers | Drugs | Health & Hygiene | New York | Shopping | Posted 2010-11-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And You Thought There Was an Echo in Your Bathroom.
Guy in stall #1: Hi, how are you?
Guy in stall #2: Fine. Thanks.
Guy in stall #1: So what are you up to?
Guy in stall #2: Uh, the same as you.
Guy in stall #1: Can I come over?
Guy in stall #2: What the hell? I'm a little busy right now, freak!
Guy in stall #1: Listen, let me call you back. There's an idiot in the other stall who keeps answering my questions.
Restaurant Bathroom
Manhattan, New York
While Muscular Christianity's More Of a Gay Gym Boy
Tall girl to short girl: You make religion sound like the skinny kid you didn't go to prom with.
Ithaca, New York
Overheard by: Lissette
Categories: Compare and contrast | Dancing | Friends | New York | Religion | Posted 2010-11-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
16 and NOT Pregnant Is Rather a Snoozefest
High school girl: I've gone to second base with a guy, but have done pretty much everything with a girl. Because penises are scary.
Forest of Fear
Tuxedo, New York
Overheard by: Kaitlen
And Here I Thought I Was Granting a Favor
Man: Who doesn't love a blowjob!?
Woman: The woman on her knees with a dick in her mouth.
Man: Huh? Really?
Woman: Duhhh!
Manhattan, New York
Also Why She Doesn't Have to Give Blowjobs.
Confused attractive hipster: I don't understand why he became progressively more Asian during my dream.
Amused friend #1: You don't have to.
Amused friend #2: Because you're pretty.
Manhattan, New York
Categories: Beauty | Bimbettes | Compliments | New York | Race | Posted 2010-10-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Since Daddy Officially Took the T-Bird Away
Boy: Let's play Heads Up, Seven Up!
Girl #1: Let's play Around the World!
Girl #2: Let's play Mum Ball!
Boy: Let's all play Strip Solitaire!
Teacher: I told you: there's no fun allowed in here!
Penn Yan Academy
New York
Overheard by: Rachel Bz.
Categories: Education | Girls | Guys | New York | Offers and requests | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Students | Teachers | Posted 2010-10-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Are You a Happy Cramper?
Girl, bursting into meeting: I just caught my period, yo!
Administrator, looking up: Congratulations?
Manhattan, New York
Overheard by: Me
Categories: Bosses | Girls | Health & Hygiene | New York | Weirdness | Posted 2010-10-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Is It or Is It Not the High Holy Days?
Boy #1: Dude, you know what the best time to get high would be? Right before temple.
Boy #2: No, dude, it's Yom Kippur. You'll be so hungry...
Private High School
New York, New York
Overheard by: so many things wrong with this
Categories: Drugs | Guys | Jews | New York | Questions | Religion | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Time Management | Posted 2010-09-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Christian Siriano Has Difficulty Getting Dates
College girl: We blew a fuse in our room last night. Just in our room, not the rest of the hall.
Science professor: And what did you do to solve this problem?
College girl: I cried.
Professor: That doesn't solve the problem!
College girl: Well, half of my hair was dry and the other half wasn't!
Professor: You were not bilaterally symmetrical. That can be a problem.
Keuka College
New York
Overheard by: Rachel Bz.
...On Local Dining Options.
Ditzy college girl, interrupting class: Do you live in Penn Yan?
Professor: No, I live on Bluff Point.
Ditzy college girl: Oh... Did you know that Sarassin's delivers?
Professor: No, I didn't, but do you mind if I get back to my lecture?
Keuka College
New York
Overheard by: Rachel Bz.
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Education | New York | Questions | Sorority types | Teachers | Posted 2010-09-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Little Tommy Lee Had Quite the Ego.
Seven-year-old in underwear in dressing room, doing pelvis thrusts: Look at my horse! My horse is amazing!
Target
Ithaca, New York
Most Girls Fear Being Gaynablers
Young boyfriend, trying to weasel out of seeing Legally Blonde 2: I... I just don't think I'm emotionally ready for the uncut version. Do you think I'm ready? I don't.
Young girlfriend: You should have pulled the "it might make me gay" card.
Friend: I think his way was more gay.
Young girlfriend: Which concerns me...
Scotrun, New York
But at Least You're Cheating Well.
Busy-looking female suit on cell: Face it, Carol, you just didn't marry well.
Upstate New York
Categories: Advice | Family ties | New York | On the phone | Relationships | Suits | Posted 2010-09-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Raise Your Hand If You Know This Guy
Loud annoying guy, gesturing toward himself: Who has two thumbs and is ready to go? This guy!
Saratoga, New York
Overheard by: Ready to Go
Categories: Body parts | Guys | New York | Questions | Weirdness | Posted 2010-09-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The U.N. Delegates Have This Problem All the Time.
Smokin' hot gay guy on phone: I bought the table under the impression that it was fuck-proof. My husband challenged me last night to prove otherwise. Now my table has been fucked through and Mark* isn't talking to me right now. (pause) Yeah, it does sound like a funny problem to have, but it's really not.
