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Why They Stopped Serving Champagne at UN Events
Dude leaving party: Just remember we have one goal. We have one shared dream, people. It starts with "I" and ends with "no more motherfucking apartheid."
Kalamazoo, Michigan
If 8-Bit's Enough for You
Older woman: My first computer was a Commodore 64!
Younger woman: A what? That sounds like a sex toy.
Western Michigan University
Kalamazoo, Michigan
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Memory lane | Michigan | Technology | Toys | Women | Posted 2008-07-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Well, My Name Is "Ashley"
Skanky girl walking down hall to friends: She told me to put my cigarette out... I put it in my bra.
Asher Alternative High School
Detroit, Michigan
Categories: Chicks | Clothes | Default | Girls | Michigan | Offers and requests | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Posted 2008-07-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Kids Are Easily Fooled by Short Haircuts and Baritone Voices
Mother holding small child as she sees a girlfriend: Sammi* look! It's Debbie! Say hi to Debbie!
Small child: Hi, ugly man!
Target
Traverse City, Michigan
It's Not Gay If I'm the Boomer
(around a D&D table)
Boom: Boom the Barbarian is going to swing his sword.
Walk-in kid: Dude, your character sheet says he's a fighter.
Boom: Yeah. But his name is Boom the Barbarian.
Walk-in kid: That's gay.
Boom: It won't be gay when I boom all over your face.
Openly gay DM: Actually, it would.
Gaming Center
Grand Rapids, Michigan
Head Cheerleaders Are Born, Not Made
Little kid in bathroom with grandmother: Poopies, yay, yay! Poopies, yay yay!
Arby's Bathroom
Howell, Michigan
I Guess That's What They Want. What They Really, Really Want
Random guy, outside bank: I don't get it! It's like they're spending their money on Spice Girls tickets instead of drugs!
Ann Arbor, Michigan
Overheard by: irina
For Instance, If the State Wants to Mix Stripes and Plaids
Bimbette government teacher, explaining checks and balances: So then, like, the national government says to the state government, "Um, you can't do that, you little... like, state."
Canton, Michigan
Turns Out Hell Is Nicer Than Michigan
Bimbette on cell: I thought I'd died, and then gone to, like, not heaven.
University of Michigan
Ann Arbor, Michigan
Categories: Bimbettes | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Death & dying | Default | Fears | Michigan | On the phone | Religion | Posted 2008-05-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
They're Instrumental in Getting High?
Professor: So the wars of opium wars were fought because the Chinese didn't want their citizens smoking their bongos and being loopy.
Student: Wait, bongos?
Professor: Yeah those pipe things... Bongos, right?
Michigan State University
East Lansing, Michigan
Overheard by: Erika
They're Unlike My Ex-Husband in That Respect
Professor: Cats aren't capable of going into your home, judging what items are valuable, and dragging those items away.
Michigan State University
Michigan
Overheard by: sjshock
Categories: Animals | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Michigan | Teachers | Posted 2008-04-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Guy: Come Back! I Can Change It!
Girl #1: I can understand the idea behind having an affair...
Girl #2: Yeah, it's the change of scenery.
Girl #3: The change of dick...
East Lansing, Michigan
Categories: Bimbettes | Compare and contrast | Etiquette | Friends | Gender issues | Girls | Infidelity | Michigan | Penis | Sexuality | Posted 2008-04-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Suck His Toes and You'll Be High for Days
Large black woman on cell: Girl! I'm tellin' you, I don't know where I gots them warts on my feets. But they nasty! I don't want to give them to nobody else, so I brought me some lil' socks, you know... Them cushy foots? Not like Earl, who goes barefoot all over the city with them mushroom funguses on his toes. His toenails be like baby powder! They all crumbly and shit.
Detroit Metro Airport
Detroit, Michigan
Overheard by: Trying not to barf (and glad I wore socks)
Categories: Airports & flights | Black people | Body parts | Clothes | Compare and contrast | Etiquette | Health & Hygiene | Hoochies | Maladies | Michigan | On the phone | Threats | Women | Posted 2008-04-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But He Just Unchained Me from the Stove, So I'm Trying Not to Press My Luck
Mitt Romney volunteer: So basically I asked my husband if we could please try not to have a baby this year.
Mackinac Island, Michigan
Overheard by: Glad I Chose Fred Thompson
Categories: Christianity | Michigan | Offers and requests | Offspring | Pregnancy | Religious fanatics | Sexuality | Whiteys | Wishes | Women | Posted 2008-04-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Since My Lime Green Mumu Failed to Get Their Attention
Flea market lady: I don't see the big deal about sanitation these days.
Older flea market lady: I know. The other day at work I dropped a cookie on the floor, then picked it up and ate it. You know, just to see what people would do.
Flea Market
Burley Park, Michigan
Overheard by: Amanda
Categories: Cleanliness | Food | Friends | Grumpies | Health & Hygiene | Michigan | Stores | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2008-04-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Mean Geraniums!
Woman #1: Where did you go to college?
Woman #2: University of Cape Town.
Woman #1: Oh, is that in Virginia?
Woman #2: No, it's actually in South Africa.
Woman #1: Ohhhh, sorry, I'm bad with geometry.
Woman #2: ...
Woman #1: I mean geology!
Ann Arbor, Michigan
Overheard by: Actually, that was my mom.
Wait-- What Exactly Are You Using As a Volleyball?
Mom to three-year-old son under the table: Whatcha' doin' under there, buddy?
Three-year-old son: Playing volleyball.
Dad: Volleyball? Smells like you're pooping your pants.
Three-year-old son, giggling: I am.
Three-year-old son's sister to friend: See, I told you it wasn't the food.
Los Tres Amigos Mexican Restaurant
Michigan
Overheard by: Scott
Categories: Default | Family ties | Food | Girls | Guys | Kids | Kids | Lies | Michigan | Moms | Poop | Questions | Restaurants | Sensory experiences | Siblings | Posted 2008-04-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm... Black?
Traffic cop: She said, "Do you like it?" and I was like, "Yeah, it looks really nice." And then she said, "Is it subtle?" and I was like "Jenny*, you're a black woman with orange and yellow hair!"
Plymouth, Michigan
Overheard by: Morgz
Or Is That Necrophilia?
Social problems teacher: So what are some social problems that affect us today?
Female student: Murder?
Teacher: Yeah, that's good. [writes it on the white board.] Any others?
Male student: Narcissism?
Teacher: I don't quite understand...
Male student: Well if people are falling asleep all the time and they don't know it...
Grand Rapids Community College
Grand Rapids, Michigan
The 1990's Called...
Philosophy professor, proving his argument: Therefore, if I don't get a little crazy, then I'm never gonna survive.
Michigan State University
Michigan
Overheard by: sjshock
Categories: Character | Class | Death & dying | Default | Guys | Mental illnesses | Michigan | Teachers | Threats | Posted 2008-04-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Count Us in for Twenty Bucks
Dude: I'd let a horse rope me in the ass if the money was right.
Dearborn, Michigan
Overheard by: Stunned Brother
You Probably Should Just Finish Up the Bottle
Husband: Can I have one of my pills?
Wife: Didn't you just take two a little bit ago?
Husband: Just the two you told me I took.
Frankenmuth, Michigan
Categories: Comebacks | Couples | Default | Health & Hygiene | Michigan | Offers and requests | Posted 2008-03-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
NewsFlash: Telemarketer Abuse Becomes Olympic Sport
Telemarketer: Hi, is Mr. Sa-- Sama-- Samata--
Guy: Go ahead. You can do it.
Telemarketer: Sama-- Samthan-- Sermana--
Guy: You mean Mr. [says name]?
Telemarketer: Yes, is Mr. [repeats name] available?
Guy: Nope, sorry [hangs up phone].
Kalamazoo, Michigan
Overheard by: amused girlfriend
She Only Meant You'll Spread Your Legs for Every Cock That Comes Your Way
Girl on phone: No, I'm sure she didn't mean that... No, really, you must have taken it wrong... No! Trust me, I'm sure when she called you a whore she didn't mean it that way!
Grand Valley State University
Allendale, Michigan
Overheard by: breakin-laker
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Girls | Insults | Lies | Michigan | On the phone | Words | Posted 2008-03-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And If I Collect Two More Dental-Dams, I Win a Stuffed Bear
Dude to friend: Don't worry -- I have plenty of meals left to buy condoms.
Cafeteria, University of Michigan
Michigan
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Friends | Guys | Michigan | Time Management | Posted 2008-03-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What If Your Husband Finds Out?
Girl to pals in line for restroom: ... So now I'm dating my boss, my landlord, and financial advisor...
Friend: Wow, that's intense.
DeVos Performance Hall
Grand Rapids, Michigan
Overheard by: Caty
... Without People Getting All Weird about It
Boy: I wish everything in the world was made of chocolate.
Grandfather: That would sure be interesting!
Boy: Yeah. Then I could eat my brother...
Waterford, Michigan
Overheard by: Gary Lewis
The Immaculate Conception Story Has Gotten Skewed with Time
Frustrated waiter: It doesn't matter if it was real or not. What matters is that it came out of her ass!
Cass Corridor
Detroit, Michigan
Overheard by: fox news
Distant, Constipated, and Lonely, That's the Life for You
Little old lady: Are you here to poop? That's what I just did. Everybody poops. It feels great! Such a relief!
Preschool girl: Yeah!
Girl's mom: Come on, honey... What have I told you about talking to crazy strangers?
Bathroom, Target
Novi, Michigan
Defeating You Will Be a Piece Of... Well, You Know.
Student whose dessert slid off the plate: Nice try, cheesecake. You've only postponed the inevitable.
Michigan State University
Michigan
Overheard by: MrCandey
Meet the Last Kid in the U.S. Who Says "Making Love"
Kid in cafeteria: Yeah, that was the night we watched Shrek and made love for the first time.
East Lansing, Michigan
Overheard by: Cammie
Card: I Fear You've Been a Careless Quiff/ Valentine, You've Got the Syph!
Excited blonde: Guess what I'm getting myself for a Valentine's Day present? I'm getting tested for STDs!
Michigan State University
East Lansing, Michigan
Overheard by: not surprised
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Health & Hygiene | Holidays | Idiots | Michigan | STDs | Students | Posted 2008-02-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Every Catholic Wedding, Encapsulated
Drunk girl: I'm filled with the Holy Spirit... and booze!
Michigan State University
East Lansing, Michigan
Categories: Christianity | Colleges & Universities | Default | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Girls | Michigan | Students | Posted 2008-02-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
How Prince Charming Ended Up with a Glass Slipper Up His Ass
Ghetto chick: It's 10 minutes to midnight -- I'm 'bout to turn into a bitch.
Magic Stick
Detroit, Michigan
Overheard by: Swells
Categories: Black people | Michigan | Threats | Posted 2008-02-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Well, Why Didn't You Say So In The First Place
Girl on cell in busy hallway: Will you assholes shut up?! I'm trying to have a serious conversation with my boyfriend here!
Punk: When you get done breaking up with him, can I fuck you?
Girl on cell: No!
Punk: Not even anal?
Macomb Community College
Warren, Michigan
Not When You're in Them
Student #1: Did you end up taking her to SeaWorld or Busch Gardens or something?
Student #2: Naw, man, I told you -- she set all my clothes on fire!
Student #1: See, I think that's kinky.
Michigan State University
Michigan
Categories: Michigan | Relationships | Students | Violence | Posted 2008-02-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Pretending to Be Straight Isn't Working at All
Guy #1: Sometimes I pretend I'm gay to get chicks at parties.
Guy #2: Does that really work?
Guy #1: Nah... I mean, it's worked once, but I'm not sure she was a she.
Guy #2: Sweet! I've gotta try that!
Lansing, Michigan
Overheard by: Regular
Man, I Love Youth Group Retreats
Chick deciding between two skanky tops: Well, what's the difference? I'm just going to get drunk and take it off anyway.
H&M, Briarwood Mall
Ann Arbor, Michigan
Overheard by: Melanie
Categories: Clothes | Drinking & drunks | Hoochies | Michigan | Posted 2008-02-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Otherwise Known As 9 PM on a Typical Wednesday
Drunk guy to friends: Do you know what time it is? It's dick-slapping time!
East Lansing, Michigan
Overheard by: Kari
Categories: Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Michigan | Penis | Time Management | Posted 2008-01-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook