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Perhaps You Should Get That Checked Out?
Old man: You got bats in your belfry?
Jaded 20-something: Yeah, I don't know what I've got in my belfry...
Jersey City, New Jersey
Bella Has Yet to Date Anyone Who Meets Her Father's Approval
Guy on phone: Hold on a minute, I just have to cut something off my daughter...
Jersey City, New Jersey
Categories: Character | Guys | New Jersey | On the phone | Parenting | Relationships | Posted 2011-07-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...While You're Working As a Mall Santa.
Husband: I'm good at finding little kids' panties.
Wife: That's not a quality that you should announce.
Jersey City, New Jersey
Categories: Advice | Bragging | Couples | New Jersey | Undies | Posted 2011-07-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
New Yorkers-in-Training
Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, we're stopped here because Amtrak's having signal trouble. They're working on the line, but don't know how long it'll take. We could be here five minutes, we could be here fifty minutes.
Loudmouthed commuter: I don't believe this--the same fucking thing happened on Monday!
Even louder commuter: Why the fuck you gotta use language like that?
Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, let me remind you it is not the conductors' fault the train is stopped. We want to go home too, and we're stuck here on this train with you.
NJ Transit
Overheard by: Graceful Space
Categories: Employees | Etiquette | Insults | New Jersey | Public transportation | Posted 2011-07-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
She Was Actually Dead, So the Joke Was on Me
Guy #1: So how was work?
Guy #2: I didn't go.
Guy #1: Oh, take a day off, did you?
Guy #2: Well, I went to Erin*'s house to see if she wanted to talk to my boss about getting a job but she was still asleep, and she looked cute, so I joined her.
Guy #1: Good excuse.
Bayonne, New Jersey
Categories: Beauty | Guys | New Jersey | Questions | Relationships | Posted 2011-06-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Ask John Wayne
Man playing fantasy board game: You can have as many pilgrims as you want!
Wegmans
Woodbridge, New Jersey
Categories: Feelings | Guys | New Jersey | Religion | Weirdness | Posted 2011-06-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Next Time, Do It in Your Coy, Playful Way!
Angry Jersey girl on cell: No, you hung up on me in your manic, crazy way.
Church Tag Sale
New Jersey
Categories: Feelings | Girls | New Jersey | On the phone | Relationships | Weirdness | Posted 2011-06-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why I Stopped Watching Law & Order: SVU
Mother to son: Don't you talk to me that way! I'll put my finger anywhere I want to!
Turtle Back Zoo
West Orange, New Jersey
Overheard by: lickety-split
Categories: Body parts | Moms | New Jersey | Parenting | Weirdness | Posted 2011-05-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Bon Jovi Song That Everyone Forgets
Guy, about girl crying at the bar: You can't cry and wear leather!
Jersey City, New Jersey
Categories: Clothes | Feelings | Guys | New Jersey | Philosophy | Posted 2011-05-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Well You're the One Who Said The Cheetah Club Was Out!
Girlfriend: No, tell me, I do wanna know where you want our wedding!
Boyfriend: Funplex.
Girlfriend: You want our wedding at Funplex?
Passerby: Oh, shit!
Jersey City, New Jersey
Overheard by: Walking by
Categories: Couples | New Jersey | Questions | Relationships | Weirdness | Posted 2011-03-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Have the Sense to Be Grateful
Guy, sweetly to girlfriend: Hey, honey!
Guy friend: Did you know your voice changes when you talk to her?
Guy: Of course! She's the one who fucks me.
Saint Peter's College
New Jersey
Categories: Character | Guys | New Jersey | Questions | Relationships | Sex | Posted 2011-03-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...So, Logically, We Should Fuck Their Assholes.
Guy to another: You know we're dating the nicest girls in the world, right? And we took their virginities! So you know that if we break up with them we're gonna be the assholes. We're fucked.
Jersey City, New Jersey
Categories: Guys | New Jersey | Relationships | Sexuality | Virginity | Posted 2011-03-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The FDA Says I Have To
20-something hot girl on cell: I was going to sleep with you, until you said "is this a good idea?"
New Jersey
Overheard by: kiera
Categories: Feelings | Girls | New Jersey | On the phone | Questions | Stupidity | Posted 2011-01-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Is That a "Yes" on Hiring Her?
Man to friend: She makes me want to cheat on my wife in front of my wife.
Exchange Place, New Jersey
Overheard by: John
Categories: Friends | Infidelity | New Jersey | Offers and requests | Stupidity | Wishes | Posted 2011-01-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
To Be Fair, His Vision Has Never Been Better!
Girl, looking at friend's aquarium: Why is there a carrot?! Is that what you've been feeding your snail?
Jersey City, New Jersey
Categories: Animals | Food | Girls | New Jersey | Questions | Posted 2011-01-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Now Would You Mind Shutting Up and Blowing Me?
Guy: I don't have a favorite person. (pause, then begrudgingly) Well, I guess my favorite person is her... (points at girlfriend)
Girlfriend, unenthusiastically: Well, gee.
Park Tavern
Jersey City, New Jersey
Categories: Compliments | Couples | New Jersey | Relationships | Vagina | Posted 2011-01-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You're Lucky You Have Me, Melina
Guy: If you had to suck a bag of dicks, would you want them to be hard or soft?
Girl: Soft! So I can fit them all in my mouth.
Guy: Well, I'd rather have them erect.
Girl: Oh! Uh. Why?
Guy: Cause there'd be less dicks in the bag.
Girl: What?! Why didn't I think of that?! Now I just sound like a whore!
Guy: You are.
Saint Peter's College
New Jersey
I Would Do Anything for Love, but I Won't Do That, Timmy.
Man: What do you want for Christmas?
Chubby boy: Meatloaf.
Brownstone Diner
Jersey City, New Jersey
Categories: Fat people | Food | Guys | Holidays | New Jersey | Questions | Wishes | Posted 2010-12-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Shall I Demonstrate on This Turkey?
EMS instructor, about female reproductive system: Backing away from this now... We don't want to get too deep into it.
Bergen County SMS Academy
New Jersey
Overheard by: Emt student
Categories: New Jersey | Sensory experiences | Sexuality | Teachers | Uterus | Vagina | Posted 2010-12-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We Won't Talk About Liam Ever Again, Okay?
Five-year-old girl: I think we got almost all of the blood out, mommy. You know, Liam's blood? We got almost all of it out of the sheets. That was a lot of blood.
Mom: Yes we did, honey.
Rest Stop,Turnpike South
New Jersey
Overheard by: TM
Categories: Cleanliness | Kids | Moms | New Jersey | Parenting | Sensory experiences | Posted 2010-12-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Ad: Stuffed Animal Security, Now With New Functionanality!
Toy store employee: Wait, so which one has the butthole?
Mall
New Jersey
Overheard by: thinking of the children
Categories: Body parts | Employees | New Jersey | Questions | Weirdness | Posted 2010-12-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
At Which Point You're Supposed to Make a Wish
Thug in shadows: But when you pee on a rock it bounces back at you!
Ridgewood, New Jersey
Because This Is New Jersey, Bitch!
Girl #1, discussing her boobs: I have lemons! What do you have?
Girl #2: Shit, I have watermelons.
Girl #3, grabbing her own boobs: I have cantaloupes.