Manhattan, New York
Overheard by: The Sauce
Categories: New York | On the phone | Queers | Sex | Shopping | Posted 2010-09-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And I Thought Old Ladies Loved Tea.
Bicyclist: So I guess your grandma didn't like the joke about your balls.
Rockland County, New York
Categories: Balls | Family ties | Guys | New York | Posted 2010-09-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Like God, If They Didn't Exist, TV Would Have to Invent Them
Young film intern asked to come up with new story: What about a girl surrounded by her sassy, lesbian friends? Do lesbians come in sassy?
Manhattan, New York
Overheard by: I honestly don't know
Best. Birthday Party. Ever.
Teen boy to girl: No! It was an Indian! And it was not vagina soup!
Danby, New York
What a World
Little boy: My legs are melting! My legs are melting!
Target
White Plains, New York
Categories: Body parts | Kids | Kids | New York | Sensory experiences | Stores | Posted 2010-08-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Must Be Gay, Then
Boy: So, do you have a boyfriend?
Cute, chubby girl, with suspicion: No...
Boy: Can I get your number?
Girl: No.
Boy: Why?
Girl: I'm gay.
Boy: Oh... Really?
Girl: No. Sorry. Creeper reflex.
Boy: So you wanna go out?
Girl: No.
Starbucks
Manhattan, New York
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Bonding | Gender issues | Girls | Guys | Lies | New York | Offers and requests | Questions | Sexuality | Posted 2010-08-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Your Editors Are Happy to Help a Complete Stranger Have a Trauma
Young woman #1: So we just left her in there with the stallions for like four hours. She still doesn't know anything about it.
Young woman #2: Oh my gosh, you never told her? I'm going to tell her next time I see her.
Young woman #1: No, don't tell her! She doesn't drink, so she'd just be like, "waaahhh, what did you guys do to me?"
Young woman #2: Oh, right.
Upstate New York
Categories: Lies | New York | Sensory experiences | Sex | Women | Posted 2010-07-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Belinda Finds the Secret Of Happiness
Little girl on merry-go-round, addressing her horse: Go left!
Upstate New York
Overheard by: Coyote
The Girls Totally Planned This
High school girl in hot tub #1: Ugh, my bikini won't stop falling down!
High school girl in hot tub #2: You do look a little... undersupported. Do you wanna trade tops?
High school girl in hot tub #1: Really?
High school girl in hot tub #2: Yeah, it's not like I need the support.
High school girl in hot tub #1: True.
(high school boys in hot tub stare intently)
Westchester, New York
Overheard by: Jenny Suburbs
That, and the Fact That He Loves Her
Angry coffee drinker: He referred to his last sexual congress as "being balls-deep" in his lady.
Amused coffee drinker: Something tells me she was no lady.
Angry coffee drinker: That's what you take away from that?
Cornell University
Ithaca, New York
Categories: Balls | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Guys | New York | Questions | Sex | Posted 2010-07-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Obesity: Explained.
Little boy, pointing to a box of cereal: What's this?
Mom: Cocoa Krispies. It's chocolate-flavored Rice Krispies.
Little boy: Oh my god!
Stop & Shop
Mamaroneck, New York
Overheard by: Diana
...Now That We've Invented These Little Wagons for Them.
Older teenager: Go get me my Clif Bar!
Little girl, eating ice cream sandwich: I will, but I don't want my ice cream to melt.
Older teenager, very annoyed: Bring it with you. You know an ice cream sandwich is portable!
Starbucks
Manhattan, New York
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Food | Girls | New York | Offers and requests | Teens | Wishes | Posted 2010-06-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Have Her Eyes, Patrick
Drunk guy #1: I don't know, I bet she was a nice-looking Irish lass back in her day.
Drunk guy #2: You keep calling my grandma a piece of ass like it's a compliment.
Bar
Syracuse, New York
Overheard by: Mike K.
Categories: Ass | Bars & Clubs | Compliments | Drunks | Family ties | New York | Posted 2010-06-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why In Touch Weekly Exists: Explained.
Employee #1: Are you filling in for Jane*?
Employee #2: Yeah, is she okay?
Employee #1: Yeah, she's all right. Apparently her stalker's in town so she just had to go to the precinct and file all these reports.
Employee #2: Jane* has a stalker? That is fabulous and terrifying all at once.
Yoga Studio
Manhattan, New York
Slow It Is, Sir
Surgeon: Hey, I need to change the big, sticky plastic dressing on your arm. Wanna go slow or do it in one fell swoop?
Patient, looking at dressing covering length of arm: Nahhh, that ain't gon' be no wonton soup...
Jamaica Hospital
Overheard by: MS3
Categories: Body parts | Doctors | Food | Health & Hygiene | New York | Patients | Posted 2010-06-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...For Knowing What Guys Like
Preppy girl #1: So, Emily's a total slut.
Preppy girl #2: I know, right?
Preppy guy: Wait, what's she like?
Preppy girl #1: Umm, like, a d.
Preppy girl #2: No, no, no: double d.
Preppy guy: I was talking about her personality, but thanks...
Starbucks
Manhattan, New York
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Gossip | Insults | New York | Preppies | Posted 2010-06-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Mine Just Tells Me to Burn Things.
