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Just Not During School Hours, Please.
Chemistry professor to student who recognized a sketch of the periodic table on whiteboard: You understand my art.
Student: I feel you, Mr K.
Chemistry professor: That is indeed true.
St Paul, Minnesota
Overheard by: MAC
Whether Real or Imaginary
Professor: It's like trying to make a deity out of a bottle of Stoli at the height of the cold war.
Class: (laughter)
Professor: I know plenty of people who've done that, by the way... And so do you.
Macalester College
St. Paul, Minnesota
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Drinking & drunks | History | Minnesota | Teachers | Weirdness | Posted 2010-03-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But I Still Adore Rosie Perez
College guy: You know when you throw the egg at the pink dinosaur? You know that sound? That's what her accent sounds like.
Macalester College
St. Paul, Minnesota
Categories: Animals | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Guys | Minnesota | Sensory experiences | Posted 2010-03-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So We Chased Her Out Of Town with Torches
Woman to another: She washes her pickles in a dishwasher.
Cub Foods
Minneapolis, Minneapolis
I Just Want to Graduate, I Don't Want to Know Anything
Undergrad on cell: And the paper has to be, like, 10 to 12 pages long! (pause) I know! I'm like, "I'm not writing my freaking thesis here!"
Bus
Minneapolis, Minnesota
...And Pour Some More Bailey's Into My Mug.
Store employee: Would you like to try a free sample of hot cocoa?
Nine-year-old daughter, impatient: Come on, mom! We need to get to your appointment!
Mom: Shut up! There's always time for free cocoa. Here!
Nine-year-old daughter: I don't want any.
Mom: Then just shut up.
Minnetonka, Minnesota
What If You're Pregnant with a Large Tumor That Has Teeth and Hair?
Boy #1: So, I never got what the difference was between liberals and conservatives.
Boy #2: Well, conservatives like big business, and liberals like communism.
Boy #1: Oh. What if I want to be both?
Boy #2: You can't be both. It's an on/off thing. Like, you're either pregnant or you're not. Or like you're Christian or you're Islam.
High School
Minnesota
Categories: Compare and contrast | Kids | Kids | Minnesota | Politics | Pregnancy | Questions | Religion | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Wishes | Posted 2009-12-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
See Their "My Child Is an Honor Student at Bitchassfaggot Elementary" Sticker?
Grandma, after car cuts bus off: Bitchassfaggot.
Daughter: Mom!
Grandma: Well, that's what they are!
Public Transit
Minneapolis, Minnesota
Happened to the Cro-Magnons All the Time
Drunk girl, very concerned: He's totally going to get fucked in the A! And he has scoliosis, so he's always bent over, so he's definitely going to get fucked in the A!
Macalester College
St. Paul, Minnesota
They Don't Tell Me to Burn Things! I Swear!
Customer: Hi, I'd like to return these pants.
Store manager: Can I ask why?
Customer: The pants talk.
Store manager: (...)
Customer, frantically: I mean, they pop! They pop!
Burnsville, Minnesota
Overheard by: I had to return a pair of talking pants once too
Paul Begins His Search for a Gardener.
Girl, surprised: A naked man??
Guy, after introspective pause: No...I prefer them in tights.
St. Paul, Minnesota
Jeez, Even the Vatican Doesn't Go That Far
50-something clipboard guy: Excuse me miss, do you have just a couple minutes for campus international?
Girl: Sorry, I don't believe in other countries.
University of Minnesota
Overheard by: Cornielius
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Geography | Girls | Guys | Minnesota | Offers and requests | Questions | Weirdness | Posted 2009-05-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And It's Not Even in English!
Guy picking up copy of Les Miserables: Oh my god, look at the size of this thing! What a crappy book!
Barnes & Noble
Mankato, Minnesota
But I Don't Know Why the Caged Bird Sings!
Mother pushing stroller with three small boys at her side: Your brother asked you a question. Now answer it or stop talking!
Valley Fair
Shakopee, Minnesota
Categories: Default | Family ties | Kids | Minnesota | Moms | Offers and requests | Questions | Tourist attractions | Women | Posted 2009-04-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Probably Not the Best Topic to Assign a Special-Needs Kid
Nervous fourth grader giving oral report: Joan of Arc, the pheasant, was caught in a blender.