Girl #1: Why are you grabbing your cantaloupes?
Jersey City, New Jersey
Categories: Body parts | Euphemisms | Fruit | Girls | New Jersey | Questions | Posted 2010-11-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That Must Be It!
Guy #1: These glasses hurt my eyes.
Guy #2: But there aren't even any lenses in them!
St. Peter's College
New Jersey
Categories: Fashion | Guys | Health & Hygiene | New Jersey | Stupidity | Posted 2010-11-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Shit, That's What the Bible Says
Professor, discussing sperm's passage to egg: "Come and chase me!" That's what the woman says.
Saint Peter's College
New Jersey
Categories: Body parts | Euphemisms | New Jersey | Sex | Sexuality | Teachers | Uterus | Posted 2010-11-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
He's Got Bette Davis Thighs
Girl, about guy in Jason Vorhees mask coming on stage during Halloween skit: I always recognize James* by his thighs.
St. Peter's College
New Jersey
Categories: Body parts | Girls | Holidays | New Jersey | Pop culture | Posted 2010-11-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Aww, There You Go Again!
Guy to girl making a sound of discontentment: What was that? It was kinda cute. Do it again!
Girl: You think my discontentment is cute?!
Jersey City, New Jersey
Categories: Comebacks | Couples | Feelings | Gripes | New Jersey | Relationships | Posted 2010-11-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Took Pictures and Visited the Gift Shop!
Girl: You fucked my vagina twice this weekend!
Guy, exasperated: You don't have to tell me! I was there!
Jersey City, New Jersey
Categories: Comebacks | Couples | New Jersey | Sex | Vagina | Posted 2010-11-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Because I Won't Make That Mistake Again.
Student, during class: Are we talking about real prostitutes or a guy who duct tapes everything back and puts a skirt on?
Stockton College
New Jersey
Overheard by: Charlie
Categories: Body parts | Clothing | Gender issues | Jobs & Careers | New Jersey | Students | Posted 2010-10-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...As My Grandma Knitted on a Little Pillow.
Girl: First, string cheese. Then masturbation!
Saint Peter's College
New Jersey
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Food | Girls | Masturbation | New Jersey | Time Management | Posted 2010-09-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Who Says Kids Today Have No Goals?
12-year-old boy #1: My hobo name is Rancid Earl!
12-year-old boy #2: My hobo name is Cracker Joe!
12-year-old boy #1: Hey, I wanna be Cracker Joe...
Middlesex County Fair
New Jersey
Categories: Names | New Jersey | Tweens | Wishes | Posted 2010-09-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Let Sleeping Girls Lie, Dude
Boyfriend: Hun.
Girlfriend, just waking up: Mmm?
Boyfriend, hugging her: Mine.
Girlfriend: Mmm-hmm.
Boyfriend: Am I gonna have to become an organist to understand you?
Girlfriend: Hmmm?
Boyfriend: You know, so I can understand your pitches and stuff.
Girlfriend, lower pitched: Mmmm.
Boyfriend: See? Like that!
Jersey City, New Jersey
Categories: Couples | Language barrier | New Jersey | Words | Posted 2010-09-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Kierkegaard Water Park Encourages That
Young girl, about dragonfly on water slide: It can't be alive because it's dead!
College guy: Kids are so philosophical.
Hackettstown, New Jersey
Categories: Death & dying | Kids | Kids | New Jersey | Philosophy | Students | Posted 2010-08-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Not As Cute As a Baby with a Cigar, but Close.
Life insurance rep: So how many cigarettes do you smoke a day?
Young woman: Oh, maybe like three or four...
Life insurance rep: Oh, that's cute.
Jersey City, New Jersey
Oh, What's the Big Deal About Cunnilingus??
Guy jogging around track with friends: Well, if it's still alive we can't eat it, can we?
Robbinsville High School
New Jersey
Categories: Food | Friends | Guys | New Jersey | Questions | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Posted 2010-08-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And What Language Are They Speaking?
Seven-year-old boy, stepping off train, to parents: We're in the middle of nowhere!
Train Platform
Maplewood, New Jersey
Overheard by: KBN
I Would Enjoy Crying During My TV News Interview
High school senior girl #1: Where's Meg*?
High school senior girl #2: Getting her wisdom teeth out.
High school senior girl #1: Don't some people die from that?
High school senior girl #2: Maybe she will die.
High school senior girl #1: You'd like that, wouldn't you?
New Jersey
Categories: Body parts | Death & dying | Health & Hygiene | New Jersey | Students | Posted 2010-07-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So Now I Need a Dust Bath
Paris Hilton lookalike waif on cell, wearing tight cargo Capris and giant white sunglasses: No, the steakhouse one... (pause) Yeah, when the vultures flew out of my pants!
Trailer Park behind PETCO
New Jersey
Overheard by: IDK if I want to understand this one
Categories: Birds | Clothing | Girls | New Jersey | On the phone | Weirdness | Posted 2010-07-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And the Shittiest!
Boy in AP English class, reading "The House on Mango Street": This is the most realistic book I've read since "Everybody Poops"!
New Jersey
Categories: Books | Compare and contrast | New Jersey | Poop | Students | Posted 2010-07-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Have You Even Read "Romeo and Juliet", Sir?
Priest: Their first love has brought them so many tears and grief... and black eyes. But they will love again!
Saint Peter's College
New Jersey
Categories: Christianity | Feelings | New Jersey | Religious fanatics | Violence | Posted 2010-07-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Look What Happened to Me!
Pregnant mother to son: Stop throwing daddy's meat around!
Outback Steakhouse
Parsippany, New Jersey
Categories: Family | Food | New Jersey | Parenting | Penis | Preggers | Restaurants | Posted 2010-07-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Perilously Close to Being a Lovely Haiku.
7-year old kid #1: It's raining.
7-year old kid #2: The hurricanes are upon us, bitch!
7-year old kid #1, after long pause: It's raining.
New Jersey
Overheard by: it was raining
Categories: Insults | Kids | New Jersey | Weather | Weirdness | Posted 2010-07-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...I'm Saving That for Marriage.
Girlfriend: Ugh, I can't think about hot dogs or sausages when I eat them. I can't bare to think what body parts I'm eating.
Boyfriend: Oh, hush. Look at what else you eat.
Girlfriend: I know, but I like you! And I wouldn't eat your arm!
Jersey City, New Jersey
Categories: Body parts | Couples | Feelings | Food | New Jersey | Weirdness | Posted 2010-06-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Well, This Has Been Fun. See You at Christmas!
Girl #1: Happy Easter! I love you!
Girl #2: Happy Easter! (pause) This is funny... We're both atheists.
Jersey City, New Jersey
Categories: Girls | Holidays | New Jersey | Religion | Posted 2010-06-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Guess Who's Had a Little Too Much Caffeine?
Guy: I'm not exactly awake yet. Hence the espresso. (holds up cup)
Girl: Oh, you should pour it all over yourself!
Guy: I think that would be contrary to waking up.
Girl: No, no. You'd absorb the caffeine into your skin, and you'd become Awake Man! And your arch-nemesis would be the Sandman, and... and... stuff.
