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And Now the Judge Says I Can't Babysit There?
Girl to fourteen classmates: I do *everything* in the bathroom!
The Melting Pot
New Jersey
Overheard by: supersecret!
Categories: Etiquette | Euphemisms | Girls | New Jersey | Restaurants | Students | Weirdness | Words | Posted 2008-06-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It Was More of a Poem, Really
Guy: So I fell asleep in bio today and when I woke up this bitch was watching me.
Girl: Good story.
Guy: And then I sneezed.
Girl: [Laughs.] Wait, that was actually part of your story?
Hoboken, New Jersey
Which Also Explains the Peanut Butter Smears
College student: That one answer is wrong. You put a nine instead of a six.
Professor: I was probably stoned at the time.
Sussex, New Jersey
Categories: Class | Compare and contrast | Default | Drugs | Education | New Jersey | Students | Teachers | Weirdness | Posted 2008-06-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Humorless Girl Was the Most Depressing Of the X-Men
Victoria's Secret salesgirl to couple: Our bras are 15% off today.
Male: I prefer it when your bras are 100% off.
Victoria's Secret salesgirl: [With a blank look on her face.] That wouldn't make sense. Then they would be free.
Depford Mall
Depford, New Jersey
Overheard by: Philly Joe
Categories: Clothes | Compare and contrast | Customers | Default | Employees | Girls | Guys | Malls | Money | New Jersey | Offers and requests | Stupidity | Wishes | Words | Posted 2008-06-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Those Poopyheads Have Already Exhausted Their Five Minutes of Fame
College girl: There, I've belittled and insulted The View without using the word "bitch" or the c-word.
Student Center, Montclair State University
New Jersey
Overheard by: ...and that itself is a feat
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Etiquette | Insults | New Jersey | Pride | Sorority types | TV shows | Words | Posted 2008-06-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
How My Mom Forces Me to Interact with Attractive Men
Girl #1: I thought you were clumsy because you had fallen in love.
Girl #2: I was clumsy because somebody pushed me.
New Jersey
Categories: Compare and contrast | New Jersey | Relationships | Posted 2008-06-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Thinking, I'm Thinking!
Prof: Do you think that kicking a pregnant woman in the stomach was wrong?
Student: Ummmm... I'm not certain.
Prof: Do you think that what he did was a crime?
[Student pauses for nearly 30 seconds.]
Student #2: Dude, he kicked a baby.
Seton Hall Law
Newark, New Jersey
Categories: Class | Crimes | New Jersey | Philosophy | Pregnancy | Questions | Stomach | Students | Teachers | Violence | Posted 2008-05-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Blame the Lasciviousness of Contemporary Mores
Middle school student: It's not my fault he got hit with the G-string...
Toms River
New Jersey
Overheard by: the sub
Categories: Balls | Clothes | Gender issues | New Jersey | Students | Teens | Weirdness | Posted 2008-05-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Fred Discovers Urine in the Ball Pit
Guy shaking his fist: Damn you, Chuck E. Cheese!
New Jersey
Jesus: Mooom, They're Starting With the Gay Thing Again!
Blonde #1: I saw a church sign the other day that said "Let Jesus be a part of your rainbow." Isn't that, like, gay?
Blonde #2: Maybe you're supposed to think about Jesus when you're having gay sex.
Blonde #1: Ohhh... I get it now.
Piscataway, New Jersey
Overheard by: .... I don't think anyone gets it.
Stop Being White in Popeye's!
Black girl #1: Okay, I know what I'm getting. Do you know what you're getting?
White girl: I've never been here before. Let me look for a while. [Pauses, then yells.] Wait a minute! Popeye's a sailor; Why does he sell chicken?
Black girl #2: Oh my god, shut up now or no more vodka for you for the rest of the night!
White girl: Okay. [Giggles.] I'm sorry.
[Black girls start talking to each other.]
White girl, yelling: Why are there no white people in here?!
Black girl #1: Aww fuck, take her outside to the car. This is her first and last time ever coming here!
Popeye's
Trenton, New Jersey
Categories: Advice | Black people | Compare and contrast | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Food | Friends | Girls | New Jersey | Questions | Race | Restaurants | Threats | Wishes | Posted 2008-05-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Me and My Cocaine Fork Will Be Just Fine
Girl: But I'm graduating soon, so I don't need spoons anymore!
Montclair State University
New Jersey
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Druggies | Drugs | Education | Girls | New Jersey | Sorority types | Students | Posted 2008-04-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
They've Got Frequent-Flyer Miles Up the Ass
Loud teenage girl: Oh my god, condoms are flying everywhere!
