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Trust Me-- I Gave Derek His First Blow Job.

Sophomore girl #1: Did you hear Matt and Derek are going out now?
Sophomore girl #2: No way! I totally gave Matt his first blow job. He can't be gay! (pauses) Oh my god! Do you think I turned him gay?
Passing junior guy: Yeah, that'd do it.

High School
Annapolis, Maryland


Categories: BJs | Girls | Maryland | Questions | Relationships | Students | Posted 2011-07-01 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

And Is It Anything Like "Walk Like a Prescription"?

Guy in Pirates jersey: Just another planet Monday... Wait, how does that go?

Baltimore, Maryland

Overheard by: Flab Treesports


Categories: Guys | Maryland | Questions | Singing | Weirdness | Posted 2011-06-30 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

...But Does It Matter?

Girl #1, reading a text: Oh my god, now he says that when I get home he's going to eat the shit out of that apple pie.
Girl #2: Does he know we've been using apple pie as a euphemism for sex all day?
Girl #1: No...

Gaithersburg, Maryland


Categories: Euphemisms | Food | Girls | Maryland | Questions | Posted 2011-06-30 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Mary Magdalen and Jesus Had This Misunderstanding All the Time

Guy to friend: So, when you shouted "god!" you really meant "whore", right?

University of Maryland


Categories: God | Guys | Insults | Maryland | Questions | Words | Posted 2011-05-18 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

As I Learned at the Birth-a-Bear Workshop

Boy to friend: I'm totally capable of giving birth to a live teddy bear.

High School
Clarksville, Maryland


Categories: Animals | Friends | Maryland | Offspring | Weirdness | Posted 2011-03-24 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

See Those Guys Outside Erecting a Monument to My Not-Caring?

30-something woman: Should we get this one?
Mom: It comes with two 8x10s.
30-something woman, to brother across room: Do you want an 8x10?
Brother: Don't care.
30-something woman: Maybe we should get this one with the 5x7s. (to brother) Do you want a 5x7?
Brother: It's incredible how much I don't care.

Photo Studio
Germantown, Maryland


Overheard by: Daniel


Categories: Family | Feelings | Maryland | Shopping | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2011-01-01 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Just Don't Ask Me to Ride Your Pinta

Girl: So, while fixing the leak, you may discover something else?
50-year old mechanic, grinning and nodding: I am Columbus.

Auto Body Shop
Lanham, Maryland


Overheard by: Jen


Categories: Bragging | Girls | Maryland | Questions | Weirdness | Posted 2010-12-12 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Yadda Yadda Yadda, Now He's a "She"

Bro #1: What a douchebag move!
Bro #2: Seriously. He glued it to the car. He could have just taped it!

Suburbia, Maryland


Categories: Assholes | Guys | Insults | Maryland | Stupidity | Posted 2010-12-06 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Have You Ever Felt the Stinging Shame Of a Violin Bow on Your Behind?

High school girl #1: I hate how everyone judges you based on your grades.
High school girl #2: What?
High school girl #3: Well, okay. By "everyone," I mean Asians.

Walter Johnson High School
Maryland


Categories: Education | Gripes | Maryland | Race | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Students | Words | Posted 2010-09-16 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Kermit: It's Not Easy Oozing Green

Bartender #1: Yeah, so I had this weird shit comin' outta my dick. It was sick, dude. Like this funky green pus-like shit oozing from the tip. Smelled like shit, too.
Bartender #2: Dude, you need to quit boning so many filthy whores. You're like rotting from the inside.
Bartender #1: Shit, man, I don't give a fuck. As long as I keep gettin' laid.
Bartender #2: You ain't gonna be doin' shit if your fuckin' nasty dick falls off.
Bartender #1: I know, right? This last chick I nailed was a total slut. I pulled down my pants and she could smell whatever's up with my cock. She goes "Ew, what stinks? Is that your dick?" And I go, "No, it's my feet, I swear!" Then I just pulled her towards me and shoved it in. It was awesome.
Bartender #2: Fuck, man. Something's definitely wrong with you.

Gaithersburg, Maryland

Overheard by: Nasty Nate


Categories: Bartenders | Body parts | Health & Hygiene | Insults | Maryland | Penis | STDs | Sensory experiences | Sex | Posted 2010-09-06 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

The Unkindest Cold Cut Of All

Young son, after burping loudly: I burped!
Father: Does it smell like baloney?
Young son: No...?
Father: Then you're not a man yet!

Rockville, Maryland

Overheard by: Big D.

Also a Major Problem at Chimpanzee Schools

Teacher to girl picking lint off her boobs: Pay attention, please.
Girl: I can't! I'm cleaning!

Potomac, Maryland


Categories: Cleanliness | Education | Girls | Maryland | Teachers | Weirdness | Posted 2010-08-30 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

I Meant SkyMall Magazine, but Whatever

Newbie guy on airplane: What's this?
Female friend: For your entertainment.
Newbie guy: Ooooh! Barf bag!

Washington International Airport
Baltimore, Maryland


Categories: Friends | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Maryland | Public Transportation | Questions | Posted 2010-08-18 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Why You Shouldn't Wait to Have Sex 'til Marriage

Med student #1: You broke up with her because of a facial expression?
Med student #2: Man, if you saw her "o" face you'd would've done the same. (makes contorted face with mouth wide open)
Med student #1: Oh, hell yeah... that's some ugly shit to come to.
Med student #2: I would have never been able to get off... and all those sounds!
Med student #1: Sexy?
Med student #2: Jungle. Primal.

School of Medicine
University of Maryland


Overheard by: Mykl

Tonight on Untrue Blood...

Mother to eight-year-old: Tommy*, get in the picture with your aunt Linda!*
Tommy*: You're hungover!
Mother: Just get in and smile.
Tommy*, indignant: She's not related to me! In what way, shape or form does she share my blood?!

Havre de Grace, Maryland


Categories: Drinking & drunks | Family ties | Kids | Maryland | Moms | Posted 2010-07-23 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

You Can't Shame Me Into the Army

College guy: I'm scared!
College girl: Just do it!
College guy: No, I'm scared!
College girl: Be a man!
College guy: I don't wanna!

Salisbury, Maryland


Categories: Advice | Fears | Gender issues | Maryland | Students | Wishes | Posted 2010-07-11 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

For the Last Time, It's Called a "Tax Audit"

Party girl: It's a pow-wow!
Party guy: Dude, everyone knows it's not a pow-wow without a fire.
Party girl: I have a sombrero.
Party guy: No, no, that's a fiesta!

Salisbury, Maryland


Categories: Language barrier | Maryland | Sorority types | Words | Posted 2010-07-08 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

...So I Requested a Different Waiter.

Girl to friends: He looked like a Mexican vampire, and it did not work for me.

Clarksville, Maryland

Overheard by: I can see why


Categories: Compare and contrast | Friends | Girls | Maryland | Weirdness | Posted 2010-06-27 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Close Enough.

Female student: It's a Wonderful Life... That's the one about the Holocaust, right?

Clarksville, Maryland

Overheard by: Jimmy Steward played Hitler


Categories: History | Maryland | Movies | Questions | Students | Stupidity | Posted 2010-06-14 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

...How's Your Relationship with Your Grandma?

Girl on cell: So, like, I refused her. I told her I'm not friends with whores.

Salisbury, Maryland


Categories: Girls | Insults | Maryland | On the phone | Relationships | Posted 2010-05-30 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Yoko Ono in the 1970's: Encapsulated.

Girl wearing long, flowy skirt to friend: I just feel a deep connection with the lighting of this room. I'm a big fan of lighting.

Maryland


Categories: Bragging | Girls | Maryland | Stupidity | Posted 2010-04-25 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

On My Deck

Girl #1: How do you like your place?
Girl #2: I've got a huge deck!
Girl #1: You were one letter away from making me a very happy woman.
Girl #2: I was one letter away from making myself a very happy woman. If I had that, I'd go fuck myself.

Baltimore, Maryland

Overheard by: aoK


Categories: Girls | Happiness | Maryland | Masturbation | Penis | Sex | Posted 2010-02-20 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Then We'll Rebuild the Engine in My Chevy

Girl #1, excitedly: Okay, this is where I leave you. I know you're going to forget all about this conversation when I go, but...
Girl #2, interrupting: No, no, I won't--I'm going home right now to google "demons" and "possession."
Girl #1, walking away: Right, good. We're going to make this happen!
Girl #2, heading in opposite direction: Even if everyone else thinks we're crazy!
Girl #1, vehemently, from across the street: It's all down to us, now! We'll exorcise that demon if it's the last thing we do!

Bethesda, Maryland

Overheard by: Only if I can watch...


Categories: Evil | Girls | Magic | Maryland | Religion | Weirdness | Posted 2010-02-06 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

The School Needs All Its Federal Funding

Student teacher: All right, guys, let's try that again. But this time with 30 to 40% less child death.

Clarksville, Maryland


Categories: Death & dying | Kids | Maryland | Students | Teachers | Posted 2010-02-02 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

The Stroke Was His Own Idea

Woman on street: The only bad thing I've ever said to Michael is that he should go and die of a heart attack.

Baltimore, Maryland

Overheard by: Lauren


Categories: Death & dying | Maladies | Maryland | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2010-01-01 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Mom Still Reminisces Fondly About the First Visit from the Police

Girl: When I see small children, I feel like I owe my mother an apology.

Baltimore, MD

Overheard by: Ren


Categories: Etiquette | Family ties | Girls | Kids | Maryland | Parenting | Posted 2010-01-01 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

...So Most Of You Got That Wrong on the Midterm.

Psychology professor at all-women college: Personality disorders are the people you end up married to.

Baltimore, Maryland

Overheard by: Sabrina

I Like to Tape Pictures to It

Customer #1: Can you tell me about these TVs? Oh, sorry, I thought you worked here. You are dressed just like them.
Customer #2: That's okay. I don't know much about TVs.
Customer #1: What's to know? You plug it in and connect the cable, right? You probably know as much as them. Now these TVs, if they are digital, which they say they are... do I need a cable box for these or do I just put the setting on cable?
Customer #2: I don't know. I don't have a digital TV.
Customer #1: I don't have a TV either. I'm homeless. I have a radio.

Best Buy
Baltimore, Maryland


Overheard by: Scomart


Categories: Clothes | Customers | Maryland | Offers and requests | Shopping | Technology | Posted 2009-12-18 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Clustered Around the Mayonnaise and Wonder Bread

Aunt: Jared*, put the toy back. We are going to go over to K-Mart, because they have a better selection.
Four-year-old: I don't want to go to K-Mart, auntie! There's too many white people over there!

Ocean City, Maryland

Overheard by: His (embarassed) Mother


Categories: Family | Kids | Maryland | Race | Shopping | Should have used a condom | Stupidity | Toys | Wishes | Posted 2009-12-13 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

I Thought That Was Only Possible in Thailand?

Professor: Here, let me make you some flesh. You know, you can buy flesh in the school store!

Maryland Institute College of Art
Baltimore, Maryland


Overheard by: Painting with Mr. Lector


Categories: Body parts | Colleges & Universities | Maryland | Shopping | Teachers | Weirdness | Posted 2009-12-02 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

...And She Raised Them As Her Own.

Staff man: Yeah, she was freaking out. But the mouse had some babies before it passed...

Warped Tour
Columbia, Maryland


Categories: Animals | Birthing | Employees | Kids | Maryland | Posted 2009-11-17 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Whiter? Is That Possible?

Girl: It's like Everybody Loves Raymond, but with white people.

Columbia, Maryland

Overheard by: Liz


Categories: Compare and contrast | Girls | Maryland | Race | TV shows | Posted 2009-11-13 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

It's All Fun and Games 'til Somebody Pokes a Baby Out

Loud eighth grader: Michael's such a douche, all he wants to do is get in my pants.
Even louder teacher: You're in eighth grade, you shouldn't be letting anybody in your pants!

Potomac, Maryland

Overheard by: Math is my new favorite subject...


Categories: Advice | Clothes | Education | Insults | Maryland | Sex | Sexuality | Students | Teachers | Wishes | Posted 2009-11-12 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Who's Black and White and Back from the Dead All Over?

Black girl, holding up picture she drew of black Jesus: My hero is Jesus Christ.
White kid: Jesus isn't black.
Black girl: Yes, he is!
White kid: No, he's white!
Uncomfortable teacher: Now, now, let's just say Jesus is all colors!

Art Class, Middle School
Maryland

You're So Full Of Shit, Jason

Jock: Our soccer team's like the colon--it's probably there for a reason but no one knows what it is.
Friend: That's the appendix.

Westminster, Maryland

But I'll Require More Staring Time Before We Go Eat

Guy: Man, look at this guy! It's weird how they keep the eyelashes and hair on to keep them semi-human. You can see everything!
Girl: Um, are all penises so big?
Guy: I think it's due to preserving process.
Girl: I'm hungy.

Body Worlds Exhibit
Baltimore, Maryland


Overheard by: 8lb Gem my ASS!!


Categories: Compare and contrast | Food | Girls | Guys | Hair | Maryland | Penis | Posted 2009-10-13 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

All the Good Men Are Either Straight or Extinct

Gay man: I find Neanderthals really attractive. If there were Neanderthals around now, I would be all over that.

Hyattsville, Maryland

Overheard by: prefers guys with smaller noses


Categories: History | Maryland | Queers | Sexuality | Weirdness | Posted 2009-10-03 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Why Do You Go to Church?

Girl to friend: It's like someone touches your cunt and you get all happy.

Easton, Maryland


Categories: Compare and contrast | Foreplay | Friends | Girls | Happiness | Maryland | Vagina | Posted 2009-10-02 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Your Editors All Have Bulletproof Alibis

High school girl: There was way too much drama in sixth grade. All my friends were always talking about how their boyfriends knocked someone up. I'm like, "you're twelve years old! Get over it!"

Greenbelt, Maryland


Categories: Age and ageing | Education | Girls | Maryland | Pregnancy | Relationships | Students | Weirdness | Posted 2009-09-30 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

On the Intellectual Version Of Double Dare

Professor: They were playing the Rocky theme song while I was trying to think great thoughts.

McDaniel College, Maryland


Categories: Colleges & Universities | Maryland | Movies | Music | Philosophy | Stupidity | Teachers | Posted 2009-08-22 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Just As a Conversation Piece, Y'know?

Hipster: You're buying an Ethiopian? I did that once.

Baltimore, Maryland

Overheard by: Tickle Feet


Categories: Hipsters | Maryland | Questions | Shopping | Weirdness | Posted 2009-08-02 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

And Let's Hope to God It's Perez Hilton

(little girl is spinning and singing in grocery store line)
Dad, very calmly
: Honey... Next time the gypsies come to town, they're leaving with an extra person.


Severna Park, Maryland


Categories: Dads | Family ties | Kids | Kids | Maryland | Parenting | Singing | Stupidity | Threats | Posted 2009-08-01 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

If You Don't Accept My Low, Low Introductory Offer Right Now

Mother to kid: Stop that right now, or I'm going to give you to a stranger!
Stranger: Good luck finding one who'll take her.

The Baltimore Aquarium
Baltimore, Maryland


Overheard by: Cols

The Sort Of Thing That Keeps Us in Business

Guy, telling girl how to inspect screws in a table: Reach up, right up in there...
Girl: Right here?
Guy: Yeah, can you feel it?
Girl: Uh-huh...
Guy: Okay, now can you play around with it with your finger?
Girl: Uh-huh...
Guy, after long pause: You know, if anyone overheard this conversation, it would sound pretty bad.

Security Park
Baltimore, Maryland


Overheard by: Cool Breeze


Categories: Body parts | Girls | Guys | Maryland | Sex | Weirdness | Posted 2009-07-15 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

You Can Sell the Blood to Marilyn Manson for a Bundle.

Professor: Now, I want you to listen to what McCormack does with this last phrase. And then I want you to go slit your wrists. Because I know I do every time I hear this.

Peabody Conservatory
Baltimore, Maryland


Overheard by: Emo has nothing on opera

Pearls Of Wisdom from How to Raise a Serial Killer

Rich mother: Well, you'll just have to hold it! You can't go to the bathroom around here! They are positively disgusting, you'll die!
Little child, crying: Please, mommy, I need to go!
Rich mother: Don't you value your life?

Annapolis, Maryland

Overheard by: Alex Ello


Categories: Death & dying | Family ties | Health & Hygiene | Kids | Kids | Maryland | Moms | Parenting | Poop | Stupidity | Posted 2009-06-27 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

It's Even Worse in Chicago.

8th grade health teacher, answering why you can't put a condom on when you're not erect: So...um, when it's not hard, it's just like there, you know, flapping in the wind...

Silver Spring, Maryland

Overheard by: nice thought...


Categories: Compare and contrast | Condoms | Erections | Maryland | Penis | Students | Teachers | Posted 2009-06-24 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Get Off That Muffin for a Sec.

Guy #1, smashing grapes: I'm making wine.
Guy #2: That's not how you make wine.
Guy #3: Yeah, you need yeast. Hey, Melissa, come here.

Maryland


Categories: Drinking & drunks | Fruit | Guys | Maryland | Science | Posted 2009-06-21 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

But I Don't See Either on the Menu

Serious Asian dude: I don't like angry soul food bitches. I like happy soul food bitches.

Maryland

Overheard by: Neither nor


Categories: Asians | Compare and contrast | Default | Feelings | Food | Guys | Happiness | Maryland | Posted 2009-06-12 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Says It's a Slurpery Slope

Blonde teenager: Look at her. She's either a whore or a dyke.
Friend: That's why my dad doesn't let me drink Slurpees.

Baltimore, Maryland

Overheard by: Dylan

Don't Even Get Me Started About Boo Beret Cereal

Old man to another, looking at soup: I just feel like I'm getting ripped off by the French!

Grocery Store
Maryland


Overheard by: Nic


Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Feelings | Guys | Maryland | Old folks | Sex | Stores | Violence | Posted 2009-06-03 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

NewsFlash: Teen Sober. Film at 11.

Sober teen: The mall is, like, all about clothes now.

Towson, Maryland

Overheard by: Sven Johnson


Categories: Clothes | Compare and contrast | Default | Maryland | Shopping | Teens | Posted 2009-05-28 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Notice the Bite Marks on My Shoulder

Girl: Kelly from work just texted me.
Guy: She's the really nice one, right?
Girl: Yeah.
Guy: Who's the one who's not nice?
Girl: Everyone else.

Frederick, Maryland

Thanks, Gossip Girl!

Woman to friends: Who would have know that shaving my pubes wouldn't get rid of pubic lice?

Chipotle
Towson, Maryland


Categories: Animals | Body parts | Default | Health & Hygiene | Maryland | Questions | Restaurants | Women | Posted 2009-04-13 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

History's an Unbroken Chain Of Pushing, Wrestling and Girl-Chasing

Four-year-old girl, showing off scrape on arm: I got that on the playground today when Joey pushed me and I fell!
Mom: Joey should keep his hands to himself. Does your teacher tell him that?
Four-year-old girl, like mom is stupid: Moooooom, he's a boy and that's what boys do! They like to push and wrestle and chase girls!
Mom: Um, that may be true, but it still doesn't make it right.

In Line at Starbucks
Bethesda, Maryland


Categories: Default | Gender issues | Girls | Hands | Kids | Kids | Maryland | Moms | Restaurants | Posted 2009-03-23 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

All I Could Say to Her Was, "Congratulations."

Girl #1: So what do you think of her boyfriend?
Girl #2: I can see his underwear through his pants.

Tapas Teatro
Baltimore, Maryland


Overheard by: Underwear Moderator


Categories: Clothes | Default | Girls | Maryland | Questions | Relationships | Posted 2009-03-16 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

The Cartoon Network-History Channel Merger Confused Everybody

Six-year-old boy to brother: You know who'll save you? Abraham Lincoln. Too bad he's dead now. He'll rise from the dead! And raise chickens! His chicken powers can't save you now!

Baltimore, Maryland


Categories: Birds | Default | Guys | Kids | Kids | Maryland | Names | Questions | Posted 2009-03-11 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

In His Electronic Sepulchre There by the Sea

Girl discussing Edgar Allan Poe's The Oval Portrait: It's just that it seems like he went through and for each word looked in the dictionary for the longest synonym. Or, well, did he use those words back then?

Baltimore School for the Arts
Baltimore, Maryland

And I'm a Republican!

Professor: Well, I'm not supposed to state my own political views. (pause) Ah, to hell with it, I'm just going to say it: Sarah Palin is a complete fucking disaster!

University of Maryland
College Park, Maryland


Overheard by: Brittany

There Are Only a Flautas Fairy and an Empanada Elf!

Concerned middle aged woman: But there is no such thing as a burrito fairy!

Flight over Maryland


Categories: Airports & flights | Compare and contrast | Default | Food | Maryland | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2009-01-09 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

With Hitler and People Who Smell Tied for Third

Mom, doing mock interview of five-year-old for their journal: Okay, who is your least favorite person?
Five-year-old: Saddam Hussein, and the girl at school with the bent chin.

Maryland

Overheard by: Brittany


Categories: Default | Family ties | Kids | Kids | Maryland | Moms | Politics | Questions | Women | Posted 2009-01-08 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

The Truth About Cats and Dark

Professor: If you walk into a dark room, you're not going to just step on a cat laying in the middle of the floor.

University of Maryland
College Park, Maryland


Overheard by: Brittany

Tonight's Movie: Bend It Like Bitchy

Girl wearing cleats: What would you do if I cleated you in the vagina?
Friend: Why would you do that?
Girl wearing cleats: No, really, like what if I cleated you right in the labia?

Baltimore, Maryland


Categories: Body parts | Default | Friends | Girls | Maryland | Questions | Vagina | Weirdness | Posted 2009-01-05 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

I Need To Use The John

20-something girl in bathroom, to cat scratching at the bathroom door trying to get in: Why? Why the hell do you want to come in here? You don't even like me!

Maryland


Categories: Default | Feelings | Girls | Maryland | Questions | Weirdness | Posted 2009-01-04 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Sugar Bear Is Next

Serious philosophy teacher: Captain Crunch has been raped.

High School
Bethesda, Maryland


Overheard by: clementine

Wait 'Til She Realizes Drag Queens Have Better Legs Than She Does

20-something girl #1: Did you hear Dan and Jack are getting married?
20-something girl #2: But they're guys.
20-something girl #1: Yeah... guys who fell in love in college, have been together eight years, have never broken up once, and Dan proposed while they were in Paris.
20-something girl #2: Bitches! They stole my dream! See, this is why feminism sucks.

Silver Spring, Maryland


Categories: Default | Gender issues | Girls | Gripes | Maryland | Philosophy | Questions | Relationships | Sexuality | Posted 2008-12-25 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Sometimes Over the Intercom at Work, Just for Fun, But That's It.

Girl in skirt: And so she was just sitting in the stall on her phone when I went in! She was having a normal volume conversation.
Girl in pants: Ewww. What did you do?
Girl in skirt: I mean, I peed. But reluctantly. It's not like I want to broadcast my bodily functions to everyone, you know? (pause) I mean I'm broadcasting them to you right now, but not over the phone.
Girl in pants: Right. Totally.

Rockville Pike, Maryland


Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Feelings | Girls | Maryland | Pee | Posted 2008-12-17 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

At The Same Time?

Tween to friends: Imagine if Hitler gave everybody hugs!

Baltimore, MD


Categories: Default | Feelings | History | Maryland | Tweens | Weirdness | Posted 2008-12-17 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Totally!

Brunette girl: So like, if I had a mustache, would you tell me?
Tall blonde friend: Of course, would you tell me?
Brunette: Totally.
Tall blonde: I totally have a mustache?!
Brunette: No, no, no...I would totally tell you if you did, but you don't!
Tall blonde: Oh, okay.
(several seconds pass, they sip drinks)
Tall blonde
: So we're having topless sleepover at my place tonight, right?


Red Maple
Baltimore, Maryland

Are Hamburgers Still Okay?

Student: Dogs belong on leashes, not...inside you!

University of Maryland

Overheard by: MD


Categories: Animals | Compare and contrast | Default | Food | Maryland | Students | Posted 2008-12-12 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

He's in Training for the Cobra Fight

Woman, paying for breakfast: I had to beat up my son for this five dollars.

Deli Counter
Bethesda, Maryland


Overheard by: Minivet


Categories: Default | Family ties | Maryland | Moms | Money | Parenting | Stores | Violence | Weirdness | Posted 2008-12-05 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

They're Working Their Way Up to Their Heroin Midterms

Dude to chick: It's the first day of class--let's get wasted! (both hi five)

Maryland Institute College of Art
Baltimore, Maryland


Overheard by: widget


Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Education | Girls | Guys | Maryland | Time Management | Posted 2008-11-10 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

You'd Be Lucky If They Were Only Rapists

Rednecks in pickup truck, driving past bus stop: Hey, pretty girl! Want a ride?
(pretty girl waiting for bus shakes her head, truck moves on)
Pretty girl, to male companion
: So, is everyone here just really friendly, or what?

Male companion: No, they're creepy. Don't talk to them.

Highlandtown, Baltimore

Overheard by: tourist


Categories: Advice | Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | Guys | Maryland | Offers and requests | Rednecks | Posted 2008-11-09 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Then She Left for Parts Unknown

Girl: My mom said "Just don't pass out in the port-a-potty."

Baltimore, Maryland


Categories: Default | Girls | Maryland | Offers and requests | Weirdness | Posted 2008-11-05 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

But My Girlfriend Definitely Is

Guy on cell: Yeah, I haven't decided yet if camels are enough like horses for them to scare the crap out of me to ride.

Gaithersburg, Maryland

Overheard by: I never knew he was afraid of horses!


Categories: Animals | Default | Fears | Guys | Maryland | On the phone | Posted 2008-10-01 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Unless They Belong to the Right Fraternity

Beautiful blonde to almost empty room: Well, I don't experiment with animals either.

Greenbelt, Maryland


Categories: Animals | Default | Girls | Maryland | Posted 2008-09-24 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

We Suspect It's Only Physical

Little boy, running and screaming down the aisle: I...love...diet...Coke!

Borders
Columbia, Maryland


Overheard by: Liz


Categories: Default | Food | Guys | Kids | Maryland | Stores | Posted 2008-09-18 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

I'll Tell the World!

Guy: Dude, his nipples are like as big as my pecs!
Girl: ...people can hear you here.

Stamp Student Union
University of Maryland

Some Guys Prefer to Be Firmly Held

Little kid (skipping and yelling): Tighty whitey man! Tighty whitey man!

Mount Vernon Farmers' Market
Baltimore, Maryland


Overheard by: livin'


Categories: Default | Kids | Kids | Maryland | Race | Stores | Words | Posted 2008-09-11 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

It's an Essential Part of Your Education

(two 6th-grade boys are sitting on the bus playing with their phones)
Boy #1
: Hey, you know "saxophone" sounds a lot like "sexy-phone"!

Boy #2: Haha! Then for short you could call it "the sex"!
Boy #1: (laughs)
Boy #2: It would be like, "Hey, do you know how to play the sex?"
Boy #1: Heh-heh... Yeah, its a very complicated one.
Boy #2: Ew... That's gross.
Boy #1: Yeah, you know where you learn how to do it?
Boy #2: Where?
Boy #1: In college.
Boy #2: No way! I thought we learned everything in 5th grade.
Boy #1: Yeah...but I mean this time they tell you where to stick it in.
Boy #2: Ohhh...

School Bus
Maryland


Overheard by: Sam

Disney May Have Crossed the Line With Whinny the Poo

Drunk girl: I've seen a horse sit on a goddamn toilet!

Pimlico Race Course
Baltimore, Maryland


Overheard by: Rachel Isadora


Categories: Animals | Default | Drunks | Maryland | Stupidity | Posted 2008-09-03 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Why Parachute Pants Are Making a Comeback

Girl: I will pull my pants up and show you I am not hairy!

University of Maryland
College Park, Maryland


Categories: Clothes | Colleges & Universities | Default | Girls | Hair | Maryland | Posted 2008-08-21 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

They Tend to Get Saucy

Supervisor to trainee: Don't be afraid of the tomatoes.

Safeway
Rockville, Maryland


Categories: Default | Fears | Fruit | Guys | Maryland | Weirdness | Posted 2008-08-14 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

A Choice Every Man Must Make at Some Point in His Life

Guy #1: Sure, that is something I have always wanted to do... I mean I would rather fuck a girl in the ass than ummmmmm... go skydiving.
Guy #2: Well said, my man.

Baltimore, Maryland


Categories: Backdoor | Compare and contrast | Default | Guys | Maryland | Wishes | Posted 2008-08-03 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Any Excuse to Put Fruit on Your Bottom

Early 20-something woman on cell with boyfriend: I would love to dress you up as yogurt!

Potomac, Maryland

Overheard by: Nic


Categories: Default | Food | Maryland | On the phone | Roleplay | Weirdness | Wishes | Women | Posted 2008-07-17 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Fine-- Arby's It Is

Dad: What do you want for dinner?
Toddler #1: Shit!
Dad: Uh, you can't say that...
Toddler #2: Shit!
Toddler #1: Shit!
Toddler #2: Shit!
Toddler #1: Shit!
Dad: Uh...

Grocery Store
Maryland


Categories: Dads | Default | Food | Kids | Maryland | Parenting | Questions | Stores | Wishes | Posted 2008-07-12 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Granted, I Cut Her, but They Still Owe Me Ten Bucks

Gay guy: I told them not to have hip-hop night cause a bitch would get cut. And what happened? A bitch got cut!

Outside The Hippo
Mt. Vernon, Mayrland


Categories: Advice | Bars & Clubs | Dancing | Default | Maryland | Music | Queers | Threats | Violence | Posted 2008-06-23 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Someone's Gotta Inspire Hanson's Next Effort

Guy: What are you showing me? Bruises on your knees? You can't do that with every guy in the band you know.
Girl: I know. But that would be awesome if I could!

Carroll Community College
Maryland


Overheard by: Left Speechless

Whereas Elizabeth Taylor Will Turn Into Delicious Pudding

Professor: One day you'll wake up an old weathered hag, unless you're Cher--she'll just turn to dust one day when the sun hits her.

McDaniel College
Maryland

When Shown That They Do Exist, He Fainted

Grungy dude, pointing to expensive vacuum: You should get this one. It sucks up everything!
Girlfriend: Yeah, but I don't have much carpet. I need, like, a Broom Vac or something.
Grungy dude: A Broom Vac?! Put down the crack pipe!

Target
Baltimore, Maryland


Categories: Advice | Compare and contrast | Couples | Default | Drugs | Girls | Guys | Maryland | Stores | Technology | Posted 2008-06-07 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Drugging Miss Daisy

Old white lady, leaving table with a flourish: Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to the bathroom to shoot up.

Lemongrass
Baltimore, Maryland


Overheard by: Loves Her Some Thai Food

By 35, She Was Already Set in Her Ways

Goateed gentleman: I tried to teach her that certain words for things were different, like that toothpaste was actually "poop," but I think I waited until she was a bit too old.

Mars Volta Concert, Rams Head Live
Baltimore, Maryland


Overheard by: Greeg

Dude, Just Make an Audio-Visual Geek Your Friend

Music history professor, putting a CD in the player: And now we pray to the god of CDs. It's not good to be a teacher with CDs. They are very stupid things. [Pause.] ...It's not good to be a teacher, perhaps that's what it is.

Peabody Conservatory
Baltimore, Maryland


Categories: Class | Default | Education | Feelings | God | Gripes | Jobs & Careers | Maryland | Music | Teachers | Technology | Posted 2008-05-24 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Which, for Some Reason, Makes Me All Tingly Inside

Woman #1: That's a wonderful coat.
Woman #2: I hope it stays cold long enough for me to enjoy it.
Woman #1: You know, you're really brave. I have a fur at home but I can't stop thinking about those crazy PETA people chasing me down with a van and hurting me.

Sidewalk in front of Grocery Store
Maryland


Categories: Animals | Clothing | Fears | Maryland | Stores | Threats | Women | Posted 2008-05-20 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

You Have to Earn the Right to Stay in Paradise, Pal

Guido: Dude, I think your girlfriend is going to dump you. You fell off your chair inside and you punched me in the ribs twice when I got up to go to the bathroom.
Drunk Guido: No, she can't dump me. She lets me put it in her ass!

Outside Restuarant
Baltimore, Maryland


Overheard by: Lauren


Categories: Ass | Backdoor | Drunks | Guys | Maryland | Pride | Relationships | Restaurants | Posted 2008-05-19 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

And I Need Lipstick for Medicinal Purposes

College girl, handing heavy basket to boyfriend: I'm all for feminism, but I don't like carrying heavy things.

Target
Towson, Maryland


Overheard by: Kay-ren

Fool Me Twice, Shame on Morton's

Freshman girl: Never snort salt.
Other freshman girl: I know, right! It burns so bad!

Bethesda, Maryland

Overheard by: Shelby

Nas: It's About Time

Four-year old practising just before the pageant: Hark the herald, angels sing, glory to the New York king!

Church Christmas Pageant
Annapolis, Maryland


Overheard by: thought NY was a Fifedom


Categories: Guys | Kids | Kids | Maryland | Names | Religion | Singing | US Geography | Words | Posted 2008-05-13 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

The Foil Helmet Just Seals in the Knowledge

Student: I have this irrational fear of being clunked over the head and shipped to a country whose alphabet I don't know, so I'm trying to learn all these alphabets... I must be paranoid, I don't know.

Johns Hopkins University
Baltimore, Maryland


Overheard by: l_tau

Since the Judge Ordered Me to Steer Clear of Markers

Lady #1: I'm ready, are you coming?
Lady #2: I think I may just stay here and smell the pencils for a while.

Animal Hospital
Abingdon, Maryland


Overheard by: Paying for food


Categories: Feelings | Maryland | Sensory experiences | Weirdness | Wishes | Women | Posted 2008-04-26 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Since Barenaked Ladies Was Already Taken

Twenty-something dude: When I grow up, and learn how to play an instrument, I'm calling my band he-gina and she-nis.

McKenna's
Baltimore, Maryland


Categories: Age and ageing | Education | Guys | Maryland | Music | Names | Penis | Restaurants | Vagina | Words | Posted 2008-04-19 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

And That's Not Even Including the Millions of Unborn Babies

Girl to friend: I swear to god, if there is semen on my shirt, I will kill everyone.

College Park, Maryland

Overheard by: Tom and Laura

It's More Like a Museum of Strangers' Poo, Honey

Little girl, inside port-a-potty: Mommy! Mommy!
Mommy: Just be quiet and go potty.
Little girl: Mommy, do you know what it feels like in here? It's like a little house where I'll always be protected.

Renaissance Festival
Maryland


Overheard by: Nancy Whiskey


Categories: Girls | Health & Hygiene | Kids | Kids | Maryland | Moms | Poop | Posted 2008-04-15 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Why Nobody's All That Sold on the Idea Of Heaven

College guy: And then, there would be no more vagina!

Bethesda, Maryland

Overheard by: Laiah and Caitlin


Categories: Default | Fears | Frat boy types | Guys | Maryland | Sexuality | Students | Threats | Vagina | Posted 2008-04-13 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

And You Stole Me from a Playground!

Little boy, standing next to a car: Daddy, this isn't our car! Daddy, what are you doing? This isn't our car!
Man: Look, buddy, you've got to stop saying that when we're in parking lots. [to a couple walking by] I just got a new car.
Little boy: No you didn't!

AMC Theatres
Owings Mills, Maryland


Overheard by: they steal cars, dont they?


Categories: Advice | Compare and contrast | Dads | Default | Family ties | Fears | Kids | Kids | Lies | Maryland | Posted 2008-04-10 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Then the Mescaline Wore Off, and I Was Naked in a Public Fountain

Crazy man on stoop, to couple walking German shepherd: Yo! Is that one of them orangutan dogs? I saw me one of them orangutans... It jumped right in the river and started catching fish. Yes it did!

Federal Hill, Baltimore


Categories: Animals | Crazies | Default | Guys | Maryland | Weirdness | Words | Posted 2008-04-08 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Portrait of the State Senator As a Young Man

Guy #1: God, that burns! Chlamydia's a bitch! You ever get chlamydia?
Guy #2: Nah, man. I don't fuck sluts.
Guy #1: Well, I do!

College Park, Maryland


Categories: Comebacks | Default | Gripes | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Maryland | Questions | Posted 2008-04-02 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

For the Last Time, These Are Tabs of E.

Four-year-old boy to eight-year-old sister: Geez! Just take some Midol and relax!

Six Flags
Maryland


Categories: Advice | Default | Health & Hygiene | Kids | Maryland | Posted 2008-04-01 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

I Expect to Awaken Tomorrow Nauseated, Infected

Tipsy girl: You know what type of night it is? I'm wearing a leopard-print dress and leggings! It's that type of night!

Shout-out: www.overheardatlc.blogspot.com


Categories: Clothing | Default | Drunks | Maryland | Overheard at Loyola | Questions | Posted 2008-03-25 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

But We're Totally in the Clear with Wikipedia, Right?

Dude: You know, less than half of Snapple facts are true.
Chick: Really? Because I totally cited those in research papers.

College Park, Maryland


Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Education | Girls | Guys | Lies | Maryland | Science | Students | Posted 2008-03-23 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Old Breadsticks Will Also Do in a Pinch

Guy: You gotta watch out for the Italian Air Force, dude. They've got, like, hang-gliders, and guys who throw rocks.

University of Maryland, College Park
Maryland


Overheard by: Sara


Categories: Advice | Colleges & Universities | Default | Guys | Maryland | Students | Violence | Posted 2008-03-20 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Couldn't We Just Discriminate Against People Wearing Explosive Clothing?

Bimbette: Well, discriminating against the Muslims is different than against, like, the Russians for Hitler and everything.

Archbishop Spalding High School
Severn, Maryland


Overheard by: Wait, is she kidding?

Do They Count If You Have to Blow Them Up?

Music history professor: Darwin says that the sole purpose for living things is to survive and procreate. What about us, as musicians? Do we need music to survive and procreate? Well, some people believe that music was created as a sort of mating call. Compare the reproductive life of Jimi Hendrix to the reproductive life of... well, me.
Class: Um...
Music history professor: Well, clearly I win hands-down because of all my groupies.

1 East Mount Vernon Place
Baltimore, Maryland


Overheard by: stravinsky

Once a Month. Our People Love Dragons and Firecrackers

White girl to Asian guy: So... How often is Chinese New Year?

Shout-out: overheardinumcp.blogspot.com

Overheard by: tom

Weapons of Mass Digestion

Paranoid blonde: He's just so quiet and creepy. I really feel like he could kill someone!
Annoyed brunette: Because he's quiet and creepy?
Paranoid blonde: Well, he, like, steals forks from the dining hall and stuff!

University of Maryland, College Park
Maryland


Categories: Bimbettes | Colleges & Universities | Crimes | Default | Gripes | Maryland | Students | Stupidity | Posted 2008-03-08 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

As Pimpin' As Anything in This Comic Book Store, Anyway

10-year-old boy to Scrabble players: You guys are playing Scrabble? That's totally pimpin'!

Comic book store
Towson, Maryland


Categories: Compliments | Default | Games | Kids | Maryland | Words | Posted 2008-03-04 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Someone Who Can Afford Better Than Macy's

Little girl: Mom, those boots make you look like a hooker!
Mother: This conversation is over.
Little girl: Okay... What's a hooker?

Macy's, Marley Station Mall
Marley, Maryland


Overheard by: jd


Categories: Default | Fashion | Girls | Gripes | Kids | Kids | Maryland | Moms | Words | Posted 2008-02-28 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Further Evidence That Frat Boys Are Born, Not Made

Two-year-old: Mommy, Mommy, Mommy...
Mother, trying to talk to her friend: What?!
Two-year-old, thrusting pizza at her: Blow me!
Mom's friend: Well, that's one for the baby book.

Pizza Hut
Maryland


Categories: Comebacks | Default | Insults | Kids | Kids | Maryland | Moms | Restaurants | Posted 2008-02-23 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Life Was Better When Knowledge Was the Province Of Those Who Could Lie About It

Biology professor: Hey, didn't they discover that process in corals?
Grad student: No, they discovered that in plants.
Biology professor: That's what I just said!
Grad student: But coral is not a plant.
Biology professor: What? Yes, it is!
Grad student: No, it's not, it's an animal!
Biology professor: Since when?
Grad student: Since always -- go look it up!
Biology professor, after disappearing for five minutes: Fucking Wikipedia...

3400 North Charles Street
Baltimore, Maryland


Overheard by: How'd you get this job, anyway?


Categories: Default | Gripes | Internet | Maryland | Science | Students | Teachers | Posted 2008-02-21 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

I Didn't Know They Made Thongs That Big

Male student: So, how's your new roommate?
Female student: Well, she has one hundred thirty-three thongs.
Male student: She sounds like a horrible person.

Maryland Institute College of Art
Baltimore, Maryland


Categories: Clothes | Colleges & Universities | Default | Girls | Gossip | Gripes | Guys | Maryland | Questions | Students | Posted 2008-02-20 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

But Yes.

Teen boy #1: You had sex? Really?
Teen boy #2: Hell yeah, I did.
Teen boy #1: Was it like West Virginia?
Teen boy #2: Huh?
Teen boy #1: You know, 'Wild and Wonderful'!
Teen boy #2: ... Dude, that's gay.

Frederick, Maryland


Categories: Maryland | Questions | Sex | Teens | Posted 2008-02-20 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

When You Can Take the Handicapped Kid's Scissors Away, Grasshopper...

Bimbette: ... You, like, learn to flip people on the mat. My mom knows how to do that. She works with retarded kids and they, like, have come at her with scissors and tried to cut her throat before.
Barista: That doesn't sound like a job I'd want to have.
Bimbette: No, she loves it.

Starbucks
Gaithersburg, Maryland


Overheard by: I just want my mocha, please


Categories: Baristas | Bimbettes | Jobs & Careers | Maryland | Violence | Posted 2008-02-10 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Definitely the Low Point of Any Bon Jovi Concert

Chubby guy on cell: You know it's bad when Bon Jovi shows up.

Target
Westminster, Maryland


Overheard by: JoviFan4Life


Categories: About celebrities | Maryland | Music | On the phone | Posted 2008-02-09 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Just about Thingamajiggies and Doodads

Sorostitute on cell: Like, I don't know, we hook up every now and then, and we talk... But, like, not about stuff.

Johns Hopkins University
Baltimore, Maryland


Overheard by: LabCat


Categories: Gossip | Maryland | Relationships | Sorority types | Posted 2008-02-08 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Does This Have Anything to Do with Political Philosophy?

Professor: Does anyone know how to write an underscore in Elvish? In high school my friends and I used to have arguments about how much should be phonetic and how much should be character by character. I would spell 'tree' chee, and my friend would spell it tree, and I would say, 'But the T sounds like a ch--!' and he would say, 'That's because you're a damn foreigner!'

Shout-out: overheardatumbc.com


Categories: Books | Education | Language barrier | Maryland | Teachers | Posted 2008-02-06 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

You and Your Goddamn Exercise

Father to eight-year-old son in front of paddle boat vendor: No! We have jet skis. Are you kidding me?!

Inner Harbor
Baltimore, Maryland


Overheard by: Y G B S M


Categories: Dads | Gripes | Maryland | Posted 2008-01-21 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Let's Just Say I Felt the Earth Move

Queer #1: I bruised my pelvis once during sex. It was the last time I had sex with a woman. Remember?
Queer #2: Right.
Queer #3: I don't know this story.
Queer #1: Well, to be more exact, I woke up to having sex with a woman. Or, rather, I regained consciousness to discover a woman fucking me. That was the same day as the bulldozer.
Queer #2: You don't have to say anything else for this to be a perfect story.
Queer #3: Wait... A bulldozer?

Wine bar
Baltimore, Maryland


Categories: Gossip | Maryland | Queers | Sex | Posted 2008-01-15 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Or When You Have Some Good Weed. Either One.

Girl to sister: Go away and come back when I can love you again.

Ruby Tuesday
Hagerstown, Maryland


Overheard by: Eavesdropping customer


Categories: Gripes | Maryland | Siblings | Posted 2008-01-14 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Once Your Testicles Drop, What Else Is There?

Mom: This is ridiculous! Why are you crying?
Wailing four-year-old: Because I have no reason left to live!

701 Russell Avenue
Gaithersburg, Maryland


Categories: Gripes | Kids | Maryland | Moms | Parenting | Questions | Should have used a condom | Posted 2008-01-12 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

What's the Point, If We Can't Break Stuff?

Four-year-old ballerina #1: I need to ask my mom.
Four-year-old ballerina #2: That's good, because my house is crap.
Pre-ballerina: Well, it's not crap -- we just have a lot of crap in it.
Four-year-old ballerina #1: Can I come over to your place and play?

Dance studio
Maryland


Categories: Cleanliness | Kids | Maryland | Posted 2007-12-30 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Huffing Is a Privilege, Not a Right

Mom to little boy: Son, come get in this car right now and I'll give you your glue...

Annapolis Mall
Maryland


Overheard by: Lila K


Categories: Drugs | Maryland | Moms | Posted 2007-12-29 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Yeah, Um, We Got the Roses and Chocolates

Teacher during earthquake drill: Guys, if we die right now, I love you!

Rock Bridge High School
Columbia, Maryland


Overheard by: Kelsey


Categories: Bonding | Maryland | Teachers | Posted 2007-12-14 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Would've Meant More If You'd Had It All with Me

Flamboyant art boy: So all that anal sex meant nothing to you?!

Baltimore, Maryland

Overheard by: voltaire


Categories: Backdoor | Maryland | Queers | Posted 2007-12-10 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Maybe I Should Find a Nice Lesbian and Settle Down

Twink #1: I don't want to just date him for the weekend -- I want something for the rest of my life.
Twink #2: You could die Sunday. That would be the rest of your life.

The Hippo
Baltimore, Maryland


Overheard by: Mykl


Categories: Friends | Maryland | Relationships | Posted 2007-11-25 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

If So, Have I Got the Portable Fainting Couch for You!

Loud lady to friend: So, have you fallen down in any more parking lots this summer?

Panera Bread
White Marsh, Maryland


Overheard by: just eatin my lunch


Categories: Ladies who lunch | Maryland | Questions | Posted 2007-11-22 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

My Poor Cat Needs Something to Poop On

Queer: ... And I was like, 'Honey, it's not like I have a subscription to Town and Country to look at the dresses!'

Baltimore, Maryland

Overheard by: widget


Categories: Gossip | Maryland | Queers | Posted 2007-11-08 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Bubbling Like Hot Oatmeal

Chick: ... So she said, 'Hey, look over here,' and then she opened her gown and, like, all I saw were these weird big boobs...

Maryland Institute College of Art
Baltimore, Maryland


Overheard by: widget


Categories: Chicks | Gossip | Maryland | Rack | Posted 2007-11-04 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Not Anymore, You Don't

Angry mother: Don't do that! [Son screams.] I have friends, you know! You think I would rather be with you than with them?! I have a life!

Bethesda, Maryland

Overheard by: K-lee


Categories: Gripes | Maryland | Moms | Posted 2007-11-01 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Stupid Alphabet

Girl #1: That library isn't much help at all.
Girl #2: Yeah, I buy my own books. Libraries are only good for poor people that want to read.

Columbia, Maryland

Overheard by: Courtney


Categories: Chicks | Maryland | Stupidity | Posted 2007-11-01 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

If You'll Refer to the Third Bullet-Point on My Resume

Drunk queer: I can pick up a shot glass with my ass!

Outside Grand Central
Baltimore, Maryland


Overheard by: widget


Categories: Ass | Bragging | Drunks | Maryland | Queers | Posted 2007-10-29 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

So Put That Thing Away

Five-year-old boy to passing stranger: I ain't yo' baby's mama.

College Park, Maryland


Categories: Gossip | Kids | Maryland | Posted 2007-10-29 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Betty Soon Deconstructed Her Entire Reality

Girl on cell: Wait, what do you mean by downtown? Like, down... in a town?

Goucher College
Baltimore, Maryland


Overheard by: Hannah


Categories: Maryland | On the phone | Questions | Posted 2007-10-26 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Or It'll Validate and Reinforce His Behavior. But Still, Sex!

20-ish girl: I know it's stupid since he keeps dicking me around, but I really just want to have sex with him. Maybe if I have sex with him I could hook him!
Friend: You could hook him? Like drugs?
20-ish girl: Yeah! Like, maybe my vagina would be like crack to him...

Bar
Bel Air, Maryland


Categories: Chicks | Drugs | Maryland | Vagina | Posted 2007-10-18 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Always a Pleasure to Meet a Lady from the South

Fluffy, bunny-foo-foo white girl to friend after yoga: Bitch, I ain't eatin' no biscuits 'n' gravy!

Gym
Maryland


Overheard by: amy beth


Categories: Chicks | Food | Maryland | Posted 2007-10-14 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Moot Point, As It All Leads to Chlamydia and Death. Got It, Kids?

Health teacher: The four types of sexual activity we're going to cover are vaginal intercourse, anal sex, oral sex, and mutual masturbation.
Eighth grader: Oral sex? Isn't that, like, over the phone?

Pyle Middle School
Bethesda, Maryland


Overheard by: Next year the teacher preempted the question in her lecture


Categories: BJs | Maryland | Sex | Students | Teachers | Words | Posted 2007-10-01 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Sex, Death...

Punk chick #1: Well, it's just... I'm confused...
Punk chick #2: It's okay, it's summer! There are a lot of confusing things in the air, like love... and pollen.

Maryland


Categories: Maryland | Punks | Stupidity | Posted 2007-09-26 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Yeah, It's Pretty Much Only Crunchy White Folks These Days

Professor: Are there any Buddhists in this class? Anyone in here a Buddhist? Huh? All these Asians and no Buddhists?!

Johns Hopkins University
Baltimore, Maryland


Categories: Buddhism | Maryland | Race | Teachers | Posted 2007-09-24 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

A Squirrel?

Ghetto woman, indignantly: And then he told my mama he wanted me to get tested 'cause he didn't think the baby was his!
Ghetto man, outraged: Inconsiderate fuck! It was his, wasn't it?
Ghetto woman: Hell no! I don't know who I be sleeping with! [They laugh.] Bitch, please -- I fuck like a squirrel!

Baltimore, Maryland

Overheard by: Tiki


Categories: Friends | Gossip | Maryland | Posted 2007-09-23 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

The Angel of Midterms Spares Jared

Professor: I've decided to move the midterm to next week, because apparently we are missing a substantial amount of Jews.
Student to friend: Holy crap! Passover just saved my ass!

University of Maryland
College Park, Maryland


Overheard by: BECKEKE


Categories: Holidays | Maryland | Students | Teachers | Posted 2007-09-22 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Why Are You Using Mr. Potato Head As an Anatomical Model?

Biology professor: No, penises don't just fall off. Guys, you have nothing to worry about.

University of Maryland
College Park, Maryland


Overheard by: Chicken


Categories: Maryland | Penis | Teachers | Posted 2007-09-06 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Because I'm Tired of Being Uncle Walter's

Kid: Mommy, if I were invisible, would I be Daddy's imaginary friend or yours?

Flynn & O'Hara's
Rockville, Maryland


Categories: Kids | Maryland | Questions | Posted 2007-08-27 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

At Least Judging by Your Letters of Reference

White kid #1: Yo, you think he gay?
Black kid: No, I think you gay.
White kid #2: Yo, how did you know?
White kid #1: I blew him, you idiot.
White kid #2: Did he really?
Black kid: I guess you could call it head.
White kid #2: Where was I when that shit went down?
Black kid: I don't know, but you woulda done a better job.

Inner Harbor
Baltimore, Maryland


Overheard by: Mykl


Categories: Friends | Maryland | Sexuality | Posted 2007-08-20 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

For You Cat Lovers, It Was a Dog

Flight attendant over PA after bump during taxi: Don't worry guys, it was just a cat!

Southwest Airlines, BWI airport
Baltimore, Maryland


Categories: Airports & flights | Animals | Flight attendants | Maryland | Posted 2007-07-29 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

It's Always Time For A Drum Circle

Crunchy hippie: We were on the way to the bee colony to harvest some honey, but then I thought, Dude! It's time for a drum circle.

House of Musical Traditions
Takoma Park, Maryland


Categories: Gossip | Hippies | Maryland | Posted 2007-07-28 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Black Sabbath Concert

Teen twink: It was so hard to follow, and then he ate the ferret...

St. Michaels High School
Maryland


Overheard by: MarionC


Categories: Gossip | Maryland | Teens | Posted 2007-06-28 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Mi Gasa Es Su Gasa

Man #1: Are these seats taken?
Man #2: No, they are not, but I have to warn you -- we both had Chinese food for dinner, so we are going to have some major gas in a little bit.
Man #1: That's fine, we had Thai.
Man #2: Oh, then we're even. Have a seat.

Consolidated Theaters
Silver Spring, Maryland


Overheard by: feeling a little gassy myself


Categories: Burping & farting | Maryland | Strangers | Posted 2007-06-16 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Where She's Decreased Thumb-Sucking by 15 Percent

Employee: She was my supervisor at the one daycare... Then they fired her, so now she works for the government.

Target
Rockville, Maryland


Overheard by: absent


Categories: Employees | Jobs & Careers | Maryland | Posted 2007-06-12 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Dude Rule #1: Caught in a Lie? Tell a Bigger One

Chick: Are you sure you're a photographer? Your hands are so soft!
Dude: That's not my photography hand.

Taber's Restaurant
Baltimore, Maryland


Overheard by: Flying Pig


Categories: Compliments | Creepsters | Gossip | Hands | Maryland | Posted 2007-05-16 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

And Then You Get the Lifetime Channel

Quiet girl: Girls are like, 'Let's play house,' boys are like, 'Let's fight each other,' and you put them together and you get domestic abuse.

Language in Society class
Maryland


Categories: Maryland | Philosophy | Students | Posted 2007-05-07 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

That Self-Exam Footage Is Going to Save Lives

Chick: If someone as good-looking as my brother is talking about your vagina, you're doing something right.

Waffle House
Hagerstown, Maryland


Overheard by: Stephanie


Categories: Chicks | Maryland | Vagina | Posted 2007-04-13 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook