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...The Prince Of Dullness
Wife to husband who has been chatting with stranger: Who was that?
Husband: Remember those Dos Equis commercials with the most interesting man in the world?
Wife: Yes.
Husband: That was his antithesis.
Northern Michigan
Overheard by: Kaptain Equinox
Categories: Character | Couples | Memory lane | Michigan | Questions | Posted 2011-07-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What's with Moms and Chuck Norris?
Weird kid: Your momma's so fat that... Chuck Norris. I win.
St. Joseph High School
Michigan
Categories: About celebrities | Family ties | Kids | Michigan | Weirdness | Posted 2011-07-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
He Was Pointing to My Birthday Cake!
Crying girl on cell: He said "I would fuck," and I just don't know what that means in that context!
Ann Arbor, Michigan
Well That's What the African Kids in Those Charity Videos Are Always Whining About!
Skinny Asian girl: These shorts are way too big.
Plus-sized white friend: Oh no, I have skinny-ass legs. My life sucks. What am I going to do?
Skinny Asian girl: (laughs)
St. Joseph, Michigan
Times Are Tough in Michigan, Dear Reader
Architect, describing high school renovations to student body: And these will be new bathrooms.
Boy: Fuck yeah! New bathrooms!
(thunderous applause)
St. Joseph, Michigan
So Being Gay Might Be the Only Cool Thing He Has Going for Him
30-something gay man to friend: I don't know if he is gay or not, but he worked at Starbucks and he had a lisp.
Ann Arbor, Michigan
Overheard by: Peter Piper
Categories: Gays | Gossip | Jobs & Careers | Michigan | Sexuality | Posted 2011-06-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And the Law Says I Can't Do That in a Skirt
Teen to mother: Why are you wearing pants?
Mother: Because I gotta get rid of the chilly.
Harrison, Michigan
Overheard by: Lauren
I Don't Think I Like This Party Game.
Drunk girl: But the whole point is to avoid Aids!
Michigan State University
Categories: Advice | Drunks | Michigan | Philosophy | STDs | Posted 2011-06-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Is It Wrong That We're Most Disturbed by the Misuse Of "Ironic"?
Drunk girl to stranger: You're dressed as Juno for Halloween? Oh my god, that's so ironic! I'm pregnant for real!
East Lansing, Michigan
...Period.
Girl to friend: All you have to do is say something about menstruation and every man within earshot becomes uncomfortable.
Michigan State University
Categories: Etiquette | Girls | Michigan | Relationships | Sexuality | Posted 2011-06-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Smell a TV Reality Competition!
Girl to friend: The only way that guy's getting into my pants is if he's a cross-dresser.
Bar
Farmington
Michigan
Overheard by: PeterG
Categories: Character | Girls | Michigan | Philosophy | Sex | Posted 2011-06-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Queen Latifah Never Looked Back
Black girl in workout clothes: So I googled it.
Overweight friend: Googled what?
Black girl in workout clothes: The human skeleton is 20% of your body weight.
Overweight friend: So what?
Black girl in workout clothes: Sooo... Without that, I only weigh like a hundred pounds or something.
Overweight friend: (confused look)
Black girl in workout clothes: I'm just saying I'm not fat anymore.
Michigan
Overheard by: It's that simple?
Categories: Beauty | Black people | Fat people | Girls | Michigan | Stupidity | Weirdness | Posted 2011-03-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Translation: "No Big Bang Tonight."
Frumpy Hermionesque girl: Why don't we try to use the formula for finding the location of two galaxies next to one another?
Hipster boy in ironic winter hat: Why would we do that? We're trying to find the age of the universe. You're the worst partner ever.
Frumpy Hermionesque girl: Fuck you, I'm going to find the age of the universe on my own!
Undergraduate Library
University of Michigan
Overheard by: Todd
I Poop in Little Rock, Arkansas.
Tough guy at urinal: So you live around here?
Tough guy at different urinal: Nope, just pee here.
Grand Rapids, Michigan
Overheard by: Cameron
Stacy London Was a Challenging Kid to Raise
Woman to husband: Honey, do you think this would be a good fall coat for me?
Five-year-old daughter: It looks like an old-fashioned coat.
Woman: I knew you were gonna say that!
Five-year-old: A young lady like you shouldn't wear such an old-fashioned coat!
Target
Allen Park, Michigan
Christmas Has Come Early When We Get "Boobs" and "Mound" in the Same Quote.
Chesty girl, about failing pitcher: I've offered to go to the mound and show him my boobs. I just don't know what else I can do to support this team.
Comerica Park
Detroit, Michigan
Categories: Girls | Michigan | Offers and requests | Rack | Posted 2010-08-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
They Both Swear They're Straight
Middle aged man: Hey, Jesse! Wanna wrestle?
Shirtless young man: I'll wrestle you if you give me a Jägerbomb!
Middle aged man: You better hurry, we're running out!
Traverse City, Michigan
Categories: Drinking & drunks | Guys | Michigan | Offers and requests | Violence | Posted 2010-08-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
At Least We Have the Alt-world Version
Girl #1: I was so disappointed when I found out Neil Patrick Harris is gay!
Girl #2: I know, right?
Girl #1: It's such a loss for womankind!
Girl #2: Men don't deserve him!
Women's Dressing Room
Western Michigan University
Categories: About celebrities | Colleges & Universities | Gender issues | Girls | Gripes | Michigan | Sexuality | Posted 2010-08-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
One Unhealthy Appetite at a Time
Dude #1: This street smells like greasy food and whores!
Dude #2: I could go for some greasy food right now.
East Lansing, Michigan
Overheard by: MF
Categories: Compare and contrast | Food | Guys | Michigan | Sensory experiences | Sex | Posted 2010-07-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Have You Read The Protocols Of the Elders Of Annapolis?
Guy on phone: No I'll never join the navy. (pause) Because me joining the navy would be like Hitler joining the Jewish church!
Detroit, Michigan
Overheard by: Kapti
Categories: Compare and contrast | Guys | History | Jobs & Careers | Michigan | On the phone | Religion | Posted 2010-07-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Best. Reality Competition. Ever.
19-year-old girl on phone in dorm: I have two weeks to have children. I only have one egg left!
