Overheard Everywhere | The Voice of the Towel" | Places | North America | USA

Granted, I Cut Her, but They Still Owe Me Ten Bucks

Gay guy: I told them not to have hip-hop night cause a bitch would get cut. And what happened? A bitch got cut!

Outside The Hippo
Mt. Vernon, Mayrland

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Someone's Gotta Inspire Hanson's Next Effort

Guy: What are you showing me? Bruises on your knees? You can't do that with every guy in the band you know.
Girl: I know. But that would be awesome if I could!

Carroll Community College
Maryland

Overheard by: Left Speechless

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Whereas Elizabeth Taylor Will Turn Into Delicious Pudding

Professor: One day you'll wake up an old weathered hag, unless you're Cher--she'll just turn to dust one day when the sun hits her.

McDaniel College
Maryland

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When Shown That They Do Exist, He Fainted

Grungy dude, pointing to expensive vacuum: You should get this one. It sucks up everything!
Girlfriend: Yeah, but I don't have much carpet. I need, like, a Broom Vac or something.
Grungy dude: A Broom Vac?! Put down the crack pipe!

Target
Baltimore, Maryland

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Drugging Miss Daisy

Old white lady, leaving table with a flourish: Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to the bathroom to shoot up.

Lemongrass
Baltimore, Maryland

Overheard by: Loves Her Some Thai Food

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By 35, She Was Already Set in Her Ways

Goateed gentleman: I tried to teach her that certain words for things were different, like that toothpaste was actually "poop," but I think I waited until she was a bit too old.

Mars Volta Concert, Rams Head Live
Baltimore, Maryland

Overheard by: Greeg

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Dude, Just Make an Audio-Visual Geek Your Friend

Music history professor, putting a CD in the player: And now we pray to the god of CDs. It's not good to be a teacher with CDs. They are very stupid things. [Pause.] ...It's not good to be a teacher, perhaps that's what it is.

Peabody Conservatory
Baltimore, Maryland

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Which, for Some Reason, Makes Me All Tingly Inside

Woman #1: That's a wonderful coat.
Woman #2: I hope it stays cold long enough for me to enjoy it.
Woman #1: You know, you're really brave. I have a fur at home but I can't stop thinking about those crazy PETA people chasing me down with a van and hurting me.

Sidewalk in front of Grocery Store
Maryland

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You Have to Earn the Right to Stay in Paradise, Pal

Guido: Dude, I think your girlfriend is going to dump you. You fell off your chair inside and you punched me in the ribs twice when I got up to go to the bathroom.
Drunk Guido: No, she can't dump me. She lets me put it in her ass!

Outside Restuarant
Baltimore, Maryland

Overheard by: Lauren

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And I Need Lipstick for Medicinal Purposes

College girl, handing heavy basket to boyfriend: I'm all for feminism, but I don't like carrying heavy things.

Target
Towson, Maryland

Overheard by: Kay-ren

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Fool Me Twice, Shame on Morton's

Freshman girl: Never snort salt.
Other freshman girl: I know, right! It burns so bad!

Bethesda, Maryland

Overheard by: Shelby

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Nas: It's About Time

Four-year old practising just before the pageant: Hark the herald, angels sing, glory to the New York king!

Church Christmas Pageant
Annapolis, Maryland

Overheard by: thought NY was a Fifedom

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The Foil Helmet Just Seals in the Knowledge

Student: I have this irrational fear of being clunked over the head and shipped to a country whose alphabet I don't know, so I'm trying to learn all these alphabets... I must be paranoid, I don't know.

Johns Hopkins University
Baltimore, Maryland

Overheard by: l_tau

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Since the Judge Ordered Me to Steer Clear of Markers

Lady #1: I'm ready, are you coming?
Lady #2: I think I may just stay here and smell the pencils for a while.

Animal Hospital
Abingdon, Maryland

Overheard by: Paying for food

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Since Barenaked Ladies Was Already Taken

Twenty-something dude: When I grow up, and learn how to play an instrument, I'm calling my band he-gina and she-nis.

McKenna's
Baltimore, Maryland

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And That's Not Even Including the Millions of Unborn Babies

Girl to friend: I swear to god, if there is semen on my shirt, I will kill everyone.

College Park, Maryland

Overheard by: Tom and Laura

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It's More Like a Museum of Strangers' Poo, Honey

Little girl, inside port-a-potty: Mommy! Mommy!
Mommy: Just be quiet and go potty.
Little girl: Mommy, do you know what it feels like in here? It's like a little house where I'll always be protected.

Renaissance Festival
Maryland

Overheard by: Nancy Whiskey

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Why Nobody's All That Sold on the Idea Of Heaven

College guy: And then, there would be no more vagina!

Bethesda, Maryland

Overheard by: Laiah and Caitlin

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And You Stole Me from a Playground!

Little boy, standing next to a car: Daddy, this isn't our car! Daddy, what are you doing? This isn't our car!
Man: Look, buddy, you've got to stop saying that when we're in parking lots. [to a couple walking by] I just got a new car.
Little boy: No you didn't!

AMC Theatres
Owings Mills, Maryland

Overheard by: they steal cars, dont they?

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Then the Mescaline Wore Off, and I Was Naked in a Public Fountain

Crazy man on stoop, to couple walking German shepherd: Yo! Is that one of them orangutan dogs? I saw me one of them orangutans... It jumped right in the river and started catching fish. Yes it did!

Federal Hill, Baltimore

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Portrait of the State Senator As a Young Man

Guy #1: God, that burns! Chlamydia's a bitch! You ever get chlamydia?
Guy #2: Nah, man. I don't fuck sluts.
Guy #1: Well, I do!

College Park, Maryland

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For the Last Time, These Are Tabs of E.

Four-year-old boy to eight-year-old sister: Geez! Just take some Midol and relax!

Six Flags
Maryland

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I Expect to Awaken Tomorrow Nauseated, Infected

Tipsy girl: You know what type of night it is? I'm wearing a leopard-print dress and leggings! It's that type of night!

Shout-out: www.overheardatlc.blogspot.com

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But We're Totally in the Clear with Wikipedia, Right?

Dude: You know, less than half of Snapple facts are true.
Chick: Really? Because I totally cited those in research papers.

College Park, Maryland

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Old Breadsticks Will Also Do in a Pinch

Guy: You gotta watch out for the Italian Air Force, dude. They've got, like, hang-gliders, and guys who throw rocks.

University of Maryland, College Park
Maryland

Overheard by: Sara

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Couldn't We Just Discriminate Against People Wearing Explosive Clothing?

Bimbette: Well, discriminating against the Muslims is different than against, like, the Russians for Hitler and everything.

Archbishop Spalding High School
Severn, Maryland

Overheard by: Wait, is she kidding?

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Do They Count If You Have to Blow Them Up?

Music history professor: Darwin says that the sole purpose for living things is to survive and procreate. What about us, as musicians? Do we need music to survive and procreate? Well, some people believe that music was created as a sort of mating call. Compare the reproductive life of Jimi Hendrix to the reproductive life of... well, me.
Class: Um...
Music history professor: Well, clearly I win hands-down because of all my groupies.

1 East Mount Vernon Place
Baltimore, Maryland

Overheard by: stravinsky

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Once a Month. Our People Love Dragons and Firecrackers

White girl to Asian guy: So... How often is Chinese New Year?

Shout-out: overheardinumcp.blogspot.com

Overheard by: tom

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Weapons of Mass Digestion

Paranoid blonde: He's just so quiet and creepy. I really feel like he could kill someone!
Annoyed brunette: Because he's quiet and creepy?
Paranoid blonde: Well, he, like, steals forks from the dining hall and stuff!

University of Maryland, College Park
Maryland

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As Pimpin' As Anything in This Comic Book Store, Anyway

10-year-old boy to Scrabble players: You guys are playing Scrabble? That's totally pimpin'!

Comic book store
Towson, Maryland

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Someone Who Can Afford Better Than Macy's

Little girl: Mom, those boots make you look like a hooker!
Mother: This conversation is over.
Little girl: Okay... What's a hooker?

Macy's, Marley Station Mall
Marley, Maryland

Overheard by: jd

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Further Evidence That Frat Boys Are Born, Not Made

Two-year-old: Mommy, Mommy, Mommy...
Mother, trying to talk to her friend: What?!
Two-year-old, thrusting pizza at her: Blow me!
Mom's friend: Well, that's one for the baby book.

Pizza Hut
Maryland

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Life Was Better When Knowledge Was the Province Of Those Who Could Lie About It

Biology professor: Hey, didn't they discover that process in corals?
Grad student: No, they discovered that in plants.
Biology professor: That's what I just said!
Grad student: But coral is not a plant.
Biology professor: What? Yes, it is!
Grad student: No, it's not, it's an animal!
Biology professor: Since when?
Grad student: Since always -- go look it up!
Biology professor, after disappearing for five minutes: Fucking Wikipedia...

3400 North Charles Street
Baltimore, Maryland

Overheard by: How'd you get this job, anyway?

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I Didn't Know They Made Thongs That Big

Male student: So, how's your new roommate?
Female student: Well, she has one hundred thirty-three thongs.
Male student: She sounds like a horrible person.

Maryland Institute College of Art
Baltimore, Maryland

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But Yes.

Teen boy #1: You had sex? Really?
Teen boy #2: Hell yeah, I did.
Teen boy #1: Was it like West Virginia?
Teen boy #2: Huh?
Teen boy #1: You know, 'Wild and Wonderful'!
Teen boy #2: ... Dude, that's gay.

Frederick, Maryland

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When You Can Take the Handicapped Kid's Scissors Away, Grasshopper...

Bimbette: ... You, like, learn to flip people on the mat. My mom knows how to do that. She works with retarded kids and they, like, have come at her with scissors and tried to cut her throat before.
Barista: That doesn't sound like a job I'd want to have.
Bimbette: No, she loves it.

Starbucks
Gaithersburg, Maryland

Overheard by: I just want my mocha, please

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Definitely the Low Point of Any Bon Jovi Concert

Chubby guy on cell: You know it's bad when Bon Jovi shows up.

Target
Westminster, Maryland

Overheard by: JoviFan4Life

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Just about Thingamajiggies and Doodads

Sorostitute on cell: Like, I don't know, we hook up every now and then, and we talk... But, like, not about stuff.

Johns Hopkins University
Baltimore, Maryland

Overheard by: LabCat

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Does This Have Anything to Do with Political Philosophy?

Professor: Does anyone know how to write an underscore in Elvish? In high school my friends and I used to have arguments about how much should be phonetic and how much should be character by character. I would spell 'tree' chee, and my friend would spell it tree, an