Ridgewood, New Jersey
Overheard by: i don't see any condoms
Conversion in Progress --Please Stand Back
Guy: My cousin got me this Jesus bracelet in like Cuba or something. It was only a dollar!
Jewish girl: Jesus shouldn't have a price!
Montclair State University
New Jersey
Overheard by: oh, jesus
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Geography | Gifts | Girls | Guys | Jesus | Jews | Money | New Jersey | Religious fanatics | Stupidity | Posted 2008-04-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Dude, You're Preaching to the Choir
Student: She thinks she's so good. She was probably the only soprano in her high school, so she was automatically the best. Or maybe she went to a school for like, people with severe burns. She was the best in the burn victim ward.
Westminster Choir College
Princeton, New Jersey
Overheard by: Gaby Young
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Education | Etiquette | Health & Hygiene | Music | New Jersey | Students | Weirdness | Posted 2008-04-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
From Containing All That Evil?
Girl #1: Do you think anyone's like... Actually a good person?
[long pause]
Girl #2: Ugh, my stomach really hurts today.
Drew University
Madison, New Jersey
Categories: Bringing it back to you | Character | Colleges & Universities | Default | Friends | Girls | Gripes | Maladies | New Jersey | Questions | Sorority types | Students | Posted 2008-04-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The First Time in History a Bang from Behind Has Resulted in Pregnancy
Middle-aged guy: Yeah, I've been in a couple of accidents before. One time this lady rear-ended me out of nowhere.
Middle-aged woman: Did you sue her?
Middle-aged guy: Of course I did. How do you think we paid for in-vitro?
Newark Airtrain, New Jersey
And You Can Only Show the Video to a Limited Audience
Girl #1: At least he didn't say what JD said to me the other night. He said I was boring in the bedroom because I didn't try new things.
Girl #2: Oh my god!
Girl #1: Yeah and I told him, well how am I supposed to know what to do? I was a virgin before you. Well, not literally a virgin, but close enough!
Girl #2: So what are you going to do?
Girl #1: Well, I told him that when we go on vacation, we can have a threesome. But it has to be someone I'll never see again.
New Brunswick, New Jersey
Overheard by: Slutgers Girl
Categories: Bimbettes | Default | Friends | Girls | Gripes | New Jersey | Offers and requests | Relationships | Sex | Sexuality | Posted 2008-04-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Well, You're Not Gonna Turn Kids Off Sex with the Truth!
Health teacher: Man, you girls these days! Wanting to have all the wrong kinds of fun... You know what, if a vagina was used by 15 different people, that vagina would probably be as wide as this door!
McNair Academic High School
Jersey City, New Jersey
Categories: Advice | Default | Education | Etiquette | Health & Hygiene | New Jersey | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Sexuality | Teachers | Vagina | Posted 2008-04-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
How Everybody Reacts to Ann Coulter's Baby Pictures
Liberal student, passing photo of cute baby: Aw... [realizing it's an ad for campus pro-life group] ... Ugh.
Princeton University
New Jersey
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Feelings | Health & Hygiene | New Jersey | Politics | Pregnancy | Students | Posted 2008-04-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Hey, You're the Experienced Pet-Sitter!
Cashier on cell phone: I mean... What's the problem? Ejaculating? Is he ejaculating too much or too little? Which is the problem?
Shoprite
New Jersey
Overheard by: allison
Categories: Cum | Default | Employees | Etiquette | Gripes | New Jersey | On the phone | Questions | Relationships | Stores | Posted 2008-04-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What's This Irrational Fear of Joan of Arc?
Man on cell: I wouldn't worry about her though, she's dead.
Newark airport
Newark, New Jersey
Overheard by: catherine
Categories: Advice | Airports & flights | Death & dying | Default | Etiquette | Feelings | Guys | New Jersey | On the phone | Posted 2008-04-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
God, I Miss College
College girl: Remember that girl who admitted to stealing my clothes from the laundry room?
Friend: Yeah?
College girl: Well, she finally gave me my clothes back at the end of the semester before she mysteriously disappeared. I was like going through them and I found not just my clothes, but like other people's clothes too. Not just girls either. I found tighty-whities and shit. But the weirdest part was at the bottom of the basket. There was a plastic bag of jewelry ranging from like cheapo rhinestone shit to like semiprecious stones, a tv remote with no batteries, a crazy-straw, some masking tape, an empty lipstick tube thing, and a handful of Canadian money.
Newark, New Jersey
Categories: Assholes | Clothes | Crimes | Default | Friends | Girls | Mental illnesses | Money | New Jersey | Sorority types | Weirdness | Posted 2008-04-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Pay for the Ones That Come in the Mail
Guy #1: So, where do you meet girls?
Guy #2: You mean, at the strip club?
Guy #1: I mean the ones you don't pay for.
Guy #2: At the strip club.
Skillman, New Jersey
Categories: Comebacks | Default | Guys | New Jersey | Questions | Posted 2008-04-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Throw Ball Bearings on the Floor and Say You Just Jerked Off
Seminary student: I always wanted to just write down a series of numbers and letters on the birth certificate, and then later tell my kid they were a robot. It'd be awesome because you'd have the real, original birth certificate to prove it -- to prove that they were a robot...
Princeton, New Jersey
Shout-out: pomomusings.com
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | New Jersey | Students | Stupidity | Weirdness | Posted 2008-03-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
A Penis Doesn't Care What You Think
Blonde: ... And then there was, like, this penis all up in my face, and I was like, 'But I thought you were a girl...'
Montclair State University
New Jersey
Overheard by: Anna
Categories: Bimbettes | Colleges & Universities | Default | Gender issues | New Jersey | Penis | Sexuality | Posted 2008-03-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Is It Putting on a Dress and Heels?
Guy in crowd evacuated from theater due to fire alarm: This is all a marketing trick... Just watch -- any minute now one of those fire trucks is going to transform!
Transformers showing, AMC Theatre
Paramus, New Jersey
Overheard by: JoBell
Doreen Applies the Scientific Method
Dunkin' Donuts chick: All guys are jerks.
Customer: Aw, come on -- I'm a nice guy.
Dunkin' Donuts chick: Well, I haven't tried you yet.
Newark, New Jersey
Categories: Blue collar | Comebacks | Customers | Default | Gripes | New Jersey | Posted 2008-03-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Just Not from Their Government
Man: At least Canadian homosexuals take it up the ass.
Bar
New Jersey
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Default | Geography | Gripes | Guys | New Jersey | Sexuality | Posted 2008-03-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Our Backyard Squirrels Just Don't Hold the Allure They Once Did
60-ish lady: If it weren't for Dancing with the Stars, I don't know what we'd be watching!
Whole Foods
Ridgewood, New Jersey
Categories: Compliments | Default | New Jersey | Old folks | Stores | TV shows | Women | Posted 2008-03-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Turn Around and I'll Show You.
Blonde: You know the bases? If third base is sex, then what is a home run?
Montclair State University
New Jersey
Overheard by: my friends are really dumb sometimes...
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Girls | New Jersey | Questions | Sex | Students | Words | Posted 2008-03-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Snaggleteeth Are in This Season
Woman: There's nothing in my mouth that I'm ashamed of!
87 Bus
Jersey City, New Jersey
Is My Widdle Boy Gonna Asphyxiatey-watey?
Mom, giving toddler a stocking: That'll keep you quiet for a minute. [Toddler starts stretching it over his face.] Awww, that's so cute. Are you gonna go rob a bank?
DSW Shoes
New Jersey
Overheard by: Unburdened shoe shopper
It's Like Watching My Mom
Stoner teen girl watching seals: If I ever turn into an animal, I hope I'm not a seal.
Friend: Why?
Stoner teen girl: 'Cause just look at the poor things -- it's so hard for them to, like, move. They just wobble everywhere. No legs to help them. I feel so bad for them.
Camden Aquarium
Camden, New Jersey
Overheard by: maryjane
Let's Just Say My Love Affair with One of the Muppets Ended As Quickly As It Began
Professor: Has anyone ever eaten anything that made them sick, and now they have an aversion to it? [A few students reply.] Yeah, I think it happens to everyone... Like for me, it's those small, white powdered doughnuts. I just can't eat them anymore -- they taste furry now, and the thought of something furry in my mouth makes me gag. [Pause.] I think I've said too much.
Rutgers University
New Jersey
Overheard by: well, now I'm jsut curious...
Bungee Boobs Are a Serious Problem in New Jersey
Teacher: It should be written in the dress code, 'Girls with bouncy boobs need to cover them up.' Seriously! These girls are one bounce away from getting tips!
Jackson Memorial High School
New Jersey
Overheard by: Diana
Categories: Advice | Default | Education | Gripes | New Jersey | Rack | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Teachers | Posted 2008-02-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
This Has Nothing to Do with Particle Physics, but I Thought I'd Share
Professor: Have any of you been hurt by love? [Class is silent, and professor cackles maniacally] Hahaha, ohhh, it's coming.
Rutgers University
New Jersey
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | New Jersey | Questions | Teachers | Posted 2008-02-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
On a Good Day, She's You-Don't-Have-to-Be-Drunk-Pretty
Hipster on cell: She's not ugly, she's just not leave-your-girlfriend-pretty.
McDonald's
Morristown, New Jersey
Categories: Beauty | Gossip | Hipsters | New Jersey | Posted 2008-02-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook