Overheard Everywhere | The Voice of the Towel" | Places | North America | USA

I'm Considering Reaching Out to Her With a Fifty Caliber Rifle

Man #1: How's your wife?
Man #2: How should I know?
Man #1: What do you mean: "How should I know?"? She's your wife! Don't you talk to her?
Man #2: Not since she got the restraining order on me.

Huxley, Iowa

Overheard by: Hondo

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They Told Me to Say That, but Never Trained Me

Grocery store clerk: Did you find everything you were looking for today?
Customer: Yep.
Clerk: Oh good. The last woman said she didn't, and I had no idea what to say. So I just looked at her and kind of shrugged my shoulders. She got so mad.
Customer: Then why do you ask?
Clerk: To be polite.

HyVee
Fort Dodge, Iowa

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And If I Eat That I Get a Rash

Doctor: Are you allergic to anything?
Patient: Yes, nuts!
Doctor: What happens when you ingest nuts?
Patient: They come out whole in my poop!

Waterloo, Iowa

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But It Was a Planned Incarceration

Obese John Wayne wannabe: I can't believe we are not hanging out tonight.
Gap tooth hootchie: I told you I made plans with my friends a month ago!
Obese John Wayne wannabe: Well you're supposed to be hanging out with me. We never hang out anymore and we are boyfriend and girlfriend!
Gap tooth hootchie: We were supposed to hang out this past Saturday and Sunday but we didn't! You were not fucking there.
Obese John Wayne wannabe: I had a change of plans!
Gap tooth hootchie: Change of plans?! Muthafucker you were in jail!

Bus
Iowa State University, Iowa

Overheard by: Casey

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Wait, It's Fall? How Long Was I Playing That Wii?

Boyfriend, looking around suspiciously: ... It smells funny...
Girlfriend: It's the outside!

Webster City, Iowa

Overheard by: Phoebe

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Pickings Seem to Be Slim in Iowa

College girl #1: So I met up with Jeremy last night.
College girl #2: Ah, the one with the small penis. Wait... No, Adam has the small dick. Jeremy's the bad kisser, right?
College girl #1: To be fair, they're both bad kissers. But yeah, Adam's the one with the small dick.

Coffee shop
Iowa City, Iowa

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Surely Mrs. Clinton Has More to Say Than That

Guy: All I heard was, 'Blah, blah, blah, I'm a dirty tramp.'

Los Portales
Iowa City, Iowa

Overheard by: girl at next table

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Why "How Are You?" Can Be a Dangerous Question

Dude: I've been soiling myself for four days playing Guitar Hero.

Drake University
Des Moines, Iowa

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I Thinks, Therefore I Is

English student #1: Girl, don't even tell me you was where you was, 'cause you wasn't there!
English student #2: Foo'! Don't be tellin' me where I is and where I isn't! I is where I is at!

927 Franklin Street
Iowa

Overheard by: grammer teachah

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Actually, They're Only Perfect If She Blows

Blonde: Even though he had already made a trail of hickies around my neck, he was apparently still in the sucking mood, because then he stole my lollipop!
Friend: That's so not cool. He's such a suck-o-holic!
Blonde: Seriously! I'm beginning to think there isn't anything he won't suck.
Passerby: Well, then you're perfect for each other, because I've heard the same thing about you.

Mt. Vernon, Iowa

Overheard by: Abby

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He's Part Woodpecker

Sorority chick, from across room: Hey, do you wanna go steady?
Frat guy: Sure, when?
Sorority chick: I dunno... Let me ask my boyfriend and get back to you.
Frat guy: Sweet. Just as long as I get to tap that.

Iowa

Overheard by: confused and disgusted

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In That He Told God Everything

Kid #1: ... And so, there is an alpha male among rats--
Kid #2, interrupting: --Jesus Christ was a rat!

City High School
Iowa

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And See Them from the Inside

Drunk guy to drunk girl: If any of these guys see your boobies tonight and I don't, I'll slit your throat!

Maple Lanes Bowling Alley
Cedar Falls, Iowa

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There Are Jews in Iowa?

20-something guy: I am not looking forward to this party we're hosting. It?s going to be a bunch of underage frat boys, an orthodox Jew, and some crazy chick I used to fuck.

Ames, Iowa

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Driven People Get Stuck with People Who Can't Hurry

Nine-year-old to his little sister: I have to get my grandma her milk. I have to go all the way out to the West Side, and I'm low on gas. You need to hurry your ass up!

University and East 9th
Des Moines, Iowa

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We're Roommates

Bartender: You again? I see you everywhere -- you're like a sewer rat.
Drunk guy: Well, I am an alcoholic.

Cedar Falls, Iowa

Overheard by: doe

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I Fantasized He Was Stuart Little

Chick: He was so short and cute -- it was like having sex with a pre-Parkinson's Michael J. Fox!

Caribou Coffee
Des Moines, Iowa

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So I'm Just Going to Assume It's Jesse Jackson

Lady #1: ... And I don't even know who the daddy is!
Lady #2: That's hilarious!

B. Dalton - College Square Mall
Cedar Falls, Iowa

Overheard by: Darcy

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Pretty Much How It Works

Old lady: Wouldn't it be nice if we could just stay as we were and then wake up one day and be dead?

Assisted living center
Iowa

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Girl Squirrel: Oh No She Didn't!

Angry chick: Why did God create men? They're stupid!
Friend: 'Cause we need their sperm to procreate.
Angry chick: Well, he could've just had us fuck squirrels instead. I dunno...
Friend: What?!
Angry chick: Eh... It's better than the alternative! They're sooo damn cute!
Friend: Oh, wow.

Iowa

Overheard by: ewww

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