Elementary School
Duluth, Minnesota
Overheard by: Nic
Every Time She Tips Forward, I'm Right There to Catch Her
College boy #1: Well dude, is she hot?
College boy #2: She's like my best friend, dude, but you'll probably think she's hot. I mean she's got huge tits, but she's my best friend.
Winona State University
Winona, Minnesota
Categories: Body parts | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Guys | Minnesota | Questions | Students | Posted 2009-03-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Girls at the Bottom Of the Pyramid Got the Worst Of It
Blonde teen: Please don't pull my finger!
Brunette teen: Oh, gosh. Is this like that time in gym class?
Homecoming Football Game
Minnesota
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | Memory lane | Minnesota | Offers and requests | Pop culture | Questions | Teens | Words | Posted 2009-03-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...And Got Banned from Playgroup?
Guy to friend: So she broke her vibrator for the third time?
Mystic Lake Casino
Minneapolis, Minnesota
You Just Know There's a Girl in There Somewhere
Guy #1, during coldest day of the year: Chicks in long johns are totally hot, though... Right?
Guy #2: Ummm. Really?
Guy #1: Yeah! I mean... Minnesota lingerie!
St. Olaf College
Northfield, Minnesota
Overheard by: Concerned for our sexuality
And Trust in Covalent Bondage
Chemistry professor: A good chemist feels what his molecules are going through. A good chemist can relate to his molecules.
Macalester College
St Paul, Minnesota
Overheard by: Mac
Meet the 21st-Century Emily Post
20-something brunette: I mean, what else are you supposed to do when someone shits their pants...drink more vodka!
Minneapolis, Minnesota
Overheard by: Chaser
I'm Not Proud of My Addiction
Male student: I like your Skittles.
Female student: Don't look at them!
Eveleth, Minnesota
Overheard by: deathmap
Categories: Candy | Compliments | Default | Feelings | Girls | Guys | Minnesota | Offers and requests | Students | Posted 2008-12-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Promise Not to Look at Joan Rivers from Now On
20-something guy: Why are you so concerned about this?
20-something girl: No, seriously. It will split your corneas in half.
20-something guy: Wow, I hadn't thought about that.
St. Paul, Minnesota
The Girls Beat the Shit Out of Him After Class
AP English teacher: Can anyone tell me what feminine rhyme is?
Guy in class: Um, rhyme that's not very good?
Winona Senior High School
Winona, Minnesota
Overheard by: Stephanie Miene
Categories: Default | Education | Gender issues | Guys | Minnesota | Questions | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Students | Teachers | Posted 2008-10-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Mrs. Potato-Head Faces a Unique Set of Problems
Girl, getting wash and cut: Then I was walking around for a few months without an elbow.
Stylist: Wow!
Girl: So finally in July they put my elbow back in.
Stylist: Well, that's good.
Minneapolis, Minnesota
Overheard by: porkchop on a stick
Categories: Body parts | Compliments | Default | Employees | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Minnesota | Weirdness | Posted 2008-10-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Always Pee in Your Pants, Grandpa!
Man: You're going to need to empty your bladder.
Little girl (in squeaky high voice): I don't wanna empty my bladder!
Man (unashamedly loud): You'll need to empty your bladder before you get on the plane!
Little girl: Not fair!
St. Paul Airport
Minneapolis
Categories: Airports & flights | Body parts | Default | Girls | Guys | Kids | Kids | Minnesota | Offers and requests | Pee | Words | Posted 2008-09-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But He's a Cat, Erica
Very serious, very excited young woman: He's finally becoming a person! He got Facebook and he texts full-sized messages!
Owatonna, Minnesota
Overheard by: feels sorry for those without technology...
Because I Really Need to Work on My Reverse-Cowgirl
Girl on cell: So I learned over the weekend that my parents are swingers. I know, it was so weird! It's like, okay, so on the weekends you go out and have sex with other people... Yeah... Do we have practice today?
College of Saint Benedict
St. Joseph, Minnesota
Overheard by: Rose
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Family ties | Girls | Minnesota | Questions | Sex | Posted 2008-08-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Ginseng, St. John's Wort, Some Gravel from the Driveway, a Lego...
Tattooed guy: I once tried to smoke Aloe vera.
Taste of India
Minneapolis, Minnesota
Categories: Default | Guys | Memory lane | Minnesota | Restaurants | Smoking | Posted 2008-08-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Have I Ever Shown You Your Birthing Video, Sweetie?
Little boy waiting in line with his mom: Mommy, have you ever been ripped apart?
Lane Bryant
St Cloud, Minnesota
Overheard by: Jesi
And You Were Sixteen Going on Seventeen
Girl: I can't believe you've never seen The Sound of Music. You have to watch that.
Guy: Fuck that. I wouldn't watch that movie if you watched it with me, and we were going to fuck afterward.
Mankato, Minnesota
The Next Cosmo Cover Story
Loud girl on cell: You better start showing me some respect before you start licking my friends' clits!
Perkin's
St Cloud, Minnesota
Overheard by: Jesi
Somewhere There's a Live, Cheerful Half of a Rat, and No One Knows How Heavy He Is
Girl #1: And I was like: "How many depressed lab rats do you have to weigh and kill to figure that out?"
Girl #2: What?
Girl #3: 37.5, apparently.
Macalester College
St. Paul, Minnesota
Categories: Animals | Colleges & Universities | Default | Diet & weight | Friends | Minnesota | Questions | Science | Sorority types | Posted 2008-06-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I've Always Wanted to Be a Fascist
TSA agent, looking at ID: So Judy*, how are you doing today?
50-something woman: Fine. How are you?
TSA agent: You know, living the dream.
Security Terminal
Airport, Minneapolis
Warthogs! Cabbages! Pokemon!
Professor: So, what are most songs written about?
Student #1: Apple bottom jeans?
Student #2: Boots with the fur?
School of Environmental Studies
Minnesota
I Thought There Was Just Solid, Liquid, and Gas?
Student #1: I went to Mankato State.
Student #2, also a TA: There's a state called Mankato?!
University of Minnesota, Minnesota
Rain on Your Wedding Day, for Instance, Is Just Good Luck
[At computer lab.]
Student #1: Try looking up "irony-", that might work.
Student #2: Irony isn't even a word, idiot.
Royalton, Minnesota
Overheard by: Lynn
Graduation Is Such a Sausagefest
Guy to friend, matter-of-factly: You know he's just teaching there for the kielbasa.
Macalester College
St. Paul, Minnesota
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Education | Food | Friends | Guys | Jobs & Careers | Minnesota | Offers and requests | Penis | Words | Posted 2008-05-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Looks Who's Talking, Mister "The-Pirate-Movie-Was-Rated-Arrr"
Guy #1: What did the bear say when he walked into the bar?
Guy #2: [Blank stare.]
Guy #1: Roarrrr. He's a fucking bear, what else would he say! [Laughs out loud.]
Guy #2: I haven't seen you in two months, and this is what you start with? You are a fucking idiot.
Duluth, Minnesota
Overheard by: Amber
"Take, Eat, This Is My Body" Would Actually Work As a Pick-Up Line
Drunk college guy: If I were Jesus, everything would be different!
Duluth, Minnesota
Overheard by: Nic
Categories: Compare and contrast | Drunks | Frat boy types | Guys | Jesus | Minnesota | Students | Wishes | Posted 2008-04-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
All Those Murdered Tomatoes...
College guy: I like salsa, but it makes me sad.
Duluth, Minnesota
Overheard by: Nic
Categories: Compare and contrast | Dancing | Feelings | Guys | Minnesota | Music | Yeahhh, college! | Posted 2008-04-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
From the New FBI Thriller Silence Of the Shams
Girl #1: You can't just not smell his pillow.
Girl #2: I know, right? Just smell as hard as you can!
Macalester College
St Paul, Minnesota
Overheard by: isa
Categories: Body parts | Cleanliness | Colleges & Universities | Default | Friends | Girls | Minnesota | Relationships | Sensory experiences | Sexuality | Sorority types | Students | Weirdness | Posted 2008-04-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When Ward Was Out of Town, June Left Beaver with Wally and Went Barhopping
Guy: So, what do you do?
Woman: Well, I'm actually a homemaker.
Guy: ... Oh! So you're, like, in construction? That's cool.
Shout-out: www.overheardinminneapolis.com
Overheard by: DRB
His G-String with the Elephant Head on It Was a Bit of a Shock, Though
Summer fun Barbie #1: I mean, like, I wasn't even surprised that you went home with him!
Summer fun Barbie #2: Do you mean that I had sex with him?
Summer fun Barbie #1: Yeah.
Summer fun Barbie #2: Yeah, me neither.
Shout-out: www.overheardinminneapolis.com
Overheard by: also not surprised
So If You See Me Twitch, Clutch, or Froth, Lend a Hand, Okay?
Flight attendant to another: I don't mean to alarm you, but last night I went into cardiac arrest.
Shout-out: www.overheardinminneapolis.com
Overheard by:
Categories: Default | Flight attendants | Health & Hygiene | Minnesota | Overheard in Minneapolis | Posted 2008-03-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's What You Said About Spiral Notebooks!
Young girl, spraying perfume: These smell yucky. Who actually buys these, Mom?
Mom: Put those down. Those are for prostitutes.
Macy's
St. Paul, Minnesota
Overheard by: ChasingDori
Might As Well Have Said, "He Has a 5-Inch Penis and a Job at Foot Locker"
Girl #1: I think he's a nice guy.
Girl #2: Nice is the ultimate mediocrity.
Shout-out: www.overheardinminneapolis.com
Overheard by: girl in scrubs
Categories: Comebacks | Compliments | Default | Girls | Minnesota | Overheard in Minneapolis | Words | Posted 2008-03-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And I Don't Like the Way the Air Is Looking at Me
Sorority girl: I just hate water... It hates me back.
Dinkytown
Minneapolis, Minnesota
Overheard by: Karolyn
Categories: Default | Drinking & drunks | Gripes | Minnesota | Sorority types | Posted 2008-03-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Wish I Had Somebody Who Cared Enough to Abuse Me
Bimbette #1: ... So, after he called in to quit for me, I'm sure everyone was like, 'He must be one of those, like, abusive boyfriends who won't let her work!'
Bimbette #2: That'd be okay, though.
Shout-out: www.overheardinminneapolis.com
Overheard by: an invisible fiend
Categories: Bimbettes | Default | Gossip | Gripes | Minnesota | Overheard in Minneapolis | Relationships | Stupidity | Posted 2008-03-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That, and Getting Highlights
Drunk lady: So, like, I haven't been to the bar since five. I really hope this plane comes soon, because I have to get to Jacksonville because my mother-in-law is dying. Hahaha! Isn't that funny? Oh my god, I look awful. I should have never left the house without my eyeliner.
Guy, staring: You're serious?
Drunk lady: Absolutely. I can never step outside the house without makeup.
Guy: I don't think you should step outside without rearranging your priorities.
Drunk lady: It's my New Year's resolution.
St. Paul International Airport
Minneapolis, Minnesota
Overheard by: Aayin
Categories: Death & dying | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Family ties | Guys | Minnesota | Women | Posted 2008-02-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
How You Know Which Kind of "Special" Your Kid Is
Mom: I think that I will get him his first Rubik's Cube. He'd probably eat it.
Shout-out: www.overheardinminneapolis.com
Overheard by: someone who doesnt eat rubik's cubes
More Organized Than "We," Grammar Slob
Little boy: Mommy, why do they have Halloween candy out already?
Mother: That's for people who are more organized than us.
Rochester, Minnesota
They Can't Bite Me
Huge guy waving Bud Light bottle at old Native American lady: There's a reason I like ladies without any teeth.
Minneapolis, Minnesota
Categories: Body parts | Bragging | Jerks | Minnesota | Posted 2008-01-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Can't You Pull 'em Back Up into Your Abdomen?
Teen boy, jokingly: So, yeah -- I was thinking about getting my testicles removed, so that way no one can kick me there anymore.
Teen girl, mortified: No, don't! You need one to live!
Fairfax, Minnesota
Overheard by: Amused friend
I Won't Dignify That with a Witty Retort
Lost woman: Excuse me, can you tell me what state I'm in?
Mall of America
Bloomington, Minnesota
Overheard by: ugh...tourists
Milkshakes Bring Out the Worst in Him
Little kid #1: No, Daddy would never swear!
Little kid #2: Yeah, he does -- when he drinks!
Dairy Queen
Roseau, Minnesota
Overheard by: jo
Which End Is He Interested In?
Cute lab tech guy: So, to take a stool sample, take this stick and smear it in here.
Hot girl patient: I have to smush it?
Cute lab tech guy: Yep, like that. So, do you have a boyfriend?
Park Nicolette Clinic
St. Louis Park, Minnesota
Categories: Creepsters | Minnesota | Poop | Posted 2007-11-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Um, Should We High-Five?
Chick to friend, pointing at a building: That's where I killed my baby!
Minneapolis, Minnesota
I Want to Stay Down -- Like George Michael
Small boy, dancing and singing: Wake me up before you go-go, I don't ever wanna be a yo-yo!
Hallmark store
Duluth, Minnesota
Overheard by: Nic
Categories: Glad the condom broke | Minnesota | Music | Posted 2007-10-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Not If That Requires Fucking
Chick: I just don't want any commitments right now.
Dude: Can we still be fuck-buddies?
Caribou Coffee
Mendota Heights, Minnesota
Categories: Couples | Minnesota | Relationships | Posted 2007-09-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Know, a Pot -- Like Madonna In "Lucky Star"
Creepster: The penis hole showcases my spare tire rather well.
Minnesota
Categories: Body parts | Creepsters | Minnesota | Posted 2007-08-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Let's Just Get a Room This Time, Okay?
Hot chick: I was too tired for a layover in Denver! It's not like you'd let me nap -- we'd just end up fucking in the airport bathroom for five hours. Wait! If Denver's the Mile High City, do you think bathroom sex can count us into the Mile High Club? Oh my god, I am changing my flight -- Cleveland can wait. Cock is so much more important.
Minneapolis-St.Paul International Airport
Minneapolis, Minnesota
Overheard by: Wishing I was the dude in Denver
Categories: Airports & flights | Chicks | Minnesota | Sex | Posted 2007-07-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Will Accept That As a Promissory Note
Hipster girl: Don't you dare lick me!
Hipster boy: [Licks her.]
Hipster girl: I love you.
Minneapolis, Minnesota
But Then the Manager of the Baskin-Robbins Found Out and I Got Fired
Teen girl on cell: Yeah, I couldn't stop putting my tongue in them for, like, two months.
St. Paul International Airport
Minneapolis, Minnesota
Overheard by: Anna
Categories: Gossip | Minnesota | On the phone | Posted 2007-07-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Smart and Beautiful -- I'm a Lucky Man
Dude: What are some words that rhyme with 'chicken'?
Chick: Frickin', lickin', hair.
Dude: 'Hair' doesn't rhyme with 'chicken'!
Chick: Yeah, it does -- chicken, hair; chicken, hair.
Dude: Yeah, I guess it kind of does.
Metro bus
Minneapolis, Minnesota
Notice: Headline Delayed Due to Vomit on Keyboard
Employee: Did you know it is impossible to stuff three ounces of hamburger in half of a mouse? I tried for, like, 10 minutes.
Wildlife Rehabilitation Center
Minnesota
And I Have the Trophies to Back That Up
Girl in front: Hey! I can shoot a cat as well as the next girl!
Normandale Community College
Bloomington, Minnesota
Overheard by: who questions that ability??
It's in the Fridge with the Pizza
Chick: Hey, want some pizza?
Hobo: Sure!
Chick: It's cold, but it's still pizza.
Hobo: What?! Cold pizza? Who eats cold pizza? I ain't never heard anything like that in my life. No, I don't want any of your crack-ass pizza.
Chick: Hey, you're homeless! You're not supposed to be picky.
Hobo: I bet you have a tight pussy.
W 9th Street and LaSalle Avenue
Minneapolis, Minnesota
Overheard by: izz-ay
I Guess You Could, Like, Help Stop the Burning
Bimbette #1: I would love to be a fireman! You work, like, three days a week, and when you're there you can just, like, sit and watch the news until the fire alarm goes off!
Bimbette #2: Yeah, but you'd have to watch people's houses burn down.
Bimbette #1: Yeah... That'd be, like, really depressing.
Minneapolis, Minnesota
Categories: Bimbettes | Jobs & Careers | Minnesota | Posted 2007-04-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