Saint Peter's College
New Jersey
Categories: Advice | Colleges & Universities | Food | Girls | Guys | New Jersey | Sensory experiences | Weirdness | Posted 2010-06-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
From the Brokeback Mountain Outtakes
Guy: Stop accessorizing the tent! You're such a girl!
Old Cedar Campgrounds
Monroeville, New Jersey
Categories: Fashion | Gender issues | Guys | New Jersey | Posted 2010-06-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Tonight on The Real Single Moms Of New Jersey
Tough, burly, tattooed mom: C'mon, honey, you'll like it!
Tearful four-year-old boy: I don't wanna!
Tough, burly, tattooed mom: Everyone loves the beer store! (pulls boy into beer kiosk)
Collingswood Auction
Farmingdale, New Jersey
Overheard by: not EVERYONE
Categories: Drinking & drunks | Education | Kids | Kids | Moms | New Jersey | Parenting | Wishes | Posted 2010-06-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
As We Learned in Biology Class
Drunk dude to girl: You will get absolutely no penis in your life! None!
Transit Train
New Jersey
Overheard by: Russ
...So We Had to Tend to It.
Guy: You abandoned me last night! Both of you, you and James*!
Girl: I'm sorry, I was feeling sick. And I told James* to go back to the bar afterwards, but then, you know, I have a vagina...
Saint Peter's College
New Jersey
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Feelings | Girls | Guys | New Jersey | Sex | Vagina | Posted 2010-06-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Babies Love LSD Orgies, Right?
Guy to hugely pregnant woman: There's a party Saturday--you should come after you give birth.
Princeton, New Jersey
Overheard by: pie
Categories: Guys | New Jersey | Offers and requests | Preggers | Pregnancy | Posted 2010-05-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Too Much, Too Much!
Overzealous personal trainer to neophyte trainee: Touch yourself in the butt!
Gym
West Long Branch, New Jersey
Overheard by: Robert
Categories: Ass | New Jersey | Students | Teachers | Weirdness | Posted 2010-05-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What Orgies at Nursing Homes Sound Like
Girl: Do you have selective hearing?
Guy: No, I just really like this sandwich.
St. Peter's College
Jersey City, New Jersey
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Food | Girls | Guys | Health & Hygiene | New Jersey | Questions | Posted 2010-05-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
As Seen in Drilling Miss Daisy
Girl, flabbergasted: Everyone's birthday is in March?
Boyfriend: Yeah. My grandma's birthday is in June. It's the only time she really has sex. It's her birthday present.
Jersey City, New Jersey
Categories: Couples | Family ties | New Jersey | Sex | Posted 2010-05-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We're Too Aroused to Think Straight
Women studies professor, during discussion about nymphomaniacs: Ladies, are there any of you who are in a constant state of arousal?
Class: (uncomfortable silence)
Professor: Let me rephrase that. Are you constantly ready to engage in sex?
Student, alarmed: Professor, I don't think any of us are comfortable with answering this question.
Saint Peter's College
Jersey City, New Jersey
Categories: Colleges & Universities | New Jersey | Questions | Sexuality | Stupidity | Teachers | Women | Posted 2010-05-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...As Is Jewish Custom.
20-something girl on cell: She washed all the fruit before putting it into the bowl. (pause) We're gonna need a medium-sized male stripper to go along with it, also.
NJ Transit
New Jersey
Categories: Fruit | New Jersey | On the phone | Sexuality | Posted 2010-05-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Being Catholic, We Already Hate Ourselves
Boyfriend to girlfriend: If anyone ever walked in on us having sex, they'd swear we hate each other.
Saint Peter's College
New Jersey
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Hubbies | New Jersey | Sex | Violence | Posted 2010-05-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Oh, and Hugh Hefner Doesn't?
Girl reading Dirty Japanese book to another: Oh, "fuck like rabbits"? "Yari... Ma... Kuru..." Is that how you pronounce it? Do I have the accent right?
(other girl pronounces it correctly in high pitched voice)
Girl: You make "fucking like rabbits" sound so cute and adorable!
Jersey City, New Jersey
Categories: Animals | Compliments | Girls | New Jersey | Sex | Posted 2010-04-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...With Total Uggs.
Girl #1: So what's up with those boots you bought this weekend? You don't look like the type to wear them.
Girl #2: Uh, Tim* wanted me to buy them.
Girl #1: Oh, that's right. I almost forgot about his boot fetish.
Girl #2: And I'm pretty sure he wants me to wear them. And nothing else.
Girl #1, sighing wistfully: I wish I had a hot relationship like that! All I have is slut sex!
Saint Peter's College
New Jersey
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Girls | New Jersey | Relationships | Sex | Shoes | Wishes | Posted 2010-04-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Sex-Positive Feminism Exists.
Girl: I haven't been on a stage since grammar school. Having sex on a stage is so much better than quoting Susan B. Anthony.
Jersey City, New Jersey
Categories: Bimbettes | Compare and contrast | Education | New Jersey | Sex | Posted 2010-04-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Or, If I Were a Lot Taller, a Golf Bag.
Guy: If I had a vagina I'd have all kinds of stuff up there. (pause) I'd use it as a shower caddy.
Hoboken, New Jersey
Overheard by: Laura
Categories: Guys | New Jersey | Vagina | Wishes | Posted 2010-04-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's a Conclusion I've Come to After Many Years Of Self-Reflection
Guy to girl: I hate Asian people named Christine.
Drew University
New Jersey
Overheard by: Greg Everitt
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Guys | Names | New Jersey | Race | Weirdness | Posted 2010-03-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Leave Show Business?
Girl: My stomach hurts...
Guy: Maybe you should stop having so much butt sex.
Jersey City, New Jersey
Categories: Advice | Backdoor | Girls | Guys | Health & Hygiene | New Jersey | Stomach | Posted 2010-03-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You'd Think They Could Be Programmed Not to Splatter the Seat
Student emerging from bathroom to self: I hate those frickin' androids...
Brookdale Community College
New Jersey
Overheard by: Whiskeysaurus
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Gripes | Guys | Insults | New Jersey | Weirdness | Posted 2010-03-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Didn't Spend 7 Years in Evil Medical School Just to Lose My Midget
Drunk gay guy: Where's my midget? I went upstairs and now I'm down here. Where's my midget? (checks under his shoes)
Feathers, New Jersey
Overheard by: K
Categories: Drunks | Magic | New Jersey | Queers | Weirdness | Posted 2010-03-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Not That Kind Of Lawyer
30-something man to 30-something woman: So, have you ever tried milk of magnesia?
Newark, New Jersey
Overheard by: why_would_u_ask_that
Categories: Guys | Health & Hygiene | New Jersey | Questions | Weirdness | Posted 2010-03-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
She May Have Put Her Pie on Your Pie
Roommate #1 looking at crater-filled pie in freezer: Dude, what did you do to this pie?
Roommate #2: Me and Erin* kinda went at it...
Roommate #3: Oh, yeah? What else did you guys do?
Roommate #2: ...with a spoon.
Bayonne, New Jersey
Categories: Food | Guys | New Jersey | Sex | Posted 2010-03-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Wouldn't That Make Her Into a Lesbian?
Teenage girl to friend: I want a boy. If I get a girl I'm going to shove her back in.
New Jersey
Categories: Birthing | Gender issues | New Jersey | Teens | Violence | Posted 2010-02-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So It's Like...a Gay Bar?
