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Kansas All Categories > Places > North America > USA > Kansas
Recent | Best Of
America: Encapsulated.
Plus-size girl looking at maternity shirt: Oh, this is cute! (pause) It will hide my fat rolls!
JC Penney
Wichita, Kansas
Categories: Beauty | Body parts | Clothes | Fat people | Girls | Kansas | Shopping | Posted 2010-12-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
NewsFlash: Tim Burton Slated to Direct Next Bring It On! Movie
Teen girl #1: I don't get why they put "eat it" by the cheerleaders.
Teen girl #2: Me neither. You can't, like, eat cheers.
Teen girl #1: Yeah... But you can eat cheerleaders.
High School
Kansas
Especially, Headless Ones Dressed in Couture
Trendy girl, extremely serious: But like I am totally scared of mannequins! (pause) Mannequins, and big giraffes. I'm really just scared of all jungle animals in general.
Manhattan, Kansas
I Need Some Whacking Material for Later
50-something guy #1: My new girlfriend is twenty years younger than me.
50-something guy #2: You going to marry her?
50-something guy #1: No. I had that talk with her at the very beginning.
50-something guy #2: You got any nude photos of her on your phone?
Health Club Locker Room
Shawnee Mission, Kansas
Categories: Age and ageing | Assholes | Guys | Kansas | Porn | Relationships | Restroom | Posted 2010-05-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So I Borrow Them
20-something girl on cell: But yeah, I'm a girl so I don't get a boner.
Kansas
Categories: Gender issues | Girls | Kansas | Sex | Posted 2010-04-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Really Into Suffering, Are They?
Older lady, to friend: If your husband dies they'll find you a new one, the Jewish people.
Kansas
Categories: Death & dying | Family ties | Kansas | Religion | Women | Posted 2010-03-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Is It Too Late for a Teachable Moment?
Manly guy to male friend carrying fake baby for parenting class: So, did Beth* get her period yet?
Wichita, Kansas
So You and the Doctors Keep Saying...
Small child entering restroom: Mom, why can't we go to the boys' room? Because I've got a girl with me?
Mom: You are a girl!
Sushi Restaurant
Kansas City, Kansas
Overheard by: zombie z
Categories: Gender issues | Kansas | Kids | Kids | Moms | Parenting | Questions | Restaurants | Restroom | Sexuality | Posted 2009-10-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's Either One or the Other, These Days.
Blonde guy: And it burned the whole way down! I think my esophagus hemorrhaged.
Skinny guy: Hey, at least you didn't eat nine bowls of pudding.
Kansas State University
Overheard by: Michele
Categories: Body parts | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Food | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Kansas | Skinny people | Posted 2009-07-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What You Get for Going to Film School in Kansas
Film GTA: Will Farrell is the Groucho Marx of our generation.
Student: (nods wearily)
Film GTA: I mean, Talladega Nights was absolute genius!
University of Kansas
Lawrence, Kansas
Categories: About celebrities | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Kansas | Movies | Students | Teachers | Posted 2009-06-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Find the Current Lend-Lease Arrangement Quite Satisfactory
Guy: I am making this shitty 50% less sodium Progresso chicken noodle soup. Tastes like penis!
Girl: Always an appealing taste.
Guy: If I ever get a twitter, that's my first status.
Girl: I'm tempted to get one. (pause) A twitter, not a penis.
University of Kansas
Categories: Birds | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Food | Girls | Guys | Internet | Kansas | Penis | Posted 2009-05-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Priests Aren't Interested in Me
Sexy blonde: So I was on cross-dresser's wife yesterday.
Okay-looking blonde: What? Where?
Sexy blonde: Cross-dressers wife. Anyway, I was looking for hot cross-dressers to...you know,to...
Okay-looking blonde: I'm not sure I wanna hear the rest, but now I'm morbidly curious. And?
Sexy blonde: I couldn't find any cross-dressers! It was, like, nothing but girls talking about cross-dressing and cross-dressers!
Okay-looking blonde: So? What's wrong with that?
Sexy blonde: A girl's got needs. I can't just get started without cross-dressers. I should sue.
Kansas City, Kansas
Categories: Default | Gender issues | Girls | Kansas | Offers and requests | Questions | Weirdness | Posted 2009-05-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You've Been Spending Too Much Time with Raspy Aunt Selma
Three-year-old: Pick me up some cigarettes! I need a smoke!
