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One Of the Many Reasons I Miss College
Guy friend: I'm super excited to have couscous and sausage for lunch.
Girl friend: Yeah, I'm always kinda down till I get some sausage in me.
Guy friend: Whoa!
Bangor, Maine
Overheard by: Sarita
I'm Not Proud Of Myself
Woman on cell in line for bathroom: You did all that for a jelly bean!?
Airport
Portland, Maine
Overheard by: Emily
Why eBay Exists.
Man shopping with wife: Well, I recognize that someday I just won't need all my body parts.
Target Store
Augusta, Maine
Categories: Body parts | Clients | Maine | Stores | Weirdness | Posted 2010-07-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But With Slightly Less Dancing
Woman to girl: What exactly is a zombie? My son wants to know. Is it like a ghost?
Girl: A zombie is the living dead. A ghost is just a spirit, while a zombie is the dead body.
Woman: Like Michael Jackson?
Girl: Yes, like Michael Jackson.
Yarmouth, Maine
Overheard by: Jade
Categories: About celebrities | Compare and contrast | Girls | Maine | Parenting | Questions | Wishes | Women | Zombies | Posted 2010-07-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Though Usually I'm Being Flogged at the Time
Student to teacher who just made a mistake finger-spelling on board: Finger!
Teacher, erasing board: If I had a nickel every time someone said that to me.
Hampden, Maine
Categories: Body parts | Education | Maine | Masturbation | Sex | Students | Teachers | Words | Posted 2010-04-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Ain't That a Bitch?
Professor, sighing: Every computer program has its glitches. This one certainly has a glitch, and the glitch is me.
Maine College of Art
Portland, Maine
Overheard by: Misaki
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Education | Maine | Teachers | Technology | Posted 2010-03-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That, And, "Do You Take Credit?"
Little old woman to cashier scanning groceries: You're so good and fast! I bet the boys tell you that all the time.
Yarmouth, Maine
Overheard by: Jade
Categories: Compliments | Maine | Old folks | Sex | Posted 2010-03-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Only in the Places Where You're Smoking That Blunt
Girl #1: You look really high right now.
Girl #2, panicking: Do I smell high!?
Cumberland, Maine
Overheard by: Jade
Categories: Drugs | Girls | Maine | Questions | Sensory experiences | Posted 2009-12-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Furniture Stripping
First grade teacher to colleague, in front of first graders: And so I walked into the living room and he was there, naked, standing on the coffee table.
Portland, Maine
Then They Both Let Out Super-Sighs.
Fat tourist mom: Nah... I don't wanna eat there.
Fat tourist dad, wistfully: Well, it's not McDonald's.
Outside Marcy's Diner
Portland, Maine
Overheard by: townie knows best
Categories: Compare and contrast | Dads | Fat people | Food | Maine | Moms | Restaurants | Tourists | Wishes | Posted 2009-12-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Country?
Girl #1: Remember that time you chased the porcupine?
Girl #2: Yeah. It was so cute, I just wanted to pet it.
Girl #1: And remember when you tried to run that bullfrog over?
Girl #2: That's because I don't like animals that aren't furry.
Girl #1: What about the porcupine? He's not furry.
Girl #2: But porcupines have feathers, so they count.
Girl #1: Porcupines don't have feathers.
Girl #2: Yes, they do.
Girl #1: They have quills.
Girl #2: Oh! When you were saying "porcupine" I thought you meant "turkey."
Portland, Maine
Overheard by: Jade
When Bess Discovered Pinwheels, She Wanted to Tell the World
Loud guy on cell: A big colorful *what*?
UMaine
Orono, Maine
Overheard by: umm...
Categories: Guys | Maine | On the phone | Questions | Weirdness | Posted 2009-11-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Like a Tapir?
Cashier: I never noticed before, but you look like a meerkat.
Customer: Is that another Pokemon?
Yarmouth, Maine
Overheard by: Jade
And I Lied and Said, "No."
Fireman: And then he asked me if I'd ever covered my hand with a plastic bread bag, and then squished my shit around in the toilet... just to see what it feels like.
Maine
That Means the Chili Was Juuuust Right
Four-year-old child, excitedly, holding mother's hand: My butt is burning!
Maine
Or the Redistribution Of Wealth
Woman: I'm all for a reign of terror, but nothing that involves Winnie the Pooh.
Portland, Maine
Um, I Named the Breast "Sketchy Bastard"
Guy to girlfriend after late-night party: You name a breast after me, but you don't trust me?
West End
Portland, Maine
I'm Like a Two-Legged Redbook Magazine
Pretentious student to professor: There were a lot of people there. Interesting people. But most of them weren't as interesting as me.
University of Maine
Orono, Maine
Categories: Bragging | Bringing it back to you | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Education | Maine | Students | Teachers | Posted 2009-08-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We're Not Fish, People!
Biology teacher to uninterested students: Sperm doesn't just crawl along the floor.
Maine
I Also Liked Starving My Baby to Death
Teacher: No one liked middle school. Everyone hates middle school. I'd rather starve to death than teach middle school. I'd rather starve my baby to death than teach middle school.
Student: I liked middle school.
Teacher: Freak!
Portland, Maine
Categories: Compare and contrast | Death & dying | Education | Gripes | Insults | Kids | Maine | Students | Teachers | Posted 2009-08-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Then Where Are the Coconuts, Brainiac?
Tourist to park ranger: How do I get to Mt. Desert Island from here?
Park ranger: Ummm, you're standing on it.
Tourist: No, I'm not.
Park ranger: Yes, you are.
Tourist: This is ridiculous, I'm going to report you to the government.
Park ranger: No, really, you're on the island.
Mount Desert Island, Maine
It's Like the Miracle Of Hanukah!
Ultra-skinny hipster chick: I've been eating the same quiche for weeks.
Portland, Maine
Overheard by: Koch
Categories: Chicks | Diet & weight | Food | Hipsters | Maine | Skinny people | Posted 2009-07-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
This Is Why I Divorced Your Father
Mother to child: You need to get up off the floor.
Kid: No!
(small dog approaches, starts licking kid's face)
(kid laughs as mother becomes even angrier, then dog begins humping kid)
Kid: Get him off me, get him off me!
Mother, calmly: See? This is what happens when you lie on the floor. This is why we can't lay down on the floor.
Portland, Maine
...With Excellent Eyesight.
Male state trooper to female state trooper: At that point they don't even qualify as carrots anymore. They're more like small creatures.
China Harbor
Bangor, Maine
Overheard by: Kim
Categories: Animals | Compare and contrast | Cops | Food | Maine | Posted 2009-07-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Like, in Which Of the Boroughs?
Blonde bimbo: So what part of New York are you from?
Brunette: Manhattan.
Blonde bimbo: Like where is that in New York?
Maine
After a Long Winter, the Root Cellar's Empty
20-something hipster to friend: So...I'm officially out of corpses.
Friend: Dude!
Portland, Maine
Categories: Compare and contrast | Death & dying | Default | Friends | Hipsters | Maine | Weirdness | Posted 2009-04-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Possibly the Apocalypse?
Loud woman to friend: So I said to her, "I gotta go. Linda's avocado is ripe and you know what that means."
Portland, Maine
Overheard by: Taffy Doublewide
Yes and Yes!
Female employee, seeing lunch being prepared: Oh, Kielbasa! I love Kielbasa! You know how I like my Kielbasa?
(pause)
Fireman #1: On your knees?
Fireman #2: In your mouth?
Maine
This Was Often Heard on the Set of Little House...
Angry mother: Seriously, Landon, I told you, do not touch anyone else's balls!
Mini Golf
Burnham, Maine
Ad: If Your Chess Game Lasts More Than Four Hours, Seek Medical Attention
Elderly gentleman playing chess: You know, in college, when all of my friends were chasing girls, I was on the chess team...chasing wood.
Barnes & Noble
Augusta, Maine
Overheard by: Fia
Naming Her "Charmin" Was the Right Call
Girl: Your child is adorable.
Proud father: Yes, she's so fluffy and absorbent!
Yarmouth, Maine
Overheard by: Jade
Chives Are the Respectable Republican Cloth Coat of Herbs
Customer: I'll have a large hot chocolate, a chocolate glazed donut, and a plain bagel with smoked salmon cream cheese on the side.
Drive-thru grunt: What did you say for the cream cheese on the side?
Customer: Smoked salmon.
Drive-thru grunt: Oh, we don't have that kind.
Customer: What kinds of cream cheese do you have?
Drive-thru grunt: We have chive. Chive is like smoked salmon.
Customer: Uh...yeah.
Bangor, Maine
Overheard by: just wanted a coffee
Categories: Compare and contrast | Customers | Default | Employees | Food | Maine | Offers and requests | Restaurants | Posted 2008-12-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Nah, They Know the Pecking Order
Bookseller to pregnant coworker: Aren't you worried there will be jealousy between the chickens and your unborn child?
Barnes & Noble
Augusta, Maine
Overheard by: Just browsing
Licking Me Will Get Us Both Off
Stoner lesbian: I bet if you like, took the time to scrape all the resin off my brain...and my lungs too. Yeah, all the resin from my brain and lungs and smoke it... You could get really really high.
Cumberland, Maine
Overheard by: Jade
Children Raised on Judge Judy Have a Unique Set of Problems
Six-year-old #1: I'm taking you to court!
Six-year-old #2: No you're not!
Six-year-old #1: I'm taking you to court!
Six-year-old #2: No you're not!
Six-year-old #1: You're in court!
Six-year-old #2: No I'm not!
Six-year-old #1: You're in court now!
Six-year-old #2: (begins to cry)
Small Town
Maine
Overheard by: Willem Rosenthal
Paul Bunyan Fantasies Run Wild in the Gay Community
Effeminate tourist guy on cell: So yeah, it was rigidly pressed in the watershed...
Cottage Street
Bar Harbor, Maine
On the Plus Side, You Always Had Somewhere to Hang Your Coat
Druggie talking about Italy: There were dicks coming out the walls everywhere!
Maine
Overheard by: abbitt the rabbitt
Categories: Default | Druggies | Maine | Memory lane | Penis | Posted 2008-07-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Not Pregnant!
Old Russian woman: You very strong girl!
Cashier: Thanks.
Old Russian woman: You will birth very easy!
Cashier: Than... wait, what?!
Hannaford
Yarmouth, Maine
Overheard by: Jade
Next Time Put the Message in a Bottle
Girl in stall: I have paper stuck in my vagina.
Friend: You might not want to say that, there's people here.
Girl in stall: Why is vagina a bad word?
Ladies Room, Foreplay Bar
Portland, Maine
Overheard by: How did it get there?
See --Look at Her Go to Town on That Man's Shoe
Little girl: Daddy! Daddy! Emma just kissed the shopping cart!
Father: She'll kiss worse things in her life.
Hannaford
Yarmouth, Maine
Overheard by: Jade
Categories: Compare and contrast | Dads | Family ties | Girls | K-I-S-S-I-N-G | Kids | Kids | Maine | Siblings | Stores | Posted 2008-05-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
2008: Microsoft Pilots MS Office Assistant, "Buzzy the Dildo"
Guy: You know when you do a "Find File" in Windows? Yeah. I want to kill the little animated dog... It bothers me.
Girl: Hahaha... Yeah. It's better than the paperclip.
Guy: Meh... Only because he doesn't pop up unexpectedly. Clippy was kind of cool if he weren't in the way.
Girl: Thats what he wants you to think! He makes you feel bad for hating him!
Guy: Why this makes me want to have an animated kitten running around my desktop, I don't know. I used to have such a program.
Girl: I had a stripper on my laptop. She danced and stripped whenever music came on.
Guy: You're such a closet nympho.
Girl: Yeah. For my dreams class, we have to write all our dreams down and share them with the class. Last night I dreamt I was trekking through a jungle in gold prada heels to find my doctor to get an HIV test. I'm not sure I want the class psychoanalyzing that one.
Portland, Maine
The Technical Term Is "Cellmates"
Man #1: You can fuck any part of the body if you have a sharp object close by.
Man #2: Just shut up and give me a beer.
Man #1: Seriously. Wouldn't it be great if you were fucking someone's ribs, and just as you came you punctured their lung, and with their last dying breath, it shot out their nose?
Man #2: Why are we friends?
Biddeford, Maine
Categories: Creepsters | Cum | Maine | Sex | Violence | Posted 2008-02-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
She Was Just Very Much in Love. With Crack.
Girl #1, about friend arrested for crack-whoring: She said she was in the wrong place at the wrong time.
Girl #2: Yeah, right! You don't weigh 85 pounds and have chlamydia because you were in the wrong place at the wrong time!
Hallowell, Maine
Overheard by: smiling widely
Dude, at Denny's That Gets You Free Coffee
Dude: Oh, great. Now I can be the asshole with a unibrow.
Denny's
Portland, Maine
Overheard by: aimc
That Doesn't Work on Mom, and It Sure Doesn't Work on Me!
Five-year-old boy: I don't like that... It doesn't taste good.
Father, picking up frozen dinner: Oh, I'll make it taste good!
Topsham, Maine
Overheard by: Morgan
I Blame the Emergence of the Trapper Keeper
Seven-year-old girl: Yeah, 'cause, like, no one was cool in the '80s.
Super Wal-Mart
Augusta, Maine
Must Be One of Those Quaint Maine Colloquialisms We've Been Hearing About
Nurse: Wow! That's quite some rash you have there.
Patient: Yeah, I feel like a used condom.
Portland, Maine
Overheard by: devulgari
Categories: Health & Hygiene | Maine | Nurses | Posted 2007-10-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Not Having Them
Teacher explaining colonization: It all started with rubbers!
Maine
Overheard by: vampire hunter
Sooner Or Later the Reflexes Start to Go
Hot chick: Trust me, I would know. I'm a retired slut.
Maine
Overheard by: oh really?
Categories: Hoochies | Jobs & Careers | Maine | Posted 2007-08-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Neatly Packaged in Shrinkwrap
Butcher in bloodstained apron: My soul is pure and untainted.
Supermarket
Portland, Maine
But I Did Get a Call-Back for Cirque du Soleil
Dude #1: I pulled a muscle.
Dude #2, after short pause: How?
Dude #1: Have you ever tried to fuck yourself? It's really hard! I did and pulled a muscle.
Hampden Academy
Maine
Overheard by: Last final
Categories: Getting off | Idiots | Maine | Posted 2007-07-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Hope for the Best and Pack a Vibrator
Chick #1: About 20 minutes is good enough.
Chick #2: But what about the pleasure part?
Colby College, Maine
Overheard by: they stopped talking when they saw me listening
Categories: Chicks | Colleges & Universities | Maine | Questions | Posted 2007-05-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm the Thing I Have Sex to Forget About
Suit: I can't masturbate to a picture of myself!
Maine
Categories: Maine | Masturbation | Suits | Posted 2007-05-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