Ann Arbor, Michigan
Categories: Girls | Health & Hygiene | Michigan | On the phone | Pregnancy | Time Management | Weirdness | Posted 2010-05-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Pretty Much Sums It Up.
Girl to friend: And then they nailed Him to a cross! And we get chocolate eggs for this?
College Campus
Michigan
That's Not Even How You Play Strip Poker
Girl: Stop poking my love handles!
St. Joseph High School
Michigan
Categories: Body parts | Girls | Michigan | Offers and requests | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Weirdness | Posted 2010-04-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Wear Pajamas With Feet!
Guy #1: I'm going to study all night!
Guy #2: Yeah, I'll come too.
Guy #1: No, man... You're too weak.
Wayne State University
Detroit, Michigan
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Education | Guys | Michigan | Posted 2010-04-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Believe Fingerpainting and Paste-Eating Are Down the Hall
Dumb blonde: Wait, wasn't Columbus the first president? That's why we have Columbus day!
Professor, calmly: Get out, please.
University of Michigan
Overheard by: getout
You May Be Overqualified, Sir
Leather-clad 30-something man applying for job at sandwich shop: I'm not only a musician, I'm also a martial artist!
Grand Rapids, Michigan
Categories: Bragging | Guys | Jobs & Careers | Michigan | Posted 2010-03-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Peristalsis? Beyonce? Linoleum?
Teacher: Okay. Quick review: which Greek gods did we cover on Friday?
Student, seriously: Hermaphrodite? Herpes? Asbestos?
High School
Michigan
Good to See Michigan Living Up to Its Reputation
Dorm guy: I said "thanks for the help," but I should have said, "thanks for the help, asshole, I hope they send you back to China."
Michigan State University
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Guys | Insults | Michigan | Race | Posted 2010-03-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Not Even Drag Queen Bingo?
Religion professor: Contrary to popular belief, bingo is not a sacrament!
North Central Michigan College
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Games | Michigan | Religion | Teachers | Posted 2010-03-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Sure Those Of You in Sororities Know Exactly What I'm Talking About
Professor: In the work-a-day world we work a lot through our mouth.
Grand Rapids, Michigan
Categories: Education | Jobs & Careers | Michigan | Mouth | Teachers | Posted 2010-03-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But I Had a Rockin' Sweet 16
Male ethics professor: I was generally seen as a spoiled little bitch.
Grand Rapids, Michigan
Categories: Memory lane | Michigan | Teachers | Weirdness | Posted 2010-03-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Or There'll Be No Peace When You Are Done
Girl #1: I have cows in my head!
Boy: What?
Girl #1: We're playing "Carry on Wayward Son" in orchestra. C-o-w-s.
Boy: Oh.
Girl #2: You really need to tell people that before you tell them you have cows in your head.
St. Joseph High School
Michigan
But I Can Easily Transition to Toucan Sam
Guy with empty bud light box on head: I look like Cap'n Crunch!
Marquette, Michigan
Categories: Compare and contrast | Drinking & drunks | Food | Guys | Michigan | Pop culture | Posted 2010-02-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
NewsFlash: Community College Student Has Intimate Drug Knowledge. Film at 11.
Student: My girlfriend's theory on smoking is that it's good for you because it's natural.
Professor: Yeah, it's not like that crystal meth. That stuff's all chemicals.
Voice from the back: True dat!
Community College
Michigan
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Drugs | Health & Hygiene | Michigan | Smoking | Students | Teachers | Posted 2010-02-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So You're Not Really an Elderly Asian Man?
Girl to friend: Sometimes I lie. (pause) Usually... I'm lying.
Novi, Michigan
Your Editors Got 8,890,000 Hits.
Butchy girl: All I know is, I'm never going to Tennesse again.
Femmy girl: Dude, I told you! That is why you google "gay Tennesse" first!
Hazel Park, Michigan
Overheard by: Beth
Smart Money Says She Prefers Teaching Gymnastics
Teacher: Who was right in the American Revolution?
(silence)
Student: We were?
Teacher: We were! God, I thought you were all communists for a minute.
Kalamazoo, Michigan
In Michigan It's Always the 1950s
Girl #1: We have to deal with it for nine months!
Girl #2: At least we get to be bitches for no reason.
Girl #1: Yeah, my boyfriend's basically a slave.
University of Michigan
Ann Arbor, Michigan
Overheard by: ...I knew it!
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Girls | Michigan | Pregnancy | Relationships | Posted 2009-12-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
"Don't Jump Off That Building." "Stop Touching That Burner." Nag, Nag, Nag!
Woman to five-year-old daughter in elevator: You're getting off at the wrong floor, sweetie. This is the wrong floor... The wrong floor... The wrong floor! God, do you ever listen to me?
Five-year-old daughter: I'm trying not to.
Mackinac Island, Michigan
Overheard by: laughing
Ever Feel Like You Lost Your Virginity to the Wrong Guy?
Dirty hippie guy to dirty hippie girl: If your vagina's that sore, then just go home!
Dunegrass Music Fest
Empire, Michigan
Overheard by: So Confused
I'm Still Not Having Your Baby, Curtis
Large black male student to tiny white female student: Stretch marks are awesome! They make you look like a tiger! (makes tiger claw gesture) Raaar!
High School
Lincoln Park, Michigan
Overheard by: The teacher
Categories: Animals | Black people | Compare and contrast | Fat people | Health & Hygiene | Michigan | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Students | Whiteys | Posted 2009-11-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
My Parents Are Native American. What's It to You?
Drunk guy, walking into bathroom: Hey, you are at my pisser!
Sober guy at urinal: I didn't realize your name was "push to flush."
Bar
Michigan
Overheard by: I wasn't looking
The Two Major Facets Of Life at the Playboy Mansion
Pissed-off teen: You can't get a bowl of salad but you can wash the dog naked?
Harrison, Michigan
Overheard by: Lauren
Categories: Animals | Cleanliness | Compare and contrast | Food | Michigan | Questions | Teens | Posted 2009-11-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Now Squint, Damn Your Eyes!
History professor: You know how I said that this class wouldn't have a lot of text-heavy PowerPoint slides? Sometimes I lie to you, because that's funny.
Community College
Grand Rapids, Michigan
Overheard by: i love this school
Something Grave, Anyway.
Catechism teacher: Where's Eric today?
Eric's friend: Eric's at the hospital with his mom.
Catechism teacher, concerned: Why?
Eric's friend: Cuz she has a tombstone, or something like that.
Rochester Hills, Michigan
Overheard by: Betsy
Your Editors Are Also Totally Gay for Fuzzy Unicorn Shirts
Teen girl #1: Are you doing it with her, too?
Teen girl #2: Yeah, I'm totally gay for Meg* and her fuzzy unicorn shirt.
Teen girl #3, laughing and choking: I'm not suppose to die choking! I'm the only one who knows CPR!
Harrison, Michigan
Overheard by: Lauren
Categories: Clothes | Clothing | Death & dying | Health & Hygiene | Michigan | Questions | Sex | Sexuality | Teens | Posted 2009-11-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Where Would Either Industry Be Without Silicone?
College girl: The way I see it, chemistry is just like prostitution.
Northern Michigan University
Overheard by: everyone gets screwed?
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Education | Michigan | Science | Sex | Sorority types | Posted 2009-10-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You've Got a Name Tag Pinned to Your Sweater
Aunt Sherry: You have to hold my hand or else I might get lost. Then, what will happen?
Sassy preschooler: You'll be alright, aunt Sherry.
Northville, Michigan
Overheard by: older sassy girl
And if You Lick or Blow, God Knows What I'm Capable of
Guy: I suck today.
Girl: Depending on how much you suck, i might suck today too.
Troy, Michigan
Overheard by: pengie
Baby, You're the H1N1 for Me
Girl to guy: Don't hug me. I'm sick.
Guy to girl: Me too!
(pause)
Girl to guy: Yay! (hugs)
Ann Arbor, Michigan
Overheard by: apparently sick people can't get worse
An Inflatable Friend
Old guy to friend: He got a new girl who works in the sex industry... and you know his fantasy has always been two women. I told him it'd never happen, but apparently it did. His girl has a friend who was willing to play along...
Holland, Michigan
Categories: Friends | Jobs & Careers | Kink | Michigan | Old folks | Relationships | Posted 2009-09-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Men Are Easily Distracted
Man: You know the black guy from Transformers? You know who I'm talking about?
Woman: Megan Fox?
Man: Yeah.
Holland, Michigan
Doesn't Explain Why Cassie's Eating Everyone's Brain
Guy: Oh, look! It's a full moon. Maybe that's why we're all crazy.
Girl: Maybe it's all the booze and drugs.
Grayling, Michigan
Overheard by: Cabin in the woods
This Would Be a Great Porno Opening.
Professor, near the end of two-hour lecture, taking a few deep breaths: I'm losing it myself, I'm bored!
Michigan State University
Overheard by: almost-facinated student
Portrait Of the Scat Fetishist As a Young Man
Little boy, gleefully wiping chocolate on his father's white pants: I'm wiping your butt! Haha! I'm wiping your butt!
Ann Arbor, Michigan
Categories: Ass | Candy | Cleanliness | Dads | Kids | Michigan | Parenting | Should have used a condom | Posted 2009-09-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's the Answer to "Why Do You Want This Job"?
Kid with eyebrow piercing: I remember when I was a little kid, every time I would wet the bed I'd dream I was Aladdin swimming through a warm creek.
Cedar Springs, Michigan
Overheard by: Ron Wheaton
Categories: Guys | Kids | Memory lane | Michigan | Pee | Posted 2009-09-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What Happens When You're Raised by an Old Lady with a Lot Of Pills
Young boy: Good gracious, I'm high!
East Lansing, Michigan
Overheard by: sjshock
If She Needs to Have That Many Of Them, Maybe She Shouldn't Stop?
Sorority girl: Well, she should stop having abortions then!
University of Michigan
Categories: Abortion | Colleges & Universities | Gossip | Michigan | Sorority types | Weirdness | Posted 2009-09-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Yeah, and I Had to Put Them Down!
Teen #1: Why didn't you send it to me?
Teen #2: I don't know. I sent you the humping cats.
Harrison, Michigan
Overheard by: Lauren
Like on That Episode Of Sliders
Woman on cell: Everyone's a Jew, except for the Jews!
Livonia, Michigan
Categories: Michigan | On the phone | Race | Stupidity | Women | Posted 2009-08-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Raising Vampires Is a Thankless Job
Old man on cell: Are they suckling decently? (pause) You might as well get it over with and drown them, if you know what I mean. (pause) Well, yeah, but are they swallowing?
Michigan State University
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Michigan | Old folks | On the phone | Questions | Weirdness | Posted 2009-08-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Probably Pregnant With Rain
Husband, while driving: Wow, look at those cool clouds over there.
Wife: Where? Oh, those, the one that looks like it is going up?
Husband: Yeah.
Wife, after long pause: That one looks like a uterus.
Michigan
Overheard by: T
Categories: Compare and contrast | Couples | Michigan | Uterus | Weather | Posted 2009-08-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Think They're Gay?
Girl drinking outside: It's just, like, I pay rent to live here, I don't want his semen and her little vagina juices everywhere!
Guy drinking outside: I don't think those guys walking by wanted to hear that.
Ann Arbor, Michigan
Overheard by: Guy walking by
It Was Lots Of Fun 'til the Police Arrived
Little boy: How 'bout you get naked, and I get naked, and then we give naked hugs!
St. Joseph, Michigan
Categories: Glad the condom broke | Kids | Michigan | Offers and requests | Sensory experiences | Sex | Weirdness | Posted 2009-08-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Said It Smells Like Tacos, Not Shit
Gray-haired lady: It smells like tacos in here.
Older blue-haired lady, gesturing toward Latino family several feet away: I think it's those people over there.
Metropolitan Airport
Detroit, Michigan
Categories: Airports & flights | Compare and contrast | Food | Michigan | Old folks | Sensory experiences | Stupidity | Women | Posted 2009-08-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Are We Late to the Idiom Party or Something?
College therapist to class: Now take deep, slow breaths. We don't want stress to take over, because stress means purple elephants.
Marquette, Michigan
That's What You Took Away from That Lifetime Movie?
Young woman: I mean, bulimia is easy! But anorexia? That takes willpower!
Grand Rapids, Michigan
Overheard by: Mandy
Categories: Compare and contrast | Health & Hygiene | Maladies | Michigan | Women | Posted 2009-07-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It Was Softball League-- We'd Both Been Drinking
Supportive male friend: It's okay! Just remember, you fucked her sister with a baseball bat.
Cute girl: I know, I know...
Ann Arbor, Michigan
Perhaps Another Bong Hit Will Clarify Things
Professor: What does 95% confidence mean?
Weird kid: It means there are 95 parallel universes between the values!
Professor: Well I don't know about that.
Kalamazoo, Michigan
But He's a Fantastic Gymnastics Coach.
Girl #1: He stabbed me in the face, but he awright.
Girl #2: (unintelligible)
Girl #1: Yeah! It's like he don't care about my well-being.
Grand Rapids, Michigan
Categories: Body parts | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Michigan | Relationships | Stupidity | Violence | Posted 2009-07-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Well the Six Nipples Don't Hurt
Woman, excitedly: I hope he thinks I'm a freak!
Michigan
Overheard by: Meister E
You Ran Over My Puke!
20-something girl with beer in hand to 20-something guy behind her: I recognize you!
20-something guy: Yeah! You puked on my car!
Detroit, Michigan
Overheard by: Sam
Categories: Girls | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Michigan | Weirdness | Posted 2009-07-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You'd Best Not Be Bringing That Bag to Our Next Orgy!
Sorority girl #1: That whore stole my coach bag!
Sorority girl #2: Did you call her out on it?
Sorority girl #1: Well, no, it wasn't actually mine yet, but I told her that I was going to get that one like a week ago, and now she's carrying it. (walks past coach girl, who has iPod headphones in one ear, phone up to other ear) Whore!
Central Michigan University
Overheard by: Central Girl
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Crimes | Fashion | Insults | Michigan | Sorority types | Stupidity | Posted 2009-07-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Can You Try?... Or Not...It's Okay.
Girl, yelling: I am a man! Don't you forget that! Please!
Outside Women's Dormitory
Grand Rapids, Michigan
...I Suddenly Had a Brilliant Idea.
Lady #1: My husband and I are going to Vegas tomorrow for four days. Our only trip without the kids. I am ticked because today I got my period.
Lady #2: Oh, what a pain in the ass.
Lady #1: Ahhhh?!
Hamburg, Michigan
Categories: Backdoor | Comebacks | Family ties | Health & Hygiene | Holidays | Michigan | Women | Posted 2009-06-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Or Did You Shave Your Upper Lip With Occam's Razor?
Freshman, walking down hallway with friend: Dude, this hallway smells like the pussy I ate last night.
High School
West Bloomfield, Michigan
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Friends | Licking | Michigan | Sensory experiences | Students | Vagina | Posted 2009-06-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Besides, Wasn't Harmanfadites a King Of Persia?
Male student: We were learning about harmanfadites in my psych class today.
Female student: What's that?
Male student It's when a person is born with boy and girl parts.
Female student: Nasty.
Male student: Yeah. I was wondering, if two of them have sex, are they both gay? Or lesbians?
Female student: I can't talk about this while I am eating.
Wayne State University
Detroit, Michigan
Overheard by: Jonson
...With My Face Pasted on the Panther.
Chick #1: I met him when I was taking my picture in to be framed.
Chick #2: Was it a naked photo of you?
Chick #1: It was a naked lady on a panther.
Michigan
Overheard by: Meister E
...In Unrelated News.
High school psychology teacher: As humans, we all walk around on two legs. We're all pedophiles.
Michigan
Overheard by: Did you mean
Categories: Body parts | Compare and contrast | Default | Education | Kids | Michigan | Sexuality | Teachers | Words | Posted 2009-06-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Every Now and Then, My Inner Cracker Pops Up and Says Stupid Shit
Black girl in car: God, I wish I was black so I could say things like that.
White girl in car: But wait...you are black.
Black girl in car: I can't believe I just said that!
Detroit, Michigan
She Won't Even Buy "Fancy" Ketchup
Girl, looking at a bag of chips: How about these?
Friend checking for price: They're three dollars.
Girl, putting back the bag of chips: Dayuuummm! We don't need anything that fancy!
Grocery Store
Michigan
Overheard by: just buying some salsa.
...When We Run Out Of Saran Wrap.
Roommate #1: Do you want to go clothes shopping for spring break?
Roommate #2, making disgusted face: I don't wear clothes on spring break.
Roommate #1: (long pause)
Roommate #2: I just wear a bathing suit.
University of Michigan, Ann Arbor
Overheard by: Roommate #3
All Octopus Hymns Have Eight Verses
Chick: I just don't want to sing about suckers with the step family!
Michigan
Overheard by: Meister E.
Categories: Default | Family ties | Girls | Michigan | Offers and requests | Singing | Posted 2009-06-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You've All Done That at Band Camp.
Band instructor, about section: No, no, clarinets! It has to be short! Like pizzicato--pluck it, like a g string!
Band students: (attempting to contain laughter)
Instructor: Aww, c'mon, what the hell!
High School
Mattawan, Michigan
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Michigan | Offers and requests | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Teachers | Words | Posted 2009-05-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
According to My Report Card.
Little boy to teacher: I am the ultimate unicorn!
Michigan
Colleges Really Should Let Freshmen Drive
Guy at comic book store: The last thing I want to see when watching Transformers is the car crying in the garage all alone because the kid is going away to college.
Muskegon, Michigan
Yeah, Vanilla Transvestite Love.
Chick #1: I worry that I'll become boring.
Chick #2: I think I'm more in danger of that than you.
Chick #1: What? You edit books about transvestite love!
Michigan
Overheard by: Meister E
A Conclusion Every Young Woman Must Reach at Some Point in Her Life
Chick: I have found that half-cousin incest is hot, but only on soaps.
Michigan
Overheard by: Meister E
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Family ties | Girls | Michigan | TV shows | Posted 2009-05-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We Haven't Made Any, Um, Headway.
Hot chick: I'm speaking with naked guy about his celibacy.
Michigan
Overheard by: Meister E
Africans: Wow, They're Fat Monsters and Stupid
Brunette: I wish I could speak those sweet African languages.
Blonde: What sweet African languages?
Brunette: Ya know, the ones where they cluck at each other. Cluck cluck clickity clack cluck.
Blonde: Yeah! I know what you mean. Clack clack cluck cluck click cluck clacky clack. (laughs)
Brunette, laughing: I bet they just make stuff up!
Blonde: Yeah, dude! Clack clack clickity clacky clack clack cluck! AKA, wanna go get some cow...meat?
Brunette, laughing: You're retarded. I don't think anyone in Africa says shit like that.
Michigan
Tell Me You Didn't Get It Just to Use That Line?
Girl: Yeah, my husband's in Iraq. And I just got a boob job! How do you like my rack?
High School Reunion
Michigan
Categories: Body parts | Default | Geography | Girls | Michigan | Questions | Relationships | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Posted 2009-05-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Or Why We Have Matching Engagement Rings
Male tour guide: So, this building is wh...
Sorostitute: Oh my god! Mike! (hugs tour guide)
Male tour guide: Hi...how are you?
Sorostitute: I'm great, but I gotta run, call me!
Mom in tour: I thought you said your name was Josh!
Male tour guide: It is...I don't know who that was.
Eastern Michigan University
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Employees | Girls | Guys | Michigan | Names | Offers and requests | Questions | Sorority types | Weirdness | Posted 2009-04-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
This Girl Is My New Best Friend
Drunk girl in painful-looking heels to tour group of incoming freshmen: This is your future!
Michigan State University
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Education | Girls | Michigan | Posted 2009-04-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Plan to Stop Smoking Just Before That
Professor: Do we know if marijuana has any long-term effects?
Male student: Ball cancer.
Western Michigan University
Overheard by: H
I'm Thinking It's the First Clue in My Quest for the Holy Grail
Male student: So there was a hobo on the train and he sat next to me and he was like, "me no wah". So I was like, "what?" and he just said "me no wah!" so I was really confused and then I realized I had my backpack, so I gave him a pen and a paper and he wrote "m-e n-o w-a-h." So I was really mad and was like, "dude, that was supposed to clear things up," but it didn't.
Female student: Word.
University of Michigan, Ann Arbor
Overheard by: Kelli
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Girls | Guys | Michigan | Public Transportation | Questions | Students | Weirdness | Words | Posted 2009-04-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Back in My Day, It Wasn't a Race Without at Least a Little Mooing
Man to daughter entering race: So, do you have to quack while you run, or...how does that work?
4th of July Parade
Brighton, Michigan
Overheard by: Tonya
And the Lake's Still Frozen
Chick: The peeing politician doesn't float my boat.
Michigan
Overheard by: Meister E
Kids Raised on Sesame Street Often Have That Reaction
(bible thumper holding cross is passing out pamphlets on the street)
Hipster guy, yelling: Yeah! Lower case 't'!
Royal Oak, Michigan
Overheard by: Sara
Richard Nixon. Any Other Questions?
Professor: This assignment is worth 20 points, but doing it can only earn you up to 18. The only way to get the last two points is to dress up.
Exasperated student: As what?!
Eastern Michigan University
Google: Search and Ye Shall Find
Dude: I don't even know where to find porn!
Random guy walking past: Yeah, you do.
Washtenaw Community College
Ann Arbor, Michigan
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Guys | Michigan | Porn | Technology | Weirdness | Posted 2009-03-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Which You All Got Wrong on the Midterm
Professor: What would you guys do if I told you that a giant fish was going to eat you on your way home?
Girl: Hide?
Professor: No! You'd all go out and have sex! I mean besides sleeping, eating, and having sex, what else do you need to do? You're just taking this class so later in life you can sleep in a better place, eat better food, and have sex with someone hotter!
University of Michigan
Ann Arbor, Michgan
Overheard by: Kelli
When All Along I Was Thor, God Of Thunder!
Professor: And you thought I was some geeky wanker, going on about agriculture!
Eastern Michigan University
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Michigan | Teachers | Weirdness | Words | Posted 2009-03-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Is Your Dad on Facebook?
Ditz to friend: He took me Facebook poking him as a romantic gesture!
TC Central High School
Michigan
Categories: Default | Feelings | Girls | Internet | Michigan | Pop culture | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Posted 2009-03-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...of Stuff That Never Happened
Bro #1: Dude, now that you're here...
Bro #2: We can start making some fucking memories!
Michigan State University
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Friends | Guys | Memory lane | Michigan | Weirdness | Words | Posted 2009-03-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Think I've Seen This Movie...
Teen #1: I stuck my ass in her face and she choked on her broccoli.
(dog coughs)
Teen #2: Your ass is making everyone choke!
Harrison, Michigan
Overheard by: Lauren
"Nice Pin" Is Totally Code for That
Wrestler's mom: You need to stop flirting with all of those girls.
Wrestler: But mom, she came up to me, and was hitting on me, and said she wanted to have sex with me.
Varsity Wrestling Meet
Buchanan, Michigan
Overheard by: Katie
Categories: Advice | Compare and contrast | Default | Guys | Michigan | Moms | Offers and requests | Sex | Women | Posted 2009-03-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
He Had to Lay Off Most Of His Elves
Little boy in coffee shop: Mom, I want it, I want it, I want it!
Mom: Shhh, Joshua! Santa Claus is watching!
Little boy: Mom! Santa Claus is not watching!
Ann Arbor, Michigan
...Which Was Letter "C" on the Multiple-Choice Exam
Professor, talking about Shakespeare's Twelfth Night: Well, Sebastian and Antonio have a pretty interesting relationship. It's kind of like, uh, what's the word...a bromance! It's kind of like a bromance.
Michigan State University
Categories: Books | Colleges & Universities | Default | Michigan | Names | Relationships | Teachers | Words | Posted 2009-02-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Gives the TAs a Nice Change from the Shit They Have to Deal with
Girl in math class: I mean, seriously. I've been pissing all over these quizzes lately.
Friend: I know, right? Me too.
Michigan State University
Still Doesn't Explain How the Entire Cast Fit on the Set Of Roseanne
Brunette: I don't think dinosaurs were ever real.
Blonde: Why is that?
Brunette: If they were really that big, only like ten could fit on earth. They wouldn't even be able to walk around much.
Blonde: Oh, you're probably right. I've never thought about it like that before.
Northern Michigan University
Given the Way I Kept Shouting "Whore!" at Her
Girl on cell: Yeah, he was there, and he brought the girl he cheated on me with. (long pause) It made the family dinner a little awkward.
Michigan State University
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Family ties | Food | Girls | Michigan | Weirdness | Posted 2009-02-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Thought You Were Going to Say "Public Healthcare"
Seven-year-old girl: Daddy, do you know what stinks ?
Dad: No, what?
Seven-year-old girl: Dog farts.
Dad: Let's not talk about that here.
TJ Maxx
Ann Arbor, Michigan
Overheard by: A.Taylor
If Not, a Dramatic Re-enactment Will Suffice
Male student: So after leaving my mom a note explaining I was going to New York, my friend and I just drove there. We saw a hobo pee in a cup then dump it out!
Female student: Sweet! Can I see?
Bus, University of Michigan
I Told Him, "The Public Won't Understand Our Love."
Roommate: My dad asked me today if our engagement was Facebook official.
Michigan
Categories: Default | Family ties | Internet | Michigan | Questions | Relationships | Students | Posted 2009-02-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
How Now, A Sponge? Dead For A Krabby Patty, Dead!
Theater professor: In Shakespeare's plays, SpongeBob would die.
Wayne State University
Detroit, Michigan
Categories: Books | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Michigan | Names | TV shows | Teachers | Posted 2009-02-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Can I Still Have My Period on Your Face?
Girlfriend to boyfriend: So should I stop peeing in front of you ?
Boyfriend to girlfriend: No, I don't mind. I don't care...just don't let me see you poop, that's just too fucking weird.
Michigan
Overheard by: da da
Does That Mean My Baby Is Gifted?
Woman to friend: What he has started doing now is picking his nose with his toe.
National Coney Island
Royal Oak, Michigan
Categories: Body parts | Default | Health & Hygiene | Michigan | Restaurants | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2009-01-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Pussy
Guy: Did you hear that our professor walked out on us on Monday? Crying!
Dining Hall, University of Michigan
Overheard by: not surprising
With a Clatter, Suzette's Mind Blew Open
Professor, reading student midterm reviews of his teaching style: When asked the question, "what would help you understand the material better?" someone wrote "if you wore a thong." My answer to that is, "how do you know I'm not?"
(class erupts in laughter)
University of Michigan, Dearborn
Overheard by: Nehal
But You Knew What You Were Getting Into When You Agreed to Date Paul Bunyan
40-something woman: So now all my panties are gross and streched out.
Friend: What a jerk!
Macy's
Traverse City, Michigan
Overheard by: megansbaby
Which Is Why I'm Taking This Class
Cute, innocent-looking college girl on cell: And, well, I guess I just don't think I know enough about porn to make a well-informed decision!
Ann Arbor, Michigan
Categories: Default | Feelings | Michigan | On the phone | Porn | Sorority types | Posted 2008-12-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...And Then There's the Restrictitude of the Thong
Professor: So, first of all, there's the gigantitude of the bong...
North Central Michigan College
Overheard by: Maggie
To Re-Apply My Black Lipstick, Silly!
Goth/punk chick smoking a cigarette: Oh shit, you know what I forgot?
Goth/punk guy: That you're killing your unborn baby?
Huron & First
Ann Arbor, Michigan
Overheard by: Melanie
After Every Lube and Oil Change
Girl #1: I have to go take my car in because I got rear-ended yesterday.
Girl #2: (groans)
Girl #1: You know all about getting rear-ended, don't you, Christine?!
Girl #2: I get rear-ended all the time!
Holland, Michigan
Overheard by: john
It's the Same Thing with Using a Neti Pot
Professor: You'd probably say "no, I wouldn't do it," but until you had a fly dropped in your nose, you wouldn't know.
Ann Arbor, Michigan
Categories: Body parts | Colleges & Universities | Default | Insects | Michigan | Offers and requests | Teachers | Weirdness | Posted 2008-12-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Margaret Manheim Could Never Catch a Break
Professor: All right. I'm going to start giving the papers back in reverse alphabetical order from last time.
Whispering girl: Damn it! I hate my life.
Ann Arbor, Michigan
You Know Somebody's Playing "Magic: the Gathering"
Frazzled mother: At Michigan State they don't even have parties. They're not going to want you at a party. You are not going to a party. There is no chance.
Hopeful twelve-year-old boy: Oh, there's a chance.
East Lansing, Michigan
Overheard by: Cameron
But Rocks Definitely Are.
Professor: I think fish are not animals. I don't have a concrete answer, but I think they are not animals.
Michigan State University
Overheard by: sjshock
74
Maternity nurse to nursing students: I mean, how many fingers do I want in my vagina in twelve hours?
Clinton Township, Michigan
The Michigan State AA Chapter Didn't Quite Get the Point
Frat boy on cell: I am going to get so wasted! I'm going to get wasted on water. I will drink so much water that I'll be like, "Ahhh, I'm drowning in water!" I will be that fucking drunk, bro. With water!
Michigan State University
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Drinking & drunks | Frat boy types | Michigan | On the phone | Weirdness | Posted 2008-11-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Whatever, Mister Finding Nemo
Artsy queer: You masturbated to the soundtrack of The Nightmare Before Christmas?!
Houghton, Michigan
Overheard by: Midget Goldfish
Michigan Girls Make a Bid for the Title
Girl #1 in bathroom stall: My poop looks awesome! It has things in it! Come, look!
Girl #2 (waiting outside stall): No.
Girl #1: Come on!
Girl #2: No.
Girl #1: Please?
Girl #2: No! I never will.
Girl #1: I just won't flush it and then you'll have to look.
Girl #2: You better flush that shit!
Grand Rapids, Michigan
Then I'm Afraid There'll Be No Way Around Our Necromany Fee
Woman in cell phone store: I want to change the billing name on this account.
Employee: I'm sorry, we can't allow you to make changes on this account. You're not the primary account-holder.
Woman: Right. The primary account holder died.
Employee: I'm sorry, only the primary account-holder can make changes to the account.
Woman: He's dead!
Verizon Store
Grand Rapids, Michigan
Categories: Customers | Death & dying | Default | Employees | Michigan | Names | Offers and requests | On the phone | Stores | Stupidity | Wishes | Women | Posted 2008-11-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Need More Channels on My TV
Girl #1: I never saw what you saw in him.
Girl #2: Yeah, you're right. I was bored. It's like the whole "never go grocery shopping hungry" thing--I guess one should never jump into a relationship when bored or lonely.
Coffeehouse
Lansing, Michigan
Overheard by: Sweet Tea
Categories: Default | Feelings | Girls | Michigan | Relationships | Restaurants | Posted 2008-11-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Case in Point
Student: Well, sometimes you ask questions that have answers that might not be the answer you are looking for!
Professor: Are you calling me fat?
Michigan State University, Michigan
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Diet & weight | Michigan | Questions | Students | Teachers | Weirdness | Posted 2008-10-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
She Has to Pee Sometime While She's in There Looking for Her Career
College girl: If anyone ever tried to tell me not to pee outside, I'd take it straight to the Supreme Court! I mean, I'm not gonna pee in someone's face or on a baby or anything, but if I wanna pee in a dumpster, then I will! (pause) Rosie O'Donnell would be with me on this. I don't know why, but she would.
East Lansing
Michigan
Overheard by: Everyone should have a cause...
Categories: About celebrities | Crimes | Default | Girls | Michigan | Pee | Sorority types | Posted 2008-10-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...But You Found a Scarf? Score!
Bimbette on phone, nonchalantly: So you lost your baby?
Ann Arbor, Michigan
After Not Returning My Calls This Weekend
Girl, to barking dog: Don't talk to me like you know me!
Wyoming, Michigan
Overheard by: Roxie
Categories: Default | Girls | Michigan | Offers and requests | Weirdness | Posted 2008-10-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Founder Of IHOP Was Just a Kid with a Dream
Teen on cell: If you can flip it, you deserve to flip it. If it's flippable, I'm flippin' it.
Grand River Avenue
Michigan
Geography One: Self-Awareness Zero
Professor: The best time to study geography is in the morning after you've done the "walk of shame." It will help you to keep your mind off of what you've done." (cracks up) That's good shit.
Geography Classroom
Michigan State
Close Enough
Girl: Do you have any keys?
Lady: Nope, just an armadillo.
Ann Arbor, Michigan
Categories: Animals | Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | Michigan | Offers and requests | Questions | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2008-10-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Well Did You Turn Left at the Naked Chinese Guy?
Woman on phone: Okay, so go past the monkey and we'll be right here!
Harrison, Michigan
We're Sorry-- Your Imaginary Friend Didn't Make the Cut
Little girl #1: This is my imaginary friend Helen.
Little girl #2: I have a girl named Lucy!
Little boy: I have a pair of scissors. Named... Mr. Scissors.
Ann Arbor, Michigan
This Baby Can Wait 'Til I'm Done with My Deep-Dish
Woman eating pizza with friends: So, do you want to go to the hospital? Okay, I'm on my way...I'll be a few minutes though. (hangs up and continues eating)
Louis Pizza
Detroit, Michigan
Categories: Default | Food | Health & Hygiene | Lies | Maladies | Michigan | Restaurants | Women | Posted 2008-09-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Yet Another Situation That Calls for Drugs
20-something girl: Rehab totally sucks. The halfway house only has basic cable.
#16 Bus
Ann Arbor, Michigan
Overheard by: unysmpathetic
Except for the One Guy Who Said I Could Use a Cup
Bimbette shouting from crowd: Why does everyone want me to eat shit out of their mouths today?
Michigan Tech
Houghton, Michigan
Categories: Bimbettes | Colleges & Universities | Default | Euphemisms | Michigan | Poop | Questions | Weirdness | Posted 2008-08-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Massah, I Sho Is Happy You Dink I's Ah Nice Negro
Redneck: I'm not racist or anything, I mean, this guy was a pretty nice nigger. He didn't even try to steal my money.
Adrian, Michigan
Why They Stopped Serving Champagne at UN Events
Dude leaving party: Just remember we have one goal. We have one shared dream, people. It starts with "I" and ends with "no more motherfucking apartheid."
Kalamazoo, Michigan
If 8-Bit's Enough for You
Older woman: My first computer was a Commodore 64!
Younger woman: A what? That sounds like a sex toy.
Western Michigan University
Kalamazoo, Michigan
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Memory lane | Michigan | Technology | Toys | Women | Posted 2008-07-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Well, My Name Is "Ashley"
Skanky girl walking down hall to friends: She told me to put my cigarette out... I put it in my bra.
Asher Alternative High School
Detroit, Michigan
Categories: Chicks | Clothes | Default | Girls | Michigan | Offers and requests | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Posted 2008-07-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Kids Are Easily Fooled by Short Haircuts and Baritone Voices
Mother holding small child as she sees a girlfriend: Sammi* look! It's Debbie! Say hi to Debbie!
Small child: Hi, ugly man!
Target
Traverse City, Michigan
It's Not Gay If I'm the Boomer
(around a D&D table)
Boom: Boom the Barbarian is going to swing his sword.
Walk-in kid: Dude, your character sheet says he's a fighter.
Boom: Yeah. But his name is Boom the Barbarian.
Walk-in kid: That's gay.
Boom: It won't be gay when I boom all over your face.
Openly gay DM: Actually, it would.
Gaming Center
Grand Rapids, Michigan
Head Cheerleaders Are Born, Not Made
Little kid in bathroom with grandmother: Poopies, yay, yay! Poopies, yay yay!
Arby's Bathroom
Howell, Michigan
I Guess That's What They Want. What They Really, Really Want
Random guy, outside bank: I don't get it! It's like they're spending their money on Spice Girls tickets instead of drugs!
Ann Arbor, Michigan
Overheard by: irina
For Instance, If the State Wants to Mix Stripes and Plaids
Bimbette government teacher, explaining checks and balances: So then, like, the national government says to the state government, "Um, you can't do that, you little... like, state."
Canton, Michigan
Turns Out Hell Is Nicer Than Michigan
Bimbette on cell: I thought I'd died, and then gone to, like, not heaven.
University of Michigan
Ann Arbor, Michigan
Categories: Bimbettes | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Death & dying | Default | Fears | Michigan | On the phone | Religion | Posted 2008-05-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
They're Instrumental in Getting High?
Professor: So the wars of opium wars were fought because the Chinese didn't want their citizens smoking their bongos and being loopy.
Student: Wait, bongos?
Professor: Yeah those pipe things... Bongos, right?
Michigan State University
East Lansing, Michigan
Overheard by: Erika
They're Unlike My Ex-Husband in That Respect
Professor: Cats aren't capable of going into your home, judging what items are valuable, and dragging those items away.
Michigan State University
Michigan
Overheard by: sjshock
Categories: Animals | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Michigan | Teachers | Posted 2008-04-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Guy: Come Back! I Can Change It!
Girl #1: I can understand the idea behind having an affair...
Girl #2: Yeah, it's the change of scenery.
Girl #3: The change of dick...
East Lansing, Michigan
Categories: Bimbettes | Compare and contrast | Etiquette | Friends | Gender issues | Girls | Infidelity | Michigan | Penis | Sexuality | Posted 2008-04-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Suck His Toes and You'll Be High for Days
Large black woman on cell: Girl! I'm tellin' you, I don't know where I gots them warts on my feets. But they nasty! I don't want to give them to nobody else, so I brought me some lil' socks, you know... Them cushy foots? Not like Earl, who goes barefoot all over the city with them mushroom funguses on his toes. His toenails be like baby powder! They all crumbly and shit.
Detroit Metro Airport
Detroit, Michigan
Overheard by: Trying not to barf (and glad I wore socks)
Categories: Airports & flights | Black people | Body parts | Clothes | Compare and contrast | Etiquette | Health & Hygiene | Hoochies | Maladies | Michigan | On the phone | Threats | Women | Posted 2008-04-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But He Just Unchained Me from the Stove, So I'm Trying Not to Press My Luck
Mitt Romney volunteer: So basically I asked my husband if we could please try not to have a baby this year.
Mackinac Island, Michigan
Overheard by: Glad I Chose Fred Thompson
Categories: Christianity | Michigan | Offers and requests | Offspring | Pregnancy | Religious fanatics | Sexuality | Whiteys | Wishes | Women | Posted 2008-04-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Since My Lime Green Mumu Failed to Get Their Attention
Flea market lady: I don't see the big deal about sanitation these days.
Older flea market lady: I know. The other day at work I dropped a cookie on the floor, then picked it up and ate it. You know, just to see what people would do.
Flea Market
Burley Park, Michigan
Overheard by: Amanda
Categories: Cleanliness | Food | Friends | Grumpies | Health & Hygiene | Michigan | Stores | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2008-04-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Mean Geraniums!
Woman #1: Where did you go to college?
Woman #2: University of Cape Town.
Woman #1: Oh, is that in Virginia?
Woman #2: No, it's actually in South Africa.
Woman #1: Ohhhh, sorry, I'm bad with geometry.
Woman #2: ...
Woman #1: I mean geology!
Ann Arbor, Michigan
Overheard by: Actually, that was my mom.
Wait-- What Exactly Are You Using As a Volleyball?
Mom to three-year-old son under the table: Whatcha' doin' under there, buddy?
Three-year-old son: Playing volleyball.
Dad: Volleyball? Smells like you're pooping your pants.
Three-year-old son, giggling: I am.
Three-year-old son's sister to friend: See, I told you it wasn't the food.
Los Tres Amigos Mexican Restaurant
Michigan
Overheard by: Scott
Categories: Default | Family ties | Food | Girls | Guys | Kids | Kids | Lies | Michigan | Moms | Poop | Questions | Restaurants | Sensory experiences | Siblings | Posted 2008-04-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm... Black?
Traffic cop: She said, "Do you like it?" and I was like, "Yeah, it looks really nice." And then she said, "Is it subtle?" and I was like "Jenny*, you're a black woman with orange and yellow hair!"
Plymouth, Michigan
Overheard by: Morgz
Or Is That Necrophilia?
Social problems teacher: So what are some social problems that affect us today?
Female student: Murder?
Teacher: Yeah, that's good. [writes it on the white board.] Any others?
Male student: Narcissism?
Teacher: I don't quite understand...
Male student: Well if people are falling asleep all the time and they don't know it...
Grand Rapids Community College
Grand Rapids, Michigan
The 1990's Called...
Philosophy professor, proving his argument: Therefore, if I don't get a little crazy, then I'm never gonna survive.
Michigan State University
Michigan
Overheard by: sjshock
Categories: Character | Class | Death & dying | Default | Guys | Mental illnesses | Michigan | Teachers | Threats | Posted 2008-04-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Count Us in for Twenty Bucks
Dude: I'd let a horse rope me in the ass if the money was right.
Dearborn, Michigan
Overheard by: Stunned Brother
You Probably Should Just Finish Up the Bottle
Husband: Can I have one of my pills?
Wife: Didn't you just take two a little bit ago?
Husband: Just the two you told me I took.
Frankenmuth, Michigan
Categories: Comebacks | Couples | Default | Health & Hygiene | Michigan | Offers and requests | Posted 2008-03-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
NewsFlash: Telemarketer Abuse Becomes Olympic Sport
Telemarketer: Hi, is Mr. Sa-- Sama-- Samata--
Guy: Go ahead. You can do it.
Telemarketer: Sama-- Samthan-- Sermana--
Guy: You mean Mr. [says name]?
Telemarketer: Yes, is Mr. [repeats name] available?
Guy: Nope, sorry [hangs up phone].
Kalamazoo, Michigan
Overheard by: amused girlfriend
She Only Meant You'll Spread Your Legs for Every Cock That Comes Your Way
Girl on phone: No, I'm sure she didn't mean that... No, really, you must have taken it wrong... No! Trust me, I'm sure when she called you a whore she didn't mean it that way!
Grand Valley State University
Allendale, Michigan
Overheard by: breakin-laker
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Girls | Insults | Li