Dad: What did you just say!?
Kansas
Well, It Was New to Us.
Boyfriend, to girlfriend who has just ripped ass: Ugh! Baby! No, don't just walk away and leave me standing here, you can't just crop dust like that!
Target
Overland Park, Kansas
Categories: Default | Guys | Kansas | Offers and requests | Relationships | Sex | Stores | Posted 2009-04-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
No Need to Get All Paulette Goddard on Me
Teenage girl: Mom, you have to buy me this book!
Mom: No, I don't, and I shan't.
Teenage girl: You what?
Mom: I shan't.
Teenage girl: "Shan't"?
Mom: Shan't.
Teenage girl: "Shan't"?
Mom: Shan't.
Teenage girl: "Shan't"?
Mom: Yes. Shan't.
Teenage girl: That's a word?
Mom: Yes.
Teenage girl: What's it mean?
Mom: It's a contraction of "shall not", as in "I shan't buy you that book."
Teenage girl: Ugh, fine! Enough shan'ting already!
Borders Bookstore
Olathe, Kansas
Your Editors Will Watch Drew Barrymore in the Weakest Of Romantic Comedies
20-something girl freaking out after hanging up cell phone: I can't do this! I can't talk to him right now! Will you pretend to be me?
20-something friend: I can't! He'll know because of my lisp!
Chipotle
Lawrence, Kansas
Overheard by: Alexandra
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Friends | Girls | Kansas | Language barrier | Offers and requests | Questions | Restaurants | Posted 2009-02-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Perversion That's Sweeping the Nation!
Teen goth boy #1: Dude! That girl is so hot.
Teen goth boy #2: I know!I would so totally pee in her butthole.
Oak Park Mall, Kansas
...Socially
Girl: Oh, don't worry, I like weird things too. I like to see fat squirrels.
Manhattan, Kansas
A Dagger Of Drip! A Saber of Soggy!
Little boy running inside out of a rainstorm: I am a sword of wetness!
First United Methodist Church
Pittsburg, Kansas
For People's Pet Rocks.
Passerby to friend (excitedly): We should so sell bottled dirt!
KSU
Manhattan, Kansas
Overheard by: Nicole
Categories: Cleanliness | Colleges & Universities | Default | Guys | Kansas | Money | Offers and requests | Shopping | Posted 2008-12-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Meet the Only Guy in Kansas Secure Enough to Say He Doesn't Like Pussy
Drunk girl, walking over and planting big kiss on guy's forehead: I kissed you like I kiss my cat!
Guy: I don't like cats.
Emporia, Kansas
Overheard by: Very Disturbed
Categories: Animals | Compare and contrast | Default | Drunks | Feelings | Girls | Guys | K-I-S-S-I-N-G | Kansas | Posted 2008-12-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We've Tried and We've Tried
Neighbor: Dude, condoms don't work on dogs.
Lawrence, Kansas
Wherever I Sit, It's Still Fucking Kansas
Drunk #1: It is loud in here.
Drunk #2: No, it isn't.
Drunk #1: Well, you aren't sitting over here.
Drunk #2: What?
Olathe, Kansas
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Drunks | Kansas | Sensory experiences | Posted 2008-11-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So What Else Ya Got?
Spoiled nine-year-old: People only love me for my stuff.
Day Care
Wichita, Kansas
Overheard by: amused
The Gospel Rap Song That's Sweeping the Charts
(group bows heads and man begins to pray)
Girl (just realizing prayer has started): Oh! Holy shit! We're praying?!
Shawnee Mission Park
Shawnee, Kansas
You're Right, That Is U.S. Foreign Policy
Waitress talking in the kitchen: I'm going to come back there and smack you till you smile. (now sings loudly) I'm going to come back there and smack you till you smile!
International House of Pancakes
Kansas
And Your Left Water Wing Just Fell Out
Woman to man carrying giant innertube: You have to return that to the tube hut. Ha! You have a tube hut in your pants!
Man: I don't even know what that means.
Swimming Pool
Gardner, Kansas
Categories: Default | Euphemisms | Guys | Kansas | Offers and requests | Women | Words | Posted 2008-07-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
In Kansas, Recreational Eating Goes Extreme
Stoner #1: ... And it burned the whole way down! Seriously, I think my throat hemorrhaged.
Stoner #2: Well at least you didn't eat nine bowls of pudding.
