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The New Children's Book That's Sweeping the Nation
Young 20-some male to another: Any friend that tells you not to smoke crack isn't a friend.
Las Vegas, Nevada
Overheard by: Travis N.
Categories: Character | Drugs | Guys | Nevada | Philosophy | Posted 2011-06-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Now Let's Go Look at It in One Of Those Funhouse Mirrors, Okay?
30-something lady to teen boy: It's so... small!
Teen boy: No one asked you to measure it.
Carson City, Nevada
Overheard by: Bailey W.
Categories: Comebacks | Compare and contrast | Nevada | Teens | Women | Posted 2010-04-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Your Editors Gave Up on Lost During Season One
60-something guy, earnestly, to table full of seemingly level-headed adults: They're going to turn the moon into a weapon, the most powerful weapon ever...
Restaurant
Reno, Nevada
Overheard by: mini-me
Categories: Nevada | Old folks | Restaurants | Science | Weirdness | Posted 2010-04-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Mary Now Remembers Why They Stopped Dating
Girl, to guy who just got off a ski lift: Joe? Is that you? It's Mary. We used to date!
Guy: Oh, yeah, I thought you looked familiar from behind.
Ski Resort
Tahoe, Nevada
Categories: Assholes | Girls | Guys | Nevada | Relationships | Posted 2010-04-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Oh, No-- I'm Not Falling for This for the Fifth Time
Guy to girl: This is gonna sound weird, but spread your legs!
Las Vegas, Nevada
Categories: Guys | Nevada | Offers and requests | Sex | Weirdness | Posted 2010-03-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
My Wax Sculpture Of Aaron Burr Is Nearly Complete
Asian guy #1: So... Where are we goin'?
Asian guy #2: Well, I haven't cleaned my ears since this morning, so... Gotta do that.
Community College
Reno, Nevada
Overheard by: Michele
Categories: Asians | Body parts | Colleges & Universities | Health & Hygiene | Nevada | Questions | Posted 2010-02-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Ones That Will Fit Over My Big-Boy Pull-Ups
Man in dressing room to employee waiting on him: Dude, I can see my ass hair. I'm a grown-ass man. Go find me some grown-ass man pants.
Las Vegas, Nevada
Right Now, Looks Like It's All in Your Hair.
Director to actress playing Johanna in Sweeney Todd: I just want to see a little spunk on your face.
Reno, Nevada
Overheard by: CarvingMyNiche
When Their Tongues Touched, They Produced Amy Winehouse.
Girl, after kissing boy: You taste like smoke.
Boy: You taste like testicles.
Las Vegas, Navada
Overheard by: ScaredTourist
Categories: Balls | Comebacks | Compare and contrast | Girls | Guys | K-I-S-S-I-N-G | Nevada | Sensory experiences | Posted 2009-12-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
How Wars Start: Encapsulated.
20-something woman #1: I have mixed feelings about this bar and grill.
20-something man: I hate this bar and grill.
20-something woman #2: I'm gonna burn down this bar and grill!
Las Vegas, Nevada
Sadly Wayne Brady Would Never Attain His Mother's Dream
White mother to white toddler son: You're going to be black by the time we leave!
Grand Sierra Resort Pool
Reno, Nevada
Speaking Of Things That Need to Stay in Vegas
Guy, telling everyone about a massage: You know how grandma's hands are real soft?
Las Vegas, Nevada
Overheard by: Craig
Categories: Family ties | Guys | Hands | Masturbation | Nevada | Questions | Sensory experiences | Posted 2009-09-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Could Always Force You to Sit through The Bucket List Again
Pretty blonde snuggling with Asian boyfriend: Honey, I'm sorry I was so crazy earlier.
Asian boyfriend: It's okay, sweetie, but I am going to have to punish you when we get home.
Pretty blonde, smiling: A spanking?
Asian boyfriend, kissing her forehead: Whatever you want, sweetie.
Las Vegas, Nevada
Ten Bucks Says He's a Collective Hallucination
Hot burner chick: Our bar was busy until the fat naked guy showed up and scared everyone off!
Fat naked guy: I'm wearing Uggs!
Burning Man
Nevada
Overheard by: Eavesdropper
Categories: Chicks | Clothes | Creepsters | Diet & weight | Fat people | Fears | Guys | Nevada | Shoes | Weirdness | Posted 2009-08-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Show Some Respect
Girl to two people fighting in buffet line: Come on, you guys! Chill out, we're in the presence of food!
Las Vegas, Nevada
Overheard by: Brit~ta~nee
A Rumor Which, Unfortunately, Will Stay in Vegas.
Guy in wife beater on phone: She said my dick was just too long.
Casino
Las Vegas, Nevada
Because You Looked a Gift Shoe in the Mouth!
Blackjack player, after dealer busted: Now the horse is on the other foot!
Lake Tahoe, Nevada
Overheard by: Charles Alverson
Only Because Of All These Brown Splotches, Though.
Girl #1: He keeps calling me a slut whenever I see him, and I'm like "what the hell?", you know?
Girl #2: You should say something back.
Girl #1: Yeah, but I don't know what.
Girl #2: Oh! Let me help you, I'm good with comebacks! You should say, "well, at least I... (long pause) ...look like a cookie."
High School Bathroom
Las Vegas, Nevada
Overheard by: Meghan
Categories: Comebacks | Compare and contrast | Default | Food | Girls | Nevada | Questions | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Posted 2009-05-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Yeah, I've Been Making Guacamole All Night Long
Hungover conference attendee: Ugh, it's early.
Appalled conference attendee, scooting chair away: You smell like a dead hooker covered in alcoholic bum piss. And avocado.
Conference Center
Las Vegas, Nevada
Categories: Death & dying | Default | Drinking & drunks | Nevada | Pee | People | Time Management | Posted 2009-04-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Cheney?
Distraught girl on Valentine's Day: I can't get over it, I don't care if it's a new hour. I still have the taste of dick in my mouth!
Las Vegas, Nevada
Nobody Can Afford to Retire Anymore
13-year-old boy to parents: Shit, this place smells like old people and debauchery.
Mom: Now let's not judge the whores, Tommy.
Sahara Casino
Las Vegas, Nevada
Overheard by: djglucose
Does It Make My Breasts Look Phoney?
Teen girl: Hey! This lip gloss matches my nipples! And my phone.
Galleria Mall
Las Vegas, Nevada
Overheard by: Jo
Categories: Body parts | Cell phones | Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | Malls | Nevada | Nipples | Teens | Posted 2009-02-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Rainy Days, and Men Who Aren't Afraid to Cuddle.
Girl in red: I was telling my husband about you.
Guy in jeans: What were you telling him?
Girl in red: That you liked power bottoms.
Las Vegas, Nevada
I've Already Gotten You to Cave on Drugs and Rock N' Roll
Older black man: You love sex! You do! Just admit it!
Young black guy: I won't admit it!
Older black guy: Yes you will! Yes you will!
Fremont Street
Las Vegas, Nevada
Categories: Black people | Default | Feelings | Guys | Nevada | Offers and requests | Old folks | Sex | Posted 2008-11-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Won't You Live Down to My Expectations of You?
Cabbie: Hey, ever get the urge to just whip out your puppies for the driver?
Girl: Um, no. (several minutes later, while getting out) Cabbie whores!
Las Vegas, Nevada
Categories: Conductors | Default | Girls | Guys | Insults | Nevada | Offers and requests | Posted 2008-11-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You've Foiled Me for the Last Time, Levi Strauss!
Very loud drunk guy, standing at a urinal while he tries to open his zipper: How the fuck do they do this?
Las Vegas, Nevada
...Shaking Hands with Martin Luther King
College student #1: Look, look, it's Martin Luther King!
College student #2: ...that's Eddie Murphy.
Madame Tussaud's
Las Vegas, Nevada
Categories: About celebrities | Compare and contrast | Default | Frat boy types | History | Nevada | Stupidity | Posted 2008-09-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Is Anybody Shocked That Las Vegas Has Creepy Guys?
Creepy lurky guy at bar (walking up and smelling girl sitting at table): Sorry y'all. Just smells really good.
Friend of girl (giving guy a dirty look): That was awkward.
Creepy lurky guy: Well, maybe you shouldn't be here then.
Friend of girl: Well, maybe you shouldn't be trying to smell us.
Blue Martini
Las Vegas, Nevada
Overheard by: Ariola
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Comebacks | Compliments | Creepsters | Default | Friends | Guys | Nevada | Sensory experiences | Weirdness | Posted 2008-09-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Wanna Do That, the Army's Recruiting Right Down the Block
Customer having lunch: Can I smoke at this table?
Waitress: Honey, you're in Nevada. You can smoke, gamble, drink, screw and cuss. Just don't kill nobody!
Bucket of Blood Saloon
Virgina City, Nevada
Overheard by: Philly Joe
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Crimes | Customers | Default | Drinking & drunks | Employees | Murder | Nevada | Offers and requests | Questions | Smoking | US Geography | Women | Posted 2008-08-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
How I Met Your Mother
Drunk man to woman passing by: Fornication is evil! Thou shalt be kind to your neighbours!
Woman: Yeah, well, god built the Nevada desert and the Colorado River and then we came and built the Hoover Dam, leaving people without water or resources. So just by being here we're fucking over our neigbours.
Drunk man: Can I kiss you?
Outside The Flamingo
Las Vegas, Nevada
Overheard by: Steph
Categories: Default | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Evil | Gripes | Nevada | Strangers | US Geography | Women | Posted 2008-07-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Life's a Gamble Anyway, Am I Right?
Guy #1: What's the big deal about the bird flu anyway? I'm not a bird.
Guy #2: It's those people who play with bird crap and such. It's kinda like the chicken pox, see what I mean?
Guy #1: Well, I'm fine then because I already had the chicken pox.
Reno, Nevada
Overheard by: Scott
Well, I Got a Lap Dance in the Buffet Line
Girl one: Smell my face. Smell right here. Doesn't it smell great? The stripper I got a lap dance from was wearing great perfume.
Girl two: It smells like pickles.
Toby Keith's Restaurant
Las Vegas, Nevada
Overheard by: At least it doesn't smell like tuna
Categories: Compare and contrast | Dancing | Default | Food | Girls | Nevada | Restaurants | Sensory experiences | Sexuality | Posted 2008-06-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Even the White Album? C'mon Now!
Guy to friend: Dude, you just now figured out that The Beatles suck?
Public School
Las Vegas, Nevada
I Am So Sick of Blowing Middle-Aged Poindexters
Sorority girl, crying: I've been working so hard, and I don't feel like I'm being rewarded for it.
Professor: What? What do you mean?
Sorority girl, still crying: I mean, if I work so hard, I'll just die if I don't get an A.
Professor, irritated: Well, it's only four weeks into the semester. Why are you worried about your grade now? I don't guarantee any grades! [Professor leaves.]
Sorority girl, to friend: Damn. I should have saved the tears until at least midterm. Now I'll actually have to do the work. Damn.
University of Nevada, Las Vegas
Nevada
Her Hit Record is Called "I'm a Mink Carcass-Schlepping Slave 4 U"
Crazy lady wearing only a bra: Well, my daddy says we should take my show on the road. I'm a singer, you know. I'm famous in Eastern Europe.
Dumbfounded drunk girls: Uh-huh... Totally.
Las Vegas, Nevada
Overheard by: Kari Nott
Categories: Bragging | Crazies | Jobs & Careers | Lies | Nevada | Posted 2008-02-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
After That, Sex Got a Lot More Comfortable
20-something artist dude in loin cloth: ... And then I realized -- it's not about the panties at all!
Burning Man
Black Rock Desert, Nevada
Overheard by: lith
Categories: Gossip | Guys | Nevada | Philosophy | Posted 2008-01-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Forgive Us If We Find Your Relief Unnerving
Pilot over intercom, as plane touches down: ... And the crowd goes wild! Woo-hoo!
Las Vegas, Nevada
Overheard by: errica
You Fell in While Looking for a Missing Lamb
Boyfriend: Let's get you all liquored up, and I can throw it in your butt.
Girlfriend: No! That's not even how it happened the first time.
Trader Joe's
Las Vegas, Nevada
Overheard by: Jummy Bear
Are You Staring at My Breasts Again?
20-ish girl: But he still gave me a ticket!
20-ish guy: That sucks.
20-ish girl: The cop said I was criminally fast.
20-ish guy: That sounds hot.
Mirage Secret Garden
Las Vegas, Nevada
The Road to Hell Is Too Much Fucking Work
Burner chick: Yeah, I was going to run around the desert naked on drugs last night, but I just never got around to it.
Burning Man
Black Rock City, Nevada
Overheard by: McNasty
Categories: Chicks | Drugs | Nevada | Time Management | Posted 2007-09-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But on the Plus Side... Wait.
Hot lady to another: Well, that's one drawback to being a whore.
Las Vegas, Nevada
Overheard by: loyal seattle reader
What Dudes Are the Frogs?
Teacher: So, who do you think tells us what to do in this country?
Boy: Jesus.
Teacher: No. Remember, in the Constitution there is a separation of church and state.
Girl: I know -- the frogs. You know, those old-looking dudes, the frogs?
Boy: I liked Jesus better. At least he don't look like no frog.
Teacher, shaking her head: Oh, my husband is gonna love tonight.
Mountain's Edge Elementary School
Las Vegas, Nevada
Overheard by: I want to be a teacher
Who Has Access to All The Sex Manuals Ever Printed
Middle-aged woman to 20-something: I never knew there was that much variety in shape, size, color and girth. I'm talking about butt plugs. Oh, I'm sorry. You look shocked. I forgot -- you're just a librarian.
Wedding reception, Caesar's Palace, 3570 Las Vegas Boulevard South
Las Vegas, Nevada
Overheard by: Sarah
Categories: Jobs & Careers | Nevada | Strangers | Toys | Posted 2007-06-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Need to Wait for Him to Make the Down Payment
Lady to math tutor: I have to call home. I'm not about to take out a loan if he hasn't used the bathroom yet.
University of Nevada, Las Vegas library
Las Vegas, Nevada
Overheard by: the stonefoxx
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Gripes | Nevada | Students | Posted 2007-05-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But You Can Hold It Over the Kid for Life
Pregnant, tattooed hipster: This is killing me. How can I go without ink for nine months?
Tattooed hipster friend: Oh, I know.
Nevada