Guy, after burning left hand: But this is my special hand...
Friend: Why can't you just use your right hand for a while?
Guy: It's like being jerked off by a stranger.
Friend: What?
Guy: Imagine a stranger comes up to you and starts talking to you, and suddenly just starts jerking you off. (pause) Yeah. That's how it feels like.
Bayonne, New Jersey
Categories: Compare and contrast | Guys | Hands | Masturbation | New Jersey | Posted 2010-02-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Note to Self: Don't Punch Natalie in the Nose
Boyfriend, pressing girlfriend's nose with thumb: Hmmm. I don't think I'd date you if you looked like this.
New Jersey
Categories: Beauty | Body parts | Compare and contrast | Hubbies | New Jersey | Posted 2010-02-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Everybody's Dated a Mustache Girl-- Just Not Publicly
Boyfriend: Baby, you have to shave that mustache.
Girlfriend: Shut up! I keep telling you I'm getting it waxed.
New Jersey
Overheard by: Rebecca
Categories: Beauty | Couples | New Jersey | Offers and requests | Shaving | Posted 2010-02-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Best Possible Kind
Girl: A vagina is a delicate flower!
Guy: It's a fucking hole!
Bayonne, New Jersey
Categories: Compare and contrast | Girls | Guys | New Jersey | Sex | Vagina | Posted 2010-02-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
My Resolution Remains Intact!
Girl: I haven't drank since New Year's.
Friend: That was yesterday, Tina*.
Jersey City, New Jersey
Categories: Drinking & drunks | Girls | New Jersey | Stupidity | Posted 2010-02-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Snooki Doesn't Care Who Knows It
Guy: You have a hole in your pants.
Girl: I know.
Guy, after pause: Nice underwear.
Girl's boyfriend: Yeah, she always has nice underwear...
New Jersey
Categories: Bragging | Hubbies | New Jersey | Undies | Posted 2010-01-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Axe Finally Made a Body Spray Women Like
Girl: What smells like lemon poppy seed cupcakes?
Guy: It might be my penis.
Bayonne, New Jersey
Categories: Food | Girls | Guys | New Jersey | Penis | Questions | Sensory experiences | Posted 2010-01-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Being the Midwest Corn Princess Is Not Without Its Benefits
Hot brunette to guy friend: I just really want to get it, you know, so I can fuck it in its ear.
Guy: Ugh, me too!
Liberty State Park, New Jersey
Overheard by: Julia
Categories: Bimbettes | Body parts | Friends | Guys | Kink | New Jersey | Wishes | Posted 2010-01-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
No One Expects Me to Understand Technology
Old Midwestern lady #1: All these kids bringing their videos games everywhere!
Old Midwestern lady #2: It's depressing! My son-in-law brings his laptop everywhere. Always on the internet.
Old Midwestern lady #1: Is he using one of those blueberries? Or blackpods?
Old Midwestern lady #2: I don't know, I'm just glad I'm old.
Newark, New Jersey
Overheard by: thankfully on a different flight
Categories: Age and ageing | Family ties | Gadgets | Games | Gripes | Internet | Kids | Laptops | New Jersey | Old folks | Women | Posted 2010-01-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Best. Quote Location. Ever.
Male roommate to another: Don't jump on me. I have a boner.
Saint Peter's College
New Jersey
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Erections | Friends | New Jersey | Sex | Posted 2010-01-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Guess It's Montessori School for You Then
Dad, changing son's diaper: Why don't you want to wear a diaper? You want to run around naked and piss and poop all over the floor?
Son: Yeah!
Dad: What are you, an anarchist?
New Jersey
The Rachel Ray Show We've All Been Waiting for
Guy: Do you know what "felching" is?
Girl: No... Is it tasty?
New Jersey
Categories: Cum | Girls | Guys | Licking | New Jersey | Questions | Sensory experiences | Weirdness | Words | Posted 2009-12-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
She's Awfully Peesnickety
Drunk guy: I'm so happy I'm a guy. I don't have to wipe after I pee.
Tipsy girl: You should really wipe if you want Lisa* to suck your dick.
Bayonne, New Jersey
Categories: BJs | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Girls | Guys | Happiness | Health & Hygiene | New Jersey | Pee | Penis | Sexuality | Stupidity | Wishes | Posted 2009-12-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Jack Daniels and Cigarettes: the Early Years
Girl: Good morning, Rob*.
Guy, gasping: Your voice changed! It's deeper!
Girl: Oh. This is my morning voice. It's how I sound in the morning.
Guy: You're not cute anymore!
Saint Peter's College
New Jersey
Categories: Beauty | Colleges & Universities | Comebacks | Compare and contrast | Girls | Guys | New Jersey | Sensory experiences | Posted 2009-12-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
He Would've Assumed You Could Read
Train conductor, to teenage girl with feet on chair: Can you read? (points to sign)
Teenage girl: What...? Oh, sorry. (takes her feet down, conductor walks away)
Suit: He would have never done that if you were a guy.
New Jersey Transit
Categories: Conductors | New Jersey | Public Transportation | Questions | Sexuality | Suits | Teens | Posted 2009-12-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
How Come We Didn't Have Logic Questions Like This in High School?
Jeff: If I was gay I would whip out my dick right now... which I'm about to do.
Plainsboro, New Jersey
Overheard by: Scott
Categories: New Jersey | Penis | Queers | Sexuality | Posted 2009-12-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But This Time You'd Better Not Force Your Brother to Eat It
Eight-year-old boy: Hey dad, can I get deodorant?
Father: Uh, sure.
Eight-year-old boy: Yesssss!
A&P Supermarket
Totowa, New Jersey
Categories: Dads | Happiness | Kids | Kids | New Jersey | Offers and requests | Parenting | Stores | Posted 2009-12-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Because They Just Laughed at Me When I Asked at Toys R' Us
Guy, walking up to greeter: You wouldn't happen to have any buttplugs, would you?
Target
Little Falls, New Jersey
Overheard by: harry bohemis
Categories: Ass | Clients | Employees | New Jersey | Offers and requests | Shopping | Stores | Posted 2009-12-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What Answer Will Keep You from Doing It Now?
Guy: Have you ever seen me suck the tip of my penis?
Jersey City, New Jersey
Categories: BJs | Bringing it back to you | Guys | New Jersey | Penis | Questions | Posted 2009-12-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Who Ever Said Dating Teen Wolf Was Easy?
White girl: Bite his face!
Asian girl: Ew, no! It's all hairy!
White girl: Sometimes you need to do things that you don't like. Like biting a hairy face, for example. Or putting balls in your mouth to get back your Breakfast Club movie...
Asian girl: Oh, you poor thing.
New Jersey
One Word About V-Neck Tees and I Will Slit Your Throat
Girl #1: Hey, let's go to The Gap, they have short pants there.
Girl #2, pissed off: Shut the fuck up! I hate you.
Mall
Northern New Jersey
And Cardiac Arrest Is Just Your Body Saying "Thank You"
Woman in nurse scrubs: It's like my brother says, "bread is merely a vehicle for butter to enter the body".
Italian Restaurant
Toms River, New Jersey
Categories: Food | New Jersey | Nurses | Restaurants | Science | Posted 2009-11-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Wish I Was a Sociopath Like My Dad
Drunk guy to girlfriend: I care about you a lot. It sucks.