Kansas State University, Manhattan
Overheard by: I wish I heard the beginning...
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Drugs | Food | Friends | Health & Hygiene | Kansas | Sensory experiences | Stoners | Weirdness | Posted 2008-05-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Has Been Selected As Our New State Motto
Art professor: Say goodbye to sex and violence and hello to boring allegories.
KSU
Manhattan, Kansas
A Globe Is Quite Another Matter
Professor: There's nothing sexual about this map... For me, at least.
Kansas State University
Manhattan, Kansas
Overheard by: Nicole
But I Told You Not to Call Me at Work, Grandma
Salesclerk: Your total is $1.81. [Into her cellphone.] Don't worry, girl, I am listening to yo' hideous self!
Lawrence, Kansas
Overheard by: kerblammerz
His Parents Took Solace in Knowing He Would Be an "Aggressive" Gay
Kid #1, playing with blocks: This robot needs guns!
Kid #2: Pretend his hands are guns. [Pauses, then sings] Everybody dance now!
82nd and State
Kansas City, Kansas
Overheard by: BookVixen
NewsFlash: Gender Confusion More of an Issue in Kansas Than Poor Grammar
Little girl, about sleeping baby sister: Him is sleeping? Him is sleeping?!
Mom, exasperated: No! Her is sleeping!
Kansas
How Intelligent Design Theorists Date
Girl to guy making out with her at bar: So, do you want my phone number?
Guy: If it was meant to be, I'll guess it.
Lawrence, Kansas
Overheard by: The Scandinavian
Categories: Guys | Kansas | Philosophy | Posted 2008-02-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
For Our Safety, You'll Need to Stand by with Norton Antivirus
Student #1: Do you need this one?
Student #2: No, I have HIV -- I just need herpes. [Several people turn and stare.] Powerpoints! I need the herpes powerpoint!
Copy room, Library, KU-Med
Kansas
Overheard by: Laughed Assless
Categories: Health & Hygiene | Kansas | Students | Posted 2008-01-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Or Possibly Just Had Severe Intracranial Pressure
Five-year-old girl, singing nursery rhyme: ... Bumped his head, fell out of bed, couldn't get up in the morning... 'Cause he's dead.
Target
Shawnee, Kansas
Categories: Death & dying | Kansas | Kids | Posted 2008-01-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Once Money's Been Spunt, No One Else Will Touch It
Man: You spunt all our money!
Woman: Fuck you! You spunt the money -- that's who spunt the money!
Wal-Mart
Wichita, Kansas
Kenny Chesney: Cha-Ching!
Tween girl on side of parade route, to old man on John Deere in parade: I think your tractor's sexy.
Stilwell, Kansas
Overheard by: sarah
Categories: Compliments | Kansas | Tweens | Posted 2008-01-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Serves Her Right for Trying to Get Birth Control in Kansas
Girl: I just started a new birth control this week.
Dad: Which one were you on before?
Girl: Ummm... Levitra.
Overland Park, Kansas
What Does It Take to Get Kids to Eat Vegetables Nowadays?
Man on cell: Maybe if I painted it white and drew a filter on it, she'd let me put it in her mouth.
Leavenworth, Kansas
Overheard by: Mark Smith
Categories: Kansas | On the phone | Philosophy | Posted 2007-11-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And I Don't Have to Pay for Everything
Mom to 10-year-old son: I can't wait until you're 21 so that you can buy us beers.
T-Bones baseball game
Kansas City, Kansas
Overheard by: Teri
Categories: Drinking & drunks | Kansas | Moms | Posted 2007-08-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Left Mammary in the Corner Pocket
Drunk watching a pool game: You're a retard!
Girl playing pool: I'm a retard? I'm not the one with chalk on my nipples!
Kansas
Exactly Why I Like Being Her Friend
Biotech #1: God, is she being all depressed again?
Biotech #2: Yeah, you know how she is. She just needs a guy to pay attention to her.
Biotech #1: She just needs to stop being friends with girls who are hotter than she is.
Lawrence, Kansas
Oh, Oh, Did I Say That Out Loud?
Eight-year-old boy to self while looking at China teapots: I just love the stuff in here. It's so breakable -- that's what's great about it. That, and it's shiny.
500 Shawnee Street
Leavenworth, Kansas
Overheard by: Rachel
Categories: Kansas | Shopping | Should have used a condom | Posted 2007-06-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