Mother to teenage daughter: Are you sure you don't want anything?
Skinny teenage daughter: Nah. (shrugs) My uterus isn't happy.
(mother raises a quizzical eyebrow)
Skinny teenage daughter: It's all like: "hello, I'm a uterus, and I'm going to bloat my way through for awhile, and push Ms Stomach organ out through Ms Bellybutton."
Mother: Oh.
Burger King
Manhattan, New York
Overheard by: i just work here...
Categories: Body parts | Happiness | Moms | New York | Restaurants | Skinny people | Teens | Uterus | Wishes | Posted 2010-06-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When Culinary Students Have Orgies
Tiny college girl waiting in line: The cookies are soooooo good!
Tall male friend, confused: The ice cream?
Tiny college girl: The penises!
Tall male friend: Oh!
Tiny college girl: We just didn't let them cool!
Stop & Shop
Manhattan, New York
This Is Long Island, Bitch!
Composition professor: So, by the way, this is how your do the top of the paper--title, dash, name, just like this paper here. I don't want a four-page paper which is three and a half pages long, with a half-page heading.
Student: But it's standard MLA citation practice for that heading to be like that.
Professor: Fuck MLA.
Hofstra University
Long Island, New York
Overheard by: I hate MLA
It's Like Using Sarcasm on a Child, Right?
Father to son spending too long to wipe off boo boo with blankie: Do you know the definition of insanity?
Four-year-old son: Yes.
Mount Vernon, New York
Oh, I Didn't Even Get to That Part!
Overly loud tween boy: Yeah, but at least he put it in.
Teacher: Shut up back there.
Monticello, New York
Overheard by: Not the right thing to accidentally shout out during a breif silence
If "Swaziland" Is Already Taken
Girl, looking at bag of coffee: Tan-zay-nee-uh. Hey, I didn't know that was a country!
(friends laugh)
Girl: That's a pretty name, I'm going to name my daughter that!
Starbucks
Manhattan, New York
...Says the Woman Who Has a Crush on Those Twins in The Suite Life Of Zack & Cody?
Queer dad at the back of the line: Ohmigod! There's Rebeca, from cheerleading.
Woman friend: Oh yeah! I hate her, she's so perky.
Queer dad: And irresponsible, she always leaves her kids on the car when she goes anywhere.
Woman: Oh, really?
Queer dad: I mean, who leaves a top of the line Escalade with a smoking hot nine-year-old idling in the parking lot? Especially in this neighborhood!
Woman dad: That is so wrong!
Queer dad: I know!
Woman: No, that you said "smoking" hot nine-year-old.
Queer dad: Oh...
Dunkin Donuts
Manhattan, New York
Overheard by: Billy Splatts!
...And What Do You Mean by "Had"?
Wife: Oh, my cousin Danielle just had her baby!
Husband: You have a cousin Danielle?
Mount Vernon, New York
Categories: Birthing | Couples | Family ties | New York | Questions | Posted 2010-04-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Cinderella's Spiteful Stepsister Would Soon Eat Her Words
Woman to friend: That would never happen. Not even in a fairytale you wrote your goddamn self would that happen.
Buffalo, New York
Categories: Advice | Compare and contrast | New York | Women | Posted 2010-04-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Um, That's Just Beer, Sweetie.
Boy, screaming into pregnant mother's belly: We're going to give you up for adoption!
Tanger Outlet
Riverhead, New York
Overheard by: bemused
Frankly, You Should Be More Worried About That Burrito
Five-year-old girl to ten-year-old sister: I don't know what you're so worried about. As long as it's not you who throws the first punch, the principal won't yell at you. That's always what happens with me.
Taco Bell
Plainview, New York
Overheard by: Tina
Categories: Education | Kids | New York | Restaurants | Violence | Posted 2010-03-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You're Housebroken, Right?
20-something woman to another: I need to show you to my dog sometime.
Iithaca, New York
...Would You Like to Go Out With Us This Friday?
Freshman boy trying to flirt with girl: I'm from Boston and he's from Boston and he's Chinese and he likes Bruce Lee, naked, naked, naked. (pokes Chinese friend)
University Library
Binghamton, New York
Overheard by: Brianna
Categories: About celebrities | Colleges & Universities | New York | Preppies | Sexuality | Posted 2010-03-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's for Church
Four-year-old boy to group of mothers: Guess what!
Group: What?
Four-year-old boy, excited: I just peed standing up!
Boy's father: That's not something we tell people!
Children's Room, Katonah Library
Katonah, New York
Overheard by: amused librarian
"...From Outer Space"
Woman #1: Oh, did I tell you? I had a dream last night about Ray. He told me that he was okay where he was.
Woman #2: You know what that means, right? It means he's gone up to heaven.
Woman #3: Or... It could simply mean that you dreamed about Ray.
Woman #2: You have to have some faith in dreams. Remember that bible story: Jacob and the technicolor bathrobe.
Starbucks
Manhattan, New York
Overheard by: Wondering if they took many baths back in those days to reqire bathrobes
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Christianity | Clothes | Death & dying | New York | Women | Posted 2010-02-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Is He Talking About Vagina? Discuss.
Little boy to mother: Mommy, it smells like eating wieners... right?
Walgreens Parking Lot
Port Chester, New York
Overheard by: Ldawg
Edna Krabappel Really Needs a Man
Teacher: These are the most... sensual... shells and peppers... that I have ever seen.
Ithaca, New York
Now If Only She Could Find the U.S. on a Map
Old man, about Jessica Simpson "how I found love again" mag cover: She can't find someone to lighten her roots, but she found love. Thank god.
Mamaroneck, New York
Overheard by: Melissa
Categories: About celebrities | Beauty | Feelings | New York | Old folks | Posted 2010-01-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What All Guys Hope and All Girls Fear
Teen to friend: My pants are tight in the crotch, I think I am getting bigger in that region.
Buffalo, New York
Overheard by: el.
Welcome to the Twilight Zone
30-something guy to seven-year-old kid: So even when you get older you will be spending a lot of time in stores waiting for women to shop... It's boring for us, but looking around and not buying anything is somehow fun for them.
Seven-year-old kid: Oh. You aren't American. Where you from?
30-something guy: I'm from Ireland.
Seven-year-old kid: Ireland? What do they speak there?
30-something guy: English.
Seven-year-old kid: You speak English?
30-something guy: Well, we're speaking English now.
Seven-year-old kid, incredulously: We are?
Long Island, New York
Overheard by: Jack
Categories: Foreigners | Gender issues | Kids | Kids | New York | Questions | Shopping | Posted 2010-01-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And I'm Sure He Was Using That Rope As a Clothesline
Psychologist #1: He said he was going to do his laundry, which is a really good sign.
Psychologist #2: Yeah, you can't want to commit suicide and want clean clothes.
Manhattan, New York
Categories: Cleanliness | Clothes | Coworkers | Death & dying | Feelings | Mental illnesses | New York | Wishes | Posted 2010-01-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It Happens.
Deli worker : Hey, do you got a pen that works?
Colleague: Nah, I must have dropped mine in the parking lot after I stabbed someone with it.
Long Island, New York
Categories: Coworkers | Crimes | New York | Offers and requests | Violence | Posted 2010-01-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Everthing I Hated About High School Is Suddenly Flooding Back to Me...
Eccentric driver's ed student: Sometimes I really just like to sniff my pants. (leans forward and sniffs his pants)
Northport, New York
Overheard by: Jessica
Categories: Bus drivers | Clothes | Creepsters | New York | Sensory experiences | Undies | Weirdness | Posted 2010-01-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Ricky Has Yet to Encounter Tentacle Porn
Girl to boy: Yeah, well, I watched Hentai once. I think Japanese people have mammal fetishes because all the girls had four ears, and there seemed to be furry rodents latched onto their vulvae.
Hammondsport, New York
Mmm, Sacrilicious!
20-something girl: Those deviled eggs totally messed me up... Emotionally.
Manhattan, New York
You Are Now Qualified to Work at McDonald's
Five-year-old daughter: Daddy, ask me some math questions.
Father: Okay, what is 4 x 4?
Five-year-old daughter: It's not 9!
Father: That's correct.
McDonald's
Manhattan, New York
Overheard by: Michael Moore
For the Sake Of the Wife and Kids
Obvious minor: Can I get a pack of Marlboro lights?
Mini-mart man: Do you have ID?
Obvious minor, indignant: Yeah, but I don't have it on me!
Mini-mart man: Would you like two packs for $9.45?
Obvious minor: No thanks, I'm trying to cut down.
Greenport, New York
I Spent a Whole Week in a Broom Closet Once
Boy #1 to boy #2, who is moving his chair: What the fuck are you doing?
Boy #2: I'm moving you out of the way so I can get by.
Boy #1: What? You could've just asked me to move.
Boy #2: Yeah, but I was trying to save you from having to do anything. Don't worry, I was gonna put you back.
Boy #1: Okay.
Boy #2: I hate when people move me and don't put me back.
Student Center, WCC
Valhalla, New York
Overheard by: Princess Diana
What About Those Three Other Kids?
Six-year-old girl: Are you doing your job?
Lifeguard: Are you drowning?
Six-year-old girl: No.
Lifeguard: Then I'm doing my job.
Kiddie Pool
Great Neck, New York
That's a Map Of Narnia, Jessica.
Girl: Oh my god, can you help me find the Dominican Republic of the Congo on this map?
Westchester, New York
Categories: Geography | Girls | New York | Offers and requests | Stupidity | Posted 2009-12-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Because If It's Boating, That's Way Too Political
Girl #1: What is Roe v. Wade?
Girl #2: What do you mean? I don't know!
Girl #1: What is it about?
Computer Lab, Syracuse University
New York
I Think I've Heard This Bob Dylan Song
Drunk guy to group of teens: If you're on the moon and you ain't got no shoes, man, you're outta luck.
Rye, New York
Overheard by: Grizzzly
We Warned You About Drinking from the Open Bottles
NYU guy in audience during group skits: PBR doesn't taste as good on a Sunday morning as it did last night at the party.
NYU girl in audience during group skits: Yeah, I'm like, "someone might as well just piss in my mouth instead."
Rock Hill, New York
Overheard by: I think I'll still go with the PBR
That Dog from the Old Navy Commercials?
Mom to adult daughter: Now what you do is you pick an aisle to go down that you think has magic at the end of it.
Dutchess County, New York
Overheard by: Rich Mintz
At the Hermaphroditic Contortionist Children's Support Group
Five-year-old girl, pointing at store window: Balls!
Young mom: That's right honey, those are balls, but you ate your balls, huh?
Five-year-old girl: I ate my balls!
Buffalo, New York
Or Gave Me Religious Pamphlets. I Forget.
20-something girl: Do you remember that guy last night?
Friend: Oh, him? Yeah, I think he motor-boated me.
Canisius College
Buffalo, New York
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Friends | Girls | New York | Questions | Rack | Sensory experiences | Sex | Weirdness | Posted 2009-11-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Oh, Leave Ethan Hawke Alone.
Guy to another: Why's he bother to wash his clothes, anyway, if he smells that bad and doesn't bother to bathe?
Laundromat
Catskill, New York
Overheard by: Amie
Categories: Bathing | Cleanliness | Clothes | Gossip | Guys | New York | Questions | Sensory experiences | Posted 2009-11-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Show and Tell Is Discouraged After Elementary School
Short girl: I studied the wrong vagina!
Curlie: Me too, but I studied the right penis.
Chem teacher: Uh...
Onteora, New York
Audrina from The Hills: Explained.
Woman #1, washing hands: What happened to your chin?
Woman #2: Oh! Uh, Justin head-butted me.
Woman #1: He what?
Woman #2: Oh, well, not like on purpose or anything, just, like, while we were messing around, or whatever.
Woman #1: Mmmmm...
Woman #2: Yeah, I was in like a bad accident when I was a kid so my face doesn't take blunt force trauma very well since then.
Manhattan, New York
Categories: Body parts | New York | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2009-11-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Have Nude Pictures in Catalogs.
Man: She said that? She has nude pictures on the internet! How can you compare me to her?
Emergency Room
Westchester, New York
Some Quotes Leave Your Editors Wanting to Hear Less
Girl to group: You guys! Everyone who has not had this fetus in their rectum is still a virgin!
Sarah Lawrence College
Bronxville, New York
She's Worried I'll Don Their Gay Apparel
Teenage scene girl: I'm going to American Apparel to apply for a job.
Friend: Do you think you'll get the job?
Teenage scene girl: Yeah, but I don't think my mom will let me.
Friend: Why?
Teenage scene girl: There are lesbians there.
McDonald's
Manhattan, New York
Categories: Friends | Girls | Jobs & Careers | McDonald's | New York | Parenting | Questions | Sexuality | Teens | Posted 2009-10-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What Have You Been Doing to That Poor Puppy?
College girl #1: You know, just because I want to hit it doesn't mean you have to, too.
College girl #2: But now that it's shaved, it's so much better!
Cornell University
Ithaca, New York
Categories: Colleges & Universities | New York | Shaving | Students | Wishes | Posted 2009-10-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Juding by the Way You're Huddled in the Corner, Chanting in Middle English.
Professor: Sorry, I think I just gave a few of you post-traumatic Chaucer disorder.
Marist College
Poughkeepsie, New York
Overheard by: Russ
Categories: Books | Colleges & Universities | Education | Mental illnesses | New York | Teachers | Weirdness | Posted 2009-10-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Try Reading to Them or Something
Loud girl to friend: Calm your nipples, bitch!
Huntington, New York
Overheard by: Sarah
Why Do You Think I Was Dressed As a Clown While Saying It?
Girl: You called me a slut and said you didn't want to talk to me anymore.
Guy: That was for show.
Long Island, New York
Overheard by: Kaleena
Instead Of Herpes
16-year-old student: Ah, those were the days... people talked on the phone, and phones got phone calls...
High School
Binghamton, New York
Categories: Memory lane | New York | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Students | Stupidity | Posted 2009-10-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...And That's How Nutella Is Produced.
Greasy old man to wheelchair-ridden woman: And then it drips out of my rectum...
Westchester Airport
New York
Sorry, we don't do special orders, that's Burger King
Woman who's too old to work at McDonald's: So, you want cheese on your sausage, egg and cheese?
Customer: Umm... okay, sure, yeah.
Centereach, New York
I Was Just Pointing Out That Most Dogs Don't Have Their Own Bathtubs
Drunk JAP, yelling at boyfriend: I can't deal with your shit anymore! You don't respect me, you ridicule me in front of my friends. You tell me my dog doesn't deserve to live in a house as big as mine! I don't want to live like this!
Long Island, New York
Overheard by: Jill and Weenie
...For Talking to Me!
Student #1: Hey, how was your Easter?
Student #2: I'm Jewish, but thank you!
Paul Smith's College
New York
Overheard by: agnostic librarian
Categories: Colleges & Universities | New York | Questions | Religion | Students | Posted 2009-10-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Long Island Has Feminists?
Overbearing mother: Let her see you in the bra! She will make sure it fits correctly!