Park Tavern
Jersey City, New Jersey
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Couples | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Insults | New Jersey | Relationships | Weirdness | Posted 2009-11-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Your Friends Say It All the Time.
Little girl, singing: You got a fat butt, you got a fat butt!
Mother: Now sweetie, that's not nice to say about mommy.
Little boy: But its true!
Dressing Room
Union, New Jersey
Overheard by: Sarah
Categories: Ass | Assholes | Comebacks | Diet & weight | Kids | Moms | New Jersey | Parenting | Should have used a condom | Posted 2009-11-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If You Want Sex from the Girl's Perspective, Consider Prison
Teenage boy to teenage girl: I wish I could get in the car with lesbians... Wait, no, I don't.
Tinton Falls, New Jersey
Categories: New Jersey | Sexuality | Teens | Weirdness | Wishes | Posted 2009-11-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Have to Leave the State to Offend Anyone
Guy: Hey, come sit over here.
Girl, taking seat: Why?
Guy: I farted.
Girl, remaining in seat: Oh, I don't care.
Guy: Goddamn it! Why are the girls we hang out with so cool?
Jersey City, New Jersey
Categories: Burping & farting | Girls | Guys | New Jersey | Questions | Sensory experiences | Posted 2009-11-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So No One Will Even See Your Hooker Shoes
Mother to sixteen year-old in booty shorts and Uggs: You can be a geisha girl! It goes all the way down to the floor!
Halloween Store
New Jersey
The Five-Second Rule Absolutely Applies to Boobs
Girl on birth control: I think my boobs grew!
Friend, grabbing her boob: Really?!
Girl's boyfriend, slapping friend's hand away: Hey, hey, too long!
Jersey City, New Jersey
Are Catholic Girls Allowed to Sing from the Diaphragm?
Guy: Do you know how I know you were singing correctly?
Girl: You saw me sucking in my stomach?
Guy: No. When you started spitting at me!
Girl: I can't help that I have great diction!
Saint Peter's College
New Jersey
Categories: Body parts | Colleges & Universities | Girls | Guys | New Jersey | Questions | Singing | Weirdness | Posted 2009-10-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Crappy Cramps, Cheetos Vamps
Women #1: Oh, I know why I feel crappy--cramps.
Woman #2: Ew! Me too. Very PMS-y. Craving Cheetos.
Woman #1: That's serious.
Rochelle Park, New Jersey
Categories: Food | Health & Hygiene | New Jersey | Women | Posted 2009-10-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Bottom Line: It Tastes Like Shit.
Guy: You!
Smoking, unsuspecting girl: Me? What'd I do?
Guy: Do you know how lonely it's been since you and Dave* quit smoking? Then everyone started to quit! And now you're smoking again?! At first it was all cute: "Awwww, Emily and Dave* are quitting together! They're like each other's rocks!" Then what happened?!
Smoking girl, sheepishly: We sunk.
Guy: And was it your idea for Dave to start rolling his own cigarettes?!
Smoking girl: Yes...
Guy, exasperated: Every time I ask him for a cigarette, it's like smoking a diaper!
New Jersey
Categories: Compare and contrast | Feelings | Girls | Guys | Health & Hygiene | New Jersey | Questions | Relationships | Smokers | Smoking | Posted 2009-10-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Are You...Part Cat?
Teenage girl to friend: I feel like if you eat my hair, we'll be more connected.
Fair Haven, New Jersey
Categories: Feelings | Friends | Hair | New Jersey | Relationships | Teens | Weirdness | Posted 2009-10-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Maybe Stop Voting Republican?
Guy: My mom hit my dad with a frying pan. He doesn't have a cheek anymore. It's been entirely restructured. She used to beat the shit out of him! It was so funny. But when he drunk--that's when she'd get a beating.
Girl, sympathetically: Your family...
Guy: Oh, I love my family! I don't know what I'd do without them!
Neptune City, New Jersey
Categories: Body parts | Drinking & drunks | Family ties | Feelings | Girls | Guys | New Jersey | Relationships | Violence | Weirdness | Posted 2009-09-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Best. Peer Advisor. Ever.
Curious friend: Doesn't your mouth get tired?
Small Asian girl: That's what my hands are for!
Curious friend: Don't your arms get tired?!
Small Asian girl: That's what my mouth is for!
Curious friend: What do you do when both get tired?
Small Asian girl: Oh, that's when he puts it in my butt.
Hoboken, New Jersey
The Best Part Of Our Lives Happens Between Our Ears
Teenage girl, talking about singer at concert: It was like Star Wars, except we weren't fighting with lightsabers and my hand didn't get cut off. Oh, and he was onstage and couldn't see me.
Rumson, New Jersey
Categories: Compare and contrast | Hands | Movies | Music | New Jersey | Stupidity | Teens | Violence | Posted 2009-09-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Guess I Have to Unbutton My Pants Now, Huh?
Boyfriend: You ask too many questions! For every question you ask, you have to give me a blowjob!
Girlfriend, happily: Okay!
Boyfriend: Damn it!
Jersey City, New Jersey
Ironically, They Were Dancing to "Walk Like an Egyptian"
Hairdresser to client in salon: I really like Egypt, you know? I feel like I have a connection to Egypt, like I was there in a past life. Like, I was watching this show on the History Channel about Egypt? Or some place? And they have three religions there? The first one was this religion where everybody kisses this wall? Mmm-mm-mm-mm. They were making out with this wall! They loved that wall. And then the next religion, god told Abraham to kill his son? What kind of crazy religion is that? And then the third religion was all these people standing up, and bending down.
Client: They were probably Muslims. They were praying towards Mecca...
Hairdresser: Uh huh. And I said to my boyfriend, "that's good exercise." I was going to watch more, but Dancing with the Stars was on.
Collingswood, New Jersey
Categories: Clients | Employees | Geography | K-I-S-S-I-N-G | Murder | New Jersey | Parenting | Religion | TV shows | Weirdness | Posted 2009-09-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What Happens When You Tell Them There Are No Stupid Questions
Girl to teacher, about Underground Railroad: Wait... didn't the white people hear the train go by?
High School
Clark, New Jersey
Overheard by: Sweeney
Categories: Education | New Jersey | Public Transportation | Questions | Race | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Students | Teachers | Posted 2009-09-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Are You Pregnant?
Girlfriend: You still have Jack Daniels in my fridge! All nice and frozen. Well, it's not frozen because alcohol has a high freezing point, but it's been in there for months so it's as "frozen" as it's gonna get, well, not really because...
Stressed-out boyfriend: Woman! Too many words in that sentence!
Saint Peter's College
New Jersey
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Couples | Drinking & drunks | Gripes | New Jersey | Science | Words | Posted 2009-09-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If God Were Irish
Teenage girl: Potato chips are like flakes of god's skin.
Rumson, New Jersey
Categories: Body parts | Compare and contrast | Food | God | New Jersey | Teens | Posted 2009-09-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Where Was It Again?
Woman in next dressing room: Oh my god, I always forget about my tattoo!
The Gap
Ridgewood, New Jersey
Categories: Fashion | New Jersey | Tattoos | Women | Posted 2009-09-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Or the Bomb on This Bus Will Explode!
Girl to boyfriend: Hold on, sweetie, I need to give my sister a call.
Boyfriend: No. I can't stop making out with you.
Cherry Hill, New Jersey
Categories: Couples | Family ties | K-I-S-S-I-N-G | New Jersey | Posted 2009-09-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Translation: He's Been Too Happy Lately
Son: Mommy, why are you going through daddy's phone?
Mother: Because I love him!
Panera
Howell, New Jersey
Categories: Cell phones | Family ties | Feelings | Infidelity | Kids | Kids | Moms | New Jersey | Questions | Posted 2009-09-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Parenting, Encapsulated.
Little boy: Mommy, come here! I have a present for you!
(mom comes over, little boy proceeds to dump a bucket of water over her head).
Little boy: Did you like it?
Mom: No.
(little boy dumps another bucket of water on her head)
Neighborhood Pool
New Jersey
Overheard by: CMac
Categories: Gifts | Kids | Moms | New Jersey | Parenting | Should have used a condom | Stupidity | Posted 2009-09-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why I Could Never Teach Middle School
13-year-old preppy white girl: It be sneakah time, ya'll!
Deptford Mall
Deptford, New Jersey
Categories: Kids | Language barrier | Malls | New Jersey | Preppies | Stupidity | Teens | Whiteys | Posted 2009-08-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
No Licking Above the Waist!
Girlfriend: Hold my hand, Eric. Please.
Boyfriend, yelling: No! Just stop it, okay?
Girlfriend: Come on. Just hold my hand.
Boyfriend: No! I'm not doing that again.
Girlfriend, laughing: Aw, why not?
Boyfriend: Because last time you licked my face!
Lawrenceville, New Jersey
Overheard by: Jake
Categories: Body parts | Couples | Hands | New Jersey | Offers and requests | Weirdness | Posted 2009-08-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Not Sure Purell Addiction Is Quite the Same Thing
40-something guy: Dr. Phil man, he showed up for Britney, maybe he'll show up for me.
Airport Baggage Claim
Newark, New Jersey
Overheard by: Sarah
Categories: About celebrities | Airports & flights | Gossip | Guys | New Jersey | Posted 2009-08-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Difference Between Bad Nazis and Good Nazis, Encapsulated
Teen girl: If I saw a really crazy sandcastle, I'd totally kick it down. Anyone would.
Teen sister: I would never, like, mess something up like that if someone was really good at something. Unless they were really good at something I hated. Like... being ugly.
Rumson, New Jersey
And You'd Have to Supervise the Kids Scrubbing Them Off
Preschool teacher #1: I wouldn't want to spill coffee on those shoes.
Preschool teacher #2: Why not?
Preschool teacher #1: Because they'd get coffee stains on them.
Rumson, New Jersey
What Do You Think We Pray For?
Stoner girl #1: What happens at Christian retreats?
Stoner girl #2: You pray and reflect.
Stoner girl #1: Oh. So no beer, then?
Stoner girl #2: Definitely no beer.
Jersey City, New Jersey
Categories: Christianity | Drinking & drunks | Girls | New Jersey | Questions | Stoners | Posted 2009-08-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Out Of What?
Middle-aged woman shopping with husband: If we weren't so old, I would say "let's go into the parking lot and make a baby."
Target
Hackensack, New Jersey
Categories: Age and ageing | Couples | New Jersey | Offers and requests | Sex | Stores | Posted 2009-08-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Ancient Egyptian Belief to the Contrary
Teenage girl: I'm pretty sure dead people don't have to eat.
Rumson, New Jersey
Categories: Death & dying | Food | New Jersey | Teens | Posted 2009-08-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Carnie Wilson's Mother Tried, But She Was Not Successful
Little girl in cart: Cheetos! That's my favorite snack!
Mom: No! Fruit is your favorite snack, remember?
Flemmington, New Jersey
Categories: Compare and contrast | Food | Fruit | Kids | Kids | Moms | New Jersey | Parenting | Posted 2009-08-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Planning on Staying in New Jersey
Saleswoman: Have a nice day!
Irritated customer: I've already made other plans.
Jersey City, New Jersey
Overheard by: Steve
Sad About Getting Caught
20-something hipster chick: I cried throughout the whole movie. Seriously, I was bawling! Richard Nixon was such a sad man.
Tick Tock Diner
Passiac, New Jersey
Overheard by: JoBell
Categories: Chicks | Feelings | Hipsters | Movies | New Jersey | Politics | Restaurants | Posted 2009-08-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Getting Lonely All by Myself in This Little Office
Woman on intercom: Would Joe Smithson please report to the guidance office? (pause) Please? Seriously, please, please, please, just come... please.
High School
New Jersey
Overheard by: Miss Fabulous
Categories: New Jersey | Offers and requests | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2009-08-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And I Already Squeal Like a Girl, So...
Band geek, eating lunch, to friends: I've come to the realization that if I were a woman, I'd have amazing breasts.
Rutgers University
Camden, New Jersey
Overheard by: One time at band camp...
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Friends | Idiots | New Jersey | Rack | Sexuality | Stupidity | Posted 2009-08-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Too Late!
Girl, trying to measure three different spring pans: How are you going to measure that?
Guy: To be honest, I'm thinking about the size of my penis.
Girl: Um...
Guy: I think this one is the one that's seven inches.
Girl: Uh...
Guy: If anyone asks, I never did this.
Jersey City, New Jersey
Categories: Girls | Guys | New Jersey | Penis | Questions | Posted 2009-07-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
In Between and During Periods Of Incarceration
Woman to mother being slapped in the rear by little boy: Oooh, your son is bad!
Mother: Yeah, I think he's gonna be an ass man when he grows up!
Jersey City
New Jersey
Categories: Age and ageing | Ass | Kids | Kids | Moms | New Jersey | Parenting | Strangers | Violence | Women | Posted 2009-07-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Ummmm....
Teenage girl: Blowjobs are lesbian sex.
Red Bank, New Jersey
Categories: BJs | New Jersey | Sexuality | Teens | Posted 2009-07-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Gotta Love the New Razr Phone
Freshman girl, gesturing: I bet it's thiiiis tiny!
Big black freshman, barreling up stairs: No! I'll show you!
High School
Skillman, New Jersey
Overheard by: 3 guesses at what they're talking about.
Categories: Black people | New Jersey | Offers and requests | Penis | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Students | Weirdness | Posted 2009-07-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Text Wouldn't All Fit.
Nerd #1 to another: How do you write "dd" in hexadecimal again? I forget...
(they turn to look at fat woman walking by)
Nerd #2: I would not write a dissertation on her boobs. No way.
PATH Train
Hoboken, New Jersey
Overheard by: I wouldn't either
Not Even by New Jersey Standards?
Guy, tenderly hugging girlfriend: You're right, you're not worthy.
Red Bank, New Jersey
Categories: Compare and contrast | Couples | New Jersey | Relationships | Weirdness | Posted 2009-07-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...You Wanna Go to Build-a-Bear?
Roid Rager, angrily: Nobody gives me the finger while I'm driving!
Hipster, calmly: Well, you need to slow down. It's a parking lot.
Roid Rager, enraged: You wanna do something about it?
Hipster: No. I'm not gonna fight you in front of Sears.
Rockaway Mall, New Jersey
Overheard by: Joe Bagodonuts
Nothing That Happens in New Jersey Qualifies As Real Life
Algebra class kid: Will we ever use this stuff in real life?
Teacher: No. You won't.
Middle School Algebra Class
New Jersey
Categories: Education | New Jersey | Questions | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Science | Students | Teachers | Posted 2009-07-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Genesis Suggests the Lord Had Second Thoughts
Psychology professor, speaking of horrible deaths in the French Revolution: People are terrible...they should have never been invented.
Rutgers University
Newark, New Jersey
Overheard by: Person
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Death & dying | History | Murder | New Jersey | Students | Teachers | Wishes | Posted 2009-07-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Specifically, "Sry 4 Rnin Yr Lf :("
Girl on cell: But I really ruined his life. I mean, what should I do? (pause) Should I, like, text him and say, "I'm sorry for ruining your life"?
Cold Stone Creamery
New Jersey
Categories: Cell phones | Girls | New Jersey | On the phone | Questions | Relationships | Stores | Posted 2009-07-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Let Him Wonderbra for a While
Teenage girl to friend: Ugh! Eric gets mad at me when I tell people things, you get mad when I don't tell you things...just tell him to fuck off and leave my boobs out of it!
Rumson, New Jersey
Categories: Friends | Insults | New Jersey | Rack | Teens | Posted 2009-07-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Ten to One, Her Phone Is Turned Off
Preteen girl #1: Do you see all these blondes on the boxes? They should all be me. I should be on all these boxes.
Preteen girl #2: Did someone start a rumor about us? Because I haven't gotten any calls all day.
CVS
New Jersey
Categories: Cell phones | Gossip | New Jersey | Questions | Stupidity | Tweens | Posted 2009-07-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
K, Guys?
Toolish guy: I don't believe that single consonants should be legitimate prepositions.
Dorm, Princeton University
Princeton, New Jersey
Overheard by: Mary Cait
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Idiots | New Jersey | Students | Stupidity | Words | Posted 2009-06-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's Not Every Day You Get to Have Your Face Smushed Against a Complete Stranger
Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, we are normally a six-car train. Today they gave us four cars. I cried, I begged, but to no avail. (10 minutes later) Next stop, Secaucus! Hang on, we're gonna make it!
Transit Train
New Jersey
Overheard by: twoferrets
Categories: Conductors | Feelings | New Jersey | Public Transportation | Train | Posted 2009-06-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And the State Will Take Both Of Us Away
Woman to four-year-old daughter: Do not touch anything. Do you know what will happen if you touch something?
Little girl: You'll smack me in the face!
Liquor Store
New Jersey
...As Seen in the Porno Take, Eat, This Is My Booty?
Asian teenage girl: Wait, so did Jesus ejaculate wine?
Starbucks
Red Bank, New Jersey
Categories: Asians | Cum | Default | Drinking & drunks | Girls | Jesus | New Jersey | Questions | Restaurants | Teens | Posted 2009-06-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What Watching a Hannah Montana Marathon Feels Like
Older man to friend: I don't like being murdered! Do you know how it feels like to be murdered? Trust me, you don't want to know. I'm always being murdered.
Princeton, New Jersey
Overheard by: uhh am I seeing ghosts?
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Feelings | Guys | Murder | New Jersey | Old folks | Weirdness | Posted 2009-06-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That Bitch Is Sweet!
New Jersey guy #1: Dude, I bet Mother Teresa's pussy was like throwing a hot dog down a hallway.
New Jersey guy #2: Is that the bitch from the maple syrup bottle?
New Jersey
Overheard by: Cougar Bear
Categories: Christianity | Default | Food | Guys | New Jersey | Questions | Vagina | Posted 2009-06-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Hoboes Were Immaculate
Guy walking out of a narrow alley: That was the cleanest dark alley I've ever been in.
Montclair, New Jersey
Overheard by: Maggie
Categories: Cleanliness | Compare and contrast | Default | Guys | Memory lane | New Jersey | Posted 2009-06-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Bake Dogs?
Woman to friend: Is she aware that we have three Talbots and a dog bakery?
Princeton University
New Jersey
Categories: Clothes | Colleges & Universities | Default | Food | Names | New Jersey | Questions | Women | Posted 2009-06-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...But Who's Up for Porn Instead Of a Lecture Today?
Professor: I am so not professional...
Rowan University
Glassboro, New Jersey
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Jobs & Careers | New Jersey | Teachers | Words | Posted 2009-06-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
"Breasto Change-o" Just Might Be the Highlight Of My Week
Big-chested teenage girl: I would hate to date a magician. It would be like, "breasto change-o, I just took your boobs."
Long Branch, New Jersey
Categories: Body parts | Default | Feelings | Girls | Magic | New Jersey | Teens | Words | Posted 2009-06-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Feather Boas Are Confusing
English teacher: Going around is a sheet with some 1920s slang, so you can get used to it before we start reading The Great Gatsby. Okay, so, everyone knows what a flapper is...?
Tenth grader: Oh, like a transvestite, right?
Tinton Falls, New Jersey
Categories: Books | Compare and contrast | Default | New Jersey | Questions | Students | Teachers | Words | Posted 2009-06-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And That the Nineties Are Over
Drunk teenage boy: Heyyy, ssssuuuuupp, buddd... (stumbles away)
Sober teenage boy: I guess he's too drunk to notice that we're not friends.
Red Bank, New Jersey
Categories: Default | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Guys | New Jersey | Relationships | Teens | Words | Posted 2009-05-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Urinetown: The Musical in a Nutshell
Boy to friends: C'mon, we're going to watch Johnny pee!
New Jersey
Overheard by: CS
Categories: Default | Guys | New Jersey | Offers and requests | Pee | Weirdness | Posted 2009-05-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When College Early Admission Goes Too Far
Psychology professor, discussing babies: If this thing didn't smile, it would be in the trash.
Rutgers University
New Brunswick, New Jersey
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Feelings | New Jersey | Teachers | Weirdness | Posted 2009-05-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Remember the Time We Woke Up Handcuffed to That Goat?
Girl: Oh my god, Amanda*, I haven't seen you in so long. I feel like I'm making bad decisions because I haven't seen you.
Amanda*: Ha, I feel like I'm making too many good decisions because I haven't seen you. We need to get me in more trouble. And maybe keep you out of it.
Hamilton, New Jersey
Overheard by: Currrly!
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Feelings | Girls | New Jersey | Relationships | Posted 2009-05-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
With the Gift Of Judging Cup Size by Sight Comes Great Responsibility
Guy on porch to girl with big boobs in low-cut top: I love me some triple Ds!
Girl with big boobs in low-cut top: Good call!
Rutgers University
New Brunswick, New Jersey
Categories: Body parts | Colleges & Universities | Default | Feelings | Girls | Guys | New Jersey | Words | Posted 2009-05-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Firefighters Often Use the Jaws Of Life to Separate Couples Who Get Velcroed Together
Furry man to girlfriend, loudly: So does your sister, like, *never* shave her legs?
