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Granted, I Cut Her, but They Still Owe Me Ten Bucks

Gay guy: I told them not to have hip-hop night cause a bitch would get cut. And what happened? A bitch got cut!

Outside The Hippo
Mt. Vernon, Mayrland


Categories: Advice | Bars & Clubs | Dancing | Default | Maryland | Music | Queers | Threats | Violence | Posted 2008-06-23 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Someone's Gotta Inspire Hanson's Next Effort

Guy: What are you showing me? Bruises on your knees? You can't do that with every guy in the band you know.
Girl: I know. But that would be awesome if I could!

Carroll Community College
Maryland


Overheard by: Left Speechless

Whereas Elizabeth Taylor Will Turn Into Delicious Pudding

Professor: One day you'll wake up an old weathered hag, unless you're Cher--she'll just turn to dust one day when the sun hits her.

McDaniel College
Maryland

When Shown That They Do Exist, He Fainted

Grungy dude, pointing to expensive vacuum: You should get this one. It sucks up everything!
Girlfriend: Yeah, but I don't have much carpet. I need, like, a Broom Vac or something.
Grungy dude: A Broom Vac?! Put down the crack pipe!

Target
Baltimore, Maryland


Categories: Advice | Compare and contrast | Couples | Default | Drugs | Girls | Guys | Maryland | Stores | Technology | Posted 2008-06-07 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Drugging Miss Daisy

Old white lady, leaving table with a flourish: Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to the bathroom to shoot up.

Lemongrass
Baltimore, Maryland


Overheard by: Loves Her Some Thai Food

By 35, She Was Already Set in Her Ways

Goateed gentleman: I tried to teach her that certain words for things were different, like that toothpaste was actually "poop," but I think I waited until she was a bit too old.

Mars Volta Concert, Rams Head Live
Baltimore, Maryland


Overheard by: Greeg

Dude, Just Make an Audio-Visual Geek Your Friend

Music history professor, putting a CD in the player: And now we pray to the god of CDs. It's not good to be a teacher with CDs. They are very stupid things. [Pause.] ...It's not good to be a teacher, perhaps that's what it is.

Peabody Conservatory
Baltimore, Maryland


Categories: Class | Default | Education | Feelings | God | Gripes | Jobs & Careers | Maryland | Music | Teachers | Technology | Posted 2008-05-24 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Which, for Some Reason, Makes Me All Tingly Inside

Woman #1: That's a wonderful coat.
Woman #2: I hope it stays cold long enough for me to enjoy it.
Woman #1: You know, you're really brave. I have a fur at home but I can't stop thinking about those crazy PETA people chasing me down with a van and hurting me.

Sidewalk in front of Grocery Store
Maryland


Categories: Animals | Clothing | Fears | Maryland | Stores | Threats | Women | Posted 2008-05-20 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

You Have to Earn the Right to Stay in Paradise, Pal

Guido: Dude, I think your girlfriend is going to dump you. You fell off your chair inside and you punched me in the ribs twice when I got up to go to the bathroom.
Drunk Guido: No, she can't dump me. She lets me put it in her ass!

Outside Restuarant
Baltimore, Maryland


Overheard by: Lauren


Categories: Ass | Backdoor | Drunks | Guys | Maryland | Pride | Relationships | Restaurants | Posted 2008-05-19 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

And I Need Lipstick for Medicinal Purposes

College girl, handing heavy basket to boyfriend: I'm all for feminism, but I don't like carrying heavy things.

Target
Towson, Maryland


Overheard by: Kay-ren

Fool Me Twice, Shame on Morton's

Freshman girl: Never snort salt.
Other freshman girl: I know, right! It burns so bad!

Bethesda, Maryland

Overheard by: Shelby

Nas: It's About Time

Four-year old practising just before the pageant: Hark the herald, angels sing, glory to the New York king!

Church Christmas Pageant
Annapolis, Maryland


Overheard by: thought NY was a Fifedom


Categories: Guys | Kids | Kids | Maryland | Names | Religion | Singing | US Geography | Words | Posted 2008-05-13 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

The Foil Helmet Just Seals in the Knowledge

Student: I have this irrational fear of being clunked over the head and shipped to a country whose alphabet I don't know, so I'm trying to learn all these alphabets... I must be paranoid, I don't know.

Johns Hopkins University
Baltimore, Maryland


Overheard by: l_tau

Since the Judge Ordered Me to Steer Clear of Markers

Lady #1: I'm ready, are you coming?
Lady #2: I think I may just stay here and smell the pencils for a while.

Animal Hospital
Abingdon, Maryland


Overheard by: Paying for food


Categories: Feelings | Maryland | Sensory experiences | Weirdness | Wishes | Women | Posted 2008-04-26 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Since Barenaked Ladies Was Already Taken

Twenty-something dude: When I grow up, and learn how to play an instrument, I'm calling my band he-gina and she-nis.

McKenna's
Baltimore, Maryland


Categories: Age and ageing | Education | Guys | Maryland | Music | Names | Penis | Restaurants | Vagina | Words | Posted 2008-04-19 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

And That's Not Even Including the Millions of Unborn Babies

Girl to friend: I swear to god, if there is semen on my shirt, I will kill everyone.

College Park, Maryland

Overheard by: Tom and Laura

It's More Like a Museum of Strangers' Poo, Honey

Little girl, inside port-a-potty: Mommy! Mommy!
Mommy: Just be quiet and go potty.
Little girl: Mommy, do you know what it feels like in here? It's like a little house where I'll always be protected.

Renaissance Festival
Maryland


Overheard by: Nancy Whiskey


Categories: Girls | Health & Hygiene | Kids | Kids | Maryland | Moms | Poop | Posted 2008-04-15 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Why Nobody's All That Sold on the Idea Of Heaven

College guy: And then, there would be no more vagina!

Bethesda, Maryland

Overheard by: Laiah and Caitlin


Categories: Default | Fears | Frat boy types | Guys | Maryland | Sexuality | Students | Threats | Vagina | Posted 2008-04-13 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

And You Stole Me from a Playground!

Little boy, standing next to a car: Daddy, this isn't our car! Daddy, what are you doing? This isn't our car!
Man: Look, buddy, you've got to stop saying that when we're in parking lots. [to a couple walking by] I just got a new car.
Little boy: No you didn't!

AMC Theatres
Owings Mills, Maryland


Overheard by: they steal cars, dont they?


Categories: Advice | Compare and contrast | Dads | Default | Family ties | Fears | Kids | Kids | Lies | Maryland | Posted 2008-04-10 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Then the Mescaline Wore Off, and I Was Naked in a Public Fountain

Crazy man on stoop, to couple walking German shepherd: Yo! Is that one of them orangutan dogs? I saw me one of them orangutans... It jumped right in the river and started catching fish. Yes it did!

Federal Hill, Baltimore


Categories: Animals | Crazies | Default | Guys | Maryland | Weirdness | Words | Posted 2008-04-08 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Portrait of the State Senator As a Young Man

Guy #1: God, that burns! Chlamydia's a bitch! You ever get chlamydia?
Guy #2: Nah, man. I don't fuck sluts.
Guy #1: Well, I do!

College Park, Maryland


Categories: Comebacks | Default | Gripes | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Maryland | Questions | Posted 2008-04-02 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

For the Last Time, These Are Tabs of E.

Four-year-old boy to eight-year-old sister: Geez! Just take some Midol and relax!

Six Flags
Maryland


Categories: Advice | Default | Health & Hygiene | Kids | Maryland | Posted 2008-04-01 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

I Expect to Awaken Tomorrow Nauseated, Infected

Tipsy girl: You know what type of night it is? I'm wearing a leopard-print dress and leggings! It's that type of night!

Shout-out: www.overheardatlc.blogspot.com


Categories: Clothing | Default | Drunks | Maryland | Overheard at Loyola | Questions | Posted 2008-03-25 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

But We're Totally in the Clear with Wikipedia, Right?

Dude: You know, less than half of Snapple facts are true.
Chick: Really? Because I totally cited those in research papers.

College Park, Maryland


Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Education | Girls | Guys | Lies | Maryland | Science | Students | Posted 2008-03-23 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Old Breadsticks Will Also Do in a Pinch

Guy: You gotta watch out for the Italian Air Force, dude. They've got, like, hang-gliders, and guys who throw rocks.

University of Maryland, College Park
Maryland


Overheard by: Sara


Categories: Advice | Colleges & Universities | Default | Guys | Maryland | Students | Violence | Posted 2008-03-20 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Couldn't We Just Discriminate Against People Wearing Explosive Clothing?

Bimbette: Well, discriminating against the Muslims is different than against, like, the Russians for Hitler and everything.

Archbishop Spalding High School
Severn, Maryland


Overheard by: Wait, is she kidding?

Do They Count If You Have to Blow Them Up?

Music history professor: Darwin says that the sole purpose for living things is to survive and procreate. What about us, as musicians? Do we need music to survive and procreate? Well, some people believe that music was created as a sort of mating call. Compare the reproductive life of Jimi Hendrix to the reproductive life of... well, me.
Class: Um...
Music history professor: Well, clearly I win hands-down because of all my groupies.

1 East Mount Vernon Place
Baltimore, Maryland


Overheard by: stravinsky

Once a Month. Our People Love Dragons and Firecrackers

White girl to Asian guy: So... How often is Chinese New Year?

Shout-out: overheardinumcp.blogspot.com

Overheard by: tom

Weapons of Mass Digestion

Paranoid blonde: He's just so quiet and creepy. I really feel like he could kill someone!
Annoyed brunette: Because he's quiet and creepy?
Paranoid blonde: Well, he, like, steals forks from the dining hall and stuff!

University of Maryland, College Park
Maryland


Categories: Bimbettes | Colleges & Universities | Crimes | Default | Gripes | Maryland | Students | Stupidity | Posted 2008-03-08 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

As Pimpin' As Anything in This Comic Book Store, Anyway

10-year-old boy to Scrabble players: You guys are playing Scrabble? That's totally pimpin'!

Comic book store
Towson, Maryland


Categories: Compliments | Default | Games | Kids | Maryland | Words | Posted 2008-03-04 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Someone Who Can Afford Better Than Macy's

Little girl: Mom, those boots make you look like a hooker!
Mother: This conversation is over.
Little girl: Okay... What's a hooker?

Macy's, Marley Station Mall
Marley, Maryland


Overheard by: jd


Categories: Default | Fashion | Girls | Gripes | Kids | Kids | Maryland | Moms | Words | Posted 2008-02-28 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Further Evidence That Frat Boys Are Born, Not Made

Two-year-old: Mommy, Mommy, Mommy...
Mother, trying to talk to her friend: What?!
Two-year-old, thrusting pizza at her: Blow me!
Mom's friend: Well, that's one for the baby book.

Pizza Hut
Maryland


Categories: Comebacks | Default | Insults | Kids | Kids | Maryland | Moms | Restaurants | Posted 2008-02-23 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Life Was Better When Knowledge Was the Province Of Those Who Could Lie About It

Biology professor: Hey, didn't they discover that process in corals?
Grad student: No, they discovered that in plants.
Biology professor: That's what I just said!
Grad student: But coral is not a plant.
Biology professor: What? Yes, it is!
Grad student: No, it's not, it's an animal!
Biology professor: Since when?
Grad student: Since always -- go look it up!
Biology professor, after disappearing for five minutes: Fucking Wikipedia...

3400 North Charles Street
Baltimore, Maryland


Overheard by: How'd you get this job, anyway?


Categories: Default | Gripes | Internet | Maryland | Science | Students | Teachers | Posted 2008-02-21 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

I Didn't Know They Made Thongs That Big

Male student: So, how's your new roommate?
Female student: Well, she has one hundred thirty-three thongs.
Male student: She sounds like a horrible person.

Maryland Institute College of Art
Baltimore, Maryland


Categories: Clothes | Colleges & Universities | Default | Girls | Gossip | Gripes | Guys | Maryland | Questions | Students | Posted 2008-02-20 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

But Yes.

Teen boy #1: You had sex? Really?
Teen boy #2: Hell yeah, I did.
Teen boy #1: Was it like West Virginia?
Teen boy #2: Huh?
Teen boy #1: You know, 'Wild and Wonderful'!
Teen boy #2: ... Dude, that's gay.

Frederick, Maryland


Categories: Maryland | Questions | Sex | Teens | Posted 2008-02-20 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

When You Can Take the Handicapped Kid's Scissors Away, Grasshopper...

Bimbette: ... You, like, learn to flip people on the mat. My mom knows how to do that. She works with retarded kids and they, like, have come at her with scissors and tried to cut her throat before.
Barista: That doesn't sound like a job I'd want to have.
Bimbette: No, she loves it.

Starbucks
Gaithersburg, Maryland


Overheard by: I just want my mocha, please


Categories: Baristas | Bimbettes | Jobs & Careers | Maryland | Violence | Posted 2008-02-10 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Definitely the Low Point of Any Bon Jovi Concert

Chubby guy on cell: You know it's bad when Bon Jovi shows up.

Target
Westminster, Maryland


Overheard by: JoviFan4Life


Categories: About celebrities | Maryland | Music | On the phone | Posted 2008-02-09 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Just about Thingamajiggies and Doodads

Sorostitute on cell: Like, I don't know, we hook up every now and then, and we talk... But, like, not about stuff.

Johns Hopkins University
Baltimore, Maryland


Overheard by: LabCat


Categories: Gossip | Maryland | Relationships | Sorority types | Posted 2008-02-08 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Does This Have Anything to Do with Political Philosophy?

Professor: Does anyone know how to write an underscore in Elvish? In high school my friends and I used to have arguments about how much should be phonetic and how much should be character by character. I would spell 'tree' chee, and my friend would spell it tree, an