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"A" As in "Adolph," "F" As in "Final Solution"...
Indian lady on crowed bus on cell: Yes. 'h' as in 'Hitler.'
Louisville, Kentucky
Overheard by: Not Me
Categories: About celebrities | Kentucky | On the phone | Weirdness | Women | Words | Posted 2011-06-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Of American Debt
Professor: China's a sausage fest.
Murray State University
Kentucky
Your Editors Just Put Monster Beans on Our Shopping List
Little girl: Mommy, can we have the monster beans? Mommy, look, they have monster beans, can we get the monster beans?
Mommy: Honey, I think that is the green giant.
Little girl: ...or monster beans!
Dollar Tree
Nicholasville, Kentucky
Edna and Paul's Relationship Begins to Flounder
Husband to wife: I've been married to you for 35 years and I still don't understand your thought process on trout.
Florence, Kentucky
Categories: Couples | Kentucky | Philosophy | Relationships | Sexuality | Posted 2011-03-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Worst. Midterm. Ever.
Humanities prof: Where were we? (pause) Dead babies!
Murray State University
Kentucky
Categories: Death & dying | Education | Kentucky | Teachers | Weirdness | Posted 2011-03-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...The Golden Retriever Did What with the Banana?
Girl: So... How did your sex tape go?
Lexington, Kentucky
Overheard by: AJ
A Lot Of Cocaine and a Lot Of Ego?
40-something: No one really knows just what goes into running a chicken farm.
Hebron, Kentucky
Overheard by: Let's Keep It That Way
Categories: Animals | Idiots | Kentucky | Philosophy | Posted 2010-09-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And the Liquid Soap Was to Die for
Redneck man with mullet coming out of bathroom: Well, son, that was some mighty fine hand dryer, wudn't it?
Son,excitedly: Yeah, pops, sure was!
Shepherdsville, Kentucky
Overheard by: Chelsea
The Two Guys Loved It, Though
Sorority girl to another: That has to be the worst way to lose your virginity.
Murray State University
Kentucky
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Kentucky | Sex | Sorority types | Virginity | Posted 2010-04-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Old Is the New Dead
Guy on cell: You realize it is old people's only duty to die to get out of the way right?
International Airport
Louisville, Kentucky
Categories: Age and ageing | Airports & flights | Death & dying | Guys | Kentucky | On the phone | Posted 2010-02-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Which Explains Our 1980's Haircuts
Sophomore #1: I mean, I don't really keep up with current events that much.
Sophomore #2: You need watch the news. Seriously. It's the twentieth century.
High School
Kentucky
Overheard by: Oh, high school
Categories: Advice | Girls | Kentucky | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Stupidity | Time Management | Posted 2010-01-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We Salute the Men and Women Who Fight for the Freedom to Be Ignorant
Soldier: So I guess I'm leaving around April-ish.
Girl: Why can't they send you to Paris? Or Greece?
Soldier: Um... Cause we aren't at war there?
Girl: Well, we should be!
Ft. Campbell, Kentucky
Good to See a Family Do Things Together
Little boy to younger brother: I'm 'bout to choke you!
Mother, to all children: I'm 'bout to choke all y'all!
Little boy: Together, mama?
Mother: Together.
Louisville, Kentucky
Overheard by: Jessica
This Ring Symbolizes My No-Footsie Promise
Burly male college student: I don't want to put my bare feet somewhere where someone's already put their bare feet.
Murray State University
Kentucky
Categories: Body parts | Colleges & Universities | Kentucky | Students | Stupidity | Wishes | Posted 2009-10-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
After They Moved Him, I Found Five Dollars Under the Cushion!
Woman #1, at party: Oh, hi, Lisa, how are you?
Woman #2, shrugging: Okay, I guess.
Woman #1: Where's your husband? Did you bring John with you?
Woman #2: Oh, you didn't hear? John died two weeks ago. He died sitting in his chair.
Kentucky
Categories: Death & dying | Family ties | Kentucky | Questions | Relationships | Women | Posted 2009-09-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Airlines Don't Even Pretend to Care Anymore
Guy on cell: Well, there's a chance you'll get burns all over your body, but other than that you should be fine.
Louisville, Kentucky
Categories: Body parts | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Kentucky | On the phone | Posted 2009-09-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Your Plot Summary Of The Grapes Of Wrath Leaves Something to Be Desired
Stoner guy: So he turned around and there were aliens in the back seat. Then he said, "Yay! Now we can have a hoe down!"
Western Kentucky University
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Drugs | Kentucky | Sensory experiences | Sex | Stoners | Weirdness | Posted 2009-09-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
In That He's Unavailable to Me
Stoned #20-something: If you could have sex with any fictional character, who would it be?
Drunk #20-something: Christopher Walken.
Stoned #20-something: He's not fictional.
(pause)
Drunk #20-something: He might as well be!
Louisville, Kentucky
Overheard by: Jessica
...She Put Two Drinks Up There?
Sorority girl to another, sitting in booth: Girl, I was double-fisted all night long last night!
Gay dude #1, quite loudly, to gay dude #2: Oh my god! That is so nasty! Who on earth would ever say something like that out in public! I wouldn't want anyone to know that anyone could do anything like that to me, let alone enjoy it! Nasty bitches!
Gay dude #2 to gay dude #1, very quietly: Um, I think she meant she had a drink in both hands, you idiot.
Gay dude #1: Oh.
Chinese Restaurant
Lexington, Kentucky
Overheard by: j-we
Categories: Drinking & drunks | Insults | Kentucky | Masturbation | Queers | Restaurants | Sorority types | Wishes | Posted 2009-07-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Garfield Would Do Pretty Much Anything for Lasagna
Slightly drunk chick, peering into drink: I think my cat is gay.
Really drunk friend: Hey, heyyyy...
Slightly drunk chick: Or maybe he's just a slut.
The Backdoor
Louisville, Kentucky
Categories: Animals | Bars & Clubs | Chicks | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Friends | Kentucky | Sex | Sexuality | Posted 2009-06-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Correct-- Yet You Still Manage to Sound Stupid.
Princess: You guys, Johnny Depp doesn't always play dark characters. He was blonde in Secret Window!
Little Bar
Kentucky
Overheard by: Dead Betty
Categories: About celebrities | Bars & Clubs | Character | Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | Kentucky | Movies | Posted 2009-06-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
First Shoot the Person Who Gave a Kid a Megaphone
Little nine-year-old kid with megaphone: You are going to go to hell, you know! The Apocalypse is coming! Are you ready? If you are drinking, you are a bad mother!
Army man #1, standing nearby: Do we have permission to fire?
Army man #2: I wish.
The Kentucky Derby
Overheard by: Kdub-ya
Categories: Default | Drinking & drunks | Family ties | Guys | Kentucky | Kids | Questions | Wishes | Posted 2009-05-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Demolished That Problem Set, Yo.
Thug #1: Yo, nigga! I will beat you up! You hear me? I will demolish your ass!
Thug #2: Nah man, nah. I'll beat your ass!
Thug #1: Fuck that, nigga, fuck that.
(pause)
Thug #1: Yo, nigga, what was our physics homework for last night?
Thug #2: Section 4. It's on that Archimedes' principle shit.
University of Louisville
Louisville, Kentucky
Categories: Ass | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Education | Kentucky | Questions | Thugs | Words | Posted 2009-05-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Especially If I'm Saying, "Faster...Harder...God...Ohhh"
Black guy to friends: I swear, every time I start talking to a girl she gets pregnant. (pause) Fo' real.
Bowling Green, Kentucky
Overheard by: You must have been doing more than talking
Some Impulses Can't Be Curbed
Professor: And if rubbing dog doo on a child's coat makes me a bastard, then so be it.
University of Kentucky
Overheard by: Still laughing a semester later.
Ken Earns His Master's in Evacuation
Guy, weighing himself: 176. Hmm, hold on a minute, I gotta go shit.
Guy at desk: Alright.
(5 minutes later)
Guy, weighing himself: 170. Goddamn.
Centre College
Danville, Kentucky
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Kentucky | Poop | Weirdness | Posted 2009-03-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Party Poopers Are Bad Enough When Nobody Can See Where the Poops Are Coming from
Guy: And I was like, "I can't invite you to my party if I can't guarantee you'll keep your pants on!"
University of Louisville
Louisville, Kentucky
Overheard by: The man has a point
Categories: Clothes | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Guys | Kentucky | Offers and requests | Posted 2009-03-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Nine Months-- Why?
Teen girl #1: Oh! Did I tell you my sister finally had her baby?
Teen girl #2: How long have you had a sister?
Louisville, Kentucky
Overheard by: Tracy
I Also See Many Things That Aren't Actually There
Very drunk girl, exiting party: Oh my, it's dark outside!
Sober girl: Oh, are you gonna need help back to your dorm or anything?
Very drunk girl: Oh, no. Wine gives me night vision.
University of Kentucky
Overheard by: Emmatastic
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Girls | Kentucky | Offers and requests | Questions | Sensory experiences | Weirdness | Posted 2009-02-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That Paperclip Chain Won't Build Itself, You Know
Woman on cell: You know, Corey, when I get a call at work saying my son has been stabbed, I expect it to be more than just a puncture wound. Don't waste my time with that shit.
Florence, Kentucky
Overheard by: Jesus Freak
Though I Personally Prefer "Plucked from the Eyebrow of My Soul"
History professor: The Irish love country music. When you're there, you expect to hear bagpipes playing, but then you walk into a bar and it's all, "you've been flushed from the bathroom of my heart!"
Northern Kentucky University
Overheard by: Dohiyi
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Geography | Kentucky | Music | Teachers | Words | Posted 2008-12-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So Anyway, Welcome to Cougar Lit 101
Female English professor on the first day of class: So tell me as much about me as you can by my appearance. What kind of person do you think I am?
Student: I think you were probably a wild teenager. You've got a tattoo and a tongue piercing.
Female English professor (chuckling): I've got more tattoos and piercings than you care to know about.
Community College
Elizabethtown, Kentucky
Overheard by: Chelsea
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Kentucky | Offers and requests | Questions | Students | Stupidity | Tattoos | Teachers | Posted 2008-12-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Okay, Speak to Me Like I'm From Kentucky
Guy #1: What's a "ball gag"?
Guy #2: Oh, come on! Leather daddies and ball gags are always synonymous.
Louisville, Kentucky
Made a Great Flotation Device in the Pool
Older woman to younger one: Man, you never spend weekends with your kids! When I was raising my kid I could count the times on one hand that I used a babysitter.
Younger woman: Really?
Eavesdropping young man: Man, I was raised on a babysitter!
Louisville, Kentucky
Overheard by: I'm Adopted
Categories: Advice | Compare and contrast | Default | Feelings | Guys | Kentucky | Kids | Memory lane | Old folks | Women | Posted 2008-12-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Is That Why You Always Look Fatter When We Leave Williams Sonoma?
Homely housewife: And she said, "are you going to blot it?" and I said, "of course, that's why I collect napkins."
Fayette Mall
Lexington, Kentucky
Overheard by: verticalQ
Was That What Elvis' Song Was About?
Redneck lady: Here's where they stop believing the bible is true. This is where you end up, the ghetto.
Creation Museum
Petersburg, Kentucky
Overheard by: Going to hell
Like, on Our Spouses or What?
Foreign professor: If I would be you, I would cheat.
Western Kentucky University
Categories: Advice | Colleges & Universities | Default | Education | Foreigners | Kentucky | Teachers | Posted 2008-11-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Phantom of the Opera Masks Went Out of Fashion
Angry ghetto girl to friend in the middle of a fight: Joneesha, why you got that face on yo face?
Louisville, Kentucky
So They're Swimming Right Up the Ladder of Success
Guy on cell: I know of at least two plant and four fish species that could do my job just as well... Now, the fish just came in with touchscreen technology.
Covington, Kentucky
Overheard by: Jesus Freak
Categories: Animals | Default | Guys | Kentucky | On the phone | Technology | Posted 2008-11-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
For a Second I Thought You Were Talking About Our Key-Parties
Five-year-old girl: Hey, mom, you know how you hate "pop and switch?"
Mom: Uh...what's "pop and switch?"
Five-year-old girl: The one where they trade bodies.
Mom: Oh! Oh, yeah, I hate "pop and switch." That's scary...
JCPenney, Florence Mall
Florence, Kentucky
Overheard by: Dohiyi
It'll Get Better Once I Figure Out What the New Black Is
Guy: So, you dance in the room where nobody else does?
Girl: Yeah, I guess nobody understands me. Not even at goth night.
Louisville, Kentucky
Nobody Knew Pig-Pen Was a Girl 'til She Grew Up
Middle-aged man to 20-something bookseller: You've got that sort of hair that men love to mess up...
Lexington, Kentucky
Overheard by: envious
The Secular Equivalent
Enthusiastic elderly Southern woman: There was BBs flying all through the winders, I was so upset I cried. I wasn't going to church at that time, but I went to Wal-Mart.
McDonald's
Richmond, Kentucky
Overheard by: Akilah
Categories: Christianity | Default | Kentucky | McDonald's | Memory lane | Old folks | Women | Posted 2008-09-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The "Eating Fetuses" Comment Kinda Pushed You over the Edge
Guy: I'm pretty positive that on judgment day, god is going to have a live action replay of this conversation and be like: "See... And you were so close!"
University of Kentucky
Lexington, Kentucky
Mommy Lost Him During That Spring Break Trip to Tijuana
Mother (giving four-year-old a children's bible): Here, find Jesus for mommy.
Doctor's Office
Ashland, Kentucky
Overheard by: Lola
Categories: Christianity | Default | Jesus | Kentucky | Moms | Offers and requests | Religion | Stupidity | Women | Posted 2008-07-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why It's Been Renamed the "K-Fed Isotope"
Professor: Carbon-14 is an unstable marriage. He's putting cocaine up his nose while she's working hard. It can't last, you know. That's expensive.
Berea College
Kentucky
The Question Every Rock Of Love Contestant Must Eventually Face
College-aged girl on cell: How am I supposed to date him if I'm afraid he's going to kill me and keep my vagina in a jar?
Grocery Store, Kentucky
Plus We'd Have to Be Open and Honest About Our Feelings
White mother to teen daughters after black family walks by: I'm so glad you two aren't black! Then I'd have to put all those little beads in your hair and--well I'm just really glad.
Versailles, Kentucky
Thanks, Fetal Alcohol Syndrome!
Mother, to three-year old in stroller: Oh, ha ha ha! You're retarded.
Paducah, Kentucky
Categories: Kentucky | Mental illnesses | Moms | Offspring | Weirdness | Posted 2008-05-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Don't Worry --It Was Completely Consensual
Adult woman to girlfriend's six-year-old daughter: Oh honey! You got your knees all skinned up with boo boos! What happened?
Six-year-old girl, shrugging: Oh, you know... Boys.
South 4th St
Louisville , Kentucky
Categories: Body parts | Euphemisms | Gender issues | Girls | Kentucky | Kids | Kids | Questions | Violence | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2008-05-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Anybody Seen Baryshnikov Lately?
Confused girl: Someone with an unknown number just called me twice. I, of course, ignored the calls. Then they left a voicemail of music from The Nutcracker...I have the feeling I'm about to be murdered.
Lexington, Kentucky
Is That a Lip-Liner and EpiPen in One?
Hottie: Here ya go -- put this in your man-purse for me, please.
Indie boyfriend, indignantly: It's not a man-purse! It's a medical evac bag!
Hottie: Okay. You got any bandages or sterile alcohol in there?
Indie boyfriend: ... No.
Hottie: Yeah, right -- it's a man-purse. [Guy sullenly puts item in bag.]
Target, Saint Matthews
Louisville, Kentucky
As I Told Your Father When I Proposed to Him
Mom to running, laughing child: Stop running! You can have fun when we get home.
Wal-Mart
Bowling Green, Kentucky
Overheard by: shannon
I'm Not Crazy
College guy: So, are you still a maybe-lesbian?
College girl, shrugging: I like penis much better. Chicks are crazy, but if one licks me, I'm not gonna complain if they're hot.
University of Kentucky
Lexington, Kentucky
I Would Love to Have My Groin Knighted, but I Guess It Only Happens to Cows
Lady to husband: Hey, they have steaks here, too. They just call them 'sirloins.'
Applebee's
Bowling Green, Kentucky
Give Him a Break. It's Kentucky.
Man walking through automatic doors: Wow, it's the store of the future. The doors open by themselves!
Louisville, Kentucky
Categories: Idiots | Kentucky | Technology | Posted 2007-12-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And You're Okay with This Apartheid?
Kid: I want Skittles.
Mom: We have M&Ms at home. We don't need any more candy.
Kid, after long pause: The Skittles telled me they're lonesome. They want to go home and see their friends, the M&Ms.
Mom: Nice try, but no... Skittles and M&Ms don't frequent the same social circles, anyway.
Kroger
Lexington, Kentucky
Overheard by: He-Man Skittle-Haters Club
In Totally Unrelated News, We'll Never Have to Hear Ashlee Simpson Sing Again.
Browser #1: They only eat dead flesh. They only eat dead flesh! They only eat dead flesh!
Browser #2: What are you talking about?
Browser #1: They only eat dead flesh -- y'know, maggots -- and I found them in my garbage can and they only eat dead flesh. They only eat dead flesh, y'know?
Flea market
Kentucky
Categories: Creepsters | Food | Kentucky | Posted 2007-10-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Speaker Pelosi Has Finally Had It
Designer suit on cell: No, dude, I talked to her. She's definitely going to call the cops on us.
Kentucky
And That Had Velcro Closures
Mom: Did you see how that girl was pulling that young man across the street? Maybe he was blind.
Daughter: I saw how she was dressed -- he wasn't blind. If he was blind she wouldn't be dressing so slutty. If I dated a blind guy I would wear clothes that were soft.
Louisville, Kentucky
Loser Ends Up in the Trunk
Girl on PA: Attention, Wal-Mart shoppers. We need Dan Smith* to return to automotive for a confrontation on your vehicle.
Wal-Mart
Kentucky
Nobody Expects the Chinese Inquisition
Bimbette #1: I think I did okay on the test, but I didn't get any of the locations.
Bimbette #2: Yeah, they were hard to study for.
Bimbette #1: Yeah, like, I put them all in Asia, and I thought maybe something was wrong. I mean... Madrid sounds Chinese, doesn't it?
University of Louisville
Louisville, Kentucky
Categories: Bimbettes | Colleges & Universities | Education | Kentucky | Stupidity | Posted 2007-06-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
How Can You Think That after All the Threesomes I've Done for You?
Mom to girls at bar: You two are so cute. [To daughter's friend] So, do you swing both ways?
Friend: Uhhh...
Daughter: Just ignore my mother. She's really drunk and thinks I need a date.
Mom: I'm just trying. Do you think I don't care about you?
Louisville, Kentucky
I Used to Wear the Wonderbra, but I Kept Needing to Get Abortions
Sorority girl #1: So, like, you still get your period when you're on the pill.
Sorority girl #2: Yeah, but not when you're pregnant.
Sorority girl #1: So what's the point of the pill, then?
Sorority girl #2: It totally makes your boobs bigger.
Airport
Lexington, Kentucky
Categories: Airports & flights | Gossip | Kentucky | Rack | Sorority types | Posted 2007-04-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Some of the Time You're My Favorite Fuck
Drunk girl: 'Fuck' is my favorite word!
Sober boyfriend, laughing: 'Fuck' is not your favorite word. 'Fuck' is your favorite word some of the time.
Drunk girl: 'Some of the time' is my favorite word! [Falls over.]
Dorm room
Lexington, Kentucky
Overheard by: My Favorite Word Too
Categories: Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Kentucky | Words | Posted 2007-04-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Wonder What She's Thinking Of
Teen girl #1: Do you know what epidermis is?
Teen girl #2: No, but I've heard of it before.
Teen girl #1: What do you think it is?
Teen girl #2: I think it's got something to do with ski lifts.
Breckenridge Lane
Louisville, Kentucky