Rutgers University
New Brunswick, New Jersey
Categories: Body parts | Colleges & Universities | Default | Dorks, Geeks & Nerds | Family ties | Guys | New Jersey | Questions | Posted 2009-05-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Sometimes Your Words Just Flow Out, Uncontrollably
Little girl: Is there diarrhea here? I love diarrhea!
Mother: I have no idea what you're talking about, but it doesn't sound good, so stop it.
Target
Delran, New Jersey
Overheard by: Amused Employee
Wasn't This a Scene in Ghostbusters?
Middle-aged woman: The last thing I want to do is get hit by a giant Tastycake!
Princeton, New Jersey
At Least 30% Of Him Is, Anyway.
Five-year-old: Is Michael Jackson real?
Teenage sister, exasperatedly: Yes! How many times do we have to have this conversation?!
Margate, New Jersey
Overheard by: Chris S.
Categories: About celebrities | Default | Family | Girls | Kids | Kids | New Jersey | Questions | Teens | Posted 2009-05-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Then You Hunker Down in the Library and Study for Finals
Male student in campus center: So once you put on the wetsuit, you pee all over yourself. Then you're warm for the whole time!
Princeton University
New Jersey
Overheard by: excuse me?
Categories: Advice | Clothes | Colleges & Universities | Default | Guys | New Jersey | Pee | Students | Posted 2009-05-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Academia's Fried Us All Already.
Professor to unmoving grad students: That's a fire alarm...pay no attention.
Princeton University
Princeton, New Jersey
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | New Jersey | Offers and requests | Teachers | Weirdness | Posted 2009-05-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Raise Your Hand If You Want To, After Reading This?
Dutch flight attendant, collecting airsick bags: Vomit? Vomit? Vomit? Vomit? Thank you. Vomit? Vomit, sir?
NWA Flight
Newark Airport, New Jersey
Overheard by: Ladle
Categories: Airports & flights | Default | Flight attendants | Health & Hygiene | New Jersey | Offers and requests | Questions | Posted 2009-05-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
In the Recurrent Nightmare Of Christianity
Girl, at beginning of Jesus Christ Superstar: Are they going to kill Jesus?
Boyfriend: Well...yes, Sarah. That's sort of how it works.
Jersey City, New Jersey
Overheard by: Adam Nathan
Categories: Couples | Death & dying | Default | Girls | Guys | Jesus | Movies | New Jersey | Questions | Posted 2009-05-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
At Least That's What It Said on the Package
Girl in statistics class: She told me, "you're gay." How can I be gay? I had four--no, five and a half--servings of dick this morning.
Saint Peter's College
Jersey City, New Jersey
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Girls | New Jersey | Penis | Questions | Sexuality | Students | Posted 2009-04-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Yankee Candle Scent That Never Made It to Shelves
Kid on bus: Ew! What's that smell?
Teacher: That's New Jersey.
School Bus
New Jersey
Overheard by: this guy
Categories: Bus | Default | Geography | Kids | New Jersey | Questions | Sensory experiences | Students | Teachers | Posted 2009-04-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But She Just Wanted to Take My Lunch Order
Male student: I mean, I thought she wanted me to cum on her tummy!
Rutgers University
New Jersey
Overheard by: Alice Haefeli
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Cum | Default | Guys | New Jersey | Offers and requests | Stomach | Students | Posted 2009-04-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Like a Sleep Number Sex Toy?
Guy, about his job: Right now, we are working on a line where you can make a customized branded dildo to fit your needs.
Woman who just told everyone she is pregnant: That's fantastic!
City Vino Restaurant
Jersey City, New Jersey
Overheard by: entertained witness
Categories: Compare and contrast | Compliments | Default | Guys | Jobs & Careers | New Jersey | Restaurants | Toys | Women | Posted 2009-04-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Come Help Me Pick Out a Thong.
Mother to three-year-old son: What are you doing? Come here, stop looking at the bras!
Son: (mumbles something unintelligible)
Mother: Yes, I know they're beautiful...but they're not for you!
Target
Delran, New Jersey
Overheard by: Amused Employee
Even If I Am Wearing Pull-Ups Like a Big Boy
20-something guy on phone: Then I went to McDonald's and they said that I'm too old. I'm not too old! I can go to Chuck E. Cheese if I want! I'm not too old. Just so long as I can have fun. I'm not too old...
Montclair, New Jersey
Overheard by: Just minding my own business as usual.
Categories: Age and ageing | Compare and contrast | Default | Food | Guys | New Jersey | Posted 2009-04-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Like All Parents, We Were Hoping for a Little Lesbian
Seven-year-old-daughter: I'm sorry, daddy, but I love crafts!
Father: I know...can't you find another hobby?
Seven-year-old-daughter: No, daddy, it's going to be just like at camp!
Father: Yeah, your mother and I should have switched you at the hospital.
Michael's
Hamilton, New Jersey
Overheard by: Diana
Categories: Dads | Default | Family ties | Feelings | Girls | Guys | Kids | Kids | New Jersey | Questions | Posted 2009-03-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Squeaking While You're Being Felt Up Is an Added Bonus
Guy: So they would smuggle one of these toy dogs in their shirt pocket.
Girl: Why don't they just put them in their bras? It's like "yeah, I got a boob job while I was in China."
Rutgers University
New Jersey
Overheard by: RU serious
Categories: Animals | Clothes | Colleges & Universities | Default | Geography | Girls | Guys | New Jersey | Questions | Posted 2009-03-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If All You Have Is a Hammer...
70-year-old professor, about The Exorcist as example of blasphemy: She used a crucifix as a self-mutilating dildo...
Saint Peter's College
Jersey City, New Jersey
Categories: Christianity | Colleges & Universities | Default | Movies | New Jersey | Old folks | Teachers | Toys | Posted 2009-03-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
"Barack Hussein Obama?" Please.
Woman to thug in fur coat: Now, I don't even know your real name or your birth certificate name.
Thug in fur coat, puzzled: Most black people don't know each other's real names!
New Brunswick, New Jersey
Overheard by: EmGusk
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Names | New Jersey | Race | Thugs | Women | Posted 2009-03-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Um, Remember When You Tried That in the Pew at Your Uncle's Funeral?
Guy on cell : Yeah, dude, I got her tickets to the Met! $15 seats, so we're way up there, but we're on the aisle too, so we won't get interfered with while we're going at it. (a few minutes later) So the loss of my virginity is imminent.
Jersey City Light Rail
New Jersey
Overheard by: twoferrets
I'm Not Sure That's What's Meant by "Love God"
Teenage girl #1: Oh god, I want to fuck him so badly.
Teenage girl #2: Oh my god, you whore! You don't fuck him! You make sweet, sweet love to him.
Summit, New Jersey
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | Insults | New Jersey | Sex | Teens | Wishes | Posted 2009-02-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Thinking a Kid Is Your Ticket to a Better Life Is White Trash
Girl to friend: You know what I was thinking? We always say girls who get pregnant are white trash. But I really thought about this, and we have sex. We could get pregnant. You're not white trash!
College
New Jersey
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Girls | New Jersey | Questions | Sex | Words | Posted 2009-02-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Only Your Dignity, Sweetie
Little boy to mother: Is this where we have to strip?
Security Line
Newark Airport, New Jersey
Categories: Airports & flights | Default | Guys | Kids | Kids | New Jersey | Questions | Weirdness | Posted 2009-02-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook