Overheard Everywhere | The Voice of the Towel" | Places | North America | USA

...Is the Title of My Coffeehouse Bongo Piece

Guy: My life is one giant erection.

Attleboro, Massachusetts

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Then I Realized It Was Just a Wellesley Student

Loud guy on street corner: And over there is where I saw my first hooker!

Tremont and Boylston
Boston, Massachusetts

Overheard by: I heard him from -inside- a car

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I Mean, He Is on Our Bedsheets

Nerdy freshman talking about philosophy: Well, it depends on what you consider real. Like is Spiderman real?
Kid sitting with him: Uh...
Nerdy freshman: Think about it! Is he?

U Mass
Amherst, Massachusetts

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And He Usually Takes Duct Tape As Well

Girl: Hey, does anyone know if Stu* is still alive?
Guy: What? Why?
Girl, laughing: Because he went out into the woods last night with nothing but a lighter and a can of tomato soup.

Egremont, Massachusetts

Overheard by: lily

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"Sister"? Really?

Woman on cell: That poor baby-mama! Or, shall I say: "wife".

Cambridge, Massachusetts

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Did You Know You Have No Lubrication Back There?

Girl: Sorry about the chafing. My butt still hurts when I poo.
Boy: [Makes sad face.]
Girl: From your surprise. I don't like your surprises.
Boy: It surprised me too!

Boston, Massachusetts

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You'll Have Plenty of Time for That When You're in Your 20's and Getting Out of Limos

Mother to daughter hopping up and down on escalator: Now Beth*, if you keep doing that your pants are going to get caught in the conveyor belt and they'll be ripped off and all of South Station is going to see your little mermaid underwear. [Girl immediately stops.]

South Station
Boston, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Meg

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The Water-Walking, Fig-Tree-Blasting Badass from Nazareth

Freshman theater student: So we were in acting class and we did this exercise where we had to portray mythological creatures, and afterwards when we were telling the class what we were, this one kid said: "I was Jesus!"

MBTA
Boston, Massachusetts

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Everyone's a Beautiful Woman After 12 Tequila Shots

Drunk guy on cell: Dad, I can't talk right now, I'm surrounded by FBI agents, but I've got your $100, your beer, and your marijuana. Oh, and your toilet paper. [Pause.] No, dad, FBI agents. [Pause.] I don't know, they're all beautiful women.

B Line
Boston, Massachusetts

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As Explained in Survival of the Tittiest

Girl #1: This dress makes me look like a pregnant woman with small boobs.
Girl #2: Pregnant women can't have small boobs. That's like impossible. It's, like, natural selection or something.

Boston University
Boston, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Rebecca

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So the Reverend Wrote That Down under "Burial Wishes"

Wannabe thug #1: So I told her: "Bitch, there'd better be flowers on my balls!"
Wannabe thug #2: Straight.

Mission Hill
Massachusetts

Overheard by: Henry

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The Chicken Doesn't Count, Sir

60-year-old journalism professor: Oh, the choking game? Heh... I play that all the time.

Emerson College
Boston, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Sarah

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I Wanted You to Understand How It Felt to Read Your Term Papers

Professor: I think I popped a few Oxycontins before I wrote this so it might not make any sense.

Salem State College
Salem, Massachusetts

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Childbirth Is All a Hoax

20-something hipster girl to another: So, anyway, no one is pregnant.

Sorella's Diner

Boston, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Julianna

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My Point Exactly

Stoner #1: Yo, what time is it?
Stoner #2: Oh! I know, right?

Roslindale, Massachusetts

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With Their Affectionate Natures and Agile Fingers

Stats professor explaining problem: And that comes out to be 13.58 when we hire monkeys to plug in the values on our calculators...[more quietly] I really do love monkeys you know...

Barnum Hall, Tufts University
Massachusetts

Overheard by: Adrian

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Why Does "Mountainous Region" Sound Dirty to Us?

Older man walking: I know we live in a mountainous region, but if we lived in a really mountainous region I'd wear pants.

University of Massachusetts
Amherst, Massachusetts

Overheard by: I'd wear pants too...

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That's What You Said During Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

Random kid: Oh god! This is going to turn into a pregnancy fetish porno.

While seeing Juno
Peabody, Massachusetts

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No More Gene Kelly Movies for You, Young Man

Mom, walking in the rain: This is not good.
Four-year-old son: It's nice!
Mom: It is not nice, what the hell?!

Springfield, Massachusetts

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We Respect That You Didn't Take the Easy Route with "Robert Downey Jr."

Girl: "Pokemon Stadium," is just stupid. If the other Pokemon does some confusion attack, you just end up slapping yourself or some shit. No one gets so confused they hurt themselves!
Boy: Tell that to Danny Bonaduce.

Worcester, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Katie

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Luckily So Many Other Things Taste Like Them

College girl: Just think about all the chickens that get killed every day, like just by McDonald's.
Friend: Yeah, but you know... I don't really care.
College girl: Oh no, I don't care about them either, I'm just scared they're gonna run out of chickens.

Boston, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Curlee

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Strong Enough for a Man; Yummy Enough for Little Bobby

Little boy, singing: Should I stay or should I go now? If I stay I'll eat your armpits!

Newton, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Amy

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Fine. Anyone Want Anything from the Sex Kitchen?

Girl #1: Nobody ever sits on it and I don't blame them.
Girl #2: You call it the sex couch, that's why.
Girl #1: I Febreze it!
Girl #2: And then you say that!

Brighton, Massachusetts

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When Stoners Write for Fortune Cookie Companies

Serious girl: You have to clean your bathroom or else there'll be hungry ghosts lurking behind your toilet.

Smith College
Northampton, Massachusetts

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Can You Picture Martha Stewart on a Public Bus?

Thug #1: Why the hell are you going all the way to back of the train car? Why don't we sit in the front like that Martha Stewart woman?
Thug #2: What the fuck are you talking about Martha Stewart?
Thug #1: You know, she stood up for herself on the bus? Wait, who was that? Not Martha Stewart?

Orange Line at Downtown Crossing
Boston, Massachusetts

Overheard by: drunkbigirls

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Particularly the One with the Retractable Razor Blades

Guy on cell: And all I could say was: "Thank God... I have my surfboard with me!"

Boylston Street
Boston, Massachusetts

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Or Striptionary?

MIT frat boy #1: I'm just saying, everybody has a strip poker tournament during rush week. We need something different.
MIT frat boy #2: You mean, like, strip risk or battleship?
MIT frat boy #1: Um... Sure.

Chinese Restaurant
Boston, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Brian

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I'm Not Sure Hocking Your VCR Quite Counts

Thuggish teen to friends: Yeah, I'm going antiquing this weekend. For at least an hour.

Orange Line Train
Boston, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Julianna

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If a Thing's Worth Doing, It's Worth Doing Right

Girl #1: What would you do if you were a lesbian?
Girl #2: [Thoughtful pause] Eat a lot of pussy.

Boston, Massachusetts

Overheard by: I was there

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Is That Yiddish for "a Moment"?

Tall gay 20-something male on cell: My niece died. I need a Fresca.

CVS
Boston, Massachusetts

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At That Point My Crush Was Ova

Girl to friend: So, there was this cute guy, and I was standing behind him, and he just started laying eggs!

Government Center
Boston, Massachusetts

Overheard by: meems

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You'll Understand Why Santa's Fighting Him

Economics professor, suddenly, in a creepy voice: Noooo you may not! Aquaman, you cannot marry a woman without gills! [Continuing in normal voice.] No? Anybody? No? Shame on you all! Just wait a few more years and you'll get what I'm talking about and you will be so pleased.

Tufts University
Massachusetts

Overheard by: Adrian

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Yeah, but We're Also in Boston

Girl #1: And yeah... She had these stains on her teeth.
Girl #2: Ew! Why... We're in America.

Boston, Massachusetts

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Looked Like He Might Be Manorexic

Teen girl on cell: I saw this guy with a man tramp stamp... A mamp stamp.

Green Line
Boston, Massachusetts

Overheard by: sadie

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Isn't That the Title of an Inspirational Children's Book?

Little boy to his mother: Why is everybody white and I'm brown?

Harvard Square
Cambridge, Massachusetts

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Kendra Wilkinson's Major Life Accomplishment

Preppy girl on cell: the longest amount of time I've had pubic hair is three days.

Boston, Massachusetts

Overheard by: kt

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At Least He's Stopped Talking About His Turds.

Bitter guy: Girls don't care about men, so I can't relate to them. And men only care about sports, food, video games, and women. I do like to eat, but I hate women. I don't like sports at all, and I'm soooo good at video games that other people can't play with me because I am just too awesome.
Girl sitting at the table with him: Yeah...

University of Massachusetts
Amherst, Massachusetts

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Mango: Nobody Touch Me!

Lady on PA system: United 119 passengers can claim their baggage at carousel D... D as in delicious. Delicious mango. Delicious, delicious mangoes.

Logan International Airport
Boston, Massachusetts

Overheard by: John Y

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Of All the Ways to Describe Giving Birth...

Chick to friend: Can I get that pulled out of my cervix in September?

Davis Square
Somerville, Massachusetts