13-year-old girl, buying first bra: Mother, I'm not for sale!
Victoria's Secret
Long Island, New York
And We're Glad You Did.
(professor starts to write on the board. The chalk breaks. Class laughs. Professor turns around and bumps into the desk. Class laughs harder)
Professor: Shut up! Shut up and listen to me! I am teaching you things and being enthusiastic! ...much as I dislike each and every one of you!
Student: Oh man, I am so writing that down.
SUNY Potsdam
New York
Overheard by: minibab
...After You Told Me If We Don't Have Sex, the Terrorists Win.
20-something gal: Can you believe September 11th was eight years ago?
20-something guy: Really? That long? Yeah, I guess it's true.
20-something gal: A lot's changed since then. We've both lost our virginity.
Manhattan, New York
Overheard by: Will S.
...Next to Making Undergrads Uncomfortable.
Professor: I advise you all to make love, at least once, outside in the rain. It's the best feeling in the world.
Marist College
Poughkeepsie, New York
Overheard by: Mackenzie
Categories: Advice | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Education | Feelings | New York | Sex | Teachers | Weather | Posted 2009-09-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Is There One In Your Office?
Thesis advisor to uncomfortable-looking advisees: You girls might be too young for it, but if you ever have the chance to have sex on a water bed, you should do it.
Colgate University
Madison County, New York
Categories: Advice | Age and ageing | Colleges & Universities | Education | New York | Sex | Students | Teachers | Posted 2009-09-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Brad's Mistake Was Majoring in Women's Studies
Guy to friend: Why do I have such a small dick?
SUNY Binghamton
New York
But They Get Mad When I Try to Study Them
Guy #1: So how's your women studies class going?
Guy #2: Good! There's so many fine bitches.
Subway
Manhattan, New York
...But Wait: Your Girlfriend?
Dude #1: So, I'm trying to get my girlfriend to cancel her wedding to her friggin abusive boyfriend.
Dude #2: Wait! Your girlfriend?
Dude #1: Yeah, my girlfriend. Her boyfriend beats the shit out of her.
Dude #2: Word?
Dude #1: I mean, it's such a waste of money! They gotta spend money on the hotel and the reception. Such a waste, right?
Dude #2: I guess...
NYS Fair
Syracuse, New York
Why Stupid People Will Always Outnumber Smart People: Explained
Teen girl #1: You know, I wish we had some sort of pregnancy switch that we can turn on and off at will. That way, when we have one night stands, we can just turn 'em off, and, voila! No baby!
Teen girl #2: We do. They're called diagrams.
Teen girl #3: You mean "diaphragms."
Teen girl #2: Whatever.
Starbucks
Manhattan, New York
Overheard by: Leila
According to Their Publicists
Passerby to two women getting off elevator with a double stroller with white and black babies: Uh-oh!
Women: Oh, it's okay. They're just friends.
Elevator, Westchester Mall
White Plains, New York
I've Been Wearing These Same Sweatpants Since 1997
Chick: I don't care about what anyone else does. I barely care about what I do.
Fleetwood, New York
Overheard by: Deek
Just Say No to Jesus, Kids
Teen girl #1: He offered it to me in church--I mean, who offers someone marijuana in church?
Teen girl #2: When else could he do it?
Long Island, New York
Overheard by: Colleen
Categories: Christianity | Drugs | New York | Questions | Teens | Posted 2009-09-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You're Divorced, Mom.
Seven-year-old boy to mom: So, mom, all the kids in camp were making fun of this one boy cuz he was a stinky Yankees fan and we're all Mets fans!
Mom: Honey, if mommy can marry a Republican, than you can be friends with a Yankees fan.
Manhattan, New York
Overheard by: Laura
Categories: Compare and contrast | Kids | Kids | Moms | New York | Parenting | Politics | Relationships | Posted 2009-09-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
He Doesn't Fulfill Such Pedestrian Requests
Girl #1: I wish we had the same size feet.
Girl #2: Well, it's your fault.
Girl #1: How is it my fault? It's not like one day I woke up and was like, "yo Jesus, make my feet three sizes bigger than my sister's."
Roosevelt Field
Long Island, New York
Overheard by: greg
Categories: Body parts | Compare and contrast | Family ties | Girls | Jesus | New York | Weirdness | Wishes | Posted 2009-08-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
How to Tell If Someone's on Parole
Scruffy dude picking up cell with fart noises as ringtone: Hi, honey.
Family Video
Brockport, New York
Overheard by: swear it was the phone
Categories: Burping & farting | Cell phones | Guys | New York | On the phone | Relationships | Stores | Weirdness | Posted 2009-08-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Leave Jay Manuel Alone, Already.
Teen boy #1: He's gay.
Teen boy #2: No, he isn't.
Teen girl: He's just orange!
Teen boy #2, laughing: "Orange" isn't a sexual orientation.
Teen boy #1, laughing so hard he's crying: I was just thinking that.
Teen boy #2: Hes like, an Oompa-Loompa. He's always so mean 'cause he's tall, they rejected him because he was different.
McDonald's
New York City, New York
Categories: Books | Compare and contrast | Gossip | McDonald's | New York | Sexuality | Teens | Posted 2009-08-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Plus, I Prefer Anal. Anal!!
Chronically oversharing blonde woman: If I didn't know better, I'd swear there was a baby up in there, but there are three reasons I know that's impossible. For one thing, I'm on birth control, which is why I've gained twenty-five pounds. Twenty-five pounds! Also, I haven't had sex since (whispers) October, (resumes normal voice) so I'd be overdue. And I got my period today.
Chilango's Mexican Restaurant
Rochester, New York
Overheard by: TARDIS Dyke
Categories: Diet & weight | Health & Hygiene | New York | Pregnancy | Restaurants | Sex | Women | Posted 2009-08-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...While Pretending You're Alan Rickman
Guy, clueless: Wow, I can't believe Snape was evil the whole time!
Girl, exasperated: I can't believe I fuck you every night.
Cinema, after Harry Potter
New York City, New York
Overheard by: Ellen
Things Couldn't Be Any Worse If We Were Victims Of Nuclear Holocaust!
Jappy milf #1: I just feel like all I do is sell houses. And I hate it. I just hate my life!
Jappy milf #2: Ugh, I know. We really need to get out of Armonk!
Jappy milf #1: I know. I hate my house! I hate everything in it! My life is horrible here!
Armonk, New York
My Train Is Like the Hotel California, Beeyotch.
Black woman #1: I hate when people wait to the last minute to try and get off at a stop.
Black woman #2: Mmm-hmm.
Black woman #1: I don't let them past if they try to do that shit.
Black woman #2: What you do?
Black woman #1: I'll push their mothafuckin' ass back on the train!
Subway
New York City
Categories: Ass | Black people | Gripes | Insults | New York | Public Transportation | Train | Violence | Women | Posted 2009-08-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And I Love Your Ass
Hobo to another: Guys like us were never taught the value of words. And that's why I always come out on top. Because I understand the meaning of the word "itinerant." And you, sir, are an itinerant and a philanderer!
New York City, New York
With My Baby Brother Inside?!
Adorable little blond girl, ecstatically: Did our car get jacked?
Port Washington, New York
Overheard by: Ladle
...So, Uh, Wanna Talk About Your Period?
Man: So how's your baby?
Young woman: Great. He's three months old now, so he's no longer just a glorified fetus! He has emotions, and everything!
(pause)
Man, awkwardly: Oh. Huh, how about that?
Mohonk Resort
New Paltz, New York
Overheard by: Ali
I'd Love to Sniff Your Pores.
Professor: And that's why caffeine is my drug of choice. (awkward pause) So who here had some caffeine today?
University of Rochester, New York
Has No One Done the Reading?
Professor: Who creates design?
Student: Women?
Professor: Men! Men! Gay men!
SUNY
Purchase, New York
Overheard by: Ilysse Weisenfeld
I Don't Think You Have Much Choice
Woman on phone: So you want me to call her anyway and tell her that I'm not coming to a party that I wasn't invited to?
Park Ave
Long Beach, New York
Overheard by: Christina Federici
One Problem with the Global Village
Boy to hot girl: Hey, how's it going?
Hot girl, in French: I'm speaking in French so that you won't know what I'm talking about and will think that I can't speak English.
Boy, in French: Oh really? I know French too!
Bus
New York City, New York
Shall We Try "P" for "Polanski"?
Guy #1: What aisle are we looking for?
Guy #2: We should be looking under teen girls' rugs.
Guy #1: Yikes!
Furniture Store
New York City, New York
She Wears Steel-Toed Boots.
Teen #1: I could fuck your sister.
Teen #2: Yeah? Well, I could fuck a horse.
Teen #1: No you couldn't.
Teen #2: Why not?
Teen #1: You can't just sneak up on a horse and fuck it in the ass.
Teen #2: I wouldn't sneak up on it, I'd let it know I was there.
Teen #1: You'll get kicked in the face. And you'll die.
Teen #2, quietly: Whatever, dude... Just don't fuck my sister!
New York City, New York
Categories: Animals | Ass | Death & dying | Family ties | New York | Sex | Teens | Violence | Posted 2009-08-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Doesn't He Just Get That Swastika-Shaped Mole Removed?
Woman: Everyone's been asking me why I didn't bring my boyfriend!
Man: Why didn't you bring him? Too many Jews?
Woodstock, New York
Overheard by: Becca
When Communists and Capitalists Work Together
Flight attendant: As you depart the aircraft, please check your area for any personal belongings. If you leave anything behind, please make sure that it can either be split three ways or that we can sell it on eBay. Thanks for flying Southwest!
Buffalo, New York
Overheard by: robyn
Categories: Airports & flights | Flight attendants | Internet | New York | Public Transportation | Posted 2009-08-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Some Kids Wet the Bed
Mother to five-year-old: Keep moving, we don't want to be in the first car. If the train crashes, we'd be done for.
Metro North Railroad
New York City, New York
Overheard by: BOB Sled
Or Don't Be the Idiot Who Schedules Things Before Noon
Professor, at 8 am: If coffee doesn't work, drink RedBull. But if that doesn't work, I suggest amphetamines or heroin.
Class, SUNY
Purchase, New York
Overheard by: Jessica
Worst. Job Interview. Ever.
Woman #1: Are you wearing sexy underwear?
Woman #2: No, just cotton.
Arts and Crafts Show
New York City, New York
Overheard by: Karlene Kuhn
And It Was in My Baby's Diaper for Safekeeping the Whole Time
Judge: The police found drugs in your house?
Mother: It was just a little crack, and it was only there for two days.
Ulster County, New York
When Aesop Tried Peyote
Dude: You fail to see that the rhinoceros is not pleased that you've clogged the bathtub drain with jam and celery. She's quite angry with you. I mean, if you just shit out a canary, it's not going to want to play tonsil hockey.
Friend: How hard would it be to get you involuntarily committed to a mental institution?
Marist College
Poughkeepsie, New York
Overheard by: Russ
Categories: Animals | Bathing | Birds | Colleges & Universities | Food | Friends | Guys | K-I-S-S-I-N-G | Mental illnesses | New York | Questions | Weirdness | Posted 2009-07-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Religious Freedom's Expensive
Teacher: Why did the Pilgrims come to America?
Student: Because they wanted to dig for gold!
(later)
Teacher: Why did the Puritans come to America?
Student: Oh! I know this one! They're the ones that wanted to dig for gold!
East Greenbush, New York
...After Thinking About the Poor Children in the World Who Aren't Even Allowed to Poop
Girl to friend eating yogurt: You know, yogurt makes you shit.
Friend, frightened: Does it, really?
Girl: I dare you to take the Activia challenge.
Friend: Nah! I'm not in the mood to poop today.
Fire Island, New York
Overheard by: i laughed at this
Lightly Stroke It.
Flight attendant: Contrary to popular belief, pushing the button with the flight attendant on it will not turn your flight attendant on. So don't push it.
Flight to New York
Overheard by: Erica Lynn
Categories: Advice | Airports & flights | Flight attendants | New York | Public Transportation | Stupidity | Posted 2009-07-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Meet the Inventor Of the Bulletphone
Physics student: If you go faster than the speed of sound, can you...hear...into the future?
Kingston High School
Kingston, New York
Categories: Compare and contrast | New York | Questions | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Science | Sensory experiences | Students | Posted 2009-07-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...If It Were Spelled with a Silent T.
Teenager: Hey, which terminal is baggage claim?
Airport employee: Terminal T.
Teenager: Wait...which one?
Airport employee: Terminal T. "T" as in "Charlie."
JFK Airport
New York City, New York
Overheard by:
Categories: Airports & flights | Employees | Names | New York | Public Transportation | Questions | Stupidity | Teens | Words | Posted 2009-07-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Right Said Fred Could Not Sustain Their Popularity
Guy #1: Just admit it, man.
Guy #2: Admit what? That I'm great and wonderful and perfect in every way shape and form? Alright, I'm great and wonderful and perfect in every way shape and form!
Guy #1: No, admit that you're crazier than me!
Guy #2: Yeah, well...you're just Mr "Too sexy for my shirt," and I'm Mr "Too sexy for my life," but seriously, I'm so smart and everyone loves me.
Guy #3: You're just lyin' to yourself, man.
Guy #2: I'm too sexy for the world! That's just the way it is. I'm the next Albert Einstein. Everyone will soon realize that they love me. You all know that I'm right, so say that I am always right! You're dumb and I'm smart. Everyone loves me.
Bus driver: Will you guys be quiet? No one wants to hear this!
Manhattan, New York
Overheard by: Lulu
Categories: Bragging | Bringing it back to you | Bus | Bus drivers | Compare and contrast | Guys | Lies | New York | Public Transportation | Questions | Posted 2009-07-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Bet You Don't Know About Her Meth Problem!
Mother: Do you know about the tooth fairy?
Toddler: Yeah!
Mother: No, you don't.
Fleetwood, New York
Overheard by: Deek
Categories: Body parts | Family ties | Kids | Kids | Magic | Moms | New York | Parenting | Questions | Posted 2009-07-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Desire to Flee Rochester Will Overpower Anything
Woman on PA system: Attention. Please disregard the call for wheelchair assistance at gate A-5. Repeat: there is no wheelchair needed at gate A-5. It's a miracle!
Airport
Rochester, New York
Overheard by: Patty Astrolabe
Categories: Airports & flights | Health & Hygiene | Magic | New York | Public Transportation | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2009-07-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But Instead It Was Kindergarteners.
Guy: We could have been run over by trucks or seagulls.
Marist College
Poughkeepsie, New York
Overheard by: Nik
...Remember When We Used to Talk About Politics?
60-year-old man #1: Do you get the Disney channel?
60-year-old man #2: I sure do!
60-year-old man #1: Do you ever watch Kim Possible?
60-year-old man #2: It's my favorite show!
60-year-old man #1: No way! Me too!
60-year-old man #2, attempting to sing: Call me, beep me, if ya' wanna reach me!
60-year-old man #1: (silence)
60-year-old man #2: I like the naked rat.
Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute
Troy, New York
Overheard by: Bacon